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starry-bi-sky · 30 days

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i need to get this out of my head before i continue clone^2 but danny being the first batkid. Like, standard procedure stuff: his parents and sister die, danny ends up with Vlad Masters. He drags him along to stereotypical galas and stuff; Danny is not having a good time.

He ends up going to one of the Wayne Galas being hosted ever since elusive Bruce Wayne has returned to Gotham. Vlad is crowing about having this opportunity as he's been wanting to sink his claws into the company for a long while now. Danny is too busy grieving to care what he wants.

And like most Galas, once Vlad is done showing him off to the other socialites and the like, he disappears. Off to a dark corner, or to one of the many balconies; doesn't matter. There he runs into said star of the show, Bruce who is still young, has been Batman for at least a year at this point, but still getting used to all these damn people and socializing. He's stepped off to hide for a few minutes before stepping back into the shark tank.

And he runs into a kid with circles under his eyes and a dull gleam in them. Familiar, like looking into a mirror.

Danny tries to excuse himself, he hasn't stopped crying since his parents died and it's been months. He rubs his eyes and stands up, and stumbles over a half-hearted apology to Mister Wayne. Some of Vlad's etiquette lessons kicking in.

Bruce is awkward, but he softens. "That's alright, lad," he says, pulling up some of that Brucie Wayne confidence, "I was just coming out here to get some fresh air."

There's a little pressing; Bruce asks who he's here with, Danny says, voice quiet and grief-stricken, that he's with his godfather Vlad Masters. Bruce asks him if he knows where he is, and Danny tells him he does. Bruce offers to leave, Danny tells him to do whatever he wants.

It ends with Bruce staying, standing off to the side with Danny in silence. Neither of them say a word, and Danny eventually leaves first in that same silence.

Bruce looks into Vlad Masters after everything is over, his interest piqued. He finds news about him taking in Danny Fenton: he looks into Danny Fenton. He finds news articles about his parents' deaths, their occupations, everything he can get his hands on.

At the next gala, he sees Danny again. And he looks the same as ever: quiet like a ghost, just as pale, and full of grief. Bruce sits in silence with him again for nearly ten minutes before he strikes a conversation.

"Do you like to do anything?"

Nothing. Just silence.

Bruce isn't quite sure what to do: comfort is not his forte, and Danny doesn't know him. He's smart enough to know that. So he starts talking about other things; anything he can think of that Brucie Wayne might say, that also wasn't inappropriate for a kid to hear.

Danny says nothing the entire time, and is again the first to leave.

Bruce watches from a distance as he intercts with Vlad Masters; how Vlad Masters interacts with him. He doesn't like what he sees: Vlad Masters keeps a hand on Danny's shoulder like one would hold onto the collar of a dog. He parades him around like a trophy he won.

And there are moments, when someone gets too close or when someone tries to shake Danny's hand, of deep possessiveness that flints over Vlad Masters' eyes. Like a dragon guarding a horde.

He plays the act of doting godfather well: but Bruce knows a liar when he sees one. Like recognizes like.

Danny is dull-eyed and blank faced the entire time; he looks miserable.

So Bruce tries to host more parties; if only so that he can talk to Danny alone. Vlad seems all too happy to attend, toting Danny along like a ribbon, and on the dot every hour, Danny slips away to somewhere to hide. Bruce appears twenty minutes later.

"I was looking into your godfather's company," he says one night, trying to think of more things to say. Some nights all they do is sit in silence. "Some of my shareholders were thinking of partnering up--"

"Don't."

He stops. Danny hardly says a word to him, he doesn't even look at him -- he's sitting on the ground, his head in his knees. Like he's trying to hide from the world. But he's looking, blue eyes piercing up at Bruce.

Bruce tilts his head, practiced puppy-like. "Pardon?"

"Don't." Danny says, strongly. "Don't make any deals with Vlad."

It's the most words Danny's spoken to him, and there's a look in his eyes like a candle finding its spark. Something hard. Bruce presses further, "And why is that?"

The spark flutters, and flushes out. Danny blinks like he's coming out of a trance, and slumps back into himself. "Just don't."

Bruce stares at him, thoughtful, before looking away. "Alright. I won't."

And they fall back into silence.

Danny, when he leaves, turns to look at Bruce, "I mean it." He says; soft like he's telling a secret, "Don't make any deals with him. Don't be alone with him. Don't work with him."

He's scampered away before Bruce can question him further.

