#stick it to your corporate overlords
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Been boycotting limbus but it's a bit disheartening seeing everyone continue around me with this passing intl women's day. I don't know how to convince my friends to stop without getting into an argument because they're all knee deep into these games. But my real question was.. why? These people are boycotting other products for other things, why are they so adamant with sticking on this when it's proven to have harmed so many people in the small team that made it?
Had a discussion with one who is boycotting and I feel like that "political correctness" seeps into the themes of the game, actually, despite how people tout it as the ultimate anti capitalist game; The City is suffering, workers gruel and die at the whims of corporate overlords, people struggle to find housing, and whatever the fuck Carmen's doing in the light, while it could help people survive longer, is just giving everyone guns ignoring the power structures underneath. It's very strange to me now there's.. no suggestion of uprooting the system at all in the games. No true strikes or protests or even any mentions of unions as far as I know. There's no effort to change what is given
[outside of the seed of light project, which 1. famously Didn't Work and 2. having everyone manifest ego is still just giving everyone guns and going "now don't shoot each other!"],
which is very strange and kind of sad? Like sure maybe an arbiter or something would come and tear it down but surely people would come up with countermeasures? People are really good at adapting around things out of desperation, and surely at least an effort would be mentioned
And then my friend, she suggested something; without project moon's suffering, there would be no project moon. Without the city, project moon can't make games. To end the hell that the characters are in and truly resolve the city's hypercapitalist dystopia, they must stop making money off of them. But they don't want to. They definitely DO want to make more games, noted by the interviews which mention future game concepts such as the distortion detective visual novel. But in order to do so, they must keep the current games "clean" and consistent in their suffering to perpetuate conflict. There is some commentary about capitalism to be had; but it feels more like a "oh, look, people are dying, this is so sad" layer of paint on it at this point rather than something more in depth and meaningful. And I think in enforcing this sort of "we can't fix the system in any meaningful way, let's just live our lives instead and hope something better happens" mindset, it reflects into the players. Kind of ironic how the anti capitalism game must sustain its own horrible systems internally so the owners of the series can: make more money through a very predatory money making system, no less!
Limbus fans don't give a fuck about feminism in kr, they think its a system they cant help fixing so they just play the game as they please and any attempt to disuade them is met with a "stop ruining my fun!!" And "who cares?" The worst ones are the ones who KNOW their money is being funneled into stupid misogynistic shit but don't care! It's insane! I've never seen this level of apathy towards a serious issue before!
Sigh. I hope this ramble is coherent. If I missed talking about something or if you want me to talk more I'm game. Project moon's characters are some of my favorites but you have to admit the themes are surface level shit at some point, especially in later installments of their games. So tired but I'd figure I'd share my thoughts somehow. Take care account admin, youre doing gods work
yeah regarding your first point about fans that keep playing, back in August there was a discussion on this blog here regarding contemporary fandom “culture”- how it makes dropping a piece of media hard for some people and why they feel so quick to defend it. the nature of gacha is also that it gets you into the habit of doing “dailies” which makes them harder to drop, this is not even mentioning sunk cost fallacy. I’ve seen a recent post on the FGO subreddit asking why people still play the game and the top posts by a longshot were ones saying only because they spent so much time and money on it.
For a lot of people (even people who think themselves progressives) misogyny is a non-issue as well so they will not take the situation in South Korea that seriously to begin with. This is in addition to it happening to “other” or “foreign” women in the eyes of the western fan. There is also an aggressive “fuck you, I’ve got mine” attitude some of the fans who want to keep playing have in regards to these women. It’s disturbing to watch happen but unfortunately not uncommon. I find some of the worst of it, in this situation specifically, is when westerners try to tell Korean women (who are boycotting and spreading information) that they are the ones spreading misinfo, or there’s no reason for them to boycott, how it’s not that bad for them, how PM actually didn’t do anything wrong, “both sides” are crazy and wrong, “let people enjoy things”, shit like that. like doesn’t it raise any flags for you that the people most affected by PM’s actions, Korean women, deleted entire accounts of fanart, took back fanmade items from PM’s cafe, started a boycott of LC and made posts in english to try and get the word out to international fans? you must think they’re idiots if you believe this is all some misunderstanding and vellmori quit of her own free will. Come on.
imo it’s impossible to make any meaningful statement critiquing capitalism when you’re writing it in a game that uses one of the most exploitive types of gambling mechanics. I hope I don’t have to explain to anyone why this is absurd. You don’t need to expose young people to gambling addictions in order to fund new games. At the same time, things an author writes (or things that the reader infers from the writing) do not always reflect their ideologies or actions in real life and they can sometimes seemingly be at odds with one another. This is something fans have to reckon with, and not just by saying “actually hatsune miku made limbus company” or whatever. Personally, I can’t take PM’s “anti capitalist” or “feminist” or “revolutionary” work seriously when in reality they have mistreated employees, sued labor unions, acquiesced to incel demands and then later added a meme into the game from that incel community. On the other hand people struggle to believe Project Moon could do anything wrong like this because of the stories in their games so they vehemently defend PM, which at some point just feels naïve. well hopefully this is the type of answer/discussion you were looking for lol thanks for writing 👍
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I think that if we're all forced to sell our lives away to please corporate, governmental or dictatorial overlords;
If they've made it impossible to not participate in the system;
If opting out on a small scale exactly does nothing to hurt any of the evil;
If you sometimes even actively can't do much, because they've worked you till you're old or you're disabled in some way
It comes back to what all the religions preach anyway:
What you can always do is give to others. Even if it is a day pass to feckin Disney World to buy their crap and make them richer, it will boost happiness and lower stress. Misery and want is what the whole system feeds off. If you lower that in any way, it is fewer drugs sold, fewer people harmed, maybe slightly less time stuck in some kind of traffic, maybe somebody has the energy to fix something in the house, work on their health, play with their dog.
The system works on manufactured misery. And yes, it will be fed even by a lot of the efforts to lessen misery. But they will earn a whole lot less, and it will lessen their ability to create more, the more we do for each other. Even in whatever system traps you.
That is not easy at all but it is simple.
And I'm not that much for interacting with a bunch of people all the time. There are people that annoy me and I don't want to interact with. There are people so spoilt they could do with a little adversity to deflate their egos. I don't even particularly trust many charities. But any misery you can lessen, any joy you can buy, even, sticks it to the destructive forces in this world.
Remember - they live off agony and coercion. That's where all of it builds on. People are not half as bad as everybody always paints them. Use discernment, of course - don't get exploited. But every bit of true, actual happiness or relief you can create or buy helps. Even if you're trapped, and exploited, and powerless, feelings they want you to numb, or even situations they hope will kill you to scare others into submission - even then, anything you can or even buy for another will fight it. For a close one. Not for the state, the nation, corporate, vague charity. Sometimes not even for you, because what power you have is too little to solve your problem. But giving it to another - as directly as possible - always helps.
It's truly the best way to fight the power, that's why they always create disconnection. Worship either the grand, unknowable state or the individual. No, anything you can do for another person, just some other rando, will always fight the loneliness, fear and misery that drives profit. That's why they disincentivise it everywhere, and if not they try to sell it.
Don't bother. Go hang out with someone. Go do something to ease the daily stress if it is ordering someone a Starbucks Gift Card.
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Whatever happens with tonight’s CR episode...
I really hope that the Critter community remembers that these episodes are recorded at least a couple weeks in advance, so the D&D Beyond sponsorship will likely still be in place.
The reason I’m going on about this is because my entire career (30+ years and counting) is literally working with Legal and Compliance teams at the various companies I’ve worked at, making sure that our internal practices and documentation don’t violate anything. These things can get downright byzantine in their complexity.
If the CR gang is smart about ANYTHING (and so far they’ve shown themselves to be pretty business savvy), I would be dollars to donuts that they have a legal team, and they and the legal team are working together on a LOT of things right now. With whatever contractual arrangements they may have had in place before (what with the comic books and board games and sourcebooks and sponsorships), I cannot overstate this -- WE DON’T KNOW WHAT THOSE ARRANGEMENTS ARE. None of us are on CR’s legal team, marketing team, financial team, etc.
While I would *HOPE* that Matt and Co. will try to do right by the gaming community, I don’t know what paperwork’s involved in THIS SPECIFIC INSTANCE - not NDAs, not business agreements, nothing. And if I were CR’s legal team, I would have sent them all a VERY sternly worded email to keep things as quiet as possible to avoid giving a business partner ANY possible reason to sue for breach of contract, PR damage, etc. For some, silence is consent. For others, silence is covering your ass while you figure out how to get your ass out of the firing zone.
(And if you think letters like that don’t get sent, boy do I have news for you.)
I have been a gamer for almost 40 years. (Yes, I have been gaming almost as long as some of the CR cast has been ALIVE. I’M OLD, DEAL WITH IT.) Shit gets WEIRD in this industry - and believe you me, there have been NO shortages of “what the fuck were they THINKING” business decisions in the industry. This is just the latest.
And let’s be honest here - NOTHING that Matt and Co. can do right now will be seen universally as a good thing by the community. If they stick with things long enough to at least finish out C3, people will complain about them being corporate shills. If they immediately break things off, people will complain about C3 getting shafted. If they shift to a new system, people will complain that it’s not D&D.
And if the Evil Overlords decide to play corporate hardball, things will get VERY ugly VERY fast.
So just... please be patient and please be reasonable. That’s all I ask.
The truth will come out - it always does. Until then, it’s all speculation, hearsay, gossip, educated guesses, and flatout ouija-boarding.
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Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #64
I made one of my favorite meals today! It is baked chicken leg quarters with crispy asparagus and macaroni and cheese (shortened henceforth to mac-n-chz)! In service to your wish to know an ordinary life, I am going to write about it.
Given my upbringing, neurobiology, general genetic defectiveness, and pattern and flow of my relationships and day-to-day activities, my life is not "ordinary" by ANY stretch of the imagination because my existence is VERY non-standard. But this is my "normal", and I've decided that it's good enough. Only I get to decide that I am worthy of a "normal" that works for me, and if someone else doesn't like it, they can go take a long hike somewhere very far away from me. Your existence is also non-standard, but you can also decide to build a wholesome and good "normal" that works for you, and it can be good enough, and you can be worthy of it, regardless of what anyone else says.
So get on that, willya?? The whole "world domination and destruction" thing is getting kinda old and tiring, doncha think? Why would anyone even want that kind of responsibility, anyhow? Isn't that sort of the thing the exact opposite of the peace you wished for? You don't gotta do all that weird stuff in order to build a world where you and your friends won't get hurt; all you gotta do is develop those boundary skills (which, historically, you have very much lacked, which is understandable, given your upbringing, but as an adult, it's still YOUR job to fix that, as unfair as that is) so that you can spread kindness and defend the meek without depleting yourself in the process.
...And maybe also find non-violent ways to use your phenomenal power to get those smarmy-ass Shinra executives to stop acting like such insufferably selfish dipshits, because just like in my world, it's the corporate overlords who are the real problem, not the people exploited by them.
Anyway! In preparation for making the chicken, asparagus, and mac-n-chz, I scrubbed and bleached the sink:
...you'll see why later!
This recipe is an adaptation of one of my favorite things that my mother used to make. In those days, she would make chicken thighs and drumsticks, pan-fried frozen brussels sprouts, and boxed macaroni and cheese - the kind with the cheese powder in a little packet. My mother HATES cooking (which is fair; it's not for everybody), and normally wanted to rage at people by the time she was done with doing it (this is less fair; even if she didn't have the skills to make a better choice at the time, it's still not okay for a person to take their emotional dysregulation out on the people around them, and it's still their responsibility to develop better ways of coping), but nonetheless, this particular meal is very nostalgic for me, even though I've since made some changes to make it mine.
In place of chicken thighs, I use leg quarters:
People usually prefer the white meat parts of the chicken where I live, and leg quarters are dark meat, (which is what I prefer), so these are not only very delicious (at least to my sensory hardware), but also generally very inexpensive, which is a huge bonus!
It's important, though, to look them over for leftover feather shafts and dirt and such, and rinse them appropriately and pull out any particularly noticeable feather shafts out before using them; they're not always cleaned well before they're packaged, you see.
