...for once finished a yarn and have an idea with what I want to do with it the same day. Initially, before plying, I was thinking it would be a bag at best, but given the colors and how much it puffed up (from a very light sport to worsted) and the colors and how much softer it got... I wanna make it into a shawl.

Have never made a shawl... was poking around ravelry and it looks like with the yardage I've got I could probably make a small one. Would love to do some sort of feather motif... might challenge myself to try it for once

How Elphaba dresses headcannon

-Elphaba isn’t a women but doesn’t have the language to communicate that since evangelical munchkinland very much has the gender binary

-she despises femininity because it was an unattainable goal that when she attempted to encompass, left her feeling very wrong and uncomfortable

-wearing Fiyero’s clothes made her feel confident and masculine, despite her long hair.

-she feels more comfortable in dark color since they mute the green. She also wears multiple layers (like pants under her skirts) for modesty and comfort. She doesn’t realize until later than it’s not necessarily modesty to hid the green, but her liking wearing modest pants rather than skirts. With the skirts making her feel wrong (aka dysphoric)

-sue to her subjected poverty (since Frex doesn’t spend more than the absolute minimum on her), she takes to wearing Frex’s and the house worker’s old clothes

-the cook is nice to her, and first tried to give Elphaba, her (the cook’s) old dresses until Elphaba shyly asks if she could have the cook’s sons’ old clothing. Elphaba uses the excuse that she wanted to mend them and then donate them to the church, but yet none of those hand me downs ever appear in the church’s donation closet.

-Elphaba is skinny due to poor diet, and it’s worse after being on the run. After she settles down with Fiyero, she gains some healthy weight, and they share clothes often.

-Elphaba’s daily clothes after leaving Shiz includes practical farm boots, thick dark denim pants, long sleeve shirts, and a coat (the men’s duster isn’t practical for living in the woods, but she favors it when in the city undercover). She likes to wear her hat when making a point, otherwise her hair and face are covered by bandanas or a scarf. Tall pointy hats are pretty noticeable for someone in hiding.

-post her and Fiyero leaving Oz for safety, she regularly wears boots, pants, and a button down shirt. She wears her Vinkus silk scarfs as belts. Fiyero buys her a black hat with a wide brim with fringe that she wears when encompassing the ‘witch’ persona to scare outsiders (to protect her community of refugee animals on the edge of the Vinkus desert).

-when working undercover in the city, she often pretended to be a client of sex workers (during their ‘session’ she would provide them food and supplies while they gave information). (The city’s sex workers were mainly displaced people from Oz and many were part of the Resistance)

-Elphaba keeps her long hair as a monument to her mother, and Fiyero braids it often in the style of men from the Arjikis (braided back into a French braid with many tiny braids that represent accomplishments. Charms and some grasses are braided into the hair with symbolism. Arjiki women often braided her hair up, while men wore long braids down their back. Fiyero cut his as a method of assimilation when he moved East, and after some -omg-I’m-a-leader-and-I-am-stressed-and-I-want-to-rebel issues. He keeps it short while working undercover in the government. He grows it back out after leaving with Elphaba.

-Elphaba wears light pants that were cut off at the knee. Fiyero wears the same because Elphaba feels guilt whenever she sees his back scares from the Gale Force torture.

-fiyero likes dressing Elphaba nearly as much as he liked undressing her. There is something very intimate about it that he craves.

-Elphaba doesn’t bind, but she does wear a tank top folded up over her chest that resembles a sports bra under her shirt.

-breasts aren’t sexualized in Fiyero’s culture, so it’s common to see Elphaba walking around their home at night without a top on. She sleeps without a top on as well (unless it’s too cold to do so). She may do this, while using one her of silk scarfs as a shawl.

-jewelry- she has a necklace that Fiyero made for her back when they were at Shiz. It’s made of leather and has a small geode on it. She also wears a small strip of leather around her left wrist that serves as her equivalent of a wedding ring. Fiyero had a matching one. The original strip of leather had been cut longways into two pieces for Elphaba and Fiyero to wear separately.

1 - favorite fic you wrote this year. 3 - favorite line/scene you wrote this year. 12 - favorite character to write about this year. 14 - a fic you didn’t expect to write. 21 - most memorable comment/review. And 24 - favorite fic you read this year.

I have no precision on fandom or fic... You are free to choose which fandom. Thus, you may make us discover other universes.

1) favourite fic you wrote this year

Looked through and discovered that I wrote 20 fics this year, which is wild, even if the majority are oneshots so... certainly have my pick an picks for various reasons!

These are the ones, probably:

This Fall Might Just Kill Me is 10.2k of Callum trying and failing to get purified, post-S4, and was one of my favourites and one I return to pretty often for a personal re-read. Very Callum/Rayla centric, some magic worldbuilding, and lots of devotion. Oneshot

Twice as Many Stars is 8.7k of Sir Sparklepuff is an existential horror story, the fic, featuring more religious trauma allegory than expected. Also a oneshot

Teach Me How to Name the Bigger Light a fanon s6 currently of 5 out of roughly 26-30ish chapters, and at 41k and counting. Main characters are Callum, Ezran, Rayla, and Claudia in about that order. It's a lot of fun, and a lot of angst

3) favourite line/scene this year

"If it's not you, it's not anyone" has one of my favourite love / Rayllum confessions I've ever written. I also loved this line from a (now non canon) fic regarding Kpp'Ar's feelings on Callum/people "There are many ways to mend broken things, if you can". I deeply enjoyed Callum threatening Nyx over Rayla's safety in this pre-S5 fic and this piece of description as well: "Callum knelt down in front of her, her cheeks heating as he reached up and pried the shawl away again, looking at the way the scar crept over her shoulder like dark ivy" + this Rayllum passage from "this fall just might kill me" (edit in the link):

“It’s because if I die,” he said, squeezing her hands. “I want you to be the last thing I ever see. And you are good enough, Rayla. You are . I don’t care if you destroy me. I don't care if we make each other better or worse or both. I love you. I’ll fall for you every time. I’ll choose to, I’ll choose you, every time.” 

I also really enjoyed writing Callum and Lujanne in "older but just never wiser" because it was interesting to revisit their dynamic now that well, Callum is older, powerful, and much more jaded/angry.

Drabbles wise this Rayllum one has one of my favourite metaphoric uses I've ever been able to pull off and I always love 1) writing messy Ezran and 2) Ezran being a little done with his brother's less than favourable methods, so this one for Ezran's "underhanded" comment for sure

But if I had to pick a singular exchange fic wise, it is of course the end of the Callum and Ezran fight from Ch4 of fanon s6, because it was a line that hurt me so much I was sad the rest of the day, and I also thought of it before writing a decent chunk of the boys' argument, so making sure it felt earned and hit the way I wanted to was very fun if also angsty. I apologize in advance lmao:

Only this time Callum scoffed, peeling away, his green eyes glinting. “Yeah, right.”  “I am your king and I forbid you—” “You don’t get to forbid me from doing anything because guess what?” A manic gleam overtook his brother’s face. “I don’t fucking care what you think, nevermind what you fucking decree. I’m freeing Runaan, and that’s final.”  “Then you can do it without my help,” Ezran said with a ragged breath. “Because I am not giving you my seal.”  Callum stared at him with cold eyes. “Dad would be so disappointed in you.” But this time Ezran was ready for the blow, as he said, “Well at least I called him Dad."

A shameless plug OG fantasy world wise was definitely this lines from my sequel WIP. You can learn more about it/the fantasy world here <3

The Alpha of the Crescents may have worn her old friend’s face and mannerisms, but the girls they’d both been were long dead, just like their families.  It was time to finish the job and bury them.

as well as

“Good. Vita willing I won’t live to see your next lives.” “Because seeing you again has been so pleasant,” Jamie muttered.

from book one

12) favourite character to write about this year

Given my above answers it's clearly been Callum, but Ezran has probably been my standout in "teach me how to name the bigger light," easy, even if I think Rayla's POV is going to sneak up on me more and more as the fic goes on, especially once we reach the chapters at the Starscraper. I've also written a somewhat decent amount of Kpp'Ar POV this year, I loved writing Claudia in "twice as many stars" in particular. Everyone? Can I say everyone?

But if I had to pick, Callum. (Non fic wise it's all the OG chosen one kiddos running around, I love 'em.)

14) a fic you didn't expect to write

Many days of angry muttering and half concocted plot points predated "teach me how to name the bigger light" and I am still slightly internally salty about it. However, it does feel good to have one last fanon season foray, especially since it's been four years since the last one, and I've been having a fucking blast, lemme tell you.

21) most memorable comment/review

This is hard because I do cherish every review and kind word I get (as well as anyone who leaves notes in their bookmarks) but there are some standouts. Basically anything from twice as many stars is fair game as well as this review on fanon s6, cause I'm gonna go the typical write route and say the long bois make my day / when readers catch onto the smaller details, that's absolutely my favourite:

@inamindfarfaraway <3 hope you've enjoyed the most recent chapter!

24) favourite fic you read this year

Have already done some TDP fic recs here so I'm gonna focus on what's in my bookmarks for now! I mostly read LOZ or SOC fics when I'm not making my way through TDP backlog, but this one for Six of Crows centreing on Inej and Kaz called High Wire Act stood out to me and I'm really enjoying "for the children we couldn't be" for TDP because it's trio centric and the exact kind of time travel fuckery I like to read.

This is tricky, though, cause I find most often the favourite things I participate in is like, the stuff I write because it's what I want to read and most tailored to my specific tastes? I also just don't read as much fic as I could / have in the past and it's hard to pick Just One Fic, y'know? So cop out answer, maybe, but this is the one!

If Hunter were to start a scarf collection, what kind of scarf would you get him to add to his collection that currently measures one (1) scarf? (what color(s), patterns, fabric types, etc.)

Well well well… *rubs hands together gleefully*

This could not have come at a better time, my friend. I am currently pulling all of my clothes out of my bedroom closet in order to wash them and get them stored elsewhere in my house…I have a roof leak, probable mold problems, my bedroom and closet stay almost pitch dark all day which makes things even worse—let’s just say my house is a never ending source of most of my frustration in life. Okay, now let me get back on track.

Soooo, last night I washed all of my scarves and was reminded of how much I love them even though I don’t wear them very often 🫣 so I am going to use some of them as examples and/or inspiration of what I would dress Hunter in…I mean gift him, I mean, I totally wouldn’t be imagining any of these around his neck or watching a soft smile on his face as he realized I had gotten a gift especially for him…okay okay I’m back I swear.

Disclaimer, I did not look up proper scarf terms so I just winged it on trying to describe them.

1. Grey floral pashmina

If Hunter still had his season 1 armor, I think this scarf would be beautiful with his colors and the pop of red from his armor underneath. It’s soft and thick, and wide enough to wrap around like a shawl but still narrow enough to be a nice scarf as well. I think he would love it. It can be very dressy as well so a perfect fit for a night out or an event.

2. Striped wrap

In a similar vein to the above, this scarf is soft and extremely wide, it’s almost too thick for me to wrap comfortably around my neck. It can be used as a blanket, shawl, scarf, head wrap, a sling for carrying things (maybe even a very sleepy Omega??). It has his old and new colors, has infinite uses, and would honestly look very good on him.

Both of these scarves are brushed cotton but can I emphasize again just how soft they are??

3. Silk bandana/tie/belt

(This is nylon but let’s pretend it’s a nicer material). I might change the colors up a little bit from what I have, but these still work pretty well for Hunter. This long strip of fabric never wrinkles, has a really good flow to it while feeling completely weightless, and could be used as a nicer bandana to keep hair out of his face, tied up around his neck as a tie or bow tie or cravat situation, or even maybe tied around his eyes or wrists for, um…reasons.

4. Chunky knit infinity scarf

And of course, Hunter deserves a super soft, warm, chunky knit infinity scarf that he can just throw on and wrap himself up in when it’s cold. Similar to what he already has but much cozier for winter. I bet Crosshair or Wrecker would get bored one day and make it for him.

However, I’m not sure what color I would choose for him, actually. Probably red or maybe a burnt orange or even a darker greenish teal. Whatever accents his outfit underneath.

5. Lace triangle scarf

Okay, this isn’t self-indulgent at all 👀. I think Hunter would look super sexy amazing with some kind of lacy, delicate scarf that he could wear the way a bandana is traditionally worn. Whether it peeks out from under his armor and shirt or he wears it draping over the front of his cuirass just to look nicer or with nothing else he would look even more dashing and handsome in this. Navy would be a good color for him but he could also do a darker orange or red of course.

Knit, Purl, Improvise | Dangeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves. ON AO3

For Lukani, as part of the Yuletide Exchange.

“You have dropped a stitch,” Xenk said helpfully, three days into their long scouting mission. 

“Honestly, and this is just a friendly suggestion, feel free to take it, piss off,” Edgin said. And then; “Shit, not the double stitch. I swear double stitches love to be dropped, they’re just dying for it. Where do I -”

“Right there.” 

Xenk shifted closer. The sunlight slanting through the firs and elms fell upon his cheeks with intent, as if it were perfectly aware and quite smug about its role in highlighting his beauty. Edgin stared - it was physically impossible not to stare, okay? Even Holga would have stared, and she was very much not into tall guys. 

Edgin cursed, fished out the lost stitch, and cursed again when it was clear he had to unravel a whole couple of rows to get it back into shape.

Xenk extended a hand. Long fingers, graceful wrists, calluses like - not like Holga, really. Fighter's hands; good hands. Edgin felt a normal amount, about them. "If I may -"

"Nay, you may not - nuh-huh! Get your hands off, mister. No needle-hogging here, thanks very much. If you wanted something to keep busy you should have brought it yourself, deal with it."

Xenk really was quite - well, not much taller than Edgin, but very present. Edgin was very aware of it, with the way they had sat together on the same cold boulder for hours now, peering down at the ravine below, and the cave where a band of traffickers were bound to show up, sooner or later. It looked like it was going to be a later situation.

Even Edgin found it pretty tasteless to make money off looting graves and selling the mummified corpses of ancient pixie chieftains to the highest bidder, though, and their sponsors paid decently, so he didn’t feel too bad about the bother.

Didn’t mean he hadn’t complained about it, but at least he had offered to share his egg sandwich with Xenk - that was nice, right? He was making nice, the way one made nice with an occasional coworker who did not make conversation and did not like egg sandwiches. Who, Edgin asked, did not like egg sandwiches? And he kept looking disapproving when Edgin stepped on the trails of ants that tried to make off with the crusts. No one made off with Edgin's crusts, only Holga and Kira were allowed to have his crusts.

"I am not needle-hogging," Xenk said, spacing out the vowels carefully. "I am not even touching your needles. Which I suspect, by that logics, makes you the needle-hogger here."

"Am not!"

"I merely wished to offer help where I may."

"Well, don't," Edgin snapped, and got busy tug-tug-tugging the yarn, unravelling his afternoon's work. "I am making a lovely scarf for my lovely daughter, and I am perfectly capable of making it myself."

Edgin sighed loudly. "Of course you knit. I bet you do great socks - fancy stuff, right? Marino shawls, and stuff. No, wait." Edgin narrowed his eyes, framed Xenk's face between his fingers like a pretentious portrait trying to get the sitter's measure. "You do lace knitting, don't you."

"The kindly farmers that took me in were often local champions at the local competition of threading thin shawls through rings," Xenk admitted.

