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wrens-writings · 1 month

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Pretty Boy

: ̗̀➛ Jason Grace x clearsighted mortal!gn!reader

: ̗̀➛ In which you witness something horrible and wake up wishing it was just a dream, only to be met with the prettiest man you’ve ever laid your eyes on

: ̗̀➛ oh my gods??? hi??? yall absolutely ATE UP my percy fic??? i was actually SO nervous abt posting my writing, but the positive feedback made me so happy :,) also yes, this is set during HoH. do i care? no! piper is a gay icon and im sorry but i clocked in IMMEDIATELY that she wasn’t straight. my gaydar is just THAT good. also, i’m not entirely the biggest fan of this piece, but i believe in posting what i make. i use it as progress markers :)

: ̗̀➛ WARNINGS: probably out of character, near allusions to a panic attack (mr stapler eater thwarts it quickly 😌), jason being FINE.

‘oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!’ you think to yourself as you stare, unable to tear your eyes away from the Neptune statue that you frequently found yourself at this summer.

you watch as two weird furry things giggle and laugh at two boys. you don’t understand any of what’s happening right now, but you do know that whatever those weird ass creatures are, they stole the boys belongings.

you’ve never been the type to just let people get harassed, even if you don’t know them, or if their harassers are… four foot tall furry things… “hey! those don’t belong to you!” you growl at the creatures, stepping out of the shadows of the alleyway and approaching the broken fountain.

you let out a startled squeak as the shorter boy lights his hands on fire out of shock and defence when you approach. the sound that left your body as well as the EVERYTHING happening around you somehow distracted you from the telltale feeling of lightning preparing to strike on you.

in a flash, golden cords extend from Neptunes fingers, wrapping mostly around the blond boy. one of them misses the brunet, only to latch itself onto you.

just as you’re caught up in the tight golden cords, your body pressed tightly against the blond boy’s, a bolt of lightning strikes Neptunes trident, and suddenly the world went black.

vaguely, you can hear someone telling you to wake up, almost as if they were in a panic. thinking it was your mother trying to tell you that you’re going to be late for school, despite it being july, you curl yourself tighter into the nearest surface.

‘wait a damn minute…’ you think to yourself briefly. ‘this… this isn’t my pillow or my blanket…’

your eyes fly open, and are met with the clearest blue you’ve ever seen. theyre so blue that you weren’t sure if you were looking at the sky for a split second. and then it all comes rushing back.

“oh my god!” you cry, your voice shaking with confusion. it was real? why did it have to be real? why couldn’t this whole thing have just been a dream??

the pretty blond boy was clearly panicking a bit himself. “hey! hey! calm down, it’s okay!” he says over your panicky breathing. “my name is Jason. everything is oka— breathe, dude oh my gods calm down?!”

well that snapped you out of it.

“excuse me?!” you snap, your eyes narrowing with distaste. “don’t you tell me to calm down when i’m hanging upside down with some himbo lookin’ ass who’s acting like this is a regular ole thursday!”

the boy, Jason, bites his lip to stifle a laugh. if he wasn’t so damn attractive, you would’ve been incredibly offended. “sorry.” he giggles.

as you study his face, your own softens slightly. Jason didn’t portray it with his heart on his sleeve, but looking deeper into those mesmerizing clear blue eyes, you could see the horrors. something tells you that he doesn’t get to let loose very often.

“y/n.” you say, much softer than before. “my name is y/n.”

Jason smiles, and the small scar on his lip twitches. briefly, you wonder what the story behind it is. “it’s nice to meet you, y/n. i’m Jason. i wish it could’ve been under better circumstances.” he offers kindly.

you scoff and roll your eyes with a hint of fondness. “yea yea. you know how to get us out of this, Pretty Boy?” you ask with a small, slightly nervous smile.

Jason chokes, clearly not expecting the compliment. “er- yea. uh, just… don’t freak out when i pull out my sword.” he says sheepishly.

your eyes widen. sword?! before you even realize it, there’s a satisfying shrng! of metal in the air. Jason’s golden blade cuts through the cords that hold the two of you up and you tumble to the ground.

you wince and cradle your head. “ow…” you murmur, a frown on your lips.

despite you CLEARLY being in pain, Jason laughs at you softly. he offers you his hand to help you up, and with a shy smile, you take it. “these streets probably aren’t that safe right now… let me walk you back to… er… wherever you came from?” he offers kindly.

you can’t help but chuckle now yourself. “oh, sure, let’s walk to america.” you say with a snort as you begin to walk down the pretty streets of italy with an equally pretty boy. “won’t your friend need help, though?”

Jason shrugs your worry off. “nah, Leo’s fine. he’s as resourceful as they come.” he tells you with a smirk.

you nod and continue walking. “so i assume that there’s a reason i could see those weird things?” you ask softly, almost afraid of the answer.

Jason nods stiffly. he opens his mouth to answer you, but you don’t hear it. you’re too busy staring at him. at those clear, electric blue eyes that are shielded by a pair of glasses and hide so much pain. his soft looking pink lips and the scar along them. his windswept blond hair, as though he’d been flying through the sky without any protection. the way he talks and walks, as if he’s been trained his whole life to be a diplomat.

jesus christ, this boy is pretty as they come.

when you finally tear your eyes away from him, you frown. you’re somehow at the home your family has rented for the summer. already?

“thank you, for walking me back.” you say to him shyly as you look back into his gorgeous eyes.

Jason’s cheeks light pink, just barely, but enough that you can see. “of course. it’s no problem.” he responds as he rubs the back of his head nervously. “take care of yourself, okay, y/n?”

you nod and say your farewells, watching him as he turns and runs back the way you walked, intent on finding his friend. you wonder if you’ll ever see him again, if the fates will ever allow you to cross paths with such a beautiful person ever again.

your eyes fall as you watch him leave, but snap back up quickly. damn! he has a nice ass, too…

#ೃ⁀➷ wrens writings #ೃ⁀➷ wrens ramblings #ೃ⁀➷ wrens tidbits #jason grace x reader #percy jackon and the olympians #percy jackson and the heroes of olympus #house of hades #pjo

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freebooter4ever · 9 months

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Hi friends, here's some close ups of the Geno patch! Patches can be ordered here by selecting an already existing design and specifying that you want the "Geno Penguin Patch"! The embroidery was designed by Phil from Gulo Gulo Geeks who spent a lot of time going back and forth with me getting the art and color right. The final patch turned out absolutely wild, I never thought I'd see my art in thread form. The colors are as true to the original art as we could get, and the only part not identical to the og Geno patch is the fake 'merrowed edge' around the border instead of a real one. Also keep in mind, I'm not making any money off of this myself, I know we're toeing the line here between 'parody' and 'copying' the og Goo*rin bros design. These are just for fun! And you have to iron or sew them onto the hat (or anything!)(you could even iron one onto a jersey! scandalous!) yourself. I'm including an example of how to order and some process photos under the cut

And here's some of the work in progress moments:

For full disclosure, I have three copies of the patch myself. One for practice, one for me, and then one I'm gonna fanmail to the arena in pittsburgh. And I fully plan on using alcohol based markers to add in some subtle colors to make it look closer to the original art. And I might try to glue/cut the 'penguin' words so they're actually separate (hence the 'practice' one lol!). So eventually if you see my patch sewed onto the hat and it looks a little different than these ones straight from the machine, that's why :)

Tagging friends who liked/reblogged the preview post here: @robindrake13 @warmupbrawl @imjustemo4genoyall @shotgunshipping @pathophage @gordiemeow @randomnoteforfuturereference @artemistlbreadco @stardew-allie @good-night-space-kid @itsmusomuse Sorry if I missed anyone!

