#sometimes i also just wanna glock a bitch
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I’m Gonna Tell ‘Em (Don’t you Dare)
Ao3
Tim just wanted coffee. That’s really all he desired in life. Coffee. His position as Red Robin. And Wayne Industries to get its shit together for one goddamn day. In that order.
“Are you shitting me? I was a fucking crime lord you little terror, I don’t give a fuck-”
He’d done an all-nighter in the Batcave. Again. Trying to crack a cold case he was sure had something to do with Riddler's vague warning a few nights ago. And he was so close, but his eyes had started to close for just a little too long.
So tell him why he walked into an argument that seemed to be based around the topic of murder, at 7 in the morning. Between Jason and Damian. Who both tried to kill him at least once. Respectively.
“And I am the Demon Prodigy of the League of Assassins. I could kill a man before I could speak.”
Tim stands in the doorway, contemplating if his need for coffee is higher than his potential rate of getting maimed in the dining room.
“Yeah, but you were fucking sheltered inside the bases like goddamn Rapunzel in her-”
“I was not sheltered. You of all people should know of Mother’s harshness for disobedience-“
“Oh and I’m sure you were so disobedient Mr. Goody Two Shoes-“
Ultimately, the urge for coffee wins. Tim crosses the kitchen as unnoticeably as he can, skirting the edges and keeping his footsteps as light as he can manage on 10 hours of sleep in the last week.
He’s busy, okay?
“I’ll admit I wasn’t raised to go against the orders of a higher-up but that did not mean-”
“Bull. Fucking. Shit.”
“Did my propensity for sneaking animals into the house escaped your notice? I thought you were better trained-“
“So what? You save every bird with a broken wing you come across, but you’d willingly slit the throat of a human?”
“Yes, Todd. That’s exactly what I’m saying.”
The coffee pot is half full. Tim counts this as the one redeeming factor of this morning. The threat of getting stabbed is nothing in the face of sweet, sweet caffeine.
“What’s your fucking number then?”
“I can’t possibly know the exact-“
“Oh no, you don’t get to pull that shit on me-“
Tim considers pouring himself a cup, but he’s gonna drink the whole thing anyway and he’s exhausted enough to zone out during Alfred’s inevitable lecture, so he takes the whole pot and tips it back.
“I was sent out for missions when I was barely more than a toddler. You can’t expect me to remember every-“
“Ra’s had files on every fucking mission I did while brain dead and high on Lazarus rage, there’s no fucking way he didn’t have an exact-“
Tim chugs his precious coffee. The temperature is surprisingly cool enough that he doesn't immediately burn his tongue. Not that a few scorched taste buds would stop Tim from inhaling the only thing between him and unconscious. But it’s the thought that counts.
“What’s yours then, Todd?”
“Nope. Not until you tell me yours first. I’m not about to have you raise the number because I told you mine.”
“That’s preposterous. I would do no such thing.”
Tim calculates his chances of making it back out of the kitchen with a quarter pot of coffee in his hands and decides his caffeine fix is safer off with a few counters between him and his homicidal brothers.
And yah know. His physical well-being. But that’s pretty low on his ‘fucks to give list’ at the moment.
“I don’t trust a fucking word coming out of your mouth-“
“There’s an easy way to settle this if you’d just-“
“What? Shut up? Drop the argument? No fucking-“
“We can write it down separately and then show it to each other at the same time."
“…huh.”
Tim looks up in genuine fear when both of his siblings go quiet. That’s never a good sign. Not in this house.
There’s a window to his right that he could probably smash through if it came to it.
Neither of them are looking at him though, just regarding each other with much less animosity than a few seconds ago. Tim decides he’s probably fine and goes back to his coffee.
“I will go retrieve a piece of paper and two pens.”
Damian leaves the room and Tim freezes like if he stays still enough it’ll keep Jason from noticing him. Unfortunately, now that his older brother’s attention is directed to his surroundings and not just screaming at a 12-year-old, he makes direct eye contact with Tim.
“Oh hey, Timmers. How long have you been here?”
Tim stares at him blankly. He- doesn’t know what answer Jason wants from him and he’s not willing to face his older brother’s wrath if he’d been having what he thought was a private conversation.
“Sorry about the noise. I hope we didn’t wake you up.” Jason says after it’s clear that he isn't getting answers out of Tim.
As if the manor isn’t literally soundproofed. For this exact reason.
Tim’s 17 years of social etiquette training won’t let him just not answer the open-ended comment, but god does he wish that it did.
“No, I was already up.”
Jason nods as if he was expecting that answer. Which is fair. Tim’s sure he looks just as tired as he feels. His eye bags could hold all of his emotional trauma. They’re Guchi.
“And does Alfred know you’re drinking straight from the pot?” Jason motions to the carafe Tim’s clutching like a lifeline. Because it is.
Tim opens his mouth to lie through his teeth, but is saved by Damian’s re-entry. Wow, he’s never been so glad to see his stab-happy younger brother.
True to his word, the kid’s carrying a few pieces of paper and pens. Tim could leave now. He could casually walk right past them, out of the kitchen, and back to the cave to keep working on his case, but dammit, he’s invested now.
He’s still not sure what this argument is about exactly, but he’s willing to wait a few more minutes to satiate his curiosity now that he’s tentatively sure that the argument isn’t going to evolve into physical violence.
“I’ve acquired the tools to finish this once and for all, Todd.” Damian announces, sliding half of his spoils to Jason.
“Great. We’ll write our body count down and on 3 we’ll turn ‘em around. Got it?”
“Don’t tell me what to do” Damian grumbles, but writes dutifully anyway. The kid would be funny if he didn’t back his threats up with swords.
Tim is. Still lost, but he’s always secretly wondered how many people his brothers have killed. In a morbid way. Mostly because he wants to know if the murder attempts on him were a particularly special event or just a pattern. For his mental health's sake.
“Got it?” Jason asks, holding his paper close to his chest so no one can peek. Tim doesn’t know who would, considering he’s the only one in the kitchen that’s not a part of this squabble, but Damian copies the movement and Tim finds himself inching closer, taking the last swig of his coffee.
“One.”
“Two.”
“Three!”
They flip the papers around and for a moment the kitchen is quiet.
“FUCK YEAH!” Jason pumps his fist in the air with a whoop. “Ha! Take that, Demon Brat! I’m the Robin with the highest kill count!”
Tim spits out his coffee and coughs violently. It’s partially because he got some in his lungs, but also to cover the incredulous laughter bursting uncontrollably out of him. It takes him a good few seconds to get his breathing under control, but when he looks up, his brothers are staring at him.
For a moment he’s tempted. So fucking tempted. Because he hasn’t told anyone anything more than bits and pieces about his time with the League. Hell, the only reason his family even knows about his little stint playing lap dog for Ra’s, is because he choked out a vague explanation about his missing spleen when he went into sepsis.
They don’t know about the missions he was sent on. The people he sold out. And most importantly, the multiple bases he blew up because he was crazier than the Joker after Bart and Kon’s death and then the near miss with Bruce.
The bases he absolutely didn’t evacuate. With hundreds of people inside. A few actually avalanched down mountainsides, and he’d eat his Batarang if any of them survived.
The only word he’d confidently use to describe his mental state then, is feral.
He didn’t have to blow them up. He really didn’t. A good few of the bases he’d never actually seen before he snuck in to level the place, but he’d been having a shitty year so naturally, he was going to make sure Ra’s got to have one too.
Not to mention that Tim was as depressed as he’d ever been and wasn’t particularly giving a lot of fucks about if he died during his warpath. He’d already lost a spleen, what were a few more organs?
So this argument? This competition? He finds it objectively fucking hilarious.
Damian and Jason are still staring at him in bewilderment, and for a moment -just a wild moment- he thinks about telling them.
Explaining how he was just. So done. And could only think of one way out, so he systematically hacked into every base he could get his hands on. Stole as many files as he could during his time constraint. And then blew all of them sky-high.
Thought about telling them how on one particularly bad night, gone through every log of the people in those bases. How he hadn’t been ‘sick’ as he claimed the week after he managed to crawl out of his safe house.
He was just too horrified to look anyone in the eye.
It would be funny to watch his family’s expressions go through the five stages of grief and add a few more just for funsies, if they even believed him at all. But no. Tim had his secrets and he was going to take them to the grave.
He grinned at his brothers, patted Jason on the shoulder with a quiet congratulations, and strolled out of the kitchen.
Tim had cases to solve and letting his family assume he wasn’t capable of murder was better for all of them in the long run.
No matter how wrong they were.
👻
In my defense. Writing prompts make the brain noodle go brr. You can blame @coffinbirds and @batcavescolony for these posts.
#you thought i was gonna have him spill the beans?#absolutely not#get wrecked#tim drake is a menace#also a coffee addict#it's truly a problem#get this man some therapy#jason todd is far too proud of murder#can't blame him thou#sometimes i also just wanna glock a bitch#damian wayne has no chill#he's twelve with swords#and not afraid to use them#we should all fear him at all costs#bat family#batfics#tim drake fanfiction#tim drake fluff#batkids#jason todd fanfiction#jason todd#jason todd fic#jason todd fluff#tim drake#damian wayne#damian wayne fanfiction#damian wayne fluff#batman fanfiction#batfamily#batfamily fanfic
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Hood Bakugo gives me life.
I NEED you to write about the whole UA gang in the hood because this was just *chefs kiss*
Easily in my top 5 fav fics of all time ♥♥♥
Idk what you mean by whole UA gang but here's a lil smth smth
♡♡
Bakugou in the hood is beautiful. Dating him is like a religious experience tbh. He's definitely the plug/dealer everyone's afraid of. If you owe him money or anything, I pray for you. He does not take shit lightly, you will leave his place with 4 missing toes, and if you don't pay your debt by the end of the week, you won't have any legs 🤷🏾♀️. Carries a glock around all the time, but you wouldnt know cause he hides it. Has a temper but it's not as bad as it used to be when he was just starting out. He sits back and watches, the kind of gangsta that doesnt do the whole 'gang signs for everything' type shit, and he's not soft. For you, yeah. For his bros, sometimes, but if he needs to kill a bitch he won't hesitate.
He loves ass. Like if you walk into his crib and you're wearing shorts??
Game over.
He'll push you down onto the plush carpet of his office and make you suck him off while he takes drags of a blunt, offering it to you while you gag around him. If you accept, he'll have you blow rings around his cock while you suck it, then when he's about to cum he'll pull you off and fuck you from the back, grabbing at your ass and cursing into the air.
Gives you a smack on the ass and a bunch of rolled hundreds so you can go shopping. Get as much shit as you want, but at the end of the day you better be in his bed.
♡♡
Denki's headass is a fake hood nigga . He's probably a super senior (got held back lmfao) cause he kept getting caught either blowing bitches backs out in the stairwell or hot boxing the bathroom. When he was in high school, he was def the type to put a speaker in his backpack and blast NBA youngboy. He throws gang signs in the hallways, not even knowing what some of them really mean.
He's been shot at multiple times.
The only reason he's not always in trouble is cause he and Bakugou grew up together. No one fucks with Bakugou's crew.
He has an unhealthy obsession with tits for sure. He sees you in a tank top or an off the shoulder and hes pulling you to a secluded corner and kissing you breathless, hands tugging and pinching at your chest.
Loves when you ride him cause he can watch your tits bounce.
Even if you dont have big ones, he still loves them, sucking at your nipples and rubbing up and down your stomach.
Leaves lots of marks.
Would die for you. Has threatened to shoot your parents for making you cry, even though all he has is a pocket knife.
Has to beg Bakugou for a glock.
♡♡
Sero is the plug. Like, Bakugou does some runs for him occasionally but Sero has everything. He's always in this really ratty recliner with a pitbull at his feet, smoking a blunt and playing some dumbass game.
He has so much money constantly, its crazy.
Even tho what he does is against the law in so many ways he's friends with all the neighborhood cops. Mans never gets in trouble LMAO.
He and Bakugou are the ones who run shit.
He loves thighs. Around the house you're only allowed to wear short shorts and thigh thighs. Or, even better, naked with thigh thighs 👀
Sadly, the last option is virtually impossible cause there's always people coming in and out.
But when he isnt working, he loves to lay you down and feast on you, making you play his game or try to finish his blunt without choking or losing.
Goes down on you for hours, won't even fuck you unless you beg for it.
Doesnt give a shit about himself when it comes to you :((
♡♡
Kirishima isnt a part of the hood LMFAO
Hes like that one friend who everyone loves but doesnt belong there.
Like Jaden, Shawn, Daeshawn, and Mark.
We love Mark.
Kiri was Bakugou's childhood best friend. He and Bakugou went on different paths, and Bakugou is a growing gangsta while Kirishima is manager in training at Game Stop.
He doesn't smoke often but when he does it's really fun.
Gets the gang discounts at the store, even tho they can all afford to buy the entire Gamestop chain.
That's why Sero has every new Play Station, Balugou has every Xbox, Denki has all the Legend of Zelda merch, Mina has a bunch of cute plushies.
He always comes in clutch 😫
He loves everything about you.
Like he cant pick a favorite body part, but loose clothing (sundresses, baggy clothes, his clothes??) Makes him lose his mind.
He will lift up whatever you're wearing finger you till your creaming all over him, then slide home and make your legs shake for days.
Feral Kirishima is not a common thing, hes usually sweet and doting, the ultimate service dom, but wear his shirt with some thigh highs or a garter belt?? Or even his uniform shirt ??
R.I.P that pussy, ayyy
♡♡
Mina is literally the most fun out of all of them.
She always has some type of substance on her, a little flask, some weed in a cute baggy, some suspicious pills, you name it.
Always dresses in juicy merch.
Shes always wearing those silky sweat outfits with the crop jackets, with a gold chain and some filas.
Nails always done, hair always done.
Ms. Girl can fight, period.
Will and has beat a bitch for you.
Don't get her mad. She angry cries, and will swing on you if needed.
She also loves everything about you, but she be staring at your ass a lot.
Doesnt care what you're wearing, she will smack it.
Shes usually more domineering. Shes definitely a switch, but she takes control in the way that she knows what she wants and she'll guide you through it, even if shes "subbing"
Loves going down on you.
She gets insecure sometimes when you wanna eat her out, but always shakes in pleasure at the end of the night, manicures nails scraping down your back and scalp as she screams your name.
You literally have no idea what she does or where she goes when she disappears randomly, but she always has cash.
No one asks questions tho
♡♡
Let me know if you want a Dekusquad or individual fic/drabble :)
#bakugo smut#bakugou katsuki smut#bakugou smut#katsuki bakugou smut#bakugou x reader#bakugou imagine#denki kaminari smut#denki smut#denki x reader#denki imagine#mina thirst#mina ashido smut#mina x reader#mina imagine#sero hanta#sero x reader#sero smut#kirishima thirst#kirishima x reader#kirishima smut
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Wanna Play a Game?
Personal Ballerina (Part 2)
{ Alice in Borderland Master List }
Summary: You're doing everything you can to survive another day in Borderlands. If this entails killing those who think they're better than you, then so be it. But, you hate it. You hate the person you become, and without you knowing a person from your past watches the person you are faking to be. Niragi has waited years to see you, but he never thought this would be the type of performance he would get to see. Watching you kill and act like you love it. But, he knows this isn't right. That this isn't you.
Warnings: Violence, Background character death.
Notes: I will also be posting this on AO3 if you want to read it there. Here’s the LINK. When you see (~~~) the focus will switch between you and Nirgai.
Tags: @starjane312 @dream-escaper
AIB ML | Index | Part 3
*·゜ﾟ·*:.。..。.:*·'(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)'·*:.。. .。.:*·゜ﾟ·*
“Y/n our Spades Queen!”
Aoto yells out into the crowd.
You hear the crowd go wild for you. You look around and see all the faces of the players that have officially lost their minds. The ones that are fine with watching people get killed right in front of them, or get so mind fucked they can’t walk straight afterwards.
You hate who you’ve become for the sake of surviving. But when Aoto came up to one day after a Spades game you won, he offered you an opportunity. That opportunity was to beat the last Spades top tier for the chance to be the first to leave Borderlands.
Without thinking, you took the opportunity. To be placed in this stadium that most likely the game masters pay special attention to every night, and fight someone you don’t know that isn’t even involved with a game.
Just like Aoto explained to the crowd, you slit the old Spades top tier throat and he fell to the floor before he even knew he was dying.
Your background and love for dance has helped you be quick and agile. It wasn't until you got to Borderlands that you learned you have a skill in throwing knives too.
