💙❤🌕Bella Notte🌕❤💙

🥰🥰🥰 obviously for Curtis and Honey

Maple, Cobweb, and Moonlit

Maple: A hobby/skill you want to learn and never did?

"If I had to pick a skill I wanted to start right now it is probably painting. I used to sketch a lot in high school but I never got beyond that and well maybe it's time to try. Add it to my list of projects I already got lined up." Curtis shrugs with a soft laugh. "Maybe one day I will get around to it."

"Do you still have your sketches? I wanna see them." You nudge at him excitedly. "Hmmm, I wanna learn how to play a piano. I feel like it would be pretty badass of me to be able to play music while my drama club is putting on their newest play instead of having to just cue up some music. Plus it's got a sort of whimsical fancy to be able to sit at a piano and just play something so beautiful to enjoy."

"I do, in the attic I'm sure. And I will put a piano in the livingroom tomorrow for you to practice on Honey."

"Um, lets start with a keyboard first Curtis."

Cobweb: Do you miss highschool?

"Well, what a loaded question." You laugh. "I obviously love learning, I am a teacher. But as the awkward fatter kid." You wince when Curtis rumbles next to you. "It wasn't always fun. But I survived, I did have some pretty cool friends then. Would I go back? Probably not."

"Nah, I did it, got through it, I don't know if I could deal with that again. I had some shit going on with me during my high school years that I didn't know how to handle very well. My grandparents tried to help where they could, ended up landing me into a after school job at the train yard. I'm glad to be done with that period."

Moonlit: Are you a neat or messy person?

You laugh a bit. "Oh I'm what I like to call organized chaos sometimes. Like I like things in a certain place and put away. But when I get started on a project, I can get messy, because I like to spread it all out. But when I'm finished it all gets put away. Then I do tend to leave books around and my school bag has all sorts of randomness stuffed into. Never know what I'm gonna need."

"I don't mind it. It's nice to have your things around the house, makes it feel like home." Curtis presses a kiss to your shoulder affectionately. "I like things clean, I work in such a dirty environment that I like my home to be tidy. It's not spotless, like my garage is a bit of a mess, that closet in the kitchen could be organized and lets not even discuss the upstiars bedrooms I don't use, but typically I like my things put away where I know where to find them. Like I said before, I don't mind Honey's stuff around, it makes this house feel lived in. But if I see a sink full of dishes or piles of clothes on the floor, I will deal with that before it piles up more."

like a tattoo kiss

pairing: karolina dean/nico minoru

fandom: marvel’s runaways

rating: general

word count: 4228

warning: swearing

summary: Nico doesn't get nervous. Except around pretty people. Especially around pretty people. (tattoo parlor AU)

(it’s been 84 years... Finally, i am writing!! life and uni has been extremely messy, so i’m just so glad to be creating again uwuu. this was meant for the @augustwritingchallenge but alas... i miss my alien and witch girlies!! thank you to my baby @griffinbellamy for beta reading <333 you are Everything. hope you enjoy this mess!!)

read on ao3

Nico doesn’t get nervous.

Or rather, she’s not the type of person to be nervous. Especially while working.

Her parents weren’t over the moon when she told them what line of work she was aiming for, not that she needs their permission or anything, but they’d warmed up to her internship over time.

Many times she had tried to explain why exactly she liked her art to be expressed through ink on skin, but parents just don’t understand some things. All hail rebellious teenagers, or something.

Amy’s always been supportive, because she’s an angel, Nico thinks, and her sister managed to get them along, somehow.

In the end, they were probably just happy to get her out of the house more.

By a string of luck she had found a local tattoo parlour, well, actually, the city’s best, and they were willing to take her on, along with her best friend, coincidentally.

And the boss kept an eye on her and Alex to make sure they didn’t misbehave, but just like herself, he wasn’t the type to mess around with the things he was passionate about.

They had always been excellent lab partners way back, considered each other their partner in crime, no less.

And over time, they both were allowed to work more freely. Even to the point of taking their own clients, albeit only walk-ins, for now.

This week, a little thing about Nico’s inability to get nervous might be changing, but she only knows that when a walk-in comes along late Friday afternoon.

It’s actually an hour and a half before closing time, that is, and they weren’t expecting much more people besides reservations.

But low and behold, when the bell above the door rings, Nico glances up to the sight of two young people, surely the same age as her and Alex.

And while the guy wears a leather jacket, messy brown hair that she isn’t sure which direction it was meant to go, the girl following behind him has her blonde hair in a braid over her shoulder, and is, unlike her companion, more appropriately dressed for the weather which has been abnormally hot this season.

The stranger tugs the cardigan on her shoulders over her white dress just a little. She looks impatient, poking the guy’s shoulder and saying something low and unintelligible.

Did Alex have to pinch her side to get the attention he wanted? Looks like it, yes.

Because holy shit.

Nico sort of feels like a deer in headlights, which is a joke, this is not anywhere near a situation like that, and a stupid metaphor, anyway.

But her previous string of keeping her cool, not letting her nerves overtake her entire being, is getting, well, thrown out of the window at this moment.

Alex likes to call this her “bisexual panic”. He’s a little bit of an asshole.

Well, they both are, but it doesn’t matter, because if Nico has to hear him tease her about “being a wreck around pretty people” one more time, she might just lose it.

It’s fine. She’s a customer, a civilian like herself, keep it together.

Thing is, this might just be the prettiest girl she’s ever laid her eyes upon. Sounds melodramatic, she knows.

This stranger looks like an extreme polar opposite of herself, in terms of fashion sense, anyway, but it wouldn’t be the first time.

She likes tall people, too.

Also, the blonde turns her head, seemingly surveying the parlour with a skepticism in her eyes that Nico’s seen many, many times, but it doesn’t faze her, because those eyes are the clearest blue possible.

She pushes a strand of hair behind her ear, and Nico notices a small cross hanging around her neck.

Again, not exactly the community she herself hangs around, which might explain why she’s, tragically, never seen this person before now, but Nico’s experienced far too much shit to be judgmental.

“You done staring?” Alex’s voice mumbles on her left side, swiftly passing by to greet the two potential clients.

Guess he’s just earned himself another eyeroll. Or a death stare, maybe.

Her voice of reason gets to her, despite the, ugh, panic, and if she just runs this on their autopilot measure of things, as usual, it’ll all be fine.

Yes, definitely.

This isn’t some fairytale land, Nico tells herself, it’s not like this is your moment finally meeting the love of your life, or whatever, and you’ll live happily ever after.

She’ll most likely never see her again. She’s just very, extremely pretty- no, beautiful. Can’t blame her for being a little dumbfounded, right?

Alex is the kind of person who could make meaningful conversation with a toddler, a parrot, or a brick, if he really wanted to, so Nico’s glad to let him do most of the talking, as always.

He usually explains the basics to the clients, asks them about the design they have in mind (if they have an idea to begin with, that is), and that’s usually when he pulls Nico out from her thoughts, especially in situations like this where there’s more than one customer in the parlour at the time.

Given that their boss has more or less left them in charge of the shop till closing time today, however, she decides to make her way into the conversation herself.

“We’re getting matching tattoos!” the brunette guy tells them eagerly, a smug grin on his face, and judging by the impatience visible on his companion’s face, Nico has a feeling this wasn’t her idea.

She still sports a fond smile, though, despite her still not looking totally convinced of her… friend? partner?’s idea.

Alex nods politely, his customer service smile put on like he owns the place, and makes sure to present her to their soon-to-be canvases, “We’re interns here, Nico and I, but we got plenty of experience, so you’re in safe hands.”

And now, the girl looks directly at her. She might just mentally combust.

Nico has always hated those romantic traditions, and Valentine’s Day, and love at first sight, please, what vomit inducing bullshit.

She has to remember that, especially now, because a way too pretty girl looks at her up and down, very subtle and quick, so much so that it could be missed, but the bright smile she gives her makes her heart jump in her chest.

Nico smiles back, of course. She’s not an asshole.

“This is Chase and Karolina, by the way.” her best friend tells her, because administration, obviously, even though his voice definitely isn’t forgetting her and her panic, but fuck that.

Karolina.

She brushes another lock of hair out of her face, and Nico’s struggling to keep her attention on the transaction. She can’t be like this right now, nope, as sweet as the smile with pink lips staring her in the face is.

“So, you got a design?” Nico then inquires, once the pricing and everything is out in the open, knowing too well Alex will tease her more the longer she stares, and well, doesn’t know what to do with herself, so she might as well get on with it.

“A ‘C+K’ should do it, really, Oh! Can you do a heart?”

And Karolina sticks her tongue out at her companion, but he laughs nonetheless, like he can’t hold it back, bumping her shoulder.

They’re a couple.

Of course.

Nico should’ve seen it coming, she guesses, if she wasn’t so hung up on how pretty this girl was, it should’ve been obvious.

Ugh, it doesn’t even matter, anyway, because there wouldn’t even be a chance.

She’s a customer, she reminds herself, that’s like, the most unprofessional that could be. And even if they weren’t, and even if it was different, Nico could never tell if the girls she liked were into her or not. Or the boys, for that matter.

The partners previously always made the first move on her, which Alex explained by her being the most stubborn person he knows. Whatever.

Without Nico not realising much else conversation, it seems fitting that Alex takes on Chase’s shoulder blade, while her canvas turns out to be Karolina’s upper arm.

Alex and her cleaned the sketch up they brought, their clients both approved, and here they were.

It’s simple, really, a pink heart, with an added arrow through it because Alex likes to turn everything as extravagant as possible. And the initials, of course.

And Nico’s more than used to being close to total strangers like this.

Like, with most areas of the body, even. But those other people weren’t the prettiest girl in the world, so, you know.

And to make matters worse, once Karolina’s seated, and Nico’s sanitized the area, tracing the outline, the too pretty stranger starts talking. She knows this doesn’t sound like a bad thing, but Nico was already nervous, and far from an expert at small talk.

The blonde does seem to know how to lead a conversation.

Because the outline finished, glancing up to make sure the client’s still on it and not chickening out, wouldn’t be the first time, the pretty girl gives her another sweet smile, too sweet, really, and states, “I like the way you work.”

Nico has to blink a few times, because she’s not sure she quite understands what that means. Maybe she’s too used to lewd jokes from her peers that everything turns into an innuendo by now. Fucking hell.

So she opts for a, “You do?” as a reply.

Karolina nods. Gracefully, she has to describe it, not overly excited or eager, though the intention’s definitely there.

“I mean, you looked really concentrated a couple seconds ago. I don’t know. You’re gentle.” and she finishes her sentence with a shrug.

Gentle. Nico has never in her wildest imagination expected someone to associate that term with her. She’s never been called that.

Maybe her insides get a little fluttery. So what?

She’s not a giggling schoolgirl, she can keep her composure, and she does, but hopefully without the coldness she usually goes for when something doesn’t go as expected.

This girl doesn’t deserve that.

And honestly, this is feeling way too intimate way too fast.

The boys are already bantering about whatever video game they’re apparently both into, because, somehow, Alex manages to keep his lines straight while laughing at dumb puns and other ridiculous Alex-things.

Also, can this girl stop staring at her?

If Nico couldn’t control herself as well as she could, she might’ve been blushing. It’s only been ten minutes, come on, now.

Karolina seems a tad more… curious than most of her clients, anyway.

It’s like she’s observing every line she makes, at least, what she can crane her neck enough to follow.

So, inclined to distract herself from the thought of a pretty girl watching her, she asks, without thinking too much, “What are you studying?”

Nico’s got an excuse, cause her wrist is resting on the armrest, fashioned with an university pride bracelet, seriously.

The girl blows a hair away from her nose.

“Philosophy,” she tells her, in a shy, half-embarrassed tone, “Not my parents’ first choice.”

So Nico has to scoff. “Welcome to the club.”

The fact that they can have a laugh at this notion, a proper one, not as loud and bashful as the boys, but fuck them, this is like treading the deep waters of the pool, knowing someone’s holding your hand.

She doesn’t know where that comparison comes from.

…

It’s kind of excruciating, the way the session comes to a both disappointing and long awaited end.

The tattoo’s easy, and Nico’s nonsensical pining, or whatever it is, can’t just last here forever, she knows.

Karolina stayed quiet once they’d established their mutual bond of parents not trusting their decisions, besides the occasional humming, which she probably didn’t even realise she was doing, and offhand remarks to the boys about them being more serious.

The girl had seemed eager to get this thing over with when they came in, but once Nico announced her arm bandaged and in need of rest, she didn’t exactly miss the now anything but eager pout.

It’s not like she said anything, but Nico thinks her reading of people is improving. She’ll convince herself of that, anyway, to support the logic in her head.

The boys had fun, but she didn’t expect any less of Alex.

The fact that he’s made friends with multiple clients, or “established connections”, as he calls it, with the elder ones, seems exhausting to Nico.

She does envy him, though.

At least, she wishes she had that skill set right now, to have gotten a lot more meaningful conversation out of this meeting.

Don’t be fooled, she knows when a crush of hers is off limits, but who knows, maybe they could be friends. Not that they seemed to have much more in common, but, you know.

Karolina just seemed special to her brain, or heart, or whatever.

Doesn’t matter anymore, does it?

Chase proudly shows her their matching marks, which Nico would roll her eyes at if she could, and Karolina laughed with a sigh.

Nico’s got a sense that she’s, still, not all in on this. Too late now, she supposes.

And she’s never understood couple tattoos anyhow, because in Nico’s relatively short life on earth so far, she’s learned that most things come to an end.

It’s not necessarily pessimistic, or at least she tells herself that, because graduating was nice, and then she started an internship, so maybe endings really just mean that you’re ready for beginnings.

Sounds ridiculous when she thinks about it, but maybe they discuss that on Karolina’s philosophy course, who knows.

Besides, seems odd they would do it without mutual approval on both parts.

But of course, Nico doesn’t know these people at all, so who is she to ponder on their relationship?

And so the couple pay their bill, Alex exchanges numbers with Chase, because of course, and Karolina lingers just long enough that Nico suspects she might have something on her mind.

The blonde has a hand on her hip when she says, “He’s ridiculous.”

Nico doesn’t know if it was meant for her ears or the taller girl simply thinks out loud, but none or the less, she’d feel rude not to respond.

“It was nice meeting you guys,” is what’s coming out of her mouth, as casual as possible, emphasis on guys, “and hope you like the tattoo, regardless.”

Karolina scrunches up her nose, which is, um, adorable, like her words were troubling, but she still nods, more than once, “Definitely.”

And the girl looks to the side again, the boys fistbumping and Chase already snapping a picture of his mark. He’s stupidly proud of it, huh.

Nico can’t say he’s unlikable, can she? Maybe that’s part of his charm.

“You coming?”

And Karolina laughs again, sticking her tongue out, but starts moving when he almost bounces out the door, his attention immediately taken by a very important text message, it seems.

“Your art’s gorgeous, Nico.” she says over her shoulder, “See you around, right?”

And it’s said like a matter of fact, a law of nature, as if Karolina had searched for her work on the display walls, carefully eyeing the artist name labels.

She couldn’t have sounded any more sincere.

Nico nods, before she mentally combusts.

And the girl and her flowing dress are out the door in a flash, and if Alex’s laugh is any indication, Nico’s flushing beet red.

Gorgeous.

…

As if she received a small static shock, that’s how the weekend passes by for Nico.

Fast enough that she sits, on Monday, failing to remember anything noteworthy she spent her time with.

Well, she stayed over at Alex’s, since he swore to introduce her to Wolfenstein, whatever that word means. It turned out to be a game about killing nazis, so yeah, her interest was won soon enough.

Not that this is the point or anything. 

The point’s more like in the evening, when the boss has a family emergency and needs them to close up alone, which they are fully capable of, mind you, and a familiar face walks through the door.

It’s not the first time customers have returned, far from it.

Whether it be one of many patrons of the parlour, who they both have been introduced to by now, or the many new friends Alex is so brilliant at making.

Today, though, Alex does show off a knowing smile, but it’s pointed right at Nico, and she kind of wants to pinch him and his ever annoying smugness away.

And he doesn’t even stay to greet their former client or anything. Looks like his plan is to leave her to her own devices, spotting Chase outside and swiftly swinging out the door in one fluid movement.

Asshole.

And well. Nico’s one again faced with this girl, who made her blush too damn much for just one meeting.

Karolina’s wearing blue jeans this time around, and a crop top, damn, she cannot imagine that white leather jacket is giving much warmth on a foggy day like this one.

She waves. Nico has to wave back. It’s not like she was supposed to clean this chair or anything.

Seems like duties are put on hold around the prettiest girl ever.

Her smile comes off shy, but Nico can’t imagine anyone feeling shy around her. Well, she’s come off rather terrifying, more like, to the local school bullies back in primary school.

They made her sick, she had fists, and her all-black wardrobe was certainly helpful in that mission too.

Then, in the thought of punching bullies, Karolina’s in front of her, seemingly, consciously, leaving her some space, which she’s grateful for.

Common decency, Nico supposes, but also, a reminder that this infatuation needs to fade if she wants to remain some form of contact with the blonde.

Her very real, very annoying boyfriend laughs outside. Nico wishes she didn’t sound so bitter.

It’s fine, you know, they’ve met one time.

Nico wants her luck to be different, but since that’s out of the picture, she wants to be her friend. Very badly.

If she could just open her mouth, dammit.

“Hey,” she starts, finally, judging by Karolina’s hesitant silence that she expects her to put out the first word, “Good to see you again. And so soon.”

The last part with a quick laugh, would sound weird, or judgmental, otherwise. Not the perfect second impression.

Is the second impression even a thing?

Karolina chuckles herself, thank god, but squints her eyes a bit and scratches her arm, “The tattoo’s looking nice, I think.”

Nico doesn’t know if there’s a question laced into that statement, but the tall girl shrugs the jacket off just enough for her to view the work, and so she moves a tad closer.

It does look nice. Still needs to heal, extremely fresh, but nice.

Definitely one of the better couple tattoos she’s done, Nico tells herself.

And she nods, and Karolina settles her jacket properly, and that subject is dealt with.

Now what?

Maybe this was all the blonde came to talk to her about. Makes sense, but also, a tiny disappointment settles in Nico’s stomach.

It’s not like she had high expectations though, hell, she didn’t even expect to see her just three days after the meeting.

It seems Karolina meant what she said. See you around.

But that’s just politeness, Nico figures. Artist and client. 

She doesn’t know if she can ever learn from Alex’s mastery of the social art, to be honest. Stupid Alex things.

“So-” the girls find themselves speaking at the same time, and Nico chuckles awkwardly, but the blonde smiles too warmly for it to matter. “You were saying?”

And Nico’s about to answer, only she notices a third person joining Chase and Alex.

A relatively short girl, pushing her glasses up her nose and purple-dyed hair in two small buns.

And she kisses Chase on the cheek. Which, of course, friends do that. Nico and Alex don’t, but then again, they fistbump and shove each other more than anything else.

She can’t help but furrow her brows. It’s probably nothing, she thinks, forget about it.

“I was just thinking, if you wanna see some of my non-tattoo art one day.” Nico shrugs, better make it as casual as possible.

And Karolina’s eyes light up impossibly, and her nose scrunches up again when she smiles. Nico didn’t notice her freckles last time, weirdly.

“I’d love that, Nico!” she says, of course, looking excited and adjusting her ponytail, “I figure Chase wanna show Alex some of his gadgets. Something like that. I don’t know.”

That they can both laugh at. Doesn’t surprise Nico, given that Alex has been honing his coding skills since he was like fifteen.

She wasn’t even surprised when he offered to hack the school system and change her stupid history grades. It’s not like she agreed. But oh, did she consider it.

Nico scratches her neck. She wants to escape the conversation, which she’s experienced too many times to count, but also, she wants to stay there forever. Not that usual.

“Honestly, Alex has been talking about him. A lot.” she tells the blonde with a huff, and she smiles fondly, “Be careful he doesn’t steal your boyfriend.”

Nico’s been organizing the table in front of her during the conversation, it’s natural for her to do something with her hands, especially, well, now that she’s able to be nervous, apparently.

But it’s like something suddenly shifts.

