need eddie to chew up a weed gummy and spit it into my mouth like feeding a baby bird yk

Oh to have a butch sit me down and comb my hair. Oh to have them softly caress my scalp while I look at them in the mirror. Oh to have their calloused hands caress my face as I lean my head back to kiss them. Oh to have them take the clippers, no guard, and gently shave my head, making sure everything is even and perfect, being careful to not leave any nicks. Oh to have them take the towel off my shoulders, doing their best to not have any hair fall in my shirt. Oh to have them pass their hand on my soft newly buzzed scalp. Oh to have them tell me they're grateful and glad I asked them to shave my head. Oh to have them tell me how handsome and perfect I look in their eyes and that everything is going to be okay.

im a gerardgirl meaning my head wants a raygirl to take care of me but my heart wants a frankgirl to !@@&:$&@*^#%?!* me

sometimes I doubt that I'm a lesbian but then I see a pussy shaped stone and salivate

most impractical mf award goes to this guy

for constantly wearing the fucking leather bondage pants in the desert

I saw Baize Ross at a grocery store in Portsmouth yesterday. I told her how cool it was to meet her in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother her and ask her for photos or anything. She said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?” I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but she kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing her hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard her chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw her trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen Milky Ways in her hands without paying. The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first she kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter. When she took one of the bars and started scanning it multiple times, she stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bar and put them in a bag and started to say the price, she kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.

Summary of Devil’s Minion~

Daniel: I put the packet on the glass.

Armand: What glass?

Daniel: The little glass dish in the microwave.

Armand: Got it.

Daniel: I close the door.

Armand: What door?

Daniel: The door to the microWAVE —

WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

6.14.19

Eight Things I Wish I Would’ve Known Two Years Ago

1. Be weary of people who trust just anyone, but be careful of people who don't trust anybody.

2. Sometimes the best possible thing you can do for yourself is to be a selfish asshole to get yourself safe.

3. You'll have to learn #2 many times over the next two years

4. ^ but in the end, your middle school best friend was right. If it isn't okay, it isn't the end (and so it isn't the end)

5. It's okay to eat an entire cake by yourself within a week of buying it

6. "what is stronger than the human heart which shatters over and over and still lives”. ― Rupi Kaur.

7. There is no "worst" type of heartache. They can all break you, and only you can make yourself "whole"

8. Love is the purest form of stitching to help with the mending of your soul .

the act of sharing tangerines is one that is most intimate; so simple, so quiet, yet it says so much. this fortuitous thought washes over my mind, flooding it with enlightenment, like sweet music from the heavens above, as you watch me peel the skin off the fruit, my hands tearing away at it's protective membrane, leaving it exposed and raw and open to the rest of the world.

i fumble with the heavy fruit: it almost rolls off my hand, onto the floor, with an unplanned, graceful ease. you watch on, laughing at my one of many moments of clumsiness. moments you have shared with me, making them all the more worth it. i split the fruit in half; it's not a perfect half, yet again, but then, that's what we are, aren't we ? two imperfect halves, who somehow found their way to each other. who followed the red thread of their fate, and finally found the bane of their existence.

i press the bigger half of the tangerine into your palm, and watch the glorious, orange fruit dangle precariously between your delicate fingers, before you finally pop it into your mouth, letting out a contented sigh. you're beautiful — you always have been, and on morning's such as this i'm awfully aware of it. the golden-yellow glow of the sun bathes you in its buttery warmth, and as you sit there, with the juice of tangerines dribbling down your chin much alike to the same trickling down my hand, i can't help but wish to freeze this moment in time forever. to sit here with you, our books lying on the table untouched, wisps of steam rising from our cups of coffee. your hand in mine, tracing circles on my palm. life is monotonous, and hard, but sharing tangerines with you brings light to the darkest crevasses of my heart.

you're f*cking insane?

i think not

for here i sit

insane

and unfucked

Just saying your mom should have swallowed 🤷‍♀️

thirteen reasons is rookie numbers i’m into the thousands

Yeah I recently got a second degree... Burn on my arm.

I put the sex in transsexual

i’m gonna put the vaccines in my balls so all my children will be born vaccinated 😎

jesus died on the cross but honestly edward armitage has been through so much more. the hardships he’s faced aren’t even comparable to getting crucified. until jesus has done what edward has done I don’t feel sympathy