#so many sims in this save im obsessed with | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

brindletonbaycowgirl · 1 month

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#so many sims in this save im obsessed with #like these twins #and gerard and his wife #gerard owns a spa #ts4 #the sims 4 #sims 4 #simnlr #simsblog #simmer #ts4 simmer #ts4 gameplay #ts4 legacy #simblr

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druidberries · 1 year

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I really wanted to make it visible that she, like most fiber artists, has an obsession with yarn.

so I individually placed all the yarn on her cart and board (at least the board came in chunks lmao). it's such a simple thing but I feel like it made her house so much more realistic and personalized to a different level ? idk but it just makes me so happy and I'm not gonna dedicate a post to their yarn so I just put it down here 😌

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todayisafridaynight · 11 months

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STOP I OVERPLAYED ODE TO JOY WHILE LEARNING PIANO 😭😭😭😭😭

However! I am happy to share and am so glad you see the vision. Sorry In Advance to you and all your followers for the spam but here is a (mostly corrupted) office tour (please note the "Mine Power"-brand gym equipment):

P.S. I recall really liking The Wings of the Kirin, please enjoy!

EVERYONE OVERPLAYED ODE TO JOY GROWING UP IT CAME WITH YOUR PARENTS FORCING YOU TO LEARN THE PIANO LERKJALEKJ

BUT OH MY GOD NO DON'T APOLOGIZE THIS IS LITERALLY PERFECT I thank you again for my life this is so important to me you have no idea

#fave #snap chats #'parents' more like my mom.#BUT YEAH I PLAYED ODE TO JOY ALL THE TIME GROWING UP TOO ITS WHY I HAD A STROKE AT THE END OF Y7 VLKALVJLK #getting the sims just to make mines apartment brb. fr tho why the fuck dont i have the sims thats Architecture Simulator #but more importantly i have a sick obsession with having the layout to buildings #i havent posted any of them but i have a bunch of sketches of various rooms/buildings in the RGG series #i dont imagine many people would want to see those so thats why i have them hoarded #obvi i ref them when drawing stuff but theyre also just fun to draw....#THIS type of stuff is BEYOND valuable to me tho this is my crack. my cocaine even. i live for shit like this #my dad used to be involved with architecture and real estate so i'm gonna blame him for that #BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY im saving all of these theyre so so so important to me i cant thank you enough #im sure others will greatly appreciate these as well #even if it's a bit 'corrupted' i can definitely DEFINITELY salvage these #im going to laugh if he has his own gym equipment brand. is that what his company's done this entire time #was his 'research' just gettin fuckin yolked Cant Believe This #i wonder if mine has a bedroom somewhere though i cant imagine it being in the same room as the piano. unless rich people do that.#theres just so much dead space in that area aside from the piano and it looks like to be a pretty sizeable room.. PURELY just The Piano Roo #like its fuckin luigis mansion over here. not impossible i guess. very strange thing to have. esp if its connected to the GYM #its not even in connected to the main part of the office where you can realistically be like 'lets go into the next room for piano'#you gotta cut through the gym first bro what the fuck is this #but what are those closet-esque bits behind the piano? unless im blind. what purpose would you have to put a closet in a piano room #if its sheet music you keep that under the chair or something #even through the mesh it still looks like those lead to a skinny hallway... idk im rambling #ill study these more in depth later BUT THANK YOU AGAIN #OH BUT i'm about halfway through the movie so far and im def enjoyin it !#i always like it in crime shows/movies where the answer seems Obvious at first but then as the case goes on its like #Oh God Wait. Hold On Let's Double Check #again i'm halfway through the movie but i always love it when i feel uncertain about the situation ☠️☠️#it's just fun watching all the pieces come together so yeah im def enjoyin !

