#she's like if a potato were a robot
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Listen, Martin
Has your nightmarish series given me more paranoia of being attacked by a rogue animatronic hiding in my bedroom closet late at night than Freddy Fazbear? Yes.
Have you pushed me to the brink of insanity after your latest update? Sure.
And should I even be partaking in analog horror as someone with an extensive history of generalized anxiety? Absolutely not.
But this? This is perfection.
#the walten files#twf banny#the walten files banny#whos that wonderful girl?#could she be any cuter?#I just love how derpy she is#look at this dumbass rabbit#she's like if a potato were a robot#and susan woodings is wonderful fight me#martin walls
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various updates and facts about my family
my mother huffed raid bug spray and ate wallpaper paste as a child. my grandfather believes my autistic sibling is an alien and is asking him to provide the winning lottery numbers. my sister tried to kill her boyfriend recently.
My dad is getting married to his seventh wife.
And my little brother (J) is smelting pawn shop jewelry in efforts to make silver bullets to load in .22 casings
My grandfather swears he was abducted by aliens and they modified his cum.
In 2009, he attempted to trade firearms for an alleged crystal skull which he believed contained the blueprints to rebuild Atlantis.
In 2012, my family created a convey of six cars all loaded with guns, ammo, canned food, etc. in order to prepare for the apocalypse. In December of 2012, my grandfather led us to where he believed our family would hold off the forces of evil, a last bastion for our bloodline- A fucking Super8 motel in Forsyth GA.
My mother used to drink blood in the 90s and beat the shit out of football players as a hobby, so she could beef up for roller derby. She raises baby animals, and has more than once attempted to kill a man during intimacy.
All if my dad's ex wives have tried to kill him. He's had attack dogs sicced on him, beaten with a crowbar, chased with a hammer, run over with his own car, and pushed out a vehicle. His new wife was a pen pal he met when she was in jail.
My aunt believes she convenes with the angels when she's hopped up on ambien and percocet, so she's like the goth version of Mama Murphy from Fallout 4.
I was conceived in a crack den in North Carolina. My mother's organs don't like having kids, so much so that both me and my sibling (J) were born dead and had to be resuscitated. In both cases it was due to the umbilical cord playing a game of Hangman.
My little brother (J) taught Igor, our Vulture, to vomit on command. Nobody knows how.
He has been using the infestation of rats at my family's cabin to do... something. He's been running a rat cannibalism fight club, in an attempt to fish out a Super Rat which he plans to do... Something with?
My little brother (M) spends his spare time firing at passing cars. We have managed to make sure he's using BB guns, is the compromise. (J) went through a similar phase when he was an early teen, and would shoot a bow and arrow at the neighbor's house. I did the same with a potato cannon in my youth. It's a tradition.
My dad is missing his appendix. He has no idea where it went and has no record of it ever being removed.
My grandmother reluctantly admitted to having an affair with a ghost in her 40s.
My brother (M) used to love botany. By the age of 6 he could tell you anything you wanted to know about the flora of southeast GA. He had a garden. And he also grew weed for my step-dad until my mom found out. After that he was banned from gardening and picked up junior robotics as a hobby after i gave him K'nex and some Lego Mindstorms stuff years ago. He took apart an air conditioner in a motel once. To this day we don't know what he did with the screws. He builds airsoft guns from scrap and is a mechanical prodigy. He is almost illiterate.
My brother (A) disturbs me. He was raised by the internet and YouTube. He is whatever this new generation is personified. He's frighteningly... Normal.
I am waiting for the shoe to drop and for him to reveal some darkness to him never before seen in my family.
He's just. A normal kid. A little zoomer that watches Mr. Beast and YouTube long plays. He's also the straight man to most of all my family's bullshit. He's dangerously genre savvy. He also has a weird interest in law???
My sister (H) is your average country girl. She's attempted to kill more than one of her boyfriends (will clarify that they were abusive), has totaled three cars and always walks away from these nightmarish accidents unscathed. She was found on the side of the road last year hitting her vape and flagging down a car, while her own was stuck five feet above a ditch in a tree.
She has a job and plans to go to New York to "see what them city twinks got goin' on"
My other little sister (C) is the only other queer member of my sibling roster. She's a lesbian, and enjoys shooting things. Sometimes living things. She, like (A), is dangerously genre savvy and doesn't play into my family's religious fanaticism. She wants to be a firefighter because she is also a pyromaniac and wants an excuse to see "big things burn".
A bit more about (J)- He claims to speak to the dead, and has used this to become my grandfather's right hand man, and the beneficiary of his estate. He is an autodidact, self taught with blacksmithing and metalworking. He dresses well, and also has a hidden laboratory in my grandfather's shed where he has taken a fixation in herbal tinctures and remedies. He knows they're bullshit. But my family buys his potions, and he uses the money to buy pawn shop jewelry and scrap metal to build stuff. He believes firmly in werewolves, and is convinced Furries are a psyop to prepare the general public for their emergence in society. Which is why he's making silver bullets.
I wish to stipulate that not a single word of this is a joke. This is on god, IRL bullshit I have to contend with.
I should probably update this to remove real names what the fuck
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mearps blurb request (she’s so underrated it’s criminal): mearps is super busy and focused (she gives off such boss wife energy c’mon) with football stuff, and comes home to her gf who has been super domestic and made their place really warm and cosy, cooked her favourite food, and just generally tried to look after her (I always say I’m super independent but for a hot footballer? it’d be wifey energy in an instant)
domestic bliss II m.earps
mary exhaled deeply as she parked up in the driveway after an excruciatingly long day.
she'd been up at the crack of dawn for fitness testing for the impending season, trained this morning and this afternoon with the team, met with her MAE27 team for a business lunch about the next upcoming launch inbetween on her break.
then had yet another business meeting with nike after her second training session about stocking her national keepers jersey which was nothing short of a draining back and forth argument, and had just wrapped up a zoom call with her agent which had gone an hour and a half overtime.
mary was forever grateful for her career and more than knew the privilege she held in her current position. but days like today she just felt pulled in a hundred directions, talked at rather than to, acting more like a robot than a human just to get by.
she had left the house not long after five this morning and was now returning at half past seven at night, her bones ached and her head was absolutely throbbing. mary could almost feel her heartbeat in her eyes and had seriously considered pulling over with how bleary her vision was driving home.
on top of that mary knew she had an insane list of life admin awaiting her once she stepped through her front door. she had a sink full of dishes to be washed, baskets of dirty laundry to be done as well as a mountain of clean clothes to be put away.
her bedroom looked like a bomb went off, clothes were scattered left right and centre from her early morning toss through her wardorbe to try and find her training gear. which of course she'd eventually sought out in her dirty washing basket, having to drown herself in perfume just to get by today.
the entire house needed vacuuming and tidying and her bathroom was crying out in desperation for a deep clean. mary having been away for the weekend to see her family had meant that again her two days off had been consumed by other people needing her, not what she needed.
she had dinner to be cooked and she needed to spend some time doing work to prepare for the upcoming week which was destined to be just as busy as today if not worse.
and to add yet another thorn in her side, you, her refuge and respite from the insanity of everything going on, were away for the entire week on a business trip.
mary was endlessly proud of you and especially for the promotion you'd recently earned, despite the added tasks and hours it meant.
still she couldn't stop herself from selfishly wish you were here, wanting to just melt into you as you whispered sweet nothings in her ear, showering her in the warmth and love that you forever and always indulged her with.
but you needed to accompany your boss for the week and mary knew how important it was that she was just as supportive of you and your career as you were of hers, she was nothing less than your number one fan and made sure you knew that every chance she had to prove it to you.
as much as she'd love nothing more than to order a takeaway and potato it out on the sofa mary knew that just wasn't an option and the more she put things off the longer and more overwhelming her to do list became.
so with a sharp inhale mary shut off the engine and unbuckled herself, mentally preparing for what was likely to be a grueling all nighter as she grabbed her kit bag from the back, which was filled with even more dirty laundry for the ever growing collection she was complaining as the days passed.
locking her car behind her mary trudged her way up the driveway, feet dragging along the cement as if weighed down by anchors until she eventually made it to the front door.
the woman had to withhold the urge to launch her keys across the front yard as she dropped them twice trying to fumble around and unlock the door, eventually shoving them in with a pained sigh, shouldering it open and stepping over the threshhold.
mary closed the door behind her and adjusted her kit bag on her shoulder, kicking off her trainers and frowning as she realised the once messy cubby of shoes was neatly organised, her shoes all stacked up neatly and in colour order.
the next thing that peaked her suspicion was the smell of lavender drifting around the house, as well as the music she now noticed coming from down the hall. following her nose marys eyes widened in shock as she slowly took in the spotless living room.
"oh hi love, sorry i didn't even hear you come in." mary let out a yell and spun around, dropping her bag to the ground as you watched on with an amused smile, cocking your head to the side as mary opened and closed her mouth in shock.
"you look like a goldfish." you quipped teasingly, taking a step closer toward her as mary firmly shook her head. "you're supposed to be in london." she managed to spit out, still trying to wrap her head around what was happening right now.
"when you called me yesterday i could hear how tired you were, i know this week is insane for you with the MAE27 drop and the ongoing contract negotiations, not to mention you taking the next step with nike and what that might mean for you if they try to pursue something legal-" you continued to make your way across the room toward her.
"-so i spoke with arthur and he agreed to let me come back early and work from home. i could work from the office but with everyone still in london for the conference there's really no point, I mean I might pop in a couple times but-" your words were cut off short as your girlfriend quickly closed the distance between you and engulfed you in a bone crushing hug.
you couldn't help but laugh as she picked you up off your feet, gripping you so tight you could swear you might have bruises from how her fingertips dug themselves into your skin as she held your body close to her own.
"so i made my way back here this morning. cleaned the house, did some work, caught you up on laundry, bought some groceries and made dinner. which you're just in time for!" you announced happily as she placed you back down on your feet.
grabbing your girlfriends hand you all but dragged her into the dining room, gently pushing her down into a seat, hands on her shoulders.
"try to relax baby, you're insanely tense." you spoke softly, squeezing her shoulders and kissing her cheek tenderly before hurrying off to the kitchen.
mary was still in a state of shock as you busied yourself dishing up, flittering around the kitchen as marys eyes wandered around the once messy home, so clean she probably could have eaten off any surface without a second thought.
craning her head to the side she peered into your shared bedroom, immediately noticing her mountain of clean laundry had suddenly disappeared, as had her wardrobe of clothes which once littered the floor this morning.
eyes drifting back to you she located the source of the gentle lavender which was wafting around the room, the diffuser you'd purchased a few months go expelling the fragrant floral scent into the air.
if there was one thing mary would associate you with, it was flowers.
you'd made it clear from the moment you'd met her how much they meant to you, forever admiring them with a soft loving gaze, fingers stroking the petals with the outmost care as if they were made from the most fragile of glass.
the older girl noticed you bought yourself a new bunch every week which would sit proudly on your coffee table in the early stages of your relationship before you'd moved in together.
so of course mary then made sure she bought you flowers every week, the radiant smile which would curl onto your face at the sweet gesture each time she handed them over making her heart flutter as you'd hold them so tenderly.
you looked to them as you would a newborn child, as if you could hurt them if handled too rough. after you’d carefully placed them in a vase pecking her lips at least four times, mumbling your gratitude as you did.
so of course it came as no surprise to mary to see you'd bought a fresh bunch of poppies which were sat in a vase on the table.
the simple gesture was the tipping point for the keeper as she felt her exhaustion finally come to a boil, tears welling up in her eyes.
"so i made your favorite but-" you hurried back with a plate piled high with food, though you quickly placed it down seeing the obvious pain in your girlfriends eyes.
"oh mary." your features softened as the thin line of tolerance the older girl had suddenly snapped, the tears carving their path down her flushed cheeks.
