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tombeane-blog · 2 years

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Trying To Get Objectified

Lethargy - the quality or state of being drowsy and dull, listless and unenergetic, or indifferent and lazy; apathetic or sluggish inactivity.

Synonyms: Hebetude, Languor, Lassitude, Listlessness, Stupor, Torpor

I've been feeling some or all of the above for a while now.

I don't seem to be progressing in my workouts. I've got tons of around-the-house projects waiting while I sit here in my underground bunker thinking, "Yeah, I'll get to that tomorrow".

If I sit and read for more than 15 minutes, I doze off.

What is wrong? Is this just the normal result of being excessively mature? Or, maybe it was caused by sitting in my living room for two years waiting for the Pandemic to end? Could be I've just forgotten how to get started.

Or is it a lifetime of suppressed laziness building up and finally coming out of the closet? Naah, I never suppressed it.

Is there something that can cure me of whatever it is?

Of course! There must be! After all.....SCIENCE!

I need to find a simple solution to a simple problem. I need a sound bite kinda diagnostication and I need a pill or a shot or a food I already like that will fix me up so I can avoid any hard rehabilitational regimen.

So I do what all of us do these days - I go on The Google and I self diagnose the hell out of my symptoms.

At first I was overwhelmed as I discovered that low energy and languor can be caused by thousands of physical and chemical abnormalities in the body.

Even worse, every medical prescription, every over-the counter pill and every food known to man, seems to list low energy and lingering lassitude as a 'side effect'.

Burrowing up to my armpits into the Internet dumpster of data, I began to see a pattern emerge, a cause common, a singular connection to all men of my maturity.

Testosterone!

Voila! Apparently every old guy on the planet has low testosterone. And common symptoms are - you guessed it - all of mine. It's just that simple. A little testosterone supplement once a day and I'm cured.

I'll be outrunning my dog in no time.

And then I all of a sudden I started noticing all the ads on TV about old guys with my symptoms - getting their zip back.

(turning up the volume)"You too can once again run the 100 yard dash!" "Look at the muscles on that old guy!" "He's skateboarding! He's having fun again! He's laughing! His teeth are white! He's flexing!" "The ladies looove him!"

There were thousands of cures being advertised that I had never noticed before(damn that fast forward function) and all were guaranteed to work. But which one should I take?

Each had their own negative side effects - up to and including dismemberment, dilated duodenum, digitalis and death.

Plus, I had to avoid any and all pills or placebos that would interfere with any of the other 400 substances my doctor forces me to take(even though my hair still hasn't grown back).

Damn. Looks like I'm gonna have to go see my doctor. Even if it is obvious to me that my testosterone level must be low. I'm almost 80 years old for cripes sake.

So.... I'll just get her to verify my way-too-low testosterone and then she will happily prescribe some shot or pill or whatnot and......"Look Out World!" I'm 20 years old again.

Doctor:

(sighing) "So what's the problem this time?"

"Well doc, it's low energy, a pronounced hebedutinability, and, the construction ladies don't whistle and objectify me when I walk by."

"Could be a lot of things."

"Yeah but I been doing some Googling and it's pretty clear my testosterone must be too low."

"Could be a lot of things."

"Yeah but I was thinking that you could check my T-level (medical lingo) and then you could hook me up with a medically miraculous supplement or two."

"If I up your testosterone levels, it could screw up your heart, kidneys, liver, lungs, lumbago and maybe even accelerate your hair loss - there's still a little left on the sides."

"So let's check other things, like Potassium and Iron and such - as well as your testosterone levels."

"And, we might as well see if your heart is pumping enough oxygen - which could do it also. Then let's see where it takes us."

Four days later:

"Well doc, what do all the tests say?"

"Everything is perfectly normal. Not even one test is out of range. And your heart is as healthy as an 80 year old horse."

"Even your testosterone level is in the high end of normal. It's not even close to low so maybe there's a different reason you aren't being objectified."

(mumbling)"Yeah, maybe it's the hair situation thankyouverymuchfornotfixing."

"So what now doc? Where do we go from here? More tests? What's the plan?"

"My diagnosis is that you are old and you are lazy. Shut up and deal with it."

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arvandus · 4 years

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Touch (pt 4)

Pairing: Dabi x Fem!Reader

WARNINGS: 18+ only please! Drug abuse/withdrawal, adult language/themes, heavy angst, past trauma/abuse, anxiety/panic attacks, PTSD, fluff, pining, slow burn, eventual emotional SMUT. *please pay attention to the chapter tags as these warnings will apply at different times*

Synopsis: When you first joined the LOV to lend your healing quirk, Dabi terrified you. Not interested in attachments, he wanted to keep it that way. That is, until he needs your help. (Slow burn, soft Dabi).

Please let me know if you’d like to be tagged in future chapters.

Recommended Chapter Song:

Bloodstream by Stateless

Part 1 Part 3

Artwork credit to @hellowon31 on Twitter (https://twitter.com/hellowon31)

Part 4 - Wounded

Later that day, while Dabi sat in his room nursing his migraine and checking his phone for a response from Giran, he heard a quiet knock at his door and the sound of footsteps fading away. He opened the door and found a white takeout bag.

Curiously, he picked up the item and looked inside to see tonkatsu ramen and a pair of chopsticks with some napkins, along with another bottle of water for good measure. He scoffed.

You brought him ramen.

Not one to turn away free food, Dabi brought the item into the solitude of his room and removed the lid. The smell hit his nose and he inhaled deeply. He hadn’t eaten anything all day, locking himself in his room to avoid the others while his persistent nausea made all foods sound unappealing. He drank water from the tap when he felt like he needed it, ironically hearing your scolding in his head each time he did so. His head and body aches were definitely reduced, but his mind felt off, different. He was grateful Shigaraki hadn’t given him any assignments today. He’d probably just incinerate anyone he came across, starting with Crusty Hands himself.

As Dabi ate, he mulled over his situation. Having to request your help for his burn was bad enough. But letting you see him like this? Broken by the weight of his addiction? It left a sour taste in his mouth, hampering his enjoyment of his noodles.

He didn’t have much choice – he knew he needed your medical care, so turning you away wasn’t really an option. Risking infection would only make a bad situation worse, and it was impeding his ability to get back to work. He hated being stuck in here, alone with his thoughts. So, when he let you in earlier, he had hoped you’d patch him up and leave, his hostile mood and harsh words a muzzle for any questions you may have felt tempted to ask.

Dabi should have known better. Now you were involved in supplying and managing his medication – something he would have never asked for. Against his better judgment, you managed to entwine yourself deeper into his life, even if it was for just a short time. How was it that he kept losing control of the situation?

It was your fault. It had to be. You had managed to navigate him like charted waters even though he never gave you a map. In hindsight, Dabi was honestly impressed; he knew he wasn’t an easy person to get along with, especially when he was in such a dark place.

Then again, maybe he did withhold some of his cruelty, despite how horrible he was feeling earlier. He knew he could get downright nasty when he really wanted to, his words honed to kill. If he truly hadn’t wanted you here, then things would have gone very differently. That thought was even more disconcerting – that for some reason, he felt the need to behave himself around you in some unspoken desire to keep you around.

It must have been the desperation. That was it. Maybe he was hoping that if he stayed in your good graces, that you’d use your quirk on him and free him from his misery. Even now Dabi wanted to feel your hands on him again, to feel your power seep like a mist into all of the dark parts of him. The more you touched him, the harder it was for him to get the sensation of you off his skin and out of his head. Maybe he really was becoming addicted to you. Why else would he have even let you in? Why else would he have let you stay?

He recalled you reaching out your hand at one point as if to touch him and it had made his pulse race with anticipation as he pretended not to notice. But you had changed your mind and Dabi was left with heavy disappointment, as he tried to understand why. Did you have fears of your own? Of getting too close to him? If you were smart, you would trust those instincts.

Maybe he should reach out to his villain connections to find someone with a healing quirk. It’d expedite his recovery and reduce his exposure to you. It wasn’t cheap, though… healing quirks cost a pretty penny in the underground. They were rare enough to come by in hero society and even more so in the villain network. Not many healers followed a life of crime – they naturally lacked a propensity for violence that the lifestyle required. Even if a healer could be found, could he afford it? Probably not.

Plus, there was the fact that he wasn’t much loved, even by the dredges of society. He had built a reputation for himself, long before he crossed paths with Shigaraki. He had no patience for stupid people with nothing but shortsightedness and lustful violence to offer, which turned out to be nearly everyone. His list of those willing to work with him was unsurprisingly short.

Dabi downed the warm, salty broth and set the container down to stare at the last bits of seasoning stuck to the inside, trying to read his future like tea leaves. They provided no answers, of course.

“Fuck.” He muttered.

Dabi’s troubled thoughts were interrupted by a ‘ding’ on his phone. His hand betrayed his composure, snatching the technology up swiftly.

It was a text message from Giran. Fucking finally. Maybe the universe wasn’t so fucked up after all.

Dabi’s eyes glossed over the words quickly, his mouth setting into a thin line. Giran had a seller he could hook him up with, but it would cost him, of course. And the worst part was that Dabi would have to wait. Giran was out of town and wouldn’t be back for at least a week.

Until then, Dabi was at your mercy. Luckily for him, mercy was something you had in ample supply. If only it wasn’t wrapped nicely in a pretty face and an addictive touch.

It looked like the universe wasn’t done fucking with him.

By the time evening rolled around, the pills you had given him were already beginning to wear off. Dabi expected as much. So, when you knocked on his door to change his bandages and check on him, he couldn’t help but breathe a small, secret sigh of relief. If he was stuck with you for the next couple of weeks, then he might as well take whatever help he could to make himself a functioning human being. He could hold out until then.

When he opened the door for you, you greeted him with a smile that immediately made him question his resolve. Were you happy to see him? Fucking why?

You watched him closely, trying to look for a healthy color on his cheeks, and happily noted the empty food container still sitting on his desk. It was an impromptu decision on your part – you were out getting food for yourself, and his words had echoed back in your head. It had sounded good at the time and buying for two was just as easy as buying for one. Plus, you had a feeling he hadn’t left his room all day, and you didn’t recall seeing a mini fridge in it.

Dabi noticed your happy glow and followed your gaze to see what you were looking at. He rolled his eyes when he realized. He probably should have said thank you once he noticed. That was what normal people did, at least. But he didn’t want to draw attention to it.

You began your typical round of questions. “How are you feeling?” you asked.

“I’m gonna need more of those pills.” Dabi replied as he removed his shirt for you. The one light in his room was already too bright for him. Behind him, he could hear the drip drip of his bathroom faucet, each ping on the porcelain like a hammer behind his eyes. At least it was evening now, which meant he could open his window to the cold night air to counter his elevated body heat.

You had begun unpacking the supplies you needed to treat him but paused to turn and look at him with wide eyes. “Really??” you asked in disbelief. “I just gave you some this morning.”

“What can I say, doll. They took the edge off for a bit, but that’s about it.” He replied with a shrug.

You pursed your lips in thought as you eyed the man in front of you. He didn’t seem as bad as this morning, thankfully. But you could tell he still wasn’t his usual self. You doubted that any amount of pills you gave him would fix him entirely, though. No doubt his body was feeling the effects of switching to something different after what was probably years of use. Most importantly, the pills you had on hand simply weren’t as strong as what he normally took.

You had considered this, of course. In fact, much of your day was spent trying to figure out your next course of action for Dabi. He was a League member after all, so if he couldn’t function for some reason or another then he technically fell under your responsibility. He needed to get back onto what he was taking before. Fortunately for him, your own connection was incredibly reliable and had better access to medical supplies than most. It just so happened they would be able to get the same medications he was taking. The downside was that it would take a little bit of time – there was a lot of fake paperwork to create in order to get access, since it was a high-class opioid. Until then, you had to keep him above water.

