I don’t think text supports that cas knew about his romantic feelings for dean yet by his first declaration of love. People ignore it but he says “you’re my family, I love you.” So ‘you’ being both Sam and Dean collectively is just as likely. Moreover, I think cas’s confession pretty overtly places his realization AFTER that episode, because he says “ I always wondered, *ever since I took that burden, that curse, I wondered what it could be?* What my true happiness could even look like. I never found an answer because the one thing I want... It's something I know I can't have.” - He made the deal while Michael had Dean and told Jack that that’s what was keeping him from being happy for now. He was afraid of being there when they rescued Dean, so I think Cas at that point had to wonder what would make him happiest if it wasn’t them all finally being together safe and sound. If only for the sake of strategy.
Re this
I mean, it’s true that the 12x12 love confession isn’t unequivocal, because we’re dealing with a show that’s refusing to be explicit, I just used it as a convenient cut off point given it’s pretty widely accepted, but it’s actually a good several years after I think he knew. I think the “I love you” –> “I love all of you” implies it was Dean specifically, otherwise it’s less clear why he’d have felt the need to include Mary who he really hasn’t known for very long, if it wasn’t to downplay what he’d said, but yeah I see what you’re saying. Also, given the wording in 15x18 is so similar, it kind of looks like Cas has a specific love confession to Dean he’s been fantasising about for years, which would strengthen the idea that 12x12 is about Dean.
Re your other point, I don’t think that’s what that line means. I think it makes perfect sense to just, once you have agreed to a deal that means you’ll die if you have a moment of perfect happiness, wonder what might cause it – I don’t think he means it strategically during the confession. The point is very specifically “I didn’t think that this deal could ever be realised given that the one thing I want [Dean, romantically] is something I can’t have, but actually I can just say it instead”. I don’t think the “with Michael still out there” in 14x09 has to imply that he thought that was what was keeping him from being happy – he’s trying to reassure Jack, and it’s an example he uses for emphasis. He concludes with “this life may be a lot of things, but it’s rarely happy” – like, the impression he’s trying to give is he’s very unlikely to die from his deal, and I don’t think there’s any particular reason to think he thought defeating Michael would be enough to kill him, prompting him to then wonder why he hadn’t. So I don’t think the text suggests he only realised he was in love with Dean after that, and I do also find the idea of Cas sort of coldly and pragmatically realising it for the sake of strategy a little odd. I think he knows at the latest by the time Metatron’s jibing at him about it, but that he probably had at least some awareness in/by season six. He watched him rake leaves, etc.
this recap is so long and covering so much plot bs from this season, never a good sign :p
more extremely unfortunate monster teeth, sheesh
all right, garth is back. like a lot of side characters i see passing chatter about in fandom, i thought he was in more episodes
CASTIEL
Jack. If you can't sleep, that's understandable, given recent events.
JACK
You mean dying and coming back to life.
CASTIEL
Yeah, we've all been through it. It's something of a rite of passage around here
ignoring sam's supposed comments about the cookie crisp knockoff. but this made me snort
JACK
Cas. The deal you made -- why can't Sam and Dean know?
CASTIEL
They can. I -- I just don't I don't want them to. They don't need that burden. You don't need that burden.
JACK
Of course I do. You did that for me.
CASTIEL
You know, the Empty said that it wouldn't come for me until I had finally given myself permission to be happy, but with everything we have going on, with -- with Michael still out there, I don't see that happening anytime soon. This life may be a lot of things, but it's rarely happy.
LOL well. he's not wrong
KETCH
Look, I improvised. It's not as if I have access to the top-shelf clandestine courier networks I did during my British Men of Letters days. And really, so, whose fault is that, hmm?
SAM
Okay, K-Ketch, we're -- we're not mad, - W-We appreciate the effort.
DEAN
Do we?
they didn't really do the work of convincing me i should come around on ketch but whatever. this made me laugh
looks like he's using a zoom background
DEAN
Okay, well, getting the spear is literally a trip to the Carter Lake recycling facilities. I say we get both. Me and Cas -- we'll go deal with Michael's monsters and get the spear. You and Jack -- you do your mail run and get the egg. We'll meet back at Hitomi Plaza with both weapons, and we'll hit him from both sides.
i'm sure this will go off without a hitch! totally did a double take, thought hitomi plaza was nakatomi plaza (from die hard lol)
CASTIEL
You seem good lately. Happy, even. You -- We have a broken tape deck, we drove this whole way without music, and you did not complain once.
