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why-animals-do-the-thing · 2 months

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There's a viral video circulating from the Fort Worth Zoo, of two keepers who ended up in a habitat at the same time as a silverback gorilla. Spoiler for good news: neither the humans nor the gorilla got hurt. It's a bad situation that ended extremely well, and that's why I want to talk about it.

The audio for this video is mostly someone praying loudly, so if you need to turn the audio off to watch it, you won't miss anything relevant. If you don't want to watch it, here's the summary: it starts with a keeper running around the corner into the main exhibit, pursued by a large male gorilla. She is quickly able to get into a doorway at the back of the exhibit, but does not completely close the door because the gorilla is standing across from her, watching. He eventually moves off to the right hand side of the exhibit, where we can see a keeper is trapped in the corner at the front. She was trying to move towards the exit as he moved to the right, and she stops, standing very still behind a tree, while he stays along the far right wall. They stay like that for a minute, and then the gorilla runs to the front right corner, and the keeper is able to run to the door in the back of the exhibit and get to safety.

Let's start with basic information. Even though it's just going viral now, this video is from October of 2023. It was taken not by a guest, but by the zoo security officer responding to the situation. Hmmm, seems like he maybe should have been doing something else during that situation, instead of than taking a phone video. It's going viral now because the guy (who is no longer employed at the zoo) decided to post it on TikTok for his five minutes of fame. This guy immediately started giving all sorts of media interviews, answering questions like "why no tranquilizers" inappropriately, making memes out of his own video, generally distasteful shit.

Zoo spokesperson Avery Elander gave a public statement that "thankfully, there was no physical contact between keepers and gorilla, and all staff and animals are safe." A comment from the zoo has also indicated that the incident was due to keeper error. (As opposed to, for instance, something in the fencing breaking.) According to the guy who posted the video, a lock was left unsecured and the gorilla was able to open the door to the habitat. I don't know if I buy it, and again, this just... is probably why he doesn't have a job anymore. By sharing that detail - real or not - he places a ton of public scrutiny and blame on that keeper team. (If that's what happened, I can promise you it will have been dealt with internally.) He also was nice enough to say he wouldn't name the women in the video... but verified they're still staffers at the zoo... which means they're eminently identifiable! Excuse me while I ragequit for a second.

So there's two reasons I wanted to talk about this. The first is to make sure it is well known that this guy is purposefully and intentionally exploiting the worst day of someone's life for media attention. Their lives were in danger, and he's using it for fame. His name is in the media articles - I'm not going to share it because he doesn't deserve that attention. The second reason, though, is because this video is a masterclass on how to survive if you end up sharing space with a gorilla. Every zoo person I've spoken to or seen comment on the video is so, so impressed with how the keepers handled themselves.

The gorilla in this video is 34-year-old Elmo. All apes in AZA zoos are managed in protected contact, so keepers are supposed to be separated from them by a barrier at all times. The zookeepers were in the habitat putting out a mid-day meal when he got out. Watching the video, you can see he's not actively being aggressive towards them - he's not making threat displays or trying to approach them. Mostly, Elmo seems like he doesn't know what is going on and he's kinda freaked out about it. (This is confirmed in the zoo's press statement, too). The staff stayed calm, and importantly, watched and waited to see how he'd move and act.

The zoo did say one thing, though, that's a bit misleading. In one article, their press person I quote as saying “In general, gorillas are considered the “gentle giants” of the great ape species.” Just because this may be true in comparison to other great ape species doesn't meant gorilla aren't still incredibly dangerous. This type of messaging always worries me, because I think it leads people to misunderstand the risks of being close to megafauna. Gorilla are extremely strong animals, and their social norms/behaviors are very different from that of humans. That's why it's such a big deal any time people end up in gorilla habitats, and why sometimes in those circumstances lethal measures have to be taken to protect human life.

These keepers are incredibly lucky to be unharmed. These women stayed safe specifically because they're trained professionals who knew how to act around gorilla, they knew this particular animal well, and they'd learned the escapes from the exhibit just in case this ever happened. We should applaud them for their cool heads and quick thinking.

As for the guy who posted the video? As a colleague put it, may he always step on a Lego.

#gorilla #gorilla video #viral video #zoo animals #zoo animal welfare #fort worth zoo

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boiohboii · 11 months

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What's a soft launch? (Lando Norris x Leclerc! Reader)

YN Leclerc is dating Lando Norris in secret, and they had been keeping it really quite for the past 9 months, but unfortunately she is dating an idiot who forgot to close his stream.

in which YN Leclerc and Lando Norris make everyone watching his stream need to bleach their eyes.

N.B: this is something for fun and has no relation to real life people. Also, I'll be doing a sm fic based on this cause a meme picture is what started this for me.

WARNING: suggestive, no actual smut. Making out. PDA cause lando forgot to close his stream. Mentions of breast, nipple and bra. French not used properly?... if i missed anything else let me know!

Sighing, Lando stretched his back while calling for his girlfriend- letting her know that it's okay to come in.

"Hey handsome."

username: is that who I think it is!

username: ARIANA WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE

username: someone call 911 lando no rizz pulled YN Leclerc

username: I want yn to call me handsome too

Unaware of the fast chat the couple smiled at each other as YN sat on Lando's lap, wrapping her arms around his shoulders, wrists staying still at the nape of his neck while her fingers play with the soft curls of his hair.

"Hello ma chérie."

And that's all the older boy got to say as the young girl latched her lips onto his, tightening her grip around his neck while his arms rest at her hips, squeezing them as he lifts her up a bit trying to reach as much of her as possible.

username: AY YOOOOOO someone tell my man he is live and we can see that

username: THE GRIP HE HAS ON MY GIRL

username: ooofffff, Lando's funeral is gonna be tomorrow my dudes

username: F in the chat for lando

username: F in the chat for charles, he having a heart attack rn

username: my girl gonna wake up with bruises

Breaking away to catch their breath Lando's hand caressed her hips, moving until they rested on her ass

"Ohhhh, okay, are we going there."

"I don't know gorgeous, are we?"

Shifting around in the chair, Lano placed his back to the arm of the chair moving YN in front of him- unknowingly, making the viewers have a perfect view of their interlocking lips which were quickly followed by a gasp from YN as Lando pressed his hips into hers- thus allowing a perfect entrance of his tongue into her mouth.

username: OKAY THIS IS A FULL MAKE OUT SESSION.

username: LANDO IS DYING AT 25 MY DUDES

username: FFS SOMEONE CALL THEM OR SEND A SUB OR SOMETHING, WE DON'T WANT LANDO TO DIE

username: Holy shit, YN have mercy on your brothers

username: how to be Lando rn

username: THIS FEELS SO WRONG, THEY LITERALY HAVE THEIR TONGUES DOWN EACH OTHER'S THROATS

username: please lord, let Lando still be able to have kids after seeing the Leclerc brothers

Being interrupted by her ringtone did not deter the couple from their steamy activity, in fact it was like they didn't even hear it as Lando's right hand slipped into the girl's shirt roaming around her stomach as it rested in her breast.

Another ringtone...... Lando's left hand made its way to her bra's clasp, opening it with swiftness that made it evident it had not been the first time he had done that.

The way their tongues moved and their arms explored places they were already familiar with only comes with expirence. A lot of experience.

As the ringtone got repeated for the third time, Lando decided to slow down, removing his lips from hers while his right hand pushed her bra downward a bit, making him feel her hard nipple under his fingertips.

Moving her left arm from around his neck while balancing herself with her right arm, YN reached into her back pocket getting her phone out.

"Oh, it's Danny"

The cheerful voice of the girl filles the room

username: of thank god!

username: FINALLY

username: Lando, you will be missed

username: this has been the hottest thing I have ever seen in my life

username: I wasn't even doing anything and I'm out of breath

Answering the phone YN couldn't even get a word out before Daniel is screaming into her ear

"IT'S LIVE! YOU'RE FUCKING LIVE."

Snapping her head towards her boyfriend's set up, she quickly balanced the phone in between her ear and her shoulder while removing his hand from under her shirt, tipping as she attempted to close the live while holding her bra in place as much as possible.

"What? What's wrong?" Upon seeing his girlfriend's frantic behaviour Lando became alert, worried something might be wrong.

"YOU DIDN'T CLOSE THE LIVE!"

"WHAT!!"

In a hurry to get up from his position and close the stream he tripped over his own feet just as his hands reached the desk, and as an attempt to save himself from the fall he gripped the first thing within his reach- his keyboard and his mic- making them fall right on his head.

The sudden scream of Lando's and the quite comical fall (in YN's opinion) made her forget about the older man on her phone and about the entire issue. The only thing she did was double over in laughter that within seconds turned into a sound similar to that of a car's windshield wiper.

"Oh, I'm glad my pain is amusing you."

username: this is the best stream of my entire fucking life man

username: I have no idea what is going on, but I love it

username: this is hilarious.

SOCIAL MEDIA REACTIONS

THE BROTHERS' REACTIONS

THE FAMILY DINNER

#f1 x reader #f1 #landonorris #lando norris x reader #lamdo norris x leclerc reader #charles leclerc x sister reader #arthur leclerc x sister reader #lorenzo leclerc x sister reader #leclerc reader #leclerc sister #leclerc daughter #lando norris #charles leclerc #arthur leclerc #lorenzo leclerc #lando norris imagine #lando norris x leclerc!reader

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inf3ct3dd · 7 months

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streamer!ellie headcanons

warnings: yo no se

content : streamer!ellie headcanons 🔥🔥

authors note : the streets r calling and they’re telling me to write streamer ellie hcs….

- def started off as a faceless streamer. she wasn’t really comfortable on camera, and she just thought it would be way easier. you can only see her shoulders-down leaving her (deliciosu. scrumptious. yummy) arms in the cameras view.

- her twitch user is “creeperewman” cuz shes like…discreetly hiding her initials and referencing the best minecraft parody ever 😕!!!

- bought the most random shitty mic and webcam and started streaming 🔥🔥 she never got rid of either of them its part of her odd loser charm

“‘fartmaster69:it’s probably cuz your camera’ it’s probably bc of YOUR CAMERA!!! theres nothing wrong w my camera bro 😞”

“don’t listen to them…ur perfect 🤫 IM NOT TALKING TO U GUYS IM TALKING TO MY CAMERA”

- only had a few viewers the first couple times she streamed, and it was some random 10 yr old who kept spamming “yassss” in the chat and some dude who said she was shit at minecraft 😞 he was LYING

- started off doing minecraft speed runs (or trying to) and got like way good over time

- she randomly started getting more and more viewers, because people kept posting abt her and calling her fine on tiktok , making edits of her hands and her voice 😭😭 (real)

- as she got more and more viewers, she started branching out more with the games she’d play. def loves shooter games like cod and pubg, but she’d also play like indie horror games like faith (omg markiplier fans would know)

- she has a orange cat she named garfield (cuz…of course she does) and he’s always sitting on her lap during her streams or messing w her setup 💔💔

- def put stickers all over her headset and showed them off all proud on stream

- designed her own cute banners and stuff for streams 😞!!!

- def had a subreddit/disc server with her viewers where she’d let them give her game recs or make memes of her

- ppl saw her guitar in the back of her streams and BEGGED HER to play it and she had her own lil concert stream !!! she was so freaking nervous and messed up a bunch the first like minute or two but like after that she was in the ZONE

“‘ewswife: i wish i was that guitar’ oh!! you guys are so…kind!!!”

- when she INSANELY hit 1k, she did a face reveal and she hit 10k the same day 😦 the amount of edits that ppl made was actually insane. ESP ONES MAKING FUN OF DREAMS FACE REVEALLLL

- started doing much more random shit on stream after she got more famous. she LOVES cooking on stream, and she’d start reacting to random shit ppl sent her on the subreddit

- she cut her hair on stream once, and everyone in the chat kept spamming “yo bob…is fye” for like 5 minutes 😪

- “you’re at work watching me? i hope you get fired. i mean. i hope you don’t get fired 😞”

- she gets so many thirst comments and like…is terrible at responding to them

“‘ewleftbicep: you look so vulnerable today’ WHAT”

- she has her own apartment cuz of her awesome streaming money 🔥🔥🔥 soundproofed walls too cuz she’s. loud.

- one day, you were walking on campus to a class. you had your headphones on, listening to your main playlist on shuffle, when you got stopped by someone. you pulled your headphones off your ears and gave the man in front of you a confused look. you looked down to his hands, holding a tiny mic, and another dude holding a camera.

