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sorcerersoldier · 7 years

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Do you have any feelings about Charles' and Mistyque's relationship in First Class? ( I also adore Charles and think about him and everyone he's attached to)

Ahhh oh my gosh, I wish I could claim to really know the characters well enough to have actual Legitimate Thoughts™ about them. I haven’t read any of the comics and have only seen the movies, so this is all I can say (and here’s hoping it makes sense):

I really thought the relationship we saw in First Class was interesting, in large part because--even though it was obvious that both Charles and Mystique/Raven knew each other as well as any siblings and cared for each other with the same depth, neither could fully accept the other’s abilities in some really fundamental ways.

Whether he was doing it out of discomfort or genuine fear that she would be persecuted or killed if she showed her true form, Charles always seemed concerned or shocked by Raven’s original appearance. I think the movie implies pretty heavily that Charles comes from a place of concern. Still, Raven read his reaction as a lack of acceptance, and her need to be free and safe to express herself lead to her choice in the end.

Similarly, Raven/Mystique made Charles promise never to read her mind. Understandable, of course. (There are few things I appreciate more than the peace in knowing that my thoughts and impulses are my own, so I can identify with wanting those to be sacred and mine.) But at the same time, this movie is about a world where some children are born with extraordinary abilities, powerful abilities that are just as much a part of them as their own minds and bodies and desires. I can understand where she came from, but it doesn’t change the fact that she was personally uncomfortable with Charles’ ability.

Which is.... really interesting to me. As children, they both found in each other someone who made them feel like they were normal, but neither could ever entirely embrace the other’s abilities. It doesn’t help, I suppose, that they have completely different ideas about how to lead the world to accepting Mutants, and their personalities reflect that. Charles’ caution and “people take time to accept change and I know it because I’ve seen their minds, so let’s take everything really slow” ideology makes him worry that Raven will be persecuted for her appearance. It also clashes with Mystique’s desire for individuality, acceptance, and immediate, measurable change. It just tickles me how their ideologies tie into the way they respond to each other, and it’s been really interesting to see how the characters have evolved over the course of the alternate timeline movies.

Ack I have rambled, and I don’t even think it makes sense.

#xmen #x men first class #x men meta #charles xavier #raven darkholme #*xmen #ss answers #aceyanaheim #semirah replies

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lovedsammy · 5 years

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semirahrose replied to your photo “Managed to snap a pic of my sweet little girl staring at me while I’m...”

WHAT A CUTIE! <333 Oh my gosh those pretty eyes and that cute nose and that attentive expression! I love.

adjfjsfjsjf omg semirah thank you! <333

bluestar22x replied to your photo “Managed to snap a pic of my sweet little girl staring at me while I’m...”

Beautiful eyes. I don't think I've seen that shade of green/blue in a cat's eyes before and I am around new cats every week.

Thank you! Oh, wow, seriously? That’s pretty neat! One of my fave features on her is definitely her eyes. Some days they’re very green and other days they reflect blue. :)

#semirahrose #bluestar22x #replies

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cypresstrees · 7 years

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dctoralangrant replied to your post “if i have any followers on here who are also in hs and planning on...”

I found out I could apply for college on THE DEADLINE DATE for turning in applications

I had time to apply for one (1) school & thank fuck I got in

Ahhhh that’s so stressful!! I’m glad you got in wow

samprincesschester replied to your post “samprincesschester replied to your post “if i have any followers on...”

Thanks, Semirah!! Good luck to you too, hopefully all 3 of us will get into the schools we want ��

Had a deadline dec 15th, jan 10th, 2 on jan 15th, 2 feb 1st, and so on. One of the ones due tomorrow requires a 10 page essay and plan for a field I've never worked in or taken a class for yet (that's why,,, im going to grad school?? Howm i supposed to know this stuff already but aNYWAY i digress) so pls learn from my mistakes haha

Yikes that’s so annoying!! My only dates were Jan 1st and today, but I wish you well with your other deadlines as well!!

semirahrose replied to your post “samprincesschester replied to your post “if i have any followers on...”

Good luck to the both of you on college/grad school apps! You've got this! That stuff is awful, though. Deadlines for me were last month, and now The Waiting™ *ominous, sad shrieking*

Thank you!! Good luck and I hope we all get in <3333

#dctoralangrant #samprincesschester #semirahrose #replies

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semirahrose · 4 years

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hi you saiD TO COME SCREAM WITH YOU IF WE WATCH NIF AND GUESS WHAT I'VE JUST WATCHED IT AND I'M!!!!! DEAD!!!!! I LOVE LITERALLY EVERYONE IN THIS SHOW AND I WOULD DIE FOR MCS OHMYGOSH SEND HELP

WHyyyyyyyyyyy didn’t Tumblr tell me I had any asks? Literally it hasn’t told me for months? What is going on? (Admittedly, I am not on nearly as much lately.)

