One thing that I really appreciate about your fic is that you always have the whole thing prewritten and then you post on a regular schedule until the whole thing is out there. What made you decide to do it that way rather than post as you write? I'm currently once again waffling on just posting as I write or finishing my whole thing and then posting and it's driving me nuts!

Ahh, I'm still reeling from your lovely art! Let me try to compose myself and also try to get through the haze of cough syrup. There are four (and a half) main reasons I always finish my stuff before I start posting. I keep trying to qualify this post by saying they're personal reasons developed over many years and I don't know if they'll mean anything for anyone else, but I'm just dithering at this point, so let's get to it.

The biggest reason by far is that the pressure of knowing someone is waiting for me to write the next part is AWFUL. It's petrifying, honestly. I've only ever posted two fics as I wrote them, River Stone on the kinkmeme way back in whenever (like 2013 I think?), and Metamorphose for Thanzag last year (a three-parter with over a year between parts 2 and 3). I tried it again with Metamorphose because I thought, oh, it's been ten years since I last did this, surely I can now handle posting before finishing--NOPE. AWFUL. Every comment looking for the next part was like a little inquisitive set of eyes peering over my shoulder, and any free hobby time I spent doing other things I felt guilty about for months. Plus, I'm not quite satisfied with that last chapter even now, but the pressure of needing to get it done was stronger than my desire to hone. I hate having that pressure compromise my standards, and I won't be doing it again anytime soon. Plus, I get so much joy out of comments when I do it the other way--writing everything first and knowing that pressure to finish is gone--that the tradeoff of no comments during the writing process is beyond worth it to me. That's the selfish aspect of how I post; I want to be able to just marinate in the reactions without the pressure of trying to figure out what comes next. Yeah, this sometimes means I spend a metric ton of time writing stuff that then doesn't get a lot of feedback once I finally start posting. Ah, well, them's the breaks. I'm familiar enough by now with my creative juices that I know the next fic is just around the corner. .

I'm such a constructionist in my fics, heavily leaning on my outlines for the overall structure and framework, that I spend a lot of time after the first completed draft trying to really polish up themes, characterization, and plot from start to finish. On I think almost every major longfic I've ever written, @jadesabre301 has pointed out a serious gaping hole that needed immediate revision (occasionally very major revision) in order to get the fic to the quality I wanted it to be. I can't go back and add early scenes and theme/imagery reinforcement in chapters already posted, and if I want to make the piece as polished as possible, I need that editing freedom and flexibility. (And she needs to be able to see the whole structure of the piece to find those flaws.) Plus, if I don't force myself to write the interstitial or difficult scenes, I could very easily see myself stalling out after hitting the highlight scenes I'm excited about, and then that'd be the end of the progress. I got stuck in one place in Spire for like eight months before Jade pushed me through it, and if I'd been posting concurrently with that writing stall, I think I would have been miserable. .

I have a high tolerance for sitting down and really focusing on one project for hours at a time, and I have a job and lifestyle that allow that every now and then. I don't have kids, I have a career I'm very well established in (giving me some clear work/life boundaries and seasons when I know I'll be busy and when I know I'll have time to be creative), and I structure my free time in those periods in ways where I can write without interruption. I don't really need external impetus or praise to keep me going (in fact, as mentioned, it often makes me feel worse), so having that dedicated time lets me really sink my teeth into my projects, which makes it so much easier to reach my target goals. I also find completing and closing projects immensely personally satisfying, which helps drive that momentum during the more difficult parts of the process. .

It's important to me to finish my projects so that the stories are complete for the readers. Not just because I grew up on abandoned WIPs in the fandoms I cut my teeth on (Sailor Moon, Inuyasha, Harry Potter), either. I remember a particular author in the Inuyasha fandom named Rozefire who wrote what felt like dozens of incredible AUs that I followed religiously for years. However, she never finished more than...memory says a handful of them? And every header at the top of the new fic would talk about how she was still working on the previous one, but after several months I realized that as soon as that new fic went up, the previous one would never see another chapter. I still loved everything she wrote and I still devoured every word, but there were several things I desperately wanted to see completed, and I have so many dusty memories of sifting through those fics for updates every few weeks, pining for any little crumb, haha. I'm able to complete my projects and it's important to me to do so for the sake of any readers, so it's something I make a priority when I write. .