"Flunk you," Edgin repeated, with feeling. Xenk's mouth tilted with a smile, just slightly. "Yeah, laugh it up, local father of one precocious kid edits out a few swear words, funny stuff. I'm doing just fine without a knitting advisory, thanks."

"There is no shame in taking aid when it is offered. Indeed, I was laid down for many moons abed with a wound, while in the care of a kindly family of farmers, when I first was taught the craft of knitting. And I must say," Xenk added, tilting his head in that disconcerting, insightful way that made the fine hairs to the back of Edgin's hair rise with not-unpleasant fright. "I am surprised at the techniques you apply. There are easier ways to undo this error than to start wholly anew."

Edgin bristled. The sun was in his eyes, now - the clouds kept chasing each other across the narrow strip of sky they could see from their spying place. Honestly, it was getting kind of chilly; but of course they couldn't start a fire, and like hell he was asking Xenk to cast a warming cantrip.

Xenk had cast a warming cantrip over their camping site every night so far, but it was the principle of the thing.

"So?"

Xenk considered him. Which was. Certainly an experience. Edgin would like it to be over as soon as possible, but, again: he could not quite look away.

"I believe you to be a man very fond of shortcuts."

"Why, Paladin Xenk, are you calling me a cheater? I am hurt," Edgin said a hand on his chest, nearly stabbed himself in the face, and turned down the needles in a dramatic movement, as if he really had meant to show he was back-stabbed levels of hurt. "Truly."

"I am merely pointing out. As a friendly suggestion. For what it counts, your scarf does look lovely."

Of course it did. Edgin had learned from his Gramps, all the wool-stuff sailors worked at in the quiet of the night, crammed together in miserable bunks by the swaying light of foul-smelling lanterns. Gramps made beautiful cardigans, thick, scratchy, wonderful shirts. So did Edgin.

"Hell yeah it is. Which you only get if you do things properly." Do it proper start to finish, my Ned, and only leave a mistake so the spirits know not to get funny ideas.

Thing was, wool was awfully expensive. Nothing you could make a living out of, really; or at least he'd never managed it. He imagined telling Xenk that, and bit back a shiver: how the hell did people even get through these long waits? How did people get to know each other, even. He had never felt the need to prove himself to Holga - or, well, he did, every day, otherwise he'd have let himself die a thousand times, he cared about her opinion more than anything and sort of built up his identity around her faith in him in a cute, a little codependent way, but. It was different with Xenk.

Whatever - dusk was setting. The ants were going nuts on the bit of crust he had left for them, well away from his blanket - Xenk ought to be happy about that, not that he cared. There were bigger things to worry about. Tonight would be the last one of their watch, he could tell; the air was shivering in the leaves, eager. His neck prickled. Start to finish, and enough mistakes for bad luck to pass through.

Well, Edgin made mistakes aplenty, and the world liked Xenk better than most; between the two of them, they ought to be fine. 

"Your stitches are slipping again," Xenk noted.

"Brotherflunker," Edgin cursed, and bent down to work the needles with furious speed, the better to avoid Xenk's eyes, that tilted mouth.

excerpt from legend of 8

Therion let his gaze drop to the ground beneath them. “I owe my life to free apothecaries.” 

Immediately, the cold feeling of dread turned his blood to ice, and he froze. Alfyn wasn’t supposed to know that. No one was supposed to know that. 

“How d’you mean?” Alfyn asked, his voice quiet, and Therion felt almost compelled to keep talking. So he did. “It isn’t very safe as a thief on the road, you know. There are monsters, other bandits looking to take your haul. There are mercenaries and armed travellers, too. You get hurt a lot. You learn to heal yourself by targeting apothecaries to take their medicine in hopes that they might have something. That’s how I got by, anyways. That and-” He cut himself off, sinking his teeth into his tongue. The needle in his pocket stabbed his thigh, definitely drew blood.

Alfyn sat silent, waiting. Listening. 

“...I had to heal myself in more… Conventional ways. Needle and thread to sew up wounds.” Alfyn tilted his head. “Where would you have gotten the thread from?” Therion tugged on his shawl, eyes fixed on all the scraggly ends, the ragged edges that had developed over time. 

Alfyn paled, and his hand twitched as though to examine Therion’s arms for further wounds. Therion shifted his sleeves, moved his arms to reveal the evidence of his resourcefulness, the proof that he had survived despite it all. He was often called a weed by apothecaries. Refusing to die, standing strong even in the acrid heat of the desert. 

Alfyn hissed, sucking in a sharp breath through his teeth. “It’s a miracle from Dohter that you’ve lived this long, Therion… Well, either that or you’re pretty damn resourceful.” 

therbi,,,,,,,,,,,, auh……

mav i am going to die INSTANTLY once legend of 8 is a whole thing

(Fic Request) FumiIyo go out for ice cream.

I put way too much thought into the existence of ice cream within Mugenri for a simple fluff with light angst fic lol. Why am I even surprised, knowing me?

(TW: Just References to Iyo-san's Tragic Past for this one. Because this is me writing this lol. Otherwise, it's a fairly straightforward fluff fic.)

The Ice Cream Merchant

The ice cream merchant only comes around once every five year.

A shadowy legend to children everywhere, the merchant goes from village to village, region to region, distributing a strange cold, sweet cuisine those who had visited them had only called "ice cream". With colder sweets being quite the rarity this far away from Devanagara for the peasantry, the merchant often draws in crowds by the tenfolds. For some, it will be the only time they get to taste anything like it.

...Or at least, that's how Fumikado had described it to them. It was also why Iyozane was not back home lounging around in the river, and instead standing behind a long crowd of children and curious adults.

So far, Iyozane couldn't see what all the fuss was about. This guy looked like just another merchant with their bright and colorful stand, if one that specialized in what may be a pretty rare product. But even with that in mind, they weren't holding their breath.

Merchants are complete and utter parasites, funneling away money that could've gone to hardworking individuals for themselves. And so far, this one seemed to be no different than the rest of the lot. If it weren't for Fumikado's eager pleading, they doubt they'd be here to begin with.

As if sensing Iyozane's silent seething, Fumikado gently nudged them, snapping them out of their straying thoughts. (The fact that their definition of "gently" sent them a few sun forward probably helped with that too.)

"Look, I know you don't like merchants, but this guy isn't like those other parasites, I promise! Their treats are to die for!"

"...So far, all I'm seeing is gaudy colors and lots of children. Feels kinda shady to me. And what is this 'ice cream' treat, anyway?"

"One of the best things you'll ever taste! So come on! Trust me! When's the last time I was irresponsible with our funds anyway?"

Just last week, with the "brilliant" idea to spend hundreds on an expensive shawl I saw. It wasn't even made of real gold! Iyozane wanted to say, but by the time they opened their mouth, Fumikado had already taken off.

...And by the cries of children that just rang out, right into the middle of the line. Iyozane let out a loud, put-upon sigh as they trudged after them.

"Sorry..." They mumbled towards the angry people now behind them, tugging their haori closer. It was the least they could offer, knowing how rude and impatient their boss can be. That sort of thing tended to make people angry, didn't it?

When it wasn't done by a royal it seemed, so some of their siblings had claimed every now and then to them in a past as distant as a bad memory. But Iyozane wasn't a royal anymore. They didn't even get to indulge that privilege even once before they lost it.

The dark thought washed over them like a plague. They turned to berate them for cutting in line, as the alternative was letting it weigh on their mind. But then Fumikado beamed at them, and the poison died from their lips.

"You're gonna love it Iyozane! I promise! I know all the best flavors!" They reassured them, "Trust me! I am the seer of ice cream!"

Considering Fumikado's track record when it comes to foresight, that did not inspire the confidence they had intended such a statement would. Still, it was a little hard to be overcome with dread when their strong and dignified boss is bouncing on their heels like a giddy little kid.

Okay, incredibly hard actually. It was hard to stay nervous with them behaving like that. Iyozane lowered their head, looking at the ground and their wobbly feet, the tension eased slightly from their shoulder.

Perhaps it was from Fumikado skipping ahead in line, perhaps it was their own thoughts siphoning away the time, but it felt like Iyozane had only blinked before they were both at the front of the line. They had to rub their eyes at the feeling when they were suddenly met with the sight of the bright pink wooden counter.

Fumikado held up a couple fingers to the smiling person behind the counter, "A box of mochi please! Give us chocolate, vanilla, and matcha for Iyozane here!"

The merchant nodded, "Coming right up. Your enthusiasm is much appreciated, but next time, please wait your turn. You might make the much more patient children cry."

"Oh." They glanced nervously behind themself, as if to check. Iyozane couldn't help but follow their gaze, as they so often did. The children directly behind them looked more annoyed than anything. But it seemed even the mere thought was enough weight on Fumikado's conscience, as they swiftly turned back to bow apologetically, "...My bad!"

The merchant gave a light chuckle, holding out a small basket full of little mochi. Woah, that was fast!

"It's alright! Just remember for the future."

Fumikado tilted their head forward as they took the basket with both hands, "Will do!"

The merchant waved them off, and just like that their little trip to such an odd merchant stand was over.

Iyozane didn't stop reeling until Fumikado found them a nice bench to sit on. They then tilt the basket forward so they can see.

"Go on! Try one! I stake a claim upon one of the chocolate ones!"

Iyozane looked the mochi over. They saw brown, green, and white at its bottom. They could tell the green ones were obviously the matcha ones, and Fumikado plucking up a brown one indicated it was the chocolate flavor. So the white ones were this "vanilla" flavor? They're kinda curious about that one, actually...

Fumikado popped the chocolate mochi into their mouth, "...Mm!!! I missed you, chocolate!"

Iyozane chuckled a little at this display. They've actually never got the opportunity to try anything with the label of "chocolate" before now. In the distant past, they only heard it in passing. Mitori had told them extensively about it in such a way that left their mouth watering. None of their wardens attendants would let them try it, saying it will rot their perfect teeth or make them sick. They weren't allowed to eat any sweets, actually. But chocolate especially.

But the present is not the past. They are no longer a lonely bird in a cage, yearning to experience the horizons beyond their window. They are a free person (if an indebted one), and able to decide for themself what to put in their own body. And if that thing rots their teeth or makes them sick?

Then let it!!!

And before they could let it stop them, Iyozane reaches into the basket, takes a green mochi between their fingers, and takes a large bite.

...Bliss.

It was definitely cold to the touch, but it was very sweet, like all the green teas they were familiar with. A touch of bitterness, which balances out the sweetness. It hurt their teeth to chew, but it was absolutely worth it.

Iyozane heard a chuckle beside them, "I take it you like the matcha flavor?"

They swallowed, smiling earnestly now, "...Guess so! Wasn't expecting it to be so cold though."

"Well duh! It's called ice cream, you dummy! It would probably be called somethin' like fire cream if it was hot!"

Iyozane rolled their eyes, "That is the worst name for a sweet I've ever heard."

"Well, I personally think it sounds pretty cool myself!" Fumikado huffed.

"Whatever makes you feel better," was all Iyozane had to say to that, directly before popping the rest of the mochi into their mouth.

Wowie...They had no idea how they went their whole life without experiencing this. How many sweets have they missed out on? How many people even got to try anything like this, knowing how unreliable Fumikado can be at times?

As if reading their mind, Fumikado leaned back, inhaling a matcha mochi they plucked up when Iyozane wasn't paying attention, "Rumor has it that the ice cream merchant is from the Outside World. Brought this sweet with, and now goes around Mugenri selling it."

"Mm," Iyozane nodded in agreement. They go for a so-called "vanilla" mochi. They took a bite as Fumikado continued.

"I can't remember who told me that rumor. Probably a servant some long time ago... but either way I knew we couldn't miss this! A shame Tsugumi didn't want to come..."

"For a rumor, it certainly has some merit to it, with a merchant stand looking like that," Iyozane pointed over at the stand in question, swallowing the rich sweet iciness in their mouth. In the distance, children rotated in and out of the line for the garish pink stand. Some clutched upside-down cone shaped cookies with brightly colored, larger versions of the filling within their own mochis.

"Hm...Good point, my dear servant! I suppose even a moron can be right every now and then."

Please don't confuse me for yourself. We walked past this stand three times trying to look for it, Iyozane sneered inwardly, too busy finishing off their vanilla mochi to actually jeer.

Not that it mattered for too much longer, for Fumikado's next words nearly made their heart leap out of their chest, "But I digress! Thanks again for coming with me today, Iyozane! It really means a lot to me!"

Iyozane had to do a double take at that. Fumikado? Sincerely thanking someone? Not their odd roundabout way of showing gratitude? They never thought they'd see the day.

In fact, Iyozane isn't used to gratitude like this at all. In another life, all of those suffocating expectations were just that: expectations. You were supposed to fulfill them, or otherwise be punished. Also, Fumikado is their boss. If anything, a lack of gratitude was to be expected.

So with that in mind, one could certainly pardon Iyozane for their flustered reaction. They fan themself with their hand, sweat beading down their forehead, and thankful the blazing heat of summer disguised their anxiety well. Although, their voice probably gave it away when they heard themself stammer a smidge:

"Uh...You-You're welcome, Fumikado-san. I mean...it's not like I had much else to do today, right?"

Scratch that. They sounded very, very nervous to their own ears. Not good not good not good-

However, if Fumikado noticed, they certainly didn't say anything. They just crossed their leg, rubbing the back of their head as if nervous themself.

"N-No! I really mean it! Whenever I got the chance to visit the ice cream merchant here, old Pops, may he rest in peace, never let me go with anyone. Well, it's not like I had many to go with to begin with. Just Chouki, but..."

Their pointy ears twitch, like most youkai do when anxious. Unbelievable. But like...in a good way? Fumikado sounded in over their head over taking them to somewhere as simple as the marketplace, and yet Iyozane couldn't help but find it weirdly endearing in its own way. The way they chuckle awkwardly was doing strange, terrible things to their heart and makes their legs go weak, and they couldn't begin to comprehend why.

They hid it well, in their opinion. They just raised an eyebrow, saying, "So you're saying you're lonely?"

"Not lonely!" they huff, "Just...in need of companionship for this very special occasion is all!"

"...So lonely?"

"No!!! You're utterly impossible sometimes, Iyozane!"

Iyozane had to cackle a bit at that. "Why of course I am. If I wasn't, we wouldn't get anything done. We'd probably still be terribly lost right now if it weren't for me."

"Don't be so arrogant. I'm the one in charge, remember?"

"Then act like it."

"Okay! Sheesh. Even emperors make mistakes, don't they?"

There was no malice in either's words. Iyozane felt a wide grin had graced their face, and Fumikado was beaming equally as much. They both laugh once more.

"Why yes. Yes they do. Would appreciate if you had a better sense of direction somedays though," Absentmindedly, Iyozane reaches into the basket for the last mochi.

And that's when, ever so suddenly, fingers, big and slightly sharp from retracted talons, brushed against their own. Iyozane let out a small yelp of surprise as they both grabbed for the little sweet, raising it up.

"Oh...Uh, whoops?" Fumikado offered awkwardly, shrugging.

It took a moment for Iyozane to respond. They were too busy staring at the chocolate mochi between their hands. If they moved just the wrong way, they could easily end up gripping Fumikado's hand instead. The thought didn't quite disturb them as much as they'd expect it to.

"Um...It's the last one...I've never had chocolate anything before..." they eventually mumble, looking away.

"Seriously?! Not even a little chip?!"

"No. Locked away for most of my life, remember?" Iyozane gently chided.

"Oh right! Uh...So how about we share it then?"

"Share it?" Iyozane parroted back at them. They looked back over to see Fumikado tug at the mochi between their fingers.