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nomaishuttle · 6 months

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i literally have completionist brain but for real life and like. not a fun way for me to play games Definitely not a fun way for me to live irl

#bc in games like. skyrim or what have you i do nottt play them right ik there isnt a right way to play them #but i do every single quest and i pick the options thtall give me the best rewards etc and it just isnt very fun. and rhe point is that its #a role playing game so i should roleplay and if i want to see what happens if i pick the other options i just Make anew save instead of #reloading over and over again. and yet #and its not fun in the sims bc j literally judt force them to max their skills get highest level in their careers complete theiraspirations #and then im just like. ok. and it ends up making my sims games so samey and not fun bc ill Make sims thatr different from eachother but #well. 1. sims 4 sims do not act different from eachother Lmao you Can pick different traits but the most u get is moodlets and maybe 2-5 #dialogue options. not that much... vs like skms 3 where each trait could change up a sim a lot #butttt whatever. anyways...#but yeah irl im like Noooo i cant just do this 1 good job bc there are all these other jobs i also need to do i cant pick one major i have #to do all of them i cant Not be able to romance this person !! but real life isnt a video game and that mindset fucking sucks for videogame #anyway... like i like completing a game but i wish i didnt let it ruin games 4 me #bc it rly does i never finish games anymore bc i stress myself out over 100% it...#and i make too many spreadsheets abt them. but i love spreadsheets :[[[[#i should go back to sdv again.. and return to an old save thats another thing #ill obsess iver a game to the point i burn out completely and stop playing and then ill get the urge to play again #but i start a new save and inevitably burn out again and its like ! the devil

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gamepack · 2 years

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literally the second i saw @nsves needed some testers for upcoming cc i lost my fucking mind!!! they are carrying the dramatic mildly offputting sim community and i honestly will never be able to thank them enough for it. PLEASE check out their stuff out if u haven’t already, i can’t wait for these to release :3

#ts4 #nsves #cc testing #sim edit #I LVOE THESE SO MCUUCCHCHCHCHCH i have so many plans for this fucking eyeliner #and these POSES.............. i'm so obsessed #literally the first thing i did when i woke up. after this im making breakfast #also i forgot to save the pink girl :( so i cant save either of them bc i wanted them to be gfs which makes me hashtag very sad #BUT #i may remake them later bc they are so cute #i love them #THANK U AGAIN BOTH OF U for letting me test this <3<3<3 #data.mp3

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bluupxels · 1 year

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kinda want 2 play The Sims 4

#im gonna abuse the fuck out of this picture #the 2 wolves inside me #i got gifted hades for my bday and have been having so much fun playing #but the constant smashing of keys has been not great on my already fragile hands/fingies #they need a break methinks #and saur many blogs i follow are posting gameplay that im obsessed with it makes me want to play #unfortunately for people that follow this blog for sims content ive been playing a personal save that i dont plan on ever posting rip #but once i get acquainted with infants ill go back to borealis since theres a baby on the way #court rambles

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florwal · 5 months

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girl could you pls give us a for rent pack review cause im getting so many conflicting reviews😭 we need a real one to help us out!

i haven’t had much free time to play around with it but i can definitely give my opinion on what i’ve experienced so far!

world:

disappointing tbh. for a world that’s finally not super american, they could’ve done a lot more. it feels lazy.

some of the debug buildings are cool, and the world IS pretty but it just gets meh after a while. it doesn’t matter how good something looks, if there’s nothing to do what’s the point? BORINGGG. this is the case with pretty much any new world atp. lots of set dressing but not much to actually do.

i’m so sick of the new worlds having debug plants mostly from older packs like just give me more damn plants PLEASE.

hardly any npcs walk around so it feels very dead. the night market had like 1 sim show up. half of the stalls are decorative.

too many rabbit holes but the beaches are nice.

waaaaay too fucking small. the fact that there’s only 2 neighborhoods and the biggest lot is a 40x30??? bitch what???? for an ep that’s meant to have a lot of apartments… u can’t really build big places in the new world at all. yeah, the new lot type works in any world BUT it’s still an odd choice to me.

build/buy:

LOVE that there’s so many gross/dirty things. i really like the nasty wall decals and the fact that most objects have swatches that look old and used.

super happy about the functional water heaters, radiators, and electrical things.

build/buy doesn’t feel super cohesive to me.

cas:

haven’t gone through all the items much. don’t have much to say about it yet.

