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viperwhispered · 17 days

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Too Hard

Woop part 2 of the trip inside Jamil's head. Part 1 here.

The next time Jamil caught sight of you on campus, his first instinct was to turn around on his heel.

What a stupid thought to have because of you.

Besides, that would only make him more conspicuous, not less.

So, when your eyes met his, Jamil gave you a short nod in greeting. He would’ve left it at that and kept on his way, had you not walked up to him.

“Hi Jamil! How’s it going?” you said with that impossibly disarming smile of yours.

Why was it so difficult to look at you like he normally would? You had no right to make him feel so stiff, so unnatural.

On autopilot, Jamil exchanged a few pleasantries with you - those lessons from his parents had been instilled too deep in him for him to falter too badly in a simple exchange such as this. Still, Jamil quickly excused himself by telling you he still had to find Kalim before his next class.

Jamil didn’t miss the way your smile faltered. Had you hoped to get something out of him?

“Oh, okay. I’ll see you two later, then.”

Something about that irked him, though Jamil did not allow himself to dwell on it further.

His heart really had no business still racing as it did when he walked away, unaware of the frown on his face.

Just act normal. That’s all he needed to do.

After all, he had no time for dwelling in silly fancies.

If Jamil had been acutely aware of you before, it only seemed to worsen now that he was making a conscious effort to not act any differently with you. In fact, the harder he tried to keep you out, the more you invaded his thoughts, unsettling him.

The most innocuous words from you looped in his mind, and even the simplest actions caught his eye. For goodness's sake, he’d found himself staring at you while you were queueing up in the cafeteria the other day, not even doing anything other than standing around and looking bored!

For once, Jamil found himself grateful for all his duties. At least they provided him with something else to occupy himself with.

After all, if he was busy enough, it was difficult to think about those bright eyes of yours, your sweet laugh, or the way you bit your lip while thinking.

Still, sometimes it felt like no matter which way he turned, you were there, ready to throw him off-kilter. Not like it was his fault that often the most convenient route to class intersected with your daily routines. Or that your face seemed to jump out from any crowd, catching his attention.

Which certainly did not help his basketball performance. Jamil certainly did not recall you having such an interest in sports before, yet suddenly you were always there, distracting him. What had changed?

Could you possibly-

Jamil scoffed to himself, forcing his thoughts back on track for the nth time that day.

He picked up the tray of food and started taking it to Kalim. After dinner, he’d need to help Kalim with his homework, there were some housewarden tasks that would need dealing with, not to mention the preparations for the next-

Jamil froze in his tracks.

The voice he heard was quiet, but it was unmistakably you.

Really, it should not have come as such a surprise to him. You had become a rather frequent visitor to Scarabia, and Kalim often invited you to stay for meals. In fact, Jamil had started planning the dorm’s meal prep with your tastes and dietary restrictions in mind, just in case.

Jamil rounded the corner with strange exhilaration, his heart fluttering needlessly.

Yet, his mood evaporated when he saw you.

Why did you stop talking and look so guilty as soon as you caught sight of Jamil?

Jamil knew that look you gave to Kalim, had used it himself a thousand times. The one telling Kalim to keep quiet about something.

What could there possibly be that you would be comfortable sharing with Kalim, but not with him? That would give Kalim reason to sit so close to you, a comforting hand on your shoulder?

Jamil's mind raced with possibilities, yet could not settle for any single explanation.

He’d have to ask Kalim about it later.

Jamil gave you a short, polite greeting, his eyes lingering on you in an attempt to read what you were hiding.

“If I’d known you were coming over, I would’ve prepared something for you to eat as well,” Jamil said, already thinking about which parts of the dorm’s dinner to spruce up for you.

“Oh, no need, just figured I’d pop by. I’ll get out of your hair soon enough,” you said, something sheepish about your expression.

As expected, Kalim asked you to stay and dine with them, and with just a bit more persuasion you agreed - though not before telling Jamil that he should join you too and have himself a breather.

And since Kalim agreed with you, Jamil soon found himself sharing a meal with you and Kalim. Yet, even as he sat down with the food, his mind raced.

Had you been getting particularly close to Kalim lately? But surely Jamil would’ve noticed such a thing. Maybe someone from the dorm had been giving you trouble? But if that was the case, then surely you could let Jamil know about it, too. Unless for some reason you did not want to? But if it was something that concerned Kalim, then sooner or later it was bound to concern Jamil, too.

All the while, Kalim was talking to you about this and that, the latest topic being the animals kept on the Asim estate.

“I’ve got some pictures, let me show you!” Kalim said with an excited grin.

Only, a thorough patting of his pockets and a look around confirmed that Kalim’s phone was nowhere to be seen.