"Yeah! I get half, you get half! Think of it as generosity on my part, as a token of appreciation."

"You just want me to try chocolate, don't you?"

"And so what if I do? It's a crime against sweets for you to never have even tried it!"

That sounded like something Mitori would say as they attempted to slip them some. The guards would always catch them back then, alas.

But that was then and this is now. And right now, that sounded delightful. Iyozane nodded, their hand clenching the wooden bench beneath their hand.

And then they split the last mochi in two and ate their respective halves. The taste made all the needless struggle all the more worth it.

"...So what did you think? Was it everything you expected?" Fumikado asked, their mouth still full.

Iyozane waited a moment as they swallowed. It...wasn't quite how Mitori had built the taste up to be (though it could just be because it is cold), but it was well worth it in the end. It almost melted in their mouth, even (albeit rather literally).

"Hm...I'd say so! Can definitely see why Mitorin always loved the stuff now, at least."

"Oh come on! No shock and awe at the taste?" Fumikado pleaded.

They shook their head, "What were you expecting? I'm nowhere near as dramatic as you typically are, you know that."

"Why excuse you!!! I'm as expressive as an emperor should be!" They crossed their arms, pouting.

"Which is really dramatic apparently, but who am I to judge?" Iyozane couldn't help their snicker at the aggravated shout Fumikado let out at that, proving their point.

But that's Fumikado for you. Loud, boisterous, and more than a little dense. There's a certain charm to them though. Otherwise, they wouldn't have stuck with them as long as they have. Still doesn't explain the heart racing whenever they see them smile like that though.

But that's a question for another day. The two just chattered and babbled amongst themselves until the sun set and they had to head home. It wasn't a very interesting story, in Iyozane's mind, but it was well worth it all the same. Tsugumi had missed out! And neither of them could wait to tell them all the ways how.

Psst! Hey! I'm taking requests now! Feel free to drop one in my inbox after reading the rules here (might need to go on desktop first though)!

At The Back Of The North Wind

CHAPTER XXX. NANNY'S DREAM

(nanny is a little girl who works as a street sweeper, she met diamond [a little boy and the main character of the story, named after his fathers horse who is also called diamond] and the two became friends. nanny is ill from staying out in the cold so often and staying at a paupers hospital.)

Nanny was not fit to be moved for some time yet, and Diamond went to see her as often as he could. But being more regularly engaged now, seeing he went out every day for a few hours with old Diamond, and had his baby to mind, and one of the horses to attend to, he could not go so often as he would have liked.

One evening, as he sat by her bedside, she said to him:

“I've had such a beautiful dream, Diamond! I should like to tell it you.”

“Oh! do,” said Diamond; “I am so fond of dreams!”

“She must have been to the back of the north wind,” he said to himself.

“It was a very foolish dream, you know. But somehow it was so pleasant! What a good thing it is that you believe the dream all the time you are in it!”

My readers must not suppose that poor Nanny was able to say what she meant so well as I put it down here. She had never been to school, and had heard very little else than vulgar speech until she came to the hospital. But I have been to school, and although that could never make me able to dream so well as Nanny, it has made me able to tell her dream better than she could herself. And I am the more desirous of doing this for her that I have already done the best I could for Diamond's dream, and it would be a shame to give the boy all the advantage.

“I will tell you all I know about it,” said Nanny. “The day before yesterday, a lady came to see us—a very beautiful lady, and very beautifully dressed. I heard the matron say to her that it was very kind of her to come in blue and gold; and she answered that she knew we didn't like dull colours. She had such a lovely shawl on, just like redness dipped in milk, and all worked over with flowers of the same colour. It didn't shine much, it was silk, but it kept in the shine. When she came to my bedside, she sat down, just where you are sitting, Diamond, and laid her hand on the counterpane. I was sitting up, with my table before me ready for my tea. Her hand looked so pretty in its blue glove, that I was tempted to stroke it. I thought she wouldn't be angry, for everybody that comes to the hospital is kind. It's only in the streets they ain't kind. But she drew her hand away, and I almost cried, for I thought I had been rude. Instead of that, however, it was only that she didn't like giving me her glove to stroke, for she drew it off, and then laid her hand where it was before. I wasn't sure, but I ventured to put out my ugly hand.”

“Your hand ain't ugly, Nanny,” said Diamond; but Nanny went on—

“And I stroked it again, and then she stroked mine,—think of that! And there was a ring on her finger, and I looked down to see what it was like. And she drew it off, and put it upon one of my fingers. It was a red stone, and she told me they called it a ruby.”

“Oh, that is funny!” said Diamond. “Our new horse is called Ruby. We've got another horse—a red one—such a beauty!”

But Nanny went on with her story.

“I looked at the ruby all the time the lady was talking to me,—it was so beautiful! And as she talked I kept seeing deeper and deeper into the stone. At last she rose to go away, and I began to pull the ring off my finger; and what do you think she said?—'Wear it all night, if you like. Only you must take care of it. I can't give it you, for some one gave it to me; but you may keep it till to-morrow.' Wasn't it kind of her? I could hardly take my tea, I was so delighted to hear it; and I do think it was the ring that set me dreaming; for, after I had taken my tea, I leaned back, half lying and half sitting, and looked at the ring on my finger. By degrees I began to dream. The ring grew larger and larger, until at last I found that I was not looking at a red stone, but at a red sunset, which shone in at the end of a long street near where Grannie lives. I was dressed in rags as I used to be, and I had great holes in my shoes, at which the nasty mud came through to my feet. I didn't use to mind it before, but now I thought it horrid. And there was the great red sunset, with streaks of green and gold between, standing looking at me. Why couldn't I live in the sunset instead of in that dirt? Why was it so far away always? Why did it never come into our wretched street? It faded away, as the sunsets always do, and at last went out altogether. Then a cold wind began to blow, and flutter all my rags about——”

“That was North Wind herself,” said Diamond.

“Eh?” said Nanny, and went on with her story.

“I turned my back to it, and wandered away. I did not know where I was going, only it was warmer to go that way. I don't think it was a north wind, for I found myself in the west end at last. But it doesn't matter in a dream which wind it was.”

“I don't know that,” said Diamond. “I believe North Wind can get into our dreams—yes, and blow in them. Sometimes she has blown me out of a dream altogether.”

“I don't know what you mean, Diamond,” said Nanny.

“Never mind,” answered Diamond. “Two people can't always understand each other. They'd both be at the back of the north wind directly, and what would become of the other places without them?”

“You do talk so oddly!” said Nanny. “I sometimes think they must have been right about you.”

“What did they say about me?” asked Diamond.

“They called you God's baby.”

“How kind of them! But I knew that.”

“Did you know what it meant, though? It meant that you were not right in the head.”

“I feel all right,” said Diamond, putting both hands to his head, as if it had been a globe he could take off and set on again.

“Well, as long as you are pleased I am pleased,” said Nanny.

“Thank you, Nanny. Do go on with your story. I think I like dreams even better than fairy tales. But they must be nice ones, like yours, you know.”

“Well, I went on, keeping my back to the wind, until I came to a fine street on the top of a hill. How it happened I don't know, but the front door of one of the houses was open, and not only the front door, but the back door as well, so that I could see right through the house—and what do you think I saw? A garden place with green grass, and the moon shining upon it! Think of that! There was no moon in the street, but through the house there was the moon. I looked and there was nobody near: I would not do any harm, and the grass was so much nicer than the mud! But I couldn't think of going on the grass with such dirty shoes: I kicked them off in the gutter, and ran in on my bare feet, up the steps, and through the house, and on to the grass; and the moment I came into the moonlight, I began to feel better.”

“That's why North Wind blew you there,” said Diamond.

“It came of Mr. Raymond's story about Princess Daylight,” returned Nanny. “Well, I lay down upon the grass in the moonlight without thinking how I was to get out again. Somehow the moon suited me exactly. There was not a breath of the north wind you talk about; it was quite gone.”

“You didn't want her any more, just then. She never goes where she's not wanted,” said Diamond. “But she blew you into the moonlight, anyhow.”

“Well, we won't dispute about it,” said Nanny: “you've got a tile loose, you know.”

“Suppose I have,” returned Diamond, “don't you see it may let in the moonlight, or the sunlight for that matter?”

“Perhaps yes, perhaps no,” said Nanny.

“And you've got your dreams, too, Nanny.”

“Yes, but I know they're dreams.”

“So do I. But I know besides they are something more as well.”

“Oh! do you?” rejoined Nanny. “I don't.”

“All right,” said Diamond. “Perhaps you will some day.”

“Perhaps I won't,” said Nanny.

Diamond held his peace, and Nanny resumed her story.

“I lay a long time, and the moonlight got in at every tear in my clothes, and made me feel so happy——”

“There, I tell you!” said Diamond.

“What do you tell me?” returned Nanny.

“North Wind——”

“It was the moonlight, I tell you,” persisted Nanny, and again Diamond held his peace.

“All at once I felt that the moon was not shining so strong. I looked up, and there was a cloud, all crapey and fluffy, trying to drown the beautiful creature. But the moon was so round, just like a whole plate, that the cloud couldn't stick to her. She shook it off, and said there and shone out clearer and brighter than ever. But up came a thicker cloud,—and 'You shan't,' said the moon; and 'I will,' said the cloud,—but it couldn't: out shone the moon, quite laughing at its impudence. I knew her ways, for I've always been used to watch her. She's the only thing worth looking at in our street at night.”

“Don't call it your street,” said Diamond. “You're not going back to it. You're coming to us, you know.”

“That's too good to be true,” said Nanny.

“There are very few things good enough to be true,” said Diamond; “but I hope this is. Too good to be true it can't be. Isn't true good? and isn't good good? And how, then, can anything be too good to be true? That's like old Sal—to say that.”

“Don't abuse Grannie, Diamond. She's a horrid old thing, she and her gin bottle; but she'll repent some day, and then you'll be glad not to have said anything against her.”

“Why?” said Diamond.

“Because you'll be sorry for her.”

“I am sorry for her now.”

“Very well. That's right. She'll be sorry too. And there'll be an end of it.”

“All right. You come to us,” said Diamond.

“Where was I?” said Nanny.

“Telling me how the moon served the clouds.”

“Yes. But it wouldn't do, all of it. Up came the clouds and the clouds, and they came faster and faster, until the moon was covered up. You couldn't expect her to throw off a hundred of them at once—could you?”

“Certainly not,” said Diamond.

“So it grew very dark; and a dog began to yelp in the house. I looked and saw that the door to the garden was shut. Presently it was opened—not to let me out, but to let the dog in—yelping and bounding. I thought if he caught sight of me, I was in for a biting first, and the police after. So I jumped up, and ran for a little summer-house in the corner of the garden. The dog came after me, but I shut the door in his face. It was well it had a door—wasn't it?”

“You dreamed of the door because you wanted it,” said Diamond.

“No, I didn't; it came of itself. It was there, in the true dream.”

“There—I've caught you!” said Diamond. “I knew you believed in the dream as much as I do.”

“Oh, well, if you will lay traps for a body!” said Nanny. “Anyhow, I was safe inside the summer-house. And what do you think?—There was the moon beginning to shine again—but only through one of the panes—and that one was just the colour of the ruby. Wasn't it funny?”

“No, not a bit funny,” said Diamond.

“If you will be contrary!” said Nanny.

“No, no,” said Diamond; “I only meant that was the very pane I should have expected her to shine through.”

“Oh, very well!” returned Nanny.

What Diamond meant, I do not pretend to say. He had curious notions about things.

“And now,” said Nanny, “I didn't know what to do, for the dog kept barking at the door, and I couldn't get out. But the moon was so beautiful that I couldn't keep from looking at it through the red pane. And as I looked it got larger and larger till it filled the whole pane and outgrew it, so that I could see it through the other panes; and it grew till it filled them too and the whole window, so that the summer-house was nearly as bright as day.

“The dog stopped barking, and I heard a gentle tapping at the door, like the wind blowing a little branch against it.”

“Just like her,” said Diamond, who thought everything strange and beautiful must be done by North Wind.

“So I turned from the window and opened the door; and what do you think I saw?”

“A beautiful lady,” said Diamond.

“No—the moon itself, as big as a little house, and as round as a ball, shining like yellow silver. It stood on the grass—down on the very grass: I could see nothing else for the brightness of it: And as I stared and wondered, a door opened in the side of it, near the ground, and a curious little old man, with a crooked thing over his shoulder, looked out, and said: 'Come along, Nanny; my lady wants you. We're come to fetch you.” I wasn't a bit frightened. I went up to the beautiful bright thing, and the old man held down his hand, and I took hold of it, and gave a jump, and he gave me a lift, and I was inside the moon. And what do you think it was like? It was such a pretty little house, with blue windows and white curtains! At one of the windows sat a beautiful lady, with her head leaning on her hand, looking out. She seemed rather sad, and I was sorry for her, and stood staring at her.

“`You didn't think I had such a beautiful mistress as that!' said the queer little man. `No, indeed!' I answered: `who would have thought it?' `Ah! who indeed? But you see you don't know everything.' The little man closed the door, and began to pull at a rope which hung behind it with a weight at the end. After he had pulled a while, he said—`There, that will do; we're all right now.' Then he took me by the hand and opened a little trap in the floor, and led me down two or three steps, and I saw like a great hole below me. `Don't be frightened,' said the tittle man. `It's not a hole. It's only a window. Put your face down and look through.' I did as he told me, and there was the garden and the summer-house, far away, lying at the bottom of the moonlight. `There!' said the little man; `we've brought you off! Do you see the little dog barking at us down there in the garden?' I told him I couldn't see anything so far. `Can you see anything so small and so far off?' I said. `Bless you, child!' said the little man; `I could pick up a needle out of the grass if I had only a long enough arm. There's one lying by the door of the summer-house now.' I looked at his eyes. They were very small, but so bright that I think he saw by the light that went out of them. Then he took me up, and up again by a little stair in a corner of the room, and through another trapdoor, and there was one great round window above us, and I saw the blue sky and the clouds, and such lots of stars, all so big and shining as hard as ever they could!”

“The little girl-angels had been polishing them,” said Diamond.

“What nonsense you do talk!” said Nanny.

“But my nonsense is just as good as yours, Nanny. When you have done, I'll tell you my dream. The stars are in it—not the moon, though. She was away somewhere. Perhaps she was gone to fetch you then. I don't think that, though, for my dream was longer ago than yours. She might have been to fetch some one else, though; for we can't fancy it's only us that get such fine things done for them. But do tell me what came next.”

Perhaps one of my child-readers may remember whether the moon came down to fetch him or her the same night that Diamond had his dream. I cannot tell, of course. I know she did not come to fetch me, though I did think I could make her follow me when I was a boy—not a very tiny one either.

“The little man took me all round the house, and made me look out of every window. Oh, it was beautiful! There we were, all up in the air, in such a nice, clean little house! `Your work will be to keep the windows bright,' said the little man. `You won't find it very difficult, for there ain't much dust up here. Only, the frost settles on them sometimes, and the drops of rain leave marks on them.' `I can easily clean them inside,' I said; `but how am I to get the frost and rain off the outside of them?' `Oh!' he said, `it's quite easy. There are ladders all about. You've only got to go out at the door, and climb about. There are a great many windows you haven't seen yet, and some of them look into places you don't know anything about. I used to clean them myself, but I'm getting rather old, you see. Ain't I now?' `I can't tell,' I answered. `You see I never saw you when you were younger.' `Never saw the man in the moon?' said he. `Not very near,' I answered, `not to tell how young or how old he looked. I have seen the bundle of sticks on his back.' For Jim had pointed that out to me. Jim was very fond of looking at the man in the moon. Poor Jim! I wonder he hasn't been to see me. I'm afraid he's ill too.”