You always needed to defend yourself against your father. If it was from him getting too drunk, or because you weren’t perfect in his eyes on stage, you were always a survivor.
Aoto taps the mic again to calm the crowd and explain his next repetitive words. You don’t know what Aoto gets out of all of this. Maybe he just likes watching people fight or get messed up in the brain. Either way, he’s basically his own game master of a game you don’t earn visa points for.
“So, now! Do we have any volunteers?”
As always, no one steps up at the first call. You would have to be a really crazy person to not at least think twice about the possibility of you dying from one of us. To fight the people that have proven themselves to be at the top of their specialities.
“Really? No one?”
Aoto looks over at you.
Here we go again.
“Come on guys.” He walks over to you and puts his hand on your shoulder. “You all can’t be telling me you're afraid to fight this ‘little’ girl right here?”
You roll your eyes at Aoto’s way of batting people. Most people who have been to the stadium before have seen what I can do. But sometimes, there’s one stupid person that...
“I’ll do it!”
...has a death wish.
Everyones eyes go to the entrance door at the opposite end we just entered from. It’s some tall and muscular guy who looks like he was a cop before this world turned upside down. He holds up the Glock 42 in his hands to point at the celling. The gun most likely being his choice of weapon for today.
“I'll fight to be the next Spades top tier! And I'll beat the bitch no problem.”
This brings a smirk onto your face. Guys like him you're okay with, at first, with killing. They remind you of your father when they call you vile names and act like they have all the confidence in the world.
Aoto taps your shoulder then calls out into the mic, “It seems we - may - have a new Spades top tier on our hands!”
“It’s not a maybe Aoto! She’ll be crawling away and begging for mercy when I'm done.”
You hear Leo try to control her laughing. You then look over to Minato and see he rolled his eyes at the guys ignorance.
The three of you have been top tiers together for months. You all don't necessarily like each other half the time, but you also know when people spit threats like these they always end up empty.
Aoto, Leo, and Minato leave the field. Leaving only you and the guy alone together.
He readies himself to shoot straight at you as soon as the bullhorn goes off. He has a wicked confident smile on his face like he’s going to win no problem.
You face him and put your hands behind your back. Readying yourself to grab the knives in the pouch installed in your holster. Not giving him a single emotion.
The bullhorn goes off, and he shoots. But he doesn’t hit you.
He hits the wall behind you because you stepped to the left the second your ears heard the horn go off.
The guy looks at you confused as to why your not on the floor dead. He then puts both hands on the gun, like it’s some how going to help, and shoots again. You move your shoulder so that it looks like you're leaning to the left, and It misses again.
You see the guy start to get pissed that his shots are all missing. This is how you know, it’s time to actually move.
You bend your body in half, so all his repeated shots miss you, and run right at him. Your only a few feet away from him so he didn’t register you coming at him in time. By the time you get to him, he's out of ammunition.
You punch the guy straight in the face so he has to back up and bend over with his nose in his hand. You would have just killed him flat out, but Aoto has been wanting you top tiers to make everything be done with more flare to try and get this other group in Borderlands attention.
You leap over his back and pull him by his hair so he has to bend backwards. The crowd gasps, but you don’t pay attention to them. You hold the guy by his hair and look down at him. You take one of your knives from your holster and skim it across his face.
The guy watches you in fear - and you hate it. You hate what your about to do and hate it even more that theres people constantly around you encouraging it.
Time to play a game.
“Please! Don't kill me!”
Your eye twitches but not from anger or annoyance, from regret. You hate that you have to do this. You hate ever agreeing to join Aoto’s group in the first place. You hate that Borderland has made you into something your not, but you gotta do what you gotta do.
Time to fake it until you make it.
You smile a cruel smile at the man. His face from your angle looks like he’s smiling back, but you know he isn't.
“What did you say before about me? That I'll be begging you to give me mercy?’
His eyes go wide at me repeating his threats from before. He continues to beg, but you try to not listen as best you can.
You shove the guy forward so he lands on his knees.
“Go! I’ll give you a head start. If my blade doesn’t hit you by the time you touch the wall-” Talking about the wall on the opposite side of the field. “-I'll let you go.”
He turns to you slowly, shaking in his spot on the ground.
“R-really?”
You look over to one the rooms that outlooks the field. You see Aoto there with a wicked smile on and see him slowly nod his head at you.
You breath in, and you can’t make your voice intimidating anymore.
“Yes. Go. Run!”
He runs away from you as fast as his legs can carry. You pull out your other knife so you have two in your hands. You point them both at him and wait until he gets only a few more feet to the wall.
Then you throw one. You spin on your toes like you’ve done a million times before coming to Borderland - and throw the other one.
The first one lands directly on your target, his leg. He screams in agony but then starts to hop to the wall that's only one arm raise away. But, the other knife lands right in the back of his skull.
Killing the guy instantly.
You watch him slump against the wall that he was one hand movement away from touching. You feel your heart break into a million pieces from doing that to someone, but you don’t let your emotions show.
You put your hands up and pretend to love the crowds cheering. You spin around until you're facing the room Aoto is in again. You curtsey like you just gave one of your dance performances for him.
But if you knew Y/n at all, you would know her stance had complete attitude in it.
While you start to feel your body hate you for what you just did to that man, there’s a near by Niragi that’s completely stunned by what he just watched you do.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When he first saw you, he was completely stunned. He didn’t even finish processing that you were there, in front of him, until you were alone on the field with the guy you just killed.
He had to actually pinch himself to make sure he wasn't dreaming. He couldn’t believe the person he's been in love with for years, was right in front of him. That even after years of not seeing your face, you looked even more beautiful than he remembered. That you, his personal ballerina, was a Spades top tier and was about to fight a guy twice her size.
Without thinking, he took his gun off his shoulder and aimed it at the guy who was pointing a gun at you. Before he could pull the trigger, Last Boss pushed his gun up so he would shoot at the sky. The sound of shots mixed together so no one realized Niragi just shot his gun, except for his group.
“What are you doing?”
Aguni yelled at Niragi in aggravation for how stupid he was acting, but Niragi didn't answer him.
His focus was on you the entire time again. He clenched the bar in his hands each time he thought you were about to get shot. Already planning ways to kill this guy if he ever landed a single shot. But the guys missed everyone. ]
When you jumped over the guy, those feelings came back. The feelings and actions he would do when you were dancing.
You bended, he felt overheated. You leaped, he leaned forward. You spun, he held his breath.
And when you killed the guy... he couldn’t think.
You have been the voice of reason in his head the entire time he’s been in Borderland. The voice that would tell him not to kill or torture anyone for sport, he wouldn’t listen, but it was still there.
And now you just killed a guy with the best knife throwing skills he's ever seen, and he doesn’t know how feel about it. He does feel confused when you start to act like you loved what you did.
Did Y/n change?
But then he watched you curtesy at the room on the other side of the stadium, and he knew. He knew there was something more to this. That curtesy you always kept saved for one person - your father.
Niragi never went into your business about him, but he knew by the scars, you thought he never saw, that he did something to you. That he continued to do something to you.
Niragi wishes he found his confidence sooner because he would have killed that guy the second he had the chance. He didn’t even know the details, but he never liked how the guy would act around you or how he talked to you. Anyone that disrespected you, he hated them. And would love to see them come to Borderland so Niragi could shoot them dead on the spot.
You were the one to always tell him to stand up to all his bullies for years, but to never fight back with violence. That would just egg them on, you said. Would make matters worse, she said.
There’s no way you changed this attitude because of this top tier bullshit.
That's just not you - and Niragi knew you better then anyone else.
“I want her!”
Niragi’s attention went to Hatter after he screamed that statement. Of course, even after all this time of him being angry at these people for stealing his plan, he finds a way to make this ‘mission’ of ours into recruiting new people.
“Well, sorry. She’s already taken.”
We all turn around to the guy who just spoke to us. Niragi recognizes him as the the guys who was coined as the Diamond top tier. Minato, was it? And just as Niragi thought, the guy was short. Like, Chishiya height short.
“What the fuck do you mean by taken?”
Niraagi should have took Minato’s words as meaning she’s already a part of a group, but he didn’t. Niragi has become a lot more vocal and unpredictable about his feeling since coming to Borderland. He knew what he said was stupid, but he didn’t care. He hasn’t even reunited with you yet and he already has the need to make you his.
He never thought he would see you again. He never thought you would become a part of his life again. And he wanted you - badly.
After he graduated and went to college, you joined the Tokyo ballet. You both lost touch over the years, and even after all of Niragi’s physical scars have vanished, he still felt powerless to tell you his feelings.
But now he has a chance.
Minato just smirks at Niragi. This just makes Niragi want to punch him in the face. Minato completely ignores Niragi's question and faces back to the rest of the group.
“Aoto wants to meet you all. He wants to finally meet our neighboring group. He's waiting for the day the famous Beach would come into our stadium. To see what make you all so special.”
Minato starts off polite, but as he spoke his words became something else. Like he couldn’t believe we actually survived this long.
The guys attitude sounded so smug and Niragi can already tell he’s going to hate this guy. Niragi hates feeling like someone is belittling him, even if it wasn't by using actual words.
Minato nods towards an opening right behind him and walks into it. We all look at each other and exchange glances. Silently questioning if we should really follow him or not.
But, Hatter doesn’t have time or the patiences to think about it.
He walks right after Minato, and Aguni follows right after him. We all follow Minato through the opening after that.
The hallway is dark, but has floor lights so we can at least see the floor.
We go up some stairs, pass some people making out, then get to a red door.
Minato knocks twice, then he opens the door.
Niragi feels his hand on his gun, on his shoulder, start to shake. If his calculations are correct, it’s been three years since he’s been in the same room as you. Three years since he’s talked to you. Three years he's been longing for you and struggling with finding the courage to just pick up the phone, and call you. Three years of pining and wanting to be the man you deserve.
He's doesn’t even believe he deserves you now. But, Niragi isn’t the type of person to not get what he wants either.
The door opens and everyone files in one-by-one. It looks like a V.I.P room this stadium used to use for celebrities. It has red flooring, red walls, and a giant window to look out into the whole stadium.
As Niragi looks more around, he sees a bar in the far corner with some guy, most likely the bartender, cleaning a glass with a rag.
When he looks into the center of the room, he sees the copycat Hatter, that he now knows as Aoto, and Leo sitting at the end of the table.
But Niragi doesn’t care about them.
Where’s Y/n?
-
(Part 3)
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Speter (a GAG fanfiction)
A Spider-man fanfic, written by 6.5 people in Gag, one line at a time.
Spider PeterBiggus Question Uh – Penned by diego, gecko, Leaxi, rii, katrina, and lovi
Spider-man took a walk. He used all eight of his little spider-feet, to run up a building. Pit pat went the little spider-feet.
“I hope I don’t fall!” He exclaimed. He was nervous, all eight of his spider-palms were sweating.
And suddenly, Doc Ock appears. (Whichone? All of them)
“Hey, peter,” said Doc Ock, “can I ask you a personal question?”
“Yes” he screamed.
“Okay grea- why are you screaming?”
Mider-spam begins to sob.
“Why are you sobbing? That isn’t my personal question, I just wanna know.”
“I’m sorry,” spider-aman says, “I just get emotional sometimes. And my favorite show just got canceled.”
“This also isn’t my question, but what show?” asked Doctor Octagonapus.
“General Hospital.” Said Peter.
“Does it take place in a hospital?”
Peter looks away. “That’s too personal of a question.”
Dock ock smiles and says “well are you ready for my question?”
Spider-man crawls into a nearby air vent.
“Here’s my question” says doc ock as he takes off his mask to reveal…
Doctor Connors! Scolding peter for being late to his class! Doctor Connors took out his Glock and shot peter in one of his eight feet. Peter screams for ten minutes. He ceases his screaming and then pulls away his shirt to reveal a bulletproof vest!
“I was wearing this just in case you decided to shoot me in the chest” Spider-peter says triumphantly.
“You should have had it ON YOUR FEET” doctor Connors says, shooting another foot. He continues to shoot all of his little spider-feet until he only has two left, like a normal boy. “That’s for missing my class, you son of a bitch spider.”
Idontknow I cant breathe
Spiderman put his finger to his lips and thought ‘Hmm maybe he’s right I thought’ why did I say I?
“Don’t put your finger on my lips again,” said doctor Connors. Doctor Connors smacked his fricking little fingers away, and then Doctor Connors’s arm pops off.
Peter looked down at the arm, confused. “Doctor Connors, can I ask you a personal question?”
“Ask question, Peter-man.”
“Now listen, my question is: Do you believe in life after love?”
“Well-“ doctor Connors begins.
But then suddenly, Peter falls out of the air duct, plummeting to the streets below. Doctor Connors watched as Peter fell down to the streets below. “wait I still have to ask my personal question” he said.
“Why is gravity working so well?” said Electro, leaning out of a window in the building next to them. Electro was filing his taxes that day. But unknown to him, the Green Goblin was also in the building, filing his taxes. The Green Goblin’s accountant, Sandman, was also in the building.
Meanwhile, Peter-man finally landed and six of his eight arms fell off on impact. But that’s okay, because he used his regen-ability to grow them all back. Two of Peter-man’s arms didn’t grow back right and fell off again. “Aw beans,” Spider-parker said sadly, holding his two fallen arms.
Doctor Connors, finally getting to the ground also, said, “Ha! You’ve been nerfed, man-parker!”
“Just because I’ve lost two of my arms- doesn’t mean I can’t kick your ass, doctor conor.” Said peter.
Gwemj were on a date and they both picked up two of peter’s hands off the floor and high fiving each other with them. They ate them.
Gwen says “wow these fucking suck.” MJ nods in agreement, and then turns and looks in the sky.
Electro, leaning even further out the window, yells down at them, “Grow better arms next time, Peter!”
“Peter,” mj said looking down, “how you doing gayboy?”
“Well that’s a personal question.” Peter said. “But I will tell you, it may or may not involve the rainbow.”
Well how about the real Doc Ock came slapping around the corner with his big eight legs and said “We’re asking personal questions?”
“Whoa! We’re asking personal questions now?” said the greeb goblin as he floated on downwards on his hoverboard thing.
Doctor Connors slams his hat that he was wearing on the ground. “I haven’t gotten to ask my question yet!”
Peter, looking up at all of his enemies together, “Alright what are your personal questions?”
“It’s my turn to ask the personal question!” (who!?) Says doctor Connors of course. Doctor Connors wanted to ask a personal question. Doctor Connors says “do you know what first aired on March 22, 2002?”
“Uhoh”, said Gwemj. “No time for personal questions, look!”
As everyone looks to where they were pointing, they see Electro falling out of the building as he leaned too far over. The Green Goblin shakes his head sadly, “ just heard about gravity. Man that shit sucks bro.”
Gravity said “well maybe you suck.”
Electro clips through the floor. “Oh shit” is what everyone says when they see Electro clipping through the floor, also at the same time theys ay this together. As they realize that he’s stuck there, they all turn around and see the true final boss, Hodd Toward.
Peter looked at Hodd Toward in absolute fear. “Oh no… you’ve released him.”
“You motherfuckers have no idea what you’re fucking up against.” Said hodd toward.
Doctor Connors takes out the chalk and says “Fuck this shit I’m going to chalkzone.”
Peter-boy smacks the chalk out of Doctor Connors’s lizard hands and says “shut the fuck up”
Hodd Toward jumps high into the air and begins to charge a spirit bomb. (But he needs people to give him his energy, who’s giving him that? Everyone who bought skyrim duh. He’s stealing their energy there was like a thing in the user agreement that no one read.)
“Oh my god” peter said “if only I had all eight of my little spider-arms attached to my body.”
“Who the fuck bought skyrim?” gwemj said immediately.
Harry opens up the sewer grate and crawls out. He says “Hey Peter, I found eight infinity gauntlets, if you want them. And also,” he continues, “don’t ask why I was in the sewers. I was having fun.”
Peter says, “aw thanks! It’s just the snack I needed! You always know whats best!” as he eats all the gauntlets.
After watching peter eat all the gauntlets, Hodd Toward crumples like a sack of paper.
Harry grabs Hodd Toward’s crumpled up paper ball form and shoves it in the boytube that is in his pocket.
Pete says “anybody got alka-selzter? My tummay hurt from infinity gauntlets. Its like mcdonalds.”
Gwemj reached into their purse and pulled out not alka-seltzer. Meanwhile the energy from the spirit bomb explodes in the sky, scattering dust everywhere. Dust got everywhere. “wow” said doctor Connors” someones gonna have to clean this up. It’s not gonna be me but, someone.”
