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teastainedpagesss · 2 years

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a little rant: I love to watch humans being humans. i think thats why i was so drawn to archeology and still am, there is something magical in the mundane. I love that we pick the prettiest sounds to give our children as names, I love that our personalities are crafted little by little by everyone we meet, i love that our souls are just colorful handprints of those we have loved. I love that we have built homes and created nests for years and years and years, I love that you are the product of a Melania of love and intimacy and the features you wear as your own, your cheekbones, your eyes, the way you write a cursive W, have all been passed down like a gift destined to be yours. I love that every single human has stared up at the same stars and was silenced for just a moment, even if it was just once in their lifetime, i love that we have graffiti from people thousands of years ago carving their initials next to those of their lovers, I love how people don't really change, people have always been people: violent, cruel, greed filled, but also aspiring, full of religion and wonder and curiosity, and screaming out with every action and essence of their being I AM HUMAN, I AM HERE ON EARTH.

I think i find solace in watching people be human because i often find myself attacking the human nature in myself. my mistakes, have been made before, this cruelty and rage are the weight of hundreds of years of life and experience and generational trauma before me, this anxiety that wracks my body was given in the womb by my mothers anxiety i have to remember all of this pain doesn't only belong to me, but it is the same for the gentleness as well, the love, the instinct to hold a baby close and rock it to sleep, the familiar roll of bread dough under my hands, and the idea that my smile graced the face of my ancestors centuries before me, and that someone fell in love with it, my features on someone else's face, enough to created a linage of people all leading up to me.

so many times i have questioned if this face is loveable, forgetting that it has already been loved and cherished time and time again by those who wore it before me... those are gifts arent they? They are ghosts of people long gone, still living through your personality, your voice, your features, your laughter, but being haunted isn't so lonely, and those ghosts are what make a house a home. I guess what i meant to say by all of this is that being human is a gift. and i want to appreciate it, not just in other people, but in myself as well.

#i am human #i exist #see that i am human too #poems on life #in another lifetime #in spite of everything #in a dream #poetry #traumacore #darkacademism #mental health #living with bpd #bpd thoughts #original poem #sad poem #dark academia #rant tag #im sorry father i am not who i could have been #ancestors

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 29 days

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Expertise can't help you here.

#dungeon meshi #kabru #laios touden #falin touden #Happy Thistle Thursday once again. Have I been holding on to this comic for several weeks? Sure have!#I forgot how long it takes for Chimera Falin to come into play.#I still really love my 'better drawn' art of her - unfortunately it was several weeks too early for the anime only folks.#Slowly getting the hang of drawing Laios. I don't know why I struggle so much but I am getting...somewhere.#Meta time: God damn I love how the chimera shows off the expertise and gap between Kabru and Laios.#The truth is: they are both *right* and they are both *wrong*.#This creature is a combination of monster and human and they only have the skillset to deal with one of those.#Kabru goes for all the human vitals - but she isn't human.#Laios tries to approach her as a monster and is struck down by the humanity he sees in her.#She is something new that defies what they *both* understand about the world. And that makes her such a perfect antagonist.#The damsel was the dragon all along!#...She is really so cute though. Terrifying! But adorable. I am so excited to see the boom of fanart for her.

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lilybug-02 · 6 months

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Wow. That could not have turned out worse.

Part 23 || First || Previous || Next

--Full Series--

This comic will be on Holiday Hiatus this December and January! While on a cliffhanger? What a scam! >:/

#Chara finally realizes something is wrong....very wrong #And you get to see little Chara for all of 2 drawings. wow. You guys are so spoiled uwu #Asriel and Chara bbfs #finally out of that darn tootin' Darkworld! WE'VE BEEN THERE FOR 2 YEARS!!!#LORE TIME LORE TIME. I know Chara is very vague about it but player-human relationships are very personal.#it can be hard to talk about them if you've been possessed yourself. especially with some stigmas around it #chara just wanted a glass of water. why you gotta do this to em #I am so so so happy to get here #the full excitement has faded since I first thought up this scene but It's still one hell of an accomplishment #YOU GUYS HAVE NO IDEA how many times I reworked this and how many rough drafts I've thrown out the window because of it.#tbh. I may post the 10+ rough pages that will never see the light of day #Im glad I didnt go through with that scrapped plot bc It was too many unneeded pages. I've learned to start condensing in a better way #I am also planning on showing off my Patreon soon :) so I'll be posting complete scrapped story lines over there #deltarune chara timeline #deltarune #utdr #deltarune chara timeline comic #art #my art #bread #chara #asriel #saloon darkworld #darkworld #deltarune au #college chara #college asriel