Jamil pinched the bridge of his nose. Where had Kalim left it this time?

Before Jamil even had the chance to say that he would handle it, Kalim sprinted off. Jamil hesitated for a moment, automatically halfway up from his seat, before he decided that leaving a guest unattended would be a worse offense than not helping out his master.

Jamil slumped back down with a sigh, mentally tracing the path Kalim took today, trying to recall the last time he saw Kalim handle his phone.

“Breathe. He’ll manage,” you said. There was the faintest of smiles on your lips, and Jamil could not decide if it was knowing or amused. Perhaps both.

Somehow, despite his frustration, Jamil’s own lips wanted to curl up too.

“Hmm. Maybe he will.”

Sure, Jamil could’ve called Kalim’s phone, to make it easier to find, but it was not that urgent, was it?

Jamil took another bite of his food, keeping an eye on you from the corner of his eye.

How was his mind so empty and so buzzing at the same time?

“You know-”

“So-”

You looked at each other, both just as surprised that the other had spoken up at the same time.

Even your surprised look was so-

“You first,” Jamil said. The way you bit your lip... Jamil had to raise a cup to his lips, slowly sipping his drink.

“Just… Feels like it’s been quite a while since I’ve seen you be still, you know. Or exchanged more than two words with you,” you said. You were attempting a light, joking tone, yet it was quite clear there was more to it.

“You say that like it would be unusual for me to be busy.”

He was not prepared for the way your soft sigh tugged at his heartstrings.

“No. It is not.”

You were both quiet after, poking at your meals. Normally, Jamil would’ve cherished such a moment of peace, yet this particular silence between you two was decidedly awkward.

Where was your usual chatter? Why weren’t you looking at him like you usually did?

“If you’re worried about me, don’t. I’m fine,” Jamil said, some softness creeping into his tone despite his best intentions.

“That's what Kalim said too,” you said. Yet the way you looked at Jamil made it clear you were still skeptical.

Wait.

Had you clammed up earlier because it had been Jamil you had been talking about with Kalim? That Kalim had comforted you about?

The thought twisted his stomach into knots.

Hasdhfsdf the way I fought with that last scene I swear. I don't even want to know how many versions I went through, trying to figure out how to say what I wanted without rubbing it into your face or making it too veiled. The joys of trying to convey things through a limited pov. Hopefully it came out reasonably balanced in the end. Rip to all those sentences that were lovely on their own but didn’t work for the whole. Hopefully I can rehome y’all one day. I do have thoughts for part 3 and part x (might be some chapters between those two as well, who knows at this point), so maybe we'll see those at some point, too. Tag list: @colliope @crystallizsch @diodellet @jamilsimpno69 @jamilvapologist @twstgo If you'd like to be tagged for future works, let me know! (Just be aware that sometimes I do also write nsfw, though you can certainly ask to be tagged only for particular kinds of works.)

#twisted wonderland #jamil viper #twisted wonderland x reader #jamil viper x reader #ner writes #jamil definitely knows how to deal with his feels #also writing this is making me wonder how aware jamil is of his inner versus outer life #like he’s very aware of how he comes across because that’s what he’s been told to watch out for #but how well has he truly learned to understand himself and his own feelings wants etc?#(I mean as you can tell I’m assuming not very well)#originally this went to more of a “jamil hears just the wrong part of the conversation” route but #a) I kinda hate that trope especially when it’s dragged on beyond belief and #b) Kalim maybe doesn’t want to spill anyone’s secrets but he really is such an open book especially with Jamil so #also it’s not like jamil needs the extra help to catastrophize he already does that well enough on his own 🙃#tho then I went a little too far in the other direction and had to pull back #but let's just hope I didn't edit this to death by now #also also: since I seem to have a bit of a naming theme going on for this series #if I were to be the sort to go for the angst route what part would definitely be titled Too Late or something along those lines #also x3 but loved folks commenting on that part about reader being inoffensive in the first part #I certainly had fun writing that line #(and in general extra love to everyone who leaves comments on tags replies wherever always great to read those)#(and in general chat with y'all)

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dreki · 7 months

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My contribution to the Every Frame project hosted by @dotswithbrainrot! This was a lot of fun to do, I'm so happy and honored to be a part of this cool project!

Reblogs are appreciated. :)

#good omens #good omens spoilers #good omens 2 #art #fanart #every frame matters #every frame project #crowley #aziraphale #ineffable husbands #my coloring style is in a weird place right now and it's been a bit frustrating lately #like i'm not sure what I want to do with it – I'd like to render more while still keeping it simple and I can't seem to achieve that #I also feel a bit limited by my current skill level #but I'll figure it all out eventually I guess #if you like

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cerise-on-top · 3 months

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How do you think Laswell met her wife? What's domestic life like for her when she gets to go home?