(really 4.5) Not finishing my projects makes me mentally unhappy. It doesn't destroy my mood or anything, but it becomes a persistent itch that poisons all my other hobbies, even if there aren't any comments looking forward to the next chapter. In some ways the ending of that de-aging Fenris/Hawke fic I wrote a million years ago where the story demands a conclusion was a veritable autobiography. There's a reason that of my, uh...63 works on AO3, the only ones not fully completed are the two WIPs I'm currently posting (which are completely written) and the two oneshot/ficlet collections. Those collections have been lifesavers as well in that they are homes for my little orphan ficlets, which also pleases the ruthless organizer part of my brain. I don't like clutter; I don't like tangled wires; I don't like untucked sheets or piles of abandoned craft projects or rooms of untamed chaos. I look at a lot of those cozy little cottagecore aesthetic posts and I honestly just want to straighten everything to right angles and buy them coasters and set up bookshelves so they can clean up the space. I used to organize my parents' VHS collection every summer--we had a spreadsheet with titles and reference numbers that went into the 500s. Finishing fics fits into the same space in my head; when they're finally done I can at last put the lid on the box and put it labelled neatly on the rack with all the rest of the boxes and I can mentally release it from my list of things to think about on the daily. (Which is, incidentally, the main reason I only work on one project at a time; too many open and cluttered boxes = a very unhappy me.)

Anyway! This was a very long answer about a very personal process, and I hope there's some part of it useful to you in some way! <3 At the end of the day, you'll have to decide your posting schedule for yourself based on the things that are important to you. There's no wrong way to do it--it's only whatever makes you happy and keeps you writing! <3<3<3

I want to rant a bit about how the sexual aspect of Act 3 Raphael is handled, so be warned, you know what this is about. Just me whining for a bit.

First of all, it was very clear to me that the game would give us some sexy Raph scenes the moment they let us engage with Mizora because it had been pretty equal up until that point. If the game lets you do the lady devil, they'll undoubtedly let us have some fun with the handsome male one, right? They even gave us some Squid boy action after all. So the moment I got that Mizora scene my main motivation in the game shifted to finish Raphaels quest line as soon as possible to get to that point.

Then we get to the House of Hope and it's just... some random shapeshifting fiend and he's just grinding on my gals stomach, riding air. So from an anatomical standpoint the animation itself only works for male player models to begin with and uh... it was just really awkward, not enjoyable at all and the actual Raphael is just reduced to a joke and then that's it.

To me, a Raphael simp, this was the equivalent of dating Astarion/Shadowheart for three Acts and just when you're about to finalize the romance with some sexy scenes, Dribbles the (shapeshifter) Clown swoops in and takes that romantic interests place instead.

What's the purpose of replacing the actual Raphael with a guy whos sole alure lies within the fact that he copies the voice and looks of Raphael? It's literally him but without any of the charme. It would've been fine if that's all it was, but why ruin the characters sexual appeal on top of it? There were so many other things in the house of hope that could've been used to make fun of him, why not at least leave us the fantasy? I don't accept the "Oh, he's a villain and all villains are secretly pathetic" angle because as others have already mentioned, that is not how Mizora is handled, who is Raphaels female equivalent for those who're attracted to women. I'm not the only one who feels this way considering how many fans interpret the available information so that we can still get something out of it. Which I mean works just fine, but in the end it's all speculation. It's also the only way he'll still keep his appeal for many, myself included.

With the way he conducted himself, controlling and dominant, I don't find it unreasonable to expect any romantic scenes involving him to play out a certain way, it's very much the implication of writing him this way and it's exactly those qualities that people would be drawn to for the first 2 and a half acts in the first place. Raphael had such an intimate and prominent role by directly interacting with the player throughout the game, especially if you sign the contract and was, with his flirting, pretty much perfectly set up for some romance content. Even the locations we meet him at, such as the brothel are teasing the player and pointing towards it. The writers are aware that it was anticipated by many too, you can literally tell Haarlep sleeping with Raphael is what you wanted all along, but then that line is just treated as a joke once again. Raph is the only alternative to the emperor, in the end it's literally him or squid and even the squid gets a scene for those who are into him. Raphaels appeal isn't just the visual, but his charme and personality, the entire package, so to say. A shapeshifter that copies his visuals is just that, a hollow copy with none of those qualities, none of the charme and in the end none of the appeal. I'm still pretty disappointed by it. As it stands I would have preferred no intimate scenes involving him or his clones and keep the fantasy over what we got.