(He never planned on working with Vlad Masters and his company; he's done his research. He's seen the misfortune. But nothing ever leads back to him. There's no evidence of anything. But Danny knows something.)

At their next meeting, Danny starts the conversation. It's new, and it's welcomed. He says, cutting through their five minute quiet, that he likes stars. And he doesn't like that he can't see them in Gotham.

Bruce hums in interest, and Danny continues talking. It's as if floodgates had been opened, and as Bruce takes a sip of his wine, it tastes like victory.

("Tucker told me once--") ("Tucker?") ("Oh-- uh, one of my best friends. He's a tech geek. We haven't talked in a while.")

(Danny shut down in his grief -- his friends are worried, but can't reach him. When he goes back to the manor with Vlad, he fishes out his phone and sends them a message.)

(They are ecstatic to hear from him.)

It all culminates until one day, when Danny is leaving to go back inside, that Bruce speaks up. "You know," He says, leaning against the railing. "The manor has many rooms; plenty of space for a guest."

The implication there, hidden between the lines. And Danny is smart, he looks at Bruce with a sharp glean in his eyes, and he nods. "Good to know."

The next time they see each other, Danny has something in his hands. "Can you hold onto something for me?" He asks.

When Bruce agrees, Danny places a pearl into his palm. or, at least, it's something that looks like a pearl. Because it's cold to the touch; sinking into Bruce's white silk gloves with ease and shimmering like an opal. It moves a little as it settles into his hand, and the moves like its full of liquid.

Bruce has never seen anything like it before, but he does know this; it's not human. "What is it?" He asks, and Danny looks uncomfortable.

"I can't tell you that." He says, shifting on his foot like he's scared of someone seeing it. "But please be careful with it. Treat it like it's extremely fragile."

When Bruce gets home, he puts it in an empty ring box and hides the box in the cave. He tries researching into what it is. he can't find anything concrete.

Everything comes to a head one day when Danny appears at the manor's doorstep one evening, soaking wet in the rain, and bleeding from the side.

#dpxdc #dp x dc #danny fenton is not the ghost king #dpxdc crossover #dpdc #dp x dc crossover #dpxdc prompt #man i just really need more dpdc stuff where danny and bruce have a good relationship. like man i NEED it. like i need to see these two #bonding together. and not in a cracky 'oh danny is a distant friend/cousin/etc' stuff but like. active participants in each other's lives #or as active as can be in this case. i neeeeed these two getting along and caring about one another #this idea came to me like last night and hasn't left since nd it was driving me up the wall to think about both positively and negatively b #i neeeded someone to hear about this or i was gonna implode #danny is the first son #tried to just get the general gist of the idea down but i definitely thought of the idea that bruce lowkey suspects vlad for having a hand #Vlad allows Danny to sneak off because he thinks Danny is alone. if he knew Bruce was there he'd be piiisssed and would put a stop to it #Sam and Tucker are alive they just got ghosted for a bit by danny bc he was in Major Grief and didn't wanna socialize. He couldn't go to #them because he didn't wanna put them in danger via Vlad.#oh that thing he handed Bruce? Yeah that's his ghost core. I have a headcanon (that isnt always applied) that ghosts can take their cores #out of their bodies at will and painlessly and without issue. and its common practice actually to do so bc they can be a not insignificant #distance away from said core before problems start to act up. and its common for ghosts to leave their physical cores at their lairs for #safekeeping because as long as the physical core is fine: so is the ghost. they can reform if their body gets destroyed. it also acts as a #fast travel sometimes. where they can reform at their core in an instant. its not inspired in the slightest by SU but i do see the overlap #most cores are pretty small for safety sake: its harder to hit if its small. and they're pr resilient too but its better to be safe than #sorry. so yeah. danny essentially gave bruce the physical embodiment of his soul and indirectly said #'if anything happens to me at least i'll be safe with you'#danny doesn't know he's batman btw #starry rambles.#was gonna go into danny becoming a vigilante beside bruce but im sleeeepy so i'll do that in a reblog. he's gonna go by nightingale if #anyone is interested. stereotypical but to be frank it is a *good* name imo. has a good amount of syllables and consonants to it #and the bird theme. and since its part of an ancestral name it has even more backing for it being bird-y without being meta

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ozymoron · 2 months

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reading posts that come across my dash and sitting for a minute to debate with my mental disorder if not reblogging this will mean a hell portal will open beneath my feet and i will suffer for eternity for my lack of action or if its all good and i can just scroll on by (its usually the hell portal thing)