I am so happy you watched Nirvana in Fire oh my gosh. Thank you I love you.

IT’S TIME TO SCREAM.

RIGHT THOUGH?? LITERALLY EVERYONE IS THE BEST I WOULD DIE FOR ALL OF THEM AND I JUST WANT TO PUT MCS IN MY POCKET AND CRY FOR A THOUSAND YEARS I JUST WANT PEOPLE TO LOVE HIM AND LET HIM BE SOFT AND HE NEEDS A LIFETIME OF THERAPY HE’S SUCH A MESS HE HATES HIMSELF SO MUCH MY SONNNNN.

Tumblr isn’t even telling me when I got this message. I’m crying. I’m so sorry I only just realized I had this message. Please scream with me if you are still in a screaming mood and I’m super sorry ahhhhhh

here have a soft baby MCS getting hugs from Jingyan.

#asdlkasjdlkjasldkj ILU #hi i haven't been on tumblr forever i'm so sorry #*nif #semirah replies #agh i barely remember my tags #ihamtmus

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semirahrose · 5 years

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Dear Semirah, as my favorite Sam girl of all time, do you have any uplifting word left for this devastated, broken person I've become after hearing that Sam will be soon gone forever? I miss him (and Jared) already.

Lovely Anon, I’m sorry! I am not sure if any words could be the right ones, but these are things that give me comfort:

It’s okay to be sad! I don’t know how long you’ve been in the fandom, and it doesn’t matter if it’s been 10 days or 10 years. We give a bit of our hearts to all the things we love, even if they’re intangible. It’s part of what makes humans amazing. So it’s okay if the news stings. It’s okay to cry. It’s natural. It is, in fact, super-natural.

Sam will never be gone. We still have over a year of brand new Sam content, but after that… As long as fans of the show remember and appreciate him, there will be Sam love everywhere. People won’t stop loving him or creating content in appreciation of him as soon as the last episode of season 15 comes to a close. He is immortal in the hearts of all who love him and find meaning in him.

And the best part? People will continue to join the fandom, fall in love with Sam, and carry on loving him years and years and years after the show is over. Most of the shows I love, I got into after they were complete. So the fandom will thrive for years and years after the show itself has closed its final chapter.

Sam’s has been a long, worthwhile journey, and we all know that all of the best journeys deserve a good ending. The show started with our main characters barely new adults and has followed them to middle age, where they’re still kicking ass and saving the world. These boys—and the talented, dedicated actors who have portrayed them for so long—deserve to lay their weary heads to rest.

The show will, in fact, go on… in a sense. Since when has canon interfered with fan production? Merlin fandom, and many other fandoms whose origin shows have long been complete, continue to crank out transformative works. The SPN fandom, I have no doubt, will do the same—in the true spirit of the SPN fandom, with extreme enthusiasm and appreciation.

#sakadlj sorry it's not much anon! <333 #spnsamwinchester #sam winchester #supernatural #s15 #my stuff #spn finale #anonymous #semirah replies

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semirahrose · 4 years

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Semirah, when I came back to your blog, I thought I would only reblog this Sam Winchester comic for which I made an account for. Who knew that I would eventually run into your Nirvana in Fire posts, and that I would be sucked in so quickly, and that only 17 days later I would be here, crying at my laptop because of the last episode. I have so many mixed feelings, but I still have to thank you. I began this series because of you, and I don't regret it. Thank you. TT_TT

Ahhhhhhh on the one hand I’m so sorry but on the other, Nirvana in Fire is the literal best and deserves all the love in the world and I’m so happy that the coolest folks in this corner of the internet (Sam fam, obviously) are watching it. I have never in my entire life watched a series that is so good and hurts so good.

Like, with Supernatural, it has an insanely high amount of hurts so good, but the show itself (in my humble and subjective opinion) has become a reeking dumpster fire—though I say this without having seen any of the new season. It could have gotten better. Nirvana in Fire is so amazing and tightly plotted and all the characters are extraordinary.

I would say NiF tugs on all the heartstrings, but I have none left. It completely obliterated all of them in the best way.

*sending virtual hugs if that’s okay*

#you are amazing thank you so much for this message and i'm so freaking sorry i only got it literally just now #;A;#thank you so much for watching i'm sorry it hurts but aghhh i love it #not spn #*nif #mathematical literacy #semirah replies

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semirahrose · 5 years

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You think that Sam's punch in 14x12 was ooc?

Before I say anything, let me say that I haven’t watched since early season 14, so I’m a bit behind. I’ve been keeping up on spoilers and gifsets and such, but without actually watching the episodes minute-by-minute, I could be missing important stuff. Most of my analysis will come from Sam up until mid season 14. There may well be extenuating circumstances that make his actions make more sense.