When Karolina doesn’t laugh at her remark, Nico looks up, and the tall girl is frowning.

It looks wrong on her face, even though her nose is still scrunched, just the way it was with that smile a few minutes ago, making her feel these weird flutters somewhere deep in her chest.

So, naturally, Nico’s about to ask if she’s okay, because she’s suddenly terrified she’s said something wrong, or implied what her thoughts, somehow, until, “Chase? My boyfriend?”

Okay, Nico doesn’t really know what to say now.

Given her tone, Karolina’s clearly not comfortable. Maybe she’s ashamed of Chase? But that can’t be it, they got tattoos together, for goodness’ sake.

“Yeah? Sorry, did I say something wrong?”

“Oh, no!” the blonde looks confused, but reaches her arm out, like she’s going to touch Nico’s shoulder, but she doesn’t, “Or I mean, Chase. He isn’t my boyfriend.”

Her tone is stern without being angry. Elegant.

It’s now Nico’s own turn to frown. Shakes her head at herself.

“I’m so sorry.” she says, and tries to form a longer sentence in her head, without sounding desperate, “I didn’t mean to assume anything. I just, well, the tattoo looked like a couples tattoo, is all.”

And she tries a small smile, unsure if this relation’s already gone to hell after a weekend, but luckily, the tall girl’s frown is gone as fast as it appeared, and she’s biting her lip.

Nico’s more relieved than anything that she’s smiling back.

Then Karolina shakes her head, “Chase is an idiot.”

Again, like an unspoken, mutual understanding, they both laugh. Nico cannot for the life of her tell where this conversation is going.

And so the blonde continues, “It was a stupid bet. The tattoo, that is.”

Now, it does take a second, but it clicks in Nico’s brain. This is also new, and she didn’t know she could be more nervous, but here we are.

“I see.” she replies simply, glancing out the glass door, and figuring the bright haired girl out there must be Chase’s girlfriend.

Karolina chuckles. “They’re adorable.”

They’re looking at the same thing, it seems, so Nico can only nod, and wonder, if this is all, and the blonde is going to step out the parlour, and if the misunderstanding will be forgotten or not.

And they stand there for what seems like forever, but Karolina doesn’t leave.

No, she turns back to Nico, licks her lips, and folds her hands in front of her, “I’m sorry. I mean, God, I must be bad at flirting.”

Flirting?

This is going a little too fast for her. And now Karolina looks nervous too, but continues, impressively not stumbling over her words, “I mean, boys aren’t my thing. I-uh, I wasn’t sure if I should come, but Chase insisted I should make a move.”

Nico knows what’s going on. And she can’t say Alex was wrong when he said the blonde was “totally into her”, despite her very concerned, real protests about the very real boyfriend. Or well, very not real, it turns out.

So, instead of thinking of the nerves still sitting right beneath her skin, Nico lifts an eyebrow, trying to make sure what’s happening isn’t some imaginary dream scenario that’ll end in a blink.

“A move?”

The tall girl shrugs, biting her lip again. “Please tell me if this is crossing the line. I just…. you’re very pretty, is all.”

That’s fucking adorable.

“You think I’m pretty?” Nico replies, feeling her smile grow too stupidly bright. It’s not long before the girl in front of her mimics it.

Fuck, Nico, you’re going soft.

Alex is going to tease her for weeks after this. But she’ll worry about that later.

Catch and Release - 5

Catch and Release: A Captain America Fanfic

Masterlist PREVIOUS //

Buy me a ☕ Character Pairing:  Bucky Barnes x Steve Rogers x F!Reader

Word Count:  3289

Rating:  E

Square filled: @star-spangled-bingo​ - Steve's Apartment

Warnings:  Smut (MMF, oral and vaginal sex, overstimulation)

Synopsis: When you overexert yourself on a mission with Steve and Bucky, the boys admit to having fantasies that involve you.  Fantasies that you share.  But with one Super Soldier needs intimacy and the other is still dealing with being touch starved, exploring those desires without anyone catching feelings is a little tricky.

Chapter 5: Lying in Wait

You knocked on the door to the apartment that Steve and Bucky shared.  They'd asked you around for dinner, which meant dinner and experimenting with their sexuality, and you were more than a little excited.  The dice game had gone over really well and for a couple of days after they would each come and tell you about what parts they liked the most.  You knew that they’d want to take it further and try more things.  Especially given Steve hadn’t technically gone ‘all the way’ with you.

You were very excited too.  This whole thing had not at all been what you’d expected.  The whole idea of a down and dirty three-way that was all about sex and just getting that release at the hands of the two super soldiers was definitely one that you’d visited alone a lot of times.  Somehow this was even better.  Steve and Bucky were such good friends, and this arrangement you’d come to was both exciting and safe all at once.  They might be finding out more about themselves, but this was your opportunity to find out more about yourself too.

Steve answered and greeted you with a kiss on the cheek.  It was funny really, you’d seen him on and off all day, but that was Cap.  Steve was a whole different person in a lot of ways and so even though you’d only seen him half an hour ago, this was the first time you were seeing him all day.  “Come in,” he said as he held the door open for you.

“I bought wine.”  You said holding up the bottle of merlot you’d ‘stolen’ from Tony’s cellar. 

“Trying to get us drunk are you?”  He asked taking it from you.

You chuckled and followed through the apartment to the table.  Their place was a weird mix of old and new.  There was a blue velvet wingback couch sitting next to a black leather recliner that had speakers in the headrest.  An old cabinet style record player sat next to a large flat-screen TV and had a PS4 sitting on top of it.  A set of nesting tables sat in front of the couch and each one was littered with art supplies and Steve’s shield was propped up against the couch.

The walls were decorated with artwork of vintage motorcycles and photos of family and friends.  One entire wall was boxed shelving, and each shell was full of books and vinyls.  There was no clear theme to any of it.  A boxed set of Harry Potter novels sat next to books on military tactics.  The Wizard of Oz series was there in its entirety but each volume was sitting on a different shelf.  The Wizard of Oz was next to a book on guided meditation.  Ozma of Oz was beside some vintage Captain America comic books.

Bucky was in the kitchen cooking.  He had his hair pulled back and a floral apron on.  The kitchen itself was quite modern and clean compared to the living room.  The benchtops were black granite and the fittings were all brushed chrome.  Bucky smiled when he saw you and came over and kissed your cheek.  “Everything is nearly ready.”  He said.

“It smells so good,” you said.  “And you look amazing.”

He pinched your hip and went back to his cooking.  “Steve, did you put your shit away?”

“Yes,” Steve lied, going straight to the coffee tables and bundling up the art supplies.

“That means your shield too,” Bucky said.

“It’s away,” Steve said.  He shoved the drawings and pencils into one of the gaps on the bookshelf before grabbing his shield and shoving it into the hall cupboard.

You chuckled and took down some wine glasses.  “It doesn’t matter how much time has passed, I will never get over the fact that he’s the messy one.”

“He’s always been the messy one,” Bucky said.  “Drives me crazy.”

“Can I help at all?”  You asked as you poured out three glasses.

“There’s a salad in the fridge.  You think you can take it out to the table?”

The table was already partially set.  The plates and silverware were out, as was a loaf of crusty bread.  You took the salad out and by the time you were sitting with Steve and taking your first sip from your wine glass Bucky was bringing out a serving platter piled high with risotto.

“So,” you said, as you all started filling your plates.  “What shall we do tonight?”

“Oh, uh…”  Steve said, almost dropping his fork.  “We thought dinner and if you wanted we could watch a movie…”

“Really?  That’s what you want to do?”  You teased.

“He’s being polite because he doesn’t want you to feel pressured to do anything,” Bucky said.

“Oh, I know.”  You said playfully, putting your hand on Steve’s.

“I just want to make sure you know that your friendship is important to me too,” Steve said, giving your hand a squeeze.  “I don’t want to put the sex above that.”

Bucky smiled and leaned over the table and kissed him.  Not that you could blame him.  You could practically feel your heart swell up.  When Bucky sat back in his chair, Steve looked a little love-struck himself.

“Then we should hang out as friends sometime,” you said as everyone started eating.  “Like we used to.  But I am wearing really expensive lingerie and I’d really like to show you it.”

“And I would definitely like to see it,” Bucky said.

“We were talking about just…”  Steve stopped mid-sentence and froze like he had forgotten the word he was looking for.  “You know… normal.”

You and Bucky looked at each other and bit back laughter.  “Ah yes, normal threesome style, Stevie.  Just the way everyone who has threesomes does it.”

Steve looked at Bucky deadpan.  “You know what I mean.”

“Well, yeah.  I do ‘cause we talked about it before.”  Bucky teased.  “What he means is because part of this is him getting to do some things he hasn’t done before, we’d like to focus on you and it just be…”

“... vanilla guy on girl sex.”  You finished.

“That’s the one,” Bucky said tapping his forehead.

“Gonna run the train,” you said and took a sip of your wine.  “Nice.”

“Is that okay?”  Steve asked.

“More than.”  You said.  “Hey, can I ask you something?”

“Of course, anything,” Steve answered.

“And just to be clear here, I’m talking to Cap.  Not Steve.”  You added.

“Oh,” Steve said, his posture stiffening.  “What is it?” 

“No,” Bucky groaned.  “Don’t invoke the Captain in here.”

“Just for a second.  I promise.”  You said.  “What happens if the others find out about what we’re doing?”

Steve’s jaw tensed and twitched at the corners as he thought.  “I don’t think we should go around bragging about it,” he said.  “But this is our personal business  We aren’t breaking any rules.  If the find out, they find out.”

“Besides, if Tasha doesn’t already suspect, then I don’t think that’s Natasha and we better find out where the real Natasha is,” Bucky added.

You laughed and nodded.  “True.  You know if Tony finds out he’s going to give you hell for it.”

“What’s new?”  Steve said with a small shrug.  “Besides, like he can talk.”

“Also valid.”  You said.  “Alright.  I just wanted to make sure.  I agree.  I don’t want to go telling … well anyone, but like Bucky said, Nat figures this shit out, and I don’t want to be lying to our friends.”

Steve reached over and rubbed your arm.  “I would never ask you to do that.  You aren’t our dirty little secret.  You’re our friend.” 

“God, Steve.  Saying all the right things tonight.  I’m gonna fuck your brains out.”  You said.

“And I’ve got second,” Bucky added, reaching over and taking Steve’s hand.

The three of you finished up dinner and cleaned up together.  Steve had been right.  The three of you needed to nurture the friendship too.  This was how this started after all.

When the kitchen was practically sparkling Steve came up behind Bucky and wrapped his arms around his waist and kissed his neck.  Bucky closed his eyes and hummed softly.  He held out his hand to you and you took it and let him pull you into his arms.

His eyes opened and he blinked slowly, as he gazed down at you.  “Ready, darlin’?”

You smiled up at him as Steve’s arm snaked around you and he pressed his large hand to the middle of your back.  “As I’ll ever be.”

Bucky leaned in and ghosted his lips over yours.  You reached up and tangled your hands in his hair and pulled him into a hungry kiss.  Steve kissed and nipped at Bucky’s throat as the two of you kissed and pulled you a little tighter against Bucky.  You could feel Bucky start to harden against you and you pulled back with a quiet gasp.

“Bedroom?”  He asked.

“Bedroom.”  You agreed and Bucky put an arm around each of you and the three of you made your way down to the bedroom.

The room was painted sage, with gray trim.  The floor to ceiling windows on the far side looked out over the East River and beyond that, Brooklyn.  There were more shelves against one wall, though they mostly held little knick-knacks.  Things like a signed baseball, a Build-a-Bear dressed as Captain America, and model spaceships - the kind you built yourself.  Next to it was an antique drafting table with more art supplies and sketches littering it.  There were framed prints on the one bare wall above the bed, each one held different black and white photographs of the New York skyline over the years.

The bed was a king and had been made.  A crocheted quilt in dark red and white lay folded in half at the foot over the gunmetal quilt.  The bedside table on the left was clean and neat with a digital alarm clock, a dock for a Stark phone a worn copy of Dune.  There was also a basket with condoms and lube, the same as you had set up when they’d come to your place.  You wondered if he’d decided to steal the idea from you.  You couldn’t imagine that they were still using protection like that with each other.  The bedside table on the right was a mess of water bottles, notebooks, dog eared novels, colognes, and random scraps of paper.

You looked around as you unzipped your dress.  Bucky and Steve began to undress too.  “I’ve never seen your room before.”

“So many firsts tonight,” Bucky said playfully.

“Your bed is big enough to fit us three and Thor too.” You said dropping your dress and revealing the black lace push up bra and thong you were wearing.

The two men looked you over like hungry wolves.  “Two super soldiers not enough for you,” Bucky teased, stalking over to you and hooking his arm around your waist.  “You gotta include a god too?”

“Hey, I’ve been single for ages.  Let me have my fantasies.”  You joked, as he pulled you to him and lifted you, carrying you to the bed and dropping you on the mattress.

You lay back and arched your back as both Steve and Bucky crawled up with you.  Both had taken their shirts and shoes off, but while Steve was down to his boxers, Bucky was still in his jeans.  “You’re giving us ours, if you want to share yours with us, we’ll see what we can do.”  Steve rumbled as he kissed your neck and collarbone.  His hand ran down between your breasts and over your stomach, making your skin break out in goosebumps.

Bucky kissed the other side of your neck and tangled his hand in your hair.  “Threesomes are the most common fantasy you know?”  You half moaned.  “And they’re more common to have the older you get.”

“How do you know this stuff?”  Steve asked as he moved his hand to your cunt and he slowly began to palm it.

You moaned pushing up against his hand.  “It was in a documentary.  You guys are over a hundred.  So bringing Thor in would be good for you.”

Steve snorted while Bucky broke down laughing.  “We’ll keep that in mind, dork.”  Bucky teased and kissed you.

As you kissed, Steve kissed lower.  He paused at your breasts and sucked and bit at your nipples through your bra.  You reached behind you and unhooked it Steve slid it down and pulled your nipple into his mouth.  Bucky joined him at your other breast and they both sucked and bit your breasts as Steve’s hand slipped into your panties and he started to finger your clit.  You moaned and squeezed your legs around his hand as you writhed under them.

Steve moved down lower, pushing your legs apart and pulling your panties down.  He nuzzled at your cunt and flattened his tongue running it up your folds.  You put your feet on his shoulders and pushed your hips up into his mouth.  Bucky’s hand caressed your throat as he continued to suck and bite at your beasts.

The sounds you made got louder and louder as Steve became more and more focused.  You could tell he hadn’t done this before, but the way he moved was almost like watching him in the field.  He’d stop and cock his head to the side while his tongue flicked over your clit or his fingers moved inside of you, when you moaned just the way he wanted, he’d focus on what he’d just done.

As they brought your apart with just their hands and mouths, they kept touching each other too.  Stroking each other’s backs or legs.  While you moaned and bucked, your orgasm right there on the brink, they held hands.

Steve corkscrewed his wrist and sucked hard on your clit and you came, arching hard up off the mattress and crying out.  “Fuck, yes!”

Steve sat up, a proud little smile on his glistening lips.  Bucky got up on his knees and kissed him hungrily.  You wrapped your legs around Steve and began to grind against his erection as you unfastened Bucky’s jeans.  Bucky pushed Steve’s boxers down and began to stroke his cock and Steve groaned into Bucky’s lips, his cock jumping in Bucky’s hand and leaking precum onto your pussy as you rubbed against him.

Bucky broke the kiss and began to nuzzle at Steve’s neck.  “You gonna fuck her, Stevie?” He whispered.

Steve groaned and grabbed your thighs.  “Yeah, Buck.  I want to.”

“She’s so wet and warm, Steve,” Bucky whispered as he grabbed a condom.  “You’re gonna really like it.”

Steve closed his eyes and caressed his fingers over your stomach and cunt.  You reached up and cradled his jaw as Bucky rolled the condom down over his shaft.  Steve looked down at you, his blue eyes blown out with lust.  With a snap of his hips, he sunk deep into you.

You both gasped and you arched back as he lifted your hips up to him.  Bucky kissed Steve again before leaning down and sucking on your breasts against.  His metal fingers went to your clit and rubbed it as Steve started to slowly rut his hips against you, each thrust accompanied by a roll, so it felt like he was touching every part of you.

You felt like a live wire.  All your nerves were raw and stimulated as they made you the center of attention.  Steve fucked you slow and deep, filling you completely.  You gripped his wrists and rolled your hips with him.  Pleasure swirled through, starting in your breasts and cunt and meeting in your core.  It pressed down on you and radiated out until it was all you knew and all you wanted to know.  Your core clenched and you came hard, bucking up under them.

Steve was far from close though.  He picked up his pace, fucking you harder and a little more erratically.  Bucky began to massage the base of his cock and balls while his thumb rubbed your clit.  He switched from one breast to the next, keeping you right on the edge as Steve fucked you.

Steve’s eyes stayed locked with yours and his jaw tensed.  You jerked up suddenly as another orgasm tore through you, and with a hard snap of his hips, he came.

Bucky sat back as you relaxed down panting and Steve slipped from within you.  “How’re you doing there, darlin’?”  He asked as he ran his hands up Steve’s chest.

Steve kissed Bucky’s neck and got up, removing his condom and tossing it out.  “Really good, Buck,” you hummed.  “You gonna fuck me?”

“It would be my pleasure,” Bucky replied, grabbing one of the condoms and sheathing himself.  You sat up and stretched a little and Bucky sat opposite you.  You climbed into his lap and lowered yourself down onto his cock.   As you began to bounce on his cock Steve moved up behind you and sat with his legs on either side of you and Bucky.  He kissed your neck and ran his hands over the two of you.  Caressing skin.  Pinching nipples.  He rubbed your clit and massaged Bucky’s base.

You and Bucky kissed as you moved as one.  Your lips moved from lips to neck and back again and the sounds of your moans combined with each other’s and filled the room.

Sweat began to bead your skin as heat flowed through your veins, burning you up from the inside out.  Steve hardened against your back as you moved.  You began to feel fuzzy and high.  Steve’s fingers worked your clit as you bounced faster and faster.  It wasn’t long before you came again, and Bucky broke the kiss with a strained groan, gritting his teeth as he tried not to be dragged along with you.  It was no use though, his hips jerked and he came just after you.

You stayed joined, slowly rolling your hips as his cock emptied.  Steve ghosted his lips up the side of your neck and nipped at your earlobe.  “You up for more?”  He said in a soft growl.

“Mmm… I could go again.”  You hummed.

Three and a half hours the three of you spent switching from one to the other, the only break you got was to rehydrate.  By the time you called defeat you wondered if you were ever going to learn your lesson about trying to keep up with the two super soldiers.

You lay panting on the mattress as Bucky and Steve both lay back, the sweat running down their chests in rivulets.  You cunt ached and your legs felt weak. You had a vague feeling like you should get up and pee.  Get dressed.  Go home.  You didn’t think you’d even be able to get up.  You could barely even think straight.  It was all soft-focused.

You struggled up too sitting and blinked around the room.

“What are you doing, sweetheart?”  Steve asked, putting his hand on your hip.

“Gotta go home,” you mumbled.

“You’re exhausted.  Just stay.”  Steve reassured you.

“Yeah, darlin’, you liked cuddling with us when we were camping,” Bucky added.

“If I sleepover, then they’ll know.”  You tried to reason.

Steve sat up and kissed your shoulder, wrapping his arms around your waist.  “So they know.  We’re adults, we can do what we want.  Now lie down, you’re exhausted.”

You let yourself collapse back down, unable to think of one possible argument.  They both wrapped you in their arms and you were asleep before the blanket was even pulled over you.

// NEXT

Mango, My Love || HyunA ❖ E’Dawn

❲ Surround me, body and soul ❳ 

Pairing: Dom!Hyuna x Sub!E’Dawn

Summary: Hyuna spends a day in bed with her tender boyfriend Hyojong. 

Genre: Fluff

Song: Hypnotized — Years & Years

Word Count: 1.2k 

Warnings: None, just a bit of teasing and kissing

A/N: Oh, love is beautiful. As promised. I wanted to write about these two so bad. Edits from here, here.

