#still really want to yell though
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FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFU KFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUC
#QUE CARALHO#why are a 23 year old and a 20 year old even getting fucking engaged ANYWAY#like what business do you have getting ENGAGED#she's not even in college yet. like girl GO LIVE YOUR LIFE#is this the anger stage? did i finally achieved it after 7 years in denial? if this is what it takes than slay good for me#still really want to yell though#then**#I'll ignore the other mistakes. I'm angry I'm not that worried about second language spelling#to think i was supposed to be out drinking but I can't cause im sick so I'm just home and pissed instead of out drunk and pissed
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Ik I don’t post as much stuff as I wanted but here’s some stuff you can have lol.
Most of it is just my ocs, ocs from friends and oc x canon.
Oc on left hand side is my oc and the one in the middle belongs to @medics-secret-shipfic-folder and @number1yisuchongfan
Silly old doodles I did. Which has my tf2 oc Casey and medic being chaotic, Casey and Medic w/ Archimedes, Casey finding spy’s fursona, and Scoutpauling because they are silly.
This one is my favorite all time. This another oc I made her name is Sage she’s in her 30s soon to be 40s and she is protected by Merasmus by any danger that goes towards her. I’ll give you more information on her when I can.
Merasmus' hair design was inspired by @ozianthus-arts design of him lol
#tfc#classic medic#cmedic#tf2#tf2 oc#tf2 medic#tf2 spy#scoutpauling#even though I didn’t really draw him I’m still gonna mention him#tf2 merasmus#Forrest Spells#tf2 oc x canon#random#please don’t yell at me if you don’t like scoutpauling and start ranting that she’s a lesbian..#I really don’t want to go into that situation right now…
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Good night Tumblr xx
#no i didn't watch much of the game idk it's too stressful watching from home#BT yells about everything and#after the day i had.... like i just wanted to send the tax returns and invoices and the really guy kept pestering me for things and#like it's 5:05 and he's like all panicked like 'i sent an email and it's gone to spam LAURA CAN YOU SEND IT FROM YOUR EMAIL'#i mean#it doesn't Parramatta??????#and sophia was probably slightly peeved because she likes me to go home at 5 so she can smoke in the office before she goes home#i stood my ground though#said i still have things to finish up and told her that she can go home#which now i think about it hmmm i shouldn't be telling my boss to go home#i mean she's the boss it's her office#also i did a Colleen#i took things home you guys i took the ATO correspondence home#BUT i forgot the address listing#dammit#oh well#i can still sort the payg instalments#get them ready#open the letters#i didn't even open any mail over the last two days#it's too much#we needed $32k this week (Sophia's target) and we only did $20k#we failed#I'm sorry sophia
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"...Not all angels are lactose intolerant, though? There's just not a lot of dairy products in Heaven, is all..." Why does this feel like some kind of joke that Azrael and Lucifer would have spread around when they were younger?
"It is rather funny to see everyone getting so lively over it though, isn't it? Don't look so exasperated, Ziri, it'll be forgotten about in a day or so!" Eno, please. This all started because of you.
