hi!! not a x reader ask but more in general. What do you think Valeria, Laswell and Farrah’s weird/ dumbest habit? Adore ur stuff btw!

Hello! Thank you! These are pretty short as well, but it isn't particularly easy to come up with a dumb habit either!

Valeria’s, Farah’s and Laswell’s Weirdest Habit

Valeria: She has trouble stepping on the edge of shadows. Valeria either has to avoid the shadows on the ground or not step on their edges and step on them entirely. While she can step on a shadow’s edge if she needs to, and as long as she doesn’t look like an idiot in front of her people, she will avoid doing so if she can. She knows it’s stupid, she knows it doesn’t make any sense, but she can’t help it either way.

Farah: She counts her steps whenever she takes a short walk somewhere. Again, she doesn’t know the reason why she does it, she just does. Naturally, she won’t do it when she takes a long walk, but whenever she has a place to get to that’s 200 steps away at most, she’ll count. Even when she’s not doing it consciously, she’ll subconsciously count her steps. It serves no purpose whatsoever but it’s something she’s been doing ever since she was a kid.

Laswell: She has a habit of eating food in a specific order. The part which she likes the least will have been eaten up before anything else, that way the taste of the best part of her food can linger longer than anything else. While she will eat things in a “random” order once she’s aware she looks stupid having eaten one thing for a long time, she will always finish her least favorite part first, no exceptions. Unless there’s a salad, in which case she’ll always finish the salad first.

Not a Summer Crush Part Two

a/n: enjoy part two I hope! any feedback will make me fall in love with you 12 times. this one features much hijinks!!

Part Two

Immediately after you hopped on your bike, you began to regret your most recent conversation, your tendency towards flights of spontaneity. It hit you that you had not only turned down drinks with Cabot and Novak's important friends, you had invited them to watch you get your boogie on with all of your airhead dance friends at a somewhat raggedy club in Brooklyn.

What. Had. You. Done.

With any luck, Alex would not mention anything to Casey and the two of them would go to whatever wine bar the other senior ADAs and fancy defense attorneys hung out at with Gillian Hardwicke and whoever else, tell them how weird you were being, and never look you in the eyes again. You tumbled into your apartment, raining papers, carabiners, chapsticks, and hair ties as you hung up your bag and helmet. You made especially sure to hang up the key to your bike lock because four times in the last month had seen you frantically biking back to your apartment for it and countless more had featured you searching through the jungle of tiny bowls full of coins and wires and keychains before you left. When you made it into your living room, two little hands wrapped around your leg, tripping you. Your fall was cushioned by your fluffy area rug, but you were startled enough to yell "fuck."

Leaving no time to spare, you heard a high-pitched voice behind you yell, "Auntie, that's a bad word!" You got up and scooped the little home invader into your arms.

"Léa," you said, "how did you get into my apartment?" The six-year-old giggled as you tickled her.

"I left Mr. Cuddles on your couch. Papa gave me the key."

"Well, did you find Mr. Cuddles?" You asked, and Léa held the teddy bear out for you.

"Yeah, I did, but then I heard you and I got so happy because Auntie is home!" You melted at that, grateful to have the girls in your life, without having children of your own.

"OK, sweet girl. Thank you for the welcome. Why don't we go surprise Papa?" You picked up the laughing kid and slung her over your shoulder, walking down the stairs to your best friend's apartment.

"Ash," you said as you opened the door. "I think I found an alien in my apartment. I don't know what it is but it's very silly." Léa protested, saying she was a girl and not an alien. You plopped the pile of giggles on the couch and greeted Ashley with a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Are we still going out tonight? The babysitter's still coming?" Ashley was juggling the two-year-old and a pot of spaghetti at once, trying to get the girls fed so he could have a rare fun night out with you and the others.

"Yep, Emma is on her way right now. And we," he said as he took your hand, "are going to dance all night long." He turned you around in the kitchen, causing Yasmin to coo in his arms. "And you, my Meena-Beena, are going to be the best little dance prodigy in the world, aren't you?"

You took her from his arms and spun her around again, saying, "If I have anything to do with it, though, you're still going to college."

"Natch," Ashley agreed with you. The doorbell rang and Ophélie, the 12-year-old, raced to let the high school girl Ashley had hired to watch them in. Ashley explained where everything was to be found, then the two of you practically flew out of the door. You changed into more appropriate clothing at your place, then caught the subway. As you traveled, you broke the news to your best friend.

"Hey. So. I may have invited a couple newbies," you told him.

"Shouldn't be an issue, it's open night and there are going to be like, 20 teachers there."

"Right. Um. Yes. But."

"What, do you have a crush or something?" You hit him.

"No. But they are my supervisors."

"Both of them?" you nodded. "Well, it's a good way for them to get to know you I guess?" You laughed nervously.

"Hopefully, they don't even come," you said wishfully. Ashley changed the topic and the two of you rode the rest of the way without discussing Casey and Alex-- but they stayed in the back of your mind.

---

Casey walked into the darkened room first, holding Alex's pinky with her own, pulling her in behind. Casey had been reluctant at first, but now that the decision was made, she wasn't going to be bashful about the experience. Besides, she had danced before, unlike her wife. Alex's upbringing had been so very proper and protestant, about the only dancing she'd ever experienced was the waltz that she and her fellow wealthy little kids had been taught in cotillion, then told never to do again outside of a ballroom. Casey, on the other hand, had been raised around all types, and had gone to her fair share of swing nights as a kid. Still, nothing like the way everyone was moving in the little club. The band was on a small stage towards the back of the space, and the room was filled bursting with beautiful women wearing flowing sequined dresses and handsome men in crisp button-downs.

Standing just inside the doorway, Alex caught your form first. You were wearing your favorite dance outfit, a simple red crop top with a silver circle skirt. Your hair was secured in a casual bun. Your tall (and, curiously, male) partner's hand sat firmly pressed between your top and your skirt. She watched, transfixed (like many others there tonight, you were often the center of attention), as he lifted and spun you around, quickly and masterfully. What was most beautiful, though, was the unreserved grin that seemed stuck in its place, except when you lifted your head back and laughed after your partner whispered something in your ear. Alex and Casey made their way over to the bar and sat down with two mojitos (neither of their usual drinks, but half the people at the bar had them. It seemed fitting), and watched you whirl around with ease and clear pleasure. Casey thought she'd never seen you look so beautiful than right then, in your element, moving as naturally as anything.

"So," Casey remarked to her wife, "Either Ashley is a man or Haley's dancing with another partner."

"Or I heard it wrong," Alex offered.

"She's stunning, isn't she?" Casey said, a dreamy, captivated tone in her voice. Alex replied with a sigh and a hum.

The two women didn't get all too long to discuss you, though, before you saw them and came bouncing (Rita Calhoun doesn’t lie) to the bar, Ashley following close behind you.

"You two made it! Alex, Casey, meet my partner, Ashley Laurent. Ash, this is Casey Cabot Novak and Alexandra Novak Cabot, my esteemed supervisors from the DA's office." Alex reached out for a handshake, but Ashley made a "tsk" noise and pulled her in for two kisses on the cheek.

"We kiss on the cheek," he said, the smallest hint of his accent (French, Alex thought) showing through, then did the same for Casey. The way Casey comfortably returned it was adorable to you, as was how Alex tried her best despite her stiffness. You saw Casey rub her thumb along the back of Alex's hand in a calming motion, and without meaning to, you traced your left thumb over your right hand. "I've heard so much about you both," Ashley continued.

"All good things," you interjected with urgency, knowing Ashley's talent for embarrassing you in front of important people.

"Pleased to hear it," Casey said. You could tell that Alex was getting nervous, she had the same look on her face as she did before a difficult case. You felt a pang of guilt for having invited them, worried that you'd maybe pressured them into doing something they didn't want to do, or worse, that they'd come out of pity.

Ashley could tell you were overthinking and wanted to make it either worse (for his entertainment) or better (for your benefit). He took Casey's hand and told her, "You know, my partner here is one of the best dancers in the state. I'm sure she'd love to show you some of the ropes."

"Oh, Ash," you said, then turned to Casey, "Only if you want to. And he exaggerates my talents."

Alex spoke up, then, to say, "Not if what we saw earlier was any indication." You couldn't help but scrunch up your eyes and nose, flattered and flustered and a little embarrassed.

"I'd be happy to dance, Caroline, but I don't want to steal your partner, Ashley," said Casey.

"Nonsense," Ashley said, "besides, I need a break, the kids exhausted me today. I'll stay, keep this one company." You couldn't argue with him any longer, and as the band started up the next song, you took Casey's hand and led her onto the outer corner of the floor.

Your heart sped up when you noticed Casey's subtle signs of nervousness. "No need to worry, half the people in here have no idea what they're doing," you said. You placed your hand around her waist and put hers on your shoulder, keeping a friendly distance between the two of you. "The trick is pretending like you're confident, and people will think you are." Casey noticed the way your voice went up as you said it, like you knew how she was feeling quite well. "And I usually follow, not lead. So, I'm out of my comfort zone too."

You had no need to say the last thing, Casey thought, as you showed her the basic steps. "It's also, really, quite simple. When I step forward, you step back." She followed your lead. "Good! Yeah, that's exactly right," you told her. "I wouldn't even believe you were a beginner," you flattered her. It was a little choppy, but that didn't matter. As you felt her get into the groove of the movement, you let go of her waist and spun her under your other arm. She gasped, quietly.

"Now, the real key here is remembering to move your hips," you said, when you took her waist back in your arms. "You gotta let them guide you. You head should barely move up or down."

"I think you lost me there," Casey said.

"Here, feel," you replied, moving her free hand to your own hips. "Notice how I let them swing every time I move my feet?"

That seemed to work (though you saw a quick moment of an emotion you couldn't quite place wash over Casey), and she was soon dancing with relative ease for a newcomer. Of course, she was in good hands with you.

Alex watched the two of you as you led Casey along the floor. From work, Alex knew you were dedicated and thoughtful, but she'd always thought of you as shy and high-strung, despite your unguarded countenance. You had no problems in court, but outside of it, you would trip over your words, avert your glance at praise; you wore your insecurities on your sleeve. You were always vulnerable, too. More than once, she'd seen you get teary in your office or when speaking with a victim. You were never the first person to leave, and you took some of the most detailed (yet nearly illegible) notes she'd ever seen.

There was nothing shy about the way you moved, the way you showed Casey how to move herself. She found herself paying attention to the way your hips rolled to the music, how you never let Casey know when she stepped wrong. It put her at ease, knowing her wife was in good hands. Everything about you looked natural, comfortable, free.

"How long have you two been together?" she asked Ashley, sipping her drink (it was very minty). Part of her didn't want to know, but that part was overpowered by her curiosity.

"Ten years this fall. We met her first year at Stanford, at a ballroom rehearsal. She was so cute," Ashley said.

"Oh yeah?"

Ashley nodded emphatically, a nostalgic look in his eyes. "She grew up in a really intense studio. She was so strict about rules, and like, crazy competitive. I used to wind her up on purpose, messing with my technique to get a rise out of her."

"I really wouldn't've taken her for a big rule follower."

"It doesn't come naturally to her, but she got good at it," Ashley said. Alex thought he sounded proud of you, like something about you had come a long way. "She's so much more chilled out than she was at 17. But aren't we all?"

Alex was amused at the idea that anybody would call you “chill” and attempted to imagine what you would've been like at that age with little success. Then again, you kept surprising her. The way you seemed as you danced was very different to how you were at work.

"Now, tell me, Alex. Does she really have to put in all those hours? You don't seem like the kind of supervisor who completely disregards work-life balance."

She thought of how to reply to that, not wanting to get you in any hot water at home. Ashley was right. Now that she was older, married, and caretaker of a sizeable plant collection, Alex took a healthier approach to hours. She also remembered being your age and working every second that she could, every moment that it took to be as thorough as she could.

"No, she doesn't have to work so much," Alex ventured. "In fact, I'm not even technically in charge of her schedule. Everyone can choose how much they work, as long as they're meeting targets. Which, unfortunately, means that we sometimes get people who just do the bare minimum."

"I'm sure Caroline isn't one of those people," Ashley said.

"She's not. She's one of the most productive and successful in the office. With the younger ones, for the first few years, they either take a while to get acclimated to the work and need babysitting, or they work too hard and need someone there to remind them to breathe." Alex felt bad that Ashley had clearly seen some element of stress in you that she failed to pick up on. She tucked that away as a conversation to have later. "I was like her. So was Casey. We both calmed down a little, but it took some quite, uh, extreme events."

Ashley, for all his disregard for the norms of conversation, knew when not to push people, and could see that Alex was feeling a bit on edge. "Would you like to dance the next one with me?" he asked, but Alex's eyes widened as she adamantly refused.

"I'm happy to just watch, you don't want to see me try."

Ashley wanted to push more, but he didn't want to risk alienating your boss, so he filled the space by telling embarrassing stories about you in college. When the band began winding down for their first break, the bartender played some pop over the stereo as the dancing crowd made their way to the bar to rehydrate. You and Casey returned to the booth where Ashley and Alex were sitting.

Casey slid in beside Alex, giving her a quick kiss. You sat next to Ashley, leaning your head on his shoulder. You let out a sigh.

"It's been a minute since you taught a newbie, Bug," Ashley said to you.

"Hardly," you replied, shooting him a glare for using your nickname from your college team. "Casey's very capable." You couldn't resist complimenting her, the way she smiled at you was too precious. "You were great," you directed at Casey.

"Please," she said, waving a hand at you and taking a sip of her mojito, watered down slightly by the melting ice. The four of you managed a very engaging conversation (thanks to your partner's valiant efforts) for the next couple minutes, until Ashley's phone rang.

"That is the babysitter. I'm so sorry ladies, I gotta take this." Everyone at the table took the opportunity to check their phones.

"Hi, Emma. Is everything ok? What happened? Is she running a fever? The thermometer is in the bathroom cabinet, can you check?"

You pushed your glass away and rubbed Ashley's shoulder, knowing how upset he got when any of his kids were in trouble.

"No, 99 isn't technically a fever, but you said she threw up? On Yasmin? Well, that's certainly gross. Um, no I wouldn't make you deal with that, here," his brow furrowed, and you started to pack up your things and his, surely you, too, would be going home to help. "Emma, I'm coming home now, should be 20 minutes or so. Léa's lovey is on her bed, if you get her that and wrap her up in a blanket on the couch, she should be OK. Ask Ophélie to entertain Yasmin and stay with Léa for me, can you? You're a gem, kid. OK, I'm leaving now, see you in 20." You started to get up with him, Casey and Alex looked concerned.

"Casey, Alex, I am so sorry to leave, but it was great to meet you two," he said.

"Léa was fine two hours ago when she attacked me," you said, addressing Ashley. "Alex, Casey, I'm sorry I got you two out here and have to leave so soon."

"What? No, you stay here, love." You opened your mouth to argue, but he insisted. "You have guests, and I'll be fine alone. Léa's always sick, and Phélie can watch the baby for me." You tried to help him again, but he wouldn't let you. You gave him a hug and kiss on the cheek goodbye, and he waved kindly to Alex and Casey as he hurriedly walked out the door.

When he was gone, you said to the other women, "I think he does too much. I work all the time. I wish I was there more to help." You played around with a straw wrapper as you talked (Alex noted, you seemed to fidget when you felt guilty).

"He seems like he's OK," Alex said, remembering how Ashley had expressed a similar sentiment to her earlier.

"Do you need to work fewer hours?" Casey asked, "because you're doing more than well."

You sighed as you thought of what to say. "Ashley's a wonderful father. No questions there. But I do think he puts too much pressure on himself."

"There's one thing you two have in common," said Alex. You only nodded in response, looking around the room. This was your happy place, and Casey and Alex somehow fit perfectly in it.

---

You all left the club right before the crowd started to die down. You were tired, and you knew Ashley would need a hug once the girls were in bed; plus, you could tell Alex and Casey were wearing out (you couldn't get Alex to dance, but you and Casey were on the floor together about half the night-- an old student of yours pulled you away from your table as the band began again, but you found Casey another partner for a few songs). As you rode home, your nerves were completely calmed. You realized that you had nothing to worry about in the first place and felt pleased at how the evening had turned out.

As soon as they reached their apartment, Alex took Casey's hands and kissed her, lightly at first, deepening when Casey parted her lips. Casey moaned, muffled, as Alex threaded her fingers through her hair and gave it the gentlest of tugs.

"We have a bed, Lex," Casey said, pulling away slightly.

Alex hummed against Casey's jaw. "You just look so beautiful tonight."

"I don't always?"

"Oh, you do. I just kind of can't believe how perfect you looked dancing."

"Well, you really have Caroline to thank for that one."

Alex made a sound that landed somewhere between a whimper and a squeak.

"Am I wrong?"

"No, you're right," Alex said. "That's the thing."

"I know," Casey replied. "Too bad she's apparently both straight and taken."

Alex giggled. "I mean, how would that conversation even go."

Casey nodded in agreement, turned on her heels, and pulled Alex down the hall, pushing her onto their very fluffy bed.

"'Hey, I know I’m 15 years older than you, married to Casey, and we’re kind of your bosses, but do you want to have a threesome?'" Alex continued in a low tone of voice, comically seductive, running her hands under the hem of Casey's tank top, pulling her closer with the fabric.

Casey laughed into her collarbone, welcoming Alex's lips as she kissed down her chest.

---

The next week passed quietly. It was a two-case week for you, one of which ended in a plea bargain, giving you more free time than usual. Alex kept bringing you coffee, and you kept running with Casey, though the weather was beginning to be too hot to do so outside (Casey, who was raised spending summers with her grandmother in Georgia, didn't believe there was such a thing; but your poor bay-area body was not suited to temperatures much above 75°). Wednesday evening around 8:00, when you were working late, tying up the details of a sexual harassment case at Manhattan Arts High School, you knocked on Alex's office door, hoping she was still in and would be willing to give you some feedback.

You heard a noise from inside, an "mm-hmm" that you took to mean "come in." You didn't wait to open the door, thanks, again, to your already limited inhibitions and the focus you had when you got deep into a case like this.

It was slightly too soon.

You quickly turned around and all but ran away, apologizing with what felt like every word in the dictionary. That was it, you decided, you had to quit. It was a good run, you thought, but you now had no choice but to leave, change your identity, and move to Spain.

Or something. Why wasn't the door locked?

You made it back to your office, just down the hall. As you fretfully packed papers into your backpack, you heard the click of high heels approaching you, caught a glimpse of blonde hair through the window. Part of you wanted to hide under your desk, but you stayed standing, hoping that if you didn't move, she wouldn't see you (not unlike a child attempting to avoid a bee sting).

Alex tapped her knuckles on the glass in the door, not waiting for you to respond before she opened it and came in. You started to apologize again, but Alex held her hand (her distractingly pretty hand) up at you.

"I am very sorry," she said, "that you saw that. In our defense, we were only kissing, and you usually keep to yourself after about 6."

You had trouble making words come out of your head.

"Anyway, Casey feels horrible. So, I came to apologize and see what you needed."

You continued petrified, wondering how Alex wasn't livid. You noticed a deep red mark on her neck--You noticed her neck.

"Oh God, did we freak you out that much, Haley? It's ok, you didn't do anything wrong. We were the ones making out at work," she said, trying and failing to resist a smirk.

At that, you were able to break out of your overwhelmed silence.

"Uhm," you began, almost whispering. "It's the Manhattan Arts case."

Alex nodded. "That one's tough. That's why I gave it to you."

You nodded, suppressing a squeak.

"It is. I don't know what to do because the complainant is also a co-conspirator with the perpetrator in another case."

"Right. Why don't you come to my office, and we'll all look over it together?" Alex saw your expression fill with fear again, the same kitten-ish look she'd come to know and love. It was painfully cute. "You don't have to. But we do have leftover pad Thai." That was enough to convince you, though you were still taken aback and shaken up.

