this is how i’ve been spending my day btw (aside from making soup)

Happy back-to-school y’all

I’ve attended and worked at a couple of super liberal universities. I avoid the gender studies departments for obvious reasons and I still had a lecture in which the female prof gave a brief overview of TERFs and proclaimed her hatred of JKR. Being openly critical of gender ideology, the porn industry, kinks, and ‘sex work’ are the kind of things that can ruin your future in academia. Not to mention the fact that any speech or actions that could be labelled transphobic (ie. defining woman as adult human female) can get you a suspension according to many universities anti-hate-speech policies. 

So, here’s a list of small and smallish (small in terms of overt TERFery, some may require more effort than others) radical feminist actions you can take as a university student:

(this is a liberal arts perspective so if you’re a stem gal this may not apply. but also if you’re in stem maybe you can actually acknowledge that women are oppressed as a sex class without getting kicked out of school. idk)

(Note for TRAs hate reading this: One of the core actions of radical feminism is creating female networks. This is not so that we can brainwash people into being anti-trans. This is because female solidarity is necessary for creating class consciousness and overturning patriarchy. It is harder to subjugate the female sex when we stand together.)

Take classes with female profs. Multiple sections of a class? Pick the one taught by a woman. Have to chose an elective? Only look at electives offered by women. When classes have low numbers they get cancelled. When classes are super popular, universities are forced to consider promoting the faculty that teach them

Make relationships with these female profs. Go to office hours. Chat after class. Ask them about their research. Building female networks is sooooo important!

Actually fill in your end of year course feedback forms. Profs often need these when applying for tenure or applying for a job at another university so it is very important (especially with young and/or new profs) that you fill out these forms and give specific examples of how great these women are. Go off about what you love about them! Give her a brilliant review because you know the idiot boy in that class who won’t shut up even though he knows nothing is going to give her only negative feedback because he thinks any woman who leaves the house is a feminazi b*tch. 

(note: obviously don’t go praising any prof - female or male - who is blatantly racist, homophobic, etc.)

(Also if you have shitty male profs write down all the horrible things they have done and said and put it in these forms because once a shitty man gets tenure they are virtually untouchable)

(also also, leave a good review on rate my profs or whatever other thing students use to figure out if they want to take classes. idc if you copy paste your feedback from the formal review. rave about the class to your friends. do what you can to get good enrolment for that prof for reasons above.)

Participate in class. Talk over the male students. Say what you mean and mean it. Call out the boys when they say dumb shit

Write about women. If you have the option to make a text written by a woman your primary text in an essay, do it. Pick the female-centred option if you’re writing an exam-essay with multiple prompts. (Profs often look at what works on their syllabus are being written about/engaged with as a marker of whether to keep those texts the next time they teach the class. If there are badass women on your syllabus, write about them to keep them on the syllabus) Use female-written secondary sources whenever possible. 

(pro tip: many women in academia are more than happy to talk to you about their papers. expand your female networks by reaching out to article authors through email and asking them about their cool shit)

Get your essays published! Many departments have undergrad journals you can publish in. This will ensure more people read about the women you write about and will demonstrate to the department that people like learning about women

Consider trying to publish your undergrad essay with a legit peer-reviewed journal. If you can do it, your use of female-written secondary sources boosts the reputations of the women who wrote those secondary sources. Also this helps generally to increase scholarship about women’s writing!

Present your papers at conferences! Many schools have their own undergraduate/departmental conferences that you can present at. Push yourself by submitting to outside conferences. Bring attention to women’s works by presenting your papers. Take a space at a conference that would otherwise be reserved for mediocre men

Talk to your profs and/or your department and/or your university about mandating the inclusion of female works in classes if this isn’t something they do already

Sit next to other women in your classes. Talk to them. Make friends. Form study groups. Proofread each other’s essays. Give each other knowing looks when the boys are being dumb. Just interact with other women! Build those female networks!

Be generous with your compliments. A female classmate and I were talking to a prof after class and the classmate told me (out of the blue) that I always have such interesting things to say. I think about that whenever I’m lacking confidence about my academic skills. Compliment the women in your classes for speaking up, for sharing their opinions, for challenging your classmates/profs, for doing cool presentations, etc.

Talk to other women about sexist things going on on campus. Make everyone aware of the sexist profs. Complain about how there are many more tenured men than tenured women. Go on rate my professor and be explicit about how the sexist profs are sexist

Be active on campus and in societies. If a society has an all male executive or is male-dominated, any women who join that society make it less intimidating for more women to join. Run for executive positions! Bring in more women! 

(Pro tip: Many societies’ elections are super gameable. You can be eligible to vote in a society election sometimes just by being a student at that university — even without having done anything with the society before. Other societies might just require that you’ve taken a class in a particular department or attended a society event. (Check the society’s governing documents.) Use those female networks you’ve been building. If you can bring three or four random people to vote for you, that might be enough for you to win. Societies have trouble meeting quorum (the minimum number of people in attendance to do votes) so it is really super achievable to rig an election with a few friends. And don’t feel bad about this. The system is rigged against women so you have every right to exploit loopholes!)

(Also feel free to go vote “non-confidence”/“re-open election” if only shitty men are running. Too often people see that only candidates they don’t like are running and so they give up. But you can actually stop them getting elected)

Your campus may have a LGBTQIA+alphabetsoup society. That society definitely needs more L and B women representation. It may be tedious to argue with the nb straight dudes who insist that it’s fine to use “q***r” in the society’s posters and that attraction has nothing to do with genitals, but just imagine what could happen if we could make these sorts of societies actually safe spaces for same-sex attracted women and advocated for our concerns

Attend random societies’ election meetings. Get women elected and peace out. (or actually get involved but I’m trying to emphasize the lowest commitment option with this one)

Write for the campus newspaper. Write about what women are doing - women’s sports, cool society activities, whatever. Review female movies, books, tv shows, local theatre productions. Write about sexism on campus. We need more female by-lines and more stories about women

Get involved with your campus’s sexual assault & r*pe hotline/sexual assault survivor’s centre/whatever similar organization your campus has if you can. This is hard work and definitely not for everyone (pls take care of yourself first, especially if you are a survivor)

(If your campus doesn’t have an organization for supporting survivor’s of sexualized violence, start one! This is probably going to be a lot of hard work though, so don’t do it alone)

Talk to your student council about providing free menstrual hygiene products on campus if your campus doesn’t already do this. If your campus provides free condoms (which they probs do), use that as leverage (ie. ‘sex is optional, menstruation is not. so why do we have free condoms and no free pads?’)

If you’re an older student, get involved with younger students (orientation week and such activities are good for this). Show the freshman that you can be a successful and well-liked woman without shaving your legs, wearing heels, wearing make-up, etc. Mentor these young women. Offer to go for coffee or proofread essays. 

Come to class looking like a human being. Be visibly make-up less, unshaven, unfeminine, etc. to show off the many different ways of being a woman

Talk to the custodial staff and learn their names. (I know there are men who work in this profession, but it is dominated by low-income women) Say hi in the hallways, ask them about their lives, show them they’re appreciated

Be explicit with your language. When you are talking about sex-based oppression, say it. Don’t say ‘sex worker’ when you mean survivor of human trafficking. This tip is obviously a bit tricky in terms of overt TERFyness, so use your best judgement

That’s all from me for now! Feel free to add your suggestions and remember that feminism is about action

Berry Big Bimbo

A quick short story about a blueberry plant girl having some fun with a poor soul who wandered into her berry patch.

~ ~ ~

The cardinal rule of the Wire Woods was never trust a shortcut.

If Miles ever got out, he’d never disobey it again.

He shivered again as a wind swept through the forest, bringing with it the first chill of coming night. He glanced again at the sky, where a once blue horizon burned with evening’s reds and golds, peeking through the thick branches and leafy boughs. Stupid, stupid, stupid! He again shouldered his pack, putting on another spurt of speed. Day was bad enough in the Wire Woods, but night brought out the absolute worst. No one went near the forests after dark. Not unless they wanted to become the pet of some demon spawn residing within. Miles had no intention of sharing that fate. He just had to keep following the path. All paths lead somewhere!

He just hoped it wasn’t to the lair of a succubus.

Miles was looking up at the sky so often to check how long he had, that he didn’t notice the clearing until he was right in it.

He staggered to a stop, and not just because of the thick brambles that grew from the center of the clearing like a dark dome, but also because before him were a dozen paths spreading out of the clearing, spaced apart like the spokes of a wheel.

“Oh shit,” he groaned.

“Hm?”

Miles jumped, whirling about. “Who said that?” he demanded.

“Me of course!”

Miles turned with creeping horror towards the brambles in the center of the clearing. They were being parted by a pair of hands of a blue so deep it was almost purple. Skin of a similar hue came into view as the brush was pushed away, revealing a woman of jaw-dropping proportions, not the least of which was the fact her hips ended in a network of roots. She rested among the thorny bushes as if never even noticing their spikes, her breasts so large Miles wondered if she could even get up. Her hair spilled in richest green leaves, half covering her face, her lips a shade of purple they were nearly black, and so big and soft they made Miles blush just to see them.

He felt himself relax, but only just. Not a true demon. Merely a tainted. A melon or a berry girl. Weaker spawn of the demon’s taint. Though, he knew as well that the corrupted had threats all their own.

“Oh!” the plant woman cried, clapping her hands delightedly. “What a cutie came by to say hello. Hi! My name’s Tartiana. What’s yours?”

Miles felt himself blush a little when she said that, for her ample bosom tended to wobble distractingly whenever she spoke. “Um, Miles.”

“Miles!” she said, her tongue moving over her soft lips as if tasting the name. “Mmm. What a cute name. Perfect for such a cute boy.”

“Uh, thanks,” Miles said uneasily. He felt his cheeks warm with embarrassment. He hadn’t been called cute since he’d turned twenty last year. He glanced nervously about the clearing. “Are you alone?”

“Yup! Just me. Which is why I’m just so happy I got a visitor! It’s been soooo long,” she cooed, and Miles couldn’t help but notice how she fondled her immense, firm breasts. Like two great blueberries swelling on her chest.

“Yeah, I imagine.”

“Of course! Nobody comes out to the Wire Woods. And so late! I get so lonely,” she said, fluttering her soft lashes at him.

Miles felt his blush return, but wasn’t too worried. Such a bimbo wasn’t really a threat. He could outthink her, if it came to that. “If you’ve been here for a long time, does that mean you know where these paths go?”

“Sure!” Tartiana giggled. “I know these woods like the back of my breasts!”

Again Miles’s eyes were pulled to those wobbling orbs before he managed to wrest them back to her face. “Oh, um, great! Does that mean you know which way leaves the forest?”

“Totes!” Tartiana giggled and pointed to one of the paths. “It’s that way.”

Miles fairly sagged in relief. “Great! Thank you,” he said, turning down the indicated trail.

“Or, um, maybe it was that one?”

Miles paused as she pointed at the path in the complete opposite direction. “But…”

“Or um… oh gosh. It might even be that one,” she said, pointing in a third, completely opposite direction.

Miles glanced again at the sky darkening through the boughs. “Look, do you know the way out or not?” he said.

“Um, oh gosh. I’m sorry,” Tartiana groaned, fondling her bouncing breasts. “It’s just um… I always have trouble concentrating when my big, bouncy berry tits get all stuffed with juice.”

“They… um…”

Miles trailed off, his jaw slowly dropping as he spotted a bead of blue liquid drip from Tartiana’s puffy nipple.

“Oh gosh yes. I grow soooo much juice, you know,” Tartiana moaned, continuing to bounce her plump tits, squeezing them between her arms. “And no one comes down the paths ever! I can never find a nice boy to help me squeeze my sweet, berry juice out.”

“O-oh,” was all Miles could say, his head slowly nodding with the bouncing of those massive, blue breasts.

“But I always think so much clearer when they’re all drained out. All squeezed out. Like it squeezes out all my thoughts. All my confusion.”

“Th-thoughts?”

“Oh gosh yes! Not that I ever have many,” she giggled. “All I’ve got to think about is how full my tits are. How bouncy. How a handsome boy would just love to watch and touch them. Stroke and kiss them.”

Miles couldn’t look away. What was more, he was becoming aware of a far from subtle pressure in his pants. He cleared his throat, trying to shake himself from his stare. “W-well, if it would help you think, I guess I could… maybe…”

“Would you?” Tartiana gasped, her large eyes shining. She shifted in her bed of brambles, her large breasts bouncing. “Oh thank you, thank you! I knew you were a good boy the moment I saw you!”

Miles again felt a flush at those words, but decided not to challenge them. What business was it of his if she called him a good boy? So long as she gave him directions, she could call him the Baron of Gula. Besides, so long as he kept his head about him, he’d be fine. She was far too dumb to trick him.

Still, he approached warily. One could never be too careful in the Wire Woods, after all. As he came closer, the sweet scent of blueberries surrounded him like a haze. The strength of it stunned him, but on he went, making his way carefully over to Tartiana, ready to bolt like a startled rabbit at the first sign of treachery.

Tartiana merely waited, smiling, her big, ample breasts pressed out on proud display, her arms crossed beneath them, lifting them. Miles reached for them, only to hesitate. Something… something about this seemed… seemed wrong.

“What’s the matter?” Tartiana asked in a singsong voice.

“Um, nothing.”

“You’re not scared of my big breasts are you?”

“O-of course not!”

“Aw, it’s okay if you are. A little, maybe. They’re so awfully big, aren’t they? So big and firm. I mean, look at them!”

She bounced them in her arms. Miles’s eyes followed. Gods. They were so firm. He likened them to blueberries at their ripest season, her nipples nearly black. He swallowed thickly.

“I…”

“Aren’t they the best?”

“Uh… uh huh…”

“They’re just so big!”

“Yeah…”

“So bouncy!”

“Mmm…”

“So big and squishy and such silly bimbo tits!”

Miles swallowed again. He felt oddly thirsty. His hands hesitated.

“I’ve got a big pair of bimbo tits, don’t I?”

“Well, um…”

“It’s okay! Like I said, they make it sooooo hard to think sometimes. Why, when they’re full like this, it can be so hard to concentrate on anything else but how big and wonderful and full they are. And my juice is just so sweet. So tender. It just melts a silly mind to nothing!”

Miles swayed a little. “Um…”

“C’mon, baby,” Tartiana crooned, leaning up, pushing her big breasts closer so he could see the taut smoothness of those orbs. “Give my big bimbo tits a good milking.”

She was so close, his merest twitch brushed a finger against her breast. Tartiana gasped, moaning, her breasts bouncing at her sudden intake of breath. But the motion didn’t dislodge Miles. His fingers remained, as if glued to her ample bust.

And slowly, he leaned forward, engulfing her breast with his palms, marvelling at how huge she was. How heavy. How firm and big her breasts were. How they twitched with her delighted whimper, filling his hands as he hefted them.

“Mmmm! Oh, that’s it. Really fill up your hands with my bimbo berry boobies! Aren’t they so big and firm?”

“Yeah,” Miles breathed, fondling her ample tits. Pressing them together. Watching them squish and bounce in his hands.

“Ooooh, yes. Oh baby, just like that. Massage my big breasts. Good boys love big breasts. Good boys love milking pretty berry girls. You’re being such a good boy. Ooooh, but… ah… but it needs… needs a little something… something more. Gotta milk my big dumb breasts. My big, dumb, bimbo tits. Oh baby, I need your help. A little more. A little something more…”

Miles wondered what that could be. But then her arms were around his head. Were easing him forward towards a dark nipple dribbling her sweet juices. His mouth was so dry. So thirsty. He didn’t think. Instinct guided his lips to that nub.

And had him suck.

And suck.

And suck, like a good bimbo boy.

Sweet wine drowned his mouth and what remained of his resistance. He moaned, flushing hot as Tartiana’s milk splashed into his mouth. Onto his tongue. He drank it down. Drank it like a man possessed, his head spinning. His body warming.

“Mmm. That’s it. Ohhhh, what a good boy admiring my big, dumb breasts. Oops! But you’re getting it all over your clothes! We can’t have them stain. We gotta fix that, don’t we?”

They did. Had to… had to… He stopped trying to think. It was so hard anyway. And drinking was so easy. Burying his face in her big bosom as he pressed her tits together, moaning and whimpering, his mind lost in a drunken haze of lust and the bounce of her tits, he struggled out of his clothes, shrugging them off with her help. He was naked. Naked was good. So good.

“Mmmm,” Tartiana moaned. “Such a good boy. A good boy who loves my dumb breasts. And you know why he does?”

“Mmmnoooo,” Miles fairly drooled.

“Silly!” Tartiana giggled, booping his nose. “It’s because he’s a silly, dumb bimbo too! But oh gosh! Look how late it is! It’s all dark, and we can’t have such a silly boy wandering around the Wire Woods! All sorts of nasty demons would just love to play with you. Don’t you worry, though. Momma Tartiana’s gonna take good care of you.”

