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youngyoo-apologist · 28 days

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Background information:

Choi Han’s mother: Shin Haneul

Choi Han’s father: Choi Sujin

Some scrapped scenes with the Choi family that I couldn’t include in the main fic(at least not yet)

She remembered the day a bundle of joy was placed into her arms very well. Despite Shin Haneul’s awful memory, she could never forget her little boy,

Choi Sujin sat outside the hospital room, shaking his leg out of nervousness.

“Hyung, don’t worry so much, Haneul-noona will be fine.”

Choi Sujin turned to look at his little brother, who had come straight to the hospital after studying to meet his nephew. Choi Jung-gun was way than himself, but he was much more composed at this moment than Choi Sujin was.

“I-I’m not nervous, Jung-gun!”

Choi Jung-gun looked at his brother with a blank, clearly unimpressed expression. It seemed like Choi Jung-gun had taken it upon himself to be more responsible than normal today.

Normally, it would be Jung-gun getting anxious, but looking at his older brother who was nervously waiting to hear the news about his wife and son made him feel like for one day he needed to be the calm one.

He reached into his pocket, and tapped his brother’s shoulder. “Hyung, do you want candy?”

“Yeah, thanks.” Choi Sujin took the candy from his brother, and opened the package. It was a coffee flavored candy, one that Jung-gun didn’t like, but he knew their mom did.

Today was Choi Jung-gun’s birthday, and it would also become this kid’s birthday as well. Choi Jung-gun didn’t mind sharing, especially if it was with his nephew.

He was an uncle at twelve years old, that wasn’t something that happened everyday! If anything, his nephew being born today felt a little bit like a gift for himself too, as much as it was a gift for his brother, Shin Haneul, and the baby.

The two brothers sat outside the hospital room. At Shin Haneul’s request, it would only be them, her parents, and their parents to see the baby when he was born. The hospital staff had said that it was ideal for the health of both the baby, and the mother as well.

“Sir, everything went alright.” The nurse stepped out of the hospital room, and Choi Sujin stood up fast enough that he would have stumbled if not for Jung-gun’s hand on his arm to catch him. “…I understand you wish to see your wife and child, but please be careful to not injure yourself.”

“Yeah, Hyung. You need to calm yourself down, don’t trouble Haneul-noona.” Choi Jung-gun let go of his brother, who nodded and sighed.

“Thank you, nurse. Is it alright if my brother and I go in to see my wife or do we have to wait longer?”

“No, now would be the perfect time to see her. We’ve already done everything needed for now.”

At the nurse’s words, Choi Sujin’s face lit up and he went inside the hospital room with Choi Jung-gun following behind him.

“Haneul-noona, are you okay?”

Shin Haneul’s smiled wide, and ruffled Choi Jung-gun’s hair. “Better than ever, lil’ bro!”

Currently, the baby who had yet to be named was being held in his father’s arms. The father in question would have been crying louder than a baby ever would if not for the fact that it would startle the child.

“Haneul… he’s so cute….he looks just like you!” Choi Sujin said, voice shaking with emotion.

Choi Jung-gun looked over his brother’s shoulders and frowned slightly. Now, he wasn’t going to be mean to a baby. This baby had just been born and he was his nephew, but new born babies were a little….ugly.

“He’s going to look even more like you when he grows up.” Choi Jung-gun smiled as he said this, instead of voicing his inner thoughts. It was clear that Shin Haneul already knew what he was thinking based on the amused expression on her face.

“It’s okay, Jung-gun, he just looks funny cause he's like one hour old.” Shin Haneul said, and Choi Jung-gun angled away his face so she could not see his embarrassed expression.

“Have you picked a name yet, Haneul?” Choi Sujin asked, handing the baby back to his wife, who nodded.

“Yeah, I was thinking of Han.”

“Han?” Choi Sujin looked at Choi Jung-gun who nodded in agreement,

“”It’s perfect.””

Shin Haneul smiled, and looked down at the baby in her arms, who from this day forward, would be named Choi Han.

“What do you think, Han? Do you like it?”

As if responding to her words, Choi Han began to cry and Haneul laughed. He had just been born and yet he was so lively.

That was good, because Shin Haneul wanted nothing more than for her son to live well.

“Han, can you say uncle?” Choi Jung-gun sat in front of Choi Han, who blatantly ignored him in favor of swinging his toy sword at the toy monsters in front of him. “Hannnn, please! I’ll buy you candy forever if you say uncle.”

Shin Haneul watched her brother in law try and coax the ten month old Choi Han into saying ‘uncle’ as his first word. Of course, she wouldn’t let that happen so easily.

“Han, it’s me, mom!” Shin Haneul picked Choi Han up, and placed her on her lap. “Mom.”

She pointed at herself.

“Mom’s brother in law.”

She pointed at Choi Jung-gun, who grumbled. “Not fair, noona!”

Shin Haneul stuck her tongue out at the boy, who did the same in return. At their childish actions, Choi Sujin could only sigh.

“C’mon you two, don’t argue in front of the baby.”

“He’s not even sentient yet!” Choi Jung-gun argued back, which made Choi Sujin poke his cheek.

“So what? What if you guys subconsciously influence him to be as ridiculous as you both are.”

“Wow, is that any way to speak to your dear, kind, beautiful, lovely, amazing, strong, incredibly intelligent, cunning, fantastic, wife?” Shin Haneul looked down at Choi Han, “Han, can you believe this! Yell at your father for me, he deserves it.”

Logically, there was no way Choi Han completely understood her, but he looked at his father with his big, round innocent baby eyes, and seemed to glare at him. Babbling baby like nonsense while waving his fist in Choi Sujin’s direction.

Choi Sujin put a hand to his heart, and pretended to fall to the floor like he had been struck by a sword. “My son, you’re so cruel!”

Choi Han, the mischievous little boy, laughed at him alongside his equally mischievous mother.

Shin Haneul pointed at Choi Sujin, “Han, you see this man? This man is mom’s husband.”

“Don’t sabotage us, Haneul! C’mon, Han. Can’t you call me dad? Please!” Choi Sujin crawled over so he was in front of Choi Han, but the baby looked at him with expressionless eyes.

“Bleh.” Choi Han stuck his tongue out, and both Shin Haneul and Choi Jung-gun began to cackle.

“Uncle.”

Choi Jung-gun paused, and looked away from his homework. For the time being, Shin Haneul and Choi Sujin had left Choi Han with him to take care of while they made a quick grocery run.

“Han, can you say that again, please?” Choi Jung-gun pointed at himself, “Who am I?”

Choi Han puffed his cheeks, and with a slightly frustrated tone he exclaimed, “Uncle! Un-cle. Uncle.”

He repeated the word over and over, like he was getting used to the ability of speech. The more Choi Han spoke, the wider Choi Jung-gun’s smile became.

Gently, he scooped Choi Han up and placed him in his lap. “Yeah! I’m your uncle.”

This was Choi Han’s first word. Choi Jung-gun had never actually thought samchon would be his first word. Sure, he did want it to be the case, but he’d be happy no matter what Choi Han’s first word was.

Although, Choi Jung-gun couldn’t help but think of his Shin Haneul, and his older brother who had really wanted mom or dad to be his first word.

“Hm… Han, you love your mom and dad a lot, right?”

Choi Han nodded slowly, and looked at Choi Jung-gun with curious eyes.

“Let’s keep this a secret from your mom and dad, kay’? Next time you see your mom, try and say ‘mom’ instead.”

Choi Jung-gun wasn’t sure if Choi Han would listen to him, but with how much attention he was paying to Choi Jung-gun’s words he figured it was worth a shot.

“Mo-m.” Choi Han sounded out, and Choi Jung-gun nodded.

“That’s it, Han! If you say that, your mom and dad will smile real wide.” Choi Jung-gun pat Choi Han’s head, and carried him in his arms as he walked downstairs. Shin Haneul and Choi Sujin should be home by now.

As expected, Shin Haneul and Choi Sujin stood in the kitchen with the grocery bags on the table.

“Ah, there’s my sweet baby and silly little brother!” Shin Haneul exclaimed, whisking Choi Han away from Choi Jung-gun’s arms and pointing at the grocery bags. “I got some chocolate for you, Jung-gun. Don’t tell your father.”

Choi Jung-gun cheered and threw his arms up in the air, digging into the grocery bag enthusiastically until he found the chocolate,

Choi Sujin smiled, and went to the stove to make the pancakes he had promised the family earlier today.

“Han, did you miss mom and dad while we were away?” Shin Haneul kissed the top of Choi Han’s head, who giggled. “I’m sure you were good for your uncle.”

“Mom!”

Choi Sujin almost dropped the pan he held in his hands, and Choi Jung-gun gaped at Choi Han in shock. Man, maybe it was just Choi Han, but babies were straight to the point!

“Han! D-did you say mom? Is this your first word?!” Shin Haneul looked around, as if there was anyone else who would be called mom by Choi Han.

Choi Jung-gun walked over to the stove to cook the pancakes Choi Sujin had been making, but abandoned it in favor of running over to his son and wife.

While Choi Sujin and Shin Haneul fussed over Choi Han, Choi Jung-gun gave Choi Han a very discreet thumbs up when the baby was staring at him with his wide black eyes.

Sometimes, when Choi Jung-gun looked into his nephew’s eyes, it felt like there was a whole universe of stars growing inside of them.

Shin Haneul sat up in her bed, looking around the room as to where the sound of crying could be coming from.

She had been a light sleeper ever since Choi Han was born, not because he caused a lot of trouble, but sometimes she couldn’t get rid of the overwhelming dread that took over her at night.

Shin Haneul had no idea where this feeling came from. She had always been overjoyed at being with her son, in fact, she couldn’t be happier! But there were days when it felt like Choi Han would disappear if she didn’t pay enough attention, like he’d be gone before she even knew it.

She had spoken about it to her own mother before, asking if it was a normal feeling. Mother nodded, looking at her own daughter with sad eyes.

“I was scared I would lose you too. You were a very active child, and sometimes I’d get scared that if I looked away you’d injure yourself. Thankfully, when I was busy your father was always there so you were always safe.”

Shin Haneul sighed in relief, thank god it was just a normal thing and not some weird premonition of the future.

She wouldn’t know what to do with herself if that was the case.

Even with the reassurance she got from her mother, Shin Haneul couldn’t help the unease that was in her mind at night. Choi Sujin was fast asleep, like he was a Victorian child who was suffering from the plague, so it could not be her husband who was crying.

The only other option was Choi Han, who she found sobbing into his pillow.

Shin Haneul felt her eyebrows twist, and she put a hand on Choi Han’s head, wiping away the tears that fell from his eyes.

“Oh, my star, what’s wrong?”

Choi Han did not respond, could not respond, for his mind was overtaken by the terrors of the night.

Shin Haneul laid back down, and pulled Choi Han closer to her. While he was still crying, he had stopped shaking.

She wondered just what kind of things had happened for a five year old boy to be crying so much.

Had Choi Han remembered Jung-gun, who had gone missing two years earlier?

…Ah, perhaps that was where her fear came from.

Ever since Choi Jung-gun went missing, Shin Haneul had never gotten a full night's sleep. The only times she could sleep were the short naps she took in the morning.

Choi Jung-gun had gone missing just like that, no warning, no nothing.

It was like a god had taken him to another world, with no trace of him left to be found at his home where everyone cried out for him.

Shin Haneul didn’t let herself cry, because to her it felt like if she cried it would be admitting Choi Jung-gun had died.

She knew that boy wasn’t dead, he had to be alive, no matter what. One day he would come home, and they would all be there to welcome him again.

Shin Haneul looked down at her son, who was still crying, and kissed his hair. She caressed the top of his head, and began to hum a lullaby her own mother had sung for her when she was young.

The terrors of the night were strong, but against a mother’s love, even they would fall as well.

Slowly, Choi Han’s sobs died out, the only other sound left in the quiet night being that of Shin Haneul’s comforting hums, and the gentle sounds of her husband and son’s breathing.

Choi Sujin watched Choi Han hold up a cat plush to the baby in front of him.

Choi Jungsoo, the baby, had been born two months ago, but this was Choi Han’s first time seeing him. Despite only being six years old, Choi Han was technically an uncle, and Choi Sujin was a grand uncle.

“Jungsoo, call me hyung!”

“Han, he’s only two months old, so he can’t really talk yet.” Choi Sujin said, sitting down next to his son who continued gave the cat plush to Choi Jungsoo.

“Oh, was I like that too?”

“Mhm, you were just as small as he was too.”

Choi Sujin smiled at his son’s shocked expression, like he couldn’t even fathom being as small as Choi Jungsoo was.

“But I don’t remember that!”

“You don’t remember, but mom and dad remember.” Choi Sujin picked Choi Jungsoo up, and held him in his arms. “I can show you the photos.”

Choi Jung-gun would have said he remembered too, if he was here. Jung-gun had loved taking photos, especially of Choi Han since he was his favorite nephew.

The photo album they had consisted of many photos, but a good chunk of the later half of the album was filled with photos Choi Jung-gun had taken. Choi Jung-gun took photos and notes of almost everything he liked.

In the album, there were photos of the family, and Choi Jung-gun’s notes about them under it. Choi Han was no exception, and had multiple pictures of himself from when he was zero to three years old.

“I wanna see!”

Choi Han stood up, and followed his father upstairs who still carried Choi Jungsoo in his arms. After looking through a shelf, Choi Sujin found the album, and handed it to Choi Han.

He wasn’t worried about Choi Han damaging the album, because Choi Han had always handled books and albums with a lot of care. It seemed that even though he couldn’t remember most things, he still cherished the memories that he held in his hands.

Choi Han opened the album, and flipped through each page. Pointing out the people he recognized, and asking if he didn’t recognize someone. He flipped through the pages until he found a page labeled ‘November Eighth’.

They had dedicated an entire page to that day, because three people had been born on that day. Choi Jung-gun, Choi Han, and now, Choi Jungsoo.

“It’s me!” Choi Han pointed at the picture of him from when he was a baby. The hat he wore had rabbit ears on it, something Shin Haneul had found absolutely adorable when she saw it at the store.

Underneath the picture was a note, no name on it, and Choi Han did not recognize the handwriting, but he read it anyway.

‘On November Eighth, Han was born! He was a little ugly, but he’s cute now. He looks a lot like Haneul-noona, but his eyes are the same as hyung’s. He pulls my hair a lot, and he’s stupid strong for a baby. Maybe I’ll cut my hair so he has nothing to grab on when I carry him.’

“I’m not ugly! Whoever wrote this is the king of ugly.” Choi Han grumbled when he saw the second sentence.

Choi Sujin laughed, “But didn’t they call you cute after?”

“Hm… well, they’re still wrong! Mom says I’ve been cute forever, and mom is never wrong.” Choi Jungsoo yelled in agreement, and Choi Han nodded. “That’s right, Jungsoo! Moms are never wrong so you should always listen. And you should listen to your dad too, and my dad. My dad is cool too!”

Choi Sujin smiled proudly, “I’m the coolest, aren’t I?”

Choi Jungsoo only looked at him with such unimpressed eyes that Choi Sujin felt like his ego was being stabbed directly in the heart.

#saebom means younger unmarried brother of father #at least I think so please tell me and correct me if I’m wrong!#I love the Choi family #they make me so sad #we know very little abt Junggun especially him when he was younger so I just kinda made stuff up abt his personality #and we know next to nothing abt Choi Han’s parents so they’re basically ocs 😭😭#Choi Han #Choi Jungsoo #choi jung gun #tcf fanfic #lcf fanfic #tcf #lcf #sorry if this isn’t TCF lore accurate I heard someone say that CJG is their ancestor #but on the wiki it says he’s Choi Han’s uncle #so I just went w/ what the wiki says #lout of the count’s family #trash of the count's family

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imsailorpluto · 1 year

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True Beauty: Kang Sujin character reconstruction

They did out bestie so dirty in this drama, it's time to clean up writer's mess. I don't think Sujin ever deserved such overkill. Turning her into a villain way after the opportunity window closed was so pathetic. Massacring this heroine in such a cliché way calls for serious damage repair, so let's goooo.

Disclaimer: I'm not a writer and this is my first fic ever. English is not my first language, sorry for eventual mistakes. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it.♡ the story sounds better in my head but what can we do Thanks @youlookprettywithoutmakeup for sending in a request for Seojun x Sujin content. Also a big thank you to the gifmakers who blessed us all with this inspirational seojun x sujin perfection!

TW: angst, losing friends, mentions of bullying, verbal violence and family abuse

Seojun x Sujin angst

After Sujin moved to the States, the real truth behind that bullying video came out. It was never Sujin's doing, but she left all her friends believe what they wanted. Her life was pretty much crumbling down from the abuse back home and her parents' divorce lawsuit. It felt like the whole world turned its back on her. The final blow was when Seojun accused her of posting that bullying video of Jukyung. Then Jukyung facing her about it, too. Being the only one who's always had her friends' backs, she was hurting more than ever.

- Fine, Seojun, let it be me. Does it even matter? I'm the bad guy. Nobody trusts me. Not even you. I could bend over backwards defending myself for something I never did and it won't change a single thing.

- Something you never did? Get over yourself, Sujin. I know how you feel about Suho.

- Wait, do you seriously think I'd do something as disgusting as that because of a guy?

Seojun smirked hearing those words, shaking his head in disbelief.

- And since when do you think I have feelings for Suho??? Don't you know me?

- Obviously I don't.

They stood there, staring at each other in silence. Sujin's heart was breaking into a million pieces, but she wasn't showing any emotion. Seojun was cruel, even if he didn't mean to be this way. His constant hot and cold behavior towards Sujin confused her, but after he started showing interest in Jukyung, she gave up on him.

-Sujin, I went to Yongpa High, none of those girls knew a thing about the video.

- Wow, congrats! You must be proud of yourself. Trusting Jukyung's bullies... Seriously?! Like you don't know their queen bully is into you.

- Just like you're into Suho. I saw you two hugging.

- You saw that?!

- Yes! I did!

- Then you saw me crying like an idiot too. Great.

- Wait... What?

- I quit the music academy, okay?

- Are you crazy? Why would you do that?

Seojun stood there, his eyes wide in confusion. He couldn't believe his ears. How could she not tell him any of this sooner? After all they've been through. After all those moments she helped him get over their friend's death. Weren't they close enough now, why wouldn't she confide in him?

- You don't know everything, so don't act so smart. Besides, Suho isn't even my type, you pabo. He just saw me crying at the staircase.

- Then explain one thing.

All she could think about was how did she end up in this mess. Now all of a sudden he wants to talk to her? And he's acting all innocent about it.

- I have nothing to say to you, Seojun. Even your lousy accusations can't touch me. If anyone ever did anything bad then it's you chasing a taken girl.

- I wasn-

- Let me know when you stop projecting your problems on others.

- No, you got it all wrong, I don't have feelings for Ju-

- Stop it. I'm tired of this. I don't even care anymore.

He looked at her in silence, heart hurting as well. He couldn't admit his feelings to her like this, not now. He knew he did so many stupid things to catch her attention, but he didn't think it would backfire like this. He also knew something wrong was going on, but her stare was hurting him. He couldn't read her face at all. She looked cold. Serious. He felt like her eyes were literally piercing him.

- I did it. Okay, Seojun? I did all of it. Go spread the word. Oh wait, you did that already.

Frustrated and disappointed, she confirmed the rumors. She didn't want to fight back anymore. It was the first time in her life she considered giving up for a change. Like it mattered, she'd be moving to the States soon. She has already lost everything and everybody she hold dear. This was the last time two of them talked before she left Seoul.

She never told Seojun about her father beating her, she was ashamed of that. She also never told him her father was against her attending the music academy, she was scared that if she ever started talking about it she'd end up telling him everything. Suho was the only one who knew about her family situation, but only because he saw her bruises one time and asked her about it. He promised to keep her secret and she never confined in him again after that. All three of them have been friends since early childhood and she didn't want to do something that might push either of them away.

Sujin was always an artistic soul. She was great at pretty much everything once she set her mind to it. Her singing skills were always advanced, even before she started classes at the music academy. She outperformed almost all of her seniors. No matter the talent, she had to quit singing. Father's orders.

"Singing won't get you to medical school, you're only worth as much as your grades, don't show up home until you come to your senses and quit that idiotic nonsense of yours."

So she quit at the time only to save herself from unnecessary pain. She was done with covering her face full of makeup for school and popping painkillers like candy. It was much easier to quit, at least until her mom got them both out of that mess finally.

Her mom managed to get a divorce eventually. She swore she'd take care of her daughter properly this time, so winning the lawsuit against Sujin's father played a crucial role this time. And she won, which left her with their huge family mansion worth billions of dollars. Sujin's father got a restraining order from court, and after the lawsuit they never heard from him again. Her mom sold everything and they both moved to the States, where Sujin enrolled in music academy once more. Their life was pretty much comfortable, but they've always stayed humble.

Sujin knew she had to go back to visit her friends at Seoul at some point, especially since she was getting so many texts and calls from her two ex besties ever since she left. News on what actually happened and who was behind the video incident spread like fire and cleared all guilt off Sujin. Yet she couldn't get over the fact that all of her friends judged her so quickly. Sooah disappointed her a lot, she never backed her up, not even once. While Jukyung surprised her more than anyone. She was the only one who never believed Sujin did anything wrong, not even when Sujin directly told her it is her doing.

Even though she wanted to spend hours on the phone with Jukyung, and let her know about everything what happened, cutting everyone off seemed rational for the time being. Everything was still too painful for her and she needed more time to heal from the chaos. Falling into unhealthy patterns was no longer an option. Sujin's habits have changed drastically ever since she moved to the States. Volunteering as a math tutor and martial arts teacher was all she did when she wasn't studying. Her taekwondo classes took place in the early mornings, and math classes in the evenings. Slowly, it got her thoughts back in order.

It wasn't until Seojun texted her a whole month after moving that she felt that pit in her stomach again.

Seojun: I'm sorryx Sujong I shoudlvew known

- What's with this pabo? Ah, he's drunk again.

Sujin: Hey Seojun, I hope you're good. I know you've sent me that txt accidentally. Stay well and take care. Don't drink and ride that Ninja of yours, ok?

A few days passed until he finally responded back.

Seojun: Where r u, I need 2cu. Sujin: I'm out of the country, actually. Let's catch up over a video call one of these days, ok? Seojun: Naah, txt me whn u get back :P

She wanted nothing more than to talk to him, to hear his voice. She needed him to be there for her, just like she used to be there for him long ago. If going back there was ever an option, she needed to get better fist, on her own. Thoughts of being back in the city where it all went downhill made her extremely uncomfortable. Besides, her feelings for Seojun confused her, it was too much all at once. This time, she decided to let him go for good. Maybe next time their paths cross, things turn out different.

#true beauty #kdrama #seojun x sujin #true beauty seojun #han seojun #kang sujin #jujin #kdrama fanfic #true beauty x reader #true beauty fanfic #true beauty imagine #hanseojunxkangsujin #true beauty angst #omo i don't know tagging this thing like is this enough? xD #imsailorpluto

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sweetestlamb · 3 years

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Call My Name

Summary: “I don’t know what to do I think I’m falling for you.”

Author's Note: Back with my longest update for this story, almost 10k!! I have only written that much for a chapter for IOTNBO, I’m so proud and excited. It’s thanks to many of you who have been messaging me to let me know how much you appreciate my story and those of you who are making artwork in any capacity based on my story, I am honored thank you!! I battled a lot with the ending but finally I just went with my gut, the characters wanted to act this way and who am I to fight it? I hope you enjoy and I will see you again in the next chapter! Amazing header by @ewolfwitchwisegirl every time I see it I can’t help but smile. Thank you endlessly.

She checks the time on her phone again, for no particular reason just curious about how much time has passed since she last checked. Five minutes. Interesting, she'll make sure to check again to see if her hypothesis is correct, that time seems to move slower in Ju-Kyung's house it feels as if they have been sitting here for hours yet her phone is displaying something completely different and there has to be a scientific explanation for that.

"You acted like you didn't want him to have your phone number but now you won't stop checking your phone." Su-ah teases across the room, hanging upside with her feet on the wall as her fingers move across her own endlessly buzzing phone. She's not jealous about that, not at all.

"I don't know what you're talking about. I was just checking the time." She replies coolly pushing the phone away from her with complete disinterest.

She states blankly back at twin penetrating stares of disbelief, rolling her eyes she lowers her head onto the table picking at the skin on her index finger.

"I told you to stop doing that!" Ju-Kyung admonishes grabbing her hands and halting her abuse, they are hideous to look at the skin peeling all over no amount of lotion can rectify the damage she's done. They are one of the reasons she loves winter, she has a bounty of gloves to hide them from view. Self-consciously she tries to twist them away, they look even worst next to the soft plush skin of Ju-Kyung, who consistently moisturizes the appendages.

"Just leave them. They're ugly anyway."

