#she’s so relatable… it kinda hurts :^
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Some Venus ideas
seriously debating on adding Venus to FW so here's some early designs. (like i'm not sure i'll keep the eyebrow marks, they look kinda funky at times). Mostly b/c them having another sister would be adorable. And it would piss Draxum off, which would be hilarious (for reasons i'll explain.)
some more about her under the cut. But it's mostly just random brainstorming i did at 3am
18 yo (3 years older than Raph)
Mutated Ornate Wood Turtle (using some of Lou's DNA.) (so no spider traits.)
Technically their Half sister since Big Mama's not her mother. (not that that will stop Mama from mothering her. She'd get her own room in the hotel and everything : ) )
Was mutated 'first' to test the mutagen.
She was 5 when the boys were mutated.
Venus got misplaced during resulting explosion. eventually found and taken in by the Library Bats. Which is exactly what pisses off Draxum b/c he knows exactly where she is but the bats refuse to give her back to him lol. And no one messes with the bats. (he's got thrown into the kiddy room several times for trying lol)
she's very quiet, shy, and very anxious about and unsure how to socialize with people in general. (✨social anxiety✨)
I don't think she's much of a fighter. like at all. Pretty sure the only way she would fight would be mystics (ie standing in the back taking magic missile esc pot shots wizard style.) she might actually be more of a pacifist than anything. I'm getting the feeling that she wants little to do with fighting or violence personally. Like she wouldn't judge her siblings on it, but she doesn't want to participate. (the only exception being that if someone/thing is hurting said siblings. b/c once she's emotionally attached to those kids, anything seriously trying to hurt her siblings do not get the luxury of her just standing by.)
that's about it.
and a meme about how thoroughly this au is going off track.
#tmnt#rottmnt#family web au#maybe#my doodles#rise venus#still considering if she will be cannon for FW#It would make their Library trip much more entertaining#and it would be hilarious if they figured out Venus was their sister before they realized Nobody/jennika was#Jennika would be so pissed too!#Like jenny drops by the lair#and the boys are talking about how they found out they have a sister#so she gets her hopes up#but then she realizes it's about someone else#(someone she didn't even know about)#and now she's pissed#and kinda hurt#like she almost tells them about their relation to big mama right there#just so she can be included#but she doesn't b/c she's also absolutely livid at them#and doesn't think they deserve that knowledge#ok i went a little off on that#also 'first' is in quotes up there#b/c technically George is in this au as well#(he's in all my rise au lol)#so as a technicality he's the first one mutated#but he was mutated on accident with unfinished mutagen so he doesn't count#Venus was the first one purposefully mutated
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Gangle got a replacement for their comedy mask!!
Vengeance Mask!!!!!!!! :D
#OH WOW TADC CONTENT?? MAYBE!!#I am SO sorry I Drew Gangle like this#I hope to get better!!#New fandoms…OUGH it has been a while#And a popular one too!!#Gooseworx is so creative SHE IS AMAZING!!!!#the amazing digital circus#digital circus#tadc jax#tadc gangle#Art#my art#traditional art#joke art#Super Sorry Jax Fans!!! :<#I like Jax but I also kinda relate to Gangle and I don’t want them being hurt!!!!!!!
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not sure yet and not very sonic but im thinking about itflo
#still not sure about her design aaa its mostly cos sonic universe doesnt have giant otters#i know archie had an otter at some point but i looked at it and was like nah i want big TEETH#im also not sure cos what she is now doesnt really look like sonicesque enuf#i always end up making her eyes too smol for sonic world#i was listening to “Os Tincoãs” and was like my oc i remember her and then i started mindlessly doodling#and although making her be a capoeira practitioner was in my mind already i never drew anything capoeira related before#so i picked a video on youtube and made a little last second “study” with her weird proportions#turned out trash but im happy i tried#i want her to be kinda like vector cos u know giant otter#and they also have their bodies connected to the tail like crocs#also yeah she is a girl i just didnt want to giver a shirt cos then it would hide the markings they have on the neck#that like makes their family differentiate one from the other and i was like awn im not hiding dat#but maybe if i find another way to make her shapes she can have a shirt on#I have a name idea im almost sure its gonna be her final name but wanna think more#if nothin changes her name will be Floreio :3#wanted to do more but my back hurts and ima sleepy its past midnight again yeyy#wee my art i gues#floreio ariranha
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unorganized thoughts abt dandelions
I've always loved dandelions. People call them weeds, and for a while I thought that meant they were dangerous. Toxic, even. Truth be told, they're just unwanted. That's all that the word 'weed' means.
