#sorry for ramble lol im just fucked up like that
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a few more days until i can bundle up in bed for two days and not do anything (finally)
#studying? who is she#i will pass my exams with sheer willpower#<- going to fail#i dont even care if i fail at this point. studying will just make me feel worse#if i fail i fail and its going to be my fault so its ok#i really need to sleep... homework not done tho so i guess im staying up late#i. need to get up and do it or get caffeine or something so i can#actually fuck it i have a period before its due and we never do anything in maths anyways#if i get in trouble i get in trouble theres only like. how long until holidays#its my friends bday tmr anyways i cant be tired-looking lol#i'll study when i feel better (never)#there is something seriously wrong with me#i need therapy lol#right. im really fucking tired rn#im gonna go to bed#sorry for ramble lol im just fucked up like that#turns out undiagnosed adhd can actually lead to a lot more problems than just adhd i think#vent#<-kinda?
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endeavouring to reply to All my unreplied to comments on the o&t series (and, stretch goal, my d20 fics?) bc i am notoriously bad at replying to comments but i do love doing it and also would love to have everything cleared away before o&2 tomorrow.
anyway. wish me luck and sincere apologies for people that have commented on multiple chaps/fics and are about to have their inbox terrorized by ao3 user sulfuric. i love you okay bye
#i love replying to comments i do i just get this weird anxiety mental block about it#if i am replying to your comment from 2 years ago. dont mention it. i Know#and im sorry#anyway. whos excited to get fucked UPP tomorrow#o&2 as lovingly coined by sav#and o&2sday (get it like tuesday) as lovingly coined by [REDACTED]#i love my friends#im half nervous for tomorrow and half it doesnt feel real#also if anyone is wondering/waiting on the fic (my hubris to assume that would be the case of anyone) i plan to drop around 7pm est!#same sched as dropout lol#for each chap will be the same! yippee!#ok we are for real rambling but also. might be getting my o&t tattoo (o&tattoo????????) this week also#its all coming up jimbles#jim jams
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Just Tonight (II)
✧ Nebarra x human!LDB
✧ Angst to comfort; 2k+ words
✧ Brief & very mild suggestive content, light swearing
♫ "My Blood" - Echos, "Mistake" - NF, "Stubborn" - Riell
✒ @candydreamer122, you asked to be notified when this dropped so here ya go!
Nebarra opened his eyes to the golden light of dawn, your head resting on his chest, bare legs intertwined with his. Your body pressed against his, warm and comforting, and when he glanced down at your face, he'd never seen it more peaceful. He reached up, brushing your cheek with his thumb, and even in your sleep, you leaned into his touch.
Gods, you took his breath away. But even as he lay there, admiring you in the soft morning light, a single, unpleasant thought wormed its way to the front.
He didn't deserve you.
It made him pause, something turning sour in the pit of his stomach. No... Please, no...
He didn't want the moment to end. Didn't want the thoughts he knew would turn his happiness to ash. But for years they had whispered in his mind, been his constant companions, bitter and selfish lovers that left him with nothing in return but pain and cynicism. They would not let him go so easily, relinquish the control he has given them long ago.
All the more reason he couldn't, shouldn't have you.
Because, really, what could he offer you? He had nothing but his past, his bitterness, his selfish nature. Even last night had been spurred on by his own selfish desires, exacerbated further still by drink. He was nothing but thorns, rough and crude, the blood of hundreds on his hands – and he felt no guilt over them.
...Most of them.
You didn't deserve someone like that. You could do so much better than him.
Why did you want him, at all?
And as he lay there, hand cupping your face, his eyes drinking in every curve and contour – your own slowly fluttered open.
His breath caught. Sunlight danced across your irises, and he could see himself reflected in your gaze. For a few moments, you simply blinked at him, and he could see every minute shift in your expression. Emptiness, confusion, sudden realisation – and then you smiled.
Nebarra had seen many things in life. Many ugly things, things that he'd tried to forget, that haunted him until he drowned them in drink. The few beautiful things he'd seen, though... those, he remembered clearly, and often. Fought to carve them into every facet of his memory, to allow himself the slightest hope, to give himself the smallest of reasons to keep going. And the smile you gave him...
It was the most beautiful of them all.
There was life in your smile. Vast, vibrant, and beautiful, your face haloed in the golden light of morning, you looked... divine.
And then, you spoke, words low and husky from sleep, a laugh rumbling in your throat: "And you call me guar-face." Slowly, you raised a hand, gentle fingers brushing his cheeks, smile growing ever wider.
...He wanted you. Gods, how he wanted you. His heart ached with the thorns of longing, with the knowledge that he couldn't, shouldn't have you.
So, he turned away, pulled back from your touch. Forced an empty expression on his face, in his eyes. Grunted a simple, "Morning." And carefully, oh so carefully, pushed you off him.
"...Nebarra?"
Unwelcome. Outsider. All he was ever meant to be.
"What?" The word was heavy on his tongue, deadened in tone as he sat up, got off the bet, and set to collecting his clothes from the floor.
"Nebarra... What's wrong?"
Everything. "Nothing." He fumbled with his trousers, nearly falling as he tugged them on, still scanning the floor for his shirt. Anything to avoid meeting your eyes.
