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honeytea8 · 4 years

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✨✨La Squadra Boyfriend Headcanons✨✨

[Alexa, play Boyfriend by Big Time Rush]

Guys, I spend an ungodly amount of time thinking about La Squadra, so here are some bf headcanons for the sexiest group of assassins in Naples. No one asked but I am bringing it straight to your dash anyway! (under the cut for length lmao)

I’m going to start with Prosciutto, who has recently fallen on my radar pretty heavy!

He’s a good and decent boyfriend, if not a busy one. Not that he doesn’t care about the relationship, but most of his energy was going to Passione things before you waltzed in and so he’ll struggle a bit between his work responsibilities and maintaining his relationship with you, but only in the beginning.

If you are also a part of Passione, it’s a hell of a lot easier to manage.

I see Prosciutto as the gift-giving type: lingerie, sweets, perfume, designers, etc. His salary isn’t the best, but he manages it as well as he can just to accommodate you!

I just can’t get the idea out of my head that Pro was raised by a strict mama, that’s why he can be a bit of a stickler sometimes. He’ll catch you still lounging in bed at nine am, and be like “Why are you still in bed? Get dressed, we’re going out.” Dude!

I’m sorry to say, but Prosciutto is absolutely the ‘lecturing’ type. (He lectured someone in nearly every scene in the anime, Formaggio once and Pesci numerously and Bucci too)

He will lecture you when you make mistakes, especially because as his s/o, he has high expectations for you and believes you’re capable of so much more. It’s never, ever out of hate. He loves you, and that’s why he chides you a bit lol.

This does not negate the fact that he doesn't mind when you lean on him for support. He likes when you count on him, because he always comes through especially for you!

Depending on whether you’re in the mafia or not, I totally see him sparring with you, or working out with you in an effort to make you tough. Prosciutto wants you to be able to defend yourself, just in case. If you complain, he’ll tell you, “Better safe than sorry, tesoro”.

Prosciutto will respect you, period.

A good listener, goddamn! He’s up there with Risotto when it comes to who listens to their s/o more! If you have an issue, he’ll hear you out and offer advice if you want it. If you give him advice, he’ll take it into serious consideration. He’s honestly a good partner, can’t stress that enough.

Finally, sex with Pro is an entire event. Romantic dinner, candles lit, wine, the whole nine yards before he gives you nine inches of something else :) (I’m kidding!! Lmao, kinda).

But as I said, Prosciutto is quite deliberate, and a bit of a perfectionist. He knows what to do and how to do it, you can trust him.

Ghiaccio is next only because he’s my favorite.

The ice gremlin is probably the most interesting (and hilarious) boyfriend out of the bunch (I say this with only a tidbit of bias). He isn’t funny himself, but funny shit just happens to him.

Because of this, he will use you as a soundboard when everyone else refuses to listen to him. He’s got a lot to say, so be prepared for his TEDtalks. LMAO!

It will take some perception on your part to notice when he actually expects a response from you, and other times he’s just ranting to get his point out.

He will correct your grammar when you text, but barely notices when he makes a similar mistake (his brain moves in mph). Please use the proper names like Venezia, Italia, Roma and Napoli when talking to this man; save yourself from the headache.

When it comes to dates, please have mercy on him, he’s a textbook over-thinker! You’ll just have to plan something simple at home for you both to enjoy.

He isn’t incapable of planning dates, but he’ll want everything to be so absolutely perfect for his s/o and will throw a fit when it ultimately isn’t.

Contrary to popular belief, I think that Ghiaccio is a pretty attentive partner. He’s super intelligent and I think a part of it stems from his innate ability to read people (I’m referencing the part in the anime where he deduced what Giorno and Mista had come to look for, while going off very little information).

The more time he spends with you, the better he gets at it.

His form of affection will be shown through the amount of time you both spend together. When it comes to sex or anything related to that, be gentle and slow as Ghiaccio will likely be a flustered mess.

As he becomes more comfortable and confident, he will be bolder and just ask out right if you’ll suck him off tonight or not. The man appreciates directness, so don’t bother being coy. “You want me to give you head? Cool, lay down a towel or something.” is what he’ll probably say.

Very practical 👌🏾👌🏾

Melone, good lord, he’s kind of perfect.

A bit of a doting boyfriend here and there—very much concerned about your health. Expect him to ask if you’ve eaten, or taken your multivitamin. How are your bowel movements? LMAO

It can become a bit much, but he really genuinely cares. He’s not asking to be intrusive or nasty! If he was, you’d know. 🤣

But I seriously consider Melone to be the one (at least among La Squadra) who is way, way invested in his relationships. He will know every little detail about you; will ask you lots of questions and expects you to ask him just as many.

This may be annoying to some, but this dude will definitely bring up your horoscope in an argument. He’ll be like “I honestly can’t fathom why you’re being this way, though it’s to be expected from a libra.”

Peg this bitch so he can shut up.

Melone is also touchy as hell, but not in a clingy way. He loves touching, and just to tag onto the headcanon about his partial blindness, I want to say that he’s so touchy because that’s how he ‘sees’ you best.

Just know that half the time, he isn’t touching you to be lecherous, even if he genuinely does like the feel of your skin under his fingertips. Melone will even encourage you to touch him back.

Rub his thigh or back and he’ll be simping.

He is obsessed with your legs, and will paint your toes if you let him.

LOVES PDA! Melone will also tongue-kiss you in public if you let him!

Notice how I keep saying ‘if you let him’. Give him an inch and he’ll press you for a mile, so if there are boundaries you would like to establish, please do, cuz he sure as hell won’t, just saying!

When it comes to sex, Melone is a dick and coochie sensei. Oral is his favorite thing to do, probably enjoys giving more than receiving to be honest. I’d say he’s pretty much mastered sex for what it is.

That being said, if he’s ever talking out of his neck, just invite him to put his mouth to better use. He’ll even thank you for your gracious request.

Formaggio is next 💀

According to my JoJo compatriots from discord, he’s like the Optimus Prime of fuckboi’s so let’s ride that wave for a bit! LMAO

I hope it doesn’t come as a surprise that Formaggio is pretty shameless. He will send you a dick pic on Sunday morning before church and have the audacity to say “Just wanted to bless you real quick”.

@autumn-kouhai mentioned him giving his s/o sickly sweet pet names and I just have to agree.

Expect to be hit upside the head with: baby-boo, sugar plum, honey bunches, sweetums. I can imagine them becoming really ridiculous too like “the last piece of red velvet cake” or “cheddar bae biscuits from Red Lobster”

His catch phrase is “Got nudes?”

Send them, and he won’t be afraid to reply with something equally sexy.

Be warned though, he will stockpile whatever you send him and then be careless with his phone. If you don’t mind Illuso’s snoopy ass seeing your nudes then by all means, have at it. Otherwise, send them through snapchat, so they disappear later.

As far as La Squadra boyfriends go, he’s the most fun! Y’all don’t even go anywhere because man’s is broke. BUT, Formaggio knows how to have a good time without any need to spend money (my kind of dude tbh) you guys just crank up the tunes, dance, and get lit until the neighbors complain.

Formi is also the CEO of jokes/memes, and will have you in absolute tears almost always! I literally tell my friends that funny guys are so dangerous, don’t sleep on them! They will make you laugh until your panties drop, it’s magic, I swear. Formaggio has that same energy.

No matter how bad of a day his s/o is having, rest assured, he will draw the biggest laugh out of you.

Besides his fuckboi tendencies, his most redeeming quality is the fact that he’s super cool and fun to hang with. You’ll literally have a good time, always, because his energy is right! Very good vibes around this man, I swear! It’ll be exactly like dating your best friend, because essentially, he will be your bestie.

Formi has many moments of tenderness that aren’t sexually charged too—moments where the jokes stop and he’ll just rub your back or feet, this is usually when you aren’t feeling well and need some quiet.

However, Formaggio won’t let you mope all day, he’ll pull out the big guns and call you his “sweetie baby” and when you try to resist he’ll say “What, I’m just tryna show you some love.”

He’s a good dude lmao I’d date a guy like him irl 😭

Pesci stans wya??! Let’s get into this baby boy.

Pesci is boyfriend material, idgaf what anyone says.

He is pretty much the least problematic to be with among all of La Squadra, even more so than Risotto (don’t argue with me).

Pesci is hyper aware of your likes and dislikes and will literally go out of his way to make sure that you’re well and okay.

Arguments are basically nonexistent and if they occur it ain’t coming from his side.

I also think that Pesci has a lot of empathy, so when you’re going through something, he’s right there in the thick of it with you. If you’ve seen that meme that goes ‘when my gf is on her period it’s UterUS’ lmao that’s Pesci’s energy 100%.

Sometimes, he’s more of a lover and not a fight, that is perfectly okay!

However, if someone tries up his s/o, say farewell to Mr. Niceguy. He will defend your honor to his dying breath. And with you in his corner, trust me, he’s not going down.

A romantic at heart, Pesci will plan little date trips like picnics in the park or boat trips to Capri, actually, I’d like to point out that he excels in the art of date planning. If you’re the adventurous type, he’ll plan outings where you both will be more active, like biking through the city or renting a mop-ed and going sight-seeing.

Because Pesci has a sensitive stomach, he’s very much considerate of what you both put in your bodies. If you have dietary restrictions or allergies, this guy knows all about it and will cater to you perfectly.

A true gentleman through and through, he will never force himself on you, ever. In fact, he really doesn’t like engaging in anything sexual when you’re drunk or high, sorry if you’re into that!

Pesci is the kind of guy who keeps up with your favorite shows.

If ya’ll have similar taste in media or literature, he will immerse himself in it so that he can relate to you all the more.

If there’s anyone who will entertain anime-related discourse, no matter how nonsensical, it’s Pesci. And he isn’t just putting up with it, he’s actively engaging in the conversation so you are always heard and validated.

He’s an A+ boyfriend, that’s all I gotta say! Haters can stay mad :)

Goddamn Illuso... idk man.

I really feel like you have to have thick/tough skin to handle this guy, for various reasons.

The first being that Illuso can be a bit mean at first. He’ll push your buttons on purpose just to see what’ll make you tick. Will tease the living heck out of you, always, kind of a bully lmao but not to the extreme, it’s just his brand of humor—and the thing is, he won’t be mad when you dish it right back, so it’s cool.

Secondly, Illuso has big dick energy!!

I mean rightfully so, because he is indeed packing! But my word, he ain’t humble about it at all!

He is not above making jokes about ‘splitting you in half’. In fact all of his jokes have hidden, dirty undertones!

His affection is shown through speech mostly. Illuso will drop subtle innuendos and provocations, half to see you flustered and half because he wants you to know how much he wants you.

Illuso isn’t incredibly vocal about his feelings outside of ‘I’m tryna hit that thang’ but you won’t doubt that he loves you because Illuso doesn’t waste his own time.

If he’s spending his time with you, you can rest assured that it’s because he wants to.

Illuso is a voyeur and you’ll just have to understand/accept that and move on.

He loves watching you and will even creep over to your place through the mirror world just to hang or watch you do chores. Loves to surprise you and give you jump scares lmao it’ll make you a tad paranoid but it’s also fun.

Illuso is prone to random bouts of sweetness; it’s very sporadic, very touch-and-go.

One day, you’ll wake up to chocolates on your dresser or new shoes, lingerie, or makeup if you wear it. I imagine that if you’re low on funds, he will even help you buy your groceries that week.

It’ll surprise the hell out of you, but that’s just how Illuso is. He enjoys keeping you on your toes!

He’s prideful and smug as hell, so he will definitely expect a thank you, because even if he does it out of the kindness in his heart, he also wants to hear that you appreciate him

Same goes for the bedroom scene. Illuso loves making you vocal, it’s his favorite thing in the world, so he’ll make a game out of doing the things that get the biggest reaction out of you. Like I said, it's that big dick energy at work here, smh.

Sorbet and Gelato in a polyamorous relationship with you? Let’s get it!

We don’t get anything substantial about these two except that Sorbet follows the money, so these are all personal headcanons for how I see and write them.

Here’s the juice: when it comes to you as their s/o, these two are possessive as hell. You are theirs and that’s that on that! 😭 Don’t ask questions, just go with it.

Sorbet is the chill one of the duo. He can be a bit smug at times, but he’s mostly a laid back dude who doesn’t get bothered by much.

When it comes to you, Sorbet likes to spend quality time with you more than anything, and will ask you to cook for him at your place so he ain’t gotta spend money. Oh? Did I not mention that I kinda think of him as a cheapskate? Lmao cuz I do.

Sorbet will come by your place just to steal your coupons from the mail then head out; you’re not using ‘em so why should he let them go to waste?

Gelato is the complete opposite; personality wise, I headcanon him as a mix between Melone and Formaggio lmao

But it’s not as crazy as it sounds, he’s cute and outspoken like Melone, while maintaining a free-spirit like Formaggio. One quality that I like is that he’s quite devoted to you and Sorbet. If anyone crosses either of you, goodluck to them!

I like to think Gelato’s also just really boujee and high maintenance. He loves to pamper and be pampered. You and him tag-team Sorbet’s wallet and go on spa dates together at his expense (not that he ever really stood a chance)

While Sorbet is cool with just being in the same room as you, Gelato loves hugging/cuddling with you and Sorbet—will definitely fight for the middle spot between the two of you on the couch during movie nights.

He baby, so let him have it lol

In the bedroom, I would salute anyone with the guts to take the two of them on. They both lay down that work, period.

Sorbet gets his kicks from teasing and edging you (his sadistic side comes out a bit), while Gelato loves when you give him extra TLC. To put it short, they know how to take care of you, so there are no issues there.

Last but not least, Mr. Risotto Nero himself.

Man, idc on the lowest of keys, he seems a little bit like a grandpa to me

The type to sit at home and do crosswords, has a bird feeder in his yard and plays old Italian hits while washing the dishes. It’s very domestic 💀 (I find it cute, whatever!)

As a boyfriend, I can’t imagine him suddenly being spontaneous or outgoing unless you drag him out of his home/comfort zone.

Be patient with Mr. Nero, and he can come to surprise you

After a while, it won’t be just you dragging him out and about; one day he’ll ask you to come over and you’ll be greeted with a nice, traditional, homemade meal

Pay attention and you will notice him watching your face to see if you like his cooking 🥺

After seeing his fight with Doppio, I must admit that Risotto is very, very observant, almost scarily so.

I can totally picture him pointing out random things about his s/o that even they don’t know

One night, Risotto may come up to you and say “I talked to your neighbor about the dog, they’ll keep it inside now.” And you’re just staring like 😳 how did he know the barking was keeping you up at night????

He’s sweet, and will take good care of you as a boyfriend should.

Very good listener, won’t talk as much but will hang on to your every word, I promise. He could even recite it to you verbatim.

He’s a big dude, that ain’t news, so expect to be swallowed up in hugs and sometimes even picked up (as a tall girl myself, I simp!!!)

Gives A1 piggyback rides, lol

ALSO RISOTTO IS HUMBLE ASF!

Big dick energy, but on low volume 👏🏾 after all, he doesn’t need to do much talking, because a night with him is more than enough!

Listen babe, you better stretch, do some squats, and prep in whatever way you can before Mr. Nero gives you that work. 🤐

Lowkey a freak, but it’s well hidden behind his ‘quiet giant’ exterior

So, who are y'all dating? Personally, I’m going for Formaggio and Pesci hehe

#jojo #jojo’s bizarre adventure #vento aureo #la squadra #prosciutto #illuso #formaggio #melone #risotto nero #pesci #ghiaccio #gelato and sorbet #la squadra esecuzioni #la squadra di esecuzione #jojo headcanons #la squadra x reader #jojo part 5

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lovely-necromancy · 3 years

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A Cure for Insomnia CH 11

“Did I meet your friends last night?” Kirby asked as he unwrapped his crunchwrap in the driver's seat.

“uuh...kinda? Like Toby was with me when I gave you the Surge but you sorta just ran off with it.” you pause as you sip a bit of your Baja Blast. “Like a fucking gremlin.”

Kirby lets out a snort and lettuce drops from his mouth. He tries to hide his messy eating behind his hand. Failing miserably, you can't help but laugh at your friend.

