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inkskinned · 8 months

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they want to talk about mental illness and acceptance and how everyone is a little ocd it's cute and quirky and their "intrusive thoughts" are about cutting their hair off and you say yours are about taking a razorblade to your eye and they say ew can you not and everyone is a little adhd sometimes! except if you're late it's a personality flaw and it's because you are careless and cruel (and someone else with adhd mentions they can be on time, so why can't you?) and it's not an eating disorder if it's girl dinner! it's not mania if it's girl math! what do you mean you blew all of your savings on nonrefundable plane tickets for a plane you didn't even end up taking. what do you mean that you are afraid of eating. get over it. they roll their little lips up into a sneer. can you not, like, trauma dump?

they love it on them they like to wear pieces of your suffering like jewels so that it hangs off their tongue in rapiers. they are allowed to arm-chair diagnose and cherrypick their poisons but you can't ever miss too many showers because that's, like, "fuckken gross?" so anyone mean is a narcissist. so anyone with visual tics is clearly faking it and is so cringe. but they get to scream and hit customer service employees because well, i got overwhelmed.

you keep seeing these posts about how people pleasers are "inherently manipulative" and how it's totally unfair behavior. but you are a people pleaser, you have an ingrained fawn response. in the comments, you have typed and deleted the words just because it is technically true does not make it an empathetic or kind reading of the reaction about one million times. it is technically accurate, after all. you think of catholic guilt, how sometimes you feel bad when doing a good deed because the sense of pride you get from acting kind - that pride is a sin. the word "manipulation" is not without bias or stigma attached to it. many people with the fawn response are direct victims of someone who was malignantly manipulative. calling the victims manipulative too is an unfair and unkind reading of the situation. it would be better and more empathetic to say it is safety-seeking or connection-seeking behavior. yes, it can be toxic. no, in general it is not intended to be toxic. there is no reason to make mentally ill people feel worse for what we undergo.

you type why is everyone so quick to turn on someone showing clear signs of trauma but you already know the fucking answer, so what's the point of bothering. you kind of hate those this is what anxiety looks like! infographics because at this point you're so good at white-knuckling through a severe panic attack that people just think you're stoic. even people who know the situation sometimes comment you just don't seem depressed. and you're not a 9 year old white kid so there's no way you're on the spectrum, you're not obsessed with trains and you were never a good mathematician. okay then.

mental illness is trending. in 2012 tumblr said don't romanticize our symptoms but to be fair tiktok didn't exist yet. there's these series of videos where someone pretends to be "the most boring person on earth" and is just being a normal fucking person, which makes your skin crawl, because that probably means you are boring. your friend reads aloud a profile from tinder - no depressed bitches i fucking hate that mental illness crap. your father says that medication never actually works.

you still haven't told your grandmother that you're in therapy. despite everything (and the fact it's helping): you just don't want her to see you differently.

#writeblr #warm up #to be clear let me state again: i think you should id however you fucking want if it helps you seek peace #but there is a HUGE difference between being like '.... im undiagnosed but i think i might be X'#and a person who is like ''omg my intrusive thoughts made me buy a birkin!!!''#babe mine made me throw up bc they disgusted me so much <3 #mine made me hurt myself evenly. even when i wanted to stop. i have had to put my hand on the stove MULTIPLE TIMES #and again i'd rather have 10000 people get help for something they don't need help for #than have 1 kid NOT get help #but there has GOTTTTT to be a middle ground here #bc at this point it isn't ''raising awareness''#it's . fucking misinformation. and ''what this picture says about you!!!!!''#& yes! im mostly talkin about ppl who are actually disgusted and offended by signs of mental illness #but use it to defend THEIR actions #like babe you hate when kids start yelling in the walmart? but you YOuRSELF can yell?#you are depressed so it's fine you were cruel to your spouse?#but if your spouse spends too much time in bed she's a lazy fuck?#your partner needs to do everything for you bc of your history in trauma? but when SHE has needs she's being clingy and gross?#HUGE difference here between whom i think most of my followers are btw. like #all it takes is fucking anyyyy empathy or kindness . like.#anyway it's hard to explain im hoping we all know the person im talking about lol

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kurosstuff · 2 years

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Cassandra Dimitrescu x reader: Courting gone wrong?

