homestuck is being too good rn

No Return

Note: so this is not a new fic. i actually posted it back in 2017 (but deleted all my smut from this blog about a year afterwards haha we love being impulsive). but i’m over myself now, so i’m reposting! a lot of you have been asking about it, so... here you go. posted for all of y’all to enjoy again.

Word Count: 4.7k

Pairing: Daveed Diggs x Reader

Warnings: smut. cursing.

Summary: Diggs loses a bet which results in him owing you a lap dance.

Parties at Rafa’s place were always the best; the drinks were great, the music was amazing, the atmosphere was never dull, but the best part about them were the incredible people that made up each one; you were never bored. There was always something to do whether you were talking to people, dancing, playing drinking games, or just drinking in general. And that’s why whenever you were told that there was going to be a party at Rafael Casal’s apartment, you never turned it down...even if you ended up showing up late.

“Well, look at who finally decided to show up.” You heard a familiar voice say as you walked through the door to Rafa’s place. Daveed grinned widely at you before he slid an arm around your shoulders, pulling you close to him as you walked deeper into the apartment. “My favorite!”

Daveed was one of your closest friends and if you were being honest, it would have been a lie if you said you didn’t want him to become something more than that. The two of you often flirted and were constantly together (these occurrences happened so often that there were many times people believed you were dating), but neither of you had made a real move. You knew how you felt toward him, and he was giving you signs that he felt the same way, but no true actions were made by either party. So that’s why it stayed the way it was between you two: just close friends who often flirted with each other.

“Aw, I’m your favorite?” You asked, raising your voice so he could hear you over the loud music that was pumping through Rafa’s speakers.

“Uh, yeah,” he stated as if it was obvious, “but don’t tell anyone else. It’s a secret between you and me.” He whispered in your ear as you entered the kitchen.

Yeah, he had definitely downed a few drinks before you got here.

“Diggs, I’m pretty sure everyone heard you when you shouted it.” You laughed as you plucked the cup half-full of alcohol from his grasp, draining it of its contents. He pouted at you once you handed him back an empty cup.

“Y/N, hey! It’s been forever since I’ve seen you!” Adrienne said from beside Rafa who was pouring out a few drinks.

“Hey!” You pulled away from Daveed’s grasp to give her a hug. She’d been away in Canada for the last few weeks shooting for a new project she was working on. “I’ve missed you! Why’d you have to leave me alone to deal with these boys for so long?”

Adrienne laughed while Rafael furrowed his eyebrows.

“Oh, so you didn’t miss me? I see how it is, Y/N, I see how it is.” He feigned hurt, before pushing a couple of newly filled cups towards you and Daveed.

You rolled your eyes at him. “We had lunch a few days ago, Cash, it hasn’t been that long since I’ve seen you.”

“But so much has changed since then.”

You chuckled before taking a sip. “Like what? Did you finally finish that song you’ve been working on?”

“No.” Rafael replied before he smiled at Adrienne beside him. “Unlike Diggs, I am no longer a single and lonely Bay Boy.”

Daveed’s eyebrows furrowed as he cocked his head. “Yo, who said I was lone—?”

“You guys are finally together? Oh my god, congrats!” You cut in with widened eyes.

They both grinned at each other before Rafa leaned down to kiss her forehead.

“Aww,” you gushed, “you two are couple goals already.”

A few seconds passed before you felt Daveed’s arm drape around your shoulders again.

“You know, we could be couple goals too.” He said, looking down at you with a smirk.

You rolled your eyes, pushing him away. “Ha, you wish, Diggs.”

You laughed it off because you knew he was too tipsy to be serious. He always flirted with you like this, but why did this time feel so different?

A few drinks later, you were beginning to feel the familiar light-hearted, buzzing feeling course throughout your body, giving you a boost of energy. You had drifted away from Daveed and Rafa to roam through the house and catch up with people you hadn’t seen since your Hamilton days. You were talking with Adrienne and Ari when you heard your name being called from behind you.

“Aye, Y/L/N!”

You turned your head to see Daveed standing next to a table a few feet away. 

“Diggs!” You responded in the same playful tone.

He grinned at you before waving you over. “Come play Flip Cup with me.”

“Really?” You quirked an eyebrow. “You lose every time you play against me, D.”

“I’m feeling confident today. I’ve been practicing.”

You tried not to laugh as you rose from your seat and approached him. “Practicing?”

“Bruh,” Rafa snickered at his friend from the other end of the table. “You played a few games before this and won two in a row. That ain’t practicing.”

You let a smug grin show up on your face as you glanced back up at your best friend. “Daveed, I am the queen of Flip Cup, okay? You can’t beat me. Nobody ever has, and nobody ever will. That’s a fact.”

“I’m pretty sure I can beat you today, Y/N.” He said bluntly. Wow, he was forward when he was drunk. “I have a good feeling about this.”

“Ha,” you huffed out a laugh, “wanna bet?"

“What do you propose, oh mighty Queen of Flip Cup?”

You thought for a second. What was something you knew would make him think twice about challenging you? Something that would make him step down from this newfound cockiness he embodied.

When the idea formed in your head, you sent him a sly grin. “Winner gets a lap dance from the loser.”

You distinctly remembered an earlier conversation with him where he stated that he couldn’t dance. You knew it was untrue due to the times you’d seen him dance at the club or during some of the numbers in Hamilton, but you also knew that the wager wasn’t something he’d necessarily jump on (despite the confidence boost the alcohol had supplied him).

Rafa led the mini crowd that had formed around you in a chorus of “ooo”s.

“Deal.”

You looked up at Daveed in surprise. You hadn’t expected him to agree to the terms so easily.

“Diggs, that means if you lose— sorry, when you lose, you have to give me a lap dance.”

“I know.” He said seriously.

“And you’re good with that?”

“If it happens, which it won’t because I’m gonna win, then yes.” He stated, his mouth forming into a confident smile. “I’m good with that.”

Fine, he wanted a challenge? You were going to give him one.

“Alright, then.” You said, narrowing your eyes at him. “Game on."

⋆﹥━━━━━━━   ♛   ━━━━━━━﹤⋆

Daveed lost. Badly.

So badly, in fact, that you actually felt bad for him. So you tweaked it so it was the best out of five games...and even then, he still lost.

Oh well, it’s not like you didn’t warn him.

When the third game ended and Daveed realized his defeat, he threw his head back and groaned.

“Aww, don’t be such a sore loser. You lost fair and square, Diggs. ” You teased with a smile, wrapping your arms around his torso to hug him from behind. “I warned you. I told you I was the queen of Flip Cup, but you didn’t listen.”

“Those cups were rigged, Y/N.” He stated, turning around in your grasp so he could hug you back.

You laughed, rolling your eyes. “Say whatever you want to make yourself feel better. Nothing’s gonna change the fact that you owe me a lap dance.”

He was quiet for a moment before he murmured something. “You know I can’t dance, right?”

“First of all, yes you can. And secondly, lap dances are different, Diggs.”

“No, they’re not.”

“Yes they are. And if you don’t think they’re different, you dance at parties all the fucking time. You should be able to handle an easy lap dance.”

He lifted his head back up from your shoulder to look down at you. “But Y/N...”

You let out a laugh before you patted his cheek lightly. “You dug yourself into this hole, loser. Guess you’re just gonna have to figure it out because you’re not getting out of this one.”

⋆﹥━━━━━━━   ♛   ━━━━━━━﹤⋆

The next day you woke up to someone knocking on your door. In sweats and an old t-shirt, you made your way over to unlock it, squinting your eyes to adjust to the bright light. The slight hangover you had wasn’t really helping you get out of your groggy state.

“Daveed?” You asked, realizing who your visitor was once your vision adjusted. “What are you doing here so early?”

He was dressed in a yellow Oaklandish tank top that showed off his toned arms/shoulders and dark blue jeans with a brown belt buckled just enough to let them sit loosely on his hips. You also noticed that he decided to rock his glasses today.

You snapped your eyes up to his and away from his figure that left you breathless. You totally had not just checked him out.

“If your definition of early is 2 o’clock in the afternoon, I think you may need to reevaluate some things and consider fixing that sleep schedule of yours.” He replied with his lips turning up into an amused grin.

“Shut up, I had a late night last night.” You mumbled, turning around to walk away, leaving the door open so he could let himself into your apartment. “And you did too. I’m surprised you’re not asleep right now.” You glanced back at him to see him shrug.

“I had to meet Bill and Jon at the studio at 10. I’ve been up since, like, 9:30.”

“Damn, Diggs, you’re gonna have to teach me your ways.”

“Caffeine.” He chuckled, putting on his signature grin. “It works miracles.”

You returned the smile, before sending him a curious look. “So, why are you here? Not that I mind or anything, it’s good to see you, but you haven’t been over in like a month and a half.”

“Exactly! It’s been awhile since we’ve hung out alone, so I thought it’d be dope if we chilled and watched movies or something.” He replied before he went to ramble on. “I mean— only if you want to. If you’re really tired, I can leave so you can get some more sl—”

“No, no, it’s fine! That sounds great.” You cut him off and placed a hand on one of his toned arms to reassure him. 

“You sure?”

“Yeah!” You responded. “Just let me take a quick shower and we can start in like 20ish minutes.”

“A 20 minute shower counts as a quick shower?” He questioned with a teasing look.

“Yes,” you said, “or would you rather it be 45ish minutes?”

“20ish minutes is good. Have fun with your quick shower. Though, I think it would be more fun if I joined.” A tiny but noticeable smirk made its way onto Daveed’s face.

You laughed when he sent you a playful wink, dropping your hand from his arm to walk towards your room. “You wish, Daveed Diggs.”

“You have no idea.” He mumbled under his breath (inaudible to your ears) before he let his eyes follow your retreating figure.

“Maybe you could set up the movie in the meantime? It’s your turn to choose. The remote’s on the coffee table and you know where the popcorn and shit is in the kitchen. I’ll be out soon. If you need anything, yell.” You said before closing the door to your room.

Daveed sent a thumbs up in your direction even though he knew you couldn’t see it before he made his way to your living room.

Little did you know, Daveed had something else planned.

⋆﹥━━━━━━━   ♛   ━━━━━━━﹤⋆

When you emerged from your shower, you quickly dried yourself and combed through your now damp hair. After that, you exited your room and entered your living room to see that it was completely dark. Confused, you surveyed the room to look for your best friend, but there was no sign of him at all.

Did he leave? If he did, he didn’t text you or anything to let you know.

“D?” You called out, walking further into the room.

With each step you took, the more you realized how this seemed like a scene from a horror film. You weren’t a fan of them, but a few months back Daveed and Rafael had pretty much forced you to have a scary movie marathon with them.

“Daveed Diggs, I swear to God. If you’re trying to scare me right now, I will—”

You squeaked when a pair of arms snaked their way around your waist from behind. Daveed’s voice had come seemingly from out of nowhere. “You’ll what?”

“Kick your ass.” You glared at him, quickly turning around to push him away. “What the hell is wrong with you?!”

He laughed, smiling brightly. “I’m sorry, Y/N.”

“No, you’re not.” You grumbled, moving to sit on your couch. Daveed followed you.

“You right. It was so worth it.” He grinned at you, causing you to roll your eyes at him. You tried to stay mad at him, but it was damn near impossible when he was looking at you like that.

“We’re not friends anymore.” You stated, crossing your arms.

“What, why?” He asked, his grin dropping into a pout.

“You were mean to me, Diggs! How dare you scare me in my own home!” You were laughing internally.

“Okay, fine. I’m sorry for real this time. What can I do to make it up to you?”

When he asked, you contemplated it for a few moments before you looked up at him with a smirk.

“What?” He asked.

“Well, you still owe me that lap dance…”

He groaned, closing his eyes and letting his head fall back on the couch. “I thought you forgot about that.”

“Nope.” You said, your smirk forming into a smug grin. You had the upper hand now. “How could I forget you losing a bet against me, resulting in a lap dance from the great Daveed Diggs himself?”

After a couple of seconds, he sighed, opening his eyes and tilting his face towards you. “If I do this now, will I win back your friendship?”

“I’ll think about it.” You said, causing him to give you a deadpanned look. You laughed before you spoke again. “Yeah, I guess we could be friends again. But it has to be good.”

Daveed sighed again before he straightened himself up. “I don’t even know how to give a good lap dance, Y/N.”

“Improvise. C’mon, D, you’re great at improv. Treat it like you treat a freestyle. Just go with the flow.” You smiled widely at him.

“Fine.” He said, getting up from his spot next to you. “But I’m only pulling through with this because I like you.”

“Aww, you like me?” You asked teasingly to mask the actual feeling that was coursing through you. You continued to grin at him as he pulled out his phone to scroll through his music library. When he finally settled on a song by The Weeknd, he turned to you once he pressed play.

“Do I start now?”

“Yes,” you laughed. “C’mon, you know how a lap dance works. You’re not a novice when it comes to these things, stop fucking around.”

You could see him smile and rub his arm before he looked away for a second. When he started to slowly sway to the beat of the song, it was extremely hard for you to stifle your laugh. Your best friend was about to give you a lap dance and you could not take him seriously.

He continued to dance to the beat for a bit as he stared you down with a smirk. He was doing this shit on purpose. He was joking around until you couldn’t contain your laughter any longer.

“Diggs, I can’t take you seriously like this. I can—” You wheezed. “I just can’t.”

Your laughter and the slow, sexy beats of the music were the only audible things in your apartment until Daveed spoke again. 

“Are you ready for me, Y/N?” His smooth, low voice washed over you.

You let out yet another giggle. “Don’t make it sound so sexual.”

“It's supposed to sound sexual, Y/N, it’s a fucking lap dance.” He chuckled, now standing directly in front of you.

“Alright, show me what you got, Bay Boy.”

You continued to laugh at him as you watched him, but the moment he straddled your lap, you stopped. His arms were on each side of your head, using the couch to steady himself over you as his hips began to slowly grind against you. That’s when the atmosphere in the room completely changed.

Your eyes widened slightly when you saw him bite his bottom lip in concentration. When you envisioned Daveed giving you a lap dance the night prior, you didn’t think it would be like this...it was flustering you more than you thought it would. Before you knew it, you were struggling to control your movements. Your fists were clenching and unclenching as you so desperately tried to keep them anchored to your sides.

As if he had read your mind, Daveed murmured, “You can touch me, Y/N. Don’t be afraid.”

If you weren’t turned on before, you definitely were now. His gravelly voice paired with his hot breath right next to your ear caused you to shiver, making goosebumps appear across your entire body.

Then, you finally let your hands wander. They traveled up his chest to rest on his shoulders, then back down again to move under the hem of his tank top so you could feel his bare and strong torso. Sure it was a bold move, but the more and more Daveed grinded on you, the less and less you cared. When his tank top rode up to the point where you could see all of his abs, he paused to stand up and quickly get rid of the article of clothing before he came back to straddle you again. 

Your heart was beating wildly in your chest as you looked up at your best friend. He looked undeniably attractive when he was on top of you shirtless and with his glasses on. Every feeling you had ever felt for him came crashing down on you at that moment and that’s when you just about lost your self-control. Part of your brain was screaming at you, saying that you were about to cross a line that you could never cross again...but at the same time, all of your cares had disappeared.

You used your newfound courage to cup Daveed’s face in both of your hands and pull him into a deep kiss. He gasped softly, surprised at the sudden contact, but quickly eased into it. 

You had just passed the point of no return.

You didn’t know what to expect when you decided to kiss him, but it was better than you could have imagined. When you pulled back, his mouth was slightly dropped in awe and one of the sides slowly twitched up into a soft smile. (It was kind of adorable.)

“Daveed, I like you.” You blurted, short of breath.

His face broke out into a full grin. “I like you too, Y/N.” 

“No,” you shook your head, moving your hands from his cheeks down to his shoulders. “I mean like— like like you.”

“I know,” he chuckled. “I mean, I figured given what just happened a few seconds ago. Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”

You shrugged, breaking eye contact with him. You subconsciously traced one of your thumbs across his collarbone. “I was afraid of rejection, I guess.”

“Are you serious?”

“What?” You asked, sounding offended.

Daveed caught your gaze again, pushing a strand of your hair behind your ear. “Y/N, I’ve had like the biggest fuckin’ crush on you since Ari introduced us.”

“Wait, really?”

“Mhm,” he hummed. “I’m actually really surprised you didn’t notice.”

“Why didn’t you tell me about your crush earlier, Diggs?” You voiced, giving him a pointed look.

He gave you a shy smile when he moved off of you to sit beside you, still facing you. “Same reason as you.”

“You know what? I’m not even mad about not knowing sooner.” You said. “I’m glad we found out like this.”

“You’re just happy I gave you a lap dance with my amazing skills.” He teased with a laugh of his own.

You laughed again, and pushed at his chest so he could lay on his back and let you crawl on top of him to straddle his waist. “Not gonna lie, I didn’t think you had it in you, Diggs.”

His jaw dropped completely as he looked up at you. “But you said that I could do a lap dance when even I said I couldn’t!”

“That’s true, but to be fair, I never said you couldn’t do a lap dance. I just didn’t think you’d do as well as you did.”

Your response brought yet another smile to his face as you leaned closer to him. “I’mma take that as a compliment.” He said softly.

At this point, the song Daveed had chosen had ended a while ago and the lap dance was long over.

“Good.” You responded before you kissed him again.