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duckshuffled · 3 months

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⚠️ severe weather! ⚠️

bonus worth 100 dollar

#ttcc #toontown corporate clash #corporate clash #rainmaker #misty monsoon #hi. pretend it didn't take me 4 months to post anything ok?#i finally got around to making a design for misty (challenge because i never draw humans) and wanted something to show for it #and then i spent way too many hours staring at this canvas. free me #aside from that i am really proud of how this turned out it was a lot of new things for me. so yay!#i am also happy with their design in a full piece. it's not very different but i liked looking up weather-related instruments anyway #umm go see pearl squidslugs for more of this design bug beat me to it. ok smile #my art

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idk-bruh-20 · 10 months

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Irondad fic ideas #151

There is a LOT of Iron Man merch out there. One day, Stark Industries comes out with a line of Iron Man themed night lights that look like arc reactors. The marketing? "For kids who are scared of the dark: Iron Man will protect you."

In completely unrelated news, a whole bunch of child abusers across the country have recently been arrested as a result of anonymous tips to local authorities.

Bonus:

It's an open secret at some point. Teens who are being abused start buying the night lights. Hell, adults start buying them. Charities pop up to cover the cost for anyone who needs it. Kids who are newly safe often send their night lights on to others ("I'm not scared of the dark anymore," they say).

Even with all of this, nobody snitches to the media or government. They all know grown-ups tend to complicate and ruin precious things.

It helps that the night lights clearly can distinguish between different types of situations. Kids whose parents need mental health or addiction support suddenly find they're being contacted by free services that actually help. If ICE is a concern, the people knocking on the door are not cops but immigrant rights activists. Kids who are hungry get food. Families who need housing support coincidentally find it.

"Iron Man will protect you," indeed.

This fic idea was inspired by this post from @fotibrit!!

#tony: see kid I can be a vigilante too #tony: just your friendly neighborhood iron man :)#peter: and I'm very proud of you but did u have to go THAT HARD OMFG #tony: gotta look out for the little guy :)#peter: ACROSS THE ENTIRE WORLD?!#irondad fic ideas #irondad and spiderson #just to be clear peter loves the night light idea and obvs loves the results lol #it's just tony did kinda one-up him at his own game just a Little bit #tony 'dramatic and excessive' stark #tony stark #peter parker #iron man #iron dad and spider son #abusers get rekt #queueueueue #weekly reminder that i love you all but am too busy to be human :)#fic ideas still postponed but you can send asks if you want i just won't see them for a while #see announcements

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puppetmaster13u · 18 days

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Prompt 299

Hear me out- Ghosts have wings. They have wings, which are affected by their cores, and can make them disappear from sight if they want or need to. You got that? Good.

Ecto-contaminated people? Don’t have wings. Liminals and Halfas, who have developed cores? Do have wings, and they can’t hide said wings, because unlike ghosts? Their bodies are physical living flesh.

Now Gotham? Ecto-contaminated, there’s no doubt about it. The amount of portals that have been opened there and death pits and death cults… yeah it’d be surprising if it wasn’t. But again, no one really notices, because at most? Most just get a bit of eyeshine.

The Bats however? Oh man are they freaking out when they wake up with aches in their back and feathers starting to poke through their skin. Curse? Nope! Welcome to Liminality, enjoy the second puberty of wings, emotion-sharing, fangs, claws, and whatever else you might develop- also enjoy the whole eating fear thing. (Wait, the what-)

