It sucks tremendously when things are going well while you're dating until you mention you're bipolar and suddenly they just ghost you. Like, I have been working so hard to get better with my medications, and therapy, and really working on myself to conform to a nerotypical society, or at least the "correct" amount of nerodivergence that is apparently allowed. It gets so tiring every time I date or meet someone new and I have to be my own disclaimer, like "Oh, but don't worry, I'm not like that anymore. I'm okay now, it's like I don't even have it". But I do. And when I don't say anything about being mentally ill, the people that don't know eventually made jokes or comments that use terminology that are your symptoms. And it hurts, it really does. Like I don't find it funny that you pretending your vitamins are your "schizophrenia pills" or I don't find your experience with your "bipolar bitch ex girlfriend" to be sympathetic anymore. It's isolating wherever you go. You get this worm in your head telling you that these people might have never been your friends if they knew day one you were not like them. Idk I'm losing the narrative here but I can say for certain that when I was in the process of being diagnosed, I wasn't afraid of being bipolar. I was hoping it was bipolar so I could get medication and help for something that I've been suffering with for so long. What made me afraid was the stigma that would follow for the rest of my life; and every day I am proven right.

important distinction.

Testing a few different things with this one

this scene in s1e3 when the team realizes dale is the most babygirl in the entire county

(240209) dOpamine - KB

seven sentence sunday

tagged by @giddyupbuck @daffi-990 💖💖

finally made some progress on the phone sex fic so here's just a lil bit of it haha (under the cut bc im still so unsure about this one jfc)

prev snippet

___

“Shit, Eddie, feels so-” a moan breaks out of him, then a frustrated groan. “My dick is fucking leaking.” he says, which is followed by another picture, a little blurry and angled weird, Buck already lost in pleasure and with only one hand available. It shows Buck’s pointer finger all the way inside himself, but the focus this time is on his dick and his stomach. Eddie swears he can see that dick throb through the picture, so hard and veiny and angry red. It rests on Buck’s stomach, painting it with pre-come, that generously leaks out. Eddie’s mouth salivates.

“I really wanna lick it all off and taste you.” he moans, eyes not leaving the picture. “Bet you taste fucking amazing.” he says, as quietly as he can muster, but it’s taking everything in him not to just scream in pleasure. Or to get in his car and drive to Buck right away. Unfortunately, he can’t – so he does the next best thing and takes a picture as well, hand wrapped around his cock, thumb circling the slit and gathering the wetness there. 

“Eddie.” Buck’s tone is pleading, begging.

___

no pressure tags: @elvensorceress @gayarthur @diazass @thebravebitch @silentxxsoul @shortsighted-owl @eddiebabygirldiaz @arthursdent @jesuisici33 @diazblunt @911onabc @eddiediaztho @housewifebuck @thewolvesof1998 @fortheloveofbuddie @lover-of-mine @gayhoediaz @callaplums @rogerzsteven @watchyourbuck @hoodie-buck @monsterrae1 @hippolotamus @loserdiaz @ladydorian05 @forthewolves @honestlydarkprincess @wildlife4life @spotsandsocks @disasterbuckdiaz @eowon @theotherbuckley

hello... (and bye ig 👋)

My stinky guys

does anyone else make more out of their relationships than they actually are or is that just me?

as much as i appreciate not coming from an academic background in the sense that there has never been any academic pressure on me whatsoever and simply getting abitur was like spectacular because i was the first one in my immediate family to ever do so (which is of course also hard because of the total lack of academic role models and the fact that you have to make every single thing up yourself as you move along, but when i see HOW involved my colleagues are with their (adult!) children's school and uni stuff and just... my parents had no idea what i was doing in school after like grade 9?! which was fine????) — BUT just once i would like to tell my mother about anything uni-related and get a response that is not... hmmmmmmm okay. and tell me again why you are doing all of this? 🤔

i have a lot of thoughts on fandoms and treatment of female characters but i do not seem to have the words to put said thoughts into. frustrating.

i keep telling myself i don't care that my family isn't talking to me anymore bc i don't like my family

but it's christmas and my mom hasn't even texted me

and now i'm crying on a bus about it

this part genuinely makes me feel like eating dry wall like i can't explain how i feel about it without making some of you finally tire of me and block me about it i think

One day I'm going to finish my FFXVI mega essay, but for now I think my thoughts on the game can be summarized like this:

When making FFXVI, the developers sure knew what they wanted to do, and by god were they going to do it.

Were they also going to do other things that would make those first thing better? Were they going to do other things that make a good game overall? Ehhhhh...they were going to do what they wanted to do, and invest all their time and effort into that, so surely that would be enough! Surely!

yesterday sucked so bad it was the longest day ever I cried at work and I slept like a rock bc I was so exhausted and then today I woke up and it was literally like. the sun is shining the birds are chirping it feels like fall I made birthday plans with my best friend for march that I'm so excited for the thing that was stressing me out so bad yesterday at work is fixed and over with and everybody is telling me I did well with it even though it felt like I did not in the moment AND I my adoption application was accepted at one of the shelters I applied to so I got invited to their adoption event to meet their dogs tomorrow AND I'm seeing hozier in a week and two days and that does not feel real but also it actually hit for properly for the first time today :) how the tables have turned oh and ALSO I'm watching a horror movie with emma tonight and last night I think it would have killed me bc I was so tired and empty by the time I got home but today I am Hyped for it

not to overreact on main but.......why do white people go to actual effort to engage in microaggression like i am genuinely so.

my dream portrayal of jgy is that he's an independant character with his own strengths (not lxc's sweet little child-birthing wifey) that get recognition and appreciation (and that aren't 'being a good mommy/rabid event planner, haha, such a control freak this a-yao'), who deserves and gets love (but isn't just a tiny lovely thing whose only purpose is-- do you get my point already i wonder), who's allowed to be in a bad mood (but isn't defined by those moments, which is very important to me personally), but who isn't a cruel or bad person (and whose attempts at explaining his situation to others are taken seriously, and not as just him trying to Manipulate Others As Usual because, and i might be controversial but idqc, if i'm to call a character a gaslighting manipulator i'd like to see cases of him a/ doing it b/ succesfully c/ often, and no, "well he conned lxc into thinking he's not an evil murderous twink, SOMEHOW" doesn't count)

and my problem is that it's, well, as dreams usually are, rather unattainable