The other girl ignores her bringing out the hand cream she's seen so many times, she simply sighs when the thick lotion is rubbed into her brittle skin. They both know that this is pointless because she'll soon wash away any benefits but Ju-Kyung is always persistent and she's given up on fighting with her. With a light pat and triumphant hum, Ju-Kyung releases her.

"There. Don't they look beautiful?"

They don't. Out of all the things she hates about herself and that lists grows more abundant everyday, her hands are high on the list. They make her feel hideous and as if anything she touches will also lose its beauty. A twisted nightmare inducing Midas touch.

She doesn't reply beyond shoving them into the pocket of her blazer.

"Su-jin?" Su-ah calls from behind her, sounding more serious than she's used to. She tightens in anticipation, barely turning her head.

"Are you okay? I've been giving you space but I want to know what's wrong. What happened at school?"

Her chest constricts painfully, she's not ready for this conversation possibly will never be but if she refuses will they shut her out? Will she be abandoned? Fear rushes through her veins at the very idea of being without them.

She forces herself to speak, "I...its-- what....I"

The words are lodged in her throat choking her until it's hard to breathe, she starts wheezing and then she's wrapped up in a tight hug, her last bit of oxygen squeezed from her body.

"Shhhh. It's okay. We love you, don't cry." Su-ah coos at her, stroking her head and mumbling soothing words into her ear. Ju-Kyung wipes away ardent tears she hadn't realized had fallen, her smooth hands soft on Su-jin’s wet skin.

"I can't. I'm sorry, not yet. Please don't go." For once she says exactly what's in her heart, people leave that's her reality but not them, she can't lose them death would be easier. So she begs tightening her once limp arms around Su-ah's small waist, clinging to the other girl like a weeping child. Her father has stolen everything she's ever loved from her, they couldn’t be another casualty.

"We're not going anywhere. We love you, no matter what. Nothing could change that."

She allows Su-ah to rock her back and forth, deep in her heart she knows those words aren't true, feelings change and once they figure out her secret, this love will fade and they'll grow apart; pity is the kiss of death. Once they know how truly pathetic she is they won't be able to look at her, she'll just be a broken doll that needs to be fixed.

"We love you."

Sure, but for how long?

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Becoming Sujin's friend wasn't easy she can remember the day she first saw the abnormally beautiful girl, she looked like a character out of a Korean drama with her perfect round face and effortless style. She'd simply stared in awe, too dazed to approach the other girl. When they crossed paths in the hallway she watched the other girl intently, she decided in that moment they had to be friends.

It was like destiny, they ended up in the same class and she started to follow the other girl around smiling warmly every time those cool eyes would look at her in question. She sat near her in the cafeteria and greeted her every morning, yet she was no closer to becoming her friend still skirting the edge of acquaintance.

Then one day out of the blue for the first time the other girl approached her, her face expressionless but the air around her was frigid. She gulped watching her draw nearer until they were face to face.

"What do you want from me?" She blinked at the unexpected question, rolling it over in her mind and still not coming up with an answer.

"What?" Was her eloquent reply, she was finally having a conversation with her dream friend and she couldn't get her thoughts together.

"You're always following me. Do you want something from me?"

She thought it was blatantly obvious what she desired from the other girl but she smiled before replying, "Friendship. I want to be your friend."

She'd never seen the other girl look confused before, her eyes got wider and her lips almost disappeared from how tightly she was twisting her mouth.

"Why?"

Her first reaction was to laugh because it sounded like a joke, who wouldn't want to be Sujin's friend she was one of the smartest and prettiest girls in the school but something about the look on her face told Su-ah those answers wouldn't suffice. The other girl was peering at her with deep searching eyes, waiting for her response.

Shrugging she didn't overthink her reply, choosing not to list the many reasons and going with the most basic, "I like you."

It was her first platonic confession, she almost blushed at the words and the potential misunderstandings but Sujin simply looked at her before walking away without another word. She sighed thinking she'd scared the other girl away, walking home crestfallen.

But the next day, Sujin said good morning to her first for the first time ever and they walked to class and as they say the rest was history, they became each other's confidant and best friend. Sujin, the first person to know about her crush on Tae-hoon, always there to wipe her tears after their countless break ups.

Su-jin is like a sister and that is why her breakdown feels even worst, she doesn't know what's going on, has never seen her best friend cry before. Su-jin isn't one to be open about her emotions, her smiles are as elusive as her tears. So her heart aches as Sujin shakes in her arms, wishing she knew what was hurting the girl this deeply so she could rescue her.

"I'll go wash my face." She's reluctant to let the other girl go but she knows the intricacies of her brilliant mind, knows that she's embarrassed and mentally ripping herself apart. Unwrapping her arms she lets her go, tears pooling in her eyes watching her friend suffer.

Quickly brushing the moisture away she turns to Ju-Kyung who isn't faring much better, dark mascara lines dripping down her cheeks. She laughs sadly wiping at the marks with her thumbs before pulling her fingers back and wiping them on her jacket.

"I'm sorry I'm crying, I know we need to be strong for her." Ju-Kyung apologizes but more stubborn tears rolls down her face and she hugs her tightly, needing the comfort herself.

"You're allowed to cry. We'll be there for her until she's ready to tell us what's wrong."

They nod and hug each other weeping for their friend who so solemnly weeps for herself.

It shocks them both when a loud vibration penetrates the silence of the room, the noisy disturbance makes them jump apart before they both glance at the phone on the table before looking at each other.

"Do you think it's...."

"What if it's.."

They speak at the same time and that's the exact moment that the door creaks open and Sujin arrives with red-rimmed eyes her hair now pulled back in a low ponytail.

Su-ah looks at the phone with wide eyes before looking at Sujin, then back to the phone before smiling innocently, "You should check the time."

Sujin doesn't react at first, standing completely still before she takes a hesitant step forward as if the phone has transformed into a bomb. Gingerly lifting it up she wipes go unlock the screen, trying to look unbothered her movements exaggeratedly slow. Su-ah sees right through her, sees the way her fingers twitch and how she takes a deep breath before opening the message.

She watches Sujin's face for a reaction, a smile or frown but there's no reaction until she huffs and throws the phone away with a sharp whisper, "That idiot. What the hell is that?"

Without asking for permission, they know each other's passwords there isn't much privacy between the three of them, she picks up the discarded phone, eyes bulging at the message before she starts to giggle. It was exactly who they thought and his first message to her is an image and the words, saw this and thought of you.

She grins at the message, wondering if Seojun knows how flirty the message reads. He'd openly let Sujin know that she was on his mind. She'd spontaneously decided to save Sujin under that name in his phone Ju-Kyung had told her about their interesting conversation and the pet name, then he used it again at the gate and she couldn't resist. What girl didn't like being called a princess?

"If he calls me that one more time I'm going to break his motorcycle." She winces at the threat, shifting her eyes. Okay, it seemed there was one girl. She needs to tell Seojun to never mention to Sujin that she was the one to save her under "princess" she had helped him get her number after all, they were practically friends now. He couldn’t throw her under the bus.

"Are you going to answer?" He wants to know if you want him to buy it for you." She giggles at the new message gasping when Sujin snatches the phone from her hands, she looks over at Ju-Kyung with a raised eyebrow at the show. They both watch with conspiring smiles as the commonly emotionless girl angrily throws herself into the bed and starts animatedly tapping on her screen.

She's never looked more alive.

It's the universe righting itself when she hears Ju-Kyung's mother yell up the stairs.

"Ju-Kyung, tell your friend Su-jin her father is here to pick her up."

Ju-Kyung's mother says the words upbeat, mumbling about doting fathers and harshly hitting her husband on the back of his head as she wonders to the kitchen. She schools her face into a plastic smile, despite the fear gripping at her and making it hard to focus. But she can't show any cracks in her display today, too much has happened and she can't allow anyone to be suspicious. They have to believe that her father is a loving man who picks up his daughter out of the goodness of his heart.

He almost looks normal smiling serenely in the doorway, even lifting a hand to wave at her. Cold ice chills run down her spine at the terrifying action.

"Why didn't you tell your mother and I you were going to a friend's house? We were worried sick about you."

She can hear the threat coded in those words, how dare you go anywhere without my permission, she rushes to his side knowing every minute she wastes he will punish her for. She'd inconvenienced him by making him pick her up. He would make her regret that decision.

Bowing to Ju-Kyung and her family, avoiding Su-ah's watchful eyes she rapidly puts on her shoes watching as her father bows as well thanking Ju-Kyung's parents for allowing her to stay so late and when they turn he grips her tightly all but dragging her out the door. His coat blocks the treatment from view and she grunts when he swings the car door open and tosses her roughly inside.

Slamming his door shut he glares over at her, "Do you know how hard it was finding this dirty shit hole of a house? Are you befriending anyone now? This is the kind of person you've deemed worthy of being seen with, you're a Kang for God's sake!"

She swallows her angry, desperately wanting to defend Ju-Kyung but his hands curled tightly in fists make her stifle her argument. Instead she bows her head quietly, letting him spew acid dripping words at her.

"You're not allowed to come here again. My daughter can't be seen with the help."

She anxiously claws at her hands in her lap, jumping when he yells in the confined space of the car.

"Answer me now! Do you understand!"

Staring out the window she replies, voice empty.

"Yes."

He doesn't wait for her to tug on her seat belt before driving off, done talking to her since she listened to his order.

When they finally walk through the front door she flinches when he grabs her arm suddenly, he rolls his eyes as if she's being dramatic. Seeming to get gratification from pressing his fingers deeper into her skin, she grits her teeth through it all.

"Don't flinch like that around others or I'll make you regret it. Tomorrow you are going on a date with a son of a very powerful man, make sure you hide all your bruises."

This time she can't stay silent, rage bursting to the surface.

"I don't want to go on a date with anyo--"

The smack of his open palm across her forehead drives her entire head to the side, her neck snapping so hard she imagines this is what it feels like to have whiplash.

"You shut your fucking mouth! Did it look like I was asking you a question? You will go on this date." His voice is hard and impenetrable, when her mother limps out with a black eye she gasps in shock unprepared for the gruesome sight.

Mom.

"Look what you made me do to your mother. You better start obeying me again or things will get worst."

She's been selfish, she is knew what would happen to her mother when she didn't come home, knew that her father's fury would need an outlet but she couldn't bring herself to come here. Knowing what her fate would be didn't make her any else scared.

"You need to listen to your father."

She can't bear to look her mother in the eyes, she's been thrown to the wolves too many times to feel true sympathy for the woman who gave birth to her. They are both victims, that much she knows but she can't help the anger that has been present since she was young begging her mother to save her.

She knows now, nobody can save anyone else. If you can't save yourself you're as good as dead.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

He knows he can't be upset with Ju-Kyung or Su-ah, they are unaware of what their friend is going through but dread fills his stomach when Ju-Kyung tells him that Sujin was no longer there, her father had picked her up.

He slams a fist into his pillow, wanting nothing more to smash the man's face in he's never seen the bastard before but he knows that he would hate him on sight. He was a coward and a bully and he could not stand those who picked on others, they were the scum of the earth.

He sends her another unanswered text message reading her last message to him.

Delete my number, I don't want to talk to you.

She hadn't been amused by the sparkly purple tiara, he'd seen it on display in a children's store and immediately her regal scowl popped up in his mind. He hadn't thought about it before snapping a photo and sending it to her. That had been hours ago and still nothing from her after a heated debate about whether or not she was a princess.

Sighing in exasperation he sends another message.

Let me know if you're okay.

He's sent five other unread messages, all variations of this message worry making him break all his rules about texting the opposite gender.

He glares at the phone as if it's to blame, tossing himself onto this bed and dragging a pillow across his face to groan into.

Almost choking on the cloth of his pillow he shoves it away when his phone finally vibrates on his stomach, eagerly opening it he smiles at the message on the screen.

I'm okay.

She's lying, he's certain of that he's seen the bruises first-hand without makeup lessening the effect. But she's cognizant enough to send him a message and despite the hell she must be going through she cared enough about him worrying to reply, something unfamiliar flutters in his belly. He writes it off as indigestion and flops into his pillow before sending his final message to her.

I’ll see you tomorrow, princess.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

He's wondering the halls aimlessly sneering at everyone who looks his way, he doesn't mean to be this moody really didn't mean to snap at Chorong but he can't help it, Sujin is absent her empty seat mocking him in class so he had to escape. He's lost count at the amount of messages he's sent at this point, none of them have been read. He growls at the radio silence, he hates being ignored and when she's the one doing the ignoring his frustration only builds. He doesn't bother analyzing why.

"You look ready to kill the next person who stares at you the wrong way."

He glances at the near monotonous tone behind him, turning to face Suho. He doesn't know how the other boy was allowed to leave the classroom when he currently has the hall pass but rules are usually broken for the star student, he scoffs at the privilege. Nobody ever calls him a troublemaker though.

"Being a brainiac sure comes with perks." He drawls leaning against the wall.

Suho guiltlessly shrugs, crossing his forearms before grabbing his arm. He doesn't fight the grip allowing himself to be pulled, maybe this will distract him from his thoughts.

"Where are we going?"

Suho doesn't answer but he drags him up the stairs leading to the rooftop, he's instantly reminded of the last time he was here. Her tears warming his chest as she shook apart in his arms. He mentally groans, he’s supposed to be forgetting her why can’t he get her out of his mind?

"You know don't you?" Suho gently states, letting his arm fall between them and staring at him with sure eyes. He peers back squinting in response, uncertain if the other boy is truly alluding to what he thinks. He doesn't say a word, Sujin would never forgive him if he uttered her secret to anyone, he'd never betray her trust regardless of if she's fully given that to him.

"Know what?" He states slowly , watching his friend’s every move.

"About her father."

A deer caught in headlights, if you looked up that saying his face would be the accompanying image.

Forcing his jaw close, he shakes his head staring at Suho suspiciously.

"You knew."

Suho must feel his judgement because his face hardens before he looks away, "I did."

"Why didn't you do anything?" It's not his place but he can't help his vexation, how long had the other boy known and done nothing?

"We were......young. I slept over, I fell asleep on the couch and I heard him. The next morning she had a split lip and her father told me she accidentally fell down the stairs."

Disgusts winds through his chest at the story, this had been her life since she was a child. While he'd been mourning the loss of his own father, Sujin was being beaten and abused by her own. They were both fatherless.

"I felt guilty every day. I didn't know who to tell, her father was close friends with my dad and I didn't think he would believe me and...... I hated him. After my mom died I hated him so much. I didn't want to ask him for help."

He wants to scream, "What about Sujin? Couldn't you see her pain? Wasn't that enough to put your pride aside?"

But he doesn't because it won't do Sujin any good and Suho has been through his own trauma, he learned that his words have power and despite his anger he doesn't want to hurt his friend, never again.

"It's not your fault." He means it, they were both children. But he just wishes that Sujin had someone back them, that she knew that what was happening wasn't her fault. He just wishes he'd been there.

But he can't turn back time, no matter how desperately he wants to. All he can do is treasure the time he has now.

Her knows what he needs to do.

"I need a favor."

Suho stares at him before slowly nodding.

But not before asking his own question, "Why do you care so much?"

He opens his mouth but nothing comes out. The question spins around in circles in his head, no answer offering itself.

"Do you..... like her?" Suho cautiously inquires searching his face to see if he gives anything away. He doesn't try to hide his emotions.

"That's not important. She needs someone, I've decided to be that person."

The other boy looks at him like he's a puzzle he can't figure out but he nods as if that answer is enough. He'll store that question away for further inspection on his own.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

There's no guarantee that this will work but he stands awkwardly on the sidewalk peering up at the intimidating mansion, it makes his own apartment look like a child's toy. Inadequacy pricks at his ego before he shoves it to the crevice of his mind, this isn't about him.

The driveway is empty that was a good sign. He hadn't thought ahead to what he would do if her father had been home, he wouldn't be able to control his rage. It's a blessing that he won't have to make that decision today.

Pulling out his phone he stares at her number before pressing the call button. It rings and rings and he's sure she's going to ignore him as she's been doing all day, he moves to hang up and call her back when he hears silence and then a quiet, "Why do you keep calling?"

He lets out a sigh of triumph, punching a fist into the air.

Collecting himself he states breezily into the phones, "When people call someone they usually have something to say princess."

Her reaction is immediate, "I told you not to call me that."

"I remember when you told me." He replies cheekily, unable to fight the smile that grows hearing her annoyance permeating through the line, just happy to hear her voice at all.

"Then why do you keep calling me that?" She tightly replies, sounding like she could turn a coal into a diamond in her mouth.

"It suits you."

"Why? Because I'm rich and spoiled?"

"No. Because you're pretty." He hears himself say, wondering if he's been possessed because he's thought that before looking at the girl he was still a man and he had eyes but he's never planned on saying his inner thoughts out loud.

It takes a moment to realize she hasn't responded, scared she finally hung up he cries out, "Hey! Are you still there?"

Another long pause drags out and he becomes really worried that she's gone after taking so long to get her to answer, maybe everyone's right and he's an idiot.

"Don't say stupid things like that." There's something about her voice, it sounds higher than he's used to and he wonders if maybe she's embarrassed. Maybe even blushing. He'd pay real money to see that sight.

Not wanting to push his luck any further he powers on, resisting the urge to ask if she's blushing. She wouldn't be honest with him anyway.

"Come outside I have something for you."

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

She contemplates what she should do as she peers down at her phone. His name and number flash on her phone as the phone locks itself. She'd begrudgingly saved his number when it became clear that he had no intention of leaving her alone. Nobody besides Su-ah had ever texted her this frequently, she was earning scarily that she didn't hate it. Although she hardly replied, not knowing how to maintain a text conversation.

Su-ah had teasingly said she should save the boy as prince, so that they could match. She rolled her eyes at the suggestion, Su-ah was so cheesy sometimes they weren't a couple why would they need matching names? Instead she'd saved him as "do not answer" but she'd already broken that rule, she realized appalled at her lack of control.

Losing more control she sighs before crawling out of bed, not bothering to put on makeup to hide the mark on her forehead, he had seen worst. Her father left after taking her to the doctor, regaling another story of her clumsiness and they walked out with cream, powerful enough to ensure that no scar would be left behind. Nobody wanted scarred goods he explained.

The closer she gets to the door the faster her heart beats, how did he know where she lived? They had never discussed that and why did he come all the way here? Didn't he have anything better to do than stalk her? Taking a calming breath she reaches the front door, she can hear her frantic heart beats thumping in her ears.

She turns the door knob, pausing at the sight of his back. The sun is shining brightly outside, the direct opposite of her gloomy dark home. It was a sin for the day to be this beautiful when her life is so damn ugly. With the sun streaking his hair hues of dark brown he turns to face her.

She feels uncomfortable at the rush on emotions that bleeds across his face.

"Don't."

He looks at her quizzically, perplexed by her strange seemingly unprovoked request.

"Just don't.. emote so much."

Of course he doesn't listen, a smile stretching across his face as he steps closer to her. Reaching out with gentle fingers he brushes against the bandage on her forehead.

"Are you okay?"

He’s always asking her that.

She doesn't feel like lying at the moment, not with his gentle hands and soft eyes beaming at her.

She mutely shakes her head in decline. She doesn't miss how he freezes as if shocked by her honesty. He's not the only one.

"Is that why you didn't come to school?" His voice is barely a whisper now, as if they're sharing a secret only for their ears.

It's a question that doesn't need an answer so she chooses not to respond.

"What did you want to give me?" She breaks the moment, taking a step back until his fingers fall from her skin.

He stares at her for a moment before leaning forward, dangerously close and she tries to retreat but her feet are stuck to the floor as she watches his face get closer to her own. His hands reach over her shoulder and she tilts her head up to follow him, as he lowers his head and her heart skips as realization washes over her, he's going to kiss her. His lips are right there, supple and pink looming closer as her own drop open in surprise and....anticipation? She registers that he's going to kiss her and she might want him to. No. She does, she never knew she wanted this so ardently until it was just a breath away. And now she can't think of anything else but his lips on hers.

She's never been kissed before, never wanted to be either. In second grade and unlucky boy had tried to force a kiss on her, chasing her around the playground puckering his lips and tugging at her skirt. He'd only been able to kiss the sole of her shoe has she launched into a perfectly executed round house kick, shocking him more than hurting him but she'd been placed in time out for a week with no playtime or recess, she had felt no remorse. All the other boys who used to eye her with interest now looked terrified after that incident, no one ever tried to steal a kiss from her again.

She waits for her body's natural defense to kick in and for that itch under her skin to buzz, but it never comes because she doesn't feel unsafe. Knows that he won't hurt her despite her constant dismissal here he is, once again demanding a space in her sham of life. Instead of fear, nerves ravages her body as she pants loudly staring at his mouth only inches away. Is she allowed to want? She's never had the luxury before to desire such trivial things, it overwhelms her. Shocked by her own thinking and the dawning of feelings she didn't ask to have, she scurries backwards covering her mouth with her hands. Now that she knows that she desires this, she can't have it. She can't taint him with her darkness.

"What are you doing?"

He's smirking with a bag now in his hand intensely watching her and she feels transparent, he's looking straight through her and urge to hide is overbearing.

Turning around she sees his motorcycle and she almost laughs at her unnecessary mental break down.

He hadn't been trying to kiss her. That was merely a fantasy she created in her mind, whatever this was it wasn't romantic. Who could want something as broken and worthless as her, but more importantly her life was not her own to do what she desired. She was an object in her father's plan, a pawn that he could move as he saw fit. It was a mistake to yearn or even ponder, her fate had been decided long before she was born.

She shouldn't be here, should have never read his message or saved his number she's playing a dangerous game and in the end she'll be the one most damaged. She turns away, rushing to the door no longer curious about his gift. Curiosity is a privilege she isn't allowed.

"Hey! Where are you going?" He grabs her wrist, not scared to touch today. Her body is burning from all the spots he's already set aflame since he arrived.

"Let go!" She tugs her arm away and he sets her free at her barest resistance, but he leaves no space between towering over her and refusing to let her break eye contact. His cologne is distracting. Everything about him is.

"What were you expecting?" She fights the urge to blush as he glances down at her lips before focusing on her eyes.

"Nothing. I wasn’t expecting anything.” She will ensure that she doesn’t in the future, it’s not a lie but rather an oath to herself.

He stares at her unblinking, its unnerving and she squirms under the hard appraisal.

“Don’t you want to see your gift?” She shakes her head no, but it seems the question was rhetoric because he doesn’t wait for her answer or acknowledge when she refuses.

“I told you this reminded me of you.” He purrs softly, she’s never heard his voice like this. It’s so soft that it can barely be considered a whisper, he always acts like she is something fragile. She doesn’t know how to feel about it.

There's a rustle of a bag opening and then a weight on her head, reaching up she feels hard plastic and ridges and bumps. She knows what it is and she doesn't know how to respond, nothing has ever prepared her for this moment. She’d hidden it well while sitting in Ju-Kyung’s room looking at the child’s tiara, pretended to be annoyed to cover up the way her skin was sticky hot and sweaty.

When she was younger she had wanted a princess birthday party, with all the trimmings and decorations her eyes sparkled as she told her parents still full of hope and innocence then, believing that she could have anything she wanted if she asked. Her father’s guffaw had shattered that fantasy.

“We will not have a childish gathering, very important people will be there. You are not going to embarrass me.”

In the end there was no theme to her birthday and she didn’t get to wear the sparkling tiara she’d seen so many other little girls don on their birthday, she had no friends to invite and she sat alone and abandoned in her room.

And now, years later there is almost an identical replica sitting on her head. She sniffles looking hard at the ground, blinking rapidly but knowing it’s already too late.

“I told you to stop. Why won’t you listen? Just stop.” She’s crying now, there’s no way to hide the tears barreling down her cheeks. He looks taken back, hands reaching out for her and then dropping before reaching again.

“Sujin.”

Hearing him say her name instead of the persistent nickname only makes her sob harder, crying for the younger version of herself that just wanted to be loved and was beaten everyday instead. Wishing that Sujin had this, had someone who was willing to stay, who wanted to be there. She wouldn’t have dealt with such crippling loneliness.

“I have to go back inside.” She turns to unlock her door, scared of him and everything building between them.

He doesn’t stop her this time, she can feel his eyes heavy on her back and she halts when he calls out.

“Just.....don’t ignore my messages okay?”

She inhales, wiping at the wet sheet of tears on her face. She should ignore him, he is “do not answer” for a reason.

She nods slowly, “I won’t.” The scariest part is that she means it.

“Good. Come to school tomorrow, it’s boring without you.”

She doesn’t reply and closes the door without turning back, using it has support when her legs finally give out inside. All of her strength suddenly depleted.

She walks straight to her room, sitting at her large vanity looking back at a reflection of a girl she can't recognize.