Some sense of uncertainty trickled through his mind. Miles lifted lips stained purple from her nipple. “But… um… I…”

“Don’t worry,” Tartiana giggled, guiding his head back down to her breast. “You can go anytime you want! Just as soon as it’s light out again. How’s that sound?”

Light out. Yes. Right. Light. He could wait for light. Miles smiled dreamily as he resumed sucking. Resumed sinking into the berry girl’s big, blue tits. Resumed being a good bimbo boy for his new, berry beautiful mistress. His cock sinking into the pleasured tightness of her pussy. His whimpers swallowed by her moans, his thoughts steeped in her bouncing breasts. He could do this. He could wait in her breasts for light.

And the brambles knit above their heads, steeping them in a pillowy darkness that would never end...

And one more bit from the “Kings of the Sky” AU albeit several installments in, because I just......don’t know when or why I stumbled into an obsession with the dynamics between Dick and Jason and Cass as the eldest three Wayne siblings, but its there, its real, and its happening. I’ve stopped fighting it. I just....enjoy writing those three being dumb siblings who are dumb like so, so much.

Anyway, in this AU series, Jason doesn’t go to Ethiopia and die, but rather eventually joins Dick at Titans Tower more regularly and is Flamebird. Both are closer with Bruce here than in canon because Dick helped Bruce and Jason get through the Garzonas stuff and Jason helped kick Bruce in the direction of Dick and adoption papers right after the Brother Blood storyline. Then Cass is actually the third to join the family, by way of Babs, and she’s Batgirl and then Black Bat, but there’s a period of time when its just Dick, Jason and Cass as the Wayne kids. 

(PS - this is the same series as where Jason ends up with his own age group of Titans, and accidentally falls into a love quadrangle of doom that is absolutely NOT a polycule dammit, with Tom Bronson (Tomcat), Ray Terrill (The Ray) and Todd Rice (Obsidian). Which amuses his brother and sister to no end).

Tim and Duke are both next, but sorta at the same time? Like Tim’s story takes a sharp turn when Robin II never dies and obviously is Flamebird now like Robin I is Nightwing, and Tim winds up in foster care after his parents die differently than in canon. Duke is also in foster care at this time, though a different placement, and while no Robin has died here, its been awhile since there’s been one in Gotham, and to kids who grew up with the idea of there always being a Robin, that feels weird and wrong ultimately. 

So Tim and Duke both hit on the idea of being Robin like, at around the same time and totally disconnected from one another, and that leads to them both joining the Batfam around the same time, and co-sharing Robin until Damian arrives much later and they both move on to new identities. But there’s no real confusion between Robins because Duke is the daytime Robin with more yellow coloring in his costume and Tim is the nighttime Robin with more red, and people say Red or Yellow if they ever need to differentiate which Robin they’re talking about. Anyway.

************

So [Tim and Duke] run into trouble eventually and then when running from trouble they run into each other and they’re like….huh. Awkward. And then they decide well, might as well both run from trouble in the same direction, I guess. So they do.

“Did you have a plan for dealing with these guys?” Tim yelled at Duke. The other boy looked back over his shoulder briefly and gave what would probably have been a half-shrug if he didn’t awkwardly try to barrel-roll over a car two seconds later.

“Umm, sorta?”

“How sorta are we talking about? Maybe the two of us together could fill in the gaps in the plan and come up with one full plan?”

“Uh yeah, no, its not that kinda sorta. I meant sorta in the sense that I thought I had a plan but it didn’t work and that’s why these guys are after me. Sooooo…”

“Not helpful, basically.”

“Yeah. Pretty much. And hey, I don’t hear you offering up a plan! Did you even have one at all?”

“Uh….I mean I kinda didn’t think I was going to need one because I figured some kid running around in a mask making a nuisance of himself was the sorta thing that was bound to attract Batman. And so I was just pretty much running around until that happened, and then I’d make a case for how I obviously need training and Gotham needs Robin and if its not me its likely to be someone else trying eventually anyway so why not be me?”

Duke paused just long enough to squint at him. “That’s a terrible plan.”

Tim rolled his eyes. The effort didn’t pair well with his huffing and over-all exertions from running for his life and all that, but necessity demanded. “Yeah I know, that’s why I never said it was a plan! It was mostly….more…idea-ish.”

“I’m just saying, I thought I was doing this wrong, but at least I had a plan! I mean yeah, it might have ended up with me accidentally busting in on what I thought was a bunch of Riddler’s henchmen setting up some kind of clue thing, only it was actually a bunch of Intergang type guys with alien space guns or some shit all dressed up as Riddler henchmen for some reason? I dunno what they were trying to do honestly, but so yeah I might have ended up running away on foot from like twenty of them and some kind of hovercycle -”

“I’m going to cut you off there and say wherever this is going its probably not the superior vantage point I think you think you have.”

Meanwhile, Batman was not going to be coming because he’s off on a JLA mission. However, in his absence Dick and Jason are in town filling in, and they finished taking out the bad guys several blocks back and caught up to whomever was running from them, figured out the situation and are currently sitting on the edge of a rooftop watching them realize they’re totally lost and trying to figure out where to go from here. Mostly because Dick and Jason are incredibly amused listening to their back and forth and also just…this whole situation.

Dick justifies not piping up to let them know they’re safe now by saying this is good intel gathering so we can offer Bruce our assessment as to whether they’re gonna try and keep doing this whether we train them or not, and also how they handle this whole being lost situation. Not knowing they don’t have to run anymore isn’t going to hurt them and really, this is a good field exercise almost.

Jason justifies not piping up by saying this is fucking hilarious and I will hurt you if you end this any sooner than we have to, I deserve this, I had a rough week.

Which is right around the time that Cass pipes up from where she’s been lurking unnoticed behind them this whole time: “Oh no. Was it Tom? Or Ray? Or was it Todd?”

And she does it right in Jason’s ear so he kinda aborted-shrieks and almost falls off the roof except Cass is ready for that and grabs his arm to steady him.

“I hate when you do that!” Jason growls in an attempt to cover up how badly she got him and also because he hates when she does it which is why she does it a lot. Again, they don’t hate each other at all, but they do seem to act like it a lot, and neither of them is entirely sure why. They kinda just started doing it and have each been trying to get the other back ever since and ended up locked in an unending spiral of gotcha-gotchaback, except, y’know, Batfam style.

Dick occasionally picks sides just to muddy the waters. And then he randomly switches sides without warning, so neither of them ever wants to risk getting too peeved at him even when he’s helping the other, because that might push him fully over to the other side and leave them permanently outnumbered, so they’re kinda stuck, which is exactly as he likes it, lol.

“Why are you Satan,” Jason hisses dramatically as he gets up and stomps over to the other side of the roof to sulk, lest she almost knock him off again. Its not the almost falling part that bothers him, its that she’s the one that snatches him to safety each time. She’s like a freaking cat toying with a - yeah not going there, just blaming Selina. Knew them hanging out was going to be bad news for me somehow, he gripes.

Cass just shrugs and smoothly sits down cross-legged right where she is, grinning Cheshire-cat style at him from there. “Childhood trauma,” is her answer.

“Great, and now you’re stealing my comeback on top of it?! Is nothing sacred to you?”

She offers another shrug. He would like to return those for store credit please. Maybe get something useful instead. “Haven’t decided yet. Babs is still helping me explore my options. We’re going alphabetically and we’re only on  the E-religions.”

“God, you’re the worst. I can’t believe you ruined sisters for me.”

“You already used that same line last week when you came out of your room still half-asleep and she was just sitting directly across from your door waiting and staring unblinking and you yelped and dropped your laptop on your toe, and then cursed so loud that B came running around the hall thinking we were being invaded,” Dick reported idly, still perched in the same position he’d been in all along and watching the boys below them. “Just in case you thought no one noticed when you recycle.”

“I noticed too,” Cass added solemnly.

“I have no siblings,” Jason intoned. He threw up his hands dramatically and then loudly jumped down to the street below with a little help from the fire escape. It drew both Duke and Tim’s attention and they startled before realizing it was Flamebird. And that he’d landed on the street and was stalking past them while barely acknowledging them. And that that was Nightwing standing on the roof now with his hands on his hips yelling after him.

“Oh, reeeeeeal subtle. You’re not having fun anymore so you gotta make sure nobody else does either. Wow, the Brat-like behavior, just jumped out of the shadows with that one!”

And that was Flamebird not even turning around and just yelling back. “I HAVE NO SIBLINGS!”

And also they were both pretty sure that was Batgirl crouched on the roof next to Nightwing now, and she was…..sticking her tongue out at Flamebird’s back? No, Batgirl very much definitely was sticking out her tongue, that wasn’t in doubt, it was more just….very unexpected to see.

What was happening right now?

********

Eventually Tim and Duke have inevitably worn down [Bruce’s] resistance to training them by insisting they’re gonna keep doing this and if its not them its gonna be someone sooner or later anyway. Because, as they put it, you guys may not know this but Gotham’s gotten used to Robins by now and it freaks people out not to see one and Robin’s as important as Batman really and there needs to be a Robin and its not just us that will think that, like look at the fact that already two of us had the exact same idea, huh? And also, we’re gonna keep doing it anyway, sooooo….there’s that.

And then Cass vouches that they’re both 100% serious about that.

And then Dick vouches that as a former determined daredevil kid that was absolutely going to keep doing the same thing no matter whether you’d helped me or not, B, I also am of the assessment that these two mean it all the way.

And not to be left out and just to have something to contribute but also grumpy because his brother and sister are picking on him and he’s eighteen going on ten, Jason throws in: “And my assessment is that they both definitely seem dumb enough to keep doing this without help anyway and they definitely need help or they definitely will die, I’d give it a month, month and a half tops.”

And then Bruce dryly thanks his children for their contributions, their keen insights in this matter have been absolutely invaluable, he has no idea how he would make a decision here without it.

“Oooh, a rare sighting of Bat-snark in the wild. Someone call Nat-Geo quick, maybe he’ll do it again,” Dick says.

Bruce sighs. Duke and Tim look like they’re trying to decide if they’re allowed to be amused or if that’s also part of some weird Bat-test that they’re probably taking without even knowing it.

So Tim and Duke move in, start training together, and then also get sent to school together and it takes a month or so of settling in before they decide whether or not they actually are happy about this. There’s a period of deciding they’re supposed to be bitter rivals who snipe at each other back and forth across the dining table at every available opportunity, but that changes the first night Dick and Jason come back from the Tower since Tim and Duke have moved in and where Cass is also home instead of at the Clocktower with Babs.

Since all three of the older Batkids, upon seeing Tim and Duke squabble at dinner, decide to obnoxiously coo about how adorable it is watching the kids play. Which pretty instantly cements Duke and Tim as realizing their best chance of surviving the sudden acquisition of three older superhero ninja foster siblings who all can be as obnoxious as they are dangerous but also as much as they are - Duke and Tim are convinced - all quite insane.

A belief further cemented the next morning, with all three of them having spent the night at the Manor as well. Treating Duke and Tim to their first Saturday morning episode of the Cass and Jason show.

In this episode, Jason emerged from his bedroom in his pajamas still but warily peeking his head out first to look both ways down the hall before deciding it was clear…..and then makes it just almost to the end of the hallway leading to the stairs, when Cass drops down from where she’d been waiting perched above the other side of the door, in such a way as to suddenly fill the doorway just in front of him, hanging upside down suspending herself just with her feet wedged above the doorway, all while keeping her hands crossed her chest, a dead-eyed expression on her face, and with her tongue hanging out like she’s some kind of vampire hanging upside down in mid-slumber.

Jason shrieked and stumbled back a foot before catching himself and shoving two fingers in a cross shape in her direction.

“Demon! DEMON! Goddammit, I abjure thee, that’s supposed to fucking do something about having a demon sister, now what the fuck does it take to banish you!?”

“Can’t be banished,” Cass informed him, still upside down. “Can be bought though.”

Jason halted. “What?”

“I’m really surprised you never figured it out,” Dick said from his room further down the hallway. He was leaning against the doorjamb, arms casually crossed.

“Why did you think she never goes after me?”

Jason swiveled back and forth between his siblings suspiciously, trying to scry both their inscrutable (and in Cass’ case, still upside down) faces for signs they were telling the truth. “You’re telling me that Little Miss Monstrous has been a pain in my ass from day one and the reason she’s never so much as eked a single boo in your direction is you’ve been bribing her all this time?”

Dick shrugged. “Its all about getting in on the ground floor.”

Jason squinted, still unconvinced. “Nuh-uh. No way. You’re just fucking with me. Like if this is for real, what have you been buying her off with?”

Dick smiled beatifically. “Cuddles and hugs.”

“NO! NO! Bullshit! I am NOT falling for this crap again, you are not gonna get me this way this time. I call BS, fuck you, nuh uh, you’re lying out your ass and your ass-face both.”

“Wait, what is this ‘this’ that I did before? What ever are you talking about?”

“You know damn well what I’m talking about.”

“Is this about the Care Bear you had when you were fifteen?”

“Shut upppppppppppppppp, I didn’t have a Care Bear then, you’re such a - “

“Oh, I dunno, I’m preeeeetty sure there’s some holiday photos from that year that would say otherwise, pretty definitively in the form of you and your Care Bear….”

“That I only had because you literally just gave it to me as a present solely so that you could claim that I had a Care Bear when I was fifteen, you douchebag!”

“Just because I gave you the Care Bear didn’t mean you had to keep the Care Bear and hold the Care Bear and love the Care Bear, Jay. You chose to do all that.”

“I only kept the damn thing because you’re an asshole who lied about it being a family heirloom so I felt like I had to or I’d be a total jerk. Is nothing sacred to you?”

“I didn’t lie! It is a treasured family heirloom! Its the first Care Bear I gave to my little brother to teach him the important and valuable lesson that Care Bears - say it with me now - “

“Finish that sentence and they will never find your body.”

“CARE!” Cass shrieked from behind him before jumping on Jason’s back and bearing him down to the floor in an undignified tangle as she splayed atop him like a starfish and he stared up at the ceiling in a kind of strangled frozen fury, like there was so much emotion he wanted to process he’d overheated and now was stuck like that until he cooled down.

That was when Dick leaned over him and solemnly added one final thought, as though it was a crucial addition of the gravest importance:: “A lot.”

Jason’s eye twitched.

Dick’s eyes went wide in response. “Uh oh. He went to the Danger Zone. Run Cass. We’ve unleashed the dogs of war!”

Cass was off and on her feet in a second, taking off down the hall like a rocket. “Not the dogs of war!” She yelled.

Dick was only seconds behind her when behind him, Jason rose like an eruption, growling wordlessly and sparks practically flashing from his suddenly flinty eyes. He charged after them like an enraged bull.

“Kenny Loggins wouldn’t want this!” Dick yelled over his shoulder as he rounded the doorway and vanished. Jason rounded it in hot pursuit.

“Poison Ivy won’t even be able to make compost from what’s left of you when I’m through!”

The yelling and running vanished into the distance. Duke and Tim finally looked at each other blankly.

“What?” Tim asked. Duke shrugged helplessly.

A door opened at the end of the hallway. Bruce stuck his head out. “Is it safe?”

Tim just stared at him.

“What?” Duke asked.

**************

LOL mostly I just want to get to the tail end of the series, when Dick and Jason go undercover as supervillains in the Society of well, Supervillains....Dick as War Shrike and Jason as Gray Jay. (A kind of bird usually known for or referenced as being thieving and unpredictable and unexpectedly dangerous despite its size. Jason never went into the Lazarus Pit here and so isn’t as huge as he is in canon, he’s on the smaller side due to his early life’s malnutrition. Living with Bruce helped him catch up enough that he’s not TINY tiny, but he’s still smaller enough that this particular mantle fits him a little better than it would his massive canon depiction).

Cass also partakes in the undercover storyline, just showing up uninvited in a persona she’s crafted for the mission and calls Black Swan. And War Shrike and Gray Jay are both so startled and obviously a little freaked by her unexpected arrival, that combined with her being ticked at her brothers for leaving her behind, RUDE, and them sufficiently cowed and guilted by her wrath, that it all adds up to the other villains as being clear evidence that she is the boss and they are her advance minions. 

Which mollifies and satisfies Cass immensely, and leaves Jason grumpy that their mission was hijacked and also his sister is The Worst, and leaves Dick temporarily disgruntled because This Whole Thing Was His Idea DAMMIT but then five seconds later finding it hilarious because Dick is a chaos connoisseur and he has an appreciation for whimsy and the unexpected.

“I can’t believe you not only gate-crashed our extremely sensitive and delicate undercover operation, but you completely hijacked it as well! This is so typical,” Jason grouched.

Cass simply swept ahead of him and strode down the hallway with lethal grace. “Silence minion.”

Jason spluttered behind her and she grinned to herself. He really made it too easy sometimes.