Summary: Cassandra likes you, but with how she's "courting" you, you think she's constantly threatening you.

Warning(s): cassandra being a little feral shit, blood, violence, kinda detailed body detatchment(?), death(not readers), one or two dead animals, want to throw up(doesnt happen)

When you first became a maid you learned the rules fast, how to handle yourself around the Dimitrescu's sisters, to not draw attention.

All attention is bad attention no matter how you look at it.

Sure, being around Lady Bela is kinda safer then her sisters-she won't go around killing every maid in her way unless provoked. But even Bela is unsafe. That fact was proven once again when a maid spilt the mop bucket on her, she was shortly make into wine later on for the Lady of the house herself.

Lady Daniela was.. an interesting woman, but with how,, delusional she can be- she will attempt to recreate what she read but if you don't play along... well the mess left a stain for a month.

And the middle child- Lady Cassandra easily the most sadistic and purposefully dangerous of the sisters- be in the same room, possibility of survival is slim- look into her eyes? Speak a little louder then you should? Just sentenced yourself to tormented in a sick twisted game of hers, or if your lucky be personally dragged into the cellar for some wine making by Lady Cassandra herself. Of course it could be random as well-. So the one to look out for is Lady Cassandra from your own experiences with the sisters

Being the personal maid is usually fine as well, people say it's the golden ticket- it's anything but- especially if you so happen to be Lady Cassandra's personal Maid. Then no, it is not fine, out of the sisters-she has gone through the most personal maids, saying "Oh its fine! It's much more fun this way" or "they were far to boring to be my maid." And as her new maid. Well you accepted your fate soon enough, sad as it is- it's only a matter of time.

Cleaning her weaponry took longer then it usually does- seems like she had.. fun with her last playmate, the hand in the far back corner gave away the cleanup wasn't that successful. Drawing your attention back to dagger in your hand, a sigh escaped you, the bloody cloth drenching your apron in faded red as you scrubbed taking a moment or to as to wash the cloth in the bucket at your side. Soon enough the dagger looked almost as good as new- minus the damages to the handle itself the blade was shiny as ever.

Placing it down, as you moved to her- new favorite toy-a want to yell in annoyance filled your throat-but you gulped it down least you want unwanted company. A slight creek was heard behind you, looking back it was silent as it was in the room before, going back to cleaning a figure materialized behind you. Like a predator towards their prey, they crept up silently the bloody sickle by their side dripped liquid as they stalked forward, lifting the weapon up, slamming it down beside you- impaling the wood next to your head. A surprised squeak escaped you- a dark chuckle escaped the predator themselves behind you- revealing the one worse of any common predator. Lady Cassandra

"Aww little mouse. Did I scare you?" Snickering she stood back, watching you like a hawk, urging you to say something, all you did was stand up turn and bow not looking her in the eyes just yet- her smirk grew "well well, isn't this a sight. My lovely maid is all bloodied up." Looking at your apron in what sounded like fake concern

"no that will not do. Oh no not at all" Shaking her head slightly, Great seems like she's in a playful mood "the only one allowed to bloody you up is me. Not some dried up toy. Now go wash up" with a wave of her hand "then come back and wash my sickle"

"Of course Lady Cassandra" with that you hurriedly left.

Walking the corridors down to your room, was never fun, nor pleasant. Even now from your new room, all personal maids get their own room, sounds nice but not in the slightest. The room is near who they now belong to. Yours is infront of Lady Cassandra's room- something about how if she wants you to come to her, you won't take to long that way.

It's been- two months since you begin to be her personal Maid. One of the few longest who stayed Alive, even longer to not be hurt to much in Lady Cassandra's games. You'd say you'd be proud of it if you didn't want to jinx it. But as of late she seemed to find a new way to torment, one that didn't involve harming physically.