Have a lovely day!

Hello! A second CoD post today since I was able to write this fairly quickly! This is about how I think Laswell met her canon wife, but everyone can interpret this however they like! I hope this is enjoyable!

Laswell Meeting Her Wife and Domestic Life With Her

If we’re talking about someone inserting themselves into the CoD world, then I’d say it’d be however the person intended to meet her. However, if we’re talking about her canon wife, then I’d likely have to say through work. It’s not uncommon for someone to meet through work. Besides, I can imagine the CIA having a few women working there as well, a few more than just Laswell. So, there’s a chance another one of the women working there was also into girls. And that’s likely one of the main factors that drew Laswell to that specific woman.

Don’t get me wrong, Laswell doesn’t develop crushes easily, she doesn’t now, she didn’t back then, but it would likely be that feeling of unity, of not being alone, that would draw Laswell to her future wife. It’s not often someone would have come out back then, especially not to someone you’re not sure about, so she knows something like that is an honor. And it’s that which would make her subconsciously like that woman more than the other ones, wanting to spend more time with her, get to know her better. And in those years she’d have known her, she’d eventually fall in love with her. Laswell knows what she’s feeling, but she’d test the waters a bit at first. To anyone outside it would be obvious she likes that woman more than anyone else. Given that she gives her lots and lots of gifts to gauge her reaction, takes the time out of her day to spend with her and overall just compliments her, it’s hard to not think there’s something going on here. Laswell doesn’t realize this immediately, but she will eventually.

Afterwards I’d say it was probably her wife who asked her about that sort of behavior. And, a few days later, either of them would have probably confessed they like the other. And thus a few years of dating commence.

After a year or two, Laswell would have proposed to her. Although she sometimes did lie awake at night, thinking about what it would have been like for her future wife to propose to her instead, she was just that smitten by her. As she works for the CIA as well, Laswell knows her wife is just as capable as she is. Maybe she doesn’t know as many languages, but it doesn’t matter to her, once they go on vacation Laswell can play interpreter. And on vacations they went together. Not very often, mind you, since the both of them were stationed anywhere in the world, but they would try to see the nicer parts of the world together. Amsterdam, Kyoto, Vienna. All of that stuff. By that time, they had already long since moved in together.

So, it isn’t often the two of them get to see each other in general, but that’s why they cherish what little time they can spend together. Their love never falters, and when they’re alone behind doors it’s kind of sickeningly sweet how they treat each other. It used to be worse when they were younger, but they’ve since mellowed out a little bit. So, when Laswell is home, her domestic situation can be a bit lonely. But for the sake of this ask we’re going to say her wife is actually home this time.

She doesn’t like to cook very much, so there won’t be too many homemade meals. Her wife can only be convinced to stand behind the stove whenever Laswell eggs her on, promising her a small reward, such as going to the cinema together. Her wife never cooks alone, only with Laswell. All those other times she either eats out, grabs something that only needs to be heated up or orders food. It’s only with Laswell that she can get over her disdain of cooking.

However, other than that, the two of them will take turns doing chores. If either of them just came home from work, then the other will take care of cleaning, washing clothes, putting away stuff and so on and so forth. They usually do their tasks together. So one of them will clean the dishes while the other one cleans the kitchen. If all tasks are done for either of them, then they’ll help the other. Since they’re both aware teamwork is important, something they learned throughout their careers, they would never hesitate to do so.

Laswell’s wife is a more traditionally affectionate woman than Laswell herself. She loves to give her wife a kiss every morning and before work, make her coffee and maybe toast some bread while she’s at it as well. As she usually gets up earlier than Laswell, she usually gets those things out of the way immediately, but won’t wake her up. It’s usually the loud coffee machine that does.

Overall, the domestic situation between the two of them is very loving. They don’t see each other that often, but whenever they do, they make that short amount of time count. With a kiss and a hug from her wife here and there, Laswell never ends up touch starved either. However, the only thing that had been bothering her about her wife would be her nagging about her smoking. That’s why she’s trying to quit now, just to keep her happy. Happy wife, happy life, after all. Whenever Laswell gets to see her wife content, she’s happy as well. She’d go through all nine circles of hell just to protect her and make sure nothing would happen to her. And at some point in her career, she likely has done that already.