#geno #geno penguin patch #anyway now im off to try and sew mine onto my hat in time before I fly to atlanta lol

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mdhwrites · 6 months

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Boscha Ask: If people like seeing bullies slowly not be jerks, why not allow Boscha to have an arc? It could have been really compelling.

(I accidentally posted this ask when I meant to queue it. Wanted to post it later so sorry the full ask isn't here. I've included the main thrust and relevant parts of the ask for my response.) You're absolutely right that it can be extremely satisfying and worthwhile to watch a bully become a better person. To see them let their guard down and see the worth in others. For them to go from defensive and worried about any weakness to being able to open up.

TOH had one of those already and her name was Amity and we all saw how that worked out right? And she was a genuine, primary member of the cast. THAT'S why I argue that the show in S2 actually used Boscha well. She appeared for a couple gags when it was the right time to do so and otherwise vanished. Her role was after all as a small time antagonist and a marker for Amity's progression. She is not Sasha who has a deep, personal tie to both Anne and who Anne was before Amphibia and that is the point of her existence. That's why I say that after Winging it Like Witches, she has no reason to be here anymore because Amity is past Boscha, past most of Hexide, and this ISN'T Amity's story.

Or hell, how about a different character who after their main narrative use was up decided to stick around, albeit briefly: Lilith. She got mistreated AWFULLY by the show because she got in the way of Hunter's narrative purpose. She couldn't continue to be a character for the sake of the new villain. She could only be a joke. And while Boscha is just the romantic interest's old bestie, this is arguably the second main character of the show's SISTER and the PRIMARY ANTAGONIST of the first season.

Just covering a proper redemption for Amity and letting the fallout of S1 actually have an effect on the show, including what should have been Lilith's rage at Belos, could have easily taken up the main plot of at least half a season. Hell, in the show we got, Lumity IS the focus effectively for S2A plotwise with how little movement is in that half season. S1 sets up threads with just those two, ignoring Eda, Luz and Hunter, that are connected to the world building and drama of the world and plot itself that evaluating it... Making someone who is almost a one off in S1 and a supporting member of a supporting cast member seemed like the wrong move to me even when I was writing her before S2 came out.

And here's the ultimate rub: I AGREE. There IS a story there. I wrote a fuck ton of it with The Power of Love. Little Miss Rich Witch flips main character's perspective over to Amity, not Luz, and makes it her story in an original context. And do you know the part of TOH's identity that story focuses primarily on? The school drama, where a school bully can be a primary, ongoing member of the cast. TOH wants instead to have a plot that's grand fantasy and that's NOT where Boscha lies, even if she would have made sense as a member of the EC eventually.

Which, tangent, for as much fun as Sport in a Storm's scene is with her, I did one off for it at one point, it also creates the problem that Boscha didn't see Hunter and try to sign up for the EC despite having no reason to not want the power that would give her.

The problem with your position is a problem with a part of modern ship culture. You love a character so OF COURSE including them as a main character would have been great for the story overall because you'd get more of them. But... Is that actually true? I love Boscha. I think she had a lot of narrative potential that was never tapped into but that was for the best because this isn't a romantic school drama.

It's an adventure, fantasy comedy and the fact that we got Boscha at all out of that is almost condemnatory of the series as much as it is praising it. Sorry.

======+++++======

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

#the owl house criticism #toh critical #boscha

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granulesofsand · 28 days

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TransID from Another Perspective

🗝️🏷️ transID and radqueer discourse, mentions of disordered eating and self-injury.

I’m not the same alter who had the first transID post on this account. I can’t speak to their opinions, and I’m not going to try. I speak for myself.

I don’t think transID is safe as it is now. There are a select few that could be, a select few that never are, but I see most of them as an in-between along the lines of ED and SH communities. I see them as dysphoric, and accept that experience as valid because it is subjective and emotional, but I don’t believe they benefit from remaining under this label.

There is no component of harm you can claim without claiming the cis version of that identity. Some people hang around this area because they cannot progress in this aspect of healing, cannot accept some level of their own lived experience. The label itself doesn’t go with dysphoria in the traditional sense, doesn’t fit with the trans- prefix. It’s not a bad place to exist, but it is inherently not the same as other trans/cis dynamics.

It’s a fine line between what it means to use this label and what it means to exist with this identity. You are not bad for the identity. The harm is inserting yourselves into survivor circles to talk about experiences you do not have. You can speak about the dysphoria, about how you got to this point and why you’re staying or leaving. But you do not belong in communities of survivors because survivorship is not a construct. If x, then y. If not y, then not x.

Transgender people have the experience of a gender not assigned to them. Transrace/ability might have community ties, which differ from those most associated with the label more similarly to transgender vs cisgender. Transharmed/harmful is like transrace/ability in that there are reasons to fall on the border, but no concrete transition will make you any more or less what you are.

Identity is complicated. I don’t want to talk about where transgender and intersex meet because I’m not sure which experience I can claim. Probably I’m both (we’re both), but I can’t prove that. Transgender people tend to have either no markers associated with particular genders or some markers of the opposite sex. Being trans is not the same as being cis, nor is it quite a fit for the evolution of the intersex community.

The lack of safety is when you claim experiences you know you do not have. We were not raised male. We were not raised Chinese. We can demonstrate markers of both. TransID allows for markers of only the assigned identity to choose a marginalized identity without holding the responsibility those of that group do, which prevents those members from gaining that experience.

Another label and more pressure to uphold aligned values might integrate the transID community into the broader category of the group you ID as. Currently, transharmed/harmful and transrace/ability speak over and damage the groups you try to fit. You want to be here, but not the way we are. You do not try to progress our rights and acceptance, just dig holes to plant yourselves in. You are not the same as the cis version, even if you are not worse. Coexistence is not what we have now.

Changes need to be made. Smaller, more specialized groups to come forward and let the cis group decide whether you belong in each circumstance you would like to. Some people will always say no, others always yes. Find the people who will tell you why.

I am only okay with people identifying with my trauma ‘for fun’ if there is an underlying cause. I accept internal experience as inherently true, but hold also that it may yet be harmful. I will sit with people with exotrauma, pseudomemories, shame for another experience, confusion over borders. You are here, your existence is neutral, but you must learn to respect boundaries and find commonalities if you are to claim any piece of this identity.

We are not so different, but we are not the same. Variety is beautiful. Let it be.

#transid #transID neutral and critical #radqueer #rq 🌈🍓#cds system #complex dissociative structure #traumagenic system #adaptive system #cdd system #intersex #transgender

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fragmentating · 2 months

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I dont think I've seen many discussions of this project or the similar ones this author discusses in other articles on here yet, which really is a shame and I reccomend everyone read it especially if you, like me, sometimes struggle with being asked "so what are alternative ways of treating people in crisis"

Under the cut is some very personal ramblings about how I stumbled over this article and how it felt reading it for the first time in a fairly vulnerable state. Tw for abuse mentions, drugs, your fairly normal mad life shit. This is the most personal writing I have ever created on this overall topic, so I would really appreciate if any of you would give it your time of day, thanks..!

