How-to Pick-Up Chicks

            If you asked Stewart, the best time to pick up a woman is on the beach at night when she’s with her family. He would say, “Make sure to grab her attention as she walks by, preferably with a CD of your latest hit single, recorded in your mother’s basement.” I previously would have said, as someone who is also into women, this is not the way. But the methods in which Stewart uses to pick up women is unique to those like him, and must be studied. He would then continue on to let you know that the CD he’s just forcibly pressed into your hands does, in fact, cost. The women he is about to take home as his will be stunned by his beauty (Once again, it’s pitch black at night by the ocean) and fork over the 30 bucks he asks for.

            When he tries this maneuver, the best thing to do is deflect with uncomfortable laughter. Laugh like he’s your weird, and technically not related -as he tells you every family gathering-, uncle who sits a little too close at family gatherings. Then, break out the excuses. Lucky for me, I am always on the verge of needing to pee. This excuse is good if you’re attempting to not be followed. Why would he follow you, you may ask?

            Don’t. Don’t ask. It is imprudent to try to discover what Stewart’s might do. It ruins their good vibes and swanky demeanor. And besides, men make you feel safe, right? No need to cover this topic any further.

            He may, if you’re lucky, follow you anyways and ‘stand guard’ outside the porta-potty. Thankfully he’s very strong, and you’re not worried at all, and you haven’t lost track of your family, and Stewart has perfectly gentlemanly motives. Turns out he only wanted to make sure he got your social media username. Now, here’s where things get tricky, so pay attention to the instructions. Although you may think that the numerous pictures you have posted of your wife (holding her hand, kissing her, and getting married to her) would certainly catch Stewart’s attention, it may not. Or perhaps it does interest him greatly, and you’ve made a critical mistake. Either way, he’ll add you and scroll through them as you walk back to your family, and of course he’ll ask how old you are. The age difference doesn’t matter to Stewart, for he’ll say his trademark “Cool, cool,” even after you’ve essentially told him he’s 20 years older than you.

            At this point, I know exactly what you’re thinking: “Wow. This guy has completely won me over. I wish to be taken home and boned right now.” Wait just a moment, or you’ll miss the best part. To Stewart, this has been a successful attempt at picking up chicks, and he may go in for one final killer move, which I would call the Drive-By.

            Should you have taken his trash mixtape, maybe even paid him for it, and talked with him for a couple minutes now, Stewart will certainly be head-over-heels for you. It’s easy now for him to leave and magically find you later. It’s wonderful how he will be able to pick you out in a crowd, and bounce over to make sure he’s seen again, without actually talking to you. What does he expect to happen after this Drive-By? Some have speculated that Stewart may be trying to put on a show of his attributes, in the way that a bird might show his brightly colored feathers.

            Science is amazing!

            If only someone had told me these rules when I started picking up chicks. The dance Stewart does around the beach at night is a replica of ones at shopping malls, grocery stores, concerts, and more. Seeing this everywhere has made me an expert. Luckily, I now have the ability to put this plan into play against women. Did I say against? I meant for women. Always I had thought that Stewart’s dance only didn’t work because I didn’t like penis. Now, I give the plans for this dance to you to entice and entrap the women of your dreams!

Forever Writing,

quill rose

Grabbing the open invitation from @gloriousmonsters

Rules: Post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it! Then tag as many people as you have WIPs.

I'm gonna skip anything that's continuing chapters, this is a mix of fanfic and personal projects.

Aghast re-write

The Lake edit

Calm

City

Satya

Sixty

connor

blar bar

A circle broken (again)

Frisk

Tagging, uh... @madnessmadness @satirewrites @corgiteatime @yellowocaballero @bienchanter @auguris @rorindiel @mintiture and anyone else who wants to give it a go tbh.

Dragon Moon

Fandom: Avatar the Last Airbender

Author: Satirrian @satirewrites

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Violence, Child Abuse, Strong Language, Alcohol

Word Count: 149,132

Characters: Zuko, Iroh, Zhao, Aang, The Gaang, Katara, Sokka, June, Avatar the Last Airbender Ensemble, Yue

Tags: Zuko is an Awkward Turtleduck, Zuko is a WereDragon, Zuko is a Dragon, but only sometimes, Spirit-Cursed Zuko, Bounty Hunter Zuko, Zuko and Iroh are on the run in the Earth Kingdom, Zuko is slightly unhinged, Ozai Being a Terrible Parent, Zuko Angst, Zuko is not Nice, Alternate Universe, June and Zuko are friends, gritty but not grimdark

For as long as Zuko could remember, he remembered being a dragon. He knew what it meant to fly through the skies and taste the water of the clouds. He knew the feeling of starlight on scales, of the humming heart of fire within him.