“what song are you listening to?” he held the microphone towards you, awaiting your response.

you quickly responded “uhm, last goodbye, by jeff buckley.” and stood there awkwardly, pushing a piece of hair out of your face.

the man quickly thanked you and you walked away, slightly suprised.

- after a couple hours, the video had blown up and the comments were filled with people complimenting you.

pickleluna: jeff buckley girl is so fine

minyonlala: 3rd girl is so bad

rilakkila: I NEED JEFF BUCKLEY GIRL

and unknown to you, someone else found you on their fyp.

creeperewman: guys what is the 3rd girls @. im literally BEGGING BRO PLEASEEE

- ewleftbicep: BEING DESPERATE ON MAIN IS CRAZY

- ewsgirlf: random tiktok girl stole my wife 💔

- elliewilliamsidechick: guys im literally the 3rd girl 😂😂😂

- it didn’t take long for your phone to be blown up with people sending you the video, tagging you in funny comments, and finding your instagram. you watched the video, and saw ellie was the top comment. you checked her profile, and saw how FINE she was, and immediately responded

- y/nmainn: guys 😳😳😳 what if i was the third girl 😳😳

- ellie checked her phone and saw thousands of people tagging your comment, and she wasted zero time following you on tiktok. and your instagram. its not stalking if its in your bio, right?

- you two immediately hit it off, and ellie loved the fact that you had absolutely no idea who she was. to you, she was just some hot girl. not some famous streamer you were obsessed with.

- she didn’t even realize you two went to the same school until she saw you in her astrophysics class one day, and she almost had a heart attack when you waved at her and walked over to sit next to her.

“what a coincidence.”

- she took you out on your first date to a planetarium, and not even a week after, asked you to be her girlfriend.

- she definitely teaches you how to play her favorite games. but she gets wayyyy defensive when you beat her.

“im just letting you win.”

“beginners luck.”

but shes SO COCKY when she beats you

“hey, don’t be so hard on yourself after this. not your fault im a professional!”

“aw, maybe one day you’ll be as good as me”

- definitely helps you build your own pc.

- loves watching you play things like animal crossing or stardew valley, always lays on your shoulder while you’re on the couch.

“why are you being so mean to gaston :((“

“because hes UGLY and he has an ugly house and he’s ruining my village.”

“wowww you’re bullying a little bunny man because he doesn’t fit your aesthetic 😒 so mean”

- if you like more aggressive games like cod, she loves listening to you talk shit while you play and always makes fun of people with you. (she thinks its hot when you’re mean to people)

- her chat absolutely loves you, and every time you stream together its a continuous stream of “me and who” and “when is it my turn 😪”

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elmhat · 6 months

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DSMP TUMBLR SIMULATOR

🟩 escapedwarcriminal Follow

On vacation! Check out the fancy hotel :)

🦆 stabbyduck69 Follow

gufys please mass report this he's trxying to fucking dox me and also kill me pls guys

7 notes

❌ god Follow

I just finished writing my latest book! To thank everyone who stuck with me through this process, I'm giving away one copy to a random follower! All you have to do is reblog 😊

#bookblr #writeblr

2,963,086,652,755 notes

🐝 what-if-bees-had-nukes Follow

Anyone know where the boomerville residents went?

🐝 what-if-bees-had-nukes Follow

No one replied so I guess I own their house now

3 notes

🥇 dreamsno1traitor Follow

#I'm actually so sick of these mfs #no joke if I have to spend another day around these people I might kms #one more comment about how "evil" he is and I'm gonna snap #I can't believe I used to be friends with them? #they're so bloodthirsty for no reason #sorry just needed to vent #can't say any more than this or I'll blow my cover #neg

2 notes

🧁 the-girl-who-burned-your-tree Follow

New strawberry cake recipe! (Safe for pigs)

Try out this delicious dessert that all the family can enjoy!

Keep reading

#baking #recipes #I just wanted to make something that my friend can eat too #he has some rather unique dietary requirements

130 notes

🐷 bloodforthebloodgod Follow

"average person destroys 1 government a year" factoid actually just statistical error. average person destroys 0 governments per year. technoblade is an outlier and should not have been counted

💿 fuckdream123 Follow

this is so fuckign disrespectful to doomsday survivors take this down you egotesticle fkng prick

45,687 notes

🟩 escapedwarcriminal Follow

@warden-of-the-vault How's idiotville idiot

🟩 escapedwarcriminal Follow

Wait you can't reply cause you're in IDIOTVILLE

5 notes

🪶 philzaminecraft Follow

My good friend has entrusted me with looking after his lovely dogs, haha! 😂 Do any of you fine young people have advice for me as to how to take care of this many hungry hounds? 🤔 I look forward to hearing from you.

From Philza Minecraft.

P.S. Please also instruct me as to how to increase the number of messages I receive in response to my questions. This internet website is a tad confusing. I had enough bother attaching the photograph. 😂

89 notes

🐷 bloodforthebloodgod Follow

woke up to the dash full of drama again. sigh

🦆 stabbyduck69 Follow

fucking Die

🐷 bloodforthebloodgod Follow

oh so you're the one sending all the anon hate

🦆 stabbyduck69 Follow

i don't send anon hate i'll hate to your fucking face bitch

🦆 stabbyduck69 Follow

please go out with me

11 notes

🔱 warden-of-the-vault Follow

🔥 murdered-yo-fave-pet Follow

But fr guys, as much as we're memeing around in the tags dream is actually out there and he's dangerous. If you see him call me or sam immediately. DON'T fight him. You'll /gen die.

6,210 notes

🐈 antthecatmaid Follow

won't be around for a while, going on vacation!

🐈 antthecatmaid Follow

fuck I'm back fuck fuck fuck

27 notes

💿 fuckdream123 Follow

i'm too sad to commit terrorism like what's the fucking point anymore

6 notes

🧨 zombiepresident1 Follow

World's First NFT Burgers

(Ignore the poor photo quality, my good camera got confiscated by authorities)

"An explosion of the senses, and I don't just mean that time the place exploded!" ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

"So much better than Quackity's horrible grimy SHIT FUCKING RESTAURANT" ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

#reviews are all from verified sources #don't look into it #someone blaze this I have no money

204 notes

✨ quirky-cake-duper-teleporter Follow

Genuinely fuck dream.

✨ quirky-cake-duper-teleporter Follow

Ignore this I wasn't in my right mind

16 notes

🐷 bloodforthebloodgod Follow

The Teletubby and the Pig

Fandom: Original Work Rating: General Audiences Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence Characters: Technoblade, Dream (me and my friend) Additional Tags: Pandora's Vault Prison, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort

Summary: idk man I'm bad at summaries, just something I wrote with my friend to pass the time (he was too embarrassed to post it)

284k words so far

-> Read here!

#I actually wrote this a while ago but I wasn't allowed to post it for legal reasons #don't worry though I'm planning to murder the legal reasons soon #writeblr #original fiction

35 notes

💍 im-from-the-future Follow

WARNING - PLEASE READ

My murderer showed up at my house today. Police refused to arrest him. I feel sick to my stomach, I don't know where he is or what he's doing, if he comes back I have no way to protect myself. Please stay vigilant and don't trust anyone you don't know.

🥕 catsncarrots Follow

i'm so sorry to hear that karl :( hey what's the new pfp?

💍 im-from-the-future Follow

No idea

43 notes

🥚 baddestboi-withahalo Follow

we all accepted the prison way too quickly. there's like no safety measures? are we forgetting someone DIED THERE? and i've literally seen the main cell myself and it's a mess. pretty sure there was some real blood on the walls too. idk just doesn't feel right

🔱 warden-of-the-vault Follow

I'm tired of people reblogging posts like this without checking their sources. There are some obvious red flags here. For starters, op claims they've witnessed the main cell personally, but if you actually check the prison's rules, visits have been banned for several months now [x]. The prison is armed with state of the art security measures, including lava, barriers, and numerous manual searches, to name just a few [x]. Speaking as an authority on the prison myself [x], I can safely confirm that these security measures, as well as the prisoner, are in perfect condition. Don't be so quick to buy into conspiracy theories.

🥚 baddestboi-withahalo Follow

I LITERALLY WORK THERE????

🔱 warden-of-the-vault Follow

Not anymore you don't.

972 notes

#long post #I wasted so much time on this and every second was worth it #dreblr #dream smp #dsmp #dashboard simulator #lore thoughts #dsmp dashboard simulators

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demonictacobeard · 3 months

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Adam, still going through it, texting Lucifer because that’s the only fucker he knows here who he only hates most of the time: Why is a fucking pig lying on my bed?!

Lucifer, texting back right away: It’s hard being the only one of your kind in a place, he must have been so excited to hear you were here that he came to see you himself

Adam, using Doomgle for the first time to find pictures of ducks saying die in a fire: Die

Lucifer, torn between being pissed at the duck meme or loving it: You first, no that would be second wouldn’t it?

Adam, sending a rolling eyes Hellmoji: Oh no I’m dead, so fucking original. Not like I haven’t done this before, bitch nothing you say will piss me off more then dying from advanced aging

Angel Dust, accidentally reading the whole thing over his shoulder, an easy task: That’s where Fat Nugget is?! Fuck, why’d he run off there? I don’t wanna go into the depression cave, and I know Adam doesn’t want me to come knocking either

Lucifer, waving his hand and opening a portal into Adam’s room: I’ve got this. Adam! You can deposit the pig here into the waiting arms of his owner

Adam, shoving his hands through the portal while holding a whining Fat Nugget: Who’s miniature ham is this even?

Angel Dust, scooping Fat Nugget up: Mine! Nugget, my sweet little shit. Why’d you go and fall asleep in a lamb paddock?

Adam, flipping Angel off through the portal and slowly dragging his hand out of it: Wilbur got lonely, guess Charlotte isn’t entertaining after all huh?

Angel Dust, flipping him off back with his lower arms: Just shut up you shitty ass sheep, a Shepard would leave you behind on purpose

Lucifer, cutting that short by closing the portal: Charlie’s going to be so happy he spoke to someone today

Husk, cleaning his lemon juicer: She’ll be happier about it then Adam himself

Lucifer, shaking his head: No, trust me he lives for this shit. He’d rather argue then being left completely to himself. Because if he’s all alone he’ll get bored. He hates being bored

Angel raising a suggestive eyebrow: And…your majesty just how do you know that?

Husk, slapping his face because he warned Angel about teasing the King Of Hell a hundred times: He has fun undoing everything I do to keep his ass alive, doesn’t he?

Lucifer, staring at him silently before laughing a little too loudly: No reason!

Angel after Lucifer tugs his collar and leaves awkwardly: I think the king doth protest too much, Husk

Husk, sighing: I think you are doth interested, in the business of a man who can kill a seven deadly sin if he wanted to, too much

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel adam #hazbin hotel lucifer #guitarduck #adamsapple #sinner adam #hazbin hotel angel dust #hazbin hotel husk #cw cursing #Husk tries so hard #Angel Dust the resident meddler #Fat Nugget tries to be a therapy pig but no one will let him #Lucifer: It’s totally normal to know so much about a man you hate #Lucifer: Right?#Meanwhile Adam is Doomgle’ing spider facts to use as future insults #He comes out of his room eventually

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fernlessbastard · 9 months

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So, what's the deal with this tnt duo art?

I've explained it in my reblog of this post, but I've decided to copy this over to a brand new post as well, because especially with qsmp happening I'm sure we have many newer people here who don't get what's the deal with this piece

Ok so first off: the artist is _olga.exe_ on Instagram (I think also on twitter but i don't use Twitter so you'll have to check that one yourself)

To the best of my understanding this art just came out around June 2021, which was immediately after the first Revivedbur/Quackity interaction. The first two or so months the ship was exclusively seen as a crack ship - I'm not fully certain why, I think it's just that quackbur before wasn't all that known and popular, so it seemed like it came out of nowhere to the majority of the internet (which, it didn't, holy shit, those sluts have been so gay with each other for so long). It also was a time when most people only began realising that ccQuackity was capable of serious lore, which most likely added to how the ship was seen. Even I myself actually was very hesitant to bring it up to my partner, when I began slowly getting into it - of course while simultaneously deluding myself that it's nothing more than a crack ship for me (@octobre-ackedia oh would you look at how we ended up--).