#cod #kate laswell #today is a very non-reader insert heavy day it seems but that's alright as well #I also got another request I'll be posting tomorrow. another one about Laswell!#people have been really loving on her as of late but I don't mind that in the slightest! she deserves it!#Laswell would be a very loving wife I'd say! not as cuddly or hug-y as other people but she loves giving gifts #receiving a lot of gifts from her is one way of telling she's into you so she's very affectionate like that #her wife is also a really sweet woman who knows how to put her foot down though #it's that sweetness and kindness that also drew Laswell in as well #they're also both about the same age even if her wife started working for the CIA a bit earlier than Laswell did #I HC that Laswell started when she was 25 so her wife likely started when she was 23 or so #Laswell has been working for the CIA for a long time now and so has her wife. but they're both very competent and know what they do #I also HC them both to be in their early/mid 50's as well so they have been dating for a while #I like to think Laswell got married in her early 30's and they got together when she was in her late 20's #lots of Laswell HC lore drop tonight it seems

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goldiipond · 3 months

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EVERYONE SHJUT THEFUCK UP IT HIS BIRTHDAY!!!!¡!!!!!!

^^^ RAY ^^^

#skye's ramblings #FUUUUUUCK YEAH RAY BIRTHDAY ONCE AGAIN. I AM STILL MENTALLY ILL. OH YEAAH!!!!!!!!!!!!#ohhg this is the third ray birthday since my hyperfix started. tjis anime boy has permanently hijacked my brain it would seem #my birthday art may be a bit late because i have a horrible case of Brain Explosion again but its okay. iknow ray would understand <3 #godd im not coherent right now but i cant. accurately describe how much he has meant to me these years. wjatever. i love you RAAAAY. RAY

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inferno-silentdragon · 11 months

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Another omori pixel doodle while I procrastinate

#ok you know i'm like so out of it i accidentally post the same doodle with a new one #omori #omori fanart #omori hero #see you tomorrow #this was also spawned by tsuki XD #tho i honestly felt like i needed more hero art in my life so i was more than happy to do that #but ye i'm kinda curious what songs do people associate with hero?#for me it's see you tomorrow; the sunset bgm #since that's when we get to see hero and i just feel it fits him #that also makes me think the morning/daytime bgm is for kel #i guess you can say hangin out with the boys is for hero but i think that's more for the brothers instead of just one of them #and now for a bit of a ramble because the second image is sad #i've been a bit iffy lately since it just seems easier to just draw in pixels #and i'm just a little afraid of people (and myself) thinking that i should just do this #just a bit a fear everytime i majorly shift in styles #jack of all trades master of none #it's been happening as i keep one upping myself on my own project #but i guess that's to be expected with the order i'm doing everything #my art #pixel art

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gaydogmarriage · 2 months

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alhaitham is such a lying liar who lies dude. acting like he and the sumeru boys gang have always been besties since forever. "that's how it's always been with the four of us" - man who has barely spoken to most of these people before he decided to team up with them to overthrow the government and regularly skips social gatherings with them. yeah right buddy ok

#explicitly said that he's barely spoken to cyno before when they clash in the archon quest #will literally just skip or show up late when they do meet up #very notably had a huge falling out with kaveh that ended with them not speaking for years #does he even talk to tighnari?? like one on one???? do they hang out????#i stg kaveh and tighnari are the glue holding the whole situation together #the other 2 are just off to the side being autistic #well cyno actually tries to be social alhaitham doesnt give a fuck lmao #alhaitham after speaking to people that do not annoy him about once a month: 'hmm. i love my best friends'#he adopted a status quo and now simply pretends there has never been a different one #hes so fucking funny #genshin fans who try to make him some kind of big dick sexyman you are so wrong hes a silly goofy clown to me #on a more serious note i do actually much prefer the interpretation of this being a friendship they formed as adults #and everyone involved has different levels of closeness with each other #rather than making them all mutual best friends with each other (even since school sometimes). i think thats a lot more interesting #and canon is weirdly ambiguous about it so shrug #like the current friend groups as it is seems to be a relatively recent formation based on canon bits but then the writers lean into it #so hard as their Thing its a bit odd. but also fun to play with. they dont need to have always been friends to be close

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numbknee · 1 year

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this isn’t a new hot take of mine but it still blows my MIND that I’m in the minority in the kyman fandom when it comes to thinking of Kyle as a dom/top and Cartman as a sub/bottom. From what I’ve heard from veteran kymans the fandom barely had ANY sub Cartman truthers in its earlier years, and dom Cartman is still extremely popular to this day. There's so much art/fics where Kyle is like... a pain slut (????) or gagging for Cartman’s giant dick (?????????) but any time I see that stuff I get a visceral, skin-crawling HELL FUCKING NO 😬😬😬 reaction and have to back out immediately.