As an introduction I have to begin with this: I recently quit being a consumer. I was always a survivor, but I clung to anti psychotics for a couple years of adulthood because it felt preferable to the insomnia I'd find myself with without, and a nice little blanket of nothingness in the saved pills in those extra stressful moments. Whenever I'd quit, I'd come back sometime later again. Last time it was being desperate to quit getting excessively drunk every night. And the closed psych ward I checked myself into, because I genuinely was not capable of controlling my drinking at home in any way at all, starting me on seroquel once again. Neither helped me achieve sobriety long term (not really surprising to myself, but not the point of this, honestly). Rather I kept risking my health even more by consuming both on many nights after being back home. But the warnings sort of stop feeling real too. I mean, I've done this a few hundred times for sure by now. What really pushed me over the edge, was my tardive dyskenesia (tics) worsening and worsening, even after switching to another anti psychotic hoping itd stop the progression getting back on seroquel was causing. Sometimes they're painful. That's the worst. I was originally planning on trying another pill my friend had reccomended who was currently staying in rehab, hearing me lament my lack of sleep without this medication I didn't want anymore. he gave me the email address of the psych giving it to him that I could access through the outpatient services at the clinic for addiction by using the right keywords. It would've been easy.

But I never wrote that mail. Instead, after getting my last refill of Perazine, from that asshole psych who also misgendered me so aggressively and consequently, didnt matter that I legitimately already had changed my gender marker a year earlier... that refill was supposed to last me the next 3 months, and I halfheartedly tapered it off for 2 or 3 weeks. The thought of seeing his face again made me sick. This was now nearly exactly a month ago. I have felt no desire to write that email.

I didnt experience any of the common withdrawal symptoms I heard so much about, only after quitting completely, there was a very short bout of very confusing feelings, sensations, beliefs. The usual. I've been there, medicated or not. I made it through without reaching for a pill again. 3 days, max, then it was over. But suddenly I stopped sleeping, for up to 50 hours at a time. After about a week of that, I finally found someone online say insomnia can be a withdrawal symptom of quitting anti psychotics. I genuinely never heard of that before ? (But to be fair, maybe at some point I did, and the perazin and seroquel and others just made it drip off my longterm memory like teflon.) Either way, could it have been that every time I went running back for (sometimes way less bad) insomnia after quitting, it was actually fucking withdrawals? I thought I could probably keep this up for a few months until starting my new / first job. Unemployed people have an easier time staying up 50 hours at a time because we can simply collapse into bed at 9am after those and sleep all day. By now I'm mostly down to 30 hours at a time. Theres issues still, sure, but the quick progress is making me excited. I might never sleep perfectly normal, but at this point, I'd take that any day over daily substances.

What happened exactly, aside from the insomnia? I ran out of my weed a couple weeks earlier. Lost my hookup at the same time, so I decided, you know what, let me just not get something for a while, I'm not in the mood to look for something new rn. I was still drinking weekly with friends, but then they got sick for a while, and I only got drunk by myself once or twice that entire time. and somehow realized it wasnt actually my favorite alone-time substance anymore, that was weed. But I didn't have weed. So I just tried. And tried. And it mostly worked out. I stopped thinking about it. Had a small run in with cough syrup we dont talk about. And then I quit the perazine. I was terrified. This was the thing keeping all the other cravings at bay, right? It didnt make sense. I hadn't been "unmedicated" for more than a few weeks since the last 8 years. If I was out of pills, I'd turn to weed or alcohol or both. But nothing really happened this time. Because I stopped running from my feelings.

Slowly I started noticing it. There were so many things I was suddenly reacting to emotionally. Joy, pain, grief, connection, ... I never thought of myself as particularly numb before, but in comparison? It's hard to describe. It felt like every day further into getting off the perazine I felt more like myself. But how did I know it was me? It was someone I had never met before. I hadn't met adult me, ever. All I knew was abused kid me, abused teen me. It was me because now I felt alive in every little thing. Suddenly insomnia feels a lot less awful when you're having it by yourself, someone so novel but comforting. But with good emotions come bad. Suddenly I was crying curled up in a ball about memories from my most traumatic first institutionalization as a teen that I used to talk about like it was a fun little anecdote. There I felt it. "Go take one of your pills. 100m should probably be enough, maybe 150?" I wish I could say I did something super healthy. But I went for a cigarette cause I was really craving one, the breakdown had sort of delayed my usual midnight smoke. That turned into looking at the stars with music on my headphones for a bit. Back in bed I actually had forgotten about the pills again. Instead I opened up Google and typed in "psych abuse survivor". I was looking for something akin to a forum, I believe. But Nothing, really. A few term definitions on Wikipedia. Im no stranger to this internet search. And internet searches about anti psychiatry, anti psychotics, drug interactions, the name of the place I was institutionalized at. Every couple months I check if someone finally burned it down. And About to give up I saw the link to this article. And I opened it. Newly me, newly free to feel, really feel.

It was intriguing at first. I teared up a little a few times. Nothing major or surprising for my newfound emotional range. Then I got to the part where he talks about holding people, after they were allowed to freely let out their pent up rage, anger, manic energy, whatever it was, just let it out, all out. And theyd slowly come out of the (UNLOCKED) room (THAT THEY WERE ALLOWED TO LEAVE AT ANY POINT) after a few hours, and they would be hugged. And often they would start crying. Sometimes violently. And they would hold them lovingly, sometimes multiple of them, until the persons sobs trailed off into sniffles, into nothing. As I finished the sentence it broke out of me in a same way. Theres silent tears running down my cheeks writing this right now. But last night ? I was wailing. Sounds I had not heard from myself, ever. Not the night my grandmother passed. Not the nights I recalled sexual abuse, recalled my violent father, recalled my peers universally rejecting me for the freak I was, as I laid in my basement next to baggies of weed and xtc, as i sat in the bathroom watching blood go down the drain.

Suddenly it wasn't just the abuse in the ward that hurt. The memories of seeing tiny harm- and powerless kids strapped down and tied up, older boys injected and carried off, alarms blaring, keys turning in locks, a haze of benzos that made everything blur together, being watched as you shower, watched as you sleep. Dragged out of your room screaming. What hurt me so much I was wailing like never before was the love I needed, but never got when I needed it the most. I needed to be held as I cried. I dont think I have been held as I cried since I was 9 years old. I have been gawked at, yelled at, ignored and stepped over as I laid on the floor, walked past in public, threatened, locked up.

But I have not once been held.

#madpunk #psych critical #anti psych #anti psychiatry #psych survivor #psych abuse

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bitchfitch · 11 months

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HI so I just saw your post with these tags and. (I also have EDS) my whole life I have been inexplicably much stronger than my activity levels suggest despite having the endurance of wet tissue paper, IS THIS WHY

and omg do you have sources on the “building muscle�� thing, I’ve heard “muscles have to compensate for tendons” but it’s never been connected to “and are therefor much stronger than typical”

It's something my old chiropractor theorized a few years ago. He noted that his eds patients couldn't pull without something subluxating/dislocating but almost all the more severely effected folk could out bench/ out push some of the athletes he was treating when they did the same physical therapy exercises.

I went looking for literature on the topic, the eds society has a lot of good resources (link) but the most like. extensive study i could find in a Very preliminary search concluded the opposite of this and also that strength went down over the 8 year period they tracked. But. that study only looked at patients' knee and hand flexors and only in cisgender perisex pre-menopausal women. and the exercise they used as the bench mark had the women pulling on a strap attached to the scale. (link)

The kicker is that the hand test had the women Squeezing something instead of pulling, and found that there was no significant difference between the eds/hsd patients and the control.