Let me say, firstly… it shocked me. It definitely did. It is vanishingly rare for Sam to throw the first punch, ever. Both brothers have done some things while possessed or under supernatural influence, and I don’t count those against either of them. Sam went the first four seasons without throwing the first punch at Dean, despite many heated arguments.

And, to be entirely fair—Sam was under supernatural influence when he threw the first punch at Dean in “When the Levee Breaks.” On top of that, he was fresh off a detox that nearly killed him, one that caused him to hallucinate Dean saying some pretty painful words. Dean accidentally echoed the sentiments of his hallucination before that intense fight in the hotel room. So I think it’s fair to say that it takes an overwhelming intensity of feeling for Sam to respond with violence, never mind initiate violence.

So, yeah. I was surprised.

But I’m not sure if I can say it was out of character. I generally try not to call things OOC, because it doesn’t really help me or anyone. As soon as it happens in the show, it’s part of the show’s canon.

Sam punched Dean.

I can’t change that, and calling it OOC doesn’t help.

What I can do is try to make sense of it. Here’s what I have. Correct me if I’m making any incorrect assumptions about the episode. I’m going off gifsets and spoilers here. Is this more or less what happened?

Dean is planning to throw himself in—do I have this right?—in the ocean (???) in some Very Special Box/Prison/Casket with Michael. In previous seasons, whenever anything happens to the universe/happens to Sam, Dean is right there with his steadfast assurances that “We’ll figure this out.” Not this time. In typical Dean fashion, when Dean sees himself as part of the problem (or part of a very extreme solution), he’s ready to toss himself into outer space/somewhere more mysterious even than outer space (A.K.A the unexplored depths of the ocean.)

Sam has tried to be level-headed about it, but it’s killing him. He really doesn’t want Dean to do it. He doesn’t want to lose Dean.

Finally his emotions over any number of recent occurrences overflow. He hits Dean, states his belief, and begs to know why Dean doesn’t believe in them/their ability to fix this together.

Sometime in the last few episodes, he has faced Nick, whose face Lucifer wore.

It’s pretty safe to say Sam’s possession-related trauma is fresh.

Sam loves his brother.

Historically, losing Dean has absolutely destroyed Sam. It usually comes out in suicidal actions/suicidal recklessness.

I could see Sam actually being driven to throw a punch in a situation like this one. Here’s what I have:

Sam has been willing to let Dean give up his life before, even though it nearly killed him. But the circumstances were different. Sam could tell himself that Dean might end up in Heaven, or at least some quiet, sleepy emptiness. This time, he can’t. That leaves us with,

Hell. Sam did the same thing with Michael and Lucifer, and he was trapped with them for anywhere from 200-ish years to several millennia. He was tortured until his very soul was literally “flayed to the raw nerve,” in Death’s words. The torture damaged his soul. In Supernatural, souls are literally immortal currency. Consider that. Consider the kind of pain it would take to warp a soul.

Sam remembers the Cage. Just last season, he admitted to Rowena how much Lucifer still terrified him. He remembers the things that happened in the Cage, and Lucifer wasn’t the only one there. Michael was also there.

Sam likely knows intimately the kinds of horrifying tortures Dean may endure. He knows firsthand that archangels will use their powers to make sure you never die. They will hurt you in ways a body should never be hurt and they will never, ever stop.

And Sam? The person he loves most in the entire world is about to subject himself to the torture that brings such shame and terror Sam can barely speak of it to others except in the most abstract terms.

I’d throw a punch, too, if I had even the faintest hope it might save my loved one from that horrible fate.

#spn spoilers #spnsamwinchester #spn meta #bittersamgirlclub #sam winchester #dean winchester #14.12 #sam speculation #sam and trauma #sam and hell #sam and loss #sam and anger #sam and mental health #my meta #my stuff #anonymous #semirah replies

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semirahrose · 5 years

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Do you think Sam uses emotional blackmail on Dean? A lot of Dean girls believe that and I wanted to know your opinion on this..

I can’t believe this is still a thing. Well, I lied. I can. The narrative focus on Dean’s experiences, perspective, and emotions (necessary in early seasons for the atmosphere the showrunners wanted) mean that accessing Sam’s intentions and experiences sometimes takes some effort. I don’t know what people are using to support their claims, so I can’t actually refute any of them, but I can share my thoughts! I hope that’s all right.

I have addressed this topic before (though my focus was on a particular instance), and it’s here, if me rambling at some length is okay.

Here’s a definition of emotional blackmail:

Emotional blackmail and FOG are terms, popularized by psychotherapist Susan Forward, about controlling people in relationships and the theory that fear, obligation, and guilt (FOG) are the transactional dynamics at play between the controller and the person being controlled.