The purple tiara sits ridiculously on top of her head, all flashy plastic rhinestones and glitter, something out of a child's dream. Her dream. She brings one trembling finger to touch it and without her permission her face breaks into a smile, it's small and fleeting but accompanied with the rosy blush on her cheeks she stares in shock at the face that looks so much like her but can't be.

"Who are you?"

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Seojun slips on his helmet roughly, he plans on texting her and making sure she keeps her promise. His heart is still recovering from her reaction to retrieving the gift, it was apparent she assumed something else was occurring. It almost looked like she thought he was going to kiss her but she hadn’t moved away, not right away. Did that mean.....

The engine of a sounds behind him shocks him out of his dangerous inklings and he twists his head to see sleek SUV pulling into the hidden garage, the metallic door lifting up to house the vehicle. He doesn’t move, eyes locked on the car. Hands tightening on the armbars he waits impatiently but determined. When the door finally opens and an older man steps out, shorter than him with salt and pepper hair and glasses on his weathered face his blood boils all at once.

“Can I help you? Do you have business here?”

Taking a deep grounding breath, he slides a leg over his motorcycle and revs it to life the rumbling engine calming his homicidal thoughts.

He will never forget this face, he looks like a normal middle-aged man nothing revealing the evil that lurks inside. Menacingly he slowly raises his hand, extending his pointer and lifting his thumb, darkly satisfied when a look of surprise flashes on the older man's face.

"Bang." He pulls back his finger sharply, and now the man is walking angrily towards him but he's ready for this and he twists the throttle and speeds off.

You're not going to hurt her anymore, I'll make sure if it.

The bike thundering beneath him echoes the powerful intent in his mind.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Her father’s pounding on her door shocked her so much the tiara fell off her head as she jolted, she'd carefully picked it up and hid it in a draw fiercely protective of the object already. She knew she shouldn’t keep it but she can’t imagine throwing it away.

Just for a little bit.

"You're meeting someone tomorrow, you'll go right after school. Stop at a store and buy an outfit, something fitting for a date. His father is someone I need on my side, don't mess this up."

She'd sat numb at her father's callous words, he clearly had no issue using his only child to gain favors from others.

"Oh and one more thing, I saw some delinquent outside he even threatened me. You better not know who that punk is. If I ever see him around here again I'll call the police."

That comment has been replaying in her mind all day, he shouldn't have come over yesterday and she shouldn't have humored him by going outside. She kept forgetting rationality around him and it would get them both in danger, her father had all but promised that.

After some careful consideration, she decides to seek him out because school is the safest place they can interact without her father knowing.

He's not in the classroom and she tries to think about where else the boy might be, he's usually never too far from her and she realizes that she hasn't seen him today besides their morning classes. He'd seemed distant then, barely looking at her before drooping off to sleep.

After searching the entire school she's no closer to finding the boy and she sighs in exasperation, why is he so elusive today when she commonly can't get him to leave her alone?

Pulling out her phone, she hesitates for a second before mustering the courage.

Where are you?

Staring at the message she clicks the heel of her shoe, watching the message change from delivered and to read. Her stomach clenches as she waits to see his response, maybe he's already tired of her and finally decided to listen to her advice?

Hating the way her heart thumps in anticipation she moves to pocket her phone but before she can complete the movement, it vibrates to life in her hand.

She freezes.

It's foolish because she sent the first message and she's looking for him but now she's too nervous to check her phone.

Thinking of the soothing beating of his heart on that day, she feels her own heart calming.

Feeling fortified, she lifts the phone and with a sigh opens the message.

In the gym. Why? You miss me?

Is this what this emotion is? This gnawing feeling in her chest when she couldn't find him, it can't be right? They are nothing to each other, correction she's nothing to him.

So no, she can’t miss him.

She clears her thoughts as she walks to the gym, wondering why she never considered looking there.

Sweat and musk clings in the air when she presses the double doors open and all eyes shift to her instantly, slipping on her mask she suppresses the nerves lurking behind her placid stare.

Meeting his eyes across the room, she can't help but notice how sweaty he looks his fringe sticking to his forehead and a droplet rolls down his forearm. Swallowing deeply she closes the gap between them, peering up at him. Discomforted at the way she feels when he slowly smiles at her.

"We need to talk." She doesn't wait for his answer, grabbing his wrist and tugging him from the room. Pretending she doesn't feel all the eyes watching their every movement, everyone needs to just mind their own business.

When they're outside, away from the audience she releases his arm. His heat warming her own cool palm. Suddenly he grabs her hand, twisting them and stroking at the raw shredded skin.

She snatches her hand away harshly, glaring at him. But his angry stare douses her own, a thick vein protrudes from his forehead.

"Did he do this to you? He growls, his fists tightening into balls again.

She stares at him in confusion, unprepared for the level of frustration he's exuding.

Feeling like honestly will be the best thing she shakes her head in decline, "No. I did this to myself."

Disgust. Malice. Contempt. She waits for any of those emotions to cover his face but he's never logical.

"Why?"

Concern. Always genuine concern.

She's never thought of the reason behind her strange compulsion, the desire to wash her hands overwhelming at times.

She's not ready to ponder the psychosis of her actions, not with him and not with herself.

"Did you see my father yesterday?" She changes the topic, regaining control over the conversation before he derails it too far off track.

His lips twists illustrating his displeasure at her obvious attempt to dodge his question but he looks away before replying.

"Yes. After you left, I saw him."

"Did he see your face?"

His eyes dart over her face, as he's searching for an answer to a question only he knows.

Slowly he drawls, "No. I had my helmet on. He didn't see me."

The same moment she releases a sigh of relief he cheekily asks, "Were you worried about me?"

Staring at his smirking face she feels her anger flare back to life passionately.

“Do you think this is a joke? He can destroy you! Stop acting without thinking about the consequences!” She whispers harshly at him, very aware of their precarious situation in the hallway and how easily rumors can spread in this god forsaken school.

“You are worried about me.” He looks even more pleased as he nods smugly.

“Are you insane? Did you listen to a word I said. Seojun, this isn’t a joke!”

He steps closer, eyes harden sharply like someone flipped a switch. “You don’t need to worry about me. He can’t do anything to me, I’m going to protect you.”

Protect her. No one has ever uttered those words to her, and she lets them wash over her before rejecting them, sneering at him with contempt at his brazen claim she says, “Stop saying nonsense. You need to worry about yourself.”

She walks away with her heart firmly lodged in her throat.

I’m going to protect you.

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Ju-Kyung and Su-ah are disappointed when she tells them that she can’t go with them for tteokbokki but they don’t ask her too many questions, easily believing her lie about going to night classes. She hates lying to them but there’s no way to explain what she’s doing without exposing too much about her father.

She rushes out of the school thankfully running into no one, not even a certain nosy shadow. He’s shrouded by his friends and girls who swoon at the sight of him looking in disdain she leaves the school, reminding herself this is how it’s supposed to be.

The boutique is expensive, a store associate greeting her at the door and showing her around immediately as if she can smell the money on her. She couldn’t care less about what she wears and she informs the clerk to choose whatever she thinks is appropriate for a date, the word poisonous on her tongue. It’s her first date and it’s with someone she has no amorous feelings for, someone she has never even met before. She walks out of the store with her uniform folded neatly in a bag as she decided to walk out in the new outfit. The clerk had chosen a soft lilac dress with chiffon ruffles lining the hem and shoulders, paired with a white heels and a matching bag. She allowed it because it felt nothing like her, she would have never chosen this for a date and that made her feel like she got to keep a little bit of herself, he wouldn’t be getting the real her.

She checks the address on her phone once more, walking to the street corner to hail a cab feeling like she’s off to an execution.

But that’s when she hears a feminine cry, looking around frantically she sees a young girl across the street surrounded by a pack of hungry wolves, high school boys. They are all laughing and rowdy, seemingly unbothered by the terrified wide gaze of their supposed prey. The cab driver beeps his horn at her impatiently and she ignores it, instinctively making her decision. Running across the street with no thought of her own safety, she smacks away a dirty paw that is reaching out for the trembling girl, her eyes made larger by the huge glasses resting on the bridge of her pert nose. She seems oddly familiar.

“What are you scum bags doing?” She steps in front of the girl shielding her from their unwanted attention.

They all cheer and holler, turning to jostle each other as if they have been given a gift.

With a smarmy smile, one of the boys steps forward pursuing her body with hungry eyes, “Well look here boys, we caught an ever better catch. Look at this sexy little thing.”

He grabs his palms together as they all shout in agreement and when she feels a hand on her wrist, she twists away pulling herself out her reach and swiftly kicks him in the knee he falls to the ground with a grunt of pain.

“What the fuck! You bitch!” He curses at her and another boy lunges forward to grab her but she easily ducks out of his reach and punches in in the chest. The other boys watch in clear astonishment, slowly retreating from her with their hands outreached trying to placate her.

“Hey, hey we’re sorry we were just messing with her. We’re going okay, calm down.”

But then she feels a hand on her ankle and she turns to dig her sharp heel into the offending hand, his scream of pain ringing pleasantly in her ears.

“Get out of my sight before I break your face.”

They all rush to follow her order, picking up their fallen friends on the ground hurling more curses in her direction but leaving with their tails between their legs, pathethic little vermin.

“Are you okay?” She turns to the younger girl with gentle eyes, looking over her body for any injuries and relaxing when she sees nothing out of place.

“Ye-s-s.” She stutters out looking at her with something akin to wonder and awe in her eyes, she shifts uncomfortably under the stare. She isn’t anyone’s hero, she just did what anyone would do.

“Okay. Get home safely. “ She starts to walk away but then a small hand grips her forearm, turning back with curious eyes she looks at the other girl waiting for her to explain.

“Thank you. This is the second time you’ve saved me.”

She looks at the other girl in confusion, taking in her face and those glasses and suddenly the memory resurfaces in her mind. The girl’s bathroom and all those jealous girls ganging up on her, breaking her down because she was better than them she hated those people the worst. Bullies that were so insecure that they lashed out and tried to hurt others, she had grown up seeing one her whole life.

“That was you.”

“You’re always saving me. Thank you so much.’

Shaking her head she replies, “I wasn’t the one who saved you that day. It as Ju-Kyung, I only came at the end. You don’t need to thank me.”

But the other girl ignores her and begins to bow deeply repeating her words of gratitude, she reaches out to bring her back up.

“Stop. You don’t need to do this.”

“Do you want to get some coffee?” She blinks at the sudden question, blinking and then staring some more.

“I just feel so grateful to you, I don’t know what I would have done if you didn’t come. You’ve helped me so much, it’s the least I can do. Please.”

She checks her watch discretely, there is still some time before her “date” and looking at the round pleading eyes of the girl she feels her resolve weaken, sighing she goes against her good sense and nods.

“Okay, we can get some coffee. But I have another.....engagement.” She struggles to find the correct word for the sham of a date and settles on that. She would much rather call it a business transaction but that would yield too many questions.

The young girl beams at her, animatedly dragging her off her excited voice sweet and high as she praises a nearby coffee shop.

“My Oppa works there, he can give us free coffee!” She states with youthful entitlement evident in her tone, she has no doubt that she will be given what she wants. It must be nice.

The coffee shop is a quaint spot, she’s never noticed it before despite being in this area before. A bell rings announcing their arrival and they both walk up to the register.

“Oppa! I’m here!” The girl calls out, leaning easily across the counter with no sense of decency, there are no other customers in the store though so there’s no one to judge her and Sujin finds her behavior oddly cute, she’s quite the ball of energy.

“Oh, you’re here?”

A chill runs down her spine. She knows that voice. But it can’t be?

But life isn’t done making a mockery of her yet because Seojun turns around, coffee pot in his hand looking...interesting in his uniform she takes the image in greedily before forcing her eyes away.

“Can we have free coffee? This is my unnie Kang Sujin.”

“Unnie?” They both cry at the same time and the younger girl immediately grabs onto her arm, huge puppy eyes penetrating her face. “Can I call you unnie? You already saved me two times. I feel like you’re my guardian angel.”

She stands shocked by the girl’s admission but before the words are finished processing in her foggy mind, Seojun shouts out looking murderous “Saved you? Did someone try to bully you again? Who is it? I’ll kill them.”

Unsure of who she should reply to she just stares at them both like a fish on land. floundering around. They are both such forces of nature.

“I’m fine Oppa.” She watches the girl roll her eyes as if his behavior is common and something to be peeved about, “These boys were trying to bother me but unnie came and beat them up! It was like something out of a movie, they all ran away crying.” The girl tries to demonstrate the moves waving her arms and legs around wildly, almost knocking the coffee cup from her brother’s hand.

“Hey!” He yells in warning, moving the hot pot away. “Be careful before you hurt yourself.”

The younger girl looks chastised for merely a second before she’s announcing she needs to use the bathroom and running off, leaving them alone to stare after her.

Awkward silence remains in the wake of her departure.

She’s tempted to run away, he is the last person she wants to see right now.

“You really did that? For Go-woon ah?” His voice is soft, almost shy. For once he isn’t the same self-assured Seojun she’s used to see, he looks younger and the resemblance between the siblings is uncanny now with him looking at her with the same look of awe, his little sister had just minutes ago.

“I.....yes I helped her. They were idiots, I did for myself. They were an eye sore.”

But despite her dismissal, he smiles-toothy and ridiculously charming. It’s almost painful to look at, he shouldn’t be allowed to smile like that.

She stares at him lost in his smile and when he reaches out to grasp her hand, she doesn’t fight it helplessly leaning closer to meet him over the counter, their eyes are locked as the space between them shortens, their bodies moving as if they’re opposite ends of a magnet.

“Thank you for helping my sister.” He breathes out, his deep voice smooth and airy suddenly there isn’t enough air in the room. He rubs a thumb across the expanse of her hand, and she forgets to be self-conscious and simply enjoys the tender caress.

“Oppa! Can we get free coffee or not? Why aren’t you making it?” Go-woon’s loud voice shatters the intimate moment as they both fly apart, she moves halfway across the room in her shock.

Go-woon looks between them both suspiciously, “Did I interrupt something? You both look guilty.”

“No!” They shout in sync again, Sujin groans realizes that this probably only serves at making them look even more guilty. Go-woon’s mischievous eyes confirm her thoughts.

“I’ll make your coffee. You can both have a seat.”

Go-woon starts to walk away to find a table, but she checks her watch again realizing she doesn’t have much time left if she’s going to be on time, she has to leave now.

“Can I have mine to go? I have to be somewhere and I’m almost late.”

Then Go-woon chirps in, “Me too oppa! I just realized I have to start a project, I should go home.”

He stares at them both blankly before shifting his gaze to Sujin, “Where are you going?” He asks finally taking in her outfit, his gaze starting on her face and boldly sliding down her figure. His stare is hot enough to burn.

Go-woon giggles answering for her, “Oppa look at her, come on. it’s clear she’s going on a date. Boys really don’t know anything.”

She blanches as how easily the young girl is able to correctly assess the situation, she hadn’t thought it would be that easy to see.

Seojun’s eyes harden as he turns away, staring at the coffee brewer as it works. He grabs two cups and pours the dark hot liquid in, before adding milk and a syrup and a layer of whipped cream on top. Go-woon hums happily clearly this is her preference as he hadn’t asked her how she wanted her coffee.

He silently hands the cups to them both. His face is blank and unreadable vast difference from the beatific smile he had blessed her with earlier. She feels as if she has done something wrong, but she has no clue what that is.

“Go straight home and don’t talk to anyone. Call me when you get home alright?”

Go-woon is barely listening to him instead she’s happily licking at the thick layer of cream on her cup cooing at the sweetness.

“Unnie, thank you again. I hope you enjoy your date, I’ll see you at school!” She suddenly has an armful of Go-woon before the girl is bounding out the door with only a “Bye oppa” to her brother thrown over her shoulder.

“You haven’t said it’s not true yet?”

She turns back to look at him, tilting her head lightly before sipping from her cup. She’s never had coffee this sweet, but it’s delicious so she takes another sip humming at the flavor.

He looks away for a moment, his chest expanding deeply before he turns back to her.

“What are you talking about?”

“Your date. That you have a date, is that true?”

She raises an eyebrow at this straightforwardness, gone in the shy boy she only saw for a minute and this is the Seojun she is familiar with.

“I didn’t.” She agrees.

“Why?”

“Because it’s true. I am going on a date.”

During the conversation he started wiping down the already pristine counter but at her words his hand freezes and she watches his fist tighten in the wash cloth he ultimately throws it to the side to direct all his focus on her now, no longer nonchalant and unbothered.

“With who? Do you like him?”

She laughs meanly at his question, “You’re so naïve to my world. A date is just another business transaction, he is the son of someone my father needs on his side. I’m his peace offering.”

“What?” He barks loudly, looking like he wants to hurt someone. She can imagine who that person might be.

“Don’t get attached to me. My life isn’t mine to live.” She says tired of this discussion and all the feelings he has brought to the surface. Lifting her coffee cup she bids him farewell, “Thank you for the coffee.”

She doesn’t give him a chance to reply, already knows what he’s going to say but he doesn’t understand everything isn’t as black and white as he keeps assuming they are he needed a reality check, so she provided one.

Once on the sidewalk she checks her phone, she only has twenty minutes to spare. She can’t afford to wait for a cab so she opens the cab service app, entering the address and sighing in relief when the ETA says that she will arrive in fifteen minutes. Accepting the charge and confirming her location she sighs before lowering her phone, waiting.

But then she feels arms curl around her shoulder, bringing her back into a solid surface she almost fights the sudden embrace until he whispers in the side of her head, “Don’t go.”

She tries to pull away but he only holds her tighter, his arms are strong as he holds her firmly against his body. His warmth soaks into her skin and the urge to fight melts away as she relaxes into his embrace, he smells like the deep roast he had poured for them and something inexplicably Seojun that can’t be described with mere words.

“Stop,” She pleads with him, she has to go even if the idea of going on a date with someone else makes her sick to her stomach.

Someone else. Where did that come from? Did that mean that she wanted to go on a date with Seojun?

She can’t answer that question, doesn’t want to deal with the reality.

“No. I can’t stop. I don’t want to stop. Sujin, don’t go.”

She shivers as his words curl around her just as warm and tempting as his arms around her shoulders.

“Why are you doing this?” She demands, her eyes already filling up with tears of frustration she’d convinced herself she had to do this, let herself be used. It was easier this way to listen to her father. But he’s making everything hard and she needs to know why he cares.

“Why do you care who I go on a date with? Why are you doing this?” She screams into the air, deflating into his arms after her tantrum. Letting him brunt the entirety of her weight, he doesn’t even budge easily holding her up. He shifts his body, bringing his chin onto her head and holding her tighter, leaving no space between them.

“Isn’t it obvious by now princess?”

She opens her mouth to berate him, not that damn nickname again. He seriously needed to stop that before she got accustomed to it even now instead of annoyance a foreign emotion rose up inside of her.

“I told you to stop calling me tha--”

“I like you.”

The breath is punched from her lungs and her head swims with his words and she has no retort, no quick rebuttal, nothing. He has left her utterly and devastatedly speechless.

#true beauty #true beauty kdrama #han seojun #kang sujin #Seojin #turning up the heat #I just love straightforward characters #your honor she's his princess #true beauty fix it

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marshmallowprotection · 3 years

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I'm having a really bad day today... I'm feeling really down, my energy are all drained out, I've talked to my friends, but still my heart feels really heavy. now I can't stop crying because I've been replaying all of Saeran's call in his AE. Honestly Mr. Sujin Kang really portayed him as wonderful character. Sometimes, Saeran's voice can be soft, gentle, and genuine. The other times he can be playful and also teasing. There's this call in his route at day 10, when we pretend to hide from him but he can tell that we're in the kitchen. Then he said he felt guilty because he can't cook for us or prepare a meal, even though he doesn't have to do that. Suddenly he said "I'm sorry...." with such guilty voice, but then added "is not what I was planning to say!" He said it with such playful tone that makes me laugh instantly. I love him so much when he's being playful, that means he is comfortable enough with himself.

May I know what's and when's your favorite call/moment with him throughout the route or AE?

Yes. His range is absolutely amazing! He manages to capture and encapsulate all of Saeran and Ray. There are notable differences and every ounce of energy that he puts into this character just... God, it does so much to my heart and soul.

Now, I have so many favorite moments but since you brought up phone calls, I can mention some of my favorite phone calls!

For Ray, my favorite phone call is his lullaby call. You have to be awake after midnight on day 6 to get this outgoing call. It's actually not my up there on my list because he sings to you.

It's his emotional vulnerability. He whispers to you that he wants you to rest and he wants to take care of you. He is bashful as he tries not to take your offer to count sheep for him. I just really love how he can do that so readily. But, yeah, it's his singing. I use that call to go to bed sometimes.

My other favorite Ray call happens immediately after the kiss. He is so honest with you. He's thinking about you, about your lips, about how you feel better than paradise and you make him feel alive. This is the moment where he realizes he loves you and wants you more than Mint Eye.

I also just love when he goes, "Can I be your prince? I feel like your prince... like your kiss changed me, just like the frog prince." I sob every fucking time he does that. I just love Ray so much I'm going to bawl.

Hands-down though? Suit Saeran has a very specific call for me. I enjoy his call after V confronts him on day 9. He asks you who you would leave with, and this call will shatter your heart no matter who you pick. You can say, "Alone, Ray, and you, Saeran." All of these are options that will show you what's going on in his mind.

If you pick Ray, his voice sounds so broken and forlorn, because of course, Ray loved you and treated you right. He... cared about you but hurt you. You'd never leave with him. If you say him, he'll laugh and think you're considering and foolish, but it... it makes him so happy. Alone is... maybe don't click that one.

I don't even think I can pick a favorite GE call. All of his calls are my favorite. No, wait. I know what my favorite is. Okay, so you can call him on day 1 in the After Ending, and he's driving. He thinks it's silly but he realizes that you want to roleplay with him a little and play a game of pretend.

You can offer to kiss him and he's like: "...I need to pull over. I can't kiss you without it lasting forever." And then you can say something about feeding him, and I always pick the corn because he snorts and says, "Do I look like a farmer to you? Should I get some straw and help you make the image?"

GE Saeran is a perfect blend of Ray and Saeran. He can be gentle and dry. Both of these things make me smile all day long.

#anon #ask #mod kait #masterpost #ge saeran #saeray #saeran choi #choi saeran #ray choi #choi ray #mm #mysme #mysticmessenger #mystic messenger #saeran

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imjukyung · 3 years

Text

Okay so we all know how much I love Suho and Jugyeong as individuals but also as a unit and I obviously think about these characters too much so have yet another unnecessary analysis from me. This post ended up being over 1500 words, I apologize. Like my Suho post before, this is not an invitation for hate, or arguments, just, observations I’ve made and yeah.

So both Suho and Jugyeong have suffered trauma, not in the same manner but both have very deep set issues that affect who they are as people. Jugyeong is deeply insecure about her looks and her grades, all thanks to the bullying she endured from most people surrounding her life. Suho has lived a life of great loss, beginning with his parents (his mother's death and his father's essential abandonment), then his best friends (seyeon's death and seojun's breaking their friendship). Both have some deep scars and yet, they both try so hard for each other.

As friends, Jugyeong offers herself as a listening ear for Suho when he needs it, something he never really had before. You can argue he could have had it in anyone trying to be his friend, but a part of it is definitely Suho's fear of losing someone else, he can't lose someone else he loves if he doesn't let them get close. But with Jugyeong it just happens naturally, this girl who he saved, who ironically likes horror comics like him. They bond, he keeps her secret, then there's those different emotions he keeps getting around her. He starts saying things without really thinking, he starts doing things that he wouldn't normally do. Friends, Lee Suho has a crush and he has zero idea what to do.

Now I could go in depth on Suho, and believe me friends I have, but this is more on why I support this relationship. They help each other in so many ways, Jugyeong was there after Suho's first panic attack on the anniversary of Seyeon's death. She went looking for him because she was worried, she wanted to be there for him, to support him in any way she could. In turn Suho keeps her secret and also helps her when he can. He tries to help her in her studies, he saves her wallet from her bullies and comforts her afterwards. He willingly beats the crap out of the boys who kidnapped her, and holds her hand on the drive home because she looks like she's struggling. He praises her after her fight with her mom about her grades, because he saw how hard she worked and how it affected her that her mom still wasn't happy.

Support. They offer each other support because they've seen each other at their lowest of lows, and this was before they even started to date.

After confessing, which is done when Jugyeong is not wearing make up, so props to the writers for that. They manage to build each other up some more. Despite Suho being more than ready to tell everyone they are together, he accepts when Jugyeong asks him to not say anything then proceeds to plan a date far enough away where they shouldn't get caught and she gets to meet her idol (he paid attention after seeing her watch a single video) which he knows will make her happy. He pays attention, because he wants her to be happy. He notices when she's off, when she doesn't seem as bright or happy, and he tries to figure out why. He wants to take care of her, to make her happy, because that's how much he genuinely cares (i don't wanna say love bc people will get pissy but you know what, f u c k it, he LOVES HER). He assures her that she is enough when she shares that she feels like she isn't good enough for him, but what does he say? You're enough. Because he doesn’t want her to think that way, because she’s probably more than enough for him. After all he likes her for who she is, and he thinks she’s pretty without makeup on, and he knows she’ll work hard for her grades if she needs to.