And considering knees are consistently one of the worst effected joints and one of the most likely to see progressive degeneration of the ligaments over time, I'm kinda Iffy on it as a source for this conversation. People with higher levels of testosterone somewhat consistently have higher muscle mass than those with lower t. to the point it's lead to the belief men dont get eds as severe as women despite having the same genetic markers. it's also caused a Distinct diagnosing bias that's making a Dominant Trait genetic disorder a 'womens health issue' and that is being used as an excuse for these kinda crap selection criteria for these studies. It's literally ignoring roughly half the people who have eds because they 'dont have it as bad' (despite that being Demonstrably untrue) without like, asking Why.

and there's been rumors spreading about testosterone therapy being beneficial for people with eds because it helps build additional muscle/stabilizes the ligaments in some way. So Like. More research is needed takes those tags with a Heaping of salt. it's all hearsay and highschool dropouts conclusions about a very complicated topic. (link to a convo about t and eds for further context)

#when i was on t i was Way healthier and happier both for gender reasons and because i could fucking move.#Im not on it anymore bc of insurance issues but by god even if i wasnt a tranny id get back on that in a heartbeat.

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upthenorthmountain · 1 year

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One nice thing about drawing the same character over and over is that it lets you see your progress. I feel like I’ve made a fair amount!

When I drew that first picture in September 2014 I was 32 years old. I’d always wanted to be able to draw, but just never got round to it or knew how to get started. Like a lot of people, fandom is what inspired me and gave me the push I needed. It’s the most amazing feeling to be able to draw now, to be able to get down what’s in my head, to make things I love and am proud of. I know I still have a lot to learn but that’s where the fun is!

If you’re one of those people always thinking ‘wow I wish I could draw’, here is how I did it:

I worked through the book You Can Draw in 30 Days by Mark Kistler, which a friend recommended to me (if I'd known then about the book Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain by Betty Edwards I'd have used that too, but I didn't. It's good though)

I filled up a couple of sketchbooks with terrible drawings, mainly figure studies from quickposes.com and bad drawings of my blorbos

Finally thought I had something good enough to post, posted it, received so much support and love that I carried on, and I honestly cannot thank all of you enough for that

Kept drawing and drawing, making myself do the things that were hard or that I thought were above my skill level (harsh truth: you will never get better at the hands if you don't draw the hands)

After a little while I thought 'I wonder if I can use my iPad as a drawing tablet', and started using the Procreate app (then about £4, now about £10 I think, still a flipping bargain), first with my finger, then with a stylus that came with my iPad case, then with a slightly better stylus I bought on eBay, then two years ago I got a better iPad and could have a Pencil which is AMAZING

I have also recently taken two Procreate courses on Domestika which taught me a lot of things about drawing in general and Procreate in particular and I should probably have sought this information out sooner! They were Atmospheric Scenes in Procreate: Paint with Color and Light by Ramona Wultschner, and Female Character Portraits in Procreate, by Natalia Dias, and I would recommend them both

And I kept drawing a whole bunch and my friends were super encouraging so I just kept going and didn't stop

I have tips! Things I've learnt along the way

If you use Procreate, look up and learn about clipping masks, alpha lock, streamline, liquify, Gaussian blur

Don't worry too much about brushes, I mainly just use the hard and soft airbrushes and two versions of round marker (one with low streamline for sketching and one with high streamline for line art). I have a spotty one for freckles and that's about it really for what I use 99% of the time. People will try and sell you brushes by making you think you'll be able to draw like them if you have the right brushes but you won't and you don't want to draw like them anyway, you want to draw like YOU

Use more layers than you think you'll need, you can always merge them later

You will suck at first. You will suck so bad you will want to cry. But you have to be terrible, it's the only way to get to not terrible. The only way you STAY terrible is if you give up

Just when everything seems awful and everything you draw is crap and you don't ever want to draw again, that is when you must KEEP GOING and PUSH THROUGH because you are about to level up. Persevere just a little bit longer and soon you will be staring at your own hands thinking 'HOW'

Drawing is a learnt skill. There is no such thing as Talent, just people who've spent longer learning and practicing than you have. Eight years ago I couldn't reverse park my car, either, and then I got a new job where it was really handy to be able to reverse park in the car park and now I'm really good at it. You can improve at anything if you're willing to put in the time! GROWTH MINDSET!!

#my art #drawing improvement #learning to draw #artists on tumblr #artblr #YOU CAN DO IT I BELIEVE IN YOU

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neonsbian · 5 months

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hi vinnie <3 since you’re like my resident writing oomf i gotta ask: do you have any tips on motivating & inspiring yourself to write and get through a writer’s block? seeing you post about your writing is so inspiring but i’ve been struggling for months now rip </3

hmmm tbh i dont rlly have a good answer for you other than teach yourself self-discipline. ive been writing for almost a decade (crazy to think abt lol) and in that time ive basically had to teach myself to commit to writing.

writing is just like any other artform, it's a skill that you build gradually by practicing consistently. the best way to do this is to come up with a goal in your mind and actually work towards this. i don't mean like, deciding you want to write a novel and just writing right away (though that does work for some people) but building steps to slowly achieve that goal.

let's say you want to write a novel. great! the first thing i would do is find time in my schedule to write. a lot of people assume that means sitting down for hours at a time and just typing away but finding time to do that in todays society isnt easy and personally, it's more effective for me to find gaps and short moments to just write for a bit. for me, the most writing gets done when im constrained for time. and you don't have to do it all at once! you can write a little bit at different points of the day too.

i also plan what im going to write before i write it. this doesn't mean i outline necessarily (i don't do that until the second draft) but before writing a scene, ill have a vague idea of what i want to happen in that scene. sometimes it changes as im writing but i never go into writing without a vague idea of what's going to happen.

i think setting a daily goal for yourself is really important. i know writing everyday seems kinda daunting, especially if you didnt do that before but like i said, writing is a skill you build gradually by practicing consistently and you have to be consistent. your daily goal can be a certain page count, word count, or chapter count. whatever works for you. i personally don't rlly like using quantifiable units as my daily goal bc that makes me like check the word count obsessively and prefer to use story markers as my goal instead. basically, i decide before writing i want to reach a certain point in the story by the end of the day. sometimes im in over my head and have to adjust, but it's more useful to think abt it that way for me.

also, if you're just starting out, i would make my daily goal relatively simple and easy to achieve. if word count is how you're counting it, then i'd set it to like 500 words. you might feel frustrated with how slow your progress is but it's more effective to slowly build a story than to write a huge chunk in a short amount of time and then never touch it again. and even if the progress is slow, at least progress is happening!

i know a lot of people have said this but you're also gonna have to allow yourself to write badly. i feel like this something that's difficult to implement into your mindset but it's essential to teach yourself this or else you'll never get anything done. shitty writing doesn't mean you're a shitty writer, it just means that your writing needs more work and the only way to achieve that is by working on it consistently.

i also personally think it's helpful to read the writing processes of other writers and try doing them yourself. lauren groff, for example, writes her entire second draft from memory which sounded absolutely insane to me but i tried it for one of my short stories. that method didn't really work for me but from her method helped me improve my own system. basically for scenes that were in the first draft but were going to be changed pretty drastically, i don't open my first draft at all and just write the scene. every writer's process is different and what works for one writer isn't always going to work for you, but it's still worth a shot to try it and one way or another, it'll help you understand yourself as a writer better.

to me, writing is self-discipline as much as it's art and building a system that works for you is going to take some time but it's necessary to achieve what you're hoping to achieve.

this ended up being longer than i expected but tldr: set a goal, do it everyday 👍

#and even tho i consider myself a disciplined person i do have my undisciplined moments #so not being able to write one day for whatever reason doesnt mean ur a fail writer #progress isnt linear and achieving it is a long and slow road and sometimes theres gonna be bumps you just have to accept that #i hope this was helpful for you lmao #asks