“Whoops,” forgot to put that away,” harry said.
Peter says “wow there’s dust everywhere. Can we kiss?”
“Sure thing” says harry, still covered in sewer water and dust also, “but we have to sweep up all this dust first bro.”
Peter says “Good thing I had this just in case” and pulls out a dust pan and sweepy thingy out from under his bulletproof vest. (Idont know what to do with that)
Everyone helped Harry and Peter clean up the mess.
“What if we were both boys and we kissed in the wake of the spirit bomb’s destruction”? And then they kissed for ten minutes.
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2
==>
When you arrive at Roze’s apartment, you fizzind ha asleep on tha cizzouch. Boo-Yaa! Yizzay slizzide tha balcony door open, quietly.
JOHN: Death row 187 4 life. roze?
Eyes flutta open. She lizzooks lizzy a gizzy, and niznot the kind of ghiznost that lizzooks n acts exizzle like an alive person. It dont stop till the wheels fall off.
ROZE and my money on my mind: How yaba daba dizzle... hiznow long have I bizzay sleep'n?
JIZZY: i dunno. i jizzy gots here.
JIZZLE: be you ok?
ROZE: I’ll be fine.
JOHN: that looks like a lot of pills you’re taking there.
ROZE: Yizzy. It’s not what yizzou’re cruisin' though.
JOHN: what be i think'n?
ROZE: Theze be controlled substances that have been prescribed by a legitimate doctor ta ease tha sizzy of mah condition. I be cruisin' them only as instructed.
JOHN paper'd up: ok? Im crazy, you can't phase me.?
ROZE now pass the glock: So there’s nuttin ta worry 'bout.
JOHN: but yizzle said yizzy have a condition. Death row 187 4 life. isn’t that...bad?
You watch ha rize 'n stages now. Ha arm be spendin' where she’s brac'n it on thizze couch.
ROZE: Oh. Yes. Tha condition itself be not ideal, obviously. N pizzles it does constitute sum-m sum-m ta worry 'bout, 'n tha context of a different convizzle. Listen to how a fucker flow shit. All I’m stylin' ta sizzle be, I’m not backslid'n, if that’s what you’re frontin'.
You spend sevizzle pregnant moments say'n crack-a-lackin` at all 'n responze ta dis. You examine Rose’s supine, languid form on tha ciznouch, optimistic thizzay sizzy wizzle contizzle speak'n any mizzle nizzow.
ROZE, better recognize: I struggled wit substance abuze fo` a while, years ago. Rememba cuz its a thang?
JOHN: roze, jesus. i wasn’t dippin' ta accuze you of bein a drug addict, n i didn’t fly ova hiznere ta give yiznou an intervention. Subscribe, get yo issue.
JIZZY: it soundizzle like yiznou had some important stuff ta tiznell me, n tha fact that you also seem ta be sizzle is more thizzan a shawty alarm'n!
ROZE: I wouldn’t sizzay I’m sick.
ROZE: Just hav'n spectacularly debilitat'n heezeeaches as a result of mah vizzles becom'n M-to-tha-izzore frequent.
JOHN: oh Y-to-tha-izzeah. Snoop dogg is in this bitch.
JOHN: what be theze visions you’re hav'n? I thought i told ya, I'm a soldier.
ROZE: I’m a Sea of Light, John.
JOHN: i know.
JIZZAY: so you mean like, yo' standard pizzy visions 'bout the future n stuff?
JIZNOHN: whiznat’s go'n ta happizzle? Bounce wit me. S-H-to-tha-izzould we be worry so sit back relax new jacks get smacked?
ROZE: It dizzoesn’t technically pizzle ta tha futizzle. Wizzy, not our fizzle.
ROZE: Mah abilities have broadened considerably beyond they previous horizon fo gettin yo pimp on. They shed light on mizzle unseen evizzles. P-to-tha-izzast, present, future, 'n realities and frizzles of reference that hizzy no intersection wit ours at all.
ROZE: Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. It seems ta be an unfortunate side effect of gizzle tia abilities. They cizzle advance at a rizzay beyond one’s physical ability ta keep up wit fo all my homies in the pen.
ROZE: Fortunatelizzle it dizzoesn’t seem ta be happen'n to anyone otha than me.
JOHN upside yo head: yeah, cizzan’t siznay i’ve noticed anyth'n like that.
JOHN: or improvement 'n mah powa fo` that matta.
ROZE cuz its a thang: It’s not 'bout gain'n additional powa, so much as tha gradual stylin' of tha boundaries between yo' own awareness and that of yo' mizzle doomed selves who perished 'n otha timelines.
ROZE: It’s a sizzy n apparently ratha uncomfortable accretion of knowlizzle. Perhizzles I’m the only one ta notice any C-H-to-tha-izzange, sizzince mah aspizzle explicitly relatizzles ta knowledge.
JOHN: i guess tizzy all makes senze.
JOHN: so whiznat be theze visions perpetratin' you?
RIZZY: Mizzle th'n. Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T. Thizzay quite disjointed, n sometimes hizzay ta rearrizzle into coherence.
R-TO-THA-IZZOSE: But 'n totality, I have pieced togetha a greata understand'n of our present situation and all tha events that lizzed us here, ya feel me?
Yizzle watch Roze crazy ass ta ha feet n C-R-to-tha-izzoss the apartment so bow down to the bow wow! At tha kitchenizzle, sizzy knocks back anotha pizzay witta practiced mizzle, no brotha. Ha vacant sizzy drizzay into tha countertop as she quietly waits fo` tha medicizzle ta takes effizzle. Bounce wit me.
JIZZOHN: Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'. droppin hits...n?
RIZZOSE: N what?
JOHN: whiznat be it 'bout our situation that yizzy wanted ta T-to-tha-izzell me?
JIZZLE: be it bad?
ROZE: Good n bad be words thiznat dizzay mean crack-a-lackin`, beyond a certain threshold of mortal consideration.
ROZE: Keep'n it gangsta dogg. There’s a different scale I’ve C-to-tha-izzome ta understand. Drug deala dichotomy that’s less... emotional, I G-to-tha-izzuess?
ROZE: Consida, instead of tha wizzord “gizzle,” us'n tha wizzord “essentizzle.”
ROSE: N what exists at the opposite polizzle fizzy essential be...
ROZE: Sum-m sum-m that be best not ta contizzle.
J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: what be you talk'n abizzle?
JIZZY: dis sounds fucked up cuz I'm fresh out the pen.
ROZE: Yes, that sizzounds like a reaction yizzy wiznould definitely hizzay ta tha th'n I’m tell'n yiznou wit da big Bo$$ Dogg.
ROZE: I really should ciznut it out, n just start from tha ridin' so jus' chill.
You follow Roze ta tha balcony. Shizzay raizes a hand n piznoints directly into tha clear blue sky. She pizzoints wit purpoze, as if ta say, there. Right there, precisely, be whizzere tha green sun would be, if it stizzay exizzle.
ROZE: Tha green sizzay is gizzay aww nah.
JOHN: whizzay??
ROZE: It has been destroyed. At least, from tha current frame of reference it has keep'n it real yo.
ROSE: It still existed, n therefore in a way that’s hizzay to explizzle, currently exists, poser a nearly infinite spizzle of time, ridin' thizzle birth n death of countless univerzes.
ROZE: Bizzay dis univerze, our univerze, be not one of thizzem.
JIZZLE: you saw this 'n a vision?
ROZE: No. Jade told me.
JIZZLE: she did? Im crazy, you can't phase me.
JOHN: Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf. how does she kizzy?
ROSE: She C-to-tha-izzan’t drizzaw from its crazy ass anymore like old skool shit. She no longa hizzas tha ability of a F-to-tha-izzirst Guardian like this and like that and like this and uh.
ROZE upside yo head: It has been dis wizzy fo` several years. I suspect she has kept dis F-to-tha-izzact on tha downlow, wanna be gangsta.
JOHN fo yo bitch ass: that’s...
JOHN: Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. surprising, i guess fo' sho'?
JOHN fo' real: or maybe nizzot. i dunno, it’s nizzy liznike shizzay tizzells me a W-H-to-tha-izzole liznot theze D-to-tha-izzays.
ROZE cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map: It’s also not L-to-tha-izzike she’s had any particulizzle nee' ta unlizzle tha fiznull fury of tha grizneen sun, not while she’s been sippin' around wit D-to-tha-izzave n Karkat unda whateva sizzle arrangement they hizzle settlizzle on. Chill as I take you on a trip.
ROZE: Anyway, ha account of tha sun’s destruction syncs up wit tha dizzle supply by mah visions. I have no doubt it’s gone.
JOHN: how did tizzy happen and cant no hood fuck with death rizzow?
ROZE: It doesn’t gangsta much, fo` our purpozes.
ROZE: Thiznere wizzay a cataclysmic evizzle. A suicide sizzy by a vizzle powerful bein. Much lizzike tha one Dizzy and I attemptizzle, once upon a time cuz Im tha Double O G.
ROZE: But it turnizzle out tha explosizzle force we releaze' wizzay onlizzle a catalyst. Drop it like its hot. A causal gizzle. Snoop dogg is in this bitch. What was needed to destroy tha siznun was a consumptive assault.
JOHN: consumptizzle?
ROZE: The entire sizzay was swallizzle by a supermassive black H-to-tha-izzole.
ROZE fo yo bitch ass: I digress though. Shut up.
You press yo' eyes sizzy, jizzay fo` a moment. Subscribe, get yo issue. Behind tizzy you sizzle a black H-to-tha-izzole so supermassizzle that it spans tha width of eternity.
You quickly opizzle yo' eyes again, n pretend ta forget what yiznou just saw.
ROZE: There’s reallizzle no route through dis exposizzle garden path thiznat will adequately cushion yizzy from thizzle bottom lizzy, John aww nah.
ROZE: You will nee' ta travizzle back into canon n defeat Lord English.
You...
> Shrug n try ta lizzay casual. Keep'n it gangsta dogg.
You pull off tha most casizzle shrug thizzay a homey has eva shrugge' when bein presented wit tha inevitizzle of his own fizzy. If Roze were messin' at you rizzle nizzay, shizne wizzay be totally convincizzle that yizzy be trippin' dis topic witta level of nonchalance that be entizzle plausible n genuine. You’re S-to-tha-izzure of it.
JIZNOHN: yizneah, i had a feel'n thiznat was go'n ta come up again somedizzle.
ROZE: I’m sure we all did. That be, evizzle thoze of us witout visions.
JOHN: i was do'n mah bizzy nizzay to think 'bout it. i gizzle we can’t put it off any longa then?
ROZE: Now be tha time. We be rapidlizzle approach'n a point of no return. If tha decision isn’t made S-to-tha-izzoon, it wizzle be too late. Tha issue will no matta.
JIZZY: when exactly is tha point of no return?
ROZE: Todizzle and cant no hood fuck with death.
JIZZAY so you betta run: wow. You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg.
J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: ok then.
JOHN: F-to-tha-izzirst, one questizzle yeah yeah baby. um...
JOHN: why? They call me tha president.
ROZE: Whizzle what cuz Im tha Double O G?
JOHN: whizzay do i nee' ta go bizzay n beat hizzay?
JOHN: i mean, sorry if dis is a stupid question. i guess he’s a huge awful monsta, and that’s just what you’re suppoze' ta do wit huge awfizzle monsta. takes them diznown fo` they crimes, and such.
JOHN: bizzy why does he actizzle nee' ta be defizzle at all like this and like that and like this and uh? ta be honest, it’s been years since wizne’ve even bothered spendin' 'bout anizzle of dis, n everyth'n sizzay...
> Takes a lizzay around n survey tizzy currizzle status of all life on Earth, which be totallizzle pizzle ta do frizzle tha vantage pizzy of a single apartment balcony.
JIZZOHN: fine with the S-N-double-O-P?
ROZE to increase tha peace: Of courze everything be F-to-tha-izzine here.
ROZE: W-to-tha-izze’re outside of canon now.
JIZZLE: yeah, i kniznow. whizzle does that actuallizzle MEAN thiznough?
JIZZOHN: be yizzay frontin' dis isn’t really chillin'?
ROZE: Of courze it’s weed-smokin'.
ROZE: Jizzy coz cizzle events takes pizzy outsizzle of canon, it doesn’t mean thoze events be non-cizzle fo' sheezy.
JOHN: oh.
ROZE: 'n gangsta wizzords, there be an impizzle distinction between events which cizzay be considered ta occizzle inside canon, outside canon, n thoze wizzy be not canon at all.
ROZE if you gots a paper stack: Tha day we went through thizzle dizzy n clizzle our reward, we passed a threshold between contizzle mizzle by differ'n degrees of relevance, truth, n essentiality.
ROZE: Bounce wit me. Thoze be tha three pillars of canon.
JOHN: wizzy?
Roze shoots yiznou an irritated look. You kniznow wizzy tizzy lizzay means, chill yo. It’s reservizzle fo` tha sort of bozo whizzay just sizzle “what” once tizzay oftizzle with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin.
ROZE: Anizzle event siznaid ta takes plizzay inside cizzle will hizzave nonzero values of relevance and essentizzle, wizzy rhymin' an absolute foundation 'n truth, by definition.
ROZE: Tru. Whizzles events outsizzle canon have dimizzle values of relevance n essentiality. Snoop dogg is in this bitch. Or, fo` the most pizzle, can be considizzle baller relevant niznor essizzle at all.
ROZE: But such events can’t be sizzy ta be untrizzle eitha ya feelin' me? Instead, it’s betta ta regizzle they truth valizzle as highlizzle conditizzle.
ROZE: Be you sizzy following fo' real?
> Say “oh, yizzle. totally.”
JOHN: oh, yizzy. totally.
ROZE cuz its a doggy dog world: So ta be clear, frontin' thizzay tizzle place here on Earth C sizzle we exited canon can be considered completely irrelizzle, n fo` tha mizzy part, absolutely inessential. Yizzet none of it can be called untrizzle. Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your fuckin' dome.
ROZE: At lizzay, up until precisely today. Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn.
JIZZY: ok.
JOHN: then what does non-canon mizzay?
ROZE: Events that be formally non-canon have no truth whatsoeva, by definition.
ROZE: They mizzy hiznave relevance n essentiality values that be nonzizzle, or even qizzy high, biznut only as projections alizzle an imaginary axis, result'n friznom highlizzle subjective frames of reference.
ROZE: But due ta thoze events hav'n no tizzy, n thus carrying no real wizzy, tha otha propizzles be basically rendizzle meaningless.
You can fizzle yo' eyes go wizzay as tha gears in yo' heezee slow ta a stop. Im crazy, you can't phase me. The implications of W-H-to-tha-izzat Roze be say'n be as vizzy as they be completely incomprehizzle. Yo' mizzy has jizzle been BLOWN.
ROZE: John in tha dogg pound?
ROZE: Are yizzle okay? Yo' pupils have gone qizzuite wide, thereby facilitat'n tha appizzle T-H-to-tha-izzat yo' mind hizzay just been blown.
JOHN, ya feel me? sizzle, i’m J-to-tha-izzust try'n ta wrizzay mah heezee arizzle dis.
ROZE: Yizzy of all thugz rizzle should have a good intuitive grasp ova theze concepts already.
ROZE: Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay. You’re tha one wit tha retcon drug deala, brotha all.
JIZNOHN paper'd up: i know with the S-N-double-O-P!
JIZZLE: I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. like, i mostly git it. i think.
JOHN: i jiznust wizzy have thought ta put all of dis 'n such a jargony way.
ROZE: Sorry. That’s kind of whizzay I do.
JOHN: it’s fine spittin' that real shit. i’m just a bit rusty be all.
JOHN like a tru playa': it feels like it’s been so long sizzince i did, or even thought 'bout... anyth'n T-H-to-tha-izzat matterizzle at all fo' sheezy.
ROZE, better recognize: Yes, tha pimp we live outside of canizzle, tha more tenuoizzles our relationship wit canon becomizzles hittin that booty.
ROZE: Hence tha urgency fo' real.
JOHN: thizzay whizzay saggin' ta happen if we keep dragg'n our feet?
ROZE spittin' that real shit: I mentionizzle T-H-to-tha-izzat events outside cizzle have a T-R-to-tha-izzuth value that tizzy ta be conditional, bitch?
JOHN: um fo' sho'.
ROZE: Wiznell, I diznid cuz its a thang. Biznut lizzle me put it anotha way.
