#so i hope ppl fuckin appreciate this!!!!
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Resident Evil 4 Remake's story is structured like the plot of a romance novel: master post
A few months ago, I wrote up a very quick and dirty outline/explanation of how Resident Evil 4 Remake's story had been restructured from the original game to follow the story beats of a romance novel. At the time, I didn't think it was all that important to explain it super in-depth, but now that more and more people are looking at it, I figured I should probably explain what I mean with each of these beats lmao
1) Call to Adventure / The Meet Cute
All that a meet-cute actually is is the scene in which the characters that the romance is centered around meet for the first time. The intention is to show an initial spark between the characters -- they meet under bizarre/unexpected circumstances and, at some point, both characters become aware of just how significant it is, even if neither says anything about it.
Leon and Ashley's meet-cute starts with her swinging a candelabra at his head and ends with Leon holding her in his arms out in the rain for a period of time that is absolutely too long to be normal for the circumstance. They lock eyes in this moment, and it's meant to be seen as Significant.
2) Refusal of the Call / Rejection of the Relationship
This is the "I'm just imagining things" reaction to the significance of the meet-cute. Both characters treat the spark as though it never happened -- and, usually, it's because there's other external factors influencing their ability or willingness to follow the trail of that spark and see where it goes. Instead of going "Hey, you're cute, can I get your number?" both characters just jump straight to "Well, anyway --" and go back to living their own independent lives apart from each other.
After they both snap out of that weird trance they were in after Leon caught Ashley out the window of the church, he goes right back to treating her like a mission objective, and she just has absolutely no idea what to make of him at all. Ashley spends the next few sections of gameplay in shock and disbelief with lines like "Seriously, this cannot be happening." and "I just wanna go home..." Leon ignores all of her complaints, keeps her moving even when she asks for a break, and doesn't really speak much to her at all other than to bark orders at her.
3) Acceptance of the Quest / Giving the relationship a chance
Something Happens that forces both characters back into each other's lives and/or personal attention, and they both find that they do Like each other, actually -- even if that feeling of "like" isn't anything super significant. It could be something as simple as realizing that they enjoy the other's company and wanting to see/talk to the other more often.
This arguably starts when Leon and Ashley first run into the cabin and Leon puts a comforting hand on her back that he absolutely did did not have to put there -- but it's definitely in full swing after the cabin sequence is over. Personally, I would say that it's the revelation about Ashley having a plaga in her that's the Something that Happens between them. The whole mission starts to become a whole lot more personal, because now it's not just about surviving and escaping -- now it's about making sure that Ashley stays Ashley.
She starts to open up to him more, and he suddenly becomes much warmer towards her, as well. He's quick to reassure her ("I won't let that happen. I promise.") and not only responds to her when she talks, but also begins talking to her unprompted as well.
This is also the first time Leon ever tries hitting on Ashley with the "Seems this isn't your first time running from creeps" line, and it fails spectacularly.
4) Trials and Temptations / Three Dates
This one is probably the one that needed the most explaining LMAO I shouldn't have let this one go. The "three dates" don't have to/usually aren't meant to be actual, literal dates in romance novels. They're just three significant events that happen between the couple that builds and then reinforces their bond. (It also doesn't necessarily have to be three -- some stories only do two, some do five, etc. The point is that Things Are Happening that strengthen the relationship.)
That is why I said that their three "dates" are:
1) Ashley busting the window open after the Mendez boss fight, helping brush the embers off of Leon, and helping to pull him to his feet. This is the first time the two of them actually smile at each other and the first time they start to act as a team.
2) Salazar's introduction ("The girl's just fine. With me."). Leon wants so badly to be that cool guy in an 80s movie who shows up out of nowhere and puts his arm around a beautiful girl and looks at some dickhead harassing her and goes "This guy giving you a hard time, babe?" This is the closest he's ever gotten to and will ever get to being that in his life. He's not cool enough to ever actually be that guy for real.
3) The road to the Water Hall (Leon jumping across the chandeliers + this is the first time the "knight and the princess" allegory is stated) (You could also include the Garrador here, because if you take Ashley down there after the fact, there's special dialogue that happens that's... God, Leon sucks at this whole flirting thing. He just sucks, dude.)
5) Midpoint Crisis / I-need-you-but-can’t-have-you
Everything is going so well... until it isn't anymore. The three dates have given the couple a glimpse of how special and important this relationship could be, which is great -- until it becomes a problem. One of the characters gets freaked out by the intensity of the relationship and pulls back out of fear, because there's something else happening in their life that's bigger than either character and more important to be addressed.
In Leon and Ashley's case, it's Ashley's plaga. Saddler takes control of her briefly and gets a hold of Leon's knife, stabs him, and then threatens to cut her own throat. When his hold over her breaks, she's terrified. She needs Leon now more than ever because of this, but she's more afraid of hurting him than losing herself, so she runs away from him in tears.
6) The Road Back / Pulling Back Together
Basically, the plot forces the couple back together, and -- due to the raw, open vulnerability caused by the Midpoint Crisis -- their bond is stronger than ever. The feelings change from "yeah, I like them" to "I want them." Real intimacy starts to form and build here, because the interest in and attraction to each other is allowed by both characters to be acknowledged. This is usually where the sexual tension starts to really kick into high gear, and the audience is just waiting for that moment when it all breaks open.
This starts with the pep talk that Leon gives Ashley when he finds her again -- which is romantically framed and coded with its imagery and cinematography. It continues through the entire Grand Hall segment, which includes the moment in the game in which Leon is at his boldest in terms of expressing his attraction to her. This is the point in the game in which their relationship is at its most playful. They tease each other and flirt and pass compliments back and forth -- and, for a while, it feels like the two of them are unstoppable and able to take on the world together.
7) The Fall
"The fall" is the shortened version of "The moment they actually fall in love." It's the "oh god, I think I love them" moment. The two characters do not necessarily have to admit to each other that they've experienced "the fall" -- and usually, at least one of them doesn't. But they both experience that moment where it hits them.
We see Ashley "fall" at the start of her gameplay segment, where she takes Leon's earlier words to heart and draws strength from them. ("I won't run. Wait for me, Leon.") He's inspired her to strive to be more than she is, and she embraces the way that he makes her feel, in that moment.
We see Leon "fall" as soon as he catches the key that she tosses down to him. He looks up at her with stars in his eyes and offers to catch her if she jumps down. An interesting detail to note is that this is the first and one of the only times in RE4make that Nick Apostolides reverts to using the tone/voice that he used for Leon in RE2make. It's soft and sweet and gentle as he makes her an offer that has no reason to be made, just for the sake of getting to hold her in his arms again.
And, in order to drive home the point, this all happens during a scene that was framed, shot, and directed to mirror/mimic the balcony scene in Romeo & Juliet.
8) Dark moment / The Break Up
Once again, Something Happens and comes between them -- and this one is way, way worse than the Midpoint Crisis. This isn't "I'm scared to be with you" -- it's "I can't be with you." Hope for the relationship is completely lost, and both characters become overwhelmed in their individual despair.
Verdugo breaks them up physically -- not once, but twice. And that second time involves Leon being forced to watch Ashley endure Salazar's weird "ritual" and be unable to stop it or do anything to help her. He just has to sit with that failure and suffer through it until he's literally thrown away and discarded while Ashley screams his name.
When Leon finally finds Ashley again, we see him confront the one moment in the game when he honestly, truly loses hope. He sits down on the floor at Ashley's bedside, and there's nothing more that he can do than wait for her to wake up. Some part of him has already become convinced that they won't make it out of there alive -- not both of them, at least. Not together. And he's ready to commit suicide as a contingency plan.
9) The Sacrifice
This is the "do or die" moment for the relationship in a romance novel. This is the moment where the decision is made to confront not just the external force keeping them apart, but also the internal flaws that are feeding into that avoidant urge. The couple decides that their desire to be together is stronger and more important than whatever fear or force is holding them back, and though it's terrifying to do it, they stand up for the relationship in the face of opposition.