“Wha' bout the other two? Kieth said you ditched 'em.” For a man who was trying to cover up his mouth he sure had the audacity to try and talk with his mouth full.

“They're Toby's roommates, I haven't talked to them too much.” he nods as you speak.

“Well I promise I'll be more...together,” he makes a sort of questioning sound as he debates if that was the word he was looking for. He can't really think of anything else so he settles for 'together'. “next weekend. They are coming right?”

After a brief pause he gets his mind back in place, “This weekend, picnic's this weekend.” You chuckle.

“Toby said they'd stop by. Don't think any are really people people.”

“People people?”

“Yup” not going to let Kirby rile you up as he often tries. Not that he could with his current brain power. Sleep haze still has him in it's hold despite being “up” for about an hour now.

Out of everyone in your friend group Kirby is probably the one you're closest to. Along with being a fellow Ace he's an ambivert and you two just instantly clicked over dumb D grade monster movies. He jokes you guys must be long lost siblings. Well he only started the sibling thing because multiple Hornets or other members of the committee kept thinking you guys were dating. Since then Kirby takes to purposefully calling you some variation of sibling when he shows any type of affection. It seems even just being referenced to being in a relationship squicks him out. You don't mind though you'd always wanted an older brother and Kirby is the exact type you would've wished for. The funny dork who was super easy to get along with.

Even when he steals your nachos...like he is now.

“I'm starting to understand the Cain Instinct.” you say looking him dead in the eyes. He lets out a roar of laughter and reminds you he bought “breakfast”.

“Dad tax and all that.”

“You're not my dad! Ugly ass doodoo head.”

“Is that what that kid said? I don't think that's right.” another thing you share is constantly referencing vines or tiktok sounds.

This of course led to an argument of what the kid actually said in the vine. Both of you were determined to get home and look it up to prove the other wrong.

After your breakfast Kirby started the truck as you put all the trash into the Taco Bell bag. You switch on his stereo much to his chagrin. Kirby got a CD stuck in the radio and now the only thing he can listen to is a meme mix tape he made back in high school. It was funny the first two months for him and now he prays that the novelty will ware off on you soon.

Though it has been a few weeks since he last drove you anywhere, and what can he say Discord is always a bop.

Kirby drops you off without much fanfare, you both agree to seeing each other next week at the picnic. Is it ironic that you want to call out for him to get some more sleep? Like you are the one who's been up since five AM and it's now eleven. But you have a medical condition, Kirby is just over worked and stressed beyond Hell and back.

Getting inside you have nothing really planned for today and while you could start heading out to thrifts to find something formal for Jo's recital you really don't feel like it. Productivity wise you've already had a pretty busy weekend so no one can really judge you for taking it easy and just merging with the couch for the rest of it. Even you, you can be so tough on yourself sometimes.

British Bake Off is just the thing you need to enjoy the rest of your weekend. A calming low stress but funny baking show. Just turn your brain off and lose yourself in the soothing monotone of the judges. It's nearly six in the evening when you finally shake off your lazy day haze.

Getting up, bakers still baking, you start making a simple dinner. Fried egg on toast sounds good. Also a good balance to your supreme nacho breakfast from this morning. Dressing one slice of toast in butter and the other with butter, a little mayo, and a dash of Tabasco before placing the egg on it. You head back to eat and continue watching the competition. Your meal fills you and gives the energy you need to continue “leisureing”.

After an hour you get up and wash the dishes from earlier. And while you have no energy to actually play any of your video games right now you do want to log in for your dailies.

A quick trip to your bedroom has you grabbing your laptop before returning back to the comfort of your living room. Couch calling you to it's cozy embrace. You half pay attention to what you're doing as you set up your laptop, muscles running on muscle memory more than any conscious effort on your part. You hadn't even noticed your hands flickering across the board and logging into your email.

By the time you do realize you aren't on your game's site you see you have a new email. It's from Barclay.

'Coming to ask for my help?' you think a little too smug that you'd been right about the cooking being too much for the man.

However, that wasn't what he was messaging you about. It seems he and Leo had been talking and the old man mentioned what your plans for cooking were.

Shortie,

Leo says you're making forager's pie for the picnic. Seasons ripe for ramps and mushrooms. You in for a little adventure through new unexplored territory?

...I'm hunting some lobster mushrooms, could use a hand or two Will share the bounty. ~Barclay sent 12:04 PM

An olive branch in hopes you weren't too sore about his rejection from earlier this week. The message and sentiment is lost on you since you got over that Thursday.

The idea of new terrain makes you a bit uneasy, however lobster mushrooms were pretty good and forage finds were really rare. Barclay grew up in these woods he probably knew what he was doing, not to mention he could easily know where to find ramps. Their flavor would really up your pie game. It's settled you're in for a forage date with big foot as your guide.

Am in Big Feet. When are we going? Sent 7:20 PM

Like with most things a waiting game began, down sides to living in a radio quiet community people weren't as attached to electronics because of the limited capabilities. But now that you know Barclay is emailing you, you can check your phone more often. Shutting down your laptop you close it before sliding it under your coffee table as you slide down the couch getting comfy.

It was two hours before Barclay got back to you.

Fantastic! Does Tuesday work? ~Barclay sent 9:42 PM

Barclay must be in a rush to get those mushrooms. You'd been thinking Thursday or Friday at the latest for the freshest mushrooms. Maybe he didn't need them for the picnic but a personal project. From what Jake has told you Barclay often falls into spells of testing out new ideas with the strangest of ingredients. With varying results but mainly positive ones.

Yea sure. Meet at the lodge after my shift? Sent 9:50 PM

Perfect see you then. ~Barclay sent 9:52 PM

Oki Sent 9:52 PM

Now that that has been settled you are free to continue your chill Sunday. Losing yourself to the lulling voices of the judges you hardly notice as you drift off. Warm in your throw blanket cocoon and cozy on the plush of your couch.

You jolt up right panting after being woken up by a loud bang. Or at least you thought you'd heard a bang, Sometimes auditory hallucinations came to you in your sleep no matter how well rested you were. The room around you is dark as the light from your TV is dimmed with Netflix's 'Are you still watching?' pop up mocking you for your marathon.

Without thinking you hit 'yes' and the bake off resumes. With the brightness restored you can see your living room and hallway are completely undisturbed. An auditory hallucination must have pulled you out of sleep. Nothing more, after all your stalker wouldn't get sloppy now, it's only been three weeks.

'That you know of.' seems to whisper and embed itself in your mind.

Shaking off the worrying thought you look at your phone to see it's now quarter till one. You are hungry and don't feel like cooking. Thankfully you have emergency white castles and fries in your freezer for this exact need. Getting up you go to the kitchen to microwave your food. Popping the fries in first you decide to head to the bathroom before that becomes a problem for you.

Before you go down the hallway you do end up grabbing the bat next to the bookshelf. The whisper from earlier clearly hasn't done much to settle your nerves after your rude awakening. Protection in hand you have a little less anxiety about walking down the dark hallway. You'd have to look into installing one of those cheap wall lamps from Home Depot to help you out in situations like this. Either that or a night light in your bathroom, you can probably get the night light done quicker. Maybe Leo sells them, you'll have to check next week.

You made it back to the kitchen after your bathroom break without any surprises, real or imaginary, jumping out at you. Replacing the fries inside your microwave with sliders, you snack on a few while you wait for the rest of your meal.

It's probably paranoia but you can't blame yourself for it as you continue to keep an ear out for any sound of abnormal movement within your home, as you eat and have the bake show low enough to catch the sounds of another person. None come, and you finish your food without incident. You're willing to chalk the noise up to a hallucination and your paranoia as valid but not necessary in this moment. Without much more thought you place your empty plate on the coffee table and curl back up in your throw blanket. Just like before you don't catch yourself as you fall asleep. This time you don't wake up until your phone alarm goes off for you to start your week and head to work.

The week has been much less dramatic than last week had been. But then again it is only Tuesday and you literally have gay brunch this Sunday. There will definitely be some sort of theatrics this week. Whether they come from homosexuals or your stalker is up to God.

Then later today you'll be going foraging with Barclay. And while that isn't anything dramatic it will be an adventure and, you hope, really fun! Your excitement has been tangible all day and you couldn't hold yourself back from focusing only on the clock in the shop all day. Even giddier than normal for the strike of five. With the energy rushing through you it amped up your tics but thankfully you hadn't hurt yourself in your excitement.

Even Nate is beginning to playfully tease you about your “date” with Barclay.

Great he must've been talking to Little Jo. What is it with this family and wanting you to date the lodge owner? Do you just look like the lead in a Hallmark Christmas movie that moved to a small town in order to feel the joy of the holidays? You could definitely get into the role but you don't think Barclay would be the main love interest for you.

Honestly he'd probably be the one all the viewers cheered for but you'd personally go for the puppy dog partner that has a scarred past. You have a type and your type is emotionally wounded and needing of love. That thought had made you chuckle as you and Nate closed up the store for the day.

Nate kept looking over at you throughout the day, and when he heard you giggle to yourself at closing he couldn't help the fond smile that came over his features. He could feel how his brows lifted themselves from their normally furrowed or downward tilt. He'd have let you leave early had it not been for the new procedures Big Jo had set. It's not often that your excitement shows so visibly. It's not often that the Cowell family has seen you happy like this.

But Nate understands it's not the crush that Little Jo seems to think it is, it's something more bittersweet. It's the excitement that comes from finally waning off of being isolated for so long. And boy does Nate understand that feeling. If he had to guess Nate would say you've been alone for most of your life even if you don't act like it. You need these little hangouts with your friends. So he does his fastest close yet. You both are out the door by five after and he bids you goodnight as you head to your respective cars.

With the close tonight being so quick you made it to the lodge and parked in the half full lot just before five thirty. Getting out of your car you noticed a familiar duo sitting on the stoop of the lodge.

'Something's wrong.' is the only thought you have as you walk towards the lodge.

��Hey stranger.” the brunette looks up to you at your greeting.

In this light you can just catch the slight movement of his pupils in his dark eyes as they widen in surprise.

“oh...hey?” he seems confused to see you here. Must not be used to living in a small town yet. He'll learn soon enough that you run into everyone all the time here. Sometimes multiple times a week as it would seem.

“You good?” motioning towards the hand on the back of his neck.

“Yea, fucking Bri-an Mrrow thought I needed this.” Toby moves his hand to show an ice pack that you assume he's been holding to the back of his neck.

“Heat sickness?”

“Nah, the RV's AC busted. I can probably fix it by the end of the week.” you nod.

That makes sense, after all CIPA affects thermal regulation, at least from a basic skim. You really need to get on that deep dive to make sure you're prepared for irregular injury prevention with Toby. Speaking of, the boy in front of you is just sitting here with Connor, why? Even if he's here to get a room at the lodge why didn't he just go in? Connor is a service dog after all not like anyone could turn him away. So why was Toby just sitting out here, especially if Brian thought he needed an ice pack to the neck to keep cool?

As if the universe heard your question and decided to give you an answer, Aubrey opened the door and poked her head out.

“Thanks for letting me put up Dr. Harris Bonkers. I'll keep him in my room during your stay.” Oh that makes sense Aubrey's rabbit normally has the run of the lodge. Even if Connor's a service dog and well trained Dr. Bonkers is still a prey animal with a weak heart. Seeing Connor may have stressed the poor rabbit out, if not nearly given him a heart attack.

Her russet eyes land on you when she opens the door wider to, you assume, let Toby and Connor in. They widen and Aubrey rushes in to hug you before stopping short as if remembering you don't appreciate physical contact.

“Hey YN! I didn't know you were coming over.” She says a little awkwardly mid pose for a hug.

You won't be saving her from the situation. With a smile, that she can't see, you nod.

“Barclay's taking me foraging today.”

Aubrey nods while lowering her arms and takes a few steps back so you and Toby can enter the lodge. The large foyer of the wooden chalet always looks bigger thanks to the deep red tones in it's color palette. From the dark cherry stained wood to the red rugs and table liners. Always feels a lot warmer too, but in a homey sense not the overbearing swelter of heat sense. You can't wait to see what it's like in the winter. Probably so cozy and welcoming with a fire roaring and the murmur of residents and tourist mingling over the winter festivities. There's a swell in your chest at the thought...it seems nice, you hope you're right.

'Hope you see it.' is the dark whisper that taints your thoughts.

You notice Brian and Tim are over at the counter talking to Barclay who is nodding along sympathetically to the trio's plight. He catches your eye and motions for you to wait. You'd been planning to, after all he's currently working.

Turning to Toby you see he looks a bit paler than normal, which should be a difficult feat. Aubrey had left you both, though you aren't sure if she'll be coming back with her girlfriend Dani in a moment or not. You decide to lead Toby over to the obnoxiously plush couch in the den.

It's not like the lodge is off limits to those who aren't guests, and seeing as most of it's workers live here their friends frequently come around thus using the amenities. After sitting on the couch Toby grabs at Connor's ears and starts shaking them. He isn't being rough with them despite the jerky movements and Connor seems to lean into the pet.

Just from what you can gather it seems like Toby has some pretty bad social anxiety. You really aren't sure of what you could do to help. He calmed down at the movie night with a distraction...oh that reminds you, you fell asleep on him. Figuratively and literally.

“I'm sorry for falling asleep on you.” probably not the most tactful or elegant way of bringing this up.

Toby takes a minute to register you words. Not taking his eyes off Connor or ceasing his movements he says, “Eh.” as he gives a muted shrug and continues, “Your friend...Kirby...gave you a ride right?” He said Kirby's name like a question. You'd have to formally introduce the two at some point. Probably this weekend.

“Yea, he's sorry about being a weirdo Saturday, said he'd be more “present” this weekend.”

Toby doesn't say anything more and you let a silence fall over you two. It isn't awkward, at least to you, and you're content to just sit and wait for a while. However, it doesn't take long before Tim, Brian, and Barclay are all entering the den.

“Knew they'd be here,” Barclay says to the other two, “Sorry 'bout the wait YN, Jake's comin' down to give these guys a tour an' set them up. We'll leave when he gets down.” you nod and give the other two a muted wave 'hello'.

It isn't long before Jake is sliding down the banister and leading the group out of the room before Barclay can get on to him about his juvenile behavior. Sighing at the twenty-three year old's antics Barclay turns to you and looks at what you're wearing. Hiking boots and jeans, perfect but one thing is missing.

“C'mon let's go get duct taped.”

“Duct taped?”

“Yup, keeps ticks from climbing up you.”

So you make your way to his office where he sticks duct tape, sticky side up, around each ankle and just above and below your knees. All while explaining how if a tick started to try and climb up you the tape would make them stick and stay there. You'd end up with less ticks on your torso and hopefully none at all.

In no time the two of your were in the forest two baskets in hand and hunting for your immobile prey. The ramps were super easy to find and the first you knocked off the hunt list. Barlcay said they grow in the same area every year, knowing this you may have to come and grab some the next time they're in season. You can already taste how good your forager's pie tastes with the new earthy tones. Actual mushrooms were much harder to find, aside from the lobster mushrooms you were really only looking for some hedgehog mushrooms. They aren't rare or extremely difficult to find but you two aren't having any luck.

Barclay suggested a spot just past a little pond, and while you didn't find mushrooms you did find some Black Raspberry bushes. Not one to let ingredients go to waste Barclay starts picking some, and you grab some too. Maybe baking an easy Black Raspberry cobbler will be your consolation prize. Though Barclay isn't as placated as you are with the unexpected find. The man is still on the hunt for his lobster mushrooms. So you continue scouring the path and a little bit off it in search.

“We should head back, it's dark.” you state plainly after a few hours of searching and remaining mushroom less.

Barclay agrees, but makes the comment that he'll probably come out again in a day or two.

“If I find any I'll still give you some or helping out today.”

“It's fine I've got my treasures right here.” You shrug it off, because while you are a bit disappointed, you still have ramps and the opportunity to make cobbler. It's not all bad. Barclay on the other hand, you know, will not be letting this go so you expect he'll hand you a container of mushrooms sometime in the coming month if not this weekend.

Getting back to the lodge Barclay helps you cut off the duct tape and disposes of it and the hitch hikers you picked up. He sends you off to shower and check for stragglers before he would allow you to go home. Thankfully you had the foresight to bring a change of clothes and after retrieving them from your trunk you do as you're told.