"Bullshit." Sheets rustled as you leaned forward, and he could practically hear your brows furrow at him. "Is it... because of last night?"
"No." Yes.
"I think it is. And I think we should talk about it – about this."
"There's nothing to talk about," he grunted, still pacing the floor, eyes roving everywhere but the bed. Where was his damn shirt?
"Oh, I think we have a lot to talk about."
He didn't answer, and in the silence, fabric rustled some more. Then, your voice, "...Looking for this?"
Finally, slowly, Nebarra looked at you. You were sitting upright on the bed, and in one hand you held up his shirt, winkled and dusty from the floor.
And you... were still very much naked. Your chest was on blatant display, the blankets pooled low around your hips, deep purple teethmarks scattered over your skin – his doing. Nebarra swallowed, averting his gaze back to the tunic.
Wordlessly, he stalked over, reaching out for it – only for you to snap your hand back, away from him. He sighed. "What are you doing?"
You didn't answer, though he could feel your gaze burning into him. Reluctantly, he returned it – and the storm in your eyes sent a shock down his spine.
Oh...
Oh, no.
Before he could even begin to pick apart what he saw in there, you raised your arms, slid them through the holes of the shirt, and pulled it down over your head.
You... were wearing his shirt.
Still holding his gaze, there was something like a challenge in your eyes. Nebarra grit his teeth and, for once in his life, held his tongue, unsure if he could win this one.
The thought... unsettled him.
But... maybe not as much as it should have.
"Nebarra."
No. No, no no no. You couldn't do that to him – say his name in that tone, in that way.
"What?" he snapped, harsher than intended.
Maybe he should have just been born mute.
"We need to talk about this."
"No, we don't."
"Why not?"
"Because... it was a mistake." He looked away, unable to meet your gaze, tearing a hand through his hair. Coward, coward, coward. "That's all there is – was – to it. We were drunk, and tired, and maybe... just maybe... a little lonely. So we made a bad decision – one we should just forget about, move on from. Because ultimately... it meant nothing. Not a damn thing."
It felt like an eternity passed before you answered, and when you did, your voice was heavy, rasping with emotion. "...If that's how you really feel, then–"
You choked. Nebarra could practically hear the words catch in your throat, dying before they could pass your lips. Instead, a low, bitter laugh rose suddenly in their place; the sound scraped his wounded heart raw. "Gods damn you, Nebarra. You're... really selfish, you know that?"
"Yeah," he mumbled. "I know."
But you weren't done. Because as you rose from the bed, the floorboards creaking beneath your feet, you continued, "You're also... a really shit liar."
And then you were standing before him, your hand on his chin, turning his face towards you, your gaze searching his. He couldn't avoid your eyes this time, couldn't look away from the storm raging within them: hurt, anger, confusion.
Because of him. Him, and his stupid decisions, and his even stupider words.
Yet, even as he stared, he could see something else in them, too.
Affection. Care. Passion. And... lo–
Why? Why him? Of all the people on Nirn you could want, how could you want the mess that was him?
"I don't know," you said softly, and Nebarra realised with horror that he'd spoken his thoughts aloud. "Because, gods, you really are a mess, aren't you? You're bitter, cynical, surly, arrogant, selfish, flawed to the moons and back, but..." Your hand shifted, brushing upwards to cradle his cheek, and the Altmer found himself holding his breath, afraid of what you'd say next, needing to hear what you'd say next.
Only, you didn't say anything. Instead, you simply leaned in, pulled him close – and kissed him. Before he even knew what he was doing, Nebarra found himself returning it, pulling you in closer, hands falling to your waist –
Wait.
No.
Stop.
What was he doing?
Breathless, he pulled away, nearly stumbling over his own feet. His mind spun; he couldn't seem to form a single coherent though. "What – what was that?"
Your eyes seemed to stare right down to his soul, burning with intensity, filled with both pain and longing. Yet a faint, bittersweet smile ghosted across your face as you answered, "Nothing, apparently."
...Damn you.
Before he could change his mind, think himself out of it, Nebarra caught your arm and tugged you sharply back towards him, crashing his lips back against yours. You stumbled from the initial force of it, but he followed your motion, keeping your lips on his.
After a moment, your arms slipped around his neck, one hand cradling the back of his head, the other tickling his nape. He grunted into the kiss, pulling you back towards the bed; you didn't resist, and readily fell back on it.
Nebarra fell with you, straddling your prone form, brushing his lips from your mouth to your jaw, nipping gently as he went. A soft gasp escaped you; his hands slid down, tugging your shirt – his shirt – gradually upward, pulling it off of you.
And immediately he sat up, got off the bed, and tugged it over his own head. Without a word, he walked away to the other side of the room, leaving you naked and stunned on the bed.
"...Nebarra!"
"Like you said," he muttered, stalking across the room and far from you, "I'm selfish."
He could hear a frustrated breath hissing through your teeth. "Damn you! Why can't you just admit what you feel, what you want? What are you so afraid of?"
The elf froze.
You could see right through him, couldn't you?
"You don't... even know me," he managed at last, keeping his back towards you. "You don't even know my name, my real name."