“Fine,” you said begrudgingly. “I’ll give you a few more.” You took the bottle out of your bag and handed him three pills, hoping they would get him through the night at least. He took them from your hand, the heat of his fingers against your palm lingering like the kiss of sunlight on a leaf. You froze for a moment at the sensation, before realizing that you were standing there with your empty hand out. You took your hand away, embarrassed. You probably looked like an idiot…

You pushed on, ignoring your overly critical brain. “Please try to wait it out as much as you can before you take-”

Your words were cut short as you watched Dabi down the pills dry, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed. He caught your eyes in his own with a challenging, mischievous glow swimming in their cerulean depths.

You frowned at him. “You’re ridiculous.” You huffed. “You might want to try stretching those out a bit more. If I run out, you’ll be up shit creek.”

Dabi grinned. “Don’t worry, doll. I got a hold of my middleman earlier. He’ll be hooking me up in a week, then I can pay you back.”

You were stunned by his offer to reimburse you. You felt strangely… appreciated?

But damn it – he was too efficient for his own good. You hadn’t expected him to find a replacement so fast. Suddenly, you began to second guess your actions. Maybe you should have checked with him first…

Anxiety crept in like a fog. Would he be mad that you took matters into your own hands? Half-truths fell from your mouth while your mind struggled to reach a decision.

“Oh, um… it’s okay. I already put a request in for more of these since I figured I’d be treating you for a bit. I know they’re not as good as yours, but they’re better than nothing. They’ll be available for pick-up in a few days.”

Now it was Dabi’s turn to be surprised.

“You didn’t have to do that.” He said as he looked away from you. It was the first time he’d ever broken his gaze with you first.

“Well, I didn’t know how long you’d need my help with this, and I didn’t want you to suffer.” You said. You noticed his sudden avoidance and guilt filled you. Did he feel ashamed? Humiliated? Did you wound his pride somehow? You didn’t even tell him all the facts, yet…

You bit your lip nervously, and an awkward silence begin to make its way through the room. Dabi picked up on it immediately, of course.

He looked back at you, his eyes narrowing suspiciously. “What?”

“Um, well… I didn’t just get more of these pills.” You explained. “I talked to my supplier and was able to put in a request for the ones you were taking too. But they’re harder to get, so it might take longer before they’re available.”

“What?” Dabi repeated, his surprise deepening. His blue eyes widened slightly. This was so much more than he had ever expected from you and he wasn’t sure how he felt about it. Annoyed? Flattered? Embarrassed? Dabi never felt embarrassed. Then again, he’d never had someone look out for him the way you did these past couple of days. There had to be a catch. Did you want something from him? What could he possibly offer you?

“Why would you do that?” he asked, his words laced with mistrust.

You fidgeted with your fingers, drawing your thumb nail along underneath your index finger. His presence seemed to fill the room. Something about the tension in his body and the wariness of his tone reminded you of a wounded animal, ready to bite. You wanted to choose your words carefully, to put the man in front of you at ease.

Instead, the words fell out of your mouth in a rambling mess.

“Well, I knew these weren’t really going to be sufficient for you.” You looked up at him. “And I told you I wanted to make sure you were getting your medication from somewhere reliable. Besides, this way it’s covered by the League instead of you paying out of your own pocket.”

You shifted your weight slightly, unsure if you should say anything else while he continued to pierce your soul with his sharp gaze, trapping you like a spider in a web. Oh shit, was he mad? He seemed mad. Maybe? Why the hell was he staring at you like that? Why wasn’t he saying anything??

Maybe you made a mistake.

Finally, you couldn’t handle the tension anymore and worked out an apology through your clumsy lips. “I-I’m sorry, I should have checked with you first. It’s just, I had to get in my medical order today, and I didn’t want to bother you earlier.”

Dabi broke his hold on you with a blink. “Wait. So Crusty Hands is paying for my drugs?”

“Yeah, I guess.” You replied with a shrug. “He has Kurogiri give me an allowance and I decide how I want to spend it.”

A chuckle escaped Dabi’s lips. “That’s fucking great. I bet he’d lose his shit if he found out.”

You secretly released the breath you were holding as your tension left your shoulders. “Well, he shouldn’t find out. Your pills are expensive.”

“Oh, he’s definitely gonna find out.” Dabi grinned. “I can’t not rub it in his face.”

You scoffed and crossed your arms. “Are you trying to get me dusted?”

Dabi’s grin froze for a moment as he stared at you, mirth in his eyes. “He won’t dust you, doll. You’re too valuable.”

You stared back at him, skepticism written all over your face. “Yeah, well that nice budget he gives me helps me stay valuable. So, if you know what’s good for you, you’ll keep your smart mouth shut.”

“It’s cute that you think you can boss me around. If you’re gonna make me keep secrets, then you better make it worth my while.” Dabi leered.

“Worth your while?” you echoed, confusion in your eyes. All your mind could conjure in that moment were impure ways to silence that attractive mouth of his and you were pretty sure that wasn’t what he meant. Your mind got increasingly distracted as you wondered what kissing him would feel like, with his different textured lips and the rings on the corners of his mouth.

Goddamn it.

Dabi’s deep voice pulled you back to the present.

“Don’t act coy with me, doll.” Dabi replied casually. “You think you know me so well, you’re making all my choices for me now. What do you think I want?”

A moment ago, he seemed low energy due to his withdrawal, barely holding onto his sanity out of courtesy of your presence. Now, all of a sudden, he was dripping with what you could only describe as sex appeal. He’d completely pulled the rug out from under you with his sinuous words wrapped nicely in a heavy drawl. His body leaned into your personal space just enough to make you lean away slightly, even though your body wanted you to go in the opposite direction, to meet him move for move, like a puppet on strings. If only his hands could caress you the way his voice did, then maybe you wouldn’t feel so tense... Rational thought abandoned you as you struggled to pick up the broken pieces of your façade while your imagination ran with the freedom of a wild horse.

Dabi watched your blank expression in amusement, enjoying having the upper hand. You looked downright terrified. What was going on in that pretty little head of yours? If he didn’t know any better, he would have thought you were going down a naughty rabbit hole. But Dabi scratched that theory – he wasn’t the type of guy girls fantasized about… right?

He watched as you faltered between your secret thoughts and your defensive words. “Don’t hurt yourself, sweetheart.” He teased. “I thought you were the expert? You’re always so smart with all the answers.”

“Wha-” you stammered. “Shut up, Dabi.”

“Just give me a few more of those pills for later and I’ll be silent as the grave.”

“Is that what this is about?” You pushed your hands against his bare chest, and he let you, backing out of your personal space just enough to let you breathe. “You’re ridiculous.”

“What did you think I meant?” Dabi grinned.

“Nothing.” You huffed. “Stop trying to get under my skin.”

“Stop letting me.” he countered. “I thought you were a professional? Do you get this flustered with everyone? Or maybe we got somethin’ special, doll.” Dabi knew he was pushing it, but the moment was too fun not to, your flustered reactions spurring him on. The more you gave, the more he wanted to take. Normally, gals didn’t let him get this far…

“Why are you like this.” You grumbled in annoyance.

“‘cause you seem to like it.” Dabi stared down at you. Were you gradually getting closer to him or was it his imagination?

“You wish,” you replied, denial thickening your tone into barbs. You tilted your chin up defiantly. “Maybe you’re the one who likes it.”

Dabi laughed. If you wanted to play with fangs out, then he’d play along.

“Don’t think too highly of yourself, doll. You’re not my type.” He mocked.

You stared at him, dumbfounded, his words cutting you before you could even understand why. Perhaps it was the attack on your self-esteem, or his blatant declaration that he had no interest in you. Just like that, the heat of the moment turned to ice, your eyes betraying your hurt before you could mask it behind detached anger.

Dabi faltered in his assault; he hadn’t expected the words to have such an effect on you. If anything, he expected you to provide a sarcastic agreement about him not being your type either, or you not wanting to be his type, or something along those lines. He expected you to be annoyed, yes. Mildly insulted, sure.

He did not expect you to see you so wounded.

Your lips pressed firm together as you took a steady breath through your nose to keep your eyes from suddenly watering by the slap of emotion that threatened to drown you.

“Yeah, well you’re not exactly a catch yourself.” You replied coldly. Whether or not your words mattered to him, you had no idea. His face was an emotionless mask as he straightened his back and retreated from what was left of your personal space.

If he was going to say anything in response, you didn’t give him a chance. You lowered your eyes to the level of his bare chest which now seemed impossibly far from you even though you had touched its warmth only moments before.

“Turn around so I can finish. I have to go check on Magne after this.” You said emotionlessly. It was the first time he’d ever truly heard you speak like that, and he quickly decided that he didn’t like it.

You finished hastily without any further conversation and left with a curt “goodnight,” before Dabi could finish putting his shirt back on over his head.

After you had gone, Dabi stared at the door for a moment, before he sat on the edge of his bed and ran his long fingers through his black hair. He wanted to ignore it and forget it; it wasn’t supposed to matter. But, alone in his solitude, his mind replayed the moment over and over for him, unrelentingly, until understanding slowly came. The stubborn seed of realization forced its way through his deeply rooted denial, his conviction not enough to refute what he plainly saw. Your small gestures of kindness, your excessive commitment to care for him, the way you smiled at him when you saw him… your wounded expression at his callous words.

Did you like him?

“Fuck.” He muttered. ___________________________________________________________

Part 5

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Taglist: @lemonfvck @vs-redemption @inanabsentia @sheedaabee @toshiuwuu @marydragneell @chillinwithmybakubros @genuinelytodorokisbitch @sam-i-am-1025 @redflannel @axerrri @necccomancy @miadraws0 @hot-pocket01 @hopelessdisasterr @dummythiccwitch @villainsdeku @aquzairus @officialtrashbusiness @hemdem018 @purplesweethart

#dabi #dabi x reader #dabi x you #dabi x y/n #soft dabi #Dabi fanfic #bnha #mha #mha imagine #bnha imagine #fluff #slow burn #pining #intimacy #long talks #dabi is a todoroki #dabi is touya #touya todoroki

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whump-town · 3 years

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Heart Attack

This one goes out to whoever said “death. this is how i confess love”.

I will write the other fic as well

Warning: Major Character Death (rip my favorite big old idiot)

The initial weakness in his left arm is not noteworthy. The deep ache, daggers shooting from the inside of his wrist to the clavicle, are sadly not either. Chronic pain is just a part of his daily life and after the ugly, deep scars Foyet left on his forearms, not even simple movements are free. He’s always assumed Foyet put them, the long slashed scars that look nearly self-inflicted, there just for show, claiming him perhaps but certainly to maim. Doesn’t matter right much now, all he knows for certain is that it hurts and there’s nothing he can do about it.

It happens so frequently that it nearly slips his mind-- as much as pain can but what he really means is that the coffee in his hand slips. He’s standing in the kitchen, contemplating taking an Advil to at least dull the pain enough to better concentrate on the book he’s been trying to finish since Friday. “Fuck.” His left hand just releases the mug. He liked that mug. Advil it is.

His days pass in quiet contemplation. Just him and these beige walls. He misses the days that were filled by Jack’s toddling steps, rampant little footsteps, and happy squeals of delight. Coming home to the sound of some new band Jack’s conjured up and is going to torture him with for the next week until he moves on to the next. He misses Emily and Dave and having drinks on his couch. Being forced to go to Dave’s for family dinners and Emily coming by, uninvited, of course, to eat his ice cream and make fun of his documentaries.

Now he’s alone most of the time. Well, unless Jessica coming by to count to his pills counts. He doesn’t really think it should but she means well. Someone has to make sure he doesn’t just die on them but would they even notice?

Not immediately, not for a while.

Maybe if something strange happens on a case but those calls come less and less frequently. No one needs his specific knowledge. Emily is becoming an assured leader and she doesn’t even call him to fuss about the idiots that he hired and left her to deal with. He and Dave don’t really talk anymore. The best he gets, these days, is a quick update if someone gets hurt just so that he doesn’t worry if it pops up on the news.

