17 for the drunk confessions. I snorted out loud reading that one. 🤣🤣🤣
I can be mean and ask you to continue the SnowBaz + Dreamling fic. But I will once again leave it to you. Go wherever your brilliant mind tells you to go. 💜
17. "I’m not drunk. Can a drunk person do this?" "You’re not doing anything." "But… I sent you my love. Did you… did you not get it?"
This was SO MUCH FUN TO WRITE you have no idea ahahahahaha. I did modify the prompt just a smidge for maximum comedy. And of course, I set this in the SnowBaz Human AU 💖💖💖
[Part 1 Here!]
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Hob isn’t sure what deity he’s pissed off to end up in his current situation, but he’s fairly certain somehow it’s all Baz Pitch’s fault.
“You’re such a greeattttt friend,” Morpheus Endless slurs right before he stumbles over a crack in the sidewalk and falls forward. Had Hob not already had his arms around the other man's shoulders, he’s certain Morpheus would have face planted right into the concrete.
“A better friend would’ve cut you off before you got this drunk,” Hob grunts as he hefts the raven-haired man back into a somewhat upright standing position. For someone so rake-thin, Morpheus was an absolute dead-weight while plastered. He’d also been very good at faking that he had a higher tolerance when they’d gone shot for shot at The New Inn to celebrate the end of their respective finals.
“ ‘m not drunk,” Morpheus mutters, completely unconvincing. Hob snorts.
“Sure, sure, and I had the queen of England over at my place this summer,” he jokes, playfully jostling at the other man.
“I’m serious!” Morpheus insists, huffing and puffing out his cheeks out at Hob like a small child. It’s absolutely adorable, if not absolutely terrible for Hob’s balance because it nearly causes him to stumble and drop both of them to the ground. What a pair they must look like out in the middle of a freezing December night.
“Sorry, don’t believe you, my friend,” Hob replies, laughing at the absolutely offended harumph! Morpheus lets out.
“Well—could a drunk person do this?” Morpheus asks pointedly, right before he slams his forehead right into Hob’s in quite possibly the world’s most painful headbutt.
“Ow!!! Fuck!!!!” Hob yells, letting go of Morpheus and clutching his forehead. There is a distinct thud as Morpheus practically crumples to the ground beside him, but Hob can’t be arsed to care right now. He’s seeing stars behind his eyelids and the brittle cold and alcohol coursing through his system is not helping.
“What the bloody hell, Morpheus?” Hob demands once the pain subsides. “What did you do that for?”
“...Did you get it?” Morpheus asks, and oh looking at him sitting so pathetically on the ground, his head right at crotch level, is a mistake. Morpheus’s bright blue eyes are brimming with hope as he looks up at Hob, as if he truly believed he’d passed on some important information via unhinged violence.
“Did I get what, a concussion?” Hob asks incredulously, holding his hand out for Morpheus to take to help him back up.
“No I—” Morpheus bites his lip as he hauls himself up off the ground. He seems a bit more steady now, at least. “I sent you my love. Did you not receive it?”
Oh, this man was absolutely bad news for Hob’s poor heart. Not only is Morpheus staring at Hob like a kicked puppy, his cheeks and lips are both flushed cherry-red from the cold, the most color Hob’s ever seen on the other man since they met. It was a really good look on him. A very tempting look.
“I—I’m pretty sure your boyfriend wouldn’t appreciate you sending your love to other men,” Hob stutters breathlessly. He really needs to remember that no matter how cute and tempting Morpheus looked, Hob wasn’t a homewrecker. Even if Baz would have thanked him for it and written Hob a check for enough money to pay the rest of his rent and tuition.
Morpheus was drunk anyway. He probably had no idea what he was saying.
Morpheus furrows his brow at Hob’s words. “Boyfriend?” he asks in confusion. “What boyfriend?”
Christ.
“Don’t tell me you’re so sloshed you forgot about Simon already,” Hob jokes, desperately trying to keep his poor heart from leaping into his throat. He knows they haven’t broken up, Baz wouldn’t have shut up about it if they had. And even so, Morpheus was way outside of Hob's league anyways.
Morpheus’s head snaps so fast in alarm that Hob feels his own neck cramp just looking at him.
“Oh. YES! SIMON!” Morpheus practically shouts in his face. Hob winces, and Morpheus has at least enough sense left in him to look a little bit ashamed for his outburst.