This art was one of the first pieces that were fully serious, and couldn't be construed in any way shape or form as /p, so it got picked up by people on twitter and memed on. Around September 2021 tntblr began reclaiming it (and if I remember correctly we had a boom of posts sharing the original artist about that time).

In this surge of new people beginning to ship those two that's been happening for the past year or so, I need you all to remember that quackbur started off first as a very underground ship that almost no-one spoke of, and then became a crack ship. The header on my blog doesn't come from a "ha ha funny" self deprecating meme. #twquackburshipping was a tag that someone seriously used to tag a post about how Eret commented on some tntduo/r tiktok.

I get how easy it is to forget how anti-mainstream of a ship quackbur used to be (or simply miss that, if you're newer - which, for the record, no shame, I'm happy to see the new faces!), considering ccQuackity's endorsement of it in the last months of dsmp, not to mention what's happening on qsmp, but all those "omg I'm a quackbur shipper ha ha don't hate me ha I'm cringe I know" jokes used to genuinely not be jokes something like 1,5 years ago.

I hope this explains it thoroughly, and to everyone a little bit newer to the ship: welcome! Glad to see you here, remember to have fun, and if you've got any questions, feel free to ask me :]]

#tnt duo #tntblr #tntduo #quackbur #c!quackbur #wilbur soot #quackityhq #wilbur #quackity #dsmp #dream smp #support art #revivedbur #qsmp

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dorylinae-supremacy · 4 months

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Thinking about an AU where Techno, Wilbur and Tommy are all the harbingers of the actual entire apocalypse and Phil (just some insane guy) decides that those are in fact his kids and starts gaslighting the absolute shit out of them about it.

Rambles under cut!

I wanna try something where they're just more insidious and passive killers than anything else, theyre mostly just biding their time and watching as wherever they're lingering around gets sicker and just starts withering away.

They're a slow moving threat that just can't be stopped and for some reason (because Kristin thinks its funny) Phil just isnt affected by them.

Phil: Oh Techno's always been like that ever since he was a baby Techno: I have literally never met you a day in my life Tommy: Idk man... you have always been like that Wilbur: Oh my death he's actually getting to us

Its a mix of that combined with that "how did he know I was a gemini" meme

Phil: Wil! I brought you some salmon, I know how much you love it! Wilbur: How the fuck did you know I like salmon Phil: I'm your dad silly, of course I'd know :-)

I just think itd be super fun since Phil in this au is literally just some insane dude. He literally lies about their entire childhood but does it so consistently and so realistically that it throws them off guard.

I also have a few ideas where they start referring to Phil as their dad in the beginning as a sarcastic / mocking thing but accidentally just getting themselves even more adopted as they do it.

Phil: Wilbur put on a coat Wilbur: I don't need one! Techno: Go on, Wil. Listen to dad Wilbur: Ugh fine. Only because dad wants it, though

Stranger: Whos this? Tommy: Oh thats our dad. He kinda just tags along Stranger: Aww thats so sweet! You got his nose and everything Tommy: I- wh- no he's not actually our da- Phil: I know he did! Isn't he the cutest, spitting image isnt he? Tommy: You're not my dad! Stranger: Oh someones embarrassed! Phil: Yeah he's going through a rebellious phase right now

Just a mixture of things like that where it starts as calling him it but then accidentally actually giving him parental authority along with that.

I also wanna explore how Kristin and Phils relationship would be like. Maybe her as death being very bemused by this silly human that just decided she was his wife one day.

She literally visits him in dreams and stuff and he just acts as if they're married and have been for years. He complains about their 'rambunctious kids' and how he has to threaten them with her so that they behave sometimes. She finds it so silly and just cant help but play pretend.

Kristin: Hello, human Phil: My love! Its been so long since I've seen you Kristin: We've never met Phil: Oh don't say that! It hasnt been that long. I've just been far too occupied with our boys to visit too much Kristin: Our boys? I made them Phil: And they came out beautiful! I'm so glad Wil and Tech got your eyes. I was hoping they would.

I think that'd be a core part of this AU as well. Everyone is playing pretend but then it just fuzzies and it all becomes real for them. At first its a joke that Phil is her husband and their father but then they get lost in the fantasy and fun of it all and actually accept him as such.

Phil has no ulterior motives either, he's literally just a strange insane man that heard stories about neotrio and started thinking they were his kids one day. He genuinely believes his delusion and they end up accidentally making it a reality.

He just makes lucky guesses and plausible lies often enough that he's still shiny and new, he's still fun to play with and thats what ends up 'tricking' them all.

#dory writes #harbingers AU #dark sleepy bois inc #dark sbi

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 2 months

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AITA for telling a school counselor about what my friend does online?

I (F minor) am in middle school. I have a group of friends, about 8 people, but this is about one girl in specific we can call Annie. All of us are mutuals on tumblr, twitter, etc. and we have a discord server too.

All of us are into a lot of the same things, like art, anime, video games, and have a lot of the same hobbies. Most of us also struggle with mental health stuff like anxiety and/or depression so we regularly talk to our school counselor (F, Idk how old she is).

Anyways, we're all really close and we get along really well for the most part, but lately Annie has been doing stuff that really bothers and worries us.

She's VERY into internet discourse. Has 10 paragraph long DNI page, is constantly starting fights with other people, etc. She usually argues about stuff like LGBT+ rights, womens rights, etc. but also a LOT of fandom discourse which is my biggest concern.

A lot of my other friends reblog/retweet stuff like anime gifs, fanart, memes, etc. but pretty much every post I see from Annie is her fighting with someone over shipping or something like that.

A lot of the posts are basically:

Her talking about how disgusting a certain ship or character is

How everyone who likes that specific thing is a degenerate, or freak, or pedo or groomer.

How if you like problematic ships you need to get a therapist, or you deserve to be hurt. Once I saw her arguing with someone who said they write certain stuff due to trauma and she said "You don't have trauma, you're either lying or you actually liked it and that's why you write such disgusting nasty shit"

Fighting with random people and accusing them of being a predator or a pedo

Breaking her own DNI (which says adults, proshitters, etc. DNI) and then getting mad at the other person for responding

It's really upsetting to see because she does this CONSTANTLY. She never seems to use tumblr/twitter to do things she actually likes. I never see her reblog gifs or memes or just silly lighthearted posts about stuff she enjoys.

It's especially upsetting because we're minors and she TELLS PEOPLE THAT. Like she's arguging with people that she thinks are pedos or child predators, while openly telling people her actual age. To me that's like covering yourself in bloody steaks and then jumping into water full of sharks.

I was really starting to get concerned because even in our private discord server she's always talking about how much she hates these people or whatever and how they should die, a lot of the time she says things like "they should get the wall" or "I hope their nasty fanfics happen to them irl that would teach them lol" and it really freaks me out.

She also talks about seeing the "child porn" that these people make which as far as I'm aware is drawings of characters but it still freaks me out how open and calm she is about looking at what she THINKS is child porn. I asked her if it's child porn why is it being linked in callout posts for other people (including minors!) to see and not being reported to the FBI but she just gets mad and changes the subject.

Me and our other friends have mentioned before that we don't like hearing about this kind of stuff but then she just gets mad and goes offline or gives us the silent treatment at school.

A month or so ago I got so fed up and upset, that I took a bunch of screenshots of her tumblr account and discord messages. One thing to note is that her username is VERY specific.

It's a combination of her first and last name and her birth year. Most people will not know that, but if you know her name and birthday, it's easy to tell it's her. She also goes by her real name online which I also screenshotted as proof it's her.

I brought all this to the school counselor, and I told her how worried I was about Annie, and how I think she's doing something really unsafe. Not only is she confronting people she thinks are child predators/groomers, she's telling people they deserve to get hurt in really awful ways, and looking at porn and I don't think this is good for her mental health.

The counselor at first was like "Idk are you SURE it's her? It could be anyone online!" But I insisted that it was and explained the username thing and that this was our private discord server so obviously I know it's her.

She thanked me for letting her know and told me I was being a good friend and then we talked about how I was doing, and then I left. I kind of forgot about it until a week later.

Annie wasn't online at all and I was kind of worried, but then I saw her on Monday at school. I was with our other friends and we called out her name so she would see us and come over and she LOST IT. She started screaming at us and telling us how awful we were, and how we ruined her life.

Idk what exactly happened, but apparently the counselor talked to her and her parents got involved? Her parents now monitor her internet usage, they have child safety stuff on the browsers, and she's only allowed on certain websites for doing research for school, or watching videos on youtube on their account so they can see what videos she's watching, or playing games on steam.

She said that her parents are also putting her in therapy once a week now (with an actual therapist, not the counselor) and she's only allowed to go out with an adult chaperone (either her older sister or one of her parents).

But... None of our friends know it was me who told the counselor. Annie has other friends besides us, so they're also "suspects" for being the snitch. It seems like half of our friends are relieved that Annie is kept away from that kind of stuff and the other half are mad at whoever the snitch is for ratting Annie out and resulting in her having less privacy/freedom.

At first I was happy that Annie was getting help and being kept away from this but now I feel really conflicted. I feel so disgusting talking to her and our other friends and pretending nothing happened, knowing that I was the one who told the counselor.

Annie still talks to us but she's a lot less open. We still have our discord server but apparently her parents will read through the messages to make sure she's not talking about anything bad and that she's only talking to us and not strangers.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole #ship discourse

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anonymouscheeses · 4 months

Text

more obvious shit I wanted to point out but it's more than last time uhhh pt.2 (spoilers for dad beat dad and maybe welcome to heaven. Maybe?)

I love that Charlie just randomly goes into demon form sometimes like here ehhehehe. Also can I just say I love Charlie so much?? She is my favorite and I love her especially in this episode because it feels like the same optimistic Charlie but she was just put in a bad situation. I relate to her a bit TOO much, almost down to every detail like wow. You'll understand later once I get there. But just wow...

LOOK AT THIS FUNNY LITTLE MAN. SPOODER DUST <3 also. Live [image] reaction. Someone make that into a reaction image 🙏🙏

HONEY!!! NEW MEME TEMPLATE JUST DROPPED. (Aka the one guy going crazy trying to explain the stuff on the board iykyk)

OMG... THAT CANT BE CHARLIE... NOT CHARLIE'S EMO PHASE PLEASE BAHAHAHHAHAHA (also love that Lucifer has kept it all these years, if Charlie knew I think she'd be extremely embarrassed. Vaggie would love it probably xd)

HE IS SO GOOFY I CANT- I LOVE HIM SO MUCH ALREADY!!! NEED.

Broskie got character development and is NICE?!? I LOVE THAT SMMM YALL.... LOOK AT HIM!! I am very delusional yes, but I will take this over ass development(cough. Vaggie's "story" in ep 3. Cough).

Imagine this. *holds your hand carefully to help you calm down while talking to your father you haven't really wanted to talk to.* lesbian type stuff ngl 🤯 (relatable)

Angel looking at the gays while being a gay too. HE'S BEING SO KIND TO CHARLIE UGGHH I CANTTT!!(POS) NODDING HIS HEAD, SMILING TO HER, ALSO TRYING TO HELP CALM HER DOWN. I MAY BE ASS AT SOCIAL CUES BUT I NOTICED THIS ONE!! YAA

*SHE IS STILL HOLDING HER HAND. CHARLIE'S ALSO SWINGING IT AROUND NERVOUSLY. I can never get tired of them and will make art soon just you wait.*

COMMANDER VAGGIE! I love that she acts like this is a camp full of tiny kids and honestly? That's not too far off. Sir pentious is at the ready! (glad he's here more often in the episode, thought he would just get sidelined after his first episode but gladly no!) Angel is just surprised. Husk spilled his drink, ON WHITE FUR NO LESS! Niffty of course is on the floor face first. Charlie is just happy to be there yippee!

What is this?? I have no idea what the hell it is at all. Bro is just peepin- it doesn't look like Alastor, even in demon form. And... I can't think of anyone else who could be this. Anyone have ideas or maybe it's foreshadowing? Maybe it was revealed in the 6th episode I don't know I haven't watched it yet. (I am a freak. I don't binge I give myself a day to watch a single episode. Most of the time uhhh.)

