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#recently a friend of mine said she didnt think she liked girls anymore which id no issue with experimentation of gender and sexuality is
a-study-in-bullshit · 8 months
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i refuse to be embarrassed of who I am and what you once were just because you changed and think I should too
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sloppysmooches · 9 months
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i hate how change stresses me out so much, also just little things recently have been irking me. we kicked our drummer out of the band yesterday and it feels really strange, for me it was a little unexpected like timeline wise but it needed to be done he just wasnt taking it as seriously as me and everyone else and his morals are skewed as fuck. im excited for our new direction though, i really am manifesting being the like sole singer and us getting another drummer and then the lead guitarist being on bass because i just really want to shine vocally and its hard when im still a beginner on bass.
ive been thinking about my friendships a lot recently and more and more its hard to feel like i have a best friend anymore. its partially my fault for holding resentment against her and just letting it fester but im sure if i bring it up shes gonna whip out her best arguing skills which i have none of and make me feel not so valid. i was telling her i was stressed out about our show last night bc at the time i didnt know how i was gonna get home and i was really hoping she’d offer me a ride because in less than a heartbeat id do it for her but all she said was be careful out there text me updates which was nice i guess but idk i was expecting more.
it hurts so bad because in all my friendships regardless of how long ive met them if i feel a strong connection id die for them and no one feels that way for me except maybe one person but also idk if she’s genuine. maybe it’s because i have trust issues or quiet bpd lol.
i always feel like pushing everyone away and disappearing for a year like serena on gossip girl but that isnt very realistic. it just sucks because in friendships i bring so much to the table and no one seems to care as much as i do.
even on my friendiversary with my best friend she didnt seem to care, id ask so many questions about our friendship like favorite moments and stuff like that and her response is always idk. another thing that i hold on to is how on her 21 birthday i was like lets all say our fave things about her and when i said mine she just smiled but when our other friend whose her other bff basically said the same thing as me she screamed and jumped across the table to hug her and it felt idk degrading idk if thats the right word.
i think ill just do what im best at slowly pulling away. its so painful when she says shell always be there for me but if i send a text saying explicitly that im struggling she skips right over it and changes the topic. she wont even cuddle with me which isnt the hugest deal among everything obviously but it’s important to me and she seems grossed out whenever i even touch her hand yet shes so touchy with everyone else.
quick topic switch, i have a call back for a job on tuesday, hopefully they actually call me. my dads been so evil about the band and me not going to school or being employed but its a discussion we have so so so often and he never listens to me and hes never proud of me, all he gives a fuck about is himself and his wife and she doesnt even know the extent of his real personality in my opinion. but im manifesting this job bc its so close and i like the atmosphere and its heavy on selling merchandise and i can work on being more talkative to the public so idk itd be cool i guess.
sorry this entry is so fuckin long omg
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yyxgin · 3 years
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no bar!! never fret about replying late. i know what it’s like to not want to talk to anyone. honestly. i won’t call it (my experience) a depressive episode bc one of my friends used to brush off me when i was saying things like i’m depressed and say ‘sad’ instead. like if i were to say ‘that made me/i am depressed’ she’d say something like ‘oh god same! like if it’s making you sad,, don’t do it.’ which is a v poor example of what she did but i never called it depressed after that bc she pissed me off n was disregarding of my feelings (even though she’s incredibly anxious herself) bc i didn’t get it officially diagnosed. idk if you’ve ever read about birth control pills but i always read on tumblr people calling them literal depression pills and i ignored it, thinking either 1) people were being dramatic / were over-dramatising it or 2) it wouldn’t happen to me anyway. it fucking happened and they were not being dramatic. i was never happy n always working on minimal sleep n making self depreciating jokes all the time bc it was the only way i could cope with my thoughts n constant mood swings. so what i’m trying to say is,, i know how it feels. if that’s any consolation. it’s not me trying to be ‘oh me too!’ or ‘mine was worse than you’ it’s just me being understanding n telling you it’s okay. also lemme at your friends!! i’ll stomp them out n get the barman to run them over for you!! they’re so mean to forget you!! i find that deciding i want to do something specific n then asking the appropriate people if they want to do saïd thing/place works for me. it can be a simple ‘we should do this, when are you free?’ helps. making it known that you want to do things helps. or aggressively remind them that it’s nice to be asked bc it means they thought of you even if you couldn’t go n tried to include you. or we can revisit me stomping them out w my beloved barman,,, whatever works best for you my dear <3
admittedly me and one of the girls were discussing that we are going to miss our manager. even though literally everyone moaned about her (i feel like it’s impossible to avoid in literally any job/situation) she did have her moments and she did a lot for the staff like after work-drinks, asking the chefs if we could order off of the customer menu instead of the staff menu or whatever they cook in bulk for everyone to take home in the evening. apparently she did this a lot more than the previous manager. she has a good heart but sometimes she ignored some of the girls when we ask for days off or our availability for the week which was very annoying of her. it could’ve been a lot worse, i suppose, but overall she wasn’t terrible.
thé lady who lives in my town and drops me given the chance, told me the other night that she used to be the duty manager. i asked her why she stopped and she explained that when they furloughed everyone they asked her to come back on like half pay or something? idk i just remember it being explained as they wanted her to come back sooner and take away her furlough so she said no and got demoted. but somehow she still gets some of the furlough? idk i have been taught that asking how much or discussing specifics of paychecks kind of thing is rude, growing up. she has been telling me they keep asking her to come back (now they’re asking her to be a supervisor since she declined the manager role) and she keeps saying no. i love her and want the best for her so i won’t say anything to anyone about the conversations me and her have had (i mean, apart from maybe my mum if i can remember, and you bc, let’s be real, you don’t know me and idk you) and she says they’re just difficult to work with as a management team. she even said our area manager isn’t impressed with our current assistant manager (who is currently the only person on an houred contract since our manager left) which shocked me since i personally think he is quite good considering he has a good relationship with the staff and kitchen (he’s thai so he can communicate with the kitchen better than most of the wait staff (some wait staff are thai but mostly not)) i think she doesn’t want to be the eldest person in management or she doesn’t want the age gap to be so big since she has a kid she can lecture at home, she doesn’t need to be looking after people at work, y’know?
also today, me and one of the girls were upstairs (two floors of the restaurant!) and it’s nearing 11pm and her brother (who also works there) comes up and asks us when we’re finishing (mostly her lol) but we had two tables just sitting talking amongst themselves so she just said idk. he was saying he wanted to go bc he’s tired etc n he’s driving n she was like it’s fine go home i’ll call an uber or something n he was refusing to leave her behind. (i feel like i brushed over the two tables sitting there but it must be noted they’re the only tables left in the entire restaurant and we were the only two wait staff still there, apart from her brother but he changed and was waiting downstairs). anyway, she was sweeping (i was cleaning the booth/sofa thingy chairs as it was a mundane task we could do to pass time and while she was sweeping by one of the tables thé boyfriend was whispering to his girlfriend saying ‘should we go?’ and the girlfriend said ‘why should i care?’ and the girl came over to tell me v quietly and i got so upset for her. bc she is literally the sweetest person on the earth and the only reason i didn’t go to ask the manager to see if i could go home with the lady who offers to take me (ex-duty manager lady!) was so she wasn’t alone up there. if i had been the one sweeping near that table i would’ve snapped so fucking hard at them. i mean, we’re 18 and have lives and sleep schedules, and we’re working until 11pm on a thursday before we even get home?? like i wouldn’t have minded staying if they were reasonable tables but after the gf said that i was like ‘shall i go get our stuff from the staff room?’ so i could split as fast as possible. in the end the temporary acting manager came up and told us we could finish and she kicked the tables out ten minutes later. i told her what the table saïd and she thought that was mean and unnecessary too. i was also worried about my sleep tonight since i have my first vaccine tomorrow morning. that’s why i was more pressed about what time i left work today. oh well.