Then you take a cookie sheet, sprinkle a few drops of water on it (I'll explain why in a sec), and then cover it in some parchment paper. Basically nothing sticks to parchment paper, but cooked meat absolutely WILL stick to metal, and it's a pain in the butt to scrub it off.
My cookie sheets are old, but they're still good!
A very thin sheen of water between a cookie sheet and an applied thin thing, like tinfoil or parchment paper, will do a physics thing that makes the thin thing stick firmly to the cookie sheet. If you managed to follow that word salad of a sentence, good on ya, hahaha! The short answer is, "because physics, water stops the parchment paper from moving around on the cookie sheet while you're trying to put things on it". Like so:
The next step is to WASH YOUR HANDS. Of course, washing your hands is always the first step to any cooking endeavor, but it's ESPECIALLY IMPORTANT to wash your hands ANYTIME you touch any raw chicken, beef, pork, eggs, or seafood; otherwise, the surface bacteria on these things can contaminate other surfaces, and end up giving people weird diseases. Don't give people weird diseases; it's bad news! Wash your hands!
Instead of frozen brussels sprouts (which are really good, pan-fried with some butter, garlic, and parmesan cheese... 🤤), I use asparagus because M and J aren't especially fond of brussels sprouts. Like the chicken, these will go into the oven, so line another cookie sheet with parchment paper so it doesn't stick to the metal as it cooks. Then you gotta snap off the stringy, gross ends off the asparagus (for me it's an unbearable texture, but really this is an optional step if you don't mind it); start from the bottom and work your way up - the first place where it snaps with minimal effort is where the stringy part ends. Then you put the stringy ends in your handy-dandy broth bag for later use to make broth, and you arrange the rest on the cookie sheet:
I do it in this alternating pattern to try to be efficient with space; my oven can only fit two cookie sheets, so I gotta make it work.
Then it's time to season everything. For the asparagus, I like to drizzle it with olive oil so that the seasoning actually sticks to it:
...Yes, the olive oil is in an former dish soap bottle. It's a trick that I picked up my father. He gets olive oil in huge cans, because it's more cost-effective to get it in bulk. But the big cans are very unwieldy. Even the nozzles for smaller bottles of olive oil don't allow for very much precision. So my father rinsed all the soap residue out of an empty bottle of dish detergent until it was super-mega-ultra-clean, and used a funnel to fill it with olive oil. I have done the same thing, and the type of nozzle on it allows even a dyspraxic like me to have excellent control over the flow of the oil, because you can hold it upside down, and none of it is gonna come out unless you squeeze it. 17/10 stars, absolutely would recommend.
I like to season the asparagus with pepper, pink salt (pink salt is pink because there's iron in it!), paprika, and garlic powder, in that order. You start with the coarser seasonings so that there is still oil for it to stick to; finer seasonings will completely cover the oil, and salt and pepper won't stick to fine powder. Then you apply the paprika before the garlic powder, so that the paprika is protected from scorching in the oven by a layer of garlic powder; in my experience, paprika scorches easily and tastes kinda weird when it does. But garlic powder toasts nicely and tastes better for it.
My mother used garlic powder, onion powder, and parmesan cheese on the chicken. But I like the spice combination on the asparagus so much that by this point, I use it for the chicken, too. Here's how it looks:
You'll want to pre-heat the oven to 375 degrees Fahrenheit (or around 190, if Celsius is more your speed!). You'll wanna put the asparagus below the chicken in the oven so that the asparagus can get all nice and crispy instead of getting steamed by the water evaporating off the chicken. Leave it in the oven for at least an hour, or maybe a little more, if you have extra big chicken legs.
Around 20 minutes after putting the chicken and asparagus in the oven, you'll want to begin prepping the pasta. Fill a pot a little over halfway with water, and put a lid on it:
I have an electric stove, and I set the burner to the highest heat and leave the lid on to get it to boil quickly.
Put your pasta strainer into the sink to get it ready. This is why we scrubbed out the sink; we don't wanna drain our pasta in some weirdly bacteria-laden place. I'm by no means a germophobe, but even I know enough to be wary of any splotchy-looking patches of bacterial growth in the sink; they can make you very sick!
Here is the boxed mac-n-chz that M, J, and I like to use:
We use this kind, because a long time ago, M, J, and I did a science by preparing all of the most popular boxes of macaroni and cheese (both with cheese powder and with cheese sauce), and then comparing the flavors to see which one we liked best. We all thought it was going to be Velveeta - that's a very popular brand here. We were all shocked when we realized that this one tastes even better, at least for all of our sensory hardware; maybe other people will have a different favorite, and that's okay too. The yellow cheddar and the white cheddar taste a little different, and they're both very good on their own, but we've found that they're even better when you mix them together!
Once the water in the pot is boiling, you pour the noodles into the pot, and stir continuously for 12 minutes. The continuous stirring prevents the noodles from sticking to the bottom of the pot and to each other.
After it's done boiling, you turn off the stove and carefully pour the contents of the pot into the pasta strainer:
While the bottom of the pot is still warm, squish the contents of the cheese packets into it:
As you can see, the two different kinds of cheeses have a different consistency.
Here's what it looks like once you add in the noodles and mix it all up:
By now, the chicken and asparagus should be either done or close to done. Here's how the asparagus turned out:
It is crispy on the outside, and soft on the inside! VERY yummy!
Here is the chicken:
When you get whole chicken legs like these, the moisture content within them makes it so they essentially steam themselves. The result is dark meat that's tender enough to be pulled apart easily with a fork.
And... here is the awesomely delicious plate of wholesome goodness that I very much wish I could give to you:
...Alas and alack; it is not possible. I don't think this will ever stop being a source of sadness for me. Oh well. It is what it is.
After we eat and everything is put away, we are left with a lot of fat and juices rendered from the chicken:
We can pour all this flavorful goodness into a mason jar. Later, we can use it to make super flavorful rice in the rice cooker!
And as the chicken gets eaten, of course the bones will be saved in the freezer so I can make broth out of them later!
...And I think with that, that's mostly it for today's letter.
Hey, thanks for coming on this very ordinary adventure with me! Hopefully with this you can see that something even as mundane as making a simple dinner can be joyful and beautiful if you look at it through the right lens! My world is filled with so many wholesome, delicious, and amazing things in between all the suffering and pain scattered around. This life of mine is still awesome and good, despite all the trauma and pain that it's salted and peppered with.
When we're not born into beauty, wholesomeness, and safety, we have a responsibility to build it with our own two hands, to whatever extent we are able, and decide that it's good enough as a "normal". We can have a pocket of wholesome goodness amongst all the chaos and strife, and we can use the strength of our love to keep it from collapsing under the pressure of everything around us as we share it with others who are willing to respect it - just like we have our little pocket of SOMETHING that exists in stark defiance of the vast NOTHING that comprises most of the rest of the universe; the mechanics are exactly the same.
Stay safe out there, and remember that you are loved - I love you, and so do lots and lots of other people. From us, please learn to see yourself with loving eyes. See everything else that surrounds you with loving eyes, too. Love yourself and the others enough to keep it all safe from anything that would dare threaten it. Do no harm, but take no shit either, okay? Especially not from yourself.
I'll write again tomorrow, too. So don't disappear. Please.
Your friend,
Lumine
#sephiroth#ThankYouFFVIIDevs#ThankYouFF7Devs#ThankYouSephiroth#final fantasy vii#final fantasy 7#ff7#ffvii#final fantasy vii crisis core#final fantasy 7 crisis core#final fantasy crisis core#ffvii crisis core#ff7 crisis core#crisis core#ff7r#final fantasy vii remake#final fantasy 7 remake#ffvii remake#ff7 remake#final fantasy vii rebirth#final fantasy 7 rebirth#ffvii rebirth#ff7 rebirth#final fantasy 7 ever crisis#ffvii ever crisis#ff7 ever crisis#ffvii first soldier#baked chicken leg quarters#nostalgic recipes#wholesome
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Miles Morales & Co. are Fictional Characters Fighting Their Own Narrative Structure, Who Will Win?
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Brigitte Empire! She just moved to mainland Europe and could use some clicks and attention, as could I! So, first, let her talk for a bit about how important Miles, and his new take on the franchise are...
And then, if ya got a minute, let me unpack the significance of the plotline he and his friends are stuck with...
And I do mean stuck! There is a literal web of universes involved here, which the Chief Spider Cop has decided is held together only by the sameness of their stories and the commonality of their losses.
All your suffering has a purpose, because if you don't suffer, it all ends, all of it. This web has a lot of spiders in it, and none of 'em are getting out. So what's one father, more or less?
Did you notice how Peter's narrative arc in the Tom Holland Spider-flicks became a cul-de-sac? Like, we skipped the origin story, because we already know it, and that seemed reasonable enough at the time. A good idea, even. Then, in the end, it turns out the whole thing was an origin story, and he's right back where he started, but worse. It's as if the prize at the bottom of your box of Cracker Jack was another, shittier box of Cracker Jack, with raisins or something.
I know a lot of people seem perfectly thrilled with it, but I'm not gonna eat Cracker Jack if I don't like how it tastes, and the MCU version turned on me. These narrative choices were not about telling a good story or being true to the characters we know and love. This was a corporate, profit-driven decision, spurred on by contractual obligations, copyright entanglements and fan reactions.
For a certain (loud) portion of the fandom, Spider-Man is not defined by his personality, or his Spider-powers, or anything intrinsic, but by his circumstances. (To keep this simple, we will be including "has white, male privilege" as part of his circumstances, because any other identity gets parsed as "political" and that's just a mess.) The ideal Spider-Man is a brilliant teenager with a lot of responsibilities, a shitty job, a dead uncle, a hot girlfriend, a guilt complex, and few places to go for help. Any deviation from that isn't a fun new story to explore, it's wrong. And, much like Miguel, they will demand a course correction to get it right - no matter how brutal, stupid, or out-of-character it is.
"Hey, Peter, given how much you love and respect me, you wouldn't break a promise to me and take my agency away trying to keep me safe when I specifically asked you not to, right?" "Ordinarily, no. But Sony needs the option to get rid of you or recast you if you're too expensive, or too ethnic, or too upsetting to the fandom. You get it?" "...Put me down, you Spider-Jerk."
"Listen, Mephisto, I'm not saying 'no,' but could you buy us a drink before we get into anything complicated?" "Honey, he means he wants a retcon." "Oh. That seems like an odd thing for the devil to want. But, OK!"
I could speculate for pages about why that is, but the "why" part doesn't matter much to Miles & Company. Miles is counting down the hours to another "canon event" that will take out his father, and they've all got to decide whether they're gonna risk the fate of the Multiverse or stick to the narrative. There are suggestions that these things are not written in stone, that the story can be changed, but in the end, Miles is trapped in a crapsack universe that he seems to have ruined just by existing in the right/wrong place at the right/wrong time - and he has no way out yet.
This is where Miles' fate changes, when he talks to his universe's Spider-Man, not when he gets bitten by the glitching spider. No more villain colours!
Kinda went too hard on Earth 42 here, in my opinion. It didn't need the grunge filter and the rain. Our Miles' universe had a criminal overlord who killed Spider-Man with impunity, threw a party about it, and invited Peter's widow - who attended! I don't think MJ would've done that unless she didn't have any choice. Two-parent-household and private education aside, our Miles isn't in such a hot place either.
So Miles 42 has braids and a dead dad, and a live uncle, and probably not a lot of options. If his family needs the money, or if anyone in it ran afoul of Kingpin (or whoever's in charge there) for any reason, he's got to fall in line and follow orders if he wants to stay alive. We've all seen what happens when you cross a crime boss.
That's odd, though, isn't it? According to Miguel, Miles was never supposed to be a Spider-Person at all, and yet the canon events are popping up for him right on schedule. Dead uncle? Check!
Dead police captain? Pending!
We've also seen (we think) what happens when you screw up the established Spider-narrative...
Oh, Hobie, my man, you have no idea how right you are, but I think the folks writing your dialogue do. We're dealing with a metaverse, and the meta text is evident. Capitalism eats divergent Spider-Beings. Spider-People exist in movies, comic books, and other products that are sold. If people don't buy them, or if the loud fan faction makes enough noise that it seems like people won't buy them, their universes are toast.
