welcome to

murmur journal

issue no. 6

i am sorry for my absence, the questions were asked on 20th november between 10 am and 4 pm eet but i can type them only now, i am sorry for that :(

here i am allowed to share..

gyuvin's bond with the members of zerobaseone: currently, his bond with the boys is actually great. (<- albus: himself, his communication with zb1) however, there's a big warning for gyuvin because he has to be cautious of what his actual intentions towards the boys will be. (<- amissio: overall dynamics between gyuvin and zb1) gyuvin might have issues with trusting people and that doesn't seem to happen with his teammates. therefore, it leads for me that these issues might happen from time to time when he's not feeling secure. (<- cauda dragonis: known enemies and friendship) i think there can be issues, related to his solo activities in the future, currently, comparing to some others, he doesn't seem to have any, or if he has, there are little of them (<- rubeus: personal possessions). if his relevance is going great, his intentions will be great. if not, gyuvin might change out of sudden because he seems to rely on his idol job quite a lot and he might not care for anyone else and there are just risks for .. anything (<- career: conjunctio + hidden enemies: acquisitio).

nct mark and haechan's current dynamics: basically, they are distancing themselves from each other outside of work. in the past, they were friends for a reason outside of their idol/entertainer job but the purpose for it has already finished and there isn't simply anything else for them to be as close as before because they simply don't vibe with each other like that anymore. (<- cauda dragonis: themselves, their overall bond, natural matching/vibing) they can communicate in work quite well (<- laetitia) and they can be acquitances (<- puella: friendship) but up to that, i am not sure if they are comfortable with each other currently. (<- rubeus: happiness)

zhang hao, career until the rest of 2023: he is the star and will shine as ever! we saw him in mama, right? (saw he plays the violin in that collab😭; <- populus: himself, his relevance) however.. he seems to not know what to do individually? (<- cauda dragonis: personal possessions, solo work) he's trying to choose what to do, he just wants to do anything but he is thinking of what will be efficent for him and what has to be delayed. (<- rubeus: happiness) however, this seems to piss wakeone out because they want him to decide what he wants to do. (<- relationship with wakeone: tristitia) i see he wanted some time to think, right? at least they understood this. (<- laetitia: communication with wakeone) they will love him anyways ;) (<- conjunctio: connections)

what zhang hao+ricky+gyuvin+yujin/zb1 (collectively) think of sung hanbin?: overall, they don't have a summary opinion of the leader of their group. (<- cauda dragonis: themselves) at least one of them is "moody" with how they view sung hanbin (<- via: happiness) and although they communicate and seem to match very well (<- populus: communication + caput dragonis: vibing + conjunctio: overall dynamics), there seems to be unsaid things from whoever has/have different opinion/s. (<- tristitia: friendship)

taerae's ideal type (zb1): i will try to not explain with specific detailes since usually i would not prefer to be touchy with love-related requests but he seems to be into the one. more or less, taerae seems to be spiritual in some way (i am unaware if he is actually religious or not but it can be related to that if he professes any religion at all), so if he feels he found his special person, he will just do anything to be with them. (<- fortuna major: summary) he will feel the "wow" feeling, it seems that taerae wants to fall deply into the "being in love" hole. like yujin, he doesn't seem to have experience in love, so he might be inexperienced in relationships at all. (<- puer: eventual dynamics, caput dragonis: happiness) however, they seem to think for the present and not for their future. this leads me to that they might be younger than taerae himself. (<- rubeus: communicating, puer: like, living together?, it is related to home) however, their ideal type is also his karmic partner. (<- amissio: matching, vibing) to be together, they both have to be better for the other. with taerae's public job, they seem to have no choice but to be restricted in some way.. or in all ways (<- cauda dragonis: friendship, so's job, carcer: secrets)

how irene views sme?: irene is trying to vibe with the company as best as she can. however, her personal finances are also with its ups and downs, she doesn't have stable solo activities (for obvious reasons; <- via: herself, money, happiness with sme) their communication is stable, but it's like.. eh, it could be better. (<- populus: communication) at least they match really well, it seems to work! (<- caput dragonis: relationship, vibing) however, both sides seems to want completely different things, there seems to be some difficulties - either irene is ready to work again like before or she doesn't want to, i feel sabotage but it does not seem to be that extreme. (<- tristitia: friendship) she will do whatever she wants to do no matter of the hardships, so she does not have to worry! (<- puella: career)

i have other requests but i am not sure when i will be ready with them, i an really sorry for that (apart from the game i did)

this is a wierd question maybe but has a medical professional ever said anything at all about quadrobics?

i just know that in human pup safety courses they specifically dedicate a lot of time talking about wrist and hand injuries you can give yourself related to not playing properly and not using any wrist protection or support. MMA gloves are one of the most basic humanpup gears that they frequently stress is the Most important piece of gear you have because it's basically armor. and in humanpupplay, there is no running and jumping and parkour-type shit; youre just on the floor walking around or wrestling another dog. if its so easy to break your wrists doing that, imagine how easy it is to break your wrists with absolutely no protection whatsoever, running and jumping around?