im sorry for talking so much about work! sometimes i don’t have someone to talk to about it (at home) bc of my weird hours and sometimes i don’t like re-explaining things to my mum if she doesn’t get it the first seven times. sometimes it’s just a little too draining as she doesn’t understand since she’s a lifer at her job. it’s easier to explain to my dad but then i get a whole lecture on something that i ultimately have no control over n id rather just bitch w the girls at work but the problem is WE’RE AT WORK!!!
also i booked for my first tattoo!! i’m excited. it’s for next week,, which was super quick considering i was expecting to have to wait soooo much longer. i’ve been telling people about it and that it’s happening but i haven’t had the pleasure of telling people exactly where i got the idea from. bar, my dear, you know wheein’s new album, redd? well, it comes with loads of things, including these stickers (one for each song) and the one from springtime was just so perfect and when i saw it my first thought was, this would be a perfect tattoo. and so i am having it tattooed on my body. a subtle nod to kpop whilst also having something meaningful on my body. i also have just decided i want a small, minimalistic (or one-line art) rose on my sternum, kind of in the valley of my breasts, bc my nan was a rose. i like having her close to me. i recently got her necklace fixed which has left me feeling so incomplete after it broke in august last year. it’s been almost ten years and i think i’m long overdue something to remind me of her. i fiddle with my necklace when i’m nervous which is why i love it so much but incase it breaks again (i pray it doesn’t but i have a long life ahead of me) i would like her close still.
gosh there’s never enough space in my head to remember what i want to tell you so i’ll stop here for now since i should sleep to be able to wake up in time for my first jab. i’m scared but it’s whatever i’ll do it i suppose,, eeek 😨
ilyl ~ 🌻
thank you so much for opening up to me about this, it means a lot to me :( i am so sorry you had to go through this and honestly,, i really resonate with you. i feel like when i talk about my emotions and my sadness (dont know if its okay to call it depression either but yea), my friend either always either makes me feel like my emotions arent valid or she tells me she doesnt know how to help, which is frankly, why i dont talk about my emotions to people irl anymore. i dont open up and it takes me a long long time to do so if i ever do, because i tend to feel insecure/not safe :D so really, thank you for telling me and i hope you are doing better. your emotions are valid and i am always here for you 
HAHAHA i mean i dont have many friends so theres not many to stomp on:( but i mean,, i get passive aggressive when i feel forgotten/left out so you best believe i told my friend how im feeling, but like uhhh it didnt do much. i spent the whole weekend at work and i was free on friday but my friend decided to ditch me and yeah. i havent been out in like two weeks now and i mean i am an introvert so i dont mind that much but even i want to socialise sometimes
aah i mean every manager has their flaws, no one’s perfect. my manager keeps calling me to go to work even though i was literally there for 11 hours on saturday AND sunday which means i worked for 20 hours in two days. and i work 20 hours a week at max. and i already worked some hours before the weekend so i think i have like 30 hours now and she keeps calling??? dude i need a break too,,i am so exhausted and tired of this shit :dd
oh i totally get what the lady that drops you off sometimes told you. i would feel a little iffy if i heard it too, but like,,,judge by your own experiences!! if you feel like something is off, you can always leave,, so i wouldn’t be so stressed about it.
why are people so rude ??? dude,,you should care, because we are all human. everyone has their needs and their lives and i bet he wouldnt like it if he was the one in your place. why should you stay there longer just because he didnt want to leave?? that was so unnecessary. people are weird beings and i learnt that after working with them this weekend,,,like i litereally got screamed at because i couldnt accept cash in different currency. like,,what tf do you want me to do?? i dont have every single currency with me so i could give u the change ?? tf ??
ALSO ITS OKAY TALK ABOUT YOUR WORK HOWEVER MUCH YOU WANT !!!! i also feel like i dont have anyone to talk to about work bc my parents dont listen to me as much as they used to these days and my friend unsurprisingly just doesnt care bc she doesnt work,, and i dont wanna talk to my internet friends abt it as much bc i feel annoying so i am glad us two can talk about these things together !!!! 
YOUR FIRST TATTOOOO WHOAAAH thats so cool. i love tattoos hihi dfkja idk if u already had the appointment but tell me how it went after !! i wasnt able to find the sticker on the internet but im sure it looks hella pretty. also i love how it reminds you both of kpop and your grandma, its wonderful <3 i really want to get a tattoo one day,, and i also want something meaningful (not that i am hating on people that tattoo themselves just for fun and have no meaning behind their tattoos i just have commitment issues so i want something long lasting). alSO my crush (yes i have a crush now ew) has a tattoo and it looks like satan lowkey,,but apparently its a japanese something (i forgot the word oopsies) and it means jealousy, bad past and wisdom ?? i was like BOY IF U DONT??? fjdkla he has blue hair btw i am very much whipped but he also doesnt know me and i am older than him so this is embarrassing
ALSO I HOPE YOURE FEELING WELL AFTER GETTING THE VACCINE !!! 
ily <333
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suddenly-n-octopus · 6 years
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I would like to see answers for all. :3
For you? Always.flower crown: when did you last sing to yourself? “Please dont throw your looooove away–please dont throw your loooooove away”
fairy lights: if a crystal ball could tell you the truth about anything, what would you want to know? If she would ever chose to be with me.
daisies: what is the greatest accomplishment of your life? I dont have one. I dont even know what that is.
1975: what is the first happy memory that comes to mind, recent or otherwise?My best friend and I talking about our fears in meeting each other finally. They turned out to be the same for her and after all this time i was surprised she still felt the same way. It may not happen but it felt good that she still considered the idea.(that context though)
matte: if you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Yes.
black nail polish: do you have a bucket list? if so, what are the top three things? Make a popular selling video game. Turn said videogame into an on-going multi seasoned series/anime. Own an Owl.
pantone: describe a person close to your life in detail. She calls herself a panda,she loves books and chocolate. Dawson’s creek and gilmore girls are her go to shows. She can get tunnel vision when she gets angry. She hates her middle name with a passion. Shes a pyromaniac. Opal is one of her all time favorite stones. She cant dance. Can hold her liquor for a while. She has been an author, violinist, jeweler, carpenter, mechanic, pharmacy tech, and now a dispatcher. She’s tired. 
moodboard: do you feel you had a happy childhood? I sorta didnt.
stars: when did you last cry in front of another person? Thanksgiving
plants: pick a person to stargaze with you and explain why you picked them.My best friend, ironically she lives in an area where the sky could be seen without the city lights interfering. I mean…its stargazing, you’d want someone you love to be with you to watch them right? we’d look at the stars and talk about them and their meanings..or rather what we thought would be their meanings with me mostly making terrible jokes.
converse: would you ever have a deep conversation with a stranger and open up to them?Yes
lace: when was your last 3am conversation with someone, and who were they to you? Um. *waits* its 3a.m. now so ..you. You are a kind friend to me. I am grateful.
handwriting: if you were about to die, and you could only say one more sentence to one person, what would you say and to whom? Thats easy, i say it to myself daily when i think about this question. To my best friend: I love you for until always.
cactus: what is your opinion on brown eyes? Underrated and beautiful. FUCK.
sunrise: pick a quote and describe what it means to you personally. “That doesnt go there” -story of my life.
oil paints: what would you title the autobiography of your life so far? HA.. “That doesnt go there”
overalls: what would you do with one billion dollars? Thats a long one, first id go see my best friend..give her family money, pay mine and my mother’s bills, buy a place for my mom and sis, then buy a place for me, get a transplant for my kidney and pancreas, buy some waffles, pay for my sister’s college.
combat boots: are you a very forgiving person? do you like being this way? I am not.
winged eyeliner: write a hundred word letter to your twelve year old self Save your money. Find her.Go to the doctor as much as possible. find her. listen and remember what grandaddy is teaching you. show him that you arent a waste of his knowledge. find her. say yes when the time comes. dont let friendship ruin your chance to finish. find her dammit. fucking find her. keep up with all of your games, dont trust anyone where you leave them. tell uncle joe you love him. tell tiffany that you like her too. but find her. watch the tribe more and find her. dont let them get to you. you arent trying to be white. you are being yourself because thats how you were raised. find her please.