Once you get a yard full of them, do you think they stop being weeds and start being a garden?
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Dandelions should be a symbol of something radical. Something that fights for kindness.
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Dandelions. God, what kind of a world would this be without them?
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Dandelions mean so much to me. I think they're my favorite flower. Sunflowers, too, of course, but dandelions really get a message across.
#byrd chirps#byrd writes#what is this post? idk#i just like dandelions okay#We're dandelions you and I. Resilient. Our very existence is that of defiance. Every day that we're here is a rebellion.#^^^ i'd love to say that to someone someday#i want dandelions! someone give me a bouquet of dandelions!#me: it's kinda funny that there's no places where u can buy bouquets of dandelions#my mom: well of course there aren't nobody wants dandelions!#me tearing up: i want dandelions!!!#my mom was like why are you getting so defensive#and i wasn't sure how to tell her that it's because i was trying to tell her that dandelions are important to me#and she was saying that nobody wants this thing that's important to me#that i relate to#and that's a little bit hurtful even if it's not meant to be#because when i told her that dandelions are symbols of survival in any situation she was like 'Are You In Survival Mode At All Times?'#like no! how the FUCK did u get that interpretation from that! what the FUCK!#for real tho we should all adopt dandelions as symbols of fighting back against discrimination and marginalization#we are resilient we are rebellious we don't play by your rules we will happily disrupt your status quo#and the world is better with us in it whether you like it or not!#you cannot get rid of us! every attempt to do so will only strengthen our resolve!#we will adapt to and fight back against every single one of your many poisons!#if you make this world hostile to us it will be too hostile for you too!#and the only reasons you have to dislike us are shaky social constructs incorrectly held as truth!#dandelions mean so much to me#might buy dandelion seeds and scatter them in the backyard#see what happens#¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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Yeah sure growing up abused may have left me with permanent scars on my psychological state that I'm still working to unpack, but on the bright side it gave me the ability to give a thoughtful in depth analysis of Roald Dahl's Matilda and all of its adaptations
#rambling#i love matilda so much. its such an important story to me. its literally just an abused childs power fantasy#where she gets to get back at the people who hurt her and protect other kids and then get a new loving family and everything is alright#my gf and i just watched the movie adaptation of the musical and we have Opinions on it. some good and some bad#so weve been discussing it and analyzing different parts of it#and its kinda nice to get to use my history for something good#to be able to give thoughtful analysis on how the changes they made in this adaptation have changed the allegory for abuse in the story#from the perspective of someone who grew up with that#and to just. have that be normal. my gf knows my history and its not gonna stop the conversation if i say#'this change works well for trunchbull's character bc it makes her seem more like a real life abuser'#'this detail is very subtle but it really captures some tiny part of the experience of growing up with an abuser'#'i dont like this bc it detracts from the narrative of the main character feeling alone and makes it less relatable to abused kids'#'i dont like this because while it IS something that happens under abuse it detracts from the fantasy where the kids all win together'#idk. of course