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writers-ex · 1 year

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Hey there I know I'm asking a random Tumblr writer but I saw y'all talking about studying and such,can you guys please give me advice on studying effectively? My parents don't know how to help and I'm genuinely like..dumb, but I will try my best , I am trying my best but it's just not working,I'm at the brink of giving up but I believe that I can do it but the goal is soo.far.away. , great now I'm teary eyed. Academically sexy people please help

i LOVE giving study tips <33333333 no one usually listens to me but maybe these will help you ^-^)

depending on the subject its best to have a color system with pens or markers/highlighters, keep it at 3 colors to start and then add more as you see fit YOU DON"T NEED NO FANCY MARKERS GO BUY CRAYOLA OR OFF BRAND MARKERS AINT NO ONE JUDGING YOU///ex. blue-review/exam questions you got wrong to go back and study, red- impt terms/remember this, black- examples/dates/names/lecture notes

PLEASE- write a mini review/summary of what you learned that day/ch like on a sticky note or make a journal/google doc just for reviews or even on the textbook, having smt to look back on will help refresh your memory b4 the exam VS being like me and spending a whole weekend reviewing 80 chapters but not being able to really understand it and failing my exam by a point UGH

if you fail just suck it up and keep going, i still need to remind myself this but like as long as you pass be it the lowest score possible or the highest as long as you make it by the borderline score that's all that matters

READ THE CHAPTER/MATERIAL B4HAND, omg this helped me soooooooo much and also on a sticky or separate sheet of paper/or like doodle a question mark write questions abt what you didn't understand and then see if the teacher answers them during class, if they don't ask them after class

there are no dumb questions period, its the teacher's job to help you learn as a student, say your question no matter how silly or simple bc chances are there are 5 other kids thinking the same thing, if the teacher gives you attitude abt it bc there are some that do ask the internet and others in class maybe they'll be able to help/

make a study playlist/collection, i have a youtube playlist dedicated to classical music, lofi, video game soundtracks, or chinese instrumentals to listen to while i study bc it just makes it more pleasant and my house is too noisy so i just listen to music and study

DRINK WATER!!! and snack on smt too

do yourself a favor and try the 25 min study and 5 min break method, just when you do your break actually get up and walk around or use the bathroom don't just sit there, and come back ontime

do a little tracker thingy, like make check boxes/list of what you need to do and give yourself the joy of filling in all the boxes with a check or sticker and reward youreslf afterwards

keep track of your deadlines <333 like make a reminder on your phone or sticky note it

if you geniunely can't study or feel stuck stop for the day and take a shower, go watch smt nice, play your pizza game on your phone, or eat a meal, you shouldn't be studying 24/7 you're only human

i can do more but i feel like you'll get too scared but one more impt thing is to never ever ever call yourself dumb or look down on your progress, the you you are now is completely different from january you, acknowledge what you've done and take a moment to feel proud of yourself, you did good <3

if you have any other tips and tricks that've helped you plz share in the ask box or comment on this post plz and thank you, hope this helps anon

#anon.txt #study tips

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early-lipedema-diary · 2 years

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Estrogen and hormone therapy pt 1

Changes in estrogen are the most likely cause of development and progression of lipedema. There is obviously some other genetic marker at the core for deciding if you will yes/no be affected, backed by the fact that the disease seems hereditary (my mom suspects my aunt, my dad’s only sister, also suffers from lipedema). But estrogen is what starts the ball rolling and makes it get worse.

This is why this disease is almost exclusively AFAB. It usually appears during puberty when your body is boosting estrogen production to start developing the body (breasts, body hair, menstruation, etc.) This is also why it’s rare in AMAB, since their body focuses on testosterone production. If they have low testosterone and high estrogen, that would cause the development of lipedema (if they have whatever is that base genetic marker).

But the kicker with lipedema (based on research I’ve read) is that it’s all based on CHANGES in estrogen, not just increases. So it gets kickstarted by puberty, a time of extreme hormone changes and boosted production. I got my period at age 12, and I noticed the changes in my thighs (and got extremely self conscious and rarely wore shorts) at age 13. It seems kind of hit/miss if it gets worse during pregnancy, since I believe, compared to puberty, the hormone changes are more focused on first developing the fetus and then body changes of the mother (breast increase for milk production, changes to the body to accommodate baby, etc.) I’d be interested to survey in the fb groups I’m in if the progression of lipedema during pregnancy was affected by the gender of the baby (if moms with girls were worse off because of estrogen boosts than moms with boys with testosterone for development).

If lipedema only progressed due to estrogen increases, you would think it’d be one and done after puberty and pregnancies. But, at least from what I’ve noticed on the posts on the fb groups, it seems to get worse during menopause as well, with this being a much more common experience. And menopause is caused by decreases in estrogen and progesterone, not increases. Making lipedema based on CHANGES. Great.

I’d need to reread some studies to see if I can figure out why doctors think this happens, but I haven’t looked much into menopause since I still have at least 15-30 years til I need to worry about that.

It also seemed (from what I’ve observed in the fb groups) like a lot of the women in later stages of lipedema were also struggling with obesity. This would make sense because obesity causes increases in estrogen. So more fat is causing some of these women to progress to later, worse stages more often than women with lower body weight.

The main reason I typed all this out is what I’m going to discuss with one of my best friends, a psychiatric NP with focuses on care for trans people. When I first had this thought, I couldn’t find any research so I’m going to pick her brain about it sometime this week:

I’m curious what would happen to the AFAB body with lipedema if you use a low dose of testosterone. My thinking behind this is that AMAB almost never develop lipedema, and only do if they are low testosterone/high estrogen. So would taking testosterone potentially decrease lipedema? We’re going to do a hormone panel on me and discuss maybe trying this out.

It’s a weird thought I had, after finding no research to tell me what happens to the AFAB body while taking testosterone (other than changes experienced by trans FTM, but that’s a much higher dosage)

I’ll write a follow up once I’ve discussed with my friend, because I brought this up to her and she got very excited, but wants to talk in person rather than text it out (fair.)

#lipedema #fat disease #estrogen #testosterone #menopause

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kogatunes · 7 months

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THE FOREST RASCALS!! // some random omori au me and my friends made :3

uh.. the forest rascals is an OMORI AU (but with our OMORI ocs, what a shocker) made by Elysia, Ruxxide, Kitsaku, Roasted and Kogatunes!! it's like.. sorta the main cast but with, again, our OMORI ocs, it represents our actual friendgroup online/irl! :3

this idea has been going on for 3 months and we're really proud of it!! the story is still in progress tho so a LOT of changes will be made in the final thing we put out ;3 ;3 ;3 ;3

SO UH ANYWAY, enough rambling!

CASTS NAMES!! Marco Echavez, Hinode Mirai, Cass Barkly, Koi Ito and Niko Miller. (wow)

SOOO, 5 people in total, you're probably asking yourself: "Why am I reading a bunch of kids' OCs?? i should be doing the laundry and walking the dog" actually, we don't know either, just keep reading, I'm desperate, i'm begging tumblr will show this to other people waahh

Will post the designs later, or maybe never hehe

HEADSPACE !!!!

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MARCO SAYS:

“Hey! You over there! Have you heard of my brother?”

MARCO is a passionate young boy with a strange obsession with his big brother and also empanada de carnes. He constantly boasts about how he has an amazing big brother which is probably why he has a lot of friends. He proclaims himself to be the leader of the FOREST RASCALS, but nobody’s really sure anyone in that group is sane at this point.

