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mistressvera · 8 months

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We work the problems one by one. We do what's in front of us then we do the next thing.

Shuya Sophia Cai as Meiying Zhang and Jason Statham as Jonas Taylor

Meg 2: The Trench(2023)

#long post #the meg 2 #themegedit #meg 2: the trench #jonas taylor #meiying zhang #best father daughter duo #jiuming wu #shark movies #horroredit #actionedit #filmedit #filmgifs #jasonstathamedit

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esqueletosgays · 10 months

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DEEP BLUE SEA (1999)

Director: Renny Harlin Cinematography: Stephen F. Windon

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shewhohangsoutincemeteries · 1 year

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me, who consistently trips and falls over nothing, watching people fall into the water when attacked in shark movies: omg, learn to balance, you stupid bitch.

#like every time #i am way too judgemental tbh #especially since I fall over CONSTANTLY #but i maintain that most shark movies would end faster #if people just stopped falling over every five minutes #jaws #the meg #great white #horror #shark movies #text #original post

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poitonk · 6 months

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🦈Sharktober2023! Day24: Shark Movie🦈

They went to see a very beautiful family movie

#poiton art #sharktober #sharktober2023 #whale shark #oc original character #oc #original character #day 24 #shark movies #fnaf movie #illustration #digital illustration #digital art #artist on tumblr

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zigzagziggyyy · 2 months

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🦈Lou in Red water 2003 🦈

#lou diamond phillips #young lou diamond phillips #red water #2003 #shark movies #horror #action #actor #own gifs #handsome

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swan2swan · 19 days

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Let's figure out if 47 Meters down deserves a spot in my Shark Movie Espada.

I don't know if I've actually seen enough...probably.

Okay, so:

0: You all know. Everyone knows.

Deep Blue Sea

This leaves the rest in a fight between:

Open Water, The Reef, 47 Meters Down, Jaws 2 and 3 (maybe), that one movie where they're filming the shark attacks (spoiler), The Meg (NOT The Meg 2, I will not put that on any positive Top 10 list ever), Sharknado...have I...have I not watched enough shark movies?

I know I COULD dive into the Asylum bottomless pit, but...I don't think so. Maybe if someone was like "ACTUALLY, Sharktopus 2 is surprisingly good".

...wow, I just realized that there was a...Megalodon? Was that the movie? Megaladon 2 and 3, right? With the jetski? I watched those in another lifetime.

The Little Mermaid sadly doesn't count (neither incarnation), though they might have to make their way on because both of them have VERY solid shark scenes.

OH. THE SHALLOWS. That's up there.

Still need to watch Orca. Not sure if that counts. But maybe.

I'll have to watch 47 Meters Down 2. Don't remember if I watched Open Water 2.

#shark movies #swan watches sharks

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moonyackertarg · 9 months

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one thing about us humans is that we're always gonna want to watch a shark attack movie even if it's complete trash

#shark week should rebrand to shark year cause it's their world and we're just living in it #sharks #i love sharks #they're so silly #shark week #shark movies #humanity #the human condition #the human experience #random thoughts

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fire-fira · 3 months

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A list of random (hilarious as shit) bad shark movies that I might or might not have Eddie subject La'gaan to in my first DC Rarepair Week fic:

This first one is a little on the nose, but--

Devil Fish. A shark-octopus hybrid. South Florida coast. With a line up of characters that sounds like the set up for a joke following the words '-walk into a bar'. Freaking 2.7 stars. It sounds delightfully horrible.

2) Then we've got--

"Amphibious shark-like monster"-- because why not? (I freaking hope this thing has legs. If it's like one of those shark puppy drawings I'll be cry-laughing.) This one's got a 5 star rating, but considering it's from '98 I'm kind of hoping it's one of those cases of 'so bad it's actually good'.

3) This though... Dear gods... 😂

ATOMIC. SHARK. 2.7 stars. And a shark that looks like it has a freaking bomb strapped to it because why the hell not? What's more destructively nonsensical and what-the-actual-fuck than gods-damned bomb-toting sharks?

4) And because someone had to almost combine a shark with a fucking xenomorph--

Toxic Shark. 3.3 stars. Not only is the shark somehow poisonous and "infesting" the water (seriously, how tf does a single animal 'infest' anything? You kind of need a lot of them for 'infesting' to be the right term here), but it has projectile acid spit. That it can apparently fire out of the water at its prey. Because WHY NOT?

5) Of course the what-the-fuck-ery can't stop there--

--because mother-fucking Sand Sharks. 2.7 stars. If I watch this one, istg I want this to feel like it should be a side thing to the Tremors series. I want it to be so hilariously stupid and nonsensical that it feels like it should exist in the same world.

