#so ive been trying to keep them close to how they were described there
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Does anyone else feel that they come up with better writing ideas when they're not actively sitting down trying to write?
It drives me crazy, especially when some really interesting idea pops into my mind and I have no way of writing it down so I end up forgetting it :( I'll finish my Avalon and Evergray short story one day I hope.
#ssoblr#sso#sso avalon#sso evergray#im also kinda nervous that no one will like my interpretation of young avalon and evergray#as far as i know theyve only been shown ingame in catherines memories#so ive been trying to keep them close to how they were described there#(even though catherine might not be a super reliable narrator#but reliable enough i suppose)#while also kinda doing whatever else i think would be interesting#these tags are getting too long lol
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HAPPINESS — yu jimin x f!reader
jimin made you feel like life was worth living for.
TAGS — situationship, strangers to lovers, ive member!yn, jealousy, angst, fluff, birthday fic for jimin
WORDCOUNT — 3.8k
it hadn’t been long since you and karina met. by luck, she was attending a fashion show and had gravitated to you during the after-party. it was an unforgettable experience; one of the most gorgeous idols constantly hovering around you, eyes lingering on the silky black, backless dress you adorned, fingers dancing across your arms… needless to say, you had immediately asked for her contact information, only to receive a cryptic smile in return.
“why not just,” she whispered, “come back to my place instead?”
you had instantly declined, “i’m sorry, i don’t do that. and don’t you live with your members anyway?” karina merely shrugged, eyes twinkling with a gleam you couldn’t name.
“then shouldn’t we go back to yours?”
exasperated, you shake your head, “i just said, i don’t do that. i was interested before, and you are jaw-droppingly beautiful, but i’m not intending to go anywhere tonight, karina.”
the girl hesitated for a few seconds. you raised an eyebrow. she grins, “call me jimin.”
it had only been a month since that interaction. since then, your relationship has progressed. from strangers to friends and now tethering on the edge of a relationship. or as your member yujin had described, a ‘situationship’. it was so easy to open up to jimin, her sweet talk, midnight chats and relentless insistence to annoy you had captured your attention. she was so stupidly cute.
you had fallen.
and jimin seemed to have as well.
no one would stay up till midnight talking to a situationship unless they really liked them, right?
and even though jimin had a schedule the next day, you and her were still in a heated discussion about which ice cream flavour was the superior one (it was always vanilla).
the alarm on your phone rang. in bright words read, ‘milan fashion show.’ you smile to yourself. it was another chance to see jimin after her hectic schedule. you barely had time to see her during her break, and now your schedules finally matched up. you couldn’t wait to see her.
jiminie [7.41am]:
hihihi good morning
i’ll see u ltr :))
ynie [8.20am]:
morning!
can’t wait.
you turn your phone off with a bright grin, barely keeping your excitement under wraps. your flight was at 10 and by the time you reached milan, it would be around 11 in the evening. it was going to be a long flight, but the thought of seeing jimin again made your stomach tighten up. was this what people in relationships feel? it was so bizarre that the simple thought of someone could so easily make you feel breathless.
unable to contain your exhilaration, you get some weird stares from your manager and assistants. meekly apologising, you close your eyes as they drive to the airport, dreaming of a certain main dancer.
you blink. how did you get here?
jimin, was just standing a few feet away from you, but she had barely spared you a glance the whole day. she didn’t even greet you or anything. even after the crew had asked for you two to stand together, jimin was at least a metre away, not daring to stand in your vicinity. you could cry.
especially with the heart eyes every other person was sending her way. you swallow the lump in your throat, staring at the man who stood a little close for comfort next to her. and throughout the show, you could only stare longingly at the back of her head, sighing every once in a while when the two of them would pose. it was devastating.
“you good?” one of the other attendants asked. you think you recognise them from a recent drama you’ve watched.
“yeah,” you mumble, taking a sip of the champagne in your glass. at the corner of your eye, you could see jimin and that man conversing, both sharing giggles and whispers. your grip on the glass tightens. groaning, you look away, trying to hide the hurt on your face from being ignored so obviously. all your attempts at conversation had been shut down and she brushed past all your waves.
you saunter to the corner, taking a seat and pulling out your phone.
yujin [9.27pm]:
how’s it gg
yn [10.14pm]:
it’s like i don’t even exist.
i don’t know what i should do
she keeps talking to some guy
yujin [10.15pm]:
girl gtfo
you agree with yujin. if karina wanted to ignore you, so be it. there was nothing for you to do anyway. after sending a quick message to your manager, you get back up, heading back to the group of actors and idols alike that were engaged in conversation.
coincidentally, karina and her partner for the night had joined as well. it wasn’t difficult to avoid eye contact when she wouldn’t even look in your direction.
“i’ve requested for more champagne,” one of them say, “anybody wants a refill?”
a murmur of chorus emerges.
the waiter stares at your glass expectantly, the bottle in his hand waiting.
“ah… no, i’m leaving soon,” you say awkwardly, handing your glass to another waiter passing by. karina’s head shoots up.
“shame,” they all agree.
“your manager’s picking you up?” karina finally speaks. you longed for her voice, but you’re not very appreciative of it now.
you nod, barely wanting to start a conversation with the girl.
“i’ll walk you out.”
can you really refuse in front of all these people? you already had a reputation of being a bitch. refusing karina’s offer was going to severely damage your image.
you just hold your tongue.
the cold air greets you warmly, unlike karina. you relish in the gusts of wind, waiting patiently outside the gala for your manager’s distinguishable car. karina hums a gentle tune, turning to you.
“how was the show?”
“good,” you reply, curt.
karina doesn’t back down.
“you had fun?” you nod.
“i didn’t get to talk to you at all, it’s sad you’re leaving now.”
you shrug.
“why are you leaving so early?”
“tired.”
“hm, okay.”
you stand in silence while karina fidgets beside you, her hands constantly twirling her hair and eyes darting around. cursing yourself, you take a quick glance at her. the girl’s deep, lush and dark hair flows charmingly in the wind. her eyes draw you in, hypnotising you deeply, full of uncertainty and hesitance for the first time you’ve met her.
“do you have something to say?” you ask. karina huffs, blowing her bangs covering her eyes.
“i do, but it just depends if you’ll listen to me.”
“depends on what you’re asking for,” you reply.
karina smiles, smaller than before, “stay. just for a few more minutes. with me.”
you contemplate. just for a few minutes.
“only until my manager comes.”
she falters, it’s the first time you’ve ever subtly rejected her company, but a practised mask of indifference is put on.
there’s an uncomfortable silence, one that neither of you are willing to acknowledge. you start to regret your decision; you should have just asked her to go back in, instead of waiting out here with you like a fool.
“minjeong’s been talking about this milan cathedral, called duomo di milano, it’s really pretty,” karina looks at you expectantly, “do you have the day off tomorrow for sightseeing?”
you answer slowly, “i do have the day off...”
“where are you staying? i’ll come pick you up.”
“but i don’t want to go, karina,” you complete your sentence. shock passes her face rather quickly.
“uhm, do you want to go somewhere else?”
you shake your head, wanting her to get the hint that you weren’t exactly jumping for the opportunity to hang out.
“we could go shopping at this galleria that aeri mentioned, it has a hotel and everything.”
“no, thanks for offering.”
karina’s tethering on the edge of distress, her face showing visible distraught by now, no longer caring to hide behind a mask of impassiveness. you check your phone again. notifications line your lock screen, most of them coming from yujin.
yujin [10.29pm]:
are u out of there yet
make sure to get back safe
also call me ltr i need to tell u smth
omg jiwon js told me she left seo at home alone
you smile at yujin messages. the leader’s caring nature makes your heart warm and the mention of your other members makes you miss them.
“your manager texting you?” karina asks.
“uh, no,” you reply vaguely, not very keen on talking to her. karina frowns.
“are you sick? do you feel unwell?” she lifts a hand up to touch your neck. the fleeting touch of her fingers already caused goosebumps against your skin.
“i’m fine, karina.”
the mention of her name makes her glare at you, “didn’t i say to call me jimin?”
unable to answer coherently, you settle for silence. karina huffs, seemingly getting irritated.
she opens her mouth once again, but the honk of a car distracts you. the window rolls down and you recognise your manager.
“thanks for uhm, staying here with me,” you bow, “have a good night.” you were upset, but that wouldn’t stop you from being polite.
karina merely watches you leave.
your manager gives you about five minutes of peace and tranquillity before unleashing an onslaught of questions onto you, like “why’d you leave?” or “did someone say something to you?” you answer truthfully to most of his questions.
unable to get a proper response, he just drives back and tells you to not get into any trouble on your day-off.
(“what trouble would i even get into?”
“i’ll actually quit if dispatch posts a photo of you drinking with your friends.”
“that would be impossible since i don’t have any friends.”)
meanwhile, yujin fills you in on the stupid shit your members get up to during your absence. like rei putting aluminium into the microwave and wonyoung just managing to stop her in time.
your phone lights up with notifications throughout the night and you hate the fact that it doesn’t bring you the same excitement like before. the morning after, a chain of messages graces your phone.
jiminie [9.17am]:
are u awake?
jiminie [9.20am]:
when are u gg back to korea?
hello?
ynie [9.31am]:
tmrw
jiminie [9.31am]:
do u feel like gg out tdy?
you turn off your phone, sighing. you would have felt bad for being so distant but the mere thought of karina with that guy yesterday night made you feel unneeded. why was she texting you and asking to hang out with you when she already had someone to go to?
there was no point overthinking about her.
karina would just be another failed situationship. she didn’t mean that much to you (she did). she wasn’t the first thing you thought of once you woke up (she was). and she definitely couldn’t be a good girlfriend for you (she definitely could be).
the hotel doorbell rings. you quirk an eyebrow, not remembering ever ordering room service. maybe your manager knew you wouldn’t be going out for breakfast.
you don’t bother checking the peephole, the hotel you were staying at was very tight on security and only celebrities stayed at this floor. you open the door, stomach grumbling at the thought of food.
“yn.”
oh.
karina stands at your door, a small smile on her face. you feel terribly underdressed compared to her in your bathrobe and messy bed hair.
“good morning,” you greet hoarsely.