In short: no. Absolutely not. Having and expressing emotion is not emotional blackmail. Being utterly broken by something and unable to hide that brokenness is not emotional blackmail or manipulation.

Sam sharing his perspective and making requests is not emotional blackmail.

Sam establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries (see: season 9, after Dean and Gadreel facilitated Sam’s possession without his consent) is not emotional blackmail.

Sam, more than many—more than most characters on the show—does his level best to respect the decisions and autonomy of others.

Additionally, I’m interested in term, “Emotional blackmail.” It’s explicitly stated on nearly every website I’m finding that it is often not intentional or even consciously employed manipulation.

Meanwhile…

Sam grew up in an environment of emotional blackmail.

(Under a cut for negativity.)

“You don’t want to hunt? So, what, you want innocent people to die? Or, if my bad paraphrasing is not adequate, here’s an actual quote from the show. Young Sam, on the phone, is responding to rapid-fire comments from his family. “Yeah, so, from what I can tell, it’s something called a Kitsune. Not much. They… look human… till they sprout out claws and stab you behind your ear to get to your brain. I don’t – I don’t know yet. Yes, Dean, I realize killing ‘em’s important. Maybe if Uncle Bobby sent a book in English. I am! No, no, don’t – don’t put him on the phone. Hi, Dad. Yes, sir. I realize people are dying. Yeah, I’m on my way to the library right now.” (7.03)

“If you go out that door, don’t you ever come back.” Sam wanted to go to school. He wanted to get an education. John used his relationship with his son (and his son’s relationships with each other) as leverage to try to extort Sam’s obedience.

“I’m Poison.” Sam approached Dean about Dean’s part in his nonconsensual possession. In response, Dean made it about him and then accused Sam of not loving him/not being willing to save him if the circumstances were reversed.

And those things may not have been intentional. Some may not strictly be emotional blackmail because the people who made the demands weren’t threatening to physically harm others or themselves, but they were leveraging relationships against Sam in order to secure his agreement, forgiveness, or obedience. So… I dunno.

If people are intent on accusing Sam of emotional manipulation/emotional blackmail, (which is apparently a controversial term in some circles, anyway, since it implies intentional cruelty?)…

Perhaps they should take a moment and ask themselves where he might have learned it.

#spnsamwinchester #bittersamgirlclub #sam winchester #my meta #my stuff #sam and fandom #sam and mental health #anonymous #semirah replies #gonna tag #negativity for ts #dean critical #dean negative #just to be safe

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semirahrose · 5 years

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Hi, I was just wondering whether you happen to have any headcanons regarding Lin Chen and Mei Changsu's acquaintance and how their dynamic developed over the years. (but if you'd like to share your headcanons about literally anyone else in NiF, I'll utterly happy to hear them as well.) Thank you so much for being such a wonderful person you are, I hope you're having a great day!

Agghhhhh yes I do, thanks for asking! (Also, thank you for being wonderful!) These are a bit all over the place…. I feel like I could dive headfirst into headcanons about these two (or any characters in this show, really?) and never return.

MCS likely would have taken Fei Liu in anyway, but Lin Chen definitely encouraged it to give MCS one more reason to stick around and not throw his life at his cause.

If they had met before it all, while MCS was still Lin Shu, they would have hated each other. Both precocious and powerful and quick-witted, they would have been, at the very least, extremely suspicious of each other at the start. (Smart enough, for sure, to be suspicious of people too much like themselves.) Their fathers, according to canon, fought for like three days and were the best of friends after that. They would take a lot longer. It wouldn’t really change anything, though. They would still have become friends; they just would have taken the scenic route.

That said, Lin Chen doesn’t really do friendship. As the young master of Langya Hall, he has spent his entire life set apart from others, and that separation has made it hard for him to form connections. He is a merchant of knowledge, and he knows nearly everything there is to know about anything of worth. He did not know how much caring for someone can hurt.

Lin Chen’s sass is partly genuine. He has no patience for fools. However, it is at least 80% “I really don’t know how to interact with people.” Feelings are the enemy and he doesn’t know how to handle them without hurting himself. The sicker MCS gets, the sharper Lin Chen’s tongue becomes.

MCS knows this, and it’s all right: his closest of friends seem to be those intensely loyal types whose strongest emotions make them prickly. It feels a little like home, but just enough not like it that he is at peace. He believes—or manages to tell himself—that losing him will not break Lin Chen.

Lin Chen barely spares a word, much less a glance, to anything not worthy of his attention, so the snark is actually a sign of closeness.

Were their paths not fated to diverge, MCS could have seen their friendship being a lifelong thing—a real, full life. With the weight of 70,000 unjustly murdered souls bearing down on him, Mei Changsu did not have the luxury of seriously considering another path, but he thought about it.