Barclay was right you hadn't had a single tick on you and you feel much better after a shower. Getting out you already smell the alluring aroma of Barclay's kitchen. You must have taken a bit longer than you intended if he was already done with his own shower and already cooking for the lodge. Heading downstairs with your duffle bag in tow, you are stopped by Dani at the door.

You haven't seen her in a bit so the two of you catch up and have a chat. After a bit Aubrey comes in with a Tupperware container of grilled salmon and veggies over rice.

“Oh I see, you were a diversion.” you said looking at Dani as you take the container. Dani gives a sheepish smile before running off to the dinning room, and after sending you a coy smile of her own Aubrey follows after.

You know you're more than welcome to join them, but you really don't have the battery for that and just want to decompress at home.

“Thank you!” you call out into the lodge, only leaving after hearing the distant chuckles drifting through the hall.

Opening the door you run right into someone. Looking up you see Toby, but he isn't wearing a mask. Instead he's wearing a large bandage on his face to cover the hole. In his hands is a box of similar bandages. Guess if they're staying for a bit he'll need them around the others.

Should you mention the others wouldn't say anything? That this whole place was like Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends, but for the misfits or the weird and disowned? You aren't really sure it's your place. And you aren't really sure you're comfortable with how comfortable you've gotten with Toby. You're probably crossing some boundary by over analyzing him so much. And he doesn't even know you're doing it.

Toby knocks you out of your head when he backs away and gives you space to exit the lodge.

“Get home safe.” it falls out of his mouth so easily.

You've noticed he has a habit of saying that...why? There you go over analyzing him, you need to stop. Shaking yourself from your thoughts this time you look at Toby with a smile.

“I will...I think you'll like it here.” when you're in your car you want to slam your head on the steering wheel but Toby is still watching. Why did you say that, you're so weird.

#ticci tobyx reader #ticci toby #ticcitoby #creepypasta fanfic #timothy wright x reader #timothy wright #timothy wright x brian thomas #brian thomas x reader #brian thomas #masky x you #masky

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whetstonefires · 3 years

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Monday, October for the ask meme cause that's my birthday this year

lol happy future birthday!

monday: do you struggle with the ‘boring’ parts of writing?

Hm those quotes are giving me logic spiral. Are they intended to indicate the question is about the parts that are commonly called ‘boring’ whether they objectively are or not, or the parts I think are boring, or...

Well getting bored with what I’m writing is obviously going to pose a challenge, since it creates an opportunity to lose steam and move on to some other thing. But, hm, I think maybe I struggle with the boring parts, like research and line-editing...less than average??

My big stumbling block is the points where self-doubt intrudes.

Which are in many cases some of the same low-momentum, high-effort places where boredom tends to strike, but it can also happen when I’m particularly excited and have been complicating my own task by adding complex elements, for example, and then begin to fear my reach has exceeded my grasp. Deciding between two good possibilities is a big struggle.

Fic is easier than original content to bring to completion for this reason.

october: name the darkest or angstiest fic you have written and/or posted?

Ooh. I’m apparently not a reliable source on this? And angst is particularly hard to pin down, it means several distinct but overlapping things when it comes to tone and content etc.

Based on audience feedback etc the winner for darkest is going to have to be one of the two mirror universe fics where ex-Talon Jason Todd is grievously injured in detail. Probably not the one with a torture segment, but the one where he gets shot in the heart and they have to do impromptu surgery to restart his healing factor, because 1) the traumatic part goes on for a larger portion of the fic with less space given to comfort 2) everyone involved is getting traumatized and 3) multiple people told me they just couldn’t read it.

High-powered healing factors have a bad influence on me, okay. I just. I find the lingering consequences of injury way more disturbing than the injuries themselves.

...Jason also gets gruesomely super stabbed in the Owlman POV fic, come to think of it, which is dark in a different way because of the Evil POV. That’s also the one where we learn Jokester’s second time in Arkham he got stuck in the Torture Basement and Owlman was planning to slowly core his brain as a punishment once he broke.

Hm. We have a new contender.

It really depends on what bothers you!

Giving It Your Best Shot is disturbing because there’s a moderate amount of detail about the alarming physical damage being done for the sake of helping and the POV character is emotionally distraught about it, so if you get swept up in that it’s bad.

Upon the Edge of a Knife is bad like--philosophically, many terrible things are stated and established as true, but the POV character is not at all disturbed by any of it, so the distress must come entirely from the reader.

#ask #ask meme #a nonny mouse #hoc est meum

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diloph · 3 years

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I recall Adam Malkovich being an Other M character. I take it you don't like him or Other M?

Oh boy, isn’t that a can of worms?

Yeah, having played Other M all the way through more than once, the shortcomings of the game are pretty much on display from the get-go. Lackluster voice-acting, confusing and sometimes nonsensical plot-points as well as baffling story structure; its only saving grace is its gameplay and even then, I’d only really enjoyed Samus’ mobility and physical ability to grapple/finish opponents.

Of note, the characterization of Samus is all over the place. As I’m going through the E-Manga right now and have seen other characters with similar, I’m not adverse to Samus having some form of PTSD from her traumatic backstory it’s just that it’s done in such a piss-poor manner that it leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

The Ridley confrontation is nonsensical, considering that she’s reduced him to a bloody smear several times over by now. On a ship where everything from Zebes seems to have been cloned (including the Metroids and an android emulating Mother Brain) Samus wasn’t even expecting him to appear in any capacity whatsoever?

I can understand her shock, fear and even hesitance to re-engage, but it’s never stopped her before; why did Meta Ridley not provoke the same reaction aboard the Orpheon, according to canon his first resurrection proper? Or to play into post-Other M events, such as Ridley’s return in Super/Proteus Ridley? Ridley-X?

Why does this appearance of Ridley reduce her to a frozen state?

Spoilers for when I get to it, but the E-Manga does this far better. That’s not to say that perhaps it goes too far as well, I’ve yet to have a good hard think about it, but the execution is far better than what happens in Other M and matches what had happened in the volume by that point. Samus’ life is hardship and suffering and it all comes to a head in those particular scenes.

But that confrontation in Other M is just the start of the odd decisions made that reduce Samus from the incredibly capable woman she’d been portrayed as up to that point, into a naive, shrinking character with nothing resembling her drive or will.

She becomes unable to make even the most minor decisions, especially if they fly in the face of common sense (a reoccurring theme with characters I dislike in “serious” works, as you might have noticed, so having one I like suddenly doing that almost seems like a challenge to get me to dislike them).

I’m supposed to believe that this woman left the Federation to become an independent bounty hunter? It extends beyond her character to even her design; she loses a foot and two inches of height so that she’s shorter than all these guys, all of her established muscle and tone evaporates and high-heels appear on the Zero Suit that, while skintight, was deliberately designed to NOT have them.

And, of course, her general (borderline suicidal) deference to Adam.

It’s so bad that I’ve genuinely come to believe that this version of Samus is a GF clone that was meant to act out her own Shadow Moses simulation, like Raiden did in MGS2, only for her to go rogue and save the day regardless.

As a matter of fact, the whole game feels like a bad attempt to emulate a Metal Gear game, with its rumination and navel gazing, but lacks the talent or focus to actually discuss the topics it wants to.

It’s badly done and what’s worse is, even in Metal Gear’s most nonsensical or badly written moments, they’re at least funny or tragic and Other M is neither.

Which brings me to Adam Malkovich.

Oh, Adam, Adam, Adam.

What the fuck am I meant to see in you? Samus’ dialogue tells us one thing, the actions, visual direction, the way in which he addresses Samus, orders her, controls her and ignores her tells us another.

We’re expected to root for this guy. To agree with Samus’ assessment of him. But all it does is further that idea that Samus is, in fact, an idiot who needs people more capable than her, to do everything for her.

Simply put, Samus, when not doing everything in her power to remember the Baby (another botched take on what was fondly remembered, the bond between her and the infant Metroid has now forever been tainted, even with Samus Returns’ efforts to save that whole thing) talks about Adam, how wonderful this commanding officer is, how patient and kind and caring and-

Yeah, no, he’s a dick and he acts like he can’t stand Samus’ very presence.

Without even going into the hated authorization mechanic, he never once looks at her with anything resembling warmth in his face; you could put that down to the models looking uncannily robotic to begin with, but Anthony Higgs seems to be the most expressive and can do... emotion. Even in dialogue and his VA’s recorded lines, there are no smiles, no change in inflection or in-jokes.

He comes off not as an aloof CO, but somebody who dislikes being in the same room as Samus herself.

And the big part is, for all Other M draws from previous canon and the E-Manga, now that I’ve read further ahead, guess what? Adam is a completely likable human being in it.

By that, I mean he’s an average filler manga character and not a raging asshole; he’s ranked higher than Samus, but is a bit accommodating towards her situation when they meet and later they do seem to have struck up something similar to the relationship stated in Other M.

He jokes with her, smiles, when she goes independent he goes out of his way to help her, she’s quick to remind him of her boundaries and his lack of control over her which he quickly agrees with. Samus and Adam have a much healthier working relationship there and the one in Other M is meant to reflect it? Rubbish.

In short, from what I’ve gathered, Other M was an attempt to canonize or at least further develop the E-Manga and completely shot itself in the foot by contradicting the E-Manga, prior Metroid canon, Samus’ character and archetype and ultimately, itself.

But hey, looking at it with the benefit of hindsight, at least we got a game to put up there with Hotel Mario and the CDI Zeldas that rounds out the embarrassing meme trifecta of Nintendo’s Big Three.

#Metroid

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movie-robotnik-positivity · 4 years

Text

History lesson: The fake Sonic Boom TV show leak from 2014

The Sonic franchise is no stranger to both real and fake leaks, I can tell that from the journet to the film alone! But over the years there have been several fake leaks going around, and this has to be one of the most insane ones.

The year is 2014, Sega was working on big reboot to their flagship franchise, which would include a big game and a TV show alongside it. Fans didn’t have much to go off besides this one image teasing the characters’ redesigns (which was obviously memed to death)...that is until they got a statement from a supposed storyboard artist working on the show.

I was unable to find the original 4-Chan thread, but I did find all the information, so we’re going to go over this trainwreck of a rumor together.

The premise of the show is simple yet strange, Sonic and friends have to battle Eggman through different locations and time periods to keep him from rewriting history. The heroes come from a good future (which serves as the show’s hub world) while the villains come from a bad one.

MAIN CHARACTERS

Sonic himself isn’t too different, still a cool super-fast dork who loves chili dogs. He has a Marty McFly inspired design with a hover board for water and everything. Oh and he uses a night light, which is pretty cute.

Tails is still the genius engineer and pilot. He’s not a fan of adventuring but will begrudgingly join in whenever he’s needed. Wears lab equipment all the time and plays the bagpipes for….some reason.

Amy is a sports captain, perfect student, and Sonic’s self-proclaimed girlfriend. She’s the daughter of a rich car magnate and is still a part of the group. Wears a retro inspired outfit and lacks her iconic Piko Piko hammer.

Knuckles is described as mellow and spiritual unless you manage to tick him off. He’s still the guardian of the Master Emerald and the main time portal, just not a great one due to how trusting and gullible he is. Wears bandages on his knuckles and….skinny jeans?

VILLAINS

Dr. Eggman is described as a “sort of fat, bald Carmen Sandiego” as he’s constantly travelling through time to steal precious ancient artifacts. His lair in his theme park, Eggmanland, and besides world domination he dreams with becoming the ringmaster at a circus. Wears a retro inspired outfit and has Modern Eggman proportions, just way taller with long lanky limbs. Also, instead of Orbot and Cubot, he has Rouge and Shadow as his bumbling henchmen.

Rouge is the brains of the operation but will alter the plans if it means she can steal something for herself. Wears a pink tube top with purple sweatpants and has blue wings.

Shadow is the muscle, almost as strong as Sonic, however, he’s pretty lazy and always chooses to give the least effort possible. He wears an open red Hawaiian flower print shirt and sunglasses. (HAWAIIAN SHADOW!)

Evil Sonic (you read that right) comes from Eggman’s bad future, he hates his counterpart with a passion and will come up with schemes to destroy him and his reputation, occasionally working alongside the doctor if their goals intertwine. Wears the same as Sonic but with inverted colors and his fur is a slightly darker shade of blue.

OTHERS

Blaze is a princess from a foreign land and is currently living in Amy’s mansion as an exchange student. Is very shy and awkward, while she’s not sure what to make of Sonic’s adventures she finds them more interesting than her normal life. She still has fire controlling powers and always keeps an oil lantern with her. Wears a purple scarf and fluffy ushanka, a long sleeve shirt with armless vest over the top, a purple skirt and high heel shoes.

Metal Sonic was Eggman’s weapon until he was reprogrammed and given free will by Tails. He acts sort of like an anti-hero and rival to Sonic, who he tries to best at everything, from racing to saving people to burping contests (???)

Silver is interesting, he starts as Sonic’s bratty neighbor who’s always trying to become a part of the group. One day, after he successfully pesters Sonic into taking him on an adventure, Silver betrays him to gain ancient psychic powers and becomes a villain. He’s basically a bully that wants revenge on Sonic for humiliating him. Wears a black belt with a golden buckle and matching boots, he’s described as “very large and fat” and is constantly eating, aparently.

Finally there’s Team Chaotix, which consists of Vector, Espio and Fang. They are a group of not so bad criminals who are usually contracted by Eggman.

Vector is the leader, pretends to be a tough guy but secretly wants to be a dancer. Always broke and owing money. Wears a leather jacket with a gold chain necklace (just like how he appears in the show, strangely enough)

Espio is a ninja who travelled from the past and was saved by Vector, he joined the team as a way to pay this life debt. He’s not fond of criminal activity but goes along with it making sure no one gets hurt. Is amazed by modern technology. Only wears gloves and boots.

Fang is the most rotten of the group, quick to betray when things go sour and is only kept around because he’s good at what he does. Wears a wide brim hat, a bandana over his mouth, a brown belt and has spurs on his shoes.

This Sonic Boom is described as a children’s comedy first, action show second. Contains things like an overarching plot and pretty tame gross out humor.

So what do you think about this fake TV show? Would you watch it if it actually existed? Personally there are many things I’m not fond off, like Silver’s portrayal, but there are some gems like the Chaotix (which repurposes Fang the Sniper) and, of course, our lord and savior Hawaiian Shadow.

source

#sonic the hedgehog #sonic boom #sonic #tails #amy rose #knuckles the echidna #eggman #dr. eggman #shadow the hedgehog #rouge the bat #Metal Sonic #silver the hedgehog #blaze the cat #team chaotix #vector the crocodile #espio the chameleon #fang the sniper #hawaiian shadow

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dumbepiphany · 4 years

Text

26 Klance Fanfiction Recommendations

There is a heck of a lot of good Klance fanfiction out there. And while some may be easy to find because of how popular they are, there are many others that are buried in the depths of ao3 that I feel like more people should be reading!!

A lot of these are quite popular fics that you probably would have heard of already, but I hope there’s something in here that’s new, and that you’ll enjoy reading!

All are recommended for Teen And Up Audiences, so please be mindful!

1. Hearts Don’t Break Around Here

By Klancekorner on AO3

Description: Lance and Keith have been best friends since first grade. Lance’s brain is always on overdrive and Keith’s blunt, realistic ass can never keep up. They both come to realize that sometimes you can learn a lot about loving yourself by loving someone else.

Words: 135,555 | Chapters: 13/13 | Warnings: creator chose not to use

My note: This is my absolute favourite Klance fic. Childhood friends to lovers- what more could one ask for?

2. Squad Up

By astralscrivener on AO3

Description: In which the team is in high school, and Lance makes a group chat (ft. college graduates Shiro, Matt, and Allura). (A generic bandwagon chatfic because why are these so fun to write????)

Words: 327,144 | Chapters: 140/140 | Warnings: none

My note: The chatfic format is super fun to read. A lot of fluff!!

3. A Midsummer Night’s Meme

By astralscrivener on AO3

Description: Same group chat, new shenanigans. Or, the team's final summer before Keith, Lance, Hunk, and Shay begin college, as Pidge navigates the waters of young love, Keith and Shiro deal with family issues, Lance has a trip to Cuba, and more. Sequel to Squad Up.