“hurry up and get dressed.”
you stop karina from entering your room.
“what are you talking about?”
“we’re going out whether you like it or not. you shouldn’t rot in your room, you should be exploring milan, before you leave, with me.”
do you really have a choice to say no? (yes, you do).
in your heart, you knew in the end, you wouldn’t ever say no to karina.
“okay.”
she grins and you forget why you were even upset in the first place.
karina waits patiently while you finish getting ready. she’s on the balcony admiring the view when you’re done.
“where are we going?” you grab a mask and a cap as karina puts on her shoes again.
“it’s a surprise, and you don’t need those,” karina answers, pointing at the items in your hand. you frown.
“people will recognise me. they’ll see me with you.”
karina shakes her head, “it’s fine, i don’t mind it.”
i mind it though.
you end up leaving them by your bedside table.
“where are we going?” you repeat as karina drags you out of the door. she groans, “stop asking! i already told you it’s a surprise.”
“i need to tell my manager.”
karina pouts, “i’ve already contacted him, just stop worrying about everything.”
her words seem so easy to believe now. to stop worrying about everything.
the streets of milan are filled with cafes and luxury brands. with it being one of the most visited cities, tourists and locals alike roam the area. at every corner, there’s either an art gallery or museum. you must admit that the architecture is simply amazing. quaint bookstores and coffee shops provide a sense of peace away from the bustling metropolitan city. milan was beautiful.
karina pulls you into a cafe, the strong aroma of coffee already filling your senses. there’s a quiet ambience of chatter and the soft footsteps of the waiters walking around. the girl brings you to one of the tables near the window. it gives you a view of a clothing shop adjacent to the cafe, full of customers.
“milan’s called a fashion capital,” karina remarks, “it’s one of europe’s most dynamic cities.” when you don’t reply, karina stands up, awkwardly saying, “i’ll go order our food.”
you nod.
she comes back soon, red in the face and fumbling with her wallet.
you ignore it.
“uhm, anyway, did you sleep well last night?”
“yeah.”
“okay… uh, what time is your flight tomorrow?”
“i think it’s in the morning,” you feel pity for karina who’s been desperately trying to keep the conversation going, “what about you?”
karina’s face lights up, “it’s at one in the afternoon.”
the waiter soon arrives with your food. its mouth-watering. karina hands the waiter a note and says something in italian that you don’t understand.
“you can speak italian?” you ask, curiosity taking over you.
“yeah, a little,” karina mumbles. she doesn’t seem to want to elaborate, so you don’t bother asking any more. you gorge yourself out with the pastries that karina ordered, all while she looks a little constipated and unsure.
“you’re not going to eat?”
“i… i already ate before coming here.”
you nod, continuing to chew.
“it’s so early, who’s awake to even eat with?”
karina mutters, “i ate with jaewook.” you swallow the piece of bread in your mouth. the sweetness you tasted on your tongue is gone, just left with a bitter taste. you regret even asking her. you regret coming out of your hotel to eat pastries with her at 9 in the morning.
your head feels clouded. it’s not only gravity pulling you down. it’s a wrangling chain clutching your heart, pulling it into your stomach. the more you think about karina and that guy together, the more you feel like puking out all the sweet treats you stuffed your mouth with. you wanted to get rid of anything related to her.
“are you okay?” she asks.
no, you want to reply.
“i wanna go back,” you say instead.
lying was always better than telling her the truth.
“what? no, uhm,” karina blurts out, panicked, “you can’t go back yet, we still have a lot to sightsee.”
“please let me go back,” you beg, feeling a wave of nausea take over. between her incessant pleading to not leave and the vision of the two of them, jealousy fills your every vein.
“i planned a lot for today and oh my god, yn—” you can’t stand it anymore.
swiftly, you take out a wad of cash, placing it on the table and leaving the cafe without a second look behind. you stomp out quick, steady steps back to the hotel and you can feel karina hot on your heels. she calls out for your name, but to no avail do you turn back. you think of a plan. once you get back to your room, you’re going to block karina on everything. she’s never going to exist in your life ever again. if your job requires you to interact with her, it’s a bare minimum. you’ll break off contact with all of your mutual friends, ryujin, minjeong, maybe chaewon (but yujin and wonyoung would kill you).
it’s only when you reach a traffic light that karina catches up with you. once it flashes red, you groan. you can basically see karina’s triumphant smirk at the corner of your eye.
“are you done running now?”
you take a good look at karina. she’s panting, not more than you are, and her cheeks are flushed red.
the light flashes green.
“no.”
and the chase begins again.
karina tails you until you reach the hotel lobby. you open up your purse, searching for the keycard. karina is just a few steps behind.
you hear gasps of recognition behind you, the very reason you wanted to cover up your identity.
the moment the lift reaches the ground floor, you slide in, rapidly pressing the close button. karina, however, navigates through the crowd and manages to reach the lift in time.
you groan, your attempt at running away has failed. maybe you could still convince karina to leave you alone somehow. she wouldn’t try to break into your room, right?
“this is awkward now.”
“yeah, i wasn’t expecting you to follow me,” you sneer, “if a woman says she wants to leave, just let her leave for god’s sake.”
“okay, that’s my fault but you literally left out of nowhere, and you’ve been acting weird ever since last night,” karina argues back.
the lift beeps. you exit it with karina following you closely behind, still ongoing about your sudden change in behaviour.
“like last night, you left early and we didn’t even have time to talk or anything, and when i asked you about it you didn’t even explain anything?! just brushed me off and left! can you just tell me what’s going on?”
you two reach your room.
“i don’t need to explain myself to you. i said i was tired.”
“okay, but what about today? i planned the whole day for us to hang out and you just got up and left? what the hell! are you just an asshole who plays with people’s feelings? you told me you ‘can’t wait to see me’ and then just left like that,” karina raises her voice. a elderly couple passes you two and you feel self-conscious. you were just standing outside your room letting karina yell at you.
“come in then yell, you’re getting weird looks.”
karina inhales sharply, finally calming down.
you sit down on one of the lounge chairs, taking a deep breath.
“i really don’t have anything to explain to you. i’m sorry. and i’m not the one playing with people’s feelings here.”
“what? are you insinuating that i’m the one playing with your feelings?”
“uh, if the shoe fits?”
karina slaps your arm, “are you serious right now? can you just talk to me for once?! is this your first time being friends with someone?” friends? since when were you ever just friends with karina?
“no, it isn’t,” you swallow, “it’s my first time feeling this way for someone.”
“what?”
“do you know how many times i think about you in a day? it’s once, because i never stop. it hurts me every time i see you with someone else and i know i shouldn’t feel this way because while you reside in my mind, i have to hope that I cross yours once in a while to feel less pathetic of myself. do you know how that feels? to want to exist in someone’s thoughts. i feel happy just to know that you’re even acknowledging my presence. but you didn’t. you didn’t even care when i was there, so you shouldn’t care when i’m not,” the weight of unshed tears came pouring out. you let out a watery but hollow laugh. karina makes your heart ache, she makes you feel defeated and useless, she makes you feel angry and jealous.
“you make me feel that life is worth living for. that i went through all those torturous years just to meet you.”
karina, is life in itself.
“and i don’t think i’ll ever be able to find someone else that makes me feel this way. have you ever felt that way about someone?”
she stares at you, unblinking. she comes to terms with your words finally.
“i’m sorry,” she says.
“it’s fine,” you sniffle, wiping your tears.
“i’m sorry i hurt you.”
“of course you’ll hurt me. of course we’ll hurt each other, because this is the condition of living. and what’s not love, if not living for each other?”
“i didn’t know you felt that way about me.”
you sigh, “regret is a stupid thing. when you reject me, i would be better off knowing that we wouldn’t work out because you don’t like me, rather than me not telling you and wondering if we would ever work out. and you’re with that guy anyway.”
“who told you i would reject you? and who said i was with him?”
“oh.”
“i feel everything that you’ve just said, about you. and i’m upset that you were planning to just throw me away like that because of our inability to communicate.”
you laugh, more heartily this time, “i just didn’t want to be one of your conquests or whatever.”
“you’re more than one of my conquests. i wouldn’t dream of even letting you go. some people search their whole lives to find what i found in you. you can be assured that i won’t ever let you go.”
her sincere words draw red to your cheeks, warmth spreads from your neck to the tip of your ears. “you still like me,” you repeat, “even when i’m a jealous freak, have commitment issues and i care too much?”
“even with all those traits. if you didn’t care, you wouldn’t be the yn i like,” karina’s voice softens as does her touch. she takes your hand in hers, caressing the back of your hand with her palm.
“even if i don’t understand why you get angry and why you ignore me, i still like you. that’s what makes you, you. and love is all about understanding.”
you nod. all the crying has made you feel drowsy, and your fatigue is apparent, since karina smiles in amusement and says, “wash up and take a nap. i’ll be here.”
she’ll be here.
“thank you, jimin.”
karina, or rather, jimin, chuckles, “hurry up and shower. i hope you brought extra clothes since i’m going to change too.”
you quickly wash up and so does jimin. the two of you settle into the bed, your hands clutching at jimin for warmth and intimacy. you have her. the thought allows you to drift asleep, finally knowing that jimin’s heart beats the same for yours.
when the sun sets as you wake up from your nap, you can’t help but blurt out, “i adore you.”
jimin, pleasantly surprised, only giggles back.
“i adore you too, in ways words cannot express.”
maybe paris wasn’t the city of love. yours was milan.
🎙️ author’s note: this is probably one of my favourite fics i’ve written. most of my own personal values have been put into this fic. regret is a stupid thing, we only live once and we have no idea if we’ll ever get to live again. find people that makes life worth living for. happy birthday yu jimin, aespa’s stupid cheese cat 🤍
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⟢ gossip session.
➜ in which ! kyle finds himself interested in your gossip.
💌 ﹫kyle broflovski.
✩ 🎸 warnings﹗gossip about teacher/student affair.