Your wonderful ideas

...That didn’t inspire me at the moment but... They’re all really creative and sweet ! Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me :)

Anonymous :

Aww, isn’t it cute ! I really love poetic quotes, they usually inspire me for more elaborate illustrations, with colors and all. I don’t have the time for this today but I really loved this one.

Anonymous :

Thank you so much ! I think that this community really helped me get better and supported me... So you can all thank yourself for my art lmao ! BUT ! THIS AU THOUGH !!! You should like... write a fanfic ! it’s so good ! You have the human-machine duality, and Connor’s quest for identity but in a whole different universe ! I find it amazing ! What about an ending where Connor stands in front of a beautiful dawn (just like the movie), and realizes Hank saved them all, and he starts to cry because he thinks he has lost him forever... and then Hank comes from behind him and they hug and kiss ? OMG I really love this AU (I love the Matrix trilogy !)😎

@pinkwebby :

Ahaha ! I know Reed900 is a very fertile field for all kind of jealousy tropes ! They’re not my favorite but I’m sure some people are gonna enjoy this prompt so I share it anyway ! I can totally see Nines crushing something he holds, wearing a 100% “-_- face”... while watching Gavin from afar ahah.

@skyfitzgeraldthefucker :

Awww, cute quote 💖 I really believe they can’t live with each other too ! Sorry I didn’t pick up your idea Sky, hope you were happy with the one I illustrated anyway ! Take care too my dear !

@taonpest :

Ohhhh !!! I admit I really really hesitated between this one and the Reed900 idea ! I finally decided I missed Reed900 and wanted to draw them... But this pose is really cool ! I always struggle to find interesting couple poses for some reasons... This one really is great ! Thank you for sharing ! Plus Hank and Connor chilling in a pub is sooooo nice to imagine ❤ (Also, I really wanted to thank you for reblogging my comics every time. Reblogs help spreading my art and it’s truly gratifying ❤)

@theneekytree :

Hhhh no 😭 No angst here I can't take it, I'm not ready to 😂 The problematic of Hank's mortality really is a topic I avoid because it makes me really too sad ! I know this is like the summit of romantic tropes, Eros and Thanatos, love beyond death and all but I just don't like to think about it. I know this is a reality for Hank and Connor but I'm in total denial when it comes to artistic representation of it 😂

Sorry I didn't illustrate it 🙏 I might be seen as a naive person but I really have a sweet spot for "feel good" vibes 😊

Anonymous :

What ?! Angst again !!! Geez you really want me to cry 😂 Makes me think of a never completed series with Hankcon slowburn... Hank being dumb and dumber and refusing to date Connor because he thinks he's not good enough for him... Then he finally changes his mind but Connor went to Cyberlife to get an update and lost his memory in the process... and forgets he loves Hank. This fic hurt my feelings so much 😭

@just-a-fangirl7 :

That definitely counts as Hankcon ! And I'd love to draw Reverse AU Connor one day ! Maybe on a future comic ? 👀 Thank you for this proposition ! I really liked it, if I had more time I'd definitely have drawn it 🤝

Anonymous:

Ahahah yes 😂 Connor getting full angry at someone/something trying to hurt Hank is one of my favorite tropes ! We all see how Hank is acting protective with Connor, but I'm sure our favorite robot boy could go "full murder" as you said on the people trying to hurt his beloved partner. Really, nice idea ! It's a bit hard to draw imo 😅 I wasn't feeling like challenging myself ahaha !

Anonymous:

Such a GAVIN REED thing to do ! They really like to mess up with each other ! Nice idea anon, maybe it'll give someone out there the inspiration they need !

@kiisekii96 :

LMAO ! I'm not exactly good at baking either ! And I can like... totally see Connor trying to cook something really sweet for once to surprise Hank (because he usually tries to cook healthy and Hank finds it lacks salt and sauces ahaha)

But then it's way to sweet, even for Hank 😂 The man would be "I changed my mind, I prefer when you cook healthy" 😂

A bit hard to draw, plus I'm excessively bad at drawing food 😂 But very nice idea !

@au-bunny :

As I said I really like cute lolita dresses, and I'm sure Connor amd Nines would look great wearing these, but I was in a mood for something dramatic and glittery 😂 I really liked the choice of dresses ! You took opposite black and white patterns dor each boy... Cute 🥰

@wingedauthor​ :

Thank you for the compliment ! And LMAO that would have been that, Gavin trying to spar and Nines kicking his ass like a boss ahaha ! Nice idea !

Thank you everyone for your propositions!

Maybe I’ll do something like this again when I reach the 2k followers milestone (I have no idea when i’ll reach it but heh. Or a lotery again. We’ll see !

Light Of My Life Pt.2 Jason Todd x Reader

Words: 2.5k

Requested? Yes! From a lovely returning anon!

“I’m the anon who requested the avenger reader and ......... *chefs kiss* *chefs kiss* *chefs kiss* It’s so good! i love the readers powers and how they get sparky when they’re happy! I always thought that captain America and tony stark and Natasha and everyone else would be protective of the reader so I wonder what would happen if she introduced Jason to the avengers? Do you think they’d find out that he was red hood? (And they’d keep it a secret but maybe then they’d be REALLY protective)”

LINK TO PROMPTS  -> REQUESTS ARE STILL OPEN!

HI AGAIN IM SO GLAD YOU’RE BACK LOVE!!! We been knew I love me a good protective family and Jason sooooo my beautiful anon you did it again! Chef’s kisses right back at you angel <333 Because you liked the happy sparks let me show you what happens when all the emotions come out to play.... mwahahahaha CHECK OUT PT 1 HERE!

“Fuck no.” 

You rolled your eyes at your boyfriend as he pouted. “Hey I met your family you have to meet mine!” you chided, Jason had been reluctant to meet the other Avengers. The last time he’d ever met one besides you was as Robin pre-death when Stark came to visit Bruce Wayne and Iron Man visited Batman. The two never really got along and since Jason idolized Bruce he hadn’t been the kindest to Stark. 

You’d only recently learned this when you told the other Avengers why you always wanted to be in Gotham. Cap was happy you’d found a friend, he understood the necessity of having a person you can talk to and rely on, and he missed his person so he wished you the best. To say Stark was pissed was an understatement. Not only was he secretly rooting for you and Spidey to get together but he always got a bad taste in his mouth thinking about the Wayne family. “No” was his only reply and you had to give him the “even though you’re my father figure and my boss you don’t control my personal life” speech which ended in a hug and some cursing under his breath. To your surprise Peter was equally upset and said next time you went to Gotham he needed to meet this elusive, powerless, gun wielding, Jason.

And just like that here you were in Gotham, wrapping in your boyfriend’s arms, trying to convince him to come meet the “A-list” as he called them. “You’re going Jay. Maybe you can bring Tim he loves the Avengers he’d die to meet them!” you cooed, knowing Jason would agree because he never wanted to tell you no. Jason knew how excited you were, he could feel the light shocks that danced on your skin as he held you. Begrudgingly he agreed. You had decided it would be better to meet as your human personas rather than stir up the media with an Avengers visit to Gotham. 

“Hey gorgeous” Jason grinned as you gave him a spin in one of your favorite outfits, beyond excited to introduce him to the people who were your family you rushed over to him. As you toyed with his t-shirt collar you admired his appearance, Jason was fashionable in the lowkey, vibey kind of fashion, it was perfect, and undeniably attractive. You could tell he was trying to hide his nerves, he gripped your hand tighter than normal and fidgeted slightly, he knew these people were your home and you could tell he wanted to make a good impression even if he wouldn’t admit it.

You’d invited them to your now shared apartment with Jason. The two of you had spent a while cleaning and prepping for guests and the apartment was spotless. Getting the text from Stark that him, Peter, and Natasha were headed up and you saw the three of them cloaked in jackets and hats entering the main lobby. Giving Jason’s hand a squeeze you gave him a quick peck on the cheek and a reassuring looking. Jason leaning into your embrace whispered “it’ll go fine” and you couldn’t tell if he was saying it to himself or you. Almost on cue there was a loud knock and before you could get to the door Tony burst in with Natasha and Peter following. “WHERE IS HE!” Tony yelled and you rushed over grinning. “Shut up Stark behave yourself!” he brought you into a quick hug before looking at Jason. “Hello Todd” he said, Jason looked a little shocked that Tony had either remembered from those years ago or had done his research. Jason stuck out a hand feigning confidence and Tony took it strongly. 

Inviting everyone in you all sat cooly around the living room. As you talked with Natasha about recent events and living in Gotham you noticed that Jason looked afraid to touch you, sitting rigid next to you. Glancing over you saw him getting death stares from Peter and Tony anytime he moved a muscle. “The two of you stop it!” you chided, grabbing Jason’s hand and realizing it was slightly shaking. “I expect it from Mr. Father Figure but really Parker?” you quipped as he shrugged in agreement. 

You could feel your aura radiate with annoyance and Peter and Tony looked taken aback. “Hey Sparky- Y/N it’s fine” Jason looked embarrassed at his use of one of his many nicknames. “Dude you use electric puns too!” Peter looked excited as he told Jason about some of his favorites. As the two bonded you groaned when Peter said “DUDE LIGHTNING MCQUEEN IS SUCH A GOOD ONE!” and went in for a high five over your embarrassment. Tony broke the bro-moment, “So Jason Todd, second Robin, heard you died. Haven’t seen you in a bit do you prefer Todd or Hood?” Jason gulped, straightening up as he squeezed your hand. “Um, Todd is fine, yeah I did and it was really hard but I have Y/N and she’s really been amazing and also yes I was Robin when I saw you a long time ago and you totally already know that but yeah” he took in a deep breath as Tony processed his answers. Turning to you he asked “and he’s nice to you? Good friend? Good lover? No ring yet right? I learned the hard way waiting too long isn’t great but you better not rush this kid” you rolled your eyes hearing the same line of questioning as always. “Tony shut the hell up” Natasha interrupted. “Look, Jason’s whole body is angled to Y/N, he’s holding her hand through the sparks and probably shocks, he hasn’t gotten angry at your dumb overprotective dad moments, and everytime one of them looks at the other they calm down a little more. They’re in love Tony leave them be.” Tony starred in silence before standing up, drawing in a breath you could feel Jason tense. “Alright then I approve. Let’s get this party started! You guys got booze?” 

A couple drinks in an everyone was best friends with everyone. You and Peter weren’t of age yet so you both skipped but Tony was definitely nicer a couple drinks in, and Jason was a lot less tense even though he wasn’t drinking, determined to stay sober to answer any questions he was asked. Peter still looked like he didn’t trust Jason but you couldn’t help but grin as you watched the only father figure you’d ever had bond with your boyfriend. You finally felt like you had a family, it was perfect. 

Perfect until Peter Parker got attacked. 

As you frantically zapped through light posts you heard Jason on his bike behind you. Tony and Natasha didn’t want to alert the press with two of the most prominent Avengers being seen in Gotham and after a couple drinks they decided to let you and Jason take the lead. So as Red Hood and Y/H/N took to the Gotham streets after Clayface who had engulfed a terrified Peter Parker, Black Widow and Iron Man watched from above. 

You zapped in front of Clayface, your skin practically sizzling. “you!” ZAP “are!” ZAP “interrupting!” ZAP “my!” ZAP “DAY!!!” you screeched, letting out all the anger and stress pent up from the day. Unfortunately, your electricity didn’t have much effect on a giant piece of dirt, so you went for keeping it’s attention while Jason fiddled with some explosives. 

You zapped around the scene, being careful not to let Clayface get a hand on you for fear of him trying to engulf you too. You could barely hear Jason, cursing yourself for leaving you comm somewhere in the apartment but you could make out “Y/H/N it’s ready but Peter’s in there!” from Jason. “Shit alright I’m going in I guess!” you called, unsure if your powers would even work inside of Clayface. With a deep breath you ran straight ahead, preparing for whatever came next when a figure shoved you out of the way. Instinctively you shot into a lamp post for safety when you saw Red Hood press the button for the explosives and dive into Clayface. Once you realized he just sacrificed his life for yours appeared on the pavement screaming for Jason. Lightning cracked above you as you cried out amid the explosion. At the peak of the explosion everything you felt was too much, needing to know if Jason was okay and it Peter was still alive you felt stuck to the ground. Letting out a guttural scream you gave up trying to hold everything in. The lightning dissipated as you felt your energy connect to every current in Gotham. As the smoke cleared you saw a pile of Clay and no Red Hood and your heart snapped in half. Sinking to your knees you felt the power of every light in Gotham and it was too much. As your tears poured you needed the pain to stop, it had to stop, you’d lost everything. 

And then it did. No more sparks, no more current, no more emotion, no more pain. 

Your eyes fell out of focus as you stared ahead. You didn’t see two figures emerged from behind the corner of a building. Your eyes were blurry and you felt numb, unable to recognize the voice of Jason as he called out for you. Everything was quiet and muted, no buzzing from the streetlights or vibrations from cell towers, you felt disconnected, lost. Slowly blinking, thoughts of your past boyfriend jolted through you so quickly you couldn’t comprehend the fact that he was right in front of you. His voice sounded like a faint whisper calling for you. A different reality almost. You felt yourself get lifted into the air, off the ground and into someone’s embrace. 

This embrace carried you home. Home. That was your apartment. With Jason. But he was gone and someone had brought you home, setting you softly on the couch.

“What the fuck happened to Y/N” Jason pleaded Tony who looked just as confused. “I think she’s in shock, maybe she didn’t have her comm in and didn’t hear the plan for rescuing Peter then dealing with Clayface?” Tony whispered as he looked at you as you stared at a wall, tears slowly cascading down your cheeks. Natasha squatted next to you, waving a hand in front of your face. “She’s in shock but we need to shock her out of it, anyone got a spark?” Tony quickly reprogrammed part of his suit to deliver a fair amount of voltage into your body. Taking a deep breath Jason just wanted to hold your hand but he knew that was not going to be safe until you woke up. As everyone stood back Tony counted down “One, Two - ”

Suddenly you felt the connection again, it jolted through you and danced on your skin, you felt the humming of the fan in your apartment. Your apartment, you were home. Home. Home is with Jason, and you could feel him next to you. Jason, was, home. Safe.

“JASON YOU IDIOT WHAT WERE YOU THINKING YOU FUCKING DIED AGAIN!” you bolted up and began wailing on his chest, shocking everyone around you at your burst of, well, energy. Without thinking Jason just pulled you into his chest, swaying slightly back and forth you melted into his grip. “Y/N baby Stark thought your comm was on like mine and we thought you knew the plan, you were making a good diversion and everything” Jason explained. “Then Parker and I come out after the big boom and you’re like completely zoned out. Like even the sky was clear, and your eyes didn’t have the little sparkle they always have, we thought you’d lost it or something” he rambled as you finally put the pieces together. Glancing up at him you whispered “so you’re okay?” and he nodded, giving you a reassuring smile. “You can’t get rid of me that easily Sparky” you found comfort in the nickname that was slowly growing on you. 

After a cup of tea and some relaxation you were feeling a lot better. Peter was impressed at how quickly Jason thought on his feet and that he’d put himself in danger to save him and was a lot happier with your relationship. You’d told him about Tim and how well the two nerds would get along so he tagged along with Stark who was out meeting Bruce and trying to explain why there had been an explosion and Avenger sighting in his city, and Natasha used her expertise to know it was time for you and Jason to have some alone time, so she headed out as well. 

Now you were resting in Jason’s arms as he toyed with your hair. Breaking the silence you admitted “I think I severed my powers when I thought you died” and Jason looked up, his face asking you for more. Delving into some of your own truths you admitted “I always knew my powers were emotion driven. Like our kiss that one night. And I knew there was a reason that I have to keep some energy inside and reign it in, but now I know that releasing it all doesn’t explode, it makes me implode on myself. Like the energy I use is raw emotion and when I thought you were gone it hurt too much and I cut it off” you sighed, enjoying the feeling of letting it off your chest. You could’ve sworn Jason slyly wiped a tear away before pulling you in close as he too sighed. “I think you’re right Y/N but that means your powers are more interesting than we ever knew. And I know what it feels like to lose everything, and I’ll spend the rest of my life apologizing for ever being the reason you felt the loss. It kills me to think of you in such pain you couldn’t feel it anymore. Because you are the strongest person I know and I know how painful it must’ve been. I’m so sorry. And I love you” 

The big eight letters. They felt right. Raising your head to his you took his lips in yours, trying to convey the same words right back at him. In the moment of pure love you felt warmth envelop your entire body, unable to contain the joy. Mid-kiss you let a grin slip onto your face and you pulled away. “Jason Todd I love YOU!” you moved to throw your arms around him and as you outstretched your fingers you released some of your love into the air and suddenly everything in the room when black. 