Stats Heart: ⭐ Juice: ⭐⭐ Attack: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ Defense: ⭐ Speed: ⭐⭐⭐️⭐️ Luck: ⭐

His Weapon: Megaphone. “Hey, isn’t this already—“ No it isn’t! Marco’s megaphone is constantly used for his advertisements and rambling, except ten times worse because it’s mechanically modified to be ten times louder.

made by: Elysia

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KOI SAYS:

"Hi! I'm KOI! Whats up?!" KOI is always down to have acquaintances and friends! She's a very social gal, but sometimes she gets a little moody and upset, but a good joke will always bring a bright smile to her face! Her brain can sometimes be a little slow though, she refuses to wear her glasses, no matter how hard you try to convince her.

Stats Heart: ⭐⭐⭐ Juice: ⭐⭐ Attack: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ Defense: ⭐⭐⭐ Speed: ⭐⭐ Luck: ⭐

Her Weapon: Stapler A stapler, some of the staples are kind of rusty, perfect for hitting people on the head, or just stapling their arm. (owch), but Koi hasn't thought of that attack yet, dont tell her.

Likes: Scented markers, Cats, Ornaments, Stickers, Fruit soda Dislikes: Marco's excessive talking about his brother, Teasing, Pranks where she cant fight back.

made by: Kogatunes (or Krillchi)

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CASS SAYS:

"Value is in the eye of the beholder!"

CASS is known as that one kid who'd somehow and some way get into trouble and not know it! There's always a little mischievous plan he has going on in that head of his, and you are gonna be there to find that out yourself! He isn't the smartest guy on the group, but he can stir up a quick plan when he needs to!

Heart: ⭐⭐⭐ Juice: ⭐⭐⭐ Attack: ⭐⭐⭐ Defense: ⭐⭐ Speed: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ Luck: ⭐⭐⭐

[weapon: Tree Branch]

Likes: crickets and other bugs, cheesecake, mudfish, empty boxes, toy cars, cats, and dinosaur posters

Dislikes: Cucumbers, Amusement parks, Huge crowds, Plastic forks, Waiting rooms, and bright lights.

Made by: Ruxxide

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MIRAI SAYS:

"Hm..? Oh..hello, fellow dreamer.."

MIRAI is a kind and gentle soul, She sleeps quite a lot and pretty much anytime anywhere! She's not very social and is quite shy and quiet as well, she's quite emotional but her emotions can switch really fast, she's usually either calm or cheerful though. Her left eye's vision is absolutely so bad she can't even read with it. She likes a certain someone.. someone who has a rock.

Heart: ⭐⭐⭐ Juice: ⭐⭐ Attack: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ Defense: ⭐⭐ Speed: ⭐⭐ Luck: ⭐

Her Weapon: A long stick

A broom stick without the sweepies, She treats it as a sword and swings it around, she probably randomly picked it up in one of their adventures and claimed it as her weapon, She actually once broke one out of anger so be careful if she breaks it again.. she might think of stabbing instead.

Likes: Animals, Drawing, Sleeping, Eating, Her Friends, Adventures, Marco's big brother, a certain someone

Dislikes: Homework, creepy insects, Marco eating insects, getting lost

made by: Kitsaku

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NIKO SAYS:

"Oh, hello there!"

Niko is a kind boy! Despite the hardships he has gone through he always remained optimistic and happy! also he has the worst eyesight ever.

Heart: ⭐⭐ Juice: ⭐⭐⭐ Attack: ⭐⭐⭐ Defense: ⭐⭐ Speed: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ Luck: ⭐⭐

made by: Roasted

-------------------

heres all of our twitters btw <3

Ruxxide: https://twitter.com/Moldycakeq

Elysia: https://twitter.com/starchasmnyxon

Kogatunes: https://twitter.com/kogatunes

Kitsaku: https://twitter.com/HinodeMirai

Roasted: https://twitter.com/roasted53666504

#omorioc #omori

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senorabond · 8 months

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NaNoWriMo 2023

Anybody else doing NaNoWriMo this year? We're just about a week away from Preptober and I'm already getting excited!

I'm going to approach NaNo a bit differently this year:

Word count. I've never gotten to 50k words, but that's not my goal this year. I just want to beat my word count from last year (16k). The whole reason I do NaNo is to write. I'm always wanting to write more, so why give myself an unrealistic goal that may only serve to discourage me?

Community. Last year I joined the Discord server for my local region, and having a network and community of other writers was a HUGE help. I'd love to find a "pack" of other Pedro fans who might also be doing NaNo or would be open to some virtual write-ins. One of my goals for NaNo this year is to attend at least one in-person write-in with my local group.

Story. I'm choosing to write TLOU fanfiction for NaNo. Every year I get distracted and discouraged by the character development and world building. Eventually I want to write a novel (potentially fictional autobiography) set in a post-apocalyptic world. Writing TLOU fanfiction would give me an existing universe to work within, as well as some amazing characters I can realllllly explore. I'll just call this practice.

Bad writing. I struggle with something a lot of other authors have trouble with: perfectionism and critiquing myself too harshly. I'm going to experiment with a bit of reverse psychology by telling myself that I'm going to write badly "on purpose." I just need to write one bad first draft - it becomes good in the editing process. If I go into this managing my expectations from the start, I feel like I'll be more successful.

Planning, Pantsing, & Pacing. I will use Preptober wisely to develop a plot outline, perhaps sketch out a couple of original characters, and plan my daily/weekly word count goals. I'll also use it to build writing into my daily routine. I'm one of those nerds who loves a good spreadsheet and graph. I'll use this time to find a good template for tracking my word count and storyline progress. I'll schedule rest and catch-up days, allowing for special events/dates and giving myself a buffer for the unexpected.

Defining Success. I will define what "success" means to me, and what it doesn't mean to me, before I even begin. To me, success is not reaching 50k words. I'll be working to identify what those markers of success will be for me. Failure is not an option - and I mean that in the way that success will be more intangible in nature (e.g., Do I feel like I did my best? Did I have fun? Do I feel like I learned something?).

Rewarding Myself. What motivates me? How can I embody the "treat yoself" mentality? I'll be figuring this out and planning ahead. Maybe I'll schedule special things to do solo, or with my partner, friends, and family. I could create a word count/story line "advent calendar" of sorts with little treats to celebrate my progress. I have a lot of options to work with.

If anybody is interested in forming a writing or support group, hit me up! Even if you're not doing NaNo, I'd love more writing friends in general.

The Countdown Begins!!

#nanowrimo 2023 #senorabond rambles #fanfiction #tlou #pedro pascal #pedro pascal fandom #the last of us #self-hype #writing #writing help #writing community

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thetruemasterofgames · 1 year

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OK pride month is here so time for a little thought post on something I've been mulling for like the past few years.

Rainbow. Capitalism

*dodges flaming bricks*

Alright alright I know I know you fools are anti-corporate anti-capitalism ect. But hear me out for a moment..

So we all agree to some extent exploitation is bad yeah however it's a scales moment. Yeah exploitation bad but it's also a marker and a tool in progress. The fact companies feel it's an interest to market to LGBT now rather than ignore and lash against openly says something about how we are progressing as a society. It marks that we are beginning to be on the cusp of normalization, not to say it would happen like tomorrow but you know it's further than we have been.

And if I may get abit personal for a moment for this post's point:

I know for a fact it can help change people's minds. Why? Because believe it or not I once was one of those gay bad people. I was raised in a place that told horror stories of LGBT people and their behavior primarily about targeting children and such. You wanna know what was one of the big steps into me growing past that bullshit? No fucking joke it was the fucking pride merch I eventually started seeing creep up here and there and I was wondering to myself "wait what's all this and why is it being sold in public?" It's also what made me start using tumblr more avidly back then on my old account rather than being a passive user. I started looking into it and saw that LGBT people were NOTHING like what I was taught.