🍓 ⟡ notes —
i love gossiping lmao. i also realized ive been spelling his last name wrong for like ages until now lmao.
he loves it, no matter how hard he tries denying it, he love it.
at first, he didn't care for it, actually, he found it annoying. he never liked people talking about others behind their backs.
especially if they are personal matters.
so when you two are just in his room casually hanging out and your face-timing your friend talking about the latest school gossip he made sure to tune it out opting to listen to music.
until he one day overheard you gossiping because he forgot his headphones. then he starts paying attention and listening more carefully getting very interested in the story.
he can't help himself now from listening to your rambles.
"No, you don't understand Heather. PC Principal has no fucking clue about this which is surprising since he knows everything that goes on in this school. But like, how does he not know that a teacher is banging the head cheerleader of the school but fucking Butters of all people knows?"
"Yeah no, I have no idea how long it's been going on."
"I heard she might even be pregnant with the teacher's kid. Yeah, uh huh, no way- HE HAS 3 SEPARATE FAMILIES?"
kyle tries so hard not to ask because he knows it's not the right thing to do but in the end, he can't help himself.
he starts listening every chance he gets. trying to put pieces together if he hadn't heard the other parts of the story.
it gets so bad that he starts listening
hell, he even listens to some of cartman's gossip.
finally he admits he is gossip addict and decides to talk to you.
As you walked back into his room after having a quick call with one of your friends about the recent gossip that just surfaced.
Kyle sighed mentally bracing himself for what he was about to say.
"What happened next? With the teacher-student thing I mean..."
You stare at him incredibly, tilting your head in confusion. "Huh? I thought you hated gossip since you know it's people not minding their own business or whatever."
The teen grumbled a bit before turning away. "Maybe I've had a change of heart."
and when he means "change of heart"
he actually means he's so invested that its like an addiction.
the guy becomes a crazed gossip girl kicking his feet giggling.
Words couldn't describe the look of happiness on your face as you raced over to his bed slamming your body on top of him in giddiness. "Okay listen closely. So right now, 2 of the 3 families have found out about this situation and are all divorcing him."
"Actually?" He questioned sitting up, shifting you in his arms so you were both comfortable. "How the hell did he find out? Didn't you say that they all lived far away or something?"
You nodded. "They do but someone from our school who shall be unnamed, leaked it to them with photos of the teacher and student, well, getting the groove on after school in his class."
"No. Fucking. Way."
"Yes, way!" You clapped your hands with a smirk. "That's all for now since this just happened like 2 hours ago."
A beat of silence passes by until he looks back at you staring you dead in the eye. "You'll keep me updated... right?"
You laugh nodding your head excitedly. "You'll be the first to know."
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Just A Breath Away
~2k words
kip sabian & orange cassidy, it reads extremely gen (but it can be interpreted as pre-shippy considering how this whole au ends up going)
set in immortal fears/the belt corruption au. ive been trying to get back to writing, very slowly, and heres just. a brain barf from last night. i guess thats the best way to describe it. a whole lot of nothing but deep rooted hateful feelings for 2k words for near the beginning of kips healing arc
warnings; unreality, can potentially be read from between the lines as self destructive thoughts. heavy emotional hurt/comfort. kip is just having a really fucking bad time wow
@midnightpretenders0 @stormbornpirate
---------------------------
”I’m only trying to help you.”
Kip stared up at the ceiling of his designated bedroom, the words echoing in his head. He had heard them so many times before in the past, both in and out of this situation he was currently trapped in, and yet it didn’t make receiving them any easier for him. Especially when they came from the one person he really, really didn’t want to hear them from. The one he didn’t believe them from.
He sighed, more annoyed than anything else. Kip shouldn’t be here, and he knew it. He shouldn’t be under this roof, inside these walls, in this house, on this bed. He shouldn’t be related to any of those things, and yet.
And yet.
He was annoyed. No, scratch that, he was angry. At himself mostly, for allowing this to happen, for letting things go on for so long that he ended up here. For not being able to stand on his own two feet, physically or mentally, so that Kip was forced to let someone else do the dirty work for him.
So that Kip was forced under the care of Cassidy.
A quiet groan escaped from him before Kip could stop it, eyes closing as he felt a wave of unwanted emotions washing over him. He couldn’t exactly place them, give them names, recognize them, but it felt like everything at the same time; anger, sadness, sorrow, hope? He really wasn’t sure. The only thing he could for sure pinpoint down in the darkness of the bedroom was that these were all feelings brought to his mind but just the mere thought of his self-proclaimed arch rival.
And yet he didn’t want to feel any of them.
His body did its best to resist him as Kip tried to roll onto his side, fighting back every inch of the way to the point where it wasn’t even worth it. This wasn’t the first time his mind and body disagreed on the actions he should take, making it painful to even try to move, the pain leaving Kip almost paralyzed just laying on his back on the bed, staring at nothing. The feeling came and went as it pleased, but most often it showed up as an inconvenience when he wanted one thing but was handed another.
It all frustrated him. Angered him. Disappointed him, leaving Kip unable to do anything, left dealing with these feelings in his already loud head all by himself, all alone.
Well…
He could feel the shadows creeping on the edge of his vision, on the edge of his consciousness. It wasn’t anything unusual at this point, but Kip was tired of it. Having to listen to those whispers, calling him names, assigning words to him about how they felt about him. Telling him how fucked up this was, how fucked up he was, how it was his fault. All his fault, how they got here, how he ended up in this situation, how he messed it all up. All his fault.
All his fault.
It had been almost a daily occurrence now. He hadn’t been able to sleep, leaving him vulnerable, open to all of this. The shadows laughed at him, telling him he only needed them, secluding himself was a good thing no matter how much Cassidy tried to keep some sort of a connection with him. Help? Fuck no, he didn’t need help. Kip was much better off without any of that, especially from someone like him.
From someone like Cassidy, who was the cause of all of this. Well, after Kip had managed to fuck it up first, of course. He was the one to ultimately be blamed for everything, after all.
“Pathetic.”
Kip was almost violently ripped out of the serenity of the dark thoughts in his mind, the voice piercing enough to force his eyes open, focusing back on the blank ceiling. He couldn’t see anything else, nothing was moving. The voice, while distant, distorted, almost dark, had a tint of familiarity to it that he didn’t want to acknowledge.
The way it echoed against the inside of his skull made him come face to face with the reality that it was his own, without Kip saying those words out loud, without thinking them to himself.
“You’re disgusting, you know that?”
Kip didn’t reply, but he could feel a new wave of emotions crashing over him. Shame. Guilt. Disgust. The breath he took in was so much shakier than he expected, the loudness of it almost scaring him out of his own skin.
“So disappointing. Get up.”
He wanted to tell it to stop, but Kip just couldn’t. Instead, he felt his body working against his mind, pushing itself up to its limits, sitting up on the bed for the first time in what felt like days. His head was already spinning, the darkness around him hugging him so tightly Kip almost wasn’t sure if this was his bedroom anymore. The soft kisses it left on his skin burned, making him want to scream, both out of pain and the pleasure of feeling something other than nothing, but no sound came out of him. Kip just sat there, trying to find his breath again, eyes looking at the nothing in front of him.
The nothing shaped like himself, smiling back at him, the darkness so wicked in him it was impossible to look away, even if Kip knew he wasn’t real. That it wasn’t real.
“Was this what you wanted?”
Kip wanted to tell him no, it really wasn’t, he never intended it to be like this. He never knew it was going to be like this. If he had even the slightest idea, maybe he wouldn’t have done it. Done anything. He never wanted to even entertain the thought of succumbing to the darkness, to any extent.
Kip never wanted this, and yet there were no words he could say that would make that clear.
“You’re so pitiful. I don’t understand what he sees in you.”
He inhaled sharply, without intending to do so. Kip could almost see the darkness wearing his smirk, laughing at him. Making a mockery out of him, knowing he was way beyond the help. That these thoughts truly were his own, not just something the cursed world was trying to shove into his head anymore.
“He’s given up. You’re a fool for thinking otherwise.”
A fool. Beyond help, so much so that the one person who promised to help him had left him alone. It felt like he hadn’t seen Cassidy in ages. Maybe he was alone in this room, in this house, being left behind with nothing but broken promises, words that ultimately meant nothing. Nothing but lies that he wouldn’t give up. Lies like so many Kip had told to others, only to break them because he felt like it, because they were hazards on his way to everything he eventually lost.
And now here Kip was, abandoned like all his friends by him, lost like everything he had once had.
“All you need to do is give in.”
The voice was like a hot whisper against his ear, making Kip shiver, knowing how wrong all this was. It wasn’t supposed to go like this, it never was.
“Let yourself go. Allow yourself to be done with this.”
The offer was tempting. Kip could feel the expecting eyes on him, forcing him to turn away, as if he was thinking about this. Maybe on some level he was, contemplating if it was worth it. Worth it to keep trying, especially if he was alone. Abandoned. When there was no hope in the horizon. He could be done with all of it, just let the darkness swallow him, allowing him to decay, to rot away, mostly in peace. Maybe even without pain, if he asked kindly enough.
“I…” His voice was hoarse, drifting off into the empty corners of the bedroom, without Kip having no idea how to continue that sentence. He wasn’t sure what he wanted, what he needed. If there was someone, or something, that could give him that. To give him anything. Everything was so fragmented, so cracked, unorganized in his mind that it was impossible to put into words. Of course he only needed actions, to simply allow himself to be taken over, but somehow even that felt more difficult than usual.
Maybe somewhere in there, under all the filth inside of him, was still just the smallest light of hope. How or why, Kip wasn’t sure, but something in him told him that he was able to feel it. Despite everything.
“I-I… I don’t know…”
He felt the darkness pressing tighter against him, forcing the air out of his lungs. Hands on his arms. Hands on his chest. Hands on his neck. Hands on his face.
The scream that escaped him wasn’t audible, being drowned under the voice that boomed in his head loudly enough to make it throb for days to come.
“You don’t know?! Don’t you understand?! You’re nothing! Nothing! Nothing but a pitiful excuse of a weak, pathetic failure! Nobody wants you, nobody needs you! You mean nothing!”
Kip couldn’t reply to it, the headache becoming unbearably too much. He struggled to catch air back into his lungs, every breath burning, making him want to throw up. The spots the hands of the dark had been holding onto him burned, they felt vile, almost violated. He could trace the cold fingertips against his skin perfectly if someone asked, remembering every mark being left on him, the words imprinted into the inside of his brain with every word that had been spoken to him.
