Me Cindy Cross crossdressing - Stepping out in public again.

This time for a walk on a nice Spring day. In my flower print skirt, ivory color blouse, beige ballet flats and my old pink handbag. So amazing to be out in the open, enjoying the sun and nature. And feeling the wind fluttering my skirt.

I just loved it.

Smiling is one of my favorite things to do

Pasha Grishuk and Evgeni Platov Free Dance, 1995.

Stepping Out by Peter Matz.

Endgame.

Q: When is a good time to leave a fandom? A: When there's no future to look forward to and a past too painful to look back at. Welcome to the 2023 Killing Eve fandom and here's the latest news. There is no news. There is nothing in development. The stars of the show have parted ways and moved on to new projects and so have many in the fandom. But don't take my word for it.

Good question. What else is there to talk about Killing Eve? How long can you be bummed the fuck out by that ending? How many times can you watch that sweet kiss between Eve and Villanelle and wonder what kind of life they could have had together if only a better writer than Laura Neal was in command of their destiny? How many times will you think about a Season Four rewatch only to wonder why bother? Wine improves over the passage of time, but nothing's going to make that shitty ending better. Anger and resentment can only take you so far. After it fades into disgust and depression, it's just a grey cloud hanging over your head while it eats you up inside.

KE fanfics have helped me get through the depression and disgust I felt after the finale, but the seething rage at Neal and Sally Woodward Gentle though---that has not gone away.

I keep thinking there's something more to say about Killing Eve and how it went from being born for greatness before sliding into mediocrity before the bitter disappointment of the finale. I keep thinking that, but really what more needs to be said about it?

In the immediate aftermath of "Hello, Losers" the KE fandom went hunting for bastards to blame. The obvious targets were head writer Laura Neal and chief producer Sally Gentle and coupled with some truly awful interviews by the pair in Collider, Decider, and the Hollywood Reporter, they went out of their way to justify being cast as the villains. Afterward, more witches needed to be set alight, and some fans, including some I personally respect, settled on Sandra Oh as next to dragged face down over concrete for not openly denouncing the finale (Jodie Comer escaped the scorn by swiftly pivoting to her one-woman play, Prima Facie, and shutting up about Killing Eve entirely). I've never thought the scorn for Sandra was merited or justified. Most of it hinged on a vaguely worded "quote" from a Gay Times interview in 2018 that has been hung around the actress's neck as evidence she never believed in a same-sex relationship between Eve and Villanelle. I read it differently, but I admit to perhaps being biased on the behalf of a mature Asian woman cast in a role written for a much younger White woman. But mostly I don't think it's entirely fair to blame any actor for the failure or even give them too much credit for the success of any given show. Even in Prima Facie, there's still a playwright who provided the dialogue and a director making sure everything comes together to put Comer in the best light. In film, television, or plays, collaborating successfully with other talented people is the secret sauce that separates success from failure. This is a hard, fast rule and something any KE fan who watched the plunge from a Phoebe Waller-Bridge to Laura Neal can attest to. New Yorker film critic Richard Brody wrote in response to the 2022 Academy Award nominations, "It’s rare for actors to give performances better than the film they’re in. Actors, whatever power they may have as stars, are still, in effect, employees, working under the command of directors."

I agree with Brody, and add when there is constant churn and turnover in the writer's room the actors can't act their way out of it. Indeed, the saving grace of Season Four is the consistency of Comer and Oh who often created the best moments out of the table scraps of Neal's uninspired and clumsy scripts. They succeeded in spite of Neal, not because of her. Very little blame has been directed toward Oh and Comer for the work they did as actors in Killing Eve's fatally flawed final season. They did their best with the little they were given to work with, but even these two accomplish award-winners could not redeem the damnable, disgusting mess of a last go-round that was Season Four. But it's not enough to sustain my enthusiasm or direct participation. It seems unlikely I will ever not be a fan of Oh and Comer, but what I'm not particularly interested in is turning a Killing Eve blog into a Sandra Oh or Jodie Comer blog. No disrespect to Big Swiss, The End We Start From, The Sympathizer, or the second season of Invincible, but none of those things have anything to do with Killing Eve. This is why this blog began years ago and why it will end days from now. Stepping away simply makes more sense than hanging on. There is nothing else to say about Killing Eve, but even if there is, I'm not the one to say it.

Just me or does sometimes just stepping outside at night clasping your hands behind your back and just looking at the moon feel kinda nice.

My best shot from October 2023, Stepping Out for the night -  cg photography

Me trying to step back into tumblr bc my girl wants me to when I haven’t used it since my fandom days 😌

Crossdressing - stepping out - the first step out the door is the scariest, but the rush when you finish the walk is worth the trip! I fully agree.

And by the way….I’m going out tonight 🎶

another customer-submitted photo of a LoveDrizzlesStudio listing that is no longer available

Margarita Drobiazko and Povilas Vanagas Free Dance, 1994.

Stepping Out by Peter Matz & La Vie En Rose by Louis Armstrong.

“... and it’s just packed with really intricate, interesting little moves... lots of slick, innovative little movements.”

Sunday, 6 August 2023

IMAGE DESCRIPTION: A light-skinned, middle-aged trans woman leans against a door. E has very short hair, dark framed glasses, red lipstick, a red top visible under an open black denim jacket, and red-black-and-white houndstooth patterned trousers. Eir left hand is on eir hip and e is smiling.

My outfit for the Body of Light concert in San Francisco tonight.

Dancing to this at Menards like nobody’s watching