Opening the door, the rotten smell caught your attention first, the bloody mangled thing on your pillow. Your nose wrinkled at the smell- sighing as you walked towards the bed, at least the put the thing on a paper Towel- as if to not bloody your bed. Not sure why she cares now she's bloodied it before.

Grabbing a towel kept close for this reason you picked it up and went to the far garbage bin- looking at the thing in the bin. A cold shudder crept your spine- disgust filled you. If you saw this when you first joined you'd throw up- if not from the sight then the sickening smell.

It was a severed human hand

This wasn't the first time she's threanted you in this way, nor will it be the last time.

The first time it happened- whatever you'd wanna call it exactly. You assumed one of the sisters was upset with you. You almost screamed but stopped yourself. Anyone would if they opened their door and saw a dead tattered rabbit on the ground with a bloody letter saying 'Your eyes are pretty' not that great to wake up too. The letter itself also made your heartstop- the unsettling feeling of being watched didn't help either.

And it was a pain to clean as well- scrubbing the carpet until it left a faint pink mark, that took days to leave as well. The rabbit itself you buried in the backyard when you were able. Unknowing of the yellow eyes that watched you do so. The note itself if not bloody would have been sweet, but you threw it away right after, the unknowing threat creeped you out.

You assumed it was Lady Daniela who did this. Couldn't think of anyone else who would do such a thing. Imagine your surprise from the late, visitor that night

"I see the little mouse didn't like the present left for them?" A question made out to be a demand, sitting on your bed Lady Cassandra scuffed Glaring at you before bringing her attention elsewhere "hm. Your room is to boring. Put some statues in it- like the rabbit" She added fully aware of where it was kept

"Lady Cassandra- I'm very sorry. I didn't know it was you" you didn't wanna say it was a gift from her- cause- that'd be crazy- her of all people give a gift? No way, not in a million years. Even if you wanted it- which weirdly now that you think of it, you hoped it was. It would be much better then have it be some new threatening game of hers. Scuffing she stood, staring down at you before she could say anything-

Her mother called out to her- making her buzz off. Saved by the bell you guessed in a way. Switching aprons quickly you turned and went to your next job.

Cleaning the music room- not belonging just to Lady Bela but Lady Cassandra visits the room from time to time. She refuses to say why, but you have to guess she's good at music-or just liked to listen to it. The noises from the tightly locked room is always pleasant to hear. Luckily you don't have to go to far, opening the door you walked in closing it behind you.

"Well, hello little one." A voice called out, looking back you saw the only other Dimitrescu's who enters here the most- Lady Bela herself sitting at the piano, "Didn't expect to see Cassandra's pet entering here, much less looking healthy" She spoke mumbling the last part, not bothering to look up. She went back to the piano.

"Hello Lady Bela" you greeted before getting started to clean around, a hum was all you got, before a single piano key rung in the room stopping you for a moment, then another before a full on beautiful song started to play. Stealing a quick glance the Lady seemed to be in her element-not a blood filled one but and element anyways. Going back to cleaning all that left was the piano. You weren't allowed to touch the paintings or the music books littering the walls. So it doesn't take that long to clean thankfully

As the final key was hit Lady Bela stood with a silent hum, standing back for you to clean, watching you as you did. Brushing the towel over the keys as you sprayed, gently as to not push them accidentally. You closed of for a moment to clean the top seal of the keys before continuing

"Do you play?" Lady Bela asked suddenly, taking a seat beside you. Glancing at her quickly you went back to cleaning

"Not really my Lady. I've never played, never learned" you answered quickly, leaning forward she tried to catch your full attention.

"No? I can show you-" the door slammed open cutting her off, as a mass of bugs flew towards you both angrily

"What the fuck do you think your doing Bela." Cassandra spoke angrily grabbing you harshly pulling you up in a tight hold on your arm "this is my maid. Get your own damn maid." She hissed out pulling you along with her, once you both exited the room she glared at you- as if you really pissed her off, and in this case? You had.