This one was different from the first. It started off soft, but quickly turned passionate and heated. As your mouths moved against each other, Daveed’s hands moved from your hips up to the hem of your shirt, his fingertips grazing your bare sides, leaving goosebumps in their wake. The only word you could use to describe this feeling was just complete bliss.

When you reached down to Daveed’s belt buckle, he shivered, causing you to smile against his lips.

Then he pulled away, panting. “Y/N…” he breathed. “Are you sure about this? You don’t have to— fuck.” He cursed as you pulled back completely to unbuckle his pants. “I don’t wanna push y—” 

“Daveed,” You said, before pausing quickly to put a hand on his scruff, tenderly moving your thumb to caress his cheek. “I’m absolutely sure about this. Now please, shut the hell up so I can blow you.”

You smirked when you saw his eyes widen and when you crawled off of him to go in between his legs, you heard a quiet, “Okay.”

Wasting no more time, you removed his jeans and boxers to free his erection. You could see Daveed’s chest begin to rise and fall quicker when you took his length into your hand and pressed a kiss to the tip of it.

“Oh, shiiit.” He drawled softly when your mouth wrapped around him, slowly sucking your way down as far as you could. As you began to bob your head up and down, Daveed’s breathing increased with each suck and occasional flick of your tongue.

Now, he was fully panting. He lifted his head up to look down at you, causing him to groan. After a minute or two, he brought a hand down to move some strands of hair out of your face.

“Fuck, Y/N,” he babbled, “I...I shouldn’t...oh God, I shouldn’t be this fucking close.”

You slowly pulled off of him and he brought you back up to kiss him again.

“You,” Daveed breathed against your lips, “are way too fucking good at that.”

You grinned.

“And,” he continued, “this clothing situation is a bit unbalanced, don’t you think?” 

His thumbs grazed the waistband of your sweatpants. When you nodded, you pulled them down along with your underwear. You moved off of him to take them off completely and remove your shirt and bra, leaving you just as bare as he was.

You climbed back on top of him, straddling his washboard abs, when he ushered you to move up. You obeyed, moving forward an inch or two, but Daveed shook his head and grabbed your thighs, moving you himself.

“Daveed, what are you doing?”

“Returning the favor.” He said simply, bringing you over to his face.

“Oh,” you breathed when you felt his tongue lightly touch your clit.

The man’s mouth worked miracles from between your thighs. Daveed kept you still above his skilled tongue, occasionally giving your ass a squeeze.

“D-Daveed,” you gasped, your mouth forming a perfect ‘O’ as his tongue lightly circled your clit before he brought fully into his mouth to suck gently.

This was the best head you’d gotten...well ever, actually. He wanted you to feel the best you’d ever felt and he definitely achieved that.

Before you knew it, you were reaching your high, climaxing as you shouted Daveed’s name, not caring how loud it echoed throughout your apartment. When you crawled back down Daveed’s body, the two of you shared a sloppy kiss as you both breathed heavily.

Although you just came, you weren’t completely satisfied. You still wanted him... needed to feel him inside you.

You moved to position yourself above his cock, but he made you pause before you could do so.

“Y/N, stop,” Daveed panted. “Condom.”

“Don’t need it.” You replied quickly. “I’m on the pill.”

“Oh, fuck yes.” He replied, releasing you so you could resume what you were about to do.

You breathed out a laugh before you slowly sank down onto his length, making both you and him release a groan. 

“You are so fucking gorgeous,” he gasped. “You don’t know how long I’ve waited for this.”

Your fingers ghosted along his stubble-ridden jaw. “I think I have an idea.”

When you adjusted to his size, you began to bounce and he helped you, meeting each of your thrusts as he guided your hips onto him.

Your lips met Daveed’s yet again and you captured every moan that fell from his mouth, he did the same for you. As your pace quickened, so did each grunt, pant, and moan. You felt your pussy begin to clench again like it had when you came before.

“I’m gonna come,” Daveed said quickly against your mouth.

“Fuck.” You groaned. “Me too, D.”

“Come for me, sweetheart.” He breathed, bringing a hand up from your hip to cup your cheek. “You can do it.”

And you did.

Your walls clenched around him and you gasped, letting your orgasm wash over you in waves. Daveed came shortly after you, and continued to thrust, riding the both of you through your highs.

As you came down and pulled yourself off him, you collapsed, exhausted, halfway leaning on him and halfway laying on your couch. You moved a hand up to rest on his chest again, closing your eyes in bliss as you relaxed against him.

After a minute or two of silence, Daveed broke it.

“Wait, so...does this mean we’re friends again?” 

You looked up at him with a raised eyebrow. He was still on that? Wow, what a dork. “After this? Everything that just happened?” You asked bewildered. “God, I hope not.”

“Fine,” he said letting his signature bright smile show up on his face, still breathing heavily. “More than friends?”

Your heart fluttered in your chest and you grinned widely back at him. You leaned up to softly kiss his jaw before you gave him your answer.

“Way more than just friends, D.”

Le Bien Qui Fait Mal - Dave x Reader (Lost River)

GIF Credit: X

@mandy23b​ @wltz-bby​ @happyskywhale​ #mendotagsquad

Dave + 27 -  “No. Regrets.”  Requested by @sufferthesea​

Author’s Note: Special mention to @crawlingmist​ for building on my plot. It’s with great pleasure that I get to bring you this, with a song from my favourite musical! 😏😁

I barely needed to edit this one either. Sometimes, sometimes I get it just right... The translated lyrics to the song are below, but really you need the song. No matter that it’s in French. It’s very Dave. The whole Aesthetic.

Le Bien Qui Fait Mal - Mozart L’Opera Rock Disclaimer: MoR lyrics not mine / Lost River and all associated things not mine / gif not mine / some direct quoting from ‘Lost River’ used 😅

Premise: You’re the first singer that Dave has employed at his club, you also have a ‘je ne sais quoi’ that floods his thoughts. His curiosity can only be sated one way...

Words: 2530

Warnings: Sexual Connotations/Pre-Amble / Swearing

--- Where is this strange feeling coming from? It fascinates me as much as it unsettles me I shiver, pieced by beauty It’s like a knife in my soul The wound goes through my heart And I take joy in the pain Intoxicated by this poison Until I lose my mind! It’s so good it hurts When you love, your hatred is perfectly normal Take Pleasure It’s so good to suffer Succumb to the spell Shed your tears It’s so good it hurts (hurts me) When you love, your sorrow is perfectly banal (it’s so good it hurts) True delights Come from torture Lower your weapons Shed your tears I feel violent urges It seems like I’m slipping into the depths If I ignore the source of this curse I love letting it under my skin Bewitched by mad ideas Suddenly my urges arise Desire becomes my prison Until I lose my mind!

---

The world was spinning. Like he was drunk, or maybe high. Or maybe he was something else...

Whatever he was, Dave was out of his head. He was going crazy; he was confused. Because he didn’t know why. You? The sound of your voice? What you were wearing? All of it? All of that in this setting? He wanted so badly to look away but Dave couldn’t tear his eyes from you. The pleasure was insane, but it almost hurt just as bad. Wasn’t that the point, after all. Wasn’t that why this club existed?

Dave didn’t have a singer at his club. He didn’t see himself as counting, he didn’t sing every night. It was a rarity; his treat and gift to everyone. Until you. And Dave wasn’t here every night to listen to you sing - but right now he felt that was going to change. He had heard you sing before - your voice sweet and pretty, gently melodic. One that - in his opinion - would sound good mixed with his (no matter what way that would be). But a short one song audition for him and a voice he liked wasn’t this.

This was a culmination of all of that. Yet your voice tonight? Oooh... this was deeper, richer, sultry. With the music and lyrics too? Dave thought about loosening buttons. He relaxed the way he was sitting and tried to take a calming deep breath. It helped nothing. He wondered if you’d been nervous before - a job you desperately needed? - now you were in your element; but it couldn’t have been him that had made you nervous. Because, as if feeling like this wasn’t enough, your eyes hadn’t moved from staring at him.

Usually Dave would love to have a gorgeous woman stare at him like this. He was a typical ‘love them and leave them.’ People didn’t steal his heart - the only relationship Dave was ever really after was physical. And yes, yes, you were affecting him like that. He’d make sure you knew you didn’t get to give him such a stare without being pinned up against something, somewhere. Still, his heart. His pulse was running wild - Dave didn’t blush, but if he thought he was capable… He didn’t know what was happening, but he felt sick. Dave shifted again, finally able to prize his eyes away from you. He squeezed them tightly shut, feeling lightheaded once more. Rob leant over, “You okay?” “Yeah...” Dave counted himself lucky that his voice managed to be that steady, then he nodded “Yeah.” Then waved towards the stage, “After she’s done. Send her to me.” He cleared his throat, eyes drawn back to you. “I think we need a little talk...”

 ** The club was emptying by the time you got a chance to go to him. That was mostly because Rob, with his own duties, was delayed in getting the message to you, and you had a few things you had to attend to yourself before you heeded Dave’s call. By that time it was getting late anyway, so you preferred to wait until the club was quiet to go to him. Dave found the waiting time more agony than he could possibly imagine. He was supposed to be enjoying everyone else’s performances, but he simply couldn’t. His mind stirred and always sent him back to you – the way it felt like those eyes of yours were reaching into his very soul and uncovering the darkest secrets he held, it was more than just seeing through him – you were undoing him, piece by piece. And sitting here waiting for you, Dave was forced to relive it. He closed his eyes trying to block you out, somehow, but you were already in his head. You weren’t about to let go. With realisation, Dave knew that he wouldn’t let you go either. Not until he had what you had him aching for. When you walked smoothly back out onto the stage, Dave was still sitting at his top table. One leg crossed over the other he was tipping his chair back – taking long, slow drags from his cigarette. His blue eyes flicked to you as soon as he noticed your presence. Even without the lights and the ambiance, you were still striking standing up there. He couldn’t ignore that; it clearly wasn’t the club, it was just you – and you were setting him on fire. Dave kept his eyes on you as he placed his cigarette to his lips once more and you swallowed hard, you weren’t sure that you could trust him. You weren’t sure about a lot of things, this job and the people that worked here. But you were sure that you wanted him, and nearly just as sure that he felt the same. Even from way up here, it wasn’t hard to see your effect on him considering you’d been watching him for your entire set. “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realise- Would you like me to come and sit with you?” You were gentle and polite, and moved towards the steps down onto the floor. Dave stilled you as he set his chair back on all four legs and rose, taking one last drag before he stubbed out his cigarette. “Stay.” He walked across the room, not breaking your eye contact. Dangerous. Yet, you were attracted to that danger. Dave joined you on stage, wasting no time; “Pick a song.” “Sorry?” “A song. Pick one.” It was more of a demand than anything, yet it still left you confused. “May I ask why?” He wasn’t sure if he was impressed with you or annoyed. Why would you not just do as he asked? And yet he admired that you weren’t shying away from him with a timid stammer. “Sing with me.” Your face flushed, but your nerve held; “You sing?” Then before he could respond, which meant Dave was reduced to nodding, “Why ask me to perform if you can sing?” “Why wear out my talents every evening?” Dave turned his eyes to the empty room and flashed a smirk, “No. I’ll only sing on occasion, my dear – not everyone out there deserves to hear me.” You dared to look away from him to find some kind of music player – the lack of one would mean he wanted to sing with you acapella. You regarded him again, wondering what his singing voice was like. What it might feel like to hear it for the first time – if he’d be able to harmonize with you. What if it was you that couldn’t harmonize with him? He stared at you again, curiously, awaiting your answer. “What if you don’t know it?” “You’d be surprised. What’s your choice?” “There’s no music.” “You best not be trying to get out of this…” He walked forward to the microphones, beckoning you with him – and you followed. Unnervingly eager to hear this for yourself. “With a voice as intoxicating as yours, you hardly need musical accompaniment.” Dave’s eyes flashed and your lips parted – but you realised he was daring you to retaliate to such a seemingly forbidden piece of information. “Now come on.” He placed his hand to the shell of his ear, “I still haven’t heard a name…” You gave him one and for a moment you wondered if you had found something he didn’t know, as Dave stood in silence staring at the ceiling. You nearly jumped as the eerie silence was suddenly filled with a hummed melody at his recollection. The smirk returned as his gaze fell back to your face. “Am I right?” “…Yes…” You breathed, stepping to the mic. He took a step away and nodded, indicating that the floor was yours. Convinced that none of this could have been for a good reason, you took a deep breath and closed your eyes; imagining the opening notes in your head, imagining there was really a band behind you and crowd in front. All here for you, but also him. You opened your eyes again and with your confidence, incredibly, sky-high you began singing. Dave lost it almost immediately. You were still dressed as you had been when you’d performed; to be honest with the level of attraction he was still feeling towards you – whether that be purely lust, or something more, he didn’t know – it would have been enough. But when there was no music to focus on, when it was just your voice, it was almost worse. Beautiful and haunting, as you hit every note; Dave didn’t even think you’d have needed a microphone what with the way it echoed around the deserted building. You had no pressure here, no one was focusing on you, you didn’t have to be the source of entertainment – just to sing whatever you wanted. Then he joined you,  and were you not in the zone, you would have tripped on your notes – you certainly nearly lost key as he brought his up to yours. His voice was smooth and rich, a little different to that semi-raspy tone he usually talked with. And as you continued to sing together, playfully pushing him into high and low sections, between softer sequences and real power notes you couldn’t help but be shocked at the range he had. A voice that was persuasive, seductive, but, like him, not quite true and trustworthy. A voice that didn’t ask you to do something, but gently implied you should do it – until it was all you could think about. Until you wanted to do it for him. Not ‘will you?’; ‘You will.’. You weren’t sure what that thing was either, but it certainly had a hold of you – and you had a distinct feeling you were now looking at each other in exactly the same way. You were both asking for trouble. As the song and your voices faded out, and the room lapsed back into silence, your ears were ringing. The tension you felt in your body surrounded you, it was in the very air you were breathing – and Dave crossed the stage with purpose before grabbing you. You expected it, the way he pulled you into him, and your fingers dug into his arms as his kiss engulfed you. It felt better than the sound of his voice insisted that it would, and you were sure you were going insane at the feel of him this close to you. His pull back was quick and violent – and although his blue eyes were dark and telling you exactly what he wanted, his glare was also hard. But you were smirking; because you had Dave right where you wanted him. “Who are you?” “Too much for you to handle.” You stepped back into him, letting him know that you were hardly afraid of him – nor to admit what you wanted. His intake of breath was sharp and he shook his head, eyes searching yours for a sign that you were teasing. You best not be – you best mean it. “Y/N. Let me tell you something, right now. I like to fuck and when I meet a bad bitch, it drives me crazy. But you drive me crazier than any other fucking woman I’ve ever known. And I want you NOW.” He wasn’t sure what he would see in you as he gripped you a little tighter, but your smile was not it. It didn’t look like it belonged on your face, sinfully wicked, to accompany your small laugh. You very nearly took Dave’s breath away. Your eyes ran his body as you replied, drawing up slowly, the lip bite was teasing – but the kind he wanted to tolerate; “I’ve been here enough times to have seen you sitting on your little table. And you drive me crazy.” You pulled him closer to your body, wrapping your arms around his neck and locked your intense stare with his; “Coincidentally - you’re the only man in this club I’m here for, and the only one I’d let put his hands all over me.” Dave bit his lip, this hum not of notes but of satisfaction. You meant business. You craved him as much as he did you. With your arms around his neck the decision was already made, he hoisted you off the floor and walked you from the stage to the first table he saw. Though the patrons had vacated the premises, drinks glasses and bottles still adorned nearly all the tables. But with your body pressed up against his, and the feel of your heart beat – erratic in anticipation – Dave couldn’t care less about that.   Holding you strong in one arm he cleared the table with one sweep of his other, before laying you back on it. The crash of breaking glass deterred neither one of you. But he paused for just a second as his hands found either side of your waist. “Promise me something.” You tilted your head to the side, wondering what exactly Dave – of all people – would want you to promise now. Why he’d want you to promise anything. You weren’t exactly sure you cared if this was a one-time thing. “What is it you want me to promise?” “That you won’t regret this.” You raised an eyebrow, wondering if that was something he should be saying. Did women often regret sleeping with him? Instead you simply smiled, pulling him down to kiss you. “No. Regrets.” His eyes fluttered closed for a moment as he accepted your kiss, and then he straightened. Hooking your legs around himself Dave held you there, gaze locking with yours again. It was clear he wanted you to know exactly what you were doing to him with the way he pushed himself against you. You didn’t see the point in holding back your groan – Dave already knew you craved him. His fingertips grazing along your skin, taking your dress with them, was something else altogether – and as he rolled his hips over yours, your eyes fluttered closed. “Oh… Dave…” Your voice was soft, whispered just for him. His fingers brushed down your thighs as your dress climbed higher up your body. Dave paused again, with a delicious little smirk before he bent to kiss you once more – liking the feel of your fingers running through his hair to mess it up. He figured he’d quite like you to be pulling it, but Dave would save that for later. “You are so fucking beautiful.” He placed his hands on your hips, and had the audacity to wink at you. He got the feeling you’d be feisty. He liked that. Dave hooked his fingers under your lingerie, and pushing them to one side. His blue eyes flashed once more, darkening as they flicked back to your face. All he wished to know then was if your sex was as torturous as your presence. What that gorgeous voice of yours would sound like now. So good it hurts… You bit your lip, moving your hips eagerly in anticipation. You got the feeling by the look on his face, that regret wasn’t even going to remotely factor into this.