Or -

After his Agni Kai, Prince Zuko is officially declared dead to the world.

[BOOK ONE COMPLETE]

Your Eyes and Sweet Tides

The realise through the love, in your eyes, I look deeper, Only to find myself there, looking stunning and dashing, as usual but is it really me? Is it my perception or my image? Is it a barricade of deception? Just like a fake orgasm, all it takes is your eyes, full of lies, in disguise, but as sweet tides wash, ashore they bring what's inside, I shall put my hand over your heart, to feel the beat if it matches with mine, or if it is just another form of intoxication, hovering over your mind, making me feel I am the reason, but the reason was something else, sweet lies, beautiful lies, my house of love, or the house of cards, to be blown away by the blink of an eye, all the sweet lies, the better times, there is no junction but still, I have ways, to go here or there but all around, there is nothing but sweet lies, shunned back, there is nothing in your eyes, because if I close my eyes, my lies, are better than your lies like the sweet tides.

The most satisfying time to write satire is when everyone is pissed off about something - such as with abortion laws... https://www.hoopydoo.com/alabamans-bankrupt-welfare/ #alabamaabortionban #abortion #righttolife #righttochoose #funny #politicalsatire #satirewriting #comedyposts #hoopydoo https://www.instagram.com/p/Bxs2i7WpVtE/?igshid=1ae6xjuwknl3m

that anon raises such a valid point... would you rec me, a baby zukka nation member, the Cornerstone Fics of the zukka fandom? please and thank you *revolving hearts emoji*

ok just keep in mind that this is just my personal opinion of what i think the cornerstone fics are, and also i havent read all of what most ppl would consider the cornerstone fics so yeah. don't take this as an exhaustive list. that being said, here are my favs:

(do you take this jerk to be) your one and only by @jatersade (T, 55k, complete)

feels like we only go backwards by @oldpotatoe (T, 114k, wip)

Epistles by @this-lady-of-the-flowers (E, 160k, wip)

At the Top of the World by @this-lady-of-the-flowers (M, 41k, wip)

and i'll do anything you say (if you say it with your hands) by @goldrushzukka (M, 59k, wip)

the firebender's guide to living life after destiny by @volkswagonblues (T, 99k, complete)

breakable heaven by @fruitysokka (T, 71k, wip)

Wooing the Water Tribe by @dameferre (T, 56k, complete)

Mark Time by @foyal (E, 89k, wip, please heed the tags on this one)

invisible string by @taotu (E, 105k, discontinued)

Real Slow by surveycorpsjean (M, 21k, complete)

Ozymandias, King of Kings by Think_of_a_Wonderful_Thought (M, 168k, wip)

sirens & sleepless nights by @satirewrites (T, 54k, complete)

Diners, Drive-Ins and Dumbasses by @engagedzukka (E, 60k, wip)

ok and i just realized that most of these are multichapter fics oops, there are def lots of oneshots that i consider cornerstone fics but if i added them all here this would get way too long lol

hello! if you have a tag just ignore this but do you have any zukka fic recs? i Know you have good taste and you're the only atla blogger i trust !

okay what a fucking honour holy shit?? idk what i did to deserve this but if i may i’d like to rec the fic and bloggers i trust

breakable heaven by @fruitysokka. if you liked my fic you’ll like hers, bc fun fact! haley and i share a single zukka writer brain and accidentally, without either of us having read the other’s fic, wrote like. a dozen near identical passages and elements. bh is just so fucking full of love it feels like your heart’s gonna explode sometimes but you’re honestly okay with it.