A mutual once told me something like “I can’t write Cartman as a dom, I think I’d break out in hives or something” and that’s p much exactly how I feel lmao 😆

y'all do you ig, but it's not my cup of tea at all.

#it's just. completely baffling to me #I've been seeing so much of it lately that it's making me second-guess my own thoughts on kyman #like how could I possibly be interpreting these characters so differently from other people I don't get it 🫠#and yeah i know not all tops are doms and not all bottoms are subs but that's how the majority of ppl depict it #but it's not even that they HAVE to have a dom/sub dynamic at all for it to seem ic to me #they can have an equal partnership without that D/s power exchange #blargh i'm just venting at this point #tbf ppl can do what they want in fandom and I don't have to engage with it but i'm so starving for kyman content the brainrot is too much #i used to not mind seeing sadist/dom/top cartman when I first dipped my toe into kyman #like it wasn't my fav but i wouldn't viscerally hate it #but now that i've gotten to know the characters so much more and even written my own fic i just. can't tolerate it anymore #maybe i need to take a break from kyman for a bit cuz this is making me irrationally annoyed and upset 🫠 blarrghhh #my post

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alchemicaladarna · 1 month

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Little tangent about my journey with the QSMP fandom <3

First, I'm going to preface this post by saying, I wouldn't have been interested in the server, been introduced to so many communities, languages, and cultures, if not for the eggs and the admins. So, I initially gained interest when I saw a lot of people posting about Tallulah and.... Misclick duo (lmao) so I decided to check out what everybody was talking about mid-April 2023.

I watched Philza's April 29 VOD- "last" day of the eggs. Absolutely loved Chayanne and Phil planting potatoes because of Phil telling stories about Techno. Cried like a baby after. So now I'm invested.

I downloaded Twitch the next day, in time for the Brazilians' arrival. My main pov continued to be Philza, so I was a Crow for quite a while, mostly into the summer. I started watching Cellbit when the mystery really started to ramp up by the end of May.

Then Bobby died and everyone's reactions made me sob for like, a week.

Summer was probably the most time I've had fun watching QSMP. I don't know why, but it was such a good era, despite the discourse about elections lmao. I began to gravitate more towards watching Foolish's pov and when Jaiden began streaming every day, I had her as my main pov as well. Shoutout to the doozers and Jaiden mains <33

Then, Tina and Bagi arrived and I began religiously watching them as well for, uh. Reasons 🏳️‍🌈 XD. Got invested in Bagi's lore and then everybody became really busy during October so Bad and Bagi were pretty much the only ones consistently on the server XD.

Then, and only then, did I hear little whispers about q!Badboyhalo's soul vultures and possible death? And I got really really interested then. And that's where the Ghostie era started lmao. Up to now, Bad is the only person I'd watch consistently and keep up to date on his lore because well, after the soul vultures arc and especially Sweet Despair, you can't really go back to anything else after that you know?

Of course, without the QSMP, I don't think I would've discovered/re-discovered so many wonderful streamers like Fit, Tubbo, Étoiles, Mouse, or Baghera to name a few.

The past few weeks have probably been the shittiest and most anxiety-ridden weeks for me ever. But, I don't want all the negativity and anxiety to overshadow what was, for me, THE most special and unique fandom experience I've ever had. The QSMP is such a special project, there's no doubt about that. I want that to continue.

So, if this post can offer any sort of positivity and relieve some of the dread we've all been feeling, to any person from any community, that would mean so much to me already.

Send love to and the utmost kindness and care to any and all ex admins, and continue to show your support for the current admins too please. It will take a long time for this to be resolved, and it's terrifying I know, but all we can do is support each other and wait.

Remember to always take care of yourselves and no matter what happens, it always rains before you can see a rainbow right? So, in other words, things will become worse before they can get better. Idk what will happen with the QSMP, but know that life becomes better eventually. No matter the outcome, you'll be ok. We'll all be ok. <333

Edit: oh my god I just realized qsmp 1st anniversary isn't tomorrow. Today is the 20th djrjtbrbebd

There's still 2 days but um everything else I said is still true XDDDD

#qsmp #Everybody seems really down lately- for valid reasons of course #so I just wanted to share a little positivity on the tag for now #since QSMP's 1st anniversary is tomorrow #I want to talk a little bit about my QSMP journey #and I'm also inviting anybody else who sees this to share their journey as well- if you want to do so #sorry for the very long post guys #i just have alot of thougts i wanted to share #and hopefully shed some light among the discourse yk?#this sounds like a goodbye its not XD