“The chin! Oh, please. It’s not quite how I imagined it to look like.” “Try again, I don’t mind staying still.” “Um. It could be the angle. Let’s see. Okay.”

Hyuna turns her drawing pad to the side to peer at it from the opposite side. As a matter of fact, she realizes, the chin is a bit too slanted. 

She goes on guiding her pen in rough strokes until a new outline emerges. The paper is coarse enough to make it look a bit scraggly but picks up the graphite with less residue than before —perfect pressure. That goes on for a couple of minutes, only interrupted by the occasional chirping of birds outside. Other than that, the bedroom remains silent.

It’s when she starts moving around the eraser that Hyojung breaks his freeze a bit. 

“Noona. You don’t have to work so hard. It’s just a portrait!”

But Hyuna keeps on erasing. She takes another pencil to soften the edges, then goes back and forth between staring at the pad and Hyojong again. The portrait starts to look a lot more shapely by now, but Hyuna still doesn’t appear satisfied. 

“You see,” she mumbles, “I want something nice to hang up in our new flat.”

He cocks his head to the side at that. The bed frame creaks.

“Oh really, that’s what it’s for?” “Hey, don’t move around!” “Ah! Sorry, jagiya!” “I feel like the eyes could use some more shadowing, wait a second. Here. Right here.”

Now, Hyojong doesn’t dare to blink. Drawing eyes, he knows, is always way too difficult. The birds are ever so lively in the garden. 

Hyuna shoves the duvet to the side to crawl into the corner where he is perched with a ridiculously large bowl of sliced mangos. After inspecting him from all sides and moving the lamp around on the bedstand, she emits a quick ‘Oh!’ and fetches a third pencil from the little case in her lap. It’s covered in flakes from the eraser, but she is too fixated on his eyes to care. Hyojong does remain stiff until Hyuna quits over the lashes, casting aside the case and pad looking more than crestfallen. 

“Why, why!” “Our flat can have a normal wallpaper, too, if you like that,” Hyojong picks up a few pencils that have scattered on the bed, and places them next to the lamp. “You can pick your favorite picture and we send this to a good copy shop downtown.” “But I want you,” Hyuna sighs, getting some rubber flakes off her jeans. “Maybe I should start a second sketch. With colored pens. I like these more. It might take longer.” “Are you sure I won’t fossilize if you do that?”

Hyojong dips into the mango bowl with an alleviated smile, then stuffs his mouth with what appears to be a whole palm. He munches with huge cheeks, making Hyuna cackle.

“Kudm e mfo hawf m aw!”   “Sorry, what?” “Couldn’t eat these,” he swallows. “For half an hour!” “Oh— I got, uh, really carried away. I’m sorry.” “It’s ok. You are more important than mangos, I know that eyes are a hassle. You’ll ace the lashes next time. With colored pens. Want some?”

He tilts his bowl into her direction.

“Just one to try.”

Hyojong picks up a particularly clean-cut chunk and maneuvers it between Hyuna’s teeth. 

“It’s sweet!” she blinks and picks up a second one herself. “But seriously, your lashes are distracting. It’s so hard to draw.” “Distracting, how come!” “I don’t know. They’re even prettier than mine. I mean look, they’re super long.”

Hyuna picks up the drawing pad again to show him but realizes too late that her fingers, smudgy with mango juice, leave a heavy stain on the sketch. 

“Shit!” she chucks it out of the bed. “I’m too stupid!”

The abject drawing tumbles to the floor under Hyojong’s frustrated wails. Hyuna, red from anger, rolls herself into the duvet up to the eyebrows and collapses next to him. 

“Two hours of work!” “Hey, my Noona is fiery today,” he ruffles her hair, peeling off the duvet ever so slightly. His own fingers leave stains there, but he doesn’t really mind it. Hyuna only emerges when he tickles her behind the ears, eliciting an arch of the brows, then a smile, finally. 

“Ah, I’m not good at this,” she sighs into his chest. “What can I do.” “At least getting cleaned up.” “Don’t wanna... the kitchen is too far. Today’s our lazy day, I even told mom not to bombard us with texts.” “Didn’t say you can’t do it right here.” “Huh?”

And Hyojong takes her hand. 

“Like this,” he hums and licks each finger, one by one. Hyuna realizes what he meant. “Getting saucy there!” she giggles and dips into the mango bowl right after. “Guess who has to do it again?”

Her gaze, now, with a bit of provocation. Hyojong smiles gently to himself, the way he always does. 

“A little mischief can’t be wrong,” he shrugs and lets his tongue twirl around her digits just as before. The drawing in the corner can almost be heard sulking. It must be so jealous.  “You forgot something, here. I’m messy,” Hyuna points at her face. 

He makes his way to Hyuna’s cheek with puckered lips but is stopped by a disgruntled mumble a few inches short. 

“Hm?” he slants his head, bangs falling into his eyes. “What’s wrong?” “More to the middle. I don’t eat mango with my cheeks.” “I thought you do, they’re juicy! None of your fans would disagree, would they?” “Dawn-ah! Stop, you tease!” “Okay, okay.” “Try again,” she imitates his voice. “Don’t mind staying still. The longer, the better.” 

He starts anew and finally, their lips meet. So soft. So warm. She intertwines her hands with his hair. It’s like drawing him with her hands, just a different way. It takes a minute until he pops off, eventually, not as breathless as he thought. He gets better at pleasing her. Hyuna gets a little hiccup right after, prompting more confusion from him.

“Am I, am I messy myself?” “How much mango did you have, I just kissed an entire tropical island!” “Oh, um,” he rubs his neck, “I had mango shake for breakfast. That juice to go with lunch. Mango flavored chewing gum in the afternoon, and just now—” “Did mom recommend you that diet?” “I invented it myself, I think. I didn’t even notice until you asked me.” “What a kid.” “You don’t like tropical islands?” “Sure do, just gives me a hiccup. When will you eat chocolate again? I thought that’s your favorite snack!” “You like that taste the most on me?” “Of course, the nougat one. That’s my favorite.” “I’ll buy it next time when I fetch the groceries.”

He realizes that maybe, maybe, he has to cut down on the mango. Chewing gum and juice, that is too much. If he even forgets about the chocolate, things are bad. Posing for so long to have Hyuna draw him must’ve twisted some things around in his mind. Could it be that she is so sweet? He’ll never know. When he looks at her, his heart has already been hypnotized. 

“Hyojong, are you dreaming?”

Her voice anchors him back to reality with the birds, the gentle ruffling of the duvet around her hips. She’s busy scrolling through something on her phone. 

“Oh!”

Maybe he is dreaming.

“You know. As for buying, I had an idea. There must be an easier way.” ”With the chocolate?” “No I mean, can we print out one of your selcas, too? For the wallpaper.” “Yes for sure, Hyun Da Vinci.” “My cutie babe.”

Masterlist

COTW 11 - Start

Eren had been off since his duck nightmare. His omega was shutting him out again, yet always seemed to have a valid excuse to. He'd been asleep on the Sunday, busy with Hanji, then busy with preparing for dance wind up. When he finally got a day off, the day before Viren's birthday, his mate had left the apartment before he woke, having been picked up by Hanji on her way home so he could clean up before the party. Driving himself over there, Eren was so busy with party preparation, Levi found himself on cleaning duty... Hanji's house the pigsty he remembered, other than the kitchen, living and dining area. Hanji was passed out from her shift, while Viren and Anna were making "decorations" at the kitchen table. Eren having provided them with an unending supply of pencils and paper. His son was as skilled as his omega when it came to sketching... completely awful. By the time everything was done, there was a sea of food. The extras serving as dinner for the kids, while Eren refused to sit, due to the mountain of dishes. Chased out the kitchen by Hanji as she volunteered Levi for dish duty, Eren was forced to join kids in the living room. It wasn't even 10 minutes later than Anna came to report that "Uncle Eren had fallen asleep". Putting Eren to bed in the spare room, there was a small pile of presents for Viren in the corner, most of which were signed from both of them. His presents were in the car, figuring they'd be there for the afternoon, not staying the night. Making sure Eren was tucked in properly, he stole a quick kiss, leaving the door open so he could listen for any nightmares. Heading back down to the dining room, Hanji had served up two plates of party food "How is he?" "Sleeping" "Soooo, that means we can talk now, right?" "About what?" "About Eren. What happened with you two, you were doing so well" "You noticed it too?" "I did. Now spill" "I don't know. He's been off since he had a nightmare" Levi nearly mentioned the ducks. It was on the tip of his tongue "Did he say what it was about?" "Yeah. It wasn't anything major, but he had a bit of scare. An omega was attacked by a beta, and he stepped into protect her" "I heard about that from Mike. He said he was really good with her" "He was. He thought I'd be mad, but I was proud of him. Everyone else was ignoring her, but he stepped in. He stopped something much worse from happening to her" "Honestly, it's tiring seeing how many omegas are abused and hurt. We had one in not that long ago, their partner beat them half to death because they went to a shelter during their heat" "I'm sick of seeing it. Even shelters don't help. Work just feels so pointless. Especially when you get called out to the same shitty address" "Erwin said you'd been distant" "Erwin says too much. Eren wants me out there helping omegas, but now days, I'd rather be home" "Maybe it's time you think about quitting for good" "I can't. Not when there's a wedding to plan, Christmas, New Year's, Eren's birthday, twins coming. It all takes money" "If you're not happy, then find a new job" "With a bullet in my back? I'm a fucking liability" "They never warned us about all these responsibilities that came with growing older" "No. And it's been hard. Eren pushing me away. I don't know why" "Maybe he's been stressing over this dance wind up. You two did make up over that, right?" "Yes, mum. We talked. I was a dick" "Damn. I wish I'd gotten that on record" Levi rolled his eyes, here he was, trying to have a serious conversation "Sorry. I was trying to lighten the mood. I know he wants tomorrow to go off perfectly" "Yeah. You better not have anything organised" "No. After he lost his temper at me, I didn't bother with any baby shower plans" "Good. He's not in a good place. I tried to talk to him about getting married and he straight up shot me down" "He did what?!" "Shhh. The last thing we need is little ears repeating this to Eren" "I'm sorry, but I can't believe it. He's had his heart on marrying you for so long" "I know. I was thinking maybe... we surprise him? He said he doesn't want me marrying a fat bride" "He's pregnant, besides, a dress will cover that" "He doesn't want to wear a dress. He wants to wear a suit" "But... I found the perfect dress for him" "I found the perfect ring, and I've applied for a license. You should have seen the paper work" "I don't think I want to. That's one good thing about alphas getting married, there really wasn't that much paperwork for us" Hanji shook her head, her face saddening. Probably because it would soon be her wedding anniversary "I didn't mean..." "No. No. It's ok. I know. I don't think springing a wedding on Eren would go over well" "Then what else am I supposed to do?" "Maybe leave hits around? Jewellery catalogs, and such?" "He'd probably go buy what he likes from them, without even telling me about it" Hanji pushed a smile to her lips, never missing the chance to give him shit "Like that box I'm hiding in the garage?" "That's his Christmas present" "Mhmm..." "It's a blanket I saw down in Paradis. It's very him" "I know. You really don't know what upset him?" "I know he's still struggling with his nightmares. He eats a proper meal most days, but he's been keeping busy, almost like he's intentionally ignoring me" "Have you two been intimate?" "Not like that. Cuddles and kisses in passing, on the chance I actually get to see him awake" "Hopefully it's something simple like him being distracted by Viren's birthday" "Yeah. I hope so..." It was nicer to believe that, than that they'd gone backwards again "I'm sure it'll be ok" "I just don't know what I've done. He had a rough day, we both did. We took a shower, fell asleep on the sofa. He had a nightmare, then we went to bed. Viren had crept in, and Eren was afraid of sleeping with in our bed. He said he'd scared Viren by bleeding, and again when he had a small breakdown..." "Is that it? He wants to make Viren's birthday special as an apology?" "I don't know. He's upset Viren with nightmares and panic attacks before. He still feels guilty over miscarrying in front of him..." "Then I guess we'll have to wait and see. Has he been to see Krista?" "We were supposed to go, but he had to change the appointment due to my schedule. We've got a joint appointment coming up next week..." "And he's got the results of the genetic test back?" "Oh, what? Yeah. That all seems to be in order. His next ultrasound's next month. Mike gave him one after the omega attack, and gave him the all clear. I thought you would have checked" "I'm not always stalking the pair of you, you know. I occasionally do my job" "That makes a first" "You're an arse" "I've been told that one so many times, I'm beginning to wonder if it's tattooed on my forehead" "Yep. It is. Nice big capital letters" Picking at his plate of food, he had no real appetite. When Viren came running to him, his son was more interested in the food than he was. Letting the boy take what he wanted, he enjoyed hold him... even when he ended up covered in smeared mince from cold party pies. Viren was the best of both of them. Other than the tantrums. His son's wide eyed innocence was so similar to Eren's. his excitement of learning something new, lit his face up just like Eren's used to light up each time he learned a new word. He wanted to protect that forever. He wanted his son to grow up in a world where it didn't matter what your dynamic was, and he wanted the boy to know it was ok and perfectly acceptable to be an omega, and to be friends with an omega. Kissing Viren's hair, his son turned to give him a wet food filled kiss on the cheek. His disgust must have showed as Hanji cackled with laughter "You're just jealous" "No. I get more than enough of those kisses. Why don't you take him up and give him a bath?" "What are you going to do?" "I may find the energy to put the dishes in the dishwasher" He'd actually forgotten about those, his mind on Eren "You two cleaned my house, the least I can do is throw the dishes in the dishwasher" "If you didn't let it get so messy in the first place..." "Then what would Eren do when he came over?" "Relax. Like he's supposed to be doing?" "He relaxes" "He better. You're the one who said he needed to relax and heal" "Levi, today was the most wound up I've seen him in a while. Usually we sit and talk, or play with the kids" "He's so good with them" "He's come such a long way. Go on and head up for the night" "It's barely 6pm" "We're going to have a yard full of sugar filled kids tomorrow, you need all the rest can you get" Eren wasn't in the spare room when Levi stuck his head in, with the light on in bathroom, there was a light jog in his step as he headed down the hall. Something felt very off... and he could put his finger on it. Opening the bathroom floor, Eren was in the middle of a panic attack. Pills scattered around his mate as he sat on the floor, staring off into space with tears in his eyes "Hanji!" Startled by his cry, Viren struggled against him "Levi, what is it?" "Take Viren and head downstairs" Shielding Eren from her, Hanji took his unhappy son "What's going on?" "He's having a panic attack" "Ok. I've got the kids" Moving into the bathroom, Levi closed the door behind him. Grabbing the bottle off the floor, he quickly read the label. Ordinary panadol. From the dent in the side, it looked as if Eren had thrown the bottle against something "Eren?" Big doey eyes looked to him. Eren sniffling as he tried to wipe at his face "What happened?" "I couldn't get the stupid bottle open" Levi felt weak with relief. Eren hadn't taken anything. The pills scattered from throwing the bottle "What's wrong?" "I have a headache and I couldn't get the bottle open... Why do I have to be like this?! To stupid to open a simple fucking bottle?!" "You're not stupid" "I couldn't get it open!" "Ok. Alright, here. Can you get up for me?" "I don't think I can move" Moving Eren from the floor and up to the bathroom counter, he took his mate's face into his hands "Did you take any of them?" "No... I started crying" "Alright. Hold on" Shaking out two small white pills, he pressed them into Eren's hand, his omega dry swallowing them before he could retrieve a glass of water for him. Looking to his feet, Eren seemed to shrink away from him "I'm sorry" "It's alight. I've thrown pills before" "I saw it on your face, you thought I'd taken them. Didn't you?" Levi winced in guilt "I knew it..." "I thought you might have had a panic attack not known you'd done it" "I was supposed to get better" "You are getting better" "I'm supposed to be better" "Eren, there's no time limit on recovery" "Really? Because it feels like I haven't recovered at all. Maybe keeping the pups was a bad idea... all I've been doing is fucking falling apart" "Hey. That's not true" "It is! The fact you thought I'd tried to overdose the day before our son's third birthday says it all" "Well that the fuck am I supposed to think? You've barely talked to me, or even looked at me since the day Sophie was attacked" "Because I've been busy" "Yeah. Avoiding me!" "So what if I have?!" Levi felt like he'd been stabbed in the heart. He'd known it! "I'm supposed to be your alpha" "And I'm fucked in the head! If I don't keep busy, I can't stop thinking!" "You could talk to me" "And tell you what!?" "What you're thinking... what you're feeling? What you're up to?" "What am I supposed to say? That without my pills I feel stupid and useless? That you made me feel stupid? That I was too embarrassed to say anything in front of you, because apparently I can tease you, but fall to pieces when you do it back?" "Yes. If it helps" "I can't! I'm tired of falling apart! I want to support you! I know you're not happy, and I have to keep it together for Viren" "You don't have to hide it from me..." "If I don't, you won't go to work. You'll want to stay home and take care of me. I can't take it. Ok. I feel smothered!" "I thought you liked it..." "I do! I did! But Levi, we've been drifting for months and now it's too much! We're only talking again because I'm pregnant... you know, Sophie wasn't the first omega I stood up for. I came home with a black eye once, you didn't even ask what happened. I'd forgotten all about it..." "What? When the hell did that happen?" "Before I found out I was pregnant" "Why didn't you say anything?" "Because you were busy with work..." "Work doesn't matter" "It matters to me" "Eren..." Starting to cry harder, Levi stepped forward, gathering Eren up against him "I'm sorry" "Levi... I feel like I'm going crazy" "You're not going crazy" "I am. You tell me so many things that should make me feel good about myself, but I'm none of them" "That's a load of shit" "It's true... I... I kicked Viren..." "What?!" His tone was more aggressive than he meant it to be. Eren wouldn't just go around kicking their son "I fell asleep on the sofa and he grabbed me by the ankle. I kicked out without thinking! I'm not a good mum! I hurt him" The way Eren whimpered at the end of his sentence broke his heart "Oh Eren... when did this happen?" "The day after the attack... he fell back and all I could think about was dad sending me flying across the kitchen when he killed mum... I shouldn't be a mother! I'm not a good mother! He was so confused, and he looked at me like I was a monster. I am a monster!" "Shhhh... it's ok. Is this why you've been working so hard to make sure everything was perfect for his birthday?" "We were getting closer. He actually wanted me, and he wanted cuddles... What if I do it again? What if I try to throw myself off the balcony again? Or pass out from a panic attack and he gets hurt?!" "No. Shhh. You're ok... I'm here" "Maybe I should get rid of the pups?" "No. No. We're going to get through this" "How? I feel like monster every time I look at him" "You are not a monster" "I am. I'm a freak" "You're not a freak" Whimpering, Eren's hand went to his head "You're ok. You're going to be ok" "I want him to be happy... I want him to grow up being happy. Not with a psychotic mother" "You're not psychotic, and you're not a bad mother. A bad mother wouldn't care if he was happy. He wouldn't try so hard to make sure his son never saw him crying, or to make sure he never saw us having an argument" "I love him so much Levi. I love him..." "I know you do. I know you do" Rubbing Eren's back, he wasn't sure what else to do. Eren didn't want him quitting work, but his mate really did need emotional support right now. They had savings, but they wouldn't last forever... As loathe as he was to admit it, maybe Hanji was right? Maybe he should look at trying to find a new a job? He hated that Eren felt so terrible, and that he was actually wondering if keeping their pups was the right thing to do. He knew his omega loved them, and his small swell "I love you, Eren" "I don't know why... anymore" "Because you're incredible" "An incredible failure" Pulling back to take Eren's face in his hands, he stared down into Eren's red eyes, wiping at his tears with the pads of his thumbs "You're smart. And funny. And witty. And you have the worst pick-up lines. You wear your heart on your sleeve and you stand up for everyone. You're kind, and gentle. All you want is for everyone you care about to be safe and happy, even when it causes you pain. You accepted me for who I am. For all my flaws and my shit sense of humour. You came into my life and turned everything upside down. You fixed the parts of me I didn't even know that needed fixing. And you did it with a smile on your face and your head held high. Like it was as natural as breathing. I'm even better at expressing what I'm feeling, and understanding those around me. I never realised how narrow and course my outlook on life was. You even accepted my obsessive cleaning ways, and my damaged hands" "Your hands are always so warm" "You listened about Farlan and Isabel. You understood how I felt, and you even loved them like you knew them, and like they were your family. You've given me a family, and somewhere to belong, and a wonderful son. You did all those things. Even when you were scared, you accepted me. Even when you were scared of your heats, and of the things you were feeling, you let me in. Even when I fucked it up, you forgave me" "I don't feel like I'm all that special" "You are. You're so very special to me. And to all of us" Eren sniffled "I feel like I'm always letting you down. I'm always ending up in hospital, or sick, or doing and saying the wrong thing. I feel stupid for not going to school, and stupid when you're all talking and I can't keep up" "Eren, you passed your high school equivalency while dealing with post-partum depression and the pressures of being a new mum. You're so much smarter than you think" "You... you did most of the work" "No. We worked on it together. All I did was check your work, after you'd tried your hardest" "I don't want to feel like this" "I know you don't. And if I could take all this pain from you, I would" "I wouldn't let you. You have so much to deal with. You're the brave on. You rush in and save people's lives" "So do you. You protected the omegas at the club, and the church grounds, and Sophie. And don't think I've forgotten about that time in the hardware store. Or with Marco, and with Hanji" "I get into fights. Omegas aren't supposed to" "Well. I think you're perfect, and I'm proud that you stand up for them. I don't give two shits about what omegas are and aren't supposed to do" "I know you don't. That's why you're so good with them, but society doesn't see it that way" "That's their loss. For each of us lucky enough to know what it's like to have the love and trust of the an omega, we wouldn't change any of you" "I would. If I could... I'd change" "What would you change?" "These stupid tears. The stupid voice in the back of my head" "Your omega had always been a bit of an arsehole" "More like a whiny bitch" Kissing Eren's forehead, Eren sniffled loudly "I love you, Levi. I don't mean to be like this" "I know" "I really hate crying" "I know you do" "And I'm sorry for dumping this on you" "You don't need to be sorry" "I do. Sometimes I need space, but I don't know how to ask. I don't want to hurt you anymore" "All you have to do is say so. It's ok. Sometimes I need some space too. You know that" "I don't feel like I have the right to ask" "Eren, you could literally ask me for anything. You're the only one in the world with that right" "Then can I ask you don't quit your job for me?" "I seem to remember you asking me that before" "I still feel like you need it" "I'm not so sure about that. I've been thinking it might be time to start a new career" "And do what?" "I don't know. Something" "Before you do, talk with Erwin. And Mike. And Hanji. And Eld. And Gunther... I don't want you to make a decision that you'll regret" "All you can do in life is make the choices you feel you'll regret the least when the time comes" "And what if you make the wrong ones?" "That's when you need to trust in those around you to back you up" "No matter what you choose, I'll back you up" "That's because we make a pretty impressive team" "Only because of you" "No. It's because we work with each other than we can overcome things" "You know. You really have changed. When I met you, you were trying so hard to keep everyone an arms length away. You were so determined to take everything on alone. You'd tell me at least once a week how you hated repeating yourself... I just hope I haven't broken you" "I'm not broken. I'm healing. I've been on this planet for nearly 40 years and it took you coming into my life for the healing to begin" "You'd think with friends for doctors, the healing would have started a whole lot sooner" "Our friends are arseholes" "But you love them" "Not as much as I love you. I'm sorry about the pills..." "No. I probably scared the fuck out of you. I couldn't get the stupid child safety cap off, and then I when I got it undone, I was too worked up to get the lid off" "Was it just the headache?" "I started panicking when I realised I'd fallen asleep and wasn't downstairs with the kids anymore. I haven't even done the dishes" "Hanji stacked the dishwasher" "The poor thing has been going all day" "I don't think you need to worry" "I need tomorrow to be perfect for him. I don't care if he won't remember, I want him to be happy" "And he will be. He loves the attention" "And he's going to love his trike" "Which his mother knew to tell his clueless father about" "You're not clueless. You get anxious. You're not sure if your gifts are good enough... but they are" "How did this turn back to me?" "Because I want you to know you're a good dad and a good alpha" "You're the one who's upset" "And you're the one who's dealing with me... God. I feel wrecked" "We should get you to bed then" "I still need to..." "Whatever it is, we can take care of it in the morning" "I was going to say I need to clean my face and do my teeth" "You weren't, but I'll let you off this time" "No... I wanted to have all decorations up for in the morning" "Then we'll wake up a little earlier than planned" "Levi, kids don't get the whole sleep in thing" "Then we'll be quite" "They have a 6th sense about their parents being awake" "You might be right about that. How about we try to get some sleep, and if we wake up, we'll do the decorticating then?" "You're not going to let me do it tonight, are you?" "No. Right now, you're burnt out and need to sleep" "Viren still needs a bath" "Which I can take care of" "I feel bad for not decorating tonight" "After everything you were doing in the kitchen today, I think you're entitled to taking a break" "Parents don't get breaks" "Fine. A breather. Let me handle some of this. We're his parents. The two of us" "I know... can you help me down?" Getting Eren back into bed was easy. Having cried himself out, his omega let himself be put back into bed. At least he understood what was going on now. He knew how scared and confused Eren had been over his father's actions, but he wasn't his father. He needed to learn to forgive himself. He'd never meant to hurt Viren. His ankles were just a sore point for him. Even during sex, if he accidentally brushed against Eren's ankles, his omega would tense. He'd tried to lash affection on the lingering scarring, but Eren just wasn't comfortable with it. If it didn't involved being touched there, Levi would have suggested that Eren might want to get them tattooed, like his wrists. He had to admit the parlour did an wonderful job on Eren's wrists. He really hadn't understood how touchy Eren had been about them, but since having them done, his mate had gone back to wearing shirts and tops, and holding hands more often. If only all of Eren's self worth issues could be solved so easily...