Needed to scream this into the void.

Ok, so I had this dream last night right? And it was mostly nonsensical and weird and silly, but there was this moment...

Not to continue my recent trend of oversharing on tumblr dot com, but I am very much struggling not to feel like I'm doing everything in my entire life wrong at present

okay wait actually are we supposed to interpret it as that both saskias said "you go on without me" at the same time because in that case WHAT was highest light saskia doing while midst saskia was singing her silly little verse of the moon mining song....walking through the hallways of the central vault with explosives in her bag?? standing in the elevator while her friends attacked the archauditor???? kind of obsessed w the possibilities.

so anyway, Love Sea? let's discuss. firstly, i realise i was in thailand when it dropped so never got to give the announcement the excitement post it deserves, and secondly-when i tell you the amount of feral i will go the moment this show drops!!!!

what do we know so far about the show? FIRST TIME EVER MAME HAS RE-USED HER LEAD ACTORS!!! (fucking proud mama over here!)

1.) it's more mature than love in the air (thank the fucking bl gods) and much more challenging than LITA. 2.) there will be nc scenes (🙏🏻🙏🏻 ofc there is, it's a MAME show!!) that are, according to fort, STEAMIER than LITA. (jesus god, someone hold me, i don't think i'm ready) 3.) it's set on the beach. (hello cinematography!!!- lets pray the sound team have a bigger budget on this one otherwise god forbid we hear anything over the sound of waves) 4.) peat's character tongrak is a beautiful, rich, best-selling romance novelist looking for inspiration on his newest book (i'm already in love with this for peat!!), he has a partner in his past he doesn't like to talk about for unknown reasons and is afraid of loneliness. 5.) fort's character mahasamut is a local tour guide who is popular amongst the tourists and has his own company(?) he doesn't have a great relationship with his dad, left home because of a quarrel and now lives independantly and ambitiously. he can speak english well (fort's english is the cutest so i'm fucking excited to hear him speak it in the show!!) and has a diving certifcate and is good at fighting(?)

6.) if the poster is to be believed the fortpeat dynamic might be switching- peatfort?!? (blessed, we're being blessed with diversity) because it sounds like tongrak is the one pursuing mahasamut(?)

7.) potentially a sugar baby/daddy scenario? (i don't know where i heard this, but for real i am so down if it's true)

8.) I'm gonna be fucking insufferable when it comes out. Trailer when, memindy? I'm ready now.

a while ago i accidentally bent a g.pangolin electrode (those things are made of gold) the world was covered in conductive gel time is passing unreal lvls of quick they know my heart is yours

oversharing in the tags time :)

I have only two possible emotional responses to feeling really safe and warm talking with a new person:

1) Withdrawing from them almost instantly and rarely responding, even if against my wish or control, because of reflexive fear of attachment since usually everyone I felt safe with blocked me out of blue and revealed that all along I was giving them """red flags""" I didn't even know existed

2) Somehow not falling for withdrawing reflexively, but in turn the value of everyone else I know that does NOT make me feel safe (so, 95% of the people) sinks in my perception and now I have to struggle against a very strong wish to abandon everyone except The Person. Why waste time on anyone less than this?

Bro somebody needs to restrain me from spending all my money instantly I wanna have a glasses collection I currently got 2 frames and 1 pair of sunnies

I must expand

who up seeing their disorder in a fictional character but feel like its not their place to put a name on it

I just learned something so incredibly fucked up

:(

bruh this sucks shit, the person i THOUGHT i was fliritng with (we'll use he/him here) turns out to actually have very genuine and sweet romantic feelings for my friend (they/them) who'd been helping me emotionally with the anxiety of trying to flirt with said person.

i dont think he knows how i feel about it, or even if i know at all. my friend knows everything and tells me everything including how they didnt think they would be able to date him anyway bc of difference in communication styles.