He didn’t want this. It was all too much, the feeling pouring out of him in an incomprehensible sob as Kip couldn’t hold the floodgates shut, being too exhausted and in pain to hold it back anymore.
Only as he could feel a soft pair of hands landing on his aching, exposed arm Kip’s head snapped up, eyes barely focusing on the concerned looking face of a familiar blond looking back at him.
“What happened? Are you okay?”
Cassidy’s voice sounded so distant Kip wasn’t even sure if he was sitting in front of him on the bed or not. It felt unrealistic that after everything he would be there. Kip wanted to reach out, so desperately, to make sure he was there, touch him, his face, make sure he felt him breathe. Feel that he had a heartbeat. But he couldn’t move, holding onto the little bit of solace that Cassidy’s hands on his arm gave to him. At least it felt real, even if it would end up not being so.
“I heard you scream. I-it’s okay. I’m here.”
Kip just looked at him, finally feeling the stinging of the tears in his eyes. His senses were slowly returning into the room, him into his own head, making at least a little bit of sense again. Cassidy’s hands on him, squeezing his arm slightly, making sure he was there. The tears staining Kip’s face, the salty taste on his lips actually making sense to him. His hands that he didn’t even realize had been squeezing the bed sheets so hard this entire time.
“I’m trying to help you, Kip.”
Hearing his name leaving Cassidy’s lips cracked something in him. Kip wasn’t entirely sure what it was, but it made him swallow thickly, feeling the lump that had formed in his throat.
“If you can tell me what happened, I--”
“Please.”
Kip’s voice was barely above a whisper, followed by a sob he wasn’t able to hold back. Cassidy looked at him, clearly alarmed, not expecting this from Kip, the tear stained face twisting into some combination of pleading and comforted as Kip finally reached a hand towards him, fingertips barely gracing Cassidy’s cheek in a weak attempt to touch him.
“He… Help me. Please.”
Cassidy’s face softened into an understanding smile, him nodding his head just barely before Kip leaned closer, basically collapsing against him. Cassidy pulled him against his chest, one arm holding him close tightly as the other hand rubbed his back, gently hushing him as Kip broke down in sobs in his arms.
“I will. Don’t worry. I will.”
#fic#character: kip sabian#character: orange cassidy#setting: belt corruption arc#aew fanfiction#wrestling fanfiction
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The Origin of Handler
Rip, tear. Those were your orders. Destroy as many enemy mechs as you could before you died. That was your objective. The only issue was, your mech had been disabled by something, or heavily damaged, it wouldn’t move and you were now helpless to watch the sky, waiting for your end. You can’t even fully remember how you got here. You remember anger, fear, and finally, resignation to your fate. You could hope that the enemy would give you a quick death, but knowing what you were told, that was unlikely. You’d probably be tortured for information first. You sighed, waiting for the end.
The gunfire slowly began to surround you, and you saw a woman holding a rifle, firing at something in the distance while giving orders. You got to watch as she eventually looked down at your mech, trying to get it to open. When she couldn’t, she called for another, a mech, and it began to slowly rip open your cockpit, allowing the woman to step inside. She looked at you in horror, as if something was wrong. She called for more mechs, something about taking you back to base with her. When the mechs arrived you could feel them dragging your metal shell with them.
The woman stayed in the cockpit, speaking sweet nothings into your ear about how you were safe now, and that everything would be fine once she took you back. You closed your eyes, letting her words take hold. Her hands were gentle as she held your face, as she kept trying to soothe you. You figured she wasn’t half bad for an enemy, but you had no clue what reality might bring. She might decide to make you suffer after all this kindness, you had to prepare, you had to be strong. You decided to accept her comfort. Even if it might be fake, it felt nice to be comforted by a gentle hand before your last moments. And so, you drifted off.
You awoke to the woman and two others looking over you, likely in a hanger. The three seemed to be talking about how to get you out of your mech. You sighed, as if being removed from a mech was ever hard. Though… You never had to be the one removing a person. There was a bit of back and forth before the woman began to move around you, and then… Searing unbearable pain, it felt like your nerves were on fire, like you were dying. You could hear the woman screaming demands as she began to pull you free from your mech. There was a stretcher brought in, and you were placed on it before being rushed elsewhere
Sterile, that was how you’d describe the room. You were heavily bandaged, hooked up to an IV unit, and a blood bag. All you can remember is that the woman wanted you alive, and then a cold stab in your neck. You sighed, something must have gone wrong when you got incapacitated in your mech. Now you were in an enemy base, taking up their medical supplies, that woman trying to keep you alive, probably only long enough to gather information. You slowly sat up, looking around the room carefully, there was a door, and a wide mirror. No, not a mirror. It was likely a 1 way mirror, meant to watch you.
You slumped back and looked at the ceiling, hearing someone enter, walking over to you, and entering your sight. It was the woman again, smiling this time and embracing you in a hug. Who was she, and why was she kind? You were so confused. Had the rebellion been a farce? She told you that you had slept for 5 days. She spoke with such worry. Couldn’t she have grabbed a different pilot if she needed information? She placed a gentle hand on your cheek, and a part of you couldn’t help but lean into her touch. She felt warm, safe, and comforting. She felt like a pillar you could lean on if you needed support.
Some medical staff came in to unhook you, they were quite careful with you too, as if you were something delicate. Once unhooked, you were placed in a wheelchair, the woman wheeling you out and somewhere else. You watched people pass by, some actually ask the woman if she’ll be alright handling you. You’ve no clue what they mean, but you assume you’ll know eventually. She takes you into a room and you begin to see what they meant by handling you. She carefully lifted you into a mechanical alcove in the wall, hooking you up to different things. Once she finished she sat at the nearby desk, and you suspected something was going on.
You watched her type away at her computer, but at the same time, you felt… Like you knew what she was doing. You felt like she was inputting commands and looking for something. Every now and then, you spotted her glancing over at you, giving you a smile. Maybe she wasn’t the enemy, maybe she was a friend, an ally. You had some hope finally. You could tell she didn’t just want you alive, but she quite possibly cared about you. You slowly close your eyes, but they immediately shoot open when you hear her sigh. Was something wrong? What was she even looking at?
You watched as she got up, unhooking you from everything before she pulled you over to her computer and sat you down. What you saw was horrifying. It was your file, your purpose was death when she found you. Hell, being removed from your mech was supposed to be lethal. You were merely a pawn in the rebellion’s plan and it angered you. This woman saved you, and you had doubted her. However, there was a second file, mirroring yours. It seemed to be for their records, but there were little additions added to it.
You had some medical notes you didn’t know about, talking about how you were found, what work they did to save you. They even made observations while you were unconscious. However, when you saw your occupation as pilot, you also noticed something else. “Handler: None”. Handler? That was something new. Was a pilot supposed to have a Handler? You looked to her for clarification and she informed you that a Handler is often used for problem pilots, or pilots who need guidance or something to ground them.
You looked back at your file, smiling, before changing your file. “Handler: Yes”. The woman looked baffled, if not outright confused. You took her hand, pressing her palm against your cheek gently as you smiled. Handler, laughed slightly, but she gave you a gentle smile. You were safe now, the real enemy was the rebellion. Handler helped you realize the truth of your near death experience, she made certain you didn’t die. Handler saved you. You knew now, you owed your everything to Handler. You belonged to Handler now, and you would let her guide you against her enemies, even if it meant dying for her.
Handler wanted to show you something, and so, you followed her to the hangers. There, you saw your old mech, it seemed to have been mildly modified since you last remembered it. Handler slowly guided you towards it, but when you showed some resistance, she asked you to trust her. And so you did. You let her slowly hook you in, whispering sweet nothings once more to keep you calm. Once hooked in, Handler only made one singular request: for you to bark. It was simple, and so you obeyed. You barked and felt euphoric. You looked at Handler for input, and she told you to bark again.
Obeying Handler felt euphoric, her orders made you shiver in delight. You wanted Handler to give you more orders, but instead she decided to unhook you. There was no pain, no begging for death, or nerves on fire. There was only comfort and Handler’s warm embrace. Handler could be trusted. Handler cared for you. Handler would never betray you. These were all thoughts that slowly entered your mind. You finally felt at peace, like you were home. Like everything was finally right. You closed your eyes, and accepted her warm embrace, slowly drifting off, once final time. In the arms of Handler, you were safe.
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@eucyon Oh my god tumblr ate your ask I’m so lucky I screenshotted. So mad I have to type again . Thank you so much for dis question it’s so fun and made me really think to be honest ^__^ ILYSMMMM this is long but it’s too fun
This is Lynx’s most popular album, Conspiracy Theories. I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to have a pic of lynx as the cover even if it’s silly. I really like rabbit imagery in music anyways though so I think it’s nice. I was inspired by Alice In Chains album covers and also fleshwater’s ‘we’re not here to be loved’. I tried to find a way to make it more 'gritty' but I couldn’t unfortunately 😭 I like how the title looks, like they just got a label maker and smacked it on..heheh
I imagine that this album is about relationship anxiety, betrayal, resentment, anti social tendencies, infidelity, and aliens. Probably not little green men, maybe more like the thing kind of fleshy imagery. Definitely appealing to atlas and scotch in different ways. Tool’s Undertow is a good example (off the top of my head..) of the sound I’m thinking of, so… prog? Or at least heavily inspired. I’m bad with genres heheh
im currently trying to either become okay with roadkill's name, or decide on a new one.. so im not making any album covers for them yet lol but i will post when i do..
I think roadkill would take a lot of inspo from their fave band so their style is probably heavily influenced by Lynx. Scotch adds a lot of sampling, distortion, whatever..idk I don’t make music.. and atlas is a big fan of slow tempo and bass. think its important to note that atlas doesnt play bass like a bassist in this album, he plays it more like a guitarist. kind of. hope that makes sense. I’ve always been really torn about roadkill’s genre, it’s been everywhere and tends to change. scotch and atlas’ styles would be vastly different if they were solo, so I think that’s why i am so indecisive . I think I just have to keep reminding myself that they’re in a band together, so styles would be mixed.