🌹Flowers & Ink🌹Ch 1

Ok so this was inspired by @v-dcc​ of V as a tattoo artist. Like I’m so in love with this that I made it my desktop. Any way here is the first chapter and I hope I do this art justice. Definitely going to be more to come of this story! Also this is pretty long so I put a cut in it and the story tag is going to be F&I 

       The sun shined in the window and spilled onto V's face. He groaned and threw and extra pillow at the window. This only knocked down the blinds and V put his head under the last pillow. If there was one thing he disdained more than women it was mornings. He was at the shop until like three in the morning working on a cherry blossom piece. The girl had done nothing but flirt with him the entire time so by the end of it he was in a sour mood. Now that he was up it was pointless to try and sleep. So after getting dressed and grabbing his coffee, he headed to his shop. As he was unlocking the door to the shop he noticed that people were moving stuff into the shop next to his. It peaked his curiosity but he'd see it eventually so he just went about business as usual. He only had four appointments today but that's usually how it was. V liked to get to know the person he was working so he could make sure they got the best tattoo. He went to the back and saw his apprentice struggling to make coffee. "Do you still not know how to use the coffee machine Yoosung?" The blonde boy put down the pot and threw his hands up.

"It's not my fault you have such a stupid fancy coffee maker! Like I don't even get why you have it cause you never use it." V handed him thermos of coffee and Yoosung snatched it. "Why accept the gift if you're not going to use it?" Yoosung drunk the coffee and sighed.

"I accepted it because it was the only way to get that woman to leave me alone." Yoosung shrugged.

"Yeah she was persistent. I still don't understand why you just didn't go out with her." V shot him a look and Yoosung dropped it.

"Anyway, did you sleep here last night?" Yoosung was still wearing his clothes from yesterday and he blushed a little.

"Yeah but only because that session lasted so long. I would of just had to come back here by the time I got home, so I slept in the back." V rolled his eyes and sighed.

"Well go on and head home, and shower. The first appointment isn't until noon so I don't need you right now. And you know you don't have to be here every morning before me right?" Yoosung nodded at him and smiled.

"Yeah but I like to cause I can get some practice in before you take over." Yoosung was beaming with pride and it made V smile. Yoosung’s energy was sometimes annoying but he was hard working and that’s all that mattered to V.

"Whatever. Just go home and get cleaned up. This maybe a tattoo shop but we still have an imagine to maintain." As Yoosung was leaving he saw Vanderwood coming in.

"Careful Vandy he's a bit cranky." Yoosung passed by Vanderwood and out the door before he could be asked anything. So Vanderwood walked in and treaded carefully. V had on his glasses and was nose deep in a notebook when Vanderwood found him.

"Why is Yoosung leaving? Are you not opening the shop today?" V barely looked up from his notebook.

"He slept here last night so I sent him home to get cleaned up. Why are you here?"

"Damn dude. You really are a sour puss today." Vanderwood set a white paper bag on the table. "I brought you some breakfast. Maybe that will put you in a better mood." V glared at him but sighed. He set down the notebook and took his glasses off. They clattered against his dog tag necklace as he grabbed the bag. "So what's got you in a sour mood granny?"

"I told you not to call me that, and I'm not in a bad mood. I'm just tired." V took the doughnut out of the bag and Vanderwood just shrugged.

"Could of fooled me. And if you don’t want to be called that then don’t wear a granny chain." Vanderwood had known V since he opened the shop. Not only was Vanderwood the one who sold it to him but owned the car garage at the end of the block. So he knew when V was in a grumpy mood. "Let me guess. Someone flirted with you and all you did was get annoyed." V shot him a look and Vanderwood felt a chill go down his spine. "That's a yes. Excuse me for not giving you an sympathy. Most guys would love being such a chick magnet." V tossed the rest of his doughnut in the trash and got up. Vanderwood sighed and decided to drop the subject.

"Don't you have your own shop to open? I'll walk you out." V headed for the front and Vanderwood followed. He knew better to fight V when he was in a mood. When they got outside the shop V noticed a car full of flowers parked next door. While Vanderwood continued to babble V looked at the car and noticed how the light reflected inside the car and he could see the depth of it. Without even thinking he walked over to the car and peered inside. Every seat except for the driver was covered in flowers. There were daffodils, roses, lilies, even succulents and cacti. There were probably more but he couldn't tell. He was so busy looking at the flowers that he didn't notice the brown haired woman standing behind him tapping her foot.

"Excuse me but do you mind? I need to get in there." V turned around and saw a woman in khaki pants and black tank top standing behind him. He moved out of her way and she opened the car door. She grabbed an arm full of flowers and V could see her struggling. Normally V avoided getting into other people's business but the flowers had him curious.

"Do you need any help?" The woman stared at him and raised an eyebrow. To V she almost seemed suspicious and he regretted ever asking. "Or not. Just thought you had a lot in there and would want some help." He shrugged and put a hand through his hair.

"Oh thanks but it's ok. I have a cart to use inside but these already cut and need to be in some water. Putting them on the cart would only smash them." She turned on her heel and headed back into her shop. V for better lack of words was stunned. She didn't try to hit on him or anything, and she just flat out refused him. He walked back to his shop and just completely ignored the smile on Vanderwood's face. When he got back inside he grabbed his notebook and went to sit outside. His brain was just telling him to stop but he really wanted to draw the flowers. So he watched and drew as his new neighbor set up flowers and paid him no mind. At least that's what V thought but MC was very much aware. In fact she was so aware that she was arranging the flowers in the best way for him to draw. She was a little creeped out by it at first but didn't mind when she realized that he was drawing the flowers. Time flew by as V did sketch after sketch of the different arrangements and before he knew it he saw his first client coming up to the shop. MC watched as her new neighbor greeted a tall slender guy with long grey hair. They went back into the shop and MC sighed in relief. She was turning around when she ran smack into a younger blonde boy. They both crashed to the ground and MC's watering can spilled all over her.

"Oh my gosh! I am so sorry! I'm running late and you turned around so fast that I couldn't get out of the way. Are you ok?" MC looked at the blonde boy and really wanted to cuss him out but she could he was just a kid, and he looked like he was about to cry. She let out a sigh and stood up.

"It's alright. Spilling water comes with the job." She smiled at him and that only made Yoosung feel worse.

"My name's Yoosung Kim. I work at the tattoo shop next door. You've probably already met my boss V. He's the guy with the blue hair" Yoosung seemed so proud of the fact that he knew him. It made MC curious though because V seemed like a giant ass but Yoosung seemed like an innocent little kid. Maybe she had misjudged V.

"I'm MC. I just opened my flower shop here." She gestured to the building beside her and Yoosung smiled. He was about to say something when V's voice called out his name.

"Shit. Gotta go. Nice to meet you MC!" Yoosung called as he ran to the tattoo shop. V watched as Yoosung ran over this way and noticed that the girl was soaking wet. Once they were inside Yoosung began to talk really fast. "Sorry I'm late V. I accidently knocked down MC and she got soaked." V pretended not to care but he was a little happy to know her name now.

"You're still late and Hyun's already here." When they got to the back the man with long silver hair was sitting at a table looking through some sketches. He looked up and smiled at the two.

"Hey Yoosung! What's up?" Yoosung gave him a high five and started getting V's equipment out.

"Hey Zen. Not much really. I did get to meet the cute florist next door so that was exciting." Zen's eyes looked up from the sketches in surprise.

"Really now? Did you get her number?" Yoosung blushed and shook his head. "You're killing me man! You know I gotta live vicariously through others. I'd do it through V but he treats women like the plague." V rolled his eyes pulled his hair into a messy ponytail.

"Did you decide which design you want Hyun?" Frowning at V's lack of a reaction Zen nodded.

"Yeah I want this one. It has the romantic feel I'm going for." He handed V a sketch and it was one he had done of MC's roses earlier. As V transferred it to the stencil he couldn't help but smile. As V worked Zen turned his attention back to Yoosung. "So why didn't you get her number Yoosung?" He just shrugged as he got the rubbing alcohol and began to prep where Zen wanted the tattoo.

"Well for one I completely knocked her on her ass and she spilled water all over her. I didn't think that would be the best time to hit on her. Plus she seems like one of those people who is nice but also scary. Like when I crashed into her I thought she was going to cuss the shit out of me. Even though she smiled I could tell that she was pissed." V was listening to Yoosung's every word despite telling himself that he didn't care. There was something about MC that bugged him but he couldn't figure it out. She definitely wasn't like women that he was used to but that really didn't mean anything to him, or did it. Either way right now he needed to focus and do his job.

"Alright Hyun. You ready?" Zen nodded and V began his work. He worked for almost three hours before feeling satisfied to stop for the day. He had done the basic outline of the piece and some shading. V cleaned off the tattoo and smiled at Zen. "What do you think?" Zen hopped off the table and went over to the mirror. He twisted so that he could see the roses and vines on his ribcage. There was a mirror, microphone, and a stack of paper all inbedded in the vines.

"It's awesome V! This just might be my favorite one now." V rolled his eyes but smiled.

"You say that every time." V took his gloves off and threw them in the trash.

"Well that's cause you do fucking kick ass work!" He slapped V's hand they slid into a fist bump. "Alright I'm gonna home and take some new selfies. Take care guys!" He left just as V's next client was coming in. After Zen V's appointments seemed to go by pretty fast and before he knew it he was on the last one. It was a smaller piece. The woman had wanted a cancer ribbon and a few flowers in honor of her mother who just passed away. When it was done she cried and V felt his heart lift at her joy. Once she was gone V sat down and sighed. He was so beat that he might sleep here tonight.

"Hey Yoosung." The blondes head popped in the door way. He almost reminded V of a puppy. "Go ahead and go home. I'll clean up tonight. Also make sure you practice tonight. You've got an appointment tomorrow." Yoosung eyes lit up like fireworks and he was barely stopping himself from bouncing up and down.

"Are you for real? I actually get to work on someone tomorrow?" V nodded and Yoosung squealed. "I won't let you down boss!" V waved his hand toward him and Yoosung took off. Once V heard the jingle of the doorbell he got up and started cleaning. He changed all the trash and wiped down all the tables. Just as he was about to start cleaning his tattoo gun he heard the doorbell.

"Sorry we're closed now." He said as he made his way to the front. When he got there he found MC standing there. She looked tired and V wondered what she was still doing here so late. "I hope you don't want a tattoo cause we're closed." She seemed dazed but her eyes snapped open when he was done talking.

"Oh no. I figured you were closed but I was hoping that you had a first aid kit." V looked closer now and noticed that she had a towel wrapped around her hand. She also had red smears on her smock.

"Yeah just a second. Try not to bleed on the floor ok." V turned his back to her and she just frowned. He sounded like an asshole but MC wasn't surprised. Most men were assholes, especially when they were that good looking. V came back and handed her a first aid kit. "So what happened?" V's question surprised her because he didn't really seem to care about anything.

"Oh. I tripped over a box and fell down with a bunch of vases. Talk about an omen." She let out a small laugh but V could tell that she was upset. "Anyway, thanks for the first aid kit. I'll bring it back over tomorrow." She smiled and turned around to leave and V saw some red seeping through the side of her shirt. Before he could stop himself he was reaching out for her and grabbing her shoulder. MC stopped and looked back at him, clearly shocked.

"I'll come with you. I'd feel guilty if you got clumsy again and bled out." He pushed her out of the shop and locked his door.

"It's ok really. I mostly got it cleaned up. I just needed some bandages." She tried her best to convince him but it seemed like he wasn't even listening. They got to her shop and she sighed. V looked around the shop once he was inside and it honestly looked like an indoor garden. "I fell down over there." She pointed over toward a fridge with a glass door. V grabbed a broom that was next to the counter.

"Alright just sit down and take care of those cuts." MC nodded and V walked over to the fridge. He noticed that she had in fact moved all of the glass into a pile. Using the broom he swept the glass into an empty box and carried it up to the front. MC seemed completely spaced out and seemed a little pale. V looked at the towel she had wrapped her hand in. There was a lot more blood than he expected and wondered if she was ok. He was honestly surprised by his concern and didn't really know what to do. "Hey are you sure you're ok? Is there someone that you need me to call or anything?" MC had been feeling a bit dizzy but V's voice helped her snap out of it.

"Oh no I texted my roommate and their on their way over. She just had to finish work so she should be here soon. Thank you for your help though. I hope it wasn't a bother." V just shrugged and MC went to hand him back the first aid kit.

"Keep it. We have more at the shop. Plus you obviously need it more than I do." She huffed out a breath and V just turned around a left. Something about that girl made him act weird and he didn't like it. The last thing he needed was more complicated feelings. MC watched him leave and she was still angry at his implications. This guy was definitely an asshole and nothing could change her mind.

to have a friend, chapter four: $80

on ao3 1 | 2 | 3

fun fact i actually finished this like.....tuesday at 4 am cause i died for a bit between like 10-1 and then couldnt sleep. i have edited it since then tho so i promise its not too much of a disaster!

warnings: implied past self harm, discussions of mental health, depression/depressive episodes, some suicidal thoughts. let me know if anything else needs to be tagged

enjoy!

From: Evan To: Connor      Just go t home      Hope things ar eok with yoru family

Connor stares at the texts for a few moments before he falls back onto his bed.

Who knows how his family is.

Actually, he knows. A fucking mess. That’s what his family is.

He can hear Zoe practicing in the room next to him, forgoing headphones and using her amp because she wants to piss him off more. Larry had slunk back to his office, and Connor was sure he did as soon as the opportunity presented itself. His mom is in the kitchen, probably aggressively cleaning dishes like a sparkling plate will fix her shattered family.

Connor stares at the ceiling.

Why did he think he could do any of this?

He lifts his phone and looks at the screen again. Evan is trying. Which is just ridiculous. Evan is trying with this family. What the fuck.

From: Connor To: Evan      cool      they never are but thanks i guess

He tosses his phone to the side and debates doing homework. There’s not really much of a debate — he’s not going to do it — but the fact that he considered it is probably worth something.

It’s not that late yet, which is frustrating. He wants to go to bed, but he’s also too high strung for that. Usually he’d be exhausted but—

Connor studies his ceiling.