#⚠️#personal #having ocd makes making moral decisions so fucking hard for no reason #cause ill see a post thats like info or seems important and like i can tell its that kind of post just by skimming it st first and somethin #clicks in my brain that just tells me if i dont share that post everyone will know and think im a horrible person #regardless of what the actual post is about #i need like a handbook on how to make proper moral decisions #cause like yeah i do care about things i try to share stuff about things i care about and believe are important but sometimes i dont have #the energy to read long as posts and my brain twists it to make it out that people will know and i am the bad guy #idk my ocds telling me even saying this makes me a bad person #the fact i even struggle with this #sometimes i think im not built for social media but really i think social medias not built for people like me #maybe i should get help for my ocd but the idea of describing all the shit going on in my brain to someone just makes me feel scared #cause like i dont know when to draw the line at making something a problem i should actively have a hand in helping #how much is too much when do i stop #<- in regards to my own mental health like the mental exhaustion that can come from it i hope this makes sense #like some things you gotta invest like emotional shit into and like sometimes im just tired and i come on here and im faced with one of #those posts and i just have to debate with myself what the fuck im supposed to do #this is more a me issue than anything i need to sort this shit out with some mental health professional or something #cause like i dont want to have people think i dont care about these things i do and ik pressing reblog takes like no energy but idk man #im not even sure if some of the shit i reblog is cause i care or is just an ocd compulsion #i feel like most times its both #i cant help but think im the problem here i want to be on social media its just so draining having my mind repeatedly hound me for not like #showing enough care (reblogging more posts) about a certain issue online #idk im so tired of it all im so tired of my mind i wish i didnt have ocd #vent #so funny right after i posted this i scrolled down and one of these posts was rigjt beneath it and the debate happens all over again #lord i need to get out of here

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nostalgia-tblr · 11 months

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For anyone keeping track (no one), I have started watching the first Avengers film (MCU not the 60s TV show) but only while eating lunch so it's gonna take a while. So far Nick Fury has been assembling the Avengers (the film was initially released in the UK as Avengers Assemble - because of that 60s TV show - but it's not called that on D+ so I'm calling it what the Americans called it, just FYI) even though there's not yet anything for them to avenge as That Suit Guy (j/k I know his name too!!) isn't dead yet, and now they're on THE FUCKING VALIANT FROM DR WHO and I assume we're gonna continue assembling for a while as they're not all there yet.

MEANWHILE Loki (who is neither an alligator nor a woman in this???) is in a SECRET UNDERGROUND LAIR with a bunch of his stans who are... idk something technobabble that involves irridium and anti-protons. He is there looking for the tesseract on behalf of ???? who I know will be revealed 47 films from now as... no, wait, it wasn't, was it? That was just announced on a website or something? So it could be LITERALLY ANYONE. The Avengers (in-progress) also seem to be after that thing, but I have already forgotten why everyone is wanting it, assuming it was mentioned (it probably was).

Thor hasn't shown up yet, but Arrows Hawkeye is working as a Loki Stan and there's Steve Rogers and THE HULK and The Only Woman One, whose power is that she's a Cold War assassin (??) and I think this one is the film where she gets called a cunt (!) and honestly I am not sure which of the men she's getting officially shipped with, I think Arrows Hawkeye though? Fairly sure, as the alternative is that a man and a woman like each other as people but not in a lusty way, which would never happen obviously. (Hey I may ship mostly het* pairings but I don't always like it!)

Based on the Valiant (if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!) I am guessing that the film ends with Loki dying in Thor's arms romantically but then I remembered that I know it can't because one of Loki got kidnapped from... either the end of this film or the start of the next one or POSSIBLY just from a later film's time-travel bit (???) but like... maybe they've edited this film secretly and I was right after all? But nobody else has watched it on Disney + recently so nobody knows yet? IT COULD HAPPEN.

Not sure what to make of this film so far, a lot's been going on yet also not much has been going on, and the one I like best so far (Suit Guy) is gonna die (NOT EVEN IN THOR'S ARMS ROMANTICALLY) and god Iron Man really hasn't aged well now that we have that one tech billionaire being a twat in public all the time to remind us what such people tend to be like. WHERE IS THOR????

*I say het but everyone in everything is bisexual, I know this because I thought of it and announced it on tumblr and will now say "I don't make the rules" to make it an objective FACT. I don't make the rules!!!