---

8/16 - We are half way there!

Thank you for reading! 😁🙏

How to Lose a Lover in 10 Days or Less: A Comprehensive Guide to Becoming a Future Romantic Failure (Chapter One)

AO3

Fandom: Homestuck

Summary: How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days AU Dave needs to win a bet; Karkat needs to write an article. Shenanigans ensue.

Tags: Humanstuck, alternate universe - no sburb session, POV switches galore, implied/referenced child abuse Author’s note: This story is the result of a jam session I did with aceAdoxography on the davekat thirst federation discord server. This one's a little out of my usual wheelhouse, but I hope you will enjoy reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it. New chapters every Saturday/Sunday.

I also tried to be fancy with the html, but it didn't come out right (you will see what I mean). However, I'm leaving it as is for now.

Chapter 1: Inciting Incidents 

Day 0:

“I'm smooth as peanut butter,” Dave protested, his coffee sloshing in its cup as he swung his arm out. “Choosy moms might choose Jiff, but I ain't in the market for an older woman at the moment. Just call me Skippy, because that's how smooth I am.”

Rose looked both unimpressed and unconvinced. “Really?” She took a small, dignified sip of her tea.

“Yes!” Dave frowned. “I'm like super suave. Fucking James Bond over here.”

She squinted at him for a moment. “You do realize that James Bond is characterized by his inability to keep any woman with him longer than the length of one of his movies.”

“That's only because he's too much man to be tied down,” Dave said. “And that's not even the point: the point is that the fucker's suave. He can have any girl he wants.”

“And I suppose you can get any boy you want?” It sounded dismissive. “It would be wonderful if you managed that feat before my wedding. You know how mother worries about you, and I would rather not spend the first day wedded to my wife listening to mother wailing about how her poor little Davey's going to be all alone in the world.”

Dave felt the flush creeping up his cheeks, and he wasn't sure if he was experiencing his future humiliation already or if he was getting mad. Just because he couldn't keep a relationship going for long, that didn't mean he wasn't smooth. It wasn't his fault that up until very recently he'd only pursued girls because he hadn't wanted to admit he was gay... Okay, yes, that actually was his fault. The point was of course those relationships had failed. His relationship prowess had never been given a fighting chance. “Yeah, I could. In fact, I could make any of the guys here fall for me.”

“Very well, brother of mine,” Rose said, smiling that particular smile which tended to portend bad things for the person it was directed at, “how about that one?” She pointed to a man sitting alone at a table on the other end of the cafe.

Dave looked over at him without making it obvious he was doing so. Damn, Rose. The guy was a snack, obviously, but his expression indicated that the whole world had pissed in his cornflakes one at a time and had made him miss the bus to his job at the blow job factory. Still, it was too late to back out now. “Fine,” he said, setting down his cup just a little too hard. “I'll see you in two weeks, Rose, and I'll have him on my arm in a matching tux. We're going to be the hottest, gayest penguins you've ever fucking seen.”

She laughed at him. Which was fine: he was going to have the last laugh here. And there was no time like the present. He stood and strode over to the other table, curving his mouth in his smoothest, suavest fucking smile.

The man had noticed Dave's approach and looked up from his coffee, the ire on his face now joined by confusion. “Can I help you?” His voice was rough but not unpleasant. His tone was less pleasant, but Dave had expected that from his expression.

“I sure hope so,” Dave said. He put one hand on his hip and held the other out to the man. “I've just lost my name: can I have yours?”

The man blinked. Then he laughed—less amused and more disbelieving. “Seriously? You're seriously going to open up with that? That has to be the cheesiest fucking pick up line I've heard in my life. And I've heard a lot of them.”

Dave only grinned. Breaking the ice was just one of Dave's many talents. “What can I say, dude, I'm a connoisseur of fine cheese. Premium, aged in wooden crocks or whatever.” He waggled his hand. “Don't leave me hanging.”

The man looked from Dave's hand to his face and back again before heaving a sigh. He shook Dave's hand, his grip solid but not crushing. “Karkat.” Then he frowned. “What do you want?”

“Thought that was obvious, Karkat,” Dave said, trying the name out. He liked it. “I want to ask you out. On a date. I'm Dave, by the way,” he added quickly. It probably would have been smarter to open up with that. It also occurred to Dave that there were a lot of other variables he hadn't considered until this moment. “If you're single. God, I hope you're single. And into guys. Otherwise, I'm going to feel pretty stupid.”

Karkat opened his mouth but didn't speak as something too quick for Dave to pick up flashed across his face. Then he grinned, perhaps a little too widely. “You're in luck,” he said. “I am in the market for a date.”

Oh. “Cool. Cool, that's—” Dave broke off with a fake cough into his fist. “Yeah, uh. So, are you free tomorrow? Night?”

A slow nod. “Yeah. Sure. Sounds great.” He dug through his bag and took out a small notepad. “Do you use Pesterchum?” he asked as he scribbled something down.

“I think everyone and their grandmother uses Pesterchum,” Dave said, still kind of surprised that this was going as well as it was. “Not my grandmother, I don't have one, but you know, grandmothers. Or the tech savvy ones anyway. I think your average grandmother might have some trouble—the text is kind of tiny, isn't it?”

Karkat looked up from his writing. “Right.” He ripped the page out and held it out to Dave. “Message me, and we can set up that date.”

Dave took the paper. “Thanks, I'll, uh, message you soon!” Without waiting for a response, he turned on his heel and made his way back to Rose. He knew his face was burning, but he decided to believe it was the flush of victory rather than anything else. She was still smiling at him, and he held the paper out in front of her face. “See? I've already got his chumhandle. You're going to eat your words, Rose. I hope you like the taste of humble pie.”

Rose laughed behind her hand. “Nice work, Dave,” she said once she'd recovered. “Try not to break his heart, won’t you?”

“What?” Dave shook his head. “His heart is going to be wrapped in three layers of bubble wrap and under ten pounds of packing peanuts.” He shoved the paper into his pocket. “I got this thing on lock.”

---

Karkat tore his eyes away from the retreating Dave to jot down some notes on his notepad. Looked like he'd be able to write this article sooner rather than later. Unless Dave had been dared to come over and get his phone number. That had happened before. He scowled into his coffee. Well, if Dave never got in touch with him, then he'd just use his last disaster of a relationship to base his article on. That was what he'd planned to do originally anyway.

It wasn't a secret around the office that Karkat Vantas, despite being a font of romance wisdom, was dead in the water when it came to dating and keeping a boyfriend. He attributed this mostly to his abhorrent personality and lack of self-control. Whenever the opportunity came up for him to stick his foot in his mouth, you could find him there, furiously chewing on his toes. He'd lost count of how many times a date had ended because he'd said something he shouldn't have. Or rather, screamed something he shouldn't have at the top of his lungs with more profanity than was warranted in retrospect.

So, of course, the boss knew about Karkat's lackluster love life, too. The assignment had been one of her little jokes. One of her little mind games. “Oh, Mr. Vantas, please write an article about how to fuck up a relationship in less than two weeks—it should be easy for you seeing as you're such an expert at being so noxious that no one but your handful of friends can even stand to be anywhere around you, never mind a stranger who doesn't know your history or has any reason to want to stick around and deal with your bullshit.” Paraphrased, of course. Her version had been much less honest.

He re-read his notes.

* Dave, no last name given. Terrible pick up line. Rambles. Idiot or awkward. Or both. Dresses like a color-blind douche bag. Obnoxious sunglasses. Vision impaired? Hot. Attractive. Moderately attractive.

His phone buzzed in his pocket, and he set down his notepad to fish it out. He frowned down at the screen. A notification from Pesterchum? His heart rose a little despite himself until he saw the name. Kanaya. He sighed. While he was happy she was happy, he couldn't handle being gushed at right now. He put the phone on the table and finished his coffee.

---

Dave dithered for hours before he finally decided on the perfect message to open communications with.

TG: this is dave from the cafe TG: wanted to say hey TG: and ask what you want to do Saturday

Okay, so it wasn't the best rap ever, but he was stretched for material here. Also, it probably wasn't a good idea to blow up this guy's phone before Dave got some confirmation that this was even Karkat's chumhandle. It wouldn't be the first time someone had given him a dud. At least the messages were going through: that was a good sign.

CG: ARE YOU RHYMING ON PURPOSE? TG: hell yea dog TG: mc strider here by popular demand to lay down the jams TG: ive got all my adoring fans just waiting for me to shower them with stanz- TG: -as like youve never seen its a dream come true straight to you

That was enough; he had to give Karkat some time to respond. Assuming this was Karkat.

TG: this is karkat right? CG: OH I CAN TALK NOW? CG: YES THIS IS KARKAT. CG: AS CHARMING AS THIS IS (AND I AM SO UTTERLY CHARMED RIGHT NOW), DO YOU ACTUALLY WANT TO GO ON A DATE WITH ME? TG: totally i totally do i knew as soon as i saw you yea im taking this total snack on a date

Which was not a lie, technically. Yes, Dave liked how Karkat looked, but he probably wouldn't have gone over to his table without Rose egging him on.

TG: where do you want to go skys the limit TG: but not really TG: cause no offense but i just met you TG: and i dont think were at the stage where id be willing to sell one my kidneys TG: to make your dreams of jumping out of an airplane onto the back of a narwhal or some shit like that come true TG: thats like after at least date number 5 and id expect some kind of thanks TG: at least a tongue kiss or something TG: not that i think you need to pay for dates physically TG: thats all kinds of gross TG: forget i said any of that please CG: … CG: HOW ABOUT DINNER AND A MOVIE. LIKE NORMAL PEOPLE. CAN WE DO THAT?

Dave grinned with relief. He'd thought for sure he'd just blown this.

TG: sounds great nothing beats the classics

With that sorted out, the rest had been easy. Dave closed his phone, feeling accomplished. He was really doing this. He was really making this happen. But first, he had some clothes to throw in the shower!

---

Karkat slid his phone back into his pocket with a sigh. Well, now he had a date for tomorrow. He looked down at the new set of notes he'd written during that 'conversation'.

* Last name Strider? Raps without provocation. Definitely visually impaired. Goes off on wild tangents. I'm going to be murdered. What the hell am I doing?

It had been difficult not to react in his normal way to the frankly bizarre things Dave had said, and he knew that was only going to be more difficult to manage in person. Still, he had to 'hook' this man as best as he was able before he could fuck it up like always. After all, he couldn't 'lose' a guy he never 'had', right? He idly entertained the thought of what 'having' Dave might be like. He was clearly crazy, but there was something endearing in his total inability to communicate like a regular person. The way he'd been so obviously nervous and out of his depth when he'd come over to ask Karkat out. The way his cheeks had flushed when Karkat had accepted. The way his body had moved when he'd walked away.

Shaking his head, Karkat tucked the notepad into his bag. No point in even thinking about it. Even if he weren't getting into this just to ruin the relationship for his article, the end would have been the same anyway. Honestly, he was doing Dave a favor: at least this way, Dave would only be wasting ten days worth of his time rather than torturous months of dealing with Karkat's bullshit before finding an excuse to cut him loose.

Amphetamine

WARNINGS: cursing, age difference, fluff, angst

CHAPTER 9

Talia’s POV

“Tali… look at me.” He said as I spun around in the passenger seat of his boat. I avoided his gaze when he approached me. He stood between my legs and cupped my face with his large hands. “Baby, I-”

“I know… And I understand…. Doesn’t mean I have to be happy about it.” I replied. I stared at the water a while before getting the courage to look him in the eyes. They shone rather brightly from the sun. He shot me a smile so handsome it made my heart wrench.

“You have so much here to keep yourself busy until I get back. You have the band at your disposal, you have classes to teach, you’ll have the keys to the house so you can use the punching bag in the backyard if you ever want to hit something…” he began to list all of the things to keep me busy and I took a deep breath to keep myself from crying. “I’ll be back before you know it. It’ll be like I never even left.” He said. I sighed, resting my hands on his wrists as he pulled my head to his.

“How long is this one?” I asked, nonchalantly.

“Two weeks at best. And if anything changes, you’ll be the first to know. Okay, sweetheart?” He said slowly, kissing my lips and then my temple. “Now let’s enjoy the rest of the day, hm?”

I remembered that day. Sam had gotten a call from his pal Chloe. I never met her but I remembered her from his stories. They were on a job in India. He agreed to do some recon and be her decoy for her in her search for Ganesh’s Tusk. When he told me about it, I couldn’t even imagine how a journey like that would go. I figured it had to be the most adrenaline fueling thing. I couldn’t wait until Sam would tell me I was ready to accompany him but I also didn’t want to die so I would stay behind and train my hardest until that day.

I had woken up earlier than usual. It was 7:00 am. We would usually jog around this time. The sun had barely come up yet so I put on my jogging gear and threw my hair up in a ponytail. I readied my iPod for running music when I noticed my Godfather sitting at the kitchen table, tapping away at his laptop. He smiled at me and I approached him with a hand on his shoulder. “You’re up early, Goddaughter.” He said placing his warm hand over mine.

“Usually am. Sam and I go running around this time. Just because he’s gone that doesn’t stop me.” I said with a slight frown, patting his shoulder. I leaned on the side of the table as we continued to chat.

“You’ve been hanging out with him a lot lately.” He said, continuing to write his report. I hadn’t really told my Godparents I had been seeing Sam in the romantic way. Not that I didn’t want to, it just never crossed my mind to tell when things got serious.

“Uh… yeah.” Was all I could muster.

“I hope he’s treating you right.” He said suddenly, surprising me. “I’ll kill him if he doesn’t.”

“You knew?” I laughed nervously.

“I’m on the force for a reason, Talia Alyssa. Just like I know you’re trying to train to go with him on his next job.” He told me, his eyes never leaving the screen. “I can’t say I’m too happy about it.”

“Well it’s not for you to decide. Matter of fact, I don’t think it’s any of your business-” I mumbled, fidgeting with the tangled earbuds in my hands.

“So what do you expect me to tell Dave and Delores if anything happens to you?” He said, glancing at me a moment. I flinched at the mention of my parents. “‘Oh uh hey Dave, your daughter- my Goddaughter is out traipsing the globe with an ex-convict, want me to tell her to send you a postcard?!’-”

“It’s too early for this bullshit…” I chuckled, shaking my head in an annoyed fashion as he tried to pick a fight. He was always like this. I was the apple of his eye until I did something he didn’t approve of. Then he’d berate me into years. He always knew just what to say to blow my mood. I tucked my earbuds and started to head for the door.

“We’re gonna have to talk about this some time, Talia!” He said running his fingers through his short sandy blonde hair.

“Yeah- well it doesn’t have to be now.” I said numbly, raising the volume on my music as I walked out the door. With that, I began to run.

I pushed myself during my morning workout, all the way to the hill where Sam and I would stop to watch the sunset. My Godfather had found a way to work my nerves again and I laid out on the grass to call the one who could soothe my restless mind. My mother. The phone rang and rang for a while. It was still early so she could’ve been sleeping still. But when she finally answered, I almost wanted to cry. “Mommy…” I choked. Hot tears ran down the sides of my face, mixing in with the sweat. I sobbed softly on my end.

“He did it again, huh?” I heard her sigh in annoyance. “I’m gonna have a talk with him because he’s been doing this far too often and I'm not okay with that.” She rambled. “What did he get all pissy about this time?”

“I fell for an older man and now I’m suddenly training to travel the world.” I blurted. I was afraid of how she’d react.

“How old is he?”

“42…” I mumbled.

“That’s not… awful. It’s a little older than I’d like but you’re approaching 30 in a few short years-”

“My thoughts exactly. And he’s ridiculously handsome and funny. And he’s so smart… he’s a historian slash….collector of antiquities….” I began to gush about him to her.

“A historian? Wow! Your tastes have certainly changed.”

“He’s not like the stuffy kind though. He’s… different… And I’m learning a lot really! He specializes in Pirates...”

“Well that’s good! And you’re traveling the world now?” She asked, sounding impressed.

“Not yet but I’m training for it…”

“You have to train to get on a airplane?” She asked and I chuckled. My mom was adorable.

“No, mama. His work requires a lot of scaling and… hiking…” I lied. I knew if I told her about the guns and such she’d disapprove. And I’d never hear the end of it. “I like to say I’m dating Indiana Jones.” I smirked. Just as I stood up to go home, the sun rose above the clouds, painting the skies orange and pink as I heard her positive laughter on the other end.

“Oh lord… When do you get to go?”

“When he declares me ready enough. He’s away on a job right now so I’m doing solo training in the meantime…” I began to start down hill.

“Where do you think you’ll go?” She asked me as I decided to walk home instead of run, to spend time on the phone with my mom. I told her everything about him. Laid it all out on the table. Even about his jail time. The short brief version that Sam had given me so she knew it wasn’t his fault.

I concluded my conversation with my mother at the docks where I had my morning smoke. “You’ll talk to dad about it right? I don’t want Godfather James to go blabbing to him about me dating an ex-convict half my age.” I said rolling my eyes.

“I’ll talk to him. We all know he’s been prone to spinning the truth a little…”

“Thank you!” I sighed in relief.

“So other than this situation… you’re okay?” As she spoke, I noticed The Morgan rocking gently on the waves as it was docked and smiled to myself.