"why are you crying love?" you asked quietly with a concerned frown, your girlfriend wordlessly scooting her chair back and tugging you to straddle her lap, your hands coming to rest gently either side of her face as hers gripped at the back of your top.
your thumbs tenderly wiped away her tears as her fists balled your shirt, twisting the material tightly and pushing your body into hers, burying her face in your chest as you felt her tears dampen your shirt.
"oh baby." you sighed, arms moving to wrap around her neck, one hand cradling the back of her head as the other dipped down her shirt and traced soft circles on her back with your nails.
you recognized that she clearly needed to let this out as you held her tightly, whispering sweet words of affirmation in her ear as she slowly began to settle. "sorry about your shirt." the older girl sniffled, cracking a small smile as she pulled her head away, noticing the obvious tear stains on your shoulder.
"thats okay my love its yours anyway." you teased playfully, wiping a few stray tears from her crystal blue eyes and reaching behind you to grab a few tissues, handing them to mary as she blotted at her puffy red eyes.
"sorry i just-i was so drained today and i knew i had so much more to do when i got home and my day just seemed to drag on and on and on. then the last thing i expected was you to be here, let alone for you to have literally done everything because of course i'm hopeless. but i don't want you to feel like you have to do this and you have to take care of-" you cut her off as you gently placed a hand over her mouth.
"okay first of all. i don't feel like i have to take care of you, or i have to do anything for you. i did what i did because i love you ever so dearly and i want to look after you, i want you to feel cared for and supported and like you can come home after a shit day and just unwind. so please don't thank me, don't feel guilty, just know that i love you more than anything and you don't need to tackle everything alone." you spoke softly but your words held firm, mary stunned wordless at the overwhelming wave of emotions she felt for you, only nodding along.
"as much as i love what a business woman and a tough boss bitch you are, independence doesn't mean you have to do everything yourself. i'm here, let me take some of the load for you yeah?" you smiled tenderly, mary again nodding and pulling you into a hug, your lips resting lovingly on her forehead as she mumbled how much she adored you into your shoulder, affectionately kissing your collarbone and jawline before making her way to your lips.
"as much as i love kissing you, please eat before it gets cold." you gently pushed her away and stood to your feet, sliding her the plate of food as mary almost moaned at the sight of it, happily tucking in as you sat down beside her and did the same.
with her ongoing questions you filled her in on how the last few days you had been at the conference were, the blonde listening intently practically hanging off your every word and you melted at the obvious effort.
ignoring your protests that you could do it mary wasted no time shooing you out of the kitchen and into the shower, threatening to throw you over her shoulder and walk you into the bathroom herself unless you went willingly.
as you disappeared the older girl was quick with washing up everything from dinner, unable to wipe the smile off of her face at just how looked after and cared for she felt, wrapped up in the comfortable and cosy little bubble of domestic bliss you'd crafted for her oh so intricately.
drying her hands mary joined you in the living room where you took up her normal position as the big spoon, opening your arms and patting the space in between your legs with an alluring smile.
you let out a laugh as the taller girl practically belly flopped on top of you, peppering your face with sloppy kisses before settling in your arms.
you threw on her favorite movie which only softened her up more, your hands coming to rest on her shoulders as you began to massage out the tense knots of stress, pressing the occasional tender kiss to the back of her shoulder blade or below her ear.
the deeper you pushed the more relief flooded her body and mary couldn't help but let her eyes start to slowly flutter close, overcome by a tantalizing cocktail of both exhaustion and bliss.
and in that moment, wrapped up in your arms and smothered with your love and care, mary solemnly swore to herself, she'd make you her wife one day, and that day was going to come as soon as she possibly could make it.
#woso x reader#woso#mary earps x reader#mary earps#woso fanfics#woso imagine#engwnt#woso blurbs#man united
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@your-local-ruebit-hole-detective ok i’m sorry but. i will answer your question.
age of calamity advertises itself as a prequel but in reality it’s a fix-it au with slight differences and writing that’s pretty bad but i have grown to appreciate it for how insane it goes sometimes.
the actual plot is that as a child zelda used to have a little egg-like guardian robot that she was forced to leave behind as she grew up due to her father’s pressure etc, and when the calamity happened this little robot saw it and traveled back in time with the goal to prevent this and protect zelda, creating a branching off timeline. there’s also an extra villain who is this prophet (???? this games writing isn’t good enough for me to tell you what his deal is exactly) who worships ganon and for most of the game works with the yiga to bring him back, except he’s more insane than them and works directly with malice and also sucks at his job because when he finally gets to ganon he unceremoniously dies and everybody’s like “yeah we have no idea what this guys deal was”.
the one significant change that doesnt have to do anything with time travel shenanigans is the fact that link doesn’t find the master sword as a child, but instead gets appointed zelda’s bodyguard for his genuine skill and then finds the master sword during one of the in game missions. despite this, revali still hates him, and often times when justifying this revali cites reasons that are literal complete opposites of how his grudge was characterised in botw, cementing revali’s characterisation as just a cunt for no reason. it’s great.
the significant time travel related change is that when all the champions go into their divine beasts and fight the blights a portal opens and the new champions (teba, sidon, riju, yunobo) get teleported in and help defeat the blights. zelda also doesn’t get her power by protecting link from a bunch of guardians, the scene still hits the same beats of link fighting things off so zelda can run away except in this game how it happens is that the insane prophet shows up and literally summons all the blights against link which makes the scene ten times more insane.
throughout the game the yiga show up regularly, often times with master kohga himself showing up and being the overall goofy guy he is, except he also has a hunk of a body guard who’s name i genuinely can’t recall. multiple times in the game kohga gets defeated and said hunk of a body guard throws him over his shoulder says “it’s not over yet” and walks off carrying kohga like a sac of potatoes.
in the original game, when shit starts hitting the fan the yiga stop showing up as enemies and at some point in the story kohga shows up without said hunk of a body guard, says “the prophet is insane and the calamity actually isn’t a good thing as we’ve discovered”, highly implies that the reason for his change of heart is because said prophet killed his hunk of a body guard (who literally. doesn’t show up again for the rest of the game mind you. he legit died), and is like “yeah the yiga will help you. after this whole thing is over we’ll go back to being bitches to you but rn let’s just kill this ganon guy and then walk our separate ways”. the fact that the calamity being a bad thing throws the yiga’s whole ideology and purpose into question is never addressed.
the dlc makes the death scene explicit, also making it a parallel to zelink by, again, making the bodyguard fight all the fucking blights so that kohga can escape. the scene literally opens with the body guard limping as they try to escape. it’s so much a parallel to zelink it’s insane. im afraid do not know what the hell they were cooking.
some other choice moments from this game that go insanely hard for no reason:
1. the first portion of the game is dedicated to zelda recruiting all the champions, and when it comes to recruiting revali he for some reason assumes it’s an attack, and sends all the rito soldiers to fight the intruders off. the rito do not question fighting some random hylians one of whom is literally zelda. the mission ends with a boss fight of link vs revali, which only ends without them killing each other because zelda runs in and goes “stop???? the fuck ????”
2. the entire game has cute bonding moments with the botw champions meeting their idols and getting to spend time with them. that is, except for sidon, who spends the game saving his older sister in a parallel universe which he has to leave by the end of the game, meaning every scene involving him has him on the brink of eleven hundred simultaneous mental breakdowns. the dlc adds a scene where the little sidon who is native to said parallel universe gets to interact with botw sidon, and botw sidon tells him that he’s going to grow up big and strong and will protect his sister, and the entire time he tries really hard to not acknowledge the fact that they are the same person, and that mipha is his sister too, presumably because nobody wanted to animate sidon ugly crying. in that scene you can literally see his soul die in his eyes it’s great
3. the dlc features tulin, god knows why. i don’t know how he got there or what he’s doing. he’s just there.
4. you can make noble pursuits in the game and drink them before missions for a buff. pre-gaming defeating the calamity is a thing, i cannot stress how much it is a thing in this game.
5. there are two separate animated cutscenes where link eats rocks on screen. only one of them involves the gorons, the other is a scene where link is being discussed and as the characters talk about how great he is in battle the camera pans to him eating rocks, seemingly on a dare from the other soldiers, who all surround him and are immensely excited by the fact that he is actually eating rocks.
6. the dlc features a scene where zelda gets to cook. link is horrified the entire time. she does not belong in the kitchen. she belongs anywhere outside the kitchen. the dlc also gives her the master cycle as a weapon. she commits vehicular manslaughter
7. the king gets a redemption arc, where he apologises to zelda only after she unlocks her power. the reason he realized he was wrong was because a sheikah relic that he confiscated from zelda turned out to be an ancient shield and it saved his life from a guardian blast. his apology is literal dog shit and right after it the game forces you to play as him for a mission. it almost made me rage quit.
8. thunder blight has an attack where it just swings its hair at you
9. when you finally fight calamity ganon he doesn’t have the form of the spider ganon from botw or even the boar, he is instead a buff guy made out of malice. literally just the shape of a buff non descript guy made out of malice. his boss fight is endless and the entire time you’re just beating the shit out of a non descript buff guy shape with a stick.
10. there’s a cute little side mission called something like “girls beauty contest” (in reality they all beat the shit out of each other for the title), where you’re only allowed to select female characters. that is, female characters AND gorons. think of that what you will
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Hello! Hello! Hello! I read your Papa Simon fics and I am nust thrilled and smitten by them. I don't know if you are taking requests but if you are then can I request for him supporting Nova in her school organization duties like if their org has a page on socmed then Simon would react or comment on it. Thank youuuu
hellooo bb!!! and thank you so much for the love 💗
*nova's like 15 here!
Papa!Simon absolutely hates the idea of social media, it's kinda of crazy the lengths he would go to make sure no one is posting personal information, or if anyone's account is public.
So when he finds out the school is posting Novalynn online without her parent's permission, he's having a blast :)
Your daughter was on her schools robotics team, and you were aware of them posting the schools progress, not that you knew what was happening half the time but you were supportive of your daughter.
Of course Nova has her Instagram, that's extremely private and that Simon makes sure to check every single follower to make sure it's his daughters friends and not some weirdo creep stalking his family, you know, regular parenting things! So when you bring up the group photo at dinner, all hell breaks loose.
"What group photo?" Simon cocks a brow, "It was for my school." your daughter says casually, stabbing at the potatoes on her plate, "You looked pretty," You smile, "Thanks," She mumbles stuffing her mouth, Simon sat at the other end next to the boys still extremely confused about the group picture. "Wait for a second.. how did you see the picture?" Simon questions you. "Instagram," You shrug, "Did they ask you?"
"Dad it's not that serious," Nova interrupts, "Hush." He shushes her and she rolls her eyes at him. "Uh no?" You say confused, "You should've," he says,"Simon it's not that deep," you chuckle, "it is, because she's fifteen."
"Bring me your phone." he demands "Why?" your daughter complains, "Just bring it to me." He says once more. "Here we go," You sigh, "I don't have pictures on my instagram." You're eldest son sighs, which comes out more sad than it should "Good. you don't need any." He affirms. You roll your eyes and turn and see you daughter waking down the steps with her bright orange phone in hand. "Show me,"
"Oh my god this is so stupid."
After dinner you sat in your home office, emailing the school's principal to get the picture taken down. "Mom this is so dumb," your daughter stands beside you watching draft up a very polite email.
"You want me doing this or your dad?" You raise a brow, She lets out a sigh, "Everyone's gonna think I'm weird." She complains, "No they won't." You try and assure her. "Yes they will," She drawls placing her forehead on your shoulder, You place a kiss the crown of her head, "Go eat some ice-cream." You pat her arm.