.pastel: would you describe yourself as more punk or pastel? Pastel probably.
tattoos: how do you feel about tattoos and piercings? explain i love tattoos and would lke to get some of my own but i dont heal well anymore. i think they express a lot about yourself and what you love.
.piercings: do you wear a lot of makeup? why/why not? Nah…i mean..should i??? my lashes are all natural honey :o
bands: talk about a song/band/lyric that has affected your life in some way. I dont have a song that has affected my life.
messy bun: the world is listening. pick one sentence you would tell them. Chaos is inevitable, all men must die. 
cry baby: list the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel.Never been to one QQ
grunge: who in the world would you most like to receive a letter from and what would you want it to say?Irina, a friend of mine who disappeared some years ago. She promised me that she wouldnt do so and…i havent gotten over that so the letter would be telling me where she is and if she is okay. I miss her.
space: do you have a desk/workspace and how is it organised/not organised? I have a fold out table where my laptop sits. Not organized.
white bed sheets: what is your night time routine? I dont have a set routine for anything in my life. I never seem to maintain a schedule. so it varies.
old books: what’s one thing you don’t want your parents to know? That i used to watch their porn that they stashed away terribly.
beaches: if you had to dye your hair how would you dye/style it and why? my hair is short so a dark blue, i like blue but green is my favorite.
eyes: pick five people to go on an excursion with you. who would you pick and where would you go/what would you do? five people? huff i have to know five people. *waves the thought* we’d go to the beach!!! my best friend hasnt been to one since she was a kid so definitely her, my only guy friend and his girl..thats three…uh…oh my guy friends girl’s friend…and uh…this is hard since none of who i am talking about actually lives anywhere near me or within a 1000 miles.
11:11: name three wishes and why you wish for them. goodness. um. to be healthy–no more health issues, my body functions normally and everything works. thats probably two wishes. so the last one would be..i wish that i was successful.
painting: what is the best halloween costume you have ever put together? if none, make one up.I once went as a disco guy. yuh, my best costume ever.
lightning: what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done while drunk or high? texted my best friend over some issues we were having…again. *cough*
thunder: what’s one thing you would never do for one million dollars? Kill innocent people
storms: you on only listen to one song for the rest of your life, or only see one person for the rest of your life. which and why?my best friend. because i love her more than anything and anyone. I would rather see her for the remainder of my life than what the world has to offer.
love: have you ever fallen in love? describe what it feels like to realise you’re in love.I have, I am. the feeling is like knowing that you are getting something you really want and its coming to you, that anticipation of it getting there and you having it, but the anticipation is a constant. it wells withing stomach and rises into your chest but never out of your mouth or body, it just stays there.
clouds: if you’re a boy, would you ever rock black nail polish? if you’re a girl, would you ever rock really really short hair? I keep black, gun metal grey and warm grey nail polish at all times.
coffee: what’s your starbucks order, and who would you trust to order for you, if anyone? caramel macchiato and im rather trusting of anyone really.
 marble: what is the most important thing to you in your life right now? my best friend.
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stilinski-jpeg · 7 years
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The Preacher’s Daughter: Part 2
Author: @stilinski-jpeg
A/N: I’m sorry this took so long to post, there was a second there that I wasn't sure if I was going to go forward with this series, but I am and here’s part two. I really own @minhosmeanhoe for keeping my motivated and pushing me, she’s my soulmate and I love her. I was going to wait for her to post this, but I know you all have been hungry for some Mitch so I’ll post mine now and Camile will post hers later. Also, the rest of the series is going to be in the readers POV.
Warnings: Cursing, Smut (NSFW 18+).
Word count: 6,085
Parts: 1
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I was warm when I woke up, my phone buzzing violently at me from somewhere unknown. I hadn’t remembered falling asleep, the after effects of the alcohol from the night making my brain fuzzy. I cracked my eyes open a sliver, only to see a white wall in front of me. ‘Where am I?’ I thought as I tried to get my eyes to open further. The morning seeped into the room through the windows, trying desperately to wake me up. My phone buzzed again, but I still couldn’t tell where the noise was coming from. ‘Where am I?’ I said again in my head, trying to remind myself of any memory from last night. A groan sounded next me, followed by an arm enclosing around my waist and pulling me in towards a warm body, was what finally woke me. I felt a layer of stubble, scrape across the upper part of my back as the stranger nestled into me. I became increasingly aware of my naked body as I willed my mind to bring back something of the previous night.
My phone buzzed again and I lifted my head to see where it was coming from. Looking around, I could tell I was in a hotel room. Although nice, the room was small with a dresser topped with a TV down by the foot of the bed. There was a table and chairs in the corner of the room, big enough for two people to sit at comfortably. Near the front door was another door that I could only assume lead to the bathroom. The entire place was scattered with clothing, bringing back subtle memories of the guy's hotel room I’d stumbled into last night.
I wiggled out of his grip before sliding to the edge of the bed and sitting up. I rubbed my temples as I finally regained some more recollection of the night before. His face flashed across my mind and I smiled. He was tall, lean, and a bit brooding and I remembered him arguing otherwise. His smile was beautiful, although I could tell he didn't use it often. He watched as Camile and I danced, his eyes beautiful even from a distance. I wasn’t a stranger to men staring at me, it's what I lived for, but he was different.
When she suggested we go get another drink, I didn’t fight Camile. She knew the bartender very well, so well he would serve us drinks even though he knew we were underaged. Our fake ID’s also helped with that. He liked to call us the troublesome twosome, because we were always doing something we shouldn't be. Like drinking at bars and catching the eyes of men without any regard to the fact that they were thinking dirty things about us. That was the whole point though wasn’t it? The danger of it all? I wasn’t always so chaotic, not up until recently.
The thing is, I grew up painfully religious. My mother and father met at a church that my dad was a deacon at. They fell in love, got married, and soon after my father became the Pastor of the very same church they met in. Not too long after, my mother had me in the same church. It wasn’t purposeful, I don't think, she just happened to go into labour and couldn't make it to the hospital in time. So there I was born at the altar of the Lord. Ever since then, my parents drilled religion into me. Constantly telling me about how it was by God’s grace that I was born at the altar and I was destined to be a servant to the Lord. Don’t get me wrong, I was honored they thought so highly of me. I was a good kid, anytime the church was open I was there, I sang in the choir, helped out in the nursery. But the more my dad preached about the sins of the world and how unholy they were, the more I was intrigued by them.