#[Zikiriel -commentary-]#[Enoch -commentary-]#Yeah though this all started because I wanted some ice cream#but my tummy is a little grumpy today so I didn't really want to risk eating any and tempting the god of lactose intolerance#and so I made some comment about it and then went 'Well! we still have to think of two more random headcanons for Eno so--'#to which Kei stopped me and went '...wait what? Eno's lactose intolerant?'#then when I tried to say no he's not but there probably isn't really much dairy in Heaven#'It's secretly because all the angels are lactose intolerant or something haha'#and Kei lit up like a christmas tree slkdfna#before I could take it back she was already typing up her post and yelling 'YOU SAID IT SO IT'S CANON NOW!!!!!' lmao
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if i think bout ichi going to jiro kasuga's grave and arakawa accompanying him Maybe At Least Once i just might explode
#snap chats#hi everyone. coping with my reality. plus it is fathers day tomorrow#ill save all THAT rambling after The Real Meat alright lemme get that juice out the way#anyway no i was just having an idle thought with fathers day coming up#an i just thought of like. Just-Got-Here ichi wantin to see his Relatively-Recently-Deceased's dad's grave#maybe arakawa wanted to ask ichi to do somethin on X day and ichi visibly is just 😬#obvi he tries to brush it off like Oh Its Nothing Sir Haha :) but arakawa's A Dad.#and grew up with a troubled childhood alright he knows when someones hiding something so he encourages ichi to tell him the truth#such comes The Bean Spillin an ichi's just 'remember how i said my dad died yeah i wanted to visit him that day 👉👈 '#followed up by the obligatory backpedaling But Its Fine I Can Do Another Day ! No Worries ! etc etc#so pleaaasse cut to arakawa making a 'deal' with ichi in that he can go that day but only if he could tag along#ichi's a great kid it's worth visiting the guy who raised him right#im gonna throw up if arakawa just gets a Funny Feeling during their visit yk what i mean#he just feels Especially grateful for jiro and what he did for ichi- doesnt exactly know why maybe ichi really is just that good of a kiddo#im gona make myself throw UP oh my GOD. crying dying etc etc#if you see me write or draw anything after this no you dont#speaking of though Personal Ramble Time i knew i shouldnt have eaten until later this is my karma <- thats not how karma works#i try not to eat in the evening and the time i do unprompted BOOM mother's home. screaming crying yelling#i still had things i wanted to do upstairs too gdi now i gotta wait til monday or like. 2AM ☠️☠️☠️#ok thats all byyyyye im gonna cope with my cringe family situation with projection 👋
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...It's kind of wild when the terf that you got into a fight with and had to write an essay on "Why violence is wrong" back in high school now works at the pharmacy where you get your medication from...
#I'm sorry for the vent I just am mad that she could be in a PHARMACY. I hope she's at least changed her ways.#she should not be working in health if she still thinks this way.#She definitely remembered me too. I don't think she could forget honestly. neither of us was injured btw.#It wasn't a “fight” in the way you think most fights are. she called this sweet trans boy the word rhymes with maggot (that's what she is)#a maggot.#while she was moving around a lot and idk. rage took over and I twisted her arm and she happened to fall and then I cussed her out#I probably over did it but moving her arms around while ranting and then calling him that just pushed me over. I WAS calm at first.#He was a shy and quiet kid and he “didn't want to make a big deal about it” so I tried to follow his request but... you know.#it was in theatre behind the curtains during rehearsal and everyone heard/saw so yea. I got into trouble. no detention surprisingly#it was a long time coming. she would constantly harass him with shit about how “You still look like a girl”. and using wrong pronouns#and teachers were told but they didnt' do shit. She also was just a mean person. This guy wasn't the only person she bullied#I only wrote on why VIOLENCE was wrong. not about what I did. The only thing I feel bad about is that I scared the poor guy I was defending#I don't remember what I said (I was that mad) but apparently I "picked her personality apart like a bunch of lego bricks and then told her#why the “lego brick” is fucked up“ He was just 14-15 and she was 18 btw😒literally harrassing a sweet KID.#was convenient though because all I had to do was give her a look and she would immediately back down. idk what I said when I yelled#at her but it was nice that I could do that whenever she would start shit#Mad rambles#idk y'all I'm scared that she's in HEALTH. if I know anything I'll see if I can report her because while I hope she wouldn't fuck with tran#folks medications idk for sure. she was really cruel back in high school.#vent#rant#I try not to post shit like this but I'm worried you know?
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can't believe school gives me homework i should get credit for writing gay fanfiction
#i wish my school had a creative writing class. god i miss middle school creative writing#mostly because my creative writing teacher was like. the only teacher who wasnt homophobic lmao#that aside though ew homework why must i do french homework#...y'all please yell at me to do my french hw if i'm still online in like. five minutes#to be fair i have written what was essentially fanfic for a grade but nobody really wants to see my horrid pride and prejudice fic#or the don pedro x leonato version of much ado that exists somewhere or the other#august rambles
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hm. my dad is now aware that i have slept over at eriks when i visit him.