everything that happened to me as a kid was awful and should not have happened but like#for a long time i had this problem where i didnt know how i was ever supposed to be okay about that#like no matter how much therapy i go through it will never UN-happen. it will always still have happened and it will always have been awful#and i couldnt figure out how i was supposed to recover from that besides 'bury it and try your hardest to never ever think about it'#and. i think maybe this is it. yes the abuse i went through was awful. thats kind of the whole thing about abuse#but. its also just a fact of my life. im better NOW. but that will not change what happened then#the abuse was awful. but the fact that i am an abuse survivor is a neutral fact. the same as any other fact from my childhood#its just a fact. a part of my past. and maybe being able to talk about it that way is... good for me#i dont have to break down when i think about it bc im okay now. my partner doesnt need to stop me and express sorrow for me bc im okay now#i can talk about my past in a neutral way and use my life experience to analyze movies#the same way that i used my experience of growing up in arkansas to analyze hollywood hillbillies when we watched it together#theyre both just two facts of my life. and analyzing movies is fun#that woman has no power over me anymore and hasnt for many many years. im okay now#abuse mention#child abuse mention#request to tag
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wait why was no one going to tell me that nightmare rarity, something ive only heard vaguely of over the years since i keep neglecting to read the comics, wasnt corrupted by some internal pain, but instead the comic claims that nightmare moon is actually a parasitic type creature that took her over and that nightmare moon is a seperate entity from luna entirely. or at least according to the wiki
i kinda... hate that. thats not canon to me actually
#my post#mlp#i relate to luna/nightmare moon and it feels... less? that it be something like that#its so hard to explain. especially since im tired and was literally going to sleep when i was like wait i need to look this up#nightmare moon... is luna. to me.#it was her pain and her jealousy and her isolation and loneliness manifested#it was her lashing out at everyone she percieved as not loving her how she felt she should have been loved#it was her losing control. almost willingly. because she was so overwhelmed by pain#and that led to her being banished and isolated for 1000 years until she got to try and hurt people again#but she was defeated by friendship beams and then accepted with open arms by her sister once agin and blah blah blah you know#it just isnt right to me for it to be like. haha get parasited idiot#and idk i was thinking itd be cool if that was the deal with rarity in that comic#ALSO the whole reason i looked it up is cause i keep thinking about opaline if she was flurry heart but corrupted#opaline being flurryhearts nightmare moon yknow#but coming up with a motivation that feels right is kinda difficult lol#tropes
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Looking back into the Death Note fandom in 2022 after not really looking into it since 2017/2018 where I was completley fixated is so fucking wild because so much changed.
Not everyone is basically worshipping L like the most used to do back then and a lot people now love Misa Misa even tho everyone hated her back then, people are literally defending her ( Yeah I felt sorry for her at the end but it was her very own fault and a lot have to accept this), people realized that everyone in the series is morally grey and L isn't pure, L doesn't get babied as much as back then anymore for which I am thankful and suddenly there is a poly ship between Mello, Matt and Near which kind of soothed the small fight between the fans who ship Matt/Mello and those who ship Near/Mello.