When I was sixteen, I talked Camile into going to a party that some college boy had invited us too. I’d met him at the mall and lied to him when he asked me how old I was. Camile was my conscience, telling me how much trouble we’d both be in if we were caught. I could only agree with her, but I kept thinking about all the things I’d miss out on if I didn’t go to this party. So the night of, we told my parents goodnight and went off to bed only to sneak out of my window thirty minutes later.
The party was a rager, boys bellowing and drunk and girls flirting with any boy that’d give them attention. The music was loud, the drinks flowing, and the atmosphere electrifying. I had my first drink at that party, knocking back six shots in a row like a pro and still able to ward off any guy getting a little too handsy. It was also when any boy looked at me with /that/ look, you know the one. Their eyes are dark and sinful, their mouths salivating at the sight of your body spinning and twisting to the music. The obvious bulge protruding from their pants. All signs of pure unadulterated lust, and I was addicted immediately.
From then on, I craved to be looked at that way all the time. But being the Preacher’s daughter and daddy’s little girl didn’t always provide an opportunity to get laid. Couple that with the modest clothing and the sweet girl act, and I as doomed to a life as a nun before I even had a chance. Which is why Camile and I got fake ID’s and started clubbing on weekends. This however was the first time I’d ever gone home with someone, well technically. I’d fucked in cars, made out in back alley ways, gave blowjobs in bathrooms, but I hadn’t actually ever gone home with someone.
I glanced over my shoulder at the guy, his name was lost on me and I wasn't even sure he'd ever told me. He looked so different as he slept, his features softer. I swivelled around to plant a kiss delicately in his cheek. He stirred but otherwise didn't move as I permanently removed myself from the bed and began collecting my clothes from the floor until I heard my phone buzzing again. I followed the sound to my red dress and lifted it to find my phone with a picture of my best friend flashing across the screen. I picked it up, pressing the large green accept button before hauling it up to my ear.
“Hello.” I whispered as I found my other black heel and attempted to redress myself.
“Where the hell are you?” Camile’s voice screeched out from the other side of the line. I swiveled my head over to the bed making sure the sleeping man hadn’t been woken by my best friend’s voice.
“I’m… actually I have no clue where I’m at.” I said in a hushed voice, trying to zip up my dress and hold my phone with my ear with my shoulder at the same time.
“Well, are you okay?” She questioned, her tone filled with worry.
“Yeah, I’m fine. I just had too much to drink and can’t remember the name of the hotel.” I had wedged on my shoe and was on my way to the door, when I realized I wasn’t wearing my earrings.
“Good, because when I get my hands on you - I’m going to kill you.” She spat.
I rolled my eyes at my best friend, knowing she couldn't see me. She was the worrier and no matter how many times I told her worrying turned your hair gray, she still did it. I spotted my earrings on the bedside table and rushed over to them. “Will you just come and get me, I still have to change for church.”
“You’re lucky I love you enough to have grabbed you a change of clothes before we left your house last night.” She said as if she had done me the biggest favor in the world. Which she undoubtedly had.
“Thank you, now hurry your ass up.” I hissed, walking purposefully towards the door and exiting it, making sure not to wake up guy’s name I didn't know. I hung up with Camile, promising I would send her my location when I did. As I waited from my best friend outside of the hotel. I let the memories of last night roam my brain. The feeling of his lips on mine was so prominent still, like they were embedded there forever. In all the nights I’d spent with random guys, something about this one was different. Something about how his touch made me nervous or the way he stared into my eyes made me blush, giving me a feeling that I hadn’t felt in a long time. Before I could give anymore thought to it, Camile pulled up in her car. I could see her scowl even through the tinted windows, but I choose to ignore it as I plopped into the car.
“The only way you’ll make this up to me is if you tell me every single detail.” She said seriously, before pressing on the gas and speeding off.
When my father preached, it was beautiful. It was like he was reciting his own words and not the words of the Bible. It always had the power to make me momentarily rethink my sinful choices. That is until he started spouting off words about the women in the bars only dressing so as to entice the men there, getting drunk off the devil’s water and committing acts only wedded couples should. At some point, I hated my father telling me what I could and couldn’t do. I hated how I couldn’t read a current book or watch a current movie because there was kissing in it. I hadn’t even seen The Notebook up until a few months ago.
The service dragged on and my head was practically throbbing from the loud music and voices booming over the speakers. I was relieved when my father stood from his spot next to my mother and announced the picnic, him and my mother had worked tirelessly to put together. Indicating church was over and I could go outside, drink a lot of water and soaking up all the vitamin D I could. We stood next to him when everyone was dismissed, shaking hands and giving hugs to the congregation before they excused themselves to the festivities outside. As the last few people exited, walking up the aisle way I spotted one of my fathers old family friends, Stan Hurley. My face lit up instantly as I rushed over to him.
“Stan!” I half yelled, as I embraced him into a hug. He hugged back tenderly, lifting me off the ground slightly and making me feel like I was a little girl again. When he finally put me down, I smiled up at him. He was like an uncle to me, often showing up unexpectedly and bringing me treasures from all his worldly adventures. I was far too old from such childish things now, but there was a part of me that still hoped that dear old Stan had brought me something.
“I got this one from Istanbul.” His rough voice spoke, pulling a small golden box out of his pocket and handing it to me. My eyes twinkled as I looked up at him with childlike wonder. I took the box out of his hand, opening it delicately. A beautiful necklace with a blue stone dangling from it sparkled up at me. My mouth dropped open and I tried smiling through my amazement.
“Oh Stan! You spoil her!” My father laughed from behind me as he walked up to greet his old friend.
“Someone’s got to.” He teased back as him and my father collided in a huge hug. I could hear the loud back slapping through my daze as I assessed my new treasure. Their laughter came a second later until a question interrupted my thoughts.
“And who is this?”
I had barely notice the person lying in the wake of Stan, but I could only make out his long sleeve black shirt and dirty jeans from where I stood. I knew my dad was mentally shaking his head at the attire of person hidden behind his old friend. Stan rolled his eyes, turning to make the person behind him visible.
“I was hoping he’d go unnoticed,” Stan practically groaned. “But this is Mitch Rapp, my partner.”
I instantly dropped everything in my hands when my eyes finally gazed upon the person Stan was talking about. He looked completely out of place, standing in the middle of a church dressed like he’d just come from a biker club. His eyes were only on me, an unreadable expression on his face. I gulped, frozen in place, not knowing what I should do. Run? Hide? Did he even remember me? Was the way his eyes raked over my body just my wishful imagination taking over.
“Sweetie, are you going to pick that up?” My mother’s voice brought me back. It was then that I noticed everyone's eyes on me. I could feel my face redden as I bent down to pick up the box and necklace. The rest of my family proceeded to greet Stan’s friend as I stood back, my mouth still hanging open slightly. I tried to convince myself that it wasn’t the same guy, that I was just being paranoid. Which I very rarely was, but for the uncanny resemblance to the guy I was just in bed with three hours ago, gave me every right to be.
“This is my daughter.” My father introduced me, spreading his arm out and coaxing me forward. I smiled sweetly, walking as slowly as I could without seeming suspicious until I was standing before him. This was definitely the guy from the club and the hotel room. He had the same brooding expression he had on his face last night and for some reason that made me smile.
“Nice to meet you - Mr.Rapp, was it?” I asked, extending my hand for him to take. He cocked his brow at the sight of my smile, but shook my hand anyways.
“Just Mitch.” He answered, the warmth of his hands spreading into my body. The familiar feeling I got when he looked at me returned, his honey colored eyes melting me without even trying. It was something I wasn’t used to. I recoiled my hand quickly, turning to look at anything but him. Even though I could still feel his eyes on me.
