When Scar hits that Succeed button, two things happen at once. The first is that the game doesn't end. Which is more disappointing than shocking, really, he truly didn't know if it would end or not when he hit the button. The second thing was that he remembered. Scar remembered a lot of things in that moment, four whole lifetimes worth of memories came back when he hit that button. And a lot of emotions came with those memories, like, a lot a lot.
The first is a lot of pain. A lot of pain and grief. So, so much grief, he hadn't even know someone could hold this much pain in them before now. But it's possible, and the choking sob Scar lets out proves that. He lets out more sobs after the first, unable to really stop them from happening. And the river tears that fall from his face, those are uncontrollable as well.
The pain he feels from the memories are for a lot of reasons. One of the first ones is the flower he wears, memories of desert heat and sand and llamas being the first to hit him. Memories of the very first creeper explosion, the war, everything. He remembers handing his one ally a bouquet of flowers, and then lying dead in a cactus ring not even a few weeks later. Heh, talk about whiplash....
The second pain, Scar finds as another sob hits him, is the strong pang of loneliness. One much like the sting he'd been feeling for this whole game. But this time it's different, it's the feeling that comes with experiencing true loneliness for the first time. This time around the lonley feelings had felt almost vaguely familiar, and now he can place why. Now he can remember the mountain and his dumb magic crystals and the sting of being left to fend for himself over and over and over again. And also the familiar sting of anger at everyone for just letting him be left like that. Alone and broken and hopeless.
The third reason is heartbreak. Bitter heartbreak, and also a sense of not really caring anymore. Then sense of being so deeply wronged, but being too jaded and apathetic to even care. Scar curls his fist at the memory, the cloth of his coat being nearly torn from how hard he holds it, and feels the bitterness of pure indifference to almost everyone wash over him once more; if only for a few measly seconds.
The fourth stab of pains, because they seem to be coming in rounds as he remembers each life, is strange. That life is happier. But this is a death game, so there is always pain that comes with it. There is a sense of strange alliances and the fourth death he can remember brings a sense of familiarity with it. A contrast to the very first that leaves something rather bitter in his mouth once again. Something with a slight hint of betrayal in it.
Thats where the memories and the grief stop, because he remembers the fifth life and the pain of it. There is nothing to remember, no pain he hasn't already gone through anymore. It’s real, it's there, and Scar can do nothing but cry and breakdown under the weight of it all. Above him, the Secret Keeper says nothing, just watches on with it's empty gaze, not caring a single bit for its victors breakdown.
Scar starts wiping at his eyes, hoping it would calm the stream now coming from them. It does not. Like how covering his mouth won't stop the sobs that bubble past his lips, and how clawing at his chest won't make the pain leave his heart. He thinks some of the tears are for the man he was, or the one he could've been; had these games not happened and spared all their players the pain.
At a certain point, Scar realizes he'd slid down onto the grass. His back is pressed against a block, the one that dammed Succeed button is on, and it's cool against his back. Cool against the wirthing agnoy inside and memories screaming loudly in his head. Cool and grounding against all the ugly trauma he's having to process all at once.
Eventually though, his crying does cease, and Scar can do nothing but stare down at his own hands. They feel sticky with the blood of many people, maybe versions of his friends long dead and buried; just like the many versions of him now are.
It's a little jarring, honestly, to be able to look at his hands and now know where all those scars came from. To remember. To remember why his arms and legs are coated in old the remnants of old wounds. Why there's an explosion scar covering his whole backside. Why sometimes his joints and certain parts hurt from being injured one too many times over, from taking too many awkward falls and bad landings. Some still aching from never having a chance to properly heal, and the wounds that caused his old deaths closed over and scarred like the rest of him.
After a few minutes, Scar tears his red gaze from his palms. He's tried of sitting here and crying. He's tired of an empty world. He wants to go home, to his friends. He wants to find people who also remember, who can help him; so he won't ever be lonely anymore.
He wants to stay sorry, if he can.
So Scar stands on shaky legs, and reaches out to press the Succeed button again. Just to test if anything else new will happen, or if, maybe, they will finally let him go home.
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B L O O D T H I R S T |
accepting new victims donors.
::Static:: Fae Embers
::Static:: Candlelight Mantle
/Vae Victis\ - "Eternal Vow" Broken Heart - 2k members gift
PENDULUM - AVIOCH . EYEPATCH
PENDULUM - CHANTIEL . EarCuffs.ELF
PENDULUM - ILVISAR Armor Rings
Lily Devil Tail + {Aii & Ego}
toksik - Serenade Jacket
REPULSE - Dragon Eyes (Hellfire Red)
Izzie's - Bloody Lips (LeLutka Evo X)
Lenore- Succubus / Shadow+Tattoo/ EVOX
REPULSE - Possessed Eye Makeup Tattoo
[The DeadBoy] Noc Teeth
K&S - // Last Fantasy. backdrop x ACCESS
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S P O N S O R E D
Outfit by Bonnie - Su-Jin Outfit @Equal10
────── °. 「 e x t r a ◦ i n f o r m a t i o n 」 .° ──────
── G e n e t i c s
‣ Head: LeLUTKA Briannon Head 3.1 .
‣ Shape: . Yubbi . // Personal Shape .
‣Skin: Heaux.
‣ Eyes: A r t e.
‣ Blush: Cake Inc. + [Utopia]
‣ Body: eBODY - REBORN + Waifu BOOBS
‣ Hair: bonbon - lain hair
── N o t ◦ s p o n s o r s
Hairpiece: {Rosier} / Dia Ribbon / FATPACK
Glasses: VCO - Love baby Glasses / Normal
Choker: Kibitz - Faith's necklace set
Jewelry: =DAE=
Pantyhose: rotten {hunted hosiery} high waisted [ADD]
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