They are also constantly on the phone with each other which is freaking cute because like, they just want to tell each other EVERYTHING which is good because it’s a precursor to possible good communication. And even though it was followed by lack of communication, they did end up apologizing to each other after the accident. Suho actually apologized AGAIN once he returned to school, so he acknowledged that he said things he shouldn’t have said. But also that conversation was the catalyst for her admitting to Sujin that they were dating, because she felt she had to tell her, and to tell Sujin how much she meant to her. This was brave for Jugyeong to do, because we know our girl hates confrontation, but she did it. She admitted she liked Suho, a lot, and that they were dating. It was a big revelation and we all know it.

But anyway, let’s talk about the accident, once Jugyeong hears that Suho is hurt, she literally runs to the hospital, even though she doesn’t have make up on. His safety is a priority and she has no chill, she could have bolted out when she realized Seojun was there too, but she did want to at least check on him after, she was even thinking of going back, but she decided against it. Suho followed her, because he really just wanted to see her. She’s become a sense of comfort for him, her mere presence seems to help him. You can tell by how he holds on to her, how he practically melts into her when he’s holding her. She’s helping ground him, she’s helping him heal because he said it didn’t even hurt anymore. She is HEALING him, without even realizing it. Having her in his life, it’s helping him want to reconnect with this side of himself that he’d abandoned when Seyeon died.

Jugyeong is a worry wart, Suho teases her of such, but you can tell just how much she worries because she visits constantly while he’s in the hospital, she brings him things, and even after watching him experience yet another panic attack and get put under sedation, she remains at his side. Holding his hand, even if he doesn’t know she’s there, she wants to be there for him like he’s there for her. This is further cemented after news breaks about Suho’s dad, she’s there again, because she wanted to give him a hug. He told her he missed her, and here she was. But she just wanted to give him comfort because she knew he’d need it, even if he had an awful relationship with his dad, it was his dad. He had to feel awful and she wanted to be there for him. They want to be the other’s support system, and that’s honestly a beautiful foundation for a relationship and it can help in both their healing journeys in general.

The latest episode just further cemented by support for them as a couple, because they were so freaking adorable? The video call? Her worrying about him, her doing research to tell him things he should eat to ensure his leg heals faster? The hearts, and even though Suho is so dumb sometimes, he still offered her affection through the video call. Then when he showed up at her house for them to hold hands to the bus stop, because this boy is craving physical touch. (He apologized again for what he said before the accident, so yes) But you can tell he really is feeling comfortable with showing her affection because he literally leans on her at school, using his injury so he can be close to her at school. He’s always watching her too, because you can tell that protective instinct is there, and when she’s unhappy he looks visibly worried.

Also the immense respect he has for his relationship, remembering what Seojun told him, he straight up tells Sujin that he’s taken, by Jugyeong, the line more CLEARLY drawn each time he sees Sujin because he needs her to understand that he only likes her as a friend. His obvious visible worry when she doesn’t seem like herself, to the point that he tries to get her to talk to him, just like she’s offered to be a listening ear to him, he wants to reciprocate. He wants her to know that she can talk to him, which is why the second hand holding scene is amazing, it’s the opposite of earlier in the episode where she held his hand in the hospital. In that moment she was comforting him, but now he was comforting her. THEY HELP EACH OTHER.

Anyway continuing on with Sujin and when she throws away the necklace he gave Jugyeong, you can see that he’s hurt because she’s supposed to be friends with Jugyeong and here she is throwing away something that is important to her. Now as he’s walking away after that exchange, you see him begin to text Juju to not look for the necklace, but he doesn’t send it. What’s this boy doing instead? He goes and buys a new one, because he knows Juju will look all night for it, and he doesn’t want to hurt her and say hey your best friend threw it away because she’s jealous we’re dating. He knows she’s suffered a shit ton (although he doesn’t know the extent that someone she considered a friend betrayed her, just like now) and she doesn’t need to think that her friends are out to get her. So he buys a new necklace, and then he places it so Jugyeong can find it, and he’s happy that she’s happy. Because she’s so relieved to find it, after all it’s precious, Suho gave it to her. Just as he treasures things he’s received from her (I bet you the hair tie and the candy bar are in his apartment still) and he uses the things she bought him for his anxiety (again she’s taking care of him, doing research to assure he doesn’t feel anxious again, so she buys him all the things to help with anxiety).

Them holding hands is precious, and the way he puts their entwined hands in his pocket slayed me. That’s it, that’s the sentence. MOVING ON.

Overall I feel like they work amazingly because they’ve seen each other at their lowest points, and they also want to help lift each other up. They will do anything to lift each other up. They can help each other heal, not saying that they won’t need other help, but their relationship will be beneficial to them in the long run if they continue down this path.

#not a beauty (ooc)#me trying to get poetic (meta)#true beauty #lee su ho #im jugyeong #lim jugyeong #true beauty drama #ship fodder

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thesinglesjukebox · 4 years

Video

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LADY GAGA WITH ARIANA GRANDE - RAIN ON ME

[7.21]

A collaboration of two raining pop stars...

Wayne Weizhen Zhang: When was the last time you felt queer joy? a friend recently messaged me. It's not the only message that I've gotten like it, coming from someone reflecting on how hard it is to find love in our queer identities when the spaces and support networks we've spent our adult lives creating are no longer easily accessible. Lockdown is hard for everyone, but queer people have it especially rough. I have friends who chose to stay alone rather than return to uncomfortable family situations; friends who chose to find shelter in other countries rather than go home; friends in nominally progressive, loving environments who still feel constantly micro-aggressed against. Due to COVID, I've been forced to live with my parents for four months now, during which time we've managed to avoid a huge confrontation about my sexuality--but I still feel so lonely and unseen. "Rain on Me," however, sees me. This song is big and dumb and flawed, and probably designed as fan-service, but it is so, so gay. The more-is-more sound, the delightful camp aesthetic of the promos, the millions of memes, the outrageous Chromatica merchandise are all as extra as I wish I could be. For God's sake, at one point, Ariana literally sings the words, "Gotta live my truth, not keep it bottled in." Two of the biggest gay icons in the world coming together to sing about their traumas in the pouring rain would have been cathartic pop under any circumstances, but under these, it feels like nothing short of triumphant, torrential queer joy. [9]

Tobi Tella: For the Gay Event of 2020, that beat drop is cribbed right from 2013. The two work well together, and the result is hard not to like, but I'm also finding it hard to love. [6]

Will Adams: "Stupid Love" worked as a return to form for the maximalist Gaga of yester-decade. "Rain On Me" works even better for the sweet surprise at how much energy she injects into filter house, a genre whose recent re-emergence has often felt lifeless. The growl she adds to the "RAIN on me" that punctuates the instrumental break does plenty on its own. The presence of Grande and the alternate chorus at the very end implies that there could have been more but what was left on the cutting room floor doesn't really matter when the final 3-minute product is this electrifying. [8]

Joshua Lu: At times "Rain on Me" feels like two separate dance tracks spliced together: one with Lady Gaga's hefty vocals serving as the backbone for a groovy instrumental, and another with Ariana Grande's lithe voice adroitly dancing on the pounding synths. Either can succeed on its own, but when they mix, they hamper one another. It's most evident on the bridge, where Ariana's breathy delivery clashes with Gaga's campy deep voice, which shouldn't be used there regardless -- hearing it for an entire section makes it less powerful when it pops up as the pre-chorus. [5]

Edward Okulicz: This Lady Gaga single is okay to pretty good, but the chorus is basically just "Rain Over Me" by Pitbull. [6]

Scott Mildenhall: Not everything has to be "Telephone," but Gaga's statements about "Rain on Me"'s personal significance hit home how run-of-the-mill the song feels compared with something so conceptually walloping. The deep personal connection Gaga felt with Grande is sadly inaudible, and the boldest it all gets is with her spoken delivery of the title, an appreciably camp touch in a song that is content and perhaps correct to colour within the lines, however brightly. [7]

Katherine St Asaph: Did not expect my first thought upon hearing a Gaga song to be Shut Up Stella. This shrinks a bit after hearing Chromatica, which has more massive tracks. [6]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: Gaga and Ari are pop music's two greatest theater kids. Every note, every line on "Rain on Me" is perfectly calibrated to demonstrate this, to make clear their skill at acting out the role of the pop star. The musical frame of the song is sturdy enough (it's not "Fade" or "Electricity" in terms of '90s house pastiche, but it grooves deeply enough to not seem lightweight), but "Rain on Me" is driven by their performances. It's most obvious on the song's bridge, where the combo of Gaga's imperial declarations and Ari's upper register meld together in kitschy glory. "Rain On Me" isn't a perfect song-- it's a bit underwritten, and the water metaphors don't fully come together-- but it's a near-perfect performance. [8]

Ryo Miyauchi: "I'd rather be dry, but at least I'm alive." It's a hook that's surely, and most likely unintentionally, informed by post-COVID life, but it also reminds me of the apocalyptic pop that flourished about a decade ago when dubstep was in full swing. That subgenre's structure still lives on at a elemental level, with the chorus devoid of lyrics, just now swapped for a chic, Justice-style electro-house. While any hint of doom might be more the beckoning of the current time, Lady Gaga and Ariana Grande's eager sense of abandon taps into now as much as it does to a recent past, and I hope it will speak to us in a similar way in the future when our world seems to be collapsing again in whatever context. [7]

Jessica Doyle: The more I listen to this the less it hangs together. Is the rain heartbreak or guilt? Is Lady Gaga the victim of it or using it for her own destructive ends? (Rain can be healing; tsunamis never are.) Why does she throw that cold, commanding "Rain. On. Me." refrain into a song that's supposed to be about vulnerable acceptance? And why isn't it "I'd rather be drunk, but at least I'm alive"? (Darn it.) I'll cede some power to the image of Gaga and Ariana Grande, both wounded and relatably self-aggrandizing, stomp-dancing around together in the rain, but stripped of pop-gossip context the song won't stick around. [5]

Leah Isobel: Lady Gaga is pop Jenny Holzer. She doesn't write lyrics, she writes slogans. I'D RATHER BE DRY, BUT AT LEAST I'M ALIVE isn't quite on the level of I WANT YOUR WHISKEY MOUTH ALL OVER MY BLONDE SOUTH, but the contrast between her severe consonants and Ariana's airy open vowels provides enough scaffolding that it works anyway -- and it doesn't hurt that the bass hurtles around that line like a Ferrari. If Gaga's oeuvre is a monument to the power of sheer determination, "Rain on Me" is what happens when she wills her sadness into release, her trauma into mere prelude; it's American pop myth-making at its purest. In that sense, it's an old-fashioned kind of triumph. [8]

Oliver Maier: Lady Gaga is too much of an auteur to really relinquish control. This is why her me/us-against-the-world cowboy songs suck, because she is at her best when she rules the reality that the music inhabits. On the strongest of her imperial-era singles, desperation and desire are either crystallised into museum exhibits or performed with such dark melodrama that they feel more like elaborate theatre for which she plays both director and lead role. "Rain On Me" is about giving in and letting herself cry, but the drop hinges critically on the spoken command that opens the floodgates; it's catharsis issued with total precision. Ariana, the reigning pop queen of emotional honesty, is at home on her confessional verse and then, having run out of stuff to do, sticks to ornamentation (it's funny that she gets a "with" credit for what is very much a "feat."). There are smart decisions -- the compact runtime, the way that the aqueous filtering drives the imagery home -- and then there's the simple, house-beats-go-brrrrr monkey brain joy of dance music that sounds this sure of itself; what it's doing, where it's going, how hard it slaps. [8]

Alex Clifton: Was this designed to get me through my next run? Through the next time Louisville is pelted by rain for days at a time? Through the pandemic? I'm not sure, but I've sold my soul to Gaga and Ariana for the above reasons and am more than happy with the results. [8]

Jackie Powell: I didn't really understand how this collaboration was going to work until I remembered the similarities that Grande and Gaga share. Besides the obvious that both are Italian, both have witnessed trauma in real-time and in front of the world. "Rain On Me" is a conversation that manifests in the music itself but also in all of its accompanying media, such as promotion its Robert Rodriguez-directed video. The moment when Lady Gaga pulls the knife out of her leg is purposeful Right as Gaga forcefully hauls the knife out of her thigh, Grande begins her verse. We can't move through pain and trauma alone; that invitation into conversation and togetherness is part of the healing. The melody of "Rain on Me," which I'm assuming was written mostly by Grammy-winning Nija, was orchestrated as an internal battle-cry that is designed to be spouted out. Gaga begins singing as we expect her to, with a deep darker belt in her sweet spot. But once we hit the pre-chorus goin into the chorus, she switches into bright head voice, which is where we expect Grande to be. Ari then sings deep in her chest, around the pre-chorus and into the chorus. There's a pattern. During the bridge, they switch again, and then again in the outro. As to what's going on with Gaga and her vocal fry in that bridge and the last phrase of the chorus, some say it's just classic Gaga, The Fame Monster Gaga. While that's correct, she uses it as a tool with multiple functions. It serves as a "c'mon let's go to #Chromatica" statement, but it's also a transition that facilitates the journey. It sets up the glorious bassline that not only explodes into the ears, but was directly interpolated from Gwen McCrae's "All This Love That I'm Giving." But back to the pre-choruses: They give the listener the track's thesis and its heart. In the first pre-chorus when Gaga belts that she's ready for the rain, she's not fighting it anymore. All of that emotion is happening. The second pre-chorus is the reformation of the feeling. It's not comfortable, but we need to just let it out, let it fall, and let it be felt. "I'm ready. Rain on me." [10]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox]

#Lady Gaga #Ariana Grande #pop #music #music review

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baeklooming-day · 5 years

Text

Fleeting | Baekhyun

Summary: You lead a double life. For everyone else, you are the pretty girl with a great sense of fashion who works at Sephora. But it isn't your only job. For the other one you require only two things: the collection of weapons you keep in your closet - and zero emotions.

ft. Luhan

Genre: assassin!au, mafia!au, street racer!au, fluff, angst

Word count: 4.5k

playlist

"Really, Y/N? You know I love you, but lately I feel like the only reason you call me is for you to ask for favors."

"That's not true! Pretty please Sujin! I will be just a few minutes late."

"Hahaha! Good one."

"Sujin. I really need to take care of something right now. Will you help me out one more time?"

"..."

"Sujin!"

"Okay, okay. I'll cover for you. But, whatever it is, hurry up and come here right after, understood?"

"Of course. See you in a bit!"

You hung up.

Sujin was your coworker and friend. She totally adored you, and maybe that's the only reason why in the end she always let slide you being late for work. Well, you weren't always late. Sometimes it just happened for the problem to have to be solved during your usual work hours at Sephora.

Like today.

Your grip on your rifle tightened.

Easy. Focus.

After all, you've done it many times.

In this long time you've worked for Zhang Yixing you've never seen him as nervous as that evening.

"Listen Y/N, you do know the CEO of Kang Corporation, is that right?"

"Yeah, I mean, not personally but I know who he is. Kang-something...?"

"Yes, him. Listen. You also happen to know who Jackson Wang is, right? The CEO of Wang Enterprises?

"Yes-"

"Alright, here is your task."

He quickly slid a piece of paper in your direction.

You picked it and started to read.

You snorted.

"Why could I see something like this coming? It was so obvious. I assume our big CEO Mr. Wang wants all the power and glory to himself. Is he actually aware what might happen if suddenly the second big CEO disappears from the scene? Everyone knows those two don't particularly love each other."

"This is none of our concern, Y/N. Make sure you take care of this."

You paused for a brief moment.

"How much?"

Yixing hesitated. Woah there, you thought. So it is the highest price I've ever got.

"10 Million American dollars." He said, not breaking eye contact with you.

"Woah."

It always amused you, how desperate some people could be only to take down somebody who wasn't doing in their favor.

"'Woah' is a good word to describe it. Anyway, Y/N, I trust you to solve it without any complications as always."

"Will do, boss!"

With that being said, you directed yourself to the exit where you paused, only to quickly turn around and send Yixing a childish 'bang!' with a finger gun.

So now, you found yourself sitting on the roof of the Plaza Hotel - it would be quite romantic to say the least, if it wasn't for the purpose you were there.

You were a paid murderer. You killed people in an exchange for money.

Your current target was a certain Kang Seojun - the CEO of one of the biggest corporations in the city.

It wasn't your first time that you had to eliminate some important persona. You already had a minister, a few influential politicians and even a famous actress on your account.

It was always the same process. Find the target, observe them for a while, get some more information and finally, attack.

You adjusted your rifle.

To be quite honest, you've never been a fan of making a 'task' look like an accident. This regards arranging a car accident or literally setting the target's house on fire.

No, it was too much work than it already was.

So you just sticked to the classic solution.

Right now you were waiting for Kang Seojun to arrive at the Corporation's building right next to Plaza where their company meeting took place.

"Where on earth is this man", you mumbled to yourself. "If I don't kill you today, Sujin will kill me for being late again."

While you still waited, you looked at your own reflection in the small pocket mirror you always carried with you.

Your dark red lipstick and eyebrows were perfect as always. At least you looked good doing bad stuff.

Then you heard a vehicle pulling to stop and muffled voices in the distance that was separating you from the street beneath you.

You immediately straightened.

You could see the car's door open and a blonde head peeking out.

There he is.

He surely took his sweet time. Ironically, he didn't have much of it left.

Don't move a muscle. Concentrate.

He was now slowly heading to the entrance of the building. You had to act quickly and effectively.

Breath in. Breath out. It's a piece of cake.

Your fingers carefully clasped around the trigger.

"Bang."

You shoot.

It didn't take long for the hell to break loose. But by now, you were accustomed to it. After all, that part of your job was always the same as well - after having eliminated the target, you had to escape as fast as you could. Without being seen by anyone.

You had to have your eyes wide open. And you had to be careful.

Very, very careful.

You knew exactly what happened to people like you who were being careless about the whole thing. So already in your early training days you decided to never put your guard down.

The moment you entered Sephora you were met with Sujin putting a new delivery of Nars foundation onto the perfectly cleaned shelf.

To be honest, you actually really enjoyed working there. In your free time - time, when with a gun hidden in your boot you didn't run down the stairs of hotels, skyscrapers, apartment buildings, you name it - you liked playing with makeup and going shopping.

You could say it was a little benefit for you. You had to seem innocent, powerless. You had to be like a normal girl.

Well, at least pretend to be one.

"Hey, Sujin!"

"Finally! I would say 'right on time', but..."

"I'm sorry?"

She looked at you with an unreadable expression on her pretty face.

"Come on, help me sort it all." She pointed to the big box that rested beside her leg.

"Oh my." Your eyes scanned the new arrivals. "These are all so nice."

"Y/N, I know what you are thinking right now, come on. You basically have half of this store at home, you do not need another bottle of foundation."

You chuckled. "I didn't say anything!"

There was silence for a moment before Sujin spoke again.

"Actually, Y/N, are you seeing anyone at the moment?"

There it was. The question. You knew that one day she will completely see through you and get it that you were lying all along the way.

You always told her poor excuses for how come you never go out on any dates and aren't particularly interested in boys in general.

Because what else could you tell her?

You couldn't get too attached. Being who you were, didn't include love. You couldn't show anything that could be easily used against you.

"No, why? And on top of that, I already told you I'm too busy for a boyfriend." She looked unconvinced.

"What about Baekhyun?"

"What about him?"

You could expect her to ask about Baekhyun. Except for Sujin, he was your only friend. As if it wasn't obvious by now that you didn't have many friends. The less, the better, you always told yourself. In the end you were risking their safety as well. If you ever got discovered…

No. It won't happen.

Not again.

"Oh, don't be like that Y/N. Even a blind person could tell he likes you. He's liked you since you moved here! Why don't you just give it a chance? You two would be so cute together-"

"Sujin." You paused her. "Please, just leave it already, will you? Me and Baekhyun are good friends, but nothing more. Besides, Baekhyun is-"

"I'm what?"

You froze. Speaking of the devil. How did he even manage to sneak up on you like that everytime you least expected it?

"Baekhyun!" Sujin stood up to give him a quick hug. "Good to see you, how are things going?"

"I'm not complaining." He chuckled at her enthusiasm. "I see you two have some work to do."

"Just the usual. What brings you here?"

"Actually, I'm here for Y/N. Can I borrow her for a sec?"

You looked up at him from the foundation box you were sitting by.

His black hair was all messy, yet still managed to looked presentable. He was dressed in his standard outfit - plain white tee, black leather jacket and black ripped jeans, which, to be honest, were a little more than worn out.

Any other guy would look ridiculous, so why did he look so good?

Damn you, Baekhyun.

You stood up to properly face him.

"Sure, let's go."

He flashed you a wide smile before turning around and heading for the exit with you following behind him.

"So, what is it you wanted to talk about Baek?", you asked once you were in the main venue of the mall.

"To tell the truth, I just wanted to see you."

Is this guy being serious right now?

Every other girl like Sujin, would probably think it was the cutest thing for a boy to do. But you weren't like the other girls.

"Aww, could it possibly be that you missed me?"

"Maybe."

"You literally just saw me yesterday, Baekhyun."

Well, that was very true, you two used to quickly meet at the crossing in the morning before work quite often.

"Oh c'mon, you know what I'm trying to say." He lightly poked your arm. "We aren't spending so much time together anymore. And you always tell me you're busy. If I was somebody else I would even think you are avoiding me or something."

He didn't say it in an accusing tone but you knew he was partly right. Baekhyun just happened to be around almost always. It would be a lie if you said you didn't enjoy his company, because you did. But in your opinion, that alone was already one step too far. You preferred to turn him down and have him upset with you for a couple of hours than to risk being seen by someone who could use that information for certain purposes, or turn him down just because you had to take care of something at that time. Of course you told him you were busy, which also was true. But it seemed like it looked like a one big lie to him.

"Look, I know, but it's really not like that. If I say I'm busy, I really am. You know I wouldn't lie to you like that.

"So..." Baekhyun looked at you with puppy eyes. "Are you free this afternoon?" Another feature about him that honestly annoyed you, because you just couldn't help it but melt, was when he used that puppy look on you.

"Yeah, sure." Those words left your mouth before you could even think about it.

Dammit. You really needed to do some practising in resisting that boy's requests.

You found yourself sitting on the rooftop of an apartment building sipping on a big cup of Starbucks coffee. The spot was lovely - actually, it was your favourite spot in the city back then when you first moved in into your apartment. It was also the spot where Baekhyun brought you when you hung out for the first time. Of course it wasn't a date - none of the times you two hung out was. At least you wouldn't call it in that manner. Maybe Sujin would, but in her eyes everything had a different meaning.

Baekhyun was sitting right beside you and sipping on his own cotton candy frappuccino while gazing onto some unindentified point in the space.

Funny, you thought. He usually was the one to talk, he rarely got so quiet when you two were together.

You turned to him and sipped as loud as you could to get his attention.

"Hmm?"

"Something happened?" You brought your attention back to your cup. "It's strange to see you shut up like that."

"Nah, it's nothing." He hesitated for a brief moment but then spoke again. "Actually, Y/N. There is something I've been meaning to ask you, but..."

Oh no. Sujin couldn't be possibly right, could she? Shit.

"I mean, for the past two years that we've been best friends I don't really know much about you when I think of it, and it just kind of bothers me."

Oh my god. You let the breath you didn't realise you were holding. So he wasn't about to ask you out. Good.

But what were you going to tell him now anyway?

"Uhm, what do you exactly mean?"

Baekhyun shrugged.

"Besides that you are eyebrows-obsessed, speak more languages than any other person I know and can't get through the day without coffee or chocolate I don't know nothing about the times before I met you and where you came from, who your parents are..." He glanced at you.

You gulped. Why did he suddenly want to know all of this?

"I don't know who your parents are either. And before moving here my life was just a little, hm, complicated to say the least." You carelessly run your hand through your locks hoping that he won't dig any deeper.

"Fine, let's leave the parents thing out." Now he was directly looking you in the eyes. "But what do you exactly mean by complica-"

Buzzzzzzz.

Buzzzzzzz, buzzzzzzz.

He didn't get to finish the sentence when both your phones started vibrating in your pockets.

Baekhyun took his phone and looked and the bright screen.

"Aish, sorry I have to take this." He gave you an apologetic look.

"No worries, I have to take mine as well. Might be something important at work."

You smiled before quickly staying up and taking a little distance to finally slide your finger across the screen to accept the call.

"What the actual hell Yixing? I told you not to call me during the day!" You were careful to not be too loud, just in case.

But still, you completed your task just as he wanted, so what could it possibly be now?