We don't talk about Andrew, ew ew ew. We don't talk about Andrew!
Miles, as a character, doesn't know it, but he's up against interests who only want to see the same story, over and over, forever. His challenge is not to save his dad, that's incidental. He's gotta prove he can be his own person, choose his own path, still tell a good story, and still be Spider-Man. His job is to save the franchise, if he, and the most diverse cast of Spiders ever, can manage it. Because being stuck in a groove like a skipping record in perpetuity will definitely kill it.
No Expectations, right?
Wouldn't it be nice for Spider-Man, and for the people who write, draw and animate him, and for all of us, if we could consume a Spider-story without demanding it land Every. Single. Beat. the same as every other Spider-story, and with no idea what was gonna happen next? Do you remember not knowing what was gonna happen next? Before everything was a remake, a franchise or a reboot? Or, maybe you were just too little to know everything was a remake, a franchise or a reboot. It was nice, though, yeah?
If Miles here sticks the landing in Part 3, he might be able to do that for us. At least, he'll leave open the possibility, and we'll have to see if anyone is able to take advantage of it.
(On a personal note, I kinda feel like these movies are comin' for me. And, like, I'm thrilled - apparently, this is an idea whose time has come - but I'm terrified. Because Sony is gonna deliver its message to a ready-made fandom in real movie theatres with a real advertising budget before my cast of idiots can even figure out The Hero's Journey is tryin' to eat them and their universe too. Oh well, if you like my writing, you might go there and read more. Or at least like and reblog if you want more Spider-stuff. I am paying attention, and I can do a series of deep dives on Spider-choices and the illusion of choice, if ya want.)
#Youtube#if i hit ctrl z my whole post vanishes and i can't ctrl y it back huh tumblr? jesus#brigitte empire#across the spider verse#across the spiderverse#miles morales#uncle aaron#one more day#spiderman in general#MCU#long post#deep dive#MJ#peter parker#metaverse#narrative structure#it's a metaphor for capitalism
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Howdy! I got a a gift card for the nintendo switch for christmas but don't know what to use it on. Would you recommend any games? I know you play a variety.
Oh! Sure thing! I'm flattered to even be considered for something like that lol
Considering I finished playing it only minutes ago, the first thing that comes to mind is the Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney Trilogy, which probably needs no introduction, but just in case: they're part visual novel, part puzzle/logic games where you play as a defense lawyer solving elaborate murder mysteries. Very funny, feels like watching a goofy anime except you get to solve the mysteries yourself.
Next, here's some great indie titles I personally have downloaded on my Switch:
Undertale (& Deltarune chapters 1+2): undeniable masterpieces. If you haven't already played them you really should. They're short, heartfelt RPGs with memorable characters, challenging but fun bullet hell-style combat, and stories so good they've basically had an effect on the entire video game medium. I love them from the bottom of my heart.
Hades: another masterpiece you've surely already heard of, but worth recommending anyway. It's a punishingly hard roguelike where you repeatedly try to battle your way out of the underworld, but the story and characters--all drawn from Greek mythology--are exquisitely crafted and incredibly rewarding to uncover. (I haven't technically played this one myself but I've watched my partner put hundreds of hours into it--plus there's a sequel on the horizon!)
Ori and the Blind Forest (and sequel Ori and the Will of the Wisps): incredibly fun, fast-paced, and beautifully animated Metroidvania where you play as an agile little light spirit trying to save your forest home. Story's very dialogue-light but epic and emotional; you may cry.
Crypt of the Necrodancer: unbelievably fun rhythm-based dungeon crawler where you fight your way through monsters and undead by moving and attacking to the beat. The story is charming, too, but the gameplay and music alone make this one a must-try. (Note: if you prefer, there's a Zelda spinoff called Cadance of Hyrule that's a crossover with this game. Same type of gameplay, but a little more forgiving, and also Zelda flavored. :3)
CrossCode: wildly underrated action RPG about a girl who wakes up mute and amnesiac inside an MMO world and has to uncover its secrets with the power of friendship and punching things with chakrams. I love these characters so hecking much and the combat in this game is really difficult but also incredibly satisfying to master. Also features some great puzzles and tricky platforming.
Petal Crash: a charming little arcade puzzler where you move colorful blocks to make chains and earn points/clear the board. There's a story mode where you can play through as different characters, and they're all super cute and funny. (iirc, the dialogue is all written by the creator of the webcomic Paranatural, and it shows!)
Some other random indie titles that come to mind:
LIMBO: a short, atmospheric horror platformer with some memorably dark, unsettling moments and pretty satisfying puzzles for such a short game. I first played this back in high school and for some reason it still sticks with me after all these years. It's also like $2 in the eShop right now, so. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ (I believe the game Inside is from the same studio, and I remember enjoying watching a playthrough of it years ago, but I haven't played that one myself.)
Stardew Valley: I've never played this one on console, but I currently have 225 hours logged for it on Steam lol. It's a farm sim, but it also has a pretty robust cast of townsfolk who are really fun to get to know, and plenty of other things to occupy your time as well. Mining, dungeon delving, artifact collecting, and a nice little story about sticking it to the evil corporate overlords and bringing your community together.
Terraria: ditto to Stardew Valley, also with about 200 hours in my Steam account. This one is a 2D adventure platformer with procedurally generated worlds that you explore for resources that you can build or craft into whatever you like: combat gear, homes for your NPC neighbors, forbidden magicks to summon alien horrors--you name it! Can be played kind of sandboxy like a 2D Minecraft, or there is a long series of challenging and interesting bosses to encounter if you feel like uncovering secrets!
Untitled Goose Game: short puzzle game where you play as a goose gently terrorizing a suburban neighborhood. You've seen the memes. It was popular for a reason though--very charming and fun!
Castle Crashers: a classic beat-em-up with humor as cartoony as its visual style. Play as colorful knights on a quest to retrieve four princesses from an evil necromancer. Leans a tad much on toilet humor and the combat can be a little repetitive, but overall very silly and slapstick and super fun to play with friends.
Wingspan: this one's a little out of left field but I just remembered this is on Switch! I have the physical board game this is based on, and I highly recommend that, so I imagine the digital version is worth a look, too. It's a card-based strategy game where you collect bird species to compete for the best sanctuary. Once you get the hang of it, you can play a whole game in 30-45 minutes. Also, the art's gorgeous and the developers are based in my home state!
Aaaand some other misc classics worth mentioning:
Katamari Damacy: roll a sticky ball around and pick up objects. Then pick up bigger objects. Bigger! BIGGER!
Portal & Portal 2: solve puzzles with portable wormholes and survive the attentions of a mad AI. Excellent puzzles and legendary characters and humor.
most old Final Fantasy titles are available for relatively cheap, including 7, 8, and 9! I'm a fan of all of them. :}
Okami: adding this one last minute because I didn't realize it had a Switch port!! INCREDIBLE action rpg where you play as a sun goddess in the form of a wolf, fighting epic monster battles and restoring peace to ancient Japan. Gorgeous, fun, iconic.
...
Uh, and that's all I can think of for now! I tried to include some lesser-known stuff as well as some classic gems, so hopefully something catches your eye! I'm a little surprised the list is so short, but when it comes down to it I'm actually pretty Basic when it comes to my taste in video games lol--largely Pokemon and Zelda outside of this list tbh.
Merry Christmas and have fun gaming, anon!!
#ask#Anonymous#long post#tried to use pics of actual gameplay for most of them#but to be frank some of these games have combat/action that ONLY looks flattering while in motion lol#so where still screenshots completely fail to do the game justice I just went with promo images instead :P
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Overlord raising hell trainer
#Overlord raising hell trainer manual#
In the forge, green minions add critical hit upgrades on the final blow of weapons. Green lifeforce is for the green minion, and may be collected in great numbers in Evernight Forest or Viridian Cave. Note that adding many red minions to make a flame weapon looks cool, but ultimately sucks, since some enemies cannot be damaged by fire. For armor, red minions add extra mana for spells. When used in the forge, red minions add fire damage to weapons, which sets enemies ablaze (like fireball). Red lifeforce is for the red minion (the fire archers), and are first collected in Spree Castle. If you are not sure what kind of minion to add to armor or weapons, the brown minion is the most practical. When used in the forging process, they add damage to weapons and defence (reduce damage taken) to armor. Brown (in the walkthrough, referred to as gold) minions are the general imp infantry and are highly expendable. Collect a bunch when you can, since you need not only gold, but lifeforce (not the Konami game) to fuel upgrades to your Overlord. Almost all enemies surrender the basic gold life force. Browns (or golds) are summoned by the standard lifeforce. Now for the more advanced bull: minions are summoned by four different lifeforces.
#Overlord raising hell trainer manual#
Check the manual for the lowest level of basic crap. Targeting the banner will allow the group to be moved with the right stick. Important if you don't want your forces to be drowned or when you get enough forces to do ambushes, etc. Minions are set to guard with the Yellow button. The old minion trainer Gnarl will go over all this in the training. Minion regrouping is done with the Red button. Otherwise, the shield and minion type spells are caster and global (respectively). Magic is cast from the Blue button and comes in handy if the spell is aimed. Play around with the targeting and views to get the best vantage before committing forces, otherwise your Overlord gets auto-raped. Note you can target after going into strategic command view (the pull-back view). Target a specific target by pressing L2 (trigger) and cycle targets using R3. Minions attack only if ordered to "auto-rape" (small joke with Gnarl's loot and pillage line there) everything nearby. Attacking is done just like Jade Empire - press the Green button until you puke twice. is smart enough to avoid some water in very limited areas in other stages (i.e., not Mellow Hills), minions on auto-rape will drown or die unless they are the Blue Minion. Immediately, the forces may be activated to "go forth and rape" with R2 (trigger). The rest of the forces are controlled through toggling R3 and using the right stick. Here's the correct link to Overlord II (the second PS3/360/PC game, not the first one).īasics - Like Pikmin, but not for damn wiener kids There isn't one (nor should there be one). No thanks to Google Web Search - or as simalcrum calls it: Goon Web Search - people have been emailing about an Overlord II walkthrough. The latest versions of the document, associated media and errata will always be first available at This file may not be published by any online property that is owned by, has affiliation with, is a partner to, or participated in any content sharing transaction (written, verbal, or otherwise) with CBS Corporation.
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Contact (DS) Review
Hi, I'm Suoly, and I review "Hardcore" video games for people with limited time and money.
TLDRFAQS:
Should I play this game?
No. It's a 3/10 game that manages to feel extremely time-wasting despite actually being pretty short.
Now stick around if you want to learn what I love about it. I have played Contact so that you don't have to.
Contact is a semi-turn-based fully-touch-controlled action-RPG from Grasshopper Manufacture, developers of Killer7, No More Heroes, and my personal favorite game series, The Silver Case. While most of Grasshopper's other games are known for being extreme and violent, Contact is a reletively quiet game very clearly intended for children. That said, it still feels like a Grasshopper game in a few important ways. Most-notably is the fact that you start nearly every session in the main character's bedroom, having just woken up. I love how their games go the extra distance to put you in the main character's shoes. This is also enforced by the games very colloquial and real-sounding dialogue.
Contact is also the most Earthbound-like game I have ever played outside of the Mother series itself. While nearly every modern 2D RPG not set in a generic high-fantasy world seems to get the "Earthbound-Inspired" label applied to it, Contact actually carries forward a lot of the more specific elements of Earthbound that it's contemporaries tend to abandon in favor of delivering on their own unique aesthetics. Contact is a humorous RPG, yes, but it's humor comes not from sheer absurdity, but from the distinctly Earthboundian combination of realism and game logic.
Take the game's fourth level (oh yeah, it's a level-based RPG like SMTV) for example. It's a desert area. It takes two in-game days of travel by boat to get there, during which time you... don't really do anything but sleep and wait. Before stepping off the ship, you're told that it's extremely hot out and that this island is a big tourist destination. You then make your way through the white-hot dunes, listening to this music that conveys a sense of the natural danger and beauty of the area. Eventually you reach town and find out that while this island may seem like a paradise to the tourists, the people who actually work here are struggling to survive, and live in near-constant fear of the corporate overlords who practically own the place. It's all the more powerful for being missable, as RPG sociology tends to be.