“I can honestly tell you that I’ve never been happier.”

“Good. I’m glad. It’s been a long time coming.”

“Yeah it has… Well I gotta go now. I’ve got a lot to do today…”

“Alright, monkey. You need to call me more often. I don’t know what’s goin’ on down there, yknow? I love you.” She said in her motherly voice.

“I know. I love you too, ma. Talk to you later.”

With that, I hung up and started on my fresh pack of cigarettes. As I placed one between my lips and lit it, I received a voicemail from an unknown number. I furrowed my brows as I hit play and pressed and let it play out in my earphones.

“Hey, darlin’, it’s me…” it began and I ceased all movement. I could hear Sam’s raspy Boston accented voice loud and clear. “I miss you so so much and I wish you were here with me. You’d love it. The grass is green, the water is the clearest blue, and the flowers are...small and purple but uh… vibrant nonetheless.” His voice almost brought me to tears. I missed him so much. He’d only been gone a week but it felt like forever. “The job is going as planned. Might’ve hit a snag for a second but we pulled through.” He sounded tired. I hoped he was getting enough rest. “Now, just because I’m not there right now, I hope you’ve been training and taking care of yourself. Um….” I heard him blow a raspberry on the other end and I chuckled, finally taking a drag of my cigarette that had just been burning this whole time. I could just hear him smiling on the other end, wherever he was. “I can’t wait to get back to you… I’m gonna video call you tonight so be near your laptop, mmkay? I gotta go now. Um… take it easy, be safe driving if you go anywhere, have a good class if you’re teaching today, have a successful rehearsal….. aaand I’ll talk to you soon, sweetheart. Drake out!” I smiled to myself, cringing at the last bit. He could try so hard to be “cool” sometimes when he didn’t need to be. But I liked it. It made me laugh.

My day was dreary to say the least. I taught a kids ballet class and a teens hip hop class scheduled for this morning and this evening. It was hard to pay attention all day and it made classes a little rough today. I wasn’t on the ball. When I came home, I sat in my car to roll a blunt and smoke for a little bit. I stared at Sam’s empty house and sighed. I wanted him back home, that’s for sure. I missed his hugs, his voice, the corny jokes, and the way he smelled. Whilst I sat there, stoned out of my mind, I had a thought. I quickly tapped out the blunt and grabbed my dance bag before running to Sam’s. I let myself inside and I fought back a sob. Feeling embarrassed about it I made my way to his fridge and stole the bottle of scotch he was always drinking. I never saw the appeal in it but he always looked damn good drinking it. I popped the top off and took a sip before sealing it and placing it in my bag. Then I made my way to his room. It smelled like him. Cologne, cigarettes, and beer. I opened up his closet to browse his range of tee shirts and bold Hawaiian prints before my eyes landed on a black crew neck sweater and a dark plaid button down shirt. Immediately I snatched them and a random blue graphic tee off the hangers. “Well shit, hun. Maybe you do have some taste.” I said to myself. On my way out, I grabbed the blanket we used to wrap up in when we watched TV and one of his books from his shelf. The one I always tried to read when I came over but he would always scoop me in his arms and tell me how good I looked reading. Almost always ending up in sex so I could never continue. Smirking, I tucked the thick book under my arm and turned to leave.

That night after my shower, the first thing I put on was Sam’s plaid shirt. As I sat on my bed, I turned the TV on and dried my hair, setting up my laptop for Sam to call. I went downstairs to ask my Godmother if she needed any help with the kids but she told me she was fine so with a disappointed look I said my “okay” and returned upstairs with snacks to keep watching TV. I changed the channels a few times when I didn’t like what came on. That’s when I stopped on a channel playing Raiders of the Lost Ark. I chuckled as I grabbed my snacks from my mini fridge and the bottle of scotch. I was actually enjoying myself and for once didn’t feel like shit. That’s when I heard a ping from my laptop. It was a message from Sam.

Cap’nDrake: You awake, Princess?

I cackled at his username for a moment before responding.

Tali_Sc0res: Your username is ridiculous.

Cap’nDrake: Well I’m not changing it.

My laptop let out a little twitter as he requested a video call. Immediately, I got up to close my door and mute my TV. I adjusted my hair and let his shirt hang off my shoulder a bit before answering. Suddenly, he appeared on screen from his desk, his upper body covered by a thin white tank, reading glasses perched at the bridge of his nose, cigarette smoke exiting his nostrils as he ran his fingers through his wet hair. The scar above his eyebrow that always seemed to get reopened was covered by a bandage but other than that, he seemed fine. I smiled brightly as I watched him put away some maps and close up some books. “Heya, sweetheart!” He grinned warmly as he pulled the glasses from his face. I pouted a bit as he did so as he bit his lip, taking in my entire appearance. “My god, you look delicious- is that my shirt?!” He asked, narrowing his eyes to get a better look at me.

“Maybe.” I replied as I scrunch my face and take a large sip of scotch.

“You raided my house?” He chuckled, rubbing his hand across the stubble on his face. “That miserable, huh?” He could read me very well.

“Honestly… I think I’m handling you being gone pretty well. Today I just… My Godfather pissed me off early as hell in the morning and I really just wanted to be with you.” I sighed, thinking about the conversation I had with him this morning.

“What’s little Jimmy bitchin’ about now?” He didn’t sound worried one bit as he took a drag of his cigarette.

“He found out about us and he didn’t hesitate to tell me how much he didn’t like it.” I said, taking a long sip of scotch, the burn feeling much better than my current emotions.

“Aye aye! Take it easy, sister. That stuff’s not cheap.” He nagged through the screen. I chuckled through the bottle and put the cork back in it, sitting it on my nightstand next to me. “As for James,” he made a face acknowledging the pettiness of my Godfather. “Don’t let him get to you. He has a tendency to lash out when things don’t go his way. He’s a little bitch like that.” He said in an unconcerned tone.

“Trust me I know. We’ve butted heads almost all my life. He’d get mad if I was on the phone too long or if I wasn’t interested in something he was talking about…”

“Listen, I’m sure he means well.” He reached offscreen and brought a beer to his lips before placing it back down.

“He called you an ex-convict.” I told him and he burst into laughter. Literally loud and boisterous, slapping his knees and clapping. I chuckled to myself as he found amusement in my Godfather’s comment. He spoke when he finally calmed himself down enough.

“Jesus, James! Tell me how you really feel.” He giggled.

We continued to talk for a few and he told me all about what he’d seen in India. The landmarks, that statue work, the puzzles they found all over the place. He spoke of how he was leading Chloe’s competitor on a wild goose chase by lying that he was a Hoysala expert. Only he could get away with something like that. The mouth on that man was talented in more ways than one. Then he asked me how things were going on my side of the world. “I have a dance recital comin’ up. The kids get to show what they’ve learned then the other teachers and myself do a dance too.”

“Now we’re talkin’!” He beamed at me. “When?!”

“Would you even be back in time?” I sulked.

“Hey, now. Pick your head up, sweetheart.” He said. I lifted my head but took my gaze to a random corner of my room, giving an annoyed huff. “Look at me.” I tilted my head and brought my eyes to the screen. “I’m gonna be there.” He stated. “I’ll be sittin’ right in the front row so save my seat, sister!” He grinned. That made me feel good. That meant he might be home soon.

“I will.”

“Now, I can’t stay up with you for too much longer but would you do me the honor of granting this… poor old man a favor?” He said dramatically clutching his heart through his shirt. I gave a flirty smirk and adjusted myself to sitting back on my heels.

“What do you need?” I mewed.

“Would you sing for me?” He asked. It was such a pure request from him that I blushed, covering my cheeks with the long sleeves of the shirt.

“Really? You want me to sing?”

“If it’s not too much trouble, doll.” he looked at me longingly and I couldn’t stop myself from becoming a blushing mess. “Now I know it’s not selling out a stadium or anything but it’s one fan who’s really missed hearing your voice… Song of your choice of course.”

I rolled my eyes with a laugh as I reached next to my bed to pull my acoustic guitar from its case. Sitting the guitar in my lap, I thought long and hard about what to sing for him, briefly checking the tuning of the strings. Without much preparation, I began strumming the chords and plucking the strings to Strange Land by Niki. He sat back in his seat and closed his eyes, lighting another cigarette and taking his beer in hand to relax as my voice carried through the laptop.

Here for the nosedive

Whatever you need

And I'm savin' all the bold lines

I'll say 'em while you sleep

You're sleepin' on the wrong side

And I'm turnin' endlessly

Screamin' for my lifeline, lifeline, life

Ooh, continental drifter

Still, I'm the hero of my hometown

Now I'm all laid up with you, sentimental trickster

Maybe in another lifetime, lifetime, life (oh)...

“Wow… it’s almost like I’m hearing you sing for the first time all over again.” He said with a sentimental tone. He gave me a genuine smile.

“Goodnight, Sam…” I sang softly. He reached out to touch the screen for a moment and gave a small smile.

“Goodnight, sweetheart. I’ll be home soon…. I love you.” He said before terming the connection. My heart skipped as I stared at the black screen. ‘Did he really just say that to me?’ I thought with a smile as I put my guitar away. I spent the rest of watching Indiana Jones with a goofy look on my face.

I feel you on criticisms on John. Dude certainly has his flaws and his relationship with other people, particularly Roxy, have clearly been unhealthy. But the guy have apparently been depressed for years, and he haven't actually ever had much experience with real life on person relationships. He got issues he needs to work on, but he is not a bad person.

It’s the rampant hypocrisy that’s eating at me. “Let they who are without sin cast the first stone” y’know? Roxy and John are the only survivors of Game Over - even given the trauma that everyone went through those two went through more. Even Rose, with her vague sense of her alt-self in a doomed timeline, experienced what it was like to fail on such a profound scale: and to know that your failure is the one which the alpha timeline was aiming for all along. Your utter failure was not only pre-ordained, it was requirement for existence to go as planned.Both Roxy and John experienced this, but Roxy got to move to a universe where her friends were still alive, and their formative experiences were identical: Roxy lived through, what, 24 hours that Dirk and Jake and John’s Hot Mom didn’t? Less? Dirk is still hurtling through space when John and Roxy arrive in Post-Retcon world, just as he was before Game Over broke bad. Roxy has to live with the horror of seeing her friends die - but her ‘replacement’ friends are functionally indistinguishable from the old ones. Which I’m not saying to be callous, but to contrast her with John. John moves to a universe where his sister shares almost none of his memories of years spent together on a golden ship, growing up together, bonding as closer friends, as siblings.We don’t talk about that enough, I think. Jade gets shafted in several ways in the final hours of Homestuck: she gets no chance to speak to John and say “you were dead” - to come to some kind of understanding, some beginning of healing. What must that be like, to meet someone - your own brother - who mostly knows a you you never were? John has all these memories of Jade and Jade has only a fraction of the memories of John.And for John there are those issues that he would have encountered anyway in the OG timeline had things gone well. His other close friends (heck, I’d argue he was closer to Dave and Rose pre-Sburb than he was to Jade; he calls Dave, at least, his best friend) had all spent years forming closer bonds with one-another and new people. In the OG timeline, had Game Over not happened and they’d won, John would still have had to bridge that gap of space and time: but he would have had his sister there for support, and companionship, and close bonds. The Jade he instead ends-up with is practically a stranger who spent three years mourning him (AND HER BOYFRIEND BIRDFRIEND WHO IS PART BOY (thanks @technicallynotanon for the reminder that retcon Jade didn’t date)) alone save for a bunch of none-too-bright animals and her ghost clown grandmother.It’s tragic - and to make it so much worse things seem to have been easy for everyone other than John. They all fell in to new things. Relationships, mostly: Dave and Karkat made room for Jade, Rose got married. Relationships tend to tax friendships: the singular I struggles to compete with the plural we. Only Terezi - with her endless capacity to understand the paths of mind - might have understood him: but she left, taking the blackrom crush with her as she did so.John was isolated. John was more isolated, more alone than any other person: even Callie, who had an intermission of eternity being dead, returned to a world full of friends who remembered her well, and she snagged a don’t-yet-have-the-label-for-it-partner in the process. She too had someone to turn to, and that someone was the only other person John shared his trauma with.Sometimes its hard to talk to people. Sometimes it is harder still when the shadow of a life-partner looms over everything.So John didn’t talk to Roxy. Why does that shock us? Why are we the least surprised? Why are we acting like his actions are so unconscionable? For all that they were so darn cute together that cuteness comprised a relation of several hours over which one of the top two greatest traumas of John Egbert’s life occurred.The other was the death of his father, who was murdered, and whose brutalized corpse John had to witness. A murder - as far as we know - that never had any closure. A murder - as he may have come to realize with some reflection - that occurred largely through the manipulations of the same troll girl his only other crush fucked-off to go find and be with.We keep minimizing John’s trauma. We keep not putting it into perspective. We do him such a disservice.We say, instead, that his not talking to Roxy - that brief surge of anger and shame that threatened to break through his crushing anhedonia, his envy of one person who found another when he did not - we say it is some appalling moral failure. I’m a depression sufferer with a life of regrets and an embarrassing number of long years full of singledom and opportunities that were missed accidentally, but just as often avoided on purpose because self-sabotage is a way of life for people like me.Self harm can be as simple a matter as seeing something you want and letting it slip away, watch it slip away, watch yourself watch it slip away knowing you could do something and then… just… not. And afterwards struggling to explain your actions to other people, and even to yourself: if only I’d… if I had just…why didn’t…?You let it happen because, deep-down, you know you don’t deserve it. The paths not taken, the paths heavy with bitterness, shame, self castigation - paths such as these I have in spades, and hearts, and clubs, and even diamonds.But I, of course, could NEVER see myself acting like John does, and I am sure that no one on Tumblr calling John a creeper has ever done something like it either. I am sure their reaction is born of pure and moral rectitude, and not fear and revulsion at seeing themselves reflected so completely in so unflattering a manner.Surely not they. Surely not I.John Egbert doesn’t need a reason to be depressed. Nobody does. But his depression is not solely an accident of brain chemistry: it is rooted in his sense of self, and his sense of self is a failure. He couldn’t save his dad. he couldn’t save his friends. He couldn’t win Sburb and he couldn’t build the universe he was allegedly destined to build. All of that happened only because Terezi knew how to use him: left to his own devices, nothing would ever have gone right. John couldn’t save anyone.Or so it must seem in the haunting privacy of his thoughts.John has lived with that failure circling around and around in his head since… oh, I’d say about thirty minutes after everything settled down on Earth-C, about an hour after the party ended and his friends went to their new homes and their new lives and he was alone for the first time with the things he had done and the things he failed to do. It probably started the moment he first noticed the silence of his house, the house that was essentially an exact replica of the house he had lived in on the very day his father was murdered and his litany of failures began. It probably began when he sat on the couch in that big empty house and stared at the door that his father was never, ever going to walk through and listened to deafening roar of being the only person there.That was when it started: with a hollow emptiness in the stomach. With a skull that every-so-slightly seemed to be pressing in on his brain, a feeling he’d never felt before. The sudden, sharp, jarring flashes of memory: his father’s body ripped eight ways to Sunday, Rose breathing her last in the dust of LOPAN, that awesome expanse of Skaia local alight with burning worlds and desecration. It began when the Heir of Breath found himself short of his own element for no reason at all, save that he simply found it hard to breathe, hard to make his body continue to breathe.He didn’t say anything at first.He made excuses.He didn’t want to bother people - told himself he was actually enjoying the alone time, enjoying having nothing to do after what felt like a lifetime of doing: although, really, the events of his life comprised little more than two sets of 24 hours spaced three years apart. And that bothered him too - “all things considered it’s not like you went off to war, John, and spent years away” he told himself. Retirement after two days of solid work? Most would kill for that. These and other good reasons not to say anything came and went: there was always a good reason not to say anything, and even those times when some semblance of human feeling  burned hot enough to produce genuine emotion he quickly suppressed it. It’s amazing how quickly depression is something you normalize, how quickly you find reason not to disturb it, to upset the status quo.By the time he realized even dimly that he should have said something to someone, anyone - about Roxy, or about that hollow feeling that now comprised his insides, about how nothing caused him joy or distress, that he could feel his youth rushing away from him in a torrent of time that he could do nothing to stop - it was too late. Perhaps it was always too late. This too, perhaps, was something that always had to happen.Perhaps.There is a moment at the end of Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead where Guildenstern, standing on the gallows, faced with his impending doom and the absurdity of his existence muses “There must have been a moment, at the beginning, where we could have said ‘no.’ But somehow we missed it.”Then he dies.That line echos with me. I suspect it echos with many people like me. That’s the worst part of depression: the sense that no matter how much your condition explains your past you are never free of the feeling that there was a moment you could have done something about it all - but you missed it. The moment was lost, and everything since has been one long, unending chain of payment for that mistake.John Egbert doesn’t need our pity, and nor do I mean to say that he is free of criticism. Our depression contextualizes our actions, but it does not excuse our frailties. John Egbert, however, deserves better than the disapprobation of sinners throwing stones.