In RE4make, we see this play out through the sequence in which Leon carries Ashley to Luis's lab and how the two of them, against all physical and mental odds, manage to remove each other's plagas. This is especially emotionally significant for Leon, who says the words out loud: "This time, it has to be different..." He's openly acknowledging that his trauma from Raccoon City is what made him so ready to pull the trigger on himself back in that holding cell. Here, now, he puts his foot down, confronts that trauma, and says "No. I have to beat this."
And he does, even at great physical cost to himself. But the sacrifice was worth it, because it was for her.
10) Declaration
In a very literal sense, it's the declaration of love. It's an outward, spoken confirmation of the bond they share, now that the trial from the Sacrifice has been overcome. Traditionally in romance novels, this happens with the actual words "I love you."
But RE4make isn't a traditional romance novel, and Capcom has an entire fanbase of angry nerds who take fictional relationships too seriously to navigate through. So, instead of an explicit "I love you" what we got instead was an explicit verbal confirmation of their bonded status as a team.
"Hey... We're a team, right?"
"Keep this up? I'll be out of a job."
11) The HEA
"HEA" stands for "Happily ever after."
While I could (and did) say that Leon and Ashley literally ride off into the sunrise together, that does feel disingenuous. Even though it's true and the imagery is there, they don't really have a happily ever after. Not really. This is the only part that's missing from RE4make.
And that's because RE4make isn't just a romance on its own -- it's a fairy tale set inside of a story that's self-aware and knows that fairy tales aren't real. And so both Leon and Ashley wake up from this shared dream of a romance they've been having, as reluctantly as they do, because it's time for them to come back to reality.
Fairy tales aren't real. Romance novels aren't real.
Their feelings are real. But life doesn't work that way. Not for them.
They may not have a happily ever after, but they do have this moment to be together -- and for them, it's enough.
Because it has to be.
#resident evil 4#leon kennedy#ashley graham#eagleone#meta analysis#THIS TOOK ME AN EMBARRASSINGLY LONG TIME TO WRITE#i thought i'd just whip this up real fast after work#BRO SHIT TOOK ME LIKE FOUR HOURS NO FOOLIES#mostly because i had to take all my fantasy mods off and then go back and re-cap all of these scenes with the defaults on#pain in my ass#so i hope ppl fuckin appreciate this!!!!#the next time someone asks you why/how eagleone is canon#just light this son of a bitch on fire and throw it at their head
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bitches at your old job sound so childish I haaaaate when grown adults act like literal high school meangirls like grow tf up. good for you for getting out of there tbh
❤️❤️❤️ thank you so much for reaching out and saying that anon ;_; sorry ive been bitching about it nonstop but like...I truly can't reason or reconcile (or whatever tf the word im looking for is lol) with any other excuse this happened like it really is just high school drama behavior. I straight up don't know what i did. I feel like if youre in your mid 50s you should be able to figure out that someone not being talkative isnt something to take so personally. She could've just asked too like...hhh idk. Idk but youre right its a good thing I got out of there, I've been meaning to anyway but I was hoping I'd have another job lined up.
#everybody elses behavior i cant justify at all though. there was no reason for ppl ive never spoken to to have been so fuckin cold and rude#so i can only assume i was a topic of gossipy conversation the other night. which sux pretty badly lawl#idk what it is abt me that when ppl hear rumors they never bother to check with me before deciding im a bad person#like man just fuckin talk to me... why is everybody stuck in grade fuckin 9 i s2g!!!#anonymous#thank you again tho i appreciate you <3 hope ur having a good day
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Glenn would appreciate your theories me thinks because when he said dennis was actually rehearsing and was just mad that mac saw it before he should have I thought he was reading one of your tumblr posts
FIRST OFF I AM SO FLATTERED BUT SECONDLY I RLLY GOTTA BE UPFRONT HERE 😭 yes i come up w theories i come up w AUs but bros… a lot of my posts abt Macden and Dennis in general… i re-watch the show itself SO often i am genuinely speaking from my analysis of the canon itself. i dont want ppl to get it too twisted— i genuinely have just been picking up on the stuff they have been writing into the show.. thats my feeling.. like when i talk abt the Shamrock stuff.. how Gets New Wheels/MFHP are macden arc foil eps… the Cats in the Wall metaphor, that is ALL rcg! that is what THEY wrote into the text!!
#im so honored u think glenn would appreciate my theories tho tbh i rlly hope he would#mostly cuz i do rlly try to parse what they are writing/acting into the show i try so hard dude#i just lov dennis im so passionate abt how theyve written him i think glenn has such an attention to detail w his character#n puts so much into him i rlly fuckin admire it i do#cuz tbh i rlly am a little bitch for canon thats just who i am#n dennis reminds me so much emotionally of how ive felt in my dads side of the family who Have that level of dysfunction the gang do so that#also helps a bit w my reading i feel LMAOO#like so many of my theories i try to specifically make sure they line up with the pre-existing canon as if i were pitching 2 rcg themselves#like. again thats just me 😭😭#so yea.. again im so so flattered but truly a lot of my posting is based on what i think is written!!!#n as someone who has watched this show so so sooo many times i rlly do see them writing macden i see them writing den as having Loved mac#even when hes saying he hates mac….. he doesnt. he rlly truly doesnt. n rcg knows it i swear to u#they are smart. they have Been doing this for years. thats not givin em credit thats truly just experience!#(this is also important when it comes to criticizing them i believe.. like i cant let em off the hook for the stupid racist shit theyve#pulled n try to brush off cuz i KNOW theyre intelligent n not just bad writers thats a case of em choosing to be ignorant or phrasing their#frustrations against specifically Hulu pulling those eps performatively very poorly cuz Hulu now is part of the house that pays their bills#n they dont wanna get in trouble but seem to hav no qualms just coming off like they think Ppl Just Dont Get The Joke n NO Racist Adults#watch their show… thats BS n they should know better or fucking learn.. anyway)#like i aspire to write tv n i rlly like how theyve written sunny for the most part#like their character writing is just… i love it im obsessed w that aspect ive fallen so in love w all these characters’ writing#okok im done gushing#u are so sweet anon ily#but also i dont wanna give MYSELF too much credit when i dont feel ive done the heavy lifting yknow what i mean? 😭#i truly believe if anyone rewatched the show as much as i have (and with how rcg hav been talkin abt sunnys streaming potential i believe#they want ppl to at some point be able to rewatch it like that n pick up on this stuff)#but if anyone rewatches this show enough times u will see this stuff cuz again its totally just written into it!n#i am just pointing it out not writin it myself#but again im more than happy to talk abt it n point it out if RCG themselves aren’t always comfortable doing so/feel like its ‘bragging’#or pretentious.. cuz i hav So much fun analyzing the show n talking abt it n dont rlly hav any personal reputation stakes in doing so LOL
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ok on a scale of 1 to 10, (10 being the most), how close does it seem like i am to just saying "peace and love" at the end of my heartfelt vegan posts lol
#lol#i mean truly i have a big heart full of love its gaggingly sweet#and it feels so fake especially when i imagine others reading it#but like i really so just care and love peoples differences and helping and understanding#but like i sound so gushy i feel. like throw in a fuckin namaste#i just never know if im taken seriously or if its too much.#i guess what i love about veganism is the fact that everyones life looks different. how vast it is#and also? how muvh ive grown bc i definitely used to be more...judgy#more pushy. more 'ur bad if ur not vegan'. like those ppl exist bc i was one of them#but then i grew up and surrounded myself with better people AND got used to the information#bc when you first learn about an injustice or really anything new it can be like#it can feel urgent like if you dont do this now something bad will happen. but#and i thank some of the ppl who still follow me for knocking sense into me. for reminding me that lol my experience isnt everything#the world and its people is VAST. and its hard to think of every scenario. but once i realized that there was stuff i didnt think of-#thats when i became as open as possible and realized that i wasnt really vegan bc its about being open#possible practical and nescessary. that has become most important to me. and to remind ppl that only the individual#can define what is nescessary for them. so yeah i really appreciate the non vegans who actually had a conversation#but yeah im so sappy. i just hope no one things im being fake.