“I'll try to find out,” said Diamond, “and let you know.”

“Thank you,” said Nanny. “You and Jim ought to be friends.”

“But what did the man in the moon say, when you told him you had seen him with the bundle of sticks on his back?”

“He laughed. But I thought he looked offended too. His little nose turned up sharper, and he drew the corners of his mouth down from the tips of his ears into his neck. But he didn't look cross, you know.”

“Didn't he say anything?”

“Oh, yes! He said: `That's all nonsense. What you saw was my bundle of dusters. I was going to clean the windows. It takes a good many, you know. Really, what they do say of their superiors down there!' `It's only because they don't know better,' I ventured to say. `Of course, of course,' said the little man. `Nobody ever does know better. Well, I forgive them, and that sets it all right, I hope.' `It's very good of you,' I said. `No!' said he, `it's not in the least good of me. I couldn't be comfortable otherwise.' After this he said nothing for a while, and I laid myself on the floor of his garret, and stared up and around at the great blue beautifulness. I had forgotten him almost, when at last he said: `Ain't you done yet?' `Done what?' I asked. `Done saying your prayers,' says he. 'I wasn't saying my prayers,' I answered. `Oh, yes, you were,' said he, `though you didn't know it! And now I must show you something else.'

“He took my hand and led me down the stair again, and through a narrow passage, and through another, and another, and another. I don't know how there could be room for so many passages in such a little house. The heart of it must be ever so much farther from the sides than they are from each other. How could it have an inside that was so independent of its outside? There's the point. It was funny—wasn't it, Diamond?”

“No,” said Diamond. He was going to say that that was very much the sort of thing at the back of the north wind; but he checked himself and only added, “All right. I don't see it. I don't see why the inside should depend on the outside. It ain't so with the crabs. They creep out of their outsides and make new ones. Mr. Raymond told me so.”

“I don't see what that has got to do with it,” said Nanny.

“Then go on with your story, please,” said Diamond. “What did you come to, after going through all those winding passages into the heart of the moon?”

“I didn't say they were winding passages. I said they were long and narrow. They didn't wind. They went by corners.”

“That's worth knowing,” remarked Diamond. “For who knows how soon he may have to go there? But the main thing is, what did you come to at last?”

“We came to a small box against the wall of a tiny room. The little man told me to put my ear against it. I did so, and heard a noise something like the purring of a cat, only not so loud, and much sweeter. `What is it?' I asked. `Don't you know the sound?' returned the little man. `No,' I answered. `Don't you know the sound of bees?' he said. I had never heard bees, and could not know the sound of them. `Those are my lady's bees,' he went on. I had heard that bees gather honey from the flowers. `But where are the flowers for them?' I asked. `My lady's bees gather their honey from the sun and the stars,' said the little man. `Do let me see them,' I said. `No. I daren't do that,' he answered. `I have no business with them. I don't understand them. Besides, they are so bright that if one were to fly into your eye, it would blind you altogether.' `Then you have seen them?' `Oh, yes! Once or twice, I think. But I don't quite know: they are so very bright—like buttons of lightning. Now I've showed you all I can to-night, and we'll go back to the room.' I followed him, and he made me sit down under a lamp that hung from the roof, and gave me some bread and honey.

“The lady had never moved. She sat with her forehead leaning on her hand, gazing out of the little window, hung like the rest with white cloudy curtains. From where I was sitting I looked out of it too, but I could see nothing. Her face was very beautiful, and very white, and very still, and her hand was as white as the forehead that leaned on it. I did not see her whole face—only the side of it, for she never moved to turn it full upon me, or even to look at me.

“How long I sat after I had eaten my bread and honey, I don't know. The little man was busy about the room, pulling a string here, and a string there, but chiefly the string at the back of the door. I was thinking with some uneasiness that he would soon be wanting me to go out and clean the windows, and I didn't fancy the job. At last he came up to me with a great armful of dusters. `It's time you set about the windows,' he said; `for there's rain coming, and if they're quite clean before, then the rain can't spoil them.' I got up at once. `You needn't be afraid,' he said. `You won't tumble off. Only you must be careful. Always hold on with one hand while you rub with the other.' As he spoke, he opened the door. I started back in a terrible fright, for there was nothing but blue air to be seen under me, like a great water without a bottom at all. But what must be must, and to live up here was so much nicer than down in the mud with holes in my shoes, that I never thought of not doing as I was told. The little man showed me how and where to lay hold while I put my foot round the edge of the door on to the first round of a ladder. `Once you're up,' he said, `you'll see how you have to go well enough.' I did as he told me, and crept out very carefully. Then the little man handed me the bundle of dusters, saying, `I always carry them on my reaping hook, but I don't think you could manage it properly. You shall have it if you like.' I wouldn't take it, however, for it looked dangerous.

“I did the best I could with the dusters, and crawled up to the top of the moon. But what a grand sight it was! The stars were all over my head, so bright and so near that I could almost have laid hold of them. The round ball to which I clung went bobbing and floating away through the dark blue above and below and on every side. It was so beautiful that all fear left me, and I set to work diligently. I cleaned window after window. At length I came to a very little one, in at which I peeped. There was the room with the box of bees in it! I laid my ear to the window, and heard the musical hum quite distinctly. A great longing to see them came upon me, and I opened the window and crept in. The little box had a door like a closet. I opened it—the tiniest crack—when out came the light with such a sting that I closed it again in terror—not, however, before three bees had shot out into the room, where they darted about like flashes of lightning. Terribly frightened, I tried to get out of the window again, but I could not: there was no way to the outside of the moon but through the door; and that was in the room where the lady sat. No sooner had I reached the room, than the three bees, which had followed me, flew at once to the lady, and settled upon her hair. Then first I saw her move. She started, put up her hand, and caught them; then rose and, having held them into the flame of the lamp one after the other, turned to me. Her face was not so sad now as stern. It frightened me much. `Nanny, you have got me into trouble,' she said. `You have been letting out my bees, which it is all I can do to manage. You have forced me to burn them. It is a great loss, and there will be a storm.' As she spoke, the clouds had gathered all about us. I could see them come crowding up white about the windows. `I am sorry to find,' said the lady, `that you are not to be trusted. You must go home again—you won't do for us.' Then came a great clap of thunder, and the moon rocked and swayed. All grew dark about me, and I fell on the floor and lay half-stunned. I could hear everything but could see nothing. `Shall I throw her out of the door, my lady?' said the little man. `No,' she answered; `she's not quite bad enough for that. I don't think there's much harm in her; only she'll never do for us. She would make dreadful mischief up here. She's only fit for the mud. It's a great pity. I am sorry for her. Just take that ring off her finger. I am sadly afraid she has stolen it.' The little man caught hold of my hand, and I felt him tugging at the ring. I tried to speak what was true about it, but, after a terrible effort, only gave a groan. Other things began to come into my head. Somebody else had a hold of me. The little man wasn't there. I opened my eyes at last, and saw the nurse. I had cried out in my sleep, and she had come and waked me. But, Diamond, for all it was only a dream, I cannot help being ashamed of myself yet for opening the lady's box of bees.”

“You wouldn't do it again—would you—if she were to take you back?” said Diamond.

“No. I don't think anything would ever make me do it again. But where's the good? I shall never have the chance.”

“I don't know that,” said Diamond.

“You silly baby! It was only a dream,” said Nanny.

“I know that, Nanny, dear. But how can you tell you mayn't dream it again?”

“That's not a bit likely.”

“I don't know that,” said Diamond.

“You're always saying that,” said Nanny. “I don't like it.”

“Then I won't say it again—if I don't forget.” said Diamond. “But it was such a beautiful dream!—wasn't it, Nanny? What a pity you opened that door and let the bees out! You might have had such a long dream, and such nice talks with the moon-lady. Do try to go again, Nanny. I do so want to hear more.”

But now the nurse came and told him it was time to go; and Diamond went, saying to himself, “I can't help thinking that North Wind had something to do with that dream. It would be tiresome to lie there all day and all night too—without dreaming. Perhaps if she hadn't done that, the moon might have carried her to the back of the north wind—who knows?”

After a long, jam-packed project day at work, Anakin slowly shuffles home, feeling like he can barely stand up on his own. Watto had asked the previous day if he could come early, so he did. He just… didn’t expect to also have to stay late. So what is usually an eight or nine hour work day for him had suddenly become ten… pushing eleven… until he was able to go home.

“Ani?” Shmi stands as he approaches, pulling her cover over herself tighter, “Ani I was worried to death-“

“I’m sorry ma,” he says softly. “Watto needed me to stay. We’re a bit behind.” He shuffles inside with her. “You shouldn’t have waited up… it’s late and very cold- and dangerous.”

“I know,” Shmi nods a little. “But… but something came from Lili today. And I was too excited to sleep without you seeing it.”

Anakin straightens, a sudden burst of energy zapping through him. “Lili sent something?”

“Yes- it’s here on the kitchen table.” She hurriedly brings him over, patting the large box. “It is very heavy…”

“Oh my gods…” he grabs a box cutter and carefully cuts the box open, his eyes widening at how packed it is. “I- I thought- maybe she found someone else,” he murmurs, grabbing the letter addressed to him.

He quickly starts to read, tearing up even at your very first sentence.

“She- she wants to come get me,” he whispers, “to free me. She sent presents for all of us- even for you, ma. Look.” He digs through the box until he finds hers, grinning as they open it together. “Oh it’ll look beautiful on you. Oh it’s two things! A shawl and a dress!”

Shmi holds the dress against her body, positively beaming. “It is beautiful Ani… what a wonderful, thoughtful gift- we must write back to her when we’re done giving everything away. Have the boys over tomorrow, we can give them their things!”

Anakin nods his agreement, politely excusing himself to his room with all of the items and your letter to finish reading it in privacy.

You didn’t forget him. You didn’t move on. He was worried about that for so long. He’d never tell you, of course, but that’s the biggest relief of his entire life.

After a week of enjoying the presents with his friends and taking photo after photo with Voran’s gorgeous new camera, he manages to send you a letter back, on the pretty stationary, the envelope stuffed with photos.

Lili,

I am sorry about my bad handwriting. It’s been a long week and my hands are cramped so often now. I think I will need Voran to help me relieve the aches, he’s the only one who knows how.

You’ve written to me again… it’s been so long. I’m terribly excited to hear from you, my love. Congratulations on your promotion. It sounds like a big job but I know you can handle it. You are strong and smart and so brave.

Thank you for our gifts. I don’t know where to even start. Mom wore her dress several nights ago to our little bonfire, the boys all made her feel really good about it. She looked beautiful. I added a picture in this thing. An envelope, I think it’s called. Mom and I weren’t sure but Voran said envelope so we took his word for it.

I still work on droids. But I have also had to work on lots of ships lately. There was some sort of fight over the planet a month ago and every one of them who lived wants us to fix their ships. Watto bragged about me and so they chose me. I am… thankful, and the extra money will be nice. But I am very tired. Droids are still my favorites.

My birthday was last week, which I’m sure you know because you sent the cake mix and torch candle things. We had a very fun party and the cake was delicious. Voran got a sugar rush and was vibrating the whole evening. Haha. I got a picture of him grinning very big and his pupils were really crazy because of the sugar.

Voran and Kit insisted on doing a photo shoot with me because you did not have many pictures… so there are a lot of me in here, I think. I hope you like them. And yea, I did grow my hair out a little more. I think the curls look really nice, the only problem is I use more shampoo which costs more. But mom says it is worth it.

She has met someone. I think she may like him. Or love him even. I don’t know how I feel about him yet but he seems kind. He is a moisture farmer and has a son. The son is quiet. Sort of grumpy sometimes. But he is kind too.

Please know I love and miss you so much. I wish I could have hugged you when I got your package.

I am always thinking of you.

I am always yours. Even when the suns burn out and the galaxy starts to crumble. I am yours.

I love you endlessly. Please write to me again.

- Your Ani

A week after he sends the letter, Ben comes home from his Temple duties, having grabbed the mail on his way.

“Darling?” He calls, “there’s a letter for you. Looks like it’s from Tatooine.”

I straighten a little and hurry over, quickly plucking it out of his hands, “thank you for grabbing it. How was your classes?” I put my letter in my robe.

1578

Retaking a survey I took from five years ago. Let’s see how much I’d cringe at some of these old answers 😬

--

What is the title of the strangest book you own? 2017: I know I have an old book somewhere entitled Sing a Song of Tuna Fish, which I got when I was I think 8. Enjoyed quite a bit at the time and reread it a few times too. That’s the weirdest one I have. 2022: I guess I misunderstood the question five years ago because I answered with a book I owned with the strangest title, hahaha. But I don’t think I’ve ever owned a book with content I would consider ‘strange.’ How often do you actually wake up in a good mood? 2017: Kind of rarely these days. I hate 6 AM call times EVERY DAY. 2022: Every weekend I would. Unfortunately from Monday to Friday I would always wake up with the heaviest sense of dread any person has ever carried. I don’t know how I manage to get up and keep myself composed every time.

What can we usually find you doing on a Friday night? 2017: Friday nights are always reserved for Gabie, whether we’re staying in or eating out. We mix up the itinerary every week, so there’s no usual. 2022: I am almost always in my Ready-For-Hibernation mood and stay cozily wrapped up in bed, ready to watch 4-5 episodes of Run BTS. My work makes me actively socialize all week long so by the time Friday rolls around I am  just about ready to disappear from the world for the next two days. Sometimes I’d make plans to go out and have drinks with friends...but for the overwhelming majority of the time I like to take the time to recharge. What would you say is your guiltiest pleasure? 2017: Right now that title belongs to Charlie Puth, but I don’t necessarily feel guilty about enjoying his music… 2022: Hm. I don’t think I have any these days. I’m pretty loud and proud about the things I enjoy hahaha.

Tell me all about your special lady/gentleman. 2017: She has just the prettiest, the purest, and the sweetest soul. She has this vibe about her that makes her loved by everyone; even all of my orgmates love having her around. She’s great at reading and making poetry, and is the smartest person I know. 2022: Ahahahahahaha, eugh. I don’t have anyone that fits that title right now and I’m not up to finding that kind of person anymore. Once is enough.

What is the highest outdoor temperature you’ve ever had to endure? 2017: Malaysia was pretty hot and dry, but I was never able to note the temperature. Here in the Philippines, the worst was probably 36-37ºC. The humidity made it worse too so technically that would increase it to around 42ºC. 2022: Yeah my own country takes the throne on this one; 42ºC is still accurate. Southeast Asia’s climate in general is pretty awful and yes, I will still agree that Malaysia felt very warm – Indonesia, too.

And the lowest? 2017: That belongs to either Japan (too cold I couldn’t even speak and stayed clinging to my dad so I could walk properly) or Sagada at 4 AM. Japan at the time had a one-digit temperature in Celsius, and Sagada was 10ºC. 2022: Japan was very uncomfortably cold but that was also my fault because I had no idea how to pack for that kind of weather. All I had was a long-sleeved shirt and the thinnest shawl in the world.