" 'My Lady'" She mocked seething as she pulled you with her "what are you hers now? Don't like how I treat you so you go run off to the better sibling right?" Turning sharply she pulled you into a room. Her room. Letting you go, you rubbed your wrist slightly- the sight seemed to piss her off more "don't even try to lie to me either, I know it's true" she spoke her voice having a slight waver in it. You had to think quick- or this could be the last day on earth for you

"Lady Cassandra- I meant no offense I don't want to be her maid. I want to be just yours." Just yours, the words echoed in your mind, before you cringed at the thought. Would be disgusted if the younger you found out you'd later love the one who loved to torment you and the others. But luckily it seemed to please her, just a bit but enough.

"Good from now on if you are to clean when I'm in there. If you want to learn you will learn from me. Not some wannabe piano player. Got it" without waiting for a response-not that she'd need it she stalked forward caging you against the wall. "Now. You made me leave my meal behind. You wouldn't mind if I took a quick snack would you?" Lady Cassandra spoke leaning in close, her eyes narrowing as if actually waiting for consent. Nodding your head in agreement she smirked devilishly leaning close to your ear.

"I'll be gentle don't worry"

She was in fact not gentle at all.

She bit so hard and took so much you were on bedrest for a whole week- so weak to even stand up, it seemed like Lady Cassandra took pity on you as she carried you to your room, and actually tucked you in. Not before wrapping your neck surprisingly. With this- she was gentle, the blood drinking? No not at all. You were ordered not to talk in the meantime but you could tell she was- stressed. About what? You weren't sure

During the week of your recovery, you still were given threats. But not as bloody as the ones before. Just things made of bone? Or something. Or a random dead bird.

She still seemed to hate you even if she was caring for you? You assumed she was savoring her meal

When you were able to move around healthily again, you were given easier jobs for the time being. Just to follow your Lady around for the first part of the morning to cleaning her room. Then follow her to the music room. Then rest. And then repeat for the rest of the week

Lady Cassandra has been even more standoffish and quiet then she usually was. Even going as far as staying as far away from you as she can, even though she herself said you had to be near her when your out of your room. Huffing in annoyance as she fluttered away yet again, you knew where to find her around this time.

Her weapon room

One of the places she goes to most- especially if she feels upset or just wants to entertain herself for a bit. Her safe place. Quickly speedwalking there, you thought up a million things to say to her, to ask her whats the problem-hopefully you'll live, or you'll die trying to care.

Entering the words you rehearsed dried up as quickly as you figured it out. Gulping nervously, Lady Cassandra was currently stabbing a mannequin with her sickle-in a uncoordinated way. You called out to her causing her to stop for a moment. Letting her sickle go she let it stick in the mannequin as she turned to face you.

Guilt

Guilt on her face, not letting her look you in the eyes, the refusal to properly own up to her own personal mistake. She couldn't do it. She couldn't face you. Not look at the bandage on your neck- it was weird she could look at many inhuman horrible stuff and laughs-cause she causes it. But not this time.

Thinking quickly you decided to talk about random stuff that popped up in your head- moving around the room to clean as you did so. Slowly her eyes looked up over at you following you as you worked. "-and I thought it was kinda funny, how the man just gave his wife the animal as a gift and she just- left him? Like-" laughing softly. You gently wiped the scratched up table top. "Who even gives a dead animal as a gift though-?" Speaking the question aloud more so to yourself then the silent company in the room. Turning around back to the mannequin she finally spoke

"I mean. Giving animals and bones are pretty romantic right? Like that courting people do" Lady Cassandra awkwardly said her back turned to you. She seemed more tense then usual

Staying silent for a moment, you couldnt tell what she meant by that, but you assuned she was just confused or making a weird joke "I mean no one court's someone like that- that's for sure" you gave a soft laugh

She froze

"What..?" Turning to face you her face showed complete confusion, as if this was the first she's ever heard of such a thing. "You.. don't give dead animals to people you like for.. courting" She asked dumbfounded "or something like that of course" she hurriedly added.