victory lap and literally anything else by @dickpuncher420 but specifically vl, 2022 winter olympics au with hockey player sokka aka my kryptonite and pair figure skater zuko. it’s got it all- perfectly researched and fleshed out jock shit, emotional depth, flirtatious antagonism from two assholes at the literal top of their game who are useless at everything else, just like. love and support and understanding up the wazoo, it’s so good please read it

feels like we only go backwards by @oldpotatoe i know everyone and their mother recs this fic but like. mostly through aggressive sobbing? and it’s over 100k? so it may seem daunting but do yourself a favour and read it. ruby does this thing where she perfectly balances comedy and devotion and heartbreaking angst and beautiful prose and some writing that’ll stick with you till your dying day

some other fics that i love but don’t know the authors as well include

sirens & sleepless nights by @satirewrites, which is a goddamn masterpiece. the fucking zukka blueprint. it’s hilarious, it’s suspenseful, it’s really just too damn good for words. i know i always say this but i cannot emphasize enough that this fic is so good i almost gave up writing zukka altogether

at the top of the world by @this-lady-of-the-flowers which is still a wip and hasn’t updated in a while but it’s so fucking worth the wait. the next chapter could come out on my death bed and i’d ask the angel sent to collect me to wait a sec while i caught up

and im gonna go ahead and preemptively rec anything written by @lesmiserablol / @bisexuallsokka who i’ve literally just realised are the same person because im fuckin dumb. i’ve read a few of their zukka fics and Loved them and am looking forward to reading my way through the rest lol ALSO we’re both courferre shippers so you know she has good taste. i trust her implicitly

& finally i’m currently reading blue by @hollypunkers which is a behemoth but so so fucking good it’s absolutely worth it. zuko actively restraining himself from murdering customers in the tea shop and keeping a piece of fabric from sokka’s fucking shirt on him at all times like ‘this is a totally normal and not at all meaningful thing to do with a scrap of fabric from someone i hate’. really deals with all the shit zuko’s internalised really well, as well

and you didn’t ask but on the note of atla bloggers i know & trust on the art side of things i’d be remiss if i didn’t point you in the direction of @bleekay and @sebsketchs

hi !! i was wondering if u had fic recs for like longer (complete) fics of any ship?

hi! i admittedly haven’t read a long fic in a while because i have no attention span, but i do have several saved for later i can share. these are all zukka unless otherwise stated!

this ultraviolet morning light by @zukkaclawthorne

isn’t this the vision that you wanted by @goldrushzukka

you can be king again by @hi-raethia

now that i see you (tangled au) by @bisexuallsokka

sirens & sleepless nights by @satirewrites

i’m going to include my own mailee fic headaches even though it’s only 11,000 words because gorls

also, i know grace @zukkaclawthorne recently recced a bunch of fics, some of which were long and complete!

feel free to add more or fics of your own! i really am not familiar with that many complete long fics.

do you have any favorite zukka fic recs? 👀

yeah! i have a handful! honestly i could be reading more atla fics but offline life as an adult has many more demands on my time than offline life as a fake-adult. what i’ve consumed of atla pales in comparison to tw and cp and even spn lolol. anyway, in alphabetical order:

complete:

absence of heat, excess of destiny • theycallmesuperboy || @baegarrick • Sokka is born in the dead of winter with a red dragon curling down the left side of his back. Zuko is born in the sweltering heat of summer with a sword down his spine.

Mass Times Acceleration • Haicrescendo || @sword-and-stars • Zuko calls at three in the morning and says, tears in his voice and rage through his teeth, “I want to run away.” It’s Sokka’s turn to carry the brain cell in his household but he doesn’t waste a second before he’s saying, “Tell me when and where—I’m coming too.” Or, a road trip AU featuring two teenage disasters, abusing Ozai’s credit card, and A Lot Of Sea Lions.

Real Slow • surveycorpsjohn • “I see.” Zuko closes the scroll. “Is the Water Tribe sending a replacement?” “Uh yeah,” Sokka gestures to himself dramatically. “You’re looking at him.”

sirens & sleepless nights • satirrian || @satirewrites • Life can be pretty hard living in a city under a totalitarian regime. Between adhering to the ridiculous curfew, keeping himself from being gunned down by a passing patrolman, and paying his unnecessary tolls to the state for, say, breathing, Sokka has his hands full just getting to work. Add aiding a resistance group on top of that, and Sokka should really be getting paid for this. Then, one night, Sokka finds an injured patrolman collapsed in the street, who tells him with blood on his lips, “If the patrol finds me, I’m dead.”

this love burns so yellow (becoming orange and in its time, exploding) • meliebee • Ten months after Zuko is crowned at seventeen, he faces his first coup.