“Mark, If it’s okay with Nancy, I have to talk to you about something privately.” Stan said, slapping his old friend on the shoulder.
Both men looked over at my mother for approval and she laughed, her smile lines ever apparent, nodding before ushering herself and my brother out to the lawn where the picnic was being held. When I looked back at my father, him and Stan were already walking away toward his office leaving Mitch and I alone. We stood there awkwardly with each other before it became too much and I thought I better take my leave.
“I better go see if my mom -”
“You look different in white.” He cut me off, a rye smile on his face.
I blushed, looking down at my pure white dress. “Everything’s the same underneath.”
“I can only imagine.” He chuckled slightly. Despite the lighthearted conversation, the awkwardness still loomed in the room.
“Well, like I said I should go see if my mom needs any help.” I said shyly, fiddling tirelessly with the box still in my hand.
I wasn’t normally this nervous around guys, literally ever. But this guy had the ability to ruin the saintly reputation my parents had of me. He was a living, walking, breathing example of my sins. Not to mention he looked at me with those same bedroom eyes he looked at me with last night. It made me squirm in a way I wasn't used to squirming. He only nodded in reply and I turned to leave when a thought came to me.
“Can you not tell my parents about last night? Like any part of it?” I asked, turning back to face him.
“What do you think I’m going to say, ‘Oh hey, I fucked your daughter senselly last night. Please continue with your sermon’?” He teased, but I didn’t laugh. I felt like a child asking her babysitter not to tell her daddy that she broke the vase.
“We’re in a church.” I said, tisking him for cursing in God’s house.
He looked cautiously at the ceiling like God would send down a bolt of lightning to smite him any second. I laughed at him and smiled before attempting to leave once again.
“Why didn’t you tell me you were eighteen?” My stomach lurched at the question. I wasn't sure how I was suppose to answer, or what his intention was concerning the question.
“Why does it matter, I’m legal. It’s not like you committed a crime.”
“Expect for buying alcohol for minors.”
“I’m not a minor, I’m just not suppose to drink.”
“Still illegal.”
I smirked, wondering if that’s what was really bothering him or if it was the fact that I left this morning without saying goodbye. He had that brooding expression still on his face again and I took a daring step closer to him filling the gap that was between us only leaving inches of room.
“Well next time, I’ll be sure to let you in all my secrets.”
“I think I know them all by now.” He said in a hushed voice, looking curiously over my face.
“I might have a few more up my sleeve.”
I watched as his adam’s apple bobbed and his eyes flickered from my eyes to my lips rapidly. He began to lean in like a make out session was about to happen right there in the middle of the pews, but I leaned in slightly before flashing a quick smile up at him and pulling away, finally exiting the slightly less awkward but more so sexual tension filled room.
I sucked in a huge breath once outside, letting my lungs fill with fresh air before exhaling the sin I was breathing in by just being near Mitch. I knew when I woke up that morning I wanted to see him again, but I never imagined seeing him this soon and here. My mother spotted me and rushed over to me with her fake smile she only wore when something was happening and she didn't want anyone else to know.
“There you are!” She said through her smile. “I need you to play host while I go help Brother John refill the lemonade pitchers.”
“Okay Mom! I’m on it.” I reassured her as she bustled away from me. I shook my head after her, wondering how refilling the lemonade pitchers was a crisis. I started my rounds to the group of tables, saying hi to everyone and making friendly conversation. I had just made it to the table where all the elder ladies of the church could be found. They were the ones that sewed and knitted and their idea of a crazy night was playing Phase 10 until nine instead of eight thirty. Suddenly, they all burst into laughter which was strange for them and when I was close enough, I saw Mitch sitting between Mrs. Meyers and Ms. Sheldon. He wasn’t laughing nearly as hard as the rest of them, his eyes catching me as soon as I was in sight. I eyed him skeptically, subconsciously thinking he was telling them about our escapades last night.
“Hello Ladies, gentleman.” I said in my sweet preacher’s daughter’s voice. “I see you all made a new friend.”
“Oh yes, Mitch here is such a charmer.” Mrs. Henderson said, taking my hand and squeezing it.
“Well thank you Ethel, you’re too kind.”
I had to try really hard not to let my mouth fall open for the second time that day. Mrs. Henderson never let anyone under the age of 45 call her by her first name. Yet Mitch was spouting it off like it was her only she had. I wasn't sure why, but it irritated me that these old hens thought he was so great. It made me wonder what he had told them about himself. Because I, admittedly, knew nothing.
“I’m sure he gets all the ladies from — hmm, where is it that you said you were from again?” I challenged. Mitch open his mouth to talk when he was cut off.
“Oh, don’t pry dear. You’ll scare him off.” Ms. Sheldon said, her eyes fixed lovingly at him.
I rolled my eyes as Mitch soaked up all the attention he was getting, taking that as my queue to walk away. It was clear I could do nothing to tarnish the spotless reputation he'd built with them in such a short time. Just as I did, I heard Mrs. Henderson say something far too loud to be a whisper. “The girl is such a prude. She’s not worth your time, son.”
I looked over my shoulder at the group that had already forgotten my existence, glaring. Mitch was looking at me like he hadn’t taken his eyes off me even after I’d walked away. He was smirking, something dark crossing his face for the faintest of seconds. “I don’t know ladies, anyone can have a dark side.”
“Oh, not her. Her dark side is when she doesn't pray before bed.” The gaggle of ladies all cackled. I frowned, wishing the the older women could know the real me, the secret me. Something like rage boiled up inside me and I stormed back to the table, circling it until I reached Mitch.
“I need to talk to you.” I hissed, grabbing his by his bicep and pulling him up to a standing position. He tried to say something, but I ripped him away before he could.
“Woah kitten, slow down.” He chuckled, but I snapped my head back at him warding him off. Those old hens wanted a dark side, they were about to get one. I lugged him over to the side of the picnic where no one could hear us talk before releasing my grip on him.
“What the hel - ” I stopped for a second, looking up at the cross on the church and remembering where I was. “heck, was that?”
I folded my arms over one another, my eyes burning a hole into his brain. I could tell that I wasn’t the least bit intimidating by the smirk on his face, but I didn’t falter on my anger. There was no way I was letting his charm wear me down.
“I was just making friends.”
“Oh, really? Seemed like you had ulterior motives.”
“I’m the one with ulterior motives?” He asked presumptuously.
I understood what he was talking about, but I chose to ignore it. He was trying to get under my skin and exposing me wouldn’t work. I simply smirked back at him, biting lightly on my bottom lip.
“All my motives are pure.”
“As pure as your virginity.” He retorted, chuckling softly when I squirmed. I was losing and he knew it. I could feel my cheeks growing redder as silence set between us. I couldn't think of a witty enough comeback to counteract what he has just said.
“Love bug,” My mom chimed, adding to the embarrassment I was already feeling. She was about a yard away waving frantically at me for my attention. I smiled awkwardly at her and she finally ascended upon Mitch and I.
“There you are, dear. I’ve been looking everywhere for you. I need you to go and get the boxes that are in the backseat of my car.” She dangled her keys in front of me with a sweet smile. I smiled back weakly, taking them from her. I started walking away when my mother spoke again, causing me to stop and look back.
“Do you mind helping her?” She asked Mitch with the same sweet smile. “With your help, I know the two of you will dominate this.”
She gave him a small squeeze of the shoulder before someone called her name and she was off without getting an answer from Mitch. He watched her leave and when she was out of earshot, he looked back to me his devious smirk returning. “Dominate, huh?”