Words: 79,457 | Chapters: 27/27 | Warnings: none

My note: If you read Squad Up, you must read the sequel! The storyline is really cool and the boys are Soft:)

4. Ignorance is Bliss

By YouAreInAComaWakeUp (Nikanaiko) on AO3

Description: As it turns out, learning that your house is haunted makes the ghosts a lot more aggressive. Who knew? Ah, well. At least one of them is hot. And he's the less-evil one, too, so that's always a plus.

Words: 172,675 | Chapters: 30/30 | Warnings: graphic depictions of violence

My note: Oh God this fic. C’mon, it’s Ghost Keith and Human Lance... and they bond... need I say more?

5. Shut Up and Dance With Me

By wittyy_name on AO3

Description: Lance and his friends have been regulars at the Altea Dance Studio for years. Not just for classes, but to hang out, practice, and spend time with good people who love dancing. Every year, they audition to be one of the few representing Altea at the regional dance competition. Lance always auditions solo, but this year he misses out on auditions and blows his chance to participate. And so does his self-proclaimed rival, Keith. Luckily, Shiro comes up with a brilliant plan: convince Lance and Keith to audition as a duo.With a little convincing, and a lot of effort, these two might just be able to pull it off and go to regionals... or they might crash and burn.

Words: 249,827 | Chapters: 15/15 | Warnings: none

My note: One of the first fics I read. Super sweet and fluffy, great storyline, complete with art by wolfpainters! Tbh any dance AU fic is a good fic

6. Chivalry is Dead

By Sheksper on AO3

Description: Prince Lance was an adventurer. That was all there was to it. So, when he's suddenly assigned a new knight to follow him around, all Lance can think is that his freedom is being taken away, and it's all because of the red-clad, mullet boy named Keith, who is honestly just trying not to lose his job on the first day.

Words: 61,071 | Chapters: 17/17 | Warnings: graphic depictions of violence

My note: Prince Lance and Knight Keith is a concept to die for and it’s written so so well in this story!!

7. Nothing’s Quite As Sweet

By dimpleforyourthoughts on AO3

Description: Keith is a barista who hates his job. Lance works at the cat shelter across the street.

Words: 50,369 | Chapters: 1/1 | Warnings: none

*You need to have an account to be able to see this fic!*

My note: A traditional must-read cafe/cat shelter fic! It’s got coffee and cats... the Softness levels are through the roof

8. The Fallen and the Wandering

By creeshtar on AO3

Description: Keith was born into a world of ice and darkness, with no sun to rise or stars to shine. In spite of humanity’s best efforts, the world is meeting a slow, but certain doom, which can only be stopped if the sun is found and replaced in the sky. Keith, meanwhile, is content to collect stars and eventually replace them in the sky, alongside a new partner that he can’t seem to help but gravitate towards--until a mysterious person with inhuman power goes on a warpath to find the sun for herself. Keith and his partner are unwittingly thrown into the race to find the sun first, only for Keith to discover, to his dismay, that it may be closer than he could’ve ever wanted.

Words: 106,108 | Chapters: 12/12 | Warnings: creator chose not to use

My note: The writing and the AU concept is gorgeous and intriguing, props to the author for the world-building and the gratuitous fluff and angst!!

9. Love Interest

By iwriteshipsnotsailthem on AO3

Description: Lance is getting his big American debut on a new T.V series called Voltron. He's excited and nervous about how amazingly talented and famous his cast members are. But most importantly Lance is anticipating meeting his character -Leandro's- love interest in the show. Who happens to played by the be mega famous, mega hot Keith Kogane. But due to a misunderstanding during their first encounter, Lance now thinks Keith is the biggest jerk alive. Keith now has to try and fix it, for the sake of the show, and also for the sake of their on screen romance, which may start venture off screen as well.

Words: 195,400 | Chapters: 50/50 | Warnings: creator chose not to use

My note: If you love Klance and you love Leakira, then get ready for... Klance as actors portraying Leakira!!

10. (Unofficially) VLD- Season 9

By hoelko on AO3

Description: The Universe has been saved. The war is over. Voltron is no longer needed. But that's the thing about the Universe. It's always getting bigger.

Words: 225,777 | Chapters: 15/15 | Warnings: none

My note: This fic was everything the fandom deserved but never got. Hoelko is our God. Worship this fic.

11. ‘Til We Meet the Dawn

By angstinspace on AO3

Description: Keith is a mage and Lance is a knight, and they've been best friends since childhood. For years, Keith has known that Lance carries a dark secret: that if he doesn't kiss his true love before he turns twenty, he'll die. Now only three days remain before Lance's twentieth birthday, and Keith and Lance are sent on a dangerous quest to rescue Romelle––who Lance believes will be the one to break his curse. But what he doesn't know is that Keith is already hopelessly in love with him.

Words: 75,242 | Chapters: 1/1 | Warnings: none

My note: Magic! Fantasy! Knights! Curses! True love! Angst! Fluff! All that good jazz rolled into one glorious fic!!

12. Follow My Lead

By Klancekorner on AO3

Description: Becoming “hook-up buddies” with Lance Sanchez was just supposed to be a small, insignificant fraction of Keith’s life. But of course, things don’t work out that way at all. aka a Friends w/ Benefits AU that nobody asked for where Lance wears sleeveless hoodies, plays basketball in abandoned parking lots, and follows his dreams, and Keith comes from a high class, reputable family who never let him have any dreams of his own. They go home with each other and don't expect it to matter until it totally does.

Words: 117,792 | Chapters: 14/14 | Warnings: NSFW

My note: Everyone needs a little bit of no-strings-attached-turns-into-catching-feelings in their life! Just be careful with the nsfw!

13. Something Just Like This

By Klancekorner on AO3

Description: Keith reluctantly becomes the counselor for the Red Cabin at Camp Voltron, a summer camp in the middle of buttfuck nowhere that his older brother Shiro has worked at for years. Already unhappy with the current position that he is in, Keith prepares himself for a boring, sweaty, miserable summer; and his frustration only grows when he meets the counselor for the Blue Cabin- an insufferable asshole with a horrible sense of humor, a devilish smirk, an inexplicable animosity towards the Red Cabin, and a smile that literally looks like the sun. Needless to say Keith is really, really unprepared for the next three months.

Words: 58,800 | Chapters: 12/12 | Warnings: NSFW

My note: A Very Soft Fic. A truly Soft Soft Fic. It has little kids in it,, it’s adorable and fluffy,, makes you squeal into your pillow,, please read!

14. The Marks We Make

By wittyy_name on AO3

Description: Lance McClain constantly dreams of the day he'll finally meet his mysterious soulmate. They don't say much, if anything at all, but they leave him with gorgeous paintings temporarily tattooing his skin. It's not exactly the situation he hoped for, but when he feels the connection between them, he can't bring himself to resent them. As much as he wishes his soulmate would just talk to him, he's resigned himself to being patient. In the meantime, he has a loving family and good friends to help him get by. Keith Kogane dreads the day he'll finally meet his obnoxious soulmate. He's just an art student who's struggling to find his place in the world. There's so much he hasn't been able to control in his life, and the thought of having a soulmate, just another thing in his life which he also has no control over yet can't do anything about, is a little terrifying. So he ignores the words that occasionally appear on his skin. He has other things to focus on: like being a new student at a big university where his childhood friend and step-brother go.

Words: 255,302 | Chapters: 12/12 | Warnings: none

My note: The soulmate AU that everyone needed. Complete with art by wolfpainters!

15. Lucky in Rivalry

By iwriteshipsnotsailthem on AO3

Description: After moving back to his hometown after ten years, Keith is being shoved back into the life of an unexpected individual who was his so called 'rival' from music school. How is Keith supposed to explain to Lance that he hasn't sung for a crowd in all those years after his disappearance? Lance is the town's favourite gig at Voltron Cafe. He's lively and has the voice that makes girls go weak. He's also one half of the cutest couple in school. Him and Lotor are what everyone wants in a relationship, but behind closed doors it's a bit of a different story. How much more can Lance take before he cracks?

Words: 134,484 | Chapters: 45/45 | Warnings: creator chose not to use

My note: True love, music and singing, high school drama, this fic has the whole lot! Give it a go, you won’t regret!!

16. Drummer Boy

By Klancekorner on AO3

Description: Lance is 100%, without a doubt, straight. He has the perfect girlfriend and has never wanted anything more. But suddenly his world is being turned upside down by the boy playing the drums at his local bar--a boy who happens to be very good looking, very gay, and very very interested in Lance. aka: Good-Boy Lance has a crisis when he meets Keith because he's so damn attractive, and Keith is a little ho that is way too promiscuous and open about his sexuality. The become friends. Confusion and sexual tension ensue.

Words: 50,188 | Chapters: 11/11 | Warnings: graphic depictions of violence, rape/non-con

My note: This one is a great read, but it’s a pretty sexy fic. Read the warnings and stay safe, avoid it if it isn’t your cup of tea!

17. On Thin Ice

By anonimina on AO3

Description: This multi-chapter fic chronicles the lives of a hockey player named Keith who gets enlisted into figure skating lessons by his brother, Shiro, to "work on his footwork". There he meets a pompous - yet talented - figure skater named Lance and gets swept away by both the sport and the skater. Or: the not-so-simple story of two people trying to navigate the complexities of living in an ever changing world and face the traumas they've buried far away from the sunlight.

Words: 205,795 | Chapters: 11/11 | Warnings: none

My note: Figure skating and hockey playing! This fic is emotional and fluffy and very very adorable! Just a warning- it’s unfinished, so the last chapter is basically a summary and dot points of what the planned ending was!

18. Life After Death

By taylortot on AO3

Description: Fear clambers into his mouth and tastes bitter on his tongue. “Who are you?” It takes him a moment to register the sound of his own voice. She stares at him. Blinks. “Lance, please, this isn’t time for one of your jokes--” He furrows his eyebrows and struggles to sit up, to stop leaning into the cradle of her arms. “I’m not--I’m not...joking.” * After sacrificing himself to save Allura, Lance wakes up in a strange new world where the only thing he knows is a deep connection to a boy he doesn't remember.

Words: 90,074 | Chapters: 13/14 | Warnings: none

My note: The Feels. The Feels are strong with this one. Memory loss always hits super hard, be prepared for angst (but also comfort and fluff!)

19. Homesick at Space Camp

By Kobot on AO3

Description: Lance realizes he's been an asshole to Keith, and on a diplomatic mission to a key planet for the Voltron alliance he... overcompensates.

Words: 74,280 | Chapters: 15/15 | Warnings: graphic depictions of violence

My note: Fake marriage AU! FA K E M a R Ri A G E AU!!! Need I say more?

20. I Bet You Look Good On The Dance Floor

By xShieru on AO3

Description: "So like in 'Step Up'?" Allura shrugs. "Now that you put it like that - yes. I guess it's just like in 'Step Up'." The smile that she sends Shiro's way - followed by a shy wave, eugh - is sickening to say the least, and Lance still doesn't believe in dance camps. Lance McClain's dancing career begins and ends with Keith. Keith just wants to find out what Lance's deal is.

Words: 43,295 | Chapters: 7/7 | Warnings: none

My note: A steamy, fluffy dancing AU fic! I read this ages ago so I can’t really remember what happened but it was GOOD!!

21. Watercast

By fishwrites on AO3

Description: Shiro has been a Galra prisoner for over a year; with his flight feathers clipped and unable to fly. Desperate to escape, he jumps overboard while being transported to the capitol on a Galran ship. Lance is a merman who saves him from drowning. Keith thinks Shiro is about to become mermaid dinner. Hunk just wants Lance to stop going to the surface all the time, dammit! (AU where Avians (winged folk), Galra, humans and merfolk cohabit earth. Shiro and Keith are avian soldiers, Lance is the youngest son of a Queen, Hunk is also a merman and Pidge is still looking for her family. They get caught up in a war.)

Words: 205,901 | Chapters: 15/16 | Warnings: graphic depictions of violence

My note: Avian Keith and Merman Lance is the forbidden love story that everyone needs in their life tbh. It’s been on hiatus for a while so idk about the final chapter, but it’s definitely worth a read!

22. Call Me, Beep Me

By orphan_account on AO3

Description: Where lance messages the wrong number and things kind of snowball from there.

Words: 85,591 | Chapters: 10/10 | Warnings: none

My note: Arguably the most popular Klance fanfic (after Dirty Laundry of course)! You’ve probably heard of it, but if not, do read!! Wrong number fics are a godsend

23. Calling Me to Come Back

By aknightley on AO3

Description: Keith is a witch who owns a shop where he breaks curses on both magical items and people under spells. Love spells, family curses passed down generations, cursed heirlooms lurking the attic -- he can handle them all. But one day a boy named Lance walks into his shop, and his curse is darker and more difficult to break than anything Keith has ever seen before: the curse is draining his magic, and without his magic, Lance will die.

Words: 50,464 | Chapters: 1/1 | Warnings: none

My note: Will Witch Keith break Lance’s curse, or will Lance die!?!?!? And will they fall in love along the way???!?! Read on to find out:D

24. Say My Name (And Every Colour Illuminates)

By parchmints on AO3

Description: Lance never thought he had a soulmate, but when he finds himself dreaming about a boy on Varadero Beach and in a southwestern desert, he learns they have an incredibly rare soul link–-one that allows them to form an unusually strong bond before they meet, but also exposes their greatest vulnerabilities to each other.

Words: 27,833 | Chapters: 1/1 | Warnings: none

My note: Really well-written, relatively short but so so sweet! Another soulmate AU (honestly one of my favourite AUs) except this time it’s dreamscape:)

25. Video Killed the Radio Star

By europa_report on AO3

Description: In which Keith is the guy who suddenly finds himself a single-parent to his two nieces, and Lance is the charming radio host who might be his only voice of reason in this mess.

Words: 69,468 | Chapters: 11/11 | Warnings: none

My note: This is so cute, I almost cried. Any fic with kl interacting with little children is an instant KO for my heart:’)

26. Smile for the Stars

By maIikcutie on AO3

Description: Though he's been dealt many bad cards, Lance isn't sure he can handle this one: winding up stranded, a million lightyears away from home, with only Keith to keep him company. The universe is cruel.

Words: 72,921 | Chapters: 9/9 | Warnings: major character death

My note: Please don’t read unless you are prepared for a MAJOR character death! If you’re up for it, prepare a box of tissues, and good luck, my friend!

And that’s all for my list! Hope you found something to your liking, happy reading folks!