DEAN
You know, I guess I'm just fired up. I mean, look. We got -- We got Jack back. When was the last time we had a big, no-strings-attached win like that?
CASTIEL
But now we have Michael.
DEAN
I know.
CASTIEL
And, Dean we're taking a big risk going after the spear like this.
DEAN
I know we are. Listen to me. Michael conned me. Kept me trapped and drowning inside my own body. Now, when you and Sam were possessed by Lucifer, I -- I thought I understood, but I didn't, not really. So, yeah, if we get a chance to trap him, I'll take that, but I won't be truly happy until he is dead and I kill him. And now I have a chance to do that, so, yeah, I'm good. Let's go.
all right then. another rite of passage, forcibly possessed by an archangel
least she gets to look badass with her spear, even if she has to go by goofy dark kaia name
DEAN
Well, then, you should just kill me. There are people that I care about -- my family -- and they're in danger. Michael, the one who tortured me, the one who tortured you -- he's gonna hurt them and kill them. And then, worse. Thousands will die. And the only thing in this world that will stop him is the spear in your hands. So if you're not gonna give it to me, kill me.
they're always pulling the family card. but, their family is perpetually in mortal danger.
DARK KAIA
The boy. The special boy. The one that used Kaia to open up the door? He can do it again, for me.
DEAN
Yes, he can.
LOL at cas's side eye
this whole speech (which i admittedly am partially tuning out) from michael to jack reminds me of amara trying to convince dean of how great it'll be together for eternity. without the god-whammy assist
sammy, i thought you agreed to not go in alone, what are you doing
ok well that was mostly repercussion-free, for once. also i like the effect of the bland instrumental christmas music quietly echoing through the parking garage, sets a very particular vibe
this is all actually a die hard reference isn't it? lol. slow on the uptake. it's been a while since i've seen it. but the music it just switched to. ode to joy, finally clued me in (i've played that on the clarinet [badly] and violin [slightly less badly], look at me). annoyed how they chopped it :p
should have at least tried to enlist kaia to wield the spear against michael, she's clearly better at it
MICHAEL!DEAN
Yeah. When I gave up Dean, you didn't think to question it, to ask why? Dean was resisting me. He was too attached to you, to all of you. He wouldn't stop squirming -- to get out, to get back. So I left but not without leaving the door open just a crack.
was wondering if we were ever going to get back to that. too attached to sam first, and right, all of you too
MICHAEL!DEAN
To break him, to crush and disappoint him so completely that, this time, he'll be nice and quiet for a change -- buried. And he is. He's gone. And now I have a whole army out there, waiting, ready for my command, ready for this.
so what do we need now, an archangel to wield the archangel blade to stab dean? and man, now kaia doesn't get her spear back? she's gonna be pissed. i imagine shadow guy or lucifer or somebody gets all up in this too at some point
whenever i try to talk about my thoughts on cas and jack's relationship all that comes out it ALSKSHDSKDHSKA THEY'RE FATHER AND CHILD AKSJDKADHAKAJSJAK
Garth was not immune to the Narrative just because he "Did Emotions Right"(TM)
I’m sooo glad Garth got to be happy, but his plucky attitude and masculine healthiness did not save him from Michael/the cruelty of the Narrative. Simply not being Chuck’s target is what saved him.
I’m watching 14x09 The Spear and notably, Garth could not fight Michael’s control over his mind. It was heartbreaking how quickly it overtook him: “I’m sorry, Sam!”
And then Jack and Sam are in a fight for their lives. Anyway, sometimes circumstances are beyond “a sense of healthy identity.” It’s not fair. Sometimes the point is that you can’t positive-attitude your way out of a crisis. 💔
To say he uniquely broke out of the war narrative is wrong. Dealing with challenges the Right Way with the Right Attitude and having the Right Kind of "Healthy" Masculinity doesn't always solve them.