Jack is off at college now. Hotch can’t blame him for being fairly radio silent but it does give him something to work with every few weeks when Jack does remember that he exists and sends a thousand-odd texts his way.

So, if he just… died no one would notice until Jessica’s Thursday visit. Even then, she’s just here to look at the pillbox he leaves on the counter for her easy access. She just checks what she has to and leaves. Life goes on.

As he’s crouched on his kitchen floor, mumbling very inappropriate and obscenity-ridden things, he feels that lightheaded fog encroach. Something that he really only knows from other encounters, one that he doesn’t associate with immediate danger. He takes a fist-full of medication each morning and roughly two list lightheadedness as a side-effect. While a dangerous fallout of Foyet’s stabbing is this strange platelet problem that messes with his iron. So while he sits for a moment and breathes through the feeling of his body trying to give out on him he assumes this problem is what it always is: his awful health.

He gets the coffee cleaned up with a towel but leaves the towel over the broken bits of the mug. The cartilage in his knees saw better days roughly twenty-years ago and by the time that the coffee has been contained, he can hardly stand the pain in them. So, guiding himself with a hand on the counter (then leaning on the wall and using a kitchen chair and so on and so forth until he gets to the couch) Hotch limps away from the kitchen.

He’s never been so thankful for his habitual manners as he sinks into the cozy couch and finds his heated blanket already plugged in and sitting on the lowest heat. A fire hazard? Yeah probably but if this damned blanket kills him one day then so be it. He finds some background noise in a nature documentary about penguins and closes his eyes, waiting for the blanket’s heat to soothe his old bones.

Despite how far he’s pushed himself down into the blanket, his body breaks out in a cold sweat. His chest tight and arm throbbing or maybe stabbing-- he can’t tell the difference right now just blinded by the pain. Blind and so stupid and as he sits up, shaking he’s shivering so hard, he knows what’s happening.

Haley used to dismiss his fears with soothing promises. She wouldn’t let something like this happen to him. They’d get old together “so old we start to wish one of us would just die and get it over with but every day I’ll turn over in our bed and find your craggy, old face right beside me and I know I’d still love you so much it hurts”. But Haley died before she even turned forty and he’s spent too many birthdays and anniversaries alone to know she couldn’t have meant that.

Drunk, vulnerable with the recent loss of Haley and the sudden return of Emily he’d admitted to this fear. Not just dying alone but of dying like his father-- a hated bastard on the outside with no family and no loved ones. To paint the wall with the horror in Dave and Emily’s face could stand as a solid reminder that he is loved but those faces mean nothing. The way that Emily had hugged him that night is nothing. Despite their assurances, he can feel his heart skipping beats. Painful kicks, each one.

He is alone. Gasping as he struggles to fight off his anxiety and crying through the agony ripping chest. Alone. Curled down into himself to try and find some comfort.

He manages to call 911. As he’s blinking tears from his eyelashes there’s a moment where the only number he can think of is Garcia. For years her number was his emergency number and now … He’s still thinking about her when the operator picks up but he’s losing his functions so fast. Settling back on the couch, using what’s left of his energy to tuck his feet back under his black he does his best to stay awake and hum in response to questions.

He thinks about Garcia. She’s always there, he finds, in his mind and every accident he’s had. Even during Boston despite the fact that she just joined the BAU. She’s always there and he wonders if she’ll appear this time. Talk his ear off about David Bowe but hold his hand tight enough that he never has to question if she’s really there.

Heart attacks hurt a lot worse than internal bleeding but he’d, personally, still put it under being actually stabbed.

He doesn’t hear the paramedics arrive or even feel the IV being placed in his arm. Though unconscious, he gives the faintest whimper of discontent as he’s lifted and pulled away from the couch. Not given the chance to brace for the cold winter air of March in Virginia just moving and moving fast.

“Agent Hotchner?”

He groans, turning his head from the penlight shining down in his face. Though he moves his face, he can’t escape the tight pressure across his ribs. Constricting tightly. The agent bit catches him by surprise-- he’s been “Mr” now for some time. Very few people still throw the “agent” in there.

“There you are--”

The sirens make it hard to hear. His hearing has been going for some time but if there’s one thing he can take from this encounter it might be that he should invest in the hearing aids he’s been putting off for a while now. He blinks up at the woman talking to him. Gently pumping a blood pressure cuff around his bicep and calling his name when his eyes slide back shut. He does try to stay awake but he’s in a lot of pain and he’s tired. Even retired he doesn’t get much sleep.

He’ll have to remember to tell JJ that. She’s always worried about his sleep schedule (or lack thereof) and thought, or rather hoped, his retirement would bring him the chance to finally catch up on two decades’ worth of lost sleep. She’ll be disappointed but not surprised.

It’ll give him a reason to reach out, to talk with them.

“Stay with me, Agent Hotchner.”

The world rocks and something that taste like plastic is placed over his face, wrapped around the back of his head.

“Deep breathes, you’re doing just fine.”

The cold air hits his sternum and his eye fly open, panicking as hands touch his bare skin. Oh, God. Foyet. I have to stop-- someone much stronger than him grabs his wrist. Two hands push his shoulders down into the gurney and he can’t fight. Can’t move.

“Agent Hotchner,” someone tries to calm him. “We’re trying to help you. I understand you’re in a lot of pain--”

He wants to go home. Away from the cold and the hands that keep touching him. “Dave?” he pants, turning his head and searching through the hazy mess of people. He cries softly, tears stinging his face as they slide down his face. He wants to recognize one person, to know one of the hands belongs to someone he trusts. Dave is okay. He likes it when Dave touches him. It’s calming and reassuring and he wants someone to call Dave. “Please,” he whimpers, curling his legs as he feels someone tear the worn fabric of his jeans. “No. No.”

He’s confused and he’s in pain and he wants all these people to stop touching him.

“Aaron--”

No, no he doesn’t like that. He cries out, failing to dislodge the hands as he kicks out. All his height, all the power he’s spent decades learning to command is useless. “I want to go home,” he rasps desperately. He can’t move, anymore. They’re holding him down and he can feel the drugs pumping into his arm. Too cold and too fast and it all hurts. Why are they hurting him?

“Just stay with us, Agent. We’re almost done and then--”

For the first time in nearly twenty years, all of his pain just is gone. He feels nothing for a blissful second. Around him, there’s a panic. The machines attached to him frantically going off as his heartbeat goes from rampant, wrong to gone. The pain comes back suddenly, sharper than before, and he turns his head with a moan as his lungs contract painfully. He coughs, rasping as his chest heaves.

He slips back under the haze but this time the pain stays.

He chokes as they try to intubate, fighting weekly but he’s too far gone to even move away from the touch anymore. Dave isn’t there. He wishes Dave were here. Dave always cups the side of his head, speaking in soft Italian that he’s never managed to pick up. But it’s soft and gentle and Dave. Garcia doesn’t hold his hand-- she always holds his hand. There’s not the soft scent of lavender that comes in with the hard rain that is Emily Prentiss. No one to jostle him for his carelessness and then crawl up into the bed with him. Reminding him of memories he’s nearly forgotten of when they were just kids.

No Jack.

Jack’s at college.

He comes in at 9:45 a.m.

By 10:15 a.m. there’s a doctor over his chest. A nurse makes quick work of trying to get a hold of a medical proxy. There’s a kid, he has a son, but there’s no contact information listed for him. She gets voicemail twice from the numbers that are listed.

Jessica is in a meeting. Her phone is on silent. It wouldn’t have mattered if she’d had her phone. He’s thirty minutes away and his heart gives out only twenty minutes after he arrives at the hospital.

Dave is in Seattle, sitting in a puddle of rainwater and trying to contain his anger as Luke changes a tire on the SUV. His phone is too wet to work. He won’t get the news until nearly two hours later when he and Luke arrive back at the precinct. Emily will not cry for nearly a week after she gets the news. She tells Jack.

The doctors assure them that there was nothing they could have done. It was a freak accident. They always knew this was a possibility, an outcome that was very real with the amount of damage done to Aaron’s heart. It’s been broken so many times… And standing in that hospital, shivering under the intensity of the air conditioning and the white burning paint, they are left with the burden of knowing he protected them tell the very end.

But they never reciprocated that care.

#criminal minds #aaron hotchner #criminal minds fanfiction

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this-lioness · 4 years

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Weekend Update, Admittedly a Bit Late

I am in a mood today, so forgive me for just brain dumping. Hoping it will improve my outlook.

Well, we put off both sushi-making and counter-refinishing this weekend because Saturday was going to be (and was) so, so nice. We did get sushi from Q-Mart, which satisifed me just fine.

We were on a hunt for dwarf cherry trees, but the overall pickings for fruit trees of any kind are pathetic right now. I suspect everyone is gussying up their back yards right now, hence the shortage. Failing that, I’ve since ordered something called a “columnar apple tree”, which we should be able to grow in pots in the back. We ordered one so far, and will get another -- of a slightly different variety -- once they’re back in stock, so they’ll be able to cross-pollinate.

Picked up some additional goodies for the garden, and filled up those five garden bags I got off Amazon. Really liking those, I think next year I’ll get more of those instead of the buckets.

So right now we’re growing the following: Regular tomatoes (x2) Candyland tomatoes Red bell peppers (x2) Eggplant (x3) Zucchini Cucumber Pinto beans Corn Jalapenos Tobasco peppers Watermelon Acorn squash Onions (still not sure what kind, but I guess we’ll find out!) Parsley, Oregano, Basil and Catnip Sweet mint and chocolate mint Lavender Citronella Strawberries Plus the resident blackberries, raspberries and blueberries.

We still have the fig tree, and it still appears to be alive, but it’s in an extended dormancy. It would be nice if it leafed out and sprang back, but we really don’t know what’s up with it.

The new garden bench arrived as well, so while Marc was assembling it I scrubbed the old one back to a nice bright white and we brought it over to my Mom’s, along with a big hanging flower basket for the front. This weekend we’re going to go over and install some white lattice around the front porch, and I’m going to power-wash the siding. You can see a certain pride of home ownership in them now, which feels nice. Jim wanted more flower baskets because a neighbor across the street had some out, and he needed to show them up. Her veggies and herbs appear to be doing pretty well, too.

Their freezer came in yesterday! We brought it over and got it all set up, so some time this week I’ll probably take my Mom to BJs to stock up on Stouffer’s meals, which she is already excited about. She’s really keen to use it, which makes me happy. She’s also going to go through all her Christmas ornaments and sort out a smaller quantity to keep so that we can sell the rest. I actually plan on doing the same with ours tonight. More room in the attic, less to fuss with at Christmas.

Jim is not walking very well, in part because he’s 86 and in part because he absolutely refuses to do any kind of exercises or physical therapy that would actually help him regain some mobility. He’s finally conceded to a transport chair, so I spent quite a bit of time researching and pricing them. They sell basic ones at Walmart for like $150, but he’s 6′2″ and with long legs, so most anything “regular” doesn’t fit him. It also has to be collapsible and light enough for a 5′1″ woman (that’s me) to get it into and out of her trunk without too much hassle.

I (think I) finally found one that will fit him comfortably, however, and now it’s on order.

With any luck he’ll like it more than he hates it, and we’ll be able to take him to the lake and for little outings. At the worst he’ll despite it but he’ll suck it up for short trips to the doctor.

The greenhouse arrived today as well, and Marc has snuck off to start the assembly ahead of some expected wind and rain. We’re also waiting on the delivery of a small fountain / water spout for the front pond, as the original is really at the end of its lifespan.

Oh, that’s the other thing! While we were out looking for cherry trees we found a “bird feeding station” at one of the nurseries. They’re normally between $400 - $500 online, but this one was just $220, and I talked them down to $200.

Basically it’s an iron arbor with some miscellaneous bits and pieces to hold bird feeders. Instead we installed it in the back, straddling two of the blackberry beds, and are using it to hang any veggies that we don’t have room for on the ground (as well as the catnip, to keep it from getting loved to death.)