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I always do question why I keep putting up with all the bullshit of my job. I got soooooo close to quitting back in February, & ultimately only really stayed bc my tax return was delayed & I didn't have the financial security without it to quit
I enjoy some aspects of the job. But tbh yeah I kinda fucking hate it. There's so much I have to do Constantly, there are Always problems, and I've got more and more responsibilities and expectations placed on me. More and more money too, but ngl it still doesn't feel like enough for what all of this is.
But I'm taking so long in my schooling. I've fumbled it so many times. I don't have any internships and I'm petrified at the idea of applying to them. What I DO have is a rock solid track record with this job. I'm well respected by management, I'm relatively accomplished, & I've proved that I can do a damn good job. The longer I stay here, the more that potentially means down the road. I have a business owner who's openly stated he'll vouch for me no matter where I go & a work history that's looking better and better. Having thorough experience with management looks Great no matter where I go.
And... it helps me feel better about myself, too. Helps me feel like I'm not wasting so much time. I'm not just fumbling my schooling, I'm doing part time school as I also participate in managing a store. Sounds better when I put it like that. Makes me feel like less of a failure when compared to others who are more accomplished.
So here I am. Constantly under pressure, constantly wishing to escape, yet Here I Am.
I just really need to finish with school already. It seems like it's going to be my only real escape from it all.
#speculation nation#being in management has driven home to me how little i want to be in management#im fine being a team leader aka what im hoping all this will act as proof of ability for or whatever#but upper level management? no fuckin thanks lmao. i hate almost everything about it#hate being in charge of deciding peoples' fates re: hiring. hate being in charge of disciplinary stuff (im so bad at it)#hate the expectations and responsibilities and all this constant fucking bullshit#... though i do like feeling valued. the owner consistently voices his appreciation for what i do & it feels very nice#but that's also why this bullshit with the supervisor stings so bad bc she's clearly discounting everything i do for this fucking place#i ALREADY stayed late to help but it wasnt enough bc i didnt give Everything for her.#which i hate that im still angry about it but i really am. it fucking sucks.#she has no idea how hard this fucking job is. how much im already doing. it's infuriating.#i bet she thinks im making like much more than i am lmao. im ultimately only a few dollars more than her.#'management' at at a small store doesnt mean ppl sitting on plush pillows making arbitrary decisions for thousands#no im out there doing shit all the time. im still basically an employee. i just also have some say in how things should be run.#it's complicated. my reasons for staying are complicated. so im unlikely to leave until the time is right.#but oh God i want so badly to leave. i want it so so badly.#someday i will have my bachelors. and then hopefully i can get some random computer job where i can just be a gremlin#without all the pressures of management resting on my shoulders.#maybe someday...
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Wish ppl (not @ u just in general since u ahve a larger audience) would stop appropriating "woke." It's an aave term with a real meaning that entitled white ppl bastardized to mean "anything i personally find to be too leftist for comfort/leftist to the point of absurdity/insanity" and I'm so fuckin tired of ppl appropriating aave instead of idk reading a damn book. Anyway hope ur day is great love your art and your blog
oh bless you anon! i didn't actually know the roots of the term, so i appreciate the education! it's prompted a bit of reading on my part, so i'm thankful. it's become so oversaturated in use and has kind of just become a buzz word or a joke - i've only ever really used it in an ironic sense - it's upsetting that something that used to be used to rally and galvanize has been reduced to a joke by the exact powers it was trying to take down, oy. it's something i'll be mindful of.
i hope you're having a great day too anon!! all my love !!
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i hope you know how much even white fans appreciate you. i think i learned a lot about what poc go through and you inspire me to be louder about my support of poc fans. i'm sorry if this is weirdly phrased but i just wanted to say i love your blog. what you do is so so important to everyone in this fandom.
not weird at all, thank u.
"white fandom" is never meant to solely mean "white people" so, despite how most luv to frame it, this is nothing against white ppl as ppl. I don't think the ppl who are the driving force of this gatekeeping rn are even white at all, but they are still coddling white feelings. they are making this a safe space for white ppl only, which is fucking insane given the show's focus, but not insane coming from typical anne rice book ppl.
white ppl have the best chance to rly say something and be heard, so please do speak up however u can. inspiring others and dragging this shit into the light are goals here but others have to do things too. it's not pretty or rewarding but u have to speak up.
showing the anons I do and pointing out these weak techniques they try, the things said to me, are all meant to show u (at least some) of the reality of what they'll try to get u to shut up. most ppl will suffer in silence or leave, because nobody comes here for this. I have no other purpose here so I will keep showing u how long this goes on and why this fandom forever remains so small.
this is what anne rice inspired in ppl btw. a fandom originating from books written by an egotistical white woman with a big mouth have made these ppl grow up to think they're smarter than they are. it's not being smart, it's just being abusive and obsessing over it. this is why it's funny when ppl say *I'm* doing too much. I've been here five minutes. this fandom carries obsessive grudges for *years* once ur a target. It's sick. she was a sick, abusive, racist person, not a fuckin girlboss.
#asks#interview with the vampire#amc interview with the vampire#interview with the vampire amc#iwtv amc#amc iwtv#iwtv 2022#fandom racism#anne rice#vampire chronicles
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heyo hiooo 💅 back again with the bullshit. I hope you're feelin better soon, friendo.
i had an idea and thought the leon hivemind might appreciate it:
serial killer (or slasher. whatever. crazy guy) and trophy husband leon. to everyone else, he's a homebody and your house husband, keeping the place clean and cooking some good fuckin dinner because he's good with knives n shit. dark sense of humor but is capable of getting along with *some* ppl in the neighborhood. jogs around and gets oogled. maybe he decorates the house for halloween and sum other shit bc he's bored.
you bring in the big bucks doing something morally grey, like scamming rich ppl out of their money idfk. doesn't matter, you're the breadwinner, gaslight gatekeep girlboss.
when you're alone, though, he's this lingering, hungry presence that begs for your attention. he's still obsessed with you, and his appetite is close to insatiable - only handled by an agreement where he wears a chastity cage for most of the year, only to be let out once or twice as a treat.
so, most of the time he's keeping you happy, acts of service and sweet words. looking for attention and good boy points. he's too brain broken in this state to kill anyone, so you feel like you're doing the world a service by keeping him busy.
he's gorgeous, the neighbors are jealous, he wears nice clothes you dress him up in, but he always seems to get them messy when he's pinning you to the wall and trying to get off just by rubbing against you. shaking and trying not to make you mad by being too rough, but let's be real - it's nice to feel him squeeze you so hard it leaves bruises while he sobs and begs.
the longer he goes without letting The Beast out (I'm sure there's a less still way to put it but. fuck it we ball) the more he acts up. blatantly trying to take what he wants from you in front of others, more willing to threaten guests, I'm sure he's a sadomasochist so he'll be happy to get tied up and punished.
as much fun as it is to toy with him, it's really nice when you decide to let him free for the night. it's dangerous because he *might* forget the reasons why he behaves most of the time, why he should go back into the cage after. but you're on the receiving end of some rough handling, some mean words. might be fun to, at least once a year, let him chase you though the forest and hold you down. let it allllllllll out, so when he's tired and vulnerable, you can cage him and start it all again.
❤️ yeeeeah....... yeah. that's nice. hope you liked it too.