Because I saw a dang rainbow shirt with Venus symbols on it and was like "the heck is this?" I went down a rabbit hole of information and learning and saw counters to information I was raised with and saw expanses into the psychological field I had not found in my old books and so on. And now I'm who you know today I know more of the science behind it I know more that its natural I no longer have the it's predatory viewpoint.

In such I've also been more up to date with this information and advances in the movement because corporates try to pander to it and I get to see the reactions.

There is some exploitation yeah and it should be pointed out but when even bastard places like chick-fil-a and fox news, places that in the past have been massively anti-LGBT, are pushing pride it does something in perception and makes people who have seen them as pillars before second guess and take a double take. What path they go down is up to them but it does something and might do for someone else what it did for me and help put people on the path to open their eyes. (We should still laugh at and point out the hypocrisy of these type of places though never forget even if you forgive guys)

All in all rainbow capitalism might be explotive however it is also a powerful tool in marking progress and pushing it more. The more we have in the public eye the more something can be spoken on. One of the biggest arguments I always heard growing up was how there are so few of them that it doesn't matter, the talk you'd probably never encounter someone who was lgbt. But when it's being showcased as it is in June now that can't be said anymore people speak more on it which means there is more chance of someone to have a change of heart. For some people as well it lets them know they aren't fully alone, this existing in common media will let it be accessible and help others find themselves. I've known many who's first seeing of self was in porn or anti-lgbt media, media that fetishized or demonized and that honestly is terrorfying knowing. And honestly I think as bad as this is it's a better alternative a lesser of two evils. In this new age I'm proud to see resources more avalible, more knowledge in the public eye. But we would not of gotten there without working with the big corps as much as I don't like it.

I hope this made sense though I'd love to hear feedback so feel free to leave your thoughts and expand as well. Happy pride everyone, stay safe out there, and keep being your amazing selves.

#pride #lgbt #lgbt+#pride month #lgbt pride #happy pride 🌈#rainbow capitalism #statement pieces

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pinkseas · 1 year

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[parasocial bestie] NAWT ME TRYING TO GO BACK MY OWN TAG AND LIKE. REMEMBER WHICH TF RESPONSE I HAVE NOT RESPONDED its compulsory i must answer to Everything or i will die so Anyway im throwing everything in one ask HAHA

THE POST WITH THE LYRICS,... XIAOCORE,..... "When you said that I was killing myself / I've killed everything but my shame" indicating xiao wasnt regretting all the hurt he's done to himself be it from his duty or the repercussions bc he knows he Deserves it and takes it without caring any dignity like YOU JUST CANT

and adnd and!! GOWSH IT MAY BE A SHORTER SCENE OBV NOT MAIN FOCUS OR WHATEVER u gonna add in the next xiaolumi fic but i am just. gosh they mean saur much 2 me,..... he's concussed. zhongli frets like a mother. he's concussed what did he do to reach that point how serious it is to get zhongli fret like a mother. i am jUSTTTTTTT

and u. the. the xiao's mom you really went there you madmanwomangirlgnc. i read it all and i am crying sobbing at 4am that time. i am not okay i jsutcant believe this i cannot believe. the traits that she used to have that unconsciously influences xiao and at some point used in an unhealthy way than she intended for him to learn. "she sees no use dwelling in the past", he sees every. single mistake of it, of what he did even if it's out of his will. but also disregarding how he used to be, of that suffering if others know, and with the goodest of intentions- to point out what he's been through makes him deserving of care. my guy twists the morals so he can have his existence barely known so he can continue that quest of redemption he never had to do, or has long been redeemed.

"(she names him alatus, gives him wings the only way she can. may he never be trapped as she was for so long. may he always find a way to fly.) / (funny, really, how that works out.)" I AM LITERALLYYYYY NOT OKAYYYY I AM SO!!!!!! OK BUT I JUST,SF.FSFLDF THINK ABOUT HIS WINGS THE MOMENT U MENTIONED IT like. yeah bird adeptus yes absolutely its always canon but the thing about his wings. like how do you hc he lost it. ppl would go for amputation, or its still salvageable but it's been rendered so bad it doesnt have the strength for him to take flight. id pick one but i cant cuS MAN BOTH HAVE THEIR OWN UNIQUE PROGRESS OF GRIEF FOR HIM,..... to lose flight entirely is to lose part of himself and that's been like that for millenia it gets even harder once he knows lumine had wings before that HAS a chance to be obtained again,..... but for now they share that loss of wings, to feel the wind in your face as you fly higher and higher into the clouds.......

"it isn’t her fault or negligence or neglect that leads to him being taken. it’s the cruelty of the world and bad luck, plain and simple. he remembers missing her. he remembers missing her so much it ached." everytghing that comes after thsis. everything. i just,. im so,... sogdgfg im SO

"he makes her a grave. it takes a very long time. there’s no name and a marker only he would recognize. it’s nothing special. he thinks, distantly, that she deserved more than this. but it’s all he has, and that will have to be enough. and then he does what she always did, what she always taught him to do: he moves forward." dead on the floor

"you cant stop turning to talk to them only to realize you’re facing an empty space. paimon helps. paimon really, truly helps. but she’s her own person, a friend, not a sibling or a twin. not a replacement. not even close." WITH THE WAY I HOLD PAIMON FOR DEAR LIFE, THIS IS A REALITY I HAVE TO FACE AS MUCH AS HER!!!!! SHE IS NO REPLACEMENT!!! so i had to dig one of my other brainrot drafts where paimon had been a lil guilty for not contributing anything to the chasm, snapping at lumine for trying to reason her. pasting that sht here cus it still gets me despite im not exactly a Writer (and i like to put a lil sad quirk that paimon can go off third person in her speech if she's serious on it)

Her outburst was over with a harsh sob, and the pixie looked even smaller than physically possible. Paimon wiped her eyes roughly with a puffy sleeve, and Lumine wondered how contradictive her companion is when it comes to self expression. “... I wanted to do something.” “Not just talking, not just… being like this.” The pixie kicked the air weakly, fiddling with the folds of her shirt. “But it’s why I talk most of the time, so you don’t have to. Maybe then I’ll get to know Teyvat better, and how to get out of things faster. The Chasm was… scary.”

"Getting trapped there is different than when you were almost split in half most of the time." Paimon rubbed her eyes again, a sniffle too quiet to be heard. "'Cause your brother won't find you that way, and it means I broke my promise to you."

SO. YEA. paimon my emotional support flying nugget

"it def influenced my own thoughts on the travelers and their powers and how strong they were Before teyvat and how its changed them after" "i keep lumi and aether in that space between mortal and god / theres so much wiggle room and them as gods outside of very specific portrayals doesnt feel right to me / but theyre definitely VERY powerful and very inhuman imo"

PERSONALLY i looooooooove the different interpretations of the twins being primordial gods,.. or like as you said, that space between mortal and god, though to me i dont have a strong enough picture when it comes to defining what exactly they are in nature but def in that little space. cus i like to characterize lumine AND aether as human as they can and are, probably bc im projecting probably bc im a bitchass on a god's ego and personifying that. i revolve the story of the twins' journey regarding humanity, but more on them leaning to feeling human and mortal than a god, bc they HAD been gods before. or at least something equivalent.

and actually? my first impression of the twins to push the hc isnt through these typa fics, its from the theory that tied the twins with hyv's other game honkai impact 3rd; that theyre sort of 'scouts' that travels throughout space for a habitable world while honkai is close to its own cataclysm by Advanced Development being a threat to gods; just like khaenriah. so like. its a mess of a theory i saw long ago but ye kno!! its been stuck in my head since, and it solidifies my thought to lumine acting like a human bc she is, or was, with whatever happened in between turning her and her brother into who they are now. in that little space between.