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sskk-manifesto · 24 days

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(*・ω・*)b♪

#I'm a bit late but :)#Mmmhh lots of thoughts about this episode. Nothing really relevant though lol #I like it... Mostly. Well‚ I like Atsushi‚ and I like Atsushi screentime.#I always forget that there's actually a one week timeskip within the Guild arc #I think these chapters were generally better executed in the manga.#But even then it's just...#Why do the make the Guild / Fitzgerald so. dumb. Why do they make them act so wildly irrationally and at the protagonists' advantage #It really gives villain acting entirely mindlessly to make the plot advance and the heroes win. It's really sensless.#I mean especially when Atsushi yielded. Why didn't Fitzgerald take his offer. For real!!#For real. He had NOTHING to gain from proceeding with his plan. He already obtained for Atsushi and the ada to collaborate.#Now they are NEVER going to help him‚ and that's agreat loss for him.#And idk. i hear that little Tumblr post in my voice saying “why would you complain about characters acting irrationally!#Do people irl never act irrationally?”#And yeah I get Fitzgerald was frustrated for losing Mitchell and his fight with Hawthorne. Okay I understand.#But that's definitely too much. That's him acting downright stupid at the heroes' advantage and it's just pretty underwhelming to read?#That said. It's just general notes I'm not particularly annoyed because like. That's just b/s/d to you. Dumbing down the villains a second–#so the author can escape the trap they put themselves into. Very Marvel-esque move lol.#On that exact same note WHY WOULD LUCY HAVE THE DOLL.#The doll is the whole premise for your plan working why would you not protect it with everything 😭😭😭#I'm not getting in the Lucy / Atsushi scene itself. I love Lucy but I swear every time that scene gets played a femminist dies #(it's me. I'm the femminist dying every time.)#Mmmhh a couple more things. I dislike the ost choice in the scene where Steinbeck is torturing Q it feels so out of place #And I really don't get what's the deal with the Hawthorne / Fitzgerald convo it's so confusing to me. Like it It looks like Hawtorne is–#blaming Fitzgerald for Mitchell's condition (both in health and for her family status) but...#Objectively neither of those things are Fitzgerald's fault? Idk maybe I just have very little media comprehension for this arc because–#a lot of things just seem to happen with no sense. But it's okay #Im complaining a lot lol but its mostly irrelevant things (or like with the dumbification of villains things I've learnt to live with lmao)#But the episode was generally nice. The animation this season is consistently very pretty.#random rambles

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jorvikzelda · 28 days

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today i had this Vivid memory flash through my mind of kissing my ex boyfriend (this was like 2018) and i felt so viscerally fucking revolted and I gotta say. it is truly impressive that I didn’t realise I’m a lesbian sooner than fucking half a year ago

#z talks #like the misidentifying as ace was Inevitable i think. that was due to repression that realising i didnt like men would not have fixed #(context: id’d as bi ace like. i wanna say 2016/17-2021/22 sometime and then went into ace and Questioning)#remember the time i really solidly settled on being aro because ‘romance has never not felt like a chore and putting on a facade’#babe no thats because your most recent and also singular long term relationship was with a Man #and thats the only one youre looking back on #its so funny how i dated a guy and it was so thoroughly Meh that i just didnt feel like pursuing anything romantic for a very long time #(A REACTION I HAD NOT HAD AFTER MY PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIPS WITH GIRLS)#And DIDN’T somehow consider that maybe I just Didn’t Like Guys #its nothing i grieve or feel sad about dw its honestly mostly funny to look back on #no wrongs were committed and i dont hold a grudge against the guy it was just me being confused and compheted #(…which is also a weird word to apply because at the time i identified and was out to my friends as a trans guy Binary.#This Was Also Wrong.)#was a weird time man. a truly weird time #anyway. all is well i have now been on 2 dates with a really cute girl and she gave me tulips <3 #as part of a Care Delivery bc i had a Migraine and No Painkillers Or Snacks #get well flowers <333333 #and now i dream of kissing her under the moonlight #With the uh. Hornetposting lately it May seem unlikely but yes I DO interact with real women! Romantically!#They coexist Wonderfully <3 #Anyway. I’m gonna go to bed #Realising that im a lesbian solved all my identity problems including my fucking gender which is just fantastic #I am very happy and whenever I think of being a lesbian it grounds me to reality a little bit stronger and i go yeah. Yeah.

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sunnibits · 5 months

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y’all I am in one of my worst ever art blocks rn, can y’all please help me warm up and just send in some like exceedingly simple doodle ideas,,, shit I could not mess up even if I tried. stupid low-pressure shit. silly things. anything tbh I just need a crumb of motivation :/

#tbh I think I’m just a little bit depressed right now and that’s probably contributing.#art just seems so incredibly hard lately and my motivation is practically nonexistent sadly ://#it’s so sucky I hate it #pls help a guy out

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ai-higurashi · 1 month

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Sometimes I have A Moment thinking about Beakley's daughter.