#DCxDP #DPxDC #Prompts #Liminal Batfamily #Except for Jason who is straight up a Halfa #Halfa Jason #Comes out from the Pits with massive fuckin wings bursting wide from his back #Which is hilariously how the batfam figure out that Red Hood is Jason almost immediately when he returns to Gotham #And Jason is so wrong-footed the first time he gets utterly slammed with the rest of the fam’s emotions and utter Joy at him being Alive #Jason has albatross-shaped wings that have protruding bones & a glittering underside like an explosion or falling star #In human form they’re more naturalistic red-brown colors with black & white patterning #Bruce’s wings are massive black ones that fade to a gray on the top like a moving shadow #Dick’s is deep blues & flickering stars & dust #Do you see my vision #Shadow Core Bruce #Star Core Jason #Storm Core Dick #Wind Core Tim #Shadow Core Damian #Light Core Cass #Sun Core Duke #Sea Core Steph #Earth Core Barbara #yes this includes metals #yes Steph can control water & paints & has canisters full of glitter water for mischief #Remind me to describe the others’ wings #because I am worried about running out of tags or Tumblr eating them lol #but also imagine ghost chirp au too #And it could even be before the JL have formed or it could be after #But if it's before JL form or early JL I just think it'd be funny if they only know Batman with wings lol

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bookshelfpassageway · 17 days

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one of these days i'm writing some kind of essay about lost media and humanity's need to solve loose ends. people only care about it because its lost. people only know its lost because somebody cared about it. it's such an achingly beautiful concept. it's such a horrifying fate. it's about mortality and the traitor that is memory and about love. its about the human spirit and a new kind of folklore. all forms of media preservation are a race against the deprecation and physical decomposition of their storage medium. i hope there's a heaven for art.

#my posts #and i hope warner brothers execs never get to see its warm light #This post has been edited 5 times to add or change its wording. It’s original form is lost now too. Creation is an obligate carnivore #anyway id title it ''the lost the liminal and the scavenger hunt''#anyway im just thinkin thoughts #just watched a video about anime piracy and am feeling some kind of way again #GNU infinity train and every obscure out of print thing #also i just wanna play glyder 2 again you guys...#the other one that destroyed me is jacob geller how can we bear to throw anything away #also apparently people found that 80s song everyone was going insane about? and its the funniest possible ending?#i love how in humanity's indomitable spirit there is also inevitably the indescribably absurd and horny. i would have it no other way.

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jenoutof10 · 9 months

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when feral gojo gets animated you will either see me all over tumblr losing my shit and posting every single frame of his ethereal, crazed, ape-shit expression i can possibly get my hands on or i will simply leave without notice and proceed to disappear into the depths of my habitat, never to be seen nor heard from again.

#i cannot wait. i cannot WAIT.#IVE BEEN PATIENT FOR WAY TOO LONG.... I AM THE MOST PATIENT WOMAN ALIVE....#its not a want its a need...#i need to see this lanky 190cm man walking with his long long limbs like he just crawled out of depths of hell #in a middle of a civillian crowd; chasing some volcano monster thats invisible to the normal human eye #i need him to look sillyly silly #im actually obsessed with this panel of gojo trudging through the crowd.#jujutsu kaisen #jjk #gojo satoru #satoru gojo #🍑 jen geeks

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lotus-pear · 4 months

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bsd fic authors i understand yalls pain SO well right now why is it so fucking HARD to write dazai. like i have a whole fucking spreadsheet dedicated to tireless analysis i have done on my part so i can accurately characterize him but he is such an unpredictable and morally gray character that it's hard knowing his limits and boundaries and where he draws the line for himself.

#i hate when ppl make him out to be a sadistic villain with no remorse. like did we read the same manga 💀#but at the same time he is NOT crying abt all the ppl he sent to the grave. he sleeps just fine at night knowing he committed atrocities #yes he feels remorse? but he isn't like kunikida to weep at someone's grave for failing to save them #and then we have his emotions themselves #dazai isn't emotionless. far from it. he has difficulty expressing affection but yk he finds someone endearing when he trusts them #trust is very important to dazai and is one of the aspects of human emotion that he can fully grasp #but like everything else is in a hazy gray area that he does not feel like exploring. he feels alienated from his humanity bc of this #AUUUGHH can someone help me with character analysis PLEASE #I WASNT PAYING ATTENTION TO THIS MF UNTIL RECENTLY SO I MISSED OUT ON A LOT OF IMPORTANT DETAILS #see i would go and reread a few light novels but like i don't have time for that #and this is for dazai specifically. i am very well versed on his relationships w other charcaters #but just like asigiri himself said: it's very difficult to write dazai and write him WELL #so yeaaa i have a lot of smart ppl following me pls help #bsd #ALSO MY FRIEND STILL HAS NO LONGER HUMAN UUUUGHHHHHH I NEED THAT BACK BC I TABBED IT A SHIT TON #FOR LIKE CONNECTIONS TO YOZO AND BSD DAZAI AND WHERE ASIGIRI DREW INSPIRATION FROM YOZOS CHARACTER FOR DAZAI #THAT WOULD BE SUCH A VALUABLE FUCKING RESOURCE BC I DID SOME ANNOTATIONS IN THEM TOO BUT MY BOOK IS ANOTHER FUCKING STATE #I HATE IT HERE FML