WE LOVE A SHORT KING. I LOVE THAT. I LOVE HIM. THE EVERYTHING. HE IS EVERYTHING. LET ME STRANGLE HIM PLEASE. (Lillith and Lucifer's dynamic is 100% Gomez and Morticia but a little more silly short man)

"OH WOW! AN OLDER MAN WHO GIVES ME FATHERLY CARE!" *STARTS TO FUCKING CRY*

I FEEL YOU CHARLIE WAAAGHHH

Oh and there goes the silly guy again! Atp I'm thinking it may be the gal some people been talking about that they've been hinting since the pilot. I forgot her name but she's said to be the big bad of season 1 or probably 2. Not sure if that's what it's trying to imply but here's my little no-thought idea

Lucifer, no...

LUCIFER NO!! THIS IS SUCH AN ADORABLE RESPONSE TO CHARLIE DATING A WOMAN. (ADOPT ME)

AND THEN THE HUG! I GET IM LOOKING TOO MUCH INTO THIS ONE SILLY SCENE BUT I JUST LOVE IT SO MUCH AND WANT THIS SO BAD IN MY LIFE.

Niffty really said, "Yes, I do the cleaning."

Get yourself a taller king who is a short king but compared to you is a tall king

Say what you will, but I genuinely want more dad Alastor, someone make an au before I do plsss and @ me 🙏🙏

alright.. now this is where it starts to be relatable and hurt my heart... yayy.... needing any sort of parent figure that actually cares about you than the actual parent who is rarely there? WOWZA! SAME CHARLIE <3 <3 (SO FAR VERY ACCURATE FROM SOMEONE THAT IS IN THE SAME SITUATION)

Alastor is letting her off kindly, atleast in his way. He may be pissed off she brought a shark gang to the hotel and put it on fire, but they were still close friends. With anyone else he would absolutely either murder them or have severely traumatized the person. She's the exception, although I don't think he'd let it off the hook so easily if there were a next time.

A father-daughter embrace! :,)

(This is gonna be messy asf) He wants to know who she is as a person. He always has, and that's definitely obvious, but from a person inside this, they may not know themselves what the other is thinking. To Charlie it was like he never cared and just wanted an excuse to not see her again, acting like he was truly busy as in the start where he made the rubber duck that breathed fire. Sure. But Charlie saw it as him finding ways to not interact with her again. The only times they talk was when it was related to business stuff or other things of the sort. Let me just say this song... is by far my favorite, including the episode. Sure, it's got problems it's own, but this extremely accurate portrayal of what my own situation with one of my parents just stole my entire soul. Yeah I got a bit of tears about to come out, BUT NOPE! NOT TODAY! I don't ever cry during shows or movies so if I ever get teary-eyed, YOU DID SOMETHING. THAT SOMETHING BEING GOOD. This episode was emotional and connected with me on a deep level that I dont think any film has ever done to me, which is weird because I've been actively trying to find one, any one that does. Then to find it in an indie company from a creator who has achieved the dreams that I myself want to one day? That's fucking amazing.

FORESHADOWING! FROESHADOWING! FORESHADOWING! VAGGIE EX-ANGEL THEORY MUST BE CANON AND IF ITS NOT I WILL TEAR MYSELF LIMB FROM LIMB WITH A CROWBAR. LETS GO TO HEAVENNN!!! TOMORROW! BECAUSE THE DAY I PUBLISH THIS WILL BE TOMORROW(FOR YOU TODAY) BUT TOMORROW FOR YOU ILL POST THE NEXT WHAT I CAUGHT SHENANIGANS AGAIN! SEE YA!

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the-s1lly-corner · 6 months

Note

Hii! Idk if you've ever done something similar, but what do you think about TADC x Skater! Reader? Like, Reader always have their skates on, like it's a part of their digital costume or smth. And i really mean ALWAYS. Someone spilled water on the floor? Reader slips down. They go on an adventure and a part of the floor is inclined? (Like a hill for example) There goes reader down the hill. I think it would be pretty funny lol

Btw, i really love your page, keep it up and don't overwork yourself

TADC cast x rollerskater!reader

Anon I am so so so sorry !! I dont know if I personally got jumbled up or my inbox has been wonky silly goofy or I just got thrown off because of so many people sending stuff in, but I also missed this as well as some other requests 😭😭

This one may be a little short since I've never skated <\3

Written this as more platonic leaning !

CAINE:

Probably poofs himself his own rollerskates, literally the only time you see him on the ground and it's so weird to look at. You guys both slip and fall because bubble wiped themselves across the floor or something

Obviously leads to bubble getting popped

Honestly seeing caine struggle to keep steady while using the rollerskates is... very funny.. look at his lil legs wobble (tell anyone and he will tilt the ground of the next IHA)

POMNI:

Honestly she would probably slip on the floor too if its wet or has marbles. She looks like she would comically fall over, with her legs flinging straight up into the air before plopping down

Looks at you confused as you visibly try to calculate how fast this one little slope will make you go, she probably forgets you have skater feet in the beginning

Subconsciously tries to grab and stop you when you start rolling, but because shes so small you just drag her with you

Theres that squeaky noise as shes being dragged across the floor

Yk the sound

JAX:

Throws marbles on the floor as well as other things that can make you stumble or slip... probably soaps up the floor.. thank god hes just a circus rmemeber and not like, a ringmaster... this dude would tolt the floor in so many different angles just to fuck with you... thankfully, he cant do that!

Though in another timeline... perhaps you werent so lucky...

Not much to be said here, with the bit with zooble in the pilot (the arm thing), jax is more than ready to use peoples unique digital qualities to please him or mess with them, and you being his friend only makes you slightly less likely to be messed with

RAGATHA:

Keeps a hand on your shoulder when she notices the floor is tilted, tends to walk with you while holding your shoulder still. She can only imagine what it's like to be s victim of slopes.. it would drive her nuts.. as long as shes around shes going to do her damndest to make sure you dont roll away or slip... unless jax literally throws marbles in front of you two at the very last second because who can predict that..?

In any case where theres an IHA with a DEEP slope I think she just might resort to carrying you so you dont go FLYING down

ZOOBLE:

Okay you guys might not have the same issues but they can relate to you in the jax department, with him using your qualities to his advantage. Its absolute hell.. I think it would be this shared thing that leads to you guys building a relationship in the first place

That one meme where it's two people at the bar and they overhear each other saying "I hate (x)" then they start making out

Thats you guys ranting about the bunny/j

Offered you some parts before realizing that you cant swap out your limbs like they can

"Ah, bummer"

KINGER:

Has probably asked you why you dont just take them off when you vent to him about jax putting marbles on the floor. Kind of sounds like when people say shit such as "oh you're depressed? Just cheer up!" But like, kinger says it in a genuinely.. not malicious or tone deaf way.. like I dontt think he knows, or perhaps he thinks you're like zooble with detachable limbs and you have another pair of feet hanging around somewhere

Gives a soft "oh.. " when you demonstrate that they are attatched to you

Offers to let you strap pillows to yourself to soften any blows when you fall, let's you have his softest and thickest pillows... what do you mean it throws off your balance...?

GANGLE:

You have probably accidentally rammed into her after misjudging how steep a hill on the ground was

Good news! She stopped your momentum!

Bad news, shes all tangled up in your skates (owie!) And her comedy mask is broken (oh no!)

Please be careful getting her out. We don't want her ribbons to tear or get damaged, we cant have our girl start fraying!

#tadc x reader #the amazing digital circus x reader #digital circus x reader #Caine x reader #jax x reader #pomni x reader #ragatha x reader #zooble x reader #kinger x reader #gangle x reader

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nintendont2502 · 4 months

Text

cant find the original post but a while ago i impulsively decided to add all 32 sburb players (betas, alphas, alternians *and* beforans) to a random name generator and then randomly mix them up - characters kept their original first name and class, and took on the last name and aspect of whatever character they took the role of. this was just meant to be a funny 1am experiment so i could laugh at the cursed results

...yeah it has lore now. i cant stop thinking about it. help.

Beta Kids:

Gamz Egbert (Gamzee) - Bard of Breath. One of the most chill guys ever. Constantly zoned the hell out. Loves clowns :0) him and his dad bond over it. Hangs out with Kari a lot over vc, where it's basically just Kari talking at him uninterrupted (the kid needs it sometimes)

Kari Strider (Kankri) - Seer of Time. Gifted kid and he won't let you forget it. Permanently lives in a sweater vest even though he literally lives in Texas. Constantly annoyed by how childish and immature his older brother is. Lectures him a lot. Lectures his friends a lot. Has 'visions of his past lives' (aka occasional memories from his post-scratch/alternate timeline counterparts). Lectures his friends about how theyre real and valid whenever they make give him shit for it (which happens a lot). Dedicated pacifist - for now, anyway.

John Lalonde - Heir of Light. Golden child. Has an over-bearing mother that constantly pushes him into learning instruments/lanugages/skills, participating in competitions and events, winning award after award. Sure, he's... kinda sick of doing things all day every day, and he doesn't really want to do any of this, but... shouldn't he do it anyway? Even if just for his Mom? Hell, he can't really complain about it, right? He has such a good life! He goes horseback riding every sunday! Sure, it sucks that he doesn't have any free time that isn't controlled by his mother, but he can deal with it. It's fine.

(Things get even worse during the three year trip when Wuh Oh! Gender crisis time! Except he can’t be a girl because he was always meant to be his mom’s perfect son, and he’s already let her down once by letting her die, right? He can just… live with this. Its fine. It's not that bad. It's for her, after all.)

Roxy Harley - Rogue of Space. Grew up living on a small island somewhere in the Pacific that her grandfather 'won in a poker game' (aka probably scammed someone out of, knowing him) - or so he says, anyway. He also used to say he got Roxy the same way every time she asked where she came from! Haha very funny Roxy definitely loved hearing that and not a real response every time she asked where she came from and why she didn’t have any parents. That was great. Her grandfather died when she was fairly young, leaving her alone on the island with nothing left of him but the small inventions he left around the place to make life easier for her. She grows up learning how to maintain them, and although she tries becoming a great inventor like her grandfather, she just... doesn't have the skill. Hacking, on the other hand - shes great at that shit! She finally cracks her final goal - cracking into her grandfathers servers - just before her friend Gamz's 13th birthday, finding mostly boring shit - expenses, customer complaints, legal threats, budgets, etc. What's mildly more interesting to her, however, is the insane amount of money (if they lived on the mainland, they'd be fucking LOADED), and a .exe file for a really cool looking game, with a note from her grandfather congratulating her on finally getting in. And hey, would you look at that? Its multiplayer! And all her friends are free - even John, who through sheer coincidence found himself with a free weekend after his tutors came down with various mysterious illnesses and injuries. It's like the universe wants them to play the game or some shit! Haha wild

Alpha Kids:

Raph Crocker (Rufioh) - Rogue of Life. The living embodiment of all those business major memes. Dude is *dedicated* to the Crockercorp brand - he's determined that one day, he'll climb the ranks and become head of the company, and hopefully lead it just as well as his great-grandfather did. He unironically wears a suit everywhere, and seems committed to sounding like a 50 year old boardroom exec trapped in the body of a 16 year old - although it isn't hard to get him to crack. As much as he pretends he has no patience for his online friends and their constant stories of 'living on a remote island' or 'living in the post-apocalyptic future' (seriously guys, he isn't that gullible), he does genuinely care about them. Besides, when you're stuck in the house all day, there isn't much else to do.

Tuna Strider (Mituna) - Heir of Heart. Trans king. Exudes pure 'disney channel older brother' energy. Shithead (affectionate). Looks up to his Bro, a famous pacifist who resisted the Batterwitch's rule with a global peaceful protest... only to be killed the moment he became too much of a threat. Yyeah. Tuna has... some thoughts about how that should have gone down - most of them involving swords. Or guns. Or both. Maybe if his Bro had a sweet katana, the world wouldn't have been flooded! Although it's too late for his Bro, Tuna has decided to take up the fight in his stead by creating his own 'sick as fuck gun-sword' with whatever scrap metal he can find in the apartment (his Bro, for some reason, didn't think to leave him any useable weapons. cringe). He's got the sword part down great, but the gun... not so much.

Vris Lalonde (Vriska) - Thief of Void. The second half of the 't4t post apocalypse chaos squad', as Tuna calls them. Girl doxxes people for fun - what are they gonna do? Doxx her back? lmao good luck with that losers - closest youre gonna get is still 400 years off. Constantly daring her friends to do stupid shit and quote, 'stop being so fucking boringggg'. it usually works on tuna. sometimes on dave. she still hasnt gotten raph yet, but *one day*...