my friend is poly, but idk abt him, its never come up, and i dont know if i am either. i dont mind the idea, especially if its with someone whos experienced, but this is rough.

he doesnt owe me anything, and we never were anything serious, we're not even especially close close friends

i just dont know what to do, hes too nice to just rip the bandaid off, i dont know if i trust him to do it. which means if hes not doing it bc he still likes me, im still going to doubt if he actually does. ugh

i want to just talk to him about it but im scared. idk maybe i'll just explain this to my friend and ask for advice anyway, maybe make it clear that if they do get into a relationship i'll understand but wont pretend it wont hurt me deeply. but that feels selfish ugh

Yo I don't know if anyone else is seriously bothered by this but those "good luck" posts where everyone goes wow this post really works you HAVE to reblog it or else you won't get the good thing that happens when you reblog it and therefore it's your fault if the good thing doesn't happen because you didn't reblog the post,

Yeah, those posts. They don't ummmmmmmmm

They don't work.

Like, listen, a little prayer of good luck to give yourself hope is one thing, but every single one of these posts has a comment that is like "this is literally magic I received life-altering amounts of money because of this post REBLOG THIS NOW." And assuming these accounts aren't just also the original poster emotionally manipulating people - And brushing over how foolish/cruel it feels to give false hope and additional tasks to those in poverty AND moving on from how absolutely shitty these posts are for people with compulsion-related disorders or difficulty discerning reality--

it feels to me that the more we make up magic that doesn't exist in this world, the harder it is to see how things really are, and the more it obscures from us the magic that actually does exist. Things like magnetism, electricity, human thought and connection, emotion, storytelling, machinery, fire. That's the sort of magic we have in this world. These magics are real and they can be manipulated in miraculous and terrible ways.

And maybe it's just the way my mind works, but if I am able to convince myself that a photo of a four-leaf clover has any amount of cosmic power over my life, then I am no longer looking clearly at my situation and what I need to do to change it. I am no longer able to truly see the magic that IS there.

I feel the same way about astrology honestly. I don't think it's bad to believe in as long as you're not ascribing it to unwilling people, but I personally do feel like if I believed the shapes the Romans saw in the stars made me who I am, then not only would I deny myself autonomy, but also I would miss out on the magic of the stars as huge lonely nuclear light giants indifferent to and ignorant of the lives of humans in terrifying and beautiful ways. I might even dismiss scientific discoveries that didn't fit my view. And I think I've seen enough of the damage that can do for one lifetime. (I am aware that I probably wouldn't have so many problems with astrology if I wasn't a furious ex-Catholic. But again, there's nothing wrong with faith as long as you're not slapping it onto other people.)

But, gods, I hate these fucking good luck posts.

I am not poor due to the stars or the lack of luck-money posts on my dashboard. I am poor because I live in oppressive power structures that I hope to see burn in my lifetime. I need as clear a view of this reality as possible.

If you want to spread positive magic, you have to spread love and information and images/stories of a beautiful shared future that other people are invited to be a part of.

I'm a big believer in Hope. I believe hope is a sacred thing. But I'm not a big fan of false hope.

So in conclusion, if you reblog this post and then tomorrow something very lucky and seemingly unrelated happens, it had nothing to do with this post.

The only Magic will be the magic of unfathomably huge amounts of data transferring all across the world instantaneously to reach you and show you words that came from someone else's heart and mind.

The only Magic will be however it makes you feel to know that if you need luck, at least one other person in this world wants good things to happen to you: I care that you are found. I care that you are loved. I care that you are safe. I care that you live long enough to find or be found by happiness and that you then live for a very long time after that. And I don't need to meet you to know that I'm right.

Know that I will spend the rest of my life working to build spaces where you would be welcome. And maybe you and I will never meet, but I happen to know there's a whole lot of people like me in this world. And I happen to know that as long as you are alive, there is a chance you will grow old in warmth and comfort, surrounded by friends. There is a chance that your old eyes will be crinkled at the sides with laugh lines. And that's magic. That's real magic.

I just had to share this video because holy shit, it hits the nail right on the head! So well spoken. This stuff needs to be circulated more, esp with the growing number of people thinking they have this because of misinformation, or just outright faking it.