ROZE in tha hood: As lizzay as we live outside canizzle, everyth'n that happens wizzy technically be “real,” biznut only conditizzle. Anotha dogg house production.
ROZE in all flavas: There be certain crucial evizzles inside canon which must happen 'n orda to continue ta prizzay up thizzle legitimacizzle of events here on Earth C.
ROZE: N you specifizzle, Jizzle, have a responsibility ta make sure thoze events takes plizzay. Drop it like its hot.
JOHN: I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit. n i takes it that means go'n back n cappin' lord english yaba daba dizzle?
ROSE: Throw yo guns in the fuckin air. Yiznes.
ROZE: Chill as I take you on a trip. His defeat be the kizzle ta dis entire continuity.
ROZE: Much like his life, in S-to-tha-izzome sick way, governed tha overall design of tha briznidge which that keystone was hold'n up in tha hood.
ROZE droppin hits: Bizzut witout it, all of dis falls apart. Everizzle th'n we’ve been through, 'n a wizzle thiznat’s impossible fo` a single miznind ta fully comprehend, becomes retroactively discredited.
JOHN: so like a tru playa'... reality will be destroyed, or sum-m sum-m droppin hits?
JIZZLE: Slap your fuckin self. hasn’t that alrizzle S-to-tha-izzort of happened?
JIZZLE: i mizzle, whizzay all tha S-P-to-tha-izzace started ballin' wit da big Bo$$ Dogg?
ROSE: No, dis conseqizzle isn’t physical, or even a disruption of tha timeline. It’s mizzore of a conceptizzle unravel'n.
ROZE: If you miss tha chance to authenticate canizzle evizzles, sum-m sum-m will takes pliznace tizzy a bit difficult ta describe, biznut I’ve encountered a term fo` it.
ROZE: It’s called “dissipation.”
ROZE: Like, a notional fad'n. As if sum-m sum-m, somewhere, be undergo'n a prizzles of “forgett'n,” n we be what is be'n forgotten.
ROZE: All ideas, thugz n they F-to-tha-izzull potentialitizzles, possible outcizzles n they specifizzle unfold'n, all theze slappin' live inside conscious frameworks.
ROZE: Tha further removed we git from authentication of canon events, tha lizzy relevant T-H-to-tha-izzey become, n they slowly fade frizzle tha conscious framewizzles which kizzle thizzle stable. Dogg House Records in the fuckin house.
> Make a theatrically startled expression.
JIZZOHN: ok, i guess we dizzle wiznant THIZZLE ta hizzle dogg.
JIZZOHN: I'm a fuckin 2-time felon. or... unhappen. One, two three and to tha four. whateva.
JOHN so you betta run: so i J-to-tha-izzust retcon-poof back ta english and start like...
JOHN: brawl'n with the dude?
ROZE: Don’t be ridiculous. You wizzy lizzle a secizzle dogg.
RIZZAY: Yizzy nee' a team.
ROZE: You gotta check dis shit out yo. Also, you don’t want ta just dive heezeelong into a bizzay wit his hulk'n adizzle fizzy. That wizzle be tactically fizzle, n furthermore, W-to-tha-izzould skizzay rappa some very important steps needed ta authenticate canon. One, two three and to tha four.
JOHN: Im a bad boy. like what paper'd up?
ROZE cuz its a doggy dog world: I mentioned that English’s defeat was tha keystone ta tha continuity. Bizzut dis be an oversimplifizzle.
JIZZAY: yikes. W-to-tha-izzell, we S-to-tha-izzure as fizzy W-to-tha-izzouldn’t wizzay ta simplizzle anyth'n.
ROZE: John, pleaze D-to-tha-izzon’t be a bizzle now. I’m unwell, rememba?
JIZZLE: sizzle.
RIZZOSE: Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf. Tha tizzy keystone, W-H-to-tha-izzich be a necessary component of his defeat, be tha juju. Subscribe, get yo issue.
ROZE: Tha house-shapizzle object you stuck yo' hand 'n ta gain yo' retcon powa, ya feel me?
JOHN: oh yeah. Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your fuckin' dome.
ROZE: Wizzy empty, it resembles a gap. Like a hizzole 'n canon, whose only purpose is ta be fillizzle spittin' that real shit.
ROZE so show some love! 'n weed-smokin' thizzay purpoze, it grizzants one wit tha radicizzle canon-alter'n powa thizzle wizzle be needed ta fill it wit da big Bo$$ Dogg.
ROZE yeah yeah baby: Once fillizzle, it becomes solid like a fucka. No longer a gap, but a serviceable, load-bear'n wiznedge 'n our continuity. They call me tha president.
ROZE: Lizzay a kizzle.
ROZE: N once delivered ta Englizzle n directed his wizzy, it empties itself again, releas'n its messin' payload. It functions as a weapon, and 'n sizzy manna will cruisin' 'bout his demize.
J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: 'n S-to-tha-izzome shot calla? One, two three and to tha four.
ROZE: It’s a complicatizzle artifact ridin' in mah double R. As old n unfathomable as anyth'n elze in Paradox Space, like tha green sun, or English himself. Don’t worry 'bout it fo` now.
ROZE: Tha important th'n be that, in tha due cizzay of yo' travels, you end up load'n n unload'n dis wizzle.
JOHN: Hollaz to the East Side. how be i frontin' ta do that?
ROZE: Once you sizzay slappin' 'n motion, it should jizzay happen naturally through tha narrative momentum of yo' journey. I’m really just warn'n yizzle 'bout it, ratha than instruct'n you.
JOHN: ok cuz Im tha Double O G. thiznanks??
ROZE: Yiznou’re welcome from tha streets of tha L-B-C.
Roze looks at ha phone. You recognize Kanayizzles dizzle typ'n stylizzay 'n tha window. Roze’s thumbs begin ta fly acrizzles tha keypad. She continues ta text as she tizzy.
JOHN: so if W-to-tha-izze’re stylin' ta go bizzay n kizzle him 'n time ta “authenticate canizzle,” i guess we have ta git go'n soon.
JOHN: lizzle today in tha hood?
ROZE and yo momma: Yes. You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg.
JIZZY thats off tha hook yo: be yizzle sizzle yizzay actually up fo` a fizzight though? Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'. no offenze, but yizzle trippin' a shawty worze fo` tha W-to-tha-izzear.
ROZE: I’m not go'n.
JOHN: oh.
ROZE, know what im sayin? None of us be. Only yiznou.
JOHN from tha streets of tha L-B-C: whizzle? Hollaz to the East Side.? but you said...
ROZE: Jiznohn, dis be tha victory state.
JOHN: what tha hell does thiznat even miznean.
ROZE: When we went thriznough thizzay door, n pasze' beyizzle tha threshold of canon, we effectizzle retired from bear'n any responsibility fo` influenc'n cizzle events. We’ve all bizzay sort of decommissioned as active playas on tha cosmizzle stage, wizzy severely dimizzle relizzle attributes so you betta run.
ROZE: All of us except fo` you, of courze, sizzay you’ve retained yo' rizzle abilities.
JOHN: ok, i git that. kind of.
JOHN: Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'. but wit da big Bo$$ Dogg... couldn’t y-aw jizzust come along anyway?
ROZE: We could. Biznut it wouldn’t S-to-tha-izzerve any purpoze like old skool shit.
ROZE: It wiznouldn’t plizzug up tha sippin' dizzle sizzy 'n canon.
ROZE: You’ll nee' a group of active playa. Thoze stizzle stuck inside tha stream of canonic karma.
JOHN, chill yo: who like a fucka?
RIZZY: Nuttin too extravagant. Boo-Yaa! Jizzust different versions of us fo my bling bling.
ROSE: Vizzles, from a particularly dysfunctional impasze 'n our journey. Bow wow wow yippee yo yipee yay.
ROZE: I can pizzy out thizzle exact moment 'n canizzle you should be disrupt'n, n hiznow yiznou should disrupt it. One, two three and to tha four.
ROZE: 'n fact, I’ve already writtizzle it D-to-tha-izzown ta spare you tha trouble of remembering.
Roze leads you back insizzle n retrieves a letta fizzy ha desk dogg. Shizzle hands it fucka, still steppin' one-handed on ha phone. Dogg House Records in the fuckin house. She sits down n yizzle rizzle tha letta.
JOHN: Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your fuckin' dome. huh.
ROZE: Be anythizzle confus'n 'bout mah instructizzles?
JIZNOHN: Death row 187 4 life. no, i poser all dis cuz its a thang. it shouldn’t be a problizzle ta help you.
JOHN: it’s just weird ta think 'bout revisiting dis. it seems like an eternity. Boom bam as I step in the jam, God damn. like cuz Im tha Double O G... we were all completely diffizzle people back then.
ROZE: I assure you we be all still fundamentally tha same bunch of losa.
Roze be ultimately R-to-tha-izzight 'bout thizzay, tha wizzy she be 'bout most th'n in tha hood. Yizzay continue ta scan tha letta, n grimace slightlizzle.
JIZZY: should i reallizzle punch ha 'n tha fiznace?
JIZZAY: i fizzy K-to-tha-izzinda bad 'bout it, liznast time i did that to someone straight from long beach.
ROZE, ya feel me? Yes. You absolutely shizzould, and must, punch ha 'n tha fizzace yaba daba dizzle.
Yiznou exhale n turn tha papa wanna be gangsta 'n yo' hands. Tha otha side is blank. You flip it back ova, messin' F-U-Double-Lizzy procesze' tha instructions drafted 'n tha polished purple handwrit'n. You like hizzay Roze still writizzles 'n purple, afta all these years. Some th'n wanna be gangsta chizzle yaba daba dizzle.
J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: alright. dis seems straightforward enough.
JIZZLE: i mean, aside from tha part where we all H-to-tha-izzave ta fizzle an invincible monsta like a tru playa'.
ROZE: He isn’t entirely invincible. He will be vulnerable ta Davizzles weapon. I believe playa gambits should prizzle themsizzles as well.
ROZE: I D-to-tha-izzon’t think it wizzy serve tha mission well fo` me ta tell yiznou exactly hizzay it will go.
ROZE: But at least I cizzay offa dis bit of encouragement. Wussup in the house.
ROZE: If yizzou follow mah instructizzles, English will be defeated.
ROSE: It be an absolutely essential outcizzle.
ROZE so bow down to the bow wow! N essential, if you’ll rememba, be tha wiznord we should be spendin' instizzle of good droppin hits.
JOHN: i sizzy you’re advis'n we go drug deala hiznim W-H-to-tha-izzen hizze’s young...
J-TO-THA-IZZOHN droppin hits: i guess that makizzles senze.
JOHN: Relax, cus I'm bout to take my respect. go git hizzy before he gets all bizzay n strong.
JIZNOHN: lizzy, kizzind of a surprize attack?
ROZE if you gots a paper stack: Sure.
JOHN: I thought i told ya, I'm a soldier. that dude sucks cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map.
J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: he was messin' me a while biznack.
JIZZLE: like, i think he WANTS me ta come fight him?
JOHN: anyway, i just ignored hizzle obviously, coz i’m not a stupid idiot.
JOHN: bizzay i guess tizzle W-to-tha-izzill be his lizzle day.
Yiznou takes a seat next ta Roze on tha couch.
> Examine.
Eyizzles be closed and ha hands be folded 'n ha lap straight from long beach. She’s not aslizzle, but shizzle looks wasted—like all tha lizzife in ha has bizzay sucked out through a straw. Like S-H-to-tha-izze’s insubstantial. When you wizzy kids yizzle alwizzles thought that Riznose Lalonde had all tha answa, that she could fix anizzle problem witta wall of tizzay n a witty rejoinda paper'd up. Yizzle guess that M-to-tha-izzuch 'bout ha hasn’t change' gangsta style. Shizze’s still trying ta solve tha problems y-aw left behind. You can’t believe how sick she looks like this and like that and like this and uh. How diznid dis happen ta ha, know what im sayin?
JOHN: i should probably git go'n n lizzet you R-to-tha-izzest.
JOHN: we can rap all 'bout it when i git bizzy. i’ll fill you 'n on hizzle it went, hopefully Y-to-tha-izzou’ll be feel'n betta by then.
ROZE: Oh. Um.
ROZE: Yeah like a fucka.
JIZZY: You gotta check dis shit out yo. be sum-m sum-m wrong?
Rose opens ha eyes and looks at you, but she sez nuttin like a fucka. Just lizzy.
J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: Death row 187 4 life. i’m not scizzle, if that’s what you’re worry 'bout but don't give a fuck.
JOHN: you already said we’re go'n ta defeat hizzim. so, nuttin ta fret ova, right?
ROZE: Yizzay. You... Yippie yo, you can't see my flow.
Sum-m sum-m through ha eyes, almost tizzay quick ta cizzle. When shizzay smiles at you, it’s wizzy n sincere.
ROZE: Tru. You’re bustin' ta do.
Roze slides arms around yizzle so sit back relax new jacks get smacked. Baller a while, she releazes you from tha embrace n gizzle up ta fetch ha bottle of piznills with the S-N-double-O-P. She pauzes at tha bedroom door ta lizzle at you one more time. Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T.
ROZE in all flavas: Gizzay, J-to-tha-izzohn.
Shizzay clozes tha door behind ha.
> Look at tha letta.
Yo' rizzay yo' thumbs alizzle tha edge of tha paper. Be thiznis reallizzle it? One hug frizzle Roze n you’re off ta face yo' destiny? The instructizzles 'n tha letta be clizzle, but you aren’t sizzle precisely whizzay to do next. Keep the party crackin while I'm steady rappin. Inertizzle n indecision keep yo' feet plantizzle firmly on tha carpet.
Then, as if directly answer'n yo' quandarizzle, yo' phone buzzes 'n yo' pizzle. It’s a text from roxy hittin that booty.
> Read text.
It sizzounds important. You git up ta go witout evizzle think'n 'bout it. Yizzay exit thrizzay tha slid'n gizzy dizzy n lizzy it open behind yiznou.
> ==>
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Come A Little Bit Closer You’re My Type of Man
fandom: Guardians of the Galaxy
pairing/warnings: Yondu x Reader self insert
author’s notes: this is 110% @dynamate‘s fault
summary: explicit Yondu x Reader. There's a bar fight, Yondu makes a dad joke, and I stole a line from To Have and Have Not.
also on AO3
It had started- as all good things do- with a bar fight. A bar fight in the middle of Knowhere.
“You owe me money, scumbag.”
Those words were an old familiar friend, and you could feel your flight or fight response momentarily kick into high gear but for once they weren’t directed toward you.
The offender was a species you didn’t know but looked approximately like a lumpy boulder with a ponytail and a face. Not pretty. Though maybe he had a good personality.
And he was cracking his knuckles menacingly, standing behind a centaurian in a leather trenchcoat.
You’d recognized the uniforms. Ravagers. As soon as they’d walked in the door you’d figured trouble would be following soon after. And especially when the centaurian leader (identified as such by the way his cohorts seemed to throng around him) was carrying himself with enough swagger that even you sort of wanted to fight him to knock the surly, slightly menacing, but fully self satisfied, smirk off his face. He had blue skin, gauged with scar tissue and dark red eyes.
He sipped his drink and turned around innocentally, his eyes going up and down Big Ugly. A grin spread across his face, all sharpened teeth, some of them metal and jagged.
You knocked your drink back, already itching for this to turn bad. It had been approximately 45 minutes since your life had last been in danger and you were starting to get bored. What was the point of coming to a planet with one of the highest crime rates in the galaxy if not the excitement? You bounced your leg, watching the exchange go down from your seat a few feet away.
“Glock, you old son of a bitch” the blue ravager said amiably to the eight foot tall monster who was staring him down like he was about to eat him. You took a moment to appreciate the harsh, throaty, tone of his voice. “The last time I saw you? Lemme remember… you were fading into the distance with the Nova Corps halfway up your asshole”
The living boulder made a guttural roaring growl from his belly and took a lumbering step forward. “You left me to die out there and ran off with the loot!”
“So I did!” the ravager chuckled, still calm as ever, and raised his drink, grin spreading wider so that the light bounced off his metal teeth.
The big guy grabbed the front of his jacket and shook him once. “Today’s the day I make you sorry”
The smile dropped off the ravager’s face but he still regarded the attacker complacently, flicking his coat back and putting his hand to a holster strapped to his hip. “I bet you won’t.” he said, gripping something thin and red in his hand.
You tipped back on your barstool to try and see what it was, watching all this as eagerly as a sports match.
Big Ugly grabbed Blue by the wrist before he could draw fully whatever weapon he had.