He’d been angry. So angry. Burning and explosive. He had been on the edge of his rope and about to break— and then he’d been doused in a shock of cold water. He’d been standing outside the bathroom, insides blistering and turning to ash, and then he’d heard Evan’s unnatural breathing and all of that had just stopped. The fire was gone and he was left with only mild panic that made his mouth taste like metal and an icy chill of not knowing what to do or how to help.

Somehow, sitting on the floor of him and Zoe’s painfully childish bathroom with Evan had been the most real part of the night. It felt the most solid, most tangible. Handing Evan one of those silly cups his mom kept buying, their fingers brushing as Evan took it with shaking hands, that was the most grounded he had felt in days.

Fucking weird.

There’s a knock on his doorframe.

Connor sits up to see Cynthia standing there. “Oh. Hi.”

She smiles, sadly because that’s the only way she smiles nowadays, and takes a step into his room. “Did Evan leave?”

“Uh…yeah. It’s not like he could hide in my closet or anything.” They both look toward the disaster that is Connor’s closet. The doors won’t shut and clothes are piled up on the floor. There was a time where Connor liked things to be neat and orderly. Now he doesn’t have the energy. “He wasn’t feeling great.”

She makes a concerned noise.

“He, uh, gets sick really easily. He’ll probably be fine tomorrow.” Connor curses in his head. Better jot that down so he can tell Evan that Cynthia now thinks that his immune system is shitty. Because she’s probably going to shove all sorts of vitamins and health drinks at him the next time she sees him. If there’s a next time.

God there better not be a next time.

Cynthia sighs. “I’m sorry about tonight, sweetie.”

Connor shrugs and swings his legs off the side of the bed. “It’s not like it was going to be any different than usual.”

The expression on her face is so pained that Connor has to look away. He can’t even be mad at her. He’s pissed at Zoe for her snippy comments. He’s mad at Larry because he’s always mad at Larry. He’s upset with his mom— the most he can be upset with her for is for not trying harder to stop things from getting out of hand. But when has she ever been able to stop it once it started?

Mostly Connor is just mad at himself.

The only reason Evan was here was because he gets paid twenty dollars a week. It’s not like he has any other obligation to be here. Or to hang around Connor. If there was ever a chance that Evan would actually like Connor, that just went out the fucking window.

“Are you hungry?” Cynthia asks, softly. Not as forced as usual. Not as pressing. “You didn’t eat much.”

“I’m fine,” Connor mutters. He tugs off his sweatshirt and throws it on his desk chair. He tries not to notice her eyes going to his arms and then flicking away. “I’ll grab something if I can’t sleep.”

She sighs again. She does that a lot. Sighing. “Okay. Okay, just…” She steps forward and brushes hair away from Connor’s eyes. “Apologize to Evan for us, okay?”

“Why?” Connor asks bitterly. “Because we can be better?”

Cynthia doesn’t say anything. She just stands on her toes and presses a kiss to Connor’s cheek. “Sleep well, honey.”

Connor stands in the center of his room after she leaves. He hates not having a door. It’s like his entire life is out in the open for his entire family to see and judge. Which is some bullshit.

He looks around his room, open and exposed, and thinks that he should clean. Or something. He’s living in a dump.

Connor picks up a sweatshirt and stuffs a few books onto an overflowing bookshelf. Under papers from junior year that he just needs to throw out when he gets the chance, he finds a watercolor sketchbook.

He pauses with four old plastic water bottles in arm to flip through the sketchbook. It’s old as hell, he doesn’t even remember the last time he used watercolors. Or did any art that wasn’t just shitty sketches in his notebook when he didn’t feel like paying attention.

He looks over his shoulder at the light in the hallway.

Connor isn’t entirely sure where his watercolors are. Probably somewhere under the trash and clothing covering his floor. He looks from the watercolor sketchbook to his bed.

He dumps the water bottles in the space between his wall and his bed and starts digging. It takes him almost twenty five minutes to find his watercolor palette. It’s old and dusty, the red is cracked and the purple is almost gone because he always really liked using purple for some reason, but it’s usable.

It takes him a little longer to find brushes. He’s definitely missing some, but fuck it, he never actually knew what the different brushes were for. He just used whatever ones he felt like.

He washes out an old mug that was on his desk from god knows when in the bathroom and fills it with clean water, grabbing a roll of paper towels from the hallway closet. Then he pushes the clothes on his floor into a pile against the wall so he can sit on the floor, because there is no way in hell that he’s cleaning off his desk for this. He fishes his earbuds out of his backpack and plugs them into his phone, turning on some random music that he’ll let fade to into background noise and pulls his hair up into a really messy ponytail.  

Connor can’t remember the last time he actually paid attention to art. He doodles a sketch that’s kind of messy but fine enough because it’s not like anyone is going to see this and then just goes for it. He doesn’t exactly remember how to do this, but he’s never been one for doing things the right way. There’s a reason he stopped taking art classes after freshman year. There’s something weirdly calming about the way the water spreads on the page and something familiar in the brushstrokes. Even when he fucks up and uses way too much water and he knows that the paper is going to be wavy and warped.

He puts down the paintbrush to skip a song on his phone. He has another text from Evan.

From: Evan To: Connor      Im sorr y      YOu should nt feel that way abou tyour family

Connor rolls his eyes. Evan really does try.

From: Connor To: Evan      its whatever, im used to it      mom says sorry about tonight. shes embarrassed      but seriously dont worry about it

He skips through the songs until he finds one that feels right, slower and almost more gentle, he really needs to pick up better watercolors because he’s going to need that purple, before putting his phone back down on the floor next to him.

All things considered, this isn’t the worst piece Connor’s ever done. He studies it as he takes a sip from his mug.

He yanks the mug away from his mouth, gagging. He rubs his mouth with a grimace.

That was paint water.

Connor doesn’t really leave his room much over the next two days. He eats because his mom wants him to, he doesn’t talk to Zoe, and he argues with Larry and wishes he had a door to slam.

Then he sits on his floor and fills pages and pages of his sketchbook with shitty watercolor paintings.

He splashes colors across the pages, sometimes not even trying to create a coherent image. He just needs something to do.

He’s almost out of purple.

Connor waits by Evan’s locker Monday morning, folding and unfolding the twenty dollar bill in his pocket. Zoe needed to be early today for some band thing, so that means Connor is early which just sucks.

This school seriously needs a color palette that isn’t drab and depressing. Connor wears almost exclusively black, but fuck, tone down the gray.

“Oh! Hey, you’re…already here.”

Connor looks up from his phone. “Zoe,” he says. “Band shit. Fuck if I know.”

Evan nods slowly and then reaches for his lock.

“Wait.” Connor grabs Evan’s wrist.

Evan freezes, wide eyes darting to Connor. “W-what?”

Connor leans a little closer. “We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” he whispers. Evan furrows his eyebrows. “My family is the fucking worst, you shouldn’t have to deal with that shit.”

“I-it’s fine!” Evan stutters. “I don’t— no this is. This is okay.” He slowly pulls his arm out of Connor’s grip.

Connor clenches his jaw and leans against the next locker. Evan doesn’t say anything as he opens his locker and starts taking out books. An unfairly loud part of Connor’s brain wonders if Evan is only doing this because he’s scared.

It’s not that far fetched.

“B-besides,” Evan adds, “Jared is— he’s already asking too many questions and if we just stopped now—”

Connor frowns. “He is?”

Evan gives him an exasperated look. “He hasn’t texted me about non homework things in forever and he’s just been sending me ‘is it a sex thing’ for a week.”

“Wow I hate him,” Connor says before he can stop himself.

Evan laughs in surprise.

“He’s a douche!”

Evan ducks his head. “He’s not the worst person ever, b-but he can be…himself.”

“And that’s pretty bad,” Connor mutters.  

Evan pauses and then closes his locker. “Do— are you still okay with…with telling him?”

Connor shrugs. “Sounds like we have no choice.”

Evan tugs on the hem of his shirt. “Are you…free today?”

“I literally have no life or friends, Hansen,” Connor reminds him. “I’m always free.”

“Okay, right, okay.” Evan takes a short breath. “Can we— today?”

Connor stuffs his hands in his pockets. He hasn’t gotten harassed by Kleinman about this yet, but if they wait, the chances of that happening increase significantly. And if it’ll get Jared off Evan’s back— “Yeah sure. Where?”

“My place?” Evan asks. Connor pulls open the door to the stairwell. “I-if that works?”

“Sure thing.” Connor’s voice echoes uncomfortably loud for this conversation. “Better than being at home anyway.”

Evan glances back over his shoulder at Connor. “Are things…bad?” He says it slowly, like he’s not sure what word to choose.

“They’ve been worse,” Connor admits. “But it’s not a party.”

Evan stops at the stairs where Connor has to keep going down to get to chorus. “I’ll— I’ll text you? About the time?”

Connor nods. “Sounds good, Hansen. See you then.” He steps forward and hands Evan the twenty that has been floating around in his pocket for too long. “Forgot to pay you back for food last week,” he says when Evan’s eyes dart toward people walking past.

Evan gives him a half smile and takes the bill. “I-I told you it was fine. I can pay sometimes.”

Connor shrugs and turns toward the stairs. “Too late.”

—«·»—

From: Evan To: Connor      Im s o s rry just ignore him or block him he grabbed my phon e      Serious ly blockign him mihgt be the best opti n

From: Connor To: Evan      ??????

Connor probably shouldn’t be texting in class, but the class is astronomy and also when has Connor ever given a fuck. He stares at Evan’s messages, trying to decode them while he waits for the lunch bell.

It turns out he doesn’t have to wait that long to figure out what they mean.

From: (522) 101-5414 To: nerd, emo      sup fuckers

Connor doesn’t even have to ask who it is, he just tries not to groan and texts Evan.

From: Connor To: Evan      seriously??

From: Evan To: Connor      Im sorry !!!      Hes being a  d ick      Also does like 3 work?

Connor huffs and glances to the clock. That’ll give him about an hour to kill after school before he can show up at Evan’s. Whatever, he’ll figure something out.

From: Connor To: Evan      thats fine      tell kleinman if hes being a dick i will hurt him

Evan’s response is almost immediate.

From: Evan To: Connor      I wouldnt blame you but ma y be dotn hurt the one pe rson whos gonna knw about us

Connor snorts and puts away his phone. He’ll do his best, but only because Evan asked.

—«·»—

Connor texts Evan as he walks up to the house. The door is open before he can even knock. Evan looks slightly panicked, but also somewhat relieved. Connor lowers his hand from where he was about to knock.

“He here?”

Evan nods and grabs Connor’s sleeve, tugging him inside.

Connor takes off his boots while Evan rambles on about Jared being in his room and talking about something, summer camp? Maybe? And then there’s a tangent about cars? Connor isn’t sure but he puts down his boots, straightens, and puts a hand on Evan’s shoulder. “Breathe,” he interrupts. “You’re going to pass out and you really don’t want to leave Kleinman and I alone together.”

Evan takes a slow breath. “Right. Right. He’s… Come on.”

He shows Connor up the stairs, gesturing vaguely to a bathroom as he moves toward his room. Connor didn’t really notice how small Evan’s house is the last time he was here, but now he feels too large in it, like he’s taking up too much space. But it’s also comforting in a weird way, less empty space for thoughts to echo.

Jared spins around in Evan’s desk chair when Evan opens the door. “Man of the hour!” Jared announces, opening his arms in Connor’s direction.

Connor flips him off.

“Okay, rude. I can work with rude.”

“Jared,” Evan says warningly.

“I know, I know.” Jared spins back and forth a little in the chair. For some reason, Connor thinks giving him a chair that turns may have been a bad idea. “If I’m an ass you won’t give me pizza.”

Connor scoffs. “You bribed him?”

Evan shrugs helplessly. “I just— can we not talk about this?”

“Yeah,” Jared agrees. “I was promised juicy deets on whatever the fuck this is.” He motions between Connor and Evan. “Cause uh,” he laughs, “guys, what the shit?”

“We aren’t friends,” Connor says flatly.

Evan twists the hem of his shirt in his hands.

“Yeah no shit, Sherlock.” Jared grabs the arms of the chair and leans forward. “Wait this is a sex thing, isn’t it! Evan you said—”

“It’s not a sex thing!” Evan shouts. “It’s a—” He looks to Connor with wide eyes. “A…fake friend…thing?”

“Excuse me?”

Connor explains before Evan can flounder any more. “I give Evan twenty bucks a week to pretend to be my friend.”

Jared stares at them.

Evan shifts uncomfortably next to Connor. Connor kind of wants to leave, but Evan wants to do this, so…

Jared snorts. “Are you fucking serious?”

Evan cringes. “Y-yes?”

“This is—”

“We know, Kleinman,” Connor snaps. “But we need your help.”

Evan looks at Connor in surprise. ‘We do?’ he mouths to Connor. Connor nods. Spur of the moment thought, but he literally can’t keep dealing with Zoe bugging him about Evan. Who gives a shit if they never hung out together around school, even if that is a lie. He needs some sort of proof so she shuts up.

Jared spins slowly in his chair. “How so?”

“Evan said we emailed each other,” Connor says. “But my dad checks my email. So this email account would have to be ‘secret’.”

Jared raises his eyebrows. “That’s—”

“We know, Jared!” Evan interrupts. “C-can you just—” He glances toward Connor. “We need…emails from over the summer?” Connor nods. “Can you just, like, show me how to fake the timestamps o-or something?”

“Oh yeah, that’s super easy,” Jared says. He leans down and unzips the backpack leaning against the desk and pulls out a laptop. He opens the laptop and types something out. “Secret email account is very—”

Connor grits his teeth. “Just do it, Kleinman.”

“Yeah, yeah. Watch the monkey dance,” Jared mutters to himself. “That’s super fun.” He pauses. “If Evan gets twenty bucks a week for this, what do I get?”

“The gift of life.”

Evan shoots Connor a look.

“Awesome.” Jared types for another moment. “You know,” he says, “twenty bucks seems pretty cheap.”

“Are you trying to be difficult?” Connor grumbles.

“Always.”

“I-it’s fine,” Evan stutters. “Re-really, Jared?”

“I’m just saying,” Jared says with a shrug. “You should totally charge more for more complicated stuff. Twenty for faking friendship, forty for hanging out, sixty for being around the family.”

“What?!”

Connor glances to Evan out of the corner of his eye. Evan is protesting, but it’s not the worst idea. Especially after the dinner that Evan suffered through. Connor is going to have to ‘borrow’ more money from his parents’ wallets, but hey, at least it’s not for weed.

“I really fucking hate that I’m saying this,” Jared and Evan look over to Connor, “but that’s not a terrible plan.”

Jared smirks. “Nice.”

Evan gapes. “W-what?”

“If you spend a few hours dealing with my shitty family, that probably is worth more than saying hi to me in the hallway.” Connor crosses his arms. “I should probably pay you more when you have to deal with more bullshit.”

“N-no, that isn’t— you don’t have to—”

“Let him give you money, Evan.” Jared types rapidly on his laptop. “I’m making you two up a fucking price chart for reference.”

“Jared—”

“One condition,” Connor says. “If we’re doing this it’s only ten dollars a week, if that’s okay,” he directs the last part to Evan. “I’m not a goddamn millionaire.”

“Annoying but valid,” Jared says. “The weekly flat rate is ten dollars then, nonnegotiable.”

Evan sinks down into the other chair that someone had pulled up to the desk.

“I think the first step up is hanging out outside of school.” Jared glances to Connor.

Connor nods. “Three for outside, five for my house.”

“Do I get a say in this?” Evan asks weakly.

“Nope,” Jared says, popping the ‘p’. “If hanging out involves the fam, I say it’s an instant five more.”

“How about two added on to the location fee,” Connor argues.

Jared scoffs. “That’s three dollars, man.”

“Try to remember we’re high schoolers,” Connor says flatly.

Evan wimpers.

Jared pats Evan’s arm. “Okay. Extended family is another three. No arguing that one, extended family is bullshit. Twenty bucks flat for a sleepover. Like on top of the weekly ten.”

Evan’s eyes go wide. “What?! No!”

Jared looks to Connor.

Connor shrugs. “Fine.” He doesn’t think that will be relevant but whatever. If it gets written down it’s not the end of the world.

Jared smiles to himself and starts to type quickly.

“W-what are you doing?” Evan asks, leaning closer to try and get a look at the screen.

Jared elbows Evan away. “Shh I’m working.”

Connor raises his eyebrows.

“Aaaaaand…done.” Jared spins his laptop to show Connor.

Connor squints at the list Jared has made on the document.

 This is the Worst Plan I’ve Ever Heard But Have Fun You Friendless Losers created by Jared Kleinman

$10 — weekly flat rate no matter what

—

Casual Shit:

$3 — hanging out outside of school $5 — hanging out at the Murphys’ (+$2 to location fee if it involves other Murphys) (+$3 more if it involves any extended family) $20 — sleepover

—

Romance Shit:

$25 — date $5 — hug $15 — kiss $200 — Full Boyfriend Package™

(FFBP™ decreases all things in this section by $10, except for dates, which drop to $20. No, you do not get paid for hugs, hugs are just free now. Congrats, you just paid two hundred fucking dollars for a free hug)

 Connor rolls his eyes. “You’re fucking hilarious,” he deadpans.

Evan pales as he reads it once Jared has turned the screen toward him. “Uh…”

Jared snorts. “It’s called a joke, dude. Learn to take it.”

“J-just delete it,” Evan stammers. “That’s not— we were supposed to make emails.”

“Okay.” Jared highlights the romance section and deletes it. “It’s gone.”

Evan sighs. “Thank you.”

Jared does a keyboard shortcut. “And it’s back!”

“Jared!”

“Gone! And back!”

Evan’s ears turn pink. “S-seriously?”

Jared just wiggles his eyebrows and deletes it again. When he starts to hit undo, Connor leans forward and grabs the laptop out of his hands.

“Dude!”

“We aren’t fucking five,” Connor says. “Can you help us with these emails before my sister tries to call a fucking private detective on me or are you just going to be a dickhead?”

“That’s no way to talk to someone who’s helping you out,” Jared says. But he holds out his hand for the laptop, and when Connor gives it back, he spins around, puts the laptop on the desk, and opens a new tab.

Him and Connor set up a new email account and then Jared has Evan open up his own email. As Jared sets up faked emails that Evan and Connor will fill with mindless shit, Connor looks around Evan’s room.

There’s a window with two small succulents sitting on its windowsill. There are pictures scattered around the room in mismatched frames, a lot of Evan and a woman he assumes is his mother, more than a few of Evan and Jared when they were younger but less and less as they get older until there’s none, and one small picture of Evan with a man that looks vaguely like him that sits on the corner of Evan’s desk, a stack of books obscuring it slightly.

Connor remembers Evan saying something about his dad and looks away.

Evan’s room is much smaller than Connor’s. It’s cozier and cleaner, but still untidy. The books in Evan’s shelves are piled up and tipping over, there are a few sweatshirts draped around the room, and there’s a terrifying looking pile of papers on his nightstand.

“Yo,” Jared says, holding out his laptop to Connor. “Work out what you want these to say with Evan so I can finish this. While you do that I’m going to find some snacks.”

“We’re out,” Evan answers almost immediately from where he’s bent over his laptop.

“I’m going out to buy snacks,” Jared corrects. “See you in a bit, losers.”

Connor stares at the blank form that Jared has pulled up on the screen. How many of these things is he going to have to do and is this going to turn into a school assignment?

“It’s probably easier if one of us starts,” Evan murmurs. “And then we just go back and forth and respond to whatever the other says.”

“Like actual emails.”

Evan rolls his eyes. “Yeah, just faster.”

“Sure. Let’s keep the things that can mark when this shit got sent to a minimum, okay?” Connor’s summer is a blur. He spent probably too much of it high and another big majority of it just doing nothing. Looking back at it, it all just blends together into a mess of shitty and shittier.

Evan nods. “Mhm. I’ll start if you want.”

“Go wild.”

As Evan types, Connor clicks through the other tabs Jared has open. One for the email account, a few google searches, a coding thing Connor doesn’t understand, and the price list. Jared put the romance section back.

Connor makes a note on the document that just says ‘youre a dick’ and clicks back to the dauntingly blank form.