"I don't need a name to know you, though. Names aren't what define us – we define them. It doesn't matter to me whether you're Nebarra or... or Nico, or something else entirely. Because you're still, and always will be you, regardless of what name you answer to."
Gods, why did you have to be so damn stubborn?
"Pot, kettle, black," you sniffed, and Nebarra realised that yet again, he'd spoken aloud. "And who knows, maybe I picked some of it up from you in the first place."
Sighing heavily, Nebarra leaned forwards and let his forehead thunk against the wall. He stayed like that for a long moment, counting his breaths, trying to collect his thoughts.
"I'm not... suited for a relationship," he slowly began. "I wouldn't be... you have better options than me. People who could give you what you want far better than I could."
At that, you actually laughed, and he turned to look at you despite himself. There was no smile on your face, only pain and mockery; the sight drove thorns through his chest. "Who, then, O wise one, most knowledgeable of relationships? Who on Nirn can give me what I want, when what I want – is you."
He shook his head. "Well... you shouldn't. I can give you nothing."
"You aren't nothing," you said softly. "Your heart isn't nothing. Don't you get that yet, Nebs?"
"My... heart," he echoed, staring blankly at you. "My heart."
Shifting, you rose from the bed, wrapping a blanket around yourself as you approached. "Yeah, your heart. This thing–" you placed a hand over his chest "–that's beating right here, going at a million miles a second." Your eyes locked with his once more, and somehow, even before you spoke, he knew. He knew.
"I love you, you miserable bastard. And I want you, not for anything you can offer me, but for who you are. There's no doubt in my mind about that. Now, the only question left is... how do you feel? What do you want?"
He couldn't hide from it any longer. The truth was on his tongue, escaping his lips before he even had to think about it. "You. I just... gods damn it, I just want you," he rasped. "But..."
You placed a gentle finger against his mouth. "Shh," you murmured. "No buts."
Slowly, Nebarra raised a hand, brought it up to yours, and pulled it away from his lips, instead lacing his fingers with yours. "No, listen. I... this... is going to be complicated, if we really do this. And... you're probably going to get hurt and disappointed because of me. There's a lot you don't know–"
"And you can tell me when you're ready," you soothed, brushing your thumb across the back of his hand. "We'll cross all those bridges when we get to them. And yes, before you protest any further," you added, when his mouth opened to do just that, "I'm aware of the emotional risks. But that's part of every relationship, Nebarra, and you know that. So, again, when they do inevitably arrive, we'll cross those bridges together."
...He really didn't deserve you. Didn't understand how or why you wanted him, of all people. But as you rested your forehead against his, breaths mingling, eyes full of nothing but each other – Nebarra realised he didn't care, anymore.
The voices in his head, all the doubts and fears – they still hissed their poison, and he knew it would be a long, long time before they stopped. But a new voice had joined the mix, soft but confident, telling him that maybe, just maybe, life wasn't about "deserving" things, but appreciating them. That maybe, amid the bleak desert of his past, he could still find a lone rose of happiness.
And that voice... sounded an awful lot like yours.
#nebarra#nebarra skyrim#skyrim nebarra#whisper writes#finally. its done.#i feel like this ended up so out of character and im so so sorry about that but man i'm tired. i ran out of steam weeks ago.#i didn't even edit this bruh#i just wanted to FINISH it#sigh. anyway#i hope yall are listening to the songs i list on the fics cause dAMN theyre good and the entire reason these shity little scribbles exist#this one took. SO MANY SONGS to keep me going.. to give me the ideas and motivation to finish#the three i listed were just the biggest contributors#but there were LOTS more believe me lol#i go to sleep now. it is 11am and my sleep schedule is FUCKED mate#woke up at like 6pm yesterday evening#my whole system's wrecked#im rambling again lol gnight gnight i hope yall have a good one
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while i agree that love for logan is the main reason, i do think that fear was a big part of why roman didn’t want to engage w the pierce deal. but i totally disagree with people considering that to be cowardice. i think it makes a lot of sense for roman to feel fear towards logan bc his dad has deliberately cultivated an atmosphere of terror and he has clear abusive tendencies. idk i find that calling roman a coward devalues what seems to be a pretty rational response/emotion towards an abusive man. i liked that quote you shared from the tvline interview w kieran but was wondering do u have any further thoughts?
short answer: check out this other kieran quote ab rome in the premiere! it builds on the other quote and is once again very validating for my roman take which is always fun.
long answer: not only do i have further thoughts, i actually have so many further thoughts that i'm gonna put a read more here so as not to clog up the dash lol !!!!
if anyone wants to read a veritable fuckton of thoughts on roman and his relationships to love, fear, and family - it's under the cut!
totally agree re: fear nor necessitating cowardice especially in the case of roman whose relationship w his father is absolutely defined by fear ! i think rome’s fear of logan played a role for sure, but people have been misconstruing his fear of his father (which is the core of their entire relationship and by extension roman’s relationships with literally everyone, honestly) for fear of, like, “losing.” and while the fear of losing to dad is definitely there — who wants to get their ass kicked?! (and rome knows they def would get their asses kicked) — i think his main motivations are more like emotional, instinctive, and visceral than the fear of just losing in a business battle. it’s all about family and love for him, always is, always has been.