She looks kind. She was an artist. She seems to have managed to get a somewhat normal life despite it all. She must have found a VERY good guy if even Beakley approved of him. She died young. Both of them did. Her mother was too busy chasing villains and saving the world to spend time with her.

#ik the general consensus seems to be that she was also a lie but she's real in my heart #mostly because of Beakley flat out admitting to having been an absent mother #you can pry that from my cold dead hands #thought about her a bit too much and now I got attached #first time it was her kid or the job 22 picked the job and then when it was too late she regretted it so much #that the next chance she got Bentina put the whole world on hold #bentina beakley

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tiredela · 10 months

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Necromancer for @nerevar-quote-and-star ‘s pinup challenge!

Mannimarco is very very very sorry for the very very very late entry, but he hopes he can make amends by showing off his legs and worms like that in a slutty manner 🥺👉👈

#tes #tesblr #tes pinup challenge 2023 #mannimarco #elder scrolls #the elder scrolls #tes art #tes fanart #eso #elder scrolls online #digital art #body horror #tiredelart #one very for every day that it’s late #no super cool background this time bc i’m starting to feel a little sick #this took so much longer than i had expected bc i was busy doing other stuff #the shirt might seem a bit rushed bc of this but i also kinda like it?#i want to draw more manni pinups now

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natelia-aldelliz · 1 year

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Guys... Listen I know I said I'd draw something for valentine's day but I had a bit of a rough week sooooo I'm just going to write it out instead, maybe I'll finish drawing it some day, maybe not. It's behind a show more because it's long.

(also there's talks about having sex but no actual sex, and like, general warnings about Ghost's backstory but it's very vague here).

Soap was hanging around outside, trying to bring himself to do something, anything. But the weather was nice for a February day, and the sun was out, and it was making him feel like a cat basking in the heat.

An arm wrapped itself around his shoulders, a huge body suddenly weighing on him. Ghost.

Soap hummed comfortably. This day was getting better by the minute. Any chill he might have felt from being outside in a tank top out of pure Scottish spite was instantly soothed.

Simon often times saw himself as a cold man, freezing to the touch, hidden behind a layer of ice. A proper little Elsa, Soap almost snorted out loud. The truth was that while yes, his fingers and toes' temperature was sometimes abysmal, especially in bed, the rest of him was the warmest place Johnny had ever been.

"I've got something for you in our room," Ghost whispered against his throat, making Soap shiver.

Simon had begun calling Soap's room theirs a few weeks ago and Johnny couldn't have enough of it. He was so in love it genuinely hurt sometimes to restrain himself from squeezing him to death.

"Is that so?" he purrs, knowing how Ghost likes that. If this day didn't end in sex he'd be very surprised. He'd long learned to recognize when Simon wanted sex and when he didn't, and the way he squeezed his pec in response to his voice was a very easy tell.

But then again Simon was way less subtle than he thought he was.

They made their way back to their room, and there it was, a repurposed shoebox, badly wrapped with cheap wrapping paper. Johnny couldn't be more excited, he had never received any gift from a significant other. To be fair he adored gifting but always felt awkward receiving.

But this was Simon. Something that Simon had chosen to give him.

He sat on the bed, leaving enough space behind him for Ghost to sit there so he could use him as a very comfortable backrest. When he did, he grabbed the gift and began opening it.

He knew that Ghost liked to tear the wrapping paper, liked the sound of it and liked tearing it into the smallest pieces possible after, but he himself loved carefully unwrapping it and folding it flat so he could later maybe do an origami with it or put a piece in his journal. Probably both.

This one was full of tape but he still very much enjoyed himself, considered it a challenge. He enjoyed the chase, wanted to drag it on. Ghost huffed impatiently behind him, a bit tense, probably nervous.

Inside the box was a weird old fashioned clunky thing. It was bright red, looked slightly like binoculars, definitely from the 70's, with a wheel of tiny pictures wedged in the top of it. Memories hit him all at once.

"Oh my god ah remember, my Ma had one of these when ah was a child! My sister and I loved it, it had pretty landscapes in!"

He put it against his eyes, excited to see what this one came with. At his biggest surprise, it was a picture of them. Simon had customised it.

The picture showed the back of himself a bit further away from the camera, pointing at something while in full gear, in a dilapidated town, Ghost's face in the foreground looking at the camera. It looked like Soap was talking to someone, but that person was cut by the framing.

"Wait, ah remember that mission, it's when ah saved Gaz from a landmine just to be shot seconds later," he laughed. "ah spent two fucking weeks in the hospital, ah was miserable. Ye kept joking ah should hiv left Gaz explode while staring at him, he was convinced ye actually wanted him dead!"