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marlynnofmany · 7 months

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Seeing Faces

It’s rare when we get a shipment to deliver that’s not packaged somehow — either in Earth-standard boxes, another world’s version of shipping crates, or a livestock pen of some kind. Even that bunch of alien trees had been thoroughly wrapped at the bottom. But this collection of machinery parts didn’t have so much as a layer of cling-wrap on it. I guess the owners figured these things were sturdy enough not to need it.

They were probably right. The metal chunks were heavy. I tried to guess what they were made for as Blip and Blop muscled the biggest ones onto a hover sled, clearing the way for Paint and me to gather up the smaller pieces. Captain Sunlight bid the customer farewell and shut the cargo bay door.

“I think these look like vertebrae,” I said to Paint. “Greasy vertebra. Ew. I’m going to need a new shirt.” The offworld engine oil of whatever didn’t seem acidic at least, so that was nice. I sighed about the black smears.

“Strange vertebrae,” Paint said, juggling her own armload of odd shapes that didn’t seem to be rubbing off on her orange scales. Not that I was jealous or anything. “There would need to be a dual spinal cord.” She tapped a claw on one of the holes.

“Hm, yeah. There are probably animals like that,” I said. “Or robots, as the case may be.”

Ahead of us, Captain Sunlight opened the door to the appropriate storage hold, then headed off on captainly business. It was impressive how different a vibe she gave off compared to Paint, for all their physical similarities. Both were little lizardy people, but one strode with her lemon-yellow head held high, every inch the authority figure, while the other was Paint. She somehow bounced when she walked, even when weighted down by unwieldy metal things.

“I’ll bet these stack really well,” Paint said. “They look like they interlock. We could probably build a spinal column without them falling over.”

“We probably could,” I agreed. “But I don’t want to be the one responsible for bending one of the flanges because we wanted to test it out.”

“Hm. Yep yep yep. But I maintain that we could.”

“We could.”

The two of us entered the storage hold to find Blip and Blop racing to see who could unload the sled faster. It’s not that the Frillian twins were overly competitive, but they were twins. They’d apparently hatched at the same time, and had been in a low-key competition to see who was better at life ever since. But they smiled while they did it.

“Done!” Blip declared, setting down a lump of metal big enough for Paint to hide behind. She raised her hands in triumph, fins fluttering.

“Doesn’t count,” Blop said as he put down his own piece. “You didn’t line them up right. Mine are tidier.”

They squabbled about this while Paint and I unloaded our metal chunks nearby. I had to kneel to keep from dropping the things. It would be just my luck if they did warp on impact, or bounce off each other and whack me in the shin.

The Frillians took their debate out the door before I finished. They’d already moved on to who could steer the hoversled with the minimum of touching.

“Ha,” Paint said. “They do stack.”

I turned to see only one of the things set on top of another, with Paint ready to catch it if it slid. She took it down before I could say anything.

I just nodded and arranged my own into a reasonable huddle, then wiped my hands on my shirt. It was only when I moved toward the door, with a look back at the big pieces, that I got a good look at the one that Blop had set on its side.

This was the logical place to put it, not sticking out past the rest, but the thing that caught my attention was the shape when seen from this angle. Those two holes could have been eyes, and the flanges were shaped like stubby arms. There were even a couple slots in the middle like nostrils.

I burst out laughing.

“What?” Paint demanded.

“It looks like Zhee!” I said, pointing. “Big bug eyes and everything!”

“What does?” Paint asked. She came to stand next to me, following my arm, but just looked confused. “Where are the eyes?”