the reason i emphasized love rather than fear as his motivation for not fighting dad is because i think his fear of his dad is so deeply interwoven into his love for him — i’d argue it’s a defining feature of rome’s understanding of love as a concept. there’s no love if there isn’t the constant fear of loss, of being thrown aside, of abandonment. love for roman is always a matter of punching up, of proving to someone that doesn’t care about you that they should care. if the power dynamic were ever to even out, if the fear of abandonment and the feeling of inferiority were ever to dissipate, i don’t think roman would be able to comprehend it. love for him has been defined by logan and his relationship with him, which has always, always been rooted in fear. any love that isn’t is not a love he understands. fear is simply part and parcel for love. one is almost unimaginable without the other — if you don’t care about someone, you wouldn’t be afraid of losing them; if you aren’t constantly afraid of losing someone, then you don’t actually love them.
so while roman’s fear of logan plays a huge role in any and all decisions he makes (esp regarding family and business), if i had to choose one motivating factor, i’d say love. he’s afraid of the harm logan could cause him, but more than that, he’s afraid of losing him. that’s the difference between roman and shiv/ken — despite everything, roman still wants to have a relationship with logan. he holds the ideal of Family close to his heart and almost delusionally clings to it. he still thinks they can rebuild their relationship and be one big happy family. if they start fighting logan, then they can’t, and they won’t.
i’ve seen some people say stuff about how roman is trying to make the emotionally healthy/mature choice for himself, in that he knows what going back to logan would do to him, he knows how easily he’d fall back into the same patterns that are so detrimental, and he wants to keep pursuing this new version of himself he’s been discovering these past few months in LA. but i don’t think he’s making the decision out of self-preservation — he’s trying to preserve something, but not himself. he’s trying to preserve his family, or at least his hope for it. he could never admit that to shiv and ken because that’s not something the roys are ever supposed to think or do, but that’s his core motivation, i think: family and preserving it. that’s all business was ever about for him, after all; originally he only cared about the business as a means of maintaining relationships with his family because that’s the only love language they speak. even now, although he knows a lot more about the business and has stronger opinions on how it should be run, i don’t think he cares about it in the same way the others do.
i really think that nearly everything roman does is about family and his desire to maintain relationships within it. i think this holds true even (and almost especially) for the times he betrays or hurts his siblings — if he’s forced to make the impossible choice between his siblings and his father, he’ll almost always choose his father, because that’s the relationship he’s at most risk of losing. there’s something unconditional about the siblings’ relationship — i don’t think any of them would ever call it unconditional love, but there’s always this sense of ‘no matter what happens, i’ll make fun of your dumb hairstyle at thanksgiving and you’ll kick me in the shin.’ it’s logan he’s at risk of losing. if you have to bring scissors down on one of two strings, you’d probably choose to bring it down on the thicker one — that way, there’s most chance of both being left intact, even if one is damaged. that way, there’s no total loss. fear is still a key part of the way they love each other, but i think it manifests differently because they are the only people on earth who understand the fear inherent in being a child of logan roy. i think roman is still afraid of losing them, but bc his relationships are so defined by him being the one without power in them, he can’t imagine anyone (sibling or otherwise) would be so hurt by him that he would lose them.
tbh i don’t think he gives himself the credit of being a full person in his relationships — he is just there to be affected by others, but he doesn’t have enough weight to affect anyone himself. i think he kind of believes the only way any relationship would end for him is the other person deciding he’s boring/useless/not worth their time/annoying/etc. if they hurt him, he won’t leave, he never would — his role in a relationship is to get kicked and stay put, and he’s had practice doing exactly that his whole life. he doesn’t think his own actions would have consequences for other people even those he loves, not real consequences, because a lifetime of not being taken seriously has convinced him that yeah, he is not to be taken seriously. no one cares enough about roman to be hurt by him or to be afraid to lose him. this is (one of) his fundamental blind spot(s) in relationships, and why he keeps hurting loved ones while seemingly not understanding the hurt he caused. we see this with his siblings in Too Much Birthday and with gerri in their… incident. he doesn’t think he’s enough of a person to people to actually cause harm, he doesn’t think any of his actions could actually have any long-term consequences on anything. but he is, and they do. (actually i wrote a whole post about this after Too Much Birthday came out if you for want to hear me ramble about roman even more for some inexplicable reason)
at this point i'm probably barely responding to the original ask but you opened the roman meta floodgates so here we are. but as i said, i always have further thoughts and... well, if i’m asked to share them, who am i to deny the wishes of the masses?
#this got sooooo long sorry! but yeah i am always here to ramble at length about characters and shows and meta so if u for some rzn want to#be subjected to that then all you have to do is send an ask#here’s hoping we get more good roman content going forward too! and by good i just mean like… apt. not happy. he will not b happy im v awar#roman roy#succession#meta#succession meta#i should prob have a tag for this but idk what lol#asks#succession s4#succession spoilers#LONG POST#casey shut the fuck up about roman roy#anon
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Your. Thoughts. On. Destiel. Are. Fire. 🔥 Cas is a giant being of light the size of a Chrysler Building!! He burned out Pamela's eyes when he first appeared!! He made Jimmy Novak boil his hand in water to prove his faith and devotion. And while Cas does grow into a sad little meow meow over time (thanks to his contact with humanity) he is initially a terrifying creature from another plane of existence, which Dean in his infinite horny wisdom, manages to look at and go "I wanna fuck that because it terrifies me and I wanna obey because I barely understand my own kinks, which happen to be are being used like a hot wet rag and being subservient to a warrior of God stronger than me."