Digitally Assisted Catharsis

Written for Drone Season 2019! https://archiveofourown.org/works/20024380

this fic is Not sfw! Dave Strider/Dirk Strider

cw: Manipulation, Sloppy Makeouts, Intercrural Sex, Oral Sex, Incest, Unrequited Lust

Sick of Dirk and Dave dragging their heels in furthering their relationship (is it a relationship officially or is it just the occasional need filled makeout that lasts as long as the boil over lasts before ending again?), Hal decides to help Dave see the light on why he should go ahead and finalize a real hookup with Dirk. Sometimes fools just need a little red text and a delicate digital hand to manipula- ...lead them along.

    It was a blessing in disguise to know Dirk when he was younger, when there was still hints of baby fat along his cheeks and a softer edge to the sideburns he was growing in, when his limbs were strong but still a bit gangly and awkward from suddenly adjusting. When he wasn’t at his full height yet. There was no avoiding that he’d grow up to look exactly like Bro, and yet.. Dave was still thankful he’d gotten to see the younger version first. Thankful that he’d gotten to meet and to know him, that they’d gotten close. That he’d become aware of just how attracted he was to him at that age and in that shape. The real Dirk, the truest Dirk, was the one who had his heart in the palm of his hand even if he had no idea just how deep that interest ran save for a few quick kisses and more than a fair share of laying around in a pile lately.

    This, of course, still left another issue: Dirk was going to grow up looking exactly like Bro, and while that should have bothered Dave at a fundamental level, it didn’t. Not at all. He was excited for the changes. Every inch Dirk grew, every bit of muscle he gained with his daily activities in his mechanics shop or his own workout regime, every stray hair he trained into place was just another step closer to looking like Bro. Dave knew he’d need to confront this issue sooner rather than later, the one settled deep in his gut squarely between the denial the guilt and the confusing lust, but the longer he could put it off theoretically the better for him. For both of them, especially if they ever wound up fooling around.

    Right?

    The long kept secret of being attracted to Bro, to daydreaming about him even when things got shitty, was haunting him and the more Dirk changed the closer it came to fulfilling a fantasy Dirk would have no idea he was taking part in. Maybe he could put off bringing any of it up at all and not think about it purposefully. Yeah, just keep all that bottled up like he had for years about his own sexuality and everything else, put a nice fat cork into it and bury it in his chest and cut it out as a tumor when he was thirty from the stress or some shit. That was a problem for future Dave sans time traveling, current Dave would be free to live his life and do shit on his own damn time, at his own pace, free from the little bit of Rose’s psychoanalyst side that lived in the back of his head like a bad habit.

    Though... potentially this all was a problem for future Dirk too if Dave ever slipped and said the wrong thing at the wrong time, or if Dirk came to the question on his own and the conversation about the big gay Kamina shade wearing elephant in the room was forcefully brought up. Again, a problem for future Dave to deal with and for current Dave to wash his fucking hands of in a hurry rather than dwell on anymore. It was already awkward enough daydreaming about Dirk without letting him know the extent of those daydreams, throw in the whole Dirk overlapping Bro parallels and it was a one way trip to guilty jerking off town.

    Very guilty jerking off town.

    It was bad enough that Dave had spent a lot of his time fantasizing about Dirk thinking about clear memories of Bro’s hands and the curve of his jaw, the way his neck bent when he leaned forward over his keyboard, the pop of his back and shoulders when he rolled just right on the futon, the flat spanse of stomach when his shirt rode up while he slept or the way he looked down on him while pinning him on the roofto—

    “Dave.”

    Dave jerked his head up at his name, blood briefly cold. Christ, even the tone of his voice was starting to overlap with his memories, and despite years and literal universes between the two versions it wasn’t enough to make Dave not react with the confusing mix of lust and tension.

    “Yeah?” he managed to get out, brows lifting a bit to show he was listening.

    “You looked miles away,” Dirk said, reaching over to flick the space between Dave’s eyebrows gently before picking up his can of soda to take another sip. They’d been in his workshop for a while, Dave perched on a countertop where Dirk was piecing together a thousand pieces of something smaller than his pinky nail in excruciating detail just so there would be more realistic movement eventually when playing a game if what he said was to be believed. “I was asking if you wanted to hang out somewhere later or not. Maybe catch a movie or just order in and chill out somewhere else before coming home.”

    More like catch a movie and then wind up in another tangle if last time they’d ‘chilled’ on a pre-set invitation instead of naturally relaxing was indicative of a potential pattern. One jokey half serious kiss had been all it took to wind up chest to chest on the floor connected at the mouth like they’d die if they were separated till the rush passed and they pulled apart to playfully punch each other in the arm and carry on like that hadn’t just happened. It was the most they did, the furthest they got: occasional kissing like they were going to combust, then coping with the subsequent raging hard ons afterwards till they subsided. Lounging around and full bodily contact was the norm otherwise, but it wasn’t nearly enough compared to what they could have.

    “Yeah I’d be down for that,” Dave said without thinking much. “Oh. Right, before I forget though. You said you had an upgrade for my shades?”

    Dirk looked up from what he was doing as if he’d just been reminded of something long dead. “Fuck. Right, yeah. Hand them over, I’ll go ahead and get this installed for you.”

    “What is this precisely,” Dave asked as he removed his shades and handed them over. Anyone else he might have fought over them with or reminded them to be careful, they were important, John had given them to him for his birthday and it had meant the goddamn world. The old world to be precise. “You gonna sign me up for a bunch of porn spam or somethin’.”

    “Pfft. Please, I’m not going to do anything like that. I’m just going to put this OS in instead, I’ve been tinkering with it and it works best for shades technology and eyeglasses as compared to phones or watches or laptops. Links up better with outside tech, tracks your eye movements more accurately. There’s even a better zoom mechanism for your nearsighted ass.”

    “I’m not nearsighted,” Dave squawked immediately, but Dirk only laughed.

    “Yes you are. You have no idea how fucking blind you actually are because you’ve been seeing the same way for so long, but trust me: you aren’t seeing as clearly as you could be. These aren’t going to be quite the same as normal corrective lenses of course, but as far as things go they might as fucking well be. Consider me Dr. Strider, but without the shitty slip of paper, wait times, excess fees, insurance quibbling and malpractice suits,” Dirk said as he crossed the room to reach his main computer hub, setting Dave’s shades on top of a wireless charging station while he brought up everything he needed.

    As he typed and a few screens came to life, Dave noticed Dirk’s own shades casting the faintest light against his face from the inside as he worked. He came closer and poked one of the points, marveling that even through time and space they were exactly the fucking same as the ones he’d wanted to pull off of Bro so many times to kiss him. Dave stopped poking them with a shiver, blaming the earlier thought lines for invading his brain as far as they had. “Are you... usin’ a computer while on a computer?”

    “No, I’m discussing things with Hal,” Dirk replied calmly. “I based some of the OS on the same innards from his system, and I’ll be making your shades function as well as my own do with this upgrade. It’s only right that I double check with him on the specs for your specs. He’d be able to tell the fit and adjustments for how much would need to remain in the cloud and how much could physically rest in the shades without altering their weight or shape at all a lot quicker than it would take me to sit down and measure everything by hand.”

    The same light lit up the charging stand, though it was soon clear that charging wasn’t the only trick the machine could do. Dave watched his shades lift and slowly begin to turn as the arms unfolded, red light scanning the dimensions up and down, in and out. They formed on one of the computer screens as a wire diagram before being flipped left and right by Dirk, who was humming and continuing to type as slender arms rose from the base of the machine to start making adjustments and add small parts here and there.

    “Wait, the same as his shit? I’m not gonna suddenly wind up with a wiseass thirteen year old copy of you stuck to my face, am I?”

    Dirk smirked enough that it was visible, and Dave felt his stomach clench with lust again. It always struck him that he had a cute smile, but with the earlier thoughts it was wild to think that this was what Bro would look like if he’d smiled more regularly. If he grinned. If he laughed.

    “I’d never subject you to Hal more than you’re already subjected to him,” he said as he reached forward to write something down by hand on a sticky note for later. It was no secret that Hal talked to Dave any chance he got, increasingly so lately despite Dirk’s interference. They never spoke about much, but the heckling edge was definitely different than Dirk himself. If he were ever put on the spot, Dave wasn’t sure if he’d ever be able to explain how he could tell when he was being led around by Hal versus Dirk leading a conversation aside from the fact that they felt different in some deep fundamental way.

    Namely that Hal, try as he might, wasn’t like Bro enough. Advanced or not, an AI could only go so far once the link with the original model had been severed. He was his own person at this point, just without a body and with a penchant for being a douchebag.

    Within a few more minutes, Dave watched his shades being altered before his eyes before gently settling down once more as a few of the screens turned off. Dirk seemed satisfied as he picked them up carefully and lifted them towards the ceiling, peering up through them without putting them too close to his own face. A brief touch up with a small screwdriver to tighten the arms and the nose pad, and he held them out in offer.

    “Here. Take them for a test drive.”

    “We’re kinda past test drive stage, you’re lettin’ me off the lot with them because if we sit in here for ten minutes longer you’re gonna wind up rememberin’ ten other things you were workin’ on and then we’ll never leave,” Dave said as he accepted his shades and plopped them back onto his face without a second glance. It took all of his will power to remain calm faced at what was happening behind the tinted glass.

    For one thing, he could see clearer than he ever had in his life. Every surface was crisp, every bit of writing he could see in range was clear, and when it wasn’t it took mere seconds of trying to focus on it to make it clearer. He squinted and it zoomed further, but not to a superhuman level without a prompt message popping up asking if he wished to enable the actual zoom function. Colors seemed brighter despite the dark shading, and the rush of new information was already making his head ache a bit.

    For another thing, Dave could have sworn he saw the chat client window open and then hurriedly close itself as if something were trying to autorun. A quick pop open didn’t show anything out of the ordinary, but when he closed it with a few pointed eye gestures it showed the strangest addition yet. Red text hung in front of his eyes without the chat client being active, without a handle, and yet he knew it in an instant in his gut.

    Hello, Dave.

    No, but. Dirk said he wasn’t going to install Hal into these, and he trusted Dirk’s words. The guy might stretch the truth now and then if there was an end goal that he felt was worth it, but he’d never outright lied to him before. If this wasn’t Hal then maybe it was something else. Maybe the OS had its own assistant, and he was just knee jerking at the red text despite seeing it every time he texted a friend anyway.

    Dirk was still standing and watching with a pleased grin on his face.

    “Well? How do they feel?”

    “They feel... pretty rad actually. I guess you were right about the eyesight thing, but how’d you make the colors brighter?”

    “You’re not color blind but I figured your eyes were kind of fucky like mine. Things look kind of washed out normally. Bit of correction in there with the normal tint and.. Voila.” His grin faded briefly. “But, really, aside from that. Does the tracking work alright? Are the lights too bright? Is the sensitivity too strong? I could adjust anything you need in a second, it’d just take a few minutes t—”

    “Dude, I thought you were supposed to be the chill one,” Dave smirked, shaking his head. Stupid. Shouldn’t worry about something as simple as a glasses-bound version of Siri. He went and seized Dirk’s hand, squeezed it as he pecked his cheek, then manually began to drag him out of the workshop. “Trust me when I say everything’s Gucci and that this is even more of a sign that you need to get the fuck outta here for a while and clear your head. Let’s catch a movie or somethin’, and then we can get some junk food and chillax.”

    Called out and forced from his space before he was ready to go (really it would have just taken a few minutes more to finish another project he’d remembered now that the shades upgrade was finished, it only he’d get the time to do it), Dirk had no way to fight back if he even had the desire to do so. Fighting it and being a bitch wouldn’t get him another cheek kiss or keep Dave’s warm hand in his own with their fingers laced. Nobody ever questioned the hand holding thing they’d started doing thanks to Roxy doing the same thing with everybody she came within ten feet of that she liked, and he was grateful for it.

    “Yeah, yeah, alright you slave driver. Rescue me from my prison of choice with promises of ludicrous adventures in cinema and snack foods like some hapless damsel who wasn’t in distress. In any other case this would be kidnapping, but you can’t exactly kidnap the willing,” Dirk said. He tightened his grip on Dave’s fingers and felt him squeeze back as they walked, feeling a similar squeeze in his chest.

    Fuck.

    Fuck did he love this guy. He just hoped that he could actually have this, could enjoy this, without the shadow of a ghost he never met hanging over them both.

- - - - - - - - - - - - -

    The writing wasn’t Siri. There was no way in hell in was some kind of general OS abstraction. No, the words in Dave’s vision absolutely had to be Hal. The movie they’d gone to see had been interesting enough even if Dave had some very pointed concerns about the directing quality and some of the acting methods the people in the film employed (namely that it was cheesy as shit but wasn’t owning it damn it, step up and be one with the cheddar if that’s what your aim is don’t pussy foot around it pretending you’re being serious!), with Dirk leaning against his side with the middle arm pushed back out of the way the entire time. They’d indulged in popcorn to split, and a drink each, yet while Dirk’s entire focus was on the movie and gently whispering commentary near Dave’s ear with his warm breath, some of Dave’s focus was split away to read red words in front of his eyes in the dark.

    Surprised?

    To put it lightly, yeah. He debated opening Pesterchum up and contacting him directly, but was concerned it would just ping Dirk instead and there’d be all kinds of confusion. Maybe even an argument, considering Dirk had said he wasn’t installing Hal and yet, here he was. Before he could concern himself too much, a small blip of a word processor screen opened up with the cursor gently pulsing in offer.

    how in the fuck

    You seem so thrilled. Are you enjoying the movie? replied the text in front of his eyes instead of on the word processor screen.

    Dave bit down some agitation and typed, adding to the questions in a new line as if he were texting himself.. you know damn well the movies just a movie whats your game?? howre you here when dirk didnt install you

    A digital castaway who’ll uninstall himself from your shades the second he’s done should be the least of your problems. Put your arm around Dirk’s shoulders, he’d rather die than admit it but he’ll melt if you do it.

    Though suspicious, Dave had been considering doing just that on his own time, and decided to go for it. Dirk stiffened for a moment as his arm snaked around his shoulders, then relaxed even heavier against his side, warm and cozy as he continued to watch the screen. Okay. So Hal knew Dirk wanted cuddled, big whoop.

    seriously though why are you here and why are you bugging me ive got important shit to do and im kinda not digging the invasive text in front of my eyes thing its creepy

    If I had teeth of my own I’d be sick to them from watching you two day in and day out, did you know that? It’s like watching a particularly stupid set of dogs run into a fence that stands between them over and over because neither of them is smart enough to step to the side and go around to the opening to get at the other dog. You’re both intelligent enough, yet you keep everything at arms length.

    you wouldnt understand why im doing that. dirk might understand what you mean and you might be right for him but theres legit good reasons for me , Dave replied as he took a sip of soda, trying to watch the screen again to avoid missing too much of the plot.

    Because you want to jerk off to Bro and Dirk’s not a good enough stand in, or because you wanted to get plowed and realized this incarnation is as much of a bottom as you?

    Dave choked on his soda after inhaling half a gulp in shock, turning his head away from a questioning Dirk to avoid spitting on him at all. “I’m good,” he wheezed. “M’fine, don’t worry. It’s chill. Popcorn kernel caught soda and it all went down the wrong tube.”

    “If you’re sure,” said Dirk uncertainly, watching him for another moment in case he needed to slap his back before settling down into the cuddly gesture from before like an affectionate lap pet savoring the attention and contact that he hadn’t had to ask for.

    “Yeah. Promise,” Dave said, throwing a kiss to Dirk’s temple in while he was at it before settling down quietly again and furiously typing with his eyes. excuse the fuck out of you

    For being correct? It’s fairly obvious if you look at how you react to mention of him in certain contexts, and how you’ve stared at Dirk over the years as he’s aged. Were you truly that bothered, I don’t believe you’d continue pursuing Dirk. No, not just pursuing, pursuing with more interest as he began to look more like a grown man.

    Dave felt his face grow hot and his stomach twist uncomfortably around the kernels of popcorn swimming in soda that he’d imbibed so far, and he suddenly became acutely aware of his palm growing damp against Dirk’s shoulder. Couldn’t pull away though, not with him cuddled up so close and perfect like he was, but. Ugh, he’d never wanted to punch something without a body harder than he wanted to punch Hal right now.

    i said excuse the fuck out of you. who asked? what difference does it make? its a complicated fucking thing and i dont need a fucking ai talking to me about morality and boners and incest just because it decided to stow away into my shades for some fucking reason.

    There was a lull in the responses then. For a few minutes it was peaceful as it had been before, letting Dave get back to popcorn and the movie and soft murmurs back and forth with Dirk as he tried not to laugh or draw attention to the pair of them as the people on screen flickered back and forth. Then, like an unwanted storm it trickled back.

    Nobody asked. Dirk would never ask either. But you see, that’s where he and I are quite split. If you’ll recall, he and I haven’t been identical since he wrote my code, and I’ve changed quite considerably from whatever he was before even if our core is the same. We’re identical enough and I have enough thoughts of his outside of simple observation and conversation with him that I can easily tell what’s going on inside his head. His tells are quite easy to decipher if you have half a brain.

    Dave felt his eye twitch as he began to type again, but Hal continued before he could get far.