An hour later, Evan has finished his sixth email, Connor is typing out a shitty response, and Jared has shown up with enough chips to feed a small nation. They figure out how to space the emails they’ve already written and Jared gets to work on finishing up the ones they’ve got written.

“Should we do the whole summer?” Evan asks.

Connor shrugs. “I don’t care, Zoe will probably buy it with one or two.”

Jared spins back and forth as he adds all the timestamps. “Someone order a pizza, I’m dying.”

Evan checks the time. “Jared it’s only—”

“Yeah? And?”

“You just ate like an entire bag of chips.”

Jared looks up at Evan. “When has that ever stopped me from eating an entire pizza?”

Evan shakes his head. “W-whatever. The usual?”

Jared shoots him a finger gun as he types with one hand.

“I’ll go with,” Connor says. He follows Evan down to the kitchen to see another twenty dollar bill in the center of the table. “Want me to call it in?” he asks.

Evan nods. “Jared always gets a supreme. If he doesn’t finish he just brings it home.”

Fair, Connor would do the same if he cared more about eating. He can only handle so much of his mom’s cooking. Connor places the call and then waits with Evan at the table. “Does your mom have you get takeout a lot?” he asks, looking at the bill.

Evan follows his gaze. “Uh… I-I mean…yeah. She works all day at the hospital, she’s a nurse, a-and then takes night classes at the college,” he gestures vaguely toward the street and Connor assumes he means the community college that people who are ambitious like Alana Beck go to to take summer classes so they look more impressive to admissions, “so…she doesn’t really have ti-time to cook and I’m— I’m not very good at it,” Evan mumbles. “I can do…ramen? Um…mac n cheese. Instant stuff. Other than that I can make like…pasta and grilled cheese and that’s…sort of it. But she doesn’t have a lot of time to go to the grocery store and I, uh, don’t like going so. Takeout is…easier.”

Connor nods. “I get that. You can’t go wrong with ramen noodles. One day we’ll both be living off them,” he jokes.

Evan looks to him in surprise. He smiles a little. “Y-yeah, I guess that’s true.”

Connor suddenly realizes that he talked about the future casually. About college casually, because he can remember one time when he was little and sick and Larry made ramen noodles for him and Connor had decided that they were the best thing ever and Larry had ruffled his hair and said that he’d get sick of them when they were all he ate in college. It’s uncomfortable. It settles wrong inside him. Because outside of the context of that one quip, the future doesn’t feel real. It feels like some untouchable abstract concept.

Thinking about it makes his stomach turn and makes dark thoughts creep in from the corners of his mind.

He shakes them away and listens to Evan talk about how he’s ruined soup before. It’s better than thinking about a future that hardly exists, one that he’s ready to cut the string on at almost any given moment in time.

Evan buries his face in his hands as he tells Connor about the time Jared tried to make eggs in the microwave and almost set fire to the house. Connor laughs and pretends he’s okay.

When the pizza arrives, Connor pays the delivery person while Evan goes and gets Jared. It’s too early for dinner, but Jared doesn’t care and eats two slices before going upstairs to grab his laptop and then eats another. Evan eats breadsticks and lets Jared carry most of the conversation, about half of which is about how weird Connor eats his pizza.

Evan makes Connor take a slice of pizza back, because he ends up missing dinner at home, and Connor just rolls his eyes and takes the plastic tupperware and promises to give it back at some point. Evan shakes his head and tells him not to, because they have too much and they can never find lids that match. Connor figures he’ll just slip it back into a cabinet the next time he comes over.

Next time. Connor doesn’t think in next times. Weird.

EPISODE EIGHT: “MERGE! Oh bitch how tasty” - Kurt

So after Trent walked there was silence for a long time, and an announcement came out (well two). The first was the Trent announcement (RIP we will avenge you!) At the bottom it announced he was the first member of the JURY! This excites me for three reasons. First off, I never made jury on my original season in Easter Island because I won and during my second season (darksided Generations) I was a self proclaimed (with heavy delusion) pre jury robbed goddess. The second reason that I almost shit my corduroys that jury stage was here was because if I was a pre merge juror, I would not under ANY circumstance vote for someone’s game I did not see. I also know Trent is personally rooting for original Armonia villains which is a vote in my pocket if I end up at the end. My final reason that I was excited was that I was happy that Trent got to participate in the jury stage because he deserves it. He played a phenomenal pre merge game and I’m happy he gets to at least have a say in the winner, regardless of the outcome.

I was getting to my other point, the second announcement came minutes later....MERGE! Oh bitch how tasty. I was stoked because we’re officially at that point. It’s also a little scary because there’s only five original Armonia left with Trent going. I’m also scared because I know Andreas and I have bad blood from Easter Island when my alliance bullied him all season long. I have a lot of ass kissing to do and I hope I have some good acting skills because this is going to be a chore. Actually the more I think about it, the only bright side of merge is that we’re that much closer to making it to the end. Oh and NED. Hydra is reunited and oh it feels good.

MERGE!! Yes! I’m so happy, and better yet—the people I wanted out most are gone! Olivia, Keegan and Trent. They were all coming for my head, and I LOVE they left one by one. That’s karma for you. Don’t get me wrong, I like/love them all on a personal level, but game wise I’m so happy they’re gone and I’m glad Trent is fine. Now I’m meeting the final batch of people. Sarah I already know but I need to catch up with her! Nikolas unless he’s just not there is online and hasn’t responded in an hour or so, but he was cool to talk to. Lukas and Matt however I do like the most right now! Matt I feel I’m connecting with a bit and same with Lukas. Kurt and Sharifa I still feel connected to, but Kurt said he can’t trust anybody right now due to what was going on, and him and sharifa were feeling me in on everything. Basically Olivia’s antics with going after me really messed her and her group up and it got her caught with her strategy like I knew she’d get caught eventually. I peeped her and Trent way before the curve, mainly because they were that fucking obvious. Jake I have to KEEP my eye on. Because they said he was upset with Olivia going but he’s saying he heard what Olivia was trying and was happy she’s gone. So imma have to feel him out but for now I think he’s lying due to what I’ve heard. As for the heroes I love them all and I really hope we stick together or they’ll just pick us all off. And that I don’t want to happen. At all. And I just hope for once I can chill and not have my name thrown, but you never know. This could be the start to a very messy round. I usually sleep late but I might sleep early because I feel I might be getting sick and I know as soon as I take this medicine I’ll be drowsy so we’ll see!!

Whew Chile... what a moment yesterday was. So the morning after me sharifa and kurt are plotting to blindside Sarah, I see that kurt called w nicklas and downplayed our relationship which nicklas didn’t buy but wasn’t too shaded by it. But I decided to tell sharifa and kurt that I know nicklas so they trust him more Which resulted in kurt going AWFF thinking that his game was ruined or something? Idk i was shaking but we talked it out and he was calm Then the plan for Sarah gets scrapped because trent decides to quit! It sucked because he would be a number for us, but it’s best to respect his wishes.... So trent goes and then we MERGE. Lord help me. I ain’t ready for this shit S O S

We merged....... im so happy because i could not stay on the heroes for much longer. We were getting too small and it was scary honestly. Of the 12 people in the game, there's 3 I haven't played this season with yet, which isn't terrible! I'm not meeting a bunch of people. I've also had a lot happening in my personal life so that's been impacting my ability to interact. One thing that is noteworthy is that Ned, Sarah, and I have reunited finally and we are about to run this game !!!!! Let it be KNOWN!!!

So these are my thoughts on everyone: Sarah: Love her, would die for her, we are co-winning this game together with Ned. Ned: Love him, would die for him, we are co-winning this game together with Sarah. Chris: So I know I've been 'working with him' but I don't trust him because I think he's a lot closer to Malik then I think. He is good for my game but I'm only working with him because I need to. Dennis: Similarly to Chris, I am only working with him because I need to. I think he might be reading into that more then Chris is... but I could be wrong. I think he presents as more of a target then me. Malik: I think he would turn on me if it meant saving his ass. But I think he's an asset to have around because people are mad with him. Lukas: I like him, he's funny and nice. I haven't been able to play with him alot because of the swap but hopefully we can. Nicklas: I think he's very smart as a former winner, so I am careful but I think we have a decent enough connection. Matt: Me and Matt are both playing each other and it's the funniest thing ever LOL.... anyways he's smart and will shoot himself in the butt for it. Jake: Don't know him much but I heard he is a snake so I want him OUT. Sharifa: SO DANGEROUS !! I think she's really dangerous but a good ally to have around maybe (?). I have a lot of respect for her coming back and being her true self so that's very empowering. Kurt: So the thing about Kurt was we played before but I wasn't really worried about that.... but I have found out from multiple sources that he worried about that. And no amount of me talking to him has changed that? So looks like I am now worried about that? UGHH Anyways this merge should be fun.... i just want single digits 

Okay so we merged and yeah now I’m feeling really grateful to have made it to this point, jokes aside. I am really grateful to have had the opportunity to not only play with Sharifa again but get to know her as a person so much deeper. She is such an admirable person and she really touches my heart. I know I’m sappy about her a lot but she truly is one of my closest friends in my real life.

The way my current relationships stand right now is ranked (w/ reasoning as so)   1.   Sharifa (duh) 2. Jake (my fellow f@ggot) 3. Ned (boy you lucky for Hydra) 4. Lukas (he thinks he’s my #1, I love him tho) 5. Malik (as much as I know his act is a facade, he thinks were close so) 6. Nicklas (we had a good talk and basically compared notes, very intelligent) 7. Matt (neutral, I trust him a bit to stay villain strong but only for so long) 8. Sarah (same feelings as I have toward Matt) 9. Andreas (we spoke and I apologized and he accepted, progress people) 10. Chris (seems friendly enough but Ned told me he has an idol so kinda sketch) 11. Dennis (hard to read, nice enough but know he’s heroes strong) & HOSTS 1. Nicole (my fav host sorry boys) 2. Owen (picks up the slack) 3. Andrew (quality humour but our fight sis :( ) 4. Monty (idk her....bc she’s intern & not around much) Love y’all ❤️

So Jake came clean to Sharifa and myself about having a relationship with Nicklas. This raises serious red flags for us because it’s like we’ve been questioning if Jake is truly with us or not this entire time and have wanted to believe he was. He claims he is closer with us and Nicklas is just the equivalent to like my Lukas. Sure, that’s a fair comparison, but the difference is that I told The Cock Destroyers about Lukas. Nicklas was Jake’s best and worst kept secret. Now I’m second guessing everything I say to him but I still want to truly believe we are sisters till the end. If he fucks us over I will be absolute heartbroken. Like, he’s my amigas cheetah.

Of the four newest people I’ve met, I feel the most connected to Lukas and slightly Matt. Nicklas before comes on or messages and Sarah only messages a couple of times and then vanishes. She’s someone I also know so I could use that bond but idk if I can trust her yet or not. The only one I feel I can trust atm is lukas but I’ll have to see how that goes.

Malik is a lot. I play along with most of his flirtation and advances but it’s solely to get myself in his good graces to ensure I have a loyal ally and someone looking out for me. It’s also because I made the mistake of purposely approaching him and almost like lead him on. Now he’s so attached and I can’t for the sake of my game just be like “not really into it please stop”. And I know there’s other boys who are uncomfortable by it too. Unfortunately right now he is our Phillip and we have to keep him around for now....Fuck im so mean. I make him sound so bad, he’s actually fine, I’m just a huge asshole and Malik when you see this I’m sorry dude.

K i guess i should update you When we swapped i connected with matt and sharifa the most Hated trent bc he tried to spread my name but we decided to vote kage out bc hes crazy-anyways now that we have merged sharifa wants to form some fucking majority alliance with the villains since we have majorty Only thing is that i like chris and dennis ALSO andreas, ned and I are in a f3 together and they know I have the idol. So anyways this isnt gonna work, i need to play secret spy but its gonna be hard deceiving sharifa. I got her to confide in me that she has the idol and I told her i have the idol as well -i regret telling her Also andreas and ned told me chris has the idol so im 100% certain the 3 of us know where all the idols are. Anyways, this is messy, im still a bitch and I need to figure something out. Wish me luck bitches ‘

I don’t like Matt anymore. He keeps reading my private messages and is talking in main chat and isn’t saying much or a word or reacted to me or anything. So I feel like he’s going to try to message me once immunity is over and I’m going to just roll my eyes and laugh so hard. I thought the guy was cool, but I spoke too soon. I did feel like something was off from the gate anyways with his first responses. I just won’t message him until he messages me but rn the only villain I like from the other tribe is Lukas. Sarah step it up sis I wanna say positive things about you!! On the other hand, Teen Titans all think we’re in trouble, so I’m thinking about snatching Kurt since he doesn’t trust anyone from his tribe and see how that goes. I would do Sharifa too, but I feel she’s likely connected with the others. But if I leave her out of a vote she could very well not trust me anymore. But the only original tribe members I trust are Ned and Kurt. And I trust the Teen Titans, we just need one more number incase they come for us. Maybe rocks I see?!

Sarah says something after I mention that she hasn’t been too talkative? Hmmm

Looking at the merge, I am PUMPED and NERVOUS and ready to LOSE! A lot of different scenarios can play out here- Heroes vs Villains prevail or Armonia vs Molysmeno. I have faith it won't end in the latter, in fact, I suspect lines may be a little blurred, but maybe not in the first tribal council or two. Having that said, a lot of people are surprising me this round in a good way such as Lukas,, Kurt, and Sharifa! Whereas my old pals of Sarah and Matt might have slipped in some people's eyes, I have to keep them in mind when figuring out what happens next. Jake may be targeted but I'm not gonna count on it just yet. All in all, I think I prefer Teen Titans more than Mystery Incorporated because it feels so genuine, but we'll see!

It would seem Malik's talking to Kurt/Lukas on turning on the villains. I'm not too sure how I feel about that. In order to fully trust that, I'd have to look into those 2 actually giving a name instead of wanting us to. Having that said, Dennis does not trust Kurt, Matt is sheeping to avoid 3-peating his merge boot status I suppose, the rest of the villains I guess dropped the whole Ned vote campaigns, and everyone else playing the Waiting Game like time is money so yeah

I do feel it is a little intriguing how the villains are acting coy and facetious when they have a majority, not to mention, hold more people than others. It's pretty telling that this group is pretty passive. Nevertheless, my intentions are to get the scoop and solve this mystery

Guess who is ready to lose their mind ???????????? So Malik is trying to get Kurt and Lukas to vote with the heroes which I know for a fact is not happening because Sarah told me that Kurt said that wasn't going to happen. Now im going to call Kurt because he's being shady and says he wants to vote the villains ? Kurt WHAT ARE YOU DOING

My goddddddd. I hate this merged tribe. The smart thing to do would be to stick to the villain numbers, but I know each villain has like 20 connections each outside of the villain tribe. I don’t like Andreas. He is fake to me. Idk why. I’m working so hard on making Malik like me, but he’s sketchy too. I love Dennis but I don’t think he loves me that much. Ned is a ghost. As of now I’m just going to sit back and let people handle this shit without me. I don’t think I’ll be the target if the heroes seize control, so that’s good. Shall be interesting.

Just got off my hour long call with Kurt and I felt good about it, I think we can trust each other. But then DENNIS messages lukas and sends a lie to him that Malik getting Lukas and Kurt is a ploy??? WTF ???? What is happening right now

Remember when I said I was going to lose my mind? YUP thats still happening. just about to hop on call with sharifa to show im willing to work with the crazy villains

Honestly? This vote sucks ass. As mentioned in the video, Nicklas was nice enough to tell me whats "actually" going on and I honestly feel like its best to just let it happen, because no matter what. One of my allies goes home. Either crackhead Malik, who has a big heart and is just trying his best, or  big heart chris who shared his idol with apparently the entire world and has to pay the price for it. I've been contemplating about this for the past 3.5 hrs and idk, as bad as this sounds, it just feels like it is better to not properly warn him. I've tried to give him hints that something isn't up or right tonight, but I can only do so much to hopefully not completely crucify my game. Of course there is the chance that I am actually the one who is going home or they are trying to send ned home anyways and bait an idol like that, but idk. I don't know why Nicklas would lie to me, when I am a valuable number to him. IF I survive I just need to start over and get my social game going properly. If you read this Chris and you actually went home tonight, I am heartbroken and sad, I would've gone as deep as possible with you and Andreas too, if he wasn't close to others aswell.

Im getting this weird feeling in my stomach that the tribal won't go as planned. Malik has gotten really quiet, and when he does that it normally means he is mad. I'm not surprised and honestly if someone didn't run their mouth I'd be surprised. Maybe I am the one going home ?? Who knows