Yello!!! 👋 👋
Color me.. intrigued 👀
This is 🥵
I love it 👏 👏
He’s so unhinged around you it’s not even funny but it’s exactly how you like him 🤭
He’s always so desperate to be around you, constantly begging you to stay home that he’ll take care of you. But you firmly put your foot down (in more ways that one 😜) and he’s just a whiny mess
But then when it’s that time where he gets free reign he’s so rough
He pins you down constantly and fucks you stupid; ignoring anything you say (unless safe wording but that goes without saying), he’s just insanely horny 🥴
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I still do want to apologize for what I said, I genuinely hope you don't feel too bad, however I still want to say that your love for the trans community is really skewed, if I said that I loved the jewish community and every take I had was agreed with by nazis, it wouldnt exactly make me a great ally, again really hope the wheelchair thing didnt feel too bad, a lot of it came from my struggle with a wheelchair, my ass cannot walk either
i do appreciate the apology, as bewildering as it is!
honestly my blog is like a pinterest folder for me of the wide spectrum of radfem views that people have around these parts. not everyone is a jerk, which was fuckin wild to my detrans brain after so long in trans spaces being told they're all right-wing tradwives... what peaked my interest and led me to make this blog was me finding trans-led radfem blogs that were fighting for cis/bio women's rights and trying to find cis-trans compromises, talking abt being trans radfems or radfem allies while being trans. ofc you could say they're all fake, but i've even met irl trans ppl very open to certain radfem beliefs when i presented them out of curiosity without saying they were radfem ones. cuz let's be real, most ppl don't really know what radfems actually believe in, and know thy enemy is a pretty important thing in activism! ppl study all kinds of groups where bigotry has festered, and i don't believe radfems are like incels or nazis at all
it's late, so i'm going to ramble about what i've learned -- radfems, the ones that aren't just jerks, are basically saying: "i care first and foremost about afab rights! i want afab-only spaces in bathrooms & changing rooms, alongside gender neutral ones! i care about afab-specific issues like abortions and forced pregnancy and afab genital mutilation and trauma that only cis women & transmasc ppl face growing up, afab ppl face unique misogyny that is wayyy too often seen as a less important issue than transmisogyny instead of an equal struggle, and transfems can be misogynistic af against afab folks in a unique way that needs to be called THE FUCK OUT!! afab rights matter! afab people are more than just their body type! afab people have unique sex-based oppression!" they aren't calling for trans ppl's deaths, the grand majority anyway. they're all for gender nonconformity, they just don't believe it will ever your agab and they believe your agab matters in certain leftist discussions... like how transfems will say theyfabs and use the word afab to describe a specific dynamic between the two sexes, afab/female & amab/male
and i know "there are two sexes in humans" gets ppl mad -- from what i read about there being two sexes, radfems told me the one thing no one has been able to debunk so far is that if you google male & female it says that the male/amab sex is the group of humans that has small spermazoid gametes, and female/afab sex produce larger gametes; intersex people still fit under one of these two, and the term itself is actually seen as offensive, they're just people with DSDs. afab ppl typically are born with vaginas and go through estrogen puberty, and amab ppl are typically born with penises. radfems are saying that amab/male and afab/female are just body types that shouldn't dictate one's life, but the patriarchy and creepy powerful cis men have turned afab bodies (and afab-passing bodies) into something sexualized and objectified, and people with afab bodies are raised under misogyny from birth, which amab people typically don't go through unless they start passing 100% perfectly (and even then the misogyny they face is conditional; if someone learns they're amab, they will face homophobic disgust, like the typical movie joke of a guy realizing a girl is transfem and throwing up... that isn't the misogyny that cis women & transmasc ppl face). penises can forcibly impregnate and feel genital pleasure while penetrating, which does mean afab people & post-op transfems (the grand majority of transfems statistically still have dicks) are uniquely vulnerable against amab bodies. these are big differences that need to be talked about
radfems are saying that amab/male & afab/female socialization matters and the trans community should take it into account, and stop seeing cis women & transmascs as the one-way oppressors of transfems, when transfems are also privileged for being amab; they do not face systemic body issues that afab ppl face, and they do not know what it's like to grow up as afab, therefore sometime need to sit tf down and listen too. it's not a strict oppressor/oppressed dynamic, it's more complex. afab-unique oppression is violent and widespread worldwide, afab ppl have generational trauma and may face afab-unique issues that anyone amab cannot even begin to understand. i think everyone should listen to one another. i think transmisogyny & afabmisogyny both matter. that's what radfems are saying.
radfems often do not use the most respectful language. they say male instead of amab, female instead of afab, they misgender, they say trans-identified male (tim) and trans-identified female (tif). many have faced afabmisogyny from transfems and have nowhere to go. some are transmascs, and some are transfems and strong allies. radfems often do not mince their words. but i think, as an oppressed class, their words still do matter. if identifying as a woman makes you oppressed, and being afab makes you oppressed, wouldn't being a woman-identified afab person bring a unique oppression? don't cis, or as they call themselves biological women, matter? they don't feel a gender identity, they see their agab as just a body type, one they did not choose and may not always like, but they align with it and they want to normalize it and stop oppression against it. if cis people tell trans people they don't have a gender identity, they don't have ~womanly feelings~ inside their heads, does anyone ever listen or do they just go umm you're probably agender? if cis women say they have worries about certain gender-affirming things, bc it may bring harm their way, do we talk abt it or just mock them and call them terfy bitches? what about all the replies from trans people involving r*pe threats and forced impregnation and guilt-tripping same-sex attracted ppl for not being into the opposite agab, when some trans people also are only attracted to the same agab (transfem4transfem) or attracted only to the opposite agab. some openly admit it! yet cis people can't do the same? what about certain concerns related to medical transition, ones that many detrans people raise but no one except right-wing bigots listen to? and the ironic gender normative sexist things that some trans ppl say? why aren't there discussions abt this shit in trans spaces?? it genuinely worries me
there's soooo many of these issues, you see... and trans folks and trans allies aren't speaking up, they aren't posting about them, they aren't having actual discussions, they just brush it all under the rug as terf bs bc it makes them look bad so they want to believe all this shit is fake. that's why radfems are getting more and more fed up. i want to ease that tension. i want to do something. bc i care a whole fucking lot about all lgbtq people. trans people literally funded my escape from my abusive home when i was younger, i know y'all protect your own. i just want to throw away the misconception that cis women aren't a unique oppressed class too, and actually listen to what they're saying so we can put an end to the bullshit cis-trans war, bc the people killing trans people ARE ACTUALLY CIS MEN! the people in power ARE CIS MEN! we are wasting our fucking breath on eachother. and it needs to change. that's what my book is gonna be about and that's why i'm on here collecting receipts and having deep convos with radfems and eventually doing surveys etc
i genuinely did not know what i'd find when i started researching radfeminism. i expected something radically (ha!) different. i think the trans community could really benefit from at least learning more, if only to have genuine debates and not just slurs and threats. i really do care and i hope both communities can somehow find peace :/
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Orla... Why are you so kind??(╥﹏╥) I've been your follower for (maybe) a long time. First time, i just liked your stories. But your blog keep showing and recommend it to my tl! Then i decided to follow you and turn on notification! :D ((Psst, besides that i love König sm and you make a lot König's fic!!!!<3))
I'm glad you're growing everyday, every fics you made feels so fuckin' ROCKKKKK AARGHHH💗💗 Happy to see you try a new genre(?) :3 (pls i discovery my new kink too everytime i read you fics). Hope to see more of your works in the future!!✨💗 Loveee youuuu😘😘😘😍😍😍🥰🥰🥰 AND PLS IGNORE THOSE PPL WHO HATES YOU, HERE I GIVE YOU ALL OF MY HEART❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥❤️🔥
—sorry for my bad english༎ຶ‿༎ຶ
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, my angel :'33 this is so sweet to read, and really brightens my night !! ( ꈍᴗꈍ) i appreciate the thoughtful, sweet and supportive message, thank you so much !! ❣️🐙
LOVE YOU, SWEETHEART !! 🫂 i hope you're doing well :3 GLAS YOU'RE ENJOYING MY WORK
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i feel like we're gonna need a whole long individual post from you where you sum up your thoughts and feelings of c3ep51...it's a doozy and i'm interested to hear what you have to say!!😵💫
okay. okayyy. i just finished the ep so i haven't had a lot of time to think about it yet but. initial reaction is that i'm feeling a little hm. bad! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
obviously i haven't been on tungle so idk if a lot of other ppl feel this way or if i'm in the minority but. a lot of the latter parts felt bad. like in my soul, i mean. i was simply not having as good of a time as i wanted to be having.