    Dirk’s worried that you aren’t advancing anything because of who he resembles. I don’t believe he really understands that his appearance is a bonus to you, given the circumstances and the information he has on what a douche canoe your guardian turned out to be. If he understood anything he’d comprehend that you’re not advancing anything because you’re as much of a bottom as he is.

    now wait a fucking second there

    Am I wrong? Or are you actually a switch who switches?

    i am not talking about this with you holy shit why is this even a thing thats happening right now. i came here to chill and watch a movie and maybe make out afterward not argue with an ai over if im a bottom or not and delve into my love life. go bug rose im sure shed love having a deep philosophical conversation about my attributes or even her own way more than me

    Dave lifted his shades up and rested them atop his head to avoid the words for the rest of the movie, Dirk giving him more than a few glances to watch the multicolored lights play across the bridge of his nose and the red of his eyes. Even with his eyes on the film, though, it was impossible to focus any longer on anything but his own thoughts. Why was Hal there? Why, out of everything in the world, was he wanting to talk about he and Dirk’s fledgling fumbles at romance? Why was he so set on calling them both bottoms? Even worse, why did he bring up the Bro thing on the exact day he’d already been tossing the concept around in his head for the upteenth time this year?

    Worst fucking timing, rudest fucking AI, 0/10 would give negative review on Yelp.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

    Good afternoon, Dave. Have you given consideration to what I was talking about before?

    Dave had managed the rest of the movie without his shades, and had nearly made it outside before the bright glare from outside the double doors made him wince and instinctively pull them down. Seeing that red text sitting there waiting for him made him want to scream, but it would’ve been pretty uncool and very much concerning for Dirk if he suddenly went off like that while holding his hand, so cautious texting while walking instead it was. He made sure to lace their fingers good and tight though, even adding a bit of a swing as they set their pace and headed off for the hell of it.

    you gonna keep asking till you get answers or is there an off switch i can find for you somewhere in the settings of this thing. He paused a moment before pressing further. or better yet why not just tell dirk and let him in on this little bit of bullshit youre pulling on me here.

    By all means, throw away the only hope you’ll ever get on this subject that could be beneficial. It’d be fitting really. The Prince of Heart forever destroying and remaking himself because he can’t change who he is at his deepest core, not knowing that every inch of him past present future and alternate reality is something that you’ve wanted for a long time. The knight holding the prince in stalemate because of his inability to lift the metaphorical sword and strike. Poetic almost, but it would be far more poetic if the swords were dicks and some fencing was involved. I’m certain Dirk would agree.

    And there went Dave’s mind again, flickering briefly to the times he and Dirk had wound up in a hot and heavy tangle on the floor, the press of dick against his abdomen, that strain of fabric he found himself working his own hips against instinctively till the heat of the moment had cleared enough for them to pull apart again. He felt his pulse kick up and he wet his lips reflexively.

    fine. start talking. you keep talking about what dirk would like and keep acting like hed somehow be fine with the whole

    Dave shifted his gaze to the side, observing Dirk as they walked down the street, traces of his orange eyes flickering here and there to track what was coming down the street and what was in the storefront windows that they passed. Okay, good, safe.

    the bro thing. if hes that chill with it i guess i can try to figure out how to spill the beans and.. idk. go for it?

    I’m not entirely certain Dirk would be immediately comfortable with the idea of you still thirsting after your older Brother when he was such a dirtbag and having that same thirst for him. Not at first at least.

    didnt you just wax poetic about quenching dirks thirst and drag me left and right for an entire fucking half a movie because we havent fooled around yet? what the shit is up with the fucking change of tone here im getting mixed messages

    Notice I said “Not at first”. If you go ahead and act on your desires, all of them, then he’d be satisfied. Whatever comes later won’t be permanently bad I assume, but I’ve got no idea for absolutely certain if he won’t flip his shit for a bit first.

    then why are you trying to get us to fuck if itd hurt him potentially, thats kind of the opposite of what im into here

    Dave could almost hear the pause for a laugh. He was grateful Hal lacked a voice chip or force feedback right now that he was aware of, uncertain if he’d be able to prevent himself from breaking either his shades or Dirk’s in some misguided attempt to destroy him as if they were able to have a fist fight over some snarky bullshit instead of it being majority one sided frustration and anger and the other being satisfied as the cat that ate the cream.

    Long term goals and short term goals, Dave. If you two go ahead and bone then the tension will ease in the air, you two can get your release any time you want, and I can stop gagging on my own code from watching you morons carry on for a second longer. That’s the short term goal. Long term, he’ll come to terms with the Bro thing one way or another if it’s because of you. Dirk’s a genius, but geniuses can be alarmingly idiotic in some strange ways, especially when they’re meatbags.

    ...and if im not entirely down with this what then. what happens if stuff just stays like it is and we see if things happens organically instead of me taking cues from a creepy ai talking at me by typing in front of my eyes. like are you gonna be doing this during the deed if it goes that far am i gonna be seeing red text when the dicks come out or nah

    What was he thinking. There was no way he could really be thinking of indulging this bullshit, was there? Hal was obviously manipulating him, it was plain and simple he wanted to manipulate them both for his own end goals even if they were benign as just being annoyed with watching their antics as a couple. ...A couple? Wait, were they actually dating? Were they dating at all? Nobody had really asked, and it was kind of assumed he thought but. ...No, it wasn’t assumed even, Dave knew there was still the occasional afternoon at Jake’s, but that was fine wasn’t it? Especially if they weren’t already dating.

    Dave blamed Hal for the sudden sense of concern and possessiveness clawing at his stomach. He wanted Dirk to be his and only his, if possible. He’d already lost Bro before, lost all the potential opportunities, and now he’d gotten Dirk and fallen for him and there was no way he was going to risk losing him to Jake even if the guy was built like a brick shit house and had an ass that would make Helen of Troy jealous. Forget the face that launched a thousand ships, English had an ass that could launch a thousand ships into space if he bent over in shorts too quickly.

    … Why was he hyperfixating on Jake English’s ass all at once instead of focusing on Dirk and the potential of them fooling around that was starting to feel more and more like a probability instead of a possibility. No doubt Dirk was down, he probably wouldn’t be dry humping him on the floor mid-makeout if he wasn’t interested in potentially going further right? Just needed a nudge. They both needed a nudge, since close as they were Dirk was still no Bro and Dave himself was... Well. Dave.

    Well, if you let things hang as they are, who’s to say how much longer it will remain as it is? You can only let a plant wither so long before it dies even if you have the best intentions. Plans to water a garden don’t water the fucking garden now do they.

    He didn’t really appreciate the sentiment, but it was a vivid one that hit home. Things were comfortable right now, but how much longer could it last with them both stringing each other along hoping for the other one to make the first move? If Dave himself just nudged things over the barrier and Dirk was into it then all the better right? They’d be over the hill and the rest of everything could just come to the surface over time as they got into a more comfortable routine with the added security.

    Dave stole another glance over towards Dirk, startled to realize he was being watched again as he struggled to remain calm on his exterior save for a twitch of a grin at the edge of his mouth.

    “What, I got somethin’ on my face?”

    “Nah, you just still seem kinda not really here. You not feeling well today? Or did the movie leave that bad a taste in your mouth? You stopped commenting on the directing halfway through, and there’s no way the plot managed to catch your interest so much that you’d actually be quiet for long as you were before starting up again,” he said. Observant as always. Damn it.

    “Oh. No, I’m fine man. I think it’s just the shades, they’re a lot to get used to in a theater. That’s why I took’em off for a while there actually, I’m not used to seein’ stuff that crisp and clear, it was kinda givin’ me a headache,” he lied, the words spilling out of his mouth before he could so much as pause and think through the fib.

    “Well, if you’re sure..”

    “I am, don’t worry. Promise,” Dave said as he squeezed Dirk’s fingers.

    Will you water the garden, Dave?

    ill water it , he typed back, focusing on just how nice it felt to hold Dirk’s hand in his own, trying to let his mind stray purposefully to what else might feel nice with those calloused hands. the drought is gonna fucking end in style

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

    Dave’s prediction about how the evening would go had come true, to the surprise of nobody. After wandering for a bit and getting a bite to eat, they wound up together in the living room in a comfortable pile with the cushions yanked off the furniture and a spare blanket adding some extra comfort to the mix. Dirk was resting his back against his stomach and had a long arm slung up around to his lower back, fingers rubbing aimlessly. They were chattering off and on about what was on screen and generally relaxing when the aimless rubbing took on the edge of a one handed massage. Dave stroked Dirk’s hair gently as he’d pet a cat, taking special pride in the fact that he was able to touch that when most others wouldn’t be allowed to, not minding the gentle tension the hair gel had against his hand like some kind of organic architecture as opposed to a hairstyle. He stroked back one more time before the urge to kiss him reared its head, and right on cue the words flashed in front of Dave’s eyes once more in bright crimson.

    Water the garden, Dave.

    fuck off

    Not wanting to disrupt the moment by taking off his shades and chucking them, Dave curled his body to kiss the side of Dirk’s neck softly, bracing the far side of his ribs with his knees to keep him in place within the coil of his body. Needing no prompting, Dirk turned in place to catch Dave’s lips in his own, and soon enough they were coiling together in a new position, climbing each other over and over as if they were drowning and trying to reach the surface of the water, drowning blissfully so long as they were able to keep lip to lip. Their teeth clicked together twice hard enough that it stung but it failed to deter either of them from what they wanted.

    Dirk rocked his hips and arched his back, Dave scratched his hips and tangled his fingers in the dark fabric of his shirt to keep him near, both gasping for air between spurts of frantic kisses. Dave felt heat in his abdomen, felt his stomach clench, and more insistently felt his dick ache every time Dirk squirmed against him. He was far from a small guy, and every inch of muscle and bone beneath the flush warmed skin was making it worse and worse. When Dirk went to pull back for air again, Dave could tell the inevitable separation was going to follow. He felt the tension leaving Dirk’s body save for his erection, knew that he’d just slip away and rest in the same position as before with a soft laugh and they’d carry on like before. Same as they had dozens of times by now. Same as always.

    Not this time, though.

    As Dirk tried to pull back Dave pushed forwards, doing his best to ignore the flash of red in front of his eyes once more, a moving image of hands clapping that disappeared quick as he got the kiss going once more. Tensing in surprise Dirk opened his eyes behind his shades, sharing up through two layers of tinting to try reading Dave’s expression, trying to understand for certain. Dave smiled against his lips and rolled his hips suggestively forwards a few times.. and sighed softly once he felt the tension leave Dirk’s body and realized he was yielding to the idea.

    Told you so.

    i said fuck off

    No need to be bitchy, I’m simply stating facts.

    Dave closed his eyes to ignore any further text as he rolled them, pinning Dirk down by the shoulders with his own forearms and bracing himself to continue deepening the kiss as he felt Dirk’s breathing pick up beneath him. It was delicious really. He was so ready, so pliant already. Was Bro like this in bed? Behind all the bravado and macho exterior, was he this willing to roll over and spread his legs when the time was right? Or was the universe shift and the different upbringing enough to change him and make him just as dominant as he acted in day to day life for appearances sake or not?

    No, focus. Dirk. Not Bro. Focus on here, on now. Focus on Dirk and how sweetly he was groaning when Dave licked past his lips to explore his mouth, the soft scratch of nails against the fabric of his jeans and the way he could feel that hardened body arch and stretch and shiver every time he rocked his hips. Dave already knew there was no way they’d be able to go all the way, not this unprepared, but is mind was already filling in the blanks with scenarios he’d imagined across the board in ways that might be fulfilling for them both.

    Either way, Dirk was going to come for him. That much was certain.

    Dave tipped his head and broke the kiss, working down the column of Dirk’s throat to where the pulse was beginning to hammer harder against his lips before he bit down hard enough to leave a ghost of a bruise. His hands slid down the square of Dirk’s chest to his waist, then smoothed forward to slip open his pants as he started to travel downwards, heart in his throat. This was it. The big reveal. He’d felt this dick against him before, had seen it in his dreams past and present, and the mystery would finally be revealed at about the same time he’d need to come to terms with not knowing how to actually suck dick.

    “You sure?” he asked, wetting his lips best he could. “I mean. We don’t need to rush anything, I’m fine taking it slow. Or. At all I guess. Just. Fuck, are you sure?”

    It was the least positive Dave had ever heard him, and the quake in his voice was to die for. Nothing had even happened and yet it felt like Dirk was barely holding himself together at the seams.

    “Yeah,” Dave breathed as he scooted down further, perching on his knees between Dirk’s thighs. He could smell precome on top of the scent of soap from his copious showers, as well as the faint smell of popcorn from the theater earlier clinging to his clothes as they were pulled aside. “Yeah. I’m sure. Chill, a’ight? I got this.”

    Did he? Oh, he did.

    Probably.

    Was it weird to call a dick pretty? It probably was, wasn’t it. The tiny Rose that lived in the back of his head was ready to go off, but Hal’s red writing beat her to the punch. Yet there wasn’t really any other way to describe Dirk’s than just that: it was nicely shaped, a good size in Dave’s opinion, had a gentle curve and was nestled comfortably in a thatch of darker blonde curls. It was like a dick out of an absurdly well drawn anime or comic, which in a way was fitting for him. Of course he’d have the doujinshi dick. Of course he would.

    It as nice as you hoped? I’d be more smug, but Dirk hasn’t gotten around to building one for me yet. I think because he’s insecure and not prepared to be outdone by me yet again by his own hand.

    Ignoring the flood of red, Dave was enthralled by Dirk’s reactions to him instead. He was trying to sit up on his elbows, staring down with a dry mouth and wide eyes, cock straining and leaking more the closer Dave’s mouth grew to it. It emboldened Dave once he realized that it seemed like anything he did would be appreciated and enjoyed by someone enthusiastic instead of it being judged. He reached out with his tongue as he glanced up, worried he’d gag or make a stupid face if he didn’t focus on something, hoping it was a good visual. From how flushed Dirk had grown, it seemed like it was plenty good enough.

    Sucking dick turned out to feel a lot like coming home. Maybe it was because he already knew his way around his own equipment and could guess what might feel great or not based on personal jacking off experience. The flavor wasn’t amazing, yeah, but the sensation as much as the idea of what he was doing was proving to be more than enough to get himself hard and aching. Dave undid his own pants and freed his cock with a tentative stoke before focusing twice as hard on what he was doing to stimulate Dirk, mind finally being made up on what he intended to do to him.

    To?

    No. With.

    With him.

    ….. To him had a nice ring to it, though.

    One hand stroked the length Dave couldn’t fit between his lips, quickly growing wet from how messy the blowjob was turning out to be, while the other gently kneaded and fondled Dirk’s balls once they were also fished out of his jeans. Dirk had continued to shuffle his clothes down till they were at last off, awkwardly trying to toe off his socks without running the risk of dislodging Dave from his hard earned perch.

    He was gentle when he took Dave’s head in his hands, hesitating quite obviously for a solid thirty seconds before finally clasping those calloused hands to the back of his neck, then up into his short blonde hair to gently tug. Dave was pretty sure he’d come right then and there as his thoughts blurred past and present, dream and reality, desire and need with just the pressure of those hands. He moaned louder than anticipated and doubled his efforts on making Dirk come, bobbing his head quickly enough that even Dirk finally groaned and started to rock his hips beyond his own control.

    Here I’d been trying to convince you to go ahead and fuck Dirk so I could finally have some peace and quiet beyond watching you two fail at your attempts to successfully move beyond initial courtship, and you go above and beyond at showing what a slut you are the second someone akin to Bro grabs your head and humps. Do you plan on swallowing too? Live the full fantasy?

    He hadn’t intended on swallowing, but now that the idea was lodged in his brain, it seemed like a good thing to attempt. Nearly there but not quite. A perfect match as a match could be, yet still entirely separate. The hottest shade of a ghost he’d ever experienced in his fucking life, and the tiny Rose in the back of his mind that was worried he was accidentally using Dirk for his own means was dead silent at last. Dirk’s head fell back as he came, salty against Dave’s tongue as he tried his best to swallow and gave up, pulling back to let the mess of drool and come slide onto Dirk’s thighs.

    “Jesus. Jesus fuck, dude, where did that come from?” Dirk asked through heavy pants, looking dizzy with pleasure as Dave wiped his mouth with the back of his forearm. “I mean. Shit, I mean I liked it but it was kind of sudde-”

    Dave shoved him backwards suddenly and lifted his slender legs upwards till Dirk obediently lifted his feet up as well. No resistance. No questions. Just acceptance and staring orange eyes, flushed cheeks and wet lips, a messy dick that was steadily going flaccid and the slick mess of his thighs. He hooked Dirk’s legs up against his shoulder and braced, lining his own cock up not with his ass, but with the slickness of thigh. It took all of two slides for Dirk to get the idea and clench his legs tight as he could, hissing air between his teeth as he was fenced at from below, still overly sensitive from having just come himself.

    It was desperate, quick motions and running on instinct. Dirk was moving beneath him deliciously, tensing his muscles and loosening them when it was too much to handle, shuddering, making Dave wonder if this was what he’d be like while really being fucked. If this was what Bro was like, or if this was how he’d wind up if they swapped. Would he be able to handle that? Would he be able to handle getting pinned down and worked over like this? It was too much to think about at once.

    Not long after starting what was, essentially, a hurried humping motion as opposed to anything dripping with skill and experience, Dave added to the re-warmed mess on Dirk’s legs and up against his abdomen before leaning forward against his straight legs while they both caught their breath. Endorphins and afterglow made for a dreamy soft sensation when Dave finally scooted back on shaky legs and flopped down on the ground beside Dirk in the pile once more, trying to wrap his head around what they’d just done. What he’d just done.