"What-" His voice on the other line sounded a little bit irritated. "Would you quit shouting like that? Geez, my poor ear…"

"Look, I'm with a friend right now, so hurry up and tell me why you're calling before he hears everything."

"I'm calling you because I need you to show up at my office, like, right now." He paused before quickly adding "very urgent."

Sometimes you really just wanted to throw a shoe in his face.

"Yeah, fine. Already on my way."

You hung up.

When you were about to go back to where you and Baekhyun were sitting just a few moments ago, you saw him approaching you first.

"Y/N, I'm so sorry, but I have to go." He started to nervously scratch his neck.

"I have to go too. Something came up and they need me at... uhm, work." You wanted to sound confident but your voice sounded like anything else but that to you.

"The universe just wants to keep us apart for some reason, huh?" Baekhyun smiled ironically before quickly hugging you and making himself on his way.

Keep us apart, you thought to yourself. Maybe this is just the way things should be.

You arrived at Yixing's office not more than 15 minutes after you said goodbye to Baekhyun. You entered without knocking and immediately sat on the chair in front of his desk.

"So, what is this all about? Everything went smoothly in the morning, the guy is still very dead."

Yixing looked up from his laptop.

"I know, but this is not about that."

You raised your eyebrows.

"I just got a phone call. I don't know how to explain this, this is the first time a client requests something like that, though." He furrowed his eyebrows.

"What exactly is this request?"

"The client asked to meet you before you complete what they want you to do. Tomorrow, Cloud 9 at 11 o'clock."

What?

"Cloud 9? That fancy café on the 22nd floor? Pardon me, but what for?"

Yixing raised his palms. "I seriously don't know Y/N. They only said they wanted to reveal to you some particular information on the target. Other than that, they didn't name any price, so I suppose that's what they want to discuss with you personally."

"Well. Well, alright. How will I recognise them? Is it a man or a woman?"

"It was a woman's voice on the phone, and she didn't say anything about her appearance except for short blonde hair. She said she will recognise you."

"Fine, so be it." You nodded. "Can I go now?"

Yixing waved his hand in the yeah-go-away manner. "Yes, dismissed."

A client wanting to meet up with you? Well that was new.

The next day, you were preparing yourself for the "meeting". That woman said she would recognise you, right? But wait. How was she going to recognise you? And how did she even know how you look like?

Hold on, calm down.

After all you were pretty popular among the more significant people from dark businesses. There's no need to invent things.

You didn't really have a plan what to wear, so you decided you will keep it simple but with style. You went for black ripped jeans, white off-shoulder top and your casual white sneakers.

Perfect. None would even think of who you actually were, which was always your kind of a motto.

When you arrived at Cloud 9 it was 10:45. The client should appear soon as well. You walked in and took a seat at a table possibly far from unsuspecting ears.

The Cloud 9 café was a really nice place. It was on the 22nd floor, so it had a wonderful view at the entire city. The floor was a white marble while the walls where in warm shade of deep chocolate brown. The café alone was in shape of a circle, so it basically had glass all around, through which you could admire the beautiful view.

You took a look on your phone. 11:10. The client is not here yet. But they said 11 o'clock, right? Do they really think they can just keep you waiting like this? Instead, your screen lit up once again with an incoming call from Baekhyun.

That boy.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Y/N! Where are you right now?"

"I'm supposed to meet up with someone but they're already 10 minutes late." You stopped. You shouldn't be just spilling everything so carelessly to Baekhyun.

"What? With who?"

"Uhm, none in particular. Work, you know. She's a... she's the boss of Sephora on the other side of the town, you know. We wanted to discuss which new brands our both stores could take to... to widen the whole thing. Or something." You weren't convincing even yourself, but scratch that right now.

"Oh." If he didn't believe you he didn't show it. "Uhm, so, did you say they were late? Where are you?" His voice sounded as if he had been running.

"I'm at Cloud 9. Why?"

"I, well, I just happen to be nearby so I can keep you a little company while you wait?"

"Yeah, alright. I'm hanging up now."

You looked at your screen once again. 11:20. Was ist some kind of a joke? Why is this woman, or whoever that client is, already 20 minutes late?

You decided to wait another 15 minutes, and if they won't show up, you will go straight up to Yixing and tell him to stop playing some stupid tricks on you, or whichever ridiculousness that was, which was just taking place.

You couldn't get more annoyed because just then you noticed Baekhyun's black fringe peeking inside. You waved him over.

When he approached your table, you also noticed that he was breathing heavily, just as if he really had been running.

"Woah, there. Are you running away from someone?"

His eyes immediately widened. "What? No, no."

"You look like you just ran in a marathon."

"Well, thanks Y/N." He glanced at you with a pout. He always looked like a little boy when he did that. "Anyway, how long are you planning to wait? When were they supposed to be here?"

You frowned. "They were supposed to be here at 11, but looks like I have been forgotten." You looked over to your phone for the 10th time. 11:28. Really?

You glanced at Baekhyun. His cheeks were red and he was licking his lips nervously. Something clearly was going on, and you wanted to know what.

You put your arms on the table.

"Baekhyun, come on, tell me what-"

You didn't get the chance to finish your sentence when there was a loud BANG! just a few meters away from you.

You both snapped your heads in the direction where the noise came from.

There was a man wearing a long black coat along with the rest of his clothes as well as his hair which also were all black.

He was holding a gun in his right Hand.

But then he turned around and you saw his face.

You knew that face.

And apparently, he recognised you. But also, his gaze seemed to waver on Baekhyun as well with a spark of recognition too.

You quickly glanced at Baekhyun.

His eyes were wide and his expression blank.

Then the man spoke.

"Well, well, well. What do we got here?" He looked around himself and at the frightened people who were probably praying for their life. "To tell the truth, this doesn't concern any of you here, so will you gather your asses and fuck off before I change my mind and kill y'all?"

The people started rushing out of the café making as little noise as possible, probably terrified of the thought that that crazy man in all black could start shooting anytime.

"And don't even think of going to the police! If you still want your brains in your heads, just saying!" The man called behind them, waving with his gun.

Shit. This was all so confusing that all you could do was to look back and forth at the man and at Baekhyun, who, still motionless, sat beside you.

The man took a few steps forward before speaking again.

"No, this is just too good to be true. Honestly, I would never, ever think that our two delinquents know each other." He was now grinning maniacally, which to be completely honest, creeped you out like nothing before.

But wait, did he just say "our two delinquents"?

"What do you want Tao?" You and Baekhyun spoke at the exact same time.

What?

You both looked at each other. "You know him?!" Baekhyun pointed at the man called Tao.

"Yes, but how do you know him?!" Now you also raised your finger to point at Tao.

Then you heard a very loud laugh.

"Seriously, stop!" Tao was rubbing his wet eyes. "Ah, this is so good. You have no idea who he is - and you, you have no fucking idea who she is!"

Okay, now it was getting really sick.

"Care to explain what's going on?" You glared at Tao.

"But of course. I'm here because of two reasons. First" He looked at Baekhyun. "I really was hoping to find you here, to be honest. Like we made it clear the last time we saw each other - you won't get away with what you pulled on that race. And also, we want that car back."

"Are fucking kidding me?" Now it was Baekhyun who snapped. "Where are your eyes? Everyone saw and can confirm that it was all fair! I won. And that car was never yours, so quit talking nonsense."

You felt your head spinning. Race? Car? Was Baekhyun also hiding Secrets?

"Wait." You turned to Baekhyun. "You are racing?"

"Y/N, I..." He run a hand through his hair.

Tao began to laugh again. "Right, let me make this clear to you. This idiot over here, is doing illegal street races for about, let me think, 2 years now? He somehow managed to drive off with our car from the last race in Shanghai, so that's why I'm here for his sorry ass."

"I told you that car is NOT yours!"

"Yeah, whatever. I will deal with you later." Tao turned to look at you. "And you darling, tell me, isn't it too much for you to live with the awareness of all the lives you have taken?"

You swallowed. Shit. That bastard just exposed you in front of Baekhyun, and nothing can take it back.

"Don't talk to me as if you're better, Tao."

"Oh, besides I heard the news. Kang Seojun is dead? Good job, Y/N. Were you playing hunter on the roof again? But fuck, you really must be a millionaire by now, with all these little paid crimes."

"What..." Baekhyun opened and closed his mouth repeatedly, imitating a goldfish. "Wait, no. You... you kill for money...?" He looked as confused as a human being can look. "Hold on a sec, you mean... like seriously doing that stuff assassins in the movies do?"

You felt like you were about to cry. You never wanted him to find out. Now he probably will hate you. Probably will be disgusted and disappointed in you.

"This is so funny" Tao chuckled. "And guess what I'm about to do with you, little princess? Remember Kris, right? Well, long story short he wants you dead."

Tao pointed his gun at you.

You saw your life fleeting before your eyes.

Shit. Shit, that wasn't how it was supposed to end.

"It was nice knowing you, Y/N. For the good old tim-" Shatter. He didn't finish the sentence, when a glass bottle shattered on his head.

Tao fell on the floor, unconscious.

You stared in complete shock at the person who just knocked him down. A scream of surprise left your lips.

You were met with a petite figure of brown-haired boy with sweet eyes which looked at you.

No, this can't be. After these years, you thought he might have ended up dead. But he was standing right in front of you, very alive.

The first most important person in your life. You grew up together and went through good and bad times together, arm in arm.

He was the reason why you promised yourself that you won't get attached to people, ever again.

You saw everything in a blur. What has just happened?

You placed your palm on your cheek, still looking at the petite boy in front of you, who still was holding the half-broken glass bottle.

You slowly stood up.

"L-Luhan...?"

The boy threw the glass on the side and smiled.

"Long time no see, honey."

A/N: End of the first chapter! This is my first ever fanfiction, so I’m really excited (and hella scared, lol) to finally post it! If this piece gets positive feedback, I will be more than happy and motivated to continue and make it a mini-series! I put lots of my time and heart into this first ever fanfic and I would love to properly start writing and improve my skills. So please please please leave me your thoughts, I would very appreciate it! Also don’t forget to leave a heart if you liked it, and feel free to reblog if you want to! <3

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lgchyera · 2 years

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what are friends ( sometime in spring 2018 with @lgcbyungho )

hyera has a mango whipped cream cake from twosome, set in a dainty white box and brown ribbon to top off the aesthetic. she also has a small gift bag containing a matching necklace set for couples. it had been a while that she had been going on dates with romin and after some deep thinking, she decided she was finally ready to take the next step with him. to become an official couple.

it really was only a matter of time considering how long they had been getting to know each other exclusively. he had seem a bit finicky at first and that was what had pushed her away at first. but after a night out with their friends and the two of them actually putting down both their walls, there was an undeniable spark. in all honesty, hyera didn’t think she was much of a romantic at heart, but was there really a better day to ask him to make it official than his birthday?

ultimately, she hadn’t been planning to go to the party everyone had set up for that late afternoon. she had been buried in school work and projects as the semester was coming to its end. but with her group mates coming through and carrying their weight, hyera realized she would be able to spare some time after all to celebrate the night with them.

is what she had planned.

when she had arrived to the building that her friends had rented a space out to party, she was met with a more than unpleasant sight.

hands gripping her phone so tight her fingers turned white. she hadn’t realized she had frozen in her spot on the busy street, peering into the window where romin stood with one of her good friends, sujin. his arms wrapped around her shoulders, pulling her in much too close for a hug too intimate for ‘just friends’.

she hadn’t realized she was staring until his voice called her through the other end of the phone.

“oh, hyera? is everything okay? how’s your project going?”

only then does she snap out of it, eyes still trained on the two as they begin swaying back and forth while keeping their holds on each other.

“a-ah… everything’s going good. i… just wanted to call and say happy birthday. i’m sorry i couldn’t come to the party tonight to celebrate with you.”

“it’s okay, don’t worry. we can always celebrate together after you finish your school work. it’ll be more special that way.”

“yeah…”

“was that all you were calling for?”

“mm, i have to get back to working now. i’ll see you later.”

with that she ends the call, the dull click of her phone going off before she watches romin lean down to kiss sujin on the lips.

…

she’s not crying, no. does she want to? well, to be honest, she doesn’t know.

anger. hurt. confusion.

it’s all filtering through her mind and body and she’s not sure if she’s about to shutdown or explode from all the emotions colliding with each other at once. what had been leading up to a great end of the week had suddenly turned it to complete and utter shit. because this… this meant that everyone knew. every single friend in that group had known romin and sujin had something going on behind hyera’s back.

so it wasn’t just the betrayal of one person. no. it had been the betrayal of all her friends too. the people she thought were her friends.

her thoughts are interrupted when she finally realizes that she’s walked all the way to the han river. it’s peaceful. really. almost making her forget about what had been hurting her moments ago before she hears a low incomprehensible growl coming from her side.

a dark aura pulsates around him and it seems like he’s going through his own issues. maybe just as bad as hyera’s considering how unsettled he seems. the curiosity sparked in her leads her to continue staring until he notices hyera’s nosy eyes.

#what are friends #lgcbyungho

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jeon-97-blog · 7 years

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Grind Till I Own It || Mafia!Jungkook x Reader [M] Pt. 2

Summary : Jeon Jungkook is the son of the famous mafia gang TBB (The Black Base) and is a filthy rich man that gets whatever his finger points at - that includes even you.

Rated [M] for eventual smut/angst

“We’re here, princess”

A soft voice traveled up to you ears, you couldn’t quite make up if you were laying on a pillow or a bed but this was extremely comfortable and you refused to wake up. That was, until you felt a pair of strong arms wrap around your body and the wind hit your face making you snap your eyes open.

You gasped.

In front of you was a huge mansion with windows as big as your own little apartment. It looked like a palace to you, and the garden was so mesmerizing you couldn’t take your eyes off of the roses that bloomed in different shades of red. The grass looked as green as ever even though it was in the middle of the night. This whole thing felt like a dream to you.

But then you remembered.

Jungkook.

You glanced up and there he was, holding you close to his chest. You could hear his heart pounding in his chest and somehow, just somehow that made you feel incredibly calm. Without saying anything, you tilted your head back and closed your eyes again.

“Ah! Sir, should I inform the supreme leader about-”.

“No. There’s no need for that, instead. How about escorting her to my room” Jungkook’s voice was nothing like before, it didn’t match his calm heart - in fact, he sounded stressed out. You wanted to ask why, but you also knew that maybe giving him some space was the best choice.

“Will do Sir!” Jimin saluted him, and that’s when you decided to open your eyes.

“Where are you going?”.

You mentally scolded yourself for asking Jungkook that when it looked like talking was something he’d rather avoid at the moment. He simply said work and left just like that. No goodbye and definitely no see you later.

You knitted your eyebrows together, a bit offended at how he was the one who brought you here and then left as if you weren’t even here. Whatever You huffed, arms crossed above your chest, anger taking over your features.

“Here” Jimin offered his small hand to you and you looked down at it, struggling to hold in your laughter at how tiny his hand was compared to yours.

“Are you expecting me to hold your hand?” You asked, head tilting to the side. He paused and you took this moment to study Jimin’s adorable face. “What if I break it?”.

Jimin looked taken aback, his already big eyes went even bigger and his mouth was in the shape of an ‘o’. You also noticed how his cheeks were dusted with a fair pink, almost as pink as his lips.

“My hand is not that small!” He groaned, placing his hand on his forehead as if he just got the biggest headache of his life. “God, you sound just like Taehyung” Jimin let out an irritated sigh accompanied by a pout.

“Taehyung?” Your eyes flashed with curiosity.

Jimin motioned you to follow him so you did and when you stepped inside the mansion you had to rub your eyes, because this didn’t feel real at all. Everything looked so beautiful you were afraid to walk on the stairs, your silly self thought that you’d make them dirty - or even ruin them.

“Mmh, Taehyung” Jimin started, walking up the stairs that were probably made out of gold - you could see your own reflection in them.

“Taehyung is the one that locates all the thieves. As soon as someone steps foot in here he’ll get a signal up to his office, then he simply informs the supreme leader and yeah” Jimin shrugged, fishing up a shiny yellow key from his suit pocket.

“Did he get a signal just now?” You asked, arms swaying gently side to side. Jimin didn’t say anything, he simply smiled and he was looking at you but not quite you, it was more like looking behind your shoulder.

You spun around and saw a man with chestnut colored hair jogging up to where you two were standing, he was so handsome it was almost as if he was artificial.

“Damn it Jimin! You should tell me when boss’s girls come here! I gave up my damn chocolate milk for this! Do you know how important that is to me?” Taehyung who looked awfully sad yet undeniably cute had a cup of - what you’d assume was chocolate milk - in his rather large hands.

Is everyone here a model or something?! You thought once you took in all of Taehyung, a God in his own ways.

Jimin looked serious, until his eyes traveled down to Taehyung’s black pants.

And it was then.

It was then that your ears officially gave up on hearing the oh, so beautiful sounds in the world after a loud - what you could only describe as a shriek - completely destroyed your sense of hearing.

Jimin was laughing his lungs out and both you and Taehyung looked confusingly at each other. You looked to where Jimin was looking before and oh my god.

Taehyung who looked as if he was a lost puppy had a stain on his pants which, of course, made it look like someone had scared the living shit out of the man and sure it was hilarious but.

Seriously?.

“what the..” Taehyung’s eyebrows were crushed together and he carefully looked down and immediately up again, connecting eyes with Jimin. “Why didn’t you tell me?! Do you think she saw it…?”.

“Who?” You asked, inviting yourself to the conversation - or should you say, love affair.

Taehyung looked embarrassed for a minute, but then he gazed to his right in a dreamy state and battered his surprisingly long eyelashes.

“Sujin noona..” He said, smiling an incredibly wide smile which almost looked impossible - cute but scary.

“Ah, get your love bullshit out of here Taehyung. Oh, right, Y/N” Jimin turned around and twisted the doorknob, revealing your room. He chuckled when he heard you audibly gasp behind him and you stepped inside, mouth wide open in astonishment.

“Am I dreaming? Am I? Holy shit!” You couldn’t be more amazed than you already were.

You’ve been living with Seulbi for quite awhile in a stuffy apartment and going from a mattress to a king sized bed is a huge fucking upgrade. This room had everything you needed and even a little more, the fact that you are going to stay the night here is an honour.

You turned around, your mouth open and Jimin who was leaning against the wall with a huge smirk on his face looked quite pleased at what he has shown you so far.

“Like it? Boss has pretty good taste in things. He might act like an asshole sometimes, but trust me - he has a heart of gold” Jimin said while walking towards you, grabbing your hand and placing the key on your palm. “Well then, goodnight”.

And just like that, Jimin with the following voice of Taehyung repeatedly saying ‘did she see that’ faded away and you were left alone in the room.

“Ah fuck, where’s Jungkook? And why did he leave me? This makes no sense” You sat down on the enormous bed, only to lay down and stare at the ceiling. “Work isn’t a good answer..” You turned over to the lamp and switched it off, your vision slowly taken away by sleep and you were drifting off.

You didn’t realize that sleep had taken over your body. Every emotion of last night had left your mind and you were to be filled with new ones today.

“Shit, my head” You groaned, holding your head as if it was gonna fall.

The poisonous side effect of getting ‘fucked up’ wasn’t as pleasing the next day. But who the hell gives a shit? You’re literally waking up in a king sized bed! You shouldn’t complain right?.

“So you have risen I see”.

A quite familiar voice said, you followed it and there he stood. God himself.

Jungkook had his arms crossed and was leaning just like how Jimin did. They’re quite similar in a way, although you cannot pinpoint how - they just gave off the same vibe.

“Yes I, uh, have” You giggled, the sound of your heartbeat getting louder as Jungkook began to walk towards you, looking as if he just had taken a shower in gold. Even in the morning when you were supposed to be in a shitty mood and - look like shit - Jungkook looked like the opposite of all that.

“And just like the sun” He gently yanked you out of bed, only to have you spin once before your noses brushed together “You are beautiful”.

As if your cheeks had an on and off button, they quickly bloomed into a few shades of pink and red. Jungkook’s compliments had yet again won over your heart and you were so incredibly scared that he might hear the hammering of your heartbeat.

“W-What are you talking about? I look like shit, it’s morning and I want nothing more than to just vanish” You glanced down while tucking a piece of your hair behind your ear, the compliment made your lips curve into a bashful smile.

“Vanish? Why would you say something like that?” Jungkook made you look into his eyes by gently grabbing your chin, clearly dissatisfied with your saying.

He shook his head.

“Don’t ever say things like that, okay? Just like the refreshing air in the outside world, I need you” Jungkook pulled you into a tight embrace, twirling the both of you. “Stay with me”.

Jungkook was a strange being. He was confusing most of the time and it made no sense when he suddenly got furious out of nothing, could it be that he’s confused about his feelings?. You wanted to know more about Jungkook. You wanted to know what this ‘work’ really was, although you have a slight idea of what it could be.

He is in a mafia gang after all.

A knock on the door made the two of you break apart. You wanted to guess it was Jimin but this knock sounded harder, almost angry.

Jungkook swung the door open, eyebrows drawn together and a frown had taken over his once smiling lips. “Namjoon?”.

The man named Namjoon had a black suit on. His hair was dirty blonde, and it looked messy yet a touch of delicacy was clearly seen. He was very handsome and your heart rate sped up when his serious eyes met your confused ones.

Namjoon inhaled, and then exhaled. Something Jungkook hated because he knew that it meant either something bad happened or something really bad happened - and judging by how Namjoon’s expression indicated stress he knew that it was the second one.

“It seems like your father has a heart disease. We sent him to the local hospital and they informed us that he only has two months left, my condolences boss, it looks as if your father won’t make it”.

Jungkook was holding your hand, and it was as if someone had stuffed him in a refrigerator from all the shaking he was making. He was silent, the only sound that could be heard was the ragged breathing from Jungkook. You glanced over to scan his face, and you wished you hadn’t done that.

His eyebrows that were together before were curving upwards and his bottom lip quivered. Jungkook’s hands and soon his whole self was trembling with nothing but pure shock, sadness and fury.

“Why…Why did father hide this from me”.

Namjoon paused, not sure if he should say more. But he straightened his back and cleared his throat. “I believe it’s because he wanted to refrain from stressing you out - since you are wanted”.

Wanted? You thought, a tingling sensation mingled with anger melted in the pit of your stomach. You somehow felt betrayed, even though this was of no surprise to you.

“Jungkook” You called his name, the way you said his name made him shiver. “You’re wanted? Is this really true?”.

Jungkook didn’t know how to respond. It was as if his ability to speak had disappeared and he felt paralyzed as well, to make it even worse - you had to witness the ugly side of his family which he hoped would never happen.

“I’m sorry Y/N” Jungkook whispered before rushing out of the door, abandoning your hand that was once intertwined with his warm fingers alone in the air.

There you stood, with your dress that suffocated you and your female curves. You looked at Namjoon who was about to leave, but before he could turn on his heel you grabbed his arm.

“Namjoon? Could you take me to Jimin? Please”

And he nodded, mumbling a ‘follow me’ before walking out of the bedroom. The walk with Namjoon was quiet, you assumed he was the serious type so you behaved - not wanting to cause any trouble.

Finally the orange haired man came into sight and you couldn’t help but sigh in relief and comfort when he stretched out his arms for you, and of course, you immediately jumped into his embrace.

“Don’t cry..” Jimin cooed, stroking your hair gently. “Crying doesn’t help a thing. It’s a waste of time and I don’t think you want that, do you?”.

You didn’t how, or why you were crying like this. Maybe you reached your limit? Maybe it was too much for you to handle and you somehow had to let it out?. You didn’t know what you were gonna do when Jungkook would return - if he will that is.

After having tea and toast with Jimin, he decided to take you out for awhile and Taehyung came along later on when his break started. You learnt a lot about the two and they were honestly really sweet even though they worked for someone who wasn’t as sweet as them.

“And that’s the story of how my hand got glued together with the frying pan” Taehyung said, nodding his head in agreement, clearly agreeing with himself because neither you or Jimin could digest what he just said, or even relate to his story at all.

Jimin shook his head. “Anyways, Y/N. I apologize but it seems like we have to leave, I just got a signal from boss that he’s in danger” The serious tone Jimin was using made you shiver, usually he didn’t talk like this. “Will you be fine on your own?”.

You smirked, arms crossed above your chest and you straightened your back. “I’ll be more than fine, besides I have to learn my way home too so this is a good thing”.

Jimin and Taehyung nodded and stood up, each grabbing a metal black walkie talkie from their pockets. You couldn’t help but softly laugh at how serious they looked, it was amazing how specifically Taehyung could go from the guy who got his hand glued together with a frying pan to Mr. Serious.

The familiar ringtone of your phone rang, startling you from the high volume it was on. You fished it up and pressed the green button and raised the device up to your ear. “Y/N speaking”.

“Y/N”.

You froze.