"Um- yeah no. I'm not sure of anyone who gave such a thing to someone in a courting way" speaking you looked away to beginning cleaning again- failing to see Lady Cassandra's face paling even more then it already was "like for example, my father gave my mom some of her favorite flowers and books everytime he saw her." Explaining more in depth, Lady Cassandra looked more and more embarrassed the more you explained it too her

"Then what do you think I was doing this whole time" Lady Cassandra spoke before she could stop herself. Dropping the rag you turned to face her- seeing a red faced Lady Cassandra a shock too see but not unwelcomed "no. I didn't say that" pointing her pointer finger at you. She grumbled face deep red "no- i- stop looking at me like that."

"Like what?"

"In awe at what I totally didn't say." Huffing she stormed up to you, standing before you eyes locked together once again. "Well? What do you have to say" breaking out of your trance you blinked looking at her before smiling

"Well if I'd known it was in a courting way, I'd tell you, I feel the same" your face felt warm, confessing in a room of weapons was the last thing you thought would happen. Much less to the person you just confessed too. Bringing her hands to your face she pulled you close to her gently, leaning her forehead against yours for a moment before speaking

"..can I kiss you" her voice surprisingly soft, ready to bounce back away if you declined all you did was nod in agreement. Smirking she leaned in-before freezing her breath on your lips. Then pulled away "wait. Hold on" zooming out dragging you with her she brought you to her room, then rushed to the bathroom. Coming back face fresh not a trace of dried or new blood, walking towards you again she led you to sit on the bed beside her. Waiting.

"Cassandra what was the book Lady Daniela gave you advice from?" You asked looking up in her arms, stopping for a moment, she shifted into a swarm of flies buzzing off but returning quickly with a blue book handing it too you. Opening the first page you froze, stiffening a laugh. "Is-is this the book? Are you sure?"

"I'd love to kiss you now If you'd like-" you spoke. Sparking new confidence in the woman who put her hands on your shoulder. Before stopping looking at you. Tilting your head to the side in, biting her bottom lip she moved forwards, eyes fluttering shut as yours did too.

Cold, practically ice cold lips were pressed firmly-yet in an unsure way, soft yet It still kept her rough nature in it. Cradling her face in your hands you brought her closer. Her lips warming up the longer they stayed against yours. A buzzlike pur vibrated from the back of her throat. Smiling against her your arms moved to wrap around her neck, her hands moved to your waist rubbing comfortably under your shirt a bit. Pushing you down gently, never once breaking the kiss she moved to straddle your hips biting playful at your bottom lip before pulling away, smiling in a uncharacteristically gentle happy way down at you

"That was lowly Lady Cass-"

"Just call me Cassandra. We practically made out so safe to say you can drop the formality" Cassandra snickered moving to lay next to you. An arm snaked under you pulling you almost on top of her-the other moved around your waist hugging you in a way.

"If I only followed that book Daniela gave me. Then we'd been here sooner" Cassandra spoke a buzz like pur escaping her throat as she did. Putting your head under her chin you smiled- but then curiosity caught up to you. Leaning back as much as she'd allow you looked over at her

"Yes. It is why. What's so funny?

"This is a book about how to see signs if a cat likes you."

#omg im in love with her #idk i wanted to add the last part- especially after i was lookinf stuff up for cats and foujd the book #and was like hey.#im writing cassandra and half this stuff im having her do #cassandra dimitrescu is a cat confirmed #idk shes #yeah #whatever shush i did it anyways #cassandra dimitrescu x reader #cassandra dimitrescu #Daniela picked that book only to fuck with Cassandra #Cassandra ate the maid she wanted before so she thought it was perfect timing #also yeah you like her too but like idk how to add #cause i wrote this then i relaized like #fuck i forgot to explain how reader figured out they fell for a cannibalistic vampire bug babe #ill just write that as a whole ass extra if you all want idk #and as much as i love bold knows how to flirt Cassandra #i think cassandra not knowing how to fliry but doesnt wanna admit it and just- does it anywas is so fuckinf funny and kinda cute #like #this girl 100% thinks giving a bone jewelry to someone she likes is her proposing #her mom sits her down weekly to inform her #no you can not kill the rival and get the partner.#no you can not-#its a constant thing #i also never wrote a fucking kiss scene #holy shit #please tell me it was ok

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