#the avengers (mcu edition not the 60s one)#(though if u close one eye and tilt ur head the black widow looks a wee bit like emma peel maybe?)#i like to think the lair of loki stans exists after this to post angrily on social media about how actually he did nothing wrong etc etc #let me know if loki's just working from a subway station that's still in use in this that'd be hilarious he'd be so annoyed by it all #torn on the tortured-by-thanos issue so far he does look messy but he might just have the flu and didn't want to back out #a lot of people are depending on him to jumpstart a movie superhero franchise he can't just take the day off can he #if loki took care of himself thor would be LITERALLY UNEMPLOYED how could he? how could YOU?#(the 'god of thunder' thing isn't a job he doesn't get paid for it so it's just a hobby)#(he doesn't even monetise that hobby! you think iron man would give you storms for free? EXACTLY. he'd have a patreon AT LEAST)#(“if you enjoyed this torrential rain pls tip me on ko-fi which is not pronounced like you think it is because it's a really BAD pun”)#mcu tag i guess #and whatever the fuck my loki character tag was #like i said i really do need to categorise my lokis more it's been bothering me for a while #reminder: i am here because they cast a woman in a previously-male role and SHE'S NOT EVEN IN THIS FILM. OR ANY OF THEM. D:#don't think the alligator's gonna turn up here either :( :( :(#otherwise it's just kind of fascinating what this film assumes i do and don't know about these characters #nick fury's a goth right?

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shortkidenergy · 1 year

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please tumblr staff. please stop coming into my home and moving the furniture around.

#tumblr update #why have you scrambled the trending tab around #what are these two tabs ‘today’ and ‘staff picks’ that gives me no information on what those tabs actually consist of #why have you moved ‘things we care about’ OFF of the trending page???#those are TRENDING TAGS #and if you want to argue that only the top 9 trending tags are supposed to go on the trending tab #why is it still suggesting blogs for me to follow at the bottom #I’m not against things changing but I AM against unintuitive UI and trying to bury trending social issues

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marklikely · 2 years

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starting to get worried abt this site's userbase and their determination to boil every evil in the world down to "tiktok did it"

#sorry that post thats going around thats like 'well nobody had a REASON to be worried about other social media so we're different'#REALLY? nobody had reason to be worried about facebook? about TUMBLR IN 2013??#or the idea that lack of media literacy is "the tiktokification' of media #bc as we all know the tumblr teen generation was SO media literate in our day right? this is SO new right?#(that was me being sarcastic because almost the exact problems people complain about w tt were also true here)#avpost #i do think the app itself sucks. probably worse than any other social media out there.#but im kind of getting tired of boiling complicated society wide issues down to 'this one app that im not on is the true enemy. '#with a HEAVY side of 'grrr kids these days.'#there are actually other sources of evil in the world and also a good chunk of the stuff you guys complain about tt for are non issues #like ~stealing tumblr quirky culture~ . please get a hobby who fucking cares if tiktok girlies post about mushrooms and soup.#but yeah more importantly a lot of the issues being attributed to tt are much larger and older than one single bad app.

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shilohta · 2 days

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#actually perhaps I can say something about the drama #before even getting in the room: group A has all their meeting minutes online and group B hasn't posted anything more recent than last June #reading thru group A's minutes it's clear that they attempted to communicate with B. several times in fact #group B was hosting this emergency community meeting and explicitly did not invite A to be there #p sure there was someone from A anyways. in capacity as from a different group bc the community is small and people have many affiliations #(regret not talking to that person bc if they're from A I wanted to compliment their minute taking. minutes that are a pleasure to read?!)#anyways. group B is a lot more social justice focused than A (arguably but I'm not here to quibble)#and part of B's excuses for the admitted time lag in replying to A is that the Palestine issue took up so much time and energy #sure. yeah. that is understandable #HOWEVER #it positions B on the moral high ground. claims superiority of their empathy and energy over A. implies that A doesn't/ can't care as much #idk something about activist spaces makes me Ben Affleck smoking Tired #we know you're all exhausted and juggling school and this and that #but don't assume you're special in that? all of us are exhausted and juggling different things #anyways. will probably delete this later #enjoy the feisty fighting orange boys while it lasts! :)

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sevenhundred721 · 3 months

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I know that film analysis on YouTube has always been pretty bad, but I'm irked that one of the big trends for obnoxious hack YouTubers right now is to find a bad movie and then show a bunch of clips while doing the worst and most shallow observational comedy. There are a few YouTubers who do a lot of interesting or funny reviews of poorly made movies, but you can tell with them that they actually care about the art of film making. They pay attention to the plot and don't misrepresent how bad the movie is because they paid enough attention to have something clever to say. I love movie reviews and I enjoy videos that exist to make a bunch of observational jokes about movies. Which is why I'm upset that a million of the unfunniest and least creative people in the world are jumping on the bandwagon and clogging my recommendations. There's no passion in it. You can feel the cynicism oozing from this kind of video within seconds of it starting. I hate it.