“These!” I said, stepping closer and pointing at the holes. “And those are the arms. Isn’t it perfect?”

Paint cocked her head as if slightly tilted vision could unlock the answers. “Arms?”

I repeated myself, but she still looked lost, so I found a notepad and pencil in a storage cupboard —reliable even when the batteries all run out — and sketched what I saw.

“Ohh, I get what you mean now,” Paint said when I showed her. “Those parts are lifted like pincher arms, and those are roughly the same proportion as Mesmer eyes.”

“Yeah, it’s uncanny,” I said.

Paint took the notepad to study it closer. “How did you even notice that?”

“It was pretty easy,” I told her. “It just jumped out at me when I looked from the right direction. Like seeing faces in clouds, you know?”

Paint’s blank expression said that she didn’t know.

“Do you not do that? Find patterns of familiar shapes in random things?”

“No?” she replied. “Is that a thing I’m supposed to be doing?”

“You don’t have to! It’s just something that everybody does on Earth, ever since we’re kids. It’s probably from a long history of watching for camouflaged predators in the bushes. You’ve got camouflage on your planet, right? You must.”

“Yeah, sure,” Paint said easily. “But I guess not that much. I’ve never seen a face in a cloud; that sounds terrifying.”

“Not really; it’s more like feeling smart for spotting something. Well,” I amended. “It could be a little unsettling if you see a skull or something. But that’s rare. There are whole systems of divination about this sort of thing.”

Paint looked like she was about to ask a million questions, but right then the sound of familiar clicking footsteps tapped down the hall.

“Zhee!” Paint called, whirling with the notebook in her hand. “Zhee, look what Robin saw!”

Zhee came into view looking just as eyecatching and purple as usual, halting at the doorway while Paint eagerly explained the conversation we’d just had. Quickly and enthusiastically. With lots of waving the sketch around, and pointing back at the machine part.

I felt like apologizing as he stared with an unreadable alien expression. His antennae weren’t even moving; I couldn’t tell what he thought of it all.

Finally Paint finished talking. “She says it’s probably because her species watches for predators in the bushes. Isn’t that amazing?”

Zhee made a point of looking slowly from the sketch to the metal thing, then to me. I braced myself for judgement.

Instead, Zhee raised his pincher arms into the same pose and declared, “I am the danger that lurks in the bushes.” Then he slunk out of sight, many legs scuttling in a quickstep way that he knew darn well I found creepy.

Paint blinked at the empty doorway, still holding the notebook.

“Aw, man,” I said. “He’s picking things up from Trrili.”

Paint immediately closed the notebook. “We definitely shouldn’t show her.”

“Agreed!” I said.

After a moment of thought, Paint tore the page out and handed it to me, then took the notebook back to the cupboard. I pocketed it with a final glance at the metal vertebra that looked remarkably like a cartoonish Mesmer squaring up for battle.

Someone had left a roll of no-residue marking tape on a box nearby. I grabbed a strip and stuck it onto the metal, with the ends curved up.