#klance #klance fanfic #klance fanfiction #fanfiction recommendation #klance fanfiction recommendation #keith kogane #lance mcclain #keith x lance #fanfiction #voltron #vld #voltron legendary defender #voltron fanfiction

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lassieposting · 4 years

Note

Amenadiel/Eve/Linda/Maze for the Domestic Ship meme, please.

domestic ship meme!

send me a ship and i’ll tell you:

who reaches out to new neighbors

they either get a visit from eve, or ambushed by maze. eve is like. a labrador. she’s the friendliest person alive. she’ll make like a casserole or something to take over when she sees the moving van, so they don’t have to worry too much about unpacking everything. if they have kids, she’ll offer to watch them. if they have a dog, she wants to pet it. eve sees the entire community as her community. maze on the other hand will just straight up interrogate the newbies on the drive. she’s more territorial than lucifer, but she’s a lot less subtle about it; the meeting usually concludes with either an “i like you” or a “you won’t last long”.

who remembers to buy healthy food

amenadiel. he sees looking after his humans as a solemn responsibility. he has memorised the amount of each vitamin humans need. how much lean meat they’re supposed to have a week. the exact ingredients needed for maximum human health. and he makes sure they get it every day. he packs healthy lunches for linda once she goes back to work.

who remembers to buy junk food

maze. she doesn’t have the same nutrition requirements as the humans, and she doesn’t have lucifer’s appreciation for fine dining, so a lot of the time she lives on a diet of junk, vodka and more junk.

who fixes the oven when it breaks

they all suck so much at DIY. amenadiel doesn’t even know how modern technology works. he’s just about figured out texting. eve embraces it wholeheartedly but still refers to it as “magic”. maze is a huge fan of the “hit it with a hammer and see if that helps” school of adulting. and linda would rather just call someone out to deal with it; she’s too dainty and elegant for that nonsense.

who waters the plants/feeds their pet(s)

eve is a huge pet person and very green-fingered. she spent her first lifetime growing food in eden, after all. she’s the type to have a little herb garden and grow her own tomatoes.

who wakes up earlier

amenadiel - he likes how quiet the suburbs are before anyone else is awake. sometimes he likes to go for a quick flight around the block while the rest of the world is still asleep, stretch his wings. there are lots of things he doesn’t miss about being an angel - that is, an angelic angel, one that actually lives in the silver city - but he does miss being able to fly whenever he wants.

who makes the bed

linda. she thinks an organised environment helps keep an organised mind. she’s not a ‘showhome’ kind of person in the way lucifer is, but she likes the little rituals of keeping her personal space clean. it’s the time she takes to ‘therapy’ herself; put her feelings in order and deal with any internal crises she might be having.

who makes the coffee

amenadiel. he likes the little human rituals, and he’s got the best memory so he only ever had to ask once how everyone likes their preferred hot drink.

who burns breakfast

maze. it is a fact universally acknowledged that Mazikeen Cannot Cook. she keeps trying though, because she refuses to be outdone by amenadiel in the Effort Made To Make Life Easier For Linda stakes. given that her diet pre-Earth consisted mostly of charred meat and fungus, it’s understandable that her cooking sucks; she knows one way to make food safe to consume and that is to turn it to charcoal.

how do they let each other know they’re leaving the house

amenadiel goes around giving kisses on the cheek because he’s learned that’s how human lovers say goodbye. linda does the same, because that’s who he’s picked it up from. eve leaves cute little notes letting everyone know what time she’ll be back. maze stands by the front door and yells see ya, bitches.

how do they greet each other when one of them gets home

everyone knows when maze gets back, because she just sort of slams the door open and it bounces off the wall. they’re working on her indoors manners. charlie, as a half-angel, can sense whenever amenadiel is close to him and will start reaching for the door and babbling for daddy. (he also does this with lucifer, and it freaks luci the fuck out)

who brings home little gifts like flowers/chocolates more often

eve. she’s like a little magpie. whenever she sees something she thinks someone she cares about would like, she has to bring it home for them. sometimes it’s a tropical musk candle. sometimes it’s anal beads. it’s a toss-up.

who picks the movie for movie night

charlie. everyone picks out whatever they want to watch, then they all call to him and see who he crawls to. whoever gets the baby first gets to put on their movie. it’s not the most sensible system, but given that two of the family are Not Human it’s saved a lot of bickering.

their favorite kind of movie to watch

amenadiel is a sucker for tearjerkers that show off the great human capacity for love; things like a dog’s purpose or my sister’s keeper. he’ll curl up holding linda/a cushion/eve and have a good therapeutic cry. maze has no tolerance for that touchy-feely bullshit, but she’ll watch those movies quite happily. she thinks they’re funny.

linda likes a simple feel-good comedy that’s a bit dirtier than you’d expect her to enjoy - think bridesmaids or we’re the millers. she likes something she can have a good cackle at, but doesn’t tax her brain too much. her job’s high stress and she needs to wind down and do something mindless for a bit.

eve likes teen dramas/coming-of-age stories, because that’s just sort of where she’s at in life. think st trinians or wild child. she gets super invested in the characters she projects on most and their happy ending.

maze likes horror films. she likes to point out all the ways they’re inaccurate; the exorcism isn’t set up properly, the latin chant is pronounced wrong, here’s what would actually happen if you cut off someone’s head with a chainsaw. she’d pick out things like final destination and nightmare on elm street.

who first suggests a pillow fort

maze. trixie insists that it’s an important tradition for every human child, so maze is insistent that they do it for charlie. she’s a little disappointed when linda points out that charlie is only a baby and won’t appreciate a well-built pillow fort for a few years yet, but she lets it drop. then lucifer mentions that his humans built one and he got fucked in it, so she starts bringing it up again. he’s not allowed to have a sexual experience she hasn’t had too.

who builds the pillow fort

they all join in. linda and eve actually put it together, amenadiel is in charge of filling it with blankets and pillows, and maze “camouflages” it as well as she can (not very well. linda’s living room is not set up for that kind of thing, but it’s instinct and she tries).

who tries to distract the other during the movie

maze. she’s super horny for all three of them, she doesn’t stand a chance. eve is also pretty bad for this.

who falls asleep first

whoever’s most tired, often linda - she’s the one with the full-time job and the very young baby. she and eve sleep pretty peacefully though. maze has spent her whole life in hell, where she and lucifer had to trade off keeping watch while the other slept, and she’s been edgy since goddess and then pierce almost killed linda. amenadiel, who needs the least sleep to function, will take pity and keep an eye out while maze gets her head down.

who is big spoon/little spoon

amenadiel gives great hugs and has Those ArmsTM so he’s generally a big spoon. maze is mostly a big spoon, but she’ll let eve hold her. linda and eve are both little spoons.

#nonnies in my askbox #lucifer on netflix #lucifer on fox #mazikeen smith #linda martin #amenadiel canaan #eve #i assumed you meant the foursome and not the two separate ships so i hope this is okay #i have no idea what the foursome shiptag is tho #rip #lucifer headcanons

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peace-coast-island · 4 years

Text

Diary of a Junebug

Having a reel great time

It’s Fishing Tourney time! I’ve been on a lucky streak lately with doubles - which is saying a lot since I tend to lag behind on these events for some reason. Maybe it’s the good company or the decor or the nice weather. Whatever it is, I probably shouldn’t question it or else my good luck would go away.

Joining us on this fun event are the Allegris - Chris, Elaina, David, Jeremy, Danny, and Angie! Us grown ups are out here doing are own thing while the kids (okay, aside from Angie the rest aren’t really kids anymore so basically it’s the 22 and under club) have broken off into different groups.

Life in the Allegri household is basically like straight out of a sitcom. I’ve been following David’s channel this past year and his weekly family vlogs are entertaining af. From David dragging Elaina into one of his crazy schemes, Danny and Angie getting into a mess, Jeremy being pretty much done with everyone and Chris being either totally functional or a total disaster (there is no in between) - I would definitely sit down and watch several seasons of the Allegris just be themselves.

Also, a few of David’s vlogs have become memes or gone viral. One was where he challenged Elaina and Chris to make a cake without using measurements (dad vs. aunt Baking challenge) - Elaina somewhat succeeded, Chris, not so much. Another one is titled “the kids areeee fightingggggg!!!” where everyone goes stir crazy while being snowed in. And recently, “they did what?!” in which Elaina accidentally got Jeremy and Danny fired, Angie misplaced a neighbor’s dog, and Grandpa ruined Chris’s week by revealing a shocking truth.

They’re all such a mess but that’s why I love them. Chris and Elaina are peak disasters - Chris being the perfect example of head full, thoughts empty and Elaina being chaotic all the way. But in all honesty, they’re doing their best and they’re all around good people. The two bicker a lot but they’re super close and have always got each other’s backs.

It was Elaina’s idea for the family to drop by the campsite for a short vacay. We started planning this back when I came to her mom’s concert and saw the singing roses. I suggested either a gyroid event or a fishing tourney since they enjoy the great outdoors.

The main reason why Elaina wanted a get together is for her brother. With David graduating college and Jeremy and Danny graduating high school - as well as David moving out and Jeremy going abroad for college - to say that Chris is experiencing empty nest syndrome is a bit of an understatement.

Although he’s been putting on a brave face, Chris is going through a bit of a rough patch. According to Elaina, Allegri men aren’t the best at dealing with their feelings. Her dad means well but telling Chris to toughen up and don’t think too hard about stuff you can’t control isn’t the best advice to give someone who always feels like they have to keep it together. As much as Elaina loves her dad, she can’t help but be annoyed by him at times for being so out of touch - especially since he wasn’t around most of the time when they were growing up.

On top of feeling like his boys are drifting away, Chris is also buckling under the pressure of being a single parent. Even with his sister and now dad helping out, he’s still on his own. It’s not easy being a part time airline pilot and a full time dad but he does pull it off - one of the many reasons why Elaina admires her big brother. That’s why it hurts her to see that her brother has been constantly second guessing himself, worrying that he’s not there enough for the boys.

Elaina’s the opposite of her brother as she’s more vocal and open about pretty much everything. She’s also a counselor so she knows how to read people well - sometimes to the point where she pokes her head into other people’s businesses. Though she tends to get in over her head while trying to help someone, you can’t help but admire the effort. Sure she drives her family up the wall sometimes by trying to get them to talk out their problems but if she didn’t, then they wouldn’t be the loving close knit family they are right now.

In a way, she feels kinda responsible for contributing to her brother’s stress. Being the younger sibling, Elaina tends to get away with more - meaning she’s not always expected to be the bigger person. If Chris is busy taking care of his boys, his sister, and his niece, then who’s got his back? Sure, he’s got his mom he doesn’t want to worry her and as for his dad, he’s not the kind of parent you can turn to for advice.

Before, he had Melyssa, but she’s gone now. Unlike his parents and his sister, he’s not divorced so that’s another reason why he feels like he’s on his own. Even after five years, the grief of losing his wife still hurts. Although he has been dating on and off, his relationships didn’t last long as his heart still belonged to Melyssa - something his dad just doesn’t understand.

A couple weeks before, his dad tried to set him up on a date that ended disastrously and Chris later vented to Elaina that he was fed up with being fixed up. Considering that their dad went through four marriages - last one ending a couple months ago - Chris and Elaina don’t exactly trust him on anything in terms of relationships. Not that they were asking anyway but he still insists on butting his head into their business whether they like it or not.

As for Elaina, after being screwed over twice, she’s given up on the idea of finding “the one.” She married once and regretted it - toxic masculinity and a fragile ego are two big dealbreakers, both traits which defined her ex. A few years later she dated this other guy who got her pregnant with Angie and then ditched her because he didn’t want to be tied down. Although she’s been dating other people since then, Elaina can’t see herself commit to a long term relationship. And right now, she’s happily single - another thing which is hard for her dad to understand.

Aside from getting away from the old man, Elaina wanted to plan a family day so Chris and the boys can catch up on some much needed quality time together. With the boys being so busy because of graduations, moving out, college prep, etc., they could all use a break - especially Chris, who’s been spreading himself kinda thin because of all of this. It’s also good for Angie as she’s pretty bummed out that David and Jeremy won’t be around as often. At least Danny will still be home, though Chris is concerned that he doesn’t really have any future prospects in mind.

Fishing tourneys are a lot more fun with good company. Plus you catch a lot more fish as a group so that’s a nice bonus. Chris was the real MVP, not only he caught a lot of doubles, he got a bunch of rare fish too. Even David and Danny, both who aren’t big on fishing, caught some winners too. At one point Angie fished out a jar that Sherb had misplaced this morning and got a nice reward in return.

While waiting for the next round of fish to show up, I gave them a tour of the camp and from there everyone did their own thing. Jeremy and Lloid were in the garden cross breeding plants. Danny hung around for a bit before getting bored and heading off to the main campsite. David, Butch, Cheri, Kid Cat, and Audie went swimming at Lost Lure Creek. Angie, Goldie, and Cyd went picking fruit at Breezy Hollow so they can make dessert later in the day. Then there was me, Elaina, and Chris hiking around and occasionally checking in on everyone.

Aside from a slight mishap with a pitfall seed (sorry Chris!), the hike went smoothly. Elaina was right, they needed this trip. I can tell that as the day went on, everyone looked more relaxed and at ease. Also, it was nice to see Chris and Elaina kick back and not worry too much about life stuff. Sometimes you just need to step back and take a break.

While lying down in the grass, Chris suggested that we make up stories based on the shapes of the clouds - a game he and Elaina often played as kids. So we did that for a while, which was fun. He wasn’t exaggerating when he said Elaina has a wild imagination - the stories she comes up with are wildly outrageous but also make sense on a deep level, like galaxy brain level stuff.

Then it was back to Saltwater Shores for the next round of the tourney. I swear, I think Chris is a good luck charm or something because we’ve got a pretty good haul! If we keep this up tomorrow, I won’t have to use a net to catch up later on. It was also nice seeing Chris and the boys having fun together as well as Elaina and Angie catching up on some much needed mother and daughter time.

For dinner, we set up a bonfire at the campsite. Goldie led a sing along which was super fun! After hearing her and Chris sing at their mom’s concert, I couldn’t let them pass up the opportunity to show off their musical chops. Their kids are also great singers as well, which shouldn’t be too surprising considering how musical talent runs in the family. The highlight of the night was Elaina, David, and Angie performing various musical numbers. What started out as a sing along turned into an impromptu Concert Under the Stars!

Before we knew it, midnight had come and gone. Now it’s past 1 and although I’m physically tired, my mind’s still wide awake. Though now I’m starting to nod off a bit so I’d better wrap up soon as we’ve got another busy day ahead.

#animal crossing #animal crossing pocket camp #Diary of a Junebug #headcanon ramble

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trixcuomo · 4 years

Text

4. Slay Dalaran City Clinic

((Part four of the craziest Kael’thas fangirl story I intend to write! Get ready for the ultimate Trixany-Gaga parody... 10 min read, 18+ for sexual themes.))

youtube

When I look back on my life in Outland, it’s not that I don’t want to see things with Kael’thas exactly as they happened. It’s just that I prefer to see them in a happier way. And you know, the way that the new me, the carefree Kaja-Cola Girl I had to become might experience these things is more honest because my better self invented it.

Clinical psylosophy, if you ask that Forsaken guy near Durnholde Keep, tells us that trauma is the ultimate killer. My people faced extinction. We lost our king, our way of life was nearly obliterated. And in a mad attempt to recover it all on his own, we ultimately lost our beloved Prince Kael’thas.

And then the Void Elves… To me, it still feels we might lose ourselves forever.

It’s like my life in Quel’thalas, today, is this broken mirror. And as the owner of that mirror, I’ve tried to fit the pieces back together. Make it perfect, clear again. But I can still see the crack in that mother fucker’s reflection.

It’s not that, ‘Trixany, by becoming a Kaja-Cola Girl, and a parody singer—which sounds so spectacularly weird in a way—and then getting high in Pandaria with a succubus to re-live moments with Kael’thas, when you’re supposed to be a righteous Blood Knight and follower of the Light… you’ve been so dishonest.’

No. It’s just that Blood Knight Trixany Cuomo loathes her reality.

For example, the Dalaran nurses here at the clinic? To me, they all have these super short, fashionable skirts on, with their tops open to the navel. And every one of them looks like Kael’thas Sunstrider.

And Kael’s shoes?

I’ve always wanted him to show off those legs, so he’s in white platform stilettoes.

I know what kind of world this is, I don’t care. I’m not talkin’ bout the weapon.

I tipped all the Kael’thas nurses’ hats to the side, because I need this to feel like another delicious, dirty dream. Like the one in back Pandaria…

And also because that’s more romantic, better than being admitted to the Dalaran City Clinic by a Night Elf stranger who found me hallucinating alone in the woods.

I also think people making cute meme fanart of Kael’thas will be very big in the next expansion.

Check out that Kael’thas nurse on the right, the one opening the door for my stretcher to go through. He’s got a great ass.

…Bam.

The truth is, back in the Ghostlands, when I mistook that Night Elf Dannox for Kael’thas because Dannox was standing in a sunbeam, and then he groped me? I came out of it, at least I think that I did, then I mauled Dannox like a she-bear. Bit right into his arm with my teeth, like the civilized, highly-trained fighter for the Light that I am.

Oh, there Dannox is now. He’s following the team of Kael nurses as they wheel me into the intensive care ward. Poor baby, whatever I did to his arm, he’s got it in a sling now.

And that Kel’thas nurse on the left? I asked him to order me some fel crystals mixed into a tall, icy glass of Kaja-Cola a couple of hours ago.

They only gave me the Kaja-Cola.

I wish that, back at Tempest Keep, they’d only given Kael’thas the Kaja-Cola.

Oh, here’s the head nurse. Looks like I know him pretty well already.

“Hi again, Kael’thas. You look lovely in that. The gold phoenix stethoscope was a nice touch.”

“I know. I’m a little scared, but then again I do look damned good, don’t I?” I watched him look down over the hot little outfit, “I’m such a clotheshorse too, Trix. I can’t believe slutty women’s fashion is a new thing for me.”