wip:

and i'll do anything you say (if you say it with your hands) • nebulastucky || @goldrushzukka • It’s supposed to be a one night stand. Pick up some guy at a bar, barely remember his name and never learn anything real about him, send him packing in the morning with a thanks for the ride and a cup of coffee to-go. That’s how it’s supposed to go.But then it’s the best sex Sokka has ever had, and he thinks he’ll hate himself if he never gets to have it again. Or: My Cat Likes My Fuckbuddy And I'm Falling In Love With Him Over It

breakable heaven • haley625 || @feng-xin • With his twenty-first birthday looming just around the corner, the Southern Water Tribe Elders have decided that Sokka, next in line to be Chief, needs to get married. Sokka does not want that, but he does need to get them off his back until he can figure his way out of it. What better way to do that than to pretend to date his best friend (and newly minted Ambassador to the Southern Water Tribe) Zuko? Seriously, this is a foolproof plan. Maybe one of Sokka's best. Absolutely nothing can go wrong.

feels like we only go backwards • oldpotatoe || @oldpotatoe • An injury leaves Sokka with amnesia. His last memory is of the failed invasion, of leaving his father behind in enemy territory on the Day of Black Sun. Of hopelessness. Rage.But then he wakes up, and the war is over. Suddenly, he must come to terms with the fact that years have passed, and that he's somehow the Southern Water Tribe Ambassador to the Fire Nation. He is also supposedly friends with banished-Prince-turned-Fire-Lord Zuko, of all people. Close friends. Yeah, nah.

I am new here. To the fandom. Hello. Any good fic recommendations?

hello! welcome! since you’ve come to me i assume you’re looking for zukka fics, so *cracks knuckles* let’s get started...

Protective by @crosspin/@tan-ho | 47k

sokka gets kidnapped by azula, so zuko and katara go get him back.

sirens & sleepless nights by @satirewrites | 54k

modern au where the gaang lives under the totalitarian regime of president ozai. zuko is an injured, defected patrolman and sokka is a member of an underground rebellion group.

Those Who Favor Fire by @klabautermanns and @voidcenturyscholar | 30k

sokka fakes his death and goes undercover in a rebellion group to stop a plot on the fire lord’s life, aka the spymaster sokka au

earth system history by @acezukos | 14k

dumb university boys mutually pining over the other. they don’t realize the other likes them back until professor piandao plays match maker (ft. gratuitous knowledge of rocks and earth layers and also side piandao/jeong jeong which is just *chef’s kiss*)

The Road Between Action and Inaction by @donvex | 17k

sokka picks up zuko from a bus station and they fall in love on their way from Alaska to California (hitchhiking/road trip au)

In Spirit, In Flesh by @klabautermanns and @voidcenturyscholar | 17k

zuko’s body is swapped with someone from a rebellion group who is hoping to enact change in the fire nation. little does this rebellion member know that he’s not going to be able to waltz into the palace wearing zuko’s face without a certain water tribe ambassador realizing that something is very, very wrong. (yes, i’m recommending something from these authors again, what about it? it’s because their writing is amazing. seriously. go read everything they’ve ever written.)

reality strikes, so bring back the night by @zukkababey (lol) | 4k

sokka wakes up in the future, right in the middle of a domestic morning between two very familiar people.

we’ll play hide and seek (to turn this around) by @crosspin/@tan-ho | 5k

sokka has a crush on the boy who works at barnes & noble, so he enlists hakoda to help distract zuko’s older coworker so sokka can get zuko’s number. (mainly hakoda/bato but some zukka sprinkled in there, i had to include this fic bc i love it)

by the stars above, i knew we were in love by @baegarrick | 35k

zuko and sokka are on a tour to celebrate 10 years since the war’s end, and zuko hopes that by the time they make it back to the capital, they’ll have something new to celebrate: his engagement to sokka.

gone fishin’ by @bisexuallsokka | 2k

zuko asks hakoda for help creating a betrothal necklace. problem is, is that hakoda doesn’t know which of his children zuko is dating.

i also reblog any and all fics that i’ve read or interest me here, if you want to check that out!

@stardust-steel replied to your post:

this is gorgeous!!!! can i knwo the fixc/ the author that changed your mind?

Of course! The fic that made my perception of Zukka go from crack ship to An Actually Cool Ship™ was sirens & sleepless nights , by @satirewrites ❤

No one asked but I really vibed with sometimes-a-dragon Zuko from the fic Dragon Moon by @satirewrites​. its really good :) 

Tag game! "Last line."

I got tagged by @eyesofcrows

 GameRules: "Write the latest line from your WIP and tag as many people as there are words in the line. Make a new post, don’t reblog."

Welp, here's me:

"Did you just die again?!"