#dont love that.#he brought it up bc i have an aunt and uncle in his city and i think he was going to offer to like see if i could stay with them at some#point to visit him#he was like have you thought of visiting erik in (city)? and i was like. yeah#and he was like. have you? and i was like. yeah. and he was like how many times? and i said twice and he was like oh. where did you stay?#and i said. eriks place. and he was like. oh. well you know you have an aunt and uncle there that would let you stay right? and i was like.#yeah i know. and it was in front of my mom and sister and brother in law and HIS sister and everyone was so quiet because they know how my#dad is#and i was like in the process of leaving so i just like said bye to everybody real quick and left so im still like. agh. scawed!#idk why even its not like theres anything he can do to me its just like. god i really want to have peace with him i do not want to ever hav#another lecture from him or get yelled at by him again idk im still scared of that. and he hasnt even met erik yet and probably has a#terrible impression of him now just based off of that even though i am always telling them great stuff about him i dont want HIM to deal#with that especially because i do not think that he would take as much bullshit which he shouldnt have to but god i just have this vision o#my dad like. pulling erik aside for a talk or something if they ever meet and trying to scare him and them getting into an argument bc erik#would stand up for himself#idk who knows if that will happen im literally making up scenarios in my head to scare myself but christ. \#the thing is also at this point in my life i just like. i have to keep moving forward in like. the whole living my life without constantly#thinking about the church's and my dad and the rest of my family's expectations. I have to. I almost lied to him but i didnt and thats#really big progress but im still so scared. but whatever. do it scared. agh!
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OMG DID TOU READ THE BALLAD OF SONGBIRDS AND SNAKES HELLOOOOO I FUCKING LOBE RHAT BOOK
I DID AND I AM STILL SO FUCKING MAD ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED TO SEJANUS HE DESERVED BETTER HE DESERVED THE WORLD AND CORIOLANUS TURNED THE WORLD AGAINST HIM OUGH FUCK SNOW ALSO THE ENDING MAKES ME GO INSANE LIKE SNOW MY MAN WHY DID YOU GO DOWN THIS PATH YES I KNOW YOU WERE DESTINED TO BE AWFUL BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN I LIKE IT HOW DARE YOU HOW DARE YOU HOW DARE YOU
#now i'm thinking about the meanings behind the title...ough#sejanus was my BABY. also he read as kinda queer for coriolanus for a while ngl#and then suzanne collins had them going 'you're like a brother to me' and i died inside#to me the best part of the book was once the games came into play really#and then when the whole 'and then coriolanus signed up for the peacekeepers before the end of the day' thing when the games were over#made me go. WHAT#because WHAT#which was intentional but still#tbf. the jabberjay scenes were good. well used plot devices and characters#OH MY GOD I WAS SO HORRIFIED W/ SEJANUS' DEATH THOUGH#BECAUSE LIKE. WHAT. HE WAS ONLY SUPPOSED TO BE SENT BACK TO THE CAPITOL WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE'S GETTING HUNG#AND THEN THE ENTIRE TIME I WAS LIKE CORIOLANUS YOU'RE GONNA SAVE HIM RIGHT?? YOU'RE GONNA DO THE RIGHT THING RIGHT???#AND THEN SUZANNE COLLINS SAID NO AND I WANTED TO CRY#all in all it's an interesting example of a negative character arc#though i think the ending was. a bit out of nowhere. a bit rushed. a sharp left turn where there should've been a curve if that makes sense#everything else was good though. the plot was great up until the end for me#ask#skylilac#...i need to be yelled at to keep writing the keefitz fic smh
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if i was shiv roy my anger would be biblical
#she’s terrible too but like#jesus fucking christ. can u imagine your whole life youve been raised to think ur lesser cause of ur gender ur fathers both consistently#underestimated you and excluded you due to your gender (and also his general manipulativeness) while in a way being his ‘favourite child’#and the most like him. and you only have brothers and you have to be soooo careful that everyone just doesn’t see u as the crazy woman. and#your dad FINALLY lets u in on the company but obviously it’s just another bargaining tactic and he doesn’t really and your brothers still#leave you out of everything. then he dies and you’re the one he SAID he actualtl WANTED as ceo to your face but for some reason kendall and#roman get to be joint ceo and promise promise promise they’ll let you in on it all but OBVIOUSLY they don’t and they try and screw the deal#you’ve been trying so hard to get without telling you#so yeah you get a little angry and you work with the guy they were screwing over and go behind their back with him. sure i would too. and#your brother wants to elect a fascist who’d probably make it illegal for you to abort that baby you’re pregnant with#(not that you seem to want to and not that you couldn’t anyway even if it was illegal you’re rich; but the point stands)#and your other brother is ‘morally against it’ but still goes along with it all#and ur just in a room and everyone around you is a white guy who will never really be affected by these policies that the president theyre#putting in power is going to enact that are going to kill people#and no one at all will listen to you especially not when they find out you ‘betrayed’ them EVEN THOUGH TBEY DID IT FIRST. and you’re#literally just a hysterical woman to them and you can see it happening and you’re like the most powerful person in the world but you can’t#seem to.. DO anything?