wish there was an aspiration to be a slumlord

gameplay:

i’m obsessed with the chance of infestations 🪳🩷 and i really like the mold lot trait. there’s a lot of references to tlou and the mold spreads very quick and gets super chaotic, but i enjoy it.

the nosy trait is fun and the cringe trait is goofy.

bugs/glitches:

a fucking NIGHTMARE for me. i’ve wanted to cry and rip my hair out several times.

there are ways around this, but residential rentals can make everything u placed off lot with tool mod get deleted. i had to go back to an older version of my save to get them back. i’m in the middle of updating my save for christmas and want to get it out asap and this set me back a lot so i’m PISSED!!!!

lot and unit names don’t stick. they revert back to a generic name generated by the game. same thing with editing the rent $ amount and lease days. they all get set back to a game generated one. one of my units also changed to 4 million simoleons and another one became a -negative number and trying to change it back fixed nothing.

the new lot type lags so fucking much it’s basically unplayable and u have to switch back to the regular residential, build and decorate whatever, and then switch to residential rental to set which rooms u want to be units as a last step. some people said repairing the game fixes the lag, but it didn’t fix anything for me. only the new lot type is lagging and freezing for me.

the new landlord sim i made didn’t make any money at all? he owns multiple properties.

overall:

i’m glad there’s south east asian representation but ea could’ve done a lot more.

i would never pay $40 for an expansion pack that feels like a game pack and has a lot of issues. please 🏴‍☠️ that shit if u get it.

if ur mostly just a builder or really want apartments and a new world, get it now. if u don’t, ur not missing that much imo. u can always wait for a sale or for bug fixes (if we ever get any lmfao look at mws and dine out)

#haven’t gone through cas much #i’ll definitely talk more about it as i play around #asks

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lucidicer · 1 year

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📩 Simblr question of the day: Do you have any blogs that make your day when they post? Mention them! Tell us why you like them!

HEYYYYYYYYYYYY LETS GET INTO IT!!!! okay before we start if i dont tag u its cause i have bad memory but trust u r all super cool and post dope shit MWAH

ahhh where to begin first of all @mattodore @crsentfairy @literalite @gunthermunch @stinkrascal got some of the coolest fucking ocs and stories going on like id read a whole book abt their little guys if they offered it to me im eating up every bit of lore but nothing can satiate the hunger for it!!!!!!! and they all have such cool unique styles like omggggggg eats all ur posts up yum yum @olya-occult-lover i think ur blog was crafted specifically with me as the target audience like UGHHHHHH SO GOOD EVERY POST!!!!!!!! absolutely incredible actually a whole celebration when u post @softerhaze @wooldawn @minamill @diwnssi @fizzytoo @peonypyxels @briteboy @daminini @crow-simblr me kicking my legs head propped up on my hands as i look at ur gameplay posts like damn i love ur little pixel people dearly pats them and u on the head i am incredibly jealous when yall post ur saves like damn couldnt be me i am going to live vicariously thru u <3 @arcanewonder UHHH WHERE TO BEGIN???? absolutely incredible posts never misses and this includes the gameplay sideblog like i can never get enough im always itching for me I NEED TO LIVE IN UR GAMEEEEE crawling into ur monitor as soon as i post this and ur renders omg...how tf do u do all that actually so so talented @zohrou @desertdusk @uxji @rollingsim got hands down my fav sim styles on simblr TOO GOOD how do we have the same tools and yet yall do all that everytime actually insane u guys graduated top of ur classes at sim making university @void-imp UR EDITING STYLEEEE ITS SO COOL AND DIFFERENT I LOVE IT SM!!!!!!!! like actually so incredibly distinct i adore it it really stands out on simblr @imageingrunge all of ur posts r so dreamy but like in a haunting way but a comfy haunting way like hmm this house is haunted but i kind like this ghosts vibes yknow? obsessed with everything u post also ur presets r gorg btw @plutoeyes UR POSTS ALSO SO DREAMY AND HAUNTING UGHH i eat up everything u put out ur style is so so damn cool thank u for blessing simblr with ur work <3 ahhhh i know i could tag so many more but i dont want this to be too long like for my phone is already lagging rnfofhfjf okay speedrun tag of cool ppl @wildmelon @warmsol @oxalisim @kazuaru @cinamun @djservo @cas-fulleditmode2 @pralinesims @bnt0 @glittermutt @wldestluv-rs @sashima @gashface @kingfakey