Now the thing had a goofy grin that possibly no one would recognize. But if there were any humans on the receiving end of this delivery, they ought to get a good laugh out of it.

~~~

The ongoing backstory adventures of the main character from this book. More to come! And I am currently drafting a sequel!

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mushroomnoodles · 1 month

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settling in

simon is learning more about morri's abilities that they've gained since he's been gone. one in particular catches his attention.

morri's become disillusioned with their sleeping mother, suspecting either betty isn't there anymore or she doesn't care enough to be.

it breaks simon's heart to see them feel that way, and now that he knows there's a way to see GOLBetty he's sort of antsy to get to her, just to see her again- prove she does care about morrigan. he knows she does. but morri's not in the mood for it yet.

also, simon develops narcolepsy, with out of body experiences while he's asleep.

#i have a mproblem #golbaby #golbaby +1000 #plainvanilla #simon returns timeline #i promise this leads up to petrigrof #or well #petrigolb? petri..petrigolbetty?#idk its leading up to it is the point #morri: i sure am glad to have my totally human father back with no side effects #simon: about that #simon is antsy to see marceline too but morri has no idea where she is #the candy kingdom is gone too #how the turn tables.

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a-study-in-bullshit · 8 months

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i refuse to be embarrassed of who I am and what you once were just because you changed and think I should too

#webweaving #web weaving #the queer experience #queer #trans experience #queer identity #queer solidarity #the human condition #very aimed but shell never see it #recently a friend of mine said she didnt think she liked girls anymore which id no issue with experimentation of gender and sexuality is #smth everyone should have a right to do w/o judgement but shes now acting like i should change as well seeming like shes embarrassed #of what i am and what a lot of our other friends r #bit too personal for this acc lmao #a-study-in-bullshit

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stuckinapril · 3 months

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One day I’ll go through med school and then I’ll go through residency and then I’ll go through a fellowship and then I’ll be the most crybaby neurosurgeon you could think of. Bursting into tears if I so much as graze ur hypothalamus with my forceps

#Yesterday I shadowed a neurologist for the first time and basically we got done seeing a patient who’s also a heart surgeon #And I turned to the doctor and was like Ok what do we do #The thing is this patient has dementia and we don’t really have a cure for that yet so the study he’s enrolling in is largely observational #Still I expected her to follow up on him in much more frequent increments #Instead this woman goes “we’ll see him in 6-9 months but… not even sure if he’ll be here by then sooo”#Basically implying he might be dead in a year #AND I WAS LIKE. Blown away by how blase she was #And ever since then a fiendish sort of melancholy followed me everywhere I went .#Bc I haven’t stopped thinking about the heart surgeon #I don’t get how she can stop thinking about him #I don’t understand people who can stop thinking about something like that #I know neurologists like her have seen patients come and go many a time but I was disturbed #So I made a pact w myself never to lose my humanity. Half of why I’m so into medicine is bc of its humane aspects #And in 10 years I’ll look back at this and hopefully still be just as annoyingly sensitive as I am today #I think I’m just overall disillusioned w how little humanity some people seem to have but that doesn’t mean I have to be that way too #p

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oneheadedcerberus · 8 months

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highlights of transformers skybound #1:

carly's got a sick ass wizard van lmao fuck yeah girl

ratchet absolutely wrecking starscreams entire shit with a high kick worthy of the cheesiest 80s action flick

and starscream straight up squishing a man to death complete with gorey onomatopoeia

#i am a dumb #maccadam #transformers #transformers skybound #transformers skybound spoilers #all in all. kinda bland but we'll see. probably better if you read void rivals too but im not doing that.#if this fucking comic makes it all about the fucking humans again and ditches the queerness i swear to god

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sciderman · 2 months

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I swear I have read your big post regarding Peter Parker's neurodivergence and why it is best to avoid labelling him, but he definitely has a weird brain

Can't find it and feel kinda sad about it cuz I deeply related to it

i know exactly which post you're talking about and i can't find it either! i've raked through my archive, and it's just - nowhere to be seen. i think tumblr eated it (it happens.)

really, tumblr's search functionality is so so useless, i don't know what to tell you. there are plenty of keywords i can search to find it that post, but the search functionality actually just does not work!

undiagnosed audhd-addled peter parker, my darling, my light, my life, my everything.

i think peter parker's such an interesting creature to write, because a lot of people will point to a certain behaviour about him and say "this is an autistic thing, right?" but a lot of those behaviours are actually, in my head, tied to certain traumas in peter's life too.

people say "oh, the food thing, peter's a picky eater because he's autistic" and yes, absolutely. but also it's tied to his trauma with his parents.

peter gets overstimulated, and yes, it's an autism thing, but also he was bitten by a radioactive spider and his senses are dialled to 11.