#In general I would say that it changed a bit to the better#I just dislike how much people try to completly defend Misa#Light treated her like shit but the fact that this relationship even got a thing was her very own fault#She knew that he would use her and even allowed him to. She litarally said it in that one scene#I swear when I saw the Poly ship between Mello Matt and Near I snorted#I gotta say; I kinda like it (Coming from someone who hates Near/Mello)#This was an interesting outcome of events#Seeing that some fans stopped to baby L is so reliving to see#Nothing against hurt/comfort stories where he breaks down for once and gets comforted but he generally isn't defenseless or shy c'mon#I have to rewatch it sometime#Death Note and Bungou Stray Dogs being my absolute all time favorite Manga/Anime#Spended my early teenage years being fixated on Death Note and cried multiple times when L died#death note#nothing bsd related for once I'm sorry#l lawliet#light yagami#death note near#nate river#death note mello#miheal keehl#death note matt#mail jeevas#death note misa#misa misa#misa amane#my rants#lawlight#mello/matt#mello/near#mello/matt/near
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✨🌸
(Reblogs > likes)
#crystal snagrash#crystal flowers snagrash#psychonauts game#psychonauts fanart#psychonauts 1#digital art#🎨 art tag#my art shit#she’s so relatable… it kinda hurts :^/
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I think I may be a little odd
#I’ve been thinking about like everything/neg/pos/breakdown inducing#and I think I’m mentally I’ll#like yeah no shit but also it’s very clear#I literally got out of breath the other day talking about wolves and Yellowstone bc I was talking so fast about them#also have very wild mood swings paired with abandonment issues constant shame for ppl caring about me and trauam over friendships bc#so many have gone wrong and I’ve been forever changed or abandoned (both in one case)#I mean I met this girl at a school meet and she just reminded me of a person who hurt me. they had the same same mannerisms looked similar#besides the hair and I had a full panic attack. I feel bad about that she probably was really nice#or how I feel sick just thinking about the local park bc it’s where I was forced to hang out with a ex friend that wrecked me#such a mixing bowl of bad traits#I can focus I can’t remember I’m either too lazy or too hyper to stay still I can’t regulate tone well and scare myself constantly just by#talking. relationships always end in a burning bridge even when they were so good bc I get so paranoid and scared they’ll leave that I leave#myself. jumping to crazy conclusions to the point I start hallucinating due to stress#I mean how do I even explain to my therapist that my only good friends ended with me skipping school the last days bc I thought one died.#she actually just left school early.#that one I kinda get even tho it’s fucking nuts bc tjat year has mentally burned me so goddamn much but still#and even tho I’ve kinda had a constant itch that something completely explains why I’m this way but am too scared to bring it up bc of#change and trauma related to bringing up my own mental health#I don’t even know what thsi is anymore sorry#should just shut up and sleep#I’ll be fine by morning anyways so what does it even fucking matter#ruse rambles#vent tag
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yooo i think i have the same thing ?? was there a reason for having tight muscles or is it like a genetic thing ??
my doctor didn’t mention genetics but she also said it was somewhat common, that some people just have tighter muscles there and whatever.
I was kinda 🙁 tho bc she didn’t mention any at home remedies LOL, but at least we know there’s a reason now!!
#i asked bc when she put the speculum in it hurt so BADLY#and she asked if it’s usually painful and I was like yes💀#but I told her none of my friends have ever… related to that pain#and she said she noticed I had really tight muscles there#honestly I was kinda like THANK GODDDDDDD#bc I truly thought I was broken lol#bc I’m sure ur relate#well have to plan our pelvic muscle therapy appointments together#caitie answers#anon#sx talk
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the only unrealistic thing about the mortal instruments is how alec and magnus are the only queer people in the nyc gang
#i have nothing against canon ships but i also just realised that simon dating isabelle and maia at the same time is reminiscent#of Gregory Fucking Hirsch from hbo succession and the comfrey comtessa situation#i have many opinions about all this but i don't even know where to start#like. we didn't see internalised homophones with alec he was mostly angry at the society and his father - which. fair enough dude#but jace? would absolutely have layers upon layers of internalised homophobia and shit if he was queer#dude this guy was raised by valentine! remembet the falon incident? the haha i pretended to get murked to give my ten year old son -#who isn't actually my son because i kidnapped him by the way - trauma for days?#he made him believe that jace loved clary with 'the wrong kind of love' when he tricked him into thinking the were siblings#and their blood relation was the only reason she could ever love him the only reason she felt drawn to him but they didn't know that#so instead of strong familiar love they went for romantic love and such#on the other note - simon is a vampire and that's kinda homoerotic ngl#clary clearly had internalised misogyny going when she met izzy and one of the examples i remember is when they sat next to each other in#the first book in the diner and she was like 'ugh who would even want to smell like vanilla? like a dessert? so all the boys would want to#eat her? what a whore' and i just think this is really funny and honestly yeah i think this scene alone could be very sapphic#as in 'i hated you because i haven't realised i was attracted to you' way and yeah maybe that's toxic#but clary and isabelle definitely show some girlfriendism in the books and they would do that even more if i was in charge of writing them#hope this makes any sense whatsoever#i would write more but it's getting late i might've sprained my ankle or something because it hurts as shit and im tired#fuck autocorrect for changing homophobia to homophones this is so funny as in way to funny to me
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I'm really glad I decided to finish Exordia this morning because it did lead to just about 7 hours of writing (+lunch break and dog walk) so that I was able to do a short story front to back ~3300 words.