Dave English - Knight of Hope. smooth talking mile a minute inventor who *loves* trying to 'pitch' his latest invention to his friends. its become almost a game to them, where theyll take turns bidding increasingly ridiculous amounts for an umbrella that shoots seeds ('for easy planting in the rain yknow') or a beat-boxing robot ('i dont even need to explain this one just look at it man. cool as shit'). hell, even raph gets involved sometimes, usually turning it into a shark tank style negotiation. dave swears hes keeping a tally of how much everyone 'owes' him, and claims that one day hes settling that bill. his inventions are genuinely pretty impressive, especially considering his limited resources - being stuck alone on a remote island makes sourcing parts pretty hard. he probably wouldnt even need to jokingly scam his friends in order to jokingly sell his inventions - they jokingly sell themselves. he just thinks scamming people is fun.

Alternia Rapid Fire Round lets goo

Cronus Megido - Bard of Time. relentlessly flirts with anyone of a higher caste than him in the hopes that, if he can get into a quadrant with them, he'll have more protection than he would as just a solo rustblood. this strategy ultimately fails when he flirts with a particular Serket one too many times and gets killed for it. damn. oh well.

Sollux Nitram - so so tired of everyones shit. the only person that actually vaguely got along with Cronus (because he was the only person that Cronus didn't flirt with). just wants to play his pokemon in peace man stop dragging him into drama

Damara Captor - Witch of Doom. 'curses' people. seems weirdly unsurprised when those curses actually work. after cronus' death, a rumour went around that she was the one who caused it, and she absolutely wasnt denying that shit - now no one wants to fuck with her, and those that do? well, she still has her psiionics.

Meulin Vantas - Mage of Blood. Basically the only fucking thing holding this friendship group together. Despite all the complicated as shit relationships - the friendships, the exes, the mortal enemies, the attempted (and successful) murders - Meulin somehow manages to navigate the web of relationships and keep everyone relatively stable

Jaydee Leijon (Jade) - Witch of Heart. catgirl :33. Wishes she lived closer to everyone so she could see them 33: especially her moirail!! at least she still has her lusus to playfight with

Karkat Maryam - Knight of Space. basically a tboy vampire. Used to live in the caverns, but after he realised he was a dude, he began to feel uncomfortable with how oppressive and 'feminine' the caverns were. ran away. struggles with his identity - the contrast between the typical female jadeblood standards of being caring and nurturing, and the typical alternian female standards of being violent and aggressive, leave him stuck in the middle, unsure of what to do or who hes 'allowed' to be. swings wildly between being aggressive and letting himself care about his friends. he eventually figures out that gender stereotypes are bullshit and he can care abt his friends and still be a dude. hes still an asshole though <3

Eridan Pyrope - Prince of Mind. Incredibly committed to a strict moral code - which... no one can figure out. it seems to vary wildly depending on what suits him best at the specific moment. Used to roam Alternia looking for 'criminals' to 'improve' or, if that failed, 'bring to justice' with one Serket, but after an incident involving the loss of three eyes and one arm... they arent exactly on speaking terms.

Dyrrhk Serket (Dirk) - Prince of Light. i dont know how else to say it this mfer makes saw traps. he claims its to 'improve' people - by putting them through some specific trap, it... fixes a percieved issue? even if its an issue only he can see. and if they die in the trap? well, they should have just tried harder right. they probably deserved it. he isnt even doing this out of a desire to hurt people hes *genuinely* convinced that what hes doing is helping, and thinks that this is the best way to go about it. puts eridan through one one day, resulting in the loss of his vision, and after he (finally) figured out that 'huh maybe that wasnt a good idea', he... apologises. lmao just kidding that would be too reasonable - instead he mind controls one of his friends into putting *dyrrhk* into a trap of his own design, resulting in the loss of an eye and an arm. he seems genuinely convinced that this should make them even. everythings fine now, right? he scares me just on a conceptual level

Tavros Zahhak - Page of Void. hes basically a himbo im ngl. hes tall hes ripped hes clumsy and he cant help but draw attention to himself wherever he goes - attention he *hates*. moirails with jaydee. theyre cute <>

Latula Makara - Knight of Rage. clown... despite the usual purpleblood stereotypes, she doesnt really get angry all that often - most of the time, shes just vibing. but when she *does* get angry? its always for a reason. theres always a specific goal shes fulfilling through that anger (even if its just intimidating someone into doing something). i have the least thoughts about her but shes interesting

Jaiikk Ampora (Jake) - Page of Hope. Just a funny lil guy that likes playing pirates :) all the lowbloods he roleplays with definitely want to be there and don't feel coerced by being 'asked' by a literal violetblood :)) if people die during his 'games' well that sucks but he cant exacly stop playing because of a few small accidents right? ..yyeah. hes incredibly ignorant of his position in society and how that effects other people, even if (especially if) those consequences are deadly for others. after a certain point its just easier to not know whats going on than to face all the damage youve caused right. claims he loves the ocean and dreams of living in the depths. never goes into the ocean. hes a weird guy

Equius Peixes - Heir of Life. Future heir to the Alternian throne. Determined to lead Alternia into a new era of strength, no matter the methods to get there. moirails with Jaiikk (which absolutely doesnt help the whole 'Jaiikk accidentally pressuring lowbloods into doing things for him' thing. bro has scary dog privileges with the future emperor looming behind him at all times)

Even faster Beforus speed round because you cant legally make me think about them for more than five seconds

Porrim Megido - Maid of Time

Feferi Nitram - Witch of Breath

Rose Captor - Seer of Doom

Nepeta Vantas - Rogue of Blood

Kurloz Leijon - Prince of Heart

Aradia Maryam - Mage of Space

Aranea Pyrope - Sylph of Mind

Kanaya Serket - Sylph of Light

Jane Zahhak - Maid of Void

Meenah Makara - Thief of Rage

Terezi Ampora - Seer of Hope

Horuss Peixes - Page of Life

#me.txt #christ this was long #randomiser au #homestuck #i love these guys sm #they haunt me #ask me questions abt them please please pleas eim so so normal

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rissararity · 2 months

Text

Wrote a little fic inspired by this meme. Art is not mine!

Astarion/Half succubus bard oc. Cat calling, references to SA, comfort, friends to lovers, partners in crime, protective Astarion

Might eventually become a more put together fic, if it does it would be a slow burn friends to lovers

“Do we have any other takers? Any more bets? How about you, sir? Betting man?” the gorgeous bard beamed while she played a melody to raise anticipation on her lute.

“You know what? Sure.” The man tossed a couple gold into the pot.

The crowd cheered while Astarion gave a close lipped smile, eye fucking a couple of the women in the group.

A few more coins trickled in, clinking against the others.

“Now watch and be amazed as I throw this dagger, up to the second floor, it bounces handle side down off that, that then that,” he pointed to a couple of things, “and into the center of that barrel.” He announced with a flourish, parading around dramatically.

While he distracted the crowd, the bard cast a little spell to ensure he’d succeed. Astarion felt the power and confidence surge as her spell took effect, making a big show out of throwing the dagger.

While it flew through the air, Liv took the opportunity to pick a few pockets then make her way to the front before the trick shot was over.

As the blade hit home, the crowd was a mix of cheers and jeers.

“Aww better luck next time, friends!” She offered a supportive smile that hid the inward smirk she felt. She validated a few peoples feelings and casually got each of them to walk away.

The bard scooped up the gold while the rogue retrieved the dagger. They smiled at each other for a moment before quickly and discreetly leaving the area.

To an outsider they’d look like lovers exchanging a look. But they knew they were shit eating grins of victory, and they were in fact not lovers, but 200 gold richer.

Each.

As they reached the end of the alley, they waved to Gale, who stood with hid arms crossed. “Again? Really?” he glared, falling into step on Liv’s other side.

“Oh relax, you benefit from the spoils too. Most of this ends up going to potions and gifts for you.” The half elf snickered, purposely hip bumping him.

The wizard’s glare softened and he ducked his head. “I suppose that’s true. But if you two get caught, you’re on your own.”

The elves smirked at each other, “Somehow I think we’ll manage.” Astarion turned his ruby gaze to Gale who rolled his own.

The men grew uneasy while the trio walked by a group of men who began to whisper after them, staring at Liv in particular. The vampire could have torn their heads off with his bare hands for the disgusting way they spoke about her.

Gale glared back at them, putting an arm around her shoulders protectively. “Honestly, Liv, we can’t take you anywhere civilized.”

“I’d hardly call this place…much less those meat sacks civilized.” Astarion agreed, now wishing he’d been the one to grab her first.

“I’m not doing anything on purpose.” She muttered, dropping her chin.

“Boo hoo, it must be so hard being effortlessly gorgeous.” The vampire rolled his eyes.

“When I cant go anywhere alone without being hassled, propositioned or having wives threaten me for stealing their husband’s eyes-“ “And hearts.” Gale added.

“Right. A few of them did say that.” She pouted, “I know I can more than take care of myself but I get so…” she crossed her arms over her ample chest and shivered with a frown.

The group had noticed fairly early on she seemed fairly oblivious to the leers she got everywhere she went, and that when she no longer was, the attention made her extremely uncomfortable.

She could flirt her way out of trouble no problem but was easily flustered and nervous if a man just started commenting on her body. It made a pit form in her stomach that stayed until someone else from her party found her.

Even Shadowheart had played the role to make the men think they had no chance.

She sighed, “And Astarion,” he looked at her. “You sound jealous when you say stuff like that. You’re too pretty to be jealous.”

Gale smirked as the vampire’s jaw dropped for a moment, blinking in surprise “I…er..um..you’re absolutely right.” He pushed his hair from his face and shook out his shoulders, “You passed the test.”

Liv rolled her eyes while the wizard shook his head, a small smile on his lips.

Red eyes grew annoyed as he saw this, prompting him to cross his arms and pout, “I’ll meet you back at camp.” He strode of into the masses of people on the street.

The pair laughed, keeping their leisurely pace.

“He adores you, you know.” Gale told her once their laughs became little giggles.

Her cheeks grew dark, “No, he would have made a move by now if he did. We’re just good friends.”

He arched an eyebrow, “Is that so?”

She mimicked him, raising her own and dropping her voice, “Yes, that is so.”

The wizard made a face, “You’re too good at that.”

Wind whipped her long blonde hair around while carrying her laugh. “What can I say? I give a performance like no other.”

Liv yelped as a hand seized her elbow. “I bet you do, babe. Why don’t you come with me and give a private show?”

Her entire body froze as ice set in, eyes wide with fear as her legs stopped moving.

“I’m going to give you one chance to let go of the lady and be on your way.” Gale’s voice dripped with venom in a way she’d only ever heard in situations like this.

The barbarian sized him up then laughed, yanking her arm confidently, causing her to stumble closer. “Fuck off, mate. If you can’t defend your woman, don’t bring her outside.”

They couldnt go throwing magic in the middle of town, the creep knew that.

What he didn’t expect, was Gale to cast a hold person spell, locking him into place.

He then gently unfurled the man’s fingers from Liv’s arm and put a protective arm around her waist. “You need to learn some manners. Best hope we don’t ever meet in a battlefield.”

The man’s eyes burned with rage as Gale pressed a kiss to the still shocked bard’s temple and led them back into the crowd.

She pressed herself into her companion’s side all the way back to camp, trying to match his breathing the entire way.

No one knew what caused this reaction in her, but they had an idea. None dared broach the subject and figured talk if and when she wanted.

Normally in battle, she was fearless and thoughtful. But when confronted with someone like that barbarian she locked up.

When they returned to camp, Astarion had already thought up a snappy quip-the perfect amount of sting and sass.

Unfortunately, it died in his throat as soon as he looked over at them. One look and he knew.

Gale was softly rubbing her forearm, reassuring her while he led her to his tent.

The vampire frowned and exchanged a look with the wizard on the way. He immediately regretted his hasty exit earlier. He noticed pursuers were more easily deterred when she was with more than one man.

Astarion silently crept over to listen, able to hear their magic friend leading her through breathing exercises. When she’d calmed down, Gale finally left the tent to get some dinner.

He was about to stand only for Shadowheart to beat him to it, heading toward Gale’s tent to comfort the half elf.

Annoyed as he was, he knew for Liv’s sake that only one person could be with her at a time.

Much to his dismay, she stayed for an entire hour and a half.