#ANYWWY. jesus normally i love yelling at shiv. but jesus fucking christ#i can’t even begin to describe how angry i would be#i felt so angry on her behalf#oliver talks#succession
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For Kaeya, people who are exceedingly sweet, even naturally so like Barbara, absolutely make him severely uncomfortable. He can deal with people who possess sharper attitudes like Rosaria and Diluc just fine, and is alright with those Jean and Lisa who know to scold and rein him back when needed, but someone he percieves to be too kind always set him on edge.
#hc; kaeya#//Of course their are exceptions#//Like Klee#//He can bear with her sunny disposition bc she is just a bab#//The world hasn't hurt her yet; and he will do anything to protect her sunshiney smile#//With folks like Barbara or even Noelle though; he's disconcerted by the seemingly unconditional kindness they offer him#//In some cases like with other people; he will highly Doubt it's truly so; and be On edge the entire time#//In those two's case; it just feels WEIRD being cared for so kindly. Esp with what secret he's holding#//Doesn't feel like he deserves it; and sometimes; the care even feels invasive and suffocating enough to make him panic a bit#//He can't stand that#//Couldn't stand it from Jean for days after Diluc fought him and left; still can't stomach her approaching to talk about That Time#//Will outright RUN from her if she tries; even if it had been bc she tried to reassure/help him#//ESP bc she tried to reassure/help him#//Lisa's flirting was a-ok by him bc it didn't feel too cloying; then having her around and getting to know her was more comfortable#//And got him used to her brand of care#//He does want to be treated kindly and sweetly; but when he gets it; he doesn't know what to DO with it#//Even from Addie. He wants her affection especially; but when he gets it/gets doted on; he feels guilty about it#//like he's not SUPPOSED to have it. A lot of what Diluc yelled That Night; and just what HAPPENED really stuck with him#//Traveler throws him for a loop; bc they ARE too kind. But also Snark at him. So it's a mishmash of emotions with them#//With Jean; at least he has a professional barrier he can file her kindness under#//Traveler? Nope. They are friends. They are travel companions; they are besties; co-conspirators#//They make his stomach flipflop about and his heart lurch and leap#//They are so very dear to him; only they could send him into utter Turmoil; then ease it in one conversation
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FINAL BALLOT. BTW.
I usually like to have a mix of dearly beloved popular characters who rank high and personal faves I think deserve alts (Libra my beloved) but this time. I think it's just a collection of the characters I'm most autistic about LMFAO, plus contributing to the Get Lon'qu An Alt cause and If Soren Doesn't Win This Year I'll Fucking Lose It cause.
Actually, thinking about it, I guess my first points still stand... all of them just happened to rank top 20 in the midterms this time though! (Save for Lonq ofc)
#public apology to virion bc i usually vote for him too and was planning to (for my sister's get virion an alt cause)#but both of us want soren to beat out felix. so. fucking get him!!!!!!! KILL!!!!!!!!!!#a forgivable sacrifice.#SO happy and proud of sharena for ranking top 20 btw even if that isn't her final placement like!!!!!!!!!#FINALLY getting the love and respect she deserves!!!!!!!!!!#also in passing i saw someone say 'we have enough corrin alts'. boooo well i think we've had enough three houses brave alts. 😤#SORRY for being a little hater LMFAO but like. maybe it's just cause i couldn't get into 3houses.#but i really don't get why the regular students are still ranking so high. game has been out for a while now.#we have a lot of the students in the game (though yes some still don't have base forms in the game i get that's annoying)#IDK i don't wanna be snobby about it cause that's silly and i more than anyone should understand the feeling of having the specialest--#little guy and wanting them to win and wanting good things for them so so sooooooooo bad#but man i am just tired of seeing 3houses units beyond the story important lords ranking so high and winning LMFAOOOOO#oh well. old man yells at clouds. disregard me.