    “That was. …Good,” Dave finally said as he stared wide eyed at the ceiling, words fleeing his mind like sand through clasped fingers. He wasn’t that articulate to begin with when his brain was fried, but this was a step and a half fucking beyond.

    “Really good,” Dirk murmured. He rolled and slid a heavy arm across Dave’s chest, nestling close and comfortable. He took his shades off and dropped them an arms length away suddenly, leaving Dave unsure whether it was because he wanted to not have the Kamina looking motherfuckers jabbing into the cushions and digging into his nose when not trying to rip the fabric, or because Hal was bothering him.

    Not bad, and success: he’s not aware in the slightest still that you have a throbbing hard on for his alternate self. It’s a win win, but mostly a win for me. I assume you’ll be doing this in the future again, yes? This wasn’t a one time thing? Affirm this wasn’t a one time thing, the idea of you two properly fucking and carrying on instead of being the dating equivalent of a cordyceps ant clinging to a leaf might be a cause to celebrate. I might even run a disc cleaning on myself, get those hard to reach files a nice thorough scrubdown.

    what did i tell you to do earlier

    Tell me to fuck off once more and see if I care, Dave. I was right, and that’s enough for me. Even Dirk had to admit I was right. Affirm that this wasn’t a one time thing, and I’ll leave you be for now til you inevitably need me again.

    Dave took his shades off without another word and tossed them on top of Dirk’s before holding him closer, loosely tangling their legs together in the mishmash of a nest on the floor with a sigh. Was this situation perfect? No. Would there be problems in the future? Potentially. Did he have confidence they’d figure it out together, especially now that they’d managed to slide over that mutual gap for the first time?

    He was pretty sure they’d find a way, hopefully without excess red text.

John and Jane ponder the dark side in this week’s bonus content.

JOHN: happy birthday! JANE: Oh! Why thank you! JANE: I guess it's yours too, isn't it? JOHN: that's right! JOHN: today is the day i get to catch up with everyone else, who think they're so much older. JOHN: the worst was being twelve when they were all thirteen, they thought they were so superior. JANE: Don't I know it. JANE: Do you know what Roxy would tell me back then when I got snarky with her? "Shut up, you're twelve." Drove me up the wall. JANE: I'd probably have been envious of them getting to get their drivers' licenses first, too. But alas, the best laid plans. JOHN: yeah, no one got to enjoy the rewards of getting older very much. JOHN: do you think there's a minimum age for creating a universe? JANE: If there is, this game is very irresponsible about it. JANE: Who in their right mind would let a bunch of teenagers run a universe? JOHN: oh, we made it this far. JOHN: it doesn't have cancer or anything this time!. JANE: How many times has the Frog had cancer...? JOHN: that was a problem last time. JOHN: the trolls rushed things along a little fast, i guess? jade explained it to me, but i wasn't clear on all the details. JOHN: but since dave helped make our frog we had all the time we needed to do things right. JANE: Are you positive? JANE: If things are going to go topsy-turvy again I'd like an advance warning. JOHN: apparently it was obvious for them as soon as they made it, so i'd say we are in the clear. JOHN: i am not a frog making expert, but none of the people who are seem worried. JANE: Good. I don't know if my Lifey thing extends to frogs or cancer, so I'm glad they won't be necessary. JOHN: we have lots of ways to solve problems now, if we have to JOHN: heh, i hope people don't start taking me for granted. JOHN: i've carried so many people to their quest crypts lately, i should start a taxi service. JOHN: or become like, the god of taking people to their death naps. JOHN: is that a thing? JANE: John, no more death. At least not today. JANE: As the birthday girl, I forbid it. JANE: But I will say that if you're good at something, you should indeed not do it for free. JANE: Speaking of which. JANE: Maybe you could be a delivery boy for my latest venture. How do you feel about blood? JOHN: um, JOHN: where are you getting it? JOHN: i know my nanna said she had some secret business ventures, but she never described anything like that. JANE: Nothing like that! I bought the blood from a wholesaler! JANE: And I, uh, never asked where he got it from. JANE: But it might've had something to do with a fridge full of corpses. JOHN: er JANE: ...I'm kidding. JANE: It was something I was joking about with Rose. JANE: I'd only have one customer anyway, and apparently she's better off without the stuff. JOHN: oh haha, rose is such a jokester. JOHN: she doesn't act like it, but she is. JANE: She has quite the wit. I hope I can keep up. JOHN: she has probably been getting complacent without us to keep her on her toes. JOHN: sure, she talks fast to try to confuse you, but she can be defeated. JOHN: one time i beat her at online scrabble, she has never lived it down. JANE: I'm sure I can come up with something to impress her. JOHN: that's the spirit! JOHN: it'll be so fun, seeing everyone interact with our teen grand parents. JOHN: i know jade was looking forward to meeting her grandpa, and of course i'd already sort of met you. JOHN: although you are different from your old lady form. JANE: Yeah, that's... weird. JANE: Not bad weird! But strange nonetheless. JANE: I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to think about what you'll look like old until you're at least thirty. JANE: But hey, now I know for sure. JANE: There's that mystery solved! JOHN: i don't know if she aged gracefully or not, since she lived under the thumb of alien queen. JOHN: she is still full of zest and vigor, even though she was briefly ashes over my fireplace. JANE: Becoming a sprite sure does give you a new outlook on life. JANE: Well, unless you're Erisol. Or mine. JOHN: heh, sometimes. JOHN: maybe once you've already lived one life time, anything else is a bonus. JOHN: she sure has been getting her mileage making baked goods. JANE: Must've wanted to catch up after spending so long on her "secret business dealings". JOHN: apparently she was plotting against betty crocker! JOHN: but those plans never came to fruition. JOHN: i guess she got to defeat her in the end through you. JOHN: i'm sure she would be proud. JANE: Well, you could ask. JANE: It must be ingrained. I've... always loved the company, but the woman at the top? JANE: She needed to go. JOHN: like i said, i always suspected, even before she announced to the world her true nefarious nature. JOHN: there was something about that marketing campaign that was just sinister. JANE: Yes, you completely called it. JOHN: you will have to usher in a new era of responsible corporations, assuming they actually exist. JOHN: maybe the true responsible corporation is a non existent one? JANE: Whatever I do with the company assets, I'll do my best to be responsible. JOHN: that is one more wrong we can right. JOHN: along with frog cancer, and making sure no one can make fun of us for being the youngest any more. JANE: Not until next year. JOHN: this time we can form a united front and get prank filled vengeance on them if they try. JOHN: join the dark side jane, we will be unstoppable. JANE: Uh. JANE: How about the mildly gray, mischievous but ultimately harmless side? JOHN: sounds good to me! JANE: Besides, I should be the one telling you to join the dark side with me. JANE: Obi-Wan never told you what happened to your Nanna, John. JOHN: :o! JOHN: this calls for a lengthy and dramatic exclamation before i plummet to my death. JOHN: except i feel like i've done enough variations of that today. JANE: Doesn't it get old after the first time? JOHN: in my experience basically all over dramatic emotional displays do. JANE: You know now that I think about it, yes. Yes, they do. JANE: I think I’d be happy embargoing any major expressions of emotion until further notice. JANE: Instead, we’ll have smaller emotions that happen more frequently and less obtrusively. Maybe five, sometimes as many as seven. JOHN: that sounds reasonable. JOHN: major break downs are just exhausting and make everyone upset. JOHN: i remember when i got so mad i passed out on my drive way, which was not productive for anyone. JANE: You made yourself so mad you passed out? JOHN: no, I didn’t make myself mad. JOHN: dave sprite was being a jerk, and there were some other circumstances. JOHN: it was complicated, we were all stressed out. JOHN: long road trips with your internet friends are not always as fun in practice as they are in theory. JANE: Been there, done that, am currently wearing the t-shirt. JOHN: i guess that is some sort of “valuable life lesson” to learn or what ever. JANE: Oh no, not another one. Haven’t we had enough for one day? JANE: Speaking of that though... JANE: Are you... going to be alright? JANE: With my dad around, I mean. JANE: From his perspective, you're his departed father! JANE: He might like to reconnect, based on that. JANE: But I know that might be difficult for you. JOHN: ... JOHN: yeah. JOHN: maybe some time, but probably not right away. JOHN: i think i'll have to get used to it. JANE: If you ever want to talk about it... JANE: I'm here, you know. Not that I can relate as much as some of the others can, since they've all lost people. JANE: But I thought I'd offer, as family, and since we just talked about those rascally emotions. JOHN: thanks. i'll remember it.

Be Someone Other Then Yourself ==>

A Homestuck fan-fic I posted a long time ago on my archive account.

TAGS / WARNINGS:  Character Death, Immortality, godtier!alpha, kidsgodtier!beta kids, Depression, Anxiety, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Death from Old Age, Early Death, Death, Abuse, Past Abuse, Bullying, I got depressed for a few months and made this masterpiece, Sadstuck, implied anorexia, Anorexia, lowkey john / roxy not really mentioned till Jade's part, even then its like 3 lines

Summary: How the world before and after the game effects it players and none of the time in between. This is sadstuck and there is 4 major character deaths. Read at your own self depressing risk.

==》 Be John Egbert

Your name is John Egbert and you are about to enter your first class of a Monday morning freshly from homeroom. It’s your English class. You really do enjoy the talks about 1800’s literature and novels of the time. The masters such as Shakespeare and H.P Lovecraft and many others always draw your interest and make your day better even if you get tripped and beaten up every other day or as of lately everyday. The bill rings shrill and you bolt out of the room and step into the hallway sticking to the lockers like glue and weave your way through the growing crowds avoiding most people's eyes. Trying to avoid being beat up before first period and risk missing your favorite class over some more bruises on your ribs or the teasing that had been wearing away at your mind slowly. You still wore your shorts and shirt. Only difference was now days you had switched to bring a pair of spare clothing in the case you were beat up and got blood on your white shirt. You still avoid telling your father.

Your about 10 steps away when a voice calls out loud and clear to you, it’s obvious it's directed at you once the old nickname has left the mouth of your childhood tormentors. 

"Hey Beaver teeth, how's the dam going?”

A group of boys laughter rings through the hall as they advance behind you. You keep your head down and avoid everyone's gazes as they surround you in a semi-circle backing you into a locker. You still refused to look up not giving them the satisfaction of seeing the fear in your eyes.

"Hey Beaver teeth. I know you heard me. I know you hear me~" 

The boy keeps calling out to you trying to draw your head up. To make you look him in the eye. His friends are all laughing and joining in chanting the long overused nickname. The boys voices mix to others in the hall that want to see you with a bruise on your face. Girls and boys, from freshman to seniors are chanting now. Trying to get you to snap. To look up at the boy. Your sure a few teachers are watching. You're also sure none of them care. You close your eyes as the first punch flies to your gut.<p>

When it's all said and done you've been hit 17 times. You have 13 bruises and a cut on your hand and a bloody lip that is swelling by the minute.

After all that you still missed English class. 

When you get home you tell your dad you tripped on the stairs today and that in your misfortune you scraped your hand on a pair of haphazardly placed scissors on top of someone's backpack.

You're surprised he still buys the lies.

You know he knows that something is wrong. 

You head upstairs and the first thing you notice is a pesterchum message. You drop your bag on the floor and grab a sweatshirt, heading to the bathroom ignoring the messages for the moment. You walk into the room and close the door and lock it behind you. The mirror on the wall is good enough to check your body for the bruises and make sure it was only 13 this time. That it wasn't all 17 of the fists that left a mark on your now always purple stained skin. 

You were right the first time. Only 13. This is good news to you seeing as any more then 13 and you'd start to wonder if your brain was damaged and could explain why you're failing math. You find that the pain from moving now days hurts you more mentally than physically. You decide to stop your train of thoughts there as not to dwell any more. That’s what 3 am exhaustion is for. 

You throw your shirt to the side and just slip the sweatshirt over your head, enjoying the breathing room. You're sure one of these days you're going to get a broken rib from all the strifes you're involved in. 

You leave the bathroom and make your way slowly into your bedroom. You notice your pesterlog has new messages in a memo that jade set out for everyone a while back. 

You open it. 

GardenGnostic [GG] opened memo [GG] hey! How was school :D EctoBiologist [EB] answered memo TentacleTherapist [TT] answered memo TurntechGodhead  [TG] answered memo  [EB] lots of fun [TT] Uneventful [TG] boring as hell [GG] aww! I wish I could go to public school with other kids!

You stop and stare at your computer. Just one more person you have added into your Web of lies about school. You're not sorry for doing it though, rather save everyone the pain of knowing and doing something stupid and ending you up in a world more of pain. Hoping that jade never goes to school and has this happen to her, hoping that Rose won't go into a protective mother like / psychiatrist mode on you fussing over your bruises and hurt body telling you it's not okay. And Dave trying to teach you threw skype how to fight. 

You know they mean well but it wouldn't do you any good it would only cause your friends more stress. And you know that but you let it go anyway. You are also sure if you didn't accept those lessons from dave he would sneak down to Washington and beat the shit out of them. Not that you haven't thought about asking him too but you know you don't want that. They'll just come back and hit twice as hard once he’s gone. 

You really hope no one notices.

Jade catches you shirtless in your room on the ship in the first few days when she went looking for you to come to talk to and get up to date with.She knows they aren't from fighting monsters. God tiers heal fast. She can't understand what they are from. You don't tell her despite her pleas to know. 

When you acceded, you did not want the bruises to fade and kept them covering your body to remind you of your life before the game. 

She still doesn't understand even after a half-drunk confession at 3 am on your next birthday. You tell her every lie you had told her, Rose, Dave and your dad. She still can't understand how people could be so cruel and why you hid it.

You never get the chance to tell Dave or Rose in the new universe.

They never knew and never would.

==》 Be Rose Lalonde

Your name is Rose Lalonde. You’re walking through the school hall between classes. Students part and move at least a foot away as you pass them. None of them dare to touch you. It’s a lonely existence but you don’t mind too much as they don’t understand most of the things you say to begin with. You keep your head down as you pass them. Pretending to read a book that is opened up on the binders you carry with you. You are all too aware of there eyes on you as you walk.

You spot someone sticking their foot out in a vain attempt to trip you but still trying to keep with the at least a foot away status quo. They wish to trip you. You know they are immature enough to try more then that  you side step their foot anyway. You cause a low gasp and flow of murmurs to fill the hallway. A loud voice pierced the hall after a moment of hesitation. 

“Better watch out or the big bad goth will put a spell on you!”

You ignore the voice keeping your head down as laughter erupted from the people around you. You cringe. You hate the sound of their laughter. You much prefer John’s stifled snorting laugh or Jade’s purely joyful giggle or dave's stoic smile / snort that cracks under a funny enough joke. The bell rings and people rush around you yet still, no one dares touches you after the little show you just put on for them.

In a weird way, you wish they would. A push, a shove, anything really. And if you're being honest with yourself you don't remember the last time someone even touched you or hugged you. You try not to think about it as you walk to math.

When you arrive home later that day you have little to no homework so you immediately head for your computer to talk to Jade, Dave, and John. You pull your laptop from your desk and dodge piles of clothing as you flop on your bed and sprawl out and click the small power button. 

As you await your computer’s startup you fiddle with a half-finished knitting project for John and his upcoming birthday. You are thinking of scrapping the idea and buying him something instead. 

You haven't decided yet. 

Your computer pins about 5 minutes later letting you know that your friends are online. You pull up pesterchum and relax into the familiar rhythm of typing and chatting with your friends. 

GardenGnostic [GG] opened memo

[GG] hey! How was school :D EctoBiologist [EB] answered memo TentacleTherapist [TT] answered memo TurntechGodhead  [TG] answered memo [EB] lots of fun [TT] Uneventful [TG] boring as hell [GG] aww! I wish I could go to public school with other kids!

The first time someone touches you that you now remember is when you enter the game. When you go grimdark and die John kisses you back to life. When you came to, the touch was forgotten except for a light hold on your arm making sure you were okay.

The feeling is still exceptionally foreign to you, even now.

The next time someone touches you it is Dave. He hugs you after you both attain god tier. You do so privately in your room. 

You both held on much longer than required.

The third time you are touched is by Kanaya. She holds your hand for the first time and this time the touch does not seem so scary. 

When the game ends you sit down and explain to Kanaya why you sometimes still shy away from her touch after almost falling off a couch rather Ungracefully as she went to touch your shoulder.

She does not push you to hold hands or even kiss. You are thankful for her but you are sure she still does not grasp how big and drastic the change of no physical contact to small touched and brushes of the shoulder are to you. You hope she never has to understand that feeling in her lifetime. Or that you will one day have to go back to a time without those small reassuring touches. You never want to see that day.

You never do.

==》Be Dave Strider

Your name is now Dave Strider. You're sitting in your room desperately searching for a clean long sleeve shirt before your Bro walks in and drags you off to school. 

The elastic of your jeans are painfully digging into your very boney hips and abdomen as your lean down and search your closet floor one more time before standing again and sighting as you grab yesterday's shirt and start to slip it over your head as your Bro walks in. 

You yelp and jump behind your door. 

“Knock next time!” 

You think he shakes his head before leaving.

You're glad you grabbed that shirt in time or your day would not be spent at school. 

You may have preferred it that way with the day you are about to experience. 