He started to head over only to stop in his tracks when the tent door moved and Liv emerged, looking tired but otherwise okay other than her red cheeks and the fact that she used a spell to change her appearance to the one she preferred-the one that more clearly showed her half-drow ancestry.

Her skin kept its pink hue but her hair shortened to a pixie cut, blonde at the root morphing into silver tips that sat perfectly in place. Her blue eyes shifted to one bright blue and one silver. A ring sat in her septum above her lips that wore a coat of black paint, matching her winged eyeliner and eyeshadow.

Her pointed ears were dotted with two in her cartilage on both sides, and a silver ring on the lobe. She bore tattoos of solid black up her throat with flame-like tendrils licking at her jaw, a small flame adorning her forhead.

This was who she preferred to be. Who she felt the strongest, and most confident as. It was also her defense.

The others knew not to be surprised or comment on what she decided to look like that day. The long blonde look was always used for public performances; it had even earned her the title “The Angel” by word of mouth.

Astarion thought she was perfect both ways, but he knew the other men liked The Angel, while Shadowheart and Karlach shared his adoration of who he dubbed the demoness, the little devil, and simply the drow.

She hadn’t noticed him, and headed for her bedroll by the fire.

Astarion’s chest tightened as he realized he was too late to comfort her. If he hadn’t ditched her this probably wouldn’t have happened. They’d be sitting around the fire while she played her lute and told them legends and stories.

He should have stayed. This was his fault.

He should have stayed.

Jaw clenched, he thought, I’ll never abandon you again, my angel. You have my word I will remain close at hand.

What he couldn’t see, was her small smile as their tadpoles relayed the message in his voice.

In fact, he'd been so distracted that all his thoughts of guilt and protectiveness were made privy to the blonde.

He didn’t know it, but they grew closer that night without him ever speaking a word.

The following morning when they returned to the little town of Hodge to continue their search for information. Gale noticed Liv go out of her way to insure they passed by the same intersection from last night.

It was fairly early and the roads were fairly clear, blue sky above them.

As they neared it, Gale stepped forward and took her hand. To everyone’s surprise, she turned her blue and silver gaze to Astarion and held her other hand out to him.

Shadowheart pouted as the visibly confused vampire somewhat hesitantly took her hand and walked on her other side.

Liv squeezed both of their hands as they strode down the road like they owned it. When they got to the next street, she pressed a kiss to the back of Astarion’s hand and gave him a grateful look before letting go and repeating the gesture with Gale.

The vampire blinked in surprise as an odd fluttering feeling danced in his stomach, Gale’s cheeks darkened a little as he returned her smile.

He followed her blindly like they were magnetized, eyes wide as he tried to make heads or tails of this feeling.

Her still short hair shined like silver in the sun, contrasting the warm, sunny light from the blonde near her scalp. Even painted with dark makeup, she was breath taking-silver septum ring glinting back at him a top her confident smile.

Especially when she was exuding confidence like she now was, leading them through the streets to their first contact.

Her rapier carefully tucked into her overcoat, lute strapped to her back, she walked through intersection exuding joy once again.

Astarion’s maroon eyes stayed locked on her profile while he continued to remain at her side. Gale went to talk to Karlach, leaving the two side by side leading the group.

The vampire's eyes flicked down to her hand, yearning to hold it again; to feel her soft, dainty hands in his calloused but well manicured ones.

The butterflies in his stomach hadn’t quite settled down yet-he’d heard some young women gossiping recently and learned that’s what it was called.

Though if it meant what they insinuated it did he refused to believe that was what was happening to him.

He supposed Liv was pretty enough…oh who was he kidding? They didn’t call her The Angel for nothing. She was beauty incarnate, in both of her forms. Her movements were naturally elegant and graceful, her acrobatics during battle were unreal.

Everywhere she went an air of lavender and vanilla followed. You couldn’t be in a bad mood when she was around-he would know. He tried.

She was exactly what Cazador would have sent him after.

At that, he looked away from her shamefully. He didn’t deserve to walk beside her, figuratively or literally. His steps slowed so he could merge with the others but this stopped when her hand brushed the back of his – making his breath catch for a moment as sparks shot up his arm.

She caught his eye and winked, a small smile on her soft lips. “Walk with me, Astar.”

He was about to scold her for the nickname but for some reason from her he didn’t mind it.

“Gale holds your arm through town.” He murmured quietly as they walked.

Her cheeks darkened, “So he does.”

“It’s only fair-rr- I mean….proper.” He collected himself. “It’s only proper that a lady gets escorted.” He raised his chin, keeping his eyes ahead.

“Of course.”

“After all, you tend to get sidetracked and lost.”

“Sounds like me.”

“Hells forbid you see a cat!”

A little annoyed now, she glared, “Are you gonna do it or what?”

“Of course I am, don’t be stupid!” Came his rushed reply just before he almost aggressively looped arms with her like Gale often did.

Behind them, the entire team silently laughed. Gale crossed his arms over his chest, batting away Shadowheart to pretended to try and loop arms with him. He turned away from her and glared playfully before pushing her into Karlach who caught her then gave her arm a reassuring pat before going back to minding her business.

Astarion glared venomously at any one that looked at them too long, thankfully only a few people due to her still being in little demon form. He felt like her bodyguard, and as such had to be the scary dog that made outsiders keep their distance.

And unlike most bodyguards, he actually HAD bite.

Meanwhile, Liv was blissfully unaware of the mission he’d given himself, waltzing down the street casually.

When they arrived at their agreed upon meeting place, Liv wanted to go in alone but the entire group was quick to shut that down.

“Just in and out-it’ll be quick. Everyone leaves happy, no big deal.”

Astarion’s lips quirked up in a grin while he held his laughter, little sounds sneaking out. Karlach immediately began to belly laugh, drawing the attention of a few townspeople. Gale sighed and shook his head while the bard looked at him oddly.

“Sweet summer child.” He pressed a patronly kiss to her temple and hugged her cheek to his chest for a moment.

With knit brows, she let him hold her for a moment. “Anyway, any alternative plans then?”

“Well, you aren’t allowed to go anywhere alone so write that down.” The vampire rolled his eyes, missing her little smile.

“Our best bet here is to not arouse suspicion, and to appear as normal as possible to blend in. I think Liv and I should go in together, since we look the most like the locals." The wizard spoke up.

“Human, you mean?” Shadowheart asked, crossing her arms at the other half-elf.

“And not head to toe in armor. Not exactly common garb in these parts.”

She relented, “Liv and I could go. Two women won’t look odd and I’m sure she has an outfit I can borrow.”

Gale gave a snappy retort, angering the Cleric. They bickered over who was going in with Liv until Karlach physically turned their heads to show them Astarion had already whisked her away and toward little café, both in all their silver headed glory.

After casting an apologetic look over her shoulder, she spoke “You didn’t ask me to put on the angel.”

He paused, “I’ll never ask you to change, darling. However you feel best is how I want you.”

She squeezed his arm, smiling up at him while he avoided her gaze.

Luckily everything went according to plan for once and they got another lead.

Before they returned to their team, waiting in the distance in the town square, they decided to slip out the back door to see if they could make a few extra coins.

Liv put on the angel to aid in the con on her own accord, excitement in her stomach as she and Astarion approached a small group of people already with a game in progress.

---

“Where is she? I need to see her.” Astarion pushed past Shadowheart and headed toward Wyll’s tent.

“She’s going to live. Don’t interrupt her healing session. It’s…private.” She trailed after him, wishing Wyll hadn’t taken some personal time away so he could cast a hold spell.

Ordinarily Shadowheart was stronger than Astarion, but now he was in a protective rage, eyes blazing like a wildfire as he sought his little devil.

This fueled him to overpower her, tugging free of her grip and delivering a sharp shove that sent her on her ass, blinking in shock.

He entered the bubble of silence cast around Gale’s tent and froze as he recognized the sounds of lust and sex, as well as the all to familiar scents that went along with it.

His blood ran cold as he hid and peaked in. He knew what to expect but was still aghast when he saw Gale on top of Liv.

Liv’s nude body was dotted with scrapes and bruises from their last fight, her head lulled to the side, eyes half open. She didn’t react much to the wizards deliberate, confident thrusts, her breasts bounced in recoil to punctuate each one.

Gale bit his lip, brows knit as he began to speed up. Liv's shallow breaths along with a few gasps softly joined the other sounds.

Astarion felt rage like never before and had the biggest urge to reach straight through Gale’s back and pull out his still beating heart.

But he knew that was a bad idea.

Liv’s head turned to the other side and she accidently met the vampire’s eyes, her own going from half lidded to wide, cheeks ablaze.

Feeling much like a scorned lover, though not sure why, he silently sneered at her and left.

The following morning, the air was tense between the two troublemakers-Astarion and Liv.

Gale hadn’t noticed him, and she hadn’t told him.

She avoided her rogue as much as possible without drawing attention, seeking a distraction.

Otherwise back to her normal self, she pulled her violin from her bag of holding and began to play an upbeat jig, a smile on her face as she watched Karlach and Wyll prepare breakfast.

Gale and Shadowheart clapped in time with the music, smiling and enjoying the morning.

His eyes narrowed at Gale as he approached, considering how he could catch the wizard’s robe on fire, stopping short to watch the end of the song.

Liv hesitated a bit upon seeing him, but being the professional she is, she didn’t let it hiccup the song. Gale noticed the jovial mood in her eyes dulled, and used his tadpole to connect to the vampire -immediately realizing what had happened.

The bard finished the song with a flourish of her bow then bowed for the applause that came from everyone that didn’t drink blood.

Gale connected to Liv for a moment to see if she knew, appreciating that she told him the truth and didn’t make him search her memory.

I think it’s time to tell him, Angel. He’s the only one that doesn’t know and he’s clearly upset.

She sighed, I have to, now. We can’t keep going like this.

He gave a short nod, then made an excuse about wanting to show Liv how to feel the weave so they could both go into the woods together.

They were correct in assuming Astarion’s jealousy would have him tailing them.

Once they were away from camp, his body froze mid-step as Gale cast a hold person spell on him.

The pair turned around and headed over to him, ignoring the slew of curse words falling from his fangs.

“What in the hells do you think you’re doing?!” He growled at last.

“We need to talk- and by that I mean you need to listen. We can’t have you attacking Gale or running off before we explain.”

He glared at her, inwardly annoyed that the passing breeze carried over her lavender scent.

“I’m not sure what I saw other than the two of you acting like a couple of randy teenagers.”

Liv crossed her arms, nodding, “That’s exactly why you’re stuck right now.”

Gale’s lip quirked up for a moment at her flat tone before he spoke, “That’s all you saw? Are you absolutely sure there was nothing else of note?”

“Gale, darling, I’m not going to comment on the size of your staff if that’s what you’re fishing for.”

The wizard blinked in shock, blushing, “No! No that’s not what I meant.”

Standing slightly behind him, Liv giggled, cutting herself off when Astarian glared at her again.

“Think back. Really think-I’ll even help you.” She cast a focus spell on him while he huffed and closed his eyes.

His mind’s eye took him back Gale’s tent, his eyes glued to the scene before him. Liv looked exhausted from their last battle. Her body was scraped and bruised here and there and bags sat under her eyes.

Her baby blues lacked the spark they usually held.

The vampire knit his brows, growling at the other man. “Did you do something to her?”

Gale’s jaw dropped, Liv spoke up and vehemently denied it.

“It’s not like that either. I look right as rain today, right?” she gestured to her face- bright and clear as always.

He nodded.

“You know I’m a half elf, right?”

“Of course. Drow-correct?”

Liv smiled, happy he remembered that given her normal, warm and sunny appearance. “Right. Well…it turns out…the other half wasn’t human.”

“I’m sure you’ve noticed Liv is much more adept at magic than a normal bard…hells I’ve been trying to convince her to let me train her as a spellcaster…”

She rolled her eyes.

“Anyway, the other half…my father…was an incubus. So…I’m half elf half-“

“Succubus.” Astarion sneered, “It all makes sense now. The power you hold over others with the simple toss of your hair.”

They waited to see what he would say next, giving him a moment to think.

“That’s why you look so much better than you did…last night.”

She nodded, “I seem to have an odd mix of traits and abilities. My little demon appearance can’t be washed away by any manor of magic because it’s still real. When I take after my father, I become the angel. But my mother was the drow.”

“It doesn’t trigger my detect magic ability either.” Gale added, “Because of her half succubus nature, every week or so she needs to be…reset, or she gets sickly and weak.”