You went to Ashley's apartment first when you went home that night. He and Ramin (home from his business trip) were cuddled up together on the couch watching The Bachelor, the girls were long asleep. You greeted the men, slipped your shoes off, and padded into the living room, sliding onto the couch beside them. Ramin turned down the TV and slipped his free arm around your shoulders. Ten years of friendship between you and Ashley had made you more than comfortable with his husband, though you'd only known Ramin for four. You three didn't need words anymore, they could both tell when you were having a hard time. You were glad Ramin hadn't seen everything Ashley had-- while you weren't very skittish about sharing your personal life with the people close to you, you and Ashley had been there for one another's darkest moments.

Ramin patted your head, mussing your frizzy hair. "Wanna talk about it?" Ashley asked you, but you shook your head.

"Tea," you said.

"Fair enough," Ramin replied, amused, rising to put the kettle on. Ashley scooted over to give you a hug.

You were in a far better mood after a few pots of chamomile and a few episodes of The Bachelor when you went to bed that night (well, Thursday morning). You were still confused, though. Something in your core warmed up every time you closed your eyes, the image of Casey sitting in Alex's lap, her hair messy, their lips pressed against one another, was stuck in your head. You were still mortified, that was all.

---

Alex made good on her promise of drinks that Saturday. Things had smoothed over since Wednesday; she'd left a cookie and a note beside your coffee on Thursday morning that read: Consider this biscotti your olive branch, and, well, who could stay uncomfortable after that. As they left their apartment, Alex sent a text to their friends reminding them that they had a guest that night.

Alex: Everyone, Haley's coming out with us tonight.

Casey: That means best behavior. No being cruel.

Sophie: ...Rita.

Sophie: We were all thinking it.

Serena: ^

Rita: I'm a very sweet person!

Pippa: You made Gillian cry last week.

Rita: That sounds like a her problem.

Gillian: It kind of was.

Pippa: 💖

Casey: Just, be nice to her. Please?

Serena: We will!

Rita: Fine.

Satisfied, they walked the short distance to their regular bar. As they approached, they saw you standing outside, looking up the other direction of the sidewalk and fidgeting with your keys. Casey noticed what you were wearing first, a black A-line wrap dress that showed off your shoulders. Alex, on the other hand, noticed you were wearing your hair in its natural loopy curls when you usually straightened it.

The way the setting sunlight hit your face as you turned your head in their direction caused Alex's breath to hitch in her throat. The way you idly brushed your fingers along your neck as you tucked a curl behind your ear made Casey's mouth go dry. They shared a quick glance, their eyes talking for them, saying: we're in deep, aren't we?

The second you saw them coming towards you, you grinned wide and waved both hands, bouncing on your toes.

"Rita was right," Casey whispered to Alex, still out of earshot of you, "she's exactly like a bunny."

Alex squeezed Casey's hand tightly. You greeted them excitedly, resisting the urge to hug them both (where did that come from?) by holding your hands behind your back after you waved. They returned your greetings gracefully and led the way into their haunt, Casey, then Alex, then you.

Everyone else was already there, you were sure they must've gotten there before you. The bar wasn't quite what you expected; it had much more of a homey vibe than you thought it would. A mostly 30-something, professional-looking, crowd populated the place's tables, drinking mostly wine and whisky, talking over candlelit tables. You felt more at ease, now that you knew what you were getting into.

You were even more at ease when you realized that sat around the table you were approaching were all familiar faces. Honestly, if you had to pick which defense attorneys to spend an evening with, you could do much worse than Rita Calhoun and Sophie Devere. You knew Gillian would be there, and you were pleased to see Serena Southerlyn and Pippa Cox as well (you always admired the field of legal advocacy, you might've gone into it if the money wasn't even worse than prosecution. Pippa and Serena both clearly came from some amount of wealth-- you most certainly did not, and student loans called).

Pleasant hugs and hellos were shared around the table. Casey introduced you.

"Gillian, of course, you know ADA Haley, but for you others... Pippa, Serena, Rita, Sophie, this is Caroline Haley." Gillian raised her glass to you; Pippa gave a warm smile and a wave. Serena pulled out a chair for you, and you took it.

"Lovely to meet you, officially," said Sophie.

"We could use someone interesting," Rita added.

You had expected to feel anxious. You always did in social situations, and you had the Zoloft in your cabinet to prove it. And you did feel the familiar buzzing of worry in the back of your head. But something about the way Casey and Alex looked at one another and then at you made you feel safer than usual. It was a cozy, pleasant feeling.

Wait. Is that? Was it? No. Certainly not. Unless?

You let their conversations go on without chiming in much. Like you usually did when you met new people, you just watched and sipped your drink (gin and soda, your go-to. Serena had insisted on buying you a drink, Rita teased you for going with something so cliché but stopped after one jab. You'd seen Pippa give her a warning glare, thought you'd seen her squeeze her thigh as well, though that could just be your somewhat wonky eyesight). Noticing your anxiety, Alex gave you a friendly pat on the shoulder that made your stomach flip.

Eventually, at a lull in the talking, Alex turned her attention to you: "What's Ashley doing tonight, Caroline?"

Your expression lit up; you were always excited to brag about your best friend. "He's at the studio; he runs rehearsal on Saturday nights. His company is one of the best in the city." You could've said more, but you didn't want to ramble like you tended to when you were nervous.

"Oh. When do you teach? You're always at the office late." Alex asked.

You sighed. "I wish I had far more time than I do. I teach mostly workshops right now, one or two weekends a month." You saw everyone around the table react with some surprise.

"And you two didn't scare away the babysitter last week?" Casey added.

You chuckled in response. "I hope we didn't. The girls are usually very well-behaved, but poor Léa's always getting sick."

"How old are they, Caroline?" Pippa asked.

The only thing you loved more than bragging about Ashley was bragging about your nieces.

"Ophélie is 12, Léa is 6, and Yasmin is 2. I'm biased, but they're the brightest children on the planet."

The way you sounded when you spoke about the girls spun Casey's head. Alex had never wanted kids, and Casey had always been on the fence. But your clear pride had her feeling very drawn to you in that moment.

"Forgive me for saying," Sophie began, "But aren't you a little young to have a 12-year-old?"

"Or a 6-year-old, really," Gillian added. Alex wanted to say something, remind her well-meaning friends that, sometimes, people didn't want to discuss every detail of their personal lives with them, but she held back, knowing how composed you could be when you wanted. You paled, knowing where this conversation was headed.

"Oh, um," you said, "They aren't my kids, technically. Ophélie is Ashley's youngest sister, and Léa is Ramin's from his first marriage. Yasmin is Ashley and Ramin's only child together, but they have full custody of all three. But I've been in their lives since Ophélie was 4." You saw the confusion build on Casey's face, her brow furrowing like how it did when she was focused in on her notes.

"Who's Ramin?" She asked you.

"Ashley's husband?" You replied, "he didn't mention him to you? He usually can't wait to talk about him."

The subtle confusion turned to true befuddlement on the part of Alex and Casey, both.

"He didn't mention a husband," Alex said. "I actually assumed you two were together?" Casey nodded.The other attorneys watched with varying degrees of curiosity and chaotic joy. You swore you saw Rita cover a smile with her napkin.

You realized the place where things had gone wrong. "Oh, oh my gosh, I can absolutely see where you would get that impression if he didn't bring up Ramin. He was pretty out of it the other night."

"You said you'd meet him at home when he left, called him your partner, kissed him," Casey listed.

"He told me about your first date," Alex added. Their tones were humorously incredulous, teasing. You could feel your cheeks heating up. This hadn't happened in quite a while.

"Dance partner. We live on the first and second floors of the same building. And well, you know someone ten years, you build up affection?" you paused. "It's an easy mistake to make. Besides, did he tell you how said first date ended?"

"No, actually. You and Casey got back from the dance floor before he finished the story."

You hid your head in your hands for a moment. "Well, I'm glad he didn't, because I'm not sure I could've handled the mortification." Everyone at the table kept looking at you, expectantly. "It ended with me coming out to him, then crying into his shoulder about it. So, no second date."

"It's all good, Caroline," Serena said, helping your nerves. "I'm sure Alex just wasn't paying attention. She's like that."

Alex shot her a playful frown. You felt at ease, more comfortable and wanted to share more with the group.

"When Ophélie was in preschool, I used to take her to music class on the weekends. I was still a junior in college, so I would show up to these fancy Palo Alto mommy and me classes with my backpack full of textbooks," you told, reminiscing on your younger years with your niece. "I swear, every new session, I'd walk in and another one of my professors would be there with their kids, the looks on their faces were just so priceless." Nobody seemed bored of you yet, so you kept going. "That little girl is the reason I became a lawyer," you said, in a more serious tone.

"What do you mean by that?" Pippa asked, her passion for protecting kids showing through.

You took a deep breath, not having meant to get so deep tonight-- but you opened up whenever Casey or Alex was around.

"When Ashley sued for custody, he had just graduated and was working in the ensemble of a dance company. I was a couple years behind him, but we were super close, and I was there for every meeting and hearing." You tested the waters, looking around the table to see if anybody looked bored. Seeing no signs, you continued. "And I remember just thinking the attorney was just the coolest person on earth. She convinced a court that this 22-year-old contemporary dancer was more fit to raise a child than that child's wealthy mother. She would work on everything seemingly tirelessly... she eventually found a way to prove that emotional abuse was occurring in the birth mother's home and that Ophélie would be better off Ashley's. When he got custody of Ophélie, I knew I wanted to be like that attorney, prove the supposedly unprovable."

"Wow," Gillian said when you finished talking.

Rita gave you a raise of her eyebrows, said, "Well, you certainly are interesting."

Everyone looked at you like they were trying to figure you out. Casey seemed to be on the verge of tears, and you were holding back some of your own. You sipped your drink, still thinking about how proud you were of Ophélie and the other girls, how lucky you were to have them in your life. You knew it was time to change the subject.

"So, Serena," you said, "Casey told me you two used to play softball together back in the day?" The whole table erupted in laughter, apparently at Serena for being a terrible pitcher.

---

That night, while Casey and Alex dozed off holding one another, Casey murmured softly to Alex, "Baby, you know you'll always be enough for me, right?

"Of course," Alex replied, her voice sleepier than her wife's. "I love you, Case."

---

Trouble: Chapter 2

*Gif not mine*

Pairings: HotchxReader

Prologue  Chapter 1

Rating: M

Words: 3K

Warnings: Basic witch stuff, angst, mentions of child birth, mentions of near death

Request: OPEN/CLOSED

Summary: After Haley’s passing, Aaron Hotchner has lost the light in his eyes. He seems to find it it the most unlikely of places, an occult themed coffee shop ran by a witch.

A.N: Tarot, wicca, and crystal information is very secondhand if you see any inaccuracies, no you don’t. If you are a witch tho and want to help and be nice to me enter my ask box please, I’m annoying my friend too much.

Chapter 2: God, don't let me lose my mind

The deeper into autumn you got the more busy the shop was. 

Halloween was a big money grabber for your shop. People loved to come to the shop around that time because your shop offered such ‘spooky’ feel, as the hipster who came in that morning would say. You hated that. Halloween was one of your favorite holidays simply because the veil between the natural and supernatural was so thin it was the best time for spells and charms but what you didn’t like was people and baby witches asking you about certain spells or how to commune with spirits just so they can do something “extra spooky” for whatever parties they were having for the season. Consultations were such easy money though so you’d never turn them away but your answer was always the same, that Spirits are not toys and that if they are going to invite them it better be serious and for the right intentions otherwise they might not leave. 

Despite it being your favorite season, It didn’t make you less annoyed. 

“If I have to make another Pumpkin flavored whatever and tell a sorority girl not to invoke a demon in her house, I’m going to scream.” Silena says to you as you enter the shop, Artemis in tow. Your sitter had to take an exam so you had to watch her for the first 2 hours of your shift. Artie, knowing the drill by now, tries to crawl up to the bar stool. You watch her for a second, smiling her little legs before taking pity on her and hoisting her up. She immediately pulls a coloring book and crayons out her bag, before working diligently in silence. You kiss her temple before walking behind the counter, tying your apron on. 

“You had another consultation today?” You asked.  

“Pfft, it wasn’t even that. She asked me while ordering her coffee, though I should’ve charged her for that dumbass question.” You look at her pointed, nodding your head towards your child who repeats everything. Silly winces “Sorry, but still. If this is how halloween is going to be, you’re probably going to have to do some balancing spells.” 

You rolled your eyes. “Exactly what I need, more work.” 

“What’s a dumbass?” Artie pipes up from her perch on the stool. 

“Something you are not and shouldn’t repeat unless you want your mom mad at me.” Silly says, reaching across the counter to ruffle her hair. 

The doorbell of the shop rings and the very man who’s occupied your mind these past couple of months steps in. Aaron Hotchner was one of your favorite customers despite not talking very much, he’d make small talk while you made his order which you found yourself doing slower than it would normally take you, just to get a little bit more of his time, he’d leave a tip in the jar and be on his way always leaving you with a small smile that you always immediately returned with a wide one. You tried to stop yourself from getting attached but here you were, an adult woman who had a crush on a customer who probably didn’t think about you when he left the shop. 

You’d never seen him on a weekend though and frankly you didn’t know if you could handle seeing him like this again, he wore dark blue jeans, a black belt and a black t-shirt that fit a little too well over his broad chest you couldn’t help but staring at his arms that you’d never seen on display like this. You knew for a fact(well you hoped at least) he’d have no issue picking you up or pinning you down. 

Now’s not the time, y/n… you think. 

“Hey, you.” You greet, flirtatiously. You’ve been trying not to flirt with him, you really were but sometimes you couldn’t help it. It was your personality. “Didn’t think I’d see you in here. On a weekend, no less.” 

“Yea, decided to stop for coffee before heading to my sister in law’s. Can I have my usual and an Americano for her?” He asks 

“You got it.” You wink before starting to work. Silly gives you a knowing look which you brush off. Hotch takes a seat at the bar a few seats away from your daughter who looks up at him. 

“Hi!” She says excitedly. “I’m Artie.” 

“Hi Artie, I’m Aaron.” He looks around. “Are your parents around?” You look up. You’d forgotten to mention you had a kid to Hotch, which would probably explain his confusion of a random child sitting alone. 

“My mama’s right there, silly.” She laughs. “Mama?” She says you look up automatically from the milk you’re frothing. 

“Yes, bean?” You say. 

“Can I have a brownie?”  

“Well, I don’t know. Did you finish the addition tables I asked you to do?” She shakes her head at you. “Well, how about you do that then we’ll see if it’s brownie time, deal?” She nods, fast while pulling her math homework out of her bag. Hotch watches the interaction confused but with a slight smile. 

“I didn’t know you had a kid.” He says 

“There’s a lot you don’t know about me, Gus.” You say, calling him by the nickname you affectionately gave him your first meeting. “But yes I do, that’s Artemis.” 

He nods, knowingly. “How old?” 

“Well, I don’t know. How old are you, bean?” You say. 

“I’m six!” She says, holding up 5 fingers, you grab her other hand to extend her other index finger too so the number was actually 6. 

“Really? You’re not 16 yet?” Silly asks, ruffling her hair. “I thought you were driving us home tonight?” 

Artie shakes her head. “Mama says I can’t drive yet.” 

“Between you and me kid, your mama shouldn’t be on the road either.” You swat at her. 

Aaron gives a small chuckle at the display in front of him. But he has to ask the burning question in his head. “Her dad—“ 

“Not in the picture.” You cut off. “Like not even in the same gallery.” 

Hotch nods understandably as you put his drinks in the carrier for him. He looks at you confused when you add a 3rd cup. 

“Hot chocolate.” You say. “For your son. I imagine that’s where you’re going. To pick him up from your sister?”  

“How did you know I had a son?” He asks. 

“Oh, I just used one of my witchy spells to find out information on you.” You say jokingly, but he looks at you with mild horror. “I’m kidding, Spencer told me.” 

He nods. “Thank you, y/n.” 

“No problem, come back to see me?” 

“Always.” He says, offering you a small secret smile before leaving. You can’t help the dreamy look you give his retreating back. 

“Are you coming back to earth anytime soon?” Sil says, shaking her head. “You got it bad, kid.” 

“Pfft, no I don’t.” You say turning to clean up the mess you just made. 

“I don’t understand why you just won’t ask him out.” 

“He’s healing, Sil.” You say, shrugging. “And I don’t want to push him into something he’s obviously not ready for.” 

Not to mention you also didn’t think you were ready for it. 

———————————————

On Halloween day, you get a visit from one of your favorite customers 

“Pennywise!” You say to chipper blonde women who strolled in she was wearing a orange and black dress with little jack-O-lantern earrings that you had gotten her the beginning of month. You move your hair back to show her the Ouija board pointer earrings she had gotten you in return. Penelope Garcia couldn’t just accept a gift without giving one in return. 

“Hey Y/N, how are you this ole hallow’s eve?”

“It’s Halloween and a full moon tonight.” You say excitedly. “It’s like witch Christmas.” 

“I don’t know about that but I am happy for you. Can I have a pumpkin spice latte and since I’m such a good friend an Americano with extra sugar for the good doctor?” She asks. 

“You got it, Pen.” You say before starting her order. “Heading into work now?” 

“Sure am! Hopefully there’s not a gruesome murder so I’ll be able to spend my Halloween having fun.” Penelope says. “You got any plans?” 

“Other than taking Artie Trick or Treating and charging some crystals in the full moon, no.” 

“Come on, no wild parties? no hexing beautiful men into falling in love with you?” Penny asks. You laugh loudly, shaking your head. “Man, maybe the life of a witch was more exciting in my head.” 

“Yea, you did.” You laugh. “I’m basically just a cool rock collector plus love spells, so not my thing.” 

“So there’s such a thing?” 

“Yea there’s love spells. I don’t believe in using them. I think love itself is it’s own powerful being. It shouldn’t be manipulated with, if someone was meant to love me they would.” 

“Speaking of love and love spells…” Silena pipes up from the display case she was loading pastries she just made into. “Penelope, how’s your boss?” You glare over at her. 

“Hotch?” Penny asks looking between the two of you before smirking at you. “Why do you want to know?” 

“I don’t.” You say at the same time as Silena says. “She has a Texas sized crush on him.” 

Garcia practically squeals at that. “Let me set you up please.” 

“No, Penny.” You say, immediately 

“Why not?” Her and Silly say at the same time. 

“Because… I don’t know didn’t his wife just die months ago, it’s hardly appropriate for me to try swoop in.” 

“Ex-wife. They were already long divorced before she died.” Penelope adds 

“Still! It’s not appropriate.” You say. 

“So what? You’re just going to keep making him free coffee until he realizes you're into him?” 

“Yup” you say adding the 3rd cup to Garcia’s carrier. “Give that to Grumpy for me please.” Garcia opens her mouth to say something but you just hold up your hand cutting her off 

“Fine.” She says, grabbing the carrier. “Only because I have to go to work though, this conversation isn’t over.”  

“Yes it is.” You call after her. 

——————————————

You were back in the shop. Artie was tuckered out after a long night of trick or treating and crashing from her sugar high so you decided to charge some of your crystals and do some balancing spells, knowing for a fact a lot of teenagers did stupid shit to upset the balance. 

As you were lighting the candles and incense, you heard a knock at the door. You were long closed so who could possibly need something right now? You look out the window and Aaron is standing there. You’re confused but you let him in anyway. 

“Hey Grumpy, what’re you doing here?” 

“I’m sorry I didn’t know you were closed, I guess I’ve never been here at night. I’ll go. I'm sorry for bothering you.” He says turns to go but you grab his arm to stop him. 

“Gus… it’s almost midnight, no business is open. You’re here because there’s obviously something upsetting you so I’m not just going to let you leave.” You all but push him into barstool. “Now like I said it’s almost midnight so there is something important I need to do so if you’ll sit tight for like 2 minutes, I’ll make us coffee.” 

Hotch obliges, sitting silently watching you as you lit some candles on the altar you kept in the shop. You placed the honey cake you had made earlier in the day on the altar before whispering. 

“Thank you to the patron, Artemis, Great goddess of Moon and Magic. Mistress of deer and owl. Be thou my guide and Inspiration. Teach me Thy mysteries and lead me in thy ways.” You stand and turn back to Hotch who is watching you intensely. “Sorry about that, midnight is her favorite time. Coffee?” You ask, He nods as you move behind the counter. 