Then you go into a pyramid and find hieroglyphics that look inexplicably like the game's UI, and fight aliens in an alternate dimension inside the pyramid's tip.
Your reward is a power cell that might just help you get back to your home planet. You're not here to save this messed up world, you're just a kidnapped child trying to get home.
I just love it. That's what I mean by Earthboundian: you're a kid on a wacky cartoon adventure in a world full of adult problems outside your control.
Also, you can fix a girl's car and she'll take off her clothes. If you put them on, you unlock fire magic. Somehow this is required to solve the mystery of the UI hieroglyphs.
So yeah, it's obtuse, but in the charming (if utterly outdated) way classic adventure games were. Unfortunately, Contact is not an adventure game. It's the RPG with the worst RPG combat I've ever experienced post-NES.
The combat system is similar to .hack's, yet with even fewer options and only one party member. There's nothing to do but blow your skills right away, or save them up since they take forever to charge (like 1 every 3 normal battles). Other than that you're watching your character auto-attack the enemy and using a healing item outside turn order when his hp is low. Sometimes you can dodge an atack by running away quickly, but only when it's made really obvious that you're expected to. There's no skill to it.
Much like in a From Soft game, most battles can be completely avoided by simply running past them, and you don't really need to grind them to beat the bosses anyway, but playing that way makes time spent in dungeons feel even more time-wasting, like you're just fast-forwarding through the ads to get to the cutscene at the end.
In a world full of 10/10 games, there's just no reason to put up with poor gameplay for somewhat interesting writing anymore. There are so many games that nail it in both areas.
On the flipside, FF7 Rebirth takes it's time to a much greater extent, but manages to fill its world with so many unique encounters and thematic setpieces that what would feel like open-world-box-checking in other games, but end up feeling like THE REAL GAME. I much prefer this approach, a game which uses all its systems to the fullest and creates a great flow of storytelling through play, rather than a game with good dialogue and aesthetics that lets you mostly circumvent its boring gameplay. RPGs can be fun!
#contact ds#contact#grasshopper manufacture#atlus#game review#ffvii rebirth#ff7 rebirth#nintendo ds#SoundCloud
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My thoughts on lightsaber discourse and the SW fandom
AKA me and my friend were talking and this is the result
My friend, talking about lightsaber fights in the new media vs. the older media: Original: Cut through anything. Later movies: B I G shiny stick
Me: I feel like that's a little exaggerated. the fighting in the prequels was more choreographed,
more showy (mostly because of advancements in the franchise (in universe it makes sense too. there are lightsaber forms that the jedi are taught (and sith but that's not the point) in the original, the producers never thought that SW was going to get as big as it was, and probably didn’t think to much into it. However, it also makes sense in cannon terms. There are no Jedi left to teach these forms, (yoda and Kenobi tried but that doesn't make up for years of practice and discipline that we know the Jedi had. Luke had less than a year (I think)) so Luke is less showy in his fighting than in the sequels.)) however, this change lead to a lot of the fans hating the prequels in their early days, simply because they were different. now they are held to (somewhat) critical acclaim by the fandom.
This brings me to the point that a lot of other people have made before me. This fandom loves to hate. By that, I mean that no piece can exist and keep pumping out content (as their corporate overlords demand) and keep to a consistent “standard”. Media evolves as the world around it evolves. Sure, some things can be bad, sure. (AOTC isn’t the greatest thing ever created, after all. Heck, it’s not even that good.) however, this fandom loves to bash the newer content that is coming out, saying it’s “boring” or “filler” (see: TBB or the Mandalorian). TCW is a hell ton of filler, and the fandom loves the shit out of it (and Rebels, to an extent.) just because the events of a show don’t align with your perfect ideal version of the story, doesn’t mean that you can throw a hissy fit. Just take a chill pill and write fanfic. (I’m not saying that any criticism is bad, but as a fandom, we need to chill out a little and enjoy our funky space shit.
That being said, in newer SW, the lightsaber has become a rarity. (with most of the content coming out in the post-purge era.) the fact is, for most of the galaxy, they are glowy death sticks. the reason that they are treated differently in the original is because Kenobi and Vader both grew up with lightsabers and understand them in the way the Republic Jedi do (and by extension, Luke, who was taught the way of the lightsaber by Kenobi and later Yoda.) they are treated diffirently because of who is wielding them. Rey never held a saber before the events of TFA. she had minimal training from a man with depression and even more minimal training who didn’t want to trim her. (same goes for Kylo Ren, to an extent.) it's diffirent because it wouldn’t make sense for it be the same. For the sequels, there are no “saber styles”. It’s all just people trying not to get run through with a plasma sword. In the end, it tells a sad tale of a faded culture, held together by a few individuals who have close to no knowledge of the culture they are trying to preserve. In many ways, it mirrors a lot real-life cultures that were affected by colonialism.
#star wars#fandom#character analysis#film analysis#lightsaber#star wars prequels#star wars sequel trilogy#my blog
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Did you know that there's an ingredient in gum and mints that make you poop?
So if you take a stick a day, Not only were your breasts smell a little better, it'll help keep your colon clean, And you can take an extra 10-15 minute break during your work day.
15 minutes a day doesn't sound like a lot, but if we all band together, maybe we can bankrupt our corporate overlords 👍
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2021 Calendar Magnet
None of this is to say that even an individual Necron lucky sufficient to realize a flawless revivification awakens alert and aware. Even now, in the Era Indomitus of the 41st Millennium, billions of Necrons still slumber in their stasis-tombs, silently awaiting the clarion call of destiny. The Great Awakening has been removed from exact, and the Necrons have not arisen as one folks however in fitful starts over scattered millennia, like some gestalt sleeper rising from a troubled dream. And in all places, inquisitive lifeforms scrabbled and fought over the bones of Necron territories, inflicting magnetic tear off calendar more damage in their unthinking seek for information than the vengeful Aeldari ever may. The galaxy is blossoming with life once more, but continues to be overrun with latent psykers and worshippers of the infernal Warp energies unleashed in the course of the War in Heaven. This plan labored with an amazing degree of success till the Necrons have been awakened by the forces of the Imperium of Man in the late 41st Millennium to plague the galaxy once more.
They comprise 25 "tear away" memo pages and can be ordered with a selection of totally different cowl sheets to say "Thank You" or "Happy Holidays" or "Happy New Year" -- whichever you prefer. They can be ordered with an actual estate themed front of your selection. Watch the days fly proper on by with this logoed computer calendar!
Ideal for organizing your paperwork in an office, faculty or work setting. From extra-soft robes to customized cookbooks, we’ve rounded up our favourite present ideas for your magnetic tear off calendar mother-in-law which are sure to depart an excellent impression. Beautiful and considerate gifts for the well-deserving mom in your life.
And it’s not an eyesore, like so many ugly storage items are typically. Each locker comes in a rainbow of pretty hues, so you presumably can match your aesthetic seamlessly, or add a pop of shade to make your workspace stand out. Simply peel off the protective liner and press your business card onto the uncovered adhesive for an prompt imprinted specialty merchandise. Monthly calendar options the current month with important dates and Sundays coloured in pink. Topped with your business card and featuring rich content material and hanging footage every month, they'll assuredly catch your clients' attention year-round.
These promotional calendar magnets feature your business card design or custom brand design, together with a 12-month tear-off calendar. Ideal for sticking on any refrigerator, these bulk calendar magnets shall be used to recollect appointments, jot down buying lists, keep monitor of children’s schedules, and more! With your corporation logo imprinted on it with a full-color design, development in model awareness is an inevitable result.
The resulting protocol is tedious beyond the endurance of dwelling creatures, however for the Necron nobility it is merely one other method of whiling away eternity. It is unimaginable to say what number of survived, save that they quantity in the tons of, or possibly thousands. Accordingly, whilst several magnetic tear off calendar neighbouring worlds might owe allegiance to the same royal dynasty, the agendas they pursue relies upon completely on the whims and targets of each Necron Overlord or Lord, quite than the broader traditions of the dynasty. Every Necron belongs to a royal dynasty, one of the great houses of the traditional Necrontyr Empire.
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Working out some of my psionics sector-building, thinking out loud here. Cut for spoilers for the ppl who’ve joined my SWN game (nothing, like, actionable, up to you whether you value surprise more than contributing to the worldbuilding or vice versa)
I kinda want the sector to have three sector-level powers none of which have a great attitude toward psychics.
The first one is, I’m leaning corporate for their overall aesthetic. Psi users are forced into indentured servitude (slavery, really) as a condition receiving psi training, which is a government monopoly because there’s nobody else to give that training. Foreign psychics are distrusted or enslaved.
Enforcement is through implanted bombs or something idk. or hostage taking. At least that’s the stick. The carrot is the usual gilded-cage stuff.
The second, like, I’m thinking they were recently ruled by psychic overlords, but overthrew them and established a state that’s like, a lot better to live in if you’re not psychic but no psychic academies exist in their space; the only psychics they see are wild untrained MESes on downward spirals that usually lead to death.
Basically your standard Psionics Fear thing on the random planet of hats trope table.
Both of these are like, powers that are completely dominant within their home cluster with reach out into other clusters, though their ability to enforce that dominance against breakaway planets is weak (a faction wanting to break a planet out has a brutal planetary war ahead of them, and substantial off-world opposition)
The third one I’m less sure of. Part of me wants to use the, like, un-liberated rump of the psi tyrants’ domain. So, dangerous and terrifying psi aristocrats ruling over terrified masses of everyone else.
Another possibility is that they’re normal toward psychics but shitty in another way. Nobody is the good guys here.
This is already a pretty high empire density for a sector. If I don’t want to change the number of stars per sector too much from standard (and I probably don’t), then we’re looking at 25 inhabited stars, with an average cluster having 3-5 of them depending on what roll method I use to determine star counts. A typical sector would probably be about 5-8 clusters, then. The home for an empire is probably going to be a larger cluster (to accommodate multiple worlds with access to the resources needed to build shipyards).
So that’s about half the clusters already accounted for. Definitely about half the inhabited stars.
Regardless, like, the campaign structure I’m planning means that’s not quite so important. Rather than a cluster of 25 worlds to explore, there are probably five that they’re going to visit. possibly counting deep space stations. A bunch of places being “another planet in an empire where you’re unwelcome” is fine given the circumstances.
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Helluva Boss Vol 2: Loo Loo Land
Striker awoke with a start, panting heavily. His heart pounded so fast that he thought it would burst out of his chest at any moment now. The imp sighed as he ran a hand through his ash white hair.
He had that nightmare again. He didn't cry, as he had no more tears to shed and it wouldn't being her back but the wound was still raw. He'd tell himself that he did what she asked of him: to save their son. However, the guilt was still there.
Striker went to the kitchen for a glass of water. As he looked through the window, he noticed it was raining. There were no thunders tonight but still, he better go check on Jake just in case.
Something pulled on his pants. Speak of the devil! Striker looked down and found the infant next to his leg, his little hand grasping his pants. How Jake managed to crawl all the way down from his nursery was a mystery to Striker.
"What's up, kiddo?" Striker asked, not really expecting an answer. Jake reached out his hands, asking to be picked up. Sighing, he bent down to pick up his son. " Can't sleep either, huh? That makes two of us, my boy," he said gently as he walked up the stairs. "How about we keep each other company for a while? It'll be less lonely that way."
Striker sat on his bed and placed Jake on his lap. He entertained the little one with the rattling of his tail for a while until Jake lost interest and snuggled into his father's chest, yawning. Striker knew what the little one needed. Jake protested via whimpers as he was tucked back into his nearly started to wail if not for the familiar sound of a guitar's strings and his father's voice as the cradle was rocked from side to side.
Come stop your crying
It will be alright
Just take my hand
Hold it tight
I will protect you
From all around you
I will be here
Don't you cry
For one so small
You seem so strong
My arms will hold you
Keep you safe and warm
This bond between us
Can't be broken
I will be here don't you cry
'Cause you'll be in my heart
Yes, you'll be in my heart
From this day on
Now and forevermore
You'll be in my heart
No matter what they say
You'll be here in my heart
Always
Always…
Jake had long been lulled into sleep by the end of the song. Smiling, Striker kissed the little one's forehead.