#u would not believe how many times i went back like omg i need to add this person too omg omg and this person WHY R U ALL SO COOL #squeezes u in a death grip #if i didnt tag u i am looking directly in ur eyes and gripping ur shoulders U R SO COOL I PROMISE #olli.txt #asks

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littlegreenplumbob · 3 months

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People you'd like to get to know better - tag!

i got tagged in a tag by @calicosimgirl 😁😁 which is insane to me bc i consider myself just a little tumblr stalker who occasionally posts piccys of my sims. tysm💚 this is my first tag as im extremely new to actually frequently using tumblr so idk how to do these things so i really hope im right with how i do this

Last song you listened to:

safety pin by 5sos. i am obsessed with those guys<33 ive seen them live in concert once and i cant wait to do it again:)

also! blissful ignorance by foxhaunt. im seeing them at a gig in manchester next month after seeing them around on tiktok and this song? it just perfectly scratches my brain in all the right ways

Favourite colour(s):

green!!!! my irl nickname is littlegreengirl, i have green hair and the majority of my clothes are green. i just think its funky. i also wear a lot of black so i guess that too

Currently watching:

superstore! cant believe i never watched it before. and also the new disney+ percy jackson. i also love bad education, b99 and futurama. i am a chronic watch-till-youre-sick-of-it so anything ive seen before that i can just whack on and know its funny.

Last movie you watched:

percy jackson sea of monsters. ive been rereading the books and reigniting my passion, what can i say (even though i have thallasophobia weirdly)

Sweet/spicy/savoury:

savoury. bc i dont think there is anything better than gherkins 🤩🤩

Last thing you googled:

i think it was ‘average amount of teeth’ bc i was on facetime with my best friend and we fell into a rabbit hole of how many teeth people have. if youre wondering, i have 24 (and that is the least amount of teeth out of everyone ive asked???)

Currently working on:

i havent played my nsb save in a while since im back home from uni atm. i go bsck on sunday so im sure i will be back into sim mode the second i step foot on mancunian ground. ive been really interested in posting lookbooks as well, as soon as i figure out how to take ok quality photos and sort out my cc. but if youre talking physically working, im at work on my break rn and i have been slaying at making those big macs.

i fear i have exposed a lot of myself to some people who do not need to know this much about me. but i guess thats the point!!!! i think tags are very fun and if anyone wants to tag me in future ones, hell yea! lets see what other weird things i can google inbetween now and then

im not sure who else to tag as i mainly only follow cc creators haha - pls dont feel any pressure to respond or anything but id like to make friends on here:)

@mooneonthings @simfestation @fayethegray

#Spotify

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moonbiscuitsims · 3 months

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Thanks for tagging!! @cowplantrelish I love this shit

3 FAVOURITE SHIPS: (Cyberpunk 2077) I have had a long time itch of romancing V and Takemura (tbh don't care if fem or male but never played male, with male V ill prob try kerry because I dislike panam) but mainly if he would decide to abandon his loyalty to Arasaka and become a nomad with V which should have been an option <3 especially could work with corpo V imo. (SIMS) I oddly ship Don Lothario and Bella Goth. Imo, and don't get me wrong Don is sleazy, but I like the theories that state that Bella didn't really love Mortimer that much...it actually states this in sims 2 psp; but I get people who like to see them as hopelessly in love. I feel like Don messes around with everyone but if he could get Bella he wouldn't care about the others as much anymore. They might even have an open relationship as both are romance sims. I have also paired Vidcund and Nina and they work extremely well somehow, both are shy sims. Where Nina doesn't commit due to being quite poly, Vidcund is focused on his science and doesn't care. Aside from that I also find tons of different naruto ships interesting, because it isn't based on romance at all I think an AU with romance could be anything. LAST SONG: Mägo de Oz - El cantar de la luna oscura