He arched an eyebrow and I rolled my eyes before I walked away. Swallowing the annoying lump in my throat and ignoring the wetness forming between my legs. He trailed after me as I lead the way to my mom’s car, the whole time trying to ward off the memories from last night that kept surfacing in my brain. My body buzzed as I remember the way he whispered ‘kitten’ into my ear as he pounded into me, cumming almost instantly. I knew this was not the place to be recalling those things, but I couldn't stop it. This man was different from any I’d ever met before, he had the ability to break me and that scared me.
The parking lot for the church was across the street, the church being so old and never building it’s own parking area. I got to the edge of the road and crossed the street without even checking if Mitch was behind me. The more distance I could put between us, the better. I weaved in and out of the parking slots until I spotted my mom’s white Jetta Volvo. I clicked the unlock button on the key fob and a small chirp indicated the command was successful. Pulling open the driver’s passenger side door, I slipped my head inside to assess how many boxes I would be lugging. To my relief, there were only two. Making me think that I didn't really need the help after all. A second later, the opposite door opened and Mitch’s face appeared. I huffed in frustration, grabbing the box out of the car roughly and ultimately causing some of the contents to fall back into the car. I groaned aloud, again in frustration, that nothing seemed to be going my way today. I dropped the box on the ground and climbed into the car, searching the seat for what had fallen. Mitch had already pulled himself and his box out of the car, but popped his head back in to check on me.
“Want some help?” He asked, placing his box on the ground.
“It would help me if you weren’t here.” I snapped, reaching under the seat and feeling around for any objects.
“That’s not what you were saying last night.”
“Can you, just like, stop for two freaking seconds? God, we fucked last night, I get it. You don’t have to keep reminding me of it.” I hissed, glaring as he inserted himself in the car too.
“I haven’t said anything about us fucking, gorgeous.” He had that stupid smirk on his face again and his eyes were glowing as he looked into mine. I could feel myself slipping and I knew how easy it would be to just give in to him.
“Yes, you did.” I pointed out, but I know he knew. He knew I couldn’t get last night out of my mind. He knew that I wanted to reenact a few of the things we practiced last night.
“Why are you even here, Mitch?” I asked, out of sexual frustration.
“I’m helping you with boxes.”
“No. Why are you /here/? You could be eating the free food or socializing with old ladies. Yet here you are, helping me with boxes. Why?” I challenge, genuinely curious of his answer. He seemed to think about his answer, but it didn't take him long to respond.
“I’m here for the same reason you are, kitten.” He said, his voice an octave deeper. His eyes had suddenly turned dark, lust taking them over completely. I knew he was right. I could have told him to get lost at any moment, or ignored his very existence but I couldn't hide from the truth. I wanted him here, I wanted him around me, I wanted him.
I didn’t hesitate before I lunged toward him, grabbing his face and pulling it towards my own. Inserting my tongue into his mouth, right away, as we both climbed into the car. He didn’t let my dominance last for too long before his tongue was the focal point of the kiss. It collided with my own, swirling around and over it while his hands went to my waist pulling me closer to him. It was incredible how easily the same carnal need for him pooled at the surface, making me throw everything good I knew out of the window.
“Close the door.” I said into our kiss and we both pulled apart to shut our doors only to be pulled back together again. I weaved my fingers into his hair and hoisted myself up as I climbed on top of him. His hands moved to my thighs, sliding up and down them and every time scooting my dress up higher and higher up on my waist. Our lips stayed connected as I blindly fumbled with his belt and jeans, trying to undo them quickly. I was eager for him to fill me again, my core ached for it. I got stuck on his zipper and I pulled out of this kiss to focus on my task.
“You were quicker at this last night.” He teased, as he finally slid his hands up high enough to reveal my ass. He kneaded and squeezed it before landing a smack on it. I jumped, letting a small moan slip from my lips. Still I continued to mishandle his pants, trying my hardest to free his cock.
“Do you want my help?” He asked, smacking my ass again. I hissed, letting the harsh sting fester until it turned into a pleasurable burn. I looked at him with seduction in my demeanor, finally undoing his button and zipper in one quick motion. I reached into his pants, pulling out his hard swollen cock. I could feel my mouth water at the sight of it. Precum glistened from his tip, begging to be licked clean.
“Come throat daddy’s cock, kitten.” He rasped, landing another blow to my backside.
Somehow the blow gave me a surge of confidence and I brought my hand up to his mouth, covering it. “I need you to stop talking.”
With my other hand, I position his erection so I could easily slide down on it. We both sighed when my slick walls encompassed his hard member. I clenched around him, easily remembering the feeling of him inside me. The feeling of him stretching me felt so perfect and I finally began sliding myself up and down on him, never moving my hand from his mouth. As my pace quickened, the car was filled with groans and muffled moans. I could feel the car rocking as I grinded against him. His hands remained on my ass, smacking every now and again to coax me on. I looked down at him and he was watching me, watching how much I was enjoying riding him. The intense look in his eyes as I slammed down on his lap and rose back up was rejuvenating. I knew I would cum easily like this, I felt in charge as if I had all the power. He muttered something into my hand and I removed it, allowing him to speak for the first time in minutes.
“I think I’m going to cum.” He growled, using my ass to guide me along his cock.
“Already?” I teased, clenching around him.
He sighed, not even trying to bite back. I got the sense that this was something that was new for him, not being in charge. From the looks of it, he was enjoying it. What he didn’t know, is me being in control of everything turned me on even more. I was used to being dominated, but the tables were turned and it was a whole new experience.
“You can’t cum until I do.” I breathed, kissing him softly on the lips.
“Fuck, I don't know if I can.”
“You’ll have to try.” I said, quickening my movements. I could feel trails of fire, coursing through my bloodstream and pooling in my abdomen - cumming wouldn't be hard for me. The very atmosphere between us mixed with the utter lust painted on Mitch’s face was enough to make me orgasm, but add in the car fucking, the way he was looking at me like I was the sexiest thing he had ever seen, and the last good smack on the ass and I was thankful we were in a car where I could scream without being heard. My walls tightened around him, my legs growing weaker as I came mercilessly around his cock.
“Oh shit.” He grunted, before pulling me up off his dick, cum shooting out of his slit and covering his shirt. He stroked himself, finishing himself off while I leaned back awkwardly trying to reach the napkins my mom kept in her center console. His head was resting against the seat, sweat dotted over his forehead when I turned back around. I climbed off of him and he lifted his head suddenly. I smiled, before tossing the napkins in his lap and scooting out of the car. There was an attempt at a protest of me getting out that was silenced upon shutting my door. I pulled my dress back down properly before resuming with the task that brought me to the car in the first place.
I was halfway back to the picnic when I saw Mitch emerging from my mom’s car. I giggled to myself before walking a little faster to ensure he wouldn't catch up. My dad and Stan were exiting the church through the front doors just as I was passing them and they stopped me.
“Hey Lovebug,” My dad smiled, pulling me into a side hug as I cringed at the pet name that I wished my parents would forget.
“Hi dad. Hi Stan.” They both smiled but seemed less than involved with talking to me as they both surveyed the guests at the picnic.
“Love, you haven’t seen Mitch by chance have you?” My dad asked.
I had to bite the inside of my cheek to hold back the smile that was so close to being let out. “You know, I think I saw him cleaning up around here somewhere.”
“Hmph.” My dad sighed, “I guess we’ll just have to tell him later.” The words weren’t directed at me, but Stan who nodded at him agreeingly.