Feels like a bit W because the last short I did was October, which is still much more recent than the one before it had been (though I've had a few abortive attempts at getting past the first 20k of a book in there)
I spent a lot of the winter depressed and struggling to find the joy in doing something for it's own sake, so I've been trying to really push myself toward the parts of writing that have me looking back on my own writing fondly. Because even without plans for publishing stuff there is so much of my writing that I think my life is better for having written
I feel very good about what I wrote today, so hopefully I'll keep doing this small stuff
I'll say an especial shout-out to the Penric novellas, the cemeteries of amalo books, and Exordia for really making me feel that extra fondness for books and writing lately
#the benefit too of writing the story for it's own sake means i haven't been overly critical#its based around some scifi conceit that ive legit forgotten the name of and refused to stop to google#(or not conceit? paradox? idk)#that's like. anyone who sets out now to colonize a planet or something#is more likely to be beaten there by people who come later with better technology#so it kinda starts out as this person on a rather suicidal surveying mission#getting depressed as all fuck because the one thing she hoped might mean#has been colonized for 1000 years and is just sort of politely integrating her with like futuristic ass translators and stuff#so shes like wow not only does this suck but my translator wont even translate when i swear. i feel more isolated from humanity than ever#but also? that it's nice because the fact that nothing about her makes sense to everyone else is a common connection#she's not worried about if people thinks she's strange because she IS. it's her defining feature#so she decides it's not too bad even if she's out of place. but she would like to learn the language do she can swear#the only person who can help is a linguist#and oh there's all this silliness where people will be making a joke she doesnt know how to translate#“well this is your world after all”#because shes afraid they're making fun of her for being so late to it#but as she learns from the linguist many moons later#who is constantly affectionately/jokingly calling her “my eo#*my world“#she snaps is demands like you HAVE to tell me what that means. why do you say that. it is hurtful#BUT then shes like girl. read an atlas. and she reads it. and the world is named after her#i think i managed to thread the needle of being both morbidly depressing AND saccharine take on struggling to feel you belong/can#relate to other people#which shockingly something on my mind
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still reeling from an awful hallucination I had last night at like 5am what the fuck was that
#eye dee kay hallucinations aren’t new but they’re always small and annoying typically#the scariest thing is when I hallucinate my phone ringing but it’s not actually ringing#but this was literally on a whole other level dawg#uhghghghghhh#I’m extremely paranoid abt just. someone hurting me. like. all the time#it used to be really bad I used to sit at my windows and just. watch. them for hours incase someone tried to break in and hurt me it was bad#I still get really bad about it especially in public but carrying a knife helps a little bit whatever#my ex always used to threaten to tell my mom about my issues (he had her phone number) right#basically. I hallucinated that him (and some other girl I know. she wasn’t related so idk why she was there) cut a whole in .#the screen of the window that I look out of the most when I’m losing my mind paranoid .#I also get really paranoid often about leaving things unlocked. the fear of accidentally leaving thing unlocked terrorizes me on the daily#so I accidentally left a window open. not a good start#then they cut a hole in the screen door n were about to come in my room and um. kill me#anyways yeah he was about to climb in my window and I was freaked out but I have. a knife on me almost 24/7 so I threatened him out to leave#I tbink i was also in some type of paralysis idk it’s rare but it’s happened sometimes. with the hallucinations.#he left eventually and then I could move again and ofc I didn’t actually move I was in my bed because it was 5am#um. I don’t wanna say I’m scared of my ex but. I’m kinda scared of him. like. irl. he’s really tall. and really strong#and could kill me . um#I Cut him off a while ago but he still knows my address and now I’m paranoid about that yay !!!#bleh#I wish I was still asleep but uhghgh activities#I already told my best friend abo ut it since I tell her Everything but oh my god#what the hell#I thought I was getting better ☹️ the main phone call hallucinations I had were becoming less and less#uhg