youtube

LAST MOVIE: I rewatched fellowship of the ring last night CRAVING: I really want ramen or sushi. CURRENTLY READING: I've started a fic where Kurama is human, it isn't my fav but I love the concept of a human Kurama so I'm making him in the sims so I can imagine him better in my head cause I didnt like fanarts I found. FAVOURITE COLOUR: black in terms of clothes or usual preference but i love all colours (except sims 3 baby poop) RELATIONSHIP STATUS: single for a long time, I don't have interest in romance. Not sure if i'm ace or arom or not (or perhaps demi) cause i've had past partners but they felt forced in a way and lacking in actual connection. I love my platonic relationships. LAST THING I GOOGLED: a broken missing mesh for some kitsune tails for my kurama sim but before that i googled the japanese number system lol. Im trying to learn it on duolingo and i didnt understand why there are so many variations. CURRENT OBSESSION: stardew valley but i think it's fading away cause im a bit stuck with the desert mines and the island. I tried to make my farm look really cool and it well... could be better...I like my house tho, im saving the last room for later.

Tagging (pls no pressure to participate!): @hamsterbellbelle @arachnophobic-larantula @cryptiam @siliconesims @miss-moe @temperedsims @skaterboi108 @nefarrilou

#moonbiscuitsims #simblr #tag game #Youtube

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destinygoldenstar · 3 months

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Ninjago Strangerville But I Hacked The Objective With The Power Of Friendship

So I have seven people in my household, right?

Which means seven people were taking photos and gathering evidence and so on. But you need 15 in your inventory to get the keycard.

Well, I just found a hack.

That’s literally just moving all the evidence to one Sim’s inventory. (Lloyds inventory in this case)

AND THAT COUNTS

I just found a hack. You’re welcome. Just have multiple sims in your household gathering evidence.

Idk how other people who played Strangerville did it, but I’m sure they didn’t have as many sims as I do.

(I play with big households ALL THE TIME. Im pretty good at juggling everyone.)

Anyway, we got the info, so we invited over Darwin to our base.

But we had to become friends first.

So Lloyd just had to talk to him about the sun. And also they’re ninja and elemental masters and they saved the merge and they can help.

In my headcanon, Strangerville is a part of Ninjago that formed through the Merge.

And he reluctantly gave the keycard up.

But we didn’t go to the lab cause everyone’s needs were bad. So we spent the rest of the day at home grinding money for the rocket. Cause if you remember, that’s our other objective in this: Build a rocket so we could go home.

Basically, you have a bad need, take care of it, you don’t, you’re painting.

That included grinding painting.

(Kai is mad cause mad. He wants to paint houses on fire because fiyah. Don’t ask.)

Lloyd took naps on this log way too much.

I think he’s gone insane enough that he’s obsessing over a LOG.

Lloyd X Log Ship??

I didn’t realize it earlier but this lot is actually a vampire lair…? (Lot trait)

Interesting twist to this place. And we kept getting plasma packs in the mail.

That I SOLD, cause no one here is a vampire.

There was some bonding time. Kai and Nya got to watch TV on the bed together which was cute.

Zane is erratic so he was ‘talking with friends’ (probably P.I.X.A.L) and Nya just… took it. Smiling.

And they also trained together. Nya showing off.

Sora kept getting stalked.

A stranger crashed into our place…

It was… the guy at the bar that was nagging her.

A mean guy AND a stalker. Great.

He just stayed in our base and danced.

Much to Kai’s paranoia.

Welcome to the plot I guess sir.

And Arin got ATTACKED trying to take Riyu out for a walk.

Not kidding, this possessed lady went up and tried to assault him!

I was so scared the possession was contagious that we were gonna lose Arin.

No he’s fine. But I told him “Get back inside, kid! We’re not losing our children!”

I actually don’t know if they can get possessed or not. I know you CAN get possessed. I just don’t know how.