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Started yet another show (someone stop me my brain is gonna be fried)
It’s the Witcher and honestly it’s so slay like omg scrunkly little geralt he’s scrimblo material
#but like they need to chill on the sex/nudity scenes like guys please you can see my tv from outside guys please#like I respect that it IS labeled as mature ratings but there’s so much#luckily if I’m not vibing w it I can just skip them bc unlike arcane when there were literal plot points in between each cut it’s just one#i like it though#i like the funny little bard man the one that sang the Witcher song#and cirilla she’s really slay#bro the fact that geralt named his horse ROACH I did a double take like girlie WHAT#yen never my slay#but like the end of the ep where she was all changed ??!!!?#like girlie :’(#the witcher#jas yells#still can’t get over roach the horse#the hour long eps are making me sad bc like I love it I want to keep watching but the eps are SO FUCKING LONG
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omg.......
#today's the first day i saw my mom while she was conscious#she didn't really acknowledge me though she just kept asking to go home#apparently she was yelling for me before i got there but..... idk.#she's extremely yellow but my dad said her liver numbers are looking better#she thought my brother was my dad#but we're only in nashville for today so we're going home now#i have to come back again on tuesday#who knows if we'll stay the night in nashville that time though#the stuff she's saying is like extremely repetitive and some of it is nonsense but it's not as bad as some other times#like the time she thought my dad was some sort of criminal and that there were black cars outside#second time seeing her was rough she didn't want my sister-in-law to leave#still didn't acknowledge me though#we were standing outside of her room and she was screaming for dad because they were cleaning her out
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i hate the food situation at my house so much for the love of god. theres only so many times a man can eat ramen with nothing or tuna with nothing
#theres no fucking. ingredients. theres nothing to add. i used to walk around my kitchen trying to look up stuff to make with what we had but#it required like. an onion. an egg. a spice. a vegetable. and we dont have that#and something about me. idk what it is idk if its me or my dads fault but i cant ask for it. i cant. i think part of it is bc i need the#ingredient for my one thing and then. it goes bad and its my fault and i feel bad#i hate my food situation so much. my dad makes this food in the microwave that he knows i dont like or eat. but if i make something else he#gets offended like thats not fair#and i feel bad for complaining bc i should just get a job and buy my own food but im not gonna do that bc im not gonna get a job.#i have trust fund money. like a decent amount from when i was hit buy a car#i should move out of state like right now. and live off that and when it runs out. ill just lay in the street i guess. i hate my life so#much guys its not funny. idk what to do. theres no fixing this theres nothing i want to do and nobody can help me bc theres no solution#everyone ignores it bc theres no solution to my problem. im never gonna be happy. its never gonna be worth it#nobody wants to tell me thats life suck it up or die bc they know id rather die by a mile. im so embarrassed of my stupid life im such a#failure. i want to kill myself bc i dont want to work like how pathetic is that. thats so stupid. i dont really say it to my parents bc they#would just laugh at me. or yell at me. i dont know what to do. i dont know what to do. i find myself hoping i get in a car accident and die#anytime i go out. i hope i dont wake up in the morning. i hope something bad happens and its not my fault so i dont get the blame i just get#the benifit of not having to do this anymore#god thats so. dark. its how i feel.#its getting to the point where i dont feel like i should say im not gonna kill myself at the end of these. im still not yet. but it feels#like a yet situation. like its gonna get to the point where i start trying again.#im still not there yet though. please dont… well idk what happens so suicidal adults. call the police on me. my methods arent any more#refined than they were when i was 14 trying to drink. nail polish.#simons spouting#vent :(#suicide //
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