cue complaining! apologies in advance:
it was like. liliana being obstinate, even with appreciably high rolls from imogen. ludinus giving this stupid-ass speech that went on for ages about how his life is sooo so so so hard. sky ship was a complete and utter bust. beau and caleb were a complete and utter bust. keyleth was obviously a complete and utter bust and then some. fcg was just stuck in a goddamn automaton for half the thing. destroying power cores maybe caused the key to malfunction, we'll find out, but they certainly didn't feel particularly influential in the final climax. nobody in the party even had an opportunity to do anything during initiative with the backpack having an AC of fucking 25 (when bh is only level 8!!!). laudna and ashton weren't even there, which obviously couldn't have been predicted or controlled, but it didn't feel good
i can appreciate and understand the idea of having it be very clear that this effort was actually futile from the beginning, because ludinus is unbelievably powerful and otohan beat their asses already and this was a plan centuries in the making and the manpower was there and the group is low-level etc etc. maybe this was always meant to happen, maybe the rest of the campaign as matt planned hinges on the majority of ludinus' plan succeeding, which is FINE. but i don't think i was alone in thinking that there was a non-negligible amount of hope going into this ep that something amazing might happen, esp with beau caleb and keyleth all explicitly involved. and it was all, very very unceremoniously, crushed piece by piece and all ludinus had to do was raise a fuckin pinky. you know what i mean? it just felt too easy for him. after watching bells hells painstakingly plan and desperately recruit help for two straight eps, i just sat here and watched ludinus shit and spit on all of that within seconds? felt bad. i think if there was more of an encounter, more of a fighting chance, then it wouldn't have made me as a viewer feel stupid for thinking something might actually fuckin work
i think it could be argued that the otohan fight in bassuras was similar in its feeling of futility, but like. it wasn't??? bc they were fighting her, they were doing damage, they were using up her spells and her legendary actions/resistances, and there was decision-making involved esp on laura's part. there was good rp and there was tension and risky choices, and the players were driving the ship. here it was like every single thing they threw at it didn't even make it in the door. the whole thing was over in one round
speaking of one round, i really actually quite unironically hated the 5 full minutes during which matt rolled 200 damage or whatever against keyleth. obviously because i love her, but also because it was the quintessential moment in the ep of making me sit here and go "what is the fucking point." one of the most powerful people on the entire planet, down before she can even think to do anything about it. and then vax shows up in this triumphant moment of divine victory just to get totally fucked. BY IMOGEN'S MOM, NO LESS. and NEITHER of them got a turn in initiative. bc ludinus is sooo smart and sooo powerful and sooo wise and sooo evil. vom
so anyway. i don't think i'm nearly as mad as this post makes me sound, but i am definitely having trouble finding parts about the latter half of this ep that i particularly enjoyed, at least in hindsight. like in the moment vax's appearance was Amazing. Legendary. but the fact that all it did was play into ludinus' hand made it feel lowkey like shit. so idk!
sorry this post turned into me saying mean things. i was trying to keep an open mind during my liveblog but i was quite frustrated at certain points lmao idk i'll keep thinking on it and you'll prob see posts from me if i change my mind about things
#sorry this is kinda mean idk if you were expecting something more levelheaded dkfjskdf. but i just didn't rly have that much fun!#anonymous#ask#answered#critical role#cr3#cr spoilers#cr meta#nova shh#cr negativity
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I know this may be bad timing or whatever but I just want u to know that lots of ppl admire your work and think you are awesome (which you are) and you’re one of my fav artists like your art style is so cool and unique! I genuinely hope you get better or whatever your going thru passes bc not everything lasts and I promise that things will get better ❤️🩹 I admire you honestly and just think that ur really cool and chill. I rlly rlly do appreciate you being here and sharing your work with us it is truly really cool and I appreciate you as a human being. Pls know that people out there really care for you and appreciate you.
take care :)
Thank you, dude. You're too fuckin sweet sayin all that. I've never met people as kind n caring as the mfs here, n I hope that all of you know just how much you guys can really just cheer a mf up. I hope that you're doin good n thank you, man
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20 questions for writers!
i got tagged by @mangatxt forever ago and have kept meaning to come back to this so here we are!
i'm gonna tag @northisnotup and @sleepdepravity! no pressure of course tho! i took like.. a month to get to this lol
answers below the cuuuuut
How many works do you have on AO3?
37!
What's your total AO3 word count?
355,420
What fandoms do you write for?
mp100 & good omens! (I choose to believe I will go back to those gomens fics..)
What are your top 5 fics by kudos?
I'm gonna cheat and separate these by fandom but i'll do the top 3 instead as a compromise
Good Omens:
- Forever Is Composed of Nows (1.7k holyshit)
- The God Below (723)
- File Corrupted (686)
MP100
- Study Session (NSFW!) (186)
- Inventory Updated (NSFW!) (145)
- Reigen 1/2 (143)
tbh i think looking at a fic's hits & bookmarks are more indicative of their popularity. a fic could have 10 kudos and like hundreds of hits. ppl keep coming back to that one for a reason yknow? (i know this is skewed by like multipchaps and stuff but idk, something i think about)
Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?
I try to! I try to respond to every comment, even if it's just a 'thanks so much' cause i really do appreciate them all! sometimes I get behind or feel guilty about not having updated or like, feel guilty that i left a longer response to someone else. I just overthink it a lot really lol
What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?
oooo I think all my fics have happy endings? there's a lot of angst between and pain but the ending tends to be happy! altho i do have plans for a mcd mp100 fic and i'm not sure how that one will end.. probably happy but considering the mcd maybe more.. bittersweet? iunno! I guess of my currently published ones the angstiest ending is this Castlevania drabble! It's .. several years old now and probably not very good but hey, growth!
What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?
ohgosh uuuuhhh probably The God Below?? They all have happy endings but I think that one feels maybe the most rewarding because (at least for me) for a long time it didnt really seem possible FOR it to end happy. Very much how are they gonna get out of this? And not only do they get out of it but there's some surprise happiness too!
Do you get hate on fics?
thankfully no and pls i hope it stays that way i am. so smol. i WILL cry
that being said i am a HUGE supporter of like, ppl should be allowed to say 'i dont like this / this thing sucks' just like, not in my comments lol take it to discord or groupchats or wherever, cause i do think readers should be able and allowed to have space to complain about a thing (whether that's Actual Critique or just full on bashing). just dont do it direclty in front of my salad me plsthanks
Do you write smut? If so, what kind?
so much smut. sooo much smut. its kind of funny basically all of my mp100 stuff is smut and there was a time where i was like, anxious about writing even heated kiss scenes!
i think?? i'm best known for like, loving filth?? like these guys gonna fuck nasty but also wow theyre so in love its almost more filthy than whats actually happening (almost) but i'll write all kinds. i like silly moments in smut, i like the inherent vulnerability that comes with that. also monster sex. i should write more of that
Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?
not really! altho i have an idea for a Underworld X Resident Evil crossover! i poke the concept every so often. I could make it work i KNOW i can and i KNOW it'd be good too is the thing. it'd fuckin WORK. i mean *gestures vaguely to the movies, the animated movies, the GAMES, the ... live action res tv series* don't talk to me about it, i'm still so hurt. (no DO talk to me about it we COULDVE HAD IT ALL! anyway..)
oh yknow what i think i do write crossovers?? but like, less characters from A meet characters from B and more characters from A are thrown into the setting / world of characters B, or the general vibes? So i guess Reigen 1/2 would be considered a crossover huh? I also have a space western one that's hugely based off Outlaw Star, at least to start 🤔 maybe i DO write crossovers!
[shockedpikachu.gif]
Have you ever had a fic stolen?
unfortunately yes. it was (as far as i know) resolved though. i was so heartbroken over it i never actually checked to see if they kept their word and made the changes they said they would
Have you ever had a fic translated?
not that i'm aware of! i have had a fic bound tho!