#i fucking hate ****** ******#his videos about his actual hobbies are interesting but everything else is just so embarrassing and unfunny #because he has absolutely nothing of value or substance to say #it's passionless and cowardly work #and yet a myriad of other equally annoying youtubers use the same formula and clog my fucking recommended because i like to watch videos #about movies #i hope this trend dies so that i don't need to sift until i find somebody who actually cares #oh also most of these youtubers only talk about feminism for brownie points if they actually cared they would talk more about less overt #misogyny. but they don't really care about the social issues their platforms are built on #they care about creating a narrative where they and their viewers can unquestionably be the good guys and pat themselves on the back for no #being proudly and overtly bigoted #but then these youtubers will still be misogynistic and classist and racist but nobody gives a fuck because so much of their brand is in a #clean image #it's literally all about high horses and it's fucking annoying #''if i make fun of misogynists enough people won't question what i say about women''#anyways i fucking hate this type of youtuber because they have their grubby hands in a lot of the types of videos i enjoy

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seilon · 3 months

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you know im realizing now. with the exception of a few resident psychiatrists, ive had like. no good experiences with mental health professionals

#most recent occurance is eating my brain alive right now because I feel just so. degraded and offended by how she chose to evaluate me #I won’t get into it because it will make me spiral even more and get angrier and more overwhelmed but tldr she didn’t acknowledge #anything I said about my symptoms both out loud and via written test. chose to ignore or dismiss anything that came from me #as if I couldn’t be trusted to recount my own experiences and feelings. also did not take into account that I am an adult and thus have Had #to learn to mask and shit so while she brushed off So Much Shit because i seemed (in the three hours she met/saw me)#functional Enough. that’s only becuaee I put in a Lot of effort every day to do so. and that effort does not last forever #and of course because. like I said I’m an adult. I’ve been yelled at I’ve been punished I’ve been put through courses and #through the ringer of Society in general to the point where I mimic Normal Person Behavior at least somewhat decently when im prepared to do #so. she treated me like a child and didn’t acknowledge most of my major issues. ignored me when I said I don’t avoid social situations out #of fear/anxiety I avoid them because it takes a lot of energy for me to mask and try and read people and act accordingly #and in her report suggested generalized anxiety. part of the reason I was there is because anxiety HASNT ever properly described my #avoidant behavior.#and just. yeah I said I wouldn’t get into it but here we are. this always happens #it’s just eating at me because I keep realizing more and more things she just fucking disregarded. literally wrote that I ‘listed many #relevant symptoms’ and kept it at that. did not actually give those symptoms any validity. basically just implied I was listing things #just. becuase?#some shit was just blatantly wrong like claiming that I have a variety of interests when I told her outright that I can only be interested #in one specific interest at a time- example being the entirety of last year being only interested in One (1) video game. and this is to such #an extent that it’s difficult to make and maintain friendships because I have no interest in anything else but that One Thing for however #long and won’t care about other things people try to get me into in order to have something in common with me or whatever or just. yeah.#issues.#she didn’t acknowledge the issues I have with low empathy or overstimulation. didn’t acknowledge my history of taking things literally to #such an extent that it has caused problems with people. didn’t acknowledge anything that was self-reported and not being displayed in that #moment right in front of her eyes. it’s just. really really disappointing and. yeah degrading honestly #especially because it took months upon MONTHS to get this fucking appointment #and to just be not listened to and dismissed.#anyway. yeah I’ve also just only ever had really shallow relationships with therapists (at best)#and have never felt helped by them or like they ever put in much effort to try to Get to me so to speak. only my psychiatrists have #been open minded and Listened to me. but they were always residents so they’d leave in a year or so. I don’t have one at this point.#kibumblabs