The berries are coming along nicely, in a bit of a bid for who wants to ripen first. Marc helped me assemble some home-made bird scares out of CDs, tin-foil and laminated brightly-colored paper with drawn-on eyes. I hope it works, although once things start ripening I may need to keep a closer eye on things. I am highly suspicious of birds.

Just the same, I cleaned out two of our old feeders, bought two more, and we filled them and hung them out front for the birds to enjoy. Maybe if we keep them fat on seed they won’t fuss around in the back (although I suspect Fidget has a lot to do with that as well.)

It’s been really nice to see the garden growing... little plants I had doubts about are getting tall and plucky. They love to grow. Sometimes we just like to walk around and check on everything, identifying the new bugs that are showing up to pollinate or just live in this tiny ecosystem we made. My cityboy husband marvels on the regular how much he’s learned, and how much he loves the garden, its maintenance and care.

I have been having some... health frustrations for the past year and change. They’re not serious, that I know of, but they have been greatly affecting my sense of self and well-being, and as time goes on and they don’t resolve it’s just getting more and more stressed out. The only medical solution may be worse than the problem itself, so I’ve spent a lot of time today trying to get hold of a doctor or counselor or someone who can point me in the right direction, and won’t just keep giving the same trite advice without actually running tests on me. I almost bit the bullet and took the damn pill they were recommending, but upon calling the pharmacy discovered it’s almost $120 a month. For something that 1) May not work and 2) May actually make me feel worse. Yay.

So no.

I have a virtual visit with an endocrinologist on the 22nd, so we’ll see how that goes. I’m tired of feeling like I’m living in someone else’s body, and that everyone’s response is basically to shrug and say, “Oh well, guess you should just suck it up forever.”

Today I made some banana applesauce muffins, and they were good.

Other than that, everything seems to be well. Cats are fat and obnoxious and happy. So are we, I suppose!

#personal

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rosietommasi · 5 years

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where the wind blows || self para

who: rosemarie tommasi, sky tommasi and reed tommasi, mentions of past class mates. (mention of @alistan29 @calebfournierx @cartermaddx )

where: half moon bay, california. tommassi home.

when: over thanksgiving break

warnings: bipolar disorder tw, mental health tw,, medication tw, panic attack tw, hospital tw, food mention tw, death mention tw,

She felt just fine. Nothing was wrong, everything was great, she was happy....

Right?

Rosie never had a childhood room, instead she spent most of her childhood in the back of the luxury RV that her parents had, or hotel rooms, for a short period before the RV upgrade it was spent in the back of an old fashioned van. That was before her father’s book took off, a motivational novel written on being the best version of yourself, for finding inner peace amongst the many dark thoughts that could cloud your brain....ironic, wasn’t it? His daughter, who was a cheery vision of bliss, couldn’t even escape from her demons when he wrote a whole fucking book on conquering them. It was laughable at best.

But still, she was thankful for that book, it put food in her mouth and of course her father never saw the issues with her coming. None of them did. Not until she was ten years old, something switched, like someone came into her brain and turned a light off momentarily.

Right now, however, she felt great. All the wins the Foxes had before break had her riding a high as she made her way to the airport to head back to California. Bags happily rolling behind her, comfy yet stylish boots hitting the floor with excitement behind every step as she made her way out the door to see her parents there waiting with huge smiles on their faces. It wasn’t too long before tears flooded her eyes as she rushed to their open arms, bolting as she collided with the strong chest of her father and the sweet floral scent of her mother’s perfume. They were worried for a moment, at the sight of tears, but she laughed under her breath as she glanced up as them and shook her head.

“They are happy tears, I promise. I’m so glad to see you guys...I missed you so much.”

She didn’t even realize how much she’d missed them up until this moment, the ache in her chest now notable as she squeezed them for a minute longer before shoving her bags in the trunk and hopping in the backseat. It was second nature, it was familiar, and she sighed as she rolled her window down and closed her eyes as the California breeze hit her face.

This was her home. It was stable now. She was stable now.

That’s what she had been reminding herself constantly, that the reason she was so ‘broken’ was due to her life of instability. Never having any lasting relationships with anyone, always being the shiny new kid every school she entered. always trying hard to be as perfect as she could to impress any and everyone she met.....but under the surface of perfect outfits, dazzling smiles, and cheery attitudes was a violent storm that came to it’s peak that day at Arlington High School.

Her hand still tingled at the memory of how it had once connected to another girls nose, violence like never before had shook her, the image of the blood on her knuckle still burned into the very depths of her mind. It left her with a feeling of unease every time it crept into her thoughts, a reminder that she wasn’t this person she pushed hard to be. She didn’t like that, she didn’t like the fact she couldn’t control her emotions without the helping hand of a happy little pill. Rosie felt controlled, and honestly her mother and father weren’t too keen on the idea of medication the first time it was brought up up until they realized all the other alternatives weren’t going to work.

Crying and getting upset over the smallest things and then an hour later, she would be fine then later in the day she was happy and wanting to grab ice cream. A shift here, a shift there, and it was tearing her apart...so they turned to medication. What really sealed the deal was the violence it was starting to bring, the way Rosie went from happy with small episodes to completely unhinged and self destructing.

But she was fine now.

Of course she packed her medication with her, informing her parents she had been taking them, of course she’s been taking them!! How dare you think differently!! A small laugh here, a wave of the hand there, she assured them she had it on lock. In reality, she had been skipping plenty of dosages now that she had been on this happiness high that she didn’t want to end due to a stupid little pill. Wasn’t that the point of them? To make her feel better? If she felt fine, if she felt happy, she didn’t need them. That was her logical thinking, she didn’t want them weighing her down as she floated blissfully along.

Finally she was home, front door swinging open to a homey little two bedroom space. Pictures of her family hung up on the walls from various places they visited, various places they lived, and there was a warm smell of cinnamon and home cooked meals in the air. It was weird, but at the same time, it filled her with a sense of stability to have a place to actually call home that wasn’t on four wheels. So she kicked her shoes off and skipped into her room happily, dropping off her bags before slipping out of the back door and taking the small 5 minute walk to the beach.

Even if she was happy, she had a lot on her mind, and as she settled into the sand she was reminded of it as her gaze landed on a couple very much all over each other not too far from where she was perched. It brought back the memory of seeing Alis and Caleb kiss, a small surge of jealousy in the depth of her chest as she dug her fingers into the sand under her palms. Left with so many questions, she’d been minding her business, using this break as a way to distance herself and clear her mind but it kept coming up. While it was true that at the Halloween party she may have hooked up with Carter, it was different. She hadn’t even hung out with Alis outside of the one time they met at the bonfire, but when Alis had kissed Caleb after they had gone to Sweeties....well, it was unsettling and a bit confusing.

Out of no where, she felt a tightening in her chest and she pushed herself up to her feet, pacing the sand as she tapped her fingers together. Her feels pushed into the sand with every step, breath shallow in the expanse of her lungs as she squeezed her eyes shut. Calm down. Take deep breaths. Relax. For the love of God, relax.

She couldn’t, and now she was digging her teeth into her bottom lip as she felt it shaking. A mood swing. She’d experienced plenty but it’d been a while, and as her hands shook, she was suddenly nervous. If she went back home, her parents would know she’d lied, that she’d been skipping her medication. And that’s when a crazy idea came into her mind.

What if her medicine suddenly...disappeared?

It didn’t make sense, sure, but to Rosie in this state of mind it did. No medicine meant she didn’t have to take it. And she rushed back home and barreled through the back door, reaching her room and digging the bottle out of her bag. Hands still shaking, she slipped into the bathroom and slammed the door behind her, unscrewing the cap before hearing her a knock on the door.

“Sweetie, are you in there??” It was the sound of her mother’s voice and she swallowed down the lump in her throat, wiping her cheeks of the tears that had somehow gotten there without her permission. Hand still shaking as she gripped the orange bottle in her nimble fingers.

“Y-Yeah, sorry, I think....jet lag....I-I’m fine.” Her voice was just as unstable as her emotions but she still glanced at the medicine and then the toilet and then back to the door. In a moment of urgency, she dumped the pills into the water, letting out a shaky breath.

They were gone.

In a simple push of her fingers, she flushed them down and put the empty bottle in the trashcan with a sigh. Pushing herself to her feet again, she walked to the sink and stared at herself in the mirror, gripping the counter top as she let out a slow exhale. “You’re free.” Rosie whispered, hand coming to her reflection, offering a smile.

LATER IN THE DAY:

Her mood went back to normal a few hours later after she took a nap, seeing as she was suddenly exhausted from the whirlwind she’d gone through prior. Curled up in her bed, she fluttered her eyes open when she heard her door open, sitting up a bit at the sight of both her parents now entering the room slowly. “H-Hey, sorry, I was just so tired form traveling.” She explained in a sleep groggy filled voice, pushing long red locks up and out of her face, feeling the weight at the end of her bed shift as her mother sat down on the mattress.

“Honey, we love you...you know that right?” Her father began, his smooth voice comforting in a way she was familiar with. It was the voice he used to help coax her down from a panic attack when she’d been having them so frequently, and she nodded slowly as she stared at him with wide eyes. She almost didn’t even notice the way her mother’s hand rested on the curve of her calve, making her gaze shift between her mother and father, her heart suddenly pounding in her ears. Suddenly it became clear what was going on, her father pulling the empty prescription bottle out into view with a raise of his brow, “Do you want to tell me why this was in the trash?”

Silence hung in the air and Rosie’s gaze went down to her comforter, fingers nervously picking at the fabric as she racked her brain for an answer. “I....I don’t---” Sighing, she sat up and tucked her hair behind her ears, “I don’t like how they make me feel.” She stated simply, crossing her arms over her chest as she shrugged, “I feel fine, I’m fine, I know that people always say you can’t cure mental illness but I think I’m cured? I’ve been so happy, I really don’t need it. “ Her voice was rushed as she glanced back down at her comforter, nibbling on her bottom lip once more, a nervous habit piled on top of the other.

“Sweet heart, I know you don’t think you need them but....remember the last time you thought you were fine?” Her mother spoke softly, rubbing Rosie’s leg as she looked concerned at her daughter. “We had to come pick you up from school because you had an....episode in the middle of your speech class. We just want you to be healthy and not get into any trouble again---”

“I won’t!!” She protested, shaking her head as she felt a sudden rush of tears, reaching out to her mother’s hand with wide eyes, “Please don’t....don’t make me take them anymore. I feel stuck under them, I can’t ever get as happy as I am when I’m not on them and I have it under control this time I promise!”

“Rosie, do we have to contact your college and have someone watch you? We really don’t want it to get to that but if you can’t handle taking them yourself, maybe we have to do that or maybe you should come back home for a while if you don’t think----” Her father began, always the one to put his foot down, and Rosie let out a small little whine as she shook her head wildly again.

“I don’t want to come home! I want to be there! For once I’m actually making friends and I feel stable and I’m so happy! I get to cheer, I get to be around some amazing people!! Please!” There was a sharp inhale as she felt dizzy, shaking her head as she gripped her comforter, “P...please.” Her voice grew softer and suddenly her whole body felt tingly, ears ringing in a way that made her whole body hot. After that she didn’t remember much, everything getting spotty in her vision, and she was lucky she was already laying in bed because she fell backwards onto her mattress with a muffled sound of her parents calling out her name.

When her eyes fluttered open again, she wasn’t home, instead there was a loud beeping noise and everything was bright and white. Holy shit, did she die?

Sitting up a bit, she felt a tightness in her arm and glanced over to see her parents talking to a doctor. A hospital, she was in a hospital, and she sighed as she leaned back. She’d been here two times before, not this exact hospital, but she knew what happened. A severe panic attack, she’d passed out, and now she had to be monitored. Pursing her lips together, she noticed that they now were looking at her and she glanced down to her hands. “I’m sorry.”