“Y/N you just shorted out the apartment building. But I love you too” You were kind of glad the lights were now off because Jason couldn’t see the furious blush that developed on your cheeks. Flopping down on to him you mused “Too many emotions for one day, I feel pretty shorted out too” and Jason hummed in agreement. As the two of your drifted off into sleep you heard him mumble:

“You better get control of these emotions I can’t be telling you I love you then having you break my toaster. I need my waffles you know” and you groaned. 

“I’ll put that on the list of things to worry about. Right beneath the end of the world so pretty high up there” 

“Thanks I appreciate it. Good night my lovely bolt of lightning”

“Goodnight you sappy fuck”

since ur answering asks and shit can u explain what u meant by generational differences in communication

Damn it’s like 2015 tumblr when my inbox used to be WET. So if you’re talking about the controversial opinions post, YES, like I totally understand where people are coming from when they say that generational divides aren’t real (because they aren’t, they’re arbitrary) and distract us from real problems and yes they paint past generations as collectively bigoted when Civil Rights protestors in the 60s (who are in their 70s and 80s now) are mirrors to BLM protestors today, who could be of any age, but the most vocal and famous (at least online, especially irt to the founders, like Patrisse Cullors who is 37.

But how we communicate is sooooo different. I really point to the Internet and Social Media as a major influence in how younger millennials (more Tom Hollands and less Seth Rogans—see even there, I feel like there are two different types of Millennials) and Gen Zrs/Zoomers and even Generation Alpha behave and communicate. We live in a world where we grew up either knowing right out the gate or discovering the hard way that what we say and do has permanence, the kind of permanence that prior generations have never experienced until today. The dumb things kids have been saying since forever can now follow them... forever. We have an inherent understanding of how online spaces work. Compare that to, idk, let’s say you posted on your Facebook (for the first time in 18 months) “All these big and bad grown ass Senators going after actual child Greta Gerwig lol ok, you’re so brave for attacking a CHILD over climate change” and then your aunt, who’s turning “forty-fifteen” in May replies to your post with “So happy to see my passionate niece! Much love from us, hope you’re doing well. Paul is doing great, waiting on his screening results. Tell your mom I said we miss her, we need to get together, we forgive her for last Christmas.”

Like... ok there’s a lot going on there, but your hypothetical aunt is oversharing on a publicly accessible post. And even with the most strict of privacy settings, she’s oversharing where your other Facebook friends (which may include classmates, coworkers, etc.) can see. But she’s saying things that would only be appropriate in a 1-on-1 conversation. This Aunt doesn’t have an understanding of such boundaries, she’s not as technologically literate and hasn’t grown up in a world of Virtual Space, she still gets most of her news from TV, she trusts what a reporter on Channel 4 will read off a script more than what actual video footage of an incident might reveal on Twitter, and she has no clue that she’s been sharing her location data with every post she makes.

There’s such a huge difference. I think it even affects how we experience and express stress and frustration. I think growing up partially in online spaces has made me more accustomed to conflict and consequence-free arguing than someone who never had to worry about that. I’ve been exposed so much to harassment and bullying, triangulating and echo chambers in forums and threads, and vastly opposing point of views at such an early age that it’s had an effect on how I see the world. Compare this to a customer I helped two weeks ago who was looking for a specific type of supplement for children. I found it for her, I handed her exactly what she was looking for, even though her description of the product actually matched several different products; to make sure I’d done my job thoroughly and that she leaves happy and satisfied and doesn’t bother me again, I then show her more products that match her description so that she knows she has options. And she proceeds to freak out, saying “NO, NO, I’M LOOKING FOR [X] AND IT HAS TO BE [XYZ]” and when I say freak out, she looked stressed and PANICKED. And being a retail employee wears you down bit by bit, and add COVID on top of it and little shit like this makes you snap, sometimes. So I have to cut her off like “Why are you screaming and freaking out, jfc you’re holding what you said you wanted. It’s in your hands. I gave you what you wanted, I’m just showing you more things.”

That customer is not an exception, she’s not a unique case. She’s representative of a frightening percentage of her generation, the kids who watched Grease and The Breakfast Club and Ghost in theaters when they were originally released. This is how they communicate and process information. She could not, for some reason, register that her need had been fulfilled, and defaulted to an extreme emotional response when given new and different information.

I’ve yet to deal with someone younger than 35 act the same way, the exceptions being the kids of very wealthy people at my new job who reek of privilege I gag when they walk in—but even they are like *shrugs* “ok whatever” and understanding when there’s something I can’t do for them.

Me: “sorry, we are totally out of that one in your size, but I can order it for you, it’s 2-3 day shipping at no cost to you and we ship it straight to your house”

A rich, white, attractive 22-year-old who’s had access to organic food, a rigorous dermatologist, and financial security since she was born: “mmm... sure, I’ll order it”

A 47-year-old of any socioeconomic background, of any race, in the same situation: “AHHHHHHHHHHH”

I just think it’s crazy how three generations of kids and young adults raised in a world where everything moves so much faster, where knowledge and entertainment and communication can be gathered so much faster, are often so much more polite and patient and understanding. Yesterday I told an older man (mid-50s) whose native tongue is the same as mine, as clearly and succinct as possible, that what he’s looking for is “in aisle 4.” He proceeded to repeat back, “Aisle 7?” four time before I dropped everything to show him what he needed in aisle 4, despite his insistence that he didn’t need me to walk him there. 4 and 7 sound nothing alike in English. There’s just something going on up there 🧠 that’s different.

Oh, other generational divides!!! We have different approaches to labor and working. Totally different! I’m a “young” millennial where I’m almost Gen Z, and I’ve noticed an awful trend among my demographic where people actually brag about working 90 hour work weeks. Or brag about how they skip breaks and live on-call to get the job done for “the hustle” like this “hustle, become a millionaire by 30″ culture that’s dominated these kids, idk where tf that came from. Like why are you proud of being a wage slave, getting taken advantage of by your millionaire/billionaire overlords. Compare this to my mother’s generation (she’s a borderline Genius X’er, she and her best friend were a year too young to watch Grease when it came out and had a random older woman buy tickets for her; she went to Prince concerts, took photos of him, then sold the photos on buttons at school, that’s her culture and teenage experience), where she’s insistent on her rights and entitlements as an employee, and these things she instilled me: “whatchu mean they didn’t schedule a break for you and you’re working 12 hrs today? oh no, you’re off, don’t answer your phone cuz you are NOT available!” There are Gen X’ers who entered the workforce at a time that America was drifting toward this corporate world, with more strictly defined regulations, roles, and understandings of labor rights (and also, let’s talk about how the 80s there was so much more attention on workplace harassment, misogyny and gender divides in wage gaps, etc. etc... not that much has changed, but at least it was talked about!). There are young people today who are taken advantage of because they aren’t as informed or don’t feel as secure and valuable enough to claim what belongs to them.

At the same time, those generations (Gen X and older) have a different viewpoint of hierarchies in the workplace and respect irt our direct supervisors. That’s how you get this blurring of boundaries between Work Life and one’s Personal Life that leads to common tropes in media written by their generations, where oh no! I’m having my boss over for dinner and the roast beef is still defrosting :O is such a “relatable thing” for them... meanwhile us younger generations are like I don’t even like that you know where I live, and if I see your 2017 Honda Civic pass my place one day, we’re going to have a problem. I think older generations have a different relationship with the word “Respect” than we do. Like, my grandma, who’s turning 87 (?) this year, and the other seniors in my area, they have a different concept of honor and an expectation of professional boundaries that I, and my mom and her generation, just don’t see (so then there’s something in common with Gen X’ers and the rest of us.) My dad grew up in a world where talking and acting like George Bailey and knocking on someone’s door with a big smile could get you a job, a job that could pay for college and rent no problem. My mom grew up in a world that demanded more prestige, where cover letters and references could get you into some cushy jobs if you’re persistent and ballsy enough. And I grew up in a world where potential employers literally don’t see your face when you apply unless they lurk on any social media profiles you have publicly available and they hold all the cards, and you need all those CVs and reference letters just to make minimum wage... so I feel like I am powerless in the face of such employers.

Okay I am hyperfixating HARD on Tom and Jerry and all my emotions from childhood have FLOODED forth, so now that I’ve finished watching (almost) all 161 original theatrical Tom and Jerry shorts from 1940 to 1967, I would like to force you all to endure my insane ramblings about this franchise. Although before I begin, I’d like to share where I’ve been watching all these! Here’s a Dailymotion playlist of all 161 shorts, put into the correct order by yours truly :3 OKAY NOW THE INSANITY BEGINS 💖💖💖

1) The Messy Formative Years: Shorts 001-017 (1940-1944)

So obviously, when a series is first created, especially an animated series, the first few episodes will always be a bit odd as the directors and writers find their footing and establish the rules of their own universe, and Tom and Jerry is no exception! In fact, these episodes can be a bit weird and even jarring to watch because the designs of the titular characters are so drastically different from how they look even ten years afterwards. In fact, in the very first episode, they don’t even have their official names yet and are instead named “Jasper and Jinx.” Also, there’s a LOT of talking in these beginning shorts before they decided to make Tom and Jerry almost entirely mute. Shorts 010 and 013 stand out the most, as they feature characters regularly speaking full sentences and it’s just... ohhh it’s SO weird to watch and it feels almost wrong 😅 Of course that’s not to say these shorts are bad, far from it actually! They’re still super fun and fascinating to watch and I think it’s quite interesting to see how such an iconic franchise got its start!

2) The Golden Years: Shorts 018-097 (1945-1955)

Oh. My. GOD. THESE ARE THE ABSOLUTE BEST. I guarantee that when you just think about Tom and Jerry, THESE are the shorts that come to mind. By now William Hanna & Joseph Barbara fully had their formula down and were just pumping out hit after hit afTER HIT HHHHH I LOVE THESE SO MUCH. I’m not kidding when I say that these shorts still make me laugh really hard and I absolutely adore nearly every aspect of them: the fluid and extremely expressive animation, the excellently timed music paired with each short, and the humor that’s constant and lands almost every time. My absolute favorite ones are around 040-080 but really all of these are just sooooo good. I know that this is stating the obvious but one thing that I especially love is just how VIOLENT these cartoons are, even more than the Looney Tunes shorts that were coming out at the same time. Characters are constantly picking up knives or axes or straight up GUNS and ngl I feel like half of the humor comes from that shock factor of the insane absurdity of that violence. Okay I’m starting to sound rly dumb, I know explaining the joke is never fun, but the directing and animation just NAILS every joke; I think the secret behind it is that there’s always a buildup and anticipation before the impact, and that buildup just makes the impact all the more intense! I was going to list my top 5 favorites but it’s impossible to choose so lemme just recommend a random five out of all of them: 026 - Solid Serenade, 048 - Saturday Evening Puss, 067 - Triplet Trouble, 069 - Fit to Be Tied, and 076 - That’s My Pup!

Also, I don’t know where else to mention this so I’ll just say it here: there’s a gradual change that Tom’s design goes through where he’s slowly drawn to be less and less fuzzy. At first his outline was drawn with a lot of points to emphasize his fur, but over time they abandoned doing that, my guess is because it was harder to animate. I’d say that they fully transitioned to Smooth Tom around short 030. That’s just a little detail I noticed and wanted to share! ^-^

3) The Slow Decay: Shorts 098-114 (1956-1958)

*heavy sigh* Well... a good thing can’t last forever. What’s kinda strange is that I can’t really nail down a specific reason caused a decline in quality after 1955; short 096 was the last to be produced by Fred Quimby, with Hanna & Barbara being given the producer credit as well as director credit for the remaining 18 shorts, and MGM animation studios had major budget cuts in the late 50′s and was shut down in 1957, and perhaps the studio shutting down had also taken the joy out of the crew, which would certainly have an effect on the cartoons. Now that doesn’t mean that these last 16 shorts are bad- they’re still quite entertaining, but they just don’t have the same energy as the shorts made in the Golden Years. They’re also nowhere near as cartoonishly violent as the past shorts had been; weapons are almost never used anymore and there are barely any efforts from Tom and Jerry to straight up kill each other, and more often than not they’re working together and even acting like close friends. I think that’s pretty fair evidence that even if these later shorts were much tamer and friendlier, that meant that they were lacking the same chaotic energy that made the other shorts so hilarious. 

Also I just need to vent this here cuz this era also contains the two most absolutely infuriating shorts in the Hanna-Barbera era, that being 100 - Busy Buddies and 114 - Tot Watchers. These two shorts consist of Tom and Jerry attempting to stop a baby from accidentally dying cuz it’s just a dumb baby that doesn’t know anything, while the babysitter is just totally ignorant to everything happening. Now I can’t quite explain why and I’m probably just making myself look like an asshole but these shorts are just... so frustrating to me??? Like its bad enough that this stupid baby whose face NEVER changes from that stupid little smile just keeps wandering into dangerous situations (in Tot Watchers it straight up crawls into a CONSTRUCTION ZONE) but every time Tom rescues the little bastard and puts it back in its crib, the babysitter thinks he’s “bothering” the baby (probably because of that one myth about cats laying on babies and stealing their breath) and so poor Tom is just punished for doing literally nothing wrong!! It’s just... very frustrating to me for some reason I’m sorry... (Although I have to admit that it is interesting and kinda cute that Tom knows how to change a diaper, like wif the safety pins and everything. Why does he know that...?)

4) The Gene Deitch Shit Shorts: 115-127 (1961-1962)

OOOH BOY. I don’t think... that I can really describe how purely and utterly I dislike the Deitch shorts. Okay so, to explain, in 1961 MGM decided they wanted to revive the Tom and Jerry franchise, so they contracted an animation studio based in Czechoslovakia to create 13 new original shorts. All of these shorts were directed by Gene Deitch, who before being commissioned for these cartoons, was open about his disdain for the original Hanna-Barbera shorts that he described as “needlessly violent.” After he was assigned to the series, he did come around to somewhat realize that the violence was intended to be overly cartoonish and humorous, but his initial opinion still had an influence on his directing decisions. In addition to these facts, the foreign team behind this series had only collectively seen a handful of the original cartoons, and each short was given a budget of only $10,000, compared to the $50,000 that the Hanna-Barbera shorts had all been given.

SO. To recap, these 13 new shorts were being made by a foreign team who had barely seen any of the source material, directed by a man who had disliked the original cartoons, and being made on 1/5 of the budget that the Hanna-Barbera shorts were given. Needless to say, the end results were a DISASTER. I’m not kidding when I say that watching these shorts feels almost like a fever dream with how completely baffling and surreal they are. I honestly don’t think they could be any more different from the original series; the music and sound effects are extremely minimalist and usually completely absent, the animation is so jerky and totally lacking the fluidity of the originals, and the character design is also drastically different and, in my opinion, kinda ugly too. These are universally considered to be the worst of the theatrical shorts, and Deitch himself has even stated that he and his team “hardly had a chance to succeed” and he fully understands the negativity directed towards the shorts he directed. I have to confess that when I rewatched all the theatrical shorts, I only got through two of these before outright skipping the rest of them. These 13 shorts are a complete disgrace to the majesty of the Hanna-Barbera series, and while I don’t hold anything against the people behind them, I can’t lie when I say that I hate these shorts. 

5) The Chuck Jones Era: 128-161 (1963-1967)

I have an odd love-hate relationship with these shorts. I don’t think I need to explain to you the legacy of the great Chuck Jones, the creator of Marvin the Martian, Pepe Le Pew, and the Roadrunner and Wile E. Coyote whose name is nearly synonymous with the Looney Tunes cartoons of the 30′s, 40′s, and 50′s. He’s an absolute legend in the animation industry, and yet... the Tom and Jerry shorts that he directed are still significantly weaker than the original series. Let me start with the things I like though! The slight changes in the character design to match Chuck Jones’ signature style are super appealing (I especially like how at times, Tom will almost resemble Jones’ design for the Grinch) and the animation is of course very well done and a joy to watch, but despite these positives, the humor is sadly lacking. There are still quite a few jokes that land, but they’re more restrained and just don’t have the same high-energy oomph! of the impactful gunshot sound effects and violent screams of the original cartoon. I’ll always have an appreciation for this era of shorts and the man behind them, but they sadly didn’t even come halfway close to the Hanna-Barbera series.