"Good night."
*HB*
"M and M, J and S, get in here! We're going to Loo Loo Land!"
Striker frowned under his hat, annoyed at having his nap interrupted. "Isn't that the rip-off of Lucifer's far more popular LuLu World?" he inquired, raising an eyebrow.
"That's right, Strike! Stolas is paying us extra cash for making sure he and his daughter are still breathing by the end of the day."
Striker covered his face with his hat again. "Sorry, Blitz, my contract only includes assassination jobs."
"Look at it this way: you're going to 'assassinate' whoever tries to lay a hand on Stolas and his daughter."
The cowboy frowned. "Why us? Doesn't that blueblood have a whole legion of guards at his disposal?"
"Come on, dad! I want to go to Loo Loo Land!" Jake pleaded, taking his father's hat. "I've never been to a theme park!"
"Yeah, Strike, it'll be fun!" Millie wrapped an arm around the cowboy's shoulder. "You won't find a cheaper theme park in all of Hell, plus it's a good opportunity for you and Jake to spend some quality time together!"
Striker would have protested further, but Jake (and Blitzo) were giving him the 'puppy eyes' face. At last, he murmured. "Ugh. Fine."
They picked up the owl Goetias in I.M.P.'s van and went straight to the theme park in the Greed ring. As always, Striker and Jake rode Bombproof to avoid an overcrowding inside the vehicle, especially with two bluebloods inside.
Striker'd seen a few tv commercials about Loo Loo Land, but something he'd learned over the years is that no intentional rip-off of anything was worth wasting money on. He was soon proven right once they arrived at the place. Most of the attractions within Loo Loo Land were either broken, cracked, or disheveled-looking. And judging by the look on Octavia's face, she didn't like it here either. Jake, on the other hand…
"Cool! Look, dad, there's a carousel! Can we go? No, wait, I wanna try the roller coaster first! Whoa, is that a dragon? I must pet it!" the impling was running around the place, awing over the rides and booths with wide eyes.
"Blitz better add another zero to my next paycheck." Striker murmured under his breath.
"Woow! I haven't been to this place since I was a tot! It hasn't changed a bit- oh, LOOK!" Millie pulled Moxxie and Jake into a hug and gestured to an old dinosaur-like animatronic. "It's Big Woobly!"
"That is… deeply upsetting," Moxxie whispered.
"Oh, come on! It's fun! You've never been here?"
"No, theme parks always disturbed me. Especially the mascots."
"I agree with Moxxie." Millie, Jake, and Moxxie himself gave Striker a baffled look. "As incredible as it sounds."
"Well, hey there!" Striker was caught off guard as Moxxie suddenly jumped into his arms with a frightened yelp as a guy in an old cartoonish apple costume appeared out of nowhere. The only reason he didn't drop Moxxie was that he too was disturbed by the awful, smelly costume. "I'm Loo Loo! Welcome to Loo Loo Land! If ya'll get hurt, just try and sue us!"
Striker quickly wrapped his tail around Jake's waist and lifted him up before he could get too close to 'Loo Loo'.
"Hey, dad, let go!" the impling protested.
"Stay away from that predator, kiddo." Striker finally dropped Moxxie to the ground.
"I have a question."
"Well, ask away, little girlie!" the mascot made a poor attempt at goofy laughter.
Octavia sneered. "Is it true this park is just a really shameless spin-off or Lucifer's far more popular Lu Lu World? This place reeks of insecure corporate shame."
Striker held tightly unto Jake until they left the creepy mascot behind. Being new to this place, he decided to follow Millie and Moxxie around for a while.
"You really love this place, huh?" Moxxie asked casually.
Millie nodded eagerly. "I love this place! My parents would bring me and my siblings here when they could swing it. Money-wise."
"Dad, look!" Jake ran towards a gift shop and pressed his face against the window, eyeing a plush dragon like the one on the Petting Zoo. "Can I have one?"
Striker only had to look at the price, 400 souls, to reply. "Absolutely not."
"Whyy?"
"400 souls for a doll you'll end up throwing away? Don't you wanna throw away all of my salary, since you're on it?"
Jake pouted, arms crossed. "Meanie."
"He does have a point. I mean, that much for a novelty cup you use one time?" Moxxie added, pointing at said cup worth 29 souls.
"Cause it's Loo Loo Land!" Millie chirped.
"Listen to your hoe, Mox." Blitzo seemingly had no trouble with loading up on the theme park's merch. "Hey, Strike, how 'bout you and I take the first watch while M and M have a little fun with Jakey?"
"Can I, dad? Please, please, please!"
Striker sighed. "Fine. Just stay close to Millie and Moxxie and listen to whatever they tell-"
"Um, Striker, I have to interrupt your fatherly monologue, but they already left." Blitzo was right. Millie, Moxie, and Jake were gone already.
Striker merely sighed and loaded his rifle.
*HB*
Jake still couldn't understand why his father had never brought him to Loo Loo Land before. This place was incredible! The rides, the junk food, kicking the guy in the Loo Loo costume; for some reason, he couldn't resist the urge every time he saw the apple costume. And of course, Moxie simply had to ruin everything. His wimpy stomach couldn't handle The Lawsuit ride and he ended up vomiting unto the people in the front car, Jake included. They had to get him new clothes in the nearest gift shop.
"You're so lucky my dad wasn't here or he would have fed you to that," Jake pointed at the dragon peeking over the Petting zoo fence.
"Okay, guys, how about we take a look around the smaller rides?" Millie suggested.
"You mean the kids area? That's where the Petting Zoo is! Can we go there to see the dragon?"
"I don't care as long as I don't have to get on top of it," Moxxie murmured, his hand still clutching his stomach. Jake squealed happily.
There were lots of animals at the Petting Zoo. Jake recognized some from Wrath, most notably some Hellhorses with green fire to reflect Greed. He had seen how Bombproof's fire color change from orange to red each time they entered Pride, and it had changed to a minty green when they entered Greed. There were other animals he had only seen in books too, but his attention was entirely focused on the giant red, black and white wyvern. Known as Hellvern, it is native to Greed and is often used as a 'guardian dog' of sorts by Overlords.
Jake felt a shiver down his spine as the giant dragon stared down at him curiously. Taking a deep breath, he stroked the animal's snout. Once he realized his hand was attached to his body, Jake began to laugh and jump.
"I touched the dragon, I touched the dragon!" he cried out happily. "Just wait until I tell dad!"
"Oh, I bet he'll be very proud of you!" Millie smirked, ruffling the impling's hair. "
Afterward, they took a break from the rides and wandered around the snack and game booths. Jake and Millie ate big cones of ice cream bugs and fried butter sticks. Moxxie chose not to consume any 'junk food of questionable origin'.
"This place is amazing! Man, I wish I'd come here sooner!" Jake said happily as he looked around the game booths.
"So Striker has never brought here? He would have loved the rides for sure!" Millie pointed out.
"Nah, dad's never been too fond of machines. He'd rather do things the old-fashioned way."
Moxxie scoffed. "Yeah, why would he come to work on a horse otherwise?"
"Well, at least we don't waste time on looking for a parking spot."
"Touché, kid."
"Hey, now that we're on it, I don't think we've ever met your mom."
Jake stopped in his tracks. His… mom? It's the first time someone's brought that up. Dad has never talked about her and there are no photos of her in the house. But surely he had one, right? Everyone has one.
"Hello, hello! Step right up and win a thing!"
Millie's excited cry distracted Jake from his thoughts. "Oh, look, Moxxie! A thing!" The 'thing' in question was a purple stuffed penguin-like creature with imp horns and pink overalls.
"Oh, you like that thing?"
"Yesss! I don't really know what that thing is but I want that thing!"
Moxxie smirked. "Finally, something I can handle." he placed a soul bill on the counter. "Okay! One game, please!"
Unsurprisingly, the cork but the target. To Jake's surprise, however, the target barely moved. Moxxie didn't seem to mind since he had hit the bullseye.
"Strike one, little man!"
Moxie's smugness faded instantly. "But I hit it!"
"Hmm, I don't know what to tell ya, buddy. The target, see?" the vendor pointed at said target "It didn't go down, so yeah, no go, bro."
Growling, Moxie placed another bill on the counter and fired another cork at the bullseye, but again it didn't move. Annoyed, Moxxie slapped the pistol. "The Heaven's wrong with this thing?!"
"Oh. Man, a real shame, I tell ya." the carnie made crying gestures in a mocking manner, prompting Moxxie to slam yet another bill on the counter.
*HB*
As incredible as it may sound, Striker envied his son. Jake was probably having a great time at the admittedly cool-looking rides while he is stuck babysitting a blueblood. He couldn't say he was completely bored, though. Turns out the pervert was right when he said there'd be lots of people going after him. Striker even ended up making a bet with Blitzo over who could shoot more people by the end of the day. Up to now, Striker was winning.
The cowboy casually spotted Octavia, who by then looked like she'd snap at any second now. He couldn't blame her, the show's musical number was rather bizarre.
"How come that pervert hasn't noticed his daughter is not enjoying himself at all?" he asked Blitzo casually.
"Not our business, Strike. We're their bodyguards, not their family therapists. Speaking of which," Blitzo shot an assassin in the back before he could stab Stolas. Blitzo smirked. "That makes it four on my count, Striker."
"Let's save that for later, Blitz. Looks like the mare's finally kicked." Striker motioned to Octavia as she fled the tent, Stolas following closely behind.
"You should find Jakey. It's Millie and Moxxie's watch, anyway, they can go keep an eye on Stolas."
Striker nodded gratefully and left the circus tent. Surprisingly, it didn't take him too long to find Jake, Moxxie, and Millie. They were at a shooting game booth. Judging by the enraged look in Moxxie's face and the 600 souls in the vendor's hands, the wimp just got scammed.
"Hey, dad! You won't believe what I did, I petted a dragon!"
Striker chuckled and petted the boy's head. "I'm glad you had a great time, kiddo."
"Hey, you, cowboy! You look like ye might be better at shooting this sad little fella."
Striker frowned. He knew from experience that these booths were rigged to scam customers out of their money at the vendor's leisure. He had a better idea. Smirking, Striker pulled out his pistol and handed it to Jake.
"Show them what you got, kiddo."
The impling's face lit up. He pointed the barrel of the weapon at the carnie to give him a fright before shooting all of the targets with flawless precision in quick succession. The bullets went right through the targets, leaving big holes. The carne was reduced to a trembling, frightened mess.
"H-Hey, take it easy, p-pal…" he stuttered nervously as Jake pointed the gun at him again.
"That's my boy!" Striker laughed, patting Jake's shoulder.
"Now I think," Moxxie sneered as he leaned unto the counter. "That you owe us a thing."
Something crashed through the roof of the shooting gallery and on top of the carnie. The group leaned in to take a look.
"Sir?" Moxxie asked.
Striker sighed once he turned around and found the theme park literally on fire. "Really, Blitz? I leave you alone for a second and you screw the damn place up?"
"Oh, hey guys!" Blitzo seemingly didn't hear him as he drew his pistol. "You should probably go, uh, make sure Stolas is okay. I got some… unfinished business to take care of."
The group dispersed, with Millie quickly grabbing her plush thing. Strike quickly picked Jake up and moved out of the way as Blitzo fired at the burning robot; the thing caught the bullet in its mouth and curled up to roll towards Blitzo in a fiery charge. Blitzo jumped out of the way just as the robot hit the booth and it exploded in an inferno of green flames.
"Um, Dad, should we lend Blitzo a hand?"
"I suppose so lest he ends up blowing the whole place up with us inside."
Jake smirked as he spotted the dragon from before on the loose. "I got an idea!"
Striker knew what the boy was thinking. He wasn't sure if it was such a good idea, though; he's dealt with wild hogs, hellhorses, and many fauna, but never a fully-grown Hellvern. Then again, he's always liked challenges. He had Jake climbed onto his back and cling to his neck.
"Hang on tight, my boy, this will be one hell of a ride!"
Grabbing a discarded rope and tying it into a lasso, Striker expertly threw it over the dragon's neck and pulled, tightening around its neck. When the animal reared back and spread its wings, Striker took advantage of the momentum to pull himself onto the Hellvern's back.