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umilily · 3 months

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yay, thanks for the tag sebastian! <3 @exmeowstic

Last song: konjiki senya yumebutai - akatsuki (banger. i need the full version. save me album release, save me.)

Favorite Color: orange or yellow. half my clothes are either black or yellow, makes me look like a bee at all times.

Last Movie/Show: uuuuuuh… the only one i can remember watching lately was pride and prejudice with my mum

Next on my watchlist: again uuuhhh…. i don’t watch a lot of stuff, but ive been meaning to rewatch some ghibli movies…

Last book I finished: the abroad in japan book. got that for christmas and read it in like a day lol

Last Game: enstars? lol other than that probably sims 4. uni is sadly cutting my gaming time very short…

Sweet/Savory/Spicy: sweet! i don’t handle spicy food very well ^^’

Relationship Status: i’m as single as can be lol but that’s fine, i don’t really have the time to be dating atm anyway

Last thing I searched online: cheap travel destinations. i want to treat myself to a little holiday as a sort of reward for finishing my degree, but i don’t know where to go lol (i’m taking suggestions)

Current obsession: the enstars death grip isn’t letting up.

Greatest flaw: you put one exam on the horizon and i become incapable of functioning entirely. it’s a terrible combination of perfectionist procrastination and exam anxiety. save me.

Fic im currently reading: none, just my own writing when editing :’) i wish i had more time bc there are so many that ive been meaning to read…

Passing this on to @kalmeria @mutsuowo and @soumarai if you feel like it :) anyone else seeing this is very welcome to join as well of course!

#tag game #thanks for tagging me!#this was surprisingly grounding?#helped with the anxiety and taking a break far a bit :)

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hxneyfaerie · 7 months

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People You'd Like to Get to Know Better

tagged by @xpeachynotes 💗

last song: Tokyo (vampires & werwolves) by the Wombats

favourite colour: pink and yellow 🌸🌼

currently watching: gilmore girls (that time of the year, right?)

last movie: little women (2019) big comfort film

currently reading: well, i have so many books in my tbr pile that i say i’m reading, but i’m reading ‘the leviathan’ by rosie andrews the most intently

sweet/spicy/savoury: savoury overall, but nothing beats sweet and salt together

last thing i googled: ‘moira rose’ because a woman at work looked exactly like catherine o’hara but nobody knew who i was talking abt

current obsession: as an activity, writing and gaming atm. as a want/thought, a new clothes airer bc i’ve reached that stage of my life 💀

currently working on: my brain only functions if i’m juggling too many activities at once, so i’m currently about halfway through the first draft of my next novel, working on a rough storyline for my sims save, and i’ve just started an online course for a change in career 🤞

now it’s your turn ✨ @daisywhims @aries-sims @sharooonia @tsimmer12 @femrebelle and anybody else that wants to do it!

im not too sure who has actually done this yet, sorry!

#about me #tag game #honeyspeaks #not sims

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puppycheesecake · 1 year

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Ok not really an ask but I just had to show my appreciation because the arm tattoo you posted on your merman sim was literally the tattoo I've been looking for since I started playing the sims 4 and got obsessed with cc. This was YEARS AGO. I saw it on an image on simdom and I searched forever, never found it, only to eventually search again a few months ago after this repressed memory showed its head. I still did not find it + I lost the original photo.

Then suddenly on this blessed day going through your page...

Thank you so so much for reuniting me with a long lost memory 💕💕💕

Post for reference https://at.tumblr.com/puppycheesecake/701853712110469120/6tzoo9cjkvl3

Sorry for the word vomit- Im just super stoked and I had a hard day so yeah. This was amazing to stumble across

I'm glad I could help! :D Other people answering WCIFs has saved me who knows how many hours of Googling, so it's nice to hear I could do the same!