WELL. ANYWAY, THAT’S MY RANT!!! Thanks for reading this far, all two people that did. It just felt good to get this outta my system! 💖💖

Thank you for answering!! Hope you're doing okay, life is a lot right now and I hope you're safe. On bas fics, I don't write for the fandom but oh boy would i love for someone to write charlie/dan/kyle. I might give up and do it myself some time but uhhhh please share your headcanons for the #acoustic indie duo!

thank you anon, i hope you’re safe and healthy too!! 💛 the world is crazy but i feel like things are finally starting to look up, at least a little bit. i’m trying to be optimistic about things.

re: charlie/dan/kyle AKA my emotional support power throuple...i’m not saying i have a couple of random fic ideas for them saved on my google drive...but maybe i do. (also: if you want to write it then WRITE IT!!! i would die if you did, then come back to life, read it, and leave 1,000 comments.)

and acoustic indie duo headcanons...oh boy. i haven’t thought about these two in sooooo long, but here are some to consider (putting this under a cut because it got LONG!!!):

in my OG outline i planned for the fic to span way way more time. i was gonna take the story all the way up to two evils’s ~big break.~ picture dan and charlie a few months after their premiere performance at dick’s, touring the UK à la babystille style, in a shitty van with their equipment and zero dollars to their name, playing these tiny shows and pining after each other the whole time (originally i had also planned for them to get together a lot later, so yes....pining. so much pining.)

dan’s stage fright/anxiety obviously wouldn’t just disappear overnight. enter charlie!! i have this scene in my head, maybe it takes place before their first ~bigger~ show? and dan is freaking out, like, borderline panic attack. charlie talks him down like he always does bc he knows dan almost as well as dan knows himself 🥺

ok but also. i feel like, even with the fic ending where it does (with this sort of happily-ever-after moment)...i don’t think dan and charlie would just. jump into a relationship? they’ve been in this weird in-between for so long where they’re more than friends but not quite romantic, so i def have thoughts about that transition. i feel like they might fall into this fwb-esque state for awhile, where they’re still in the band together and they kiss sometimes and they both Like each other but they just. don’t talk about what it all means. even though they have the exchange about how charlie is gonna “date dan so hard,” idk, i just...don’t see that happening right off the bat. they’re too awkard! and dumb!! and then of course eventually ralph is like “dan ur an idiot” and will is like “charlie ur an idiot” and they get their shit together.

speaking of will...oh will. he’s such an enigma. what does he do with his life? why does he seem to hate the world so much? (spoiler alert: it’s all just for show and he really IS a teddy bear, duh.) here’s a fun lil passage i scrapped before publishing the fic: Sometimes Charlie’s found himself wondering if Will even really is a student, since he never seems to have any homework or revision to do, like, ever. He disappears at regular enough intervals during the weekdays, though, that he must be going to class. At least, that’s what Charlie hopes, otherwise he’s been living with a squatter for the past few years.

the song idea dan has at the very end of the story (“Y’know, I’ve got this idea for a song.” “All work and no play, honestly, Dan--”“It’s about you.”) is the anchor. that’s not really a headcanon, i know. but it’s still a fun something to share :))

i take back everything bad i ever said about tyde btw. kyle and nick, i’m so sorry, i like lofi now i promise <3

hallo here are the hc's i whipped up for the teacher au!! i'm sorry this turned into an essay i'm just a dumbass who loves soft teacher au a lot!!

“not sure what the others would teach in this teacher au tho-” *wakes up in the dead of night with cold sweat* *kicks down the door* I HAVE SOME THOUGHTS!!

oh boy…get ready….cause it’s A LOT

- Submitted by @katgreeves

luther: physics teacher, cause you know…spaceboy……everyone is scared at the beginning of the year when they get him as a teacher cause he’s TALL AND HUGE AS FUUUUUCK, but then fast forward two months later and everyone is chill because turns out he’s a really easygoing and soft teacher…just really socially awkward and lowkey dumb sometimes

asshole kids in his classes use his softness to his disadvantage and pull pranks on him constantly, poor guy….the other kids tho always tell them to shove it tho because he may be soft and dumb and socially awkward but he’S OUR SOFT AND DUMB AND SOCIALLY AWKWARD TEACHER DON’T TOUCH HIM!! the first time they protected him he had to remind himself not to tear up because HE FELT SO LOVED!!!! 

he gets them snacks even if they’re not supposed in the science classrooms because “eXPeriMENts and CHEmIcALsSsSsssSS!!!” and will rant for hours about space and starts and THE MOOOOON cause when he was a kid he always wanted to be an astronaut ( :’))))))) ) and his kids get fed up one day and go “why don’t you just make an astrology club mr luther????” and he does and IT’S A REAL SUCCESS WITH THE SCHOOL BODY YAY!!!

(five when he grows up also becomes a physics teacher and pesters luther all the time like “I AM 10 TIMES THE TEACHER YOU EVER WERE-” “NO YOU AREN’T STFU” and he’s technically wrong and right because material wise??? yes he’s 100% the better teacher and he always has answers to the kids questions and teaches them extra content cause he’s always been a genius but as a physics teacher that kids really like????? no siree that title goes to luther because he was a soft teddy bear to his students and they trusted him while five is eccentric and strict the the point where his kids are scared the FUCK out of him)

diego: pe teacher, SWEARS SO MUCH IN FRONT OF THE KIDS IN CLASS OMG HOW IS HE NOT FIRED YET?? is tough on the kids sometimes so push harder but IS ALSO SOFT AND REALLY ENCOURAGING THE KIDS TO WORK AND TRY THEIR BEST BECAUSE HE BELIEVES IN THEM!!! (except for the group of cocky assholes he’ll get in every class and don’t want to listen to them…he has personally removed their rights in the class)

whenever the self-defense unit comes around he’s sooooo dedicated to it and makes sure that the kids master everything to a t, cause who knows when it might come in handy??? he wants to make sure that the kids know how to protect themselves as the world is a shitty place and you never know when shit will go bad (except he does…he’s had enough bullshit and scared happen to him and has gotten involved in so many fights that he wants to make sure that the kids won’t hurt like him :“’))))))))) ) 

he’s a secret softie that will protect the kind kids that are not as good at pe and get bullied by the cocky assholes in the class becAUSE THAT’S JUST WHAT HE WOULD DO NO IM NOT SELF PROJECTING OF WHAT I WANTED OUT OF MY PE TEACHERS SHUT U-

also eudora is a pe teacher and the two of them are very competitive to be the best pe teacher and this rivalry turns into playful flirting and big ass crushes that they’re way too stubborn to admit, the entire school still ships it anyways (the entire school also ships klaus and dave because gay rights!!!!!)

allison: either school counselor or principal i can’t decide because she can be super kind and open to talk and gives advice that helps a LOT but she’s also a hbic THAT CAN AND WILL run the place. 

anyways, whatever job she has, she also helps with the drama club and school plays, and literally every year the theatre kids BEG HER to kick out the current drama teachers and replace them because allison>>>>>>>>>>>> all of the existing drama teachers there  

ben: is either a literature or philosophy teacher. super smart and knowledgable but is also really laid back and fun to talk to. he’s got a dark and snarky sense of humor and his students always have sass battles with him. the number of INSANE inside jokes his students and him share is HUGE.

HE DEMANDS THAT HIS STUDENTS PARTAKE IN READING TIME IN THE BEGINNING OF CLASS NO MATTER WHAT THEY HAVE TO DO BECAUSE READING IN AN IMPORTANT SKILL AND HOBBY FOR DEVELOPMENT AS A READER, WRITER, LEARNER, AND OVERALL PERSON AND NO AMY DON’T ROLL YOUR EYES AT ME I’M THE TEACHER HERE AND I SAID NO ELECTRONICS SO PUT THE GODDAMN PHONE AWAY BEFORE I COME OVER THERE AN-

anyways…he is really considerate to what students need and makes them as relaxed as possible because school is HELL. students LOOOOOVE HIM. HE’S THE ONE TEACHER BESIDES DAVE THAT LITERALLY EVERYONE LIKES. (highkey inspired by my philosophy and lit teachers because they’re also really smart but sassy and cool like ben and I JUST THINK THEY’RE NEAT)

vanya: strings orchestra teacher for obvious reasons. she was real shy at first when she first got hired but the the strings department at that time was soooo small and crappy that she went “oh HELL no,” rolled up her sleeves, and set to revitalize it just because she cares about music so much.

she recruited more students, got more advanced music so the kids could feel a challenge and be motivated to improve, and collaborated with the choir and band departments to provide more clubs, events and opportunities outside of class for kids to do music.

she is a no business type of teacher when it comes to arrogant people that put other players down or people who don’t practice and goof around and will snap at them SO HARD because everyone needs to be at their a game for a concert and in an orchestra no single person is bigger that the collective. she’s however SOOOO SOFT with really soft playing and shy kids because she understands how it feels when you think your playing isn’t good enough, so gives them extra help, gives them solo lines or solos to play so they gain more confidence in themselves, all while constantly giving encouraging words about how much they’ve improved that always makes them feel better and more motivated to improve.

she’s an absolute anxious and cranky maniac a week before the concert but she throws parties with food, drinks, and games afterwards to celebrate with her kids. she constantly gets them to play music related games and challenges that they do as a class for team bonding to make things more entertaining in class. she makes dumb music puns a lot too! 

she also will in the class say crazy stories of her childhood and the crazy shit she and her siblings did and then somehow always relate it back to the lesson and make it some sage advice…the kids never understand how she does it

(me???? self projecting more of my teachers into this au cause they’re cool??? more likely than you think)

also one day she chops her hair real short and cute and the conversation with her students basically went like this:

students: miss vanya you cut your hair???

vanya: yes kids I’m a lesbian

students: !!!!!!!!!!!!

vanya: ;))))))))

students: MISS VANYA SAID GAY RIGHTS!!!!

vanya: HELL YE I DID!!!

bonus grace yayyyy!!!!!: is the school nurse…she’s so sweet, so soft….has precisely whatever people need when they feel sick/injured…helps them calm down in they’re freaking out…always has a couple of beds in the nurse’s office so people can lie if they feel dizzy…gives out candy/sweets/food to people so they feel better!!

diego meets her a lot because a lot of kids in his class gets injuries and he takes them to the nurse and he jUST LOVES HER SM!!! INSTANT MOM FIGURE!! THEY TALK AND JOKE AND LAUGH TOGETHER AND GRACE WILL ALWAYS GIVE HIM A PASTRY SHE MADE WHENEVER HE COMES BY AND HE JUST IS SO SOFT AROUND HER ITS GREAT (his students find his sudden change in his demeanour amusing “hey mr diego is nurse grace your MMMmoooOoOooOOOmMMMMMMmmmmmM??” “kid your a good one but say that shit to me one more time and I will beat the sh-”)

she always has a smile on her and everyone LOVES HER…..except for the administration that always want to get her fired because they are assholes and they think she’s too weird to stay. however, every time they try to fire her, a certain teacher comes by the office for what they claim is a civil discussion...and after an hour of yelling, death threats, and the door getting 10 knife marks they go “you know what grace…you can stay" 

those assholes are persistant though, and one time though not even a certain teacher could get them away from firing her so once the news breaks out that nurse grace is leaving the whole school is FURIOUS and throws a 1 week riot and the administration get so scared and tired that they just go "OK WERE SORRY JUST KIDDIN- OK OK SHE’S STAYING FOR GOOD JESUS”

grace is so grateful that she makes a whole bunch of cake for everyone and everyone with tears in their eyes just goes “this…is why we love you sm nurse mom”

~~okkkieee that’s the end of it sorry it’s a literal essay I just got very passionate about this au lmao rip!!! I’m slowly tempted to write a fic about it even though i’ve never written a fic before in my LIFE and I already have like 3 other au fic ideas in my head already smh

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What's the first thing you thought in your head when you woke up today? I thought about calling Gab, which I did and which made me fall right back asleep. If your best friend confessed that they can see the future, you would...? I’d put likeeeee 15% trust in them because they’re still my best friend lmao, but I’d mostly be challenging them about their ~skill. I’d be curious to know when it started, what exactly is it they see, whether it’s been accurate the whole time they’ve had it, etc. Tl;dr I’d basically apply my journalism lessons irl lol. Write a random quote that comes to your head: “Tried to keep my eyes closed, I want you so bad, then I woke and it was so sad.” Idk if it counts as a quote but I’ve had this lyric by The Japanese House in my head for a few minutes. What's your opinion on milk chocolate? I like it, but it can get a little too sweet for me and I usually don’t like how too sweet feels for my throat. I’d take it over dark chocolate though. What about Dark Chocolate? I like it too, but I can probably only eat a block or two before finding it too bitter. Idk man, I’ve always been a white chocolate girl.

You do know that white chocolate isn't even really chocolate, right? Yeah, but it’s just the right amount of sweet for me so it’s always been my fave. Do you get annoyed when surveys mention a band you've never heard of? I entirely skip those surveys so that I just don’t have to deal with them, because yes I do get annoyed lol. What's your opinion about Katy Perry's song "I kissed a girl"? Ahead of its time. It’s not one of my favorite singles but I wouldn’t change the station if it suddenly played – and I’d certainly make my parents sit through the whole song. What's your least favorite pizza topping? Pepperoni. What would you do if you discovered the US was now drafting for the war? Aren’t they always in war with some other country? As someone from a relatively poor country it’s always been a little laughable, surprising, and even a little appalling seeing how much Americans spend for WAR. We’re here wishing every school had an adequate amount of desks and chairs, and they’re out there buying bombs and tanks. Sad. Are you even living in America, or are you from another country? Last question should answer that for you. What's your favorite social website? I love Twitter. Everyone is a mess in there and it’s where people hang out for the memes. It’s great. Do you believe in heaven? If so, what's it like? If not, why? I don’t really believe in it but a part of me finds comfort in the idea of reuniting with my loved ones after death. Still, I mostly think of death as permanent sleep – it just makes the most sense to me. What's your favorite video game? Not a big video game gal but I always wanna play Grand Theft Auto just to be a law-abiding citizen HAHAHA In your opinion, is Bzoink the best place to find fun surveys? It’s been my go-to for the longest time, so yeah.

What kind of mood are you in right now, and why? I’m a little more content than I’ve been in the last few days. I’ve recently been hanging out at our rooftop until very late at night because we have a pretty view of the city and the stars, and it’s sooooo peaceful up here; I dunno why I never hung out here before. I’m also more than halfway through the 1,500-word essay I need to do for one of my classes, so I’m feeling good and proud of myself. What's your opinion of high school? It’s all honestly so stupid with all the cliques, the proms, and the pressure to have high grades; but it’s also your chance to be dumb, make friends, make mistakes, and have fun. Some of my most precious memories, important lessons, and best relationships came from high school, so as stupid as it got sometimes, I’m always grateful for the four years. Do you prefer the country or city? CITY. I’m already too used to the internet, the nice restaurants, and the hustle and bustle of the city to be separated from it. That’s not to say I don’t like vacationing in provinces – I really do, but it’s only a matter of time before I get homesick for the city. Texting: Is it fun, evil, boring, or none of the above? It’s none of these things for me? It’s just convenient, lmao. What email service do you use for your main (or only) email account? Gmail. What's your favorite dumb pick-up line? Pass on here, I’ve never liked pickup lines. What are your plans for the next 48 hours? Did you ever read "Captain Underpants" when you were little? OMG yes I diiiiiid. My parents didn’t allow to buy me those books cos they were a little immature, but I lived with a cousin who had the complete series. They were SO fun to read and so funny and the doodles were really entertaining. What's better: The old Cartoon Network, or the new one? Or do you not care? THANK you for the third option. I don’t care. Disney Channel shows are all pretty cheesy, aren't they? They definitely are now, but maybe that’s just because I’m older now. Older people in 2006 probably found That’s So Raven and The Suite Life corny too. What's your opinion on the Jonas Brothers? Crazy talented, both in 2009 and their recent comeback. I vibe with Sucker today the same way I vibed with SOS when I was 10 years old. What are some of your favorite singers/bands? I enjoy listening to Paramore, Beyoncé, Hozier, Ariana Grande, Hayley Williams as a solo artist, Coldplay, and Ben&Ben. Why do the lead singers in bands always get the most recognization?! Because they’re typically the most recognizable ones in the group. You have your guitars, basses, keyboards, drums... and I think people often recognize vocalists as the one that sets the band apart from others. Just my two cents though, and this is certainly not meant to undermine the band members who do play instruments. Did you ever believe in the Tooth Fairy? I did at one point, but my parents ruined any fictional character for me when I woke up not finding any money under my pillow. What's your favorite type of weather? Just any kind of weather that blocks the sun out is great with me. What's your opinion on reading books? If you have the time and passion for it then honestly good for you. I stopped being a bookworm a long time ago and I never got back into the groove. You're given a chance to act in a hollywood blockbuster! Would you accept? If I was a paid extra, sure lmao. What it if it was a movie directed by Tim Burton? (He directed Sweeney Todd) I know who Tim Burton is. Again, only if I were an extra lol. How do you feel about Taco Bell? It’s so good. I don’t care how unhealthy it is or what it’s actually made out of; it’s great comfort food for me haha. Are you hungry right now? Now that you mentioned Taco Bell I do want some cheap fast food right now lmao, but I guess I’m not having anything like that until the lockdown is lifted :/ :/ How often do you go on to YouTube? Everyday. I watch at least one video a day. It's possible to be addicted to anything... What are you addicted to? Using my phone, I guess. What's your opinion of Wallgreens? I don’t have any, because I only see hear of it in American vlogs hahahaha. Back when Spongebob Squarepants was famous, were you interested in it? 100%. Favorite cartoon as a kid. It’s still one of my favorites today. What's your dream pet? Any kind of dog except for chihuahua sounds like a dream. You see a mermaid while relaxing on the beach with friends. What now? Take a photo from afar and then share it with close friends. It’s up to them if they want to spread it on social media, but I’ll take a pass on that lol.