Have you ever co-written a fic before?
hmmmm i think so! Not in a traditional sense of like you write this and i write that but Gaymer AU ( yes it's REAL i promise it's REAL) is largely cocreated and brainstormed and just, would not exist without @crownorclover! and omamori feels very co-written with them too as well! oh i also am working on a sequel to the god below via an rp with my pal @garmrr! it's on a bit of a hiatus right now but that's v much co-writing!
What's your all-time favourite ship?
man if you'd asked me this a year ago i would've said azicrow but here we are in the serirei trenches. I think there's still a LOT i love about azicrow and what you can do with them as a writer but there's something about serirei and how mundane they are (or try to be). my most recent azicrow fic was a human au so i think already i was seeking out that sort of point of connection and relation? and theres something about the overall themes of mp100 and how deeply flawed all of these characters are that really appeals to me. reigen and serizawa are not perfect people, in many ways they're not even GOOD people (they get there though) and its the getting there and the exploration of that that really appeals to me i think
What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?
hmm im not sure there is one? in terms of my fanfic, anything that's posted and unfinished i truly believe i WILL finish. idk when, but i will. I dont start posting a fic unless i know exactly how it's going to end and i want to share that ending with readers.
I have some OG concepts that may not get finished in their original intent but might get frankensteined into other things!
What are your writing strengths?
dialogue, for sure. I think? fjdklajfk i said that a little too confidently and doubted myself but no I do think dialogue is one of my strengths! that and grounded angst. i think i'm good at writing angst that feels like it has weight to it, like it has actual stakes, and how that affects the characters. also world-building! i dont really get to flex it as much in modern settings but i have some scifi and urban fantasy WIPs in the pipeline and im SO STOKED
What are your writing weaknesses?
man writing shorter works. ive gotten a LOT better at it this year! writing all the lil mp100 drabbles helped a lot in teaching me how to embrace just like, sometimes it can be a lil scene, it doenst have to be a whole thing, you dont HAVE to create the surrounding world. and that in and of itself is a fun challenge in learning how to make something feel immersive even though it's essentially a snapshot of a nonexistent world.
I say i've gotten better but yesterday i did start brainstorming another massive longfic so like. we out here
Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?
i try to avoid it unless i'm really confident in my usage and the context, if i can get someone to triple check. i used a one-off sentence in spanish in another fic and it was v simple and the character himself wasn't fluent so like, i felt like i could get away with it. with mp100 i notice there's often times when certain things are referred to by their japanese names and that seems to be kind of the standard? so im experimenting with embracing that but it feels weird tbh. like should i put 'konbini' or just call it the corner store lol of course this isn't dialogue and is in the narrative itself so im not actually answering the question! oops
First fandom you wrote for?
believe it or not ive only been writing fanfic for *checks ao3* 4ish years? altho i grew up as a fan of shows and had my faves and my ships i never actually participated in fandom spaces until good omens. The first fic i wrote was in 2018 (the only fic i wrote that year) and it was for the castlevania anime lol i'd been writing OG fic for years and years and years before that though
Favourite fic you've ever written?
awgeez this is a tough one... i know Forever is the most popular by kudos but i think that has a lot to do with the time it was being posted (v early following the release of s1, a lot of hype) and it was my first major writing project in a long time as i'd taken a break from writing. so there's parts of it i'd def do differently now
The god below is definitely up there in terms of one that i had a lot of fun with and sort of re-learned how to have fun with writing and just.. do what i want, because i want to. and that's okay! i love the world i created for that fic so much. surprisingly i was very insecure about it when writing it. i didnt think it was very good or that people would like it and its my second most popular fic, has been bound by two different people, and had a podfic like.. i did something right with that one and i think it was embracing the unknown and doing a thing (narrative, worldbuilding, plot twist) when the sole reason was 'cause i wanna'
a fic i'm most proud of is probably Scar Tissue (good omens) it has MASSIVE cws for self-harm and drug abuse, and it's written for a fandom (Slow Show) WITHIN a fandom (good omens) so it's not going to make a lot of sense if you havent read slow show but.. god that fic was really, really personal and it has some of the best lines of narrative i think i've ever written
Lonely and ramshackle heart (good omens) also ranks up there as one im really happy with because it gave me an opportunity to explore trauma in a way i wasn't really seeing done in fic. it is one of those unfinished WIPs i think about all the time though and i really hope to finish it
i'm also working on vampau (mp100) again and the worldbuilding for that is something i'm OBSESSED with and am having SO MUCH fun and i think its an example of me taking what i learned with TGB and my OG fic, in doing what i want and having fun with it, and really pushing that as far as i can while ALSO working really hard to make it feel real and grounded. idk if im succeeding, yall will have to tell me when it drops lol
tada!
holycrap you made it this far??? wow! 🎉 i love love love talking about writing and the craft (obviously, this post is massive) and if you read this far you maybe like reading about it? so yknow, feel free to ask more questions!
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A lot of people refer to Cas as "gay," which I think is awesome and everything. But I personally always considered him more as "queer" for a number of reasons, such as:
angel genders and vessels are very fluid. Would he still be considered "gay" if he were in a female vessel, and in love with Dean? Also, there are several times in the series where Cas appears to be attracted to women (some ppl don't consider these moments valid for Reasons™ which is fine. But I do.) He also seems, in my opinion, to only be romantically interested in Dean, and I think this would be true if Dean were female. So that would make Cas closer to demi.
Point is, I recently saw a post on sm that was like "reminder: Cas is GAY. He's not bi, pan, or unlabeled, he's gay and that's not negotiable."
I consider myself queer and a huge Cas fan, so it was weird to see my interpretation of a character I know really well and relate to just be invalidated like that.
And I just kind of wanted you opinion, cuz I know like in Dean's case, seeing him as anything other than bi is pretty clearly against canon.
But is the same true for Cas? Is it wrong to see him as an umbrella "queer?" I know Misha calls him gay, which I love and respect, but I don't really let my interpretations be dictated by actor opinions. I feel like canon supports a much more fluid interpretation of Cas, but I'm just wondering if I'm wrong for that, in terms of what canon supports.
Anyway, sorry for the long post. Thanks for your thoughts in this fandom I love them
Hi!! Thank you for the nice words and for wanting to know my thoughts on this. I appreciate you :)
Sorry it took me over a week to finish this. I kind of started it, realized it was probably gonna be longer than I’d expected, and then added to it in pieces when off work so as not to half-ass it.
Also, I want you to know that I think you absolutely rock for this message. The fact that you have a strong personal interpretation or strong feelings about what your view of Cas' sexuality means to you, while being open to hearing arguments for what canon supports, is exactly the kind of nuance too many people in fandom lack. Huge fuckin shout out to you, anon, because this takes both guts and brain cells!
I have two primary threads of thought I'm going to address here, as well as how they criss-cross:
I agree that Cas' canon sexuality is a slightly different topic than Dean's canon sexuality. Dean's bisexuality is not unclear/unambiguous, and there's no wiggle room there; he's frequently attracted to women, he's frequently attracted to men, there's bi lighting, it's all not rocket science. Cas is a bit more ~ambiguously queer~, so advocating for fandom maintaining a unanimous hard stance on his canon sexuality is... a little trickier. In that vein, the "reminder" post you mentioned seeing feels too intense in my opinion for the nature of this particular conversation/topic.
That being said: from an analytical standpoint, I do think the strongest argument to be made based on canon is that Cas is gay and demi.
Since you seem open to it and asked for my thoughts overall, I'm gonna break down point 2 before circling back to point 1. Quick reminder/disclaimer that I'm not trying to invalidate you or your personal connection to Cas with anything I'm about to say, so please keep that in mind <3
You mentioned how some people don't consider Cas' moments of being attracted to women as ~being valid~ and said you disagree. That's fair! At the same time... in a nuanced fashion, that's where I land on it. I also think the show took care to ultimately build to and portray a full picture with all of that factored in, and to talk about that I kinda gotta go into detail here, because it's one part of a bigger piece. I’m not trying to turn this into a comprehensive meta deep dive, so I’m going to talk about this in a sort of summarized way but not go too far into breaking down any one point or analyzing any one scene. Hope that’s cool.