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gentil-minou · 2 years

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The temptation to drop everything and take a week off from work just to play with the adrinette and friends sims I made last summer

#maybe when the new pack comes out ahhh #my sims obsession comes in waves and i probably dont have the time buttrr #there is a long weekend coming up....#bushy rambles #bushy plays sims #im case i cave cause i have so many screenshots ajakfklakfk #i put so much work into this save i made the ebtire Miracuclass and some of them have kids or are going to adopt #i made the parents tom and sabine and gabe and nathalie and gorilla is a doggo #and of course plagg and tikki are a cat and dog that i cheat to he immortal ahdjfjkqkd #and mari and adrien live on a farm and i named all the animals and bunnies after kwamis #roland is there they are helping him out but hes just a grump until he dies #i even made emilie and had her have a wedding with gabe and then killed her off in front of adrien so hed have that memory and her ghost #is there at the mansion and he can say hi and ahsjfkkqkfkwjjf #maybe ill update and check it out when the new pack comes outsjskfkjqjfnd

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ajkal2 · 3 years

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the essay: childhood trauma, responsibility, and tma. part 1: jon

in a tma fic i published like six months ago, i left an authors note that promised an essay on jon and tim’s trauma to anyone who asked. several people asked, and so here i am!

the fic is called a deeply annoying child. it’s about being a kid and seeing something horrible, and it’s about jon and tim’s rocky relationship.

this post isn’t actually about the fic. it’s a breakdown of jon’s mental state through s1-3. im going to make another post about tim, and then a final one linking it all back to the fic. i’ll chuck links to those on here when they’re posted!

but first, let’s talk about my boy, JON ‘JARCHIVIST’ SIMS.

(fair warning- this isn’t a fully backed up meta post, it’s my interpretation of canon. any thoughts/queries/additions welcome! my askbox is always open <3)

part o: a note on guilt

hey, you know what’s fucked up? an eight-year-old kid with survivors guilt.

as a child, jon watched someone he knew die, due to circumstances that, while they were not his fault, were set in motion by his actions. children (and often teens!) think in black-and-white. complex logic often just doesn’t occur to them. jon, at 8, looks at what happened, and says that’s my fault. i did that. jon didn’t like his bully, and wanted him to go away, and then he did. that instinctive reaction is something i think he never grows out of. when you already hate yourself, it’s easy to pile more fuel onto that flame. he doesn’t think about risk, not to him, because he deserves whatever happens. he let someone die. he doesn’t ever forgive himself for that.

part i: belief (precanon+s1)

now, i have a headcanon about why jon doesn’t believe statement givers, and imma lay it all out for you right here.

when jon was 8, and freshly traumatised, i think he tried to tell someone what happened. beneath all the layers, jon is compassionate, and tries to help people. now, picture this. a kid, one with a history of troubled behaviour and an atypical home life, goes up to someone (a police officer, his carer, a teacher) and tells them a giant spider ate someone. what’s that person, someone who is a rational adult, someone who doesn’t believe in silly things, going to say back? are they going to believe that kid?

no. no way. they’re going to tell that kid that they’re making up stories, that they had a nightmare, that they should stop making jokes about someone who actually disappeared, jon, you need to be more sensitive about these things.

now, that kind of dissonance- ‘this did happen, it was real’ and ‘everyone i talk to is telling me it’s not real’- is hard on adults. to a kid? devastating.

jon, because he’s jon, would have been desperately searching for a way to explain this, and i think the thing he grabs on to is evidence. if he had some evidence of what happened, if he could prove what happened, people would believe him.*

but he doesn’t have evidence. and he resents that, and he resents that so much that by the time he’s an adult he’s settled into a mindset towards the supernatural somewhat akin to ‘i didn’t get believed, but you think you should be believed? what’s so good about you? you think you’re better than me?** fuck you! i don’t believe you!’ this is also a way of keeping himself safe. if the monsters aren’t real, they can’t hurt him.

and then, through s1, that mindset is chipped at. the statement givers start being real people, who come into jon’s office and cry when he dismisses them, and that clearly makes him uncomfortable. martin gives his statement, and martin has evidence. jon knows martin, and knows that he’s a good person, so martin having evidence isn’t likely to be an attack at jon.

jane prentiss attacks the institute, and then suddenly jon’s shield of denial and anger is ripped away, because the monsters are real, and they can hurt him.