6) Considering I've mentioned this one before in some of my headcanon posts of what Eddie would expose La'gaan to, I'd be remiss if I didn't include--

Ghost Shark. 3.3 stars. Because if you want shark movie crack, this is SHARK MOVIE CRACK. (Last time I saw this one there were some moments I was laughing so hard I was damn near wheezing. The deaths are just... so hilariously stupid. I can't.)

7) Ah, but guess what--

Did you know there's a Ghost Shark 2? Because I sure as hell didn't. 2.6 stars. I'm honestly hoping-- if I do see it-- that it's just as much wtf CRACK as the first one.

8) This one... I shouldn't pick on the anatomy of this thing, but--

Dinoshark. 3.2 stars. They straight up slapped a t-rex-like head on that thing. Why does it have a t-rex head? I don't know! Doesn't matter! It's a ✨dinoshark✨! It doesn't have to make sense! (Though I do have to wonder if it has a neck, because at this angle I can't tell. lol)

9) I didn't think it was possible to get this low on this list, and yet--

Jurassic Shark, at a whopping 1.5 stars. On one hand I'm curious because of that old trope of 'It was frozen in ice, but it thawed out and is still aliiiive!!!!' and I want to see just how bad it is. On the other hand, with it being the only one on this list so far to hit 1.5 stars, I do have my concerns that it'll drop from 'so bad it's hilarious' to just straight up 'OOF, this is baaad.'

10) This one, ngl, is here just because this description is making me crack up to no end.

The Shark Hunter. 5.1 stars. "A crusty recluse-" gross, but hilarious "-on a Caribbean island who is dedicated to destroying sharks-" dude why? Get a fucking hobby ffs. "-gets involved in a hunt for buried treasure." Because shark movies, wanting to be the source of the shark-pocalypse (against sharks), and being crusty and reclusive just naturally goes with treasure-hunting. Yeah. (And wtf is up with that spear he's holding and that thin-ass headband? What is even the point of that thing?)

11) And then there's more 'Let's fuck with nature via fictional science because fuck if it makes sense if it looks cool enough!'

SharkMan. 3.1 stars. Ngl, I barely remember this one-- I think I may have seen it once-- but if it is what I'm remembering then it's some solid what-the-fuck-ery.

12) omg... I can't... wtf... I never knew this one existed. Send help. I am freaking cracking up even thinking about this. JFC.

SHARK EXORCIST. Because it's not enough to have a monster-movie shark with all the nonsensical what-the-fuck bullshit that's involved, but let's have fucking Satan possess a gods-damned shark. 😂😂😂😂 1.3 stars! It's apparently worse than Jurassic Shark! This one might be so bad it's worth it, I don't know. All I know is that I am mcfuckin' losing it over how hilarious this sounds.

13) Wtf.... Was the other SharkMan a sequel? Idek...

Anyway, Sharkman (without 'Man' having the initial letter capitalized), from 2001 (whereas the one higher up on this list is from 2005). 2.3 stars. I'm honestly not sure if this is the one I vaguely remember, or if it's the 2005 one, but either way 'We fucked around and found out with science that doesn't have to make sense because it looks cool!'

14) Pffft. And speaking of things that don't follow logic--

Roboshark! 3 stars! Because a shark biting an alien spacecraft will, 100% for certain, magically make said shark a cyborg-shark. Yup. That's totally how that works. Totally. (This one is absolutely up for consideration because I'm just dying over imagining poor La'gaan going, "That's not how that works! That's not how any of this works!!!")

15) a;lsdkjldsjd;lfa;ldj

Sharkenstein?! Mother-fucking Sharkenstein?! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂Holy shit. 2.1 stars. Because why not have the reanimated sewn-together multi-corpse of a shark put together in World War II rampaging around? OMFGGGGGGG

16) omg, now we're going freaking Nightmare On Elm Street with sharks--

Nightmare Shark. 3.6 stars. People. Being hunted. By a "supernatural shark". In their dreams. TELL ME that doesn't sound like Nightmare On Elm Street But Sharks. 'Oh don't sleep, or Sharky Krueger will get you!' I now want to see this shark and Freddy Krueger in a knife fight in an Applebee's parking lot. lol

17) Pffft. Talk about understanding the assignment.

Bad CGI Sharks. 4.6 stars. If you know it's going to be a bad shark movie, then why not deliberately make it as bad as possible by having shitty CGI sharks pop into reality from a script you were writing and just have everything go tits-up like something that'd make about as much sense as Alice's trip to Wonderland? (Ngl, it sounds like they had waaaaayyyy too much fun with this one.)