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hella1975 · 2 years

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the pill is fucking with my hormones again which naturally brings me to my constant conflict of 'is pursuing my passions more important than appeasing my hometown' and seeing as the big issue here is 'if i publish gay fantasy stories they will think im Weird :((' the conclusion i came to was 'i need to start being a little bit weirder all the time so that they're less surprised by it'. like yes queen start microdosing on weirdness to acclimatise your small town you're so normal about things

#i really wish id let myself be weirder at secondary school and hung out with weirder people #bc then people wouldnt be as surprised by it #but NOOOO i went 'i want to be COOL and go to PARTIES and hang out with the bitchy popular girls <333'#like that is the environment im in rn so imagine i turn around one day like 'anywayyy this is what ive been writing for the past two years'#i think they would all have a stroke. or punch me #possibly both actually #but like honestly on the one hand my brain is screaming like BEING SEEN AS WEIRD BY YOUR HOMETOWN IS THE WORST #POSSIBLE THING THAT COULD EVER HAPPEN TO A GIRL THIS IS SOCIAL SUICIDE #and the other part of my brain is like my dude we have not cared about that kind of thing since before the pandemic what is the issue here #like honestly the worst thing THE WORST THING that can happen is people laugh at me and thing it's a weird hobby #and the kind of people doing that would not be people im spending any extended period of time with either #like that is it #people are dying babe get your head out your ass #idk i really hope this is a mindset i grow out of like im very comforted by the fact it's a very stereotypically teenaged mindset #my hope is in my 20s i gradually stop giving a fuck and find a tight knit group of small weirdos that Get Me #and i just wind up publishing something #AND BECOME AN OVERNIGHT SUCCESS AND EARN MILLIONS AND THROW IT IN MY HOMETOWN'S FACE AND-#anyway thank you im done ranting now. as you were #at ease soldier #you guys must see the word 'hometown' in my posts and go ohhhh fuck here we go #im not sorry btw

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jouska-the-deer · 4 months

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If I had a nickel for every time I got into a fandom for something that was overly bashed by the internet to the point that I can't avoid seeing the hate even while I'm actively trying I'd have two nickels.

Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice.

#Sonic games and MLP G5 BTW.#And I want to make it clear I'm fine with people criticizing them... it's just that their criticism is often shit.#'Wah you can't tell serious stories with colorful characters!' 'Wah the 3D games work differently than the 2D games!'#'Wah the world is different from G4!' 'Wah the animation is weird!' 'Wah bean mouths!' 'Wah social media!' 'Wah phones!' 'Wah baby!'#Sure you Could criticize their actual issues but that would require more critical thinking skills than parroting Twitter opinions.#Jouska's Thoughts #I've only watched 2 videos today and they have nothing to do with the Sonic games and MLP G5 series yet was slapped with hate for them.#Granted. The one about the line from Forces about Sonic being tortured for months is fair.#But then I just wanted to watch a video about silly bootleg ponies and the Youtuber just shits on MYM for no reason.#I swear the way people describe MLP G5 makes it feel like I watched an entirely different series than them.#Or maybe I care about things like story and themes while all they care about is visuals and lore. And also their strange hatred for babies.

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elytrafemme · 11 months

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friendship is cool bc you get to have these funny little guys who make you happy and become a better person or whatever and laugh a lot. but then there’s the horrors (trying to see and message them frequently enough when you know you can’t possibly juggle all of them all at once and never knowing the best answer)

#nightmare.personal #maybe i tell my irls to fuck off for a week so i can just get to work repairing all my online relationships #i won't actually do that but like. my social battery is so fucked #also there's the other issues but we don't talk aboutu those <- diseased interpersonally #we do talk abt those a lot but im turning over a new leaf to be normal #this is late night confessionals. hi i know cool people. wish i fucking knew how to talk to anybody #its so stupid too bc when i message them or join a vc everyone accepts me like i was never gone and is friendly and kind and all that #but then it's like. do ppl think im not committing. do they think i don't care #and like how do i convince people i care when im barely here and barely know whats going on #idk. wish klav was here he's better at fucking online things i think #i think im doing good socializing with my irls at least. like scheduling hangouts #when my gf comes back i need to see her like asap bc my brain is fucking obliterating itself but thats unrelated #sorry this is litrally late night thoughts #dont rb btw #my irl social life is better and i think part of me sees that as more important?#like obviously all my friends are important to me diffeerently but. if i disappear on an irl for a while they'll give me shit for it #versus online that's just life you know but. i don't know.#sometimes i wonder if my online friends know how much they mean to me and i realize they probably don't and i get scared #and then i wonder how all of them have to feel about me at that point and we don't really have to go into that but like #i don't know. it's always a little a lot scary #and people seem to be so natural at doing this online but i meanwhile just fucking can't #i'm allergic to discord servers its a thing. except the one im active in which makes me happy but i still forget to talk there all the time #so im still allergic but im choosing to partake. its like the lactose intolerance of the whole group

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astrxealis · 1 year

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sometimes (often) i think about the characters i kin or relate to and then the realization comes in again and again that i need therapy (/lh?)