The delicate voice of a man who had snatched your heart in only one night was calling your name in a way in which you couldn’t describe but monotonous. A mixture of miserableness and hopeless mingled in his voice, creating a sad aura around you and the people surrounding you.

“Jungkook…? Are you okay? What happened?”.

You couldn’t help but panic. Your heart was sinking down with each breath the other person took and it pained you so. He sounded lifeless, dull - completely gone and the way he paused made you even more worried. “Jungkook?”.

“Y/N, my father died. I need you. I need you right now”.

“Jungkook I-” Before your next words could even roll off your tongue he hung up on you without saying anything. You stood there, staring at your phone with wide eyes not knowing what the hell you should do next. It took awhile for you to figure out what Jungkook meant by ‘I need you’ but then it hit you.

Jungkook wants to have sex with you.

“B-But..His father just-” You stressfully exhaled, walking forwards with quick steps as if someone was following you from behind. Your cheeks flushed with the thought of Jungkook’s hands roaming your body and yes - you wanted him too but something didn’t sound right.

You didn’t want to have sex with him right now. This was just to conceal his feelings and pitiful sex is not on your to-do list. You loved Jungkook very much but this was just not the right thing to do, besides, once he gets over his father’s death he’ll simply forget about you and your existence.

Everything about you will become history.

#bts #bts smut #bts angst #bangtan boys #jeon jungkook #park jimin #kim seokjin #kim taehyung #kim namjoon #mafia!jungkook #mafia au #bts mafia au #jungkook smut #jungkook angst #jimin #jin #taehyung #namjoon

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rkwon · 7 years

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ghost town.

rkship — birth family. late august 2012.

( tw !! homophobia, child abuse, child neglect )

dinner around the jeon family table is never pleasant. truthfully, it’s rare he’s allowed to sit there at all; the invite usually means something dreadful is in the midst. last time it was the news that he’d be banned from the house on his (and seungwoo’s) birthday in order to ensure he wouldn’t interfere with his brother’s party. from the smile on said brother’s thin lips, he can only imagine this’ll be worse. this is something of his creation and anything forged in the mind of an eighteen year old boy for his thirteen year old brother whom he hates must surely be best described by the word ‘torturous’. at least, that’s what won thinks, and as far as his past experiences with his brothers go, he’s probably right.

the gentle scratching of cutlery against their plates (and then the even gentler scolding from his mother attempting to salvage what’s left of her crockery) is all that fills the heavy silence, and won’s few unwanted scraps lay untouched as he waits to be told he may eat. his eyes alternate between his fingers, carefully linked together on his lap, and the clock on the wall between his brothers. the second hand ticks just loud enough for won to match his breathing with every other tick or tock, but his ‘misplaced’ focus doesn’t go unmissed.

“somewhere else to be?”

he startles at the sound of his mother’s voice. he probably answers a little too quickly, too pitched, but he can’t reverse time. “no.”

“good. seungwoo and jiwoo say they have something important to tell us all.” the grimace on her face doesn’t go unmissed either, but won’s far used to the way her lips curl in distaste. her expressions are ugly to him at the best of times, but when her eyes narrow and the corner of her mouth quirks, he can barely look at her. “it must be incredibly important for them to insist your presence at the dinner table before you’re usually allowed.”

“it must.” he agrees, because he doesn’t know what else he’s supposed to do.

seungwoo snorts quietly, but from the lack of reaction, won supposes that, as always, he’s the only one who heard it.

“we noticed wonwoo has made a friend recently.” jiwoo’s voice has always been a little higher than the rest of the jeon men, but even so, won still shudders. a friend? the only friend won has is mingyu, and it’s been a little over three years since he met mingyu— have they only just noticed? still, he can’t imagine what would benefit them in telling their parents about the older boy. maybe they’ll ground him, maybe they’ll persuade him that mingyu deserves better (it won’t take much), but that’s not good enough for seungwoo or jiwoo. won knows that.

“a friend?” his father questions, but jiwoo only giggles. rolling his eyes, seungwoo draws in a deep breath.

“wonwoo’s gay.”

won’s not sure what’s worse; the smirk on jeongwoo’s face or the nothing on each of his parents’. he doesn’t really get time to think it over, however, because it soon morphs into something far different.

it’s a sinister look; lips pushed to form a perfectly straight line, her forehead wrinkled between her brows and her eyelashes touching from the narrowing of her eyes. where his mother can’t look at anything but him, his father hasn’t glanced in his direction once, instead focusing on the pattern of the wallpaper to his left, refusing to acknowledge the situation until someone else has spoken.

won wants to deny it; he wants to tell them he’s not, he’s still figuring it out, and sure, it’d be a lie, but it’d buy him time to think of something better to excuse the fact that he wasn’t ready to tell anyone yet because he’s barely ready to tell himself. yet, he can’t. the words get stuck in his throat, and in their place, he coughs, splutters, eyes wide and unprepared.

“he’s what?”

“he likes men.” jiwoo elaborates, and again, seungwoo rolls his eyes, but does nothing to stop him. “dirty—”

their father silences him with a strong hand against the dining table. their cutlery clangs against their plates and won flinches. finally, he’s looking at him, but won wishes he wouldn’t. there’s a fire in his eyes he’s never seen before. truthfully, won is lucky if his parents acknowledge his existence at all, let alone lay eyes upon him with as much emotion as they hold now. suddenly, he regrets ever wishing as a child that his parents would give him the attention he craved.

“even you should know how wrong that is.” the man’s voice is unarguable, but not steady. it’s not a matter of uncertainty, but instead, he trembles with rage, and won realises that he’s never seen his father like this before, and thus, he has no idea what to expect. “a real man does not lay with another man; that’s foul and revolting. we will have to teach you what it means to be a real man.” he rises to his feet as won sinks down into his seat. his mother follows, gesturing for him to stand, and when he doesn’t, his father moves around to his chair and tugs him up by his collar, large hands grabbing fistfuls of his t-shirt. “by tonight, you’ll understand what’s right — you’ll understand what it means to be a real man.”

won is freed an hour and a half later, sent to his room to reflect on what he’s been taught. he stumbles through the doorway, legs weak, and stuffs spare clothes into his school backpack and his arms into the sleeves of his coat before he quietly escapes through the front door, though he supposes it wouldn’t matter if they heard him leave or not; they made it extremely clear that they don’t want to see his face until he understands what he did wrong.

and he does understand. I won’t do it again. I won’t let it happen. I can change. I can be a good boy. I’m not a filthy, disgusting— he falls, scrapes his arm against the brick wall as he walks. no one helps him, or stops to ask if he’s okay. a young boy, bloodied and bruised stumbling down the street in the fading darkness of the evening? why would anyone willingly get wrapped up in that mess?

his feet carry him slowly to the place he feels safest, but he leans against the door for a moment before he knocks, wiping away the tears and formulating an excuse in his tired mind. eventually, he taps his knuckles pathetically against the door.

“I got into a fight with my brothers,” falls from his lips before he even registers who had answered the door. “I’m sorry to burden you, can I...” he runs out of breath, gasping as he sucks in a new one. “...stay here for tonight, please?” I promise I’ll behave. I’m a good boy. I understand now.

sujin doesn’t say a word, instead gently tugging him in, catching him in her arms when he falls. “thank you,” he whispers. I’m sorry. I’ll be better. I’ll be a better man soon.

“won?”

he finally cries himself to sleep hours later, wrapped up in mingyu’s pyjamas in mingyu’s arms in mingyu’s bed, completely surrounded by the boy he feels safest with, yet also the one he’ll spend the next two years lying to, and the rest of his life after doing everything he can to make it up to him.

everything happens for a reason, he had reminded himself before he drifted off. even this.

one day, I’ll be a real man.

#rkship #wn.solo #( birth family. )#tw: homophobia #tw: internalised homophobia #tw: child abuse #tw: child neglect #tw: neglect #( wc; 1283 )#( what are titles )#( +3 creativity )

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sweetestlamb · 3 years

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You Can’t Just Leave Me

Summary: The Han family is a force to be reckoned with.

Author’s Note: Writing this chapter made me smile, I hope reading it as the same affect on you all. Thank you to everyone who supports this story and leaves comments (or my silent readers). I appreciate you all and I am so thankful that you like this brainchild, I’ve just been winging it- never expecting to be on chapter 7 on something I initially planned on being a one shot. You all made it come this far, enjoy chapter 7!! Beautiful header by @ewolfwitchwisegirl text message created by Junjin fairy @prodmina

The apartment is eerily quiet following Su-ah's departure, he hadn't intentionally tried to eavesdrop but it was hard not to overhear their sniffles through the door. Then hours later the usually bubbly girl had exited the room with red rimmed eyes, he'd never seen her cry before in his many years of knowing her. He was awkward in the face of it, not used to comforting anyone besides Ju-Kyeong.

Their conversation was clipped and it was clear that Sujin hadn't opened up about what happened. The Su-ah he knew would be making plans to sabotage her father, if she knew the full story. She'd left with the final words, "Take care of her." He nodded without hesitation that was his intentions, he just needed to get her onboard with his plan to do that.

Taking a deep soothing breath he walks over to knock on the door.

"Sujin-ah, can we talk?" He asks, pressing his head against the door. Ready to plead if need be, she hadn't been answering him since being here. He never saw her come outside, but the food he brought would just disappear hours after he placed it. He waits patiently before reaching out his knuckles to knock again, but when the door suddenly opens he takes a quick step back surprised to see Sujin's face. It's clear she's been crying. He looks away, it's a bit unsettling to see her like this. Too raw.

"Let's talk in the living room." He suggests quietly, stepping back and walking towards the couch. Nerves easing minutely as he hears her soft footsteps behind him. He slides into one corner of the couch and watches as she sits on the opposite end. An awkward silence bellows around them as he stares at his hands and she stares at the ceiling. They have both never been the most talkative on a good day, but now it’s painful.

He clears his throat stilling when he feels her eyes on him, waiting. He had this speech planned in his head for days but now that the moment is actually here, he's terrified. Too nervous to say the words he wants to, does he even have the right to apologize to her now? Does she even want his late apology or will she brush him off? He wouldn't blame her one bit, it had taken him too long and he still hasn't even forgiven himself, how could he expect her to forgive him?

"Thank you."

He almost misses the quiet utterance because he's so lost in his own self deprecation. They are staring at each other now eyes locked, his own wide in bewilderment.

"What?" He responds caught off guard, he didn't expect Sujin to speak at all-much less for those to be her first words.

"You heard me. Thank you for letting me stay here and for not pressuring me to talk about it." Sujin awkwardly squirms in her seat, glancing away from him before darting back and she gives him the courage to finally saw what he wanted- no needed to.

"I'm sorry." It's his turn to watch the shock form on her face but he presses on before she can question him. "I'm sorry I wasn't there, I knew what was happening but I didn't know how to help. I understand now that just being there would have been enough, you just needed a friend. I'm sorry I wasn't one."

A slight weight lifts off his shoulder and his heart, he's not free but he's one step closer. One step at a time.

"You didn't do anything wrong. We were just kids, what could you have done? It's okay, I never expected you to save me. How could you when you were dealing with your own pain?"

She's giving him an out, and logically she's right the pain of losing his mother crippled him for years. It was still weighing heavy on him to this day but he doesn't want an out, he wants to be accountable. He would rather her rage than her understanding.

"I know you didn't need a savior, but you needed a friend. Am I wrong? Were you okay dealing with everything on your own?" It's a low blow he's aware and the way her eyes narrow further confirm that his question isn't appreciated.

"Am I wrong?" He repeats and watches as the ice around her eyes melt away glacially, too many emotions flashing in her dark orbs- anger, sadness, disappointment, broken acceptance each emotion cutting at his heart.

Leaning forward he grabs at the folder on the table, he's already come this far might as well go all the way now.

"Here." He hands it to her, she raises an eyebrow taking the thick object. "Open it," he nods at the folder watching quietly as she breaks the seal and pulls out the documents, eyes scanning the papers before realization settles.

"Emancipation?" She whispers, now staring at him unblinking he can feel the heft of her undivided attention.

"Yes, we've been doing research and I think the best bet is for you to get emancipated." He winces at himself as she glares at the use of "we", he should have left that out with how distant they've been; she didn't even know that Seojun was the one providing the meals she seemed to love. She might stop eating them if she knew, she was so stubborn sometimes.

She leaf's through the pages, carefully looking over the document and he sits silently awaiting her reaction.

"He would never allow this. You know that." It's said with certainty as if she's accepted her fate long ago, probably thought of this very option herself and then talked herself out of it.

"I'm going to ask her father to help, he's been supporting your father all these years. If he knew the truth..." He trails off letting her finish the rest and she barks out a humorless laugh, it sounds more like a sob.

"You want to tell your father? They have known each other for years, why would he believe me?"

"He's my dad. He'll believe me. We have to at least try." He pleads now desperate for her agreement. It wasn’t the right thing to say, he knows that instantly.

Instantly she stands up, slamming the documents on the table the ice restoring around her eyes. "I was fine all those years you were wrong. I'm not doing this, I don't need your dad's help." She spits the word "dad" like it's poison on her tongue, storming off to the room and slamming the door shut.

He sighs, defeated leaning back onto the couch. He sends a text to his father and Seojun. He failed.

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Guilt eats at her following her outburst, she wasn't mad at Suho despite her harsh words. She can blame her anger on many things but she's self-aware enough to know that it's a defense mechanism; she was jealous. It was ugly and grotesque, but she cannot stop the way her blood boils when she sees others with parents that care.

He's my father, he'll believe me.

That would never be her reality, Suho and his father had been able to reconcile and restart their broken relationship. That would never be her truth, her relationship with her father would never resemble something healthy and despite her efforts to repress her true feelings, it hurts. The little girl who desperately wanted to make her dad happy and proud still hadn't died.

She feels stupid, the biggest fool on the planet. How can she still be looking for love from someone who has never shown her anything but hatred? She’s the one with a problem here, she knows that.

She shouldn't have lashed out especially after his apology, that must have taken true guts and she had thrown it all back in his face. She tries to make amends but every time they cross paths she freezes up and escapes to her borrowed room instead. It continues on for days with him still bringing food to her door and the combination of their kindness is too much for her. She doesn’t deserve it from either of them.

Tugging on her jacket she leaves the apartment hastily with only a small note on her door. She needs some space to think without feeling suffocated.

Gone for a walk.

It's just her luck that it's raining outside, only a drizzle but it coats the world in a thick fog and it's hard to see. The biggest benefit is that nobody can see her, she just needs time alone to think.

The idea of emancipation wasn't new to her, she had considered this option before but in the end she discarded it. Her father wasn't someone she would simply leave, he would drag her back kicking and screaming. He had instilled long ago that she was his, it was pointless to have dreams or aspirations, she just needed to follow his orders. That was her purpose. Being an obedient dog.

Suho's plan also called for revealing her pitiful life, what if she went through this ordeal only to lose and not be given emancipation in the end? No. She couldn't make herself that vulnerable at least now she had her dignity, only two people knew about her secret. It might not be much to others, but her dignity was everything to her; it was all she had left.

Sighing loudly at the skies she mentally curses the weather, maybe it's poetic but all of her worst times have been bookmarked by the rain. It must be a metaphor for her life, damp and cold with no warmth in sight.

Stopping to sit on a bench she stares up at the gray skies before closing her eyes, accepting her fate. "Fine, rain on me. I probably deserve this." Cool raindrops roll down her cheeks imitating tears and she can feel the moisture seeping into her clothes and siphoning her heat.

"Unnie?" She jumps at the voice, sounding too close and she shifts away when she opens her eyes and is greeted by the large bespectacled eyes of Gowoon. The younger girl smiles sweetly, covering her with a pale blue umbrella with ice cream cones decorating it. It’s too innocent and too young the antithesis of everything in her life.

"Unnie! What are you doing in the rain? You're getting wet!" Gowoon grabs her arm tugging her to her feet using her umbrella to shelter them both. She's shocked when she doesn't bristle at the unexpected and too familiar manhandling. She almost rolls her eyes, what was it with the Han family and finding her during rainstorms?

"Come on, my house isn't far. I'll make you some soup so you don't catch a cold." The other girl doesn't wait for her reply before she starts pulling her down the sidewalk. She sputters but feels her feet following obediently.

"Oppa is working late, so he won't be there to bother us."

Her heart defiantly jumps at the mention of him, she hasn't seen him in a week. She has dozens of unsent messages to him, cowardice has rendered her fingers useless though.

"That's good." She lies, "So it'll just be us two?" She's not quite ready to meet any other members of the Han family.

The other girl nods absently, easily easing them into a riveting conversation about a boy at school who won't leave her alone. She offers to beat him up if he keeps on bothering her to which Gowoon laughs gleefully before squealing, "You sound just like Seojun oppa!" She glares at the comparison watching entranced at the young girl's uncontrollable giggles. When was the last time she'd laughed so freely? She had no recollection.

Gowoon wasn't lying and within minutes she's staring at the apartment she's only seen once before. That feels like a lifetime ago.

She immediately regrets her inability to say no to persuasive girl later when they are greeted at the door.

"Gowoon, sweetie is that you?" A maternal voice calls out and she instantly recognizes it, stiffening in the doorway. Stepping back she starts thinking of excuses, but her tongue is too heavy in her mouth and she's too slow as the woman comes around the corner halting her escape.

She blinks unhurried as the older woman gapes at her clearly not expecting to see anyone besides her daughter.

Gowoon breaks the silence, her voice nonchalant, "Hi mom! This is my unnie Sujin, she's the one who saved me the other day! Is it okay that I brought her here for dinner, I found her in the rain!" Gowoon makes it sound like she picked up a stray puppy outside, but she knows the other girl means no harm.

Her skin prickles at the question, anxiety filling her stomach without her permission. She's waiting for rejection. For Gowoon’s mother to say that it is not okay and she would rather eat with her daughter without a stranger intruding.

"Of course! I didn't realize it was the same Sujin." Gowoon looks confused by her mother's statement and she feels embarrassment swarming in her belly. Oh no. She has to stop her before she reveals too much, Gowoon knows nothing and she wants to keep it that way.

"I didn't realize you knew Sujin too, isn't this Seojun's cru.."

"Classmate!" She suddenly interjects staring at the woman with pleading eyes, she's not ready for Gowoon to know about her brothers “feelings”. She's trying her best to forgot them too.

They both stare at her and she squirms under the scrutiny, before the older woman puts her out of her misery. "Yes, Seojun mentioned her before I didn't realize she was the same person that helped you. Thank you." She freezes as the woman embraces her hand, smiling at her warmly as she thanks her. She can only stare in response, nodding dumbly.

"Come on unnie! I'll get you some warm clothes, you'll catch a cold if you keep wearing those."

She lets herself be tugged into the younger girl’s room. Just like Gowoon the room is bright and vivacious, wall covered in posters and books littering her table. It looks completely normal and it makes her ache, her own room was militarily decorated with nothing out of place and no evidence of her personality. Since she was young her father would inspect it and punish her if anything was untoward. She had stopped trying to make the room look lived in after seeing poster after poster thrown down.

"Here unnie. You can borrow this." Her eyes bulge at a familiar blue shirt with a puppy on the front. "I know it's so embarrassing but oppa got it for me, it's really warm though." In the end he'd gotten her to wear the ridiculous shirt, she reluctantly goes off to change into the top and leggings. They are the same baby blue hue, making the outfit look like a set. She's thankful the boy isn't here to see her.

"Well don't you look adorable?" Seojun's mom coos at her when she finally comes out of the bathroom, she desperately wants to disappear. The woman must notice her ruby cheeks because she turns with a smile calling out to her daughter, "Gowoon! Come help with dinner!"

Now changed too, into cactus pajamas the younger girl bounds out grabbing an apron and tying it behind her back.

"What are are we making?" She curiously peeks over her mom's shoulder. The air between the mother and daughter is comfortable, the two leaning into each other naturally as they discuss what to make for dinner. She observes with a heavy heart as Gowoon easily puts her head on her mom's shoulder and the woman strokes her cheek lovingly. Something inside her throbs in response.

"Do you want to help?"

Shaking her head to clear the longing she looks at their mom, who's looking back at her with soft eyes already holding out another apron.

She can't control herself her yearning is too large, she stands without hesitation walking to the woman, sucking in a breath when the apron is placed over her shoulders and then tightened snuggly.

"We're making wonton soup. Have you ever made dumplings before sweetie?"

She looks at Gowoon waiting for her reply but then realizes that both pair of eyes are on her and oh, she's talking to her. She called her sweetie. Swallowing thickly she shakes her head before replying, "No. I've never made them before." She waits to be berated or at least chastised for her lack of culinary skills, her father always said a woman's place was in the kitchen.

Nothing happens. The woman hums before smiling again, she's always smiling it's so pretty. She wishes she had the courage to say the words aloud. She doesn't.

"You can help Gowoon chop the vegetables for the filling. Then we can mix it with the ground pork and I'll show you how to make the dumplings." If the woman is disappointed at all at having to teach her she's doing an incredible job of concealing her frustrations.

She accepts the knife when Gowoon hands it to her, both of them working on a wooden cutting board. They've gotten into somewhat of a rhythm slicing the chives and carrots finely for the filling. She'd never chopped vegetables before but their mom had casually stood behind her shocking her so much she almost dropped the knife, but the older woman had easily caught the utensil before holding her hand and manually showing her how to tuck her fingers and mince the vegetables. She froze before imitating the woman, she was good at replicating acts.

"That looks great sweetie! You're a fast learner!" The woman praised her turning back to the broth and adding more seasoning liberally. She preened under the attention smiling shyly before Gowoon shouted out loudly, "What about me mom? How do mine look?" They both looked at the younger girl's unevenly chopped chives and carrots, next to Sujin's perfectly identical veggies all in an even row. The difference between the two is stark.

"They look fine dear, they'll be hidden in the dumplings anyway." Her mother tries to soothe her ego, patting her shoulder before turning back to her soup dismissively and a burst of laughter explodes from her chest at the offended look on Gowoon's face, her cheeks are red and her mouth is turned down in an exaggerated frown. The younger girl looks positively livid that her mother is not similarly singing her praises and she starts to defiantly chop more vegetables, only to have them come out even worst; even more lopsided and haggard.

She tries to tamper her laugh but when the younger girl starts whining, crying about how her veggies were “cousins not siblings” she loses it, clutching at the counter for balance. She feels the air bursting from her lungs as she clutches at her stomach, laughing harder when Gowoon glares at her pout on her lips. The older woman joins her rubbing her daughter's back as she cries about her dignity, and then Gowoon looks at them both laughing at her and a smile spreads on her face and soon they are all laughing in the kitchen, soup bubbling beside them as a delicious aroma permeates the room.

None of them hear the front door opening or a deep voice announcing its arrival.

He's cold, tired and wet. Once again missing the forecast for rain, he really needed to start carrying an umbrella around all the time. What was up with the weather lately anyway? Why was it raining all the damn time? He absently thinks of a certain someone and hopes she's somewhere warm out of the rain. They always seemed to meet when the sky was pouring and raging.

It was hard not contacting her but he wanted to listen to her requests and respect her wishes no matter how hard it was for him, it was also getting pathetic being the only one fighting for this. She hadn't outright rejected him after his confession but her silence was an answer in itself and he wanted to respect that. He wasn't too manly to admit that he was hurt, and he was reeling from being pushed away so many times already.

So he followed his mother's advice, he'd given her something that he knew she needed and expected nothing in return.

All week he'd been waking up early to cook for the girl, reading recipes off his phone fluffy cat headband on his head keeping his fringe out of his eyes. The easier recipes like soup and grilled meats had been simple enough to accomplish but when he ventured into more complicated bento boxes that's when frustrations had arose. They looked so easy but they were tedious and he wasn’t the most patient or detail oriented person.

He struggled to recreate the detailed meals and almost gave up, throwing his phone across the room.

That's how his mother had found him, fuming and tugging his hair on the kitchen table. Seconds away from bashing his head into the surface and screaming at the ceiling.

"What are you doing up so early?" He jumped at her voice, looking around at the mess he'd made in the kitchen with wide guilty eyes.

"I-I can explain." He stuttered out but couldn't come up with a feasible answer once she looked at him expectantly, arms folded. The patented mom stare.

She had calmly walked across the room picking up his discarded phone, peering at the screen before looking back at him.

"Is this for your friend?" She shook the phone at him knowingly and he pressed his lips tight together, nodding mutely while looking away.

"Okay let's see what you have so far." His mom walked over and assessed what he had already made, nodding with a proud smile. "You did good so far, let me show you how to make a hotdog into an octopus. I did this for you all the time when you were a kid."

He was grateful when she didn't ask him any questions and it became their morning ritual, until he no longer needed guidance and he was able to make the boxes on his own. The satisfaction he felt when Suho would return the containers, clean as a whistle not even a grain of rice remaining was incomparable. It wasn't much but at least she was eating, that was all he needed even if she didn't want to see him or know that he was the one making her meals.