“You’re absolutely correct,” Morpheus continues, pushing past Hob and suddenly in full control of his legs. He’s speed-walking now, seeming to have found new motivation to hurry to their final destination. “Simon Snow. My very real and not make-believe boyfriend, love of my life—yes that Simon Snow. His apartment is right over there.”
Hob stares at Morpheus’s rapidly retreating form in utter confusion for a few moments before his brain restarts and he rushes to catch up with the raven haired man.
Did Morpheus…think Simon was a made up person? Or…had the other man really forgotten they were dating? Usually people didn’t forget that sort of thing when they were drunk.
Hob is still mulling over Morpheus’s confusing behavior when Morpheus stumbles again on a patch of ice and yelps. Hob silently thanks every single rugby practice he’s had over his entire life, because he’s quickly able to get to Morpheus and grab him before he runs headfirst into a tree. Watching over a drunk Morpheus was a full time job, that was for sure.
Somehow, Hob manages to haul both of them the rest of the way over to Simon’s apartment, which is thankfully on the first floor. Hob doesn’t even want to think about how obnoxious it would be to drag Morpheus up a flight of stairs in his state.
“Special delivery!” Hob declares, when Simon answers the door. Hob may have rang the doorbell more times than perhaps strictly necessary but he never said he wasn’t drunk too.
“SIiiiimoonnnn darling!” Morpheus exclaims, disentangling himself from Hob and practically rushing into the red-haired man’s arms. Hob tries not to take it too personally. Simon is Morpheus’s freaking boyfriend after all. But still, there’s a massive cold spot now at Hob’s side where Morpheus’s body had been just seconds ago.
“Holy shit, Morph, your smell like a liquor store!” Simon laughs, wrapping his arms around Morpheus’s waist and pulling the raven haired man flush again him. “How much did you drink?”
“I’m not drunk!” Morpheus declares, and it’s not any less believable now than it was when they’d left the pub.
“Is that so?” Simon asks, a teasing note in his voice. “So I guess you don’t want any hot cocoa to chase away the booze then?”
Morpheus instantly perks up.
“I’m absolutely blackout drunk,” Morpheus replies, instantly changing his tune. “Are there marshmallows?”
“Of course,” Simon answers, before he turns back to face Hob. “Thanks for bringing him back, Hob. I’m sorry he’s such a mess when he’s drunk.”
“Not a problem at all,” Hob answers, smiling through his jealousy at their easy intimacy. Hob had had plenty of partners, both male and female, but he’s pretty sure he’s never been nearly as comfortable around them as Morpheus and Simon seem to be around each other.
“Did you want to stay for a bit?” Simon offers. “I made plenty of hot cocoa.”
Hob shakes his head. “No, I’m dead tired,” he replies, faking a yawn to make himself more convincing. “Think it’s best I get myself to bed.”
Simon nods. “All right, get home safe,” he says.
“Tell Basil we say hello!” Morpheus adds, while Simon lets out a dramatic sigh.
“Good night, Hob,” Simon says with a finality, pulling at the door before Morpheus can say anything else.
“Night Simon. Morpheus,” Hob replies, waving as the door shuts closed. He stares at it for a few moments, then sighs as he turns to make the lonely walk home.
He really was an absolute idiot.
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Behind the closed door of Simon’s apartment, Morpheus is wailing his embarrassment into a mug of hot chocolate that is mostly marshmallow.
“I have made a fool of myself!” Morpheus cries dramatically into Simon’s sweater. “He probably thinks I am some cheap harlot who would throw himself at any man!”
“I’m pretty sure he doesn’t think that,” Simon replies, patting Morpheus on the back. “Actually, I think he somehow fell even more in love with you. You sure you don’t want to just end the fake relationship now so you can have a real boyfriend for Christmas?”
Morpheus shakes his head.
“Not until Basil retracts his head from out of his ass and confesses his feelings to you,” he says, steadfast in his conviction.
Simon sighs. “Morph, he’s not going to, Baz obviously just hates—”
“Hush,” Morpheus interrupts him. “I will not have my fake boyfriend speaking badly of himself. Besides, he is enamored with you, even if he has an absolutely stupid way of showing it.”
“O–kay, if you’re sure then,” Simon replies. “Want another mug then?”
Morpheus nods eagerly, holding his mug out. “Please.”
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