Tagging:

@ghost-postables

@ghost-malone

@briarlovesu

@gally-hin-phantom

@satirewrites

Feel free to ignore this if you got tagged already or don't have a writing wip atm.

Today i read the latest chapter of the amazing atla fanfiction Dragon Moon by @satirewrites and i could not rest until i made fanart for this amazing moment

can’t wait to be blessed by more!

Chapters: 1/1

Fandom: Voltron: Legendary Defender, Pacific Rim (Movies) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Keith/Lance (Voltron), Keith & Shiro (Voltron), Allura/Lance (Voltron) Characters: Keith (Voltron), Lance (Voltron), Shiro (Voltron), Hunk (Voltron), Pidge | Katie Holt, Allura (Voltron) Additional Tags: the pacific rim au no one needed, Mutual Pining, The Drift (Pacific Rim), Alternate Universe - Pacific Rim Fusion, Fluff, I'm Bad At Tagging Summary:

This fic will examine a few versions of a Pacific Rim AU where paladins who piloted the same lions in the show are Jaeger copilots.

Part I: Lance/Keith with previous Keith/Shiro Part II: Lance/Allura with previous Keith/Shiro Part III: Keith/Shiro - sort of a prequel to the others

---

I’m really nervous to share this and it’s still a work in progress so please be patient with me, but I hope you like it.

I came up with the idea during a Kaiju movie marathon about a month ago and it’s been living in my head rent free ever since.

This art does not have anything to do with my fic other than convincing me that other people might actually read it, so shout out to @satirewrites - please go look at their art of Keith and Lance as Jaeger pilots!

https://satirewrites.tumblr.com/post/632073293868990464/satirewrites-takes-a-deep-breath-and-they-were

DBH Artists and fans who like the art, please read

This Instagram account has posted three of my works without my permission but they did credit my Tumblr account. This still doesn’t excuse that they didn’t ask me before using. I’ve kindly PM’d them to ask for permission next time when posting works.

Please understand that you should always ask the artist first if it is okay, whether or not you choose to credit them in a repost. Reposts can hurt artists because they 

won’t always know it’s been reposted

won’t get all the comments/love/follows that accounts like this get

So please, be aware!! And please please please spread this!! I want to make sure that the artists know!!

Listing as many of the artists as I can!! I can’t get to everyone, though!!

@biqutz @bunworks @vi-c-tory @donlemefo @jojolarow @voxelement @skeletonpriest @ankad @mimorugk @spusha @xmoonrice @mogekkoh @quintilli0n @samuisam @hungeronion @bleedinblues @same-side @ianovsky @juvenile-reactor @over-rk9000 @doomburgerdoodles @skyriazeth @alver615 @saikkuart > @saikkunen @peppercrow @alef-art @himsenavie1004 @aima015 @eyyydbh @kokoneakita @finjadraws @strike-command3r @hleb-hlebushek @vyxon7 @ee-void @jeykeymc @sarcasticasides @ookamihanta @lovino-drawz @tremendousloki @lumenizampel @cha-nis @karanoidandroid @femidaeye-art @symons-art-blog @thehollowboi @nyancittykat @acecakes @yruslex @klimentieva37a @pixlbott @liarcleo @peercat @gildracon @deep-in-mind67 @laur-rants @jea-rao @lemonsonsticks @lirthealmighty @satirewrites @retrouvel @smudgeandfrank @brilcrist @naethjen @ksafs @delskowe @eicinic @bitchatude @robinhess @ukropstales @ashenchi @rinmardini @nyavka-art @definepessimist @nelldoga @neal-illustrator @thiriumheart @deviant-yn200 @apocahipster @a3-pizza @muttniy @somebody-1 @deckheart @umikahwolf @16ruedelaverrerie @marifinch @yonggukiemanoora @nerdbullydraws @vividstarships @froggoli @creaturexlll @t-2-r @may-fire-yana @relina-ru @pan-in-the-sky @delannoie @avaliart @irineey @rk-1k @nekrylova @tanatola @rngrn @deadlilmoon @itachaaan @lurelin @lokomango @avaptm @fish-in-the-aquarium @limii-circulate @cherohero @umikochannart @shuldighound @l1p3k4 @cottonhide @j0000000000 @macherpuppy @elyxendoodles @errorxlii @neronil @kernelsandersisdead @medicrat @zombbean-cookbook @raaawrbin @ollyyuu​ @lunacidre​ @dinagastuff​ @sirghostknight​ @koniks​ @bringmecoffeedipshit​ @garnetquyen @hehearse