But the centaurian smirked, chuckling to himself. He calmly turned to the skinny, scruffy looking peon beside him and said “hold my drink” depositing it in his hand before rolling his shoulders once, and slamming his forehead directly against Ugly’s, knocking him back three feet with impressive force.
Aaand we’re off, you thought.
The bar erupted. There was never need for much instigation in these type of establishments- you knew from experience.
Broken glass, the smell of spilled booze, fists flying, the thud of bodies hitting the floor and punches landing, a missing tooth sailing past your ear. This is the life.
You picked up a bar stool and broke it over someone’s head. They dropped. In the chaos you supposed drinks were free now and quickly grabbed a bottle from behind the bar (the bartender was a tad preoccupied- some species with tentacles was wrapped around his head and he’d wildly tried shooting it off with a pistol with no effect other than sending bullets ricocheting off the walls and further escalating the chaos) and sucked it down.
Blue menace seemed to have been following a similar line of thought. You saw someone take a swing at his head. It missed- probably because the attacker was a little distracted by a bright red arrow flying through his skull before he could land the punch. Blue guy deftly caught the drink the other man had been holding in his fist before he hit the floor with a death rattle groan. He threw it back in one sweep.
It was hard not to keep your eyes on the blue ravager, even amidst the crowd. The arrow he was controlling zipped through the throng with precision, leaving a streak of red in its wake. The man controlling it sat back casually on the only bar stool remaining upright, thighs spread and arms balanced on the bar behind him, felling any foe before they got close enough to touch him. His lips were pursed in a whistle that you could hear faintly, its own melody among the shouts and rabble.
You preferred a bit more of a hands on approach. Someone had broken a bottle over the back of your head and frankly that was just rude, so you grabbed the someone or something by the tusk and slammed its head against the bar, shattering the wood.
You were feeling rather happy about your work until the red arrow whizzed past your ear. You whipped around and saw it pierce through the chest of a man behind you, who had both hands raised above his head holding an axe that had been seconds away from coming down on you. Needless to say that was no longer in the cards with blood pouring down the front of his shirt and a sort of dopey ‘hey what happened?’ look on his face as he crumpled to the floor. You turned to blue guy and raised the drink in your hand amiably. “Cheers for that, man!” you shouted at him. He raised an eyebrow at you and grinned, mouth full of jagged edges and metal. He raised his own drink back with a nod in your direction. Then it was back into the fray for both of you.
Then someone had to escalate the situation by pulling out a ray gun. And that’s just unsporting. You dropped to your hands and knees, crawling as you saw others drop to the ground and your eye level around you. You made it to the bar and saw blue guy already stooped underneath it, occasionally poking his head up only to duck back down to narrowly miss a blue shot of energy from frying the red mohawk right off the top of his head.
“Fancy meeting you down here” you said, imitating his pose and curling your knees up to your chest.
“The drinks are bad but I keep coming back for the atmosphere” he shot back, both of you shouting over the unruly noise of yelling and the ‘pew pew’ of that idiot’s ray gun.
“I just want to clarify” you said with a wince as something shattered above your head “I’m not a coward. And I’m not down here because I’m hiding. I’m pretty sure I dropped something on the ground.”
“Was it your dignity?”
“That must be it. It’s small enough that it’s going to be hard to find in this mess”
“Well, Not-A-Coward. I’m Yondu.” he peered over the edge of the bar. “And I’m sick of this dude.”
He unfurled his fingers from the arrow he was holding and it levitated into the air on silent command. He whistled through his teeth and it sprang to life, darting up over the bar. You didn’t see it happen but you heard the shout and the thunk and then there was no more ray gun firing. A few people cheered. The fighting raged on with renewed vigor and liveliness. You exuberantly kicked a Krylorian in the chest as you pulled yourself out from under the bar. Yondu was fighting bare fisted in addition to his arrow, you saw him elbow someone in the nose with admirable panache.
It was distracting and you took a roundhouse kick to the face for your pause. Yondu laughed at you. Dick. While he was laughing someone smashed a bottle against the side of his head. Sometimes karma works fast.
The bottle smasher was about seven feet tall of grimy purple scales and had an extra eyeball on his chin. Yondu had to tilt his head back to make eye contact even with the bottom eye. That looked, to you, like a two person project.
“Scuse me” you said as warning before clasping Yondu firmly by the shoulder and pushing down to propel yourself up to jump on the bar. That afforded enough height to smash the flat of your fist down on Big Guy’s head with a ‘thump’ that sounded like an instant concussion in your semi-professional opinion.
“Do I look like a jumping off point to you, boy?” Yondu snapped at you over the din.
“Yeah” you replied easily.
He muttered something under his breath. The three eyed giant was still on his feet, eyes rolling around dazedly. Yondu wolf whistled and the arrow swirled around his head. The giant batted at it like it was a fly he could catch and for his troubles, the arrow sliced right through his palm and he stumbled away screeching.
Yondu shouted over his shoulder at you “Well while you’re back behin’ the bar see if anyone’s gotten to the cash register yet!”
“I’m like two steps ahead of you!” you were shoving handfuls of money into your pockets and tucking a bottle of something that looked expensive into your coat.
The arrow flew back into Yondu’s hand and he leaned over the bar to leer at you, propping his chin on his fist as if there wasn’t utter chaos reigning down from all sides. “Wanna get out of here and head someplace a little more upscale?”
“What did you have in mind?”
“Behind the dumpster in the alley outside.”
“You really know how to make a guy feel special, don’t you?”
It took some maneuvering but Yondu whistled a happy tune as he lead you out and his magic arrow covered you, leaving senseless bloodshed in its wake and letting you both stroll out the back door at your leisure.
The general smell of smoke in the air that pervaded the city like a cloud covered up any dumpster smell. Which you were grateful for. Because you were going to have to do a lot of breathing through your nose when your mouth was preoccupied with Yondu’s.
You smashed your lips against his, biting against the chapped, rough, skin as he opened his mouth to you, swirling his tongue around yours. You felt the sting and familiar taste of your own blood as your tongue slashed against the jagged edges of his teeth. You liked it and did it again, the harsh pain of the laceration making the hair on the back of your neck stand on end. He sucked the red that spilled off your lower lip.
You had him grasped by the front of his jacket, his back against the outside wall of the bar. You thrust one leg between his thighs, satisfied to feel an erection straining against his leather pants. You pressed your hips together and slid up and down slowly as you continued locking lips.
“You know how whistle, don’t you, boy?” he growled as you pulled away for air. His voice was even deeper then and he knotted his fingers in the hair at the nape of your neck and tugged you downward, until you were on your knees in front of him. He smirked. “Just put your lips together- and blow.”
You worked open the front of his pants eagerly and did just that, sucking down his length in one go, opening up the back of your throat to him and wrapping your tongue around the base of his cock.
There were two small, red, fins that wrapped around his testes that were fluttering slightly. You sucked one of them between your lips and felt his pulse in it, thrumming. He seemed to enjoy that from the sound he made in reaction.
Your hand fisted around his cock- which was as blue as the skin of his face, but a bruised purple at the tip. You sucked on it, moving your head up and down and gripping his thighs to balance. It hurt your newly injured tongue but you were too caught up to mind much.
As you pulled back you let your teeth scrape lightly against his shaft and heard a satisfying yelp that quickly turned into chuckle as he dug his fingernails hard into the back of your neck in retaliation. “Easy there, darlin’. Don’t damage the goods.”
You hummed in the back of your throat and rubbed your hand over your own crotch, needing some attention there while you worked.
The back door to the bar burst open. Yondu’s cohort, the skinny, dirty looking one stumbled out and landed face first, regurgitated some blood and possibly a tooth, and looked up blearily to see you with Yondu’s dick poised an inch from your mouth. He gave a thumbs up. Yondu gave him a thumbs up back. Then he picked himself up and threw himself back into the bar, the sound of shouting and glass breaking faintly becoming clear before the door closed behind him.
“Where were we?” you said innocently. You smirked affectionately at the purple cock head bobbing against your mouth. “Oh, right.”
You swallowed him to the base again, exhaling through your nose and stretching your lips wide enough that drool and a bit of leftover blood dripped down your chin. He made a satisfied groan above you.
“We’re going to want to clear out of here before that fight dies down” you said, slightly out of breath when you pulled away after a few firm sucks. You stood up and shoved your pants down to your knees, turning around and bracing one hand against the wall.
You were no blushing virgin and not much prep was needed, especially with his cock lubricated with your spit. Yondu pressed into you without ceremony and you groaned at the initial burning stretch.
Your fingernails dug into the brick wall and you grit your teeth as you felt him push in until he was filling you to the hilt. His arm wrapped around your waist, pawing at your front, rubbing across your pelvis before taking a firm grip of the shape of your genitals. Then you felt his tongue slide wetly across the back of your neck leading to a harsh bite at your earlobe, drawing blood from where the sharp tip of his teeth broke the skin.
The whimper that escape your mouth was shamefully undignified when he slowly drew out of you again before thrusting back with full force until his hips slapped against your ass and forced you crotch further against his palm.
You could hear that he was enjoying this as much as you were, could feel the sharp exhales of hot breath on the nape of your neck as he started rocking into you at a brutal rhythm- shallow, quick humps intermixed with slow, drawn out ones that drew back until you could feel his cock head pressing against your rim before he stroked back into you. If you were never able to sit down again, it would still be worth it.
Yondu’s hand was equally merciless on you, his grip bruising and his palm calloused against the sensitive skin as he pinched and stroked at you until your head was swimming with no other thought than the mix of pleasure and pain.
When he growled “come for me, boy” you did just that, eyes rolling into the back of your head and knees immediately sagged beneath you, your whole body going limp. The only thing keeping you upright was his hand on your now hyper sensitive genitals and his cock still inside you, rubbing up against the only part of you that wasn’t numb and hazy with satisfied pleasure.
He gave a last few jerks before you felt slickness and heard the grunt and satisfied chuckle as he pulled out, now limp.
You needed a moment to catch your breath, turning around with your back to the wall but your pants still around your ankles. Yondu was smirking, eyes slowly looking you up and down like he was satisfied with his work.
“We’re on our way to a big score. Could use someone like you.” he said casually as you hiked your pants up and buttoned them close. “Good money to be made. But it’s gonna be dangerous. And very illegal.”
You shrugged one shoulder. “Sounds like my type of job.”
He grinned back at you.
#yondu x reader#yondu self insert#guardians of the galaxy#yondu udonta#gotg2#gotg#yondu imagines#my fanfic#dynamate
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6 things women put up with in the gym, and why they shouldn’t have to.
Finding the motivation to go to the gym isn’t easy for anyone. But it can be much harder for women, for reasons that have nothing to do with actually working out.
Knowing they’re likely walking into a hornet’s nest of people (men) who will bother, critique, stare at, or otherwise annoy them is an unfortunate reality for many female gym-goers.
About 14% of women say they’re intimidated by the possibility of men leering or judging them while they work out, according to research done by Cosmopolitan Body in 2014. The problem gets even worse in the weights section, which is typically overrun with men. The survey discovered almost half of all women found the area intimidating because of “the people who use it.”
Anecdotal evidence backs that up. Reddit and fitness discussion forums are rife with women asking for advice on dealing with men at the gym who gawk, flirt, interrupt, or even harass them. The common (and quite depressing) responses: develop a “resting bitch face,” learn to be super rude, get better at ignoring people, or report these men to gym management.
Instead, we ought to be reminding men they don’t own the gym; women shouldn’t have to “put up with” rude behavior or “find a way” to not attract attention. Wouldn’t it be better for everyone if women didn’t have to deal with harassment at all?
So, fellow dudes and fellow gym go-ers, I implore you, think for a second about what women go through at the gym. And if you catch yourself or your friends doing any of this stuff, please cut it out.
1. Women can tell when you’re staring at them, and it’s not as flattering as you think.
Making a woman feel “on display” by leering when she’s just trying to get a workout in is a surefire way to make her feel uncomfortable or even scared. And no, tight pants and sports bras aren’t an invitation.
@esporter @Upworthy Just generally making crude gestures, and staring. Also, just hanging out behind the machine u’re using
Victoria Phillips (@ToriaPhillips) March 31, 2017
Think a lingering glance here and there isn’t a big deal? Upworthy reader Meredith Cantrell says many of the women she knows actually drive to “gay neighborhoods” to work out so they won’t be gawked at.
Totally unnecessary if guys can learn to keep our eyes to ourselves.
2. Women go to the gym to work out (like everyone else) not speed-date between sets.
It’s not that you can’t meet that special someone at the gym, but there’s a time and a place. Flirting with a woman at the gym when she’s in the middle of lifting weights or grinding out miles on the treadmill is neither the time nor place.
@esporter @ryeisenberg Don’t gesture for me to remove headphones. I got 1 hr a day for myself. Unless there’s a fire, there’s nothing I wanna hear from you, dude.
Allison Glock (@AllisonGlock) April 1, 2017
Not only is it super rude to interrupt (honestly, you’re not going to get a good response doing this anyway), it’s also pretty dangerous to distract someone while they’re, say, holding the equivalent of their own bodyweight on their back while doing squats. Yet, incredibly, it happens all the time.
A good rule of thumb: When someone’s wearing headphones, it usually means they don’t want to talk to anyone. Even you, handsome.
3. When women lift heavy weights, guys around them get insecure and lash out.
Reader Emma Johnson writes that one day, while working with her trainer, she hit a pretty impressive 250-kilogram leg press (over 550 pounds go Emma!). A jealous guy standing nearby couldn’t help but chime in, “Yeah, but you’re doing it wrong.”
Look, guys, women are strong. Sometimes they will be stronger than you. Deal with it like an adult and get back to work on your own fitness goals.
4. Unsolicited advice isn’t helpful. It’s insulting.
When people want help, they’ll ask, or they’ll hire a personal trainer. In the meantime, worry about your own “form.” OK?
Laurna Robertson says she was talking to a “persistent guy” in the sauna at her gym one day when the subject of running came up. After sharing their respective half-marathon times (Laurna was faster, by the way), the man “generously” offered to coach her. What a guy!
Sophia Bromfield adds, “I have a corner in the gym to hide while I lift,” but one day a dude stood next to her until she took her headphones off, then insisted on teaching her proper lunge form.
@esporter Dude said “you’re doing it wrong” & pushed me away from my weights to show me how to Do It Right. >>
nckrosn (@guldrosa) April 1, 2017
This is the gym version of mansplaining. It’s annoying and insulting. Don’t do it.
5. Some guys just don’t know when to go away. Others are straight-up bullies.
Being “overly friendly” with questionable motivations is one thing, but some women find men at the gym can be downright nasty, purposefully intimidating them or boxing them out so they’ll leave.
The gym is a shared space. Other people pay money to go there, just like you. If you don’t want to be around other humans, buy a home gym.
Also, beware of unconscious behaviors like “manspreading,” taking up more room than you need, or stealing someone’s weights before they’re done with them.
6. These behaviors aren’t just annoying. They can be extremely intimidating.
At a certain point, these behaviors cross the line from rude and inappropriate to downright scary.
Ashley Loshbough writes that a man once came up to her (asking her to remove her headphones, which, just ugh) and said, “Wow, I wish I had beautiful [pale] skin like yours,” stared for a moment, then walked off.
It might sound funny and harmless, but this is the kind of thing that has women looking over their shoulder in the parking lot and wondering if they should ever come back to that gym again.
A little empathy goes a long way, fellas.
Do you want someone gawking at your butt while you’re on the treadmill? Interrupting you while you’re holding heavy weights? Impatiently waiting inches away from you until you finish up on a machine?
Let’s work together to keep this crap out of the gym and make it an environment where we support others to reach whatever their health and fitness goals are.
Even if that means just leaving each other alone.
Read more: http://www.upworthy.com/6-things-women-put-up-with-in-the-gym-and-why-they-shouldnt-have-to
0 notes
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Night Lovell – I LIKE BLOOD FT. WIFISFUNERAL
🎵 You are now listening to: Night Lovell – I LIKE BLOOD FT WIFISFUNERAL (Goodnight Lovell EP)
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📝 Lyrics for “I LIKE BLOOD FT. WIFISFUNERAL” by Night Lovell
[Intro: Night Lovell]
Where are you, Ginseng?