Let’s look at Cas’ biggest “moments,” as it were, with women. Or the ones I would guess people intend to reference.
First up: there’s Meg. We’ve got the “pizza man" season 6 kiss, the season 7 arc of Meg watching over Cas during his mental break, and season 8 when Meg sacrifices herself.
The season 6 "pizza man" kiss, to me, really plays into the overall mood of Cas' curiosity as he explores and tries to understand human behavior. He watched porn and was intrigued/confused/aroused, Meg kissed him partially to get at his angel blade (not a euphemism lmao), and then his curiosity kicked in so he kissed her more thoroughly because the opportunity was there. Those scenes are all connected, and he doesn’t have much of a reaction after the kiss. Then, season 7 is a whole suitcase to unpack, but… the bottom line there is that Meg treated Cas with decency when he was vulnerable in every sense of the word. And then in season 8, Cas undeniably had a fondness for Meg by the end, and they were friends... but I don't read it as him having an attraction to her or romantic feelings for her. I do not mean this as shade or hate to anyone who ships them, but my reading on that dynamic overall is that I do think Meg felt something for Cas in terms of both attraction and feelings; and while that makes it all a bittersweet tragedy, it also doesn't mean things were reciprocally non-platonic. She was into him, but he seemingly wasn’t into her in the same way. After Meg’s death, Cas also never asks about her or mentions her or has any reaction at all to her being gone–something that would have been very easy for them to incorporate with even one mention if they'd wanted to or considered it foundational. (For example, mentions of Dean's relationship with Benny are recurring throughout the show, lending its non-platonic nature and its significance for establishing bi Dean even more weight.) Season 8 Megstiel content is also placed narratively right up against the Destiel content, and the contrast of that is–of course–pretty stark. That was likely deliberate. Cas’ feelings for Dean are unavoidably, unmistakably at the forefront.
Then you've got season 9. A newly human Cas–who was given the heteronormative suggestion by Metatron to "Find a wife. Make babies."–gets seduced then killed by April, all of which is traumatizing dubious consent galore. Then you’ve got Cas thinking he's being asked out on a date by a woman in 9x06 as he’s trying to figure out his life as a human. He even says this explicitly to Dean: “Going on dates… that's something humans do, right?” He is doing what he thinks he’s meant to be doing as a human, but is that action based in genuine desire? That line implies the answer being no. Contextually this is, of course, set against the jilted lover vibes he has with Dean in that episode. And then in the season at large, Cas becomes focused on his overall mission–a search for purpose, which (as Metatron helpfully points out later) becomes oriented around saving Dean.
Season 10 is up next. Hannah is very clearly interested in Cas, but Cas is a giant question mark in the face of all of her interest pretty consistently. In all honesty, the way Hannah comes onto Cas—the construction of the scenes—feels like it was intended to show that Cas isn’t interested in women. Half the time he doesn’t clock her vibes, and the other half the time he awkwardly avoids acknowledging it. This culminates in her standing in front of him naked in the clearest signal she can give… and as he says, he’s ~not bothered~ by it. He’s just... well, he's gay. Lmfao. And speaking of the naked Hannah scene in 10x07, something I personally find highly amusing is that that naked scene is immediately followed by Dean enthusiastically making out with a woman. It’s a smash cut with a very pointed contrast, in my opinion! I was very struck by it.
So that's my mini tour (with imperfect recall) of Cas' Moments With Women in the story and how I feel they're positioned.
And to touch upon the idea of contrast a bit further… With Dean, there are ample moments and instances where he canonically expresses (joyful or uncomplicated) sexual attraction to women, and/or romantic love for women throughout the show. This is why his canonical attraction to women should never be in question, as part of his bisexuality. But with Cas... I don’t personally feel we have a scene of his where we can unequivocally say the same. There are always story elements at play that indicate complex motivation, or when a woman (or woman-shaped being? lol) may be interested in him there doesn’t seem to be genuine reciprocal interest on his part. The absence of a clear scene establishing he’s unequivocally attracted to women doesn’t mean he couldn’t hypothetically be… but there are no significant moments that convince me that that’s the case in canon. Instead, I think the picture these layered moments paint of Cas and his sexuality is solidified as the story progress–as part of how his sense of self solidifies and emerges story-wide in kind. By that I mean: the shades of how he reacts to Hannah are there in his reactions to Meg’s interest years prior, but in season 10 they feel more clear because by that point he understands himself better (especially after his time as a human) and has formulated his identity as a person more than he had, for example, in season 6.
The secondary part of this though is the queercoding attached to Cas–which is, by and large, gay coding. (There is also more contrast here in comparison to Dean's bi coding in that regard.) By “gay” coding, I mean… Dean describes Cas as having "sensible shoes,” which is gay slang/code, though more commonly used in reference to lesbians. Cas uses female pop artists for his aliases, which is a wink/nod to stereotypes of gay men—a pattern that’s established in later seasons concurrently to the Destiel narrative taking even deeper root. The specific micro-agressions (and outright aggressions) Cas is subjected to by others—as he's clocked as being an outsider who doesn't fit and for being in love with Dean, in ways that are often tangled together—are traditionally gay story devices at play. And I'm also fond of the seeming significance of Cas' conversation with Pastor Joe in 15x15. Cas asks the Pastor what he means by people of "all backgrounds," being welcomed, and the Pastor says, "Connor didn't have to live in fear of who he was. A gay man who believed in a tolerant God." And Cas says, "Well, I imagine not everyone was happy with the change."
In terms of why I say he’s also demi… Cas is seemingly never ~interested~ in anyone but Dean. Now, part of that is of course a byproduct of the storytelling structures he's given. But nonetheless, his singleminded focus on / interest in / devotion to Dean feels unwavering in its totality. Even as Dean stops looking to date other people in later seasons because he knows he’s fallen in love with Cas, there’s still references to or nods to his attraction to men and women as a significant part of who he is. But unless I’m forgetting things, Cas just… doesn’t really seem to have that embedded into his character. He's got an emotional attachment to (and "profound bond" with) Dean, and his attraction to and love for Dean is part of its natural extension. That’s where the demi reading comes in for me, but it’s certainly a side note / asterisk to him being gay, which I think is the prime part of his identity the text deliberately points towards overall.
Regarding Cas' gender and how that may affect any part of this discussion... Is Cas non-binary? Well, in the show overall, angels are obviously considered ~celestial wavelengths of intent~. We see the fluidity of angels in different gendered vessels, and one could say the angels' primary gender is sort of "genderless" as default. Sure. But... at minimum, I feel it's implied that Cas comes to feel at home in a male vessel's body, and in what has legitimately become his body. As Dean says, "It's not an 'it,' Sam. It's Cas." And ultimately, I feel the gender question is not really a huge part of the point in regards to how canon presents this queer story to us.
To the question of if Cas would still be "gay" if he was in a female vessel and fell in love with Dean–or even to a question of "what if Dean was a woman" I've seen plenty of other people pose in various contexts–I think it's almost like... a moot point. The homoeroticism of Dean and Cas' dynamic is significant in a multilayered way, and that was true from day one. Their dynamic is very much affected by and built on them being 2 masculine men (or Cas being perceived as a "man" if you want to go that route), both in story and out of it, particularly in Dean's reactions to Cas. And the romance, tension, push-and-pull, miscommunication, coding, and censorship–the latter being a thing that shaped story choices over the years–all exist in a specific way because their relationship is undeniably, visibly queer. Destiel as we know it could not and would not be the same if one of them was in a perceived woman's body. Their interactions would have been vastly different, and thus in my head it's impossible to conceptualize.
Supernatural is also very much a story about the deconstruction of toxic masculinity while maintaining masculinity through a queer lens. This is its own separate topic that I actually have been wanting to make a post about for awhile now (in part because over-feminization of their characters in fandom, especially in ways that lead to apply ill-fitting repression narratives to Dean's canon, can miss several points about this). Those masculinity themes are so centralized because of Dean and Cas' romance and the fact that they are two men. There is significance there, both historically and culturally.