“Can I ask what it is you just did?” Hotch ask. 

“That?” He nods. “It’s a full moon so since Artemis is my patron goddess, it’s best to leave a sacrifice to stay in her favor.” You shrug. He looks at you like you're crazy but you're used to that look. “Don’t look at me like that, it’s no different then some catholic practices. In fact, Christians often stole from pagan practices, and only one is just considered ‘taboo’ now.” 

“Is that why you named your child Artemis, because she’s your Patron?” He asks. 

“Actually, Artemis is my Patron because of Artie.” You say, he looks at you as if asking you to continue. “I wasn’t always like this.” You say gesturing to yourself and the shop. “My parents are pastors and for a long time I was this faith devout christian girl. But I got pregnant out of wedlock, my parents disowned me and I was looking for something to turn to. I met Silena and she introduced me to Wicca, and said whoever my Patron was through meditation and study, They’ll reveal themselves to me. So I went months, meditating daily, and still nothing was working. Then I went into labor, and everything was going wrong. I thought, this was my punishment from god for not only getting pregnant without marriage but turning to witchcraft. I had to have an emergency C-section. And when I was on the operating table, I almost died, Artie almost died. I started to see these images of deer and boar running through the forest. And finally when I came back to, and I could hear my baby crying, the first thing I saw when my eyes opened was the full moon out the window.” You sigh, sliding a cup to Hotch before moving from behind the counter to take a seat next to him. “That’s when I realized the goddess had saved me and my child. And while Artemis prefers virgin patronage, and that ship had long sailed past back then. I figured naming my child after her was the next best thing.”  

“That’s a beautiful story, Y/N.” He says, looking at you sincerely.   

“Thank you, and since you’re not running for the hills, why don’t you tell me why you really knocked at my door at midnight.” 

“It’s just…” He starts, clearing his throat. “Tonight was the first ‘major’ holiday without Haley. And I tried to take Jack’s mind off it, make it fun but it was like this looming weight above us. That it wasn’t the same without her and that it never would be. And I was upset and just wanted to take a walk but I guess my feet carried me here.” He shrugged. 

“Well I’m glad you’re here grumpy. And you’re healing you need to give yourself time--” 

“I don’t have time!” He snaps. You flinch back a bit, having never heard his raised voice. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell. It’s just-I don’t have time to heal. I have to be there for Jack.”

“Who’s there for you, Aaron?” You ask. He looks at you confused. You hardly ever call him by his name. It's either grumpy or gus or a combination of the two. Never by his actual name, he hated how much he liked how it sounded coming from your lips. “Do you know what a rock tumbler is?” you ask, he shakes his head confused where you’re going with this. You run behind the counter to retrieve the box you had dug through the very first night you met.

“Well a rock tumbler is a device you put rocks into. Rocks that have eroded, rocks that have trekked the earth, rocks that have been to hell and back. And what you do is you put them in this device with a little bit of water and you wait. Days, weeks, months all the while this device is just spinning, you don’t see what’s happening on the inside but after a while, when the time is right, you get these beautiful lustrous stones.” You say, showing him the box. “Healing is the same way, others don’t see you working. But in the end, they’ll see the result. And you’ll feel the result too. But if you don’t take that step you don’t end up with gems like these. You just end up with an eroded dingy rock.” You look up at Hotch and he’s tearing up slightly. Your heart melts. “Do you want a hug?” you say. 

“You don’t have to--” 

You cut him off. “No one on earth gives hugs because they have to. I want to give you a hug if you want one. So do you want a hug?” 

He nods, fastly. So you stand, he follows suit and allows you to pull him down into a full embrace. Your arms around his neck and shoulders, he envelopes you fully into his torso, arms tight around your waist. You sigh, content. Before shaking yourself out of it. This wasn’t about you. No matter how right it felt. 

After a minute or so you break apart. You look him in the eyes and he’s staring back at you in what feels like admiration. You clear your throat. “Can I give you something?” you ask.

“Is it another crystal?” He asked back. 

“Yes, it is.” You rummage through the box before pulling out the one you needed. “This is Aragonite, it’s good for healing old wounds and building emotional strength. Now I can gift you this but you have to activate it yourself. Even if you don’t believe it, I feel like it’s good words to hear yourself say anyway.” You grab his left hand, sliding the crystal into it. He looks into your eyes. “Now say, I release past wounds and embrace resilience.” 

Hotch sighs. “I release past wounds and embrace resilience.” He then slides the stone in his pocket. Before grabbing your hand again. “Thank you, Y/N” 

“Anytime, Grumpy.” You say.  

Taglist: @megatrexus @roses-and-grasses​ @tittymuncher69​ @liaabsurd​ @ladyravenclaw​ @genevievedarcygrangerreading​ @softbibxtch​ @xxdisappearwithoutatracexx​

the marriage candidates as la croix flavors

thank u to @doctordumptruck for this idea, even though la croix is not my choice of sparkling water brand so I don't know what some of these flavors even really taste like! :') so it's less la croix flavors and more what flavors they remind me of lmao

All marriage candidates are under the cut!

Bachelors

Alex - Coffea Exotica

This is definitely not a flavor for everyone, and sometimes it feels like this coffee + cola mix of flavors is trying to figure itself out

But if you give it a chance, you can see that the two flavors actually work together in an unexpected way

Have I actually tried the Coffea Exotica flavor? No. But I have had the Coca Cola + Coffee drinks and I'm a fan of the caramel one specifically

Similarly to the fact that I've only ever gone after Alex when I'm not basing my farmer off of myself. You have to find out what mixture of coffee + cola is best for you to really enjoy it

Elliott - Pomme Bayá

Elliott reminds me of fall, and so does this mixture of flavors, but that's probably because his birthday is in fall

Apple and cranberry together is such a good mixture, very classic for staying inside and relaxing, which is the vibes that Elliott gives off

Is this one that many people will rank as their favorite? Not really. In fact, I never even really see this flavor at the store often

Personally not really one I would actively get, but I will not complain if it's in front of me lmao

Harvey - Tangerine

An absolute classic

It's gonna give you up, never gonna let you down

Never gonna run around and desert you

People tend to overlook it because "the other flavors are so much better!!!" and "there are already so many citrus flavors"

Well listen here, I think tangerine is better than orange

It's a reliable flavor, a good one to return to when you just want something that you know won't hurt you

Sam - Piña Fraise

I asked one of my friends for help, and he said Sam would be a White Claw instead of a la croix

I agree but if Sam had to be a la croix flavor, he'd be Piña Fraise

Reminds me of summer, and his beach scene with his brother is one of my favorites

A sweet boy, just like this watermelon and strawberry mixture

Not really the go-to for many people, but it's always a fun treat when you finally do go for it

Sebastian - Berry

Honestly he's a hard one to figure out, both in general and just trying to choose a la croix flavor for him

The title of "Berry" is very vague, and you'll either grow to love it or try to find something else that suits your taste better

Personally, I love my berry boy even though I still can't completely figure him out and I marry him half of the time

I am, however, indifferent to berry la croix lmao

Shane - Pamplemousse

You either love it or hate it, but you can't deny the fact that it's a popular flavor

Somewhat of an acquired taste? The more you try it, the more you get used to it

People tend to have strong reactions either way. Lots of people who will defend pamplemousse to the ends of the earth, and also lots of people who will actively show that they hate pamplemousse

Bachelorettes

Abigail - Kiwi Sandía

The sweet smell of the kiwi watermelon la croix is one I find to be strong, but the flavor of the drink itself isn't as strong (what did I expect, it's la croix)

I feel that's the same with Abigail. When I first got the game, I was unsure on if I'd like her or not, but she slowly started charming me

Also not la croix flavor related, but i do love kiwi watermelon together, and they remind me of being younger because those are two fruits my parents buy that were usually present for convenient snacking lmao

Emily - Apricot

Am I making Emily apricot because of her quest where she requests a farm fresh apricot? Possibly

However, I do also think that apricots do fit Emily

Ngl I have never had the apricot flavored la croix, but I do like apricots

I am also biased because I remember my family having apricot and plum trees in our backyard that we didn't know the old owners had. One year, we picked the fruits and I got to use them for pie

I think Emily would enjoy that, so this is her flavor

Haley - Passionfruit

Like the apricot la croix, I actually can't tell you what the passionfruit la croix tastes like, but I do love passionfruit in general lmao

Tropical, sweet, and sour? That's our girl right here

I find passionfruit when used as a flavoring to be one that typically hits strong at first, but eventually mellows out

The flavor definitely grows on you, but I am once again talking about actual passionfruit and not the la croix flavor

Leah - Limoncello

I know that Leah's all about health and nature and stuff, but she's also a big fan of like wine and cheese, so I felt like limoncello is perfect for her

Limoncello is a great change from the typical lemon flavor. Still has that citrusy flavor, but with a bit of sweetness to balance it out a bit

Now, I don't think Leah would actually drink this flavor of la croix, but it do think she likes actual limoncello

Also, this flavor was so hard to come by when it first hit the stores, which is accurate to Leah because I always have a hard time finding her when I actually wanna see her

Maru - Múre Pepino

Blackberry and cucumber together are such fresh flavors, an absolute treat together

Yet not a flavor I see people talk about often????

The cucumber is so unexpected since I don't think any other la croix flavors have cucumber, but it works so well

Please, appreciate blackberry cucumber more

This one is so good PLEASE

Penny - Key Lime

I LOVE key lime

A citrus flavor, so it is more of a classic, reliable flavor

But I find that the key lime just has something in it that makes it distinct from regular lime

Do I know exactly what it is? No. Am I going to keep returning to key lime? Absolutely

My love for Penny is the same as my love for key lime sparkling water

I cannot explain to you why I think it's good, but it does make me feel happy so I'm keeping it

Hi! could you talk more about Kiki's friendship with Haley, and Cleo's friendship with Linus? They seem to have a cool dynamic :D

OMG of course i actually have a whole post here but i love haley so i will ALWAYS elaborate on anything about her ^_^ i’m sorry if this isn’t long i’m on my last week of school + finals

haley + kiki dynamic

i’ve already said this before but haley is one of my favorites because i enjoy her development. i think that mean girl with issues turned best friend is one of my favorite tropes and works with haley really well, and kiki works really well in terms of breaking the tough girl exterior because she’s WAY nicer than cleo (probably why haley takes longer to get around to liking cleo even though they’re dating)

haley didn’t get around to liking kiki that fast - i mentioned this in another post but kiki stayed in pelican town around middle school - freshman year, but she couldn’t have been that close to haley because i think haley gives me 19-20 year old vibes and kiki is 23. if she was a 13 year old in middle school, haley would be 9-10 and they wouldn’t be in the same grade. given i’ve finally nailed down their ages after writing that post i wouldn’t have kiki crush on haley to overcompensate for ME wanting to marry her, i have cleo who is haley’s age

SO why does haley come around to liking kiki? when kiki first moves back to pelican town, haley is kinda nosey and tries to figure out why someone would move away from the city without showing much interest. she’s also distrustful being haley, so it doesn’t really seem like it’s going anywhere. kiki also doesn’t get haley’s deal until emily (who she befriends faster) tells her it’s not haley’s fault she’s insecure, so she starts to feel bad for haley. but i feel like haley isn’t really won over by a lot of gifts even though kiki probably gifted her daffodils or expensive clothing she doesn’t want anymore. the only actual tipping point is when (in my funny little universe) kiki found haley crying over ALEX (no shade to him, but he does avoid haley and tells you not to tell her where he is) and talked to her about how she feels like everyone thinks she’s shallow. the whole convo ends with haley figuring “oh she’s not that bad,” warming up to her, and them becoming best friends

i also like to think kiki is just as overprotective of haley as she is over her but just not overtly. she has a pretty bad impression of alex for a number of reasons, but 1 of the biggest contenders is the haley thing. she gets defensive or mad when sebastian, abigail, sam, EVEN SHANE points out incorrect stuff about haley because it’s annoying when people make assumptions about haley

kiki does try really hard to bridge the gap between sebastian and haley, but their differences seem so disparate that it feels like she’s trying to make a bird and a cat friends. it doesn’t stop her from trying to and they both hate it like it’s the worst experience in their lives until they learn to tolerate each other

haley seems like a good cook, so she bakes with kiki frequently to spend quality time together. sometimes kiki also hangs out with haley by the river so she can forage/fish (before cleo comes to take over fishing) while haley takes pictures. when she unlocks the movies, she also takes haley a lot. i’m 100% sure that kiki hangs out with haley the most out of ALL of the villagers including sebastian because haley is less of a homebody

haley gave up on figuring out what kiki’s beef was w/ joja and zuzu city until she accidentally finds out. haley convinced her to go shopping in a district in zuzu city without knowing kiki is technically a missing person, and kiki only went because haley really wants to. like she figured, okay i dress differently and my hair is dyed, it’s fine. also, it’s some random shopping district where rich people wouldn’t go. they hit a department store anyway until kiki, being paranoid, freaked out because she thought she saw her mom and hid in a bathroom. but haley, feeling bad for her, bought kiki a hat and sunglasses to cover her so they could go back home, then figured out what happened afterwards

tl;dr: haley for best friend of the year. she is what she is and eric barone should let me rewrite her

linus + cleo dynamic

this one seems weird (?) probably as weird as kiki and shane being friends. cleo being 19 and linus being an old man seems like they’re on opposite sides of the spectrum and she’d probably hate him. in actuality linus is 1 of the first people she befriends. she gifts him the fastest, and rather than willy teaching her, linus helps her get better at fishing

cleo frequents fishing at the mountain lake more because it’s less boring. linus stands by the river at certain times of the day and she fishes according to that schedule so they can chat or she can drop food off at his tent

also if it wasn’t obvious, cleo’s 100 times harder to befriend than kiki. she’s rude asf and has an issue with being blunt, plus she thinks everyone around her only gives a fuck abt themselves. but if you’ve played the game you can tell linus is a nice old man, minds his business, etc., right off the bat. it’s his down-to-earth attitude and non-judgmental advice that makes him the least annoying and she takes his wise advice SUPER seriously. so instead of hating linus, he’s a positive grandpa/dad figure in her life

and whenever haley + cleo get married (FAR future they’re both 19 and 20), she is probably not going to invite her dumb as balls dad to walk her down the aisle, it’s 100% going to be linus. he’s probably the only old person in the valley besides evelyn that she thinks wouldn’t be awful about her being a lesbian

also, cleo is not out to her family, prior friends, or really anyone before stardew valley. she doesn’t trust her parents, actually dates a former male bandmate to stop speculation, and thinks it’ll be negatively publicized if she does. cleo might exude sapphic energy, but she doesn’t say anything about her sexuality when she runs away either. it’s not that she feels particularly unsafe with kiki or even sam (her best friend) knowing it either, but she just feels like she’s better off never saying anything. linus, oddly enough, is the person who talks cleo through dealing with this

and b/c linus gives me super “got his shit together” and calm energy, which levels out cleo’s impulsivity and anger streaks. it’s probably not a good idea to bring this up to abigail and sam because they’d hype her up more and she’s just go ballistic. so if alex pisses her off, linus gets her to cool down. she could be annoyed because pierre side-eyed her and linus would say 5 words to make her stop fuming

i also really like the headcanon that linus used to be like? a huge business CEO whatever and gave it up to live in the nature. cleo would hear that and be like are you fr? that’s so cool. i too hate capitalism

what’s even weirder is linus definitelyyyy goes to cleo’s band performances as moral support. no one knows why this old man is hanging out at a venue with young adults, but cleo says it is what it is and it’s no one’s business

anyway that’s it for now! this was a fun exercise/break for me, thank you sm for asking!!! i always have fun doing these

FEMSLASH FEBRUARY 2021 #20: In which Cameron and Donna talk over a movie

[CN: spoilers for Gia (1998); adult women talking about sex and their sex lives]

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Since it was well-known amongst their friends just how easy it was to get Donna to invite people over, Risa unashamedly telephoned her, on a Sunday afternoon, to ask her to host a watch party for the premiere of Gia. Donna, taking the call in the kitchen, agreed immediately, and wasted no time in contacting Dr. Katie Herman, and then when Haley heard about the party, she invited herself and Vanessa. They gathered at 7pm on January 31 of 1998 in Donna’s media room.

Cameron, of course, had been the very first invite, though she had declined. “Uh, as uplifting as watching a movie that inevitably ends with a tragic death due to AIDS complications with the girls sounds, I have plans. Bos and I are going out.”

“Oh,” Donna had pouted. “Well, maybe we can watch it another time, then! Just the two of us?” When Cameron looked up from the copy of Scientific American she’d been skimming through to side-eyed her from across the kitchen island, mug of coffee in hand, Donna wheedled, “Oh come on! It’s about a hot gay woman! Played by a hot, potentially gay woman!” When Cameron gave her another look, Donna crossed her arms over her chest and said, “According to Risa, there are rumors. Something involving an on-set romance during the making of a movie called Foxfire.”

Cameron looked back down at her magazine. “It is so weird to me that they let a gay woman be a hugely successful supermodel. Or not weird, just, I don’t know.” Irritated, she flipped a page, and then added, “I don’t really wanna be interested in something just because it’s about someone gay. But also, like, sure I am? It’s, stupid.” 

With a forlorn little shrug, Donna said, “You’re right, it’s stupid. Might as well use it as an excuse to have your friends over and have fun with it then, right?”

“Again, I feel like ‘fun’ isn’t the word I’d use for watching a tragic story of addiction and terminal illness, but, sure,” Cameron said.

Despite her misgivings, Cameron happily helped Donna get the house ready that day, making sure that the spare rooms and trailer were all habitable for potential overnight guests, as she always did before they had company. When Bos came to pick her up at 4, he came in for a while, and had some coffee with Donna, and then when they were ready to be on their way, Cameron kissed Donna and wished her a nice time with their friends and their sad movie. 

Cameron and Bos went to the local shopping mall for a stroll and some browsing at a large chain retailer of books, where neither of them found anything, and then to their favorite diner, where they sat for a long time after they had their burgers and fries and slices of chocolate peanut butter pie, talking about Bos’s most recent fishing trip, and how things were at Phoenix, and how Haley and Joanie and Bos’s grandson and step-grandchildren were doing. 

Cameron returned around 8:30, and went straight to the media room to see how the watch party was going. From the sound of it, it was in full swing, Cameron could hear cheering and shouting from the hallway. She went into the room, about to say, ‘Hey, guys,’ only to be distracted by the television screen, on which Angelina Jolie had just walked out into the hallway, wearing nothing but a bemused expression. There was a full length shot from behind of her entire, naked body, and then a waist up shot of her from the front, as she tried to talk to another character. Utterly beguiled by Angelina Jolie’s extremely bare, extremely full breasts, Cameron audibly said, “…whoa.”

Everyone laughed (and Vanessa deadpanned, “I mean, we were all thinking it, right?”), which made Cameron blush slightly. 

“Hey! You’re back!” Donna said, smiling brightly. “Wanna join us?” 

Face still pink, Cameron said, “No, no I’m good, thanks! I think I’m just gonna go get my pajamas on!” They laughed more, and Cameron said, “I’ll see you all later, after the movie? Okay cool bye!” She hurried up to the bedroom, where Licorice the cat was hiding from the unexpected invasion of unfamiliar humans. 

Three and a half hours later, after the movie had ended, and they’d all discussed their reactions, questions, and critiques of it over hot chocolate, and Cameron and Donna had thanked everyone and shown them out, Donna went up to the bedroom (Licorice was still there, napping on their bed), but Cameron wasn’t there. She brushed her teeth, washed her face, changed into her pajamas, and then went back down to the kitchen, and then to the media room, where she found Cameron, box of Good’n’Plentys in hand, watching the midnight re-airing of the movie. 

“Couldn’t resist after all, then?” Donna said. 

Cameron literally jumped, sending candy flying. “Jesus, Donna!” 

“Want some company?” Donna offered.