(I like destiel too, I just want it to be kinky and weird and monsterfucking adjacent)
Yeah, I'm honestly not very into destiel for the most part because a lot of the stuff that gets popular is either very bland to me or straight up frustrating to see (<- perpetually annoyed that people attribute all of Castiel's rebellion to "loving Dean") which means if I want to get invested in this ship, it's gotta get real weird, real fast. Destiel at its best is kinky and weird and slightly dubcon either because Castiel is a being beyond human comprehension who wants Dean and doesn't know how to deal with this except to take what he wants, offered or not, or because it's late seasons destiel and Castiel is very in love with a man who, even at the best of times, has a running counter in his head of how far over the line of monstrousness/betrayal Castiel is allowed to stray before Dean puts a bullet in his head like a hunter should (picture Dean and Castiel domestic bunker life with cute morning kisses and such, but Dean is the one with custody of Castiel's angel blade, just in case, and Castiel lets him have it because he's so screwed up about all the harm he's caused that he's accepted that if Dean kills him, it's for the best.)
it's gotta get freaky.
#ask#spn#destiel#dean winchester#castiel spn#like to be clear i fully do not care if other people enjoy the calmer version of destiel? that's for them and not for me#it's just a little annoying when that's the predominant narrative of the fandom and. it's not really in the show at all.#like the dissonance of destiel that annoys me is that people insist the sweet loving version is the show's version and it's Not.#my version is also not the show's version to be even more clear. i made them more fucked up. i think the show's version is just like.#well. not really there? i've been rewatching it and i swear i try to find destiel but. the scenes people insist are destiel are just. not.#like the biggest offender of this i saw watching the show was the confessional scene? that's. that's a scene very blatantly about sam & dea#it is not subtle. so it is. a little annoying. to see everyone insist that the text is about destiel.#sorry lol im rambling. i'm also the person who writes domestic lucifer bunker shenanigans so i don't get to judge that much.#the point is. if that angel is going to fuck dean. it should be messed up and slightly traumatic <3
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I don't care what people say or think I'm gonna keep on enjoying plushies/stuffed animals.
The joy I get from them?? Getting home after a very draining day and just grabbing them and feeling a little bit better??? The comfort during the hard times?????
I fucking love them. Shout out to plushes.
#jack wont shut up#seriously i dont care that im “too old for that”#i dont care that “its childish” or “weird”#like#im an adult. sure.#does that mean i suddenly stopped needing comfort???#does that mean i suddenly can handle the world and all that it throws at me???#that i can suddenly just deal with stuff flawlessly that i used to struggle with????#no you fucking moron it doesnt#people are people even if theyre grown up#so let them be just that#let them have their comfort when they need it#let them have small joys even if you yourself dont share it#be fucking nice. it isnt that hard#anyways ramble over lol#sorry i got home a bit emotional saw my plush and went “yeah.”#anyways anyways#yay comfort items
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I'm Obsessed with Monkie King and Macaque's dynamic!!
When i first saw the show, I didn't know much of anything about it and just from previous troupes I assumed Macaque was just a 'bad guy'. He was very quickly my favortie villan tho. And then, as I got to season 4 and saw their past, the two of them got a grip on me.
Because, usually, you would assume that the gloomy dark one would have done something bad to the light one, right? (shitty troupe but yk it's common) That's the troupe. They had a falling out and it's probably something along those lines. That was my idea anyway.
Then i watched the show Again and realized that in some of the flashbacks it had Wukong stabbing Macaque in the face/head. LIke very suddenly this show wen tfrom oh they're rivals and they used to be best friends. To, oh they were best friends and definatly more, to oh they had a falling out and one of them tried and *succedded* in killing the other. But it wasn't the 'bad guy' character, the moody one. Nope it's the Main Character's mentor, the *hero*, is the one who killed his best friend husband.
And That is what pulled me in so hard that I've had to rewatch the show again. Because OF COURSE when Macaque is brought back by LBD, he'd be vengeful and want to kill Wukong. But then yk we see form the beginning that he doens't Really want to hurt MK or Wukong, even tho he would never ever admit it.
Like I just. Holy fuck Lego. I Love that so so much. It's so painful to think about too, espeically with those flashbacks in Season 4. Or memories or whatever they're called. And Peng's line about there being 'nothing Wukong could do to break his hold over you' to Macaque.
Even tho Monkie King not only had a falling out with Macaque, he also fought and *killed* him. And Still, Macaque ends up helping him and allowing him back into his life. At least a little. I hope by Season 5 they'll be more in a reluctant friendship again yk. Bc yeah, Macaque fucked up too, Monkie King Wasn't the only one who fucked up but he undoubtably did the most damage to their friendship relationship. I'm gonna be thinking about this Forever.