"Easy, there! I'm your new master now!" the cowboy shouted over the Hellvern's angry shrieks, pulling the ropes tightly in the manner of reins. It wasn't that hard, as the Hellvern had already been tamed. Otherwise, it was like riding a giant version of Bombproof.
"Woohoo! Can we keep the Hellvern, dad?!"
"I already got enough with a Hellhorse, kiddo!"
Striker led the animal through the green inferno, eyeing the crazy robot going after Blitzo. Millie and Moxxie were shooting it, but it was far too fast for bullets. Striker couldn't contain an excited 'yeehaw' cry as he whipped the Hellvern forward and it snatched Robo Fizz right before it could run Blitzo over; the animal threw Robo Fizz into the air before eating it whole.
"Got a new mount, Striker?! Can I keep Bombproof?!"
"In your dreams, Blitz!"
They barely made it out of Loo Loo Land before it was consumed by flames, then made a run for it before anyone could identify them as the people who destroyed the place. Mammon would look for heads to roll before the day's end, after all.
*HB*
"Best… Day… Ever…" Jake laughed in-between exhausted pants as they got home that night.
Striker fell on top of the couch, groaning in exhaustion. "We're taking the rest of the week off, kiddo. If Blitz calls, tell him Bombproof has a cold or something like that, but I'm not moving from this couch."
Jake joined his father and snuggled against him. "Thanks for taking me to Loo Loo Land, daddy."
"I'd say 'anytime' if the park hadn't been reduced to ashes." Striker chuckled, eyes closed as he wrapped an arm around his son.
As Jake snuggled into his father's arm, he thought about what Millie had said back at Loo Loo Land about.. "Hey, dad?"
"Mmm?"
"Can I ask you something? "
"What?"
"Well…" Jake took a deep breath. "Do I have a mom? I mean, Millie has one, Moxie too, Blitzo… Even Stolas's daughter has a mom. I've never seen any pictures and you've never told me about her…"
Jake trailed off as he heard snoring. Dad had already fallen asleep. He must be really exhausted, Jake thought. I can ask him some other time. I'll let him rest for now.
…
Striker didn't open his eyes until he was certain that Jake had fallen asleep; then he carefully cradled his son in his arms and carried him upstairs all the way to his room. He carefully tucked Jake in as quietly as possible; Jake shifted a bit, but otherwise didn't look like he'd wake up anytime soon. Striker smiled as he stroked his son's hair.
It's not that he didn't want Jake to know about his mother. He wanted to tell his son about the wild-spirited, strong-willed woman that stole his heart. He really did. But he just couldn't find the words to explain what had happened to her. Just even remembering her was like adding lemon and salt to an open wound. Striker would tell Jake about his mother eventually, just not now.
The cowboy carefully placed the stuffed dragon he had grabbed from the shooting gallery in Jake's grasp, carefully leaning in to kiss the boy's head.
"Good night."
*HB*
Well, seems there's been a hint about Jake's mother. What do you think happened to her? I might go into details later on.
#helluva boss#helluva boss striker#helluva striker#blitzo#moxxie#millie#stolas goetia#octavia goetia#jake (helluva boss)#original character#helluva boss oc#one shot#helluva dad au#helluva dad#fatherhood#father-son#fluff#humor#rewrite#helluva au#helluva boss au
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TGF Thoughts: 5x09-- And the end was violent...
It’s been a busy week, but I didn’t want to wait until after 5x10 aired to write this. This recap may be a bit rushed (read: I am going to make an effort to just skip over scenes I don’t care about; we’ll see how many of those there actually are). I didn’t love this episode overall, but I thought it was a huge improvement over 5x08’s parking ticket fiasco and wish it had immediately followed 5x07.
Bless these episodes for not being overly long
Oooh, the opening sequence is long and I have nothing to say about it! Thanks for making my life easier, writers!
The point of this opening is to show that there are lots of problems with the official court system—inefficiencies, inconveniences like broken elevators, overcrowding in prisons (though, uh, I don’t think the actual problem there is that there’s not room to incarcerate more people)-- that might make cops open to an alternative like Wackner’s court.
I know the cop thread kind of started with last week’s parking nonsense, but surely there was a way other than the parking nonsense to bridge the gap between 5x07’s prison system and 5x09’s focus on Wackner’s court suddenly being a replacement for criminal court, too.
(Y’all, I have SO MANY questions about how Wackner can POSSIBLY judge criminal cases, but they’re all just variations on... UH, GUYS, ISN’T THIS ILLEGAL? LIKE SUPER DUPER ILLEGAL?)
I see that there is a filming notice when the cops bring a dude into Wackner’s court, and that the notice says that by entering on the premises you consent to being on film. I do not think that this sign being displayed would hold up as evidence of anyone consenting to be sentenced to a private prison on criminal charges.
New question: How did Wackner Rules get on the air so fast? And are they just filming endless episodes in real time? They just film anyone who walks in?
I think there is supposed to be a subplot about Marissa liking fame and attention; it is almost a little too subtle to be meaningful. I see a through line from her sleeping with that editor dude last week to her smiling at the flowers in this scene to her scenes with Carmen later this episode. Unfortunately, I need a lot more for this to work.
I don’t need Marissa to be a hero who constantly does the right thing and calls out Wackner on crossing the line, but I’m really sad that this is what they’re using Marissa for when we were due for Marissa calling Wackner out (in a meaningful, lasting way) like two episodes ago. It’s felt odd to me that she just sticks around and assists Wackner and Del when they’re doing things like putting people in private prisons and comparing the show they’re making to The Apprentice. Any subtle shift in Wackner’s decisions that has signaled to me that he’s gone too far is something that I can say with certainty would signal the same to Marissa. Marissa’s outspoken and passionate, and we have seen enough reaction shots to know she knows things are going bad, fast. Am I really meant to believe that because she likes Wackner and she likes fame, she’s not going to do anything more substantial than look upset from time to time? Not only does that feel out of character, it’s also just boring.
And, it speaks to another problem I’m starting to have with the arc: they needed to get to the point faster. Once Wackner said “David Cord’s private prison,” this stopped being fun. It would’ve stopped being fun for Marissa and it stopped being fun for viewers (seriously though, the change in tone on Reddit between 5x07 and 5x08/5x09 is VERY noticeable). So why did we follow that up with some repetitive filler bullshit about parking spaces and then start getting back to the point in this episode? I’m sure they’re going somewhere big in 5x10, but you can’t follow an explosive reveal with more status quo.
(Also, lol, I think the parking space thing was meant to be a fun silly absurd little way of entering into themes about authority and Wackner trying to legitimize his court, but it was about an issue so relatable and illogical that I think it feels even harder to believe than the, like, whole concept of a secret court in a Copy Coop.)
Time for Marissa to look concerned again! She’s confused about if the case is real or not, and when Wackner says it’s real, she says it’s not for their court and it’s crossing a line. She is absolutely correct. Wackner’s like, let me know if you think I’m crossing a line after I rule, and then he makes a silly flailing gesture that Marissa can use as a signal.
I actually don’t hate that scene; it is a good scene. I am only snarking on it because it feels like familiar territory and it belonged in an earlier episode.
Am I correctly understanding that these cops wanted to be filmed bringing a man against his will to a fake court with a private prison? And that they wanted this to air on television? Okay.
I will say that I believe the motivations of everyone involved except Marissa. Wackner thinks he’s doing good for the world. Del is getting good TV (I mean, I still think that Wackner Rules title sequence is shit and the show Del seems to be making is terrible, but that’s besides the point). Cord has so much money he’s untouchable and this is fun for him. The cops just don’t want to deal with bureaucracy when it comes to someone who they basically caught in the act.
Court! Stuff! Happens!
Wackner sentences the guy to one year in “David Cord’s private prison.” Again, I know they have to say this for exposition/storytelling reasons, but I continue to find it hilarious that David Cord would want his name to be used in this way (because he like, absolutely would not want his name to be used this way).
The cops like Wackner’s verdict so they tell all their friends to also take their cases to Wackner. What could possibly go wrong!
Like, yeah, there are problems with the criminal justice system—and some of them are even the ones these cops are mad about—but this is ABSOLUTELY not the answer!!! You cannot just take people off the streets and place them in private prisons because they were forced to enter a filming zone for a TV show what the actual fuck
Love David Lee still having candy on his desk. Some things never change.
Allegra, who was welcomed by the partners of RL last week, is interviewing for a job with David Lee. I don’t understand. Doesn’t David Lee have to approve new partners at RL?
Please don’t mention real estate on Mars, Allegra. You’ve made me think of Jason and how bad season seven was.
Allegra is feeling a bit different from Elsbeth this episode, though she very much still has some Elsbeth energy. She is very strategic and blunt in a way Elsbeth isn’t, and she seems a little more focused and intense.
“I notice, in a partisan world, the person in the middle controls the agenda,” Allegra says of her alliances with both Liz and Diane. This is interesting. What are Allegra’s goals here? Just to have power? Does she have a vision for RL? Is it just a good paycheck?
(My guess is it’s about power and money for her. I don’t think she is going to be the ally Madeline wants. I don’t think anyone who voluntarily signs up to be a name partner at a firm owned by corporate overlords is a natural ally for Madeline though, tbh.)
(I really hoped this arc would explore that just a tiny bit more. The longer this conflict drags on the more convinced I become that the whole question of if it’s appropriate for Diane to lead a black firm is moot. It’s an interesting and complicated question, but with some distance from the plot, it becomes pretty clear that in this particular situation, RL isn’t a black firm. It’s a subsidiary of a large multinational corporation.)
(The show seems very aware of this and keeps having plot points like Diane using David Lee to keep her job and having Madeline call out all the awful clients they have... but it needs to go somewhere.)
(This also may be why I’m more down on the end of the season—in the middle of the season, nods at the things I’ve been thinking are appreciated references. At the end, they’re more like plotholes or reminders of the questions we should actually be spending time on.)
“Are you shitting me?” David Lee storms into the room as Liz and Diane are working. “David, we are shitting you about so many things, you’re gonna have to be more specific,” Liz responds. God, funny!Liz is maybe my favorite part of season 5?
Liz calls David out on his power, noting that he also reports to STR Laurie. So it seems like Liz and Diane can make decisions on their own, and STR Laurie can overrule them, but not stop them in advance?
This little ad about an ice cream chain is like, 15 seconds too long.
Carmen is back!!!! She’s helping Rivi sign a deal with an ice cream chain so that they’ll turn into a distributor of weed.
Why do we have to watch a SECOND commercial?
The farm wants Rivi to stop dealing other drugs if they’re going to enter into this deal.
Allegra, another character who seemingly has no qualms about representing drug kingpins, quickly impresses Rivi.
I understand why there is an interpreter for Rivi’s wife. I do not understand why the interpreter interprets conversations BETWEEN Rivi and his wife. And then he’s translating the sign language into Spanish? But also Rivi speaks fluent English in half of these scenes? WHAT is happening?
Allegra is also different from Elsbeth in that with clients, you’re NEVER going to underestimate her. You might not follow her at first, but she’ll get to the point clearly and concisely and without telling you how much she likes your lipstick.
But like at 13:44 Rivi signs something to his wife, and when she signs back the interpreter tells him what she’s saying. This is so so so clearly for the audience but I wish it had just been captions because it makes NO SENSE that the interpreter is in on this private conversation between two people who both know sign language!?
Rivi and Isabel now LOVE Allegra. Diane and Liz are like, okay!
Cop stuff happens.
Credits!!! If you haven’t already, be sure to check out indiewire’s piece on the making of the credits—it's fascinating.
Brooke directed 😀
Marissa the celebrity is signing autographs in Wackner’s court when the cops bring in some young men affiliated with Rivi.
NO, GOD NO, NOT THIS DEVIL’S ADVOCATE FUCKERY. The problem I have with the Devil’s Advocate, in addition to it being fucking annoying, is that it is also the exact opposite of what Wackner’s court is all about. Wackner is about facts and really hearing people out, and from what we’ve seen, Devil’s Advocate is about... stereotypes and pop sociology so bad it’s essentially just racism?