Who's been your favorite teacher growing up, and why? I liked Ms. Ettie because she always made sure all of her music lessons came with an important life lesson. She always led the class with a lot of grace and poise and treated all her students with respect no matter how much they were struggling in class, and I admire her tremendously for it. When you were little, did you ever like Pokemon? I did. I had the books, video games, cards, and pogs. How often do you get headaches? Only when I’m really stressed from school and haven’t eaten. Do you have any songs stuck in your head right now? If so, what? Nope.

I finally finished Call Down the Hawk ! Here’s my first reaction (very spoilery!!!!) 

- On the whole I loved it. Loved most of the new characters, the themes, the more grown up vibe and the expanding worldbuilding. Is very clearly a set up, opening novel so a bit frustrating in the pacing but nothing major, just a lot more questions than answers. I just felt like it was still the start of the novel, rising tension and then boom ! the end. Had the same feeling with the Raven Boys tbh. But mostly I didn’t want it to end so soon. 

- this book is so sad ? but sad in a nuanced, gotta cope with it, adult sort of way. Like TRC was about a cool adventure quest, of course there were threats but it was full of magic and friendship and the thrill of becoming yourself and wanting *something more.*This is about stopping the end of the world and people having no good options and I can’t think of one main character in this book that isn’t like...subtly devastating. But it’s sad in a way that centers the agency of the protagonists and how much they care and how hard they’re trying, so it doesn’t feel fatalistic or gloomy. It’s just *arrrrrgh my heart*. They’re all trying so hard to cope but if they don’t find a better way to cope with their problems soon it’s going to kill them. Lol the young adult mood nowadays or what. 

- Ronan broke my heart, really. I loved that on one hand there are clear signs that he’s grown so much - he is able to show tenderness, to be open about his sexuality, he’s taken control of his dreaming to a point where he’s capable to help Hennessy - but at the same time he’s clearly depressed and he doesn’t know his place in the world and feels like everyone is moving on without him. Because the implications of his powers make it impossible for him to live a ‘normal’ life. Surviving your teenage years and self-acceptance is only the beginning ; then you have to deal with a world that isn’t made for you. He needs to find his people. This is just so, so relatable for a neuroatypical twenty-something...feels like a punch in the face. I am sooooo happy he found Hennessy and I can’t wait to see where their relationship goes. Worried about Bryde and how easily he could manipulate Ronan, though. Also, I am interested in the new sun symbolism attached to him - the kid permanently dressed in black with his ‘night horrors’ previously - now he’s making little lights/little suns everywhere in the guise of fireflies or floating flowers or little lights ; he has sundogs and a sun blade. Obviously there could be a link to the fire that is slated to destroy the world (and Kavinsky’s fire dragon !!!!) but it can also very much go in the direction of ‘stepping into the light’ and full life giving potential and sun-drenched tomatoes and happiness. MAN his arc in this trilogy is going to rock so hard i just cannot wait. 

- I just love Hennessy and her girls so, so much. The idea of living with clones of yourself is so fascinating to me...the fact that Hennessy struggles with the similarities with her mother, the artist who killed herself, and how caring for the girls seems to be a substitute for caring for herself, which she can’t manage. That scene in the bathroom...heartbreaking. Like can you imagine not being able to sleep for longer than 20 min ? That’s torture. Nod her relationship with Jordan, so complex. This idea of ‘my parallel universe self can live a better life than me if I keep all the self-hate’ ; of dreaming a better version of yourself. They care for each other so much but there is so much resentment being trapped in that state of being too. I wonder why Hennessy dreamed copies instead of something else : out of a need to be less alone with her plight ? To find others like her ? Or is it a darker ‘take her not me’ way to hide ? The fact that she gets a moon sword in the end (the moon being a reflection of the sun duh) makes this symbolism all the more present. Maybe she had this struggle of feeling like a copy of her mother, beautiful and wild and doomed and codependent on the man she loved. I can’t wait to see where this goes. I was just heartbroken that most of the girls had to die. Plus some bi rep yayyyyy (and more characters that are not white dudes ftw). It’s interesting that the Lace picked her specifically to torment ; I can’t help but feel it’s tied to that unsteady sense of self. Anyway, I really hope Hennessy gets to a place of love and self knowledge and self care and being surrounded by people who love her. I feel like her POV really underlines how tiring it can be to doubt yourself so constantly. 

- Declan Lynch ! Wow, I just love love love a POV switch that shows unsuspected depths about a previously disliked character. His arc is really *eldest sibling plight* taken to the extreme. Being boring for survival because you can’t afford to be a problem. Yup, extremely relatable too. It’s very refreshing because a lot of the MC of TRC have this ‘edgy cool we don’t like rules vibes’ which can come over as very immature (i meah duh they’re teens) and Declan had to grow up too fast and his sticking to the rules and trying to impose structure on Ronan’s life and completely draining his own life of any sense of joy or individuality, feels half like a survival technique half trauma response stemming from the terror of being given responsibilities at way too young an age and coping with the chaotic environment he grew up in and the constant threat of discovery. It’s like, textbook ‘child parentalization’ and it really sucks and Niall Lynch is an incredible asshole. And Ronan is pretty much stuck in father worship mode and turning all his anger towards Declan. The growth there...is going to be super therapeutic. And I love his thing with Jordan. Survival makes it impossible for them to be their true selves but they find something true together ? Aww. I can’t wait for them to be together at the Barns, which is really Romance Central in this universe. (I foresee angst too but ehhhh). And more art flirting and museum dates. 

- I also love how dream beings are getting more autonomy in this book. I think Declan distancing himself from Jordan in the end is this old complex about being non-magical and therefore inferior, but also because he doesn’t consider dreams to be real people capable of consent or interiority. I found the idea of Aurora Lynch always extraordinarily fucked up and in this book we learn it’s even worse - that she was basically a copy of Declan’s real mom ? Imagine growing up with that...no wonder he hates Niall. Though the idea of Mor O Corra doing the same thing is really intriguing, makes you wonder what the fuck happened there (was it a mutual decision ? was it a revenge thing ? Man their whole family is just so messed up lmao. But I just love the idea of Boudicca and the magical lady mob though.) And Matthew learning he is a dream and starting to deviating from his ‘happy but kind of dumb’ behavior in the previous books. He’s always been this previsible creature but now he isn’t and I feel like a big difference between him and Jordan was this knowledge. She has this knowledge of what she is and she immediately has more sense of self and agency and I feel that that’s a key theme of the book - knowledge, self knowledge. It’s basically what the ‘Call Down the Hawk’ title links to - Bryde talking about the man who turned into a falcon and then a hawk and learning so much about the world ; calling down the hawk would mean the man coming down and sharing this knowledge ; for Ronan it’s as well meeting and helping Hennessy ; so it’s about knowing your own nature through meeting people who are like you, as well. I love !!!!!

- Adam ! Not enough Adam in this book. I spent the book missing him, but that makes sense, because that’s the mindset Ronan is in. He represents what Ronan can’t have, and the Longing tm just permeates the whole book. Everytime he appears he’s just the epitome of cool, whether as dark academia vibes Harvard Student with his queer clique the Crying Club or Hot Motorcycle Boyfriend. He knows exactly what Ronan needs - understands his distrust when Ronan wonders if this is the Real Adam, tells him ‘go slow’ instead of just don’t, wants to take a look at Bryde to check the dude out, drives eight fucking hours on a motorcycle he can’t even drive properly to spend three hours with Ronan...he’s just like a dreamboat in this one lmao and after all the shit he went through in TRC...Therapeutic. But he is also increasingly distant and it’s so painful in a delicious way - the longing between characters who are already together but who are being kept apart by life is one of my fave angst tropes ever. Ronan wants to grow old with him and has romantic horny farmer dreams about him and the whole ‘tamquam alter idem’ thing...Boi i die that shit is just so...Romance tm. And I love how true to them it is, they’re achingly tender and yet there is still that strong chaotic shithead vibe between the two of them. Honestly the fight with the murder crabs was fucked up but made me laugh so much too. But then Ronan not being able to stay ? HEARTBREAKING. Ronan having Adam under ‘MANAGEMENT’ in his phone...really fucking funny but also feels like Ronan puts a sense of stability and direction in Adam and now that Adam is so distant...he feels extra vulnerable so he compensates with jokes. Ouch. Anyway I really want more about Adam and the Crying Club. Adam’s mix of cold, calculating pragmatism and compassion and understanding ? I love him so much, damn. I hope he’s a POV character in next book. I can see Ronan disappearing with Bryde and Adam looking for him, tbh. He’s too important to Ronan to stay on the periphery forever I hope. 

- the Carmen Farooq-Lane chapters were my least favorite, especially when she’s with Parsifal - it felt kind of repetitive. I feel like Maggie’s villain chapters are often sort of a weak point - the bad guys tend to be either ‘Vague Ominous Cosmic Horror Entity that wants to Destroy Everything’ (also often a terrifying reflection of mental health issues/existential terror) or ‘Evil Prep’ lmao, and I had the same feeling w the Whelk or Greenmantle chapters in TRC. That said, I feel like Farooq-Lane has potential. Her persistent self delusion about how she’s the good guy is fascinating. Her ‘evil sibling, obvious trauma hidden by politeness and cleanliness, probably is going to have a redemption arc’ thing feels very Gray Man. Her punching Ramsay moment was very ‘hell yeah’ and tbh I already ship her with Liliana - who feels a bit underdrawn at the moment too, but interesting potential. The Moderators, still, feel a bit too ‘generic lawful evil agency’ yet, but the concept is interesting. I really really love Bryde as an idea though. His speeches to Ronan are fascinating ; from one aspect they really illustrate a fascinating concept of the Earth coming back to real magic but from another, he sounds like a cult leader. Selling this idea to vulnerable people that their difference makes them special - and well Ronan and Hennessy definitely are, but does that make them better than other people ? Seen as how Ronan reacts to Declan, it feels like he would be vulnerable to that idea. Hennessy not so much ; I can see her accept Bryde’s help out of pure necessity maybe, but not be swayed by his lies. I really feel like they’re going to need each other. 

- So much cool worldbuilding...The Fairy Market concept is amazing (but also scary as shit right...like they’re selling people ? Probably dreams but that is still fucked up as hell ? Then again we’ve seen dreams die in pretty casual circumstances so the question is very much ‘so...what is personhood here?’). The idea of Visionaries is absolutely horrifying. Some people saying Adam could become one ? My god I’m not sure if I could stand those levels of angst. His ‘seeing the future of the world instead of people’ thing though...feels very compatible. Or at least like Adam could contrebalance the Visionaries’s visions somehow at the very least. Anyway, this is going to hurt. But it’s cool to have more answers ; the ending of TRC left a lot unexplained in my mind about the Lynch fam or why all those people wanted the Greywaren so bad etc. So this is very satisfying. 

- So Miss Maggie really went wanting to be normal at the expense of your true self is no way to live and also if you don’t create what you need to, you're going to die ? haha thanks for the callout i feel attacked. But honestly her saying that this was about the necessity and price of creation man I am soooo interested in where this is going to go next. All in all a stellar book, 10/10 would read again to overanalyze (yeah more than this even), most frustrating thing is waiting for the next one 

Idk if you've answered something like this before, so sorry if you have but do you ever get worried that as a mental health professional one of your clients or colleagues might find your Tumblr and read all your smutty writing? I'm officially becoming a licensed therapist (going to work with LGBTQ+ youth!) this year and I'm honestly terrified of someone finding my fics and knowing it's me.

First off, congrats on becoming a licensed therapist! There’s so much hard work that goes into becoming licensed, and maintaining that licensure, and you deserve all the recognition for entering this field and being passionate about helping others!

I will say that as far as my clients go, I’ve so far been working with verrrry impoverished city populations who are lucky to even keep a roof over their head or have a working phone on them, let alone have enough technology to be online or understand tumblr lol. However, it’s definitely something I’ve contemplated and that I had to think about when first making my accounts. I also have a second clinical masters degree in Human Sexuality Education, so I have that as a cushion to be like ummmm do you see what I studied? Are you really surprised? lol 

I think it’s a very person-by-person decision about how private you make your online profiles, but for me, I decided that there’s literally nothing to be ashamed about with writing smut. If my clients did find my work and brought it up, we could discuss any reactions they might’ve had about it and process where those reactions come from. Like with you wanting to work with LGBTQ+ youth (which kudos by the way, the world needs more professionals like you!) if they did happen upon your stuff, well 1. they’re technically not to be consuming this content if they’re under 18 (which lets be real, isn’t a realistic standard but still something you could say, that your stuff is advertised for adult consumers). But also, it could honestly start a great conversation regarding sexuality and our internal desires, especially how fictional fantasy is NOT the same as reality, and that one can fantasize about topics that they don’t have to condone in reality (esp if your fanfic content is more ‘taboo’). It can also be a GREAT conversation on gender expectations, and how women are held to such double standards when we acknowledge that we even have sexual fantasies, let alone create or consume erotic content. I could go on and on about this, but I think you get my drift that if a client did find your profiles, it’s all about how you process their reaction and turn the conversation. Make it about the general topics of erotica/fantasies/sexuality/etc and take the focus off YOU creating it. Make it a bigger conversation. It could even open them up to feeling more comfortable talking to you about their own sexual-related topics (I know that my clients and coworkers tbh who learned of my masters in human sexuality were muuuch more likely to then voice their own questions and concerns in that arena, bc I became more of a safe, nonjudgmental space). 

Now, as far as coworkers, I used to hide my love of fanfiction, but the last few years I haven’t. My team at work knows I read and write fanfiction. If somone new starts at my job and we do the whole “so what are your hobbies” convo, I include reading and writing. If they ask me what I read or write, I say fanfiction, and take in their reaction. If they’re a jerk about it, I know they’re not someone I want to be around and our relationship is gonna be verrry professional and not buddy buddy. Also, in our field, a mental health professional being a dick about something like that??? Talk about a career red flag, my god. 

My first supervisor at my current job was actually into fandoms himself, and I only found out through being honest regarding my own hobbies. We didn’t go into details since he was in a higher level position, but once he left my job for another company, we traded social media profiles and he asked for my masterlist, something that never would’ve happened if I’d hid my love of fanfic. And one of the nurses I work with (a woman in her 50s) even asked to read one of my stories a couple of months ago, once I explained to her what fanfiction was, and so I sent her one of my Hopper oneshots since we both watch Stranger Things. Now I did give her the disclaimer that she asked for this content and so to prepare herself. And I know her well enough at this point that we don’t judge each other and are super open about a lot of things sex-related already, so I wasn’t worried about her freaking out. Her response the next time I saw her, after she read it, was, “Damn, you’re a dirty bitch….I loved it!” XD 

Now I’m not saying you have to share your content with coworkers (and definitely don’t ever actively share it with clients, as I’m sure you know), but I don’t think anyone should feel that they *have* to hide it, either, or be worried if someone else finds it on their own. Any coworker who would try to belittle me or make fun of me for that? Oh hell no. We’re all adults here, and the time for making fun of someone for their hobbies is long past in my book. I have no time for it. If you show that you’re not embarrassed by something and refuse to let someone else make you feel/act embarrassed, then people who would be jerks will only make themselves look dumb. But I’m also very lucky to work in a super open-minded environment and none of my coworkers who know have ever given me much crap over it. 

All that to say, that’s MY personal situation, and my own view on it is that I’m all for being open about my love of smutty fanfic, because you never know when you’ll find someone else who is also into it. And regarding clients, you keep it professional and turn it into a bigger conversation, or if the client reacts super harshly, process where their feelings of transference are coming from. At the end of the day, they were the ones searching for that content in order to happen upon your profile sooooo *shrugs*  However, if the thought of that is too worrisome or anxiety-inducing then, by all means, don’t feel bad about having an anonymous profile that gives out no personal info about who you are. It’s a choice YOU have to make for yourself. 

For me, I’m letting my smutty fanfic flag fly proudly, and people can accept it or move on along. Hope that helps!

J O S H U A

JOSHUA

J - WHAT IS THEIR MOST IRRATIONAL FEAR?

The thing you need to now about Josh is that he’s got an active imagination, alright? And he’s really into movies. He is also southern. And from Florida. So, you can’t really hold this against him. But RED DAWN, it’s gonna happen. To him, it’s not an irrational fear, ok? It’s an inevitable situation. Now, he’s not saying it’s going to be the Soviet Union, Cubans or Nicaraguans like the original 1984 movie suggested. He’s also not saying that it’ll be the North Koreans backed by the Russians like in the 2012 remake. But it’s going to happen. And yea, it freaks him out. The thought keeps him up at night. So, sometimes when he gets too in his head about it, he might start drawing up some plans for an escape route for him and his love ones. HE’S NOT CRAZY, OK? 