Then the next picture was indeed him in his hospital bed, unconscious but the state of his injuries told him he was probably just sleeping at least a few days after his admission, his life no longer in danger. In this one, Ghost was sleeping too, head in his elbow near Soap's head and his other hand holding Soap's hand.

"Who took this one?" Soap asked, moved by the tenderness of Ghost's hold on him in the picture. It would have been right after Johnny had admitted to maybe liking him more than friends, before they were officially dating.

"The hospital one?"

Soap hummed.

"Price did. Said it was for blackmail. Should have seen him, he looked like his child had just married the person of their dreams and had ridden off into a rainbow on a unicorn or some shit. Old man's sentimental as fuck, but I didn't call him on his bullshit, he's already old, that's punishment enough."

Soap giggled in response. The next few pictures were all of them together but each time he was either turning his back or asleep.

"Why the fuck am ah never looking at the camera?" he whined. He wanted some cute couple pictures, dammit!

"Couldn't have you suspecting what I was planning," Simon said, kissing his shoulder soothingly. Only then Soap noticed that he had taken his mask off at some point and turned to ask for a proper kiss, which he immediately got.

"Keep going, there's more pictures," Simon whispered against his lips when he tried to turn around to kiss him some more. His pouting only got him a smirk in response, so he got comfortable again and brought the slide viewer back against his eyes.

He was happy he did. The next picture waiting for him was just Simon in the mirror, almost in full gear, but with one gloveless hand dragging his trousers down so the camera could see the bottom of his stomach, follow along his happy trail and reaching the very top of his pubic hair. The picture cut of his head, but he could see that his mouth was uncovered and he was holding the glove with his teeth.

Soap groaned. "Steaming Jesus, love, you're so hot."

He felt Simon hide his face in the back of his neck, warmer than usual, and chuckled a bit. He loved him so fucking much.

There were four more pictures of Simon, in various suggestive poses and states of undress, some almost showing his cock but never quite committing, making Johnny feel like he was being teased.

He was getting hard though and so ready to be done with the pictures and access the real thing. But Simon was still tense behind him. In fact, he had only gotten tenser and tenser with each click.

Soap was unsure why. They never had a problem with their sexual life, Simon had already changed his mind about having sex after starting and Soap had absolutely no problem with that, was glad to hug him instead and reassure him when he had tried to apologize.

Simon knew that there was no pressure, ever, to have sex. Hell, Johnny would still be happy even if Simon decided that he never wanted to have sex again, and he had made sure to make Simon understand that.

Then he got to the last picture and immediately understood.

It wasn't a picture of either of them, just a little bit of paper, with a few words written in Ghost's awful handwriting.

Just a few words that made Johnny drop the viewer on the covers and turn around to grab Simon's face, worriedly looking in his eyes.

"Are you sure?" he asked, looking for any trace of Simon forcing himself. "Baby, ah'm happy to bottom for the rest of mah life, there's no pressure, okay?"

Simon looked at him with warmth in his eyes and his cheeks completely red, a wrapping bow added on top of his head. "I know," he said simply. "I just want to. I don't want to be haunted by memories anymore. I used to like it, and I want to like it again. With you. Just.... Be gentle, okay?"

Johnny kissed his forehead. "Ah dinnae think ah ken how no tae be gentle with ye, love."

#cod mw2 #simon ghost riley #john soap mactavish #ghostsoap #soapghost #listen i'm sure there are romantic people somewhere who think it's valentine's day everyday so how late can that be #to be fair i am terrible at deadlines i don't know why i keep giving them to myself cause i soon as i do i know i'm never doing the thing #i've also burnt out my drawing capacities for now so probably expect more writing than drawing for a bit while my poor tiny brain recovers #if anyone is wondering yes soap forgot it was valentine's day #not because he forgot about it - he just forgot to track the days and didn't know they were the 14th he had a gift ready tho #he got ghost a chocolate tablet that ghost had once complained about not being able to find anymore that's actually just me complaining irl #that my supermarket doesn't seem to have white chocolate tablets with puffed rice inside like they did when i was a child #i have no idea how that applies to anywhere else lmao maybe other supermarkets have them but i hate going to supermarkets i don't know #anyway lmao sorry my love language is ranting #soap doesn't generally like receiving gifts because he feels like he doesn't deserve them like he didn't have to work for them #and so he feels guilty when he gets one but he hasn't told anyone about that #he was happy there but if ghost gives him ''too many'' gifts he's gonna start feeling bad bc he has just as much issues as everyone else #just hides them better

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