He sighs at himself, he told himself not to think about her but that was proving easier said than done.

Shaking himself at the front door like a wet dog, he tugs his keys from the back pocket of his jeans slotting it on the doorknob and turning.

"I'm home!" He calls out instinctively announcing his arrival as he toes off his drenched boots, but then his eyebrow lifts as he hears peals of laughter coming from the kitchen. He chuckles without knowing the joke, instantly rejuvenated by his family's abundant joy. Slipping on his slippers after hesitating a second because he doesn't recognize the shoe at the front door. When did Gowoon get those and how the hell was his little sister affording Chanel sneakers?

Those thoughts are swarming in his mind when he stomps to the kitchen, all the air sucked from his lungs when he sees an unbelievable vision. His mother and sister are grasping at each other, lost in laughter completely unaware of his presence but the image that most shocks him is Sujin, holding her stomach as she spots something on the counter that sets her off into another bout of boisterous laughter.

He can't help it he starts to categorize her every move, the way her eyes are crinkled and a stray tear is leaking out the corner, the way her nose is scrunched up like a rabbit and the way her mouth is stretched wide, visible even behind the futile shield of her hand. All of his thoughts from earlier regarding not needing to see her dissipate, he wants to tattoo this image in his mind.

"Oh! You're here!" His mother suddenly turns to face him and that causes Sujin to freeze laughter fading off with a whine, regarding him with huge bright eyes. It's almost too much once he notices what she's wearing, he wasn't prepared to see her like this in his house. It's overwhelming in the best way.

"I'm home. I'll go change and come help." Both his mother and Gowoon nod easily no longer paying him any mind but he can feel eyes on him as he runs away, trying to regain his composure and his breath. He purposely avoids Sujin's eyes not ready to see if the walls are back up at his arrival.

When he comes back out the table is already set and they've all taken a seat, the only available chair is between his mom and Sujin, so he takes a calming breath before walking over with fake confidence. He’s used to faking it until he makes it. That could be the name of his biography.

He answers his family's questions about work and school blowing on the soup before taking a bite of the slightly lopsided dumpling. What it's lacking in appearance it more than makes up for in flavor, he groans at the delicious flavor that dances on his taste buds looking up excitedly at his mom.

"These dumplings are delicious! Thank you for the meal!" He praises his mom, happily chewing at the soft delicacy in his mouth.

"Thank you Junnie, but I didn't make the dumplings. They worked on the filling together but Sujin-ah seasoned and filled the dumplings while I made the broth and your sister helped with the side dishes." His mother smiles proudly over at the two girls, Gowoon beaming with pride but Sujin, almost disappears into her soup her head so close to the steaming hot bowl.

They haven’t said anything to each other and he's nervous to be the one to break this stalemate but he also really wants to talk to her, has wanted to since he stepped through the door and saw her smiling face. Has wanted to since that night he stormed out and didn't look back. So finally he does, gathering all his bravery to finally look over at her.

"The dumplings are great." And when she doesn't look up or seemingly react at all, he tells himself he's fine and he expected that. She wasn't ready to talk to him yet, it was his own fault for hoping when she'd explicitly told him to stop doing that.

So he goes back to eating, more lethargic than before eyes locked on nothing but his food and his spoon. It was embarrassing. He knows his cheeks are pink and he hates it.

"Thank you. I just followed your mom's directions. It was nothing."

He pauses, peeking up at her and almost choking when she shoots him a small smile before filling her bowl with more rice.

His heart thumps in his chest. Fuck.

He doesn't hear anything else the rest of the meal, too lost in his thoughts and it's only familiarity that has him standing up when everyone is finished, collecting the plates and bringing them to the sink.

"It's almost time for Sunbae, don’t wear those high heels!!" Gowoon shouts, he cringes at the name of the new drama they've been obsessively watching, he'd only tuned in one time before flabbergasted by the exorbitant amount of times the female protagonist had fallen into the arms of various men but especially the male lead. She fell off a balcony into his arms that time, with neither of them needing to be admitted to the hospital somehow. His mother and Gowoon had both hushed him when he'd voiced that particular opinion and he had happily banished himself to his room.

"Oh no, I'm going to miss it because I'm washing the dishes." He replies deadpan as his sister rolls her eyes dramatically at him, "Whatever it's your loss. Let's go I want to see if she's going to choose the sweet bad boy or the cold cute guy!"

He scoffs at the cliché characterizations scrubbing harder at the plate.

"Come on unnie!" Sujin gasps as she's tugged to the living room too, glancing over he sees his little sister place her in the middle of the couch sandwiched between her and his mother. Sujin looks overwhelmed as Gowoon animatedly tries to catch her up on the series. He shakes his head, maybe the show wasn't that bad. He could watch a few minutes with them.

He strolls casually to the living room, easing onto the ground beside his mother's legs after all the dishes are clean and drying.

"What are you doing here? I thought you despised this "cringey" show?" He leans his head back, sighing when his mother eases her fingers into his hair scratching at his scalp and he sighs content in her lap.

"I do. But it's too early to sleep so I have no choice but to watch this crap."

"Mom! He said crap!"

"Watch your language."

His mother scolds him immediately and Gowoon sticks out her tongue at him vindicated because he got in trouble and immaturely he does it back, tugging off her sock much to her chagrin, dodging her when she tries to kick him.

Sujin looks back and forth between them both before discretely looking at their mother, she seems shocked when all the woman does is chuckle and say, "Children please. Do I need to remind you that we have a guest?" He looks away bashfully not wanting to look childish in front of Sujin, he hadn't thought about that. That makes them settle down and he finally looks at the TV, groaning loudly when low and behold the heroine is falling again, tripping over a candy wrapper on the ground.

"She falls a lot. She should probably wear protective gear." Sujin says breaking their new silence and he chuckles at her observation, happy that someone agrees with him, excitedly he turns to her "Right! Last time she fell off a balcony!" He shouts in disbelief and suddenly they're all arguing about the feasibility of someone surviving that. His mother shaking her head fondly at them, choosing to say out of it which makes Gowoon pout because she's outnumbered.

"Okay who would you choose Unnie, the tsundere type or the bad boy with a heart of gold?" Suddenly he's very invested in her answer, he tries not to react staring at the ceiling and breathing evenly but inside his heart is thundering ready to pound out of his chest.

A few seconds drag on and he wonders if she's not going to answer, he doesn't even know why he cares so much but curiously is gripping at him. He knows that this doesn't mean anything necessarily and he's not getting his hopes up but--

"The sweet guy. He just looks like a bad boy but he's sweet to her, he never says anything mean to her. That would be nice." She answers, trailing off at the end and he hears Gowoon instantly disagreeing saying the other guy is way better, but he can barely hear his sister over the thumping of his heart in his ears, he can't help the wide smile that spreads on his face.

He turns to hide it in his mom's lap.

It doesn't leave his face the rest of the night.

It's getting late, she knows that it's time for her to take her leave she's been imposing on them for too long but....she doesn't want to. She doesn't want to leave, they are so warm. She's never seen a family like this outside of television shows, how was it possible that this was their real life? How could they have a mother who was that loving? Everything they did was greeted with fond exasperation, where was the reprimanding or cold backhanded words that cut like a knife?

She'd even treated her kindly, calling her sweetie more than she said her name. And she got used to it similar to how she'd gotten used to Seojun calling her princess, she knew she should fight it but she didn't want to. She was ashamed to say she liked it.

She tries to soak it up for as long as she can before she says reluctantly, "I should probably go. it's getting late." Then she watches in a daze as the woman races off before returning with containers stacked and tied in a bag.

Before she can argue or refuse their mom is already shaking her head, "You made this so it's only right that you take it home. I won't take no for an answer." At this point that should have been the Han family motto she thinks fondly. But she accepts the food, bowing in gratitude at the simple act of kindness.

"Unnie, can I have your number? I just realized I don't have it and we're so close!" Gowoon thrusts her phone out with two hands, giving her the biggest puppy eyes she's ever seen. Without a word she accepts the phone, punching in her number before handing it back. She hadn’t realized the girl considered them close, but she finds that she doesn’t mind it at all.

"Thank you! I'll text you so you can have my number too." The younger girl dances in celebration before grabbing her in a hug, she awkwardly pats her on the back once before she's finally set free. They're all so naturally affectionate and she's not the least bit accustomed to it, used to harsh words and slaps instead of praises and hugs.

"Get home safely sweetie. Junnie! Where did you go? Come walk her home!" She rushes to say it's okay she doesn't need an escort home, she's fine walking by herself it truly wasn't that far it turned out. But Seojun comes out of his room, changed again with a coat on and a beanie. Walking over to them he thrusts a sweater at her, when she looks blankly he replies sounding defensive, "It's probably colder now. Put this on too." He pushes it at her again firmer and she grabs it, gasping when their fingers brush.

It's a thick dark green sweater with fleece lining the interior and it smells just like his earthy cologne, she wants to give it back. Instead she puts it on over her borrowed long sleeve shirt from Suho and feels like a child playing dress up when it reaches the bottom of her knees. She knows what he's thinking when he smirks at her, she wasn't short he was just a damn giant.

She takes off the slippers and slides back into her sneakers, thankful that they're dry now. She's distracted by Seojun's heat, he's so close to her putting on his own boots. So much so she nearly misses what his mother says, "Get home safely. Please come again soon, I need more maturity in this house." Seojun and Gowoon both shout affronted but all she can see is the genuine smile on her face, she finds herself nodding throat too thick for words. When she's pulled into another hug, this time she has to blink away tears arms still by her side. She’s vibrating from keeping her emotions contained.

They are walking side by side, the sounds of the city filling the silence that would be present. Every once in a while their arms brush but he moves away after the third time and she feels cold, more so than when the wind blows.

They're getting closer to Suho's apartment and she's wrecking her brain to find something to say to him, knowing that the ball is in her court; it always has been. She's just terrified to swing her racket. What if she misses? Or trips and embarrasses herself? It was usually better to just do nothing then you wouldn't be disappointed.

With each step she loses more courage until they are standing in front of the building and she still hasn't said anything.

Coward.

They stand awkwardly looking at the building pointedly avoiding each other and she finally speaks, "Oh your sweater! Here you go." She says stupidly, not at all what she wanted to say but she starts to pull the sweater off to commit to her exclamation. However he steps back shaking his head at her.

"It's cold. Just wear it upstairs. I'll get it later from Suho, you won't have to see me again. Go up." He sounds deflated, nothing like the animated jokester she'd seen just minutes at his apartment. It aches that she's the one making him act this way.

Then he turns around after looking at her, all of the light drained from his eyes.

He takes three large steps, putting immeasurable space between them in no time and she knows that if she lets him walk away right now he might not come back and that's a gut wrenching thought that makes her chase after him.

Thoughtlessly, she grabs his arm halting his exit from her life.

"Wait!" She shouts, but at the first touch of her hand on his forearm he's already frozen, still in her arms. He doesn't turn around. She shoots him a silent mental thank you, even if it's not his intention it's much easier to say what's on her mind like this without him facing her and her feeling too open and vulnerable.

"I know you're the one making me food." There was supposed to be a thank you somewhere in there but instead she ends up sounding accusatory, and he tenses instantly his arm tight in her grasp.

"I'll stop. I know you told me to leave you alone. I--just. There's no excuse. I'll stop."

His voice is strained and this is going all wrong already, she's ruining everything.

Letting go of his arm, she sidesteps and brazenly moves directly in front of him. She can't keep hiding from this. She needed to be vulnerable, that was the only way he could understand.

His eyes are wet.

She gasps at the sight, not expecting it and so jealous at his ability to just feel and be seen. She was always hiding from everything.

"Don't."

He doesn't give her a chance to finish.

"Sujin. Let me go. I know already, I know it all. I can't like you, I shouldn't get my hopes up, I need to mind my business. I know it all!" He shouts, pain marring his face but she notices how he still tugs his arm free gently, still careful about harming her even while he’s breaking down.

She doesn’t deserve this.

This is all her fault she knows that to be an objective truth, but the way he throws her own words back at her makes her realize how cruel she'd been while trying to spare him. She hadn't spared anything, the pain in his eyes and voice makes that abundantly clear.

"Don't stop. Don't give up on me." She finishes, staring at him with her own wet eyes, tears prickling at them.

His shoulders sink as he stares at her, lost and hesitant.

"I'm sorry. I’m sorry for saying those things to you. I can't promise I won't push you away again. I'm...I'm fucked up Seojun-ah. I'm a fucking mess. But I want to stop, I don't want to push people away."

I don't want to push you away. But she’s still too much of a coward to say that out loud.

"Sujin, what-what are you trying to say?" He looks at her with guarded eyes, not yet ready to believe the words coming out of her mouth.

"I want to be friends."

She watches him wrestle with her sentence, hurt being covered up by a façade and she's not obtuse, she knows that's not the answer he was hoping for. Knows he thinks she's friend zoning and clipping the wings of his feelings.

"That's all I can deal with right now. I have a lot to work on, I need to work on me." It may seem like a cop out, an excuse but it's the most honest she's ever been with herself, it's not that she doesn't like him she might- if the way her heart thumps when he’s around says anything- but more importantly she has realized that she doesn’t like herself.

"Right now." He repeats in awe, she blinks confused before realizing the implications of her words, she starts sputtering trying to backtrack but he's too quick beating her to the punch.

"I can do friends. For now." She blushes at the beaming smile on his face, his happiness over such a small acquiesce is too much. Why did he have to wear his heart so obviously on his sleeves?

They stand simply staring at each other. Locked in the moment.

She might need to remind her heart that they'd only agreed to be friends.

For now.

I don't like onions.

She doesn't know what possesses her to text him first, or what compels her to send that particular message. She starts googling if there's a way to unsend messages, instead finding stories from others regaling their own embarrassing messages and finding solace that she isn't alone in this feeling.

She jumps when her phone vibrates. Slowly turning it over like it's a ticking bomb.

Of course you'd be a picky eater. Onions are good for you.

She rolls her eyes at the message, he was such a nagger.

It's not good if I don't enjoy it.

Alright princess, noted. No more onions. Are you okay with chicken teriyaki tomorrow?

She recalls the delicious chicken teriyaki he'd made for her just days ago, it was succulent and juicy and she'd fought Suho over it, reminding him that this was her food and she replies quickly.

Yes! Do you have more kimchi?

I do. I'll pack some.

She stares at the phone, in disbelief at the how easy it is to talk to him again, like there was an empty spot in her life, a Seojun shaped gap that was now filled once more. She wasn't fixed, she had meant what she told him; she couldn't examine her feelings for him yet. But she needed him in her life, he was there when she needed someone and now no one else would do.

I missed you.

#true beauty #true beauty kdrama #bring me to life #chapter 7 #han seojun #kang sujin #Han family superiority #the couple that should have been #I got to write some cute stuff #calm before the storm #maybeeeee #junjin #dedicated to my shooters

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sweetestlamb · 3 years

Text

Frozen Inside

Summary: You need to remember your place.

Author's note: Chapter 9 is here! Taking a break from these two was pretty hard for me I just love them so much and love writing them in this world I created. As mentioned before this chapter includes a character that someone suggested I use to stir the Junjin pot little, if anyone can guess who this extraordinary character is I will give you a cyber cookie LOL. Just a minor heads up to the person who suggested it, I don’t sympathize with this character as much as others did but I will try to give him some depth and not completely vilify him. But thank you for the suggestion! Hope you all enjoy, writing the ending kinda broke my heart a little so any positive words would be very welcome right now.

The bus ride is far too quick, he’s already loathing the moment when his shoulder will no longer be brushing "accidentally" against hers and he has to suppress a groan when someone rings the bell and he realizes this is their stop. She'd been acting uncharacteristically adorable after his honest statement earlier, running away as soon as the bus arrived as if she'd never gazed upon herself in a reflective surface before. She was beautiful, it wasn't something that was subjective it was just a fact. But once they entered the bus she made her way to a single seater by the window obviously trying to get away from him, he'd easily tugged her away by her backpack forcing her to a double seater in the back instead.

They were sitting together, there were already straying eyes watching her every move. Some from their schools and others just strangers who didn't bother to hide their interest in her, eying her up salaciously and and piquing his desire to throw hands. They were all lucky he had an important date after school, he couldn’t afford to get trouble right now.

She'd glared at him and swung her arms latching on to a metal handle trying to stop him but he was stronger than her, with a huff he pulled her with him and made her sit in the inner seat so he could bracket her in and marginally hide her form from the predatory looks.

Her leg brushed against his before moving away, so quickly he almost thought he imagined the whole thing. But then it happened again. He glanced over discretely at the tail of his eye.

He'd never seen Sujin fidget before. Didn't know her bones were capable of such a function but he had felt her jiggling knee knock into his own and learned that even an ice princess like her got embarrassed. He swallowed the immense pride that erupted at the realization that he was the one making her act this way. Completely out of her character.

"It's our stop." She whispers staring at the floor, eyes refusing to look up.

He's tempted to ignore her and see if that will make her look at him, now that he's been the center of her attention- that hug is burned into his mind- he is greedy for more, her resistance makes him even more desperate.

But he wordlessly stands up instead sliding out of the seat and opening the back door for them, she only pauses minutely before skipping down the stairs and exiting the bus. Her short pleated skirt bounces precariously with every movement and he's temporarily distracted gazing at the smooth expanse of milky skin, why were the school skirts so short anyway? Sujin's barely reached her knee, stopping in the meat of her thigh. Maybe he should start a school petition to get longer skirts for the girls. The boys probably wouldn’t be in agreement though. Perverts.

His stomach clenches at the thought of others staring too, maybe he could at least convince her to tie the sweater around her waist instead of wearing it normally. It was worth a try at least.

"We probably shouldn't walk in together, your fangirls will go cra--"

He interrupts her, not paying at all to what she's suggesting because he has no intentions of separating from her. She's so exhausting with all this push and pull honestly. He already told her that they don't matter.

"Isn't your skirt too short?"

He keeps walking without looking over at her, realizing too late how bold his question is.

He stops when he realizes that she's no longer beside him, twisting left and right before turning around and seeing her a few paces behind. He almost sighs in relief much more familiar with this particular emotion etched on her face, annoyance and mild rage- the patented princess look™️ and he backs up looking at her with a lifted brow, silently questioning her inactivity.

"What did you say to me Han Seojun?" She admonishes staring at him like he's grown another head and she’s ready to decapitate them both, she also steps into his space tilting her angry face to glare directly into his face. She looks prepared to murder him and hide the body.

He's not stupid enough to repeat his gutsy idiotic question, he very much likes his face the way it's currently arranged. He might be stupid but he's not that stupid.

"Me? Nothing. I would never say anything, I don't deserve to speak in your presence." He flutters his eyelashes dramatically, speaking in an exaggerated cute voice and she stares blankly at first. Both of them searching the others face before the tension is snapped like a rubber band and she pushes him in the chest, he almost whines reaching out to grab her wrist before he sees the small smile on her face, its hidden instantly behind the curtain of her hair when she moves away but he sees it and he feels his chest palpitate.

He stands staring in wonder. Lost in her spell.

He's never been a gracious loser but she gives him no chance in the matter.

He stares at her back, cheeks hurting as beams at her bounding off in his sweater. It's hers now he will never be able to wear it again without remembering her in it, it's been ruined in the best possible way.

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Chorong struggles to carry all the cards he pushes at him, the female population seems to have decided that he was sick and his return results in high pitched screams of his name and a constant stream of food and gifts being shoved in his direction, despite his refusal. He's wandering the halls arm filled with the gifts when he runs into Sujin, her face brightens upon seeing him before she glances down at his arms. The pretty smile is thwarted before it can even comes to full fruition, her eyes turning cold before she stomps past him.

He smirks at her back, chuckling as Chorong stares in confusion before asking, "What's wrong with her?" He shakes his head before handing the bigger boy all the unwanted gifts, her smile was worth more than all of this anyway.

Lunch can't come soon enough and he happily swaggers into the bustling room, oblivious to the amount of hungry eyes that latch onto his form. His own eyes too busy locking on one figure and one figure alone.

The seat across from her is conveniently empty and he laughs into his sleeve when Jukyeong waves him over, smiling with conspiration at him pointing at the empty seat without an ounce of subtlety, giving him a thumbs up. He can't control his laughter when Sujin turns to the girl and to hide her damning thumb the clumsy girl pokes herself in the eye. He definitely owed her now that looked mighty painful.

Suho nods at him as he takes his seat, he returns the gesture. Watching as the usually stoic boy reaches across to comfort his girlfriend, stroking her hair and blowing gently into her teary red eye as she whines loudly.

He opens his backpack taking out the food the girl avoiding him like the plague had given him just this morning. The dumplings are perfect this time she's clearly figured out a technique now, and when he bites into them a delicious umami flavor explodes on his tongue. He groans in pleasure before stuffing another dumpling in his mouth eagerly.

"Wow those look amazing! Did your mom make them?" Su-ah calls across the table and he freezes mid-chew instinctively looking at the real culprit and her eyes are already on him, wide and then pleading. He knows what she's begging from him but he really really wants to disobey and tell everyone that she made them for him. That the same Kang Sujin, who served men roundhouse kicks and resting bitch faces for lunch had made him food and was sitting there eating a lunch he had prepared for her.

It sounds so domestic and he has to bite his tongue to stop himself from doing something she'll regret.

But she's not ready it's too evident and he's not inconsiderate nor selfish. Whatever this is, it's far too new and fragile for him to throw it to the wolves before it's on stable grounding.

"No my mom didn't make it." He answers honestly and he can feel the cold air wafting off Sujin in frigid waves and then he feels a sharp kick to his ankle, he has to grab her feet with his legs to stop her from delivering another blow. He probably shouldn't find her violent tendencies so attractive. He clearly isn't right in the head.

"Someone else made it. Someone special." He continues trying not to wince as she tries to attack him again. Immediately the table erupts into ohs and everyone starts talking at once except her best friends who look on with smirks, Su-ah playfully winking at him.

"Someone special? Who? Who made it? Do you have a girlfriend?"

Sujin spontaneously starts choking on her blueberry milk, the very one he'd packed in her lunch bag this morning the pale blue liquid spilling out the corners of her lips. He passes her a napkin immediately, their fingers brushing as she takes the paper from his grip wiping her face and looking sheepish once she realizes that all eyes are on her now.

"Are you okay?" He asks amused, looking at her with a smile barely hidden. So fucking cute.

"Yeah don't worry about me." She breezily replies struggling to escape from his tight grip under the table, unbeknownst to everyone there. But her cold statement only reminds me of their meeting in the hospital. Her words echoing in his heart, I'm going to worry about you. Who are you to tell me not to? Let me do what I want. Hearing those words made him want to stupidly put himself in more scenarios that would result in her concern, maybe he'd get another hug. Or a even a ki--

"Don't think we forgot! Who made you this food Seojun-ah?" Chorong breaks his concentration and he stares incredulously at the other boy, his words were meant to trick everyone else but his best friend should know who he was referring to; he'd been the one to deliver the food for him after all. Wasn't it clear who he liked? Who might be making him food in return?

He sighs shaking his head, glancing up at Sujin from under his fringe feeling warm all over.

It's hard to tail him without making it too obvious but she tells Jukyeong and Su-ah that she has something to do before running after Seojun at a distance. She misses the knowing look on both of their faces as they watch her conspicuously hide behind a very thin tree. He had offered to wait for her but she didn't need his fanclub seeing them leaving together, they were so possessive of the boy. It didn't matter that he never showed any interest in them they were all still convinced that he belonged to them.

She didn't see him making food for any of them so she didn't know how they reached this asinine conclusion but she'd rather stay off their radar.

"Are you practicing to be a national spy? Why didn't you come when I offered to wait for you?" They are far from the school now, miles but she still looks around nervously before speeding up finally allowing them to walk side by side. He looks over at her fondly, she looks away unable to maintain eye contact when he's acting like this. It doesn't help that she can feel her walls weakening, she was tempted to accept his offer earlier. To walk with him side by side and let everyone see, she was losing her mind.

"I didn't want to be murdered by your girls." She teases, the words fall flat because as soon as she utters them she feels sick to her stomach.

A huge hand suddenly wraps around her wrist halting her, warm even through the stick material of the gifted sweater.

She turns to look at him bewildered, even more so at the hard look on his face. Those exotically sloping eyes even thinner than usual as he pulls her closer. She gulps, hard. Looking at him as his eyes peruse her face slowly, full of dark intention her blood simmers hot under the matching gaze.

"They aren't my girls. You know that." The emphasis and bite on the word makes her uneasy, refusing to think about the implications of his words. A sheen of sweat raises on her back, and she gently tugs her arm away scoffing to tear through the thick cloud of tension that is loitering between them.

"I was just joking. You don't have to be so serious. Let's go." She awkwardly rubs at her wrist before bolting away, scared to continue this line of conversation. Something has changed between them and she has no idea how and if they can go back to the way things were.