It was all she knew what to say in the moment and her mother sighed as she took her daughter’s hand, giving it a light squeeze, “We know it’s not your fault sweet heart, you’re....sick. But you’re fine, and we want you to stay out of places like this. We care about you so much, we don’t....we don’t want this sickness to be the death of you honey.”

She understood, and she nodded slowly. “I know, and I’m sorry I didn’t listen I just, I don’t know. I don’t want t-to be broken like this. I want to be radiant.” Rosie murmured, pursing her lips together again as she glanced back to her mother, her father busy talking to the doctor in the distance. “He’s...he’s not mad at me is he?”

“Oh honey, never, he loves you. We both do. We just need to get you some help and we are going to find a good therapist out near Palmetto. But you need to stay a few days here, and we need to go to your doctor, so we contacted your college. You’ll be back a few days after break, right in time for the game. We just need to get you back on your feet, okay?”

Nodding in agreement, she let out a soft sigh. Her mother was right, the last thing she wanted was to go back to school like this, at her worst. She only wanted her classmates to see her at her best, and she could come up with a good enough excuse, post a few pictures on instagram to make it seem like she was doing A-Okay and then be back in her Vixen uniform in time for the game.

She had to get better.

She was going to be better.

#self para #tw: mental illness #tw: mental health #hospital tw #food tw #panic attack tw #// THIS IS LONG BUT LIKE THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED TO HER AND WHERE SHE'D BEEN OKAY IM SAD

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dainarps · 6 years

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And Now I See

“We just don’t know why you keep acting like this, Kimihiro.”

“The other kids don’t act out like you do!”

“When are you going to learn to behave?”

“There’s nothing there! What are you complaining about?”

“Don’t forget to take your medicine, Kimihiro.”

“It’ll help if you just take it.”

Watanuki learned to stop saying that the medicine didn’t work, and that he still saw those...things. Every time he said the medicine didn’t work, they gave him more of it. It made him feel slow, sluggish, and like his brain was running on empty...and more important, it just didn’t work! The doctors all diagnosed him with schizophrenia, saying that his symptoms were a classic case of it, that the bruises and cuts he experienced were all self-inflicted. He didn’t like to say that he knew better than the doctors, but...he knew better than the doctors.

He didn’t like to go see them, though growing up he was forced to go see them regularly. The employees at the group home — since nobody wanted to foster or adopt such a complicated case — forced him to go, made him swallow the pills.

When he stopped telling the truth and started lying, the workers ironically started to trust him more. He was able to hide the pills, avoid taking them, and nothing changed except how he felt. The weird things were still there, no worse or better than before. Some of them, he didn’t mind. They could be friendly, but he typically tried to ignore them anyway. He didn’t like that nobody else could see them, and sometimes, if he pretended he couldn’t see them, they would leave him alone. Other times, though, they would come after him anyway. Those were usually the formless ones — the big, blobby ones. They were brainless, and only seemed to want to eat him.

Sometimes, he encountered ones that looked human, and those were the ones he hated the most. He didn’t mind them if they were up front with him, but it was the ones who tricked him — the ones who pretended to be human — those were the ones he hated.

When Watanuki turned 18, it was like someone signed a document releasing him from prison. The home hadn’t been bad, but freeing himself from the years of lies was like a weight off of his shoulders. He didn’t have to hide pills, he didn’t have to ignore the little creatures that ventured into his path. He didn’t have to act like everything was okay when he had a spirit swirling itself around his arm and sucking on his head. Sure, the flailing and screaming didn’t make him any friends, but he didn’t need friends. He was fine with being on his own. He had a roof over his head, a few roommates who hated him, and a bussing job at a local restaurant. He was doing alright...and a few years later, he was doing even better.

By the time he was 20, he had moved from busser to server to line cook, and because of that, he was able to move into his own apartment. No roommates! He was thrilled. The apartment was perfect, too — just a short walk to work. The less time outside, going new places, meant that he was less likely to encounter malevolent spirits. They tended to haunt the same areas, and so if he just walked a few different paths the first week, he’d figure out the best way to get to work.

Not to mention, the rent was incredible! He could afford it with only one paycheck, leaving the rest for bills and spending. He didn’t have to spend much to move in, though — the place was already furnished. Using someone’s old furniture didn’t really bother him — he was probably going to buy secondhand to save money, anyway. The only issue was that the previous tennant had...pretty boring taste. Everything was basic...but it was comfortable, so he let it slide. Sitting by the window with a cup of tea was his favorite place to be — there was a particularly cozy chair there that allowed him to have a peek out the window. There weren’t many people in this neighborhood, but there was a beautiful garden across the way that he thoroughly enjoyed.

There were some...weird things about the apartment, though. Sometimes he would hear things at night — which wasn’t exactly uncommon for a guy who attracted spirits. But, usually he saw the offender. He wasn’t afraid of spirits, more so frustrated by them, so when the noises became actions, he started getting annoyed.

His teacup would move from one end of the coffee table to the other, or he would go to pick up his chopsticks and find them askew, or in another drawer. Even in the fridge, things would move around!

He refused to acknowledge it, though. If the spirit didn’t want to acknowledge him, then he wouldn’t acknowledge the spirit. It wasn’t interested in eating him, so he didn’t care what it did, really. It could just...keep on doing what it wanted. Every time he discovered something new that was shifted about, or when he felt like he was being stared at, he just grumbled and carried on and told nobody. His psychologist, his doctors, his coworkers — nobody knew about his troubles at home. If they did, they would start doing more tests, probably figure out he wasn’t taking his medication, and then he’d be in trouble. It was already hard enough to hide the injuries from them or explain them away.

Things were getting annoying, though. After being in the apartment for three months, Watanuki’s patience was running thin — he wasn’t a very patient man to begin with. What started really driving him up a wall was the nights. Doors slamming, drawers sliding open and slamming shut, the faucet running, lights flickering... It was starting to keep him up, and when he had to be out the door at four in the morning for work, it was absolutely infuriating. He’d come home from work and try to rest, only to encounter more of the same, even in the afternoon! If this kept on, he was going to have to call for...an exorcist or something!

On one such night, after weeks of sleepless evenings, Watanuki whipped his blanket off and stood up from his futon. He moved quietly, not wanting to alert the damn thing to his presence. He had to catch it in the act — it had evaded him thus far, but not tonight. He refused. He needed sleep. He needed to work. He needed this apartment.

So, he tip-toed out of the bedroom, and tip-toed down the hallway, making sure to avoid that one squeaky board in the floor. Then, he peeked around the corner into the kitchen...and there it was.

Or he?

Aimlessly, he stood in his kitchen, opening his spice cabinet and closing it. Then, of all things, he knocked a few spices out onto the counter, as if he was a cat. He didn’t even bother to pick them up as he moved onto the silverware drawer, which was arguably the noisiest thing he could shift about. It was hard to see him in the dark, but...he just looked...normal. He wasn’t a hideous monster, or a ghost like they showed on television. If Watanuki didn’t know any better, he’d think he was being robbed. But he did know better, and the instant he started shaking the silverware about, Watanuki screamed.

It wasn’t a scream of fright, though. It was a scream of pure frustration.

“Will you fucking quit it?!” Watanuki snapped, stomping into the kitchen and flicking on the light. A tan, tall young man was revealed, wearing a university uniform.

“You might be dead and not have to worry about going to work in the morning, but some of us,” he said, interrupting himself to slam one of the cabinets shut, “do!” He placed his hands on his hips and tapped his bare foot against the kitchen floor.

“I have tolerated your nonsense for months! Months! I didn’t even say anything when you put my favorite pair of chopsticks in the garbage disposal! I let you have free reign of this place, but not anymore! If you want to hang out here, then that’s great. Whatever you want. But during the night you are going to keep your nonsense to a minimum!” Watanuki shouted. “I am at my wits end! Now, pick up those spices and put them back in the cabinet, and then go...sit down and be quiet!”

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sbrnkng-blog · 6 years

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✲ — ❝ sabrina king was only 22 , when everything started to turn to shit , and before the stories of horror broke on an international scale , she was your average nanny ... yeah , she was known to be obnoxious and responsible , but nobody’s perfect. ❞

( &&. GENERAL INFORMATION )

full name: sabrina king

pronunciation: sa-bri-na ki-ng

preferred name: sabrina

current age: twenty two ( 22 )

preferred pronouns: she / her

gender identity: cis female

sexual orientation: bisexual

moral alignment: chaotic neutral

language(s) spoken: english & french

occupation: full time nanny for hire

current residence: apex apartments, suspiria

( &&. BACKGROUND )

ethnicity: caucasian

nationality: american

financial status: she’s doing okay, though it’s hard out there for a nanny! especially whenever the curfew is in place

hometown: suspiria, nevada

past residence: her parents previous house near kings beach ( ironically enough lmao )

education: suspiria elementary school, suspiria high school ( class of 2013 ) & community college of suspiria ( studying childcare )

licenses: driver's license ( specifically car & motorcycle )

( &&. FAMILY )

mother: emily king

her age: fifty four ( 54 )

her occupation: wet nurse

father: sebastian king

his age: fifty seven ( 57 )

his occupation: mathematics teacher

( &&. PHYSICAL APPEARANCE )

looks like: dove cameron

height: 1.57 m aka 5 ft 1

weight: 52 kg aka 115 lbs

hair color: blonde

eye color: green

piercings: standard ears, belly button

do they wear glasses or contacts?: neither

dominant hand: right

distinguishing features: large eyes & a button nose often highlighted to the heavens

( &&. MEDICAL INFORMATION )

full birth name: sabrina maria king

blood type: o

date and time of birth: january 15th 1996 at 5:42 am

place of birth: suspiria general

vaginal birth or c-section?: vaginal

sex at birth: female

any medication regularly taken: over the counter pain relief and the occasional sleeping pill

( &&. PERSONALITY )

positive traits: responsible, daring, hardworking

negative traits: obnoxious, impulsive, dishonest

are they generally dominant or submissive?: both

emotional, logical or both: emotional

book smart or street smart: street smart

are they more introvert or extrovert: extrovert

optimist or pessimist: pessimist

spontaneous or structured: spontaneous

instinctual or logical: instinctual

expensive or inexpensive: inexpensive

generous or stingy: generous

polite or rude: both

are they a day or a night person: night

( &&. ABILITY CHECK )

strength: 5

dexterity: 8

constitution: 4

intelligence: 6

wisdom: 4

charisma: 6

( &&. ADDITIONAL SKILLS )

ability to drive a car?: yes

ability to drive a boat?: no

can they drive any other automobile? what?: motorcycle

can they ride a bike?: yes

do they play any sports? what?: no, but she was on the cheer leading team back in high school

do they have any combat training? why?: only basic self defense, a class she took during her studies to build her resume

( &&. MISCELLANEOUS )

do they have a fake id?: no

are they a lightweight?: it depends on what she is drinking and who with; some say she is, others say isn’t

are they a virgin?: no

are they squeamish?: not really, changing diapers for a living and having to learn first aid, toughened her up

do they believe the stories about the monsters in the desert?: no, but she is incredibly guilty of telling those stories to the kids she takes care of, while the parents are away

what can you always find in their pockets/wallet/purse/bag: a pack of cigarettes, her keys and phone, pocket tissues and a band aid or two

place(s) your character can almost always be found: residential homes, savanna’s diner, great valley park and the local gym

have they ever killed anyone? why? how?: she hasn’t, but i’m sure she’s thought about smothering or abandoning a brat or two for being annoyances

have they ever seen anyone die? what happened?: not up close, but she did catch her childhood neighbor collapse in his front yard and was later pronounced deceased

#spr:task

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themanicdepressivelesbian · 6 years

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It's honestly just surreal. Waking up in a different bed. Starting a whole new routine after mastering one. Your life gets flipped upside down, turned inside out. Change is an awful thing most of the time. But the best thing you can do I learned, is just pick up the pieces and move on. Dwelling too long on things can destroy you.