(video from Gpup Alpha who is a humanpup educator AND doctor!)

iirc one of the entire points of the sport is to do it without protection to show off how adaptive or agile your body is. and honestly i think this is really terrible. this is a 1 way ticket to completely fucking up your wrists. again - if its easy to fuck up your wrists just by walking on your knuckles and knees, its even easier to do that when youre running and jumping and slamming your entire weight down onto your wrists without protection or support

i feel bad not having a real conclusion to this post. i want to say "go buy MMA gloves, go buy wrist support, go watch humanpup safety videos" but i am also not a medical professional and i have no idea what would work best here as protection against injury or longterm strain. maybe i'll say you should check in with a doctor before starting quadrobics and see what they recommend for wrist support because SOMETHING has to be better than forcing your entire body weight onto your hands and wrists this way (a fragile structure which has 8 bones btw!!)

be careful with your body. i dont care if you hate your body or do not identify with it. it is still a delicate machine that carries you through your life!!

A new sculpture! Finally... I feel like I never sculpt anymore since I'm always sick or have some 500 other things going on or projects to finish, but I'm trying to schedule time to do it more often this year hopefully..! Just a generic fantasy creature as usual, but did try making the eyes a little more sparkly this time.. hrmm..

One thing I love about mutant mayhem is that Leo has a crush on an April who’s not conventionally attractive. It almost feels like, because of the turtles’ isolated upbringing* he hasn’t been influenced by the popular western beauty ideals and just thinks this ordinary human is beautiful! And I think that’s really cool! Because she is!

*though they’ve clearly been exposed to celebrities and other pop culture so ?? idk lol

Not sure how I feel about the Episode 9 epilogue but it's so comforting to know Hyunwoo choose to love and marry Hae In despite holding on to that memory of his ideal type.

I say this cause Hyunwoo doesn't know the girl he met in highschool - his ideal type- was his future wife. So he essentially met Hae in years later and said yea I wanna love her for the rest of my life. I'm also thinking of those lovely epsiode 1 Germany scenes when he has no idea she's his first love and ideal type. Like she's just the women he choose to love and marry. And he loves her so much, so deeply, so truly.

It's really hard to have someone hold a candle to what's an ideal to you. And Haein fit the bill for him. He really saw her and choose to love her fully - not really thinking too much about that one highschool interaction that marked his life deeply enough for him to remember it almost 10 years later.

job market misery

Crowdsourcing a question

Okay totally personal post here because, now that search engines suck, my research is failing me. So I'm crowdsourcing my question about the residential care work industry!

Hoping at least some of my followers have experience in/with the industry and some intel on this:

Actual question: How common is it for jobs in residential care work (residential centers, btw, not home care) to actually have two people on the night shift? vs. just saying they always have two people on the night shift in interviews and their official policies, and actually it's not true?

Because my current job was, it turns out, apparently totally lying about "you'll never be on shift alone with clients" at orientation (when it comes to the night shift, anyway). Which, holy fucking safety issues, Batman!

Suffice to say this was a very fun thing to find out like three days before my first regular shift

So, I'm thinking realllll hard about switching companies, and I'm trying to figure out if I could expect to actually have a coworker at a different company, or if it's like an open secret in the field that actually, basically all the night shifts end up being solo shifts, because the industry is so chronically understaffed or w/e

Can you elaborate more on ten cents feelings towards captain Star?

I understand ten cents wants to have freedom and independence like his older teammates. But does he feel like captain star doesn't trust him to make decisions on himself?

Does ten cents feel like he needs to prove himself?

pretty much. ten cents does love captain star and does whatever he is told but because of his firm stance on his personal agency's importance and no-nonsense attitude, he often questions if working under captain star's watchful eye is going to be his fate for as long as he imagines. "is this how I'm going to live for the rest of my life?" "when will things change?" "I'm so bored. there's nothing fun to do."

ten cents is mostly content with the life he has but he wishes he could at least know what it feels like to live a "normal" life like boys his age (going to school, taken to restaurants with their family on sundays, playing in the afternoons, drinking and dancing and going out at nights). he wants to know what it feels like to not be questioned everytime he spends his own money or goes to other places or meets people outside of the star fleet (zip and sometimes boomer) without telling captain star beforehand.

captain star trusts ten cents.... most of the time. the thing is that he has a habit of jumping to conclusions when he gets concerned or too tired to think rationally. he's critical of ten cents' wellbeing and wants him to live a honest, compliant, and disciplined life (and also his own because he rarely talks about his past) because being a ww1 veteran, captain star has seen firsthand how uncertain and depressing the futures of many children and young adults were and doesn't want the same thing to happen to ten cents. however, captain star is not equipped to take on the role of a ""father figure"" to ten cents and often comes off as authoritian rather than fatherly or patient in ten cents' eyes.