“These young men are the victims of a system that arbitrarily declares some drugs illegal, and others, like alcohol, not. They should be released. To hold them is to perpetuate an unfair system,” Devil’s Advocate says. Good lord, a 7th grader could write a more persuasive speech than this bullshit.
WHY IS DAVID CORD PROSECUTING THIS, WHY IS THE TRIAL ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT DRUGS HARM COMMUNITIES, WHY IS THE DEVIL’S ADVOCATE SOUNDING LIKE A WHITE BOY IN AN INTRO TO SOCIOLOGY CLASS WITH HIS REFERENCES TO THE WIRE, WHY IS ANY OF THIS HAPPENING OMG MAKE IT STOP HOLY FUCKING SHIT THIS IS BAD
Why is Marissa the court clerk being called upon to be defense, WHY IS THE DEVIL’S ADVOCATE JUST SCREAMING “DEFUND THE POLICE” WHAT THE FUCK
I’m sorry, I am going to rant about this more, I truly cannot get over how fucking stupid the Devil’s Advocate is. He just starts screaming “defund the police”??? To what end?! Why does Wackner want this in his court?!
I revise what I said earlier. Devil’s Advocate isn’t just sounding a white boy in an intro to sociology class. He is sounding like a white boy who showed up to an intro to sociology class absolutely hammered.
Marissa, correctly, argues that the arrestees should be taken to Cook County. Then she hears that they work for Rivi and she knows this is bad.
Cord calling Marissa out for her firm representing Rivi: Another thing that would NEVER air on Wackner Rules.
David Lee seems surprised Liz and Diane did not get rid of Allegra. I don’t know why he is surprised, I think they made it very clear they don’t see him as an authority figure.
STR Laurie is now demanding (another) 10% in cuts to pay for Allegra. Liz says they’ll pay for her with the money that used to be for Adrian and Diane notes that Allegra has more stature than Adrian. Interesting.
David Lee then decides to be both sexist and racist for really no reason at all. Pleasant!
Showing Carmen as competent but not yet as strategic as Allegra is a really nice way to underline that Carmen is still a first year even if she is very very good.
Liz, Diane, and Allegra talk about cost cutting. Allegra is like, no, we need to spend more, which makes sense, both for the reasons she outlines and because when you bring on a powerful name partner, your need for lower level support does not DECREASE, it INCREASES.
I know this scene is meant to show Allegra thinking outside the box, but I am a bit surprised that (1) Neither Liz nor Diane push back on the 10% cut and (2) When Allegra suggests hiring back all the associates and then some, Diane seems to think Allegra doesn’t understand they’re talking about cuts? Like, obviously she knows the topic of conversation, Diane.
“We don’t run our own business. We work for a global conglomerate,” Liz notes. Yup. Right point, wrong context lol.
Diane and Liz are just too smart and strategic to have to be told ALL of this by Allegra... especially Diane, who is not only smart but also used to dealing with management.
And worse... Liz and Diane think they made a mistake with Allegra because of this? I mean, I guess if your goal is to permanently work for a big corporation that will slowly chip away at your budget because they can and to never make any waves because that might disrupt the status quo, sure, Allegra isn’t who you want! But do Diane and Liz REALLY want the status quo?
I hope they find a way out from under STR Laurie next year, as much as I hate the firm switching, because it’s just such a boring dead-end when Diane and Liz don’t actually have power or control.
OOOH I like Del asking Liz what SHE wants wrt the whole Diane situation. She says she wants to “stop fighting” and for Diane to “stop using her racist clients to keep her job” and for “the firm to be led in the right way by the right people.” So sounds like she wants to work with Diane, then? That last one is as vague as can be, but I think we can infer at this point that Liz is more concerned with stability and a work environment she likes than idealism.
God, Liz and Alicia would’ve gotten along so well as adults lmao.
Del tells Liz that “women at work always want to be thought of as nice. Women always want consensus. But you know what, baby, sometimes you just gotta say, ‘Fuck you, and you and you and you. Alright? This is my business and it’s my decision.’” I see where he’s coming from (even though this sounds like something my nemesis the Devil’s Advocate would say) but I am not sure I agree that’s Liz’s problem here.
Actually, maybe I do agree with Del. I think Del’s saying to say FU to Diane, but what Liz clearly actually wants to do is say FU to Madeline lol
Liz asks him to change the topic. Where ARE they? Is this a restaurant or an incredibly nice backyard?
Del changes the topic to how his boss wants him to come back to LA, but he wants to get Liz’s thoughts on their future. Liz asks him to start since men are better at saying what they mean (ha, love her giving him shit for that).
He basically tells her he wants to stay and she says he should stay. Aww.
Rivi’s house is... certainly something.
Isabel is concerned because three of their boys have disappeared. She, naturally, suspects they’re at police blacksites.
I’m sorry, did Marissa not elevate the Rivi case in Wackner’s court to the partners’ attention!? Rivi blames the dairy company, even though this does not... make that much sense?
This escalates into the murder of cows?? What... the fuck.
Now Marissa finds Carmen and loops her in! But only now that she knows Rivi’s looking for them and Rivi’s about to, like, kill Christian Borle’s character whose name I’ve forgotten.
Marissa’s position on this is that Wackner will just let the boys go so Rivi shouldn’t know about any of this. Rivi would just kill Wackner. And Carmen is like, Rivi will just kill Christian Borle if we don’t tell. Fair point.
Carmen, being an actual adult (sorry Marissa, I usually love you), is willing to admit when she’s in over her head, so she walks off to go get Liz for help. Yay!
Rivi is not impressed with Wackner’s court or Marissa. He and Isabel want either Carmen or Allegra. Liz says Carmen will do it, I think meaning Marissa will do it but Carmen will be client facing.
I love it when we get to see Liz just be super competent. It’s not a rare occurrence, but it’s just very, very clear in this scene how much better Liz is at handling this situation than Carmen or Marissa would’ve been and I like it when the show makes time to emphasize that even on a show full of hypercompetent people, some people are more skilled than others at handling some situations.
Liz, Diane, and David meet with STRL over Zoom. Allegra somehow pops up on the meeting but also joins as a cat because you know what the cat lawyer on Zoom needed? To be parodied on TGF. Ugh
OH MY GOD I DIDN’T PUT THIS TOGETHER SOONER BUT IT’S A CAT LAWYER YOU GUYS. This will mean NOTHING to any of you because it’s about an inside joke I have with the friend who got me into TGW, but indulge me in a little nostalgia here, ‘kay? So in like 2012, there was a trend on Tumblr where everyone would photoshop cat ears onto their favorite TV characters and my friend and I were like, why would I want to put cat ears on my favorite character, idgi. So then we started photoshopping cat ears on to the most unlikely characters and we landed on David Lee. We referred to David Lee as a cat for a really long time. Like, if we were to talk about David Lee today we would probably still call him Cat! David Lee.
Allegra starts trying to work her magic on STRL. Diane literally runs down the stairs to try to stop Allegra. I am not sure why Diane and Liz are so anti-Allegra during this conversation which is only happening so they can have the funds to keep her on board!
Allegra tries to share a burrito with Diane and Liz and says she stands by her strategy. Liz finally says she’s not sure this will work. Allegra is understanding.
I respect that. Allegra may as well go all out and see if she can make this workable.
(That said, this is pretty much the opposite of her whole staying neutral thing from earlier!)
No one is in the audience at Wackner’s court when Carmen shows up, yet the musician who I like only very slightly more than Devil’s Advocate is still on call. Just STOP.
Overall I’ve liked the Wackner arc and I’m excited to see it wrap up tomorrow, but lemme tell you: it had better wrap up tomorrow. I am NOT open to dealing with this for another season.
The musician takes orders from Cord? The cameras are rolling? Rivi is there? WHAT?
I know that NONE of this makes sense, but some things make exceptionally little sense and I just can’t.
Guys, remember the parking tickets?!
Oh, excuse me, the ice cream company is actually a yogurt company.
Rivi notes that there are three boys missing. Wackner only has two.
I am a little surprised Rivi has managed to be successful with that temper. Idk what skill set you need to be a top drug dealer, but he attacks people like three times an episode and that seems like a really good way to not build trust and to also get yourself killed?
Liz and Del talk about what happened in Wackner’s court. Liz asks how they deal with liability. I guess she isn’t Del’s lawyer, then. Del says they have releases and people want to be on TV. Liz says what I’ve been saying, which is that Rivi doesn’t want to be on TV. Del says there are ways around that and references the show Cops as though that’s enough to make this question go completely away.
Liz references The Apprentice, for those of us who didn’t catch the reference last week and/or for those of us (me!) who wanted to pretend that Wackner wasn’t somehow a commentary on Trump and star power. Ugh.
(I don’t necessarily think it’s a bad point, I just am not sure that I think it is the most interesting point about the Wackner plot.)
“Remember how we all watched and laughed and thought it was funny when they fired people?” Liz says. “We? No, no. Hmm, you... you never watched The Apprentice,” Del responds. She did not. Hahahahahaha I love this exchange. It feels very real.
Liz seems less concerned with Wackner and more concerned with Del’s eagerness to turn Wackner into a larger than life personality with a devoted following, which, yes, thank you, Liz, this is actually a much better and more interesting point!
“That came out of nowhere,” Del says. “No, it didn’t,” Liz responds, correctly.
Del talks about how Liz represents Wackner, along with murderers, rapists, drug dealers, and yet she wants to draw the line at reality show producer who makes people famous? He’s got a point, even if I’d argue that choosing a romantic partner is not the same as running a business.
“Would your firm turn down [the producer of The Apprentice] if he wanted to join the roster?” Del asks. “Good point,” Liz sighs, resigned. She’s not happy he’s right, but she knows he is.
Sigh. I already said some variation of this, but this season seems to have all the right ideas floating around, it’s just choosing the wrong ones to explore deeply and the wrong moments to mention other ones. Things like Liz worrying that someone she’s considering starting a serious relationship with might have some personality traits she doesn’t love can be done through throwaway lines that quickly come back to being about work/plot (that’s what happens in this scene, basically) and I love that. But the existence of STRL and the influence it has over whether or not RL is a black firm at some point can’t be dealt with through references. Wackner becoming increasingly off the rails can’t be turned down to a simmer after reaching boiling point. RL’s unsavory client’s can’t just come up in moments like this; they have to play into a central conflict.
Like, what good is it to constantly remind the audience that RL represents a ton of “bad guys” if you’re not going to go anywhere with that other than making Liz and Diane occasionally be like, “hmm, good point.” when called out on their client list? This could be a really, really good piece of a larger puzzle about the culture at RL, and instead it feels like it’s a card they play whenever they need some moral complexity. Just... go somewhere with it, please. Either stop pretending that RL are the good guys or have them seriously deal with their client list.
Anyway, then Liz and Del talk about his possible LA move. It’s kinda inconclusive; they talk about work just being work.
Outside of court, Carmen doesn’t believe that Wackner only has two of Rivi’s boys.
“I don’t know why you’ve been wasting so much time with this joke court, because it’s not gonna magically turn you into a real lawyer, Marissa,” Carmen lashes out. Oooo. Now this is interesting, can I have an extended version of this scene and also all the other Carmen/Marissa scenes that we should’ve gotten in the episodes Carmen was barely in?
I understand Carmen’s frustration, especially since I imagine she worked pretty damn hard to get into/get through law school. And, as fun and smart as Marissa can be, she does get bored easily, try to skip over the dull moments, and moves on and still always lands on her feet. I can see how that would rub Carmen the wrong way, especially during a stressful moment.
Carmen isn’t exactly a rule follower, but I’d say she is someone who is very conscious of the rules, and, I think someone who values structure more than she lets on (I especially see this in her decision to stay at RL instead of work independently/with Lester).
Marissa calls Jay for help!
Allegra talks to David Lee, with Liz and Diane in the background. Allegra makes her argument to David Lee again and it goes over well. I think the writers think there’s more suspense in this plot than there is; it’s pretty obvious from the start that Allegra is correct and Diane and Liz are only correct if the goal is to avoid all conflict.
What is David Lee’s role at STRL? Is there anything else in that office besides awful HR and RL? He talks like he is more RL than STRL and that doesn’t track with what we saw of STRL last year.