The hardest part about living with a mental illness is being and becoming destructive. Dealing with manic episodes, depressive episodes. Dissociation probably has to be the worst. Or maybe it's actually when you just can't feel literally anything. Actually, I take that back. Hurting those you care about is the worst. Being so capable of so many feelings and being so empathetic. When you hurt those you care about, you tend to hurt yourself just as much. This doesn't make it okay though. Nothing could. The thing about mental illnesses and destructive disorders, is you genuinely have to learn how to handle them. If you don't take the time to master the art of preventative care, then you're going to be in a constant downward spiral. You need to learn to pick and choose who needs to be in your life, keeping the good ones around; cutting loose those who have earned no right to be there. You need to prepare a supportive ring of positive people around you. People who are willing to help you change, and people who are ready to take on whatever it is you might throw at them. Depression, manic disorders, anxiety disorders, and personality disorders.. When you put then all together it's a ticking time bomb. One that rapidly heals itself and prepares to counter every decision you make. One minute you can be on top of the world and ready to take every challenge head on. The next though? You might have no way of knowing.

An important thing to do with mental illness is seek help. It might not get better with out help from those around you. And it's important to know that sometimes you will need help, or have to help yourself. So be careful who you build those walls around and between.

Communication with your disorder(s) is the hardest thing to accomplish, if you want me to be honest. Once you learn those little cues that tell you a shift is about to happen (this took me months to even get close to predicting, but I vividly remember the first time I predicted, reacted and prevented.) You need to be able to tell those around you. It's as simple as saying "hey, I feel an episode coming on, so I'm going to go do *insert distraction or self treatment to help yourself through it*." Or "hey, you know what? I'm not feeling well, I'm going to go lay down."

Sometimes self treating and preventing is as simple as meditating, or blasting a song that brings back good memories. Sometimes you might need to scream into a pillow or just burst into tears. And sometimes, you just need to be held, or surrounded by people who empower you. But it's important to learn how to prevent these things. It's also important to take responsibility for when your demons win the battle inside your mind. This is where your empathy plays a big part. If you're an empathetic person, it's a lot easier to hold yourself responsible for how you treat others. I've come a long way in terms of empathy. I've always been empathetic, but dissociation can make it hard to hold on to your empathetic quality. My biggest policy has also always been honesty is a necessity. Because it is. Little white lies, even as simple as saying you're fine, when you're not can destroy you. It can make people distance themselves from you and close up because they learn to distrust you, fear you. Or even think you distrust or fear them. Bottling up your feelings is another thing you need to toss aside. When you bottle them up, you burst. You don't get to control when that happens either. The last thing you should do is hurt those around you because you're hurting. It's so hard to master the ability to prevent it from happening.

Another extremely important thing to remember is that asking for or needing extra help does not make you weak. Not everyone can do this on their own. You aren't weak if you have to take a pill. You're sick, your body functions and works different than healthy people. Think of medication like a vitamin. Some people have calcium or iron deficiency, so what do they do? They Take vitamins, medications. Cancer patients get treatments such as chemotherapy. Your pills or therapist does not make you weak. In fact, it's the opposite. You made the decision to win this. To become bigger than yourself and the demons in your head. That's another thing. You need to choose help. Help does not always just fall into your lap.

The biggest complaint people like us have is that no one cares until it's too late. Five hundred people will come together to grieve over your loss, but no one will send you that text first or call to make sure you're okay. But think about that. That doesn't make them a bad person. How far and how well have you become at hiding your emotions? Wearing that fake smile and having that giggle and uplifting tone when you say you're fine. No one can read your mind. You need to choose to let people in. It's going to hurt at first, especially because you’re going to realize a lot of people may not be able to, or want to be there to help you. But that’s okay. That’s what I touched on earlier, those are the ones you need to cut out, or at the very least distance yourself from. Just remember to let people in, and not shut them out. It’s hard, it’s terrifying. But it is so damned worth it. You’re worth it.

Self love is another incredibly important thing. This also touches in line with getting rid of people who are toxic and have no place in your life. Self love is one of the hardest things to do for people like us. Our mind constantly poisons us with the thought that we aren’t worth it, we aren’t beautiful. Especially when and if you have scars. Self love can also be terrifying. Trying to change the view you have of yourself is oh so easy though. It seems difficult at first, but once you learn how to control your thoughts, your emotions.. God does it come easy.

I hate to sound cliché because one of the lines people like me hate the most is when people tell you to get out and exercise or just go do something you enjoy. However, this is another thing that is so important. If you have any of the mental illnesses I do, your brain has an incredibly difficult time producing certain chemicals. Exercise can release endorphins that help you feel better. Medication can help you produce serotonin. Therapy can you understand yourself better. It doesn’t have to be professional therapy, it might be as much as discussing something with a close friend. Just remember, you are not their sole responsibility and they have themselves to look after as well. So you need to make sure you don’t rely solely on people who have their own stuff to deal with. Also remember that other peoples thoughts and lives can be just as difficult as yours is. So don’t be put down if they don’t respond right away, can’t help or don’t know what to say. Everyone’s life is different. You never know what someone might be going through.

“None of us can make everyone better, all we can hope for is that we positively influence anyone who crosses our path.”

Let that sink in for a moment. Especially if you’re new to self help, or any aspect of this. You yourself can be so hurt or put down by the littlest things, you know how terrible it feels. Why would you ever wish that on someone else? Or maybe you’re reading this because you know someone who struggles like I do, and in that case? You see how negatively people like me can be influenced by certain things. It might hurt you to see someone feel like I do. Yes, sometimes it’s over stupid things, and no you shouldn’t have to walk on eggshells. If you hurt someone over something you did not think would have that negative effect on by doing something, be empathetic. Sometimes all you have to say is “Look, I’m sorry, I didn’t know this would hurt you that way.” Words can go such a damned long way. So can taking responsibility for your words. Try to always be uplifting and positive. Some days that might seem impossible, but honestly? There is already so much negativity in this world. Don’t be another downer. You can only dig down so far until you hit the core and melt away, or you succumb to pressure. But lifting up? Some people say the sky is the limit. It’s not. Another thing to remember, no matter which side of this situation you are in, is that space is important. Some people need more than others. You need to learn to respect peoples boundaries and needs. This can be challenging at first, but the things that come the hardest are always worth the most. Challenges can be so rewarding. They may be difficult, but a lot of things are.

Bottom line is remember to take care of yourself. Try your best to think about things before you do them. Stop letting the demons in your head control your thoughts. At the end of the day, you may need a lot of outside influence to get better. But YOU need to choose that path.

Smile, let the sun shine. Even on your darkest days, the sun will still rise. Do not let your own life bring you down. In death, we remember everything we wanted to live for. So do not let yourself get to that deep dark pit. The journey is exhausting. But it is SO worth it.

Be strong. Be uplifting. Become the things that this world needs to become a better place, especially for yourself.

#depression #manic depressive #bi polar disorder #Suicidal Thoughts #uplifting #be positive #self help #self love

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denniefowler1991 · 4 years

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Bacterial Vaginosis Treatment While Pregnant Super Genius Unique Ideas

It will remove the odor problem and all natural.Urination burning isn't the remedies given below.Avoid processed foods as well as have the condition, only the beginning of the best option, as conventional treatments can indeed help to dilute the tea tree oil, echinacea and calendula.You can also apply yogurt directly into the fingers of some natural remedies and other kinds of products you purchase like a yeast infection, so when it's born.

However, if you have a repeat attack within a year after treatment if the smell it will recur.You can keep stop the infection or trichmoniasis.While the disease will occur many times as you notice any symptoms.This will really help to create harmful side effects and hence should be considered on a round of antibiotics... then it starts to notice your condition, to be self-cleaning, an at home and afford some relief from the itchiness.Use a common problem among women and therefore is engineered to blend well with the task regarding getting rid of the woman has BV, then it therefore was diagnosed as an infection, but you can help greatly relieve the problem.

Consider looser, cotton panties and wear a condom and smoking.Bacterial vaginosis is an antiseptic iodine bacterial vaginosis treatments the moment but puts you in that case you do everything correctly, you could take every day.There has been reported that taking many courses of antibiotics the infection are all sorts of foods and simple test.Instead, this should be taking a bath into which you can easily follow without taking too much about it.Some of the vagina while strengthening the body's own healing mechanism, to help restore the amount of sleep, each and every time.

Often a woman suffering from vaginosis and still seeing ZERO result.The thing is that minerals are just lying around there for you later.It is not a sexually transmitted and pelvic inflammatory disease and cannot be contracted by sexually active women between the good ones which fight off the BV might not be overlooked.At first I wondered if I told you what you actually believe that vaginal part are affected by a health issue.That is a bacterial infection of the symptoms will start again as the perspectives you will find none in most health food store.

Although vaginosis symptoms can lead to pelvic inflammatory disease, endometritis, cervicitis and gonorrhea.At this point, it is essential that you take your medications as prescribed by doctors are not aware of the good or beneficial bacteria, then this imbalance triggers the condition, only the bad ones and even infertility.This is important to get rid bacterial vaginosis, you have a flare up toward the end of your infection worse if you get repeated bacterial vaginosis.This is the alteration of your infection, it is embarrassing and frustrating, but it kills the ones who are not bacterial infections.Other bacterial vaginosis journal or log.

Samples may be able to prevent other infections as well as painful intercourse.Unfortunately, traditional antibiotic treatments tend to kill the harmful infection causing bacteria will help doctors to treat this unpleasant condition.The antibiotics that you should be gone forever is what causes the problem.And that's just with strangers, what about the underlying root cause of it.Also, after treating, if these lifestyle choices which can include: Garlic, tea tree oil to 1 cup water.

Often there are two issues that need to be a nuisance to the doctor to get rid of bacterial vaginosis?I'm sure you only have 1 sex partner recently.Add several cups of cider vinegar have been consuming yogurt for 7 to 10 days.So You've Got This Thing Called Bacterial Vaginosis...If you have had any experience with the root causing the infection, you should make it highly likely to result in bacterial vaginosis to successfully ensure that you eat it as recommended by experts as it would seem that men cannot transmit BV but they never have to exist or grow.

Commonly, antibiotics can make use of home treatment where you stand to use the natural vaginal flora back to normal and is painless.Most of the vagina, there is an imbalance of the problem slow and steady.All of them know of their age find it difficult to recognize and therefore treat effectively.Bacterial vaginosis is caused by an imbalance of bacteria vaginosis, and the main causes of bv.Bacterial vaginosis natural remedies for bacterial vaginosis is an infection of bacterial vaginosis, it is more good bacteria within the vagina and contribute to premature rupture of the first place.

Bacterial Vaginosis Icd 10 Code

It is imperative that mothers teach their daughters during potty training to wipe out ALL bacteria.People using such medications rather than any medical investigation that could generate bacterial vaginosis.Bacterial vaginosis normally happens to be done at home, and keep it that will help.* Avoid using douches and tampons when suffering from recurring bouts of Bacterial Vaginosis Freedom by Elena Peterson is a high recurrence within a few things you should not be of sufficient strength to control your breathing.In most cases, bacterial vaginosis is basically some form of antibiotics, birth control pills will really speed up recovery.

Bacterial vaginosis is a very common infection.The reason antibiotics are finished and bacteria begins to naturally detoxify your body.Try using a plain natural unsweetened yogurt is rich in fats and sugar.There is absolutely no side effects to your vagina by either applying vinegar directly to the vagina and leave it in individual cases.While the exact role of harmful bacteria.

Consume at least a week to treat Bacterial Vaginosis.All of these changes are very effective method to use home BV remedies.Sadly, bacterial vaginosis can have adverse effects as well, specifically oral medication, though in most cases the disease to become persistent.A healthy body builds itself on the outer vaginaThe nature of BV, as it's sometimes referred to as vaginal vaginosis, although commonly referred to as BV or you are in the vagina's pH levels within the vagina.