What is the funniest thing a child has ever said to you. 2017: I don’t actually know…Filipino kids aren’t all that witty. I just remember being entertained by my godson one time, who genuinely cared for ants and thinks they should be left undisturbed. It was even funnier the way his eyebrows were knitted so much in concern. 2022: Recently I had to spearhead a shoot for a client and we had kids star in the said video. One of the kids was a big Pokemon fan and always plugged in Pokemon in all the questions she was asked; and “What do you wanna be when you grow up?” “I wanna be a Pokemon!” was probably the most hilariously unforgettable exchange that we managed to shoot. Sent us all laughing behind the camera. Do you let your pets on your furniture? 2017: Sure, the only exception being the dining table. 2022: Yep. Agi is poorly-trained though and he will occasionally pee on the couch. Can you usually tell when someone has feelings for you? 2017: The fact that I don’t know anything right now means I probably can’t, haha. I had no slight clue Mike liked me the way he did and how serious he was about it, that’s another case. I can read people very well, but I’m just very oblivious when it comes to this. 2022: No. I also don’t care for that stuff anymore so even if someone were to come out, I feel like I’d easily brush them off. Do you know what things your pet(s) prefers to eat? 2017: My dog loves his rice and his meat. In other words, human food. That’s what he grew on and that’s what he ended up loving most. 2022: ^ That is the same for Cooper and Agi. They like table food + liver and they both happen to have very sensitive stomachs – every time we make them try something new it always makes their digestive system malfunction as fuck lmao, so we mainly stick to the said combo. What would you plant in your dream garden? 2017: Please don’t trust me with plants. 2022: I never want to own a garden. Do you believe in fairies, gnomes, or elves? 2017: …..No? 2022: No. What does your wallet look like? 2017: Filled with pieces of paper that I know I have to throw out but just can’t be bothered to. Some bills in it too, and tons of coins. 2022: Five years later and it is still filled to the brim with receipts I should have thrown out six months ago. I no longer carry bills and coins though since I go cashless now. What is your favorite thing to cook for someone else? 2017: I can only make instant noodles for Gab but thankfully she never gets tired of it. 2022: I don’t make food for other people haha. If I wanna feed them I just get food delivery. Tell me about the last book you read. 2017: It talks about Asian imperialism and touched on how the Japanese basically became the bully in the entire continent. It was annoying to contemplate on it in the first place since I definitely knew what my country had to go through under them, come to find out even more of their atrocities in China. Apparently they liked raping women and either cutting children in half or burning them, so that was an absolute joy to read. 2022: Can’t remember the last book I read. Who was the last person to leave you flustered? 2017: Haven’t felt that recently. 2022: My new associate, Erin; she did a minor work booboo last Friday and I had to rack my head quickly on how to resolve the issue. What’s the last thing you ate that was made with phyllo dough? 2017: I’m not sure. 2022: Probably those quiches I had at a PR event last June. Describe the outfit that makes you look and feel your best. 2017: I have a variety of those that I just whip out whenever I want to have the feeling that I know I look good. A tight black tank top and ripped jeans usually does the trick most times though. 2022: I’m really into black turtlenecks and find that they suit me quite well. What can you see from where you’re sitting? 2017: The entire dining area and part of the kitchen. I would also see the guest bathroom from here but the door is closed. 2022: The fairy lights right above me, the night sky with lots of stars, and the mountainous/upper portion of the city where I can see the bright lights from the cafes and restaurants that line up the roads there. I have it pretty good here :) When you have a chance at happiness, do you allow yourself to take it? 2017: Yes, but most of the time I can be wary at first; and generally I don’t let myself wallow in being happy for too long because it’s always taken away from me harshly at some point. 2022: Absolutely. Being and staying happy is a big priority in my life and I intend to make it stay that way. What are some bands others would be surprised to find in your music library? 2017: I never let anyone know about my punk taste to begin with so I’m sure they’d be most surprised if I suddenly tuned into my Misfits or Cro-Mags discography. 2022: Yeah, I’d say punk music is still up there. Other people may also assume that I exclusively listen to BTS, so they might be surprised that I support other groups too – mainly Enhypen, NewJeans, Le Sserafim, Tubatu, Stray Kids, SHINee. Fanwars are so immature to me and I only ever bite back when someone comes after my boys first. How do you feel about kettle cooked chips? 2017: I’m not familiar with the name. I might know what they are as chips, but I never bother learning about what they are called most of the time haha. 2022: Idk, I don’t think I’ve had them a lot. Tell me something about yourself that you’re most proud of. 2017: I study in the top university in the country. 2022: Last year, I managed to crawl out of the worst depression I’ve ever been in and have been able to focus on my happiness and growth since then. What do you like to dunk in your coffee, if anything? 2017: I dont dunk my food in it. 2022: Don’t really dunk anything in my coffee. What was the subject of the last documentary you watched? 2017: Haven’t sat down to view a docu in so long but the last one was probably about the feral child, Genie. 2022: It was the Burn the Stage docu-series and it essentially covers BTS’ journey throughout their Wings tour. Also gave birth to the notorious Taejin fight that I like to go back from time to time because it’s amazing how the seven of them so very maturely resolved the argument. And also because Taejin. What sort of things do you do when you have the entire evening to relax? 2017: Surveys, call my girlfriend, watch YouTube videos, sometimes sleep early. 2022: Surveys, relaxing with a cup of coffee and a pastry, and picking out a BTS-related thing to binge-watch, whether it’s Run BTS or one of their docu-series or a concert. Sometimes I’ll go to a coffee shop and just be on my own for a while. Are there any books I should check out next time I’m at the library? 2017: Yup, not really the person to go to for book recommendations. 2022: We don’t even have any proper libraries here so I wouldn’t know what to reco you. Opinions on cold pizza? 2017: The only way to eat pizza. 2022: ^ Bullshit, fresh-out-the-oven pizza is great too lol. But yes, I do love cold pizza and when we have leftover slices I usually wouldn’t bother with throwing it in the microwave. Do you have a favorite brand of tea? 2017: I don’t even drink tea. 2022: Don’t like tea. What’s the last stupid question you were asked? (Besides these.) 2017: Hahahaha good save. Gabie asked me who Gianina (an org-mate) was even though they have met each other like five times. Her memory is so bad but sometimes it’s just asking for an eyeroll from me lol. 2022:There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. What’s been on your mind lately? 2017: How I’m going to see Paramore up close in three months. 2022: Getting ready to buy Christmas gifts for my family and friends. Always the most stressful time of the year lol and I can’t wait for the moment I’m already able to cross off everyone on my checklist. Tell me about the best thing you created with your own two hands. 2017: A pot! I made one from clay on my trip to Ilocos last August. I’ve wanted to do it since I was maybe 5 and was sooooo excited to get my hands on the wet clay. Definitely not as easy as it looks on screen but I loved how mine turned out. I couldn’t take it home though since it had to be baked and everything for a week, but I was only staying there for two days :( 2022: ^ That cute lil pot is still definitely a highlight but I’m also proud of the embroidery stuff I did back in 2020! I never got to finish any of the templates, but I think I’m prouder of the fact that I was depressed at the time and yet still managed to get up and find comfort and joy in doing those. How strong do you like your coffee? 2017: Not strong. I want milk in my coffee. 2022: Eh, I can fluctuate but don’t really have a preference tbh. Some days I’ll get an iced Americano, but other days I’d want to take it slow and get something like a caramel macchiato or Spanish latte. Do you feel like you need to get something off your chest? 2017: Not right now. 2022: Yes, I kinda want to tell Bea and Trina that I’ve been struggling at work and that I need to find a reason to want to stay. I did voice this out to Trina recently and she went ahead and scheduled a one-on-one call this week, so I should be able to vent soon. Describe your morning routine. 2017: Sluggish. Always lazy. Always grumpy. 2022:: I usually wake up ~2 hours before work, so I spend the extra time either falling back asleep or watching BTS so I can kind of calm down and appease my morning anxiety. By 8:50 AM, I get up so I could prepare my morning coffee, make my bed, wash my face, and fix my hair. First things I do once clocking in are to clear out emails I may have gotten the night before + craft my to-do list for the day; and once I’m able to accomplish those, I’m usually already able to feel more composed and ready to power through for the next eight hours. What strange food combinations do you thoroughly enjoy? 2017: I would experiment mayonnaise on anything edible. 2022: ^ Yeap, definitely still a big fan of mayonnaise hahaha. Also peanut butter and jalapeño in burgers – I’m not sure if this would still be considered as ‘strange’ since more and more restaurants are now offering it as a novelty item, but we’re still counting it. What’s your favorite Elvis song? 2017: I don’t have one. 2022: Not an Elvis fan. Are there any songs you wish your favorite band would cover? 2017: Welp not really into covers, so. Paramore’s Fleetwood Mac and Drake covers are all a solid 12/10, though. 2022: If BTS ever covered Misguided Ghosts by Paramore or anything by One Direction I feel like my head would explode. Do you enjoy talking on the phone? 2017: Only with my girlfriend. Otherwise, it’s dreadful. 2022: I don’t mind having to do it for work (a character development in itself as I used to be literally incapable of talking on the phone), but it’s not something I enjoy. The only people I’d willingly take a call for are Angela and Hans, but even then it’s never a channel I prefer. Are you currently waiting for something to come in the mail? 2017: Nope. 2022: Ugh yes. I’m currently waiting on my orders of Jungkook’s photo folio, BTS’ Love Yourself: The Final DVD, and the set version of Jin’s The Astronaut to arrive from my usual shop, and don’t know what’s taking so long since all three were released quite a while ago. Sorry to say but I think I’m switching usuals after this because there are so many other shops that can ship out stuff so much faster lol. Would you rather see someone of the opposite sex naked or nicely dressed? 2017: Away from me. 2022: This is a tad bit immature, don’t you think? Hahaha. What makes your best friend the best? 2017: They are patient with me. That’s all I’ve always asked for. 2022: I hate giving out cliché answers but I appreciate that both have been there for me through the ups and absolute lows. They stayed when I had to push everyone away for a little while; and they welcomed me back with open arms when I was ready to be back. When was the last time you felt incredibly stupid or embarrassed? 2017: Ughhhhh fuck, awhile ago because I’M THE WORST. I was at a buffet and this waiter guy is making small talk, being super friendly. Unfortunately my ears decided to be the biggest pricks right at that moment and when he asked, “Have you been seated?” I couldn’t get myself to understand him and had to ask ‘sorry?’ FOUR. TIMES. Four times to repeat the freakin’ question. I couldn’t believe my guts. I suck. Made up for it by being just as friendly after that slipup. 2022: Last Friday when we had a brainstorming session for an upcoming pitch and came up blank, hahahaha. Luckily I managed to squeeze in some research earlier today so I should be more prepared in the coming days. How do you go about cheering someone up? 2017: Depends on the person because they all have their own solutions. Others want to be left alone, some want to be hugged, to be listened to, to be given advice, need a shoulder to cry on, or just need a companion to stay silent with. I do all of those with or for my loved ones. 2022: I listen, because 100% of the time they just want someone to share to. From there I try to gauge what it is they need at that moment. How would you react if someone told you they had feelings for you? 2017: Yikes. 2022: Give them a heads-up that I’m not interested in being in a relationship. And apologize after the fact, I guess. Serenade me with some lyrics from the song currently stuck in your head. 2017: “If I smile with my teeth, bet you’d believe me / If I smile with my teeth, I think I believe me.” 2022: J TO THE HOOOOOPE JUNG TO THE HUIMANG JACK IN THE BOOOX PANDORAUI SON HANA NAMEUN HUIMANG JACK IN THE BOOOOOOOOX What is the last thing you wrote down? 2017: (continuing this from last night) Notes I’ve written on my readings for history class. 2022: The To/From blanks in an envelope. Tell me something great about the day/night you’re having. 2017: …I had just woken up. Get back to me with this question later on in the day. 2022: I had sushi and chocolate chip cookies today :D :D :D

Would you ever participate in a suspension? 2017: Of? 2022: I still don’t know what that means. What was the last thing to annoy you? 2017: My schedule doesn’t work with everyone else’s today. :/ 2022: I wasn’t able to finish the said research I started earlier this afternoon, even though my initial session already took me four hours. I’ll have to go back to it tonight, right after this survey, if I don’t want to face a fuckton of backlog tomorrow morning. Name five things that begin with the letter C. 2017: Cactus, coconuts, credit card, claw, cane. 2022: Cat food, chairs, cake, chargers, and coloring pens. What’s the title of the last book you bought? 2017: Yeah about that… 2022: No clue. Would you ever consider visiting Texas? 2017: I would, actually; but mostly because I have family living there. One of my second cousins that I’m really close with, Ate Joelle, urges me every year to come hang in Texas so I probably would once I’ve the money to. I don’t know much about the state though except Christianity is kind of huge. 2022: No. Aren’t they one of the more conservative states? Besides, the family I mentioned above already moved to like New York afaik so at this point in time I have little reason to stop over at Texas. Where do you go when you need to escape? 2017: My room, Skywalk, or the college library. 2022: The rooftop, a random cafe, or wherever my car’s pedals and steering wheel happen to take me. How big is your town’s library? 2017: Ask that to our government, who never allots enough money for institutions like that :—-) We don’t have any local libraries, nor parks, nor memorials, nor a museum save for one. 2022: We don’t have one. Which bands would play in your dream concert? 2017: My favorites won’t merge well in a concert so meh. 2022: ^ Still true. Do you know of any home remedies that work surprisingly well? 2017: No. 2022: Does Katinko count? I use that shit for any body pain I run into hah. If you could make a movie, what would it be about? 2017: I’ll leave that to my girlfriend, the bigger film major between the two of us. 2022: I’m not interested in making a movie. Tell someone something they need to know. 2017: That they’d have to be a huge dick to wake me up the way they did earlier. 2022: I want to get the fuck out of this job. What’s something you’ve never been able to live down? 2017: When I sang for a hundred or so party guests on my 7th birthday party. My parents definitely would never let me forget it–the entire thing is on CD. 2022: The time I drunkenly said “Fuck you, Kata” to my then-boss, Kata, with Bea around as well. They’ve never let me forget it and it’s since turned into an inside joke that we like to have a laugh about every once in a while. What’s something that’s been on your to-do list for awhile? 2017: Hahahahaha ughhhhh the mockery of this question. I guess do the stuff that I’ve been needing to do in Filipino. 2022: Get my diploma and transcript of records so I can finally leave my college chapter behind haha. How do you take your mind off things? 2017: Surveys usually. YouTube videos sometimes. 2022: BTS. Tell me a joke. 2017: Eh, all the good ones I know of are in Filipino. 2022: I’m blanking out. Do you own a battle jacket? 2017: Nope. 2022: No.

I sleep on a fairly nice couch in an unheated, mostly uninsulated garage. (because of reasons. it's fine, I'm fine)

My strategies for coping with cold are: electric blanket, many layers of blankets, warm clothing, hat.

If I lost power, I'd still be okay. Even when the outside weather gets below zero it stays warmer than that, which helps. I am warm! My body is constantly making more warm! So my job is to keep as much of that as I can, and add the electric blanket's warm as an extra safety measure plus comfort.

Bundling layers: sheet, cotton blanket, weighted blanket, fuzzy blanket, thick crocheted throw, cotton quilt. The electric blanket will go between the cotton and weighted when I finally deploy it. The cotton quilt goes over my head and the arm of the couch when it's substantially cold. I get to conserve the heat from my breath and any warmth generated from my body and the blanket are in with me. The goal is to eliminate drafts and create a barrier between me and the cold air.

It's definitely more comfortable WITH the electric blanket. I have tried using a space heater. It's useless. It can't keep up and it's heating a bunch of air that doesn't make me comfortable. The blanket warms me directly, making it a no-brainer.