“That’s why she’s gotten so much stronger since the began traveling together.”

Liv blushed and shuffled her feet, “Look, I’m really not as smooth as I pretend to be-its an act.”

The vampire was quiet for a long while, “So when you say you cant sleep alone-“

The half elf gasped, “Not every night! God’s Astarion I’m not an animal! Gale told you…once a week. I try to hold out for as long as I can though…” she looked down, “I know it’s a big ask. More often than not I just need to cuddle.”

Gale patted her shoulder, a kind smile on his lips. “I assure you it’s no toil for us. I admit it can be difficult when you’re…in rough shape but knowing it’s the best way we can help you-“

“Mmmhm nothing to do with the fact that you get to have sex with her, I’m sure.” The vampire cut him off, winking when he was done.

The wizard’s warm brown eyes widened, cheeks darkening-it was certainly not a chore, but an honor.

Liv quirked an eyebrow at him, stifling a laugh and trying to force the corner of her mouth down.

Astarion relaxed as he watched her reaction to this. His jealousy faded as he realized for Gale, and hopefully Wyll, this was a friends with benefits situation, not a romantic relationship.

“Oh do let me go now. I’m listening.”

After a nod from Liv, Gale released the hold spell.

Astarion straightened himself and pushed his hair back, shaking off the stiffness. “The girls were already aware, I’m assuming?”

Liv nodded. “Unfortunately, my succubus healing only seems to kick in with men. I guess I need a…bridge to transfer.”

“You had sex with Shadowheart?”

Gale raised an eyebrow, “You tried to.”

“Well yes, but for a different reason. It’s not the same.”

“If anything, my reason is better than yours.” Liv glared.

He tilted his head, “Is it? Who’s to say? Besides, it only makes sense to gather as many…potential healers as possible and keep one on hand at all times. It was smart of you to try, since the two of you normally pair up when we split.”

Silence for a beat.

"Though I must tell you, I thought we were closer than this, little angel.” He turned to her. “Why was I the only one left unaware of your…condition? Did you not want my…” he gestured to his body, “help.”

Gale turned to her, too, curious.

The bard blushed, keeping her eyes on the ground. “We've always been great friends and I didn’t want to risk making it weird.”

“So you didn’t think it weird to proposition your companions weekly to steal their energy when they orgasm?”

Silence.

“It's really not bad. One sip of a health potion and you're back to rights.” Gale defended her.

“Alright, well,” he approached Liv, who shyly looked up. “This doesn’t change anything between us, darling, not if you don’t want it to.” He tilted her chin with one finger. “But if you decide you do, I assure you I’m more than capable of not treating you any differently if we slept together; dearest friend of mine.”

Her cheeks blazed, lips parting in shock. Gale rolled his eyes and looked away while the two had a moment.

He knew his friendship with Liv was clearly different than whatever it was she had with Astarion, so hearing her admit that hadn’t stung like one might expect. It was no secret the two had more in common, more laughs and a knack for getting in and out of trouble.

Gale, as well as Wyll, knew what this was.

Giving the half elf a wink, Astarion turned around and headed back toward camp.

She didn't ask for his help yet, but he hoped she would.

And when she did he would be whatever she wanted him to be; a simple friend with benefits due to a caring heart and sense of obligation or...maybe...

Well he wasn't sure but he was looking forward to her helping him find that out.

#astarion #astarion fanfic #bg3 fanfiction #bg3 memes #astarion bg3 #baldurs gate astarion #baldurs gate 3 #bandurs gate 3 astarion #astarion x tav #astarion x oc #bg3 fanfic #dom astarion #protective astarion #astarion is baby girl #astarion is a cat

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anisespice · 9 months

Note

tall fem reader?

tall fem reader!!! thanks for the request, anon :)))

hq ver.

pairing: college!tr x tall!fem!reader

warnings: mature language, MDI, suggestive language, reader mentioned in chifuyu’s but not present, mild mild mild cat-call in hanma’s - just crack overall, honestly lol feel free to let me know if i missed anything!

notes: planned to make this a whole x whoever you want type beat, BUT figured just doing a headcanon broken into different heights would be more efficient lol plus MORE CONTENT - gonna make a pt. 2 with some hq men, but for now — t.rev! :))) hope you enjoy <3 !!

tagged: @fantasycantasy , @illegalspacecow

small — ♡

When it came down to a relationship, MIKEY wasn’t shallow enough to let physical appearances stop him from pursuing someone he wanted—He liked what he liked, fuck what anybody else had to say about it. The blonde never had issue with your drastic height difference, seeing it as more of a perk than anything else. His best friend was tall, so why not his girlfriend? It just meant whenever he walked down the street, he’d look like a total badass with his two attractive beanpoles at his side.

However, a lot of the buzz on campus mostly centered around Mikey’s height rather than yours. It never bothered him, but it certainly got you tight anytime someone tried to uplift you whilst putting him down in the process.

“A shrimp like him wouldn’t know how to handle all that leg of yours, mama. Lemme take you out tonight, show you a good time with someone who’s more on your level, whaddya say?”

Barf.

Mikey would merely give them a dead-stare; unbothered king. You, on the other hand, didn’t hesitate to knock them down a size or two.

“First of all, your busted-looking ass could never be on the same level as me. Second of all, where my man lacks in height, he makes up for elsewhere, so he handles me very well, thank you. You’re probably the type to just shove it in without any sort of technique, thinking that’s enough to get a girl to finish. My man won’t bust once until I’ve came up to four times, the fuck can you offer me besides being six-foot? Hm? That’s right, not a damn thing. Remember that next time you talk shit, dirt-neck.”

Read him straight to filth. And God forbid Mikey had his gang with him anytime some scrub tried to spit game, best believe they’d dog the guy until he scurried away in humiliation. It always filled him with great adoration for you wherever you checked someone in his defense, your entire relationship giving off the same energy as that one meme with Kevin Hart’s character being protectively held by the lady. It’d been put in the groupchat a number of times just to tease the delinquent, but he’s unashamed at the fact you could easily pick his ass up. If anything, he was all for it, even requested piggy-back rides from you more often than his right-hand man—Draken’s back appreciates your sacrifice.

Now let someone try and spit game at him.

“Yeah, normally guys feel emasculated when their girlfriend’s taller than them, y’know? I’m surprised you don’t, though. No offense, [_____] just doesn’t seem like a good fit for you. I mean, must be tough to lay in the same bed, or even put her in your lap without feeling smothered or crushed. Wouldn’t it be much better to have someone a little smaller-”

“She could sit on me until my pelvis collapsed, and I would thank her. And, full offense, if I was single, still wouldn’t pick you even if you put a gun to my head. Keep my girl’s name out your mouth, you don’t deserve to breathe the same air let alone be on first name basis. Now, quit wasting my time—Do you have the notes from yesterday’s lecture or not?”

You don’t play about him. He don’t play about you. Period.

And as far as sharing a bed, cuddling or otherwise, Mikey was a sucker for being held like a damn squishmellow. Didn’t matter if you took up most of the leg space, dude would be wrapped around you like a python, so snug and warm you’d be lucky to even escape his grasp for food or the bathroom. Once he’s sleep, he’s SLEEP, and then you become the squishmellow.

“Mikey, I will be right back, turn me loose-”

“Zzzzzz…” out like a light. Drooling and everything, face smushed up against your boobs, just content. You’d think he’d been working the graveyard shift. And God forbid he ended up laying on top of you, sprawled out starfish style…you for sure weren’t going anywhere then.

Even if you expressed this dilemma after he woke up, the blonde merely yawned. “Just pick me up and carry me with you…”

“You’re smoking crack if you think I’m gonna haul your ass with me into the bathroom. I love you and all that, but we ain’t at the stage where I can comfortably use it with you in room.”

He shrugged. “Mm. Guess you don’t have to go that bad. G’night.”

“Mikey.”

“Shh, I’m sleeping…”

A gremlin. But, your gremlin. ♡

—

medium — ♡

CHIFUYU still can’t believe he bagged you, frfr.

There’d be moments where you’d catch him staring, as if he figured you’d disappear the second he took his eyes off you.

It’d get a little creepy sometimes, but it was endearing all the same. He wasn’t the shortest guy, though he wasn’t the tallest either, and standing next to you was a constant reminder of that. Not that he held any resentment toward you for it, he absolutely loved your height. However, there was always some form of insecurity that would resurface anytime someone called attention to it.

And today, his best friend and co-worker, Baji, would not only be the culprit, but an unlikely source of reassurance.

While they were stocking up inventory, the ravenette couldn’t help but notice the stool his friend was using to put a box in a particular high place. Wearing a mischievous grin, Baji pointed. “Oi. You should take that home with you. That way your girl won’t have to strain her neck when she kisses you.” He snorted, thinking he was the funniest man alive.

Normally, something that lame wouldn’t phase him, but guess today he was feeling a little more sensitive. With a grunt, the former blonde coolly spoke, “Maybe you should shut the hell up, and stock the damn shelves.”

“Whoa. What’s up your ass?” Baji furrowed his brows, walking over to lightly kick at the stool’s metal leg, making it jerk. Chifuyu sharply gasped, latching onto an empty shelf to steady himself. He exhaled, relieved, then shot a glare. But, Baji wasn’t perturbed.

Chifuyu sighed. “Nothing. I’m fine...”

“Fine my left nut. You don’t get short like that unless there’s something on your mind,” not the best way to phrase that, but at least he was genuine. Chifuyu rolled his eyes, coming down off the stool to brush past the ravenette.

“Not in the mood, alright?”

Baji was left standing there, dumbfounded.

The entire vibe had been thrown on its head, and he didn’t understand why. Awkwardly, he went back to assorting through the contents within the nearest box, bottom lip stuck out in thought as he briefly glanced at Chifuyu’s back mere feet away. It was like an itch he couldn’t scratch. He knew not to pry, but curiosity always won gold in the end. Baji replayed the conversation in his head, using his impeccable deductive reasoning to draw his own conclusions.

And then suddenly, an epiphany.

Without a hint of warning, the ravenette quickly walked over and slapped his friend in the middle of his back. Chifuyu yelped, nearly dropping the box in his hands before whipping around to fix Baji with a wide, incredulous look. “T-The hell?!”

“So. She dumped ya, huh? [Sigh] Look man, don’t beat yourself up, a lot of guys fumble the bag from time to time. If ya need a shoulder to cry on…don’t use mine, but ‘tora might let you-”

“Hah?? What are you—[_____] didn’t dump me, dumbass!”

Baji blinked. “Oh. My bad, jus’ figured that’s why you’re in your feelings.”

“And you thought the best thing to do was to hit me, then tell me to cry on someone else?” Chifuyu squinted when the arsonist gave a shrug. He sighed again, carefully setting the box down. “It’s not about [______]. Well, technically. The other day we had lunch with a few of her friends. They apparently have been dying to meet me for some time. And things were going great until…”

Chifuyu trailed off, leaving Baji in suspense.

He grunted. “‘till what? Jus’ say it, bet it isn’t even that bad-”

“They were shocked to see her with someone who barely came up to her elbows.”

Silence filled the storage room. Chifuyu continued to keep his eyes trained elsewhere while his counterpart merely stared for what felt like hours, but only seconds. And then…

“Pfft.”

Chifuyu looked up and sneered, blushing furiously as he threw a chew toy from one of the boxes at the fiend. “Hey! Don’t laugh! Do you have any idea how humiliating that is??”

Baji, to his dismay, effortless caught the toy, even squeaking it a couple times just to annoy him more. Taking a moment to collect himself, the ravenette still wore his sharp grin as he spoke through airy giggles. “So? Who cares what they have to say?”

“I do! They’re [_____]’s friends, everyone knows their approval is just as crucial to the relationship as the parents…if not more.”

“Mm. Pretty sure you’re overthinking this.”

Chifuyu gave a sarcastic laugh, “Pretty sure I’m not.”

“Alright. Lemme school ya on how women operate when they get in their little cliques.” Baji dusted off his hands, missing the eye roll the former blonde gave once again. With his pointer held high, he declared, “If majority of the friend group is taken, they’re just being protective. No doubt they’ve been there for every heartbreak, every fight, ‘nd jus’ don’t think anyone’s good enough for [_____]. Jus’ gotta keep your head down, and don’t give ‘em any reason to be weary. Simple.”