Most of the remaining 20% of Lin Chen’s sass is because MCS deserves it. Lin Chen would elbow MCS in the ribs, but Lin Chen worked very freaking hard to make sure all those bones were in the right places, and any physical teasing will ultimately leave Lin Chen with more work to do.

MCS and Lin Chen probably know each other better than anyone else in the entire world. MCS can keep no secrets from his friend, and Lin Chen has never really interacted with another person on the same level.

The Chiyan massacre made Lin Shu, only a teenager at the time, mature quickly. He was already a genius soldier and strategist, mature in ways many of his peers were not (and likewise immature), but the massacre at Meiling changed him, made him spare and hard.

Lin Chen, of course, was also extremely intelligent and knew—in an intellectual sort of way—the many, many creative cruelties of the human race. Meeting Lin Shu/Mei Changsu, of all things, is what made Lin Chen change. Before, there were very few things he could not overcome with his intellect and his devil-may-care attitude. He is a good doctor—among the best in the world, he would say, and he would not be lying. No matter what he does, though, no matter how much he works and how much knowledge he seeks, his treatments are ultimately palliative. Humility and fear are not feelings that Lin Chen enjoys.

Lin Chen is a match for MCS in stubbornness, so despite his outward pragmatism and resignation, he will not give up. He understands that holding onto hope may only make the eventual end more painful. Still, he pulled Lin Shu from the jaws of death once before. Who’s to say he can’t do it again?

#saldjlskdlsjdlksajd SEND HELP i have feelings #nirvana in fire #lin chen #mei changsu #not spn #*nif #nif discussion #nif headcanon #anonymous #semirah replies #also i don't know how far along you are so i don't want to do any spoilery headcanons so i left it here...#*mynif

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semirahrose · 5 years

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I hear some people are accusing Sam and Cas of abusing Dean to get him to do what they wanted, what do you think about that?

My reaction: Utter befuddlement.

(gif credit: sebstans)

I haven’t seen the latest episodes, so I can’t go in and take a critical look at whatever supposedly “abusive” behaviors Sam and Cas are displaying, but I’m gonna guess—as has been the pattern for a long while now—that one or both of them vehemently expressed their disagreement with Dean’s plan, probably more than once. They were probably sad. They might have even *gasp* shown their emotions. (How very dare they) And Sam punched Dean. ** Not something I’m comfortable with, to be honest, but that’s personal and is neither here nor there.

Part of why I love Sam so much is this: as much as he can, to the very limits of his endurance, he tries to trust in people and respect their decisions. He is (despite his lack of faith in himself) slow to wrath—or at least outward expressions of wrath. He is calm, and he is faithful, sometimes even to his own detriment. (Sam has never been able to deal well with losing Dean, though. That’s a long established canon fact.)

But:

Not being able to pretend everything is all right is not abuse. Telling a person (even repeatedly, even convincingly) that you really don’t want them to do something is not abuse. People are allowed to have emotions and reactions that do not mesh with my own. Wanting something or even needing something and showing you need it is not abuse.

Being broken, unstable, or on uncertain footing is not abuse. Needing and seeking support is not abuse. Needing and seeking support even when the person you are seeking support from is, himself, broken and in need of support you are unable to provide is not abuse. It’s tragic, but it’s not, by any stretch of the imagination, abusive.

Hitting a person is not abuse. Here’s where it gets sticky. Hitting a person is violence. It is not a healthy response and should never be encouraged. But abuse, by its very definition, is more than violence. Abuse requires a pattern (whether of violence or of financial, emotional, and/or social control) that is enacted specifically to achieve a desired result: to put the abused person under the abuser’s control.

(Under a cut because this gets long and no one should have to deal with my disconnected rambling unless they wish to. Analysis below of whether Sam [and Cas, to the best of my limited knowledge and ability, since he’s unfortunately not part of my hyperfocus] meet the criteria. tl;dr they don’t)

So. A pattern. And an unequal dynamic.

A pattern?

Sam is very, very rarely violent when he is in control of his actions (i.e. not possessed or under the influence of a supernatural substance). The instances where he has initiated physical violence in all 14 seasons can be counted on one hand. It does not create any real sort of pattern.

I could talk for a long time about how Castiel’s occasional violence does not also constitute a pattern of abuse, but though I like him, I haven’t spent as much time poring over his scenes word for word and am not sure how clear it would be, and additionally, it’s a little questionable to expect a being who has been brainwashed and molded for thousands of years to be a perfect soldier to a) understand and b) act in accordance with human relationship dynamics without a lot of trial, error, and patient explanation (which he didn’t get with any consistency from the person whose ideals he clung to when he first appeared [Dean].) I lived abroad in a country whose customs and social expectations were a bit different from my own, and I had the opportunity to do extensive research in advance. I still had pretty intense culture shock and an adjustment period. There were some things I simply couldn’t fully wrap my mind around, and some things I disagreed with. And it was only some thousands of miles of land and ocean that separated us. Arguably, it can’t even be applied to Castiel in those first seasons. Asking him to relearn in days, weeks, or even years things that have been beaten into him over millennia is… ambitious, to say the least, and something that needs to be considered in any nuanced analysis.