So while maybe Cas would or could identify as non-binary... It doesn't seem like a viewpoint he is particularly aligned with, and it also doesn't feel like a significant element at play in this queer love story. That makes me tip towards saying it's not a huge factor in discussions of exact readings or terminology for Cas' canonical sexuality/identity.
As a side note: to a certain extent, I also find it interesting to contemplate how some of their miscommunication in-narrative maybe extends into the idea that Dean is attracted to women and Cas seems not to be. More than once, Dean tries to bond with Cas through ~typical male~ interests, such as when he takes him to a strip club. Dean being bi doesn't mean he avoids having heteronormativity on the brain lol, and that sort of thing in his experience is usually quick-and-easy guy bonding time, especially in hunting culture. But while Cas learns how to be human in a metaphorical sense from the Winchesters' examples in several ways (both the good and the bad habits/lessons), something he can't/doesn't pick up is attraction to women or how to act on or express that sort of attraction, because it just doesn't seem innate to him. So while Dean and Cas are certainly both queer, to me they exhibit different forms of queer experiences (bi and gay) in characteristics and in story and in coding that add a layer to their dynamic. It's a little bit of a difference between them that they maybe don't know how to awkwardly address with each other, because they often don't fucking communicate, and I can see it contributing to Dean wondering if / how much Cas has capacity to "feel that way"... making him think Cas maybe doesn't reciprocate his desire. Because they're both stupid.
Anyway! Anyway.
Back to the main points:
Let me summarize.
I personally don't think Cas is attracted to women, and that the story points to him going through a journey of learning that about himself as he grows into himself over time. The queercoding in connection to him, such as it is, also rings of being gay coding. Considering we see him primarily or solely so strongly interested in Dean, an argument/hypothesis for him being demi doesn't feel off the mark. And I don't think the question of angelic gender is super relevant to what canon points to in this discussion for Cas specifically, because I do think the m/m nature of Destiel is relevant to their story and dynamic with each other, and by later seasons at minimum Cas is seemingly comfortably "a man" (perhaps even more so than an ambiguously gendered Being).
Is there a stronger or more persuasive argument to be made about the specifics of Cas' sexuality in canon? I'd be open to hearing it, of course, but I just kind of doubt any other argument would be convincing enough to change my mind when factoring in all of the story elements at play.
However. All of this being said:
I would certainly not call an umbrella use of the word "queer" wrong for Cas. I think it is, in fact, very applicable! For one thing, the word "queer" in this instance effectively encompasses a combined gay and demi reading, as an example. For another thing, it's an understandable hat tip that simplifies his various complexities as an angel. It works.
I'm also not die-on-this-hill militant about the use of the word "gay" for Cas because I'm cognizant of how things are not 100% clearcut with him. I do not say this to negate my own analysis, but rather because I can acknowledge the truth of this particular situation. While I do think the above full picture kind of adds up to him being specifically gay, this is an instance where there is room for nuance within it and giving grace to–dare I say it–"interpretations." I personally don't really agree with or particularly feel comfortable considering him bi or pan specifically, given all the factors at play; but it doesn't overtly upset me that others do. For example, he did indeed have sex with April as a human, and I find I can't get mad at people who choose to take his interest in that moment 100% at face value, especially considering the fact that what I view to be his overall "gay arc" certainly has subtlety and room for subjectivity in it.
In conclusion,
I don't know if this post answers all your questions, anon. I don't know if it will help you or make you feel bad for some reason, though I certainly hope it's the former rather than the later! And I apologize for the length, but you touched on a lot of different branches in your message, and I'm nothing if not someone who maps out a whole fucking tree when asked to lmfaaaoooo.
Thank you for your patience as this post took me WAY too long to complete smh. Like what the hell, truly. You're a star, I love ya, and for what little it's worth I do infer that lots of people in fandom (perhaps even Misha) use "gay" as an umbrella word in reference to Cas. (I am sympathetic to your plight if that makes you feel weird though; it's not the same situation by any means, but I will share that I'm suspicious of people who call Dean "gay" even flippantly at this point, because nowadays I don't trust that shit lmao)
Send me thoughts and prayers because the "e" key on my laptop's keyboard has started periodically sticking and it's been driving me insane while working on writing this.
#castiel#supernatural#castiel meta#gay cas#?¿?#this is long enough it warrants tags. fuck it#anonymous#asks#char writes things#spn meta#destiel
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Hey Mimi 😊
I’m usually a silent reader, but I have some things to say. I’ve been reading these asks that people send you about MH, about their jealousy and them falling in love and you denying it. I personally think that it is very subjective, I mean if you want to believe that they’re already in love than no one is stopping you, or if you think that JK is jealous that’s your interpretation which I also think it’s fine. I think people should be more respectul towards you and also towards other readers, not everyone is looking for drama and some of us actually know how to be patient because we UNDERSTAND that the author has a life outside of this screen and she also doesn’t owe us anything. I often think that if this was a finished story or if you didn’t create this space for us to ask stuff they wouldn’t complain like some fuckin spoiled children and also they wouldn’t dare saying some of these things in your face in real life. I honestly encourage some of you to calm the fuck down and let Mimi write her stories the way she pleases, as she already said that she’ll do, countless of times.
As for you Mimi, I really appreciate that you interact with your readers and I hope you don’t take most of these to heart. Also, I’m so excited to see how Employed unfolds, I really like boss Jk 🤭
You’re right! I said this a long time ago too, if ppl didn’t have any place to complain, they simply just wouldn’t. Some people use the opportunity of asks, messages and comments to complain and not only that, but be literal assholes. Comments, that’s the one I get (kinda) because ppl usually comment all sorts of things. But coming directly to the writer and sending them messages like this, knowing there’s a high chance they’re gonna read it and the purpose of that message is nothing but childish, demanding, frustrating and full of negativity… just blows my mind every time 🤯 you guys know I love having a discussion with y’all, no matter whether it’s positive, neutral or even negative, as long as its purpose is not to harm. But I need everyone to be respectful. You can always write a message in more respectful and calm way.
It’s funny when people get mad at me because I simply just don’t agree with them or don’t care. I said this million times and I will again, if you don’t like any of my stories and they don’t go accord to your preference, just don’t read them. I mean this in the nicest way possible. Really, just leave and don’t send any negativity because it never does any good. Let’s all just do our own thing and maybe this app and world will be a better place 💫
Thank you for this ask!! 🩵🫶
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eyyyy i'm coming back to check on my favorite ifs after being off tumblr after a while and while i haven't yet played the newest update (very excited to though!) and don't know the full context of this romance drama ppl are upset about i just wanted to throw in my two cents and say that i really, really love everything you've been doing with wolfsbane and garamond specifically. like i could go on about the value of deep & emotionally/physically intimate non-romantic relationships, how stories almost never give us the opportunity to desire characters that look like garamond, how it's a relief to play a game where the plot and tension primarily comes from outside events and not poor communication or unnecessary brooding and drama with the npcs, etc etc, but honestly. it's just damn nice to see a relationship that's a reflection of one of my own most valued ones irl. it's fuckin delightful. for all the queer relationships i've seen in ifs, it's rare to see ones that model anything that feels truly separate from the traditional cishet romantic + sexual + monogamous standards, and i think one of the most beautiful things about queer people is how we've found so many different ways to love each other and define what family and community is for us. so this is just me extending some of that queer love and appreciation from my heart to yours 💜💜💜 thank you for sharing your stories with us
Aw, wow... that was really beautiful to read. Thank you so much for sharing your feelings, anon; I'm genuinely so touched by your words. Garamond is very meaningful to me as a character for many of the reasons you've mentioned and it warms my heart immensely to see that they and their dynamic hold a similar significance for you, as well
Man, there's so much more I want to say but I'm having trouble articulating any of it... Just know that I'm gonna be coming back and rereading this message anytime I start feeling down about my writing
Thank you again, and I hope you enjoy the update <3
#leftski answers#discovering and defining family and community...#that's the story! that's wolfsbane!#augh
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