TLDR: Monkie King being the one to have done the 'unforgivable' thing that ended his and Macaque's friendship even tho he's the 'hero' of the show is incredibly good story telling and I'm totally normal about it.
#I'm unable to see this without the lense of them also being in a relationship#sorry about that lol#but yk what i mean even if you don't ship them#like i mentioned before that lego loves their gold and purple conflicting characters and this is honestly treated so much better than#garmadon and wu yk#bc garmadon Was the one to fuck up even tho it wasn't his fault#it wassn't until much later that wu really was shown to have any issues as a kid yk#aka asphera#but yk this realization just hit me the other day as I was thikning about Wukong and macaque#putting the pieces of their backstory together that the show hadn't fully shown yet#and i jsut sat there for a minute going HOLY fuck#so yeah#im very normal#plz someone yell with me about monkie kid lol#lego monkie kid#d rambles
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Can you explain things you want to happen to Johnny in the next sing movie(or project or if they make a graphic novel) mine is that he makes his own song.
Ooooooo, thank you for the ask!!!! I'm so sorry in advance, I'm gonna ramble here lol. - <3 Gooseless
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So I actually want a few things to happen in the next project (the continuation fic is essentially all of it lol), but I would definitely agree on the original songs front! That's for sure on my list.
One of the main things though, the biggest one actually, is to continue with Johnny's storyline as a queer allegory. We've already faced familial acceptance in the first movie, community acceptance with the second movie (though I have so many issues with how the dance class was handled), and it would be nice to just wrap it up with personal acceptance. And that might seem out of order but it actually isn't in a lot of cases.
I know, for me at least, I spent so much time right after coming out defending my place and my identity to the world around me that I never really took the moment to process I could just finally be myself, and that it was ok to exist. I feel like a storyline like that with Johnny would be amazing, as there are numerous ways to go that route, like romantic (please, I want to see Rynny more than anything, PLEASE) or personal (Johnny finally putting out boundaries with his workload).
This would be an awesome storyline to see through either of those lenses, with a romantic arc featuring Johnny and Ryan being able to use a much more obvious way of showing this, especially if Ryan has already reached personal acceptance. Why that is is because throughout his previous storylines, Johnny has a specific support system for each, with familial being the troupe and community being Nooshy, so it would make sense if the love interest in this scenario, Ryan, took on that role this time around. It works really well in this option as it leads to really cute moment possibilities of the characters, particularly Johnny, just letting himself exist and have something for himself. And I will admit that I feel this is the best option for this storyline, as it is pretty blunt and up-front with the coding then, just like Johnny's other storylines, but also allows Johnny to have something for himself (his identity and his relationship) instead of how we see all his developments in the past movies, aka being broadcasted to the world and not really giving the kid any privacy. He deserves something for himself. And I feel like a relationship with Ryan could be that thing.
But like I said, you could work it as personal as well, with Johnny finally putting forward boundaries with Buster due to the workload the man keeps assigning the poor kid. I feel like a good support system here could be Ryan (if they are in an already established relationship) or his dad and uncles as they would have life experience to advise him on the matter. Johnny is heavily overworked throughout both movies and it seems like the expectations for him are really high, so a moment of him just letting himself exist as the ordinary person he is would probably be very therapeutic for him.
I personally wish they would go in the series direction instead of another movie, allowing for more detail to be poured into the characters, and that is kinda the format in which the continuation fic is written, in a way easily translated to a series. However, I have posted an idea for a Sing 3 set after a time jump around Johnny's story that I'll link below. It kinda goes into the previously mentioned wants for a series but having those already happen and mainly talks about ways to get queer rep around hate groups.
So yeah, I really want to see a personal acceptance journey for Johnny, letting the kid see he doesn't have to fight for who he is or his place anymore, he can just be Johnny, however that looks like.
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Here's the Sing 3 idea thing!
#... I did not think I would type that much#I'm so sorry if this doesn't make sense!#im also sorry for rambling this much#being brief is not my strong suit lol#the rynny shipper in me just really wants them to get together#the cultural and media studies major in me really really wants this to finish out the allegory#and you can easily do both!!!!!#sing#sing 2#sing 3 ideas#sing johnny#sing ryan#sing rynny#rynny#though i should say this now. i will be boycotting anything that has specific actors in it due to their statements about a literal genocide#i dont give a fuck they wont ever get a penny from me#so sing 3 (if/when it happens) is likely going to be ignored by me entirely :) just a heads up#im also a fanfic writer so ignoring canon is what i do most of the time anyway - someone who retconned the entire ending of sing 2#i also changed so much dance stuff because it just hurt my brain#look i can excuse a lot of inaccuracies in stuff but i draw the line at sports i have done and medical inaccuracies
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one thing about me is that I love blasphemy
#sorry for being like this#i was just born (raised) this way#as if i still care#but a day without a lil bit of blasphemy is a day wasted#stop being a fucking piece of shit who hates women and LGBT people and maybe I'll stop being like that#and we'll respectfully talk like real gentlemen#but first: shut the fuck up <3#im just mad at my stupid uncle lol. i love y'all.#rambles#blasphemy
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how do i help people- what do i do what
how to community?????