A part of me is like.. I think roadkill’s first album would be reminiscent of faith no more’s ‘the real thing’, or even some of Primus' stuff in some sense, plus similarities to Lynx and influences of industrial. i know thats a lot of random descriptions. I kinda think of (here’s a goofy genre for ya) sludge metal bands’ instrumental style, not necessarily vocal style... its hard to describe a band that doesnt exist. LMFAO
right now im thinking about 'the pot' by tool as a close example of roadkill.. im having a hard time finding artists that match scotch's vocal range even remotely. also doesnt help that the bands im basing this off of like tool and FNM dont exactly...fit into genres very neatly. roadkill and lynx wouldnt either. HAH. i just know it wouldnt be that high quality but definitely obvious theres a lot of passion in it. i mean this is just an album made by guys who dontknow what theyre doing. like at all. lol
Roadkill’s sound changes quite a bit their next album when seraph is involved. It becomes a lot more ummmm I guess palatable to more people? I don’t exactly know what I mean by that. Ok. LOL. I’ll think about it.. but this is around when Scotch realizes he wants this to be his job. Having Seraph helps A LOT with building a more dedicated and bigger audience, since they’re the one most willing to make changes. Plus they’re in art school, I feel like they’d have connections. So I guess roadkill would sell out in a way.
if you asked me this question a year ago i would have had a completely different answer. i wouldve probably said roadkill is pop punk or garage rock or something. i have trouble fitting scotch and atlas into a genre together. it fits scotch just fine and i think he would enjoy it, but its not roadkill.. also ive been thinking of stylizing roadkill as rdkill.. lmk wat u think.. im unsure about the name is generalHAHA. i know this is a lot so dont feel pressured to reply to everything LMAO im just thinking out loud. and drawing connections between genres that completely do not make sense. peace and LOVE<3
#cover definitely looks like it’s made on picsart but dats ok HAHAHAH#I know I’m throwing a bunch of album titles at u but I hope this makes sense HAHAH#Spotify#ive been typing so much i hope this answers your questions..! <333 LOVE YOU#asks#eucyon#roadkill
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can you write a blurb of johnny suh using a pussy pump on the reader 😭 and just some overstimulation. also can johnny be kinda mean too?
Okay I need to keep it real, but I had to google how pussy pumps work because even though ive seen them before!!! I had absolutely no idea. So you learn something new every day :} they definitely aren’t what I thought they were lmao. And also I feel down a sex toy rabbit hole after but thats my business pffff
Warning: I mean, everything requested. And fingering
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“Just one last…” Johnny mutters from his place behind you, rubbing the hand that wasn’t busy with the pump of the sex toy gently against your stomach. To say you were shocked by him bringing home the new toy would be an understatement, and the idea of what it would do to your body made you nervous, but now that he flicks the valve and releases the suction, holding you firmly against his chest, the intense blood flow to the space between your thighs was becoming so unignorable that it was blurring your vision.
“Not so bad right?” He asks, almost sarcastically. He tosses the toy to the side, before he moves his hand to press against your body. The way his fingers tap against your overly sensitive clit makes your thighs jump and makes you think that, yes, it might be bad.
“Feels funny,” you mumble as his hand runs along the bed until his fingers wrap around the small bottle of lube. Funny was an interesting way to describe it, because now that the toy is detached from you, it almost feels like you’ve already been fucked a few times.
“It’ll feel more than funny in a minute,” he says dryly as he uncaps the lube, spilling it onto your body and his fingers before he gives the bottle a similar treatment as the toy.
The gasp you let out when his fingers press into your clit is shaky, the slick lube letting his fingers slip on each side of the heated skin as he immediately moves to make pleasure shoot through your body. He had said something about some people waiting a minute or two after using the pump, but considering his long history of impatience and love to make you cry from overwhelming pleasure, you guess he’s not interested in giving you a moment to rest.
Your chest heaves when he starts rubbing circles into your clit, your hands reaching out to your sides to grip onto the sleeves of the shirt he still wears. You found it funny for him to still be completely dressed while you were bare of any fabric, but the anticipation to use the toy on you was a lot higher than his need to be unclothed.
“Ahh,” you quietly exclaim, your thighs shaking from their place stretched over his own. His fingers are fast already, and the way they move from side to side against the tingling nerves of your clit was a lot, but how quickly your body seems to be teetering on the edge of coming was confusing and made your head spin.
“Who knew you could get more sensitive?” he laughs, sounding way more full of himself for your liking. And if it wasn’t for the way your stomach clenches as your thighs desperately wish to close, you’d make some kind of sarcastic comment. But instead all you can do is whimper and try to ask him to slow down.
“Why would I slow down?” He asks as he leans to press a kiss to the crown of your head, smiling when your hips start to thrust upward into his touch, “look at all the fun we’re having.”
Your back arches away from his chest when you start to come, your head falling back onto his shoulder and making your throat the perfect invitation to his empty hand. The grip he holds on your neck might be the only thing keeping you in place, because as his fingers keep abusing your clit, your orgasm has your body thrashing as you claw at any part of him your hands can reach.
“I can’t,” you squeak when his fingers slip to press into your body, his middle and ring fingers pushing past your fluttering walls to fuck you at a pace that has your mind falling to pieces. Even just with one orgasm, it feels like you’ve been completely worn out, and with him moving against you while you're still coming down didn’t feel like he was playing fair.
“You can though,” he encourages in a way that doesn’t really feel encouraging at all. He sounds so mean, a complete detraction from how he is outside the bedroom, but you’d be lying to say it didn’t make you want to prove you could still hang on.
“Let’s see how long you can last tonight,” he says happily, like he isn’t torturing you with the way his fingers curl and pull inside you. Something about the way you react with such heightened sensitivity makes his own head spin, and he’d be a fool to not see how much he can put you through, “I’m sure you can make it a lot longer than you think.”
You don’t feel as confident as him in his statement, especially not with the way the heel of his palm starts pushing into your clit with every thrust of his fingers. The fingers around your throat flutter and squeeze almost in tandem with the fingers that push inside you, and with a curl against the spot that makes you howl out almost like a wounded animal and his thumb pressing deep into your jugular, you come for what you fear is only the second to many orgasms you’ll be pulled through tonight.
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i know this is my art blog but i can do whatever i want. agents posting GO (WARNING THIS IS MESSY)
agent 3: lake. 19 (11 in splatoon 1), they/them
i dont have a lot on lake!!! they actually didnt get recruited at all, they just kinda... stumbled into the battlefield while the octavio fight was happening and insisted on sticking around afterwards because they had Way Too Much Energy. they dont really know a lot about their past before that, even less after oe. they now spend a lot of time researching turf game strategies (theyre not legally allowed to play because their special limiter is broken) and trying to push through the chronic fatigue. oh, and theyre in a qpr with 8.
personality . uhh basically lake likes to pretend theyre still silly but its Not working. they cant really speak above a certain volume either without it hurting. im so bad at describing personalities heeellllp hellllp help meeee helllllp
agent 4: mari(elle). 21 (15 in splatoon 2), any
the child of two splatlandian grizzco higher-ups! like... they work with the bear himself! they worked under the company at the inkopolis location for a while, including while the whole callie disappearing fiasco was happening, at least until the company got big enough where he could quit and her parents wouldnt notice. they didnt. cool! there may or may not be a reason that they didnt (wink) but i havent decided yet.
mari is kinda uhhhm. well. ive described it as theyre working on being silly without being mean. and hes been getting better :] + toni kensa fan oh heeeeelllllll no
agent 8: august/kass. 19 (13 in oe), he/him
oh god yeah i dont have a lot on him either. basically baby kass and baby lake met a few weeks before the Oe Incident and became fast friends. but then the metro happened and uhhhyeah you can imagine what happened to that. they both know they were close but dont really uh. actually i explained this better in another thing let me grab that.
"the key difference between a normal playthrough and this is that, not only did he run into agent 3 a few times in the metro, he… lost an eye when they were sanitized. the same eye, in fact. plus, his memories weren't entirely… restored, like how it i assume its implied to in oe. the contents of the mem cakes were merely evidence that there was a life before this, something to evoke feelings, and something to keep him going. that isn't his life anymore."
anyway. oe happens and now were here. present day kass is SILLY okay? but in the way that like. he dunks bread in pepsi and stares at mari (roommate) with the most blank face imaginable when they look at him weird. i dont know where im going with this hes just weird. he also has a strange fixation on death as a coping mechanism for the fact that his first memories are pretty much of zombies but hes respectful about it dw
new 3: clementine "kit"/patch. 16, it/its
basically it was forced to take on an unhealthy amount of schoolwork (+ a few extra years of school) because its parents live all the way in calamari county and didnt want it doing stupid shit. its primary guardian is its older sister, whos a lot nicer about this stuff yay! but yeah uhh splatoon 3 basically happens because it wanted to escape that. why it actually went in the manhole is up to interpretation .
through the nss bonanza business it made a friend, my friends oc ball :] together they are agent 6 and agent 9 (dubbed by lake because they knew itd get confusing) and theyre Siblings Yaaay. its smallfry friend (agent 3) is dubbed sen, short for baby sensory video, at least while kits learning their language. it doesnt know a lot about sen but is in the process of learning!!
its generally very quiet and soft-spoken to most people because of how it grew up, but in more of the ^_^ way ig??? despite that its also known to not have a sense of self preservation, again because of how it grew up. it goes out in the scorching hot desert for random junk. it ended up with severe facial scarring because it dove into danger so much in alterna. im describing this very badly im so sorry.