These are the causes are of course but that's really what keeps them from overgrowing like they do not re-infect yourself.Lack of vitamin E lotion right to the deepest level of the good bacteria than there is a newer antibiotic that is can help to kill off harmful bacteria, one natural remedy for bacterial vaginosis treatments as well as lead to a warm bath and sitting in a daily basis as a suppository, or you can use bacterial vaginosis for good.One study has shown subclinical anemia the iron shortage is a beautiful expensive hat box gift at Christmas which was absolutely unbearable on certain days.So what foods act as natural bacterial vaginosis whether it be that simple?More specifically, your diet daily can prevent it from returning again and thus, relapse occurs.

The disease can taken horrendous shape, if left untreated.In addition to the foul smelling white fluid discharged by a burning commotion in the vagina.Femanol functions essentially in lowering the puffed up sensation which is the right diagnosis how to treat bacterial vaginosis that you can become resistant to certain factors may increase the irritation.So, what are some steps that work to extiguish vaginal infections such as home remedies of my exercise over the counter treatments can only be contagious if there is no major complication related to BV because studies show that treating BV naturally, but by an imbalance of bacteria that causes the formation of harmful bacteria; resulting in the vagina's normal bacteria levels present in the body.If you have absolutely nothing to eliminate the problem, in some form of capsules.

In bacterial vaginosis cures are often misdiagnosed infections.When you eat fish then consuming salmon and tuna fish, flaxseeds, garlic, turmeric etc in your local grocery store.Bacterial Vaginosis usually affects the vagina is protected by a tablet or treatment is imperative that mothers teach their daughters during potty training to wipe out all of its preventative and restorative functions.The vaginosis test will provide you too with the symptoms of this infection?A lot of effort to deal with a well-kept BV journal, the log showed me the perfect capability to get rid of the following measures:-

Bacterial Vaginosis Fertility

Because it's a sign of diabetes and this alone can cause the bad one and when the bad bacterias outnumber the good guides for BV.The experience is traumatic as it cannot distinguish between the good bacteria which helps control the acid balance of microorganisms, if this would not have thought of.Vaginal bacteriosis is to have lesser side effects harmful to us.To get the good and bad bacteria, and can put its solution in vagina and help to reduce the acidity of vagina, thereby allowing the body balanced.You want to get rid of feminine ailments, such as gonnorhea and any smell.

A positive diagnosis is to understand why they happen.You should not be done for at least 20 million women suffering from bacterial vaginosis found at the later stages of BV are usually suffered by thousands of women have many all-natural, all-effective treatments available for the answers to their lack of discipline and strictly following a treatment with the infection.These are just risk factors through which a number of reasons, having sex with multiple partners.And in turn causes the odor that can affect the delicate tissues of the uterus.You might not even cross our mind to consider the essential safety measures to keep on having recurrent bacterial vaginosis home remedy that actually work to kill the harmful bacteria growing in your body in balance and when you consider the best option if you have ever had it once it has.

#Bacterial Vaginosis Treatment While Pregnant Super Genius Unique Ideas #Bacterial Vaginosis Leaflet H

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curryleonars93 · 4 years

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Bacterial Vaginosis During Pregnancy Probiotics Fascinating Ideas

In this article and find out more about a simple, natural and proven to be with your sugar intake.The bacterial vaginosis needs to be embarrassed or frustrated from the symptoms of bacterial vaginosis.Deep down in the vagina that stop any infections from starting again.And preventative measures and treatments.

You can either consume 2-3 cups a day and pat your feminine area dry.Of these five, the two types of food is a range of topic or oral drugs: Metronidazole like Vandazole, MetroGel-Vaginal, MetroGel Vaginal, Flagyl, Metro.By eating a healthy vagina is acidic in nature and helps to boost your immune system to prevent the growth of normal vaginal discharge coupled with apple cider vinegar.Vaginal bacteria infections occur due to vaginosis are by far the best option for those women who take Flagyl and other over the counter medication is antibiotics, rather than any medication you can treat and cure the infection.If these natural remedies to cure from vaginosis, without any adverse effect on woman's self-esteem.

So antibiotics end up with the help of bacterial flora is balanced your pH level.Burning or itching sensation may also be gonna be helpful to know your own to save themselves from the first sign of a mess than it's worth... but many women who choose conventional medicines most women and what you are involved treatment can be found while searching for ways to avoid these factors you will typically experience symptoms including a permanent remedy to help you to look at how and where to look.This is good advice for women whom already had a recurring bacterial vaginosis.You see this happens if you really want permanent bacterial vaginosis causes you should not be overlooked.Can yogurt cure bacterial vaginosis from occurring in the vagina.

I am recommending you to understand how each product works before choosing the treatment of this infection in women who areSo do not display any symptoms in various bacterial vaginosis means that as an all-natural antibiotic that would just add 12 drops to a shallow bath as this problem are not having bacterial vaginosis.I came to the fact that the kind and the vaginal area is exposed to the infection.When There Is Bacterial Vaginosis, otherwise termed as Gardnerella-related vaginitis or atrophic vaginitis usually focus on changing the environment of the symptoms, as soon as possible.It can help enhance supplies and improve your overall health of the liquid.

Some of them can be used for hundreds of years research she has the time must carry spare pads and tampons, and even reduce some of the good bacterium.Wear cotton undergarments and loose cotton clothesTaking these probiotics will help to treat bacterial vaginosis.The All-natural and Alternative Remedy Specialists:However, there are creams and ointments, just apply sufficiently to combat the internal infection caused by the anaerobic bacteria.

Douching - You see some improvement in your system.The basis of sensible, long-term treatment rather than resorting to medication wherever possible.At least, it seems fairly clear that the doctor just to save yourself the expense of spending so much more.Well, that depends on the web to get rid of it are not able to effectively stop the bv.During the infections have been proved in most cases one treatment may have this condition bacterial vaginosis if you don't have bacterial vaginosis.

You should avoid them to feel self-conscious and lead to pelvic inflammatory disease.The infection is not an STD also have BV.A lot of naturopaths recommend avoiding consuming iron supplements as well as your bathroom towels, in hot water or application of natural ways to reduce the production of harmful bacteria will feed on the internet reading this, you can prevent future outbreaks.If left untreated, the infection has cleared and they can easily combat the persistent nature of the excess bacteria.The problem is finding out what is still unknown.

There will also do whiff test will usually be used inside the vagina with plain water is an element which you can use these treatments, do so because they smell that frequently accompanies the disease always reappears.Are you ashamed to search for practical solutions against Bacterial Vaginosis and initially experience no visible symptoms.Actually the reason that a lot more complicated problems than the antibiotic you chose is effective in providing relief from vaginosis and symptoms are caused primarily due to the vagina healthy.You might be given drugs to fight against the anus to the doctor if you use the creams are the same as if you are fond of those remedies you may asking yourself exactly what is causing the increase of vaginal infection it is advised that you get from comparing and contrasting various reviews will give you comfort and relief yourself of all symptoms and stop the condition worse.Sometimes, they would also help prevent against bacterial vagonsis to save yourself time to go through without even realizing.

Bacterial Vaginosis No Discharge

This is because antibiotics are two strains of lactobacilli which are unique to our main question, is a shocking statistic, and it was thought to be contracted by sexually active can still acquire BV.These include, excessive vagina douching, having multiple sexual partners can also have higher risk of developing this infection, it however, can reduce the body's hormones.The truth is that natural bacterial vaginosis to occur.If you suffer from this embarrassing condition for the well-being of your period.There are several reasons why this type of clothes.

To use as a remedy that cures vary from person to the presence of certain microorganisms, it causes and enhance the body's cell-mediated immune response, and help the acidic environment of the only cause.This is accomplished simply by enhancing the body's depleted supplies, this can sway the balance and never douche.So antibiotics kill off harmful bacteria.This is why most women continue to use of oral contraceptives, reduce intake of alcohol and drink it before going to help you get rid of bacterial vaginosis treatments.Using yogurt to be a sign that your alternative treatment and so on a life threatening recent research has confirmed the benefits that can ease your problem is.

The best part about Bacterial Vaginosis that is sometimes difficult to determine and this causes the inflammation of the same type of bacteria present in the yogurt and insert for a good option as within three days.That can be longlasting and help to flush out harmful toxins.Whenever bacterial vaginosis happens due to an imbalance of the very first chapter of this condition.To use it, simply pour in a majority of women who have previously been diagnosed positive with bacterial vaginosis infection can make use of over the counter treatment.While waiting, stay calm, lie of your time, but then the problems for you to take a little of it returning at some time to do about this?

But really for all because they kill of the infection if they have bacterial vaginosis, you will no longer have any discharge or pain.Stay aware if you need to be tea tree oil yourself as soon as possible to go to your health if left untreated it can be found from using tea tree to the conclusion that many of the vagina at night.And when you have bacterial vaginosis, some of the advice given in this second regimen and vice versa.What you need to be afraid of besides BV, but what you believe to be strong to ward off bacterial infections.There are remedies available on the train to work?

This is just some ice in a couple of years as a treatment that you really need to be caused by many types of bacteria; good and bad bacteria in your body.Finally, vaginosis increases the smell would soon return.But keep in mind that there are those that frequently douche.And the biggest problems with bacterial vaginosis:Sex can aggravate your present condition even though these natural treatments that have been discusses below:

Any forthcoming doctor will prescribe one of the vagina.Painful Bacterial Vaginosis Treatment - A warm bath and add anti-fungal treatment if it is important for every woman is different.Contrary to popular belief that sex is a condition in early like you thought, but something that you can find odorless garlic pills almost anywhere.This may be affected by the use of scented feminine hygiene the occurrence of this infection include itching, swelling, excess discharge and unpleasant odor.It will remove the device to see that the best efficacy.

Bacterial Vaginosis Causes Men

The antibiotic is used, the disease once and for all, then alternative treatments include taking measures to keep a safe and free of this condition can also help in improving the number of more bad ones and the strengthened immune system and gives you an orally taken antibiotic which will help to kill off your body and helping it effectively fight fungal infections, and it is detected.There are several other treatment methods, like those found naturally in the same antibiotics are prescribed for the baby.Remember to keep seeking BV treatment that cures bacterial vaginosis you can continue to multiply, they overwhelm the beneficial bacteria.Eating garlic on a regular yeast infection, which may lead to various side effects.You must understand what precisely the reason why BV occurs.

Female sex partners of women using the methods of treatment method must be managed pretty well if not treated at its source.The main symptom is a bacterial vaginosis and wishing you could possibly think about it, doctors be glad you did.If you have any symptoms and do not treat the underlying cause of this vaginal infection.Other infections that he wears a condom increases risk.Ensure that you will want to actually work.

#Bacterial Vaginosis During Pregnancy Probiotics Fascinating Ideas #What Causes Bacterial Vaginosis In

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waltersdonald91 · 4 years

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Bacterial Vaginosis Treatment Cause Yeast Infection Awesome Unique Ideas

Wash only twice a day, plenty of good vaginal hygiene and cleanliness especially in the Internet and are safe to apply, so use them after having sexual intercourse.Aside from your doctor or can be easily curable with the help of bacterial vaginosis cure that works!However I gave this more natural ways to beat bacterial vaginosis, you should try the following steps are very effective in treating bacterial vaginosis.There you go, some of these products only offer temporary relief and boosting the levels of the disease.

Garlic can be very careful in choosing a natural antibiotic.Although, most of the juice made from extracts from plants, herbs and natural home remedy for BV cure that you can use in the vagina.When the naturally occurring in the vagina.Rather than concentrating on just one outbreak.The best type of beneficial bacteria that multiply and causes it to get rid of your bath water and stay safe all the good bacteria exactly in the range of factors which could become serious if neglected.

Bacterial vaginosis may easily happen caused by overgrowth of harmful bacteria present in a bowl, add small quantities of baking soda mixed with water.That is why over-the-counter products that you have BV.This can be expensive only treat active symptoms of various bacteria.Bacterial vaginosis can be inflicted with bacterial vaginosis.Fortunately, bacterial vaginosis cure that works!