“If you really wanna watch it again, I guess, sure,” Cameron said, trying to collect all of the licorice bits that had fallen into her lap. Donna sat down, getting as close to Cameron as she comfortably could, and crossed her legs underneath her. Aggrieved, Cameron complained, “The stuff with the parents? Depressing.”

“Yeah,” Donna agreed. “In some ways she kinda reminds me of someone, though? I don’t know. Tall and outrageously beautiful yet weird and intense, streetwise yet naive, in love with a lovely if seemingly square woman....”

Cameron smiled bashfully. “If only I’d liked looking pretty, and being seen! I too could be a bisexual supermodel!” She shook some more candy into her mouth. Thickly, she said, “I can’t believe I ever did beauty pageants. I’m so glad I stopped, Christ.”

They sat quietly, Cameron becoming even quieter as Gia and makeup artist Linda met, participated in a what turned into a nude photo shoot together, and proceeded to have sex back at Gia’s apartment. When the movie came back to the scene where Angelina Jolie went out into the hallway naked, Cameron said, “Not to sound cliche or whatever, but, I feel like I didn’t fully get the big deal people make about sex until you. I mean, not like I didn’t enjoy it, just, even when I did really enjoy it, it would feel like something was off? Or like, it didn’t matter what I did or how I did it, because it would feel like, something about me was fundamentally off. Or wrong. I think that’s why it took me so long to break up with J0e,” she admitted. “I never felt like there was something wrong about how I was with him.”

“Aw,” Donna said. She took Cameron’s free hand in her own, looked up adoringly at Cameron, and said, “…that’s gay.”

Cameron snorted, and then said, “I asked for that, huh?”

Donna let go of Cameron’s hand so she could put her arm around Cameron’s shoulders. “Seriously though. I think we have skewed ideas about sex. Unrealistic expectations about how easy or how naturally it will come to us. We think we’re gonna have the best and wildest sex of our lives in our 20s, but it doesn’t work like that? Figuring out what you really like, and what you need to feel fully comfortable, and then finding partners who you’re really compatible with, that takes time, a lot of time, and a lot of effort, too! Every woman I’ve ever talked to about it was well into her 30s when she figured it out.”

“So it’s not just me, then?” Cameron said.

“No, it is definitely not just you,” Donna said.

Quietly, Cameron said, “Do you ever kind of feel like sex is maybe just, like, a little overrated? I really, really like you and all, but….”

Kissing the top of Cameron’s head, Donna said, “Not lately, no! But I know what you’re saying. It’s great but it’s also not worth the indignities a lot of us tolerate for it. People act like it’s a necessity, and it’s not! It’s a luxury! That some people aren’t even that into! And there’s nothing weird about that!”

“It’s a little strange to hear you say that after a year of sleeping with you and seeing first-hand just how much of a freak you are, but I appreciate it nonetheless,” Cameron said. 

“Oh, honey,” Donna arched an eyebrow. “We’re just getting started.” Cameron looked over at her and laughed nervously, and then Donna said, “There’s always gonna be more to us than that, though. Because we started out as more than that, and I’m happy about that. I’m glad that we were partners before we became, you know. Partners.”

Sighing contentedly, Cameron said, “So am I, Boss.”

Ask game for fanfic writers! ⌨️🖊📓📝

1. What fandoms do you write for?

2. What pairings do you write for?

3. What is your most popular fanfic?

4. Do you write original stories as well?

5. What fanfic of yours should everyone have read?

6. What is a fandom you will never write for?

7. What is a ship you will never write for?

8. Archive of Our Own, FanFiction.net, Wattpad, Tumblr, etc. which platform do you prefer?

9. What are your favorite fanfics?

10. How do you stay motivated to finish what you’ve started?

11. What’s your longest fanfic?

12. Do you want to break your readers‘ heart or make them laugh?

13. What is your planning process?

14. What have others criticized about your fanfic?

15. OCs or no OCs?

16. Do you use sentence starters, writing prompts and/or fandom headcanons for your fanfics?

17. Do you use/follow advice from writing blogs/posts?

18. What is your favorite writing prompt?

19. Dead or overused tropes?

20. Can we get a list of all of your current available fanfics?

21. What’s your shortest fanfic?

22. Do you listen to music during your writing process? What music do you listen to while you’re writing?

23. Long chapters or short chapters?

24. How many WIPs (work-in-progress) do you’ve got?

25. How many WIPs will you finish?

26. First-person-narrative or third-person-narrative?

27. Do you take requests?

28. I will name you three things (drunk Ian — shared bachelor party — Gallavich): write a paragraph or two!

29. What’s more difficult? Fanfics or original work?

30. What writing software do you use?

31. Do you use beta/sensitivity readers?

32. Past or present tense?

33. Do friends and family know that you write fanfics?

34. How did you find the magical world of fanfics?

35. What is your favorite review?

36. Did you ever delete a work of yours?

37. Did your work ever get plagiarized?

38. Do you partake in any fanfic/writing events? (Big bangs, zines, NaNoWriMo, etc?)

39. Collaborations or working solo?

40. Do you have any rituals before uploading a fic?

41. What is something you don’t like about your writing?

42. Rudest review?

43. Guilty pleasure tropes and scenarios?

44. Does fanart of your fanfic exist?

45. Do fanfics of your fanfic exist?

46. Few long essay reviews or many short reviews?

47. What fanfic of yours is truly underrated?

48. What is your favorite sentence that you’ve used in a fanfic?

49. Where do you draw inspiration from?

50. Can we get a teaser for an upcoming chapter?

(Don't feel obligated to answer. Thought if you're into these kinda things, that'd be a nice ask. ;))

Oh this is so nice!! Thanks for sending this @annansmith

I chose a few of them to do. 

1. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently, I’m writing for Shameless (Gallavich) but I’ve written for:

Veronica Mars (LoVe), Veep (Amy/Dan), Arrow (Oliver/Felicity), Once Upon A Time (Hook/Emma), The Old Guard (Joe/Nicky), That 70′s show (Hyde/Jackie), Sons of Anarchy (Tara/Jax), Vampire Diaries (Klaroline), Hart of Dixie (Zoe/Wade), Gilmore Girls (Rory/Jess), X-men (Rogue/Pyro), One Tree Hill (Haley/Nathan), and a few others.

2. What pairings do you write for?

Now I write Gallavich. 

But I’d say my top ones I love writing for now (my fanfiction writing has spanned about 14 years) are Dan/Amy, Veronica/Logan, Klaus/Caroline, Mickey/Ian.

3. What is your most popular fanfic?

My most popular fic on Ao3 is The Course of True Love (Arrow) and on FF Of Bloodshed, Babies, and Epic LoVe (Veronica Mars)

4. Do you write original stories as well?

Yes, I do. I’m working on a book, well, two books. But it’s going very slowly. The first is a memoir of my travels from around the world and the second is a vampire urban fantasy one. We’ll see how it goes, but I’d like to finish them by next year and see if I can get them published, but it’s hard so who knows. 

10. How do you stay motivated to finish what you’ve started?

Well, recently I’ve really been trying to finish everything I write. I have a lot of WIPs from years and years ago and even within the the last year, so this answer is pretty new. Basically, I focus on one fic at a time and write a little every day to stay motivated. Now, I try to update once a week on a certain day. I think comments/reviews and kudos and people being genuinely encouraging helps though. It’s also what’s gotten me considering finishing my older fics.

11. What’s your longest fanfic?

Of Bloodshed, Babies, and Epic Love (over 165k)

13. What is your planning process?

Now, it’s different. I have a doc of ideas and I wait to see which one I can’t seem to shake. Then I plan out each chapter with a few sentences and I have a list of things I want to focus on in the story. Usually, each story now has a kind of theme to it and a main focus. I sometimes will just want to write a certain situation/scene/focus and the story is born from there. But what really helps is writing down chapter 1, 2, etc. and having a sentence or two for what I want to happen. It doesn’t always go according to plan, but I never get writers block or forget what happened in previous chapters now.

16. Do you use sentence starters, writing prompts and/or fandom headcanons for your fanfics?

Probably a mixture of fandom (or my personal) headcanons. I don’t start with prompts unless it’s a challenge or sentence starters. Usually, I have a scene I already want to write in my head and then I sit down and write it.

17. Do you use/follow advice from writing blogs/posts?

Yes, I’ve read several books on writing. My undergrad was creative writing too, so I learned a lot there. I also follow writing instagram accounts which are helpful. I take everything I learn with a grain of salt and I see what is best for me. The best advice I heard recently was short sentences and so now I’m experimenting with that.

20. Can we get a list of all of your current available fanfics?

There’s a lot from many different fandoms. I used to be on FF.net as Psyc0gurl0 and now I’m ProstheticLoVe on a03. I like writing on ao3 better cause it’s easier and I love the tagging process. Plus the gallavich fandom on there is unreal. So to think about going back to ff.net to finish my WIPs seems like such a process now. 

Currently though, I’m writing an Ian’s POV 5 chapter fic called Chocolate. It’s not out yet, but it’ll focus on Ian from 1x06 to 1x09 or so and how his feelings for Mickey change and evolve. It’s the second part to a series called Chocolate and Cigarettes. Mickey’s POV was Cigarettes.

22. Do you listen to music during your writing process? What music do you listen to while you’re writing?

Yes, I listen while writing but I need silence while editing. I have a Love (lol) playlist. It’s basically all the love songs that remind me of couples I ship. So for example, The Acid is in there a lot because their music is great, but also Basic Instinct is so haunting. Overall, I like all music except country, so sometimes I’ll listen to my larger playlists while writing. 

23. Long chapters or short chapters?

So this has changed over the years. Initially, I wrote short chapters, then when I got back into fanfiction while writing klaroline they got a lot longer and now it’s just basically where the chapter has a natural ending. So the chapters are between 4 - 10k words depending. I try to get over 4k though. Right now, once I’m done with my current fic, I really want to write something over 100k.

24. How many WIPs (work-in-progress) do you’ve got?

A lot...none in Shameless though. Well, I guess my current one, but I haven’t posted that yet. I’d say I probs have about 10 WIPs spanning different fandoms. I know. But my goal for 2021 is to pick two and finish them. 

25. How many WIPs will you finish?

Not all of them. Some of them are from years and years ago. But I’d like to finish the ones that I still get reviews on. So there’s a SOAs fic I want to finish cause that fandom is so lovely. I also want to finish a klaroline one cause that was fun to write. And my Amy/Dan ones I’d like to finish. I would like to finish my Veronica Mars ones (I have two) but they need a lot more attention, so when people message me about them I tell them the planned ending.

28. I will name you three things (drunk Ian — shared bachelor party — Gallavich): write a paragraph or two!

“Fuck, Mickey, I probably shouldn’t have had the third Hot Toddy,” Ian grimaced as the world around him spun. 

Mickey laughed at him and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. Ian wanted to think his future husband just wanted to pull him closer, but he had a feeling it was to steady him.

“Probably should’ve cut you off earlier,” Mickey said tugging Ian closer. 

Ian wobbled and plopped down on the back steps of the porch. Mickey followed suit a moment letter and they both looked out toward the backyard where the Gallaghers, Balls, and a few of the Milkovich cousins were alternatively huddling around a fire, drinking, and dancing.

“I blame Lip for making us have this stupid shared bachelor party in the first place,” Ian grumbled.

Mickey kissed him on the forehead as Ian lay his head on his shoulder. “It’s Sandy’s fault too.”

Ian hmmed in response and Mickey knew he was going to fall asleep any moment. He ran his hand up and down Ian’s arm and watched as Debbie bounced over to them.

“Jesus, you aren’t even married yet and you two are like an old married couple. Are you going to come dance or what?” she whined.

Mickey looked down at Ian, whose eyes were already closed, and then back up to Debbie. She was watching them with knowing eyes.

“We’ll dance at the wedding. Go grab Lip, I need his help to get Sleeping Beauty upstairs.”

Debbie turned to go get her eldest brother and Mickey looked back down at Ian. In his sleep, he nuzzled Mickey’s shoulder, breathed deeply, and a gentle smile appeared there. 

3 more days and they’d officially be husbands. 

34. How did you find the magical world of fanfics?

I was about 10 and my cousin used to write a buffy the vampire slayer zine. There was a link to a site called buffyworld.com or something like that. And I found fanfic that way. There was a link on the site to ff.net and that’s how I stumbled across that. I stayed there for many many years until my second time in the veronica mars fandom around 2014 when I was lead to a03 and then I’ve been there ever since. On and off, my writing has fluctuated through the years based on my personal life.

49. Where do you draw inspiration from?

Everywhere! omg. It’s insane. Gallavich I love writing for. There’s so many different facets to them, but truly everywhere I find inspiration. I have a whole doc of gallavich ideas that have stemmed from other fanfics, headcanons from me and other people, rewatching episodes, what’s going to happen in s11, cute moments i’d like to see happen, holidays, and just general life. I saw a pic of WW2 vets who were in a long term relationship and i was like mickey and ian! another idea is born.  

‘LOVE WEDDING REPEAT’ IS ONE WEDDING TO SLEEP THROUGH

Eleanor Tomlinson and Sam Claflin play brother and sister in the film

Love Wedding Repeat was released on Netflix on April 10, 2020. The film is an updated version of the 2012 French short film Plan de Table, which follows eight guests at a wedding.The synopsis Netflix provides for its newer version is simple enough - “Different versions of the same day unfold as Jack juggles difficult guests, unbridled chaos, and potential romance at his sister’s wedding.” 

Basically, a wedding meets Groundhog Day. That actually sounds pretty interesting.

So why was Love Wedding Repeat so bad?

It’s nearly impossible to answer that question without doing some serious digging and examination into the movie. Is it the shallow plot, tonal inconsistencies, or Sam Claflin’s atrocious haircut that caused Love Wedding Repeat to miss the mark? Let’s march down the aisle and see.

In this post, I will:

Summarize the plot

Conduct a character analysis for the ensemble (spoilers!)

Examine the  film’s poor execution of “repetition” 

THE PLOT

From the start, it’s obvious Love Wedding Repeat has close to no concept of time. We start out with Jack (a miscast Sam Claflin) and Dina (a pretty, but boring) Olivia Munn at the end of a stay in Rome, where they’ve supposedly spent time together and fallen in love. Dina is the roomate of Hayley, Jack’s sister. Now, not only is the romantic chemistry between Jack and Dina non-existent - it’s really more of a sexual tension - but so is the desire to care about the two of them ending up together. The two are interrupted before a kiss can occur, and eventually head their separate ways.

Sam Claflin and Olivia Munn play love interests to one another

Fast forward 3 years and Hayley is getting married to wealthy Italian Roberto, causing Jack and Dina to reunite. The “3 years” might as well have been the next day, since there appears to be little growth in any of them - especially Jack, who still struggles to formulate a sentence around Dina. Luckily, Hayley’s placed them at the same table. But Jack’s desire to make a move is constantly interrupted by the other guests, and the distractions only grow when Hayley’s ex-boyfriend Marc shows up to crash the wedding and a sleeping drug is misplaced in a champagne glass. And when love doesn’t prevail, the movie switches things around: showing us another seating arrangement at the table that changes the situations of each character. What should be a wild ride that eventually ends with love (and yes, a kiss) - feels shallow and undeserved.

THE CHARACTERS

The ensemble is talented, but lacks cohesion

JACK

Sam Claflin portrays the main character

I like Sam Claflin. I really like Sam Claflin. He’s more than suitable to handle these types of films, with romances Me Before You and Love, Rosie under his belt. But, here, the lack of personality to Jack’s character makes it difficult for Sam to bring much to the film. Now, Sam certainly does carry the film, but it’s definitely breaking his back in the process. There’s only two things to know about Jack: 1) he likes Dina a lot (I still doubt it’s love - despite what the film says) and 2) he loves his sister. Everything else: dead parents, a job as an engineer, an ex-girlfriend -  all which would help bring a sense of depth to Jack as a person - is simply mentioned and never truly explored. His bumbling speech and “just can’t win” trait make it hard to not like Jack, but it does grow old after a while. One would think that losing Dina 3 years prior and finding her newly single would make Jack jump at the chance to make a move, but he still struggles to articulate his feelings to her, or even ask guests to leave so he can speak to her alone. It hurts to watch Jack’s awkwardness be one of the biggest barriers between him and Dina - the film would strengthen if Jack was actively trying to speak or flirt and then was pulled away. Jack’s supposed conflict of having Amanda, his ex-girlfriend, attend the wedding is hardly a conflict, given their relationship seems to have consisted of more sex than substance and Dina barely seems to care about Amanda’s presence. In an attempt to make Jack have something to his character, he ended up with nothing. Well, nothing but a kiss and a wealthy brother-in-law. 

HAYLEY & ROBERTO

Eleanor Tomlinson and Tiziano Caputo play the marrying couple

Hayley and Roberto are the couple causing the “wedding” in the film’s title, which fails to show a ceremony and instead, spends the film at the reception. Now, Roberto plays next-to-nothing of a role in the film, so let’s focus on Hayley, who is arguably the cause of all conflict in the film.

During her relationship with Roberto and (fairly near to the wedding), Hayley slept with old classmate, Marc, who unexpectedly shows up to the wedding to declare his love for her and expose the secret. Hayley threatens to have security to remove Marc from the wedding, but decides that recruiting Jack to drug Marc with sleeping medication is somehow a better idea. How? In the first scenario, the infidelity is exposed and during an argument with Hayley, Roberto accidentally falls off of the balcony to his death. In the second (and final) scenario, Marc has a change of heart, keeping the secret to himself, leaving Roberto to live his married life in blissful ignorance. Apparently, if in the second scenario love prevails, being honest isn’t part of the deal. Hayley’s infidelity is excused because according to her “it didn’t mean anything” and she “loves Roberto!” If love truly prevailed - if Haley truly loved Roberto - the truth should’ve come out with Hayley admitting it and (hopefully) Roberto forgiving. But, that’s just me and my ideas. 

Anyways, Hayley also decides to invite Jack’s ex-girlfriend Amanda for whatever reason (it’s not even mentioned if Amanda and Hayley are friends) and to sit her and Jack at the same table. I thought she loved her brother? It’s no surprise when the table arrangement goes south, and is that the fault of the little kids who switched the name cards, or the bride who planned: not only for those particular people to sit at the table but to add a sleeping drug into the mix? 

DINA

Olivia Munn plays Dina

Olivia Munn really tries with this role. You can tell she attempted to bring something to the table with Dina, but - similar to Jack - there’s not much to her. She’s a foreign correspondent and former roommate/friend of Hayley, but she’s mainly just the pretty girl who’s Jack’s love interest. Dina is at the wedding as a plot device. She’s there to remind Jack to seize his chance at love, she’s there to be separated from Jack or whisked away, she almost exists as a symbol. Her story of being kidnapped whilst in Afghanistan and coming back to care for a sick mother who would eventually pass is played twice for laughs, making it hard to find anything to care about for her. “Does she even like Jack?” is what I wondered in the back of my mind. She definitely engages in conversation with him, but her flirtiness is hard to find as more than friendliness. It’s known that Dina is newly single, having broken up with an ex. While this is a golden opportunity for Jack, it’s not even determined whether Dina is interested in another relationship. It certainly would’ve been nice to see Dina try to make an effort towards Jack as well - truly making it feel as if both sides are being kept apart.

BRYAN & REBECCA

Joel Fry and Aisling Bea play Bryan and Rebecca

It’s established early that the comedic side-kick is Bryan, the man-of-honor-maid-of-honor, whose relationship to Hayley or Jack doesn’t feel entirely sincere no matter how the film tries. He doesn’t come across as a “ride-or-die” type of best friend, and it’s unclear how he and Hayley even met, or what his relationship is like with Jack. Is he best friends to both of them? There’s little time to ask these questions (not like the film would answer) since Bryan announces his plan for the evening: convincing famous director Vitelli to give him a role in a film. This “subplot” is little plot, since Vitelli’s presence or effect on the wedding is barely felt. In the first scenario, this plan fails tremendously, with Bryan (victim of the sleeping medicine) falling asleep on Vitelli and mid-speech. In the second scenario, the plan works, but only after he falls in love with Rebecca, the blunt Irish guest whose relation to Jack or Hayley is not made clear. Honestly, Rebecca was my favorite character, possibly because she had a clear personality. Even if her chatterbox nature was exploited for exposition, Aisling Bea plays the obliviously honest nature with such perfection that I didn’t mind. Rebecca and Bryan have supposedly dated, but in the end, the two end up together, so there’s little time to care about what caused the breakup. I could only wish that Bryan had acted as more of a wingman for Jack and Rebecca had been given a larger role, perhaps as a wingwoman for Dina.