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how DO alternates get attached, anyway? what does it even do other than make you not wanna kill people?
wish i knew bro it would make shit so much easier on me
but fr. its hard 2 really give a concrete answer bcuz us alts see attachment as like. taboo basically. if gabe catches you getting attached to a human it uh. its not pretty. other than the torture you get for disobeying Him you get like... exiled almost, or... whats the word He used once?
excommunicated. yeah that one.
there have been studies on attachment though, i think the u.s... uh... well idr the exact name but it was some fancy shmancy government dept thats done a couple . havent read em though LOL
anyways. ig i can try to explain as best i can from my experience w attachment . n atlas can chime in if he wants too idk and uh . ill try to make it make sense (spoilers it probably still wont lmao). this isnt a definitive like... guide or anything im basically just posting general rambles abt what ive learned over my days lol
so. i think all alternates want to be loved, no matter how far down theyve buried that want. were conditioned from creation to think that gabriel is the only one who can love us, but He wont unless we follow His command to the letter. and what that translates to is killing humans senselessly . and not only that but like. us alts... we like violence. we want to kill. its integral to our beings. none of us can really be "nice" or "good" 24/7 and that uh ... tends to sound scary to the average person . so even if we did all collectively decide to turn against gabe and humans like... magically forgave us for killing and kidnapping thousands of people, its not like we could ever be "normal" members of society. its not like we could ever be loved. so no one really bothers trying.
anyways, from what i can tell, alternate attachment happens when that kinda barrier between humans and alts gets broken (at least from the alt's perspective), and it typically happens when an alt is in close proximity to its assigned victim for a long period of time. that time varies from alt to alt too, like it deffo took a lot longer for atlas to get attached to cesar than it did for me to get attached to mark. nd i could be wrong abt this but i also noticed like. the more a victim interacts w their alternate, even if theyre doing it in a threatened or scared way, the more likely it is for the alt to get attached. "taking an interest" in a specific human is the most telltale sign of attachment, to the point that the phrase is pretty much "slang" for it among alts .
also just to clear this up: while alternate attachment can be romantic, it absolutely doesnt have to be. not at all. id describe my attachment to mark as like. familial honestly. and sometimes there arent even human words to describe an alts attacemt. its a spectrum yk? so dont think any of this is inheritly romantic or some shit cuz ill beat you up
as for what it does. well .
you dont know when u first meet a human that youre gonna get attached. i certainly didnt . so u just kinda do ur thing n shit, but sometimes it doesnt work and the human lives so ur like. okay ill try again . or maybe youre just doing a long job and ur learning all of ur victims habits n shit. and thats where it kinda begins
the first thing you notice is that like. even though its ur job to kill your human its like. its fun to keep them alive . yk . you grow to like the sound of em screaming in terror , or them freezing up when they see you . whcih. yeah that sounds kinda fucked to you guys but . just bear w me okay .
anyways. eventually it gets to the point where, even if youve been given several opportunities to kill your human, you dont take them cuz its just that fun to mess w em. this is kinda where the "taking an interest" thing comes in too . and then THAT goes into "ok wait . do i rlly have to kill them eventually ?? i dont want to do that theyre funny :(((("
eventually you realize that like. shit . i dont want this human to die at all. like. at ALL. to the point you'd fight off other threats just to keep them safe. and you get this just- rush of an emotion youve never felt before whenever youre around them. aand you realize. thats love. you feel love towards them, no matter what kind of love that is. its. it feels so wrong at first and- and you hate it, but it just feels so right to the point where you cant imagine feeling any other way about them.
and as you may have guessed. you start to see the human as your own. its kinda hard to really describe but,, it makes sense if you experience it. you need to protect them and love them and hold them so so close or else they might get away from you. and you change yourself so that you can be worthy of being loved back. its. ough its a crazy ass feeling for sure
this, uh,, doesnt come without problems thouugh. for one just cuz an alternates attached to a human doesnt mean the human necessarily likes them back. in fact its honestly really lucky that both me and atlas got attached to humans that actually didnt hate us. (for a while at least.) theres a fuck ton of rumors that get spread around of those who got attached and excommunicated, only for the human they were attached to kill themself because they couldnt live with an alt constantly following them around and trying to talk to them.
...i cant describe how lucky i am that mark came back.
not to mention you hafta constantly live in fear all the damn time cuz you could get discovered n tortured at any moment. its. its really shit but damn it if your human doesnt make it all worth it. damn it if you wouldnt endure any kind of danger just to stick with them. damn it if you dont want to comfort them and feel murderous rage whenever theyre sad and.
damn it if they arent yours.
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For the match-up event:
Your identity
I am a nonbinary (possibly bigender?) bisexual. My pronouns are she/her and he/him, though I prefer she/her pronouns. I identify more with the female experience, as that’s how I was raised. I think gender norms are stupid, so I embraced the gender spectrum with open arms!
Who do you like? (pick from Ghouls, Humans, Papas, Repugnant, or everyone)
I like Ghouls, Humans, and the Papas. If I had to choose from the three, I’d choose the Papas.
What do you look like?
At just five feet tall I’m a bit short, and I’m also chunky, I’d say pear-shaped. My hair is a little past my ears, and I recently dyed it black so I could dress as Terzo for Halloween. My taste in style is a bit eclectic, but 90% of my wardrobe is casual. I would love to add more gothic or pastel attire to my wardrobe.
Your personality?
I’d say I am a pretty chill person, but I think part of that is because I’m used to constant internal panic. I have also been described as very kind, giving, considerate, outgoing, and chatty. While I like being nice, I don’t like being used, so I have firm boundaries. Whenever someone tries pushing my boundaries, I get frustrated and stern, but if they keep pushing I get pissed. Sometimes I have a short fuse and lose my cool, but I always feel like shit after.
Your interests? (What do you do in your free time? What are your hobbies? Your passions? Your music taste?)
In my free time I like to hang out with my friends, play video games, and listen to music. My favorite music genres are heavy metal, hard rock, and alternative. My favorite game is Dead by Daylight, but I also like playing Destiny 2, Rocket League, and Stardew Valley. Some of my hobbies are watching movies, reading fanfics, and learning about new things. I am passionate about film and psychology, and I hope to use both of them by one day working in the film industry.
Trivia time! (Here you can include everything that didn't fit in the previous category!)
I like to explore new places and try new things, even if it may seem a bit strange at first. I think it’s good to get out of your comfort zone every once in a while! I especially love exploring the natural world, and learning more about what exists around us. On a completely different note, I love haunted houses! The set design is so cool to me, and I’d love to work at one.
This post is part of the 1000 followers match up event. Entries for the event are now closed.
Your match is…Papa Emeritus IV
Copia is happy to travel and explore places with you. While you two are on tour, when he gets any free time, you sneek off to explore.
He is surprisingly chilled in a haunted house (you went to go see one while on tour), he did grow up in the Ministry after all. He is more surprised and shocked at how the other people in the tour group react to rats. He cannot understand why they all scream and run. He goes over and picks the rat up and starts saying how adorable he is. He adopts this rat and calls it Casper.
He loves films!!! Absolutly loves them so he is so happy to have someone who shares his passion. You set aside one evening a week (more if you can) to watch a film. You get popcorn, snuggle together under a duvet and watch the film. Copia will put his arm around your shoulders and hold you close to him.
He will do anything he can to support your career in the film industry.
Copia would never use you, not ever. He admires how you have firm boundaries, he is learning to have them as other people have tried to take advantage of his good nature. As Papa it's been easier for him and you can help him and give him advice.
However when it comes to you, if anyone upsets you/tries to use you, Copia is immediatly there to support you, no longer the shy Cardinal but full on Papa.
You also love to play video games together. "It's like you were made for me sì?" Copia says beaming at you while holding out the controller to you. "I am very lucky to have you amore."
~
Written by Nyx
#match up event#match up#Copia#papa emeritus iv x reader#papa emeritus iv#Copiaxreader#the-real-eggplany
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M a bit of an amateur, your writing’s great, what are some tips you have?
I'm honored you think my writings great! As for some tips well, I'm not a professional writer by any means but I'll try to explain my writing process.
I know when I start writing I already have a lot of plot thought out in my head I imagine the actions and dialogue and how to word and describe it, I think it's really important to imagine your story as if it were happening like irl animated whatever however you interpret it because that really helps for me making sure nothing feels too stiff.
It also helps because sometimes as you're translating thoughts to writing certain characters take on a life of their own and can make scenes more interesting, at least for me they can but obviously sometimes this spontaneousness does need to be cut out of it muddles the plot it's a lot of adjustment knowing what to keep what to let go ect
With my characters I try to keep them animated, with mewtwo I mention how their tail sways or flicks thumps to relate to emotion and just to show movement content sway, a sharp flick to swipe at someone ect.
As well it's good to work movement in a way that fits a character, May for example she's not a confident character she'll grip her own arm for comfort or fiddle with her hands opening and closing her palms go get thoughts or for self soothing. Also keep track of what a character has done, with my last fic May held Syns face but he had looked away, while I hadn't written it we can infer he's moved away from her touch by moving his head so she had to put her hand back, if that makes sense? Try to imagine cause and effect that way.
I also try to make their dialogue sound like it makes sense, I let my writing program correct some things but other times I just ignore because i don't care if its grammatically incorrect it's real actual speaking. I also like to break up dialogue with movements between speaking because you're often not static when talking either with arm movements head nods ect.
Also like imagining how a character emotes helps, I often find myself pulling faces as I'm writing to capture the vibe of the character at hand to describe their reaction it's why there's a lot of brow movement a lot of blinking ect it might be over exaggerated at times but it makes people more active dynamic ect
And like obviously if you're gonna write with other people's characters get permission and research that character try to understand their behaviour motives ect and if you are stuck message the original creator for help but I personally tend to research a character try and really imagine them and then wing it and pray XD if the original owner goes yo nah then that's okay but so far Ive been okay, and it also helps to wing it because you don't stress too much on perfection like with my written Syn he has a lot of feelings about the weather doesn't like morning sun in his eye or the rain. Is this canon? No clue at all but it's a little spicy extra tidbit I've given him for writing him makes him a bit more interesting with him responding to nature.
And like try to have fun with your writing, do it because you enjoy it or because you wanna evoke feelings write it so you cry write it so a mutual cries because "how DARE right in the feels," write so an owner of a character used goes "THERE MY BOY!!"
I hope this helps? My asks are always open though if you have more questions!! And thanks for the ask!
#Ask answered#Writing ask#Sometimes ya gotta slap stuff on a page and see what sticks#@seasidemew syn#Syn mention#Love this boi
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IVE BEEN WORKING ON YHIS DANG WIP SIBCE DECEMBER
In the Back of My Mind
Prompt “you lied to me”
It was too bright and your eyes hurt. A sickly sweet smell, like medicine, stung your nose. You don’t know where you are. You barely remember who you are.