“Mhrm. You should let me dress you in my hallucinations more often.”

“Well, in any case,” He very deliberately and professionally removed my hand from his leg, “Good morning, Bloodthistle princess. How are you feeling?”

“Pretty horny.” Well, that was far more deadpan and threatening than I intended.

“Uh-huh. And anything other than the obvious?” Nurse-daddy Kael’thas did let me reach up and play at twining his long blonde hair in my weakling fingers. He smiled pleasantly at my devoted effort to flirt, even now. Then he went on checking the equipment, magical meters and tubing by my bed. I enjoyed watching him bend over to do all this for me, “Everything went really well, Trixany. You survived the Ghostlands with that Night Elf. Then, you survived Tempest Keep with me.”

“Isn’t that… somehow out of order?”

“Look at you. I remember back when they first assigned you to be my body guard at Tempest Keep. And you saluted me.”

I suddenly felt like screaming at him. Small miracle that I didn’t. I felt like I was out of my body already, with rage, with pain. I was losing control of even sweet this…

“And do you remember what you said to me back then? Trixany?”

“My life for my prince… Except my prince was supposed to be a great man. Back then, I thought my zealotry was warranted.”

“I did what I had to do. You were a Sunfury, you knew that.”

“Kael’thas, you lied to all of us.” Then, in a spark of anger, I don’t know how, I finally found the strength to lunge at him. But two more duplicates of Nurse Kael’thas held me, slammed me down. He then gestured, and a fourth blonde princely nurse strutted up with a syringe. All sharing his wicked, wonderful crooked grin. I kicked out, kicked over a silver tray by my cot. Dannox staggered back, cradling his arm. Twisted silver implements I’d never seen in Silvermoon, nor in all my life fell to the floor, scattered.

But Nurse Kael’thas came in and injected something clear blue into my arm. I slowed. I eased off.

I heard Kael’thas speak with Dannox, while the fifth clone of this crazed, resurrected Bloodmage had a clipboard, taking notes. A dull magical hum swelled in the room.

“Her heart rate is a little low. But that’s Miss Cuomo coming off the Bloodthistle…” Dannox nodded as if this was totally usual, for Kael’thas in heels, a slinky miniskirt, buff chest exposed and accented by a hanging gold stethoscope to be providing medical advice. “She’s just dehydrated now. A few more hours of rest here in the clinic should help.”

Dannox seemed sincerely worried. I assumed he’d dragged me way out to Dalaran out of guilt, or for fear of a bunch of angry Farstriders hunting him down. At least then, he could say he tried and he’d be in neutral territory. “Thank you, nurse. And thank Elune that Trixany didn’t—”

I spoke over them both, “I’m… I’m going to make it?”

Kael’thas smiled handsomely, and he had a dimple just there on his cheek, “Plenty of fluids. And no more Bloodthistle.”

Dannox asked Kael’thas more questions. A part of my brain waited for Dannox to reach around and grope Kael’thas too, while the Blood Elf prince was distracted. I mean, that’s what Dannox did to me, it’s what started this damn mess. But Dannox was trying to negotiate getting me out of there sooner, something about me being a big name, and discretion.

I couldn’t stand it. A part of me had dwindled away, I think. My voice raised like a little kid, who doesn’t know how loud they’re being, because they’re so panicked, because what’s in their imagination is far more important than what the big adults think. “I’m going to be a star, Kael’thas. Do you know why?”

He gave me a tender, patient look. As if he’d never slaughtered thousands and turned to the Burning Legion, or had ever ordered me to collude with him and other Sunfury soldiers to do the same.

“…Because after what they did to our people, Kael’thas. I have nothing left.”

“Aww, Punkin. That’s so nice.” Hair flip there, that put him back to being as callous as I remembered, “Do you need anything else?”

My breathing slowed against my will. Whatever they gave me was kicking in, surely. “I… I want my real life back? I want you back, Kael’thas.”

As always, in nearly everything, which was tragic—Kael’thas proved astute. “Is that why you sing?”

No. I think it was Dannox who asked, this time. Suddenly, it was just the big Night Elf standing by my cot. The nurses had departed to assist other patients in the large ward.

I confided, voice gravelly, “Either that or I’d be crying all the time.” My head lolled to the side, so that I could only see the wall, not him, not anyone else in the gray, gray clinic, “But I see tears as so last season.”

Dannox sat down in the metal chair beside my bed. He was heavy and strong. The metal screeched on the floor when his athletic body budged it. I peeked back his way. Dannox spread his feet on the floor and leaned elbows on his knees. I watched Dannox feel his hurt arm in the sling. Then he weaved his fingers together and squeezed his hands anxiously. He was wiped out. Me and my antics had done all this to him.

I have some goofy instincts, I guess. I presumed getting him to crack a smile might make up for all he endured on my behalf. “Everyone in here looks like Kael’thas in a miniskirt, Dannox.”

His abrupt laugh stirred a few people in the beds around us. “Well, that’s alright. Coming to the Dal City Clinic is always pretty fun for me too, in an um... similar way.”

I think we were both checking out the nurses before I drifted back to sleep.

-fin-

((Please. I please have a request for the Kael’thas stans and the art community on Tumblr here please. Please! Someone draw me a sexy Kael’thas in a female nurse’s outfit. I wanted one for this post but could not find please.

And when you do, please tag it with #slay trixany so we can all bask in its glory. Thx!))

#kael'thas sunstrider #lady gaga #warcraft #slay trixany

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phcking-detective · 5 years

Text

1. Caught Dead with a Beretta

Fic Title: First Blood

Rating: E

Length: 1/33 chapters, ~128k

Tags: Slow Burn, Idiots to Lovers, Trans Character (gavin), Autistic / Asexual / Non-binary Character (nines), BDSM, learning to use good etiquette and safe words, Dom Nines / Sub Gavin, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort

Chapter Tags: suicide, death / murder, verbal hazing

Link on AO3

***

Gavin's sick of working suicides—they're depressing as hell and aren't going to do anything for his promotion. He's just got to the crime scene already wants to go home. It's fucking ass'o'clock in the morning, and he hasn't slept worth shit, so of course Nines texted to let him know about the scene the second he'd finally dozed off.

The elevator ride up to the two thousand square foot loft gives him enough time to get hit with shit, did I take my meds before I left home? Fuck. Maybe?

Goddammit. Maybe he should switch to those patches and gels instead of a weekly injection. Taking his T is the one thing he never, ever forgets, so if he switched to something he could do daily and took his meds for the BPD and ADHD at the same time …

The elevator doors ding open, ruining his train of thought. Nines is here already because he doesn't fucking sleep, apparently. That hot fuckboy he sucked off once—and the beat cop for this side of town—Brayden, is in there too, but Gavin's most recent bout of soul-crippling insomnia has actually worn him down too much to be horny.

Well, too much to put forth the effort for flirting, at least.

"—huh, Nine Thousand?" Brayden says as Gavin walks up.

Nines doesn't respond.

"He's RK nine hundred," Gavin says. "Not like the meme. Super disappointing."

Brayden grins. "Yeah, but I mean like, the movie."

"Nine thousand?"

Gavin frowns, trying to force his stupid idiot brain to think. All he can come up with is 300. Maybe it's a movie based off of that one book? The like, underwater … and submarines. Something-number thousand leagues under the sea? No fuck, that's not nine thousand.

"Two thousand," Brayden says. "And one."

Shit, is that the number of leagues or the title of the movie?

"Man, I am way too fucking tired." Gavin waves him off. "I'm not even into that film shit. I just like action movies."

Brayden heaves a deep sigh. "I've seen your file, Gavin. You're too smart to willingly lump yourself in with the uneducated masses."

"May we proceed with the crime scene, detective?" Nines asks before Gavin can reply.

Brayden flinches a little. The only reason Gavin doesn't get scared himself is because he's gotten used to Nines not breathing or moving—until he suddenly does. Makes people jumpy as shit to realize they forgot about the giant fucking android just standing there.

Not blinking. Or breathing.

"Go ahead," Brayden says with a sweep of his hand, like he didn't just jump half a foot.

"May we proceed with the crime scene, detective?" Nines asks instead of complying.

"Yeah, sure," Gavin grants permission.

Nines proceeds. Gavin tries to hold back a smirk. Brayden's the pretentious kind of asshole who loves explaining shit no one cares about, but he's pretty hot too, and Gavin's not quite ready to burn that bridge to Terra-dick-bia by pissing him off. No, that sounds terrible. The bridge to … mm, dick.

Damn, he's tired.

He follows after Nines, a little worried he might wander off in his sleep-deprived state and get lost in all this square footage of prime fucking real estate. Even saints would have to work to feel sorry for dead people as rich as this.

Finally, he stumbles into a section of the open floor plan that seems to function as the living room. There's a flat screen tv nearly as big as the wall it's mounted on, a coffee table made from a whole chunk of mahogany with a half-full tumbler, and a dead guy sitting in a chair with a gun in his hand and a hole in his head.

The TV still blares out the news, and the vic's own face flashes out at them.

"This the Ponzi scheme guy?" Gavin asks.

"Maverick Russell, age forty-seven." Nines shoves a finger inside the vic's mouth with no shame or preamble. "Blood alcohol level point-oh-nine-seven. The entry wound in his head appears to be consistent with a nine millimeter Beretta."

He takes a small packet out of his Cyberlife jacket pocket and somehow has the coordination to open it one-handed. Gavin wrinkles his nose at the antiseptic smell as Nines sanitizes both hands with the wipe, even though he only touched the vic with one finger. Then he lifts that same finger to the victim's head.

"Hey!" Gavin barks. "What have I told you about that shit?"

Nines stares back at him with that unblinking, lizard-eye look. He touches his finger to the entry wound but doesn't push it in. Just brushes it back and forth, which is somehow way freakier.

"The entry wound in his head is consistent with a nine millimeter Beretta," Nines says.

"Great."

Gavin walks a perimeter around the designated living room space. At first it's just to keep himself awake, but by the second circle, he's got one of those gut feelings. Something about this scene is off. Fuck if he can tell what though, 'cause the victim was drunk, watching his own demise on the news, and has a bullet in his head from the gun in his hand.

"You feel that?" He asks.

Nines cocks his head to the side. "The circulating air temperature is seventy--"

"No." Gavin huffs and starts on another circle. "Do you like … you feel what I’m feeling?"

"Your question is incomprehensible."

Gavin sighs and grinds the heels of his palms against his eyes. He bites back a comment about this being why androids can't make good cops. Fuck knows why he's bothering to be nice now. He just wants to get this shit done and go home.

When he opens his eyes, everything swirls with black spots in front of him. What's bugging him about this? The guy is dead, the gun is in his hand, the news says—

Gavin blinks the spots away and stands in front of the vic. Fake tan, but high enough quality that it'd look real if he didn't live in fucking Detroit. Decently fit, and the open kitchen on the other side of the room has one of those blenders that cost more than his car. The loft's decorated in masculine colors, all brown and navy and black leather.

"Go check out the kitchen," Gavin tells Nines. "Tell me what's in the fridge."

Nines does as he's told, but only after considering it. Gavin takes back the lizard comparisons. He's like a cat. One of those big jungle cats that's smart enough to eat the humans hunting them.

"Dannon Oikos triple blended greek nonfat yogurt, coffee, four pack, five-point-three ounce cups," Nines says. "Dannon Oikos trippled blended greek nonfat yogurt, peanut butter banana, four—"

Gavin rolls his eyes. "Just say yogurt. What else does he got?"

"Yogurt. Eggs. Milk. Sparkling water. Chicken breast. Mayonnaise. Sliced ham. Apples. Protein shakes." Nines opens the freezer. "Chicken breast. Chicken breast. Chicken breast. Chi—"

Gavin starts giggling. He can't help it. Nines turns around and glares at him, deliberately flashing his LED red for a second.

"OK, fuck off, it's late," he says. "I'm like, super tired. Just analyze that shit or whatever and tell me if his food matches any of the latest high protein fad diets."

"Yes," Nines replies so instantly Gavin wonders if he actually even looked it up at all. "The victim's food intake matches the Eight Step Enligh—"

Gavin waves him off. "Yeah, yeah. Cool. Does the bar have gin, vodka, and vermouth?"

Maverick Russell, definitely confirmed for one of those ultra-rich masculine gym types. Not like, an actual gym rat, just that generic rich person level of fitness achieved through liposuction, personal fitness trainers, and the latest fad diet.

"Yes, along with seven other distinct liqueurs." Nines finishes checking the bar and returns to the living room. "How is this information relevant, detective?"

"This drink and that gun don't match," Gavin says when Nines returns.

Nines cocks his head again. "Match."

"Yeah. I don't see any Bond memorabilia in here." Gavin takes another quick glance around, but the entertainment center doesn't display any vintage DVDs, and rich film buffs are not subtle about displaying their collections. "He ever purchased anything like that?"

Nines's LED spins yellow for about half a second this time before he replies. "No. There are no significant purchases of memorabilia relating to the James Bond books or movies present in Maverick Russell's finances."

"OK, then why the fuck does he have a Beretta?" Gavin asks.

Nines looks at the victim, and then back at him. "That is what he shot himself with."

"Yeah, but why," he stresses. "Would this guy—this self-obsessed, rich guy masc, desperate-to-be-cool motherfucker—have a Beretta?"

"It is the tool he used to complete suicide." Nines frowns. "Is there a reason he would not have a Beretta?"

"Because it's a ladies' handgun," Gavin says. "This guy's got three different TV remotes, a flat screen covering an entire wall, jesus, how old is that scotch?"

Nines sticks his finger in it, because of course he does. "One hundred and twenty-three years old, consistent with—"

"Shit, I would've thought this guy was trying too hard when I was twenty and desperate to be cis," Gavin mutters. "Look, I fucking promise you, this particular man literally wouldn't be caught dead with a Beretta—unless he's a James Bond fan. Even then … hey, Brayden!"

"His input is unnecessary, detective." Nines cleans his hands with another sanitary wipe. "If you would be more clear—"

His jaw shuts with a click as Brayden jogs over.

"Hey, you like the Bond movies?" Gavin asks.

Brayden heaves a tortured sigh. "I really prefer foreign movies, but for an American—"

"All right, sure. Would you ever kick it with a Beretta?"

Brayden bites the inside of his cheek, opens his mouth, then closes it with a frown as he thinks about it.

"What if you were like, a super fan?"

"Why?" Brayden glances around the loft with an interested look. "This guy have some collector's memorabilia?"

Gavin shakes his head. "Nah. But why else he's got a fucking Beretta?"

"Well that's not the drink for it," Brayden says immediately, then scoffs. "A scotch?"

"Yeah, and he had the shit to make a martini too."

"Weird. You thinking …" Brayden trails off, then winces. "Ah, shit. We uh, we got a guy a floor down. Said he heard the shot that, you know. But he said it was two bangs. And you know how shit witnesses are about getting anything right, and the TV was on and—"

"That's shit I need to know," Gavin snaps. "Doesn't matter how stupid you think it is, you're the first officer on the scene, you report every-fucking-thing to the responding detective."

"Yeah." Brayden clears his throat. "My bad."

Gavin lets it slide only because now he has something to go on. "Whatever. Check me on the precon for this, RK."

"Preconstruction running, detective."

"So we got two shots." Gavin backs up so he's approaching the living room from twenty feet away. "So we should have two guns. The perp, coming in here, gets shot 'cause the vic's only got the one entry wound, but—"

Nines touches the victim's hand, and then his cellphone buzzes.

The distribution of gunshot residue on Maverick Russell's right hand is not consistent with a Beretta. The gun he fired has a longer muzzle and larger caliber. My preliminary preconstruction matches it to a .500 S&W Magnum. The victim has four registered in his name.

Gavin closes his eyes and rubs the bridge of his nose. Would it fucking kill him to send that in five separate texts like a normal person? Now he's going to look dumb as fuck staring at the screen for five minutes trying to read one paragraph.

OK, he’s got the fifty caliber Magnum, that's easy to read. Longer muzzle, larger caliber, right.

"So the vic has a fifty caliber Magnum instead of a dinky Beretta, makes a lot more sense."

Nines doesn't correct him, so that must have been the gist of the message.

"The perp gets shot—"

"Where's the blood though?" Brayden asks.