Then the show humanized Cas. It made him make some well-intentioned mistakes while trying to seek a leader and do what he believed to be good for his family…the family he has grown up with, again, for millennia. The show took away his powers, his memories, his sanity. But it did not change his role. Castiel’s arcs over the season have specifically emphasized his discomfort and inexperience with being perceived as a leader. When he was unstable after having taken on Sam’s overflowing trauma from his broken hell wall, he was very much not in a position of power, and… if anyone was being abusive, it wasn’t Cas.

But perhaps people are talking about emotional/psychological abuse? Again, both Cas and Sam have expressed desires and tried to explain differing positions from Dean and have been under powerful supernatural influence (the Siren, demon blood, Leviathan, etc), and have made decisions on their own without seeking Dean’s permission—and, oops, that just highlighted our second criterion.

An unequal dynamic (specifically, abuser in a position of power).

Neither Sam nor Castiel is in a position of power over Dean. Only in season 11 did Sam and Dean’s dynamic start to level out a bit. The big struggle in early seasons, the one that literally carried us to the season 5 finale, was that Dean treated Sam as a kid/subordinate, not as an equal, and Sam felt he needed to seek permission to do anything. Actual quote from “Swan Song” (and I admire this development in Dean so much, even if the later seasons dismantled it):

DEAN: The whole “up with Satan” thing. I’m on board. SAM: You’re gonna let me say yes? DEAN: No. That’s the thing. It’s not on me to let you do anything. You’re a grown – well, overgrown – man. If this is what you want, I’ll back your play. SAM: That’s the last thing I thought you’d ever say. DEAN: Might be. I’m not gonna lie to you, though. It goes against every fiber I got. I mean, truth is… You know, watching out for you… it’s kinda been my job, you know? But more than that, it’s… it’s kinda who I am. You’re not a kid anymore, Sam, and I can’t keep treating you like one. Maybe I got to grow up a little, too. I don’t know if we got a snowball’s chance. But… But I do know that if anybody can do it… it’s you.

Some people will try to claim that Sam is in a position of power because he tried to go to college or because he can leave Dean and (somehow??) holds that over Dean’s head repeatedly (??????????), but if someone is in a position where, for even their own education or mental health, they’re not allowed to be apart from someone or even think about seeking something for themselves, that’s not abuse on the part of the person who seeks separation. And when Sam (young, so young), left for college, the only control he had was his own autonomy, his own two feet that brought him out that door. He was disowned for choosing to do what he needed for himself, after growing up in a family he had a hard time feeling a part of. That’s not abuse on Sam’s part. Maybe Dean did need Sam there beside him. But doing something for his own mental health and personal growth is not abuse by any stretch of the imagination. I call that courage.

The same goes for Castiel, especially considering that, despite his greater physical strength (when he was a fully-powered angel), he still tends mostly to act as if he is a subordinate or inferior, possibly from the millennia during which he was a soldier in a garrison: he was looking for a leader, a superior officer, even when he left. He found Dean.

“But what about when Sam and Cas do things behind Dean’s back??” Some people might ask. Again, I feel like (especially in the case of the Mark, where, due to its powerful influence, Dean was significantly altered and violent/controlling) if characters are so afraid to seek permission/understanding that they fear that they have to do something completely in secret… that just…. that’s not evidence that these people scurrying around in breathless terror are somehow the ones in a position of power?? Quite the opposite, I’d say. I mean, MoC!Dean literally said they weren’t a team; it was a dictatorship.

I’m sorry there are so few examples. Honestly, I could go on for hours and for pages and pages and pages, but I don’t have the time or the brainpower to make that post, so this is what I have. I’m sorry it’s not as complete as it could be or that it doesn’t include examples from s14, since I haven’t seen anything since pretty early in the season.

In short/tl;dr: Sam and Cas neither display a pattern of control nor find themselves consistently in a position of power over Dean. (And I cannot stress enough that Sam trying to seek his own path/seek education/do things for himself does not count as abuse and it disturbs me that people think it does.)

In fact, the opposite is most often the case: Dean is generally in the role of the leader. Recent seasons have begun to change that dynamic a bit, but neither Sam nor Cas have reversed the dynamic.

** Re: Sam punching Dean: I understand the circumstances and his reaction makes sense to me, but I’ll be honest: I’m personally uncomfortable with violence as a problem-solving method. So I don’t like that Sam did it, but I understand that both brothers grew up in an environment where less destructive/self-destructive methods were not consistently modeled for them. I understand that there are situations in which people might feel like words are useless and their only recourse is a physical response. I get pain and tragedy and desperation and terror and loss… but it doesn’t mean I’m any more comfortable with it.