it's a similar case i've found for myself, too – where a lot of friends i have kind of diagnose me because i have autistic traits, but actually - i'm hesitant to claim the label or pursue diagnosis because, actually, i know where these certain behaviours come from, and they come from certain traumas. there are events i can pinpoint in my life and say "yep. that's where this behaviour comes from."

so - i think there's a lot of overlap between trauma and autistic traits. the brain is very complex! i think the reason for that overlap is maybe as simple as the fact that people with autism and people with trauma are both doing the same thing - developing behaviours to protect themselves or soothe themselves. so - i think it's nice to be able to see a character like peter parker, who may or may not be autistic, but recognise behaviours in him and see yourself in him.

people who go undiagnosed for whatever reason - people who are really good at masking - so good, in fact, that they have no idea they might be on the spectrum - everyone and anyone at all can look at peter parker and recognise themselves. because i think we discredit the thought that every single brain does the same thing! develops certain behaviours in order to survive. every brain has that same software - we've just all been faced with different hardships that we need to overcome, and that's were all the differences come in.

autism is a spectrum, i guess - everyone falls into it to some degree. and i think events in your life probably push you along on it. but i don't know, i didn't study brain science. probably what i'm saying is very stupid and uninformed. of course there's brain chemistry involved. but i know people in my life living with autism and certain events in their life have exacerbated certain behaviours or made coping with it a lot more difficult. so maybe trauma is a catalyst.

#a lot of my traits have been exacerbated lately and i remember it was much easier for me before #and some of my friends have said “oh it's because you've been masking too long and now you're facing autistic burnout.”#and that made sense to me i think.#but then i found out about the stress thing. me overproducing stress hormone. and that's a very physical thing.#and that explains why i've been overstimulated more than usual lately. and why everything feels like too much.#and i wonder how many of these traits of mine are going to subside once i have lamar removed #and it makes me wonder a lot of things. and it's so weird how much your brain is tied to your biology.#i wonder how much i'll change. i wonder how i'll feel. i wonder if i'll still feel like me. i wonder how much me is me right now.#and how much of me is being altered by weird freaky hormones. who am i?? who will i be??#i'm almost looking at this as like. a superhero origin story of some sort. like this is my spider-bite moment. maybe.#will i be different? will i cope with things differently?? now that my body isn't fighting something anymore??#maybe i'll be normal. i don't know. i don't know.#i don't know what it'll mean for me.#but all of these things mean i relate to peter parker in a certain kind of way #i don't think you have to be diagnosed with autism to recognise and empathise with those traits i think #i think everyone can see themselves in peter. and i think that's the benefit of having characters that aren't diagnosed.#because there's so much overlap in the human experience. and certain feelings aren't exclusive to just one group of people.#peter has such a rich identity actually. it's an autistic thing. it's a queer thing. it's a jewish thing. it's a trauma thing.#there are so many overlapping parts of peter's identity that inform who he is and how he behaves and it's never just one thing.#it's a product of all of his things.#just like me! just like everyone.#so me? i guess i can be a million things. you can explain what i am in a million different ways.#a hundred different psychologists can all come up with different ways to explain why i be the way i be.#i don't think it's something that can be simplified.#sorry wow. i'm really going off here in the tags.#i hope people don't think i'm stupid. i don't know brain science. i'm just philosophising as usual.#sci speaks

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idk-bruh-20 · 10 months

Text

Irondad fic ideas #145

Scientists at Stark Industries frequently make groundbreaking discoveries. Since the work is collaborative, they also usually have long lists of acknowledgements at the end when publishing their research

Post-NWH fic where someone notices a pattern in the published research from SI: for a period of several years, nearly every paper, from every department in the company, expressed gratitude to... empty space.

The name is not there. Clearly, it's meant to be. The pattern starts slow, with just a few papers, but it's soon present in every single one, and the praise is effusive. (Even during the Blip, researchers thanked this mystery person posthumously)

Then, not long after the return of half the population, the pattern just stops. No more mentions of the mystery team member. No more gaps in the acknowledgements page

Maybe it wouldn't be a big deal, maybe the whole thing would just stay as a niche mystery in the tech world... Except it can't. This question can't stay a small thing

Because Tony Stark, who has never worked with anyone except for occasionally Bruce Banner, thanks this empty space in his published work too.

Just who exactly is this person?

Bonus:

The media dubs the missing person the "Stark Ghost"

Extra points if this fic follows either MJ, Ned, Pepper, a random curious citizen, a lowly SI worker, or Tony himself as they try to find answers

#in this fic tony is alive because I said so #irondad fic ideas #irondad and spiderson #iron dad and spider son #peter parker #tony stark #answering the question: what if fanon about peter being a beloved si intern were true AND nwh happened #(AND TONY WAS ALIVE)#what then?#queueueueue #weekly reminder that I love you all but am too busy to be human :)#fic ideas still postponed but you can send asks if you want I just won't see them for a while #see announcements

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