MARC

Jack Farthing plays the coked-up wedding crasher

If Marc was more of a looming threat, his arrival could’ve easily saved the movie. In fact, I was intrigued by his arrival: who is this disheveled, red-eyed man stumbling into the wedding reception? Whoever he was, he was obviously up to no good. However, the one thing that makes Marc interesting: the secret of him and Hayley having slept together, is quickly taken away or avoided when Hayley reveals the information to Jack (and the audience) on her own. Marc is not much of a physical threat either, his druggy demeanor makes him easy to overtake, hence why in the first scenario he’s locked up in a armoire. While the whole situation with Marc could have easily been avoided had Hayley had security remove him, the sleeping drug intended for him never finds its way in his champagne glass. And what’s worse: the audience never gets to see that scenario. If Marc was intended to be the antagonist of this movie (which the film will try to convince you he is), he surely failed by barely being much of a threat to begin with. 

CHAZ & AMANDA

Allan Mustafa and Freida Pinto play Chaz and Amanda

If Hayley’s enemy of love is Marc, then surely Jack’s is his ex-girlfriend Amanda. Or, supposed to be. Unfortunately, what is told about Amanda is worse than what is shown. For someone who’s supposed to be extremely rude and problematic, Amanda just seems to be extremely annoyed at best. Even when seated next to Jack, she doesn’t bother commenting on the situation, but her unbearable fiancé Chaz sure does. His angry comments towards Jack seem to be coming from a place of hurt: Amanda has not responded to his marriage proposal six months prior. But where Chaz could really be a character to wreak some havoc, especially for Jack, his lines are delegated to unfunny penis jokes for nearly the entirety of the movie. No wonder Amanda is annoyed.

SIDNEY

Tim Key plays Sidney

Speaking of annoying, it’s time to talk about the last character of the ensemble: Sidney. Who is this guy? Once again, his relationship is not made clear and the audience is quite confused by the kilt-wearing-crotch-adjusting guest who lacks social intelligence. You can tell when Sidney is supposed to be funny and unfortunately it falls short every time. I guess him finding love in the end is supposed to make us feel some type of way, but it failed to move me. Every member of an ensemble should have something to contribute, and I can say - aside from a few scenes where he was needed to act as a barrier between Jack and Dina - Sidney was completely unnecessary in the film.

VITELLI

Paolo Mazzarelli plays Vitelli in the film

Why was Vitelli in this film? What exactly did he add? Is he actively scouting for a new movie or did guests just assume? What’s his whole relationship thing with Dina? He offered her a ride - was he romantically interested or trying to cast her? Who even is this guy? How does Roberto know him?  

I just...why?

THE ORACLE

Penny Ryder voices The Oracle

There’s a narrator in this film. Don’t ask why. Not only is she completely unnecessary and unhelpful, the message she spews for a majority of the film is not only untrue but contradicts the entire plot: that chance is the enemy of love.

“REPEAT?”

Confused, Bryan? So am I.

I don’t what’s worse: that I can’t tell you how many times the film lived up to the “repeat” part of its name, or that I don’t want to. It’s true: the film only plays out the entirety of two scenarios when it comes to seating at the table. The rest are muddled in what is perhaps the worst montage I’ve seen recently (and I’ve been subjected to multiple ‘senior szn’ recaps on IGTV), and offer no information. In this montage, we don’t know who has the sleeping drug, and the entirety of the table isn’t even in frame. You don’t know who is sitting where or who has the sleeping drug. I guess it doesn’t matter because Jack and Dina don’t end up together, but it does matter because it needs to make the wait worth it. The audience should be subjected to different crazy scenarios: they should realize how completely wrong everything has gone. They should be tired of reliving the same wedding reception, they should want Jack and Dina to end up together to just end it. 

But I must say, the best part of the montage was Jack and Rebecca end up tongue-kissing. That’s a scenario I’d love to see.

CONCLUSION

A kiss to end it all

I hate to bash a directorial debut. But I hate wasted potential more.

Love Wedding Repeat could’ve been something great - it really could’ve. It’s easy to see the same idea executed better going down as a modern rom-com classic. But Love Wedding Repeat’s failure to live up to its name is a major disappointment, especially giving the talented leads (who are better off playing friends than a couple). The idea was certainly there, and so were the resources. I mean, they shot on-location in Rome. But if Love Wedding Repeat shows anything, it’s how a lackluster script can truly harm a concept. You can’t tell us sad stuff about our characters, show the sadness. Show the tension between Jack and Amanda, show us the camaraderie between Hayley and Bryan, show how reckless and wild Marc is - make us care and understand. It shouldn’t just be Jack who wants a kiss between him and Dina - it should be us.

Overall, I can only hope what Netflix has in store for the future when it comes to rom-coms isn’t anywhere close to repeating this complete mess. 

     *    hey   buds   ,   i’m   kuromi   !   comin’   straight   from   the   midwest   with   an   intro   written   way   below   the   influence   b/c   time   &   responsibility   is   not   real   at   this   point   so   why   not   let   the   blunts   smoke   me      ?   i’ll   be   playing   summer  ,   who   i   affectionately   named   after   my   favorite   singer      &   favorite   movie   character   ,   but   failed   to   incorporate   any   of   their   traits   while   she   was   coming   to   be   .   i   thought   it’d   be   fun   to   bring   her   in   as   a   new   student   since   she’s   taken   on   a   new   persona   over   the   summer   to   cope   with   the   trauma   of   her   parents’   divorce   ,   so   she’s   an   incoming   junior   !   she’s   still   a   work   in   progress   but   below   the   cut   ,   i’ve   done   my   best   to   sum   her   up   for   ‘ya   !   

     *    summer   verona   ,   welcome   to   dillon   university   .   has   anyone   ever   told   you   you’re   kendall   jenner’s   twin   ?   no   ?   well   okay   ,   i   heard   you   are   twenty  -  one   &   a   junior   at   the   university   .   we   hope   music  theory  &  composition   isn’t   kicking   your   ass   too   much   ,   especially   since   you’re   a   base   on   the   cheer   team   .   see   you   at   the   next   game  ,   sum   &   cis   female   +   she / her   . 

     *     character   influence   ⤻   the   characters   i   shaped   her   personality   from   &   what   attributes   of   theirs   she   holds   .

     brooke   davis   &   haley   james   of   one   tree   hill   .

   two   huge   sources   of   inspo   entirely   .   from   brooke   ,   she   shares   the   shaky  family   life   due   to   her   parents’   divorce   after   30   years   after   her   father’s   infidelity   came   to   light   ,   as   well   as   the   cheerleader   trope   where   she   comes   off   as   the   cliche   sl*tty   ,   dumb   ,   &   'genki   girl’   cheerleader   who   has   actually   got   some   deeply   hidden   depths   .   much   like   haley   ,   she   has   an   embarassing   middle   name   (   it   isn’t   bob   ,   but   summer   bear   verona   is   almost   as   bad   .   .   the   plights   of   having   southern   parents   !   )   ,   is   very   sweet   natured   ,   &   extremely   astute   . 

     summer   finn   of   (500)   days   of   summer   .   

   summer   finn’s   influence   is   kind   of   contradictory   ,   but   so   is   sum   ,   so   it   oddly   makes   sense   to   me   .   sum’s   always   been   very   quixotic   &   enthralled   in   love   &   what   it   entails   ,   but   she’s   never   let   anyone   close   enough   to   actually   experience   it   herself   ,   even   if   the   opposite   person   was   in   love   with   her   .   she   loved   love   ,   but   there’s   always   been   a   fear   of   love   due   to   the   open   opportunity   for   rejection   ,   but   her   parents’   divorce   only   made   it   worse   ,   &   now   ,   she   doesn’t   believe   in   it   at   all   .   she   shares   summer’s   now   emotionless   girl   trope   ,   as   she’s   purposely   enigmatic   &   manic   pixie   dream   girl  -  like   after   her   parents’   crumbled   marriage   .  however   ,   it’s   not   actuality   ,   &   sum   can   be   overemotional   at   times   behind   closed   doors   .   with   her   relations   ,   sum   sends   a   lot   of   mixed   messages   &   will   say   she   wants   one   thing   but   act   as   though   she  wants   the   opposite   .   she   can   be   childish   in   that   sense   ,   but   ultimately   believes   she’s   protecting   herself   from   ending   up   broken   like   her   mother   .

      cassie   ainsworth   of   skins   .

   cassie’s   influence   serves   as   a   deeper   look   into   the��  underbelly   of   summer   —   she’s   got   low   self   esteem   ,   suffers   from   major   depression   ,   &   anxiety   .   it’s   such   a   constrast   from   what   she   used   to   be   ,   however   ,   so   she   acts   the   opposite   of   how   she   feels   in   front   of   others   &   uses   alcohol   &   sex   to   keep   those   demons   from   coming   to   surface   .

     *     the   cheerleader   ⤻   summer   @   dillon   university   on   a   surface   level   .

   full   name   :   summer   bear   verona   .   the   younger   of   seven   &   the   verona’s   rainbow   baby   ,   sum   was   named   after   the   season   her   parents   got   married   in   ,   which   also   happened   to   be   their   favorite   season   .

   birthdate   :   2/20/99   .

   astrology   :   pisces   sun   ,   aries   moon   ,   sagittarius   rising   .

   birthplace   :   baton   rouge   ,   louisiana   ,   usa   .

   hometown   :   houston   ,   texas   ,   usa   .

   parents   :   walker   bear   verona   ,   celia   rae   verona   (   née   :   banks   )   .      

   religion   :   christian   .

   sexuality   :   recently   discovered   she’s   bisexual   after   a   summer   sling   with   another   girl   before   college   began   ,   but   aside   from   drunken   makeouts   for   insta   stories   @  weekend   ragers   ,   she’s   in   a   closet   bolted   from   the   inside   b/c   of   her   family’s   unfortunate   beliefs   .  

   love   language   :   physical   touch   ,   acts   of   service   .   she   is   very   action   oriented   as   she   thinks   words   mean   absolute   shit   while   also   choking   on   her   own   .  

   major   :   double   major   in   music   theory   &   composition   &   creative   writing   .

   cheer   team   affiliation   :   due   to   standing   at   a   majestic   5′10   ,   she’s   a   base   although   she   does   it   begrudgingly   .   her   mother   attended   dillon   &   was   a   cheerleader   herself   ,   but   she   also   met   her   father   while   he   played   on   the   football   team   ,   so   sum’s   relationship   with   it   as   a   whole   is   complicated   .   however   ,   she   loves   the   perks   that   come   with   being   a   cheerleader   ,   with   emphasis   on   the   attention   .

   hobbies   :   reading   ,   fitness   ,   songwriting   &   creative   writing   ,   music   composition   ,   &   singing   .   she   currently   uploads   self  -  composed   music   to   her   youtube   channel   using   only   garageband   .   her   “claim”   of   sorts   is   clairo   ,   &   she   uploads   very   often   .

        *     connections   ⤻   my   deepest   needs   to   fulfill   summer’s   social   life   .

   summer   fling   ,   f   .

   the   girl   summer   owes   her   sexual   awakening   to   in   terms   of   women   .   sum   was   back   &   forth   between   houston   ,   dillon   ,   &   lousiana   over   the   summer   with   her   parents   divorcing   ,   leaving   plenty   of   room   for   this   fling   to   occur   .   things   ended   sourly   on   summer’s   end   when   it   got   too   overwhelming   ,   &   she   ghosted   .   with   the   discovery   that   they   go   to   the   same   school   ,   summer   has   gone   out   of   her   way   to   avoid   them   ,   but   can’t   help   the   way   the   hairs   on   the   back   of   her   neck   stand   up   ,   the   rapid   beating   of   her   heart   ,   or   the   way   she   craves   them   whenever   she   sees   them   .

     mutual   crush   ,   m  /  nb  .

   someone   she’s   been   crushing   on   since   school   started   after   they   met   at   the   tail   end   of   summer   during   tryouts   .   they’re   partially   why   summer   fling   ended   ,   &   have   kissed   while   drunk   at   a   party   before   ,   but   it’s   not   gone   further   than   that   yet   !   this   is   definitely   a   slow  -  burn   type   of   relationship   .

     high   school   ex   ,   m   /   nb   .

   her   first   &   arguably   only   serious   r/s   .   this   person   must   be   a   texan   native   ,   or   at   the   very   least   ,   attended   high   school   in   texas   as   sum’s   from   houston   .   they   dated   their   senior   year   after   being   friends   throughout   high   school   ,   &   maintained   a   long   distance   r/s   in   their   freshman   &   sophomore   years   of   college   ,   though   it   ended   due   to  infidelity   .   we   can   discuss   the  culprit   !

     #quad   ,   f   /   nb   .

   three   girls   sum   isn’t   seen   without   who   call   themselves   the   “quad”   for   obvious   reasons   .   they’re   inseperable   &   travel   in   a   pack   at   almost   ALL   times   .   they’re   constantly   on   each   other’s   feeds   &   lives   ,   at   every   party   ,   every   event   ,   etc.   may   or   may   not  be   bad   influences   on   each   other   .

   *     these   are   just   a   few   ideas   ,   but   i’ll   also   reblog   wanted   connections   as  well   ,   &   i’d  love   to   fit   sum   into   w/e   you   have   in   mind   !

/ * { madelaine petsch ☁ twenty-seven ☁ she/her } among the whispers around peach hollow, have you heard of peyton ainsworth? no? well, let’s catch you up to speed. rumor has it, they’ve been seen strolling around olive avenue & have lived in peach hollow for two weeks, seeing as she just moved back. it’s good to have them around because i hear they’re an event planner for a living. recent events must have them trembling because it hasn’t be long since everyone found out that peyton used to escort in order to support herself after disowning her hotel tycoon father’s riches. let’s hope they learned their lesson that the truth always catches up to you. { haley ☁ twenty-one ☁ she/her ☁ est }

hi babies ! i’m haley, twenty-one savage from the est. massachusetts to be exact. like every bostonian, i drink clam chowder through a straw and hold a tom brady vigil by my bedside nightly. some of you may know peyton and her big personality already but for those of you that don’t, here is my lil red lipstick, ginger, regina george queen <3333

personality

character inspo: quinn fabray, santana lopez, regina george, jackie burkhart, blair waldorf, heather chandler, cheryl blossom ofc

HEAD BITCH IN CHARGE

will roast ur entire existence

perfectionist!! detail oriented!!

CRAZY PSYCHO BITCH

the problem child bc her sister is an angel

big bitch but has a heart sometimes

she will not go get mexican food w u don’t even ask but she really just wants a damn burrito

will literally come over and marie kondo ur entire life

evil genius and luvs revenge

a legit psycho when it comes to loving people like has hacked her exes phones even though she seems calm and collected on surface level

will force u to watch home videos of her skating and u will watch

don’t ask to see her sketch books she will blush and change the subject

past

peyton hasn’t live in georgia all of her life. in fact she is one of the town’s newer residence. she moved there a little under a year ago with her mom and sister.

peyton was born and raised in san francisco in a neighborhood called pacific heights, commonly known as billionaire’s row.

she was born into wealth, her father owning a chain of five star hotels that had been passed down through the generations for as long as she could remember. she spent a ton of time in the beautiful hotels her father owned, learning her work ethic from him. her father was stoic man who put more value on a dollar than substantial relationships with his family. your typical rich dad.

her mother was a trophy wife, spewing meaningless side projects like perfume lines and eye shadow palettes that enviably made their way into departments stores alike.

peyton’s fondest childhood memories was helping set up for the weddings in the hotels. watching the flowers be arranged, the chairs be strategically placed, the wait staff setting the champagne flutes. this lead to her taking an interest in doodling wedding dresses and small flower arrangements.

she has a small wildflower tattoo going along the curve of her breast that she drew, fun fact.

when she was three, her little sister was born. the two grew up inseparable, running amuck in their house together, pranking the nannies but most importantly: ice skating. there were obviously no ice rinks in california naturally but their nanny would take them to an indoor skating rink for lessons. peyton and audrey were quite good skaters.

in high school, peyton won a ton of awards in art contests and even got scholarship to attend art schools across the country.

her dad insisted there was no money in being artist (even if money was never a problem for them), he urged her to take over and be a hotel tycoon like him. peyton and her father fought a lot towards the end of high school about this but at the end of the day, she was her fathers daughter and was stubborn. peyton knew the key to happiness was chasing you passion instead of the dollar.

she attended rhode island school of art and design, earning a degree in interior design and a minor in illustrator. after graduating, she returned home and expected to have a job in the hotel that could suit her.

as she expected, her father got her a job in his business planning the events and having creative control over how each other ballrooms looked as well as the lobbies. working in close quarters with her father made their relationship grow quite strong. the two did everything together and suddenly their stoic walls were crumbling, only for each other.

it seemed as though everything in peyton’s life was coming together. she was the head event coordinator at the hotel, her father was her boss and allowed her to have free range. her sister was around so they could goof off at work.

this was until one day peyton was bringing her father lunch from their favorite mexican food truck in the city. she then walked in on her father sleeping with his assistant which put a stake in their relationship.

peyton couldn’t keep the secret from her mother. she’d rather her mother walk away with dignity rather than stay with a man who had no respect for her. but her mother did not have the same respect for herself.

peyton made the decision to take her funds and move to georgia to be near her grandparents, that’s how she ended up in peach hollow.

peyton’s time in peach hollow

peyton moved to peach hollow three years ago per her ultimatum to her mother that it was either her or her father and her mother chose her father.

she moved into a house on olive avenue and visited her grandparents frequently.

being skeptical at first about the new town around her, it took her a while to warm up and make friends.

she owned her own successful event planning business.

after about a year of living in peach hollow, she started dating leo choi and their relationship was rough from the very beginning. around the time they made things official, it got exposed by the peacher that she was an escort. and it also got exposed that leo had a secret child.

but peach hollow made peyton an extremely happy person and even made her a better human being.

peyton and leo were happy for about a year after overcoming their obstacles, just to run into another. leo got busy with work and his son, growing closer to other people as peyton began to drift away herself. it wasn’t until one day when their estrangement became physical.

leo walked in on his roommate lucas and peyton having sex and that was the end of their relationship. this was also the end of peyton’s time in peach hollow.

the last two years & now

after cheating on leo, peyton moved to nyc to take a job offer at a five star hotel planning events and also freelancing other galas throughout the city.

peyton’s been absolutely thriving, becoming a bit of a party girl with the city life but also finding herself as a professional in the daylight.

she’s even had a few relationships in new york but nothing as serious as her relationship with leo. she lowkey still has their pictures tucked away in her manhattan apartment. 

she brought her dog mango to nyc from sanfran.

doesn’t talk to her mom or dad, has cut all ties completely.

moved back to peach hollow (olive ave) bc her grandma is sick and she needs someone to take care of her. is not happy ab it. was living her best life. 

This past week has been a busy one for my original published novel. A lot of exciting things have happened, including starting my writer’s blog: melanietillman.com . I have had extra unpublished content for What Hindered Love for a long time, but I wanted to get my blog up and running first. Now that I have, I will now be releasing that content both on my blog and here on tumblr. Up first is this: the unpublished epilogue to What Hindered Love full of steamy moments, hot dad Micah, and loads of family fluff. Spoilers ahead, naturally, so the entire thing is under the cut.

Tagging those who may be interested: @xhookswenchx @branlovestowrite @sherlockianwhovian @thislassishooked @ekr032-blog-blog @ultraluckycatnd @snowbellewells (Marta, I know you haven’t finished it yet, but you can mark it for later) @kday426  @onceuponaprincessworld - I’m forgetting who else has read it! I apologize if I got any of these wrong or forgot anyone. 