“Tell him what, daddy?” I said, knowing full well that cozying up to him would get him to tell me anything he wouldn't normally.
“Stan and Mitch are going to be staying with us for a few weeks.” He said without faltering, because it wasn’t a secret.
My stomach fell to my ass as I tried to process the news. I thought that Mitch being there that day was a one off. That it was God’s way at saying my slutty ways would catch up to me one day. That I would just have to get through that day and I would never have to see Mitch Rapp ever again. But he was now following me home, where it was going to be hard to pretend that the past sixteen hours didn’t happen. As Mitch came into view, carrying his box,I bid farewell to my dad and Stan so I could bring the box I was still holding to my mom. As I walked, I knew what we had between us couldn't continue. There was no way I could keep up my good girl act with Mitch living down the hall from me. So as I set the box down next to my mom and began to unload it, I promised myself that no matter what — I would not fuck Mitch Rapp.
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2/9/18
I'm finally posting to tumblr after a long hiatus, which I'll explain. Also side note, i got an email from tumblr telling me that my account officially turned 7 recently.. which is correct but still somehow shocking. The fact that i can scroll through 7 years of my life, my most inner thoughts and feelings? That's crazy.. anyway, lets talk.
I've been in a slump lately. I notice that sometimes when i feel rejected too many times, ifnored too many times, or under appreciated, i isolate, a lot. These past few weeks it's been in the form of hiding out in my room and not trying to reach out anymore. I tried so hard the first few weeks to see people. I texted everyone and anyone to get lunch or hang out or do anything, and 98% of the time people just didn't respond. I was flat out ignored, not even a 'oh i can't today' or 'maybe next time'.. times like that really destroy me and make me give up on humanity. Mostly because i can't imagine getting a text like that, of someone friendly reaching out wanting to see me, and just ignoring them. Not ween in my darkest spaces. Not even when I'm terribly busy. I respond to people, like a decent person. But i just felt so neglected that i was like okay, fuck these people, I'll just be alone then. And it hurts even more considering what happened at sarah lawrence and innocently thinking that i would be escaping rude people and hate by transferring. Silly girl.
Anyway, i decided to isolate. I didn't reach out to anyone, i didn't ask to get lunch, i barely said hi passing people. Theres literally no respect or gratitude for someone reaching out. Especially these people who complain about being rejected by new friends, yet when i try to talk it's just silence..
i spent every day in my room. The only exercise i got was walking to and from class and handstands in my room. I didnt hang out outside even in pretty whether, i just stayed in my dark room and watched youtube videos. I told myself that this was 'self care'. I told myself that the bright fluorescent lights hurt my eyes so i kept them off. I told myself that if i went outside id be alone and look stupid, so i didnt. I told myself drinking a lot of water was making what i ate healthier, it doesnt. I told myself that watching videos of my favorite youtubers would make me laugh and in turn make me happy, which only goes so far. This is not what self care is.
All while this was going on, i was ignoring persistent issues. I wasn't sleeping and would stay up ridiculously late playing tetras and watching drew monson. I felt like i related to him and they way he described depression and anxiety. I lied to myself and told myself that indulging in my saddness would help me understand myself. But i am not my saddness and i am the one who inhibits this darkness. I refuse to take my anxiety medication because i want to feel okay 'on my own'. So i stay up all night shaking my feet because theres so much energy in my bottom half while the top half is dead motionless wishing for sleep. I just let the unhealthy routine continue and tell myself that it's 'self care' and that I'm safer on my own. No one else can judge me if i stay in my room.. it's also hard for me to reach out to people because my fear of rejection has lately become the standard. If people don't want mw around, can't they just say so?..
But this week, i think it was tuesday or something, ryan came over and we just talked and had sex and cuddled and took a shower (it had been about a week for me, maybe a little over..). I remember why I'm a relationship person. I so crave intimacy with people, that getting a taste of it for one night lifted my entire week. One night of being with him and hearing about his day and him asking about mine felt like so much more than a conversation and a rich form of interaction that i had been cutting myself off of lately. That night, i got great sleep. Really great sleep.
The next day i told myself that we are getting out of this fucking rut if it kills us. I woke up bright and happy, i stretched, i took my vitamins, i texted people, i left messages for my great aunt and dad and texted sweet stuff to my mom. That night i stayed off youtube and instead did some meditation and went to bed pretty easy. The next day i talked to my abuelita for legit an hour and 59 minutes, and made plns to see her for dinner the next week and then got dinner with a friend and kinda told her what's up and why it hurts to get ignored, so she said shell try to respond more so i guess that's something?..
In other news I'm starting to see how immature i am when engaged with other juniors or seniors, and it's starting to bug me. I'll notice how their speech is calmer and more consice, less 'like's and more indulgent and descriptive vocabulary. How is it that I'm a junior in college and am mostly jusy realizing that i sound like a high school sophomore?..
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hidingmonster · 7 years
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Part 1: The Orange Moon
I could see the moon outside the window of the car. It was full and beautiful, and i couldnt stop staring at it. The orange- red colors illuminated the night sky in a foggy haze. We had already had a great night, and the whiskey from my Irish coffee was still lingering in my senses. I could still smell the scent of sea water lingering in my nose, sand shifted in my shoes and my hands smelled of the Earth. Everything had been beautiful, our trip to the coast, to Point Lobos had been sucessful and i would remember this day for always. Kota, my fiance, had even bought us some pretty rings from one of the cute boutiques we explored. Mine, a small dark silver ring with a tiny diamond and some small tribal markings in the metal fit my pinky perfectly. I fell in love with it as soon as i picked it up. She picked out a beautiful dark silver ring with three dark pale purple stones encrested on it. It was beautiful and reminded me of her in some strange way. It fit perfectly on her middle finger, decorating her other dark silver ring she also wore. I cherished this day worth something special. Something i would forever hold in a warm part of my heart. Gods forbid anything happen to this ring, id probably lose my shit- Honestly. The drive home was calming. My legs were tired and i couldnt wait to get home and get in our bed and just cuddle my girl and chill for the night. Sadly, we had about another 45 minutes before we were even home, but i didnt mind. I listened quietly as she bantered back and forth with her friend Ace who was driving. Something about the musketeers movie i think, i personally had no idea what they were even talking about but i was too into writting my story to really pay attention. My ears twitched to Kota's yawning in the back seat, "Ugh im getting tired, my eye lids are doing that heavy flutter thing, but nnoooope!" She said as she sat up from slightly laying down. I agreed, i was pretty tired from our adventure too. Thankfully my Wolf was satisfied and wasnt giving me a hard time about going home. She got an adventure out in the woods, a full moon and to see the ocean, it was pretty much perfect for her. But even Wolf was tired and ready for rest. We are what people would call "skinners". We have one specific spirit animal or creature we can shift into, Mine being a pale or black Wolf. On the other hand there were people like Kota, called "Morphers", who could shift into multiple animals or creatures. Kota could shape shift into a Wolverine and a great big Kodiak bear. Others could shift into special creatures or beast depending on who they were or their ancestry. We aren't a very popular form of species,  mostly hunted down in the dark days of "witch craft" and other horrific scenes. Me and Kota didnt really know any others like us personally either, though i knew of two i was very good friends with online. Both Wolf skinners just like me, so we sort of bonded that way. Since her Transition a few month ago, Kota's been very connected to her Wolverine skin. Female, but still strong and deadly in every way, and it suited her perfectly. We actually had an appointment soon for her name and gender change through the courts. I could tell how happy she was to finally be able to be herself fully, and i accepted her no