With a slow, skeptical nod, Chifuyu pursed his lips at his fellow delinquent. It wasn’t unlikely, so at least he’s correct in that regard. However, the line between facts and feelings began to blur the further Baji continued.

“But, if majority of them are single, then you’re screwed either way —Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.”

“Wow, that’s so helpful. You sure schooled me, Baji-san.”

“‘m serious. You gotta watch out for the single ones in the friend group. They’re all passive aggressive, try to get under your skin, push your buttons. Then, before you know it, they’re in your head, get you so worked up only for them to turn around and play victim, saying you can’t take a joke, and now you’re the fucking bad guy! Classic textbook emotional manipulation—Don’t fall for it. ‘cause they’ve got it down to a science, I’m telling ya.”

Chifuyu’s eyes widen at the sudden intensity that overtook the room, taking a small step back when Baji jabbed his finger at him, as if he were warning him of some conspiracy. “Uh…you good?”

Baji took a moment’s pause. Then, he cleared his throat.

“Sorry, got a little carried away. All’s I’m saying is, don’t sweat. Lotta chick’s pick on the best friend’s new fling, t’s like a war tactic—Poking at our fragile egos ‘nd all that. But, seems like you did fine, otherwise you’d be crying all over ‘tora right now.” Baji shrugged.

Chifuyu blinked, now his turn to be dumbfounded. “Huh.”

He frowned. “‘Huh’? I jus’ gave you some killer, black-pilled insight on cracking their code of conduct, and all I get is a dry-ass ‘huh’? Tsk. I’m charging you next time, goddamn freeloader.”

Chifuyu glared, but softened soon after. After taking his words into consideration, the former blonde couldn’t help but feel lighter. “It’s just... didn’t expect that to actually make me feel better.”

Baji scrunched his nose. “The fuck’s that supposed to mean? Oi, don’t ever doubt my knowledge. It may be selective, but I got it when it counts. Besides, thanks to me you won’t take that stool home after all.”

“I wasn’t planning to take it home in the first place.”

“Right. Keep telling yourself that, elbows.”

“Hey!”

—

large — ♡

“Hey, baby, those legs go all the way up?”

It was moments like this where you detested not being able to blend in with the average crowd. Attention always seemed to gravitate toward you no matter how hard you tried to avoid it, like being covered in honey while trying to walk in front of a herd of bears. And it didn’t help that you were currently wearing heels tonight, accentuating your legs even more in the little, black cocktail dress you sported. You were headed to a party a mutual friend of yours was throwing, and you wanted to surprise your man by wearing the new Jimmy Choos he bought you, knowing how much he loved how your legs with the extra height on them—Evidently, so did the prowling degenerate on the streets.

You had elected to ignore them. HANMA seemed to have other plans as he came to a complete stop in his tracks, slowly turning around to walk up on the moron who had the nerve to open his mouth. Low, golden eyes gazed down at the waste of space, face calm but a murderous aura oozed off him like pheromone, suffocating the slimy bastard into submission as he attempted to shrink away. But, he wasn’t about to let him get away so easily.

A wide, eerie grin spread across his face. “Could’ve sworn I just heard you cat-call my girl right in front of me. But, you wouldn’t be stupid enough to do that. Right?”

The guy nervously looked back for reinforcements but his buddies were already long gone. Hanma’s grin immediately dissolved from his face, kissing his teeth before grabbing the guy by the front of his collar and twisting. “Fuckin’ hate repeating myself.”

Hanma wound his arm back, dead set on knocking the guy into an early grave until you intervened at the last second. By grabbing onto the balled up fist, you brought it to your lips to place a tender kiss on the inked skin. You felt his muscles relax, but he still held the offender by his shirt, only slightly playing attention to you cooing in his ear.

“Baby, you promised no fighting tonight, remember?”

“I know, doll, but this fucker,” he shook the guy around in his tight grasp, unhinged grin making its appearance once more at the sound of him blubbering, “deserves to have his shit rocked for even looking at you. I’m just gonna teach ‘em a little lesson about manners, that’s all. I’ll be quick.”

You scoffed, “You and I both know you don’t do quick.”

Hanma snickered. “First time for everything, right?”

“Shuji.”

Tugging on his arm, you were able to redirect all of his focus onto you, sinister eyes melting into sweet caramel as his pupils dilated the second they locked on yours. It always did something to him whenever you came up to eye-level. Sure, you were already pretty tall but the heels nearly had you towering him. It gave him a weird sensation, one that made him want to drop everything and worship you like the deity you were. Especially in situations like this.

Hanma felt like the smaller one for once. It drove him insane.

You fixed him a stern look. “Drop him.”

Without a moment’s hesitation, he discarded the guy onto the pavement like an old can, wild eyes eagerly watching you and waiting for your next request. Taking his free hand into yours, interlacing your fingers, you led the rest of the way by pulling him from the nobody now cowering near a bush, no doubt rethinking his life choices while you kept onward to your destination. You didn’t get all spruced up to not be seen tonight, and you’ll be damned if any more time got wasted on some loser he’d put in a coma after one hit. After a short moment of silence, you expected Hanma to be mad at you for not letting him knock someone’s teeth loose. But when you glanced back at him, you should’ve known you’d be greeted with absolute smugness as you shook your head in mirth.

You elected to ignore the obvious tent in his pants…but he’d surely plan for you to do otherwise later on.

#🍁allspice #🍁wasabi #CALLING ALL THEE STALLIONS 🗣️#*posts and runs*#tokyorev #tokyo rev #tokyo revengers #tokyorev x reader #tokyo rev x reader #tokyo revengers x reader #tokyo rev headcanons #tr x reader #manjiro sano #matsuno chifuyu #hanma shuji #mikey x reader #chifuyu x reader #hanma x reader

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max1461 · 11 months

Text

Tips for any new redditors joining Tumblr today

If you're going to be moving from reddit to tumblr, there are a couple of important things you need to know. This site, has a culture, and it's important to understand it! So here's a few tips for new users:

On reddit, people will often say things like "have an upvote, good sir". Here on tumblr, we shit on the fucking ground.

On reddit, there's no reblogging of content, so you might not know the etiquette. Basically, it's to crank your hog fast and furious style

If you see someone write "prev tags", that means mao zedong, chairman of communist china, is their celebrity crush and they write all these like ten thousand, hundred thousand word stories on ao3 about him romancing and seducing vladimir lenin, and so on

People here will be like "kill this guy kill that guy I love to kill I'm a killer I kill people, I stick figure biting and gnashing angry stick drawing all the time" but they're simply a lesbian in their room. Don't fear them they are timid even at the grocery store.

FUcking shit lol, big cocks and penis

Almost all our power users are members of this or that ideolgoy, we've got all these catholic midwestern chicks who do a lot of drugs and post racist memes, we've got stalinists and also trans girls who want to upload their brain to the computer. When you see a funny post remember its by one of these peopel.

irl I know a guy who eats human flesh for a lving and if you ask me I can get you some if you want to try it

Crank your hog crazy style over here

kill kill kill the president kill the first lady get um kill people on purpose (you, in the audience: kill a man). did you know that covid was created by the little jizz men, little jizz homonculuses that live in our ears? stop masterbating and they will die :(

it is determined that you are a nazi pedophile or not based on which cartoons for example sponge bob or stephen universe you like but I won't tell you which ones. good luck you nazi pedophile *nuggies your head endearingly*

crank your hog maoist style.

the glory of the chinese communist party is what sets the people free! remember that mao is always beside you!!!!

youtube

#Youtube

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misrepresentedmorallygrey · 2 months

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PROPAGANDA

John

This fella is Fascinating. just trust me on this he deserves to be here

He tried so hard to do the right thing, he feels bad and says things would be better if he was never born. He thinks he should've just stayed acting like a monster and continued to act threatening.

(LONG PROPAGANDA INCOMING)

John. Milgram. Here's a short description of the fortunes and misfortunes of the guy. It gets worse before it gets better (probably).

While MILGRAM is a prison that judges a bunch of sympathetic killers, it doesn't consider him to be one – it didn't even exactly know he existed until too little too late, when it got its grabby hands on the brain of prisoner 009, who claimed to not know anything about any murder he'd have committed. Then, footage from his brain was extracted, as MILGRAM does, into a music video, and… that was MeMe. Ninth prisoner, Kayano Mikoto, was revealed to have DID, and what obviously who do you think actually Killed Someone?

Enter John. Well. Mikoto is half deeply unaware half subconsciously scared of his existence, so the MV painted him in a rather. Deeply disturbing way, bathing in bloody baths and all that (not a blood bath though! easy mistake). Adding to that him showing up in the first Voice Drama for five seconds to punch the "protagonist" and yell for a bit, and the result wasn't. Assuring. The fandom proceeded to treat him like a cardboard cutout and variously dunk on MILGRAM for having a cliché "evil" character w/ DID despite the overall well handling of complex characters.

Two years time skip: second season ending. We get to prisoner 009 again. The protagonist Finally gets to chat with John: and voila, he's admitting to the crime, he's apparently "killed a bunch of people because they annoyed him", which means, as he's saying, Mikoto has nothing to do with the crime at all! And he, as per the judging system, should be forgiven, right! Well, he's so full of shit. The music video immediately reveals how protective he feels of Mikoto (and well, he definitely doesn't rebuke That one), that the events of murder were somehow tied in to Mikoto's job at a black company, his continuous overworking and him being mentally on the brink of breaking; that any committed violence was For The Sake of Mikoto and that John feels deeply horrible for messing up his life in any way. By making himself into the image of a "monster" he's trying to make Mikoto look good in comparison and be forgiven and all. He also mentioned if Mikoto is voted innocent he's gonna try to go dormant since he's The Issue, right, and the audience/protagonist hates him, Right, and Mikoto Also Hates him, Right?

I'm underselling the sheer devotion of this guy tbh.

Yeah, the fandom results were kinda mixed on that one. Lots of people immediately started to love him dearly and kinda forgot any people were maimed or killed with baseball bats; lots also got sold on him "messing up Mikoto's life" and actually voted Mikoto innocent Specifically because of John's promise to eventually "disappear". There's more of the babygirlifying kind in the English side of the fandom that I've seen, to be fair. And that's around where we are!

Dazai Osamu

He did bad things in the Mafia. He's trying to get better. He abused people but he also saved other people. Fans portraying him as an unforgivable abuser are WRONG. He perpetuated an abused cycle on Akutagawa thinking he was right to do that, because of trauma, before he could leave. But he left. He's still treating Akutagawa wrong because he's trying to be a better person but doesn't realize that it will not erase what he did and that he can't just ignore the past. Fans portraying him as a pure angel who didn't know what he was doing because he was sad are WRONG TOO. He abused Akutagawa. He was traumatized but it doesn't give him the right to traumatize innocent people. He's trying to be a better person but he can't keep ignoring Akutagawa. He needs to apologize. And even that won't erase what he did. Dazai is a complex character in a complex situation. He left the abuse cycle and tries to be a good person but did unforgivable things while he was still in this cycle and refuses to aknowledge them. He's not a monster but he's not innocent either.

Dazai used to be a mafia executive until his best friend (a former assassin who remained in the mafia but refused to kill) died. As the friend was dying he told him "I know you don't care about whether you're a good or bad person, so if it doesn't matter to you, be on the side that saves people." Despite that, I've seen countless people insisting that Dazai is a good person/trying his best to be a good person when he really only changed sides by joining a detective agency, while still continuing to do the same things he did while in the mafia (including but not limited to: harassing his coworkers for fun, manipulating people, killing people instead of just trying to incapacitate them, and even torturing an innocent man in one of the side stories). That being said, he's not evil either. Even when he does cruel things, it's not for the sake of being cruel (even when he harasses his coworkers he still has limits), it's just a means to an end. I think most of the confusion comes from a scene where he's talking to a young girl, another former mafia member, who asks if he thinks people can change and he assures her they can, but what the anime left out was that he was thinking about his former assassin friend during that discussion, not himself. The entire series is themed around gray morality, to the point where it's even reflected in the main protagonist and antagonist's designs (mainly white with a bit of black, and mainly black with a bit of white), so I feel like insisting that he's a good person now completely misses the point of the story.

#misrepresented morally grey #round 2 #bracket d #mixed bracket #milgram #john milgram #bungou stray dogs #dazai osamu #osamu dazai #cw suicidal ideation #edit: y'all i did not realize this was qued for later lol #only realized when I saw more dazai propaganda that I didn't see when I was making the polls

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