Nova walks out of the office passing by Simon, she makes sure to ignore him. "What a drama queen." He says approaching you. "Don't start." You say, finishing the email.
Simon watches you type and finish, "Go apologize to her," You say, He was about to start but you hold up a finger, "She already feels alienated enough, and you doing this, is making it worse." Simon lets out a sigh at your words. "Go." You scold.
Watching his tall frame begrudgingly walk out of the room exactly like his Daughter
#lunden’s response ❀—#papa!simon#simon ghost riley#simon riley x reader#simon riley x you#simon ghost x reader#dad simon riley#simon riley#ghost cod#ghost x reader#ghost x you#ghost x y/n
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FINAL ROUND - GLaDOS (Portal) VS Herbert P Bear (Club Penguin)
!!! PROPAGANDA BELOW !!!
GLaDOS: "So mot only is she running your character through a series of puzzles with the intention of killing her at the end, but in the second game she spends the Entire. Time. Verbally and emotionally abusing you, including body shaming and bullying you for being an orphan. If it's any consolation, she does have to exist as a potato for the second and third acts of Portal 2."
"Known for being mean (hot). Mercilessly targets the player character's every possible insecurity. Petty and mean. I understand if you don't want to include her since she tends to dominate polls, lol."
HERBERT: "This mf spends his whole life trying to heat up a frozen island and terrorizing the innocent penguins that live on it all bc he was bad at sailing one time and is too much of a wimp to try again. Classic Misery loves Company type asshole."
"operation blackout would have been NOTHING without him (mostly because he caused it). he has a SOLAR LASER. this polar bear is an ass who literally harnessed the power of the sun and froze the top members of the elite penguin force (a group of penguin special agents) and his best friend is an equally villainous crab"
"Herbert may be a fandom darling in our fandom of like, 20 people. BUT DON'T LET THAT FOOL YOU! He is a conniving, EVIL bear, and a professional jerk and some highlights of his jerkishness include...
- Spending ten years of his life (by the time the game closed) trying to destroy the Penguin Secret Agency and Elite Penguin Force (both were agencies that protected the island from disasters and villains like Herbert) with varying success...
- SUCCESSFULLY destroyed the Penguin Secret Agency with a popcorn bomb, which destroyed their HQ. It should also be noted that while doing so, he locked in the player, Rookie, and Gary the Gadget Guy, presumably so the bombs explosion would have killed them all.
-Teamed up with the EPF to stop the Ultimate Protobot 10,000 and the Test Bots, a small group of four dangerous robots after he personally brought them back. When Protobot went "too far" for Herbert's standards by threatening the environment and trying to completely destroy the EPF (despite the aforementioned Popcorn Bomb incident literally destroying the PSA, and also a certain Operation: Blackout), causing him to temporarily switch sides. This might sound like a character growth moment...except for the fact that he immediately betrays them once Protobot is dealt with and attacks and damages the EPF's HQ using a robot hydra made for the Medieval Party that he stole.
- A canonical ex-dictator. Don't believe me? Look up Operation: Blackout on the Club Penguin Wiki! He froze several agents during his reign of terror, was open to freezing innocent civilians, and also wanted to do away with puffles- the pets of penguins. He also banned several hobbies and professions during his reign (being a Ninja, a DJ, a Pirate, etc) for no reason other than disliking them. He also destroyed the EPF'S HQ and exposed two agents' private information to the public. This means Herbert is the first and only character to canonically dox people he doesn't like on Club Penguin.
-Was planning to bomb the EPF literally two months later with a hot sauce bomb (makes sense in context of the game and yes, it is more destructive than it sounds).
-Brainwashed puffles into digging coins for him purely because his henchman, Klutzy the crab brought a coin slot to use for his DIY heater, instead of just removing the coin slot and retooling it to work without one like a normal person."
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No but like, OF COURSE GlaDOS would have feelings for Chell.
GlaDOS, in her previous life as Caroline, was always doing as she was told. She was obedient, dedicated to Cave, willing to work on whatever experiments Cave had for her. Yes she was an assistant, but Cave definitely is the type to have little regard for what that meant, and Caroline was happy to oblige...until he was dying. Thats when he decided he was going to have her consciousness jammed into a machine, forced to experiment and test for eternity. Trapped in a form she could hardly recognize, separated from all humanity. The designers behind GlaDOS said they wanted her to look like a woman caught in bondage, and its fitting...she has no escape from her tiny room except virtually.
And then Chell is her test subject.
Chell, who, like her, is trapped. Chell, who is forced into these tests, same as her. Chell, who has the guts and the gall to break free of the bondage fate bestowed on her! And Chell even temporarily brings GlaDOS the sweet release of death, something that, in that moment, must have felt like freedom finally came for her...until she realized. There is no death for her. GlaDOS is forced to replay the moment ad infinitum in her "sleep", and Chell returns...and brings her back to life. Incomprehensible! An INSULT! And so the testing begins anew, with added viciousness, until Chell gets Wheatley to put GlaDOS into a potato. And as much as thats played as a joke, think about it: this is the first time in uncountable years that GlaDOS has truly been released from that one small room. She then slowly remembers her past, as Caroline, and realizes what she's become. That she trapped Chell the same way Cave trapped her. That Chell represents the wild, beautiful idea of freedom. That Chell has shown her, while she is still trapped in a digital prison, she is not doomed to live in that one room.
And at the end of Portal 2, once GlaDOS is able to get control of the facility again, she decides to delete Caroline. This was a mercy killing to a side of her that was tortured. But she didnt forget, no, which is why she sends Chell to her freedom. Out of love for what she's given her, but also understanding that she'll harm her again...AND all the programming still trapping her.
I like to think that if there were ever a Portal 3, or an epilogue of some kind, it would be about GlaDOS coming to terms with herself. She still feels the need to test, and cant simply abandon the facility which is her home, but maybe her ability to make mobile robots gives her a desire to make a new form. And maybe that form looks a little like the girl she just set free, as a hope for herself. And maybe by the end of it, she decides that instead of inflicting these tests on humans or robots, she can just do them herself. And maybe as she does her own tests, she learns to have an actual relationship with herself for once.
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Halloween Traditions Tim/Danny
Danny smiled to himself as he watched Violet run across the room doing flips and cartwheels excitedly. He glanced over at his husband and snorted.
“Are you seriously still pouting?” He asked, arching an eyebrow at the vigilante. Tim let out a huff and crossed his arms over his chest.
“I wanted her to be like a princess or I dunno like a robot or a zombie!” He grumbled angrily, still watching their daughter dressed in her gaudy and obnoxious costume. When the lights of their home hit it just right, the sequins seemed to shine right in Danny’s eyes. Silently, he agreed with his husband. Out of all the costumes in the world, Violet really had to pick this one for what she wanted to be for Halloween. But they were encouraging parents, they had to let their daughter choose what she wanted to make her happy. And apparently, this costume made her happy.
“I understand but we should have known better than to show her the costume with the sequins,” Danny said with a wince as Violet giggled and flew around their heads. The four-year-old was beyond happy to go trick or treating tonight with her uncles. The four men were going to be there any minute now and Danny had a feeling that Violet would get quite the reaction from her costume once they got here.
Truly, Dick had outdone himself this year.
It had turned into a tradition for the Wayne family upon the birth of their first niece. Each one would gift the Nightingales a costume of their vigilante personas for Violet to dress up as. On her first Halloween, she was only one month old and Danny and Tim had decided to ignore all of the costumes gifted to them and dress her as her namesake. She had worn a beautiful little violet flower costume.
The next year Violet was one and the couple had again vetoed all of the vigilante costumes and instead dressed her up as a potato. Something that no one found funny but Tim and Danny but it was fine, they thought it was genius.
When she was two the couple had dressed her up as a ghost, again no one was amused but the couple, but they were thriving with getting to choose their baby’s Halloween costumes and ignore all of the horrible vigilante costumes thrust at them by their family.
Her fourth Halloween Violet had gotten old enough to actually make her own decisions for her costumes and had declared happily to her parents that she wanted to dress up like a unicorn which of course her parents happily obliged.
This year, though, Dick was a traitor. He was a horrible scumbag of a man and Danny knew that Tim would never forgive his eldest brother for this slight against their family. He had managed to worm his way into becoming Violet’s favorite uncle and not only that, but he had shown her the wonders of Discowing.
And somehow that had been all Violet was able to talk about this year was her desire to be sparkly like her Uncle Nightwing. And that was the biggest kick in the teeth for the couple.
Danny had taken one look at the costume and he had been horrified. Tim had nearly sobbed in horror upon seeing the atrocious get-up. And what was worse was the fact that Dick brought his old Discowing costume out of retirement to match.
“People are going to see Dick as Discowing and they’re going to immediately make the connection that he’s Nightwing,” Tim said with a sigh.
“I doubt it, Jason said he’s going as a zombie, Duke is going as the sun, and Damian said he’s going to be dressed up as a pirate,” Danny said with a soft laugh. “I think it’ll be enough to keep people from thinking that Dickie Grayson is Nightwing. Not everyone is as smart as you are Dear,” he said, pressing a kiss to Tim’s temple. Violet dropped from the air and landed in Tim’s lap just as the doorbell rang and the front door burst open just a moment later, the four brothers barging in without a care in the world.
“Daddy you caught me!” Violet giggled, staring up at Tim with her beautiful blue eyes. Danny just smiled down at her for a moment. The two had discussed having their little ball of ghostly joy for nearly a year before Danny had decided to get off of testosterone to have her. They had weighed out all of the pros and cons of raising a daughter and had found themselves wanting a child more than anything in the world and a year later, the twenty-two-year-olds had found themselves with the most perfect ball of joy.
“Violet!” A voice screeched, shaking Danny from his reverie and he groaned as soon as he looked up to find Dick bounding towards them to grab the four-year-old and pull her into his arms. He looked just as obnoxious as Danny was suspecting he would.
“Are you seriously going to go out in that?” Danny asked staring at the get-up in absolute horror.
Dick grinned and stuck his tongue out at Danny for just a moment before he turned his attention to the little girl in a matching costume.
“Is there anything we need to know before we take Violet out for trick or treating?” Damian asked, ever the most mature out of the Wayne boys.
Danny smiled. “Just keep her safe at all costs and make sure her grandpa remembers that she’s staying the night tonight,” he said softly, carefully wrapping his arm around Tim’s shoulders. He was sad that he was missing out on Halloween, just as he was every year since they had their daughter. But it was unfortunately unavoidable.
This was the time of the year when the veil was at its thinnest and therefore Danny was at his most unstable. He could barely keep his human form together the week of Samhain and Tim was stuck on guard duty to keep Danny from losing control. He was armed with an improved Fenton Thermos and was given strict rules to soup Danny if his powers started to fritz out even a smidgen.
“And what about you Ghostie?” Jason asked, walking over. Danny took a moment to take in his brother-in-law's costumes and couldn’t help the snicker that came from him.
Jason was covered in green paint and fake blood, spirit gum covered his face like rotting skin, and his clothes were ripped and raggedy. Duke was dressed in a bright yellow jumpsuit, a headband covered his head in bright yellow that looked like sun rays. Beside him, Damian was wearing the fanciest pirate costume that Danny had ever seen and he was pretty sure that his sword was real.
“Please don’t let Vi get close to the sword,” Danny said with a sigh before he looked back at Jason. “I’m fine, as soon as you all leave Tim is going to throw up the ghost shield and we’re probably going to watch some movies or something,” he said just as the room covered itself in a thin layer of frost and Danny winced. “My powers are a little on the fritz but hopefully we don’t have a repeat of what happened last year.”
Everyone winced at that and Danny had enough decency to look slightly embarrassed. The year before he and Tim had been having a rather quiet night when Tim had accidentally scared Danny and his ghostly wail was heard around the world. Tim had gone deaf for a good three hours before the ringing stopped and his hearing slowly came back to him.