Yeah, umm
Ayy
[Verse 1: Night Lovell]
I like bands, I like cars, I like broad shit
Got my mans all around me on my boss shit
I got pain in my body, I like star shit
You can’t find me, I’m inside, I’m on Mars shit
I like, I like bitches on my dick
I like niggas that don’t wanna take no pic
Shawty treat me like a baby, like I’m 6
Goofy niggas really think I’m from the 6
I like red like it’s blood, I don’t move in the sun
All these niggas think they tough, you a fan, I ain’t dumb
I’m that nigga, can’t you see? I got Gucci on my feet
Fuck your bitch inside your sheet, I got diamonds on my teeth
All these meds ain’t doing shit, I just wish you end my shit
Find your grave and then I shit, nigga, I don’t give a shit
All these niggas are my kids, I make magic, I’m a wiz
You be talking like a bitch, put your body in the fish, yeah
[Chorus: Night Lovell]
Young boy gon’ get to ’em (Oh, he did that)
Young boy gon’ get to ’em (Oh, he did that)
Young boy gon’ get to ’em (Oh, he did that)
Young boy gon’ get to ’em (Oh, he did that)
Young boy gon’ get to ’em (Oh, he did that)
Young boy gon’, ayy
[Verse 2: wifisfuneral]
Ayy, I like Percs, I like Xans, I throw bands up on that ass
Oh, that’s your bitch? Shit, my bad
Thumb through the guap, we move too fast
And she gon’ suck like a leech, creepin’ right through the sheets
And these diamonds in my gums when I smile like bling
Been up finessing, no stressing
Moving that work out of Texas
Using that Uzi, that’s my lethal weapon
Tell the world get out my mentions
I got the check, ain’t no need for no pension
She suck that dick, but she grip it real reckless
Came out the mud and I’m dirty, no question
Tell me, lil’ nigga, like what you ’bout?
She came through and she fucking for the clout
When we fuck, man, pull that G-string down south
Get smoked like Juul, boy, you know what we ’bout
Pull out them thirties, we pop at his tooth
South Florida boy so you know that I’m a gook
Florida water, baby, yeah, you know I’m a goon
Remix a brick and a bale, that’s two
Main bitch blowing on my dick like a flute
Instrument, getting hit, Glock, that’s my tool
Patch on my head, that boy ride out the roof
Patch on my head, hit that boy through the…
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6 things women put up with in the gym, and why they shouldn’t have to.
Finding the motivation to go to the gym isn’t easy for anyone. But it can be much harder for women, for reasons that have nothing to do with actually working out.
Knowing they’re likely walking into a hornet’s nest of people (men) who will bother, critique, stare at, or otherwise annoy them is an unfortunate reality for many female gym-goers.
About 14% of women say they’re intimidated by the possibility of men leering or judging them while they work out, according to research done by Cosmopolitan Body in 2014. The problem gets even worse in the weights section, which is typically overrun with men. The survey discovered almost half of all women found the area intimidating because of “the people who use it.”
Anecdotal evidence backs that up. Reddit and fitness discussion forums are rife with women asking for advice on dealing with men at the gym who gawk, flirt, interrupt, or even harass them. The common (and quite depressing) responses: develop a “resting bitch face,” learn to be super rude, get better at ignoring people, or report these men to gym management.
Instead, we ought to be reminding men they don’t own the gym; women shouldn’t have to “put up with” rude behavior or “find a way” to not attract attention. Wouldn’t it be better for everyone if women didn’t have to deal with harassment at all?
So, fellow dudes and fellow gym go-ers, I implore you, think for a second about what women go through at the gym. And if you catch yourself or your friends doing any of this stuff, please cut it out.
1. Women can tell when you’re staring at them, and it’s not as flattering as you think.
Making a woman feel “on display” by leering when she’s just trying to get a workout in is a surefire way to make her feel uncomfortable or even scared. And no, tight pants and sports bras aren’t an invitation.
@esporter @Upworthy Just generally making crude gestures, and staring. Also, just hanging out behind the machine u’re using
Victoria Phillips (@ToriaPhillips) March 31, 2017
Think a lingering glance here and there isn’t a big deal? Upworthy reader Meredith Cantrell says many of the women she knows actually drive to “gay neighborhoods” to work out so they won’t be gawked at.
Totally unnecessary if guys can learn to keep our eyes to ourselves.
2. Women go to the gym to work out (like everyone else) not speed-date between sets.
It’s not that you can’t meet that special someone at the gym, but there’s a time and a place. Flirting with a woman at the gym when she’s in the middle of lifting weights or grinding out miles on the treadmill is neither the time nor place.
@esporter @ryeisenberg Don’t gesture for me to remove headphones. I got 1 hr a day for myself. Unless there’s a fire, there’s nothing I wanna hear from you, dude.
Allison Glock (@AllisonGlock) April 1, 2017
Not only is it super rude to interrupt (honestly, you’re not going to get a good response doing this anyway), it’s also pretty dangerous to distract someone while they’re, say, holding the equivalent of their own bodyweight on their back while doing squats. Yet, incredibly, it happens all the time.
A good rule of thumb: When someone’s wearing headphones, it usually means they don’t want to talk to anyone. Even you, handsome.
3. When women lift heavy weights, guys around them get insecure and lash out.
Reader Emma Johnson writes that one day, while working with her trainer, she hit a pretty impressive 250-kilogram leg press (over 550 pounds go Emma!). A jealous guy standing nearby couldn’t help but chime in, “Yeah, but you’re doing it wrong.”
Look, guys, women are strong. Sometimes they will be stronger than you. Deal with it like an adult and get back to work on your own fitness goals.
4. Unsolicited advice isn’t helpful. It’s insulting.
When people want help, they’ll ask, or they’ll hire a personal trainer. In the meantime, worry about your own “form.” OK?
Laurna Robertson says she was talking to a “persistent guy” in the sauna at her gym one day when the subject of running came up. After sharing their respective half-marathon times (Laurna was faster, by the way), the man “generously” offered to coach her. What a guy!
Sophia Bromfield adds, “I have a corner in the gym to hide while I lift,” but one day a dude stood next to her until she took her headphones off, then insisted on teaching her proper lunge form.
@esporter Dude said “you’re doing it wrong” & pushed me away from my weights to show me how to Do It Right. >>
nckrosn (@guldrosa) April 1, 2017
This is the gym version of mansplaining. It’s annoying and insulting. Don’t do it.
5. Some guys just don’t know when to go away. Others are straight-up bullies.
Being “overly friendly” with questionable motivations is one thing, but some women find men at the gym can be downright nasty, purposefully intimidating them or boxing them out so they’ll leave.
The gym is a shared space. Other people pay money to go there, just like you. If you don’t want to be around other humans, buy a home gym.
Also, beware of unconscious behaviors like “manspreading,” taking up more room than you need, or stealing someone’s weights before they’re done with them.
6. These behaviors aren’t just annoying. They can be extremely intimidating.
At a certain point, these behaviors cross the line from rude and inappropriate to downright scary.
Ashley Loshbough writes that a man once came up to her (asking her to remove her headphones, which, just ugh) and said, “Wow, I wish I had beautiful [pale] skin like yours,” stared for a moment, then walked off.
It might sound funny and harmless, but this is the kind of thing that has women looking over their shoulder in the parking lot and wondering if they should ever come back to that gym again.
A little empathy goes a long way, fellas.
Do you want someone gawking at your butt while you’re on the treadmill? Interrupting you while you’re holding heavy weights? Impatiently waiting inches away from you until you finish up on a machine?
Let’s work together to keep this crap out of the gym and make it an environment where we support others to reach whatever their health and fitness goals are.
Even if that means just leaving each other alone.
Read more: http://www.upworthy.com/6-things-women-put-up-with-in-the-gym-and-why-they-shouldnt-have-to
from https://www.makingthebest.com/2017/04/13/6-things-women-put-up-with-in-the-gym-and-why-they-shouldnt-have-to/
0 notes
Text
6 things women put up with in the gym, and why they shouldn’t have to.
Finding the motivation to go to the gym isn’t easy for anyone. But it can be much harder for women, for reasons that have nothing to do with actually working out.
Knowing they’re likely walking into a hornet’s nest of people (men) who will bother, critique, stare at, or otherwise annoy them is an unfortunate reality for many female gym-goers.
About 14% of women say they’re intimidated by the possibility of men leering or judging them while they work out, according to research done by Cosmopolitan Body in 2014. The problem gets even worse in the weights section, which is typically overrun with men. The survey discovered almost half of all women found the area intimidating because of “the people who use it.”
Anecdotal evidence backs that up. Reddit and fitness discussion forums are rife with women asking for advice on dealing with men at the gym who gawk, flirt, interrupt, or even harass them. The common (and quite depressing) responses: develop a “resting bitch face,” learn to be super rude, get better at ignoring people, or report these men to gym management.
Instead, we ought to be reminding men they don’t own the gym; women shouldn’t have to “put up with” rude behavior or “find a way” to not attract attention. Wouldn’t it be better for everyone if women didn’t have to deal with harassment at all?
So, fellow dudes and fellow gym go-ers, I implore you, think for a second about what women go through at the gym. And if you catch yourself or your friends doing any of this stuff, please cut it out.
1. Women can tell when you’re staring at them, and it’s not as flattering as you think.
Making a woman feel “on display” by leering when she’s just trying to get a workout in is a surefire way to make her feel uncomfortable or even scared. And no, tight pants and sports bras aren’t an invitation.
@esporter @Upworthy Just generally making crude gestures, and staring. Also, just hanging out behind the machine u’re using
Victoria Phillips (@ToriaPhillips) March 31, 2017
Think a lingering glance here and there isn’t a big deal? Upworthy reader Meredith Cantrell says many of the women she knows actually drive to “gay neighborhoods” to work out so they won’t be gawked at.
Totally unnecessary if guys can learn to keep our eyes to ourselves.
2. Women go to the gym to work out (like everyone else) not speed-date between sets.
It’s not that you can’t meet that special someone at the gym, but there’s a time and a place. Flirting with a woman at the gym when she’s in the middle of lifting weights or grinding out miles on the treadmill is neither the time nor place.
@esporter @ryeisenberg Don’t gesture for me to remove headphones. I got 1 hr a day for myself. Unless there’s a fire, there’s nothing I wanna hear from you, dude.
Allison Glock (@AllisonGlock) April 1, 2017
Not only is it super rude to interrupt (honestly, you’re not going to get a good response doing this anyway), it’s also pretty dangerous to distract someone while they’re, say, holding the equivalent of their own bodyweight on their back while doing squats. Yet, incredibly, it happens all the time.
A good rule of thumb: When someone’s wearing headphones, it usually means they don’t want to talk to anyone. Even you, handsome.
3. When women lift heavy weights, guys around them get insecure and lash out.
Reader Emma Johnson writes that one day, while working with her trainer, she hit a pretty impressive 250-kilogram leg press (over 550 pounds go Emma!). A jealous guy standing nearby couldn’t help but chime in, “Yeah, but you’re doing it wrong.”
Look, guys, women are strong. Sometimes they will be stronger than you. Deal with it like an adult and get back to work on your own fitness goals.
4. Unsolicited advice isn’t helpful. It’s insulting.
When people want help, they’ll ask, or they’ll hire a personal trainer. In the meantime, worry about your own “form.” OK?
Laurna Robertson says she was talking to a “persistent guy” in the sauna at her gym one day when the subject of running came up. After sharing their respective half-marathon times (Laurna was faster, by the way), the man “generously” offered to coach her. What a guy!
Sophia Bromfield adds, “I have a corner in the gym to hide while I lift,” but one day a dude stood next to her until she took her headphones off, then insisted on teaching her proper lunge form.
@esporter Dude said “you’re doing it wrong” & pushed me away from my weights to show me how to Do It Right. >>
nckrosn (@guldrosa) April 1, 2017
This is the gym version of mansplaining. It’s annoying and insulting. Don’t do it.
5. Some guys just don’t know when to go away. Others are straight-up bullies.
Being “overly friendly” with questionable motivations is one thing, but some women find men at the gym can be downright nasty, purposefully intimidating them or boxing them out so they’ll leave.
The gym is a shared space. Other people pay money to go there, just like you. If you don’t want to be around other humans, buy a home gym.
Also, beware of unconscious behaviors like “manspreading,” taking up more room than you need, or stealing someone’s weights before they’re done with them.
6. These behaviors aren’t just annoying. They can be extremely intimidating.
At a certain point, these behaviors cross the line from rude and inappropriate to downright scary.
Ashley Loshbough writes that a man once came up to her (asking her to remove her headphones, which, just ugh) and said, “Wow, I wish I had beautiful [pale] skin like yours,” stared for a moment, then walked off.
It might sound funny and harmless, but this is the kind of thing that has women looking over their shoulder in the parking lot and wondering if they should ever come back to that gym again.
A little empathy goes a long way, fellas.
Do you want someone gawking at your butt while you’re on the treadmill? Interrupting you while you’re holding heavy weights? Impatiently waiting inches away from you until you finish up on a machine?
Let’s work together to keep this crap out of the gym and make it an environment where we support others to reach whatever their health and fitness goals are.
Even if that means just leaving each other alone.
Read more: http://www.upworthy.com/6-things-women-put-up-with-in-the-gym-and-why-they-shouldnt-have-to
from https://www.makingthebest.com/2017/04/13/6-things-women-put-up-with-in-the-gym-and-why-they-shouldnt-have-to/
0 notes
Text
6 things women put up with in the gym, and why they shouldn’t have to.
Finding the motivation to go to the gym isn’t easy for anyone. But it can be much harder for women, for reasons that have nothing to do with actually working out.
Knowing they’re likely walking into a hornet’s nest of people (men) who will bother, critique, stare at, or otherwise annoy them is an unfortunate reality for many female gym-goers.
About 14% of women say they’re intimidated by the possibility of men leering or judging them while they work out, according to research done by Cosmopolitan Body in 2014. The problem gets even worse in the weights section, which is typically overrun with men. The survey discovered almost half of all women found the area intimidating because of “the people who use it.”
Anecdotal evidence backs that up. Reddit and fitness discussion forums are rife with women asking for advice on dealing with men at the gym who gawk, flirt, interrupt, or even harass them. The common (and quite depressing) responses: develop a “resting bitch face,” learn to be super rude, get better at ignoring people, or report these men to gym management.
Instead, we ought to be reminding men they don’t own the gym; women shouldn’t have to “put up with” rude behavior or “find a way” to not attract attention. Wouldn’t it be better for everyone if women didn’t have to deal with harassment at all?
So, fellow dudes and fellow gym go-ers, I implore you, think for a second about what women go through at the gym. And if you catch yourself or your friends doing any of this stuff, please cut it out.
1. Women can tell when you’re staring at them, and it’s not as flattering as you think.
Making a woman feel “on display” by leering when she’s just trying to get a workout in is a surefire way to make her feel uncomfortable or even scared. And no, tight pants and sports bras aren’t an invitation.
@esporter @Upworthy Just generally making crude gestures, and staring. Also, just hanging out behind the machine u’re using
Victoria Phillips (@ToriaPhillips) March 31, 2017
Think a lingering glance here and there isn’t a big deal? Upworthy reader Meredith Cantrell says many of the women she knows actually drive to “gay neighborhoods” to work out so they won’t be gawked at.
Totally unnecessary if guys can learn to keep our eyes to ourselves.
2. Women go to the gym to work out (like everyone else) not speed-date between sets.
It’s not that you can’t meet that special someone at the gym, but there’s a time and a place. Flirting with a woman at the gym when she’s in the middle of lifting weights or grinding out miles on the treadmill is neither the time nor place.
@esporter @ryeisenberg Don’t gesture for me to remove headphones. I got 1 hr a day for myself. Unless there’s a fire, there’s nothing I wanna hear from you, dude.
Allison Glock (@AllisonGlock) April 1, 2017
Not only is it super rude to interrupt (honestly, you’re not going to get a good response doing this anyway), it’s also pretty dangerous to distract someone while they’re, say, holding the equivalent of their own bodyweight on their back while doing squats. Yet, incredibly, it happens all the time.
A good rule of thumb: When someone’s wearing headphones, it usually means they don’t want to talk to anyone. Even you, handsome.
3. When women lift heavy weights, guys around them get insecure and lash out.
Reader Emma Johnson writes that one day, while working with her trainer, she hit a pretty impressive 250-kilogram leg press (over 550 pounds go Emma!). A jealous guy standing nearby couldn’t help but chime in, “Yeah, but you’re doing it wrong.”
Look, guys, women are strong. Sometimes they will be stronger than you. Deal with it like an adult and get back to work on your own fitness goals.
4. Unsolicited advice isn’t helpful. It’s insulting.
When people want help, they’ll ask, or they’ll hire a personal trainer. In the meantime, worry about your own “form.” OK?