other way. She was beautiful, well thought out and totally nerdy But i loved it. We worked perfectly together, and everyone could see it anywhere we went. She was the moonlight at the end of my darkest days, the warmth after being dead numb, and my pleasure after years of pain and suffering. She was my princess and i would die for her if need be. I was proud to call her Mine, and i was proud to be Hers. I focused on the headlights as Ace continued driving, trying to keep myself from letting my eyes close. My legs hurt and my stomach slightly churned in a sick manor. My organs were so sensitive, almost anything would cause them discomfort. City lights appeared over the hill and down the freeway, the sign for San Francisco came and went as we got closer into town. I sighed, relieved, we were almost home thankfully. I had recently moved to California about two years ago after meeting and becoming very close with Kota. We met online about four years prior, when she was still "Iron Bear" and a male persona. She had been going through a break up with her long time partner at the time and was very depressed and sad. I myself was with somewhat of a horrible person at the time, but we still talked online regularly until my partner became jealous and needed all of my attention of every single day. He was an abusive dickhead on all levels, and i stuck it out with that monster for 3 years before Kota helped encourage me to break up with him for my better well being. I was a twisted mess, i trusted no one, felt nothing and cared about no one. The only thing that kept me from killing myself was my 3 month old husky pup named Nova. She was my breath of fresh air, the only thing keeping me tethered to sanity. But then i opened myself to Kota, and we got each other to laugh all night, to care about someone again, to not be heartless monsters anymore, And we learned to feel better. I snapped back to reality as Ace pulled off the freeway and into the Target parkinglot. "Really..?" I laughed. "Yes, i said i was stopping here!" He spouted. He had been searching all over for a Star Treck space ship of some sort. Some sort of collectable he wanted to decorate in his room. I didnt understand, and he hopped out of the car. "Are we home yet?" Kota mumbled from the back seat all tiredly. "No, not yet" i mumbled, and i could hear her settle back into laying down on the things in the back to get comfortable. I stared off into the parking lot, Watching the people come and go from their cars. Wondering which ones were gifted like us. I always assumed the worst, i always do when it comes to humans. I trust no one. The car beeped twice as Ace unlocked the door and shoved his collectable into the back seat with Kota. "Oh so you found it?" I asked laughing. He had been looking for this particular one all over, and couldnt find it anywhere. "Yes i did, shattup" he mocked because he figured id make fun of how nerdy he was for wanting a Star Treck collectable. But hey, people like what they like, im not gonna bash them for it. Back onto the freeway, and finally we were home free. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -☆- - - - - - Something im working on. Ill add a part 2 soon.
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How much does teen car insurance cost?
"How much does teen car insurance cost?
I'm 16, and I'm about to get my drivers license. My dad is insured through the aarp people because its cheaper for him. he called them to ask how much it would cost to put me on his insurance, and they said 120 dollars a month. I thought this seemed a little unreasonable, because i'm just going to drive a three thousand dollar car like twice a week. How much do you/ your parents pay for car insurance for young drivers? I have good grades. can that get me a discount?
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I'm a student living at home, with no property of my own. Which insurance coverage would suit me best, the lowest 25,000/50,000 or a higher amount?""
How much is insurance on a 2003 Acura RSX type S?
I'm a 16 year old boy and am looking for that as my first car. I've done drivers ed and have good grades, but im still worried insurance will be killer. Can anyone give me a realistic yearly figure for insurance? Thanks .""
""Getting my first car,without license or insurance?""
Hi i live in California and im getting alot of money to get my first car withing a 90 mile radius,the problem is that i have no DL or insurance.My question is what happens if i get stopped?Im only going to be driving it to my house and thats it until i get my license.Im also buy it off a person not a dealer.""
Someone at fault with no insurance suing my insurance?
I was t-boned at an intersection by a lady who had no insurance, no license and who ran a red light (she was ticketed for all 3). I filed under uninsured motorist claim and my deductible is $250. She tried making a claim against my insurance, but it was obviously denied. She is now saying she is contacting an attorney because the officers at the accident were corrupt ...Can she sue and will she likely get anything? Can I counter sue for the decidable?""
Unemployment Insurance California?
I have been recently laid off after working for a company for 13 years. I filed for unemployment, but was denied benefits because I am currently employed by another company. However, it is a commission only position (Loan Officer) and I am learning the trade and have not made any sales, hence I have not been paid. I feel I should be able to get unemployment benefits until I actually get paid. Do I have a case for an appeal?""
""I touched a car bumper when i was backing, how much that would affect my insurance?""
I touched a car bumper when i was backing, how much that would affect my insurance?""
I'm pregnant and my insurance sucks?
It has done me absolutely no good in having insurance because they don't want to cover anything (not even my ultrasound!) and they want to charge me a copay every single time I go to the doctor (which has been a lot lately). I'm drowning here.. Does anyone know of a program I can sign up for that would help me through my pregnancy/delivery? I live in California and I've heard of some but I'm not sure which would be the right one. Thank you
How Much Will My Insurance Go Up At 10km/h Over The Speed Limit?
I got a speeding ticket for going 60km/h in a 50km/h zone while trying to pass someone (which says in the driving handbook that it's legal as long as it's under 20km). I took it to the court and I was found guilty, I've never had any tickets in the whole 5 years I've been driving and no accidents at all. My insurance is already through the roof because I have a newer car and I'm only 23 and they said my premium won't have a big drop until I'm 25 anyway. I didn't lose any demerit points at all on my license and up until now I have had an absolutely clean driving record. If my insurance finds out, is there any idea how much my premium could possibly go up?""
Health insurance for the poor in California?
Does anybody know how to get some kind of free health insurance in Los Angeles? I lost my job and want to go to school full time but I need health insurance. Med-Cal told me you have to be 65 or disabled
Do I need horse insurance?
Do I really need horse insurance on a horse that I am leasing for more than half the year. I am going to lease a horse from out of state next September to about June. He is a 8 year old chenut gelding thoroughbred. He will be moved from a farm out of state to a boarding facility closer to me. He doesn't have any health problems but can become stiff after work. Do I need insurance just in case something were to happen to him if so what are some good companies.
Has legislative push for affordable insurance been cut short in the u.s congress?
Has legislative push for affordable insurance been cut short in the u.s congress?
I have my driving test soon need insurance help im 17 could go on mums insurance but lowest quote is 1500?
and thats with a box in the car but lowest quote without box in lowest quote 3500 and lowest quote on my own insurance 4000 her car is a 1.4 54 plate fiesta on my own it would be a banger old car
Would insurance cover it if i get my teeth bonded?
my teeth are chipped pretty badly, and it's causing me a lot of discomfort. i've had them sanded before to smooth the chipping, but they're already little. would insurance cover this? (united healthcare)""
Is dental insurance mandatory in Massachusetts ?
Medical insurance is mandatory in Massachusetts, but is the dental insurance also mandatory ?""
""Should i get health insurance now, or wait for Obamacare?
Also about how much will insurance cost a healthy 19 year old male who exercises regularly and eats well.
How much does teen car insurance cost?
I'm 16, and I'm about to get my drivers license. My dad is insured through the aarp people because its cheaper for him. he called them to ask how much it would cost to put me on his insurance, and they said 120 dollars a month. I thought this seemed a little unreasonable, because i'm just going to drive a three thousand dollar car like twice a week. How much do you/ your parents pay for car insurance for young drivers? I have good grades. can that get me a discount?
https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/cashing-life-insurance-randy-gonzales/"
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