“I can tell,” Jason said wryly. “We’ll keep the squirt safe for ya and B knows that she’s his responsibility tonight. He and Alfie are already Violet-proofing her room and the playroom,” he said.
“You all are going to be there too, right?” Tim asked hesitantly, watching as Dick threw Violet in the air and she flipped a few times before floating back into his arms. Their daughter was a bit ghostly like Danny, not enough for this time of year to truly incapacitate her the way it did Danny but enough that she had some fun powers in her arsenal. The girl could walk through walls and fly like her father but she didn’t have a ghost form and thank the ancients she didn’t have any of Danny’s other powers it seemed. She was mostly human with just enough ghost in her to make things fun and stressful for her parents.
“We will be,” Damian said seriously with a nod. “Do not worry, Father will not accidentally traumatize her like he did on her birthday.”
Everyone shuddered at the memory.
“Let me get her overnight bag,” Tim said, standing up. He pressed a kiss to Danny’s forehead before he left the room to get Vi’s things for the night.
Soon the brothers and Violet were on their way and Danny found himself curled up on the couch with his husband, a soft smile on his face.
“Think they’re going to be okay?” Danny asked nervously. “This is her first year going with her powers and I don’t know how prepared the guys are for it.”
Tim laughed and wrapped his arm around Danny’s shoulders as he reclined back in the couch. “They’re going to be fine Babe. How much trouble can four vigilantes and a meta kid get into?” He asked before slowly trailing off at the end. “What have we done?”
“They’ve taken her trick or treating every year,” Danny reasoned. “Surely it won’t be worse this year. Besides she only has the intangibility and the flying,” he said carefully. “They wouldn’t lose her.”
“They won’t lose her,” Tim said but Danny could tell just from looking at his husband that he believed the words just as much as Danny did. Tim was quiet for a moment as he contemplated it for a moment. “If I left the ghost shield up would you be fine on your own while I stalk them?”
Danny sighed and looked around the frost that covered their house and let out a breath. “Just soup me and take me with you. That way if something happens I can help you out at least a little bit.”
“Are you sure you want me to soup you?” Tim asked hesitantly, his hand already reaching for the thermos tucked underneath the couch.
Danny let out a huff and nodded his head. “Just don’t drop me again,” he said before Tim leaned forward, gave him a kiss before opening the thermos and sucking Danny into it.
Tim quickly set to work. He first changed from his pajamas to his Red Robin gear and quickly locked up the house before he went off to track his family.
“ It can’t be that bad, could it?” Danny asked through the comms device. The new thermos was upgraded so that if Danny was ever souped in it for whatever reason he was still able to communicate with the Bats. It was primarily made because of Halloween and when Danny lost control of his powers but they had used it other times as well whenever Danny was hurt on patrol and needed to be taken back to the cave or if he had to be hidden away from Amateaur ghost hunters who didn’t know when to quit.
“Knowing those idiots? Definitely,” Tim ground out before he climbed to the top of a building and tracked the movements of his family.
.....
“Violet, honey, don’t forget that you’re supposed to hold our hand the entire time,” Jason reminded as Violet phased her hand from Dick’s grip and tried to run ahead only for Duke to grab her and pull her back. Somehow, they weren’t sure how yet, but his powers made it where Violet’s intangibility didn’t work on her which meant he was on ghost duty for the night.
“But you’re being so slow,” she groaned, stomping her foot.
“We’re being slow because there’s a bunch of people who are out and we don’t want to lose you,” Dick said, looking down at the girl. “Besides, I’m pretty sure your dads gave you very strict rules about when you’re allowed to use your powers. Right?”
Violet grumbled under her breath and attempted to tug her hand away from Duke who only held on tighter.
“Violet, mumbling is unbecoming,” Damian chided. “And if you behave during our trick-or-treat session then I will allow you to play with my sword upon our arrival at the manor.”
Violet perked up at that and looked up at her uncle. “Can I stab Grandpa Bruce with it?” She asked, her blue eyes twinkling with mischief.
“Absolutely,” Jason said at the same time the other Duke and Dick let out a loud no.
Damian hummed. “If you manage to do it without using your powers then yes,” he said.
“Damian!” Dick gasped out. “Tim said no weapons.”
“What Dad doesn’t know won’t hurt him,” Violet said and Jason chuckled in response, he taught his niece so well.
“No, absolutely not,” Dick declared. “You are not stabbing your Grandpa Bruce with a sword. You can stab Jason instead, or a training dummy.”
“I guess,” Violet said with a huff as she leaned into Duke’s side, the man simply chuckled and ruffled her hair with his free hand.
“When did you get to be so stabby Baby Ghost?” Duke asked him curiously. The girl merely shrugged her shoulders in response.
“I dunno, Youngblood, and I like to play pirates a lot,” she said with a small smile, referring to her cousin.
The group of five made it to the next door on the block and Duke led the little girl up to the door as the other three stood back.
“You can come out now Tim,” Jason said lazily. Tim huffed and slipped out of the shadows of the house he had been hiding in.
“You told her she could stab Bruce!” He exclaimed. “You can’t just encourage violence like that! She’s supposed to be acting like an ordinary girl not–”
“You let her play with ghosts,” Dick pointed out. “Not only that but both of her parents and all of her aunts and uncles are vigilantes and she has powers. The only normal person in her family is Jazz and she’s scarier than all of us combined,” he said with a shudder, thinking back on the time the redhead had been the defense attorney on a case that Dick had to be a witness for. She was a force to be reckoned with and Dick was terrified of the woman.
“Danny said that his side of the family doesn’t let Vi play with knives.”
“Remind Danny that his parents are in Blackgate,” Damian said with a huff.
“He resents that,” Tim said, repeating his husband's response.
“Oh my god, is he souped right now?” Jason asked, reaching over and grabbing the thermos from Tim. “How’s it feel to be souped up like a little bitch?” he whispered into the mic attached to the thermos.
“Danny said he has no problem sharing the space with your smell Revenant ass,” Tim said with a snicker just as Duke started back towards them with Violet in tow. He narrowed his eyes at his brothers before snatching Danny away from Jason. “No weapons, no stabbings. I’ve got my eyes on you dumbasses and I will release my ridiculously overpowered husband to torment you all if you lose my baby.”
Dick rolled his eyes. “Calm down Baby Bat. This is our fifth Halloween with Violet, we won’t let anything happen to her,” he said. “Powers or no powers,” he said before he eyed the thermos that Danny was sitting in.
“Don’t even think about souping my child,” Tim hissed before he disappeared into the shadows once more.
The rest of the night blessedly went off without a hitch. Tim and his souped-up husband kept an eye on Tim’s brothers for the rest of the night until he saw the ghost shield go up around Wayne Manor and felt just a little bit better.
He soon found himself back in his own home with Danny curled up next to him as he let out a breath of air. “The new thermos is roomier but man it’s still so uncomfortable,” Danny said with a whine as Tim ran his fingers through his husband’s hair.
“We can go back to the lab and figure it out later,” Tim hummed. “How are you feeling?”
“Sleepy. But also like I could destroy the entire world if I hiccuped,” Danny said with a chuckle before he let out a yawn. Before Tim could respond his cell phone went off.
“It’s Duke,” Tim said before he answered.
“Tim, we have a bit of a problem. Not sure if we need Danny to get her down or if you have any tips or tricks. But Violet is on one of the chandeliers and the only one who can get to her is Dick but she goes intangible every time he gets close to her,” Duke rushed out, his words smashing together.
“Danny would likely destroy the entire manor if he even tried to get her down. She’ll tire herself out eventually just get her when she does,” Tim said with a sigh.
“You got it, have fun you two,” Duke said before hanging up the phone.
“How did we have a daughter who acts just like Dick of all people?” Tim asked as he tossed his phone onto the coffee table.
“I couldn’t tell you,” Danny said with a sigh as he flicked through the movies on their television. “How does Nightmare Before Christmas sound?”
“That’s a Christmas movie,” Tim said, crinkling his nose.
“It’s a Halloween movie too,” Danny huffed out. “It’s both.”
“No, it isn’t. It’s not even about Halloween, it’s literally about Christmas.”
“It’s about Halloween too!” Danny argued before turning the movie on. “I’m right and you’re wrong so we’re watching it so I can prove it to you.”
“I can’t believe you’re making me watch a Christmas movie on Halloween,” Tim complained. Danny just chuckled and leaned up to give his husband a soft kiss.
“I love you,” he murmured.
“I love you too,” Tim said with a small smile as the beginning of the movie started up. Sure their Halloween traditions were a little strange but Tim had to admit, he wouldn’t have them any other way.
#dpxdc#danny phantom#dp x dc#dc x dp#dp x dc crossover#dis writes#batman#danny fenton#dis dreams#dc x dp crossover
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22 asks!! :DD 💖💀🎉💖
@bunny-coffee
@elegysonnet
AAA THANK YOU SO MUCH!! AND YOOOO IM DEVOURING THIS IDEA FRFR-
There's so much sadness! So much angst! AND JEVIL COMFORTING FRISK BY MAKING HER LAUGH?? PERFECT!!!
Now I may be not able to apply this idea word for word.. but I LOVE so much about it! Would you mind if I yoinked some of this? Its great!! :DD
:DD Happy new year!🎉🥳🎉 And thank YOU for sending me a kind message! I endlessly appreciate it 💖💖
@bunny-coffee
:00 Really? Thank you!! :DD I was actually pretty unsure of that detail for Jevil.. Making him round and squishy kind'a made him look too young to me.. but I'm so glad you like it! Maybe his squishiness isn't so bad! :D
:DDD Happy new year!! 💖🎉🥳🎉💖
XD Its been a while since I watched the movie. But I think my reaction was something along the lines of:
"..oh?.... OH..?.... OH YOOOOO---" *excited for angst noises XDD*
Thank you!! :DD As for his knuckle scars, there isn't really one specific way he got them. It just shows that he's rough and tough. He's been through a lot and has been on many dangerous missions.
You know, scraping his hands on rocks, dealing with sharp teethed and dangerous creatures every day.. Your hands would naturally get beat up a lot of you lived like Kwazii.
Aww! How fun! I'm sure Foxy wouldn't mind the company! :}
Foxy: "Oh? Are you a new animatronic?"
Calico Jack: "BIG TALKIN ROBOT-"
Now usually I would say Calico Jack. And its probably still true.. but considering how I'm trying to structure my Octonauts AU.. Inkling might actually be the one who's studied up more on folk tales and mythologies.. 👀
@rockbott0m47 (huh.. in all my days I don't think I've ever received a question like this XDD)
I try to be as factual as possible.. but in all honesty, my factual stops where the lazy begins-
XDD You're welcome?? Ah- Sorry for your loss?? XD I'm not sure how you feel about this realization but none the less thank you! I'm so glad you've liked my artwork! :DD
@nevereatingpeas
:DD THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! I'm so glad you like my deign!! :}}💖
AAAAA THANK YOU SO MUCH!! 😭😭💖💖💖
(Post in question)
WAAAAAHGG THANB YIU SO MCUH!!! ITS SO COOL TO ME THAT YOU SAW ALL THOSE DETAILS!!