And if you haven’t read What Hindered Love yet, you can always get it on Amazon. After all, what better time of year for a romance novel?

October, Two Years Later

Chloe was surprised when she woke up to see that her clock radio read only a little after 6 am. She wasn’t a morning person at all, and usually it was either her alarm or her children who roused her. She was also surprised that she was completely naked beneath the sheets. She had evidently slept more soundly than she had in a long time.

She wasn’t surprised, however, when Micah’s arm circled her waist, and he drew her close against his bare chest. He never needed an alarm to waken, and Chloe had yet to rise before he did. He nuzzled into her neck and mumbled a good morning against her skin. She turned in his arms to better gaze into his bright blue eyes, which were slightly bleary from sleep.

“I told you last night I would fall asleep. You should have let me get dressed,” she scolded him.

Micah’s hands began to roam and his lips caressed the pulse point behind her right ear, “What’s wrong with falling asleep naked in your husband’s arms?”

Chloe couldn’t help giggling, “Nothing,” she pulled his head from the track he was making down her collar bone to make sure he was really listening to her, “but when said husband and wife have three children, they have to be prepared and fully clothed for interruptions.”

“Good point,” Micah chuckled, but he then proceeded to continue the path she had interrupted, mumbling the rest of the words against her skin, “but isn’t this a glorious way to wake up in the morning?”

Chloe attempted to squirm out of his embrace even as he elicited a moan from deep in her throat. “Micah,” she panted, pushing him away, “I have to get up. Today’s a big day.”

After Micah’s confession almost two years ago, Chloe had yanked him inside her apartment, their kisses frantic and passionate. She had pushed him into the kitchen table, both of their hands roaming until she had slid hers down to the button of Micah’s jeans. With a groan, he had closed his hand over hers and shook his head.

“No, Chloe,” he had said gently. “I want you. You have no idea how badly I want you. But this time, we’re doing this the right way.”

She was tempted at first to be frustrated, but when she had seen the tender love shining in his eyes, she had felt so cherished. So instead, they had surprised Luke by picking him up to decorate the tree early and tell him that Mommy and Daddy had gotten back together. The joy on their son’s face had been indescribable.

They had fallen in love hard and fast as teenagers, then became best friends over the course of a year as adults, so there really was no need to drag things out. Three months later, on Valentine’s Day, Micah and Chloe were wed. She had said at first that a small ceremony with their closest family and friends was okay with her, but he would have none of it. Chloe had never had a wedding, and she deserved her dream one. Besides, Micah had joked with a wink, she was marrying into the perfect family to pull it off. And pull it off they did. It was the wedding she had always dreamed of and thought she would never have.

On their wedding night, when they had finally become one again after 6 ½ years, Chloe literally wept at the intensity of it. Their love had always been so deep and consuming. Now it was also sacred. Micah Barrett was now not only her lover, not only her best friend, but her soul mate.

Chloe rose from the bed now with a giggle on her lips at her husband’s pouty face. She quickly stepped into a pair of underwear, then grabbed Micah’s discarded t-shirt from the night before and slipped it over her head. She walked around the end of the bed and headed for the door, but Micah reached out and grabbed her, pulling her back into bed. She laughed and straddled his waist, resting her hands on his chest.

He smiled up at her, “This is one of my favorite looks on you. On top. In my shirt.”

Chloe shook her head and grinned down at him. She lowered her head, her hair falling like a curtain over his face. Their lips met, chaste at first, but then the kiss grew hungrier. Her hair kept getting in the way, so she pulled him up to a sitting position, wrapping her legs around his torso. Chloe pulled back, suddenly overcome with a familiar feeling.

“What?” Micah asked with a tender smile.

Chloe wrapped her arms around his neck and shook her head, “I just dreamed of this for so long, that sometimes I still can hardly believe it really happened.”

Micah cupped her cheek, “Me too, sweetheart.”

They resumed their kissing, lips and tongue giving and taking hungrily, but then sounds from the baby monitor pulled both of them from the passion of the moment. Chloe tilted her head back in frustration while Micah gave an irritated sigh. He grabbed the video monitor and looked at the tiny screen. He grinned and turned it so she could see. She couldn’t help the grin that filled her face, either. Their daughter wasn’t crying, but squealing loudly and shaking the side of her crib as if it were a cage she wished to break free from. They could clearly hear her ten month old babbling through the monitor:

“Ma ma ma ma ma ma!”

“Our little princess is demanding attention,” Micah quipped.

Chloe glanced at the clock: 6:30 am. “It is time for her breakfast,” she admitted, giving her husband a pout.

He leaned forward to give her a quick peck on the lips. “We can resume these activities any time,” he told her with a wink.

Chloe crawled off his lap and headed for the nursery. Clara was eager to see her mama, and reached chubby hands towards her. Chloe scooped her up, blowing raspberry kisses against her cheeks. Clara squealed with glee. This was the way she always greeted the day, with smiles and laughter. Clara had by far been the easiest baby for Chloe. She slept through the night by the time she was two weeks old, took to nursing like a champ while also taking bottles of formula with ease, and was generally content to sit and watch the world go by with a smile on her face. Chloe changed her diaper now, chatting to her as Clara babbled back. Chloe smiled down at the amber eyes that matched her own. After two boys who were each the spitting image of their fathers, Chloe was beyond delighted to have a mini-me of her very own, right down to the dimple in Clara’s chin and the golden locks just beginning to curl at the nape of Clara’s neck. Once the baby had a fresh diaper, Chloe settled into the rocking chair to nurse her. She knew that as soon as Clara finished eating, the boys would be awake.

Sure enough, Chloe heard thunderous feet pounding down the hallway as she burped Clara, followed by squeals of “Daddy!” She didn’t have to witness it herself to know that a tickling/wrestling match was now occurring in her and Micah’s bed.

Chloe came out into the hallway with Clara on her hip just as Micah exited their bedroom with Luke daggling from his back and Lincoln wrapped around his leg. Even though he was already hauling the weight of both boys, he reached out and took Clara.

“I’ll get the kids breakfast,” he told her, “so you can take your time getting ready for church. Today’s a big day for both my girls!”

Chloe’s heart constricted as Micah bounced Clara on his hip. “You look so hot right now,” she told him, and he did. Fatherhood looked good on him. She missed this with Luke, and she didn’t take it for granted now.

Micah wriggled his eyebrows, “That’s me. A hot dad.”

Chloe laughed and smacked him in the chest as she rolled her eyes. She couldn’t deny the truth of the statement, however, and couldn’t wipe the smile from her face as she headed for the shower.

She stepped out of the bathroom, tying her bathrobe around her waist, to the sound of loud knocking on the bedroom door. “Mommy!” Luke shouted. “Are you dressed?”

Chloe shook her head and chuckled, “Yes, sweetie, come on in.”

But it wasn’t just Luke, but all three children plus Micah, who walked through her bedroom door. Luke carefully carried a tray containing a plate of pancakes and a side of sausage. Lincoln carried a fistful of yellow daisies, and Micah carried a glass of orange juice in his free hand while balancing Clara on his hip. Her boys were also all singing “Happy Birthday” as Clara clapped her hands gleefully. Chloe shook her head as tears stubbornly welled in her eyes at the sight. She didn’t think she would ever get used to how blessed she was.

There was a birthday candle stuck in the pancakes, and Luke and Lincoln begged for her to make a wish, bouncing up and down with excitement. She bent over and blew out the candle, only realizing later that she never did make a wish.

*********************************************************

Chloe bounced Clara on her knee as she watched Micah and the praise band warm up. Luke sat on the steps leading up to the stage fiddling with his baby Taylor which he insisted on bringing with him every Sunday morning. Lincoln ran around the sanctuary with his cousins, Haley and Noah Barrett. Every once in a while, one of the adults had to admonish them to behave. Tom Barrett sat next to Chloe just like he had every Sunday since she and Micah started dating and driving to church together. She still remembered the first Sunday he sat down beside her, clearing his throat nervously . . .

“Chloe,” he had begun, seeming somewhat nervous, “I’ve never seen Micah so happy in my life.”

She had smiled back, “I’m pretty da-darn happy myself, to be honest with you.” Chloe had blushed furiously at her near slip-up, but Tom had just laughed.

His laughter turned to a frown as she had fidgeted nervously in her seat. “I owe you both an apology and a thank you.”

Chloe shook her head in confusion, “I’m afraid I don’t understand.”

“I owe you an apology for the way you were treated at Community Fellowship all those years ago.”

She had dropped her head, suddenly studying her nails with intense scrutiny, “Some would say I should apologize for destroying your church.”

Tom’s face had softened at that, “Oh, Chloe, no! On the contrary, I have you to thank for saving it. When I saw how my congregation treated a hurting young woman, not to mention how they treated my own son, it was a wakeup call. I knew that wasn’t what the church was meant to be. I lost members yes, but I regained truth, compassion, and the true gospel of Christ.”

“But you’re not in that beautiful building anymore.”

“No, but a church is more than a building. It’s people. And yes, we had very few of those too when we first moved to this warehouse. But look at us now! We’re full every Sunday, but more importantly, we’re a group of people who have learned to truly love others. This is now a church that practices grace. And I don’t know if that ever would have happened if not for that little boy right there.”

He was gesturing to Luke, who was patiently showing Lincoln how to wave one of the worship flags. The smile on Tom’s face was so full of love, not that it surprised her in the least. Luke’s grandparents had always adored him. But then Tom turned towards her, his face still filled with love and acceptance. Chloe never would have believed it possible, but in Tom Barrett she found the father figure she never even knew she wanted or needed.

Now, Tom eagerly took little Clara from Chloe’s arms and bounced her on his lap. Clara rewarded him by grabbing his cheeks with her pudgy little hands.

“She isn’t wearing the christening gown Elizabeth bought,” Tom pointed out, eyeing Clara’s cotton dress covered in pink butterflies.

Chloe laughed, “I’m not putting that on her until the last possible moment. I’ve seen that episode of The Office.”

Tom nodded in understanding as he smiled and cooed at his granddaughter. Chloe thought back to when she used to be afraid of mentioning TV shows and other entertainment around Tom and Elizabeth. But eventually she had stopped trying to censor everything she said when she came to the realization that Tom and Elizabeth were normal people just like anyone else. Whatever normal was, anyway.

“Well,” Tom said, eyes focused on the baby girl in his arms, “Clara is beautiful no matter what she’s wearing.”

A few hours later, after the worship set, Chloe Barrett stood at the front of Community Fellowship, Micah at her side, holding a precious bundle of white in her arms. And they were surrounded by family. Yes, Chloe Barrett, surrounded by family. More family and friends than she would have ever thought possible, two years almost from the day that she had made the bravest decision of her life. Here, on her 28th birthday, they were dedicating to the church their precious baby girl.

Chloe wiped the tears from her eyes as Micah draped his arm around her and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. She looked up into his eyes and thought of the long and winding road they had to travel to get here. But if that broken road was what it took to get them here, she would gladly walk it all over again.

Tom said a few words to the congregation about how dedicating a child to the church meant that they all had a responsibility to love that child, teach her, and guide her. He had Chloe and Micah repeat a few words after him, and then asked the congregation to respond “yes” as he asked them to assist the parents in raising the child up in the way she should go.

“Now I invite Clara’s immediate family to come up and pray blessings over her,” Tom announced.

Lincoln walked forward and leaned over his baby sister. He was five now and in kindergarten. He had grown into an extremely precocious child who was already reading well. He also loved to tell stories, and Micah and Chloe were always amazed at his imagination. Micah’s mother called Lincoln an old soul, and Chloe had to agree.

“I prayed for a baby brother,” Lincoln said now, as the congregation chuckled, “but I guess you’re okay. And even though you smell bad sometimes, you’re pretty cute once Mommy and Daddy change your diaper.”

The congregation laughed again, but Chloe glanced at Micah, who was swallowing hard. Lincoln had started calling him “Daddy” not long after their wedding, but it still moved them both. Scott at first became “my other daddy,” and now Lincoln had taken to calling him just plain “Dad” while Micah exclusively was “Daddy.”

“So,” Lincoln finished, heaving a small sigh, “thanks for making me a big brother.”

Luke came forward then, eight years old now, the top of his head now hitting the bottom of Chloe’s chin. But he still liked to kick the soccer ball in the backyard with Micah. (The backyard of their split-level, brick ranch. Chloe had watched enough House Hunters to know that most couples would turn their noses up at the dated 1980s style, but Chloe still pinched herself sometimes to remind herself that it was actually their home.) He still loved Star Wars and pirates, and he still wrestled his little brother on the living room rug. But Chloe knew how fast the years would fly, so she was determined to cherish every little boy moment.

Luke cleared his throat and shuffled his feet. “When I was a little kid, I told Gramma that I wanted my Mommy and Daddy to get married so I could have a real family.”

Chloe stepped closer to Micah and threaded her fingers with his.

“So Gramma told me to pray and ask Jesus. Well, he did it, and it’s so awesome. You’re gonna love this family, little sister.”

Then Chloe thought she might die of sheer joy as Luke bent his dark head over his sister’s blonde one and kissed her gently. Once Luke stepped back, Micah relinquished Chloe’s hand so he could gather his baby daughter in his arms.

“Clara, the first time I held your brother Luke, fear gripped my heart. I knew I wasn’t ready to be a father,” Micah cleared his throat, and Chloe lay a comforting hand on his arm. It still wasn’t an easy time for him to talk about. “God used that moment to change my life, and I will never forget it. But my sweet little girl, the first time I held you, it was like I was holding hope itself in my arms.” Micah was choking on tears now, but he swallowed and continued, “I pray for you, my daughter, that you never lose hope, no matter what darkness may surround you. And never doubt my love. No matter what you do, no matter where you go, you can never make me stop loving you. And God’s love? It’s even stronger than mine. Never forget that.”

Tears were streaming down his face now as he handed Clara back to Chloe. Most of the congregation was sniffling, too. Chloe was surprised to find that she was calm, maybe because she was nervous about talking in front of everyone, but that didn’t mean Micah’s words hadn’t moved her deeply. She’d never been more proud of him than she was in that moment. She smiled at him, and then gazed down into her daughter’s smiling face.

“Clara, when your big brother Luke was born, your daddy and I were all alone with a storm raging around us, in more ways than one. But when you were born, we were surrounded by friends and family, and joy just filled the room. The moment you arrived, I laughed with joy – literally laughed. The doctor laughed, too. She said she’d delivered hundreds of babies over the years and not once had she laughed like that. We named you Clara, sweet girl, because it means light. After so many years of darkness, our family is finally bathed in light.”

Chloe placed her hand tenderly on her daughter’s head, “I pray you would be brave, sweet Clara. Brave enough to love freely, without walls. Brave enough to cling to hope no matter what difficult times may come. Brave enough to be a light in the midst of darkness.”

Chloe lifted her head to see her entire family watching her with eyes full of love and pride. It was then she could no longer hold back her tears.

**********************************************************************

“Micah,” Chloe sighed, shifting a sleeping Clara in her arms, “is this really necessary? Can’t it wait until Monday morning?”

“I’m sorry, sweetie, I hate to do this on your birthday, but if I don’t get those cupcakes into the refrigerator, they’ll go stale.”

Chloe regarded him with a quizzical expression as he unlocked the event center door. A smile was flirting with the corners of his mouth. What was he up to?

He grinned wider at her as he flung the double doors wide to reveal a room packed with people shouting “surprise!” Chloe startled, and so did little Clara, who started to fuss. Micah took the baby from her arms as she took in the people filling the place. All of Community Fellowship seemed to be there, as well as her co-workers from Dr. Carter’s office, Adam Murray, and even Ally and Pete from the diner. Chloe bit her lower lip, overwhelmed at the community that surrounded her. Hannah bounced up to her with a cupcake on a plate. It was decorated not only with a birthday candle, but with a small spun sugar bird’s nest with a tiny chocolate heart resting inside.

“The Wren?” Chloe asked her husband.

He winked at her, “Of course!”

“Make a wish!” shouted Kate from the corner where she held little Noah in her arms. Soon, a chorus of voices were demanding the same thing.

Chloe looked around the room at all of these people who loved her, her gaze finally settling on her husband and three children who were standing close by, grinning from ear to ear.

“I’ll blow out the candle,” she finally said, “but I don’t need to make a wish. I already have everything I could ever want.”

With a prayer of thanks on her lips, Chloe leaned over and blew out her birthday candle.

[ long road trips, worn down friendship bracelets, walking in the front door without knocking and sitting down at dinner with your family, riding carts through empty grocery store aisles at 3am, skipping all the friday nights lights to hang out together, rocks thrown at windows, that favorite diner where you know all the employees intimately, shared clothes and drinks and ex-boyfriends, crying at grad parties ]

tw: suicide attempt

no one is really sure when they all became friends, but after it happened they were rarely apart, rarely seen with anyone else. walking down some backroad in a horde, driving down the freeway at 100 miles an hour, manning the pong table at the parties they were known for throwing in high school. in truth, they’ve been close since elementary school, all living in the same neighborhood, when one summer the girls and boys crossed paths and decided to consolidate friend groups. 

obviously, being the mixed group that it was, they had to make sure that no one altered the dynamics of the friendship by getting romantically involved. so, they all made a pact that nothing would happen between them. 

still, they experienced everything else together. they were all close by when they had their first kisses, their first joint, their first heartbreak, and for all manner of things good or bad. the friendship wasn’t exactly forged by fire, but with time -- mostly.

boy 2 was always the one holding them all together. he was hardly the parent of the group, but he was the one always willing to just be there. every time someone needed him. what none of them really knew was that he needed all that help themselves.

in their freshman year of high school, he made an attempt to kill himself, and several members of the group walked in to find him unconscious. they effectively saved his life, but none of them were equipped to deal with the knowledge that the person who seemed the strongest and stablest of them all was in fact the most vulnerable.

the event galvanized an already-strong bond and forced them to re-pledge themselves to the group and the promises they had made to each other. that’s why it felt like such a betrayal when tj and boy 1 slept together at the end of senior year, ending tj’s friendship with the rest of the group, more on her own terms than anything.

the group hasn’t been quite the same since then, always feeling sort of empty. now, though, the sixth piece is back in town and only time will tell whether time has been able to heal their old wounds and stitch the found-family back together.

SO, below the cut i have some aesthetics and little blurbs for the other five characters, but i don’t want to dictate everything! i want to work out dynamics, create a timeline for them throughout the years, and ultimately figure out where the next step for them is! whether the rest of them stayed friends or not, whether they left orlando or not, whatever! my only stipulation is they should be the same year as tj because they grew up together. if you have any questions, comments, concerns, pls don’t hesitate to hit me up here or on discord (🗣 morgan 🗣#3278)!

[ TJ COPSEY ]  the goody-two-shoes | 22, haley lu richardson, morgan

// no one ever really believed that tj was really friends with the rest of them. straight-a student, parents at every PTA meeting, and top-tier brownnoser, she never really fit in with the rest of them. she didn’t even truly live within the bounds of their neighborhood, but right outside of it with its crystal-clear pool and trimmed hedges and perfect family unit inside. the mom of the group, she stayed sober and watched after all of her friends at every party. the one party she did drink at, the night of graduation, she ended up sleeping with boy 1 and breaking the pact they’d worked so carefully to keep up through their ten years of friendship. needless to say, it didn’t go over well and she spent the year before freshman year of college by herself. even when the rest of them tried to reach out later, before she went several hours away to georgia tech, her pride got in the way and she’s been avoiding every phone call and text, every visit on breaks. now, though, she’s back in orlando post-grad and trying to navigate the situation.

[ BOY 1 ] the angst machine, reserved for jenn

 // the boy with the Traumatic Past, boy 1 cycled through several foster homes before finding himself in the little cul-de-sac where he’d call home. the family wasn’t perfect, but they were better than the ones he’d had in the preceding eight years. he fell in quickly with the neighbor boys, and although he was absolutely a bad influence, their families too. he’s always had a bad rep and a bad attitude, but to say that the group had a soft spot for him would be the understatement of the century. he could get away with bloody murder and, honestly, he kind of did when it turned out that tj got kicked out of the group for doing the same thing he got off scot free for. still, like everything else in his life, it’s something he’s been quite opportunistic about moping about. really, he’s not a chip on his shoulder and a woe-is-me attitude about life, and only like 50% of it is warranted. 