I did successfully use the space heater as a kotatsu type situation, where i put it under a table, covered that table in a blanket, and ran it to keep my legs and feet warm while I worked. It even created a little pocket of warm air that DID seem to make a difference in the overall space once I lifted the blanket at the end of the day. I also think it helped turn the table into a radiant heat source. A sweater and hat and fingerless gloves took care of the rest.

For personal gear, socks are nice but fairly often I take them off. Sometimes they cut me off from warmth i've built up (my feet run cold).

Warm, loose pants, like just fuzzy pajama pants. Loose is so they can be slipped out of if it gets TOO warm (blanket turned up too high type situation) without letting a bunch of cold air in.

Long sleeve shirt. Turtle necks, light hoodies are good if you can handle it. A onesie with a hood like a kigurumi would be pretty legit.

I have a very basic acrylic knit scarf that's shawl size that I drape over my head and around my shoulders. Keeps my ears and neck warm and i can tuck my hands in there and play on my phone.

Then I put a loose knit hat over that. The particular hat I use was made by my sister in law when she was learning to knit so it's loose and nicely made but a bit comically big, it works GREAT as a hat/eyemask combo though.

My fingers get cold sometimes when I'm acting like a fool and messing around on my phone without covering my hands.

But I've been comfortably warm and safe for a few winters now with just the strats of basic shelter, electric blanket for max comfort, and layering up well to preserve my own warmth.

I have to say that my big upgrade goal for this situation in the short term is to add a bed tent, canopy, or enclosure of some kind to upgrade the "pull a blanket over my head when it's real cold" strategy a little. Plus I always wanted a canopy bed, they're so cute.

‘Oh, to serve a Princess’ - Ray x Reader NSFW fanfiction

Pairing: Ray x implied female reader CW: Face-riding, fingering, slightly obsessive and a little more confident Ray who just wants to be used Word Count: 4.8k Rating: Explicit

You hadn’t seen Ray in a couple of days, almost a week actually. He said he’d been so busy doing another job for the Saviour that he hadn’t even had time to sleep and had been eating at his desk. He cried on the phone that every time he’d tried to sneak out to come and visit you, a Believer had been waiting outside for him to ask where was going. You missed him, that much was obvious from the ache in your heart, but the punch in your stomach was the worry you had for him. You’d been at Mint Eye for several months, but you had yet to see what tied him so subserviently to the Saviour, besides fear. You’d hoped that he’d at least been eating decently while at his desk, but the various candy bar wrapper sounds you had heard over the phone told you otherwise. You couldn’t help but sigh as you stared out of the window into the night sky. The garden was so beautiful, and you knew how much Ray cherished the flowers growing within it. And yet, it brought you little joy to be enjoying it without him.

Averting your gaze towards the small decorative birdcage that resided in the corner of your room, you couldn’t help but see Ray flash before your eyes again as you touched one of the thin metal bars. Even in the dark lighting of your room, the cage glinted a brilliant gold. You supposed that the cage was just like Magenta. It was so pretty and ornate that, surely, a bird would  want  to fly willingly towards the gilded embrace it to be loved safely from within its bars. A small bird that longed for protection, to live peacefully. However, it was only when that bird flew into the cage that they would realise it was exactly that:  a cage.  You felt sick, wiping your fingers against the fabric of your black dress. You’d previously been wearing the dresses that Ray had brought you but they were being cleaned and he’d told you he’d gotten you a new dress, but you hadn’t seen him since he mentioned it. So, you remained in the Mint Eye standard black dress, it was pretty, so you didn’t mind. You looked back between the cage and the garden and figured that the garden would be the lesser of two evils since you’d at least be able to get some fresh air. You grabbed your phone, ID card, and a light shawl just in case it was cold. You didn’t have many shoes with you, but the ground looked dry enough to just wear some light slip-on shoes.

You looked back at the cage once again before swiftly making your way to the door, pulling it open, and having your heart jump out of your chest immediately. Someone was on the other side. It took a second or two for your eyes to adjust and to realise that it was Ray. He hardly looked like Ray. His under-eyes looked practically bruised, he’d lost more weight and he was swaying slightly. He utterly looked  exhausted.

‘Ray, are you okay?’ You asked, taking in his appearance. He had brought you a bouquet of gorgeous red roses, but you were more concerned about having him get a little bit of colour in his  cheek  than the deep rouge of the petals.

‘Yes! I am fine, please do not worry about me, my sweet flower. Might I come in? I know it’s late… I’ve only just finished my work.’

‘Of course, you can but… Ray, you should get some rest first.’ You replied, very much wanting him to get the sleep that he had been so deprived of.

‘A-ah, yes, of course… I did not mean to be a burden, I just hoped I could see you. I went to pick these flowers before I came here, to make up for not visiting’ His half-gloved hands moved the flowers towards you, a pleading look sneaking onto his face. He knew exactly how to have you putty in his hands.

‘Oh, Ray. You’re not a burden. Come in, please, sit down and eat something. They’re so pretty, you know that red roses are my favo- A-ah! Ow!’ you flinched, pulling your hand back from the roses. You’d pricked your finger on a rose thorn. It was only a small drop of blood and didn’t particularly hurt after the initial sting. It was just a tiny dot of blood but, to Ray, it was as though his love had directly hurt you. You didn’t think it was possible, but the colour seemed to drain from his face even more as you watched the panic strike across his features.

‘My princess, I’m so sorry! This is all my fault, I should have de-thorned the roses! I’m so stupid! Useless! I didn’t think and now  you’re h-hurt!’   Tears began to well in his eyes, and you couldn’t help but think he looked beautiful, even then.

‘It’s okay, Ray! It’s just a little bit of blood, I just need to take the thorn out.’ You tried to console him as he blamed himself.

‘Please, allow me.’ Ray followed you into the room hurriedly, locking the door behind him. He took the roses from you and placed them on your vanity table. He knew his way around your room very well, since he had personally designed it, and retrieved a small first-aid box from your bathroom. You didn’t think he needed to go to such an effort for such a small, insignificant injury, but figured it would probably bring him a little bit of joy to let him care for you after not being able to see you for so long. He guided you towards your bed, as though you were mortally wounded, and sat down next to you as he fumbled through the small box. He set aside a small band-aid, disinfectant spray, tweezers, and cleaning wipe. You felt bad for worrying ray, especially since he’d had such a rough few days, so you wanted to try and lessen his emotional burden by taking the blame.

‘I’m so clumsy, I usually burn my hands a lot.’ You started before laughing and adding ‘Maybe I should get a pair of gloves like yours, so I stop hurting my fingers so much.’

‘My gloves stop me from biting my nails so much. I often don’t realise I’m doing it but sometimes I just get so anxious. My Saviour told me to wear them to stop biting at my nails and to hide them from her sight, she says my hands aren’t pretty to look at. That they’re a sign of my weakness… Maybe, when I get stronger, I’ll be okay without them. I’m sorry, I need to take the thorn out…’ He whispered as he used the tweezers to remove the thin spike from your skin, making the blood form in a little bubble on the surface of your skin. You could feel your heart clenching as you heard Ray speak about his gloves, and part of you wished you hadn’t mentioned it.

‘It’s okay. I like your gloves Ray, they make you look princely.’ You smiled, using your other hand to gently place your hand on his knee. You felt him tense up for a moment before ever-so-slightly moving closer into your touch.

‘Princely? I-I don’t think I’m good enough for that… but, I’d like to be your prince, if you’d let me, princess.’ Ray replied, averting his gaze back to your finger as he delicately wiped at your finger. Clearly, he was no stranger to disinfecting wounds.

‘You look just like a Prince. I was reading earlier, ‘The Happy Prince’ by Oscar Wilde specifically, and when I read about the Prince having sapphires for eyes, I pictured yours.’ You reached your hand up to stroke his cheek softly with the back of your fingers. You didn’t have the heart to tell him how sad the story of ‘The Happy Prince’ was.

‘Ah… I don’t really know what to say.’ Ray focused on cleaning your finger, his face growing warm under your affection. He couldn’t have hidden the light dusting of a blush even if he had tried.

‘Oh, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to embarrass you… Your eyes are just pretty.’ You added, worried that you had somehow made him uncomfortable. It was unlike you to be so upfront with Ray, but you just had a pull, a need, to make sure he knew how precious he truly was. He’d never think it for himself, so you wanted to make sure someone told him, at the very least, that he was cherished.

‘P-pretty? I’ve never considered myself pretty, but I like pretty things, like you, and flowers, and the sky… Will you allow me to do something a little bolder than usual?’ He asked, pulling his icy eyes up to meet your gaze for a moment.

‘Of course.’ You knew he’d never do anything without your consent, and you trusted Ray to always treat you with tenderness, so even his ‘boldness’ was sweet. He took a quick intake of breath before bringing your fingertip up to his lips and placing the softest kiss upon where the small prick of blood had begun to reappear, leaving a tiny dot of red on his lips when they left your flesh.

‘I want to… be a Prince for you. They kiss their beloved’s hands, right? And uhm, they- they kiss their love to break the spell.’ He spoke, looking back at your hand as he cupped it with both of his own.

‘True Love’s first kiss? But we’ve kissed before.’ You added, a little confused. You’d done more than kiss before, you’d been with Ray for a few months and the intimacy had been forthcoming. Ray’s adoration was obsessive and, whilst he struggled to accept it, no amount of physical affection was ever enough. He always craved more from the second it was over. But he was uncertain and shy, so sometimes he didn’t know how to ask for more and would, in turn, suffer until you next bestowed it upon him.

‘I wasn’t a Prince then… I want to look after you and treat you like a Princess.’ He said, wrapping the band-aid around your finger and only released your hand to tidy the first-aid box away. You noticed that he hadn’t wiped the blood from his lips despite there being no way that he wasn’t aware of its presence. It was probably the most colour he had on his face at that moment, even in the dim lighting of your bedroom. Ray was almost ghostly in appearance, and yet, so beautiful. It pained you that he couldn’t see that in himself.

‘Okay, you can be my Prince, Ray.’ You whispered. It took a moment for him to hesitate before he tentatively pressed his lips against yours. You hadn’t seen Ray for so long, you had almost forgotten how much you craved his touch. His lips were cold and chapped, more so than usual because of having not looked after himself properly. There was a small tinge from the metallic taste of blood before it quickly vanished, and you could taste the hint of all the sugary snacks that Ray had been subsisting on in his IT room. He was quicker to deepen the kiss than usual, not that you were complaining, but at some point or another: you needed to stop to breathe. It was painfully obvious by the darkening look in Ray’s eyes that he’d have much rather given you his last breath than to pull apart for just a moment longer because as soon as he could, he was back to steal intoxicating kisses from you. You supposed it was due to the lengthy separation that had made Ray be this needy, almost to the point of  obsessive , but his kisses were like a drunken summer’s evening: warm and yearning. Yearning for the heat he was so constantly deprived of.

This wasn’t your first time together, so Ray knew what you liked. He knew you liked when he kissed down your neck, when his fingertips danced along your bare shoulders, or when you could feel him whispering into your ear. He was always so meticulously focused on pleasing you that always knew what to do even if he didn’t always have the confidence to execute it without coaxing. This was not one of those times. Ray felt this hunger for you each time, but this time, he didn’t feel the same level of uncertainty that he usually did. Perhaps it was the sleep deprivation, or maybe it was having not had his hands on you in almost a week, but at that moment: you were the drug that Ray was the most addicted to. As he kissed along your neck, your hands found their way into his soft, white hair. Without either of you mentioning it, you both fell back onto the bed together, with Ray leaning over you to continue kissing the sensitive skin on your throat. You couldn’t help but let out small gasps and whimpers under his touch, you really had missed him, after all.

‘Ray…’ You half said, half-moaned. You could feel yourself getting turned on, but the rational part of your brain was reminding you that Ray should get some sleep after having worked for such a long period of time. You wanted him to look after himself, even though that clearly wasn’t at the forefront of his own mind in that moment.

‘Yes, my Princess?’ He pulled away from your neck to ask, looking down into your face from above. He was panting slightly, and you didn’t think it was just from the kissing. Like you, he was flushed in the face and his eyes were half-lidded from sheer  hunger.

‘Don’t you think… that you should get some sleep? You were working for so long.’ You said, reaching a hand down from his head to cup his face.

‘D-do you want me to stop?’ Ray asked quickly, a moment of panic flashing that perhaps he had gotten too ahead of himself, that you didn’t want his touch.

‘No, but you’re tired and-’

‘This…is nothing. What kind of Prince doesn’t give his Princess the attention that she deserves, especially after he’s neglected her all week? I-I’ll do anything you ask of me, since it’s you.’ Ray was relieved that it wasn’t him misreading the situation, and you were just concerned for his wellbeing. This wasn’t the lost endurance test he’d had; he could stay awake a little bit longer if it meant getting to be in your company. That much he could manage.

‘A-ah…’ You gasped as he turned to kiss along your bare shoulder. You had missed the sensation of being underneath him like this. His cravat was lightly tickling your chest and you laughed involuntarily. He didn’t take his mouth off of you, but you felt him reach up to his neck with one hand and tug the cravat loose, so it didn’t tickle you as much. He also undid his top button, probably to allow himself to breathe better.

‘H-how do you want me to please you?’ Ray asked, still looking for the confidence to be bolder with verbalising what he wanted to say.

‘Mhm, touch me… Ray.’ You moaned into his ear. You decided that if he really wanted to spend the night with his first moment of freedom, who were you to deny the both of you that enjoyment?

‘Like- like this?’ He asked as he tentatively laid on the bed, half next to you and half on top of you. His gloved hand slowly moved up towards your inner thigh as you parted them to grant him access. Ray’s hand disappeared underneath the hem of your black dress as his fingers found the fabric of your underwear. His confidence seemed to falter for a moment of uncertainty until your own hands found their way into his hair again and you pressed a few butterfly kisses against his sharp jawline.

Usually, Ray took his gloves off to touch you since you wouldn’t actually see his hands in the darkness, but this time he kept them on, primarily because you said that you liked them, and secondly because he wanted to live up to the princely imagery you had described to him. His fingers pressed against you gently, moving in small circular motions up and down the length of you. He’d occasionally vary the pressure depending on which spot he was touching, since he didn’t want to accidentally hurt you. He was teasing you and he didn’t even realise he was doing it. Ray quickly found the spot which made you moan the most. Since he was wearing his gloves, he couldn’t physically feel how turned on you were, so he relied on the mewls you emitted to know that he was doing a good job.

‘More… please.’ You sighed underneath his touch. Ray’s hand found its way into your underwear and you moaned into his mouth as you continued to kiss him, It was safe to say that the situation that definitely gotten heated, but you couldn’t tell from whose face the heat radiated the most, ‘Yeah, just like that…’ You affirmed as his fingers circled around your folds, occasionally teasing at your clit. You briefly wondered why he’d didn’t keep his gloves on for this more often, it felt so good. It carried a certain emotion, being touched with leather gloves, that was making you physically weak at the knees. As much as you enjoyed the feeling of his skin on you, you couldn’t deny that the gloves were definitely doing it for you too. He could feel the slickness of your arousal as his gloved fingers slid along your folds until you were melting against his chest. Ray liked that he was in a position to be able to continuously kiss you as he stroked you, he needed all of you at once. He wanted to be in every single one of your senses, the same way that you were all-encompassing to his. His fingers left you briefly, and you mourned for the sudden lost sensation.