Yes exactly! Shellington's "VEGGIE DAD" shirt, Kwazii's bent whiskers and scars.. AND YES YES! THE CAPTAIN IN FULL UNIFORM!! I was thinking that he is an early riser and was up before everyone else was. He's not intending to eat later- he's just already had breakfast! :0
AND YES!! The meals were all correct but one <XD google says that sea otters eat crab. So I googled "crab meat meal" and drew one of the things that came up. It might be a salad thing..? Or a crab pasta thingy.?? Not sure <XDD But MAN the potatoes would have been a good idea too-
One detail that I was fond of was the steam coming from everyone's cups. Though Peso and Barnacles have no steam, because they're drinking cold drinks! You get it?? Becuase they are cold creatures?? Don't like warm things??? I'm so smart 🤣
@itschrisboys
YOOOO THIS IS A REALLY SOLID IDEA!! She could have the guilt of having killed everyone, while also trying to give everyone their happy ending.. Cool! Would you mind if I used this idea? Or at least part of it? Its really neat! :00
@britneyt
:DD Thank you! I'm glad you like that design detail of his XDD
Also thank you again! Happy new year!! 🎉🥳🎉
@beryl-shade
XD My first thought was Glamrock Freddy; "HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO HIDE YOU NOW GREGORY??"
I do! I'll have to draw them sometime-
@tallchest13-blog
Thank you! I'm so glad! :DDD
@natewithacake
:DD Thank you so much!! I'm glad you like the designs I've given them! :}}}
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Reverse 1999 HCs: The Kitchen
I mentioned these in passing, but I finally added them in post with more detail. Feel free to add your HCs to the buffet! Word count is 960ish so you know what you're getting into if you continue down this path of madness.
Apple tends to stay out of the kitchen unless he's looking for wine. He doesn't want to be mistaken for a tasty snack.
Regulus is banned from the kitchen but barges in anyway as the "official taste tester". She also steals from people's plates if they're left unguarded, unless it's Sotheby's. She is an exception. Vertin gets the worst of it where Regulus might lean over her shoulder and chomp down on her spoonful of food. This is the tax for sharing her premium snacks with Vertin.
As for the snack sharing, one time Regulus caught Vertin eating uncooked noodles with the seasoning packet sprinkled on top like chips as a snack. Ever since then, she gave Vertin free access to the stash of snacks in her room. There's always potato chips and Dr. Papper available to her friend.
Vertin stills occasionally eats noodles like chips because Madam Z used to do it when they were traveling together. When Smoltin caught her red-handed, Madam Z advised her not to be like her and to eat her celery sticks instead. They both knew that wasn't going to happen.
Sotheby is allowed use the kitchen with supervision. There needs to be someone there to give their opinion on her creative choices (stop her from accidentally poisoning someone).
Druvis is the head chef and Sonetto is her apprentice that does everything by the book due to her upbringing in the Foundation. For example, if they don't have the right ingredients, Sonetto believes they can't make the dish anymore. However, Druvis will teach her how to substitute things and improvise.
Sonetto is a great cook, but she operates like a robot that needs to be updated with new ideas from a programmer. All the knowledge is there, but she struggle to make her own conclusions. (This is something we see her struggle with in game but I applied it to cooking lol)
The Horror Trio have no interest in cooking, only eating. Although, Jessica and her Critter friends harvest things from the garden so Druvis can supervise/mentor in the kitchen.
Vertin can't cook per say, but she can throw together very basic meals a child could do (eggs, bacon, toast, grilled cheese, simple stuff). However, her specialty is eggs. She can cook an egg in every way possible thanks to Madam Z. The scientist told her if she learns to cook anything, let it be an egg. They're easy to cook, versatile, and a good source of protein. This is an HC but I can hear her explaining egg supremacy to Vertin. Fun fact: Eggs are a staple food in China and many Asian countries. Eat an egg for Madam Z everyone.
Vertin's also handy with a knife since it's all about technique and she's good with her hands. Before her crew, she probably ate a lot of sandwiches, Foundation MREs, and instant food (with eggs on the side).
However, one day Druvis witnessed hot bacon grease pitch onto Vertin's arm. Vertin flinched at first but continued flipping her bacon, saying, "It happens sometimes." Druvis damn near threw Vertin in the sink in her rush to run cold water over it. They didn't notice how serious Vertin's disregard for injuries were due to the lack of scars and reactions from her. Vertin doesn’t understand since it'll go away with a healing potion. This breaks Druvis's heart because even if it's healed, Vertin's putting herself through unnecessary pain since she's used to getting hurt.
That was the last time Vertin was allowed to touch a frying pan (rip her beloved eggs as collateral), but they still let her use the knife since she's adept with it. Also Vertin wants to help them because it's a way for her to spend more time with them. They couldn't chase her away after she admitted that.
There is another advantage to letting the Timekeeper help sometimes; Vertin's the only one who doesn't cry rivers when she cuts an onion. Sonetto and Sotheby are a mess when they try. Pupnetto has a sensitive nose and Sotheby is baby. Druvis keeps her deadpan face but tears will prick at her eyes.
Vertin didn't always eat her veggies as a kid and Madam Z wasn't sure how to make her eat them. It's actually Tooth Fairy who found a way to make fruits and veggies fun. Vertin now does the same for her Suitcase Family.
Imagine an elegant, celebratory dinner set up by Druvis, Sonetto, and Sotheby after a particularly tough mission. What did Vertin contribute with her knife? Sandwiches? Salads? Nope. It's this:
Fruits and veggies decorated as little critters! It's how Tooth Fairy advised Madam Z to prepare them so Smoltin would eat them. As a kid she loved it. Vertin is creative so there are many variations (she's the opposite of Sonetto who's highly skilled but lacks creativity).
They're a hit with her crew too. Even Blonney, who normally acts like a moody teenager when it comes to her true feelings, finds them adorable. After seeing the way Jessica's eyes lit up from the little display, she was inspired to try and learn too. In secret, of course.
Horropedia said they were neat, but listed a terrifying bunch of ideas for Vertin's next fruit/veggie display: monsters, eyeball, tentacles, severed fingers, a dipping sauce that looks like slime or blood...
Bonus:
Regulus: Vertin! What are you doing?
Vertin: I'm making cheese toasties (grilled cheese). Don't worry, there's no way I can burn myself.
Regulus: You're dealing with hot melted cheese. On a scale of 1 to 10, how angry do you think Sonetto and Druvis would be if I called them right now?
Vertin: ...Would you like one too?
Regulus: Cut diagonally, no crust. Thanks ❤️
#reverse 1999#reverse 1999 hc#suitcase fam#this is me being self indulgent#also the idea of madam z having small traces of gremlin energy#that only tooth fairy and smoltin know about#is important to my mental health#the gif hits different after writing this#i should just write the damn fics lol#this post contains egg propaganda
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Simple Enough
Summary: You've been single for too long so your best friend forces you to attend a cooking class. But you're not the only one here against your will.
Warnings: none, only fluff
1400+ words
Masterlist
You sighed as you looked up at the bright sign on the front of the building, advertising the cooking classes your best friend made you sign up for. Leah was concerned, you had been single for more than a year now, and showed no interest in joining the dating scene. She figured a cooking class would be a good start to meet some people.
Leah swore up and down that she would come with you, but of course, you had been waiting for ten minutes, and still no sign of the traitor.
You
You're not coming are you?
Leah
Sorry, have fun 💋
You
🖕
Huffing, you put your phone back in your purse, and glanced at the doors again, the nerves twisting in your stomach.
On your right, a car slowed down to let out a passenger.
"I hate you, you know that, right?" The man on the sidewalk grunted through the open window.
"I promise you'll love me!" The driver laughed, before leaving.
The man turned to look at the building, and at you. Because you were still staring. He seemed huge compared to the small car he just stepped out of, his large shoulders clad in leather, just like his hands, dark eyebrows furrowed over slightly confused blue eyes.
"Hi," you smiled awkwardly. "Here against your will too?"
"Uh, yeah," he nodded, glancing at the doors, "something like that."
Although uncomfortable, he seemed nice.
"My friend ditched me, wanna team up?" you offered.
He eyed you up and down, and shrugged, "sure."
You smiled again and he liked that. You seemed inviting, warm and safe compared to everything he had known until now.
"I'm Bucky," he stepped closer, offering you a gloved hand.
You shook it enthusiastically and gave him your name. Bucky repeated it once, testing the words on his tongue.
"Alright, ready?" you raised an eyebrow, a hand hovering above the door handle. He only nodded.
Inside, a few other people were gathering in pairs around tables covered with ingredients and tools, and you quickly realized they were mostly couples. Did you just invite a stranger to a first date? You cringed inside, but you had to admit that this stranger was quite easy on the eyes. You followed Bucky to a table and dropped your purse and jacket next to it. Bucky shed his too, revealing a long-sleeved shirt, but he kept his gloves.
"Are you cold?" you nodded at the leather.
He looked away, "no."
Alright then. The teacher showed up and started the class. The recipe of the day was fried chicken with a side of vegetables. Simple enough, you thought. The first step, chopping the vegetables. You turned toward Bucky.
"Are you good with knives, Bucky?" you raised an eyebrow, it seemed to be a quirk of yours.
He liked how his name sounded on your lips, soft and harmless.
"Yeah, I guess," he seemed even more uncomfortable somehow.
"Great, I don't like 'em, almost chopped off a finger trying to slice a potato the other day," you scoffed, and the corners of Bucky's lips curved up quickly but you didn't miss it.
"I'll handle the knife, then," he answered and you smiled.
You washed the vegetables before handing them to him. He took the knife in his right hand and started to cut. You were mesmerized. The speed, the precision, the agility.
"Wow, you're good good," you chuckled and he felt a nice warmth in his chest. It'd been a long time since he had impressed a pretty lady. "Where the hell did you learn that?"
"Um," the blade slowed down, "I was in the army."
That was the answer the therapist suggested when he told her how uncomfortable he'd get at this kind of question. You seemed satisfied with it and turned to get the spices.
"Alright, now we need to start the fryer," you plugged in the machine.
"That thing?" he looked suspicious of it.
"Yeah, for the chicken." You pushed a few buttons and Bucky kept staring at the machine. "You don't like robots?"
He looked at you, and shook his head, "never used 'em."
You frowned at that, most people had at least used an electric whisk or a mixer, and the army definitely used robots now. He wished the ground swallowed him. Now you would think about how weird he was.
"Okay," you shrugged, with a warm smile, "you handle the knives and I handle the robot."
Bucky let out a breath he didn't realize he was holding. You turned on the fryer, announcing what each button pressed was for, and Bucky smiled softly as he watched above your shoulder. The sweet smell of your perfume eased his nerves.
Following the teacher's instructions, you fried the chicken while Bucky took care of the vegetables. You two worked well together, chatting about random stuff while maneuvering around the table, blissfully ignoring the dozen people surrounding you. You even got three small chuckles out of Bucky, and it was the most delightful thing you heard in a while.
"Ouch," you hissed, stepping away from the fryer.
In a second, Bucky was next to you. "What did you do?"
"Some oil got on my hand, it's alright," you showed him your slightly red skin and he had to stop himself from reaching out and touching it.
"Let me do it, peaches. I just take the handle and pull it out right?"
You could only stare at him, an eyebrow raised, always the left one.
"Peaches?" you grinned, and your stomach tied in a knot when he immediately blushed.
"Sorry, um, your perfume smell like peaches," Bucky looked anywhere else but your face. "I like peaches."
"Oh," and now you were blushing too.
Alright, you had to admit Leah was right about this cooking class. But you'd never say that to her face.
"So, the handle?" Bucky glanced at you.
"Oh, yeah, just take it out and put it there," you shook your head and he nodded.
And that's when shit hit the fan. Bucky stepped closer to the fryer, but you forgot to warn him about the short cable hanging in the air, and he stepped on it, unplugging it in the process. You barely registered what happened that Bucky had already stopped the machine from tumbling over, spilling boiling oil on his left hand.
"Oh my God, your hand!" you yelped, catching everyone's attention.
"What's going on?" The teacher approached your table.
"Nothing, the robot almost fell over and I just got a few drops on my hand," Bucky wished for this moment to be over, his left hand clutched behind his back.
"What? No! You've got at least third-degree burns!" You frowned.
"I'll put some water on it," he offered, just so you'd stop worrying and talking about his hand.