does anyone have ideas advice so on so fourth anything really even if a hello im in the same boat i suppose
this is my goal
i want to help or something
friends
thats is all
#i shall keep living to show that to people who can relate in anyway#im not sure i just want to be able to feel like im helping even if it doesnt actually#i perosnally like to think everyones out to give me a suprise birthday party than everyone hates me lol i do needa be careful but ye#neuropunk#madpunk#<-this is all i really know sorry guys :(#WHERE COMMUNITY!! sorry ramble i guess i dont think its vent so wont say that#hopefully i can figure out my own shit so i dont fuck other people up :T
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need Guz to hug me tightly for like an hour solid oh my god dhdjdkl I went driving for the first time in over a year and I chewed my lip raw 😭😭
I'm starting to look like a caricature of Anxiety with all these physical symptoms and signs LMAO
#this is so ridiculous fhfjdkdl#i do not like driving fjdkdl i know i should not be on the roads#but unfortunately i have to bc i live rural and also my parents insist i ''just need more practice''#practice is not going to fix the dissociation 😭😭 practice will not fix the Other Drivers being shitty and scary and reckless fjfkdl#it might make it slightly easier bc i wont have to think as hard about shoulder and mirror checks and roadsigns and speed limits#and where i am located on the road and intersection rules and whatnot#but like... it does not fix that i live in a town (and world lol) where ppl are fucking bonkers on the road#i had someone riding my ass for like a full five minutes. we had only two feet btwn us. MAYBE. IF THAT MUCH.#he was BIG mad that i was going the speed limit#and THERES A POLICE STATION LIKE RIGHT NEAR THAT AREA MY GUY IM NOT GONNA GO OVER THE SPEED LIMIT RIGHT THERE LMAO ????#also im a rule follower usually so i do tend to go Exactly the speed limit fjfkdl#and maaannn that makes people SO fucking angry dhfjdl its impossible to drive Anywhere without having someone right on ur bumper#its so ridiculous like... that's not helping anyone ??? ur not getting to ur destination faster by riding up on somebodys ass ???? hewwo ???#ANYWAYS. i drove around the neighborhood and then went up the highway and thru some intersections and then into the main core of town#and then i got my dad to take over from there bc it was lunch hour and the core of town is a lawless land at the best of times#MY NERVES ARE FRIED. i need Guz to act as a weighted blanket or one of those pressure therapy vests for me LOL#im like... shaking fhdjsl that was far more than i thought we were going to do for driving today good lord#IM OKAY THOUGH I SURVIVED I DIDNT EVEN HIT A CURB OR ANYTHING#i think I've only hit a curb once so far in all my times driving and that was on my second time driving on a road i think#so pretty good track record... im a very careful driver fjdkdl i work so hard to be safe and drive smoothly#during my driving test the only thing the test guy had to critique was that i waited at an intersection when i could've gone#but the reason i waited was bc i wasnt sure i could make it across the traffic lane before the oncoming vehicle got to us#so it was like. a safe decision overall but a little too hesitant which can actually be unsafe fjdkdl#AUGH ANYWAYS SORRY FOR RAMBLING SM#driving stresses me out so bad and my lip is all raw now and i have so many physical stress symptoms the past few days fhfjdl#after tonight i should be able to calm down a bit hopefully fhfkdl theres a thing we're going to tonight thats been stressing me out so bad#but after tonight it'll be over and hopefully I can get myself settled down again fjfjdkl#dandy.cmd#vent //
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I may not be authorized to have lob corp character options given I've only read at best 30% of the story and only because of me watching playthroughs while I play but also I need everyone to give more of a shit abt Lisa right now she's literally the best one objectively because I said so
#rat rambles#shes also just genuinely rly well written and shes made me cry#like Im not particularly interested in reading through most lob corp stuff right now but I will regularly rewatch her core meltdown scenes#and while I also dont plan on reading lor stuff the fact that I know she ends up alone in that game fucks me up so bad#like godddddd tragic siblings my absolute beloved#I dont forgive her for being blond but at least shes not trying to be a lil edgelord like wendy lol#I cant say shes evading the tboy cringe allegations though give her a couple years we'll see#but yeah Im sure that angela would have a death grip on my mind if I ever got into project moon stuff#I may not know a whole lot abt her but she and carmen combined fit into just about every character archerype I always fall for#oh and you can bet your ass I would be making carmen and olivia parallels in my mind as I read#which would then backfire because then I'd start thinking abt jackie and ayin#and then Id be sad that ayin and carmen arent doomed toxic yuri 😔#well they could be if you belive hard enough but I do not believe in ayin sorry#the real question in life ofc is if carmen is a lesbian or a gay man
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play online with your friends!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#this was made because of tf2#i wanna play but unfortunately i think people will want me FUCKING DEAD KILLED AND MURDERED irl if im bad at the game ive never played befo#ofc not gonna happen but what if a person on the internet thinks that for half a second then forgets??? ill be ruined!! tarnished forever!!#apparently#according 2 my brain#fun fact i found out abt tf2 via sfm and looked it up#(i was tiny itty bitty btw this is important information)#and i heard stuff about it being shut down FOREVER!!!!!!! and unplayable and stuff.. & just believed it and went OK!!! tf2 doesnt exist#& then i prompty forgot#until recently but it looks soooo fun#but also i have an anxiety disorder that kept me from leaving my house and home 99% of the time for 2 yrs#and now im TEARING EVRYTHING UP#LET ME IIIINNNNN LET ME IN TF2#also applies to lethal league but to a lesser extent#sorry for rambling#funny how i use ta spend 100% of my time on animal jam (an online game) and now if i even THINK about an online game im like#“yeah but imagine if the entire userbase wanted you dead lol” like OKAY BRAAINNN#nothing happened on aj to make me feel this way btw i look back on aj very fondly#i do still think that da stamp from user thisdastampdoesnotexist still applies#that one where its like#animal jam logo on a black background with white text reading “i will ruin your life and everything in it”#i love that thang sm#<3 animal jam sucked lowkey but i still love it to death#and im talking about CLASSIC not fucking PLAY WILD which i will never not call play wild because its play wild#you will never be animal jam classic animal jam play wild#my relationship with animal jam is like that screenshot of a set of text messages that read as follows:#Imy 😢😢😢#i miss you too 🥺#i was so drunk i dont miss you bitch#<- me and animal jam
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dude...