Gavin glares at him. "Can you let me fucking work?"

Shit, he's doing it again and this is why no one wants to work with him because they fuck up--everyone fucks up, he knows this, he fucking knows this--and then he just can't let it go but why the hell does Brayden think he's allowed to speak right now when—

He's not in trouble. He's not in trouble, it's just the loft, being in another rich empty room again. None of them are children and he's not in trouble.

His cellphone buzzes.

The floor has been scrubbed clean throughout the loft. I did not realize that was relevant information. I will give you full reports of my analysis moving forward.

That's not too bad to read, and concentrating on making the letters stay still actually helps him cool off a bit for once. Gives him something to look at other than Brayden's pretty, hurt face or the perfect fucking interior design that still feels like when he was thirteen and—

Gavin shoves those memories aside and starts typing out a reply.

just text me that shit

I'll prolly yell if u try telling me about the floors at every crime scene

"Am I dismissed then?" Brayden asks.

Gavin looks up from his phone and can't force out any sort of apology. He never can. And anyway, fuck him. If Brayden wants to get pissy about getting snapped at twice after a legitimate fuck up and interrupting a senior detective mid-sentence, then sure. He can fuck right off.

"Go get the maid," Gavin tells him.

"The … android?" Brayden asks.

"No, the roomba. Yes, the fucking android maid. Someone scrubbed the floors clean."

And the side table.

Gavin doesn't bother with texting back this time. "That where the blood splatter would have hit?"

"Yes, detective," Nines answers out loud.

Gavin turns back to Brayden. "So there's your answer. Get the maid, 'cause I doubt the perp stuck around himself to clean the entire two-thousand square foot floor."

Brayden hesitates.

"She's still here," Gavin asks. "Right, Officer Burton?"

Brayden gives a curt nod, but he breaks into a run as he leaves.

AP700 #480 913 876 is located in the foyer of the building, along with Officers Miller and Abrahamson. I have sent alerts to their cellphones that the AP model is needed for questioning.

Gavin starts to ask how Nines knows that but … isn't this what he was literally designed to do?

"She's not a suspect yet," he says instead. "So cool it, Terminator. And don't hack peoples' phones. That's what the officers have walkie talkies for."

Nines makes a face like Gavin just suggested they all start using smoke signals. He's not exactly the type to go all buddy-buddy on witnesses himself, but they're definitely not going to get anywhere with Nines scaring the thirium out of their one lead.

Gavin takes a moment to wallow in how much he hates this before he calls Hank. At least if he has to be up before dawn, so will that motherfucker.

"We do not need assistance from Lieutenant Anderson," Nines says, his expression souring even further. "Or my predecessor. I recognize that I did not meet the necessary level of efficiency when I neglected to—"

"Hey, this isn't a punishment," Gavin says, tilting the phone down away from his mouth. "I fucking hate Connor too, and when we have an android suspect, I get that's your thing. But right now we have an android witness, and that's his."

"Ahh, fuck," Hank's voice comes out of the phone. "Sun's not even fucking—goddammit, Reed."

"We will be at your location in twenty minutes, Detective Reed," Connor's voice says next.

Gavin stares out into space as what's left of his soul collapses in on itself at the confirmation that those two really are fucking. Not even just fucking, they're sleeping together. In bed, for literal sleep.

"Nines, tell them they're disgusting," Gavin orders. "You can put way more hate into it than me."

"Disgusting," Nines says with a sneer that would put Gavin's mother to shame.

Gavin hangs up before Hank can reply. "I know you lack the capacity and all that shit, but if it makes you not-feel any better, I bet you five bucks the perp's android."

"Based off of what evidence?" Nines asks.

"Took a bullet and kept going." Gavin steps back into place where the perp probably walked in. "He's got the Beretta, but it's just a gun to him. He grabs the vic's gun, maybe disarms him, maybe doesn't even have to after the first shot."

"The blood vessels on the victim's wrist have not been damaged." Nines starts cleaning his hands again even though he hasn't even touched anything this time. "Why would the human stop shooting?"

"TV's on, he's drinking, has a gun out already." Gavin shrugs. "Might have been a suicide interrupted by a murder. Might've fired the first shot just being scared, y'know, gut instinct."

Nines just looks at him.

"Or you don't know, whatever." Gavin rolls his eyes. "But once he realizes what's happening—maybe he couldn't pull the trigger himself, but now here's someone gonna do it for him. Maybe he just sits back down. That still work with your preconstruction?"

"Yes," Nines says. "Along with two thousand, one hundred and fifty-eight other scenarios."

"Whatever. And just like, for the record, don't ask Hank about how this suicidal shit works," Gavin tells him. "Hank might not care, but those are fighting words with Connor."

Nines doesn't move a single centimeter as he stares silently at him.

"And don't fucking fight with Connor, we don't have time for it. Anyway, if anyone gets to pick a fight at a murder scene, it's me. So." Gavin walks up to the chair with his hand pointed like a gun. "The perp gets him back down, shoots him in the side of the head, then switches the guns so the ballistics will match."

"He could have taken the victim's gun." Nines's LED spins a few yellow cycles. "It is registered in his name. The suicide would have looked more authentic."

"And that's why I'm thinking our guy's an android," Gavin replies. "Someone who hasn't ever seen a movie before in his whole life. Thinks a gun is a gun is a gun. I mean, you didn't know why the Beretta was weird, and if you made A Plan to kill a guy with this gun, would you switch it up in the middle?"

Nines's LED immediately hits blue, but it's that fake-blue that means he's really covering up a red. Gavin almost kind of … has a feeling about it?

But then the elevator doors open with Brayden and the android maid inside. Gavin's got a burned bridge, a possible eye witness, and an a murder to deal with. Worrying about his partner's not-feelings will have to wait.

***

1 / 2 / 3 / 4 / 5 / 6 / 7 / 8 / 9 / 10 / 11 / 12 / 13 / 14 / 15 / 16 / 17 / 18 / 19 / 20 / 21 / 22 / 23 / 24 / 25 / 26 / 27 / 28 / 29 / 30 / 31 / 32 / 33

This fic is also available on my Patreon! $1 tier gets you each chapter a week early, so you could be reading chapter two right now~

$2 tier gets you deleted scenes and bonus content--this week, it’s extra scenes about how Nines was found at Cyberlife and how he gets his first apartment

$3 tier gets you access to the first chapters of two new AUs I’m currently writing--an A/B/O universe in which Gavin is a bitter omega and Nines is his android partner determined to help him during his heat; and a Reverse AU where GV200 “Gavin” is assigned as Detective Richard Stern’s sobriety companion

#reed900 #gavin reed #dbh #reed900 fic #dbh fic #ch 1 #uglytrashgoblin

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delicateheartstranger · 4 years

Text

March 16, 2020

Dear world,

This has been started actually on the 15th, but since it will take awhile to write out everything I will mark it the 16th.

So here begins my crappy 2000s movie start of a blog. Unlike the movies where at some point my blog will blow up and my life will take either a turn for the worse or better I have nothing to fear because that was barely realistic even back then. Since I wanna make sure though just in case any chance someone who knows me finds this I will not state my name. I’ll tell ya’ll this, I’m 19 years old and will be 20 in October, I like fandom shit, I’m trans, I’m pan, I wish I could go back and kill baby Hitler so I would never be born and no ww2, I’m in love with one my best friends, I have feelings for a guy I met online that lives in Norway while I’m stuck in the U.S., I suffer from ptsd/depression/anxiety/a fuck ton of just not being mentally stable, live at home with my parents right now, have no job, most of my close friends are toxic, and I have no privacy.

I was at college for a few month, but then a bunch of things happened and I had to drop out. When I came back home my parents I feel resented me a bit for not being stable enough to stay at that college (they loved it and want to send me back) so now my home life became a lot worse. I’m in a php program currently so even if it weren’t for the fact that my parents would rather roll over dead than have me work (earn money to get the fuck out) I can’t get one since most conflict with time. I’m 19 and only ever held one real job because my parents claim the house needs to be clean before I can work. I’m not the only one who lives here, but okay. Also I would make less messes if I wasn’t home. Top it off it’s like “we don’t want you working for other people before you do the work you owe us at home.” They have this whole family first idea, but the thing is I don’t feel a part of the family. They decided I had no say when I was younger when moving far from home, I wasn’t a part of it enough to get attention while my brother was sick, I wasn’t a part of it enough for them not to judge me to the point where I quit lots of things I loved just so they’d stop hurting me, I wasn’t enough a part of it that they would do things for me that would be what “family” does.

So yes I will put myself aka my mental health first because you guys never will. Because of the Corona outbreak my area has been quarantined. It means 2 weeks no school (wasn’t enrolls), no physical php, less people in public, and that good old shit. Thing is now my parents are trying to force my brother who’s off in college to come back home AND not let me see my friends physically while locking me up in our home. The most I can do if I wanna leave is go for a walk for like 30 minutes near our house. I hate walking as it just riles me up ever more and brings back bad memories of my parents forcing me to. They tried super hard when I was younger to walk the fat off me. Worked like a charm, said no one. If anything the many years of fat shaming made me gain weight as they didn’t get me a therapist, didn’t think I was depressed, didn’t let me take meds, and all I had was eating to comfort me. So yeah I’m basically trapped in my own house. I think I may fuck up. I’ve been around a month or two clean of self harm, but I know that will change in these coming weeks if I am forced to stay here alone with my folks and brother.

I usually have passive SI and SH thoughts, but within this weekend I’ve had so many that I was close to acting on them. They’ve gotten to the level of overwhelming that it’s like I’m back in 11th grade again. Which by the way, found out one my few friends from that time tried to MURDER my other friend (who is a bit newer, but still) is living in a house for people with murderous tendencies. So that’s just peachy. Oh another friend from high school has a brain tumor which probably will kill him and it makes me super sad even though we haven’t talked in years. I am currently upset about my life choices of who I made friends with.

My three best friends would be LM, DW, and LL.

LL is a friend I made in my third high school. He’s kinda going through lots of shit right now. He used to realize that he couldn’t drink and that he could only smoke in small amounts. Now he’s back on his bs. He’s also having unsafe sex with strangers he met on tinder. Now it’s find to fuck around. Go live your best life. But if you are having unsafe sex that’s a problem. He is constantly having pregnancy scares (he’s trans). All of this while on the fact that when he’s not too fucked up he’s like kinda self center. I told him like the other night when he was doing better that I was feeling really down given some shit I got for being fat, but I was fine talking. This man goes ahead and spends the whole time talking about all these stories about himself and doesn’t let me speak for like the whole time. And he was like on this thing about how I need to do something, but he never got there. Don’t tell me how to self improve when you’re in a worse state than me.

Then there is DW. I’ve been in love with him since middle school. We met at this outside of school after school activity. I fell hard. When I first confessed to him he didn’t really speak to me and avoided me for about a year. Then we became friends again due to weird grouping things at that after school activity. Irony was I was trying to get into the group he wasn’t in so I would lose my feelings. Then after we got close again I confessed my feelings, again. Some how that made us best friends? I mean I’m glad he didn’t cut me off again don’t get me wrong, but it just wasn’t what I was expecting. Now here’s some hard shit. About almost a year ago over the summer (2019) we were talking about my weird love life. You see I still tried to date outside of him. Can’t keep going after something that won’t happen. Then I asked about his love life as it’d been like months since I brought it up directly with him. Turns out he’d been dating a girl for almost a YEAR. He just “forgot” to tell me. I understand he could’ve been worried about my feelings, but I’m more hurt that he hid something that big away from me and lied about it too. We’re supposed to be best friends. Course I don’t wanna hear about how he fucks her or whatever. I just wanna be there for him. And so now I’m getting a taste of my own medicine. He is talking about her. How they go on dates, how they had a dear valentines day date, how he cares about her, how she even was in the same php program as me. I wanna fucking strangle her. She used to be my friend, but we grew apart. Then of course I find out that she’s dating the love of my life. Cool. Worst is when me and him are texting and she has the NERVE to try and talk to me. I don’t ever wanna speak to her again. I will if it makes DW happy, but for my sanity and her life I will avoid that. She’s a fine person, props forgot about me and my feelings for him, and doesn’t deserve the utter rage I hold for her. That don’t change it though. All of this on top the fact we’ve been distantly lately. I noticed about like 5 months ago how I was always the one texting DW and that started our convos. How I was the one putting in effort. So I started to text less. He only about 5 times started the conversations. It was over memes and reply to my general instagram stories. I’ve given up and realized if I want him in my life have to do the texting. I won’t let him go anymore. I’ve tried in the past, it don’t help anything. No matter what I try I need him and even if it’s bad for me it’s no worse than not having him.

Now we are on my closest and most toxic best friend. LM. LM I also met in my third high school. She was kind and charismatic. Thing is she is unstable, manipulative, controlling, hurtful, and just really toxic to me. She’s the alpha of the friend group I’m in with her. She can hurt me so much. I’ve tried taking breaks from her in the past, but when that happens she gets angry. She tried in these times to ruin my reputation. She has so much dirt on me. Top it off she lies like crazy and people just like, believe her? The only ones who have been able to see through her shit would be: Me, LL, and MA. That’s it. Not even her own sister can, least she doesn’t show it. It’s shit like, let’s say I was embarrassed by something and felt bad. LM would say I sobbed over it and yeah. Or she also just full on lies about me doing or saying something. It’s too the point where she’s said things about me that could get me in legal trouble if she told some authority figure and they believed her. Like she claims one time that I was about to drug one my crushes if she wasn’t there to stop me and that I masturbated with his jacket when he left the room in his closet. Yes I’m not proud of it, but when I was in a bad head space I thought about the idea/fantasy of having him take horny pills that SHE showed me and offered me. I did also once smell up my crush’s jacket in the closet. Not proud of it at all. I wasn’t stable and wasn’t thinking in my right mind. Doesn’t make what I did okay, but I did not do anything that would be as fucked as she claimed. Sometimes with that old crush she’ll bring it up saying straight up lies like I went to his house. Never did. Did find my crush on white pages (again not okay, but I wasn’t healthy), but never went anywhere near him outside of our setting. So yeah if I cut her off or just take a break she could realllly ruin my life given everyone believes ever word she says. All of that and I’m still a bit bitter over her manipulating a situation where me, her, and a few friends had a crush on the same guy. She lied saying she didn’t have feelings for him. She told us to confess and when we were like ‘idk not to ready for that’ she went ahead and did it for us. He didn’t like us back which is valid. But then she got really handsy and did things that basically helped him fall for her. Now I don’t have feelings for him anymore. If I do imma just push em away given he wouldn’t be good for me. But they constantly do things now as a couple that feel like an invasion on my being. THEY HAD SEX WITH THE DOOR SLIGHTLY OPEN IN THE ROOM NEXT TO ME ONLY TO LIE STRAIGHT TO MY FACE. So they couldn’t see I’d woken up. I was facing the door and they were full on sex. Like I heard the moans. I heard it all. I knew they were fucking. So when they finished and went to wake me up I pretended to be asleep. Then later that day I brought it up to my friend CS (her boyfriend/ex crush) I thought they were having sex cause I could heard them in my dream, he lied to my face saying I was crazy. Straight up gas lighting tactics LM would use. This isn’t the first time they tried that. Even when I was with someone and we both were like yeah we heard ya’ll having sex they denied it and said we were crazy. Like please just don’t fuck when there are others around or at least have the decency to do it where we can’t hear/wake up from it.

All of this said about each one I love them all dearly. And it’s hard the idea of losing them. It’s just so shitty dealing with all their shit on top of my own.

Now the worse thing happening right now that I can’t even talk to a friend about it that I got my new name outed. So my parents are transphobic, but diet transphobic. Like they “support” trans rights yet do really transphobic things.I came out to them a few months ago and not a SINGLE time have they used the right pronouns. Then when bringing up trans things they have shot me down claiming xyz. I just wanna be me, but the same time I don’t want to set myself up for disappointment. At my php program I go by my chosen name. I told all the staff my situation at home yet the nurse managed to fuck up when emailing and wrote in an email that was attached to my parents my chosen name. So great my parents probably know something is up. I’m gonna fucking cry if they hurt me more. They already invalidate me on so many things I can’t stand the idea of them doing so on something so close and core to my identity. They do it with everything else and most things core to who I am. I had one safe space and the nurse had to fuck it up for me. I just can’t fucking deal with all this.