O - HOW MUCH HAVE THEY CHANGED IN THE PAST FIVE YEARS?

Honestly, a little. Like, a lot has changed. But he’s still the same Josh he’s always been. Five years ago, he was a goofy, frat guy who loved watching nascar with his best friend, going fishing and camping, playing baseball and hanging out with his wife. Now, he is still a total goofball, loves watching nascar with his best friend, going fishing and camping, playing baseball and hanging out with his wife and children. But he’s changed in the way that…the things that used to be important to him aren’t. Like, in college, all he really wanted out of life was to be a professional baseball player. A wife and family, yes. But baseball first. Now, he just wants to devote his life to being a good father and husband. He’s definitely less of a frat guy though. Josh was never a wild animal in college but he was known to get drunk and do some pretty stupid things. He doesn’t take risks like that any more. He also doesn’t drink anymore. Also, the issues he had with his own family have gotten better. He met his father, started a relationship with him and his family. He has siblings now, which he loves. He’s also forgiven his grandparents for lying to him. He visits them a couple times a year and they visit him. His relationship with his mother hasn’t changed but that’s mostly because she doesn’t have any interest in fixing their issues. He’s definitely grown as a person and is much better for it. 

S - HOW DO THEY TELL SOMEONE THEY’RE SORRY?

He’s never been afraid to own up to his mistakes. If he’s done something wrong and you come to him about it, he’s quick to listen and understand and make a heartfelt apology. How he does it, well, that depends. If it’s over a small grievance. He usually would just flat out say he’s sorry and will try to do better and thank the person for coming to him about it. If it’s something big, something that demands an action to prove he’s sorry, he’ll do it. He’s really a good guy. He does dumb things without realizing it but he’s never been the type to callously hurt another. 

H - WHO TEXTS/CALLS THEM THE MOST?

So, Deanna definitely texts him the most. Like, all day, every day. But Ian calls him the most. He and Ian were college roommates. They spent four years seeing each other every day. Four years of chit chats in the morning over breakfast, four years or playing video games, watching the race/game, planning Halloween costumes and having dinner together. And don’t ever, ever forget about their nightly talk. Four years of giving each other the run down of their day, talking about their hopes and dreams, their worries, the secrets they’d only share with each other. And now they live so far a part. It’s really hard on them, honestly. So, while it’s not daily (their wives felt it was too much), they do talk on the phone a lot. At least three times a week. 

U - WOULD THEY RATHER BE SINGLE OR IN A RELATIONSHIP?

In a relationship. But specifically, in a relationship with Deanna. Josh has always been a kind of guy who loves love. But being in love with Deanna is the best thing ever for him. So, if he can’t be married to her then, he wants to be single forever. Sorry ladies, she’s it for him. 

A - WHO ARE THEIR EXES? DO THEY STILL KEEP IN TOUCH?

Listen…I’ve got some exes and names and stuff but I’ve done a bad job at remember those names. Sooooo, names aren’t important. Josh’s first girlfriend was in kindergarten. He didn’t really have much say in it but they got married about 8 times. She strung him along until 2nd grade when she transferred to a different class and decided another boy was more convenient to be married to. He hasn’t spoken to her since the messy divorce. His next girlfriend wasn’t until middle school. I say girlfriend but it was…less. They would have lunch together, hang out at gym and went to the dances together. They also do not have contact. He had a couple of girlfriends in high school. One he doesn’t keep in touch with at all. No real reason other than they’ve grown apart. The other is a good friend of his, who married another good friend of his. They FB each other a lot about how cute their kids are. Freshman year of college, he was hung up on a junior girl. She played him, hard. When she dropped him, it hurt. He never thought he’d get over it. So, Sophomore year, he went through a string of girls. The one that stuck out the most was a girl named Lexi. They both wanted something laid back and causal. So when they started to catch feelings, they called it off. Throughout college, they remained friendly. But no contact since. His junior year, he took a girl named Autumn on a date. It didn’t pan out. His fault. He was head over heels for Deanna. They dated for a while and then eloped like the two crazy kids in love that they were. Like…two years later, things went south. Josh graduated college, was starting his career and Deanna was still in college. The distance caused a lot of damage. BUT WHAT CAUSED THE MOST WAS DEANNA MAILING HIM DIVORCE PAPERS. WHO DOES THAT?! After that, zero contact. He met a girl shortly after (while stupid drunk). Her name was Abby, she was nice. They hooked up (while stupid drunk) and that one night stand led to his daughter, Rachel. He and Abby tried to make it work. But he was still hung up (and technically married) to Deanna. That, plus other issues eventually caused Abby to leave him and Rachel. Zero contact there too. BUT GUESS WHO IS BACK IN TOWN AND BACK IN BED?! His wife. That’s right. They’re a hot mess but they looooooove each other. Ok, bye. 

SPELL A MUSE’S NAME IN MY ASK BOX AND I’LL TELL YOU…

We need to talk about The Death Cure (2/5)

We need to talk about the Death Cure :

1. The Movie in General

2. Scene by Scene

3. The characters

4. The pairings

5. Random thoughts

Scene by scene

Attack of the train :

- seriously, the level of preparation and timing this first scene would require in real life, to have this train stop at this exact spot, is ridiculous. I loved that scene, but still…. I only accept this is possible because it was awesome to see all of them again. And also, for their common grinning when it succeeds.

- we actually have a clue that they’re picking the wrong wagon : Minho doesn’t react to Thomas banging on the walls of the wagon, only to Thomas’ voice, and said voice comes from further than it should. I actually wanted to strangle Thomas afterwards, because BOY, if your target was Minho YOU SHOULD HAVE CHECKED BETTER. There was a grid on the top of the train, you could have looked inside!!!

- I don’t like the easy, lazy ways to get out of some situations, especially from a series that didn’t have that in previous episodes : a clear instance of that was the Berg shooting at Brenda and Jorge when their car is next to the train, but then the Berg ceases fire, even when the car has stopped, and they send all theit soldiers outside, conveniently not shooting Brenda and Jorge down.

Torturing Minho :

- I love Minho’s hallucination sequence. At first, I read it as a gift to fans, but then I wondered if it also worked as a symbol of Minho’s psyche? It could say a lot : the Glade is seen deserted, seemingly  very recently abandonned, given that there’s still smoke coming from a fire, and hammocs are still hanging. It looks both familiar and gloomy, in a way. I analysed it as a symbol that despite them having left the Glade for a long time, their time in the Glade is still fresh in his mind ; it’s both a comfort  memory and somewhere he doesn’t want to return, and also, linked to the memories of friends, that are both heart-warming and painful given most are dead. …….also, who is this kid that runs through the Glade?? a symbol of Thomas? Of Newt? ……whatever explanation to this sequence, I just loved it, it was absolutely breathtaking and sad too. ……plus, I think it was interesting that his dream ended with a situation of helplessness despite having tried to escape, just like he must feel all day, trapped at WCKD as a lab rat… ç___ç

- also, him running from the Griever, in fright, took me back to The Fever Code. Because we know Minho is not a coward, so it does look like a frantic reflex, and I couldn’t help thinking back of how he got tortured as a kid. ç___ç

- I also love how they illustrate Teresa’s complexity. That first scene we have of her, watching Miho being tortured…. she’s flinching almost imperceptibly, but she’s also forcing herself to look : is she forcing herself to watch this as self-punishment? As a way to prove her allegiance to WCKD (given that Ava is watching her)? Or as a way to make sure Minho is being treated decently?

  On their way to the Last City :

- as fun as the crank tunnel scene was (…..or rather, scary fun, since I kept alternating between chuckling and jumping in scare), seriously, guys??? Turn off the shucking lights of your car!!!! Gods, you really have a death wish….. OR GO FOR IT AT TOP SPEED!!! I also loved that were they not rescued last minute, they would have died here. Because yeah, for the first (?) time, one of Thomas’ crazy plans doesn’t work. He hasn’t planned things through and he fails miserably. It happens again right after this, when they reach the protest ; Thomas wants to run head-first, blindly, to use this as a way to get in (just like he did up until now, save for the train attack that was so obviously a group effort) aaaand…. Jorge tells him it’s not even crazy, it’s unrealistic. This time, there’s no miracle, no spur-of-the-moment solution to be found. And indeed, they barely avoid being killed. I like how this highlights that Thomas is NOT a good leader and should learn not to jump into things. (….is it hopeless?)

- I loved that at Lawrence’s Rebels Headquarters, the Gladers seem to rekindle their link, the special relation between all of them. They clearly ignore Brenda, Jorge or the Rebels for that matter. It’s conveyed both through their dialogues and through the looks they throw at each other. Suddenly, their world seems to make sense again, because they’re together. (GLADERS FOR THE WIN!!)

  At WCKD :

- I liked what they did with Shai, because though some will say this development was to be expected, I didn’t think so. And I sympathised so much with Teresa in these scenes, I think you can really understand why she did all this, trying to save this little girl …..or rather, trying to save everyone, but all these victims were being embodied in a child, innocent and young, ; which is also working really well to explain how terrible this disease is and how important it would be to find a cure. (I think it’s also an echo of the second film, when Teresa smiles when looking at a little girl’s picture, wondering where she went, and is the only one reacting this way, the boys being focused on their own survival).

- that scene with Teresa spotting Thomas through the crowd was absolutely beautiful, and very interesting. I think it’s meant to make the spectator questions, what she’s seeing, if Thomas is really here or if her guilt is playing tricks with her mind…. ……It was perfect I LOVED it so MUCH, oh gods *_____* and then their whole conversation, where each stands by their opinion and you can see the moment Thomas loses faith in Teresa and she feels it, from the way he sounds both bitter and broken, and it hurts them both, and the music was beautiful and….. *sobs* it was amazing <3 “Do you regret?” “Sometimes, but I’d do it again.” “Good.” I would have wanted to be in Thomas’ mind sooooo much, when he’s letting her see him, knowing she’d follow, I wanted soooo much to know how he was feeling at that time.

- I also loved the scene where Ava is having a drink in her office, clearly accepting her defeat…. It was beautiful, aesthetically speaking. Plus, it empathised the difference between her and Janson. Her talking gives the impression she is not willing to do anything for her survival, contrary to Janson. But I think it’s wrong ; she IS willing to do anything, as long as there’s a chance. Now that it’s clear they’re doomed, she’ll let the boat sink while enjoying her alcohol. Janson, on the other hand, is still believing in his chances of survival regardless of how bad the situation is. In a way, he shares this desperate survival instinct with Thomas (.....in a way, I know they have very different values, don’t throw stones at me). I also liked that this is the first hint of Janson rebelling against Ava, in this. It also took me two viewings, to understand how pivotal this scene is, in setting a chain of events, because it’s THAT conversation that leads Janson to order the desperate serum collect on Minho, in an emergency (which had sounded a bit convenient on first viewing).

Interrogation scene :

- Gally interrogating Teresa was made of gold, I chuckled sooo much, but he was convincing too, I mean he was badass *___* and seriously, anyone wanting to write a Cop!Gally fic?? Please?? Plus, him getting angry about WCKD’s torturing Minho was just <3, as well as him being suspicious and protective when Thomas talks with her.

- I think in that moment Thomas hates her, as shown in his coldness to her and heated conversation afer the interrogation. I also think this scene is probably key regarding making him shift his feelings towards Gally. I also loved that Newt stays quiet and silent, even when Gally and Fry are talking about Teresa : on the one hand, it says a lot that he doesn’t stop them when he had been protective about her in the previous movies, but it also says a lot that he doesn’t take part in this conversation, even when we know he’s been suffocated by jealousy not too long ago (is he trying to remain in control and show he’s not affected by the Flare?).

- Finally, I adored the fact that despite her situation, Teresa’s brain is still focused on her scienntific research ; while Thomas lets himself get blinded by his resentment, she’s still very much in control of herself.

- The only thing I would have taken out of this scene, is the conversation between Brenda and Jorge, or rather, I would have kept it, but would not have played it to make it sound like Jorge is “running from a fight” (especially since it makes fucking sense he’s the one going to the Berg, given that in the book, he’s a pilot, so he could have been a pilot too, in another life, in movie!verse. Would explain him knowing so much about this Last City).

Infiltrating WCKD’s HQ :

- this scene of Thomas, Newt and Gally infiltrating WCKD HQ, joining smoothly and silently, was so very cool XD even though okay, guys, I still don’t see why you needed to separate or where you got these uniforms. I’ll forgive you, movie, because it looked so very cool. Also…. did I get a Star Wars reference in this scene of them rescueing the captured Immunes? Because it looked a loooot like the rescue of Princess Leia in A New Hope (which pleased me soooo much as a fan), complete with Skywalker!Newt opening the door of the cell and taking off his helmet after being mistaken for a real soldier <3 it was awesome <3 thank you moviiiiiie for this SW hommage :3 (though honestly, Thomas, how DUMB are you??? LOOK AT NEWT, does he LOOK allright??? He can force the safe, you know he can, so wtf, man up and make him stay there, take Gally with you, you IDIOT!!!)

- I loved the whole elevator scene, with Janson covering his bases now that he can’t count on Ava anymore (gotta love how coldly strategic the man is, even when infected). Also, Teresa looks downright terrified, and I think I misinterpreted this at first : I don’t think she’s afraid of Janson in this, given that she is never shown scared of him in any other scene. I think she’s terrified of Thomas in this. Of Thomas losing control, acting impulsively and rashly, the way she knows he can. We’re shown she knows him well, too : even though he managed to boil in silence for a grand 2 minutes, he ends up bumping into Janson’s shoulder on his way out, and I’m 80% convinced that Janson wouldn’t have smelled something was fishy had Thomas refrained from doing this. So Teresa was right to be terrified. Notice, though, how she manages to actually save the situation and still save her skin, while still pursuing her objective of finding a cure, wasn’t she awesome???? I think it’s also the very moment Thomas starts to believe in her again.

- Also, note that this is the single instance of Newt being snarly towards Teresa (“she’s trying to get into your head”), which sadly sounded like jealousy/illness taking control of him and leading to a self-destruction attitude, kinda (made me wonder if the virus was able to kinda “protect itself” and distorted Newt’s perceptions, so they there would be no tries to cure it).

- ……And gods, Thomas letting his anger get the best of him, taking off his helmet, yelling that there is no cure, is so intense, so stupidly Thomas, it was brilliant.

  - it’s only a side note, but I enjoyed so much Janson’s angry order to shut off the alarm. Because I’m working in an job environement where there are alarms sometimes and it’s the most annoying sound, there’s no one in the whole universe who wouldn’t want it to be turned off once it’s started to ring.

Saving Minho :

- the whole rescuing Minho phase was quite interesting, but what got my attention in this was more Minho (….and Newt’s state deteriorating ç___ç ). Berserk!Minho FTW XD The rest belongs to the pairings section of these comments, save for the fact that for once in this movie, one of Thomas’ crazy last-minute stunts succeeds (whooohoooo).

- I’m basically sold whenever Gally is in a scene, BUT I had been bothered by his last minute rescue of our trio, after their little jump. Well thinking about it during my second viewing, I have to admit it actually makes sense, and Gally’s strategy is wise. Waiting till the last minute to shoot the three soldiers enables him to come closer to his targets (less risk of failing when aiming from this close) plus it gives him a better surprise effect (given that their attention must have been on the trio, and it would have taken precious seconds to realize they’re actually targeted by one of their own). So okay, clever, here, movie.

Fall of the Last City :

- I really loved the whole Rebels attacking the Last City. Not only because the aesthetic here is beautiful, but because it was realistic. I was caught once in a protest that went wrong (….but not that wrong) and I got the very same feeling. Like…. this revolt had good basis, tbh. It was justified, fueled by the unfairness of the situation, the inequalities and the despair of all these people that feel (rightfully so) like they’ve been abandonned and left to die. Yet, once the attack starts, it clearly gets out of control, and instead of a revolt, we’re dealing with wild destruction.

- Gally seems both surprised and somehow mesmerized by that (if I’m not mistaken). And I loved it. I was wondering what was going on in his mind in that moment, really. After his initial reaction, though, did you notice how during this whole mess, Gally stay clear headed, clearly protecting them all, giving out warnings and orders, taking control, combat trained and efficient?? because it was awesome *___*  (my only problem with this scene, really, was that it was risky to keep their soldier uniforms, though really, taking them off was risky too, as they offer protection, so… *shrugs*)

- Also, we get clear confirmation that Thomas was wrong : Lawrence didn’t want time. He wanted a supposed kind of justice, which was probably only revenge or a way to punish and lash out at the people he sees responsible for his fate. But what he starts is actually raw violence, blind destruction, that has nothing to do with justice, and it felt realistic.