‘My princess, would you mind, uhm, lifting your hips up for me?’ He asked in a husky manner that was almost unlike him. He sounded so needy, you immediately complied and helped him to remove your underwear. While you were there, you also kicked off the slipped that you had put on for your long-forgotten walk into the garden. Once you laid back down, Ray’s obsessive hands soon found their way back to your body.

After another minute or so of circling your clit, his fingers lowered themselves to your entrance. He waited, asking for permission, before slowly entering you with his hand. As always, he was patient with your body, especially after having not touched you for a while. He added one finger at first, moving it slowly to let you adjust, before quickly adding another. You had missed the feeling of having him inside you like this. Ray had to adjust his wrist slightly before he continued to let him curl his finger against you, rubbing along your wall in a ‘come hither’ motion. While you had some lube in your bedside table, you didn’t think there’d be a need for it, since you could feel how turned on you were from the cool air hitting the wetness on your  thighs.  You moaned out affection and affirmations to Ray as he increased his speed as he let you pull him into kisses at will or held his head against your chest. However you wanted to hold him, he’d happily go along with it.

‘It’s so good, Ray- ah, right there!’ You choked as he hit the spot that made you almost see stars. He tried to focus on hitting that spot, again and again, his hand becoming wetter and wetter which each passing tap on your g-spot. You were somewhat embarrassed that you could actually hear the motion of Ray’s fingers moving in and out of you but it just seemed to spur him on more. He really was talented with those fingers.

‘I want... more. I saw something that I want to try. I-I promise I’ll do my best to make it feel good… I don’t quite know how to phrase it. I want to taste you, from above-’ He explained, slightly haphazardly.

‘Are you sure? Won’t I be too heavy?’ You questioned; a little bit uncertain of his request.

‘Of course not. In the video I saw, they used a pillow to support their neck and-’ He started, but you couldn’t help interject with laughter.

‘Ray, were you watching porn?’ It just seemed so out of character for him.

‘No! I mean, technically, yes. It wasn’t mine… I was checking that none of the Believers were trying to look at stuff they shouldn’t be and I… found a video. I thought it looked like you might enjoy it. I found that I… wanted to please you like that.’ His face flushed with embarrassment, even after everything that had just happened, he was suddenly embarrassed that he stumbled across and watched a porn video.

‘We can try it, if you want.’ The embarrassment spread from Ray to you, realising that you were, in fact, going to be sitting on his face. You were a little bit self-conscious about your body, so you said you wanted to keep your dress on, and Ray replied that thought you were beautiful, but he understood body issues and wouldn’t push you since this was already out of your comfort zone. Ray removed his fingers from you again and, with his other hand, he laid a pillow flat on the bed and positioned it so his neck was supported at a slight angle. You were a little nervous about hurting him, but since he wanted to try it, you were willing to give it a try.

You sat up, unsure how to how exactly you were supposed to get on his face without crushing him, but still equally as desperate for stimulation. You lifted your dress up and bunched it at your hips, throwing one leg over Ray’s chest so you were almost straddling him at the next. You waited for him to give the okay to move closer and put yourself in his mouth. You felt his hands steady your thighs as he nudged you close to him, clearly equally as eager to use his mouth on you as you were to have him do it.

Ray started with a few small, sensitive kisses along your folds, earning small shudders from above. You felt a little scared to move, in case you fell and hurt him, so you intended to just let him take his time in what he was doing, he was going you so much attention after all. You felt him stick out his tongue and run it in a line up and down you, your breath hitching in your throat when he grazed it over your clit again and again. And then, almost all at once, Ray pushed your hips into your face, so you were completely on his mouth. It was as though something took over him, a hungry desire that he didn’t verbalise, but you could see burning in his eyes as he took mouthful after mouthful of you, You threw your head back in pleasure and choked out his name in broken moans. You hadn’t expected Ray to be so upfront with wanting to do something like this, and then actually taking control with it.

His gloved hands were on your hips, moving you over his mouth with speed. He was practically  begging  you to use him, to let him make you feel good. Ray wanted nothing more than to be useful to you, especially like this. He  needed  that useless body of his to be good for something, to be good for you. He’d never want for anything ever again if you were to, at the very least, allow him to stay by your side like this. This much he could do. Was it selfish of him to think such a thing? Perhaps. But he decided that, with everything he’d endured in his life, he was allowed to keep that one selfish thought close to his heart. It was a little difficult for him to manage while you were obstructing his view, but Ray undid his trousers and began lightly touching his own erection since it had become uncomfortable to ignore, using your own arousal on his gloves as a lubricant. He was already painfully hard from pleasuring you, but he didn’t need any of the attention to be on him tonight, he wanted to be there just to please you, to  serve  you.

He stroked himself with one hand and continued to guide you over his face with the other. He  particularly  liked it when you found the confidence to grip your hands in his hair and start moving yourself against his tongue, using him in the way he wanted you to. You had already been starting to get close to an orgasm when Ray had had his hands inside of you, so it didn’t take very long for the sensation to start building once again. Personally, Ray didn’t have too much stamina so he had to delay his own orgasm for as long as possible to be able to continue watching the show above him to his utmost benefit. He preferred watching you as you moved against him, and he felt drunk when you made eye contact with him whilst you did it. He was the only one who got to see you like this,  the only one.  He didn’t care what he had to do to keep it that way, he’d be possessive, obsessive, compulsive if needs be to ensure that that would remain the case.

Above, you felt the pressure of an orgasm building quickly under the merciless assault of Ray’s tongue. You could feel that Ray was picking up his own pace and moaning onto you, which felt fucking  great.  He was starting to get close too, which made sense because of how aroused he had been just from touching you. Besides, he definitely hadn’t had any time to release himself all week, he was probably just a bit pent up too.   His lips were pursed over your clit, swapping between kissing it and sucking on it and then using his tongue when you picked up speed in order to let you fuck yourself on it, praises and prayers falling freely from your mouth.

‘Fuc- Ray! I think I’m gonna-’ You didn’t even have a chance to finish your statement before Ray picked up the speed he was moving your hips at, quickly sending you over the edge in his mouth. Did he stop moving you, just because you’d climaxed?  Absolutely not.  Through the blinding pleasure, Ray continued to use his mouth on you until your legs started to twitch from the overstimulation. It was watching you writhe above him, knowing that he’d done such a good job that allowed him to find his own orgasm too, quickly releasing over his hand. He touched himself through his peak, mentally visualising how both of your arousals must look mixed between his fingertips. He closed his eyes, feeling lost in the moment where all of his pent-up frustrations from the last week came crumbling down into a moment of practical peace.

When he was done, you removed yourself from his mouth and collapsed on the bed next to him. You were both panting heavily as you crawled to his side, placing exhausted kisses along his jaw and temple. His hair was a mess from where you’d run your hands through it, but you thought it just made him look cute. You weren’t surprised to see how quickly the exhaustion took over Ray after he caught his breath and you convinced him to take the risk and sleep in your room for the night, since you weren’t entirely certain he’d made it all of the way back to his own room without passing out. You took turns in the bathroom, cleaning yourselves up from the unfolded events of the night, and crawled into bed together.

‘I love you, Ray. I really do.’ You said, embraced in one another’s arms in the darkness.

‘I love you too, my sweet Princess.’ He replied, clearly trying to fight off the sleep to continue talking to you.

You pressed one more kiss into his pale cheek, ‘I wish you’d know how precious you were to me.’ You whispered, but he was already unconscious.

All The Pretty Things

I wear a pink flamingo shower cap to make sure I don’t wet my curls.

I use the soap his mum makes us; a rose-scented pink cuboid that I always take home to my own mum.

My shampoo is sulphate free. It’s made with onions. It’s also pink.

When I step out of the shower, I put hair food. I think it smells like bananas, but everyone keeps saying it’s coconuts.

I use a dropper to coat my chin in argan beard oil.

I stand in front of the mirror for at least half an hour, trying on different facial expressions and movements.

I’m ready to start the day.

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I grew up in a house with a younger sister who needed all the bathroom shelves. Her skincare and haircare products would sit everywhere as she experimented with masks made out of yogurt and egg whites.

She religiously used sugar waxing once a month. In fact, over the last year, she started laser hair removal sessions.

Meanwhile, I was the ‘serious’ sibling. Relatives at random weddings, funerals, birthdays—it didn’t matter—all found it necessary to comment on how beautiful I could be if I tried a little harder. My desire to move away from feminization regularly left me outside the aesthetic realms the women in my family orbit. Often times, that meant I rarely got the gossip as the spontaneity of instant closeness with ‘girls’ in my family was usually lost on me.

I’m the asexual girl. I’m the quasi-boy. I’m the scientist.

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“Do you prefer to be called pretty, beautiful, handsome, sexy, or hot?”

I don’t know, depends on how many different ways you are looking to hurt me.

I am the prettiest boy I know. (My brother gets an honorary mention.)

Handsome makes me feel English. Handsome makes me feel white.

I am still too Brown and too Muslim to think of myself as anything that includes ‘sex’.

Hot is just confusing.

And beautiful holds too many words, moves too many ways.

What I’m trying to say is: hi, my name is Yara. Let’s start there.

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“For beauty is nothing but the beginning of terror

which we are barely able to endure and are awed

because it serenely disdains to annihilate us.

Each single angel is terrifying.”[1]

I can theorize everything I find beautiful as a terror formation.[2] Home, land, love, family, sex, friendship, water—they all terrify me, and they all have the potential to so easily terrorize me out of the self I precariously balance atop their shaky foundations.

Once, in Tahrir, my dad and I made our way to the very edge, right where Mohamed Mahmoud St. pours its heart into the Square. From there, I could look onto what we had created.

I remember knowing I was in love. I remember thinking it was beautiful.

Today, it snowed. We looked out our window and the trees were covered in white. It was beautiful.

Now, I know it means it’s time to be terrified.

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The first thing Cash, my best friend in college, taught me was that: “hoes don’t get cold.” The idea is you take a couple of shots of vodka right before you go out into Maine winter in shorts and a see-through top and you trust the hoe-ness to keep you warm.

Nowadays, we get ready together, sharing gaudy jackets and coloured pants. Meha holds an impromptu make-up station in our bathroom. My favourites are the glittery eyeshadow and the blue crystal beads.

By the time we’re ready to head out, a couple of us have already asked the question: ‘Are you saying I should wear this because it’s cold or because it looks good?’

My friends are an aesthetic. Red lipstick, sarees, green tattoos, flaming hair, layers masquerading as different outfits, ripped jeans, platform sneakers, Kashmiri shawls, heart-shaped sunglasses, and too-cool-for-school vibes.

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A cyclone of aesthetic labour—turned work because motion, turned economy because transnational—often drags my body along. I move diagonally between the eye and its many arms.

Sometimes, it forcefully removes, forecloses possibilities, and bans spaces.

Other times, I, like histories before me, wield it to make a home, to find community, and to labour (work) in collectivity.

[1] Rainer Maria Rilke, “First Duino Elegy” (1923). Accessed: https://www.poemhunter.com/poem/elegy-i/ [2] See: Achille Mbembe, Necropolitics (2003), for more on terror formations. Accessed: https://warwick.ac.uk/fac/arts/english/currentstudents/postgraduate/masters/modules/postcol_theory/mbembe_22necropolitics22.pdf

Vampire Town {Lestat de Lioncourt x Reader}

Requested by: I’m so sorry, I couldn’t find the conversation so I can’t remember. :( Wordcount: 2778 Summary: Happiness and Love can appear when least expected.

During the long span of your life, a lot of your nights had been sent in solitary. You wandered through the world, seeing the beautiful sights of history; the architecture, the music, the literature, the wars, but never had anyone to share that with. Until you came across the broken form of a blonde vampire - Lestat. “Oh, my dear, my dear,” You said, sensing the poor vampire. Broken, without a home, ready to give up on his life after his partner had left him. You sat on the stoop of a burned down mansion beside him, tore your wrist open and forced him to drink from you. He became greedy, which you encouraged. You had just fed on three mortals, willing victims who walked away just as safe as they had come, just a little anemic. You put your hand on the back of his neck and tilted his head back, letting the blood pour down his throat. You squeezed a few more drops, and he let you go, hanging his head upon your shoulder like a hungover human.

You took him to the abode you were staying in. Nothing so gothic as what Lestat may have been living in, but a home nonetheless. A three-story brownstone with a basement that concealed your coffin. You put Lestat into it before the dawn arrived, and looked down at him with a tilt of your head. He was a very handsome vampire, and would only look better with more blood flowing through his veins. He would need a trough-full, however. You would need to wake early to prepare that for him.

Your long fingers stroked his face, turning it towards the candlelight to get a better look. His skin was pale, his hair flaxen. He had been through a lot of pain - even his sleeping face showed that. It may take a dozen nights, perhaps, to get him to peak performance. But you did love a challenge, and were a sucker for a disaster of a person. Loneliness had grown old along side of you - why not try something new for once.

It took some time for the vampire, whom you learned to be named Lestat, to look alive again. Or, perhaps, a little less dead. He was far too beautiful to ever be considered a human being. Those dull creatures, though you were one of them once, bored you with their generic looks. You enticed a few of them towards the house, let Lestat feed. You found out one thing about him instantly - he was absolutely vicious when it came to feeding. Not at all as elegant as his demeanor might make it seem. And you allowed him to finish victims to nearly the point of death, then disposed of the bodies yourself.

“You seem to be feeling much better,” You said, joining him in your parlor. It was just you and he, as you knew no one else in New Orleans. You had only stopped here because it was where the first boat you came across was going. “How could you give up on your life like that?”

Another thing you learned about Lestat; he was very convinced of his own righteousness.

“It is my right to give up my life if I so wish,” He hissed, despite the blood dripping from his mouth. You did not say anything to contrary, just licked your thumb and plucked the droplet from his face. You let it rest on the tip of your tongue, savoring the flavor. “Who are you to try to bring me back?”

“You may call me y/n,” You said with a soft smile, ignoring his harsh tone. “I am noticing that you are alone, but you are well versed in talking to people. Were you a social one, Lestat?”

He was quiet for a little while after that, in some sort of reflection. He stared at nothing, and you left him to that, sleeping in a box rather than your coffin for you still allowed him to take over yours. That was the most intimate gesture that you had ever given to someone. You had shared your clothes with him, even, until you had gotten him some of his own. He looked as pretty as a painting in your white blouses, in your long dark skirts. In this world, for the first time, you had someone to share everything with.

His perpetually bad mood never bothered you. Nor did his dramatic nature. Because you knew that one day, he would either open up to you, or he would leave. You would prefer the first. But would have to quietly accept the second.

But after two years, a blink of an eye for someone like you, he opened up. He told you all about Louis, about Claudio, about Armand. About the reporter whom he had turned who was who-knows-where. About Marius, even, and how he had turned which was further back than you had expected him to go. And so in return, you told him about your loneliness, about how you had traveled from town to town and only run into a few like you. You did not know your maker. You didn’t remember him, or her. You didn’t even remember where it was that you were changed, only that you were high up in the mountains. Why you were there, you could not recall either. But you did not dwell on the mysteries of the past; only your present time.

And on Lestat, because for the present, and forseeable future, you were stuck with him. Lead a stray dog to a home and you have a pet, as you’ve heard someone say.