Marissa spots a flyer that leads her and Jay to where the missing boy is: another fake court. This was inevitable—I think one of the very first things I said was that Wackner himself seemed fine and decent, but what happens when someone else decides they, too, want to be a judge because they said so—and I’m glad to see the writers go this direction. I actually think this would’ve been an effective build after 5x07 and would’ve kept turning up the tension, so again, most of my issues with this arc lie in 5x08’s momentum killing bullshit. It’s hard to get back into this plot when they lost me last week.
Shocker: Wackner having a reality show inspired more copy cats who take cues from the show and think Marissa is a celebrity.
Vinetta, the judge of the second court, puts people in “time-out” (read: imprisons them in her basement) and... yeah, I don’t care how kind she is to them, this is not okay! The solution to the prison system is not for people to turn their basements into prisons!
I don’t know that the writers are TRYING to comment on this here, but there is definitely something to be said about communities that the legal system repeatedly fails finding alternative measures of justice.
Vinetta is nice and seems reasonable as a judge, but she also has a basement prison her judgments are influenced by her religious believes so, uh, yeah, not good!!!
Wackner, however, thinks Vinetta’s court is GREAT! He wants to go see it, because “it’s finally happening.” What’s happening? “Justice,” he says. Uhhhhhhh, no. This is just so dangerous, even if everyone involved so far seems to mean well.
I’m very curious to see how this little thought experiment wraps up (again: I say wraps up because I cannot deal with the thought of this being more than a one season arc).
One thing I love about the Wackner arc—my 5x08 issues aside—is its slow burn. The writers did a phenomenal job of getting me to take Wackner seriously at first, then slowly started to take all the things that seemed great and reasonable about Wackner’s court to their extremes (while still making his judgment on any individual topic* sound). It’s a very fun and entertaining thought experiment, and I think that’s why this arc has largely succeeded for me, even though it’s so far removed from reality.
* Exceptions to this include policing, prisons, cancel culture, and, of course, parking spaces.
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TOP 5 AVIAN REPRODUCTIVE SYSTEM ANATOMY, LET'S GO!!
MARIA you KNOW this was a hard one for me, it was nearly IMPOSSIBLE to narrow down my favourites. but finally, i came up with my top five (i hope you’re happy). in no particular order:
1. owls. like many birds, owls have no external sex organs, and instead transfer sperm from the male to the female through the cloacae. however, aside from that, their reproductive systems are very similar to those of humans!
2. flamingos make the list not because of any kinky sex things, but rather because of the fascinating aspects of the later stages of the reproctive process. i am thinking specifically of “crop milk”, a bright red nutritious liquid that is secreted out from the oral crop of the parents, regardless of gender (fun fact: this crop milk is one of the things that gives young flamingos their pink colour!)
3. chickens. chickens get the short end of the stick, i think--their reproductive systems might seem unexciting, but how much of that is due to overexposure? chickens are so commonplace in public discourse that they are the Platonic blueprint for avian reproduction in the minds of most laypeople (pun not intended). they are seen as an uninspiring default, rather than a miracle of avian procreation. nonetheless, i find satisfaction in their sturdy predictability. where would humankind be without the singular ovary (for they indeed only have one ovary, unlike most animals) and the capacious cloaca of the humble chicken?
4. peacocks. but why, ellis, you might be wondering. everyone knows that the peacock’s reproductive system is virtually identical to that of other birds, with no distinguishing features whatsoever! to which i would reply: perhaps, but can we not all agree that that of the peacock has one of the most interesting backstories? the controversy surrounding the debunking of Rajasthan High Court judge Justice Mahesh Chandra Sharma’s claims that peacocks are celibate creatures, and that the female peahens conceive by swallowing their partners’ tears, was definitely a landmark moment in the history of avian reproductive discourse. of course the proud peacock had to make this list.
5. ducks! you might not know this, but the reproductive system of a duck is actually very similar to that of a snake! however, there’s one feature which makes it superior to that of its reptilian counterpart: the testes contain a network of interconnected seminiferous tubules, a spcialisation which the snake lacks! how fricking awesome!!!
6. bonus shoutout to @ppdchickencoop. overlord, idk if you have a corporeal form, let alone physical reproductive organs, but i think i speak for all of the coop when i say that, your reproductive capabilities aside, you have been a true parent to us in spirit 🤧(🙄)
hope that answered your question, maria! <3
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RWBY and the Shades of EEEEEEVIL!
Villains aren’t exactly uncommon, in fact, you could say they’re a constant thorn in the side of reality that only exist to make a story complicated. They hurt our favorite characters, monologue a second too long, spout threatening one-liners they probably spent weeks in front of the mirror preparing, and sometimes they even have the audacity to have sympathetic qualities just to mess with us even more. In short, they’re a bit rude. However, we’re not here to talk about the sympathetic and redeemable qualities of our nefarious opposition. No comebacks here. No, we’re here to discuss the bushy mustache twirlers, the little Hitler youths, whiny brats and the candy thieves who have a pronounced hatred of puppies.
With pure evil characters who are there to break the story over their knees and practice their maniacal laughter, it’s often that writers forget to incorporate the character’s motivation, or at least fear the mention of that motivation. See, I find that many people find it hard to recognize that even for the most insane and cartoony of bastards, there is a reasoning, however twisted, behind their actions. The Joker commits crimes to spark chaos, push Batman to question his moral code and prove life is just one big joke. Darth Sidious wants to control the entire Galaxy and believe that nothing can be allowed to surpass him, not even his legacy. Zamasu wants to fulfill his image of a perfect universe and see’s Mortals as a stain upon reality. Prince Lacroix wants a bigger dick... Oh yeah, and something about fearing super powered Asians and the apocalypse, but I think he’s just racist. They have motivations and their actions are fueled by how they reason they can achieve their goals.
In RWBY, we have our fair share of evil ice cream flavors. Power hungry Fem Fatal? Darwin’s Edgy Fangirl? Sinster Overlord shrouded in mystery? Extremist swallowed by his hatred? Mustaches? We have them all, so feel free to choose your poison. But the one I want to talk about to illustrate this trend is the most pure evil of the bunch: Jac-ass Schnee.
This blight upon the good name of a bitching stache has been a point of apathy for me in the show, both as a character who always managed to feel like a background character forced to be an antagonist and as poorly done part of Weiss’s arc. He’s the best example of what happen when you need a character to always be a villain, no matter the scene, no matter the context, he always has to be hatable and pathetic to make sure you still hate him. This leads to a rather inconsistent character.
There’s a previous point of contention the fandom had with his post-volume 3 portrayal, where both in the way Weiss acts and how he’s mentioned prior to volume 4, there seems to be a disconnect to the abusive corporate worm we’d eventually meet. In the first three seasons, he and his company is something that Weiss clearly tried to emulate, something Weiss seemed to take enough pride in to be such a snob about it, something that Weiss goes out of her way to defend against accusations from Blake. You get the idea that Weiss’s father is harsh, distant and negligent, but that he’s still someone Weiss seems to hold a little affection for. Go to volume 4 and the way the two interact make it suddenly makes prior Weiss moments rather questionable, she seems suddenly very clear about how much she doesn’t like him, he’s very obvious with how much of a dirt bag he is and the everything we learn about the SDC and Atlas elite in general make it hard to think Weiss wouldn’t have agreed with Blake back in volume 1. Hell, I found it odd how Winter back in volume 3 cared about Weiss not returning her abusive father’s calls, you’d think Winter would be like “Yeah, fuck ‘em.”
But okay, maybe it’s just some subtleties missed, Jacques is the straight up corporate sleazebag, doing anything he can to get that payday. He has money, and he knows how to use it, dominating the market and knowing which shortcuts to take to move things in his favor. Now, let’s strip away these elements to the concrete core of the the type of evil Jac is. His evil is one of apathy towards morals in the face of greed. He wants money and power, and doesn’t care what he has to do to get it. He’s a good business man who’s worked his way up the ladder. This worked for volume 4, he uses Weiss as a symbol of sympathy towards future buyers at a party, he pretends to care about the fall of Beacon to look good and slaps Weiss when she starts to threaten that with her antics.
And then here comes volume 7 to take him down in the lamest way possible. We have the build up: Weiss running away, the songs about her wanting to break free, the whole motivation of bringing the SDC back to it’s former glory, the fear of having to return to Atlas on her own, ect. He’s her personal villain and as such you’d expect her returning home after he’s had two volumes to build up his already substantial power during a crisis where his business is needed more than ever, he’d take on a rather daunting role as secondary antagonist to Watts and Tyrian. Our first scene with him in volume 7 tells us the answer.
He storms in, easily loses his cool, is revealed that no one really likes him, Ironwood makes it clear he has very little power here, he’s unable to do anything other than throw petty insults at Weiss and immediately he’s stopped being the corporate bastard he’s supposed to be. This continues with the rest of the volume with him, where the writing seems to make him multiple villains at the same time and reduce him to Watts’s mindless flunkie who could have been replaced by any character. His actions don’t connect to his motivation and situation, there’s nothing that makes me believe that he actually reasoned that this would advance his goals.
He’s a ruthless business man who brought the SDC from poultry earnings to a global monopoly. But he doesn’t have one lick of charisma or cunning to the point he thinks taking away people’s jobs will get them to support him rather than hate him.
His company is constantly facing controversies, accusations and attacks with apparently everyone hating him. But he has shit security and isn’t the least bit paranoid of bugs from potential journalists in his house.
He wants money, power and security. But goes along with Watt’s plans that clearly weaken Atlas’s defenses and isn’t suspicious at all at Watts wanting admin access to Mantle’s entire system with no attempt at insurance in case the clearly suspicious mad man doesn’t stab him in the back.
He doesn’t care about Weiss at all, she’s simply a means to an end, even disowning Winter for joining the military. But he still let Weiss attend Beacon, went back to get Weiss from Beacon when he had Jac 2.0 on standby to be his heir.
He’s a man who’s been in the game of feeding people bullshit for years to justify his bad deeds. But he immediately crumbles the moment he’s accused of anything.
He wants to sweep all accusations of unfair labor practices under the rug so they don’t damage his business. But apparently he allowed faunus to get branded with his logo.
On and on it goes, where his motivation is thrown away because “He’s evil, he doesn’t need a reason to do bad things.”. Joker wants to push Batman over the edge, thus he creates a situation that fucks with Batman’s moral code. Sidious wants to crush the Galaxy’s hope, so he constructs a symbol of fear big enough that it can be seen looming overhead from the planet below. Zamasu wants to purge the universe, so he takes the body of the man who embodies the ‘sins’ of mortals and travels to another timeline to make sure the much more powerful Gods and Zeno can’t interfere with his plans. La Fuckwad knows that everyone is looking for an excuse to get rid of him and knows the apocalypse might be coming, so he manipulates a fledgling vampire to get him the sarcophagus of an ancient vampire so he can absorb that refine ‘87 vintage blood wine and become powerful enough to survive.
You can see how they reason they need to do the things they do to achieve their goal. What connects A to B. The only way Jac’s action sync up with his motivation is if he is such a profound moron that Weiss besting him means nothing. “Wow, you beat the illiterate kid at reading, well done.”
As I stated earlier, Jac is viewed strictly as a bastard, strictly as Weiss’s antagonist, in every scene the show has to push in our faces that he’s the bad guy and that Weiss is superior to him. He never gains an advantage over Weiss, or puts Weiss in a difficult situation, he never has a real chance in this story. He is there to be arrested by Weiss. Every scene changes him to be the villain it needs for him to be for us to hate him the most. So, in some he will be calm and composed to frustrate us, while others he’ll be made to yell like a petulant child to make him pathetic and other’s he’ll just be stroking his mustache. His first confrontation with her ends with him getting slapped down and humiliated, then he’s just a yes man who does what Watts tells him to do with no thought or agency, then Weiss just walks into his party, get’s handed victory on a silver platter and arrests him.
That’s it. You got your ice cream flavors, and all of them can be pretty good on their own. However, if you get a bunch of them, stick them in a bowl and then just take a few bites and leave ‘em out in the sun, all you’re gonna get is regular intervals of a muddy looking puddle that eventually becomes grey sludge.
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