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#unfortunately i doubt i will ever get therapy bcs i have this. thing. idk. but i believe in myself to just rely on myself?#and yeah i uhh can go on more about that BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT OF THIS sorry i suck at explaining things. anyways #humans. interesting. i am fascinated by humans and myself and i'm tired of typing now GOODBYE anyways xiv music is so fucking good #and also idk how to interact w others sorry ..... i am scared of getting close to people bcs everyone i've grown close to has ended up #leaving me or i mess up! but tbh it's better now i think and also not as bad as i think but sorry i still have bad issues with. that #me saying i don't want to type anymore and then proceed to rapidly type out so many words oopsies #pls just do not PERCEIVE ME !! unless you want to ig but idk why you'd want to do that uhm #yk i like tumblr most out of all social medias bcs it feels like i can... sort of just be my weird self here! and it's not fully nice #and i still have anxiety problems and overthinking problems and whatnot which is evident by my 100+ notifs i havent checked since #christmas but that's not the point (?) idk whats the point honestly uhhhh nvm (??)#OH I LOVE FF SO MUCH tbh it's w/o a doubt still my favorite series ever but drake/nier is also up there for sure #which i think is amazing bcs i have yet to finish a game. and ive only like played idk 5 hours of replicant and automata #and then ive already spoiled myself on important aspects of all games but that helps ngl uh. i could explain but im tired of typing #ANYWAYS GOD actually noehgjbsejhbghjes i really suck w interacting w others i really wish i were better at all that #im not super introverted or shy im just kinda awkward and anxious but im a fun person and all and idk #and tbh its interesting thinking abt my personality... some parts of me havnt changed at all from a bit (/pos) like my lively. aspect of my #personality !! i was a bundle of energy and a little annoying (perhaps unintentionally but now i think its a bit more on purpose lol)#but the only person who really sees my true self is me. and the closest to that is lune. but even i dont know who i really am #and yeah... wnvr im like woa ill make more friends !! and then when i have the opportunities i suddenly dont care anymore IT SUCKS #anyways i think i have Opportunities now again so lets see haha ?? at least uhh in school. its like 2nd sem and i dont rlly have friends #as usual haha that sounds so sad help BUT its not like im disliked im just rlly quiet and shy at school..... throwback to 7th grade tho #that was rlly the worst but also now is just as bad in a diff sense but back then i cldnt talk w my crush at ALL i didnt speak at all im so #sorry about that HELPPP I RLLY JUST CLDNT SPEAK anyways moving on in my class rn i do have a group of sorts. like #we're grpmates wnvr theres grpworks and we can pick which is nice! ive been classmates w em all b4 and theyre the cool kids #but in the more fandom sense and one used to be a close friend of my twin and of mine too by extent and then the other was someone #who knew me when i was more extroverted so yeah uhhh anyways #OKAY ALMOST MAX TAGS im DONE rambling. bye. hopefully. bye. oh god

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observethewalrus · 1 year

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love the emotional whiplash i feel whenever i spend more than an hour with my parents

#this weekend had everything from arguing to laughing to screaming to crying #sad crying and angry crying #mom telling me it breaks her heart that i'm 'never happy' while once again blaming it on me caring about politics and social issues #and just other people in general #and me needing to stop myself from going on a rant about how mental illness actually works #and that i do have things that make me happy #AND THAT SHE'S THE ONE WHO SPENT MY ENTIRE LIFE TELLING ME LIFE ISNT FAIR AND LOVE ISNT REAL AND YOU'RE LUCKY IF YOU'RE NOT MISERABLE #she tells me i'm so full of anger like bitch you fly off the handle and lash out at anyone in a five mile radius at any minor inconvenience #i talk all the time about the things that make me happy but she thinks they're stupid and immature so she writes them off #she doesn't understand that if i measure happiness on some grand scale like major life changing things #then of course i'll never be happy #because i can't sit and wait around for a wife or a house or the perfect job #none of those things are guaranteed so i need to find ways to be happy with smaller things and i do #she tells me i'm not happy when ten years ago i didn't even plan to be alive this long #but i can't say she's undermining all the work i've done over the years because she has no idea i've done anything #she says people don't ever change so she measures happiness and progress by external things only #she doesn't understand how much i've changed #i can't really blame her even tho i feel like she's refusing to see something that's right in front of her #but at the same time i'm resentful that she can never see me as a fully fleshed out person #because she insists on seeing me as an extension of herself and her own unhappiness #this started as an angry post and turned into all the things i wish i could say to her but can't cuz she'll just disagree #and insist the things that are important to me don't matter and that i'm doing life all wrong #personal