But you followed him to the bathroom. You felt guilty, if you hadn't burned yourself, he wouldn't have needed to step in, literally.
"Are you sure, Bucky? You got a lot of oil on there!"
"Yes, don't worry, peaches." He tried to turn his back to you while standing over the sink, but you needed to make sure he was okay so you stood right next to the small sink.
"The leather will melt into your skin!"
"I, uh-" Bucky glanced at you and realized you were not backing down anytime soon. "I don't have skin." His eyes screwed shut at that.
You blinked. It took you a second but you remembered. He told you he had been in the army.
"It's a prosthetic," your voice was soft, your eyebrow raised.
"Yeah," he bit his lip, finally looking into your eyes again.
"Did the oil damage it?"
Bucky laughed at that and you frowned.
"No, the oil did not damage it," he looked slightly more comfortable now.
"Is it just the hand?"
"The whole arm and shoulder," he shrugged it.
"Wow," you glanced at it but went right back to the blue of his eyes. "In the army?"
"Uh, yeah," he picked at the little melted pieces of leather now poking out of his glove.
You took a second to look at his face, and you noticed the small scars, the lines dug by years of battle, and the tired eyes.
"Alright. You wanna get back in there?"
"I'd rather not," Bucky breathed out, and you nodded.
"Coffee?"
He looked at you, the hint of a smile in his eyes. You were not freaked out, you were not running for the hills. And for God's sake, you were gorgeous.
#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes x you#fluff#bucky barnes#soft bucky barnes#meet cute#cooking together#bucky's vibranium hand#cute
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(submission from a crackfic that wasn't made by me)
(tw for death)
AITA for killing my nemesis?
I (?? M platypus) have a nemesis (?? M) who I'll call D. D has a daughter and a robotic son, and likes to build machines he uses for "evil". One of them was a cream of potato soup machine.
On the day of the incident, I arrived at D's apartment early. He was still tinkering with his machine, and the wiring was never finished. He went in a monologue about how he'd take over the area we live in with it and activated the machine (as per usual). I went to stop him.
This is when it all went wrong.
The machine had a large bowl of soup on top of it. My attacking kick had caused D to topple over the bowl, onto his head and onto the live wire. Before I could even react he was engulfed in electrical fire and cream of potato soup. Soon, all traces of his work were gone.
His children are still alive, but they will never have a father again. I've tried to act as one for them on occasion, but my host family doesn't know this ever happened. They don't even know I ever left their house area.
His daughter says she forgives me, and that it was just an accident. But her life will never be the same
AITA for this? If I had just gotten there later, or realized there was live wire, or attacked him differently, or announced my arrival as soon as I got there, or had done really anything different, D would still be alive.
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Hello🤗! It's the anon who has a geeky mom!
Made it through chapter 5 and here's my Mama's thoughts. Warning: she cried A LOT.
She's kind off curious about Mickey and wondered if he could be important in the future. She got upset when no one knew who he was lol. "Mickey Mouse was my childhood! How could they?!" She cried. She also got really worried for Yuu and the Overblots. She's surprisingly quick to guess that Vil was about to overblot because of the epilogue from last chapter.
She was excited that the school held festivals because her school did that.
My mom screamed when she saw Riddle and Kalim again. She wanted to know if Riddle was able to get through with his mom. I should mention she wants to adopt the overblot victims.
She kept on roasting Vil throughout the chapter, especially whenever he acted mean towards Epel. "I'll show you who's a potato you Bratz doll rip-off!". She legit said that.
She thinks Rook's creepy 🤣. She also wanted Leona to sing.
She instantly fell in love with Ortho.
My mom, ever the music lover, started jumping excitedly during the audition. She even clapped and cheered for all of them.
She thought the songs were bops.
Neige and the Dwarves are adorable to her.
During Vil's overblot and flashback, her disgust towards Vil turned to empathy. She especially felt bad when Vil was being bullied. On a lighthearted note, she wished my dad was like Vil's dad.
She's so proud of Deuce she literally cried tears of joy.
She thought that Malleus and Yuu's friendship was cute. She wished there was an option where we could call Malleus MalMal instead of Tsunotaro.
She was kinda down when NRC didn't win but was happy for RSA nonetheless. She called it karma that Vil was forced to sing with Neige. She felt bad for Jamil though.
My mom legit bursted into happy tears when she saw Mickey in the flesh but that joy turned to fear and worry when Grim attacked us. "What happened?! Is Yuu alright?!"
And now she thinks Idia is sketchy. She refuses to believe Ortho is in on this. "Nooooo, not the cute robot boy!"
As a sidenote, she said that if I ever went to NRC, she's pulling me out immediately 😂.
[Here’s the other installments for the Mom Anon: Ep 2 / Ep 3 / Ep 4]
Don’t ask where Ep 1 is; I don’t actually recall having received an ask specifically about that—
Good, feed TWST your tears 😊
Your mom can join the rest of the TWST theorists on the true nature and meaning of Michard Mouse who has lost all of his fame and extensive media empire in this world 😩 I think at this point the pattern for OBs has been well established (though the festival setting is certainly new and provides an added element of public exposure to the threat). djsvwjxnkss Imagine being some happy-go-lucky festival goer and you witness a celebrity causing chaos 😅 I think you’d just drop your cotton candy and run for the nearest authority figure at that point… Good thing the NRC boys were able to keep the OB contained though!
Yeah, it’s always exciting to see old characters return in later episodes your mom’s in for a treat with episode 6. We can see how they’ve changed since we last saw them. Unfortunately, we don’t get to hear of the aftermath of the conversation Riddle had with his mother, but it’s nice to just catch up with the dorm leader that started it all. (And, of course, Kalim is also present being a good boi 😌)
Mmm, I don’t think Vil acted the nicest (especially not this episode) but 🤔 I do think it’s interesting to observe how much harsher the criticisms made at his expense can be. I get the sense that people think it’s okay to call Vil out for his cruelty, but hesitate to do the same for others (such as Riddle), even when those characters have all done/said abhorrent things. I wonder if that justification comes down to Vil being the type of person who doesn’t like to show when he is hurting or being affected by negative comments (versus other characters, who are more overtly emotional or reactive). It comes with the territory of being a celebrity: you need thick skin to survive in the entertainment industry, where everyone will be judging you at all times of the day. It must bring him a lot of distress, and it also leaves him in a tough situation where he often cannot outwardly express his frustrations.
I don’t know, it makes me feel slightly uncomfortable seeing Vil in particular receives certain kinds of vitriol from the fandom, because I’m sure he’s also getting that in-universe from his “haters”. No matter where he exists, he must be facing intense public scrutiny (sometimes on very superficial things too), and I don’t know how he manages to deal with it. Like, even in the comment quoted, it’s not Vil’s character being insulted but his appearance (even if his appearance is totally unrelated to the situation). I guess it’s easy to roast celebrities when you only really get to see slivers of them in various media or maybe they’re seen as living “perfect” lives, but I don’t agree with being mean to them (or to anyone, really 💦). Confident people can still be hurt, and those in seemingly glamorous positions have valid issues. That isn’t to defend their missteps, but rather just me being sad about a general lack of empathy 😔
Let Rook beeee 😭 I won’t stand for this huntsman slander— Funnily enough, the game has teased Leona singing a few times before (most recently in Endless Halloween Night), but we’ve never actually heard him do it.
The VDC auditions were so cuuute 🥰 I really enjoyed the variation in their performances, as well as the characterization of Rook and Vil that we got through it. Rook is the positive judge that can see the charm points in each individual, but Vil is the more critical judge that can really “read” what is at the core of each person’s performance. For example, he mentions that Cater’s performance doesn’t seem to have heart behind it and that Lilia’s performance makes him seem older than a high school student. MY FAVORITE ONE WAS ORTHO THOUGH, his was so cool!! They patched his scene so that he sounds like a Vocaloid while singing, which was an excellent touch 🎵 (Great job with that one, Idia!)
Mmm, I personally don’t care for the songs in episode 5 (with the exception of Piece of My World, if that counts), but I’m glad that others enjoyed them so much! I feel similarly towards Neige and the Dwarves; there’s nothing offensive about them, they’re just a little… bland for my tastes. Cute, yes, but ultimately bland.
Vil and Azul have similar backstories in that they involve being bullied and then using that experience to fuel their efforts to better themselves and to prove their worth to their peers. I think this is why those two are able to garner sympathy (but not always empathy) from the fandom. Oddly enough though, I usually see people not forgiving Vil for his actions while also exonerating Azul for his. This… has always been weird to me, because I see Azul as someone who has done much more damage over the years than Vil has—and what’s more, Vil is one of THE most apologetic OB boys of the cast and clearly owns up to his wrongdoings. I think this difference comes from the perception of each boy; again, Vil is often viewed as harsh and overly critical, and not a lot of the general public can relate to his being a child star, so he earns less empathy overall 💦 Some of this perception also comes down to a misunderstanding of his reasons for Overblotting; I've seen many label it as shallow or driven by vanity when... well, that's not entirely true. He's ultimately looking for approval and validation of his identity and the work that he does, and that's something I think everyone wants. I just wish more people were open-minded when looking over Vil's backstory. Just because he had a successful career and a supportive father doesn't mean Vil didn't struggle to get to where he is today. Even then, he's not entirely happy with himself. That's not Vil being spoiled or entitled, that's Vil thinking he can be even better. It's that ambition and drive that defines him.
aiudbaidbabsd Vil's dad though 😫 the real OG... It must be hard for a big star like him to make time for his child, and yet he still manages to do it. It's also just nice to see a supportive parent for once in these flashbacks instead of people like the Viper parents and Mama Rosehearts (or not really involved in or aware of the formative trauma like the Kingscholar parents and the Ashengrotto parents).
When I first played through episode 5, I wasn't expecting Deuce to get his unique magic at all. Now that it's said and done, I think we can all share in his pride and excitement. We've followed him on this journey for so long, and he finally gets this big payoff and he gets to rub it in Ace's smug face.
Episode 5 is a big turning point in terms of Malleus and Yuu’s relationship; this is when his true identity is revealed to them and everyone else becomes aware that they know each other. As I’ve said before, I don’t find myself convinced by their friendship due to how little they interacted during the main story, but I guess that’s just a consequence of the writers trying to keep Malleus “mysterious”. I’m sure plenty of people find him and Yuu endearing in spite of that.
I believe the significance of Malleus being called “Tsunotaro” even after his true name and title are revealed is that it calls attention to Yuu just treating him like a normal person. There’s no option to call him some variant of his actual name because “Malleus” is inherently associated with big titles: the dorm leader of Diasomnia, crown prince to the Briar Valley, one of the strongest mages in all of Twisted Wonderland. These isolate him from others, and it’s of great importance that Yuu is an exception to this and treats him like an equal.
Haha, there’s always that initial hit of disappointment when the results come out. It’s good that your mom didn’t linger on the sadness and the defeat for too long and was happy that the nice RSA boys cinched the victory. Everyone singing and suffering together at the end was the perfect way to conclude the Pomefiore arc~ (Jamil’s deadpan tone and face were 👌)
cbssksnsn That’s a first 😂 I don’t think I’ve seen many people get excited at the idea of meeting Mickey; I feel like most TWST fans (myself included) are quick to meme on him or theorize, or they’re just put off by his presence at all. It certainly feels a little “out of place” with the aesthetics and the world (at least until it gets further explanation).
I was worried about Grim attacking Yuu too but 😔 it ultimately just amounts to nothing more than a cat scratch, which I found disappointing (as it’s really low stakes despite how serious the situation is framed). That’s probably a relief to others though, I can’t imagine that most would be eager to see Yuu and Grim in pain.