#bittersamgirlclub #sam winchester #castiel #negativity for ts #my meta #my stuff #sam and abuse #sam and fandom #sam and family #dean winchester #moc!dean #sam and cas #anonymous #semirah replies

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semirahrose · 5 years

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EILEEN LEAHY DESERVED BETTER! also i was talking with sealionsam today about the fact that eileen died right before jack was born and therefore we were ROBBED of seeing a friendship develop between them. i can just imagine jack picking up sign language really quickly and talking to her about all sorts of interesting facts he's been learning from the Interwebz and learning about hunting from her??? ~WE COULD HAVE HAD IT ALL~

THE TRUEST OF TRUTHS.

Oh my goshhhhh why did we miss Eileen meeting Jack? What the heck was the show even thinking I’m so angry we didn’t get this? WE WERE ROBBED.

Jack would totally learn ASL. He and Sam would study together. Sam would awkwardly teach Jack the like 20 signs he remembers from school, and they would try their best.

They’d use ASL to talk and signal on hunts. They’d do it across rooms and through windows.

And Eileen would be such a good teacher for Jack? They would totally spar. They’d be such good friends whyyyyyy.

I’m so mad the show deprived us of this?

#salkdjaslkdjaslkj it hurtssssss #eileen leahy #eileen leahy deserved better #sam winchester #jack kline #earnestsam #semirah replies

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semirahrose · 5 years

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Hi! Can you recommend any good hurt!Sam episodes to watch? (Emotional or physical) My go to is normally Red Meat but I’ve watch that one so many times

I am absolutely overjoyed that I can help with this! Thanks to an absolutely amazing and wonderful person (who has since changed their url, looks like)…

THIS LIST EXISTS.

It’s a long and detailed list of every episode with hurt!Sam all the way up to the end of season twelve.

Of all episodes with Sam hurt, I do have a few personal favorites, though I wouldn’t say they’re necessarily as 100% all the time whump as Red Meat, which was a truly glorious episode the likes of which we will never be lucky enough to experience ever again:

1.05 - Bloody Mary: Sam angsting and hating himself and bleeding from the eyes is honestly A+ content.

1.09 - Home: Exquisite physical and emotional suffering.

1x14 - Nightmare: Mmmm, vision migraines.

2.05 - Simon Said: More vision migraines. What can I say. I love them. THIS SCENE. This freaking SCENE.

2.09 - Croatoan: Primarily emotional/psychological hurt, but a good one.

2.21 - 2.22 - All Hell Breaks Loose, parts 1 and 2: The conclusion of the Special Children arc always kills me.

4.19 - Jump the Shark: Shhh, getting tied to a table and bled is in no way appealing at all what are you talking about.

6.13-6.14 - Seizure and hell memories, struggling with emotional pain and guilt and shame about what he might have done while soulless. :D

6.22 - The Man Who Knew Too Much: Glory Hallelujah. Amazing content all the way around. Sam, wall broken, is trapped in his own mind literally trying to piece himself back together.

Pretty much all of season 7, honestly, starting with 7.01: Sam with his Hell Wall broken is pretty much a H/C fan’s fantasy for the whole season. Special shoutout to 7.02 for the ambulance seizure scene.

7.17 - Born-Again Identity: RED MEAT LEVELS OF PAIN AND HEROISM YES WATCH IT OVER AND OVERRR AGAIN.

8.21 - The Great Escapist: (but honestly most of season 8 starting with 8.14 for some lovely Trials!Sam). 8.21 is absolutely the peak and I would recommend it the most.

10.19 - The Werther Project: Double whammy of emotional and physical pain, with a side of suicidal!Sam bleeding himself nearly to death to try to open a box and save his brother.

11.02 - Form and Void: Mmmmm, infected and heroic and emotionally vulnerable Sam.

11.08 - Just My Imagination: For some comfort and some emotional hurt.

12.01 - Keep Calm and Carry On: If torture is your thing.

This is by no means all of the good ones, but these are some of the ones that came to mind. Red Meat is for sure one of the very very best episodes of any show ever for what you’re looking for, but there’s plenty of other good stuff out there, too, though you have to go hunting for it sometimes.

#hurt!sam #spnsamwinchester #sam winchester #anonymous #semirah replies

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semirahrose · 6 years

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Sam accidentally-ing himself into being the King of Hell not as part of some grand destiny but just by being himself and protecting someone is the most Sam thing I have ever seen.

YOU SPEAK TRUTH.