*would they? i don’t know. people can be very attached to believing that the world is good, and kids are misguided, and there are a hundred thousand ways to explain away a piece of evidence, as jon comes to know well.

** this ties into jon’s self hatred, as people saying they are better than him kicks him right in the Issues.

part ii: paranoia (s2)

after prentiss attacks, jon is left floundering. his old I Do Not See It mindset has been smashed to pieces, and underneath all the trauma he’s been brutally suppressing is bubbling up. jon has no real experience in judging threats, because for the last 20 years he’s been burying his head in the sand and yelling he can’t see any threats. so he overcompensates, and assumes everything is a threat. his experience re:not being believed tells him that everyone around him is stupid and wrong and the only person he can rely on is himself.

so he investigates. he’s convinced that his life is in imminent danger, that everyone around him is plotting to kill him. he doesn’t hold back, because you don’t hold back in a life-or-death scenario. he knows something is wrong. something is very wrong. he’s sure it’s a threat to him, a threat to his life. but he can’t put a finger on what it is.

this is when his friendship with tim breaks down. i’ll talk about tim in a minute.

jon spirals, and obsesses, and wrings answers out of the ether until it all falls together. he understands what is wrong, that it’s sasha that wants him dead. or, well, not sasha. he’s been winding up tighter and tighter all series, and he lets loose by striking out, acting for once instead of reacting. it is remarkably easy to buy an axe in central london, after all.

and then, well, that doesn’t go well.

part iii: desperation (s3)

after what jon did backfired so badly, he goes to georgie, because he has no other option. and he thinks, what went wrong? and the answer he comes up with is i didn’t know enough.* that’s why it all went wrong, because he didn’t know what he was dealing with. and so the solution is to find out more.

he’s starting to realise that he’s changing.** he wants to find out more about that as well, to control it.

so he goes and finds out more. or, tries to. he doesn’t have many leads.*** jon is not good at judging threat, and doesn’t know the danger he is putting himself in. he’s stubborn, and locked onto getting more knowledge like a dog and a bone.****

and then he does get more knowledge, but it’s the knowledge that the world is ending, and he’s the only one who can fix it.***** he can’t process his trauma. he doesn’t have time. the world is ending.

in late s3, jon is desperate. he’s overworking himself. he feels alone: daisy’s at his throat, elias is dangling information over his head, tim...

we’ll talk about tim later.

basira doesn’t trust him, georgie isn’t happy with him, melanie’s never liked him. he gets kidnapped for a month, and no one notices. the only person jon has firmly in his corner is martin.****** and he doesn’t have time to talk to martin, because he’s getting kidnapped, and jetting across the world chasing shadows, and desperately, desperately trying not to fuck everything up again.

and he doesn’t! they build a plan. it’s dangerous, sure, but jon doesn’t even know what that means anymore. his whole life is dangerous. jon going into the unknowing is cautiously, waveringly hopeful. maybe this time it won’t go wrong. this time they know what to do, they know what they’re dealing with.

and, the tragedy is, it doesn’t go wrong. they save the world. they send elias to prison. it all goes to plan. and tim is dead, and daisy is buried, and jon is lost in dreams.

*👁️ **👁️ ***👁️ ****👁️ ***** he’s not the only one, of course, there are a whole team of people working on stopping the Unknowing, but jon is the Archivist. he’s the heir to gertrude’s legacy.

****** this is where they fall in love, after all. which is a good thing, of course, but it adds an extra weight to every interaction they have, guessing and double-guessing how the other feels, until jon actually can’t talk to martin, not how he wants to, because he’s not sure if they’re there yet. (martin is there. jon doesn’t have time to be.)

see yall next time

i would like to cover s4 and s5, but this post is 1.5k already, and i’ve covered up to when the fic takes place! next time i will be ranting incoherently about timothy stoker, punctuated by bursts on uncontrollable sobbing. when that’s up, i’ll chuck a link here, and on the author notes of the fic i’m doing this for. see you then!

#tma #tma meta #jonathan sims #jon sims meta #character analysis #a deeply annoying child #the essay tag #god this is a mess but w/e posting it anyway

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