… Since when has every end of episode preview for the next ever made the next OB boy NOT look sketchy?? 👁 👄 👁 It’s okay, no matter how sketchy Idia may be, Ortho’s there to balance it out with his innocence.
Isekai’d into Twisted Wonderland with your mom?? 😂 I don’t think the main story would be able to happen if any sane, responsible adult was actually present long enough to keep the kids out of trouble looking at you, Crowley.
#Vil Schoenheit#Malleus Draconia#Azul Ashengrotto#Leona Kingscholar#Idia Shroud#Riddle Rosehearts#Pomefiore#Ignihyde#Ortho Shroud#Kalim Al-Asim#Deuce Spade#Neige Leblanche#spoilers#notes from the writing raven#Seven Dwarves#Cater Diamond#Lilia Vanrouge#Jamil Viper#Scarabia#Ace Trappola#Yuu#Grim#Dire Crowley
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Bully!eren seeing you with your boyfriend then when u aren’t looking beats the crap out of him and tells him not to talk to you ever again then come to your “recuse” when you tell him you were stood up.
date night 18+
yandere Eren x fem! reader
tw: non con/dubcon, stalking? ( not really) and violence
A/N: hey i hope this is okay i hope i fulfilled your request accurately . 4k+ words
The night had been going fine.
The sun has already set, traffic had passed and the only noise you could hear as you walked into the restaurant was the sound of people quietly laughing at their tables as they spoke amongst themselves.
You’d been trapped under Erens wing for so long but lately, he’s been too busy with other things in his life that he’s barely had time to torment you. So, you’d decided to take advantage of his leave and go on a date with a guy you met from a neighboring school.
He was nice, tall, and didn’t seem controlling and you looked out for signs that he could be anything like Eren. After about a month of talking you finally agreed to go on an official date.
Your date held the door open for you and walked closely behind you as you gave the desk the name of your reservation for the upscale restaurant.
As you walked to your table your eyes became robotic, scanning the place and taking in the scenery of the building while appreciating the marbling of the wall and the contrast it had with the floor. Black with off-white, seems basic enough but fitting for the style of the place.
You sat in a corner a little away from the rest of the people in the restaurant and it was quieter than you expected.
“ what’s wrong,” Your date asked.
“ nothing it’s beautiful in here I’m just surprised we got such reserved seating” You spoke, smiling at him as you put the most expensive purse you owned down beside you.
He smiled back at you and took his time for the 3rd time since he picked you up to take in the way you looked.
A comfortable silence filled the air once again before the waiting came back with menus telling you she will be back shortly.
“ Everything looks so good oh my gosh I don’t know what to get,” you said, eyes brushing over the various options that were offered.
the menus consisted of a variety of cuts of steak, lobster, crab, chicken, and ribs with all kinds of sides it was almost overwhelming.
“How about this, I choose for you and you choose for me?” he asked, an innocent glint in his eyes as he suggested it to you.
You shook your head in agreement and decided on steak, shrimp, asparagus, and garlic mashed potatoes for him and wondered what he would choose for you.
Just as you were about to ask, the waiter appeared and asked if you were ready to order.
He looked at you to make sure you were ready and you nodded.
“ Can I have a well-done steak with shrimp, asparagus and garlic mashed potatoes please?” you asked politely.
“ sounds amazing, good choice, “ she said writing it down before turning to your date.
“ And for you sir?” she said.
“I’ll have the king crab bites with green beans and potato tower please, “ he says
“ Alright and for drinks ?”
“ we’ll both have a lemonade” you speak.
“ ok I’ll be back as soon as possible, “ she says turning on her heel and leaving you alone once again.
“I love crab,” you say
“I know, you talk about it a lot I thought you might like it,” he says
you’re about to reply but you see his face drop and your eyebrows scrunch wondering what’s wrong.
“ you ok?” you ask
“ yeah I think I left my phone in the car, mind if I go get it?” he asked, continuously patting around his pockets to see if he feels it.
“ no no no, please go ahead I’ll be waiting.” you say smiling.
You smile back and he tells you he’ll be quick. Sliding out of his seat he swiftly walks away, turning with a wink at you.
——————————————-
“ How the fuck did I leave my phone” he whispers to himself as he unlocks his car and digs around trying to find where he placed it.
He finds it slithered between the cushion sectioning off the driver and passenger seat.
“ Need help?” a voice speaks from the darkness.
he turns around and lowers his eyebrows, confused at the stranger.
“ No thanks, “ he says.
He brushes off the strange feeling and closes his car door, attempting to walk off before the hooded stranger slams him back against the driver's side door.
“what the fuck is your problem get off of me-“
He doesn’t get to finish his sentence because Eren delivered a quick blow to the nose causing a disturbing crack to fill the empty sound of the street. A crack that leaves Eren laughing as he watches a bit of blood drip from the nose of your date.
“ look I don’t know what I did but-“
“ shut the fuck up,” eren says, this time landing a punch to the guy's mouth, effectively bruising his lip.
Eren throws him to the ground, bending down to hit the guy over the head a few times before moving down his torso and hitting him in his stomach.
Bile fills his mouth and he turns over to throw up on the ground making Eren let out another tormenting laugh.
“You think you can do whatever you want huh? prancing around with my girl like nothing would happen to you? you’re lucky I let you have your fun for this long.” Eren says as he stands upright, fixing his jacket and stepping away from your date.
“I didn’t know man,” the guy says
“ listen to me. If you touch her again, text her again, breath near her again I’m going to kill you. go home. ”
Your date quickly takes the chance to fumble for the door and bail out before eren changes his mind.
Eren watches as he speeds out of the driveway and smiles to himself before turning to the entrance of the restaurant.
“ dumb “ he mutters to himself.
Did you think he wouldn’t know what you were up to? just because he was busy doesn’t mean he wasn’t watching you or having someone watch over you. From the first day you’d spoken to the dude, he knew. He just wanted to see how far you’d go. and he was mad.
He walked into the restaurant and turned to the lady at the counter.
he dropped a wad of cash on the counter and told her it was to pay for your food, also telling her to tell the waiter that she saw your date drive off.
He knew you’d be disappointed but that’s exactly what he wanted. It’s what you get for trying to go behind his back. He smiled to himself as he walked out, satisfied knowing that you’d come crying to him.
He knows how much he’s made you dependent on him after all.
you look around the restaurant, scrunching your eyebrows wondering what’s taking your date so long. Your eyes catch the waiters as she nervously shuffled towards you.
“ Maam? “ he spoke, tapping her thigh to ease her nerves
“ what’s wrong?“ you asked
She took a deep breath before blurting out
“I’m so sorry but we saw your date driving off… but money was left to pay for your food.”
The words float over your head and you can’t comprehend them, it’s like trying to mix water and oil. The water is you and the oil is the why. Why would he leave you? did you do something he didn’t like? you thought it was going well. Why did he make an excuse instead of just telling you how he felt.
Your face burns with embarrassment and you feel tears stinging in your eyes.
“ Thank you”
The waitress nods her head at you, biting her lip and chewing the inside of her cheek.
The silence is thick and awkward but it ends just as quickly as it started.
“ Could I get my food to go?” you spoke quietly.
“ Yes of course “ she replied, taking the chance to almost jog out of your tables section, wanting to avoid the energy created by the bad news.
Your throat burns and your hands shake as you try to pull out your phone. Your breath is heavy but you scroll through your contacts with blurry eyes looking for Eren's number.
You call him and on the first ring he picks up.
You stay quiet, not knowing what to say. Why did you even call him? You think about hanging up but you sniffle and choke on the cry you tried to swallow.
“Princess?” he spoke, his sultry voice gliding through the speaker of your phone like music.
You shouldn’t be so relieved to hear his voice.
“ Eren I m-messed up” you sniffle, looking around for a napkin as snot starts to pour from your nose.
“ What’s wrong baby ?” he asks. A hint of malice decorates his tone but you don’t hear it over the sound of your heavy breathing and hiccups.
“ Please don’t be mad i-i just need you to please” You spoke pathetically.
“ Calm down just tell me what’s wrong “
“ I went on a date “
An eerie silence fills the air as the words leave your lips. You don’t realize the situation you’ve put yourself in until you say it out loud.
“ Eren?”
He’s silently laughing to himself over the phone. You’re naïve to think he didn’t know. You just prove to him time and time again why you need him. Why you need him to take care of you.
“ Where are you?” he asked, though he’s driving around the street of the restaurant you’re at after deciding to kill time.
You’re not even aware of the fact that he has a tracker on your phone and has you sharing your location with him in multiple ways but what you don’t know won’t hurt you.
You say the address of the restaurant and he tells you to stay put and stay on the phone as he drives to your location.
——
Less than 5 minutes later Eren tells you to come outside.
You nervously gather your food and jacket and begin to do the walk of shame to the door, thanking your waitress and cashier for the night. They look at you with pity as they wave goodbye at you.
“ Poor girl”
——
When you see his car, Eren is leaning against the door with his hand resting on the roof.
His finger motions you towards him and you gulp as you take long strides toward him.
He says nothing but roughly grabs you, tilting your head up and giving you a deathly stare before forcing your lips against his.
he opens the passenger door and picks you up, sitting you inside.
You can walk and sit on your own but you don’t protest knowing it’s better to just stay silent given the predicament.
The drive is silent and you can guess that he’s taking you to his house.
Your head drums against the window as all the possibilities of what he’s going to do run through your head. You want to begin crying again but you know you don’t deserve to let out your emotions. What did you expect to happen? Guys always disappoint you. Eren is the only one who even tries. Even if trying for him means budding into every aspect of your life and not considering what you want.
Your stomach begins to churn as the forest and houses around you start to look familiar. You’re approaching Erens house.
—
When he parks, you attempt to open the door but the car is locked. He comes over and opens the door from the outside himself and picks you up, wrapping your legs around his waist as he carries you inside.
He unlocks and locks the front door and doesn’t sit you down until you reach his bedroom where he gently placed you down and sets your food next to you.
You look up at him and you’re surprised to see him with a calm expression on his face.
“ Take it off”
He doesn’t have to be any more specific for you to know he wants your dress and anything under it to come off.
He watches you as he sits against his headboard, enjoying the way you slowly strip for him the way you know he loves.
You look at him silently waiting for directions and obediently follow when he opens his arms and gestures for you to lay against him.
You don’t know how long you lay there but it feels like hours. You hate the way his strong arms encompass you like a custom-made blanket, ready to comfort and hold you forever and you would let it. You could lay there for fucking ever.
about an hour and a half later, Eren decides to wake you up.
“ Cmon you gotta eat”
he shakes you awake and grabs the probably cold food that To your knowledge was mysteriously placed on the desk beside his bed.
You snuggle closer to him, your face grimacing as you feel the residue of your tears and snot that left his shirt damp. He let you cry yourself to sleep against him, he let you soak his shirt in your fluids and now he’s waking you up to eat.
It’s all so goddamn confusing, he hurts you then comforts you, and even when he’s not the one to hurt you like tonight, he still comes to your rescue. It doesn’t make sense but you don’t have much time to think about it because he’s gently lifting you to straddle his hips as he opens the container and eyes the selected food.
The king crab bites are solid and the potatoes tower has turned into a scrambled pile of cold mush but he picks up pieces and holds them against your lip trying to feed it to you anyway.
The taste is gritty in your mouth and your lips curl before you spit it out into the styrofoam container and look up at him to see him smiling.
“ Not good?” he says
“ no” you respond. laying your head against his chest once more.
He goes on his phone for a few minutes, staying quiet as he taps tap-taps away.
he clicks it off and you look up at him nice more. Your heart drops and your muscles tense as you see a dark cloud in his eyes take over.
You’re not off the hook.
You feel his hands creep under the thin black blanket covering you both to begin groping your chest.
It starts a bit soft but soon your nipples are hurting from the force he’s using.