#sam winchester #boyking!sam #spn spoilers #14x01 #s14 #I LOVE IT #look at my boy grow #anonymous #semirah replies

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semirahrose · 5 years

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Sam punched Dean in 10.23 when Death was going to send him into space too. To me, it was Sam pushed beyond his limits and he feels like he can't get Dean to listen to him when he's about to do something stupidly self sacrificing.

(re:)

Excellent point, and well-said!

#not my meta #thank you this is excellent!#sam winchester #sam and dean #sam and mental health #sam and loss #s10 #parallels #s14 #lillysilverus #semirah replies

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semirahrose · 5 years

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How is my favorite Sam fan doing? I just saw a post which the person said that Sam never apologizes, that he must be allergic to apologies (with these exact words), that he never takes responsabilities of his mistakes etc. I got a little pissed with that, so.. If is not too much to ask, can you make like a list of all the times that Sam genuinely apologized for his mistake or something like that? I need some rest for my mind, all this hate around him makes me crazy..

Hrgghhhh I am sorry I am the worst at replies. If the person who made that post truly, truly believes that Sam has never apologized, then they simply have not paid attention to Sam in the show. Admittedly, some people find him a less emotionally accessible character than Dean. Some people also want him to apologize to Dean for things he definitely should never have to apologize for (namely, setting boundaries after Gadreel and saying he would not force possession on Dean if their circumstances were the same).

As for taking responsibility—hooooo boy, don’t even get me started. Certainly, Sam’s emotions aren’t always as cinematically center-stage and narratively underlined as Dean’s, so I can understand why viewers who aren’t interested in Sam don’t want to dig. Still… if Sam literally throwing himself into the Cage because he thought he deserved it and willingly running toward death-by-Trials as an apology to Dean weren’t enough “taking responsibility,” then I don’t think it’s a matter of misunderstanding, but perhaps one of willful blindness.

Sam took responsibility for the Darkness when it wasn’t his responsibility to take. He took responsibility for soullessness even when his literal soul was being tortured in the Cage at the time and he wasn’t even responsible for the actions of his animate, soulless body upstairs. He took responsibility for Jack and loved him and cared for him while dealing with the loss of his mother and his close friend, Castiel. He did so even when, of all of them, he had the most reason not to—Sam is viscerally terrified of Lucifer, and it would have been understandable if he had a hard time being around Jack.

Sam takes responsibility. He takes it when it doesn’t belong to him. He takes it on behalf of others. He takes it to support others. He has never really stopped taking it. It’s actually a problem.

I think it should be said that, after coming back from Hell and regaining his soul, Sam—struggling at the time with crippling visions of his trauma—somehow believed that his torture in hell (for as many as several millennia) was his way to atone for his wrongs—whatever paltry wrongs he could stack up in less than 30 human years. That’s way the heck too much responsibility.

And… we’re talking about Supernatural, where the only “I love you” spoken aloud and in exactly those words in the whole show came out in season 5, from Sam, when he was drugged absolutely to the gills. We are talking about two boys whose only parental figure probably wouldn’t know a Healthy Emotional Expression if it bit his arm off. (Sorry, John.)

But here’s the thing. Sam does apologize. He does it honestly, and in so many words, and whenever he realizes he has done something wrong. He does it when he doesn’t have to. He does it despite being encouraged not to, and he starts it in the very first episode.

[1.01, Pilot] SAM: What I said earlier, about Mom and Dad, I’m sorry.DEAN: No chick-flick moments.

Explicit, word-for-word apology. He even recognizes when Dean is nervously skirting around the word, trying to find the right way to say what he wants to express.

[1.11, Scarecrow]DEAN: I’m not hinting anything. Actually, uh—I want you to know….I mean, don’t think….SAM: Yeah. I’m sorry, too.

He does it way too often for me to even list every one. He does it to Dean, and to others. He explicitly apologizes for what he thinks he has done wrong, as in this gifset I just reblogged, and he does it even though it’s quite clear he has never had a model for it in his own family.

Dean has a different way of apologizing; not always verbal, but when he does, it’s meaningful and something he has clearly put a lot of thought into…even if he rarely uses the word “sorry.” His apology post season 4 when he said none of them could have known killing Lilith would raise Lucifer and that they had both broken seals was honest and thoughtful and had not a single sorry in sight. His acknowledgement at the end of season 5 that Sam was his own person and Dean couldn’t keep treating him like a child didn’t explicitly include the word sorry, either, but it was excellent.

The brothers are different people and, unsurprisingly, tend to express themselves differently, but if anyone believes that Sam doesn’t apologize, I’d ask that they take a closer look at the series. It’s everywhere.

#thanks for the message lovely anon and sorry that i am the worst :(#spnsamwinchester #sam winchester #spn meta #bittersamgirlclub #sam and apologies #sam and shame #sam and guilt #sam and responsibility #my meta #my stuff #anonymous #semirah replies #wank for ts #dean critical

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