A little voice in her head whispers, Is that really what want you?

How is she supposed to know what she wants? Up until this point that has never mattered to anyone, she was just expected to do as she was told. Speak when spoken to. Everything about this is foreign and terrifying. Knowing that he'll be there to catch her if she falls is more nerve wrecking than anything she's faced thus far.

It's better not to think about it especially with where they're going, but thinking about that makes her even more nervous. She fidgets with the sleeve of the huge sweater, tugging at the extra material that folds over her hands. She suddenly realizes that she's completely covered in Seojun, this wasn't her best idea but she can't bring herself to remove the sweater.

She's never felt so warm.

"You can wait inside, I need to get something." He suddenly pats her head ruffling her hair and she reaches up to push his hand away only to be entranced by the grin on his face, has his smile always been that illuminant or is this reserved just for her?

She nods frozen watching him walk further and further away, until he turns a corner and disappears. She takes a deep breath centering herself before, able to breathe easier now without him sucking up all the air with his magnetic energy.

It's weird being back at the hospital especially alone, she hesitates at the entrance before finally entering. She expects trouble at the front desk seeing as how she's not family but the nurses smile at her knowingly.

"You're back. Room 105. Straight down the hall."

She shifts uncomfortably but nods her head in gratitude before walking down the hall. There are a row of free seats and she eases down into one, Seojun still isn't back and she can't very well just go into the room. She's basically a stranger, right?

Luckily she brought along homework, she can put this time to good use and complete some while Seojun gets whatever he needs that so important that he abandoned her all alone.

Minutes trickle by and she gets lost in her history homework highlighting dates and names of Kings, stopping at King Cheoljong when she hears the patter of footsteps and instinctively she glances up meeting huge round bespectacled eyes.

"Unnie! What are doing here?" Gowoon rushes over grabbing her hands, she flinches at the sudden touch on her rough hands and she coughs discretely pulling away, tucking the mutilated appendages away. She smiles disarmingly to ease any offenses that movement might have caused. The younger girl smiles back easily, not commenting at all on the action. She mentally thanks her.

"I heard your mother was hospitalized, I thought it would be okay if I visited her?" She suddenly feels extremely insecure about her presence here. Why had she assumed that she was welcome here after only meeting them once? She was getting too confident and it was a dangerous way to live, it often led to heartache.

Like now, she could pretend that it didn't matter if Seojun's mother didn't want to see her but if she was rejected it would hurt, she was the first maternal figure that had ever shown her any type of authentic kindness. Jukyeong's mom was ardent about regaling how pretty she thought she was but she'd heard that growing up, from her father as he bragged about how many suitors she would have and how resourceful that would be. So the words didn't do much but remind her of that, her supposed beauty had been weaponized long ago. She hated the constant reminder, as if her looks were all she had to offer to the world.

You didn't feel that way when he said it though. You liked it.

She shakes her head clearing away such traitorous thoughts.

"Unnie, of course you're welcome. Mom will be so happy to see you. I just meant why are you out here, come on let's go greet her!"

She barely has a chance to stuff her book back into her bag before the eager girl is yanking her away. She tries to fight the hold but it's useless and with a swipe of her hand Gowoon slides open the door, tugging her into the airy hospital room.

Her heart thunders in her chest.

She wants to disappear.

"Mom we're here!" Gowoon announces happily vibrating with youthful energy. Her eyes are glued to the checkered floor as she bows silently in greeting.

"H-hello again. I don't know if you remember me but I'm--"

"Sujin sweetie! Why are you acting so formal? Come, come. How have you been? Are you eating all your meals?" The older woman bulldozes past her stilted greeting, pointing to an empty chair next to her bed. She swallows before walking over and sitting down. Gowoon ambles over too hopping onto the edge of her mother's bed, immediately launching into a retelling of her day. She listens heart heavy at being so easily invited into such an intimate moment.

"What about you Sujin? How was your day?" She jumps at the inquiry, looking up to see both women watching her avidly waiting for her reply. This feels foreign, nobody has ever asked her about her day before.

"Um...it was okay. I got a 100 on my math test. I'm eating all my meals. I...um I had a good lunch." She stutters out foolishly adding the last line, thankful that Seojun isn't here to hear the praise who knows how he would have behaved? Surely his mother and sister don’t know that he has been making her food so the comment will be harmless.

An easy smile slides across the mother's face, "Is that so? I'm glad you enjoyed your lunch dear. Great job on your test! If only these kids would come home with news like that." She pokes Gowoon in her belly, to which the other girl folds her arm and humphs sticking out her tongue.

"We can't all be Kang Sujin, beautiful and intelligent like I would get that lucky?" She blushes embarrassed at the compliment waving her arm to brush the words away.

"Hey! What are you saying? You're my sister. I have enough of both of those for both of us." A deep voice sounds from the door and she turns to look at the boy, the fragrant scent of flowers filling the room. He crosses the room in long steps depositing them in an empty vase on the windowsill. They are in a perfect position to receive all the sun's magnificent rays.

So that's where he had been.

Gowoon scoffs at him, grumbling about narcissism and big headed boys but she grows silent as Seojun walks over to her.

He hands a smaller bundle to Gowoon, unlike the white lilies in the vase this bouquet is vibrant with hues of vivid blues, purples and fuchsia , it matches the girls personality perfectly and the smile that laces across her pretty face is enough to singlehandedly sustain the flowers.

"You got me flowers too?" Gowoon asks voice full of suspicion as she accepts the flowers, dipping her nose to sniff at them. She hums excitedly clutching them closer to her chest beaming at her brother.

"I was already there. I figured why not?" He tries to downplay the kind act but she catches the slight pink on his high cheekbones.

It's such a wholesome scene. She feels as if she's intruding by simply being there, especially when she sees the serene smile on their mother’s face watching her children, her pride is palpable.

"Thanks oppa."

He shrugs rubbing his neck, "You're welcome brat."

"What about that bouquet who's that for?" Gowoon innocently asks pointing to another bouquet that was partially hidden in his bomber jacket, bringing her attention to the last bundle in his hands inside a brown bag with a small blue bow tied at the base of the stems.

The pink changes to red.

He awkwardly shuffles under all their watchful eyes, staring out the window with intense focus as if it as the secrets to life.

"Oh my god, I know!" Gowoon exclaims snickering now as she bounces gleefully on the bed. She squirms in her seat trying to think of a believable excuse to leave the room, it couldn't really be for her right? He wasn't crazy enough to give her flowers in front of his family. Right?

"You have a crush on one of the nurses don't you? Seriously oppa, they're all too old for you. You're going to make them uncomfortable, they're just doing their job." Gowoon scolds him wagging her finger and pushing her glasses up the small bridge of her button nose.

Oh.

That made sense. They were for one of the nurses, probably the pretty that had allowed them to stay so late the other night. She had once again gotten ahead of herself, stupid. She should be relieved anyway this was better, if he had another crush then this thing between them would fade away and she'd stop feeling like she was walking on eggshells around him.

"What are you babbling about now? This isn't one of her dramas. I told you I was already there they aren't a big deal. Here, take it." He glares at his sister and shocks Sujin when he turns and thrusts the delicate bouquet at her, roughly placing them in her lap when she doesn’t accept them right away before taking the second empty seat next to his mother's bed. He pointedly avoids eye contact with all of them and she stares down at the flowers in her lap with her mouth open.

They are lovely, deep blues at the base that lightens as your eyes traverse the length of the flowers, baby blue fades to a piercing white making the bouquet look like a work of art itself.

"Oh they're for unnie. Okay. Good I thought you were trying to flirt." Gowoon dismisses the flowers now, turning back to her mother and continuing her story about her day ignoring them both now. She can feel Seojun's eyes hot on her face but she's unable to look away from the flowers in her lap.

Idiot.

She watches the family easily conversing never a lull in their animated conversation and she finally excuses herself, lying about going to find a bathroom. Nobody questions why she's bringing the flowers with her gratefully, she has no plausible reason for why she can't put the flowers down. Seojun stares at her unblinking but he lets her escape without question.

She leans against the solid wall outside the room as soon as the door slides shut, closing her eyes.

In, out. In, out. She coaches herself gulping in air pushing away the light-headed sensation at the base of her skull.

"You still have these pathetic attacks?" Her blood runs cold as the voice she hasn't heard in weeks siphons all the air she had just gifted her empty lungs.

No. No, it can't be.

But once she forces her eyes open she sees that her nightmare is indeed a reality.

Her father stares at her with contempt, his lips thin as they are pulled into a familiar sneer. He's wearing his white lab coat with a stethoscope around his neck and a clipboard in his hands.

Panic rises instantly as she looks at him, breathing is now impossible.

"You're lucky this is where we met. I got your present. It was perfect for the fireplace. I humored your little tantrum but it's over now. I expect you back home, tomorrow. You have another date with the boy you stood up last time. Thankfully your face was worth something. " His tone is conversational but she can see the rage swirling under the façade, his fists are white knuckled on the clipboard. He's barely holding himself back.

She clutches the flowers tighter desperate for support. She feels like she's free falling from a tremendous height.

"What are you doing here? What business do you have here?" He stares at her and she has to get him away, he can't see Seojun they can't meet here, especially outside his mother’s room. The other boy might do something reckless and her father looks dangerous right now, this could end badly. She has to protect him.

"I came to see you. To tell you to sign the papers." She replies with courage she's not currently feeling, it wavers as her father's eye become colder and penetrating.

"I'm not signing anything, you are my property. You better come to your senses before you make me really angry." He threatens her calmly in the hallway, as nurses and doctors walk by bowing to him in respect.

"I'll leave first." She whispers attempting to sidestep around him but he grips her wrist as she passes him, stopping her escape.

He eyes the flowers in her arms and she protectively clutches them in her arms shifting them away from him.

"Don't continue to piss me off. I will make you regret it."

She's ashamed at how frightened his words make her feel, she'd thought that she was strong enough to face him but she was wrong. Stupidly so. She feels small under his gaze her wrist crushing under his powerful grip but she's too scared to even pull away, powerless to stop his abuse.

"People are watching." The method her mother has always used, he might not care about her but he cares about his appearance. His hold loosens at her words until she's free and without pause she scurries away, her feet bringing her to safety until she's outside. She's panting so hard that her body is shaking, kneeling over with the bouquet between her knees.

She sees drops landing on the floor and wonders when it started raining, only to look up and see clear blue skies not a cloud in sight.

His wife whimpered on the ground clutching her face, bright red mark on her swollen cheek. He shook his smarting hand as he tightly gripped the papers in his hand that she had handed him. She had been stupid enough to actually bring this to him, he is tempted to slap her again.

Emancipation papers.

It would have been hilarious if it hadn't enraged him so much, who did she think to defy him? To try to leave when he wasn't done using her? The very idea was preposterous and he would beat it out of her as soon as he dragged her back home. This had gone on long enough, her little rebellion. He had humored it expecting her to come crawling back once he turned off her credit cards, but that hadn't been enough.

He hadn't expected her to have any friends to turn to.

He thrusted the disgusting papers into the blazing fire that he'd lit, smiling darkly as they burnt and turned to ashes. This was how he planned on dealing with her newfound defiance, he would burn it out of her.

The disobedient fool didn't know how good she truly had it, she was lucky all he did was smack her around a little. At least she had a father that cared enough to beat her.

He'd grown up all alone, rich beyond belief but left to fend for himself in hotel after hotel. His parents were only that by title, he'd been raised by a rotating stream of nannies and butlers. Nothing he did was enough to get their attention, even starting fights or cursing at teachers. All his actions were dismissed easily with a envelope of money, teachers and students all sucking up to him and enabling his behavior.

He'd learned at a young age that anybody could be bought and wrong and right was something that only the poor had to adhere by, he was above the law, transcending morality. He could do anything and nobody would stop him. Nobody would dare.

Except his own daughter, perhaps it was karma. A punishment for all his bad deeds, he laughs humorously at the idea. He's getting old now to have thoughts like that. Regardless of what she wants he has no plans of letting her go, she's his to do with as he wishes. That had been the only reason he'd married her pathetic mother and the only reason he hadn't forced her to get an abortion once he learned the sex of the baby. She'd been a beauty despite her pitiful background and he'd hoped that a child of theirs would at least be something worth looking at.

In the end she was, his business partners following her form as she bloomed into a woman. He hadn't cared about their wandering eyes planning on selling her to the highest and most advantageous bidder, and he had found a buyer. Someone that needed him too, combined they could build a formidable partnership. He had a son Sujin's age and he had easily offered his daughter to sweeten the deal.

It was time to bring home his wayward child by any means possible. These childish games were over.

"It's good to see you son. Have you been healthy? Eating well?" Suho sits down bowing his head in greeting to his father, it feels surreal to be sitting here with him but they've come a long way. Therapy has also done wonders to rebuilding their broken relationship, they attend twice a week. Now he can look at his father without pain and guilt scratching at his skin.

"I'm well. Thank you for agreeing to see me. I have to discuss something important with you." He cuts to the chase, unsure of the outcome of this conversation but Sujin hasn't been talking to him and he knows that they need his father's help. They can't take her father down alone, they're just kids.

"It sounds serious. Are you okay?" His father asks voice thick with genuine concern, his brows furrowed.

"It's not about me. It's someone else. I can't tell you much because it's not my story but I need to ask you this, if you had to choose between supporting me or a business partner who would you choose?" His father looks taken back by the question, searching his face with confused eyes.

"Son, what are you talking about? What business partner? Why are you asking this all of a sudden?"

He leans in staring directly into his father's eyes, he can now admit their resemblance as he stares at the face that looks so much like his.

"Dad, please just answer my question. If I needed your support, would you give it to me no matter what?" He questions, watching as his father stares at him in confusion and he waits patiently.

"Suho. I would choose you over anyone, I still need to prove myself if you're still asking me questions like that." He feels a tinge of guilt as his father shuffles away looking at him with a sad smile, he can't deny that. They've come far but there's still a part of him that remembers his father after his mother's passing, remembers blaming his father for years for his friends death. He's working on overcoming those scars but they are deep, beyond his flesh. Etched deep into his heart.

"One day I'm going to need your support. I need you to come without question. I need you to stand beside me." He stares at his father, seven years old again begging for his father's attention, his love.

Unlike his memories though, this time his father grabs his hand shooting him a melancholy smile, before nodding firmly.

"I'll be there. I'll stand beside you son."

Sujin is acting strange, more so than usual. Su-ah can't pinpoint what's wrong but the other girl is more shifty than usual and always staring off deep in thought, not even Seojun seems to know what's wrong with her. She had questioned the boy, he seemed as frustrated as her telling her that she'd started acting like this two days ago.

Nothing she does gets the other girl to talk, Sujin has resolutely slammed her walls firmly back in place. She watches her in the corner of her eye, sighing at the fake smile on the girl’s face it’s obvious to detect them now with all the real ones she's witnessed usually in a certain bad boy's presence.

Taehoon leans into her side, his arm wrapped protectively around her shoulder and she looks back at Seojun watching him watch the other girl. Jukyeong's occupying the space next to Sujin so the boy has no choice but to walk behind her, she can feel his longing. Wishes that Sujin would allow herself to be happy, full-heartedly. She notices how Sujin only allows herself to have Seojun in bursts, pushing him away when things become too much for her to handle. It's not fair to the other boy but she knows it's all her friend has to offer right now.

As they push open the school doors, she sees a swarm of students blocking the way. They are talking excitedly pointing and staring at something she can't see. She stands on her tiptoes trying to get a better view of what's happening, impatiently she pushes past the gossiping girls forcing her way to the front.

There's a guy she's never seen before, her eyes widen when she sees the motorcycle getting a sense of deja vu before glancing back at Seojun, staring impassively at the unknown boy. Everyone begins to look between the two boys, the resemblance is uncanny especially with this stranger showing up on a bike too. They look like doppelgangers, like when the evil twin shows up suddenly in a drama.

"Kang Sujin? Where is she?" The boy shouts to the crowd at large, looking around and she watches Seojun's eyes narrow icing over until they are glacial cold. Then Sujin steps forward looking unimpressed by this show, her resting bitch face in full swing despite the handsome stranger’s grin.

"Why are you looking for me?" She challenges, staring him down and all eyes are on them watching this unexpected meeting.

The boy whips a leg over the sleek bike, dismounting in one fluid motion. He's tall, even taller than Seojun and she can hear her school mates swooning at the mysterious boy, whispering about him being handsome and wishing they were Sujin. Fickle asses, they don't even know anything about him.

"I came to make sure you don't stand me up this time." He answers with a bite, there's a humorless grin on his face. A chill runs down her spine. She shifts closer to Sujin subconsciously, an innate desire to protect her flaring up.

Realization breaks on Sujin's face and she looks away, annoyance clear on her countenance.

"What do you want?" She finally asks looking exasperated with this very public conversation.

"I want the date you owe me. Let's go."

Her eyes narrow at his command not appreciating the way he's talking to her best friend, who is this rude entitled punk? Satisfaction rolls over her as Seojun steps up easily making his presence known as he scowls at the boy.

"Who the hell are you? She’s not going anywhere with you." He interrupts disdain dripping in every syllable as he steps in front of Sujin blocking her completely.

The boy raises a taunting brow at the move, before sneering cruelly right back.

"Who are you to ask me that? Get out of my face asshole." The other boy aggressively barks and she gasps as Seojun steps forward purposely raising his fist but before he can draw back and initiate the move, a dainty hand reaches out capturing his fist. Sujin briskly stops him lowering his hand and she watches as she doesn't release him immediately, standing side by side holding hands. They look like a team.

She's never seen anyone disarm Seojun like that before, Sujin's hand on him seems to evaporate all his rage and he is docile in the wake.

"Don't talk to him like that. You're starting to piss me off, I stood you up for a reason." Sujin steps forward and she wonders if her best friend knows how she looks, stepping in front of Seojun now seemingly defending him back.

The new boy sneers gazing down at their still joined hands, an ugly mean look on his face.

Then he steps forward swiftly and leans down roughly shoving Seojun away, much to the boy's vocal chagrin he stumbles back a few steps before he lunges at the other boy but it's too late he has already whispered something inaudible into Sujin's ear. Sujin steps in front of Seojun again blocking him before he can attack the strange boy, he stops immediately not wanting to hurt the smaller girl. He glares over Sujin’s shoulder, face enraged.

Sujin visibly deflates at the words and she hates the vindictive smile that stretches across the other boys face, she wishes she could punch it off. Who is this asshole?

Sujin seems lost in thought again, miles away even though she's right in front of them. When her face hardens she knows that the girl has reached a conclusion.

"Fine." Sujin finally steps forward, eyes wavering now as she glares defeated at the other boy. Her shoulders are lower now as if she's lost some of her fight, it breaks her heart. "I'll come with you." She weakly agrees voice barely above a whisper.

"Sujin! You don't have to go with him!" She yells leaving her boyfriend's arms and latching onto Sujin's elbow, sending a murderous glare to the asshole who's forcing her friend. She tugs Sujin back, refusing to let her go. She argues as Sujin peels her hands away, smiling sadly at her eyes shiny and hard.

"It's okay. I have to." She grasps at her best friends arm as she walks forward until she's right beside the boy's bike. The whole school is watching with bated breath, unsure of what exactly they're viewing but captivated nonetheless.

He tosses her an extra helmet without warning and it slams into Sujin's chest harshly and she bristles at the other boys callous action.

Sujin starts to put on the helmet before Seojun steps forward again, grabbing her wrist and she lowers the helmet staring up at him. They both stand frozen, eyes locked and she watches as Seojun silently pleads with Sujin, his face is loose and every emotion is written in the frown on his face. Sujin falters momentarily swaying into the tall boy their bodies dangerously close, her own eyes shining even brighter but then the strange boy revs his engine bursting their bubble and Sujin jumps backwards pulling away from Seojun.

Her heart jumps into her throat as she watches Sujin's mouth something to Seojun before turning away, helmet slid down her head roughly before climbing onto the bike. Seojun looks completely crushed when she wraps her arms around the other boys waist, straddling the huge bike.

"You should learn your place." The other boy scowls triumphantly, revving the engine once more.

"Shut up. Let's go." Sujin interrupts the showboating, staring straight ahead. Looking at Seojun she sees exactly why the other girl is avoiding looking at him, if heartbreak was a person it would be him.

Without another word, the mysterious boy knocks the kickstand up and squeezes the throttle and within seconds the bike roars to life, leaving them all behind Sujin's long hair bellowing behind her as they disappear down the road.

She looks over at Seojun, Suho and Jukyeong both look worried too. He stares after Sujin and the unknown boy fuming silently before he spins around, stomping away without a word.

Sujin, I hope you know what you're doing. This might be too much for him to handle.

She stares helplessly as Seojun stalks away, Chorong running after him but unable to keep up with his long gait. He doesn’t want to be caught, shutting them all out.

#true beauty #junjin #bring me to life #bmtl #a cameo #guess who it is #han seojun #kang sujin #it started cute but it can never stay that way with these two #oops #angst #true beauty kdrama

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sweetestlamb · 3 years

Text

BMTL Chapter 9- Teaser

Author's note: Chapter 9 is coming after a short break! Here's a teaser, this one will be another rollercoaster and the pov I've been dreading the most🙄 plus a special guest based on a suggestion one of you made! All this and more on the next episode of Dragon Ball Z 😂😂😂 errr I mean Bring me to life.

The bus ride is far too quick, he already loathes the moment when his shoulder will no longer be brushing "accidentally" against hers and he has to suppress a groan when someone rings the bell and he realizes this is their stop. She'd been acting uncharacteristically adorable after his honest statement earlier, running away as soon as the bus arrived as if she'd never gazed upon herself in a reflective surface before. She was beautiful, it wasn't something that was subjective it was just a fact. But once they entered the bus she made her way to a single seater by the window, he'd easily tugged her away by her backpack forcing her to a double seater in the back instead.

They were sitting together, there were already straying eyes watching her every move. Some from their schools and others just strangers who didn't bother to hide their interest in her, eying her up and and piquing his desire to throw hands. They were all lucky he had an important date after school.

Her leg brushed against his before moving away, so quickly he almost thought he imagined the whole thing. But then it happened again. He glanced over discretely at the tail of his eye.

"It's our stop." She whispers staring at the floor, eyes refusing to look up.

But he wordlessly stands up instead sliding out of the seat and opening the back door for them, she only pauses minutely before skipping down the stairs and exiting the bus. Her short pleated skirt bounces dangerously with every movement and he's temporarily distracted gazing at the smooth expanse of milky skin, why were the school skirts so short anyway? Sujin's barely reached her knee, stopping in the meat of her thigh.

His stomach clenches at the thought of others staring too, maybe he could convince her to tie the sweater around her waist instead of wearing it normally. It was worth a try at least.

"We probably shouldn't walk in together, your fangirls will go cra--"

"Isn't your skirt too short?"

"What did you say to me Han Seojun?" She admonishes staring at him like he's grown another head, she also steps into his space tilting her angry face to glare directly into his face. She looks prepared to murder him and hide the body.

He's not stupid enough to repeat his gutsy idiotic question, he very much likes his face the way it's currently arranged. He might be stupid but he's not that stupid.

He stands staring in wonder. Lost in her spell.

He's never been a gracious loser but she gives him no chance in the matter.

He stares at her back, cheeks hurting as beams at her bounding off in his sweater. It's hers now he will never be able to wear it again without remembering her in it, it's been ruined.

Chorong struggles to carry all the cards he pushes at him, the female population seems to have decided that he was sick and his return results in high pitched screams of his name and constant food and gifts being shoved in his direction, despite his refusal. He's wandering the halls arm filled with the gifts when he runs into Sujin, her face brightens upon seeing him before she glances down at his arms. The smile is thwrated before it can even come to fruition, her eyes turning cold before she stomped past him.

He smirked at her back, chuckling as Chorong stared in confusion before asking, "What's wrong with her?" He shook his head before handing the bigger boy all the unwanted gifts, her smile was worth more than all of this anyway.

The seat across from her is conveniently empty and he laughs into his sleeve when Jukyeong waves him over, smiling conspirationally at him pointing at the empty seat and giving him a thumbs up. He can't control his laughter when Sujin turns to the girl and to hide her damning thumb the clumsy girl pokes herself in the eye. He definitely owed her.

Suho nods at him as he takes his seat, he returns the gesture. Watching at the usually stoic boy reaches across to comfort his girlfriend, stroking her hair and blowing gently into her teary red eye as she whines loudly.

"Wow those look amazing! Did your mom make them?" Su-ah calls across the table and he freezes mid-chew instinctively looking at the real culprit and her eyes are already on him, wide and then pleading. He knows what she's begging from him but he really really wants to disobey and tell everyone that she made them for him. That same Kang Sujin, who served men roundhouse kicks and resting bitch faces for lunch had made him food and was sitting there eating a lunch he had prepared for her.