You remember a name though. Fresh. He’s important to you, but you don’t know why. Their name alone comforts you somewhat. If you’re seriously hurt or lost (kidnapped?) they’ll find you, right?
As you trudge on, you start to feel an odd sensation, but the only way you can think to describe it is becoming less and less real. It’s like the brightly colored walls are taking you in.
You sit down for just a second, that turns into a minute. You can’t get back up. Eventually it all fades to the black of unconsciousness.
You awake to find you have no idea where you are. As you look at the snow covered ground, a couple of things come back to you.
Your name is Error, previously Geno, even more previously Sans. You are in Snowdin, where you used to live. You used to destroy AUS of the multiverse.
You have a very bad memory, and you had forgotten your time being Sans and Geno for a long time.
Your friend Fresh visited you in your antivoid when you wouldn’t even get up in the morning (metaphorically, as in reality there is no time in the antivoid). They are your closest friend. They’re a parasite that feeds on souls and can feel no emotion but fear. And that’s okay. You don’t really blame him for it or anything. He didn’t ask to be a parasite or feed on souls. And he really helped you when you were down. Still does, honestly.
Oh yeah, and your eyesight is garbage. Fresh always tells you to wear your glasses, but they kinda embarrass you. The glasses, not Fresh. You feel like you should be able to do it yourself. You only let Fresh help because there’s no keeping him out. And it probably gives them something to do, anyways. You doubt he has any hobbies besides scaring random people and collecting old junk.
You don’t remember how you got to Snowdin though. Or why you were in that strange bright room earlier. You’re definitely still missing some pieces, but hopefully those will come back to you.
Also, you notice Snowdin somehow feels…perfect? Usually when you visit an AU’s Snowdin, it always feel slightly off in a way that drives you insane (and makes you miss what you’ve lost) but this one just feels right to you. Everything is exactly the way you remember it last.
While sneaking along the path to your house, the peaceful sound of silence fills your ears. Despite no one at all being out on the way to your home, you aren’t feeling creeped out, despite what this is usually a sign of. You don’t smell any dust in the air though, only the sharp smell of pine.
You make it to your house, which looks lovely lit up by the colorful lights hung on it, and try the door knob. The door slides open and you walk in, using all your strength not to run.
You walk over to the couch and sink into it, enjoying the familiar comfort. You close your eyes for just a moment, reliving your old lifetime.
You awake with a start to realize you’ve fallen asleep. Despite that, you’re still pretty tired. You feel kinda of drained even though you haven’t really done anything that demanding. Strange.
You sleepily pad about the house, finding interest in the minor things like the chips being the exact brand and flavor you like, or the fact that Papyrus’s room is locked. On second look, it seems like the chips are just crumbs. Sort of disappointing, but it makes sense considering this world was so empty.
Still tired, you decide to get comfortable in the couch again and soon fade into sleep again.
When you wake up, you decide it’s time for you to go. The empty au is peaceful, but Fresh is probably getting worried about your absence. Also, it could be dangerous if he chose to wait for you in the antivoid. You freeze for a second, immobilized by the thought that your mistakes have ruined another person’s life yet again. But you try to clear the thought away. Fresh is smart, and you’ve warned him before that antivoid was dangerous alone. But still, you worry.
As you stand there on the soft carpet of your living room, you start to understand something terrible. You can’t leave. No matter how you try, your magic won’t pull up the exit to your antivoid. Now you’re really stressing.
Fresh will probably tear the multiverse apart looking for you though. And you’ll end up okay. You hope.
You sit back in the couch and cradle your arms against your chest. You feel exhausted, even though you were just asleep.
Strangely, you think you hear footsteps outside. But you’re pretty sure this au is empt-
“GREETINGS BROTHER! I HAVE ARRIVED HOME FROM MY IMPORTANT TASK OF RESTORING SNOWDIN’S PUZZLES. AND I HAVE BROUGHT GROCERIES!”
Oh my god. It’s him. You have to get out of here before he notices yo-
“WELL, ARE YOU JUST GOING TO SIT THERE, OR HELP ME OUT?” Papyrus inquires in your direction.
Is he talking to you? It can’t be possible, but you’re the only one here, and maybe this has a reasonable explanation? Maybe his brother was somehow also an error?lo
You gape at him for a couple more minutes before grabbing a bag of groceries and walking to the kitchen.
Alright, you can handle this… you’ll just help him out with the bags and then slip away to a different part if this world, and leave his real brother to explain.
As you open the fridge and deposit the chips from the bag, you ponder the surreal day you’ve been having. It’s been almost dreamlike in it’s bizarreness.
Later, you tell Papyrus you’re going to take a nap and walk out to waterfall. You keep going, letting your feet guide you. (Is that the saying.?) You run your hand along the familiar wall as until you reach a room. The telescope is just where you left it and sit against the wall. You’ll just have to wait until somebody finds you. You can’t go back to Papyrus now.
You hear crunching gravel coming closer to you and realize you had closed you eyes again. You open them to see the surprisingly welcome sight of absurdly saturated shoes, which of course belong to Fresh. You almost sigh aloud on relief. Now that he found you, you can go home.
You’re sure he knows a way. If it can find a way at into your Antivoid, it can probably get you out of here, right?
You want to say something but you don’t know what, and it seems he doesn’t either. You both stare at each other for a long moment as the silence stretches on, before Fresh finally breaks the silence with an awkward cough.
“Uh. Hey?” You attempt.
His face gives you the impression of a caged animal.
He just keeps staring.
Maybe more like a cat going to the vet, when you think more about it. His sunglasses are blank, and he looks genuinely upset. It’s hard to remind yourself that he isn’t really upset.
Finally, he breaks the silence with a weak “sup.” He’s not even capitalizing properly. It’s honestly kind of concerning.
“…um.” Your mind raced as you tried to figure out what to say. You were never really the best at comforting people, you just never knew what to say.
“You okay?” You try to start with a simple question.
BONUS UNRELATED IMAGE
#Like I was on and off working but still#Almost there we’re almost yhere#My wips#utmv#fresh parasite#error!sans
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Last 7 Lines Tag
Third and final tag game, this one a combination. And just like every other time Ive done these tags, I will not listen to the rules <3
So without furhter ado, @vacantgodling here are a selection of snippets for you, hope you’ll like them !
Maledictus (Book 1 : Translated)
Emilio looked down at the queen piece in hand. Cut from obsidian with what he could only describe as a thunderstorm swirling within. There was a connection, that he couldn't deny. But still, he couldn't fully believe that the Curio had chosen him.
"Tell me," he began, without looking at Ivan, "How did you find the pieces, and how were you so sure they'd chosen you?"
Emilio could make out Ivan's grin from the corner of his eye. "I found them in an antique store in Stockholm a couple of years ago. It did feel odd that they were selling a third of a chess set. Bit you have to agree they're really pretty." he turned to Emilio who gave him a puzzled look. "And what use do you have with a third of a chess set?"
"The aesthetic," Ivan said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "But to answer your second question. I felt a pull the moment I held the box. Almost like they were calling to me. We didn't understand we'd been chosen until I showed the gang when they were at my place one time. When everyone got to hold their piece."
Emilio didn't try to hide his snort. A group of friends all become chosen by powerful curious, what are the odds?
"And now you're here"
"Excuse me?"
Ivan shifted in his position. With his arm on the bench's backrest, he looked at Emilio. "And now you're here. The Queen piece chose you."
"Which means? That I should join your group and do... whatever it is you do?" Ivan shrugged. "If you want to there is no one stopping you."
Emilio shook his head with an unimpressed grin. He handed the piece over to Ivan. "No thank you. You'll have to find someone else." Ivan's gaze never left Emilio’s brown eyes. Completely uninterested in the piece. Completely engulfed in something else. Emilio arched his eyebrow, qmd decided them and there that Ivan Fellin was a mystery he was eager to forget.
"You do as you will." Ivan said at last and reached his hand out to Emilio. But instead of taking the piece he curled Emilio's fingers around it. "But the Curio chose you. That you will have to live with." he stood up and adjusted the color of his jacket before looking back at Emilio.
"You know where you can find me, Emi." with a quick wink, Ivan was gone. And Emilio qas left with his hand tightly wrapped around the chess piece.
'Three conversations,' he thought. 'And you have gotten on my nerves every single time.'
Gammellunden
“Hello there.” Ruben smiled widely and knelt down beside the tomte. He smiled back, tipping his red hat in a silent greeting. “I think this is yours, if I’m not mistaken,” Ruben held out his hand, presenting the small wicker basket. “It’s a little broken, I’m sorry about that.” the tomte waved his hand dismissively and took the basket from Ruben’s palm. He ran his old hand over the snapped straws, sizing up the damage with well-trained eyes. Then, he moved his hands in quick, flowing motions; Tomte sign, given how only small children could hear them speak.
“An easy fix. Thank you for retrieving it, my boy.”
“Oh, it was nothing,” Ruben assured. “Is there anything you need help with?”
“No, not this time. But if I may?” the tomte put the basket down and reached for the small leather pouch secured at his hip. Pulling something out, he held his closed fist up to Ruben. The human held his freckled hand out once more, and the tomte placed a small item in the middle of his palm. A closer inspection revealed it to be a seed, shimmering like dew in the early morning sun.
“I’ve heard you've got quite the garden,” the tomte signed. “This one should do well in your collection. Though make sure to keep it in its own pot, the roots tend to get feisty with strangers.”
Ruben giggled, “I will. Thank you!”
To The End
No one ended up being little spoon. Instead they all clung to each other in a massive tangle with Samir in the middle. They lied in silence, way past the strike of midnight. All unsure if they the other’s were still awake. None brave enough to speak up. They simply snuggled up closer. Finding comfort in the way their scents mixed together almost too perfectly. How their slow breathing sung an almost too perfect symphony.
It was comforting. It always was. And that night comfort was all they needed. Was all it took for their determination and courage to be fueled, almost overflowing. This was what they were fighting for. This is was made it all worth it. Every reset, every trial. If it just meant they could see each other again. Hear their voices, and touch their skins. It would be worth it. And when they’d make it out, they’d be free. To grow and learn to become better. To hear, see and touch more.
This was it. Their final night.