Laurna Robertson says she was talking to a “persistent guy” in the sauna at her gym one day when the subject of running came up. After sharing their respective half-marathon times (Laurna was faster, by the way), the man “generously” offered to coach her. What a guy!
Sophia Bromfield adds, “I have a corner in the gym to hide while I lift,” but one day a dude stood next to her until she took her headphones off, then insisted on teaching her proper lunge form.
@esporter Dude said “you’re doing it wrong” & pushed me away from my weights to show me how to Do It Right. >>
nckrosn (@guldrosa) April 1, 2017
This is the gym version of mansplaining. It’s annoying and insulting. Don’t do it.
5. Some guys just don’t know when to go away. Others are straight-up bullies.
Being “overly friendly” with questionable motivations is one thing, but some women find men at the gym can be downright nasty, purposefully intimidating them or boxing them out so they’ll leave.
The gym is a shared space. Other people pay money to go there, just like you. If you don’t want to be around other humans, buy a home gym.
Also, beware of unconscious behaviors like “manspreading,” taking up more room than you need, or stealing someone’s weights before they’re done with them.
6. These behaviors aren’t just annoying. They can be extremely intimidating.
At a certain point, these behaviors cross the line from rude and inappropriate to downright scary.
Ashley Loshbough writes that a man once came up to her (asking her to remove her headphones, which, just ugh) and said, “Wow, I wish I had beautiful [pale] skin like yours,” stared for a moment, then walked off.
It might sound funny and harmless, but this is the kind of thing that has women looking over their shoulder in the parking lot and wondering if they should ever come back to that gym again.
A little empathy goes a long way, fellas.
Do you want someone gawking at your butt while you’re on the treadmill? Interrupting you while you’re holding heavy weights? Impatiently waiting inches away from you until you finish up on a machine?
Let’s work together to keep this crap out of the gym and make it an environment where we support others to reach whatever their health and fitness goals are.
Even if that means just leaving each other alone.
Read more: http://www.upworthy.com/6-things-women-put-up-with-in-the-gym-and-why-they-shouldnt-have-to
from https://www.makingthebest.com/2017/04/13/6-things-women-put-up-with-in-the-gym-and-why-they-shouldnt-have-to/
0 notes
Text
6 things women put up with in the gym, and why they shouldn’t have to.
Finding the motivation to go to the gym isn’t easy for anyone. But it can be much harder for women, for reasons that have nothing to do with actually working out.
Knowing they’re likely walking into a hornet’s nest of people (men) who will bother, critique, stare at, or otherwise annoy them is an unfortunate reality for many female gym-goers.
About 14% of women say they’re intimidated by the possibility of men leering or judging them while they work out, according to research done by Cosmopolitan Body in 2014. The problem gets even worse in the weights section, which is typically overrun with men. The survey discovered almost half of all women found the area intimidating because of “the people who use it.”
Anecdotal evidence backs that up. Reddit and fitness discussion forums are rife with women asking for advice on dealing with men at the gym who gawk, flirt, interrupt, or even harass them. The common (and quite depressing) responses: develop a “resting bitch face,” learn to be super rude, get better at ignoring people, or report these men to gym management.
Instead, we ought to be reminding men they don’t own the gym; women shouldn’t have to “put up with” rude behavior or “find a way” to not attract attention. Wouldn’t it be better for everyone if women didn’t have to deal with harassment at all?
So, fellow dudes and fellow gym go-ers, I implore you, think for a second about what women go through at the gym. And if you catch yourself or your friends doing any of this stuff, please cut it out.
1. Women can tell when you’re staring at them, and it’s not as flattering as you think.
Making a woman feel “on display” by leering when she’s just trying to get a workout in is a surefire way to make her feel uncomfortable or even scared. And no, tight pants and sports bras aren’t an invitation.
@esporter @Upworthy Just generally making crude gestures, and staring. Also, just hanging out behind the machine u’re using
Victoria Phillips (@ToriaPhillips) March 31, 2017
Think a lingering glance here and there isn’t a big deal? Upworthy reader Meredith Cantrell says many of the women she knows actually drive to “gay neighborhoods” to work out so they won’t be gawked at.
Totally unnecessary if guys can learn to keep our eyes to ourselves.
2. Women go to the gym to work out (like everyone else) not speed-date between sets.
It’s not that you can’t meet that special someone at the gym, but there’s a time and a place. Flirting with a woman at the gym when she’s in the middle of lifting weights or grinding out miles on the treadmill is neither the time nor place.
@esporter @ryeisenberg Don’t gesture for me to remove headphones. I got 1 hr a day for myself. Unless there’s a fire, there’s nothing I wanna hear from you, dude.
Allison Glock (@AllisonGlock) April 1, 2017
Not only is it super rude to interrupt (honestly, you’re not going to get a good response doing this anyway), it’s also pretty dangerous to distract someone while they’re, say, holding the equivalent of their own bodyweight on their back while doing squats. Yet, incredibly, it happens all the time.
A good rule of thumb: When someone’s wearing headphones, it usually means they don’t want to talk to anyone. Even you, handsome.
3. When women lift heavy weights, guys around them get insecure and lash out.
Reader Emma Johnson writes that one day, while working with her trainer, she hit a pretty impressive 250-kilogram leg press (over 550 pounds go Emma!). A jealous guy standing nearby couldn’t help but chime in, “Yeah, but you’re doing it wrong.”
Look, guys, women are strong. Sometimes they will be stronger than you. Deal with it like an adult and get back to work on your own fitness goals.
4. Unsolicited advice isn’t helpful. It’s insulting.
When people want help, they’ll ask, or they’ll hire a personal trainer. In the meantime, worry about your own “form.” OK?
Laurna Robertson says she was talking to a “persistent guy” in the sauna at her gym one day when the subject of running came up. After sharing their respective half-marathon times (Laurna was faster, by the way), the man “generously” offered to coach her. What a guy!
Sophia Bromfield adds, “I have a corner in the gym to hide while I lift,” but one day a dude stood next to her until she took her headphones off, then insisted on teaching her proper lunge form.
@esporter Dude said “you’re doing it wrong” & pushed me away from my weights to show me how to Do It Right. >>
nckrosn (@guldrosa) April 1, 2017
This is the gym version of mansplaining. It’s annoying and insulting. Don’t do it.
5. Some guys just don’t know when to go away. Others are straight-up bullies.
Being “overly friendly” with questionable motivations is one thing, but some women find men at the gym can be downright nasty, purposefully intimidating them or boxing them out so they’ll leave.
The gym is a shared space. Other people pay money to go there, just like you. If you don’t want to be around other humans, buy a home gym.
Also, beware of unconscious behaviors like “manspreading,” taking up more room than you need, or stealing someone’s weights before they’re done with them.
6. These behaviors aren’t just annoying. They can be extremely intimidating.
At a certain point, these behaviors cross the line from rude and inappropriate to downright scary.
Ashley Loshbough writes that a man once came up to her (asking her to remove her headphones, which, just ugh) and said, “Wow, I wish I had beautiful [pale] skin like yours,” stared for a moment, then walked off.
It might sound funny and harmless, but this is the kind of thing that has women looking over their shoulder in the parking lot and wondering if they should ever come back to that gym again.
A little empathy goes a long way, fellas.
Do you want someone gawking at your butt while you’re on the treadmill? Interrupting you while you’re holding heavy weights? Impatiently waiting inches away from you until you finish up on a machine?
Let’s work together to keep this crap out of the gym and make it an environment where we support others to reach whatever their health and fitness goals are.
Even if that means just leaving each other alone.
Read more: http://www.upworthy.com/6-things-women-put-up-with-in-the-gym-and-why-they-shouldnt-have-to
from https://www.makingthebest.com/2017/04/13/6-things-women-put-up-with-in-the-gym-and-why-they-shouldnt-have-to/
0 notes
Text
6 things women put up with in the gym, and why they shouldn’t have to.
Finding the motivation to go to the gym isn’t easy for anyone. But it can be much harder for women, for reasons that have nothing to do with actually working out.
Knowing they’re likely walking into a hornet’s nest of people (men) who will bother, critique, stare at, or otherwise annoy them is an unfortunate reality for many female gym-goers.
About 14% of women say they’re intimidated by the possibility of men leering or judging them while they work out, according to research done by Cosmopolitan Body in 2014. The problem gets even worse in the weights section, which is typically overrun with men. The survey discovered almost half of all women found the area intimidating because of “the people who use it.”
Anecdotal evidence backs that up. Reddit and fitness discussion forums are rife with women asking for advice on dealing with men at the gym who gawk, flirt, interrupt, or even harass them. The common (and quite depressing) responses: develop a “resting bitch face,” learn to be super rude, get better at ignoring people, or report these men to gym management.
Instead, we ought to be reminding men they don’t own the gym; women shouldn’t have to “put up with” rude behavior or “find a way” to not attract attention. Wouldn’t it be better for everyone if women didn’t have to deal with harassment at all?
So, fellow dudes and fellow gym go-ers, I implore you, think for a second about what women go through at the gym. And if you catch yourself or your friends doing any of this stuff, please cut it out.
1. Women can tell when you’re staring at them, and it’s not as flattering as you think.
Making a woman feel “on display” by leering when she’s just trying to get a workout in is a surefire way to make her feel uncomfortable or even scared. And no, tight pants and sports bras aren’t an invitation.
@esporter @Upworthy Just generally making crude gestures, and staring. Also, just hanging out behind the machine u’re using
Victoria Phillips (@ToriaPhillips) March 31, 2017
Think a lingering glance here and there isn’t a big deal? Upworthy reader Meredith Cantrell says many of the women she knows actually drive to “gay neighborhoods” to work out so they won’t be gawked at.
Totally unnecessary if guys can learn to keep our eyes to ourselves.
2. Women go to the gym to work out (like everyone else) not speed-date between sets.
It’s not that you can’t meet that special someone at the gym, but there’s a time and a place. Flirting with a woman at the gym when she’s in the middle of lifting weights or grinding out miles on the treadmill is neither the time nor place.
@esporter @ryeisenberg Don’t gesture for me to remove headphones. I got 1 hr a day for myself. Unless there’s a fire, there’s nothing I wanna hear from you, dude.
Allison Glock (@AllisonGlock) April 1, 2017
Not only is it super rude to interrupt (honestly, you’re not going to get a good response doing this anyway), it’s also pretty dangerous to distract someone while they’re, say, holding the equivalent of their own bodyweight on their back while doing squats. Yet, incredibly, it happens all the time.
A good rule of thumb: When someone’s wearing headphones, it usually means they don’t want to talk to anyone. Even you, handsome.
3. When women lift heavy weights, guys around them get insecure and lash out.
Reader Emma Johnson writes that one day, while working with her trainer, she hit a pretty impressive 250-kilogram leg press (over 550 pounds go Emma!). A jealous guy standing nearby couldn’t help but chime in, “Yeah, but you’re doing it wrong.”
Look, guys, women are strong. Sometimes they will be stronger than you. Deal with it like an adult and get back to work on your own fitness goals.
4. Unsolicited advice isn’t helpful. It’s insulting.
When people want help, they’ll ask, or they’ll hire a personal trainer. In the meantime, worry about your own “form.” OK?
Laurna Robertson says she was talking to a “persistent guy” in the sauna at her gym one day when the subject of running came up. After sharing their respective half-marathon times (Laurna was faster, by the way), the man “generously” offered to coach her. What a guy!
Sophia Bromfield adds, “I have a corner in the gym to hide while I lift,” but one day a dude stood next to her until she took her headphones off, then insisted on teaching her proper lunge form.
@esporter Dude said “you’re doing it wrong” & pushed me away from my weights to show me how to Do It Right. >>
nckrosn (@guldrosa) April 1, 2017
This is the gym version of mansplaining. It’s annoying and insulting. Don’t do it.
5. Some guys just don’t know when to go away. Others are straight-up bullies.
Being “overly friendly” with questionable motivations is one thing, but some women find men at the gym can be downright nasty, purposefully intimidating them or boxing them out so they’ll leave.
The gym is a shared space. Other people pay money to go there, just like you. If you don’t want to be around other humans, buy a home gym.
Also, beware of unconscious behaviors like “manspreading,” taking up more room than you need, or stealing someone’s weights before they’re done with them.
6. These behaviors aren’t just annoying. They can be extremely intimidating.
At a certain point, these behaviors cross the line from rude and inappropriate to downright scary.
Ashley Loshbough writes that a man once came up to her (asking her to remove her headphones, which, just ugh) and said, “Wow, I wish I had beautiful [pale] skin like yours,” stared for a moment, then walked off.
It might sound funny and harmless, but this is the kind of thing that has women looking over their shoulder in the parking lot and wondering if they should ever come back to that gym again.
A little empathy goes a long way, fellas.
Do you want someone gawking at your butt while you’re on the treadmill? Interrupting you while you’re holding heavy weights? Impatiently waiting inches away from you until you finish up on a machine?
Let’s work together to keep this crap out of the gym and make it an environment where we support others to reach whatever their health and fitness goals are.
Even if that means just leaving each other alone.
Read more: http://www.upworthy.com/6-things-women-put-up-with-in-the-gym-and-why-they-shouldnt-have-to
from https://www.makingthebest.com/2017/04/13/6-things-women-put-up-with-in-the-gym-and-why-they-shouldnt-have-to/
0 notes
Text
6 things women put up with in the gym, and why they shouldn’t have to.
Finding the motivation to go to the gym isn’t easy for anyone. But it can be much harder for women, for reasons that have nothing to do with actually working out.
Knowing they’re likely walking into a hornet’s nest of people (men) who will bother, critique, stare at, or otherwise annoy them is an unfortunate reality for many female gym-goers.
About 14% of women say they’re intimidated by the possibility of men leering or judging them while they work out, according to research done by Cosmopolitan Body in 2014. The problem gets even worse in the weights section, which is typically overrun with men. The survey discovered almost half of all women found the area intimidating because of “the people who use it.”
Anecdotal evidence backs that up. Reddit and fitness discussion forums are rife with women asking for advice on dealing with men at the gym who gawk, flirt, interrupt, or even harass them. The common (and quite depressing) responses: develop a “resting bitch face,” learn to be super rude, get better at ignoring people, or report these men to gym management.
Instead, we ought to be reminding men they don’t own the gym; women shouldn’t have to “put up with” rude behavior or “find a way” to not attract attention. Wouldn’t it be better for everyone if women didn’t have to deal with harassment at all?
So, fellow dudes and fellow gym go-ers, I implore you, think for a second about what women go through at the gym. And if you catch yourself or your friends doing any of this stuff, please cut it out.
1. Women can tell when you’re staring at them, and it’s not as flattering as you think.
Making a woman feel “on display” by leering when she’s just trying to get a workout in is a surefire way to make her feel uncomfortable or even scared. And no, tight pants and sports bras aren’t an invitation.
@esporter @Upworthy Just generally making crude gestures, and staring. Also, just hanging out behind the machine u’re using
Victoria Phillips (@ToriaPhillips) March 31, 2017
Think a lingering glance here and there isn’t a big deal? Upworthy reader Meredith Cantrell says many of the women she knows actually drive to “gay neighborhoods” to work out so they won’t be gawked at.
Totally unnecessary if guys can learn to keep our eyes to ourselves.
2. Women go to the gym to work out (like everyone else) not speed-date between sets.
It’s not that you can’t meet that special someone at the gym, but there’s a time and a place. Flirting with a woman at the gym when she’s in the middle of lifting weights or grinding out miles on the treadmill is neither the time nor place.
@esporter @ryeisenberg Don’t gesture for me to remove headphones. I got 1 hr a day for myself. Unless there’s a fire, there’s nothing I wanna hear from you, dude.
Allison Glock (@AllisonGlock) April 1, 2017
Not only is it super rude to interrupt (honestly, you’re not going to get a good response doing this anyway), it’s also pretty dangerous to distract someone while they’re, say, holding the equivalent of their own bodyweight on their back while doing squats. Yet, incredibly, it happens all the time.
A good rule of thumb: When someone’s wearing headphones, it usually means they don’t want to talk to anyone. Even you, handsome.
3. When women lift heavy weights, guys around them get insecure and lash out.
Reader Emma Johnson writes that one day, while working with her trainer, she hit a pretty impressive 250-kilogram leg press (over 550 pounds go Emma!). A jealous guy standing nearby couldn’t help but chime in, “Yeah, but you’re doing it wrong.”