Top it off the one good person in my life, ESK hasn’t spoken to me in about 3 days now. ESK is someone I met online who lives in Europe. He’s genuinely the only good thing in my life. The only non toxic source of happiness. He brings me so much joy. I’m pretty sure he also has feelings for me or had them at one point. He’s 2 years younger than me and is turning 18 soon. I wanna get him a gift, but not only would that be weird, but he also hates celebrating his birthday. So I’ll just wish him a happy birthday when it comes around. Regardless I might not even be able to since he hasn’t responded in awhile. He has some serious health problems so I am worried he could be really sick. That or he’s angry at me/hates me/doesn’t wanna talk anymore. It could be just my anxiety, but the same time it could be true. I hate that I can’t tell. I can’t even talk to any of my bffs about it since they’ll all be super judgmental. Maybe DW, but even then it’d be hard. I just wanna make sure ESK is okay. He means the world to me. I don’t want to lose him. This is all happening after we both showed full face selfies of ourselves in our last convos. I hope he doesn’t think I’m ugly. It’d break my heart into toooooo many pieces if my looks scared him away or made him lose his romantic feelings for me. It’s not like we could date rn as not only are we an ocean away, but I’m far to emotionally unstable to. But hey that won’t matter if he drops off the face of the earth.

Lastly before I go I wanna talk about this girl in my php program who is legit making me crazy. We will call her LLL. She looks and acts just like my first crush, but if she’d grown up. The only difference is her eye color, age, and where she’s from. She isn’t her, but boy that doesn’t stop my lizard brain. I feel like a piece of trash whenever my eyes wander over her more revealing parts. It’s bad to objectify women and bad that I’m placing this role on her. Plus I’m like 90% sure she’s straight and like 60% she has a thing for a guy in our php group (who is much hotter than me). It’s just so hard since I lost my crush via my abusive grandma. It was her fault I didn’t wake up in time (I was 9) which meant I never got her number. I remember my heart sinking seeing her wave good bye to me from her car window as she drove off. I never really got over her as I just repressed any sense of being not cis het. I only really realized what I had for her was more than “wanting to be bffs” like a year or two ago. Still haven’t had the proper therapy to undo all my baggage. I really hope she hasn’t realized that my eyes linger on her just a little too long or that my feet are always pointing towards her. I want it to be a safe space for her.

SO yeah. That’s like 2% of my life rn plus 1% back story. You guys can tell I say like, so, and ya’ll a tad too much. I don’t know what to do and I have to wake up at 7. If anyone sees this I hope you can give me advice before it’s too late.

Yours cordially,

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juliivn-blog · 6 years

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[ bill skarsgård, cismale, he/him, 29 ] BRAIN STEW by GREEN DAY? whenever i hear that song, it reminds me of JULIAN NILSSON. maybe because they’re SELF-RELIANT but also CAVALIER. they’ve been living at mulberry apartments since SEPTEMBER of 2018 in APARTMENT 203 and have 1 ROOMMATE. [ lainie, she/her, 21+, cst ]

hello bitches it me ( lainie ) back at it again !! this time bringing u the anti adrian and pls be wary bc there are a lot of sensitive topics down below ( tws for major drug use, drug addiction, death, grief, shitty parenting, neglect, abandonment?? kind of idk better safe than sorry ) also u can find a tl;dr at the bottom since it’s literally SO LONG

BACKGROUND

so bear with me bc his background info is kind of Long!! his mom and dad are from just outside of st louis, missouri. his mom came from a pretty wealthy family and she was just like tryna be ~rebellious in her young adult years by dating julian’s dad (who came from a super trashy family and had a Bad Boy Rep). when she was 19 and he was 22 she got pregnant ( with julian ) and her fam was like get rid of that baby or ur gone !! but they were “““madly in love””” and she was on her rebellious shit so they literally eloped to the city ( st louis ) and got an apartment together and had julian but never actually got married bc they were too cool ( read: irresponsible ) for that. ofc this ended up being rly miserable bc she was used to living the rich life and now her family had disowned her, and suddenly she was starting to realize this dude she had a kid with was kind of a deadbeat party boy with no interest in having a family, not to mention she started realizing like?? i don’t actually want a kid this is a lot of work?? so like julian’s childhood years were a lot of him having to learn to take care of himself and not having anyone to depend on most of the time. and that’s not to say they didn’t both care abt him on some level bc there were definitely times they paid attention to him and gave him a birthday party or two but for the most part he was on his own

his secret favorite memory is flying a kite with his dad when he was 4 but u would be more likely to win the lottery than get him talking abt that

fast forward 5 years and finally julian’s dad, now in his late 20s and getting antsy, peaces the fuck out to los angeles to live his best party boy life. baby julian is very upset bc even tho his dad doesnt pay a lot of attention to him he like idolizes him. julian’s mom is saltier than EVER about having to take care of a kid but she doesn’t wanna go to LA ( especially for this asshole she doesn’t even like anymore ) and her parents won’t have anything to do with her or her illegitimate child so the NEXT 5 years are a lot of moving around from shitty apartment to shitty apartment and job to job by themselves. his dad would now and then send weird postcards and letters and pictures and stuff from cali so he had like a vague idea of the fact that his dad was living his own life somewhere that looked super wild, and when he was 11 years old he sent a letter back asking if he could come live with him. his dad contacts his mom, there’s a bunch of fighting, but in the end julian did indeed get to go live with his dad in los angeles, mostly bc his mom just didn’t give a fuck anymore and was lowkey like…u know what fine take him i can have my life back

obviously his dad does not know how to be a dad !!! he kind of thought of julian as his little like…..sidekick like he just thought having this 11 year old kid around was hilarious. so julian went to LA and was living with his dad and his dad’s friends in a relatively nice apartment but like it’s always filled with people doing drugs and having sex and it’s just. not child friendly at all. so that’s how julian was introduced to weed at the ripe young age of 11!!! from there on out he was like a big time weed and cigarette smoker, was very early having sex and trying other drugs, and by the time he graduated high school he was already hardcore doing coke

so julian like kind of wanted to go to college bc some part of him did crave normalcy, but he was way too far up his own ass to get his shit together for that !! plus like….he didn’t rly have good role models. so his first year after high school instead of getting on a good path for his future he decided living his best life would include moving into an apartment with his cokehead best friend. it was around that time that julian met his first boyfriend. he was already totally aware he was bi, had slept with boys in high school, but this was the first time he rly fell in love with a guy. he was like……….head! over! heels! for this boy. julian met him at a club and he was like sort of soft and relatively innocent until they started dating and julian got him smoking weed and then snorting coke

this next part is very triggering so please read with caution !! when he was 23, julian tried heroin for the first time. for about 6 months it gradually got really bad, his life started spiraling, and his bf was like….becoming unable to deal with it, especially bc while julian was getting worse his bf was kind of trying to move in the opposite direction and get off the coke and get his life back together. there was a lot of fighting, but his bf kept not actually making the move to end things bc he loved julian and was just like hoping something would turn around. one night, however, in a moment of weakness, he let julian talk him into trying heroin with him. it was kind of an “i promise i’ll get clean if u try it with me this one time” thing. being in and out of consciousness and not really aware of what was going on, he didn’t notice that his bf was overdosing and he ended up dying simply bc the heroin was too much for his body and he stopped breathing. julian didn’t notice until the morning when he woke up, and obviously that was by far the most traumatic thing that’s ever happened to him and left some deep ass emotional scars

so following this, he actually did check himself into rehab. he was there for 3 months, got completely clean, but he only managed to stay that way for two weeks before he was first snorting heroin again and then back to shooting up and selling drugs

it was about 2 yrs later when he was 26 that he met his next bf while he was doing a deal at some seedy bar outside of town. they quickly fell into a completely unanticipated relationship–notably, julian’s first since his boyfriend’s death. in spite of that trauma and feeling guilty even as he did it, he started introducing this boyfriend to drugs. in his mind, it was kind of a thing where he fell in love really fast and really hard out of nowhere and he saw this sad little thing with no place to go and drugs are the only thing he’s ever known himself, so it was very natural to be like “here try this it helps” and also naively convincing himself he’d never let what happened before happen again

so 3 years later they’re living together and completely broke, living mostly off the money julian makes selling drugs and whatever else they can scrape up, when his bf decides he wants to do a road trip across the country. julian’s very impulsive, doesn’t really give a shit about anything in LA anyway, and to top it off has a hard time saying no to him. SO a road trip it is !! they make it all the way across the country before finally using up the last of their money and realizing they don’t have enough to get back

they stopped in north carolina for a while while julian saved up enough cash for them to at least get somewhere they liked better, which is how they wound up in baltimore !!

here their jeep completely broke down and julian sold it so that the money from that plus the money he made selling drugs they could put toward a deposit on an apartment

it’s in their heads to get back to la eventually, but baltimore is kind of their ~scene so julian’s in no hurry. he’s selling drugs again but they use a lot of what he’s supposed to sell so......they’re not going anywhere any time soon anyway ytseugukhej

PERSONALITY

so now that his lengthy as fuck background is over with………julian is an extremely EXTREMELY dry sarcastic person. the guilt over his bf has made him a hell of a lot worse, like his sense of humor is so so much darker than it was before that happened, but he’s honestly just a rly sarcastic person to begin with. he has some softness inside especially for people he rly cares abt, but you will not catch julian being sentimental or taking literally anything seriously unless you’ve managed to seriously worm your way into his heart

he’s not like a GRUMP tho at all he just….doesn’t take things seriously. he’s literally the embodiment of every bart simpson meme

“whatever my dude” is his aesthetic

he’s very careful about his drug dealing, he won’t go around talking about it or anything, he does it all under the radar as much as he can and especially having done it for so long now and having experienced a lot of traumatic crap, he’s pretty good at what he does and he won’t fuck with people he doesn’t trust

even when it’s warm it’s not totally unlikely to see him in long sleeves bc he has really bad track marks all over his arms from shooting up so much, especially in the early days when he was really bad at it

he absolutely will not talk about his past and if anything even close to it comes up in conversation he will skate right over that so qUICK ur head will spin

i think that’s IT FOR NOW if u made it this far i commend ur effort and attention span. im gna list some plots n stuff below ( beyond the song connections ) and hit me uP for some angst bc ya girl is here for the drama as usual

CONNECTION IDEAS

u can find song connections HERE

any and all drug related things !! people who buy from him ( especially weed, he’s a lot more lenient about to whom he sells weed as opposed to other stuff ), people he introduces to drugs, friends he actually does drugs with

he’s very dry and enigmatic but he’s also quite social so seriously give me friends for him. he’s high a LOT but not always and he likes being out doing stuff

definitely somebody or somebodies who don’t trust him and his drug addict bart simpson vibe please please give me people who don’t like him

along that same vein it takes a lot to get julian worked up and in fight mode bc he prefers to just let things roll off his shoulders but it would def be fun to have someone who gets him to that point

also somebody who?? maybe thinks they can “fix” him and genuinely does their best to try and persuade him to change his life and that it’s not too late to turn everything around ( this is basically the song connection medicine by daughter )

if ur muse is randomly from st louis missouri????? hit me up with a past connection from way back in julian’s childhood

also someone he went to high school with in LA if they’re from LA. this person would probably not be surprised at the way julian turned out ystefygdjhs

AND TL;DR BECAUSE THIS IS SO LONG

a drug addict and dealer who learned to take care of himself from an early age because of neglectful parents. got a boyfriend addicted to drugs and lost him to an overdose when he was in his early twenties, went to rehab, relapsed, met another bf years later with whom he decided to road trip across the country and got stuck in baltimore. dry, sarcastic, kind of a douche, epitome of every bart simpson meme, walking tragedy.

#soundintro #wow @ how much i ramble

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yuto-daaa · 6 years

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soft bias tag

i was tagged by @ferndeanmanor (tysm!!) and honestly i spent the entire time screaming bc this was so cute bye

(1) Who’s your bias?

we all know i’m an unloyal lil shit so i’m picking my current bias which is wooseok

(2) What made you notice him?

um..... well..... honestly my whole wooseok moment was set off by seeing long hair wooseok pics. like i always liked him but i was always distracted by the others for one reason or another until long hair wooseok weakened me. that and his height and his hands the whole image was just a lot for me

(3) What’s your favorite thing about him?

.......... there’s no one favorite thing bc everything kinda combines together to make up wooseok ya know what i mean?? like without any part of it he wouldn’t be the same??? i guess if i had to pick it would just be that he’s such a cute lil dORK he just is such an iDIOT its so endearing i loVE HIM

(4) Who would initiate skinship more?

lmao wooseok but just because i’m really shy and a lil uncomfortable with that kinda stuff so at least for a while it would be him

(5) Who would hog the blankets more?

i think we would probably be pretty evenly matched bc he has the size advantage but i’m always cold so we would probably cancel each other out

(6) Who would be more clingy?

i’m not the clingy type so i guess wooseok?

(7) Who would say ‘I love you’ first?

lmAO not me i’m so shy and wouldn’t wanna risk like............. making it awkward but if he said it i would definitely cry

(8) Who would be more easily flustered?

me i’m literally flustered rn it takes little to no effort

(9) What cuddling position would you two have?

just a mess. like however we end up

(10) Which colours remind you of them?

i mean honestly black and white bc that’s what he wears most often but for some reason i also see him with dark reds???

(11) Which season would you like to spend with them?

ooh like fall/winter so i could steal his hoodies bc i’m always cold and have them look like dresses and it’s like hand holding and lazy days inside watching movies season okay too soft bye

(12) Which would bake cookies and who would steal the batter?

i’m not really good at baking but i don’t eat the batter bc i’m a hypochondriac so he would be the one stealing it if i made it

(13) Which one of you would make bad puns and how would the other react?

i think wooseok would make puns and i would hit him for it but then laugh and return with my own

(14) Who would want to adopt 50 dogs and cats?

omG we would have so many bc i try to be practical but i love animals and i’m weak so it would end up something like wooseok: “let’s adopt him” me: “no we can’t” wooseok: “please??” me: “........ okay fine let’s go”

(15) Which one of you would nearly burn down the kitchen trying to microwave a pop tart and who would come to the rescue?

lmao i’m an awful cook and i don’t think wooseok would be too great either so honestly i see us both fucking around in the kitchen at 3am in one of those delirious moods laughing at everything and almost killing ourselves bc we are dumb and forgot that you can’t put foil in the microwave or some shit like that which only makes us laugh more okay i’m getting too soft again shit

(16) Who likes to lean over trail railings and who pulls them back?

lmao i’m not afraid of heights so i’m not bothered by leaning over them and i just see wooseok in my head getting stressed like “stop ur so small you’re gonna tip right over” bc he doesn’t understand how small people work he just thinks i’m gonna disappear so he would hold onto me even though i know its fine but also i would think the same for him his center of gravity is so high up he might actually fall over i need to protect hIM

(17) What would watching a horror film with them be like?

omfg i love horror movies bc i get startled v easily but not actually scared so i would try to use it as an excuse to get all cute but then this big idiot would probably end up being the one getting scared and we would both just be screaming and hiding

(18) Who would be the cheesy flirt and who would be the smooth flirt?

i think wooseok would be cheesy af and i would just blush and giggle and get flustered like an idiot which just encoURAGES HIM omG

(19) Who is more competitive?

honestly i’m not really competitive on my own so he would have to initiate it, but if other people have that energy i absorb it v easily so as soon as he starts trying to beat me at something i’m out for blood okay i do not LOSE (lmao if i’m being super honest when i get competitive i definitely cheat and argue and manipulate the other person and the rules so that i win so like if he ever tries to win anything against me good luck bitch never gonna happen)

(20) Who would have to be given constant reminders (reminders to eat, don’t forget ur keys, etc.)?

i’m literally the biggest mess on the planet i have to come back to my apartment before getting on the train like at least once a day bc i forgot something if he’s also forgetful like that we would be the biggest trainwreck in the world

(21) Who sends memes and who sends cute ‘i miss u’ texts at 3am?

he would def send memes and then we would start a meme war

i’m so emo yall can tag yourselves from me if u wanna do it my brain is melting from how soft i am i need to recover bye

#tag game

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