It's gotten like wild quiet? Am i going home ? Randomly really nervous

Chapter 1-The Dual Attack The day crawled on as usual for Maya. Having completed her practical before anyone else, she decided to go back to the class. When she entered, she passed a flitting smile to the guy, Rohan, and occupied her seat. As she hummed 'Let It Go' to herself, penning down her recent poem, she felt a presence behind her desk. She turned to look at Rohan who was fumbling. “Hi Maya, I am Rohan, I mean, obviously you know that it's just that I wanted to ask you something,” “Do you need anything?” She asked in concern because Rohan looked as if he would pass out in the next few minutes. “Umm, yes… You know, a lot of people have a crush on you, you should check our college confession page on Instagram, people all over the different branches are crazy about you… so am I,” Maya’s eyes went wide with surprise. No one, in the past 4 years of her college life had been bold enough to propose to her. She knew of the page, of course, she did, her girl classmates wouldn’t shut up when in the first year, someone had posted a confession for her and since then, they had been at least 44 posts about her. “I Love you, Maya,you are so perfect” Maya looked at Rohan, her reverie was broken. “Who is my perfect girl?” His hands caressed her thighs as if they made of soft fur, to be played with, toyed with. “Mumma!” Maya rushed out of the class, her breath heavy in her lungs. She could hear her heart thud as the memories that she had buried for the last ten years flashed to her mind. She ran where her legs carried her, away from those words, those promises of chocolates and dolls, that ignorance of the child Maya who had no idea that she shouldn’t be touched that way unless it started hurting her. She entered a room and leaned against the wall, her vision going dark, nothing seemed coherent right now, not even the “Hey! It’s the Boy’s Common room!” Rudra was having a horrible day. How could he call! That b*****d! He wished he could run away, but damn he needed the money like no else, so he had to stay back. And to top it off,Kabir had taken his bike keys, so he couldn’t even go riding and relax! He threw his head against the bench when a girl entered the common room and leaned on her wall and he rebuked her, but the very next second, she fell to the ground, hugging her knees, crying like a baby. “Are you ok?” He asked softly and stepped closer to her. She nodded in a no and yelled. He stepped back. “Ok, ok, I won’t come close to you, but you need to breathe alright. Can you do that for me?”She nodded meekly and drew in a sharp breath. Rudra sat on the ground, still maintaining his distance. “Good, can you breathe for a few more seconds?” He waited as she breathed for a few seconds, her hiccups slowing down and she opened her eyes. “Can you name any of the five things you can see right now?” She took a few seconds to process, her rocking and fumbling with her jeans not stopping. “You, the bench,the bag, the cupboard, and the bottle,” Rudra turned to look at the locker cupboard behind him and saw the bottle. He nodded. “What about the four things that you can touch?” “My clothes, my hair, my shoes, and my wounds,” Rudra raised his eyebrows but let it pass. “And three things you can hear?” “You, the fans and some boys outside.” “Two things you can smell” “Leather and some men’s perfume,” Rudra looked at the football that lay near her. “One thing you can taste” “My tears?” Color slowly started returning to her cheeks and she started breathing a bit normally. She rested her head against the wall and breathed for a few more seconds. “You ok?” She nodded and stood up. “You should rest, I think,” “Thanks,” she replied instead and left. “I don’t give a f**k about how he answered his exam Dessai! He needs to pass this year so that I can send him to London to do his MBA,” “in London? MJ, the boy can’t clear his first semester exams,” Mritunjay threw a disgusted look at the dean of his son’s college. “You do not speak of a Roy in that tone!” “Before being a Roy, he is your son, maybe you should listen to him and let him drop!” “No, he stays! He completes his engineering, does an MBA and runs my office, that’s what he is born for, and you will make sure of that, Dessai, because I am pretty sure the government will not like it when they find out that the money they gave you to upgrade your machinery in the workshop was used to buy a house in Darjeeling,” Raghav was shocked.No one knew of this, he and his assistant had made sure to keep their backs clear. “Oh, you think I don’t know? I know everything about the woman who joins you at that house and I wonder what your wife will think about her? Will your kids love having a s**t as their stepmother?” “You cannot do this!” “No, I can, but I will not if I see the word pass written on son’s mark sheet. Have a good day!”Mritunjay left the seat and buttoned his court and smirked at the foolish dean who shuffled in his seat. The smell of fear made him forget his son’s harsh words. Shibani Chapter 2- The Deal “Please call Rudra Roy and Maya Jaisingh from the IT branch as soon as possible,” He ordered his assistant the first thing as he entered his cabin the next day. No, he couldn’t tell Pereira about this muck up. What if he was the one who snitched him to that son of a b***h! This is something he will deal with on his own. “Sir, may I come in?” 10 minutes later the meek fourth girl knocked on the cabin door. “Is Rudra Roy here?” “No sir, he is absent today,” Dessai couldn’t control his eye roll. “I need him here in the next 15 minutes,” He barked at Pereira who nodded. “You can come before the lunch break Miss Jaisingh,” She nodded, thanked him and left. In about 10 minutes, again there was a knock on the door and Rudra Roy stepped him, just like his father had yesterday. His blood boiled but he masked it with a smile on his face. He waited for Rudra to take a seat and look around the cabin. “Your father was here yesterday, Mr. Roy,” “Oh really?” Rudra snapped. Snob! “He had an interesting request that he made me, more of a demand, that I help you clear the semesters by faking your results,” Rudra’s eyes shot up, but he showed no sign of anger, shock or happiness. He looked smug as if he had seen it coming. “Now, I know that you do not want to do engineering and no young man wants to clear his exams because his father owns a huge empire, at least, not you, as I know it,” “I do not want that man to interfere in my life anymore, I let him do that once and I have to see your face!” “You will speak with respect, boy! Yes, I am well aware of the josh of independence in you, so here is a deal, you attend classes, study hard, copy, do whatever you want and pass, so I needn’t dirty my hands,” “Isn’t he paying you?” This was the time in the last 10 minutes Rudra had shown signs of surprise. “I don’t like playing games Mr. Roy and this one is a dark for my liking, so I am not going to be a puppet in your father’s hands. You do whatever you can to pass and it’s a win-win for both of us.” Rudra still didn’t look convinced but Raghav wasn’t in a mood of convincing anyone right now. “I will speak to your classmate, Maya Jaisingh to tutor you after class. She will help you out and I hope you will not disappoint me. You have 5 minutes to think about the arrangement.” Rudra looked at him trying to weigh his options and right now, he couldn’t see an way out of this mess. He sighed and nodded, and Dessai had a hard time fighting his glee. The university was keeping a close on the results and he had no way helping Rudra pass, but if Rudra managed to do that on his own, then he wouldn’t have to deal with the university or Mritunjay. He spent the lunch break convincing Maya Jaisingh to tutor Rudra. She was a tough nut to crack,but he had done his research, he knew she was working on an app that needed a lot of funds and he knew just the right people. Never had he been so pleased,after all, he had managed to outsmart the most cunning businessman of the country by manipulating two naive students. The boys of the hostel had a mini heart attack watching the Maya Jaisingh walk into the hostel.They looked at her, in all her glory as she passed them and stopped to ask Rohan about Rudra. Damn that guy! He stole every girl in the college and now even Maya, who wouldn’t even spare a glance at them. Badi baap ki bigadiaulad! Rudra was working on his sketch. He had seen this new style of sketching and had spent an hour but just couldn’t get the hair right! The knocking of the door pissed him off! “What is it d**kwad!”He yelled at the person while opening the door and then stopped. It was the girl he had met yesterday. “I am sorry!”  “Maya Jaisingh” “Who?” Maya raised her eyebrows at him. He looked at her for a second or two and then his eyes went big. “Oh shit! Sorry. I forgot! Please come in,” He stepped in and let her enter. Maya looked around the room and to her surprise, it wasn’t messy like the ones they showed in the web series and movies. It was clean and decorated as if it was done by a professional interior designer. The sketches and paintings that were hung were so beautiful that Maya missed Rudra’s question. “Oh hello!” She looked at him. “Girls aren’t allowed in here. Did you just sneak in to meet me” He smirked, despite himself. “If you did me a favour of stepping out of this shit hole,” she paused and looked around, “I mean this room, I wouldn’t have had to walk in here. And no, I requested the dean to permit me to meet you here in this room and speak to you, because your roommate wouldn’t give me your number.” “Well, Kabir must be jealous to see the Maya Jaisingh ask for my number, a nobody, unlike him!” “I don’t care! I will tutor you from 5 to 7, and on Sundays from 10 to 1 and 5 to 7 in evenings,” “Oh hello! I am not your slave,” “Fine then, find someone else to teach you, bye!’ Maya turned to leave, but there was a smugness in her position, and Rudra dropped his shoulders. “Fine! But won't it affect your schedule?” “No!” How could it, Maya never slept, but instead studied. The reason why she never slept was that the nightmares wouldn’t stop. Chapter 3-A new Friendship? It had been a week since the two were studying together. Rumors were flying like crazy! Maya had heard about twenty theories as to how the two began dating. And when after two days Maya was done with Rudra’s shit, she forced him to attend classes,something he hadn’t done in the last 4 year and wasn’t expelled or debarred from answering the exams only because of Mritunjay’s pressure, the whole class collectively had a heart attack. “People are talking about us,” Rudra said as he bit into the bland sandwich. “As if I care!” She remarked as she continued highlighting important notes on his book. “So, you won’t mind if I touch you?” He smirked. On the third day,he accidentally pulled her hand while fighting for a pen and she threw a huge book at him, making him laugh his guts out. Maya didn’t think it was funny, but Rudra did because he is stupid. “I still have the book with me, and this time I’ll throw it from a distance with much more force breaking open your skull!” His smirk dropped. He liked her, no,not that way! Yuck! She treated him how he wanted to be treated, she respected him, that was evident, but she didn’t mind calling out his bullshit. That was a change for him, whose father had forced people around him to treat as if he was a princess who’d burst out crying if he was denied anything. He still wondered why she was teaching him. “Maya, seriously,you needn’t do this, I’ll manage! There are apps that tutor, YouTube, and Google are still there,” “Look, this is the third time in the week I am saying this, but I don’t mind, teaching you helps me revise and doesn’t affect me much,” “But it affects your social life!” She shook her head and focused back on the book. After the college, she would go back to the hostel room, freshen up and pick a novel and read. If it had sex description,she wouldn’t touch it, no matter how much she wanted to complete the story and then study till the dawn before grabbing sleep for a few hours, and hoping that she doesn’t have nightmares. “When was the last time you opened this book?” She flipped through the pages that looked so new,that the book could be resold for its original price, had Maya not highlighted it. “When it was delivered,” He chuckled. Maya looked at him and rolled her eyes. She liked him for being this normal with him. The rest of the college behaved as if she was a fairy that descended on the earth and shouldn’t be touched. Boys would stutter around her and the girls spoke carefully as to not hurt her. She missed normalcy. But she couldn’t let her guard fall,no matter how much Diya encouraged her to make friends, it scared her. “Have you seen my phone?” “Nope!” She popped the "p" but ignored the iPhone that lay below the book, watching Rudra empty his bag on the table. “What the f**k, I think I forgot it in the hostel,” He said as he removed a plastic bag and almost flung it in her hand. Maya stared at it curiously and was about to tell Rudra that the phone was right in front of him when Mr. Jha’s voice startled her. “Aah! Mr. Roy!Everyone said that you have been doing us the favor of gracing us with your presence, and I couldn’t believe them, they weren’t lying then?” He faked a smile on his face. Maya wrapped her fingers around the plastic bag and slid it in her bag discretely, while Rudra sassed the professor who huffed and walked away. “There you are, you piece of shit!” He yelled as he retrieved the phone. “Oh shit! They have printed my sketches on the Collegites’ front page! I got an email! Can I skip this one, I need to see the hard copy, now! Ok, bye!” Before she knew, Rudra leaped out of the seat and was out of the cafeteria. Maya touched the bag and breathed heavily. Her heart was racing at a pace that was making her giddy. Maybe even she should take the day off. She texted Rudra that she was bunking and went to the hostel. She locked the plastic bag away and instead tried focusing on her routine but failed. Was it a drug? Was Rudra doing drugs? He didn’t look like the kind of person to drugs,but then neither did Maya look like the person who had scars all across her whole body. The thoughts started weighing her down and she dozed off, losing track of time. She woke up with a start when she heard the door knock rather loudly. Pulling hair out of her mouth, she opened the door to see the warden eyeing her angrily. “There is a young man who is trying desperately to enter the hostel, asking for you and yelling his guts out! May I know what is going on, Ms. Jaisingh?” “I am sorry, what?” The warden walked away from the door and Maya ran her fingers through her hair as she jogged the length of the corridor to keep up with the huffing warden. “Shameless! No ethics at all, whoever speaks to such kind of boys?” Even though the warden was trying to keep her voice down, she failed miserably, only making Maya more upset and confused. She was surprised to see Rudra staring at her with tears in his eyes almost fighting the watchman. “I’ll be in my cabin Ms. Jaisingh, I hope you can deal with this,” She eyed the watchman,silently telling him not the leave the two alone and walked off. Rudra spoke without waiting for a second, “Maya, did you see a packet,” Maya held his hand urgently, throwing a glance at the watchman. Rudra breathed heavily, calming down a bit. She pulled him out of the watchman’s earshot. “I have it with me,wait I’ll get it. But Rudra, you need to stop doing drugs!” She whispered sharply at him. “I know, and I had stopped, it's just that,” He rubbed his face with palms and sighed. Maya went to her room, pushed the packet in a book and returned to see that the watchman was suspiciously eyeing him. “What is it with you boy?” He snarled at him. Maya gave him the book and slid a card in his hand. “Call her, she works at a drug rehabilitation center as well, she will surely help you,” “I cannot afford a therapist,” “But you need one,” She patted his arm lightly and left for her room, throwing a glare at the watchman. Chapter 4-Healing takes Time Rudra sighed as he entered the one BHK. He failed to understand as to why would Daadi live in such a house, but then, after Mom’s first miscarriage when he was three, Daadi refused to share a roof with her son and left. Mom had made innumerable failed attempts to convince her to return or at least shift to a better house, but she stood adamant. When they shifted from Delhi to Mumbai, Daadi followed them here, but bought a small one BHK in the shoddiest sides of Mumbai with the small amount of savings she had. “Here you are! Look at you young man!” She chuckled as he patted his shoulder. She tipped the glass filled with amber liquid to her lips. “Daadi, not again! You promised Mom you wouldn’t drink,” “The promises made to the dead are useless Ru,” She said grimly as she placed the glass on the counter and hugged him. “You don’t look good; did you start doing drugs again?” “You, of all, can’t condemn me! That’s hypocrisy to its peak!” He rolled his eyes. “Fine! But you had stopped?” “It's him again! He thinks he can rule the world, my effing life, my effing breath! Bloody b*****d” “I would have rebuked you for your language, but every word for that man is justified,” Rudra couldn’t help but chuckle darkly. Never had it ever happened that a woman would tolerate ill words from her son, unless it was from her husband or any other elder, because she couldn’t defend her son in front of them, hell, *even Alexander’s mother fueled his desires of being the world conqueror and did her level best, even after his death to make sure that his son inherited the throne, but MJ never earned such respect and love from anyone, not even his mother, his blood. And they say relations of the blood are the thickest! “My friend suggested me a therapist, but I don’t have that much cash on me, you know the only reason I listen to his horse shit is that I need the money to survive and shift to NYC. I don't know how I should stop doing drugs, I try and try and fail!” Daadi nodded. “Is the therapist good enough?” “I don’t know, but she does work at a drug rehabilitation center, so it is worth a shot,” Daadi nodded again and left the room. She came back in a few minutes. “I had made some savings, I could never bring myself to use the money, but you can use it,” “Are you sure Daadi? I mean we both know you need this money, for the house, for your treatment?” “I am not taking the treatment anymore Ru, I am done with all this! I was living only to make sure that MJ doesn’t turn you into his image, and I am so happy that you aren’t your father's son, but your mother’s son. Antara will be so proud of you,” “I don’t think so Daadi, I am pretty sure she didn’t want her son to do drugs,” “And I am pretty sure she didn’t want her mother in law to be an alcoholic, or leave her son alone with that man, or accept death, but here we are. Ru, we become what the situation demands us to be. The queen is the strongest on the chessboard, but she is forced to protect and comply to the king, isn’t she? I know you, son, if you say that you had stopped doing drugs, then you had, and I won’t ask you what he did that made you take drugs again, but all I know, and all I care is that at least I won’t be ashamed when I face Antara  again,” “Daadi, think about your treatment again?” “I can’t Ru, it's suffocating. I can’t live with the guilt of marrying your mother to your father, of leaving you two with that man, of so many other things! I just want death, but I am not strong enough to slit my own throat, so might as well let the alcohol do the work for me,” Rudra sighed. For an outsider, he would look like a b******d for not stopping his Daadi, but his Daadi had a hard life and needed to some decisions for herself, enough if that decision was death. _________ He stepped into the small room where the receptionist smiled at him. “Hello sir, I am Ananya, how can I help you?” “Hi, I am Rudra Roy, I need to meet Dr. Diya asap,” “Are you here for a consultation?” “Yes,” He said after a long pause. “Ok, so we provide the first 2 sessions for free, and from then, we charge Rupees 1000 per session. The doctor can see you on all days except Tuesday and the weekends since those are the days she goes to the drug rehabilitation center. The timings are from 10 am to 5 pm, each session of 1 hour. You need to book your appointment a day before, at least, and if its an emergency, then at least 2 hours prior,” Rudra nodded. “Is she free today?" “Yes sir, she has no patients till 4 o’clock, so you can meet her now,” Ananya flashed him a formal smile as she led him to the clinic. It was painted bright blue and white and there were a chandelier and a couch. In the corner, there was a desk. A woman in her early forties looked up and smiled at the two. “Doctor, are you free right now? You've got a patient,” “Yes I am, but Ananya, I need to go to the rehabilitation center at 1.30,” “Ok, mam,” “Please have a seat, Mr.” “Rudra Roy,” She smiled at him and joined him on the sofa near the couch. “A friend recommended you, Maya Jaisingh,” Diya narrowed her eyebrows for a few seconds and then nodded. “Yes, she has been my patient for some time. I hope she is doing good now, we haven’t seen each other for quite some time,” Rudra thought of the panic attack. He wasn’t sure whether he should speak about it. “It's ok, I was just making small talk,” Rudra smiled embarrassed. “So tell me Rudra,how are you doing today,” She pulled the pen out of the diary and opened afresh page and wrote his name on the bookmark. “I don’t know where to start from,” “There is a lot, I understand, but surely there is something that needs to be out first, and that you can trust me with,” “I have been doing drugs since I was 15, but then I was clean for about 2 years until my father forced me to do Engineering,” “What exactly makes you think that you should do drugs?” Rudra looked at her for a few seconds. The fact that he was openly expressing to an unknown lady,while he had been stuffing his emotions for about 10 years now was shocking enough, but this question, he wasn’t sure as to what the right answer was. “I can’t say, maybe when it gets too much or when I feel hurting myself or when I hate myself, a lot of things actually,” “Did you do drugs anytime now or felt the need to do them?” Rudra gulped. He didn’t want her to judge him, not in the first meeting, but he had to be honest, otherwise, he would have another guilt eating him. “Yesterday night,”He sighed, “but I didn’t,” “Why?” Rudra looked at her in confusion. Was the question why did he feel like doing drugs or why he didn’t.  “I, um… I sketch and paint. And the Times India Now’s college magazine Collegites’ had organized its first competition accepting paintings and sketches all over India and had declared me the winner. I was happy as f**k!” He looked at her in regret for his cuss word, but she nodded. “But later I found out that my father had paid them to declare me the winner,” He growled. His anger suddenly left him and when this thought struck him, he looked at Diya. “And why does this make you think you should take drugs, I understand your anger, and from where I see it, it's not the competition, is it?” She went to her desk and got searched for the magazine and then returned. She placed the magazine and Antara ’s smiling sketch, with a rose in her hand stared back at Rudra. The whole sketch was black and white, except the rose and her hair, streaks of brown and red peeking from the black. “She is my mother,”He sighed and played with the couch’s cushion. “You didn’t want to win, you wanted your sketch to win,” “Yes!” He was surprised. He was upset and couldn't figure out why, and when Diya said those words, it fit so perfectly! Diya looked at him,studying him. He refused to meet her eyes. “Rudra, I won’t ask you to let go, you are too young to do that, but you are also too young to hate. At your age, I have seen people abuse their parents’ power like anything,but you are different, and I know it is way deeper than it looks, I hope you find a confidant in me and can share the pain, we can help you heal for better,” “Do I deserve to heal, when my mother died saving me?” Diya looked at him,her eyes going wide with realization. It was survivor’s guilt that was eating this boy and not the simple desire to rebel and cause mess for his father like other kids. “Yes, because I am sure when your mother saved you, she didn’t want you to blame and hurt yourself. And I don’t think you should heal for someone else, but yourself.” Rudra nodded. The clock chimed softly that had they not been quiet, both would have missed it. “Did an hour just pass by?” Rudra looked at her in surprise. “The thing about time is that it passes even if you sigh, reflect or roll your eyes,” Diya smiled cheekily making Rudra roll his eyes. “I would like an appointment for next week,” “Meet Ananya and she will help you out,” Chapter 5- Can I ever Heal? It had been a week since the session and Rudra was doing good. Maya could see the change in him.The two had grown close, so much close that the closeness scared Maya. She knew the day he sees her beyond her attacks, he sees the scars on her wrist that he hadn’t yet, he would leave her and walk away, and Maya would never blame him for that.She was broken and no one likes broken stuff. But it was great being around him. He could be a cheeky little shit but still would never cross his limits. She was still trying to get used to being touched but was finding it hard to let anyone touch her, and Rudra would make sure that she doesn’t freak out when things went out of her control. ____________ Rudra wanted to know the reason for Maya’s panic attacks. He knew imposing wasn’t right, but apart of him was very curious. “Rudra, I cannot tell you, you know that!” Diya rubbed her forehead and looked at him pointedly. “Ok, sorry. But do you really think that if I forgive myself for Mom’s accident, I’ll be able to deal with my drug issue better?” He decided to change the topic. “Rudra, guilt can be good, it shows that our conscious is alive, but being guilty of throwing a pencil at your bench-mate in class five is justified, then, not now. Similarly,when you start let something huge like this have such an effect you, it consumes you, destroys you. And destruction requires a distraction, where drugs and alcohol step in,” Rudra nodded. “It runs like a film in my head when I sleep,” “So, you can’t sleep?” “I can, it’s just when its death anniversary, or her birthday that I cannot,” “Ok, how are you doing otherwise?” “I am still waiting for the NYU to release its entrance exam forms, I know I have very thin chance of getting in, what with people all over the world wanting to be an Art student there, but I can always try,” He shrugged. “Have you thought about any Indian colleges?” “I did, there is one in Pune that I want to go to, but that’s where my Mom was from, so I can’t bring myself to there,” “So, you mean to say that you are running away,” Rudra nodded and looked down at his clasped hands. There was silence in the room. ____________ Maya stared at theblade, its sharpness making her skin tingle as if calling it. Honestly, she hadno reason to hurt herself, she was feeling so peaceful these days, but shereally missed the blood gushing against her skin. Should she? She had bandages and first aid stacked in her room and no matter how much she hated doing the first aid on the wounds, she was forced to, because, surprisingly enough, she didn’t want to die. Her phone’s ringtone broke her trance. “Hello, Maya? How are you? You haven’t called for a week now?” “Sorry Maa, I was busy with the app,” “Did you speak to Diya about it?” “Yes, she thinks it’s an amazing idea!” “Do you need to meet her for counselling? I could send you extra money,” Maya looked at the blade. “No, I am absolutely fine,” “Ok, your dad is busy on a conference call, he said that he will you in the evening,” “Sure thing, bye Maa,” “Bye baccha,” Maya disconnected the call and threw the phone on the bed. She placed the blade between the two huge scars on her wrist and forced it into her skin. It stung, but as she dragged it across her wrist, she felt better, as if there was no pain in the world. Maya never made deep cuts, hell, a part of her always wished to go deep enough that with the blood, even life bleeds out of the wounds, but she didn’t want to her, a huge part of her didn’t. ____________ Rudra laid on his bed. They hadn’t talked much in today’s session, but Rudra had applied to the Art College in Pune, still scared. Honestly, he didn’t want to, but it worth a shot! He closed his eyes and soon enough, fell asleep. “How dare you MJ! She is a kid!” “Antara, relax, I have got them shifted to Mumbai,” “And that solves everything? How could you, you b*****d?” “Antara, you aren’t supposed to take stress,” “What do you want me to do? Calm down? Looking at your sick face makes me want to puke my guts out,” She pushed him aside and both turned to look at Rudra, his badminton racket lying on the ground. Antara yanked his hand, the other hand on her 8-month-old baby bump and pulled him down the stairs. “What are you doing?” MJ yelled from the above floor. “Taking my son away from a monster like you!”  “You aren’t allowed to travel Mom,” Rudra said in a meek voice, but Antara ignored him, her eyes blinded with tears and nose red. She pushed him the passenger’s seat and waved off the driver, who gave her the keys and stepped away. Chapter 6-The Scars "You have been of great help, Diya. I have had difficulties while sleeping but still, I am doing better," Rudra said as they began their third session. "It's not me,it's you Rudra. You wanted to help yourself, and that is the first step of fighting depression,"  "Yes, but if it hadn't been you and Maya, I would have been a mess, still!" Diya looked at him for a few seconds, frown slowly forming on her face. "It's not my place to say Rudra, but before you go getting attached to Maya, it's better if you know that she isn't like other girls, or like my other patients. I know she is getting better, but still." Rudra felt confusion stirring inside him. "What do you mean by that?" Diya shook her head. "Please, tell me," "Do you have feelings for her?" The question was blatant, and it shook Rudra. In the past few weeks, he hadn't thought of it, he knew he was falling for her, but was scared to admit.  She was a mystery,and Rudra was never good with games and relationships. How could he be? His father spent his entire life playing games with him and his mother was never around for him to see the love between them (at least his mom said that she loved MJ, irrespective of his short comings). All he saw was MJ with various women, and he was scared he would turn out to be like him. So, when he questioned himself about his and Maya's friendship, it scared him. "I don't know," he said meekly. He stepped out of the cabin, in 45 minutes to see Ananya on her phone. Ananya was the friend he never had. With Maya it was never fun and games, it was raw emotions that surfaced, he did behave brashly around her, but every time they were together,all he had were questions. But Ananya wasn't that, she was silly when she wanted to be, and wouldn't shut up about Harry Potter, something that was common between the two. She was a psychology student, who worked part-time with Diya so as to learn more. "Preparing fora ballet, Mehta?" She rolled her eyes as she kept her phone down. "Nope,studying about self-harm, did you know that A 2012 review of 52 self-injury studies from around the world found that around 18% of individuals had cut or otherwise deliberately injured themselves in their lifetime?" "Whoa! And why are you reading about it?" "Mam has a new patient who indulges in self-harm and had this huge crazy wound that almost made me puke, so I was just studying about it," "Ok,"Rudra looked at her skeptically. He never found it charming to cut himself open, thank you very much, so imagining someone else hurt them self was a thought that made him sick. "I'll see you later," She waved and went back to her phone. ____________ "Where were you?" Maya hissed as he occupied the seat next to her. "Therapy?"  "You purposely took a morning appointment, right? To miss Jha's lecture?" He smiled cheekily at her. "Anyway, the test marks are out and you passed." Rudra sighed in relief. That bloody idiot had given them a surprise test and on the very day when he had decided to attend Jha’s lecture last week. "Really? Thank god!" He touched her arm by mistake and she winced. "Oh shit,sorry," he said and the next second he lost his shit, for her white sleeve was slowly turning copper-red. "Maya, you are bleeding!" "Rudra, shut up!" But Rudra couldn't, he stood up, breaking Mrs. Kapadia's jargon about Python. "What is it,Mr. Roy?" "Mam, Maya's arm is bleeding!" He said without thinking, making everyone look at them.Mrs. Kapadia's eye brows went into her hairline. "Excuse me?" She stepped down from the podium and walked to Maya, while the whole class started buzzing. "Are you ok,Ms. Jaisingh?"  "Yes mam, it's just a scratch." "Very well,you and Mr. Roy should go to the medical room and get the wound bandaged,” she waved, as if it was her final word. Maya threw a glare at Rudra and stormed out. Rudra picked their bags and followed her out. ____________ "Why would you do that?" Maya almost shrieked to the empty corridor. "Excuse me,mam, I scared of blood, so when I see blood, I panic, what did you expect me to do?" "Oh, I don't know, faint maybe!" She said as she walked towards the exit of the department. "Oh hello! You need to get your wound treated," "I'll do it myself!" But Rudra had got over his shock of seeing blood and pulled her other arm and forced her into a small room that they called the medical room. It was only there because some huge ass doctor had funded one for each department, only to see his name written in gold on the door. As usual, the nurse was out somewhere, probably in the canteen, gobbling down snacks. “Look, you are scared of blood, I’ll do the first aid in my hostel room,” But something Rudra told him not to trust her. He shook her head and picked the first aid box that was lying on the table and pointed to the chair. Maya looked at him nervously. Shit! He would see his scars and wounds. But she had come to understand Rudra in the last few weeks, and she could see the determination in his eyes, determination to fight his fear of blood. She slowly folded her sleeve to reveal a bloody bandage and an arm that had scars, old and new. Rudra gasped, but Maya wasn’t sure whether it was because of the sight of blood or because of the number of scars that looked like paintings on her skin. Rudra breathed heavily as he did her first aid, and Maya could literally hear his head running. It took a lot of time to change the bandage, but when he was done,Maya ran out of there to her hostel room, her closed heaven, where she could do whatever she pleased, with her body. ____________ Rudra felt life slowly being sucked out of him. Was it as if there was someone preparing him for this situation earlier when he was talking to Ananya? He knew those weren’t just mere injuries, the cuts were too deep to be passed off as scratches, and they were way too many to count. ____________ Maya closed the door and flung her T-shirt on the bed. She touched the scars on her stomach and arms. Each time her finger ran over them, she felt alive again, but today,Rudra’s haunted face flashed in her head. She curled into the bed and cried. She loved Rudra,she knew it. She was aware of her feelings like no one else, and she knew it was beyond infatuation, and now, he would hate her, be scared of her. What if he never spoke to her? She wished she could scrub every scar off her body, they seemed to scare her now. Shit! When did she fall for Rudra so much that she started hating her own addiction? ____________ Rudra searched his room for the packet. It had been weeks since he had thought of it. He drove through Mumbai to a small temple that he would visit whenever he missed Antara. He greeted the priest and went in its garden and dug up a small hole and buried the drug packet. If he was to confront Maya and his feelings for her, he was to confront his own fears first. Chapter 7- The Demons of Past Maya avoided Rudra as much as she could. She hadn’t answered his texts or hadn’t received his calls. She would stop tutoring him, even if the exams were approaching. Rudra had fallen into the schedule they had prepared and was attending lectures, Maya was sure he would at least pass without her help. She felt his eyes on her back but still didn’t turn. The day passed on, and unlike every day where Rudra bunked at least one lecture, he was there for all and didn’t even miss the day’s practical, though they were in different batches. “I need to talk to you,” She flinched as his voice echoed in her ear. She looked at Mr. Iyer leave and shook her head. “I don’t want to,” “Maya, I respect your decision, and I want to tell you that I am not judging you,” She looked up at him. “Not for anything,not even for hurting yourself,” She felt her mouth hang open. He smiled softly at her and stood up to leave. “I’ll wait for you in the car,” She wasn’t sure as to what to do, but her guts told her that she should talk to him, so that’s what she did. He drove to a nearby hill, which was usually where the couples went to seek privacy, but with the monsoon sinking in, they went back to empty classrooms and parking lots. ____________ Rudra has spoken to Ananya last night, who told him not to question Maya about anything, nor ignore her. He had decided to speak Maya first, but when Ananya was rambling about her ex texting her, she caught on his vague replies and forced it out of her. Diya would be so proud of her prodigy! “Just be there for her, if she wants to talk about it, you will listen, else you will talk about the weather,” She had said on the call. ____________ He didn’t step out of the car; it was cloudy and he didn’t want to get drenched. “Maya, I just wanted you to know, the reason I did drugs was that I had survivor’s guilt. The guilt of being alive when my mom and my unborn sibling died,” “Rudra, why are you,” “No,” he interrupted her, “we all have our pasts to haunt us and the future to scare us,but I want you to know, that no matter what, I am here for you,” “Even after knowing that I cut myself open almost every night?” Rudra nodded. Last night he had figured out Maya a bit more. He figured out why Maya wanted to make an app that would act as a platform where a person suffering from depression or any mental illness could contact a psychiatrist and get help,without disclosing his identity. And he had given her the idea of providing medical and legal facilities to the users when it grew more. It was a huge app and she was building it but lacked funds, and she had told him a few days after his first session that the dean had offered her funds and contacts of people that she would require in exchange of teaching him, but Rudra couldn’t hold grudge against her for thinking of her own gain when her app idea was this amazing, and now he understood that it came from a personal space. “Mom had a fight with dad and then she took me with her in the car. She was advised bed rest and wasn’t allowed to drive, what with three miscarriages, but the fight was so bad that she didn’t care and drove. Our car hit a truck and she threw herself on me so that I get the least of the impact, and that’s what happened. She died, I didn’t,” He sighed and looked at her. “I am slowly getting over her death and I hope I can help you get whatever you have faced,” He smiled as he started the car. She looked at him with tears pooling in her eyes. ____________  It was nearly 7.45 pm, the hostel closing time, so they left from there and Rudra pulled over in the parking lot to see the white BMW with the black sticker on the number plate.  “I’ll see you later, Maya,” He said as he got out of the car. Maya stepped out of the car in confusion and looked at the man who was stepping out of the car. Her blood went cold as her heart beat thudded against her rib cage. She felt her breath in her lungs, struggling to come out. Before Rudra knew it, she ran away. “What are you doing over here?” Rudra yelled at his father. “I am here to see my son?” “Oh really? Where is he? The last time I checked, you had no children after your wife met with an accident,” “Then who are you?” “Something that your wife left behind whom she wouldn’t take along with her!” “Rudra, please!” “No, Mr. Roy! Not today! I want to know! Why did Mom leave you? What had you done? You had affairs even the two of you were together, then why did she want to leave you?” “Rudra, shut up!” “No, I won’t!”  “Yes, you will!!’ “Why? Because you raped a child? That you displaced her whole family from Delhi to Mumbai?Because you threatened her father’s job? Because your wife had panic attacks since her second miscarriage and you were never there for her? I was ten, yet it was me who had to help her out of it! Is that what you want to hide from the world Mr. Roy? That you are a spineless, disgusting man who is not fit of becoming a husband, a father or a human?” Rudra was seething.The questions in his head were reeling like crazy, since the day he was discharged after the accident, and today, after 10 whole years, he needed closure. It was the darkest secret he had buried deep in his heart. Both his parents had assumed that Rudra hadn’t heard the conversation, but he had.  And that is why when his father had forced him to do Engineering, he insisted it should be Mumbai, forcing him and Daadi to shift to Mumbai, and the fact that the students had to stay in the hostel and not with their parents was another plus point. He wasn’t sure what he why he had shifted here, but here he was. Maybe,he wished to see guilt in his father's eyes, but MJ was way past feeling guilt or remorse, he wasn’t a human anymore. “Rudra, that was in the past, and what’s the big deal, it's just a kid!” “Shut up!” Rudra yelled, his blood boiling. He turned to look away, not liking to witness this man’s face when he realized Maya wasn’t around. Maybe she had left them to give him some privacy. “Please just leave from here. I wished to see you rot in jail, but that isn’t happening anytime soon, but I don’t want to stay around you, you disgust me! I am scared of you,of becoming like you and that fear has been destroying me for ages now. But I am becoming better, I was healing, and then you showed up,” He felt his breathing go abnormal, something that hadn’t happened in weeks now, but here he was. He pushed his father and ran away, as fast as his legs could do so. MJ sighed. One mistake in the past and he was still suffering, he wished he hadn’t seen that girl all that ages ago. Chapter 8-The Fragile Soul It was a dinner at her father’s boss’ house. The host was a beautiful woman, who was struggling to manage everything with her 5-month baby bump showing itself grandly. Her elder son was on a vacation trip and the hostess couldn’t shut up about him. Her father’s boss looked at her as if she was the most beautiful thing in the world and called her a doll, a perfect doll. Then he visited her home when her parents were home, on weekends, and one day, when they weren’t home. Maya found the blade stashed away in the cupboard and she used it on her wrist. Her mind was haphazard and she just scratched it across herself, without realizing what she was doing. The touches were crawling on her body, the whispers haunting her ears, her eyes filled with tears and she didn’t even take notice the hot blood leave her body. She let the blade touch every part of her that she remembered him touching and slowly darkness overtook her.* ____________  “You promise me, Rudra, you won’t be like him!” She said as the blood seethed out of her body. She was on her death bed,the 12 year old Rudra wasn’t naive to not know that. “I promise Mom, I will be a better man,” Rudra felt a headache take over him, but something was off! He wasn’t sure what. He couldn’t do drugs, not now when he was doing so well. He had promised Diya and Maya, and most importantly, to himself. Maybe he should talk to someone. He dialed Maya’s number, but she didn’t receive it. He tried after some more minutes and then after some time again. 10 missed and 8 messages later Rudra felt uneasiness rise in him. He walked up to the girl’s hostel, his father’s face haunting him. As usual, he had to face the watchman who gave him dirty looks. “I need to meet Maya Jaisingh, Fourth floor, room 44,” He rolled his eyes and Rudra wanted to say, “be careful or they might get stuck in your skull,”but didn’t as he dialed a number on the telephone. After a few minutes, he got a call back saying the Maya wasn’t in the room.  Rudra stood there eyeing him in confusion. He knew Maya never stepped out of the hostel post 8 o’clock and it was 8.15. He spent another 10 minutes waiting for Maya to walk down, but when she didn’t, something snapped in him. He ran across the corridor with the watchman yelling his guts out behind him. He climbed the steps two at a time and the girls had the shock of their lives watching Rudra Roy run across the hostel corridors like a mad man. He banged on Maya’s door for some time. Maya locked her room and if it wasn’t locked, it meant she was inside. He tried to break open the door. “What are you doing Mr. Roy?” The warden screeched. “Mam, I know Maya is in the room, and she has been in distress for quite some time, “ “Maybe she is sleeping,” “She doesn’t sleep,” He yelled at the old hag, why was she not getting it! Something was wrong, his guts were saying so. His labored breath was making it difficult for him already, but he knew he had to break open the door. “Please, Mam,” The warden sighed and signed the watchman. The two of them broke open the door and had the shock of their life when they saw Maya on the bed with blood dirtying the bed sheets and her eyes closed. “Maya!” Rudra yelled as he ran to the bed and held her face. “She needs help,”the watchman whispered, but Rudra was hyper venting next to him. The warden looked at him. “Mr. Rudra Roy, you need to calm down. Please leave while we dress her wounds,” She said, but she looked scared herself. “Maya,” He looked at her like a kid who lost his most precocious toy, making her heart cry. “She'll be fine, I promise, now please,” She looked at the watchman who pulled him out and the girls who had followed them joined the warden. His phone rang making him jump. He received it without reading the caller ID. “Rudra, are you ok?” Ananya asked. “Maya,” Rudra burst out crying. “Rudra, is everything ok?” She panicked. “She is hurt Ananya, she cut herself,” He cried in the phone. “Rudra, I know it hurts,but you need to calm down. Maya needs you right now, I’ll inform Diya mam.Please take care,” She disconnected the call and rushed to tell Diya the news.  He breathed for few seconds and then dialed for the ambulance. He accompanied Maya in the hospital and in a day when Maya was stable, the first person who insisted on meeting,was Rudra. Epilogue Shifting to Mumbai,10 days after she had told her parents of the incident was a huge milestone.Maya’s father had a gambling problem, and MJ had used it to force him not to make any complaints against him, instead, had relocated them to Mumbai. The first few weeks, Maya had refused to let anyone touch her, her body was sore and hurting.She couldn’t sleep and would change clothes every few hours. Her mom then met Dr. Diya, who became her therapist. Maya grew older,and while growing older, she got addicted to hurting herself. She wished she didn’t grow up to be pretty, a part of her wish that she would grow an extra limp, her ears would drop off, anything, anything that would make people not want to touch her, not want to look at her. ____________ Rudra pushed the bean bag and threw himself on it.  “It will burst open Rudra,” Maya chuckled. “I deserve this, I worked my ass off!’  “You have not done shit!” She rolled her eyes. It had been a year since their final year was complete. Maya sold her app idea to a successful IT company in Bangalore who had come to the college during the college placements, not sure if she could run the app successfully, but the app developer, Rishi Gupta,named it Maya, after her. Maya had helped a lot of people and had about 3M+ downloads. They were now planning on bringing lawyers on board, for people requiring legal help. Maya worked an IT company in Bangalore, while Rudra shifted to Pune. He had got into the NYU, bu the decided to go to Pune instead. The two hadn’t officially started dating, but they knew that they didn’t require words to express anything. Maya was comfortable with his touch. Her scars were stil lthere and Rudra had told her not to hate them. “Rudra, you idiot!That’s my bean bag,” Ananya yelled at him. She was now a resident doctor in the Government psychiatry ward and was help Diya with the drug rehabilitation center. The three were video calling. These video calls were Maya’s favorite part of the day. She had shifted with her parents to Bangalore immediately after the final exams when Rudra was in Pune giving his written entrance exam, so they never said a proper goodbye. “Ok, I am logging off, I have a patient tomorrow, see you both later,” Ananya blew kisses at the two of them and disconnected the call. “So it's just the two of us,” “Shut up!” She blushed and rolled her eyes. “How are you feeling,” “Happy?” She smiled at him. He smiled softly. ____________ Rudra hated thinking back to the day when he found out that it was Maya who MJ had raped. After calling him in the hospital, that was the first thing Maya told him, not wanting to lie to him. Rudra had locked himself in his room for a whole day,before Maya’s mom had spoken to him and helped him calm down. He realized he loved her and confessed to her mom and felt that he shouldn’t be near her,after all his father had destroyed her, but Maya’s mom told him that it was Maya’s decision whether she wanted him around or not, and when he asked Maya the same question, she touched his cheek and said ,v “Stay” ____________ Daadi has passed away six months after, not before meeting Maya and apologizing to her. After Daadi’s death, the university exam results were out and Rudra flung it on MJ’s face and left his father’s house and name, assuming the identity of Rudra Antara Parekh, Antara’s maiden name. Things were going great for Rudra and Maya. The two had gone on dates, one second, those weren’t dates, there were just outings, he had told Ananya, who had rolled her eyes and hit him on his head. They had almost kissed once, but Maya had started freaking out, so Rudra had pulled away and had touched his forehead to hers and promised her that he wouldn’t leave her ever. He looked at Maya who was telling him about the pineapple cake she had managed to burn and laughed. “I love you,” He said before he could stop the words. “Shit! I am so sorry,” He disconnected the call and threw himself on the floor. He heard his phone ring but didn’t receive the call. He switched off the phone and pulled out his sketch book, making vague lines, trying to make a coherent picture, but failed.He entered the room and threw himself on the bed, but sleep evaded him, so he checked his phone, to read a text from Maya, “I love you too”

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