18) Oh my f- This is like they're dealing with a raccoon. A giant fucking raccoon with giant sharp and pointy teeth, and I just- omfggggg--

House Shark. 3.7 stars. An ex-cop finds out his house is occupied by a 'house shark' and needs the help of a freaking real estate agent and an exterminator. JFC. IT'S A FUCKING RACCOON. 😂

I am freaking dying. lol

Some of these won't make the cut for whichever one I decide to include mention of in my fic due to time placement, but I definitely have a better idea of some of the possibilities.

(I might throw in a poll in a reblog for the most likely possibilities to see if there are any that are really jumping out to people from this list.)

#Devilfish #La'gaan #Eddie Bloomberg #shark movies #DC Rarepair Week #my life #writing things #I am freaking dying y'all

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rogerckeller · 1 year

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Meg 2: The Trench. So, we have Jason Statham kicking a giant shark in the face. I'll give it a chance for that alone.

#meg 2: the trench #megalodon #shark movies #jason statham #adventure movies #giant shark

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monsterasia-zero · 10 months

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This day Jaws was released

#jaws #shark movies #jaws 1975

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mistressvera · 8 months

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That guy look familiar to you?

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ciegeinc · 1 year

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47 Meters Down

#47 meters down #mandy moore #shark movies #movie #film

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convertgrapeling · 9 months

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If anyone wants a hot take about a movie that's nearly 50 years old, here you go: the Mayor in Jaws was correct to initially resist attempts to close the beaches. This was a legit decision because every single documentary made about sharks reminds us that sharks aren't really a threat to humans and your chances of getting attacked are really slim because sharks are all about eating other stuff that isn't human. So if you're faced with a choice between wrecking the local economy during the peak of tourist season, knowing that's probably gonna lead to unemployment and housing problems in winter, or just trusting that a second attack is pretty unlikely then... yeah I'm leaving the beach open.

Up until the second victim dies, anyway. Then I would resign as mayor and dedicate my life to yelling at shark experts I guess.

#jaws #sharks #shark movies

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thehumanarkle · 9 months

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Song: https://thefump.com/music/song/ode-to-shark-movies

The funnest part was recognizing the several movies he referenced that I've talked about on my YouTube show.

#we didn't start the fire #shark movies #jeff whitmire

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giveamadeuschohisownmovie · 4 months

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I’ve watched half of “Meg 2: The Trench” so far and it’s oddly underwhelming. Also, kind of false advertising. The trailers made it seem like the giant sharks would be the main threat, but halfway into the movie, the main threat has been the corporation and their illegal mining operation.

I guess the movie needed to throw in human villains so that Jason Statham can martial arts them to death. But the sharks are just sorta there right now.

Also, the characters are really bland, even for a B-movie like this. No joke, this is what the cast for this movie is:

1) Cosplay guy who has two minutes of screentime before dying offscreen

2) Girl who panicked and then got ate by giant shark

3) Girl whose helmet exploded. She has so little character that I actually confused her with #4 on this list.

4) Girl who tried to shoot Jason Statham but couldn’t do it

5) Evil blonde girl

6) Black guy who has to do the “oh hell naw” kind of dialogue

7) Boss guy played by Cliff Curtis

8) Evil CEO who hates the environment

9) Mexican guy who leads the illegal mining operation

10) Jason Statham

The ONLY characters that get any depth (hehe) in this movie are the reckless uncle and his niece. Everyone else feels 2d and boring, whereas the uncle and niece actually have…emotion. There’s actual character development with them, and something that’s driving their arcs (the death of Suyin from the first movie). They’re also the only Chinese characters in the film, so I’m not surprised they’ve been given the best writing since I’m pretty sure the Meg movies are Chinese productions. Jason Statham is really only there to lure Western audiences, which I do understand.

Speaking of Jason Statham, it’s really sad that in a movie that features giant sharks, the most unrealistic thing that happens in the movie is Jason free diving at 25,000 feet. Keep in mind, just a few scenes earlier, one of the characters’ helmet exploded from the pressure. I guess Jason’s just built like that.

I’ll watch the 2nd half later. Once I do, I’ll post my thoughts on it.

#the Meg #the meg 2 #the meg 2 the trench #the trench #jason statham #megalodon #shark movies #monster movies #movies #films #meg 2: the trench #meg 2.0 #2023 movies #2023 films #cliff curtis

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brucegreatwhitesharkjaws · 2 years

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Happy Father’s Day 🦈!!!!

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