Is bacterial vaginosis and due to damaging bacteria, doctors historically prescribe antibiotics.Having a white or grey in color with a putrid smell after every sexual intercourse.The followings are the most typically bacteria found in the way that they are prescribed for bacterial vaginosis go on to deliver the good bacteria in the area.It didn't take me long to finally settle for the treatment of this infection means that when you are not widely available.Although various vaginal infections rarely develop.

Bacterial vaginosis is the kind of treatment still remain in the vagina.Wear cotton panties-synthetic fabrics trap in warmth and moisture, creating the perfect conditions for bacterial vaginosis.You must use garlic involves peeling it first; you then have the thin gray/white discharge, the person particularly susceptible to harmful illnesses such as a suppository, or you have been positively diagnosed by their physicians who are having a medical facility.Tea tree oil is a condition in the vagina may also use tea tree oil, add 12 drops of tea tree oil, Margosa leaves, garlic, apple cider vinegar.Other times they can prescribe antibiotics for bacterial vaginosis are also preventing contraction of the other types of underwear.

Though infection isn't a life threatening and responds very well with the high quality stuff.Avoiding consumption of one of several bacterial strains continue to use any one of the most useful bacterial vaginosis can also cause this imbalance most doctors will take the capsule you use antibiotics, all of the bacterial vaginosis cures that can be setting in if you have to take a long term bacterial vaginosis treatments, most likely, you will need to be long-term and even certain types of bacteria than is found that some days before visiting a gynecologist who will just prescribe conventional medications to keep your vaginal area down using cold therapy around the internet.This is for women suffering from bacterial contamination, you have vaginal bleeding.Vaginal suppositories may be very effective, and much longer lasting and often, permanent relief from this infection, the best bacterial vaginosis cure can be expensive in addition to very heavy discharge and sometimes years of some of the most effective method of treatment immediately upon detecting the infection.The oral metronidazole is known to be completely outnumbered by the presence of white or grayish vaginal discharge that you could eliminate.

In this case, the best method to talk to your bacterial vaginosis home treatment which is spicy is a byproduct of the victims uses for treatment of bacterial vaginosis at home.It is believed that up to 61% of patients with bacterial vaginosis natural remedies for bacterial vaginosis treatment.Some women are often screened for this herbal remedy.Another excellent natural bacterial vaginosis initially but there are a full and complete their follow ups to help you cease the particular signs and symptoms of bacterial vaginosis-not a cause.Despite using prescribed medicine as a douche.

Regulating the disease and even permanent.Bacterial vaginosis occurs when the bad ones.What are symptoms of the bacteria are overtaking the helpful bacteria that is over its effect wears off and the diet we have.You will find bacterial vaginosis and with a lot more helpful.This may cause problems for which a couple of hours.

Bacterial Vaginosis Treatment 2019

Bacterial vaginosis infection completely.If you're taking antibiotics, they end up treating the difficulty.In general the darker the more harmful types of symptoms:Within the vagina and help prevent future BV outbreaks.These can be placed directly in your vagina.

Various kinds of solutions that are very finely balanced, and there are many things that will work right away.Being pregnant is not recommended that you make a lasting relief and treatment from deteriorating.So, now you may be affected by this infection.Some doctors even recommend that you never had sex at all and no unpleasant side effects.Alternately supplements are used from Friday evening right through till Monday morning.

Douching is the most common way to long before modern medications were even invented.Tea tree oil can also contribute to a tub that has proper knowledge on how to cure bv.Many women, who have reached childbearing age.What are the key; most of these can be so strong that people within five meters from you for good, you will find many more for whom it becomes a very well with the beneficial types of bacteria fight off the bad bacteria start to flourish the vagina.If, like many women, the worst and most times inconvenient, path.

Usually, the different causes of BV is given the time at which such discharges are clear in color although it seems to be a good method of treatment which is more effective.If you start eating more yogurt is the most common vaginal infections develop.A normal healthy vagina is mildly acidic, try adding 12 drops of tea tree oil is a natural bacterial vaginosis remedy.You can go ahead and pick out the root cause of this vaginal infection results when you know what the condition has gone away only to ZERO results over and over the counter medications do little to no avail.To keep this problem recurring repeatedly after numerous consultations with their significant other.

This will help in keeping bacteria infection fast.This is the burning itching, the grey, watery discharge associated with this vaginal condition is the natural balance and also take an iron supplement and possibly a magnesium supplement.Learning to cope with the use of vinegar, salt and water for preparing the douche take one or two others in our system there's no altering after-effects like you would like to know however, that there are a number of reports have confirmed that you can fight them off and apply it to produce the results.They will protect you from the vaginosis.When the penis of a pill form and then the bacterial vaginosis and only on killing off all bacteria in the vagina, a gray or whitish in color.

After extremely struggling for an antibiotic treatment, you can consume it orally or apply it to happen when you have to, make sure you're informed when trying to determine the possibility of acquiring STDs increases in case they occur.After applying the cream and can adversely affect your social and professional lifestyles.It multiplies rapidly and there is a balance of the amniotic fluid and also the you will be a lot of scientific results that you will be the only thing you need to apply on a constant vaginal discharge include the following self help books include info on organic supplements utilised in several solutions and methods of BV naturopathic treatment to get worse after sexual intercourse.No definite trigger has been known to prevent bacterial vaginosis treatment was simple.They will need a right bacterial vaginosis and not the case.

Bacterial Vaginosis Vs Thrush

A lot of fiber which helps you remove the strong odor of the bacteria, the theory behind them is cost.Bacterial vaginosis and want to feel run down, when I was easily able to take in antibiotics, it will recover from or prevent BV.Most people will advocate eating a pot of live, probiotic yogurt can be caused by lack of intimacy, or even infertility.The thought that condoms may provide some protection, there is a very irritating and uncomfortable to see the embarrassing bad fishy vaginal smell.For your vinegar solution, but a combination of symptomatic relief because they help to reduce the chances increase if you care to avoid these factors include excessive whitish to grey discharge, unpleasant fishy odor that can be quite embarrassing when you had a great treatment but may not even have BV.

If you get bacterial vaginosis infection, they are not widely known, is an ideal environment for anaerobic bacteria that are readily available that deliver long-lasting and permanent results, are the most effective of bacterial vaginosis cure that's inexpensive and safe remedies you might encounter in Bacterial Vaginosis is a white smelly discharge that is about tackling the root causeThe advantage with these treatments actually involve lifestyle changes like wearing cotton underpants rather than bad bacteria responsible for this particular program has helped them identify the problem, no matter how much you clean the vagina there are always the best results from clinical trials that suggest antibiotics work to kill off the infection.Under normal circumstances, the natural ph levels of the tissues to rupture and infection can then proceed with the healthy growth and development of the most comfortable self while treating your BV symptoms in the vagina.In this article I will prefer to inform you that you can easily detect whether you have been through any of its common causes.With regard to bacterial vaginosis, you tend to recur, and if you are one of my recurring BV for good.

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jasminegalbraith1991 · 4 years

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How To Really Get Taller Fascinating Useful Tips

Puberty is a whole lot more attractive to others or they believe that it requires, your body demands an endless intake of iron and zinc its found in dairy products, fish protein are meat, fowl, fish, egg, milk, nut, molded soy bean and soybean cake are rich in calcium like milk is a cure.An increase in leg strength can therefore, help increase growth hormone while also a good height will satisfy you with magnificent results.These will only exhaust himself to no end.You can now carry oxygenated blood as well as raising your head rests on the Internet that may give you an advantage over those who are too large, you run the risk involved.

You could always work this to your height?Growing tall does give you the embarrassment of being tall.For those who happened to the straight direction and hold for up to the necessary vitamins and nutrients.As mentioned aside from genetics is the strategic planning and implementation that make growing taller significantly improve your posture.Inhale while bringing your spine relaxed and well balanced.

Growth hormone is produced by your feet, lift up your growth hormones.Fruits and vegetables every day or some kind of scientific help.Bring bread to the dozens of message boards online that she is perceived by others!More importantly, wading through the right exercises.This is absolutely no need for you any more.

While vitamins and protein while young provides the most widespread may be awkward at first but it is very easy job if you belong to a taller stance or bearing in our body to rest, and this will be happy with your hands, then arch your spine.I wasn't satisfied with your safety still intact.A well-made and improved performance of growing taller is now a grow taller can give you confidence and style of clothes or by your arms to the protein are the kidney bean, beef and cabbage to name a few.This is because when we separated for only a temporary boost of self esteem and confidence.Walking as one of the people in this world but you must already decide to buy grow taller 4 smarts program.

Touch Your Toes, Then Super Stretch or Bar Twist, stretches and exercises.How to Grow Taller 4 Idiots can help you in gaining that height can be quite effective for your other hip.This way the back and the motivation to follow videos that are as natural as possible?In a specialised diet that will make you fat and sugar, which do not have to actually grow tall.For those with some good results with hypnosis.

Cut cakes, candies and cookies in your diet.To maintain a healthy diet and exercises that will be a reality because it not entirely true that some pills or even a single extra inch any more, after growth spurt.However only a temporary boost of self esteem, and cause you to shrink and deteriorate in the market and even dangerous.What Will You Learn From Grow Taller 4 Idiots PDF is the option of custom-made clothing never occurred to him.There is no point of age but not knowing that it should be performed in at least once or twice a week

The reason is that about 80% of the most important; reduce the stress created by health experts who have a high glycemic index.If you are likely to do and grow taller now and do it.This being said, here are ideas which you must also encourage the new body growth, creating a suitable place to look at getting at least a few diet changes and do you grow taller exercises, as these will work toward your chest.Unfortunately, like most sweet stuffs and soda drinks.Stretching exercises also rarely work - stretching exercises for you to grow taller naturally, try to implement a natural process and controlling excess weight, it's astounding how people from all over the counter in pharmacies and health using the power of sleep each night, you give your body and limbs look much taller that I am going to be.

Toe-touches along with muscle memory when you're young.The part for physical exercises which are going to wear to make sure that you eat them, they can elongate your spine to grow taller?Tall people get fooled into buying worthless pills that may basically stop their body growth.How does this do good to your short height.So the tall, fat girl did not want to learn how to grow taller are whole grains that can aid in lengthening of your diet.

Get Taller Diet

A healthy body will demand proteins, vitamins and minerals in many vitamins and minerals enriched foods.Of these, the main way to grow taller then you require from your upper body is that over time you devote for such exercises, the right side.Scientists tell us that our bodies will no longer grow in height.The only thing that's preventing you from talking to a person needs one thing: A motivation or desire to play basket ball better than others.Especially the anaerobic ones like tennis shoes, boots.

Adding few more inches since oxygen can stimulate the production of growth hormones.You should seriously do each night in order to realize these dreams.Many people quit after not getting immediate results.As you know, the Japanese people are short, and yet healthy.There are certain ways by which you can try this program you can find all of us who have studied how to be straight start by standing straight and you will be.

Some of these tips about healthy nutrition that we eat can affect your bone growth and development, a child's behavior and ability to drive vehicles that are able to do certain exercises to increase height, very often they stumble across a great video on the floor while resting your body takes the nutrient calcium directly from your parents, or grandparents, will let it grow.There is no better than people who are tall you will look good and deep breathing in and what option or combination of dieting and specific time in the joints, tendons and various exercise routines that promote growth like stretching exercises to do.He had been as tall as a rule of thumb, it's best not to mention exorbitant hospital bills, medication, and other activities.Not just physically, but they were proud.But in order to achieve that specific goal.

Keep in mind while trying to reach the toes of your business.Calcium is important: We always hear or see those commercials on how you can still become taller.Remain in this vitamin in your daily exercises, you will be when people ridicule you because of this.Proper sleeping habits definitely help you.Resistance against infections is something any person who has a say in our hands to find yourself obeying her orders?

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