Neon Lights (Book 2)
Their eyes turned tender, a faint creese forming between their brows.
"I know I haven't been honest. I know you feel hurt by what I've done, I'm not telling you to feel anything else. But please, just this one last time,” they reached their hand out further. “Trust me."
And he did.
He stood on shaking legs, and ran. Forcing down the pain in his sprained ankle, kept his strides as even as he could- and once he’d made it to the edge, he jumped. Eyes locked on Epsilon he reached out, hanging above the dark pit with his heart in his throat. Hoping, praying, that Epsilon would catch him. And they did.
“I got you!” their strong grip caught onto his lower arm, pulled him up to the landing. In an instant they'd wrapped their arms around him. André could feel Epsilon trembling, despite the Apex trying to hide it. And André couldn’t claim he was doing any better himself.
“I got you, kid.” he heard Epsilon say in a hushed voice. Most likely only meant for them to hear. André let out a shaky breath, and returned the Narvartin’s hold. Held them tight as his nerves broke free, and the dread could finally be felt.
His eyes burnt, and before he knew tears were escaping.
"Hey, kid, it's alright," Epsilon said, their thumb drawing gentle circles on his shoulder. "You're safe now, I promise."
"I'm sorry-" André choked, not quite sure what he was apologizing for.
“There’s no need for that.”
Thank you for reading and I wish you the best year to come <3
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hello friend, im in need of ur help. this is love advice tho so if u dont do that pls js let me know that u dont in response to this.
-----
here goes, SO i go to a sports club. its mixed boys and girls in it. i wont specify which sport i play, reason being that some of the players MIGHT be on tumblr.
but pls know that i am a 15 years-old girl, confused and in need of advice. anyways, i met a guy. we are simply 'friends' but lately ive been catching feelings for him. i mean its easy to do so - wouldnt be surprised if there were ten other girls inlove with him.
describing him: in my point of view
TOUCHY (as my friend has said once when she got paired up w him for something)
POSITIVE (youll never see him not smiling)
COMFORTING (if u make mistakes on a game - he'll do everything to comfort u)
DREAMY (he's out of a book.)
I like him a WHOLE LOT. and my friends all say that he likes me too for obvious reasons but do u think he does like me? and what should i do next?
heres how it started:
In a match where I was js SOO close to panicking during a time out, he held my hands and shaked them to loosen me up then ruffled my hair. it WAS seen on camera that was behind us. ive caught him looking at me a few times. when i talk to him and im sitting and hes standing, he leans down to me and im basically looking at him upwards while hes leaning down. he NEVER ever misses the chance to say hi, hello or talk to me. he texted me and reassured me of how well i played one time when i got home, one thing that struck by me was him going "its ok bubs" (i COULD NOT sleep that night)
most recent one that kept me up all night 2 nights in a row:
he asked me for a hug?! i said no as a joke but he still hugged me anyway.. while teasing me .
reading this ik that it sounds like im sure he likes me but i really am not. my friend said that when they were posing tgt for a pageant he pulled her closer so im not sure if hes js touchy w everyone or if he likes me or if im going delusional.
thoughts? what should i do next?
thank you SOOOOOOO much
I hope this doesn't come off as rude, but I couldn't help but chuckle a bit at your story. It's honestly so wholesome to read through. I don't mind answering love advice questions, I'm here to answer any question to the best of my abilities.
There's key points in your story that leads me to believe that he might be a little bit more interested in you than you think. Sure, he may just be an affectionate person and just generally nice to everyone, but have you seen him do the same things to you to anyone else?
If not, chances are your suspensions are correct in that he likes you.
I've watched people try and explain the "mind of a teenage boy/boys in general" and there's always been the consistency of; keeping their emotions covered from others, giving undivided attention (teasing) to those worthy of so, finding someone to confine themselves with so that they to be more honest, things like that.
In terms of what to do next? Decide whether or not that potential relationship is something you want to pursue. Sometimes relationships are just better left as friends, Sometimes they're waiting for you to make the move. Hopefully this could help you and your situation!
-K
#advice ask#advice answer#advice suggestions#life advice#life suggestions#love advice#relationship advice#boy crush
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HALEY CRAIN who looks an awful lot like SOPHIA BUSH has just been seen around Port Whitley! Apparently SHE is a 38 year old CIS WOMAN born on JULY 10th and has been in the city for 6 WEEKS and is a STORE CLERK & LIGHTHOUSE KEEPER. If there is a quote to describe them it would be “ NO ONE LOVES THE BIRDS THAT DON’T RISE.” - But we have yet to make up our mind if that is accurate.
biography. pinterest. playlist. wanted.
i. Haley’s family was pretty present in town. Her grandfather used to be a firefighter for decades before he passed. He was a well-liked man and almost everyone knew him back then. However, the Crain family kind of got pushed into a bad light after he passed away. Haley’s mother became a drinker, there were lots of fights at home, her father couldn’t help his wife and they pretty much were a popular topic of gossip.
ii. When she was a teenager, her mother passed away and her father had to sell their house. They moved in with his father’s boss, the owner of Harvey’s general store, and they became a little family. That was the best time of Haley’s youth even though it wasn’t easy.
iii. Haley eventually left for college and never moved back. She visited during the holiday season and then a few more times throughout the year but she never planned to come back.
iv. She was on a marine research team and spent most of her late twenties on boats with her crew. She loved that life, it really suited her.
v. On June 13th her father passed away suddenly and it really shattered Haley’s heart. He was her last family and they really loved each other. So she decided to move back to Port Whitley and get some closure. She also found out that her father’s boss became his lover over the years but the two men never told her which kind of warmed her heart but she was also heartbroken for the man, whom she considered a second father, left behind.
vi. She bought a rather run-down house in Sol Pointe. It needs a lot of fixing but she knows it has the potential to become her dream home so she puts all the love into it. She also works as a clerk at the store. It’s not a job she’s dying for but she can help the man she cares about and also stay close to him. Other than that, she took over her father’s role as the lighthouse keeper.
vii. She has a dog named Bowie. She got him out of a shelter about three years ago. She also has a cat named Ruby. She was a stray when Haley moved back into town so she brought her to the vet and when she was told the cat had been roaming the streets for god knows how long, she took her in.
viii. She used to be on the swim team in high school and she was really good. But she gave up on it after receiving no support from her mother. She’s now into kayaking though. She can get pretty competitive over it too.
ix. She drives her dad’s old truck and that thing straight up keeps dying so should you spot it parked somewhere on the side of the road, chances are it just stopped and Haley got so pissed, she straight up left it on the side of the road and just walked.
x. Haley really is a friendly person. She has a lot of childhood trauma she never worked through and with her father’s recent passing and returning to the town that holds so many memories, well, it isn’t easy. But she’s making it work. She’s very caring, trying to be the opposite of her own mother but she’s also having a hard time letting people all the way in.
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i cant post the orignial context because i think op blocked me but thats fine, i just want to air my thoughts and tbh if theyre not looking anymore im happier abt that.
to summarise a little bit of what this is abt, i replied to an article that very much implied that all trans men are loud misogynists, especially towards trans women which is not something i agree with. my reasons for not agreeing with this is very much based on my real world and online experiences of growing up in the queer community with many trans people around me. I stated that i dont think that misogynistic trans men (which look, i know they exist, ive met them) should be considered the majority and on top of that it feels very weird to focus so heavily on that when trans men do not hold a position of power over other trans people, especially not systematically.
to be fair to op i didnt explain this as clearly as i could originally since my first response to the article was very much an emotional response.
anyway op told me the world would be better off without me in it and that i should kill myself, that im a transmisogynist, and that im the reason they hate that theyre trans masc. someone else told them to back off bc while they agreed with op they thought it was a bit fucked up to say that, i responded to them and clarified my points and this person also ended up agreeing with me.
op then messaged me privately with this
okay context done here are my thoughts, i'll try to split this up so its a bit easier to read
Original point
so for this one, trans men and our issues are very often erased or only ever brought up as an after thought. I dont feel like i need to explain why erasure is bad but the biggest issue i find with this is lack of resources and lack of coverage or even knowledge about the shit trans men deal with in a cisnormativity society.
this article was rough for me to read because it described every trans man that the writer had met as someone who became a loud misogynist and the conclusion was that all trans men were that way, if not openly then secretly.
I know this is not the case because i know many trans men and trans masculine people, many of those men are very passionate supporters of trans women, nb people, and cis women. honestly i think these experiences say more about the person who wrote the article than trans men as a whole.
this attitude is used by TERFs to harass trans men who they see as "traitors" and its where i see this sort of thing most often. its very weird to be this focused on this subject especially without discussing how complex being trans masculine is.
its kinda hard to put everything into words, i'll add on more when i remember it later
To the person who posted the article that is now harassing me
im not gonna name them but looking through thier blog actually... made me really sad. they are the type of people that have fallen victim to this kind of thing. they hate men, and they hate themselves even more for being one.
its so sad to me that they see themself like that, its kinda hard to even know if theres a way i can help them, i want to though. even though they were incredible weird towards me.
digression into them being weird actually bc ive been thinking abt it.
they were very quick to judge who i am as a person without knowing anything about me, made a lot of assumptions that arent true. it felt a lot like projection because like?? idk its wild to doubt that i care about my close friends???? you dont know any of us?? you dont even know what community i come from?? i know trans women from like, actually idk the youngest age but roughly from 20 years old to 40+, most of the trans men i know are in their 20s, and i dont even know what the range for nb people i know is because ive met too many and i stopped keeping track.
I've lived with other trans people in person of all genres (idk i dont have a better word) , ive volunteered in places where ive met and helped trans women get back on their feet while experiencing financial hardship. as a teenager i was involved in creating safe spaces for trans and gnc teens in my city to meet each other and hang out.
less relevant but ive also be outright told by women im close with that they value my perspective when we have discussions about misogyny, actually that was literally 2 nights ago while we were discussing the best way to create a safe space for women and trans fems.
obviously op knows none of this but its wild that they just.. assumed so much and decided that my voice was not important or worth listening to.
#idk i have more thoughts but this post is already so long#shut up casper#i sent them an ask#i kinda want to see if i can chat to them over discord#bc over text they seem to just want to insult me as much as possible
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