Newt’s death :

- I love that this revolution is getting out of control and causing a mess and destruction and is actually another cause of Newt’s death, given that even if it distracts the soldiers, it also prevents Brenda and the boys to reach Newt and Thomas on time. And it is pretty ironic and sad, because the Gladers are the spark that lit this fire.

- I won’t write a lot about Newt’s death. Because it’s been discussed much already. But I liked it, even though I still wishes it had been closer to the books (because I thought it was really cruel, to have Thomas purposely shooting Newt).

- I love the desperate running through hell, the fact that they’re clearly trying, giving it their best, trying to believe despite all odds, that they’re going to make it…. …..but what really gets me are the goodbyes. Newt thanking Minho, which you can read as thanks for being his friend, thanks for having saved his life and maybe so much more. But also, I read it as a “thank you for going to Brenda to retrieve the serum and coming back to me”, as Newt going with Thomas’ lie that it will be okay, that he’s going to make it, all so that Minho doesn’t see the horrible final moments, all so Minho can feel active instead of passively accepting what’s going on. And Gally goes with it too, even though I think he’s the one knowing the most what’s going to happen, he’s almost gentle with them here and it broke my heart.

- I also loved the desperate way Thomas is carrying Newt’s body, because I could easily understand, the way you’re exhausted but still trying and yet it’s not enough, and you just want to collapse and there’s a sob right there in your throat… DOB really delivers there, all through this, his face during the desperate call from Teresa (which, again, is straaaangely happening right before Newt looses it to the Flare).

- I love the way they mannage to show that Newt is still fighting the illness, that he fights desperately to remain in control and kill himself now it’s clear there won’t be any miracles, and I think that Thomas understands this. However, Thomas being Thomas, he denies suicide to Newt (because there’s a hope, there’s always a hope, he’s been through so many desperate moments, and he’s always managed, there’s always hope, just wait a little longer, just bear with this a seond more), and I think he is fueling Newt’s frustration and anger and making it more difficult to remain in control, like a vicious circle of pain.

- as said, I was really touched by Brenda’s running, heroically, flying with this life-saving miracle, but that it was in vain. And Thomas’s reaction, when Newt dies, gods…. The hurt, the guilt, the anger, the silent accusation when his eyes meet with Brenda’s and she’s too late, she’s too late when it was the only moment she should not have been. All with nothing but music, it was heart-breaking. But what made it worse was all of the boys reactions afterwards. Thomas, unable to deal with this, unable to stay, fueled by his guilt and hate (hesitating between hate towards WCKD or towards himself). Gally EDIT : it was not Gally, it was Fryyyyyy (Sorry Fry ç__ç), kneeling, solemn, paying respect to Newt but breaking  down soon after. But worst of all, Minho, collapsing, falling to his knees, like he can’t stand anymore, like his life is over too (reminding me of when he thought, in the Maze, that they were all condemned). ç____ç

Janson and Teresa’s deaths :

- I’m torn, about the last scene with Janson. I like that you’re given a clear understanding of Teresa’ motivations and the line she draws, the difference with Janson (and probably Ava). I also love that neither Teresa nor Thomas reallly stand a chance in a fight against Janson, and we’re reminded that these are teenagers, fighting against a grown man, a trained and cold-minded opponent (even if he’s infected).  I also absolutely love the way Thomas reacts to being shot, in disbelief (probably having felt but a sting, with the adrenaline) and then collapsing; Teresa’s reflexes to stop the bleeding…. but also, in this moment, them rekindling their relation, showing that they are still important to eachother. I also think, in this moment, that Teresa understands that she has lost the fight too, like Ava. Except there’s still someone left to protect, Thomas, and she’s fighting for him with all she has ç____ç On the other hand, and despite all those great things... I loathed the Deus ex Explosions. As well as the suddenly easily breakable glass in the Cranks’ cage. It spoiled the scene a little for me.

- Teresa’s death scene broke me. She’s carried him with the same determination as he carried Newt, but with even more strength, before they collapse. And when she tells him, brokenly, that she tried (an echo of Thomas wanting to try to save everyone), we get this shot of the cure, drenched in blood, and I think in that moment she sees it as a symbol of the suffering she caused, of the price that had to be paid, for one single vial…. *sobs* I also like how much she fights to get him to safety, but also the fact that once he is safe, she just stops. I heard people complaining, saying it was a lazy death because she had time to get into the Berg. I don’t think it was lazy. I think it was suicide. She accepts her fate, smiling, not even trying to get into the berg. Apart from this, I hated the shot of them all watching her fall. But in general, I have mixed feelings about deaths in TMR (I loved Ben’s banishing but hated Chuck’s death, it was too much, too forced).

- On a side note, I loved that Vince takes the time to secure himself before approaching the void, while Minho doesn’t, and also loved the whole group’s reactions, belatedly, to Thomas’ wound.

Epilogue :

- basically, I loved the whole Paradise scene. It was rewarding, as a fan, to see them reaching happiness. Yet, it also broke my heart to watch this, and I loved how, instead on focusing on their happy end, they decided to focus on remembering the ones who are missing. I think that’s what survivors would need. To try not to feel guilty. To try to have something familiar with them. But also to create a link between these people that are basically strangers, a link through the fact that they all lost important people. It seemed incredibly human, to end this trilogy on remembering the characters that were lost along the way.

- ………and Newt’s reading his letter. I don’t know whose idea it was but it’s both emotional, cruel and brilliant ç___ç

Ep 9 | I’d Rather Make Moves When I Need To - Emma

Okay, I am so sad Brandi is gone, but at the same time, it's not the worst thing for my game.  The good part of it is that we tried to make a move on Emma, we flushed an idol, and we weren't detected. I think this twist is actually super helpful in these moments because if you try something, and it fails, no one knows unless it gets leaked.

Another good thing is that Taylor's closest ally is now gone. I know that Taylor is super close with Ari, which is good, but I also want her to be super close with me. Not just for strategy reasons. She's also super cool and I like talking to her! Apparently she did tell JABARI of all people the vote was on Emma, so no wonder they knew how to idol tonight lmao.

Idk I feel pretty okay about my position in the game playing the middle rn I just need to not spread myself too thin and keep the targets in front of me. 

Soooo Tribal went off without a single hitch. brandi went home despite playing both of her advantages and Jacob wasn’t even near getting voted out. The main clownery of the night happened right after tribal. Ali started going on about how he felt like Brandi didn’t deserve to go home, when there were people currently in the game who didn’t care. If you think she deserved to stay, maybe you should’ve given her your immunity? Or better yet, volunteered to go home? And while we’re on the topic of who cares, haven’t you either flopped in or just not submitted in multiple challenges? Since I was still on the tribal call, I asked him who he was talking about, even though I kind of had a good idea of who it was already. He said Emma. and since Emma wasn’t there, we are aligned, and I know she was going through some things, I felt the need to stick up for her. I found it pretty disrespectful that Ali would say that so it did make me a bit mad. I of course alerted Emma right after it happened because I feel like she deserve to know, and she confronted Ali about it in the call after tribal. I’m sure everyone knows Emma and I are working together now, but I couldn’t let her be dragged through the mud like that. I’m really worried Ali and Taylor, who I know are aligned, will try to target me now. I understand where Ali was coming from though. I’m also a person who is driven by my emotions and I tend to say stuff without thinking about it first.

WELL all things considered that vote went pretty alright! i didn't manage to mist emma into using an idol for jacob so they could get blindsided, but other than that, things worked out pretty much how i hoped. jacob was saved, an idol (and lots of money) was flushed, and i can plausibly tell both sides that i voted with them even tho actually i voted ali for insurance purposes >:~) also we got major info about the location of the other idol when brandi didn't play it and it didn't go back into the shop, i.e. jabari MUST have it because there's no other possible place it could be. i know none of my people have it, and nic was so convinced that me/jacob did that i have to believe none of that group have it either, which leaves little old jabari who's been asking soooo many questions about everyone's funds and where items could possibly be. color me a little shocked but honestly kudos to her! now she gets to stay alive another round since that gun is an idol again.

other shop updates are that taylor's gonna buy something next round and so is dan probably, which will be great for getting them out of other people's hands and knowing for sure where they are. i can't believe i own shares in 2 of the 3 items currently in the game, how cute of me honestly. everyone else is now broke so that's delightful, i prob should've extorted myself for even more money so they'd think i was fully broke too but ah well what can you do.

i am a little worried about how ali's antics last night could potentially reflect back on me this round but i think i've done a pretty good job of covering my tracks there - i talked to both nic and emma immediately after and was like yeah i don't condone that behavior, and josh knows i wanted ali out over jacob because i got him to throw a vote that way with me, and obviously none of taylor/dan/jacob are gonna let me get targeted for that either sooooo i think i'm all good. once again, jabari is a wild card but i think i trust her a little more after my call with her yesterday and i don't think she would have the pull to do anything anyway.

so at last i can have a day of peaceful rest while i await these awful touchy subjects results! me taylor and ali are making a music video so that'll keep me busy for a while. overall feeling very grateful and blessed to not be stressed at this current moment in time!!!

Not mr ali making me regret voting off brandi out should of been ali oh well no point in voting him out now tbh that would be a waste things i think are slowly getting better for me i am talking to jacob and ari more idk how to approach taylor because ik we on different sides but ik we may or may not need eachother soon i feel so bad about brandi she was probably the nicest person here i said this about megs but brandi for second chances.. Yeah i just need to think of something that will seperate my gameplay from josh and nic if im stuck with them eventually that means i could get myself voted off its hard to like make moves rn but i rather make moves when i need to make moves.

also maybe ali should of put his immunity on brandi and not ari >:)

i also hope i break the record for most wasted idols im coming for that record im also so nervous about the future of the game i dont wanna just follow ppl around but like i kinda fucked myself over due to reasons out of my control oop

I just sent my nightly hellos to people and that’s already too much social interaction for me

I’m already fricken paranoid about this round and we haven’t even gotten immunity results ugh. I think it’s because I know I flipped that mastermind comp. like I really could have done much better than I did.

Additionally everyone was so quiet today so I’m just assuming everyone hates me and wants me to die. 

am i playing a good utr game or do people just forget i exist? i've got a lot of good (but conflicting) info from Dan and Taylor and I want to sit down and compare notes with Ari BUT WHERE ARE THEY you can't expect me to remember all this by tomorrow. I feel like I have somewhat of a good relationship with everyone aside from Ali and Jabari and I feel like I've gotten a few info that I find personally relevant moving forward but I need someone to compare this with. I think I'm playing a much more smarter game than before.

[Tumblr Survivor Riau reference] I feel like I was in a position like this before where I had the opportunity to play a good game being in the middle but fucked it up and sent one of my allies home because I was vetoed by my actual alliance [end Tumblr Survivor reference] so I'm doing the same thing this time around but keeping my sources a secret. The only person I am 100% honest is Ari and I hope it's mutual. I obviously can't take Ari with me to FTC but what I need the most are honest opinions and legit information and i think both of us are providing just that with each other.

ali needs to stop saying dumb shit to nic because it ALWAYS gets back to dan and i have to be like "omg lol im sure he didnt mean that" while running to ali and being like "hushhhhhh"

anyway i think the best thing i can do today is sit back and let everyone else tire themselves out scrambling and stressing!! it'll all resolve itself eventually and if it doesnt then oh well

I wasn't going to be making a confessional because I didn't wanna get an OTTN5 edit and also I felt like it was obvious I was going home and I had nothing to really say. There is a tiny bit of hope now, and it lies with Jabari and Dan. If everyone is telling me the truth, I will be staying. And if I do, I'd love to create a 5-person majority alliance with me, Dan, Jabari, Emma, and Josh. It'd honestly be perfect. I really like them all and am comfortable with them all.

If I go home, I wont be mad or anything, I'll just be sad that I didn't really come across the way I had hoped to in this ORG. I feel like a lot of things didn't come across correctly, and a lot of things were just pinned on me that were outside of my control.

Oh well. Let me remain positive. This is me being positive :] (Also I'm forever thankful for having Josh and Emma as allies without them I would've gone crazy by now. Thank you for everything you do.)

Power Rankings: ONE - DAN (+2) Threat: 8 (+2) Trust: 8 (+3) Dan’s at the top of the rankings this week because he’s in the position that I wish I were in. Despite losing Brandi, who was Dan’s #1 idled out by the minority alliance, he still was approached by the minority to vote with them. He knows each plan and he can decide whether he wants to flip or not. He decides who goes home this round. TWO - ARI (-1) Threat: 10 (+1) Trust: 9 (+1) Ari ranks #2 because they know everything that’s going on and they know it first. They’re the first to hear about any messiness or change to a plan. They aren’t included in it necessarily, but they hear about it. Ari’s threat level though is through the roof and hiding behind them as a meat shield is going to be key for my game. They should want to take a shot at Ari before me, and I plan to keep it that way. THREE - TAYLOR (-1) Threat: 7 (NC) Im starting to lose grasp and hold on my power as more of my allies leave. If the minority perception and gameplay wasn’t so awful I would have a lot more control over what goes on this round. Its just bad survivor gameplay to assume someone would never work with you because you voted their allies out. Because what they fail to see is that regardless of if im included in their plans or not, I still find out. I had 3 different people approach me that me name was out as I woke up at 9am this morning. It shows I have control, I just wish they’d include me so I had the power to deal with it rather than relying on others. FOUR - JABARI (+3) Threat: 3 (+1) Trust: 2 (-2) Jabari is here because she seems to want to give the minority.a chance. I don’t really understand her logic because regardless she’s at the bottom of an alliance. The one round where the majority wanted to count on her to prove she’s with us, she jumps. And she doesn’t even know that she’s completely fucking her game because of it. On top of that every suspects she has an idol. She only ranks 4 because of the information she is receiving, but she’s no threat because her gameplay is poor and everyone believes the rumour of her having an idol. FIVE - JACOB (+1) Threat: 7 (+1) Trust: 8 (NC) Jacob does know what each side is going to do, but unfortunately hes always the last to find out. Im not sure if its because of how late he sleeps in, or if hes everyones last resort but either way it’s not good for his power ranking. Jacob’s smart, hes going to be seen as an immunity threat sooner rather than later. SIX - NIC (+3) Threat: 3 (+1) Trust: 0 (NC) Nic is in 6th because hes the only one trying to steer a vote on the other side. He isn’t doing it successfully, but hes trying. If only he could put as much effort into challenges and he would trying to get people to save him. I dont trust him at all, he threw my name out. He has a little influence over Jabari, but that’s not too big of a success. SEVEN - ALI (-2) 
Threat: 1 (-2) Trust: 9 (-1) Ali unfortunately just doesn’t have the power he needs to get himself out of situations like he is in this round. When the name was between Ali and I it should have easily landed on me. But Ali doesn’t have the social capital that I do, which is why I had multiple people tell that side “lets do Ali over Taylor”. Not to mention Ali made a hugeeee mistake buying the dress for literally no reason. But I trust him I guess? EIGHT - JOSH (NC) Threat: 4 (+2) Trust: 5 (+2) Im starting to see a little fire with josh come out this round and im happy. Hes not willing to do anything about it, but the gears are turning in his head. I think our relationship will be important down the line but as of now he has no power and just follows everything Nic says. NINE - EMMA (NC) Threat: 0 (NC) Trust: 0 (NC) I literally don’t have anything to say about Emma. She doesn’t talk, doesn’t do the challenge, doesn’t care. Not worth my time.

I feel like im not winning this game unless if nic goes and josh goes right after idk im feeling a bit bad how im playing i was planning to go balls to the wall but like i find it really hard to do that when i am a known goat for something i could not control i try hard to change what people to see but idk how to do it anymore im totally not gonna stab josh and nic in the back at this point i just cant write their names down.

This vote is for all of the victims of the people that nic has voted off, nic is going home I know of it. All he's been doing has been working against me and for that ciao Bella 

GOD. What a day. I was pulled back and forth about this vote by both sides and this vote.

Ari/Jacob/Ali/Taylor want me to vote Nic Jabari/Nic/Josh/Emma want me to vote Ali

Neither option is ✨great✨ for my game. But we can’t vote out Jabari for personal reasons so here we are.

I’m worried about idols and such, but at the end of the day, I can’t get too in my head. If the idol comes out as long as they don’t end up voting for me instead of Ali... we’re good!

I’m voting for Nic because I don’t fuck with people who try to make you feel like you’re gonna lose if you don’t roll with them.  Even on OG Pearl he didn’t take a ton of time to get to know me and even now all he wants to do is talk game. In comparison, TSL has known me two rounds and I know so much about her.

Obviously voting out ANOTHER OG Pearl probably isn’t wise, but at the end of the day, New Pearl and OG Beeho seem to be the people I bond with the most and trust the most. And I might be dumb, but I am enjoying their company and would be proud losing to any of them.