You whine a bit and this makes Eren scoff.
“ Oh I’m sorry does that hurt?” he says condescendingly.
At this state, you know nothing you say would please him and would just make the situation worse so you choose to stay quiet which angers Eren.
Quicker than you can suck in a harsh breath Eren flips you onto your back and hoods both of your hands above your head.
“ What the fuck is wrong with you? you’re an ungrateful whore. Do you think you can just go on date with some random and call me when he ditches you? who the fuck do you think you are?”
he uses his free hand to maneuver your complaint body into a mating press, forcing your legs down hard enough sure you both know you’ll feel it in the morning.
“ count slut”
you look at him puzzled but let out a blood-curdling scream as he lands one harsh blow to your pussy.
He looks down at you with dark eyes as he hits you harder, over and over again, sometimes switching to slap at your bouncing tits.
“I told you to fucking count.”
he leans down and captures your lips in a harsh kiss and begins to slap at your puffy clit once again
“ one “ ow “ two” please eren “ shit-three”
“ f-four” you cry
For at least 10 minutes Eren tortures you with his hits. wanting to humiliate you further, when he’s finished he holds up his hands to show you the wetness that has grown between your legs.
“ told you you’re a fucking slut “
He leans down and spits on your cunt, the sound of it making you wince as you clench around nothing, hoping to rid yourself of the stinging pain his palm had left behind.
Goosebumps grow on your skin as the night air blowing through the window makes its presence aware.
“ You cold baby?” he asks, rubbing your clit with two fingers.
You blink away tears and the next thing you know you’re flipped once again. This time you’re on your stomach for a few seconds before Eren is forcing your hips into the air.
“ Lemme help you warm up.”
he takes a few seconds of rustling with his clothes before he’s completely naked and he smirks when he sees you’ve lifted your head to gawk at his figure.
His smirk drops and he forcefully pushes your head down, taking his time in correcting your arch.
“ You wanna be a whore? you’ll never be anything more so go ahead and show me what you were going to do to that scumbag as a thank you for taking you to that cheap restaurant.”
You know that Eren was blessed to be born into a family that's loaded but he knows that that’s probably the most expensive place you’ve been to in a long time. You can’t help that you don’t come from money.
“ Hey hey hey you listening whore?” he says snapping his fingers at you as if you’re a dog.
You brace yourself as he rubs himself against your soaked entrance before harshly pushing in.
“ bounce “
You suck your breath in hard before pushing your face into the bed and scooting up a bit to put room between you and Eren before antagonizing lifting your hips from his and effectively letting his length glide out of you before forcefully pushing your hood back to encompass him in your warm walls once again.
You repeatedly bounce back and forth on his cock, whining as you hear the embarrassingly loud shluck of your juices covering his dick.
“ you can’t do shit right huh?” He says.
he pushes you off his cock and lays on his back instead. Then, he’s quickly pulling you on top of him again and giving you no time to breathe before forcing you to sit on his cock.
You think he’s going to try to make you ride him but you are surprised when he firmly grabs your hips and slides you up and down on him.
“ Fucking shit for a whore you got a perfect fucking pussy” he groans, throwing his head back in pleasure.
You hold onto his chest trying to steady yourself as he lifts his hips to slam into yours. Your wetness drips onto his pelvis and slides down his balls, eventually making it to his sheets
Your body feels hot but he is hotter, the warmth radiating between your bodies makes the air you’re forced to suck in unbreathable. Your body is spasming on top of his trying to make sense of why your mind is screaming for him to let you off but your cunt is squelching and creaming around him making it easier for him to manipulate your body as he bounces you faster.
“ please…” you whine
He lets out a diabolical laugh as he sits up and pushes himself back against the headboard, shifting your position on top of him as well.
You hesitantly wrap your arms around his neck as comfort and you don’t know it but his heart speeds up just a little at this gesture.
“ the fuck off of me,” He says
scowling at you, he rips your arms from his body and shoves them back on his chest. It feels less intimate that way.
“ Hey pay attention you’re gonna start putting in work ok?” he says, fixing your legs on either side of him.
he lays back and looks at you with an expression you think is bored, and you bite your lip as you prepare to ride him. His arms are situated in a comfortable position as he continues to stare at you.
“ well?” he says
You want to roll your eyes but instead, you lift yourself off of his dick, sliding back and forth over the tip to tease him. You curl into yourself at the feeling of his leaky tip adding to your wetness. Sucking in a large breath you slide down on him again and begin lifting your shakey thighs to add force to the way you drop down against him again and again.
The sound of your pussy being so loud only boosts his confidence, and a feeling churns in his stomach as he gets closer.
He’s generous enough to lift a muscular arm from behind his head to leisurely rub his thumb against your puffy clit, making you twitch and let out an involuntary moan.
“ Fuck you’re doing so good don’t stop, “ He says, the paise making you clench around him
his face isn’t as relaxed anymore, his muscles are tensing up and his face is in a tight scowl. His eyebrows are scrunched and he bits his lip.
After a few moments of you slamming yourself onto him, he feels you getting tighter around him. Your breath speeds up as you steady your pace. Your breath stops and your eyes cross as you slam down one last time with his thumb harassing your overstimulated clit. He leans up a bit to capture one of your hard nipples into his mouth, swirling it around with his tongue which adds to your pleasure. A warm feeling spreads in your stomach as your legs cramp and your mouth opens wide. You cream around him hard, and your cunt grips onto his throbbing dick like it needs him to be there, filling you up so perfectly like you were molded to fit him. You’re panting hard and you stop moving trying to catch your breath, whining when he doesn’t stop playing with your clit.
“ Ha-mm e-eren please “ you whine. Your thighs are sore and your stomach is still tight from the orgasm thrown at you.
You barely have time to recover and catch your breath before Eren lands a harassing slap on your ass causing tears to swell in your eyes.
“ This isn’t about your princess, keep bouncing,” He says harshly
Your tired arms rest on his stomach and you once again lift yourself.
You’re too slow for him so he grabs your hips and slams you onto him, using his hips to meet your pelvis as he chases his release.
“ God you get so fucking wet. You can pretend as if you hate it here, as if you hate me, but this pussy? it’s always gonna tell me the truth.” The worlds are more for himself than for you but you hear them and grimace at it.
“ mm- fuck “ he says. He quickly flips you under him, slamming you onto the pillowy mattress, and forces himself as deep as he can go inside your walls. He pushes your legs past their limit to get you as wide as possible before leaning down to shove his face into your neck.
His hips don’t stop pounding into yours as he whispers small curses of pleasure into your ear, nearing his release.
“ Fuck FUCK” he groans.
His thick and warm cum quickly floods and overflows your cunt. You try to bite back the cry that leaves your lips as you cum around him again.
“ you like when I fill you up? “ he pants in your ear.
Your head is spinning as an aftereffect of your passing orgasm and his words don’t make sense in your clouded brain.
“ mmm” you respond weakly.
“ come on,” he says.
He pulls out and stands up, taking a second to stretch. He wraps his arms around you and pulls you up so your legs are gripping onto his waist with the little energy you have left. The warm cum spreads on your thighs and gets on his stomach but he ignores it and continues to carry you.
He carefully carries you into the bathroom, sets you down on the large counter, and goes to turn on the shower.
after you’ve both showered and gotten ready for bed, you’re laying down on his chest, wondering how your night shifted so fast.
The doorbell rings, bringing you out of your deep thoughts as you look up at eren with curiosity filling your eyes.
He silently gets up and comes back minutes later, holding up a bag of take-out.
“ Can't let my princess go to sleep hungry can I?”
©aphroditemushroom2022
reblongs+ constructive criticism welcome
#tw dark content#cw dark content#tw yandere#tw non con#tw noncon#tw dubious consent#yandere attack on titan#attack on titan smut#yandere eren x reader#yandere eren#eren smut#aot smut#yandere aot
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[21/?]
BDBWM Day 1 | Last Name: Wayne
original prompt | complete masterlist
Bernard peeks into the lounge, expecting to see Tim, but instead he finds a petite girl sitting behind a desk. Her eyes are shielded behind a pair of sunglasses, complementing her two-piece suit.
“Sorry.” He shyly backs away. “I’m looking for Tim?”
“Sit down.” The girl motions to the empty chair in front of the table.
After a quick scan of the room, Bernard hesitantly sits. He finds the girl familiar, but he can’t put a finger on it.
“So, Mr. Bernardo Howdy—”
“It’s actually Bernard Dowd—”
She nods. “Mr. Bernard Dowd. I understand that you are currently in a romantic relationship with my client, Timothy Jackson Caroline Drake-Wayne—”
“Wait, Caroline isn’t his—”
“And I am here to ensure that you are treating him as he deserves and I shall administer the ‘Spade Conversation’ on you.”
“Spade Conversation? Oh, you mean like a shovel talk?”
“Layman’s terms. Potato, potahto.” She waves her hand.
“Umm, sorry, who are you again?”
She lowers her glasses a tad bit, revealing her narrowed piercing blue eyes. “Last name: Wayne. First Name: Marinette ‘Marino’ Dupain-Cheng.”
“Tim’s sister!” Bernard’s eyes widened in recognition. “I don’t think we’ve met before. But you seem really familiar.”
She clears her throat. “Perhaps you’re mistaking me for someone else. First question, what do you feel about space dinosaurs that are robot hybrids?”
He looks down on the piece of paper she’s writing on. “Is that a receipt from Batburger? And a crayon?”
“My materials are irrelevant in these discussions. So, space dinosaurs?”
“Err—they sound pretty cool?”
Marinette hums and scribbles down a doodle on the receipt. “Question two. In the case of my client’s extreme sleep deprivation, what are your contingency plans?”
“Hmm, I usually get him to come cuddle with me and I try to take away his coffee. He falls asleep quickly after that.” Bernard smiles a little. “Did I get that right?”
“It shall still be deliberated by the panel of shovellers—”
Suddenly, the door bursts open, revealing a dishevelled and alarmed Tim. Marinette squeaks and hides her things.
Tim groans. “I was about to tell you not to go to the manor!” He glares at his sister. “What the hell were you doing?”
“I wasn’t doing anything!” Marinette brings her arms up. “Just a proxy for the head shoveller!”
“Who the heck is head shoveller?!”
“That information’s classified!”
A grumbling Tim takes Bernard by the hand and tugs him out of the room. Bernard waves goodbye to Marinette, entertained by her stunt.
Taglist:
@maribat-bdbwm @tinybrie @sinoffalsejudgement @its-maemain @kamarallil @toughluna @golden-promises @whatamoodhoney @trippingovermyfeet @m4ster0fnone @alexizlazy @plz-excuse-my-inner-gay @maybeanalien0-0 @imchaotic-dontmindme @ev-cupcake @flowers-n-fandoms @crusherccme @ji-nk-ies @depressed-bitchy-demon @duskyashe @multplelifes @authorpendragging @iloontjeboontje @thatonecroc @user00000003 @paradoxaloccurance @kking13 @laydeekrayzee @chaos-inperson @astol07 @the-coffee-fandom @nerd-nowandforever @nightmarewasteland @certainmuffinbagelcalzone
*if you want to be tagged, feel free to ask in the comments and I'll add you to the taglist :)
#fox dcw#mbdbwm2022#maribat#maribat fanfic#dc x mlb#mlb x dc#maribat marinette dupain cheng#bio dad bruce wayne#maribat batfam#maribat fic#dc x miraculous#ahhh precious timbern#welcome back to fox dcw!#the head shoveller is jason btw
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had a dream about portal 3. there weren't portals in it so idk if it was really portal 3 but glados was there. she was my smartwatch (like the tech part of potatOS just on my wrist). i had a motorcycle. i was killing robots with a baseball bat. i remember not knowing if they were all robots.
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