[ GIRL 2 ] the manic pixie dream girl, reserved for maddie

// girl 2 had always been rebellious, but she wasn’t always like that. honestly, she read books about girls that got every guy and made everyone’s head turn when she was young, and she ate that shit up. she’s wildly smart and always has been, but not many people would know because she hardly opened her mouth in high school. always acted like she was a guy’s girl, latching onto the boys in the group, but in truth she would’ve given her life for anyone in the group. she was the one that really spearheaded the oust tj campaign, not because she hated her or wanted boy 1 to herself, but because she took any betrayal of the group incredibly seriously.

[ BOY 2 ] the glue

// grew up in an average family (divorced parents, naturally), in an average suburban home with beige carpet and beige walls, with average grades and average talent and average everything -- or so he thought. becoming friends with these people was probably the best thing that ever happened to him and he’d say it, but that didn’t help in his struggles with mental health. after his attempt, he hated the way everyone started to walk on eggshells around him. in response, he did something with his life: he did whatever the fuck he wanted. more than likely, he has spent the past four years backpacking europe or #vanlifing or doing shrooms in a field in the middle of idaho. who knows, but he’s living, at least.

[ GIRL 3 ] the prom queen, reserved for alex

// she’s beauty, she’s grace, she’ll literally spit in your face. probably the poorest of them all; she grew up living with her mom and siblings in the basement apartment of some creepy old guy in the neighborhood. mom had awful boyfriends, worked late, you know the drill. but girl 3 hated the life she was living, so she changed it. she was never book smart, but she was people smart. she knew how to win people over and, more importantly, how to make people simultaneously fear and love her. she was the regina george of their high school, the only one that really had a separate friend group outside of theirs, but the other five were home to her. she spent most of her nights at someone else’s house, became all of their parents’ adopted child. wildly independent, yet always trying to find comfort in someone else.

[ BOY 3 ] the class clown president, reserved for emily

// probably never been serious a day in his life, and can’t lead a group for shit, but someone became the class president in high school despite it. he has a way with people, between his charming demeanor, sense of humor and good looks, but he doesn’t really know what to do with it. could probably be president of the united states of america if he tried, but he literally never has. 

what are ur current thoughts on the cm main cast? i know you only give hot takes so i’m curious

ok so i have not actually watched all of criminal minds. ive attempted to watch it all the way through a good few times (at least 6) but somewhere around the middle i always drop off and then inevitably start AGAIN from the beginning. i've gotten as far as season seven before which is...not very far. so ive gotten to the rossi/prentiss era of the show, and i think i got to the point where prentiss left the bau. so i'll just talk abt the cast up until then!

also i'll preface this with acab blah blah copaganda bad blah blah fuck the feds. i know guys. let me have my one legally allotted cop show

gideon: i. love gideon. he's not the stereotypical hardass unfeeling leader character that rossi (at least in the beginning) fell into. he's very emotional, very empathetic, and while he can be genuinely pretty frightening when confronting the criminals in the show, the care he has for his team and his capacity for kindness and compassion for victims....a bitch has cried before! he really grew into his own over the tenure of the show, and while i was sad that he left, i think it tied well back into who his character was and a natural progression for him following his trauma from the job. also i love mandy patinkin's performance in general, i love him voice and the way he can go from soft and intense. jason gideon if ur reading this im in the market for a father

hotch: i've always liked hotch, but he REALLY grew into his own over the series. his care for his team is really something, but WOW the storyline with his ex wife and jack? and the episodes about haley's death? WOW. i absolutely cried like a baby during their last phonecall and. god. i know vaguely that his actor had some issues on set lmao but i really like what of hotch's character i've seen and. yeah.

elle: she was very much the token girl on the team which was disappointing. i really liked her, especially during the beginnings of season one, and i think the episode on the train was really, really good -- her dynamic with the team here was really interesting (especially with spencer) and it's one of my favorite episodes. i think her experience with ptsd is believable especially after her injury in the season 1 finale, but i feel like the booting her from the team for being the trigger-happy high strung woman character was. not great. good on her for killing that bastard tho, even if acab and she avoided legal ramifications when irl thats. not great. 

prentiss: i LOVE her!!!! she's so fun and goofy but also good at her job and very relatable. i love her journey to prove herself to the team, and the close bonds she makes with everyone, and it really helps make the team feel like a family (aha me? liking found family dynamics? damn thats crazy). i just found out that she was written as a lesbian but CBS fucking nixed it for some reason, so truly homophobia never sleeps and forevermore prentiss will be a whole ass dyke in my heart. i love her!!!

rossi: i was never SUPER hurr durr rossi bad cuz he's not gideon, but he was written purposefully as an asshole in his beginnings, so i didn't like him that much. i felt like the episode that developed him into a "good guy" was cheesy but good, and while he's nowhere near my favorite member of the team, i do like him!

derek: I FUCKING LOVE DEREK MORGAN!!!!! i love his dynamics with the entire team, especially spencer, emily, and penelope. his writing left a lot to be desired in season one, but he DRASTICALLY improved thereafter and he's in my top 3 in the show. his particular character (lbr trauma) building episode absolutely gutted me, and i just. absolutely adore adore adore him. king of the lesbians, bisexy icon, respecter of women, derek morgan please embrace me in your arms and let me kiss u on the lips

jj: i luv jj!!! i love her dynamic as media liaison and how she interacts with the whole team, but how she's also very capable in the field! her storyline with her boyfriend/husband is very sweet, litcherally straight rights. i know she gets her character dev after where i stopped watching, so im excited to learn more abt her!!!

penelope: i love penelope so FUCKING much guys!!! she's a perfect balance between comic relief and emotional beats, and there's nothing i dislike about her. she's fucking hilarious, i love her confidence (but also how she's allowed to feel insecure) , and her dynamic with derek is the best in the show, full stop. but i also adore her dynamics with the female members of the team, and her play flirting to straight-faced hotch is unendingly funny. god. the episode(s) where she's dealing with getting shot? the way derek will do anything to protect her? and penelope in turn wants to protect him? GOD. she's also human, and kind, and caring, and fuck i love her so much.

spencer: to NO ONES surprise spencer is my favorite.  i definitely have a highkey crush on matthew gray gubler and i think his performance as spencer is just. phenomenal. spencer is funny, he’s kind, he’s so fucking smart, and he’s really truly capable despite all the obstacles his life has thrown at him. the tobias hankel episode is one of my favorites of the series, and the resulting trauma that spencer goes through just. wow. and his longstanding fears of being afraid of what’s inside his own head, of what people think of him because he’s so different, of how there are in fact very few degrees of separation mentally between him and some of their past unsubs? GOD!!!!! his character is incredible, i adore him to pieces, and i love his dynamics with the rest of the team, specifically jj, hotch, penelope, and morgan (especially morgan!!!!!). um spencer reid literally kiss me on the lips challenge sir i am in love with you. also bisexy trans and autistic rights babey!!!!!

“We were good at that, weren’t we?”

WHAT’S GOOD TUMBLR I’M ALIVE AND FELT COMPELLED TO POST SOMETHING I WROTE I HOPE YOU ENJOY

-Abby

PS: 18+, Smut ahead

Premise:

Haley is an OFC me and @niallhoranistodiefor came up with, and we have a whole story going for these two. But, sometimes one of us will get sidetracked and write headcanons of this character and Niall. This is one of those times. Haley is Niall's childhood neighbor and best friend from Mullingar, a curvy dark-haired 5'2 firecracker who's heart belongs to one Niall Horan, and vice versa. Her brother’s name is Conor. In this case, the variation from our story begins with Niall and Haley being best friends with convenient benefits, only to stop abruptly. The real meat of this headcanon is after their reunion. Just roll with me on this guys. It'll be so good. (AN: This is in American because I have no understanding of the English university system, also this is so unedited. Pls forgive.)

The past- a summary:

Niall and Haley hooked up pretty regularly when they were in their late teens. Anytime he was near her when she was at school or when they were both home he'd send a text and she'd be over, kissing him and tugging off their clothes after the first hello. It started the first time he was home after the X factor. They almost fell into it. They were hanging out in his room, talking and catching up, when Niall let slip that he hadn't been able to stop thinking about her since he left. He admitted he wanted her in whatever capacity she was comfortable with. For Haley, that meant temporary and convenient company. As she went off to college and the band took off, they saw each other a little less, but they still kept in contact. If he knew he was nearby, he'd let Haley know his schedule and location, and give security a heads-up. Nine times out of ten she'd be waiting in his hotel room for him after a show, smiling while sitting on his bed in just a shirt of his. They'd fall into each other without another word, and stay wrapped up for as long as they could. For Niall this arrangement was fine, but he always saw a future with Haley. Haley, however, was focused on the moment. It seemed like every time Niall saw her again she had done something new, whether it be added a tattoo or piercing to her body, or changed her hair, or adopted a different style of dressing (his personal favorite was the boho-chic Haley with the choppy yet elegant bob, but sexy 90s grunge Haley with the fishnets and the undercut had been a good look too). Then suddenly, he stopped hearing from Haley. He'd still always let her know when he was around, but she wouldn't be waiting in his room. After a brief chat with Conor, he found out Haley had gotten into some academic trouble and was devoting herself to succeeding in school. He understood, and told her that if she ever needed anything to just ask. He still reminisced about her, the way they moved together, the way her body felt under his hands, and the way she fell apart calling his name. It rang out in his mind from time to time, and for some reason, no one could measure up to her. A few years passed and suddenly One Direction was taking its break, and Niall could only handle it by taking off to Thailand with his friends. He wished he could talk to Haley about it, to hold her and anchor himself to something, but Haley hadn't spoken to him in years. He didn't know their last time was their last. After Thailand, he focused on his career, venturing into different realms and writing his own music. It wasn't until he popped into a coffee shop in a quieter part of London that he got a chance to see her again.

Present:

Niall had been at a few meetings with labels, management, and Ellie, and was finally done for the day. He stopped into his favorite local coffee place for a treat before heading home, walking in and inhaling the scent of roasted coffee beans and pastries. He ordered a dark roast coffee with cream and a hint of brown sugar, and as he waited for his coffee he glanced around the shop. A girl in the corner typing furiously on her laptop caught his eye. She had warm brown hair with natural highlights that caught the light of the sun coming in. Her green eyes focused intently on her task, darting around her screen. Niall knew her instantly. "Hales," he said softly, his chest tightening and a flood of memories hitting him. In three years she had matured a lot, or so it appeared to him. He could tell by the way she moved that her energy was as high as ever, but directed much better. He took his coffee from the barista and walked over to her table. "Haley?" he asked. Her eyes flew up and landed on his, her mouth forming a little round 'o'. "Niall?" She said in a soft but incredulous voice. He nodded. "Hey." He said simply, shoving one hand into the pocket of his jeans. "Oh my god, hi. It's been ages! How are you?" she asked, standing up and opening her arms to hug him. Niall freed his hand and hugged her back, pushing down all of the feelings that came with being so close to her. He smiled. "Couple of years, yeah. I'm good, been keeping busy." He said and she smiled. "Here, sit with me if you have a minute. I'd love to catch up!" she said warmly and he nodded, plopping in the chair across from her. She shut her sticker-covered laptop and he glanced at the articles she had next to her. "I see I'm not the only one who's kept busy. 'The twenty best places in London to go on a budget', 'Where to go to see the real Ireland'. You're a travel writer?" He asked and she grinned. "Sort of. I'm a writer for a publisher that has magazines that highlight the best and lesser known parts of Ireland and England." She explained and he grinned. "That's incredible! I'm so proud of ya. And I hope you don’t mind me saying you look fantastic." He said, Haley blushing. "You do too. I really like that you brought back the dark hair." She said and he smiled, running his hand through it. "Dyeing it was such a hassle and my hair was dead. And I wanted a change after the band went on hiatus." He explained and she nodded. "I get it. Look, Niall, I want to explain something first before we get too into each other's lives." she said and he nodded. "Of course." He said and she looked at him. "I hope you don't think I cut you out of my life and I really, truly am sorry for just vanishing. I found out I was on academic probation and it scared the shit out of me. I was a junior in college and I had to get my act together. It was a wake-up call to focus on school and my future. It wasn't just you that I distanced myself from. It was a lot of people that I realized were negative influences on my life. You weren't a negative influence of course, but you were a bit of a distraction. It was nothing to do with you and everything to do with me. I just wanted to make that clear." She finished with a small sigh, like she'd finally let a weight off her chest and he nodded. "Hales, I completely understand. You did what was best for you, I can't be mad at you for that. And look what came of it. You're a successful writer! That's so amazing. Truthfully I did miss my best friend a lot, but you and I…we kind of come and go when we need to. At the end of the day we'll come back to each other eventually." he said and Haley looked visibly relieved. "Yeah, that’s exactly how I felt." She said, a mutual understanding passing between them. They sat and chatted together for a while, catching up on their lives. Niall explained what he was up to, with the golf management company and the solo album coming together piece by piece. Haley was ecstatic at the very idea. Suddenly Haley's stomach growled. "Oh my god, it's like 5:00." She said with a laugh. They'd been talking for nearly two and a half hours. "Hey, I have an idea. Do you have plans for the night? Maybe you could come over and we could order takeout and watch movies. Like old times?" He offered and Haley smiled. "I don't have plans, and that sounds…heavenly." She said. "Then it's settled. Wanna follow me in your car?" He asked and Haley snorted. "Niall, I take the tube or uber just about everywhere. I can NOT afford a car, plus parking at my apartment complex." She said and he nods sheepishly. "Right, sorry. Well, then you can ride with me." He said and they walked to his car together. They continued their chatting in the car ride, talking about old friends from Mullingar. Haley gasped when they pulled up to Niall's house. "Oh my god, Ni it's gorgeous," She marveled as they pulled into the garage. "I can give you the grand tour." He said, leading her in. They walked from the foyer into the kitchen, Haley making a beeline for the 6-burner stove and double oven. "Oh my god, this is my dream kitchen. I kind of hate you a little bit." She said, letting Niall lead her through the rest of the house. There was the spacious and cozy living room, the inviting dining room, the office, guitar/music room, guest rooms, and then finally his room. Decorated with light greys and soft whites, a plush king bed taking center stage. The cracked door to the adjacent master bathroom revealed a shower big enough for three people. There was a walk-in closet bigger than Haley's first apartment, and she made sure to let him know. "Your house is heaven Ni." She said and he shrugged. "It's home and I love it. It's a big place for just me though. Sometimes I consider getting a dog or a roommate." He said and Haley snorted. "Roommates and dogs are messy." She said and he raised his brows at her. "What are you saying, McMahon?" He asked, being teasingly threatening. "That you're a neat freak." She said and his mouth hung open, a smile in his eyes. "Oh, you're dead." He said, reaching for her. Haley bolted away and down the hallway, laughing as she ran down into the living room with Niall at her heels. He was laughing too as he caught her in the living room, his arms snaking around her waist and lifting her up. They fell onto the couch together and Niall tickled her sides, Haley squealing and laughing uncontrollably. "Ni--stop--I'm gonna pee--oh my god stop!" She gasped and he finally stopped, letting Haley lay on top of him comfortably, like it was how they always were. Like three years hadn't passed. Their eyes met and Haley's breathing quickened, Niall could feel it. He shifted and sat up, worried this was too much too fast for her. They hadn't even acknowledged what they had been in the past. He didn't want to wreck this already. "Wanna order that food?" He asked and she nodded. "Chinese?" She asked and he grinned. "I know just what to get." He said, pulling up his favorite place on grub hub. He ordered dumplings, spring rolls, Lo Mein, sweet and sour chicken, and mu shoo pork for them so they could have plenty to choose from. Once it was ordered he offered Haley a change of clothes, which she declined, and they put on Netflix. Niall hesitantly put his arm around her and he smiled when she leaned into him. "I missed this." She said and he nodded, simply pressing his lips gently to her head. They sat contently, commenting on the movie Niall had picked, until the doorbell rang. Niall got up and paid for the food, bringing it to Haley. Her mouth watered from the smell. "Oh my god, come to momma," she said as Niall took everything out of the bags and handed her chopsticks. Haley had a bite of everything first, like she always did when they got a spread. "This is so good," she said with a mouthful of mu shoo. Niall could only nod as he chowed down too, the silence between them comfortable until they started to eat slower. "I've really missed you," he said and she blushed. "Me too. Thought about you a lot but I had to stay focused." She said and he nodded. "I know. I thought about you a lot too, especially around the hiatus. Some days it felt like my world was coming down around me." He said and Haley's eyebrows knitted. "I'm really sorry Ni. I…I wish I had been there for you when you needed me." She said and he shook his head. "Hales, don't worry. It's alright. Plus, there's plenty coming in the future I'll need you for." He said and she smiled. "So, you dating anyone?" He asked after a brief pause. Haley's green eyes went wide as she stopped chewing her mouthful of dumpling. She finished and swallowed. "Jesus, straight into it. Me? I uh…no. Not at all." She said, embarrassment in her voice. Niall looked at her and chuckled. "Glad to see we're in the same boat." He said and Haley's eyebrows went up. "You? A successful singer, CEO, and 24-year-old Irish hunk? Single? This world baffles me." She said and he laughed. "High praise." He said and she shrugged. "It's all true." She said matter-of-factly. "I'm surprised you're single too. You…you're stunning. You've always been so beautiful, even when we were awkward little teens, but now…there's something about you Hales. You radiate quiet confidence." He said and Haley's cheeks went red. Niall took a breath and then leaped for the topic they'd been avoiding. "I miss us together a lot. Like how we used to be." He said, his eyes conveying what he didn't say out loud. Haley swallowed and her eyes darted down, memories flooding her mind. "You do?" She asked and he nodded. "Yeah, I do. We were uh, pretty good at that weren't we?" he asked with a little chuckle and Haley couldn't help but crack a smile. "Yeah, yeah we were." She said. Their eyes met again and uncertainty hung in the air. They both wanted to reach for the other, to touch and feel that spark ignite again. It was just a matter of trust. Niall could feel the moment passing with every millisecond that slipped by, and he knew if they missed this their chance would be gone for good. He reached for her hand, pulling her into him and pressing his lips to hers. It was all Haley needed to let the wall come down, the familiar feeling of Niall filling her with warmth. His hands threaded into her hair, angling her head just a bit so he could kiss her deeper. She moved forward and situated herself in his lap, her legs around his waist. Niall was so much firmer, thicker, and manly than she remembered. He was the same and different all at once and it intoxicated her. Niall's hands ran over her curves, nudging the hem of her shirt more than once. Haley read his mind and lifted it off deftly, Niall's hands roaming her skin. Her kiss was like good whiskey, spreading through him and waking up his senses. "Oh god," she breathed as his lips coasted down her neck to her collarbones. "It's been ages since anyone even touched me like this Ni." She said and he nodded. "Me too. Nothing has felt this good since our last time." He said, his hot breath washing over her skin. He tugged off his own shirt at Haley's urging, her hands touching every inch of him instantly. "I need you Hales. I need to feel you. Please baby, want you so bad. Even if it's just this last time." He said and Haley looked down. She didn’t say it, but there would be no last time. This was the first time in a long time, the first of many more times to come. "Of course." Was all she said and with that Niall was standing up, carrying Haley with ease up to his bedroom. She took the time to taste the salty skin of his neck and run her hand over his chest hair, smirking. It was only when they were within feet of his bed that she went to that spot under his ear, right by the bend of his jaw, that made his knees buckle. She sucked his skin and butterflies danced in her stomach as Niall moaned, just like he always did when she found that spot. He let her down gently onto his bed and before she uttered a word he was tugging off her jeans, smiling as he saw her familiar tattoos. "I missed these. So fucking beautiful. You're a work of art." He said and kissed her thighs, skipping over her panties and going to her stomach. She still had the bellybutton ring she'd gotten her freshman year. He was glad only some things had changed. He found her lips again and Haley kissed him hungrily, her body absolutely aching for him after three long years. Niall took off his own pants and Haley looked him over for a second, nearly whimpering because she had missed him so much. She took off her bralette and Niall helped her out of her panties, her hips lifting eagerly off the bed. He kissed down her body and parted her legs, going to kneel at the edge of the bed. "Niall--," She said, her breath hitching as he settled himself inches from her heat. "So fucking gorgeous." He mumbled, his tongue licking a wide stripe over her folds. "Taste as good as I remember." He said, licking into her and finding her clit in seconds. Haley's hand flew to his hair and she moaned, Niall's tongue working wonders on her center. "Holy shit, I forgot just how good you are at this, oh GOD Niall, don't stop!" She whined, Niall sliding two fingers inside her. He pumped them slowly at first, lavishing Haley's clit and listening to her moan. Haley begged him for more and he happily obliged, quickening his pace and using his thumb on her clit in faster circles. "Niall, holy fuck, I'm already close, fuck, please, make me come baby." Haley said in a breathy voice, her hand tugging his head closer. He went back to sucking on her clit, his fingers moving easily in her wetness. He grazed his teeth over her clit, just barely, and it was enough to send Haley over the edge, coming hard while crying his name. Niall smiled proudly as he licked her release off his fingers. "That's my girl. Glad to know I can still drive you mad." He said as he kissed his way up her body, loving the hazy look on her face as she came down from her high. Haley threw an arm around his neck and kissed him deeply, feeling his hard cock through the thin fabric of his boxers against her leg. "Need you." She said and that was all Niall needed to hear. He stood up to take off his boxers, Haley watching his hard cock hit his stomach as she moved up the bed. She moaned as Niall climbed onto the bed and hovered over her. "Jesus, you look so fucking good Ni. I can't even believe it. I need you." She said, Niall leaning down to kiss her. Haley's legs parted as they kissed and Niall lined himself up. "Gonna go slow love. Don't know how long I'll last." He said with a hint of a smile and Haley matched it to reassure him. He began to slowly push inside her, both of them moaning. Haley's hand gripped his arm, Niall feeling her nails dig into his skin. He finally bottomed out and waited for the tenseness to leave Haley's body, kissing her neck and chest, one of his hands rubbing slow circles over her nipple. After a few minutes Haley was kissing him eagerly and moving her hips. Niall began to slowly thrust, pulling out almost all the way and then bottoming out inside her. He groaned as they moved together. "So fucking tight Hales, god it's just like I remember. Feels like heaven. Like home." He said. The words washed over Haley and she smiled. He was right, it did feel like home. It felt warm and safe and familiar and everything she needed. "You fill me so good Ni, so much better than anyone. Feels so perfect." She said, few more words exchanged between them for the next few minutes. Their lips met, Niall's tongue sweeping into her mouth and tasting her just like before. His hands roamed her body, touching every inch so he would never forget it. Haley practically lost herself in Niall, exploring him equally. Her hands drifted down his back, feeling the muscles under his sweaty skin flex as he thrusted steadily into her. Neither one of them cared about how much time was passing, only about getting reacquainted with the other. Eventually, Niall's pace started to become faster and unsteady. "Oh god hales, I'm so close baby. Been holding off as much as I can but fuck, you feel so fucking amazing." He said and Haley nodded, her breathing shallow. "I'm close too Ni, so close. Wanna come with you." She said and he nodded, reaching down to rub her clit with his thumb. Within seconds the coil in Haley snapped, her orgasm overtaking her. Niall only caught a glimpse of her face before he came too, stalling inside her and painting her walls. They called each other's names, her hand gripping his shoulder and Niall squeezing her hip. Niall collapsed onto her, seeing stars as he panted. Haley breathed deeply, her body shaking from the intensity of everything. She threaded a hand in the soft hair at the nape of his neck, combing through it gently. It took a few minutes for them both to be coherent again. "That was…everything." Niall said into her neck and she nodded. "Just like old times." She said with a smirk and he chuckled. They fell into silence for a few more minutes before Niall took a breath and spoke. "Hales…if you only want this to be a convenience thing, like before, I…I don’t think I can do that. I can't just have a few moments with you every few months. I want…everything with you. Every moment. If you only want hookups, then this was the last time." He said. Haley could feel the hesitation in his voice, he was just waiting for her to confirm what he didn't want to be true. Haley looked down at him. "Niall, I don't want just a hookup. For fuck's sake I -- I love you. I'm so fucking in love with you. I don't want this to be the last time. I want this to be the first of a lot more times. I want everything too." She said, Niall's eyes going wide. "You love me?" He said in disbelief and she nodded. Niall's face broke into a grin. "I love you too. I always have. I didn't want to scare you off by saying it." He said and they leaned in at the same time for a soft kiss, Niall smiling into her swollen lips. "Never letting you get away again." He said and Haley nodded. "I don't plan on going anywhere."