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~ ~ ~
#went to add my friend who I sort of maybe have a stupid small crush on on Facebook#found his wife’s profile so I was on it just to see what she looked like and such#found a bunch of pictures of them together and her posting about how much she loves him and all that#immediately made myself sick with guilt over liking him in any way that was even slightly more than just a friend#I know it’s normal to find other people attractive especially if you vibe well with them#I know I’m human and it’s just a part of nature to think of others in slightly more than friendly ways at times#but I can’t help beating myself up a bit over having had any thoughts about him related to anything aside from friendship#not just because I have a girlfriend and am not a cheater and wouldn’t ever do anything to hurt my partner#but also because my friend and his wife look so happy and cute together and he clearly loves her and his family#and he doesn’t deserve to have me thinking about him in a weird way just because I think he’s kinda cute#he’s a good guy and a wonderful friend and I don’t want to drag our friendship down with that kind of nonsense#and I do love my girlfriend and shouldn’t be thinking of anyone besides her anyway#soooo I just get to feel like shit this morning before I try to get to bed which is fantastic#I’m always feeling awful for one reason or another so I guess it might as well be this today#personal
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will i ever have a birthday that i don’t hate with my entire soul
#my birthdays on thursday and im actually dreading it so much#i want to cry#idk if it’s a self inflicted complex cause it’s so close to christmas that i’m sure it’s not important#but i’m hating it so much i don’t want to deal with it#not the fact i’m turning older - i’ll be glad to be done with this year and all of the hurt it’s caused me#but i have no friends i have nothing planned#and unfortunately my mother is not working that day so she’ll be home#and like she wants to go bowling with my siblings and out to dinner#and i don’t want to do any of that stuff#i’ve just consented to dinner#but i’m not even close with my siblings being around them gives me anxiety i don’t want to deal with this#i hate being the center of attention i hate things being about me#idk what’s wrong with me#i’ll delete this in the morning it’s just past midnight rn and i’m crying about it#idk if it’s stress related to other stuff at the moment but i just want out i don’t want to be living here#i feel so awkward on my birthday and i don’t want my mom to try and make it anything special#but at the same time#last year i did nothing and was in my room for 4 hours#and i kinda didn’t want to do that this year. i DID want to do something#but now as the day gets closer i just feel more and more dread
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this is probably a HORRIBLE idea but vampire!shiori trying to raise her human (as far as she knows) son 🥺 maybe it doesn’t happen to her until later on or maybe as a consequence to the forlorn hope (use ur imagination here) but kurama would give life and limb to save his mother so he regularly lets her feed off him 🥺 & it hurts her so much to be hurting her son, but there’s really no other way to survive & kurama has always been abnormally strong so it barely even bothers him 🥺
and then cue vampirehunter!reader that needs to kill shiori, except she finds an unusually difficult obstacle in fighting off her demon son 🙃 who is also unnaturally attractive, kind hearted, and ruthlessly cunning 🙃
#meanwhile his vampire mom is like 😭😭😭 SOBBING in the corner#she’s so sweet & docile it’s like ??#I thought you were a killer !!#and she’s never hurt a living thing in her entire life#meanwhile the son that’s been feeding her is like 😈😇 don’t touch my mom#idk I think it’s kinda funny 😂#this is related to the prev reblog#it was the worrying & nutrients that made me think about shiori 🥺#sadisticyouko rants#not writing
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