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messy-does-cosmology · 2 years

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I've been listening to Mitski since I was like 16 and will now tell you what I think about the Mitski discourse I keep seeing on my dash:

First of all, if you're engaging in any way with a "Mitski fandom" you are doing it wrong. Music is meant to be enjoyed, mutual enjoyment of music is great but holding someone up on a pedestal and treating them like they're not even a human being is hurtful to that person. Everyone is just a guy. This goes both for people who say shit like "Mitski is a CIA agent white supremacist child abuser kidnapper" and hit like and reblog with no double-checking AND for the people who act as if Mitski is an infallible saint. She has even said she doesn't like it, so maybe stop treating her like a god or like someone you know because you truly don't actually know her unless you are her IRL friend. You can argue about the things she has said all day, and think you have the most correct interpretation, but this is the Internet and people's imaginations tend to run wild, so she might look at what you think she thinks based on everything she's said and say "no that's not exactly what I meant". Stop being a Stan and start just being a normal fan. A Mitski enjoyer if you will.

Second of all, remember that social media is literally designed to make you mad and feed you takes you don't agree with. There are always people who are annoying or "wrong" about the meaning of certain songs/music/etc. but giving them more than a passing thought it a waste of your precious time on earth and will only make you stressed. If you see a stupid take, take a deep breath and move on. It's not worth it. Focus on making life better for people IRL.

Thirdly, everyone is really mad about people "misinterpreting" mitski's music to be "not about race". It is about race, obviously, but it's also about other things as well, and to condense her stuff down into "this is only about race and has no other message" is, I think, kind-of patronising and you would never do it to a white artist. Her stuff is about all sorts of things, including some of the highly relatable heartbreaks of life, and to say that it's only about race is stereotyping and pidgeonholing in my opinion. Do not misinterpret me here. I am NOT saying it's not about race. It is. But it is not only about race, and if you think that it is, then you absolutely are contradicting what she has said is her interpretation of her music.

Finally, final point here, you have to question how many people made the original bad take of "mitski's music is not about race" or "your best American girl is only about heartbreak" to deserve this huge tumblr backlash. And also maybe the age of those people. Mitski has massively blown up on tiktok over the past few years, which skews very young, and young teenagers make bad takes all the time. I was very politically engaged as a child, and I would say that I only started becoming fully aware of social issues and forming political opinions I somewhat still agree with aged around 16. I knew about the ones that affected me and didn't think about much else before I met people who had very different life experiences from me. I think that's pretty normal. Sure, if you are literally at the centre of absolutely all vectors of oppression, maybe you're accutely aware of all forms of social issues from a young age, but most people are not. So maybe cut young teenagers some slack by ignoring them. When I was 14, I was not on twitter to be able to have my every stupid, half-baked, ignorant take go viral or prompt an Internet backlash. You are not doing anyone any favours by reacting with mob justice. Least of all Mitski herself, who isn't on social media and can't see the bad takes or your dramatic unpicking of the bad takes.

#This is a reminder to delete your twitter account if you haven't #Anyway this post is not actually about Mitski it's about the Internet and social media #But also stop talking about this stupid take I have never seen anyone espouse #I literally only know about it secondhand from self-important tumblr users who think they can solve racism #By arguing about what Mitski music means #The idea that this is a big issue is one of those baffling Internet things where everything is quote unquote harmful #So you can get everyone to support your personal vendetta against someone with a bad take #And make anyone who calls you out on how self-centred and pointless this is seem to be morally wrong #And to pressure people who don't sincerely care that much into posting to support you because you have made a mountain out of a molehill #Anyway.#This is not about Mitski this is about the Internet.

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