ten cents views captain star's questioning attitude and quickness to jump to conclusions as slightly endearing at best and extremely annoying at worst. captain star has good intentions but his ways of doing it don't sit well with ten cents. both captain star and ten cents are equally as stubborn and VERY firm in their personal beliefs on freedom/lack thereof which overshadows their care for each other. "I'm trying my best and doing this for your own good. can you try to understand me." vs "I get it already so can you stop nagging me. can you try to understand me". truly the healthiest "father-son" relationship in bigg city port, just below captain zero with zip+zorran

niki's ideal type

ace of swords, 6 of wands, the fool rx • 3 of pentacles

niki wants someone who doesn't have experience in these things, like him. he wants his special one to be communicative and to work in a team. basically, he's into more extroverted people. he also wants to feel like he won the jackpot with his future person, honestly. niki's not having specific person in mind just because he's not that experienced in love and feelings, and this stuff. he just wants someone whose voice is sweet like honey.. i don't feel anything else.

𝗚𝗮𝗹𝗲 𝗵𝗮𝘀 𝗱𝗲𝗰𝗮𝗱𝗲𝘀 𝗼𝗳 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗶𝗻 𝗺𝗮𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗵𝗶𝗺𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗵𝗲 𝗵𝗼𝗽𝗲𝘀 𝗶𝘀 𝗱𝗶𝗴𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗯𝗹𝗲. Even as a child, Gale struggled to find steadfast friends. He had rambled too much, was a prodigious student among overly envious wizard boys, and honestly, to make sure he kept in the good graces of most, he, with some practice, hammered a mold. He didn't wear a mask, of course, more leaning on concealing his more 'unsavory' quirks, but it was not unlike walking like just half of he was--offering, essentially, the more 'palatable' parts. He was proud, sure, riling his share of more insecure peers, but he was good at magic, obnoxiously good, and in time, people weathered that pride to essentially ride his coattails. As Mystra's chosen, however, that doubled in force. He learned to hide himself, learned he was loved exclusively for magic. He made more friends among those lonely evenings in his tower, growing familiar with the voice of long dead authors and finding, of course, fulfillment in words. In fact, his idea of romance comes largely from words. It's partly why when smitten, he's such traditional ideas. He's not socially inept, mind you, but many of his thoughts come taken from stories, and if asked, he'd admit to having his heart steeped a touch in romanticism--though age, blessedly, has tempered the naive.

With the orb, unfortunately, he learned to quell himself only further. Gale could only feel so much, a terrible weight for a man who longs most to be seen and heard. Again, he'd further stemmed his excitements, his babbling passions and the stars in his eyes, and even despair and heartache were halved or quartered, or else, of course, the orb would burst. Now, he's learned not to be burden, that on top of being something half of himself. Suddenly, Gale being Gale wasn't just halfway a nuisance, but Gale being Gale could be more than inconvenient--Gale of Waterdeep is now plainly catastrophic.

Gale doesn't exactly hate himself, but it's hard for him to think anyone would like him for him. He's so starved to show himself just as he is--and it's partly why he rushes to give himself over completely when the moment's right.

Obligatory fancier outfit that must be present anytime I post outfits 

i'm so in love with wrio. that man is the embodiment of mercy and compassion. he is so... human. despite the deep disdain for atrocious acts that hurt others, especially acts that remind him of his own pain and traumas, he is able to keep himself in check and hold on to his values. despite being so proactive in fixing the wrongdoings of people that actively harm those under his care and assuring that everyone is supported in the best way possible; despite knowing he could have not controlled other people's hearts once they were in too deep in their own sins, he still feels helpless and incompetent. he recognises he cannot fully empathise with those who have been hurt for he has not experienced what they have and he understands that some wounds might not be able to heal even with all the attention and efforts, or at least not that easily. and it pains him. his whole life he's been trying to protect others. all his hard work during his time at the fortress and taking over it's administration has granted him the power and resources to actually change lives in a more restorative way, with a bigger amplitude than just the people who he's close to. yet he's only human. and not everyone wishes to be saved. and he doesn't hold back from breaking his own rules if means he is guaranteeing the best outcome for the greater good, for the well being of all of those he's sworn to protect. and although he earned himself a respectable title and even got used to being referred to in that way, he doesn't see people at the fortress as innmates but as equals. he never stopped being the little boy that was sentenced to live over a decade of his life there. and he is so good at what he does and he is so successful at restoring people's hopes in life, at giving them a second chance to become who they want to be, that there's people who actually want to stay there. he is the literal personification of turning your own pain into goodness, into love. love for community and love for others. he found meaning in making the world a better place and i just think that's really fucking beautiful.

I think it would be nice if my job at the leftist commune was handyman. Give me a shed with a variety of tools and then I just go around fixing things. And I could maybe teach some classes on how to do really common repairs or like a miscellaneous shop class so sometimes people can borrow the tools in my shed to fix their things if I'm busy working on other things.

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kmart alex from the 9/11 survivors. it was a book we read in school but it had no pictures :(( maybe a photo of the towers?

Kmart Alex from The 9/11 Survivors is Christian!

there are two wolves inside you: One that wants Yaz and 15 to meet sosososo bad, the other that doesn't RTD to want touch Yasmin Khan with a 50 foot poll