iZombie 5x10 "Night in the Zombie City" Review

With just three episodes of iZombie left, we are inching closer and closer to the truth about the cure, and characters are going to more drastic measures as time ticks on. 

For this week’s murder, a young sex worker and private eye detective are killed back to back. Liv eats the detective’s brain, bathing the episode in noir. Sad saxophones, light bars across the eyes, and long trench coats. A thunderstorm plays in the background for the whole episode, making every scene feel like a dark and stormy night. The power goes out in the station, giving it a 50’s black and white movie vibe. Bunny, the sex worker, was one of Candy’s girls, so the investigation naturally winds up at Don E Be Good’s. All signs point to the waitress, Jane, who ends up returning to the scene of the crime. Blaine confronts her near the bar, and right before Jane is about to shoot him, Crybaby comes in and knocks her out cold. Blaine eats her brain in hopes of finding out more, and he has a vision. The private eye detective had managed to secure a cure for Bunny, and Jane caught wind of it. Trying to steal the cure for herself, she killed both of them. Of course, getting another cure would be in Blaine’s best interest, and so he eats Jane’s brain in hopes to figure out where she stashed the cure. 

Blaine and Liv cross paths at the private eye’s office while working on the case, but tensions finally boil over between the two when they are looking for the cure in the kitchen of Don E Be Good’s. Peyton gets Liv to come out drinking, and Peyton drowns her sorrows and delivers wobbly karaoke. The fun comes to an abrupt end when someone tells Peyton that she was a bad mayor. She tells him exactly what she thinks about that by sockin him right in the mouth. A huge bar fight breaks out. “Seriously? On karaoke night?” Don E moans. If only he knew the knockout, drag-out Liv and Blaine were having in the back. This is certainly not the first time that these two have come to fisticuffs, but this time it gets ugly. Crybaby intervenes again, with more intentions to kill. Right before he brings the bat down on Liv’s head, Clive comes to the rescue. Blaine throws Crybaby under the bus for Jane’s murder, which is what Blaine does, and Crybaby truly should not be shocked about it.

 Peyton is also arrested. Poor girl is clearly having a hard time dealing with not being mayor anymore. Now that she’s off the hook for all of Seattle’s problems, what else does she have to do? “Did I ever tell you I wanted to be a paleontologist?” she tells Liv. “Seems hard to get fired from that job.” I hope in the next three episodes, Peyton can get her groove back, rather than taking up an extended stay in Margaritaville and getting arrested for bar fights. 

Another character who has been under a lot of stress lately, as well as a new relationship, is Don E. In a bought of frustration, he calls the murders a “hassle” for business, which rubs Darcy the wrong way. Confused about what he said, Liv soothes him while sipping on hard liquor. “Dames got you dizzy, Don E. It’s what dames do.” He has a sweet moment with Candy, where she encourages him to get Darcy back, and it seems a little bit like a final goodbye. Candy has been an unsung hero of this series. She has never had a full plot on her own, unfortunately always at the mercy of the unethical men in her life. We aren’t often in tune with her thoughts and feelings, but she has been with us since the beginning. So when we see her steal the cure for herself and get on the back of a sexy motorcycle, I cheered out loud. Cue the Lucille Bluth “Good for her!” gif! Although it sets our heroes back, yet again ending an episode cure-less, I can’t help but feel like out of all the people to get one of the rare original cures, Candy deserves it the most. Be free, Candy! 

Darcy agrees to speak to Don E, and she tells him that she was angry at his reaction to Bunny because his chief concern was finding a replacement for her. Darcy doesn’t have much time left, so she was worried that would be Don E’s reaction to her death as well. Don E has matured the most out of any character on this show, and so when he tells Darcy that he’s hardened by all the death in his life, but still loves her, it feels like a hard won, vulnerable moment from him. He asks Darcy to marry him, which was the perfect mix of corny and sweet. At first I was sure that we would see Darcy die by the end of the season, but I’m beginning to wonder if the show has a future for these two after all. If there’s any zombies standing after Liv and Martin’s showdown, that is. 

Ravi wastes no time telling Liv the truth about her father, that he also, in fact, is Father of all Zombie-kind. In turn, she wastes no time confronting him about it. Not only is she angry that he withheld something so major, it also means he holds the key to the cure. He created the recipe for utopium that could be the solution to all their problems. He quickly tells her that he was high all the time in those days, so there’s no way he remembers the recipe. The audience knows this isn’t true, and it’s only a matter of time before Liv and the group find out. But not before Ravi lapses judgement a little and tells Martin he was testing rats with Max Rager, the energy drink that gives extreme psychological effects. When it’s paired with utopium, it turns people into zombies. Ravi explains that it stimulants the frontal cortex. Martin seems incredibly interested at this piece of information, and we found out later that Max Rager is the last piece of the puzzle that he needs to control his army. 

At Fillmore Graves, Major is begging for a distraction from the negotiations with the government. His second gives him a note that the keycard system needs to be replaced. While she mentions that it’s “just boring stuff,” it turns disturbing fast. Major catches a janitor with a huge carton of Max Rager with two keycards. When Major tells him that he wants to ask him some questions, the janitor runs into a shower hook, impaling his brain rather than talk. When Ravi hears what the janitor was trying to steal, he brings up to Liv the conversation he had with Martin. Liv proposes sneaking into Martin’s house while he’s in an AA meeting, and boy do they hit the motherlode. Not only do they find the exact recipe from the night of the yacht party that created the first zombie outbreak, but they find the army too. Ravi pulls aside the curtain, hoping for an escape route, and finds a pack of Romeros staring back at him behind a cage. 

Meanwhile, two of the weakest plots of the show finally meet each other and seem to resolve. As a little recap, Hi Zombie is the webseries that Peyton got fired for funding. The premise is two families move in next door to each other — one human, one zombie — and they root out all the stereotypes they have against each other. Every clip or scene we’ve seen of this show has been didactic and a little forced, but surely it was a plot device to build some kind of crucial bridge. The threat of nuclear warfare has been looming over New Seattle for quite some time now, and I mean a long time now. I understand this is a big decision, but it’s been stretched to the point of taking the wind out of the story’s sails a bit. I never actually believed that New Seattle would get nuked, and now we know it’s probably not going to. Why? All because of Hi Zombie! The chairman walks in on her grandson watching the show, and leans over to watch it with him for a while. Over the course of the evening, she has a change of heart about the zombie community. When it comes down to a vote on whether or not to nuke the town, she breaks the tie by voting no. “They have the capacity to become monsters” she says, but she can’t base her vote on “for fear for what they might become.” All of this is certainly not good enough for General Mills, who pays a phone call to our favorite local criminal, Dolly. These two make a toxic team up, for sure, but how will they factor in to the grand finale?

Final thoughts:

Ravi does an amazing noir detective monologue that I can only assume is based off Harrison Ford’s Bladerunner voiceover 

Was it just me, or was there extra alcohol in this episode? 

“I’ll sleep when I’m dead” “You’re already dead.” It seems unbelievable to me this joke hasn’t been played yet 

“We’re not talking about your book. By the book. My book.” I’m going to miss Malcolm Goodwin rolling with every brain swing. He’s exasperated by a brain nearly every week, but this one particularly got under his skin. He tells Liv she’s off the case until she eats a brain tube, but that certainly doesn’t stop her. 

“That was just a love tap!” 

I always feel frustrated when this show uses terribly dated language, like “hooker” and “junkie.” It leaves a bad taste in my mouth. 

“The classic lamp reveal.” Finally, a brain that matches Blaine for his dramatics. 

Don E’s laugh when Peyton starts singing is pure iZombie 

“We’re going to Don E Be Good’s.” “Good’s enough!” Again — so obvious but brilliant. 

Haley’s episode rating: 🐝🐝🐝🐝

iZombie airs Thursdays at 9/8c on the CW.

Headcanon that Cameron and Donna celebrate the 4th of July, and make a point of seeing a fireworks show every year

[CW: temporary sickness, food/eating]

Naturally, Cameron and Donna feel very differently about the holiday itself. When Donna initiates the annual, “So, the 4th, what are we doing?” conversation in June, Cameron mutters, “What a bullsh!t holiday,” and Donna rolls her eyes, and says, “Yeah I know, Apocalypse Now, your conscientious objection is noted….” Cameron will argue, “I (still) don’t understand how you don’t object!” and Donna will literally throw up her hands, much the way she used to when they would argue in the Mutiny conference room and say, “I don’t know, probably because I’m (still) not actually in the service? And I won’t be drafted? And we’re not at war?” (She ignores Cameron’s incredulous, “You really think this country isn’t at war? I mean maybe not that we know of….”) “It’s a federal holiday celebrated by many of this nation’s citizens,” Donna sighs, “and it’s a great excuse for a party.” “Well of course you think so, Party Girl,” Cameron smirks at her. “You love that I’m a Party Girl,” Donna scoffs, “especially after everyone else goes home for the night.” 

This of course is entirely true, and so after their annual bickering, objection voiced, Cameron goes with whatever it is that Donna wants to plan. Every few years, they spend the day together, just the two of them, and they go up to San Francisco to see the fireworks, and to recreate one of their first dates. More typically though, Donna hosts a barbecue for their loved ones.

Unfortunately, that second July after Cameron finally, completely moves in, Donna gets sick

On the 2nd of July, after they get home from work, Donna realizes that she feels exhausted and overwhelmed by the desire to sleep. Cameron takes care of dinner, but when she offers to make a plate for Donna, Donna says, “I think I’m too tired to eat? I must be coming down with something.” She describes a mild headache, mild nausea, and feeling a little warm. When Cameron anxiously asks if they should go to a clinic or even the emergency room, Donna says, “No, It’s not that bad,” and then when Cameron protests (“but what if it is that bad, what if it’s worse than it feels?”) says, “I’ve given birth to two actual human beings, Cameron, I know when something feels serious.” (“I’ve given birth to two human beings” will become Donna’s standard reply when Cameron starts to fret about Donna’s health.) She doesn’t have chest pains, blurred vision, or neck stiffness, so Donna spends the rest of the evening sipping ginger tea, and manages to eat some saltines before turning in

When Donna wakes up feeling even more exhausted the next day, Cameron asks if they should cancel the barbecue. “No, no, it’s too late,” Donna groans, “and besides, most of the prep work is already done, we bought all the food and supplies.” With a heavy sigh, she says, “You guys can deal with the food. I’ll just have to stay inside, and also out of the kitchen.” “Okay,” Cameron nods. And then she says, “Wait, what do you mean we can handle the food, are you saying you want me to work the grill?” Donna chuckles, “No, I meant that Bos, Haley, and Vanessa can do the grilling.” 

Donna spends most of that day in bed, not so much resting as passed out, as if she hasn’t slept in a month. After clearing it with the girls, Cameron makes a hasty trip to the market for some chicken, and then spends that afternoon channeling her anxiety and disappointment into making a large batch of chicken noodle soup

When Cameron brings her a bowl of soup and sleeve of crackers, Donna is grateful for it, and able to sit up comfortably to eat it. “This is perfect,” Donna sighs, “it’s a little bland, but, that’s what I need right now.” “Seems like you’re feeling better,” Cameron says hopefully. “A bit,” Donna nods, between spoonfuls. “I don’t feel possessed by the need to sleep, I don’t feel so warm or headachey…stomach still feels weird, that’s the only thing.” She downs the rest of the soup, though.

Later that evening Cameron goes up to the bedroom to see if Donna wants a snack. Donna responds with an exaggerated grimace, and says, “I don’t think you should sleep in here tonight, I would offer to move but, I’ve already got the bathroom in here, and you can use the other bathroom, and then it will be clear for any guests who need it tomorrow.” Cameron frowns at the idea of sleeping separately, “Okay. Well, I’ll grab my toothbrush now so I don’t have to bother you again —“ “Cameron, do not go into that bathroom,” Donna entreats her. “You probably need a new toothbrush anyway, just grab one of the spares in the linen closet.” Cameron looks at her and asks, “Are you alright?” Donna says, “I’m gonna be fine, I just, I have a stomach bug, and it is gonna get uglier before it clears is all so just trust me and spare yourself!” Cameron snorts and then somberly says, “Okay, okay, I get it.” When she leaves the room, Donna cries after her, “Wash your hands, please!”

Despite Donna’s absence, the barbecue goes smoothly, and is enjoyed by all. With Haley, Vanessa, and Bos tending most of the food, Cameron is free after helping them set up to ferry soup, toast, fluids, and party chatter up to Donna at regular intervals. “This works out well for you, having an excuse to leave the party over and over again,” Donna says. Cameron says, “Yeah I thought it would be super cool but, nope, plot twist, I’d like it way better if you were out there with us and I had to be out there with you, stuffing my face while I stand next to you, like the trophy wife I am.” Donna grins up at her and says, “You are most definitely a prize, thank you for all of the soup. Now go back to our guests, and go have some fun! Or try, at least.”

She does try, when she goes back outside Bos throws a fatherly arm around her shoulders and says, “I know, it’s hard to feel festive when the missus is under the weather, but we all got to soldier on somehow....” Cameron makes the rounds, trying to chat with everyone the way Donna usually does, it’s harder than Donna makes it look, but she does her best. After that, she lets herself sit down with Risa and Tanya and has some short ribs, some grilled peppers, and another generous helping of German potato salad. She plays hackeysack with Haley and Lev, cackles at one of Diane’s kooky Bos stories, and then toasts marshmallows for everyone’s s’mores. 

As always, Cameron is relieved at the end of the evening, Tanya and Bos help her put everything away, and then she sees them and the other guests off before they go to the park to see the local fireworks display, and then she goes up to the bedroom to see Donna, ginger ale and a pair of Donna’s favorite crystal glasses in hand. 

When she gets up there, Donna already has their television on and set to the local network that’s broadcasting the San Francisco fireworks show. Cameron pours two glasses of soda for them, hands one to Donna, gets into bed next to her, and harrumphs, “I think I had one s’more too many. I also probably had more of that potato salad than I really needed to.” “That’s my girl,” Donna smiles. “If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em, and if you can’t join ‘em, out-eat ‘em.” 

After the fireworks show begins, Donna says, “It is a bullsh!t holiday. You’re right.” Swallowing a mouthful of her soda, Cameron says, “And it is an excuse for a party, so you’re right, too. Like always.” Then Donna says, “Yeah. But you know that I get why you don’t like this holiday. Or, any holiday, really, right?” “I know,” Cameron says. “When we met you,” Donna continues, “Gordon and I were drowning. Our lives weren’t bad, we both had college degrees, we had a house and cars, and I was also putting the girls’ dentists appointments on three different credit cards to be able to pay for them.” Cameron remembers hearing Donna and Joanie in the Cardiff ladies’ room and grins reflexively. “And we were lucky! We were better off than most people,” Donna says. Still staring ahead at the tv and the fireworks, Donna says, “this country is full of people living with all kinds of deprivation and misery, as in real deprivation, and every year, we’re supposed to just celebrate all of that.”

“Not celebrating won’t change that, though, I guess,” Cameron shrugs sadly. “Moping by ourselves won’t make things better for anyone. Thank you for not letting me mope, even when you’re too sick to actually be at the party.” Clinking her glass gently against Cameron’s Donna says, “My pleasure.”