so like!! for these twins. aether is more empathetic, he understood far more than lumine ever does, bc he doesnt focus on the duty more than the ppl he meets. lumine being the more calculative and speculative twin, doing strategies and being first in the offense- altho aether is the one ready to back her up and in the frontline, her tank and shield. hes more carefree, more kind, what nara varuna had been to the aranara is what he had been still. to cry for the forest people, to cry for those even if he thought; lumine would tell me to think this again, to not rely too much whats in his heart. now without him in the picture, she asks herself her own question. she looks back at how ae would do, would act and think thats not as far as she does. that lumine thinks through logic, and aether thinks through compassion. and then to the present where he's gone and she'd slowly fill the space he had been into her own personality, learning how he had been bc the aether she saw now was not there anymore. like gooooshhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh IDKKKKKKKKKK

NO BECAUSE ME HANDSHAKE YOU GOING THROUGH THE TAG TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT HAS AND HASN'T BEEN RESPONDED TO PLEASE THAT'S SO FUNNY OF US

"indicating xiao wasnt regretting all the hurt he's done to himself be it from his duty or the repercussions bc he knows he Deserves it and takes it without caring any dignity" exactly <3333333333333 no bc like. he doesnt Care he doesnt care about how much it hurts him hes so convinced that he DOES deserve it, its just part of his life part of his duty nothing more and nothing less. but that doesnt stop the shame that comes with anything he perceives as failure (which is definitely A Lot Of Things) or shit like being too injured to continue fighting im so. fmgnfgmnfmngmf

it may not be the Main focus but zhongli and xiao's relationship in this fic is basically the second biggest focus beyond xiao himself/the xiaolumi of it all tbh, even before we started talking before The Brainrot Festivals i knew i really wanted to highlight their relationship and dynamic and the way i was portraying them, zhongli will definitely be a very important part of it !! as for. what led to xiao being concussed and zhongli fretting that much. well. smile. im a fan personally although i DO really need to polish up the scene i did it so long ago its such a mess...... god thats ognna be SO fun i should try to do that today

"you madmanwomangirlgnc" GIGGLING SM HELP

"the traits that she used to have that unconsciously influences xiao and at some point used in an unhealthy way than she intended for him to learn." yeah <3333 "my guy twists the morals so he can have his existence barely known so he can continue that quest of redemption he never had to do, or has long been redeemed." NO BECAUSE LITERALLYYYYYYYYYYY its so fucked up i am going to Squeeze Him i am going to pour so much love into him that it overflows and turns into self love on god.

"but the thing about his wings. like how do you hc he lost it. ppl would go for amputation, or its still salvageable but it's been rendered so bad it doesnt have the strength for him to take flight. id pick one but i cant cuS MAN BOTH HAVE THEIR OWN UNIQUE PROGRESS OF GRIEF FOR HIM" w. well you see. the problem is. i have basically Never Thought About This. ive considered him with wings and thought about the Having but not the losing. so here are some thoughts off the top of my head, not all viable in canon but yknow

he still has them, but has rendered himself incapable of true flight. got rid of the flight feathers after rex lapis freed him, quite literally grounded himself in liyue. devotion and punishment all in one. i dont actually like this one too much but it was one of my first thoughts just in terms of wanting him to still have them but flight being out of reach

the god who enslaved him injured them beyond repair very very early on when xiao was doing his best to fight back against it, caging him in more ways than one. a show of control and power over him, a way to further force xiao to bend to his will. with proper care and healing they may have recovered, even as horrifically mangled as they were, but naturally that never happened

he still had his wings serving that god, but those victims who fought back against xiao when he came for them eventually damaged them beyond flight and/or beyond repair in an attempt to ground him and make him less dangerous/take him down

^^^^^ in either of those two above scenarios i like to imagine that the remains still cling to him when he's freed, and either zhongli or the other yakshas eventually help him fully remove them. they're a mess, they're dead weight, and they're never going to heal- he'd rather them gone completely than dragging on him like this, a constant reminder of what he'd (rightfully, in his own mind) lost

zhongli and/or some of the other adepti end up fighting xiao himself before the god who he serves is killed, and it isnt until then that his wings are damaged truly beyond repair and taken from him. he kneels and they're mangled, bloodied and broken, hanging limply from his back, and all he wants now is to die free. he doesnt deserve to live, not after what he's done. but death would be too kind, too, and so he accepts it when his life is spared, swears himself to morax instead. whoever it was who fucked his wings up like that feels awful about it, they approach him eventually to apologize. xiao doesn't know how to tell them how relieved he was to be rid of them in that moment, to have the ties to his past self fully cut. it's easier like this, if he's made anew, made to serve a new purpose, if he can abandon any semblance of love or naivety or innocence he once carried. it hurts something deep inside of him to imagine that that child survived. easier to see him buried, easier to separate himself from it all.

okay i think that's all ive really got id have to take some more time to think abt it ummmm. i think i like the last one the most? combined with the idea that it's zhongli or the yakshas who finally get rid of them? something about someone else being there, xiao not so much as flinching as an entire limb is severed from his body, the literal and emotional weight that vanishes with them. the scars are clean and smooth. xiao neither regrets their loss nor blames the one who ruined them. the wish to have them back goes hand in hand with the wish to have the rest of him back, to be who he used to be, and there's no use in thoughts like that. not anymore.

"it gets even harder once he knows lumine had wings before that HAS a chance to be obtained again,..... but for now they share that loss of wings, to feel the wind in your face as you fly higher and higher into the clouds......." o(-( crying shaking sobbing on the floor YEAH............ that shared loss. god. both of them mourning the freedom it granted them, both of them holding anemo so close to their hearts because it's not the same but it's enough.

LOSING MY MIND OVER YOUR PAIMON BRAINROT GODDDDDDDDDDDD

"'Cause your brother won't find you that way, and it means I broke my promise to you." this broke me. this Broke Me. SHE DOESNT WANT TO BREAK HER PROMISE SHE WANTS THEM TO BE REUNITED....... EUEUEUUEUEUEUUEU

"i revolve the story of the twins' journey regarding humanity, but more on them leaning to feeling human and mortal than a god, bc they HAD been gods before. or at least something equivalent." this FUCKS this is such a good way to look at it and direct it holy shit ??? learning to feel human learning to live as mortal people do learning the values of life itself learning how to love the little things....... man. Man.

"that theyre sort of 'scouts' that travels throughout space for a habitable world while honkai is close to its own cataclysm" i dont know SHIT about honkai but god that sounds so fucking cool and also huge rip to them oh my god... going out to scout a new world On A Time Limit and suddenly its 500+ fucking years later giggling sm

"with whatever happened in between turning her and her brother into who they are now. in that little space between." THIS IS SO GOOD them having been human once and eventually reaching the point where they are now......... g o d

"he doesnt focus on the duty more than the ppl he meets. lumine being the more calculative and speculative twin, doing strategies and being first in the offense" YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH this is something that can be so <3333 and her looking back and thinking about what aether would do THE AETHER SHE'S SEEN NOW ISN'T THERE ANYMORE.... GODDDDDDDDD im so. the mourning that comes with losing a twin, not knowing if they're dead or alive or where or how to find them, the mourning of your other half of always being known of living spent together. and the desperate hope of seeing them again only for that to come crashing down because this isnt who you knew, isnt who you remember, not at all. you are standing in front of a stranger. they still act like they know you, but you dont know them. not anymore. not at all. and that's its own unique kind of grief, to have someone who used to be your everything right there and to know nothing about them.

#parasocial bestie tag #explodes and dies

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