#if I don't stop hyperfixating on my breathing... like... idfk how much longer i can live like this...#it's been happening since last august snd I'm so tired of it.....#it's not even only when I'm high anymore it's like... all the time#i just like.. stop automatically breathing once i think about it and it takes me *so* *fucking* *long* to start again#honestly I'm just typing this post to distract myself a bit and hopefully i just start breathing normally again but I'm still manually#breathing rn. and now im wondering what the normal amount of time in between breaths is and if I'm taking too long ??#i tried to time my breaths with N's but she's asleep so i know it's gonna be different than mine#hoooo boy wish me luck falling asleep this is so annoying!!!!#is this ocd??? I've had several ppl in the past year tell me they think I have it but thinking about it makes me spiral#but it would explain A Lot of my thoughts n habits#anyway. I'm very annoyed with myself rn i just want to breathe normally and not worry myself into panic attacks anymore#actually very worried about how bad my stress in general has been bc there's no way it's been good for my body#ok. time to snuggle up n try to fall asleep!! im v cold rn so i have to warm up before i hug N bc i don't want to wake her with my ice cold#skin lmao. i can't wait for it to be warmer so i don't have to worry/feel bad about that lol#OKAY BBYYYYEEE if you read these tags I'm so very sorry.#rAMbles
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never in my life did i think i need to makeout with a piece of software so badly but here we are i guess
#lizzy speaks#OK IM BEING OVERDRAMATIC AND I WOULD ELABORATE BUT I NEED TO SLEEP BUT#DO YOU EVER JUST#FUCK !!!!!!#IVE NEVER BEEN SO HAPPY TO COME ACROSS A PIEC EOF SOFTWARE#i need to fiddle around with it some more but everything ive seen about it is MIND BLOWING to me#ive been waiting my entire life for this moment i think#i feel like it's funnier if i don't say what the software is. i wanna be mysterious so bad but i cannot shut the fuck up#literally been suffering through notetaking and organization softwares and im like ohh i think i finally found the one#this is the minecraft of sex i think its like wowza i can finally do all those writing projects i want to do#boys (me) don't want girls they want an organized database of notes that they can easily reference at anytime#sorry for being unhinged but like its like past midnight lol im sure i'll wake up in the morning and be like 'what the FUCK were you doing'#BUT!!! i think ill come back to this post to reblog it with like actual shit about the software when i figure out how i want to use it#i think everyone should experience joys in life. and sometimes that joy is having organized notes#bonus points if anyone can figure out what im talking about just from the tags alone i think this software will change my life#it has fucking tag functionality i literally love tags#sorry about the vocabulary but this rivals like. my love of spreadsheets. which are like. a wonderful thing i think but ANYWAY IM RAMBLING#anyways goodnight i wish you all on the dash a very lovely evening i just needed to share this because im so overjoyed right now o7#if you have a software that you really like thats changed you feel free to tell me in the tags or something :) i like learning new things
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I am literally so mad that like, two of my coworkers consistently refer to Warp as my "girl". Like, how much more fucking obvious do I have to make it that I'm a huge fag???? Do I have to wear a shirt that says I AM A FAGGOT TRANNY on it to get it through their heads?
#like lets ignore the fact that i consistently they/them it at work (i have permission from it to do that)#i am literally so fucking faggy even at work#me and the other queer dining employees are constantly talking shit about how im getting comphetted by these two#i have literally tried to explain to the other chef on multiple occasions that i am a trans man and my fiance is nonbinary#but he seems to think i am just a really butch lesbian dating a girl?????#and the other problem coworker thinks im dating a trans girl apparently#i can't even correct them too loudly because thats ''inappropriate work conversation'' because it could open me up to harassment and bigotry#like im not already dealing with that on the daily by being a visibly transitioning trans man#ugh sorry for the tag ramble i am just so sick of these two coworkers#but shoutouts to the one very autistic coworker who started calling warp my ''other'' because he heard it was nonbinary from my work friend#warp really liked that one lol
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