-

Half of the candles in the parlor remained unlit, for neither of you needed much light in order to see in the dark. Lestat had one of your hands in his as he lead you in a waltz around the room. You could not stop smiling - a facial expression that you hadn’t used too often over the years. A dance! You’ve never danced before, hence why Lestat was currently giving you a lesson. You were even wearing a gown that he had gifted to you - custom made in one of the best shops. He still had his connections in the city of New Orleans. A real vampire’s town, as you had discovered.

“You are a natural!” He praised with a smile of his own, showing off his glinting, sharp, white teeth. “Are you sure you haven’t done this before?”

“I’ve never had a partner. I haven’t met many of our kind before and dancing with a human just seems so...” You struggled to find the words. “Slow.”

“Very slow indeed,” Lestat agreed. He had picked a roses from the garden, and had them in a vase to add something living to the house. He now took one of them, and stuck it into his mouth, the thorns cutting at his lips but he did not have a care about that. You laughed at that - what a silly vampire you had ended up with.

“How is the pain, my darling?” You asked, licking your lips at the sight of that little bit of blood.

“Agonizing,” He droned, swinging you around into a spin, then returned you into his strong arms. The blouse that he wore, another thing custom made, was of a silk fabric, and felt soft upon your cheek. You suddenly remembered what it was like to cry, just from that light touch. Agonizing - you recalled what that felt like. It had been well over a century.

“The same as when you were betrayed by your love, Louis?” You questioned. Lestat cut the dance short, but he still held you.

“I don’t wish to talk about him any further,” He said, harshly. “There are more important things in my life now! I am free of him and his ... whining. I am being treated in the way that I deserve. And you - you are finally being treated as you deserve.”

Lestat wielded compliments as a weapon. He used them to distract you from asking further questions. And it worked, every time. You sighed contently as  he kissed your hand, then went up your arm towards your shoulder, then all the way back down. You could feel his cold lips through the fabric of your sleeves. It made you feel like a flower bulb in Spring, sprouting up for the first time from the damp dirt into the beautiful world above.

“You flatter me deeply, Lestat. You are better than I deserve.”

He spun you around once more, and you continued to spin in the middle of the room, arms outstretched as he watched you. Thanks to being a vampire, you did not feel dizziness like the humans did, and could outdance them all if you so wished. Lestat was a grand teacher. He then caught you, then dipped you low to the ground, so much so you could smell the dust of the floor.

“No, that is what you are to me.” His fangs were exposed as he smiled down at you, a fearsome image for anyone else, but not for you. You smiled back at him, and held him tightly as he brought you back up to your feet, humming along with the song.

“I should get cleaning this place, Lestat. It takes more than dancing to make a house a home.” You let go of him to go and grab a broom, but the blonde vampire grabbed you again. Ever since he had opened up to you, he loved to be in your presence. And it wasn’t something that you were going to complain about after being alone for so long.

“Don’t tease,” He said, holding onto your hands with his long fingers. “I’ll hire us a thousand maids, so you don’t have to get these wonderful hands dirty.” You let out a child-like laugh of glee at his amazing words. You were a sucker for them, mind the pun. “And a thousand more dresses for if you get a speck of dust on this one.”

“I don’t need a thousand dresses, Lestat. I could live in rags as long as I still had you.”

-

Five years later, you and Lestat still resided in New Orleans. It was a town of pleasure, of magic, of long nights - and plenty of swampland in order to hide bodies if you went too far with any victims. You did your best not to, but sometimes temptations swept in and you nearly drank to the point of death. But apart from that, you were living in a near-domestic bliss.

“Now, why are you doing this when you don’t get cold?” Lestat asked, walking in from the outside world with coins in his pocket and a well-fed look on his face. You were holding knitting needles in your hand, working on a shawl pattern that you had seen a woman working on last time you were out shopping. He kissed the top of your head and placed a bag on your lap before you could even answer him.

“I like to keep busy - it keeps eternity interesting,” You insisted. You set aside the knitting and started to examine the shopping bag that was on your lap. “What is this?”

“Why don’t you open it and see?” Lestat asked, with a cocky smile. You looked at him with amusement, then delicately opened up the bag. Inside was something ... something fabric. You pulled it out then stood with it in front of you. A long black gown - the color that you always wore, and which Lestat said you wore so well - and it was made of the softest velvet that you had ever felt. He looked pleased as you brought a sleeve to your face to feel the fabric even better. “Do you like it?”

“It’s wonderful, Lestat, thank you. What’s the occasion?”

“It is the anniversary of the day that you found me. The day that everything changed,” He held his hands up in the air as if he were an actor on a stage, something that you always found entertaining. You loved encouraging the odder aspects of his personality, just as he did the same for you, even when he could not understand.

“What a cheerful gown, I’ll wear it on our next night out.” You exclaimed, twirling with it. Though you would never be able to see yourself wearing it in a mirror, you thought that you would feel beautiful in it. And Lestat would tell you that you were. He was growing predictable in the most wonderful way.

“Why not today?” He questioned, approaching you and held it onto your body to emphasize how lovely you would look in it. “Wear it to bed with me. I want to feel it upon my cheek while I sleep.”

“I wouldn’t want it to get wrinkled... oh, alright,” You said, seeing his earnest expression. He helped you out of the simple dress that you were wearing, one that you had picked yourself. He was much more into the luxurious fashion of the day, favorite bright colors that made him stand out. You were not so flamboyant, and preferred to let him be the center of attention rather than yourself. It worked out well, though you did get occasional glances from other ladies, wondering how someone such as yourself had managed to gain the love of such a charmer.

You wondered the same thing yourself.

As his fingers tickled at your spine, as his hair swept against your face, you questioned how you could have grown so lucky. Were the years of isolation just a pre-payment for the years of happiness that you were having now?

You stepped into the new gown, and he pulled it up, over your thighs, your waist, your bust, your shoulders, and smoothed everything down so it draped you perfectly. He must have came home just in time, for a flash of lightning came through the windows, and the rumble of thunder. The sound of rain upon the roof and on the sidewalk. “Music to my ears,” You said, wrapping your arms around yourself.

“A most marvelous lullaby,” Lestat said, unable to stop feeling the fabric. The seamstress must have put a lot of work into this gown, for it fit you perfectly, emphasizing your waist and bust in a way you haven’t seen before without a corset, and fell to the ground without pooling at your feet. “May I take you to bed, beautiful?”

“Oh, you divine charmer,” You said, pressing your hand upon his cheek. He whisked you away, down to the basement where your coffin lay.

A while back, you had traded in your usual sarcophagus bed for something much better. It was Lestat’s idea initially, complaining about the long, cold days alone inside of a tomb. It had been an unexpected surprise when he actually did something about it, instead of expecting you to do so. When you came home from a feeding and a walk, he presented to you the double coffin. It was exactly as it sounded - two built into one, with room for both of you, and no inner wall to keep you apart.

He held your hand to help you climb inside, then followed you right in. Velvet dress on velvet interior; it felt both warm and rather sexual. With the lid closed, and the two of you in complete darkness, you felt confident, wrapping your arms around your blonde lover and pulled him close.

It took you some time to realize that this was the love that you deserved. That you were worthy of affection and love, despite all of the years that you had gone without it. And you were just lucky enough to find it with another vampire, so the only limit that you had was not time, but imagination.

As for Lestat, you had truly saved him from the misery that he had put himself through after Louis. He was ready to lock himself up for a hundred years or more, just to avoid the pain. To take the sleep of the immortal ones and awake in a brand new age. But this one still had a lot to offer, that much was clear with you. He never thought of that; only that he would remain in a state of purgatory, rather than a life of shooting stars and velvet gowns.

He was glad he stayed in this Vampire Town.

1. either male or female is fine

2. aries (I haven't taken the myers briggs test)

3. I am a little quiet and shy when first meeting someone but I'll open up when I'm comfortable around someone. I can be a little blunt and stubborn though I still do my best to be nice to people. I treat people the same way they treat me for the most part.

4. I'm a sucker for things like stargazing and/or something like the lantern festival event thing (I just like the idea of lanterns at night in general)

5. someone who I can talk to and be there for when they need it. I'm not really looking for anything specific but as long as we can trust each other and be there for each other, I feel like that's enough for me

6. I'd be okay with hand holding or a kiss on the hand/forehead/cheek/etc. on the first date but that's about it

7. yes please

A/N: Thank you for participating! This one was actually a lot of fun to write, so I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed working on it :D

But without further ado, you're going with...

Beidou!

My reasons!

Since Beidou is an easygoing person, and also quite the leader, she won't mind if you were a little shy in the beginning. I can definitely see her as the one planning the dates if you're unsure at first. But at the same time, she'd also love coming along to whatever activities or places you want to go/do. Back to the easygoing part, she'll let your occassional stubborness and bluntness roll off her back. She's a very "I care for my own" type of person, so once you're comfortable, I would say that she's someone you can trust and rely on. Despite her tough exterior, she is a very warm person. Beidou was actually not my first choice; that was Mona. And yes you can bet it's because I saw the stargazing part! I also thought of Zhongli, but both of them can be stubborn and blunt in their own way, so they might clash with you. In the end, Beidou fit the best (I think) so here we are :)

The First Date:

"Excited, are we?" Beidou sauntered up to where you were, which was by the railings at the bow of the boat

"Oh I can't wait," your eyes scanned the now empty, night sky for the falling lights that were supposed to appear

You had been wanting to see the meteor shower ever since hearing about them, and after you told Beidou about it, she agreed to take you to see them right smack dab in the middle of where it was all happening

So here you both were, the frigid night wind skimming across your cheeks, the inky black sky, with a smattering of small silver stars blending with the just-as-dark water below.

The slow rocking of the boat made your arms, which were folded onto the railings, brush against hers (since they were in a similar fashion) and you were glad it was too dim to actually see how flustered you were from just that

Because she would've poked fun for sure

"It's sad how things like these only happen so often, and only for a brief moment huh?" you find yourself blurting out

What the heck were you saying all of a sudden?

But Beidou responded

She said,"yeah but I guess that's what makes it so special. Ya won't be so excited for it if it were as common as rain."

You looked over to her for a moment, how pretty she looked under the starlight before turning your gaze back upwards

"I guess you're right."

"But hey," Beidou nudged at your elbow, you say nudged but it was more of a shove (sometimes this woman isn't aware of her own strength),"you should just record it. Then you'll be able to see it for the rest of your life."

"Oh that's such a good idea! Why didn't I think of that?"

"Heh," she smirked, watching as you fumbled for your phone, like a child pulling out their pocket change for a piece of candy

She wouldn't say it out loud but she loved seeing you happy and looking forward to something like this. It was adorable

You were just about to turn your phone on, when a sliver of light raced across the reflection of the screen

In your haste to not miss even a second of it, the gadget in your hand slipped and fell down below

"Shit my phone!" you exclaimed, leaning over in an attempt to grab at it

"Y/N that's dangerous-!" you heard Beidou frantically try to steady you, but it was futile

You had lost both your grip and footing because your attention had been scrambled, and with a screech you too, fell into the sea

Upon hitting the icy cold water, you were unable to move for a brief period, probably because of the shock. You tried to open your eyes but they stung, you flailed your limbs but they did nothing to stabilise you

What did, were a pair of strong arms that wrapped around you, lifting you towards the surface. It was no question who saved you, and you clung onto her for dear life

Coughing and spluttering, Beidou hoisted you up onto the deck before pulling herself up

"Hey, you okay? You almost gave me a heart attack!" she tucked the stray strands of wet hair from your face behind your ear.

You had never seen her look quite so frantic

"Y-yeah I'm fine just c-cold."

Beidou stood up to retrieve the shawl she had shrugged off previously, then wrapped it around you

"But what about y-you?" you looked up at her and she smiled, shaking her head

"I'm good, don't worry about it," she said and then flicked your chin up. "Make sure not to miss this, or else me getting wet was all in vain."

You laughed, and then stared in awe at the spectacle that is a meteor shower

You didn't even care that you were unable to record it, some things were better kept in the moment

After the light show ended, which was not long, Beidou dried the both of you up with some spare towels that were belowdeck and you set sail for shore

"Thank you, for...well, everything," you said after she was done anchoring

"No problem," she dusted off her hands. "You owe me a beer though."

I feel really upset right night and I am hoping that writing out everything and focusing on that makes me feel better. It often does. But I hate feeling like this. I feel very winded and uncomfy. I don't enjoy that at all.

But t wasn't a bad day. It was mostly just cold.

I actually felt pretty good today. I woke up in a pretty good mood. And I liked my outfit. Even if I was bundled up for the better part of today so no one would see it. I would know.

Our plan was to make sure everything was packed up in the car and then go get bagels. I was slightly on edge. I don't know why but I felt a little. Irratable. I still am. I hate it. And I hate how upset I got at the bagel place.

We got there and it was very busy. Not surprising. But then we didn't get a receipt and I was worried we wouldn't know when our food was ready. And they kept saying to come get your drink if you ordered on a kisoask (which we did) and James was just. Failing to go get the drink. And I was like. Get it. And they weren't and finally I had to go grab it and I was just. So annoyed in that moment. I needed to get out of there.

So we went and sat outside. Which was better. I am glad we did that. I calmed down. We got our bagels. They were great. Even if mine had a little bit of onion bagel taste. It was still such a good texture I didnt even care.

We got to the market at 11. And I was nervous everyone else would be set up but we were still basically the first ones there. We were already set up by the time others came. But that was alright. It would be a colder and greyer day, so there was not as much foot traffic. But we actually sold the same amount today that we did yesterday. I am really happy with our consistency.

But it was a slow day. I enjoyed my snacks. They gave us hand warmers and I would end up with them in my shoes keeping my toes warm. It helped a lot. I am glad I brought my shawl and would wear that as the day went on. Kept me comfortable.

I did get a weird SOS text from my dad and called worried, but it was just a phone mistake. Poor dad. I hope that mom was able to fix whatever happened to the phone that made it weird.

We had some good chats today. I bought myself a crystal from the crystal sellers. I gave myself a budget and was so excited when they had strawberry quartz carved into a strawberry and it was under budget?? Amazing. I need to find a good way to displace this because its so cool.

Everyone pretty much agreed we would all pack up at 430. No one wanted to be there in the dark when it was already so cold. But until hen we would have laughs and make sales and it was a good day.

James's groomsman Gabe and his girlfriend came to say hi. I was excited that a friend came. I feel like no one I know ever comes to my markets or shows and it kind of hurts my feelings if I think about it for to long. But they came and that was awesome. They even bought a kit for making a bear. Which was a funny thing that was requested a few times today. To take an unstuffed bear and a bag of cotton to do it at home. And hey, whatever makes you happy. I just hope I gave them enough cotton. It can be hard to eyeball.

After our friends left me and James started packing up. It did not take long. And the sun setting was beautiful. We got everything nicely in the car and headed home.

We got everything inside. I did not put anything away, just in my room. Tomorrow will be a cleaning day. I have a lot of new stuffies to make this week to be ready for next weekend.

We would go hang out in James's room. James watched football. I played animal crossing for a while. I have an idea for our farm so I had to order some pieces. I decorated my 40th vacation home. And they had a party. It was cute.

I finished playing that and just watched videos and cuddled sweetP for a bit. James would go for a little nighttime ride. And brought us back fries from burger king. So that was a nice little snack.

I got a shower. And now we are n bed. And my lower back hurts. I am trying my bet to not be annoyed about that and my nose and not being the right temperature. Oh fun my nose just started bleeding. That hasn't happened for a while.

Well I am going to go deal with this now. I hope tomorrow is restful and I get the whole apartment shipshape and make a few plushies. Wish me luck. Goodnight everyone!