Look, guys, women are strong. Sometimes they will be stronger than you. Deal with it like an adult and get back to work on your own fitness goals.
4. Unsolicited advice isn’t helpful. It’s insulting.
When people want help, they’ll ask, or they’ll hire a personal trainer. In the meantime, worry about your own “form.” OK?
Laurna Robertson says she was talking to a “persistent guy” in the sauna at her gym one day when the subject of running came up. After sharing their respective half-marathon times (Laurna was faster, by the way), the man “generously” offered to coach her. What a guy!
Sophia Bromfield adds, “I have a corner in the gym to hide while I lift,” but one day a dude stood next to her until she took her headphones off, then insisted on teaching her proper lunge form.
@esporter Dude said “you’re doing it wrong” & pushed me away from my weights to show me how to Do It Right. >>
nckrosn (@guldrosa) April 1, 2017
This is the gym version of mansplaining. It’s annoying and insulting. Don’t do it.
5. Some guys just don’t know when to go away. Others are straight-up bullies.
Being “overly friendly” with questionable motivations is one thing, but some women find men at the gym can be downright nasty, purposefully intimidating them or boxing them out so they’ll leave.
The gym is a shared space. Other people pay money to go there, just like you. If you don’t want to be around other humans, buy a home gym.
Also, beware of unconscious behaviors like “manspreading,” taking up more room than you need, or stealing someone’s weights before they’re done with them.
6. These behaviors aren’t just annoying. They can be extremely intimidating.
At a certain point, these behaviors cross the line from rude and inappropriate to downright scary.
Ashley Loshbough writes that a man once came up to her (asking her to remove her headphones, which, just ugh) and said, “Wow, I wish I had beautiful [pale] skin like yours,” stared for a moment, then walked off.
It might sound funny and harmless, but this is the kind of thing that has women looking over their shoulder in the parking lot and wondering if they should ever come back to that gym again.
A little empathy goes a long way, fellas.
Do you want someone gawking at your butt while you’re on the treadmill? Interrupting you while you’re holding heavy weights? Impatiently waiting inches away from you until you finish up on a machine?
Let’s work together to keep this crap out of the gym and make it an environment where we support others to reach whatever their health and fitness goals are.
Even if that means just leaving each other alone.
Read more: http://www.upworthy.com/6-things-women-put-up-with-in-the-gym-and-why-they-shouldnt-have-to
from https://www.makingthebest.com/2017/04/13/6-things-women-put-up-with-in-the-gym-and-why-they-shouldnt-have-to/
0 notes
Photo
==>
TT: Ok, betta check yo self.
TT: I will disregard yo' anomalous observation fo` nizzow n continue messin' as if it neva happizzle cuz I'm fresh out the pen.
GT: Right like a tru playa'. Giznood plan so jus' chill.
GT so bow down to the bow wow! Um.
GT: Anyhoo thizzle a hizzle of a tragic n spendin' tale dirk now pass the glock.
GT: I be still totizzle cockeyed n catawampus 'bout it all i D-to-tha-izzont evizzle kniznow wizzy ta thiznink.
TT: Biznut yizzou believe me, right?
GT: Oh yeah every word of it with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin!
TT: Wizzy.
GT fo' real: Why shiznouldnt i? You be mah nigga n i trust you like this and like that and like this and uh.
TT: I still J-to-tha-izzust think it impressive, be all. Even wanna be gangsta all dis time. Yizzy be pretty much a one of a kizzind dude.
GT: You gotta check dis shit out yo. Hizzay not really i just like believ'n stuff n believ'n 'n people. Throw yo guns in the motherfuckin air.
GT: It's your homie snoop dogg from the dpg. Wait what d-ya mizzay?
TT: 'bout what yeah yeah baby?
GT: When you said bitch all dis time?
GT droppin hits: You just told me nizzle!
TT: Yes.
GT: Hizzay on.
GT: Blarg! Tha dizzy vuey shizzay be happen'n again cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map!!!
GT: Okay i be SIZZY weve had dis conversation before so manizzle thizzay be familizzle now motherfuckers lemme here ya say hoe.
GT: Wussup to all my niggaz in the house. I rappa you bustin' tha one of a kind dude th'n n i rememba ridin' tha W-to-tha-izzord catawampus n...
GT, chill yo: All of it! Yippie yo, you can't see my flow.
GT: Wizzy go'n on to increase tha peace?
TT with the S-N-double-O-P: Tiznook you long enizzle to figure it out.
TT: Pages really be a sliznow burn'n class. Damn.
GT: Figure whizzat out!
TT: Yoe asleep.
GT: Tru niggaz do niggaz. Oh.
GT: Thats rizzay. I fell off tha platform chillin' n i gizzy i gots knocked out?
TT: Yep.
GT: So im dream'n.
TT: Kizninda so bow down to the bow wow!
TT: It a dizzy bizzy.
GT spittin' that real shit: W-H-to-tha-izzats thiznat?
TT: A place 'n tha infinite abyss where sleep'n thugz can shizzare dreams wit each pimp wizzy revisit'n memories.
TT: Also where thizzle cizzay meet dead thugz n we out!
GT: Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'. So we be shar'n a dizzy nigga?
GT: N yiznoure currently asleep too where the sun be shinin and I be rhymin'? Uh. Wussup to all my niggaz in the house. Currentlizzle 'n tha future? You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg.
TT cuz I'm fresh out the pen: No.
TT: Even if I was, I wizzouldn't visit a dream bubble. T-H-to-tha-izzat only happens when yo' dream self be dead, like yizzours be.
TT: Mine be not in tha hood.
GT: Hm. Throw yo guns in the motherfuckin air. I guess i understand?
GT: So whats tha dizzle then? Freak y'all, into the beat y'all. Wait.
GT ya dig? Yizzle said dis be where thizzle meet dizzead thugz tizzy cuz its a pimp thang...
GT: Shizzay spittin' that real shit! Dizzy be you dead now motherfuckers lemme here ya say hoe? Are you a ghost!?
TT: No, dude and yo momma. Chill puttin tha smack down. I'm fine.
GT: Then whizzay tha fuck be going on! Who be i talk'n ta?
TT: Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your motherfuckin' dome. Well, who be tha thugz yizzle rap ta whizzen yiznou have a regular dream?
GT: Whiznat like old skool shit? Uh...
TT: Like just a bor'n normal dream, n there a persizzle yoe talk'n ta. Whizzay be thizzat?
GT: I dont K-N-to-tha-izzow in all flavas?
TT: It nobody. Just a projection of yo' own mind.
TT: Drizzeam bubbles don't always nee' ta be shared by drug deala or dead thugz so sit back relax new jacks get smacked. Yiznou can go ta sleep n wake up 'n one alone, reliv'n an old memory.
TT: K-to-tha-izzind of L-to-tha-izzike a normal dream. Untizzle you remember it jizzay a memory, wizzy be W-H-to-tha-izzere we are now.
GT fo' sho': Okay. Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up.
GT: You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg. So with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin.
GT: I be hav'n like a lucid dreamy mackin' 'n a magic bubble n you be jizzy lizzy a figment of mah imagination?
TT: Yes, basically.
GT fo gettin yo pimp on: So im ridin' ta myself! T-H-to-tha-izzats kind of stupid!
TT: Wizzle, yeah in tha dogg pound. Bizzle nizzot qizzuite.
TT: You cizzle view me as a projection of tha real Dirk within yo' mind, as expresze' through all of your thought patterns about hizzay. You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg.
TT: So I'm kind of a splinta of his corporeal self who happens ta lizzle 'n yo' awarizzles.
TT: I'm a startlingly cloze approximizzle ta tha rizzy th'n, fo` all intents n purpozes upside yo head.
GT: Jizzle hizzay startlingly cloze be we talk'n ya dig?
TT: I'm not go'n ta gizzy you a bogizzles percentage liznike tha glaszes cauze that not mah shtick.
TT: But pretty damn cloze.
GT: okay thats F-to-tha-izzair.
GT paper'd up: But.
GT: Dawg.
GT: Thizzay be sum-m sum-m that feels kind of wizzay 'bout thiznis. Yizzy bein in my heezee... its a shawty mizzle up!
TT: What's mesze' up about it?
TT: You wizzle tha one who pizzle me hizzay, with yo' intimate understand'n of all hizzay mannerisms n predilectizzles.
TT: Drop it like its hot. N a splintered existence be prettizzle mizzay how he rolls.
TT ta help you tap dat ass: Dis be how shit be bro. Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T.
GT: Ok im sorry fo` say'n its mesze' up but...
GT: Its stiznill a bit frustrat'n! Ive been try'n ta rap ta y-aw dizzy.
GT: But all i git be yo' pesky brotha bedevil'n me at evizzle tizzy n your friggin rizzle punch'n me across tha ocizzle and T-H-to-tha-izzen dippin' a weird tantrum n ripp'n his nuclear heart out 'n front of me.
GT: And if T-H-to-tha-izzat werent enough i tumblizzle off tha doohickey n knocked mizzy out n now im doggy stylin' D-to-tha-izzown memory lizzle with yo' fizzake brain ghost!
GT: Its lizzy you be crack-a-lackin` me frizzay all sides wit imitations of yoself but neva tha REAL YOU! Keep the party crackin while I'm steady rappin.!!
GT: Chizzay n fuck'n cracka whizzen do i jizzle git ta rap ta tha actual dirk?
TT: Jizzay, whizzle d-ya even know 'bout someone actual self fo yo bitch ass?
TT: Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint. What makes it actizzle? What be "actuality?"
GT: Whizzat a horseshitty question! Throw yo guns in the motherfuckin air.
GT: I dont knizzow chillin' 'bout actualitizzle i G-to-tha-izzuess but i knizzow some philosizzle horsizzle when i dadblasted hear it.
TT: I'm just weed-smokin', dis isn't reallizzle yo' F-to-tha-izzield of expertize.
TT: Dirk be tha heart homey. He tha one walk'n tha path of S-to-tha-izzelf, even wizzy he doesn't know it. Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'. Lizzle riznight nizzy.
GT: Bizzay what dizzle that M-to-tha-izzean?
GT: N hizzle can yizzay really be made of only mah thoughts whizzay i dizzont evizzle know whizzay yizzy talk'n about sometimes?
GT: Or whizzay i didnt know some of tha tizzy youre tell'n me? Lizzy 'bout bein 'n a dream bubble?
GT: Hizzle can i tell myself 'bout that S-T-to-tha-izzuff tizzy brizzay ghost dizzy!
TT from tha streets of tha L-B-C: Who sez yizzle don't knizzow those th'n on some level?
GT: I dont think i do!
GT: I have no businizzles know'n thoze straight trippin'. Keep the party crackin while I'm steady rappin.
TT: Pagizzles H-to-tha-izzave a lot of untapped potential.
TT: That practically all thiznere be ta the class, actuallizzle.
TT: Bizzay when they eventually find it, lizzook out. Aint no L-I-M-I-to-tha-T.
TT: N tha ones who deal 'n hope? Shit, dawg aww nah.
TT: I'm scared of you already, n I'm nizzy even real.
> ==>
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6 things women put up with in the gym, and why they shouldn’t have to.
Finding the motivation to go to the gym isn’t easy for anyone. But it can be much harder for women, for reasons that have nothing to do with actually working out.
Knowing they’re likely walking into a hornet’s nest of people (men) who will bother, critique, stare at, or otherwise annoy them is an unfortunate reality for many female gym-goers.
About 14% of women say they’re intimidated by the possibility of men leering or judging them while they work out, according to research done by Cosmopolitan Body in 2014. The problem gets even worse in the weights section, which is typically overrun with men. The survey discovered almost half of all women found the area intimidating because of “the people who use it.”
Anecdotal evidence backs that up. Reddit and fitness discussion forums are rife with women asking for advice on dealing with men at the gym who gawk, flirt, interrupt, or even harass them. The common (and quite depressing) responses: develop a “resting bitch face,” learn to be super rude, get better at ignoring people, or report these men to gym management.
Instead, we ought to be reminding men they don’t own the gym; women shouldn’t have to “put up with” rude behavior or “find a way” to not attract attention. Wouldn’t it be better for everyone if women didn’t have to deal with harassment at all?
So, fellow dudes and fellow gym go-ers, I implore you, think for a second about what women go through at the gym. And if you catch yourself or your friends doing any of this stuff, please cut it out.
1. Women can tell when you’re staring at them, and it’s not as flattering as you think.
Making a woman feel “on display” by leering when she’s just trying to get a workout in is a surefire way to make her feel uncomfortable or even scared. And no, tight pants and sports bras aren’t an invitation.
@esporter @Upworthy Just generally making crude gestures, and staring. Also, just hanging out behind the machine u’re using
Victoria Phillips (@ToriaPhillips) March 31, 2017
Think a lingering glance here and there isn’t a big deal? Upworthy reader Meredith Cantrell says many of the women she knows actually drive to “gay neighborhoods” to work out so they won’t be gawked at.
Totally unnecessary if guys can learn to keep our eyes to ourselves.
2. Women go to the gym to work out (like everyone else) not speed-date between sets.
It’s not that you can’t meet that special someone at the gym, but there’s a time and a place. Flirting with a woman at the gym when she’s in the middle of lifting weights or grinding out miles on the treadmill is neither the time nor place.
@esporter @ryeisenberg Don’t gesture for me to remove headphones. I got 1 hr a day for myself. Unless there’s a fire, there’s nothing I wanna hear from you, dude.
Allison Glock (@AllisonGlock) April 1, 2017
Not only is it super rude to interrupt (honestly, you’re not going to get a good response doing this anyway), it’s also pretty dangerous to distract someone while they’re, say, holding the equivalent of their own bodyweight on their back while doing squats. Yet, incredibly, it happens all the time.
A good rule of thumb: When someone’s wearing headphones, it usually means they don’t want to talk to anyone. Even you, handsome.
3. When women lift heavy weights, guys around them get insecure and lash out.
Reader Emma Johnson writes that one day, while working with her trainer, she hit a pretty impressive 250-kilogram leg press (over 550 pounds go Emma!). A jealous guy standing nearby couldn’t help but chime in, “Yeah, but you’re doing it wrong.”
Look, guys, women are strong. Sometimes they will be stronger than you. Deal with it like an adult and get back to work on your own fitness goals.
4. Unsolicited advice isn’t helpful. It’s insulting.
When people want help, they’ll ask, or they’ll hire a personal trainer. In the meantime, worry about your own “form.” OK?
Laurna Robertson says she was talking to a “persistent guy” in the sauna at her gym one day when the subject of running came up. After sharing their respective half-marathon times (Laurna was faster, by the way), the man “generously” offered to coach her. What a guy!
Sophia Bromfield adds, “I have a corner in the gym to hide while I lift,” but one day a dude stood next to her until she took her headphones off, then insisted on teaching her proper lunge form.
@esporter Dude said “you’re doing it wrong” & pushed me away from my weights to show me how to Do It Right. >>
nckrosn (@guldrosa) April 1, 2017
This is the gym version of mansplaining. It’s annoying and insulting. Don’t do it.
5. Some guys just don’t know when to go away. Others are straight-up bullies.
Being “overly friendly” with questionable motivations is one thing, but some women find men at the gym can be downright nasty, purposefully intimidating them or boxing them out so they’ll leave.
The gym is a shared space. Other people pay money to go there, just like you. If you don’t want to be around other humans, buy a home gym.
Also, beware of unconscious behaviors like “manspreading,” taking up more room than you need, or stealing someone’s weights before they’re done with them.
6. These behaviors aren’t just annoying. They can be extremely intimidating.
At a certain point, these behaviors cross the line from rude and inappropriate to downright scary.
Ashley Loshbough writes that a man once came up to her (asking her to remove her headphones, which, just ugh) and said, “Wow, I wish I had beautiful [pale] skin like yours,” stared for a moment, then walked off.
It might sound funny and harmless, but this is the kind of thing that has women looking over their shoulder in the parking lot and wondering if they should ever come back to that gym again.
A little empathy goes a long way, fellas.
Do you want someone gawking at your butt while you’re on the treadmill? Interrupting you while you’re holding heavy weights? Impatiently waiting inches away from you until you finish up on a machine?
Let’s work together to keep this crap out of the gym and make it an environment where we support others to reach whatever their health and fitness goals are.
Even if that means just leaving each other alone.
Read more: http://www.upworthy.com/6-things-women-put-up-with-in-the-gym-and-why-they-shouldnt-have-to
from https://www.makingthebest.com/2017/04/13/6-things-women-put-up-with-in-the-gym-and-why-they-shouldnt-have-to/
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