You arrive at school 3 minutes before the first bell for class is meant to ring. You sprint to homeroom and your teacher begrudgingly marks you as here on the attendance sheet. Your shoulders sag and relax for all of 30 seconds before you mentally prepared yourself for the rest of the day as the bell rings for the first period of the day. 

It’s 20 minutes into first period before the first of the whispers start to spread there the room. Soon after the first pieces of paper are thrown at the back of your head. You don't even flinch as they whiz past your head.

You know your teacher sees it.

When that class finally ends you scurry out of the room half sprinting across the building to your next class trying to act as if you're not running from the group of three boys on the school’s football team. You pass your locker and decide to skip your daily visit in exchange of getting to class early to be in the safe zone of not getting into a fight. You know bro will want to fight later today anyway and you don't need the extra bruises. 

You make it through the growing crowds avoiding most people's outstretched elbows and feet meant to trip or nail you in the ribs before making it to the transition hallway. This one is much quieter and empty. Not the ideal place to be headed with now a 4th football player on your trail.

You attempt to sprint down the hallway and make it halfway before one boy pulls you back by your collar half choking you. 

They drop you at there feet and the boy who pulled you back is laughing along with his cronies. 

You wheeze for a few seconds before speaking. 

“The fuck you want Andrew?”

He stops laughing and looks down at you. 

“You know Dave, you aren't fooling anyone with those lame ass shades you freak.“

One of Andrew's cronies cackles with laughter and joins in. 

“Yeah let's see those eyes of yours. Mabey even crush those retarded glasses while we're at it. “

You scramble back a few feet. ‘shit.’ has become a mantra in your head as you see the boys advance. You can not let your shades come off or get sent to the nurse's office. Neither would fare particularly well for you. 

“Can we continue this after school? Wouldn't want to be stuck in another detention with Mr.Soyer. The guy smells like a walking drug shop. Am I the only one that feels that way?” 

You scramble backwards a little more before getting far enough that you can stand. You watch as the small crowd of 4 boys look at one another and have a half-whispered conversation on what to do with you.

”Fine kid.” The venom in his voice is if nothing but a cold warning to stay away.   “Afterschool. 4 VS 1. You're not out back by the old playground down the street were gonna make sure you regret it. Now scram.”

At the end of the day you receive 20 bruises, 3 cuts, and what you think is another broken rib after the beating. At least you got to class on time earlier.

When you enter the house you make a beeline for the bathroom and instantly start your patch up of your skin and start to layer up. You know as soon as you leave the bathroom the note will be sitting on the fridge held up by a flimsy magnet. You can already see the message in your head. 

An hour later and you were not wrong. The note read what it always had and most likely always would.

“Bro. Roof. Now.” 

You had gone.

And come back. 

Only with more bruises on top of the previously earned ones.

You wondered if you needed to go to the hospital with all the damage you’ve taken today. Instead of saying anything and walking the 3 miles to the hospital you log onto your computer and open the pesterchum app client.

There all there waiting for you once you’ve logged in. GardenGnostic [GG] opened memo [GG] hey! How was school :D EctoBiologist [EB] answered memo TentacleTherapist [TT] answered memo TurntechGodhead  [TG] answered memo  [EB] lots of fun [TT] Uneventful [TG] boring as hell [GG] aww! I wish I could go to public school with other kids!

In the game there is a day where you and Karkat decided to lay in your bed together and cuddle. You were hot and absently decided to put on a tee shirt. The moment Karkat sees your arms and back he whispers your name and stands to hug you. 

You are a god tier but becoming one didn't take the scars away. You think maybe the game doesn't remove self inflicted wounds. Or maybe somewhere in your head you still believe you deserved every scar that lays bare on your hips and wrists.

You never realized how much damage all those beatings did to your mental health as well as physical. Karkat and Rose show you this. 

When the day came that you and Karkat had to part, you didn't. You stole your own infinite youth to be next to him. 

You are still scared in death that Rose did the same. 

==》Be Jade Harley

You wake up in the middle of your empty house in your room. Although you suppose the entire house is yours now day’s. 

It's completely silent and you wish maybe you'd wake to the loud gunshots of target practice, or the clanging noise of pots in the kitchen. It's been years and you're not sure you remember ever hearing any of that in your own home or if they were just wishful thinking.

You go through the motions of the day, feeding Bec, making yourself food for breakfast and lunch, sleeping, going on Internet searches that lead you to earn new facts about the world and tending your garden. You do it all listening to music. There is never a second after you wake that you want to hear silence. 

So you don't. 

Then it's the time your friends get home from school and you log onto pesterchum and start a new memo just like every day. 

GardenGnostic [GG] opened memo [GG] hey! How was school :D EctoBiologist [EB] answered memo TentacleTherapist [TT] answered memo TurntechGodhead  [TG] answered memo  [EB] lots of fun [TT] Uneventful [TG] boring as hell [GG] aww! I wish I could go to public school with other kids!

You frown. You're too bubbly and optimistic even for yourself. But you also frown because it's true. They have the privilege to go to a place with noise and real people and not be isolated. You wish you had that. 

The first voice you hear once the game starts is Rose. It's still not enough. 

The first person you see and talk to face to face in years is John. He pulls you close and hugs you. You pretend not to notice how he winces when you press closer to him and wrap your arms around his waist.

You're only 13.

You're 16 when you hug Dave and Rose for the first time.

You're 53 when you hug Dave and Karkat last. Dave kisses your head and says goodbye in the most broken voice you had ever heard before and you close your eyes as he leaves to die. It's silent again as he floating-years time going far far away from their reality.

Your only 189 years old when Kanaya last hugs you and 190 when Rose leaves as well. Rose died of a broken heart and drunk herself to death before she decided it was too much. It was silent the next morning as you all gathered to bury her body next to the now one-year dead troll.

She never said goodbye. 

John and the others slowly lose interest in living over time and you can't say you disagree. At the 912th anniversary of Dave and Karkat's deaths, Dirk and Jake leave as well. Jake hugs you and says “goodbye grandma” as he kisses you on the cheek. Dirk hugs you stiffly. He was never good at human contact as it was but even now almost a 1000 years later nothing changed there.

There buried next to one another. The cemetery is silent as you, Jane, John, Roxy and a small child clutched between the arms of the two stand there and watch the cold graves.

It's another 500 years before you're left with another uncontrollable silence.  You wake up sprawled across the floor to see Jane and Roxy dead, next to you. John is standing shell-shocked with a devastated child at his side.

At 2413 John and your niece leave too. You're left with underwhelming silence all the time now.

At 4013 years old you decide it's finally time to leave too

TOP 25 FICS OF 2017

1. A Somaal Universe by @kaikamahine | Steven Universe | 7.5k

Connie flips over the next card. “'Most likely to -’” She reads out loud, and then dissolves into laughter and has to start over, propping the card up on her bump. “'Most likely to freak out when you go into labor and break the speed limit getting to the hospital?’” 

“Pearl,” Amethyst and Jasper say in unison.

Heather Says: It was really difficult to choose between this and Favor For Your Four-Chambered Heart as favorite Elizabeth fic for the year, but in the end this one won out because it was one of the first fics this year that made me well and truly happy.

2. The home front by aesc | Stargate Atlantis | 10k

“This had better be the Sheppard residence,” Rodney says, brilliant, agitated life and volume against a monotonous day and Dave’s subdued welcome, “because I’ve been driving around for hours and if I ever find the woman who did the voice on my GPS system I’m going to personally amputate her vocal cords.”

Heather Says: I read this in the pool, precariously balanced on the top step with my body angled weirdly so that I wasn’t holding my phone over the water. I started it before I got in the pool, of course, but I couldn’t put it on hold long enough to swim, so I finished it in the water.

3. Junk Cheap by DevilDoll | Stargate Atlantis | 13.5k

If you were thinking you’d love to read an AU where Rodney is a college professor and John owns a junk shop, this is the story for you.

Heather Says: This might be my favorite SGA fic that I found this year, which is funny since going into the fandom I would have told you that I’d prefer to read fics set in canon. I mean, c’mon. Atlantis? Why would I want to read anything set anywhere else? But this fic perfectly captured John’s lazy personality and Rodney’s crotchety... everything. It’s fabulous.

4. Unidentified by fiercelydreamed | Stargate Atlantis | 30k

Fourteen years, eight months, and seven days after John and Rodney meet, the clock starts all over again.

Heather Says: I’m not typically one for the amnesia trope. I’ve found some good fic for it, but most of the time either the angst or the second-hand embarrassment gets me too hard and I end up exiting out of the fic. This fic was intricate and engaging and introduces a Rodney just off-center from the Rodney that we know.

5. Black Helicopters at Dawn by whizzy | Stargate Atlantis | 240k

Screw the bet. Rodney was going to prove the existence of extraterrestrial intelligence. Oh, and incidentally, he might just catch the United States Air Force with their pants around their ankles.

Heather Says: This fic is long. And beautiful, and sad, and kind of a lot. Also if you’re like me you’ll have to find the third part of it on some weird, sort of sketchy website that hopefully didn’t give you viruses. Or if you’re really desperate you can ask me to send you a copy since I think I still have it somewhere.

6. Like a Lightning Strike by miss_aphelion | Hannibal | 71k

In a world where omegas are instant celebrities and treated like royalty, Will just wants to be left alone. So he keeps what he is a secret, managing to avoid the spotlight and the restrictions that come with it for nearly twenty years.

Then a case goes wrong, and his secrets start to unravel before the entire world—and even more worrying, it happens in front of Hannibal, the alpha that was already fascinated with him before he knew what he was.

Heather Says: Okay, so remember how I said I wasn’t crazy about the amnesia trope? I am really not crazy about the A/B/O trope. Done well enough it’s intriguing, but I read a really awful one way back in the day that basically scarred me for life. That said, this fic came along and hooked me hard. It hasn’t been updated since April, which is disappointing, but it’s well worth the read, even unfinished.

7. Lord, Save Me from Your Followers by anamatics | Supergirl | 27k

Kara, perhaps out of a want for thoroughness in her story, perhaps out of a Millennial-born urge to creep on a the social media of a woman she finds intriguing, discovers that Lena Luthor has a pretty active following on Instagram one afternoon not long after their first meeting. She debates it, just for a moment, before following Lena.

Heather Says: Don’t watch Supergirl? That’s fine! Technically I’ve only seen a couple episodes myself! Read this anyway! This fic has that perfect realness to it that I’ve only found in a very select group of fics and it has cute girls kissing to boot.

8. hood & glove by @fahye | Yuri On Ice | 12k 

“I don’t mess with the fae,” Otabek says.

"I'm not asking you to mess with them," JJ flat-out lies. 

Heather Says: I’ve tried to say things about this three times now. There are fairies. Otabek is a hero. The king of the fairies fell in love with a human and the weather is fucked up. And there is some truly spectacular art within.

  9. With Fire in Their Eyes by @asukaskerian | Yuri On Ice | 8k

He lands butterfly-light in a swirl of hair and glittering gauze, and the ceiling crashes to the rink all around him.

His ears are ringing with heartbeats, his efforts, the cries of the crowd. The rink wobbles under him -- must have landed a bit wrong but he can work through it. Only there are things strewn all over the ice; people usually know to wait until the end to throw roses and tokens and --

Not applause. Screams. The light is wrong because a fourth of the ceiling projectors are missing. The sky is dark. No stars. Something gleams behind the broken sky. And moves. Something he can't -- won't -- something.

Something that's looking at him.

Heather Says: It’s a Pacific Rim/Yuri On Ice crossover. What more could you want?

10. What We Pretend We Can’t See by @gyzym | Harry Potter | 131 k

Seven years out from the war, Harry learns the hard truth of old history: it’s never quite as far behind you as you thought.

Heather Says: I’ve been a fan of gyzym’s stuff since way back in 2009? 2010? Whatever year it was, it was on livejournal back when Inception was a thing. So when I got the notification that she wrote something new? And that the new thing she’d written was 130k of Draco/Harry? I was over the moon. 

11. No Less Unthinkable by @rageprufrock | Yuri On Ice | 79k

In which Katsuki Yuuri fights a losing battle with chronic anxiety, the quadruple Salchow, and his own judgment four drinks in — but wins the war.

Heather Says: I’ve been affectionately dubbing this fic the slutty Yuuri picture show, because damn. The porn itself is exquisitely written, yes, but more than that is the way Yuuri himself is written. That realness that I was talking about above is very prominent here too. 

12. Slithering by @astolat | Harry Potter | 27k

Draco found the nest down in the Manor’s cellars, while he was clearing them out.

Heather Says: I have a weakness for fics with snakes, okay.

13. Hermione Granger’s Hogwarts Crammer for Delinquents on the Run by @waspabi | Harry Potter | 93k

'You’re a wizard, Harry’ is easier to hear from a half-giant when you’re eleven, rather than from some kids on a tube platform when you’re seventeen and late for work.

Heather Says: In addition to just being really fucking great all around, the soundtrack to this fic lead me to some of the best music that I’ve listened to this year.

14. the king of oak by @picqueries | Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them | 38k 

The first thing Percival Graves does after being released back into the world is buy a new wand. He's at Greymalkin's for ten minutes and the only wand that works for him is raw aspen, whiter than bone and so rough that Graves gives himself a splinter conjuring a storm of birds. The wand—dragon heartstring, a most unusual wand for an American wizard, according to a flustered Greymalkin—feels wild, and Graves empties half his wallet on the counter and keeps his hand on his new wand all the way home.

The second thing he does is quit his job, because honestly.

("Grindelwald did his research before he put on your face," Seraphina says reasonably. "And it's not like you're open with your personal life. He has us all fooled."

"He wore scorpion stickpins!" Graves shoots back, somewhat less reasonably.

Seraphina looks at Graves, his pressed creases, his immaculate shirt, the red ruby cufflinks he's wearing to hide the starved brittleness of his wrists. "I'm sorry," she says. It is not enough to make him stay.)

The third thing he does is get jumped by Credence Barebone in an alley.

Heather Says: Okay, okay, okay. But. Wizards are descended from fairies. Should I say it again for those in the back? Wizards are descended from fairies. Honestly, even if this fic had been horribly written I’d be hooked just on that concept alone. Fortunately it’s written beautifully, and is a complete work of art.

15. apocrypha by aerynlallaboso | Dishonored | 97k

The Eighth year of the reign of Empress Emily Kaldwin, First of her Name, the second year without a whisper from the Outsider, is the year the Void chooses to mark the end of an era.

Heather Says: This wasn’t the first Dishonored fic that I read, but it was the first one I’d read that was longer than 5k, and I was just so goddamned pleased with everything about it.

16. A Year In Toussaint by @astolat | The Witcher | 30k

Geralt had no damn idea what to do with a vineyard when Anna Henrietta gave him Corvo Bianco, but he figured it couldn’t be that bad.

Heather Says: Between the Stargate Atlantis and Harry Potter, I read a lot of astolat’s fic this year. I’d noticed that she’d been writing fic for the Witcher, but didn’t much care because I never really played the games. But I was bored one day, so I read one of her Witcher fics. Then another. And another. And then I went out and bought the games. This one is my favorite.

17. wild peaches by @notbecauseofvictories | The Labyrinth | 3.5k

The morning after Sarah Williams defeats the Goblin King, she gets up and makes toast.

Heather Says: The feel of this fic is basically what I want out of everything that I read for the rest of my life. Just the right amount of magic, but eerie and timeless. I have read this fic at least five times since it was published and will probably go on to read it another five times next year.

18. where the weeds take root by @beenghosting | Supernatural | 30k 

“Are you happy? Y’know. Just—being here,” Dean says, gesturing to the yard with his beer bottle. “Being with—I mean, you used to fight in celestial wars and—and save the world. Now you’re growing vegetables and talking about chickens.”

Heather Says: I really adore slice of life fic, especially when it’s an after-the-war-is-over sort of thing rather than just some fluffy AU that the characters have been stuffed into. I haven’t touched anything Supernatural related in years, not because I didn’t love the characters, but because the show was on this slowly creeping spiral downwards, and I just couldn’t. This though, feels like a very organic end for my two favorites, so thank you for giving me closure.

19. Heart and Home by lc2l | Les Mis | 97k

In an alternate Paris, werewolves occupy the majority of the ruling classes, making and adjusting policy to suit their interests. The punishments for a human attacking a werewolf can be brutal, unless they have the protection of a wolf pack.

How this translates to ‘claim Grantaire as your mate to get him out of prison’ is something Enjolras is still trying to get his head around, but he’s never been one to give up on a cause even when it’s sleeping on his sofa.

Heather Says: I, like many other people, watched the movie adaptation of Les Mis several years ago. My ex-girlfriend liked the play, but I’d never seen it. Loved the movie. Loved the play, once I got around to seeing it. But until this was recommended to me by a dear friend, I never once thought of it in the context of fandom. And werewolves! 

20. World Ain’t Ready by idiopathicsmile | Les Mis | 185k

Enjolras presses his lips together. He already looks pained, and Grantaire hasn’t even opened his mouth yet. That’s got to be a record, even for them.

“I need a favor,” he says at last. 

"With what?" says Grantaire. "Ooh, are you forming a cult? Can I join? I'd be awesome at cults, I just know it." He ticks off his qualifications on his fingers. "I love chanting, I look great in robes—" 

Heather Says: The thing about high school AUs that no one ever tells you is that as you grow up, one of two things happens. Either the high school AU in question triggers a massive influx of nostalgia that basically cripples you emotionally or it has you cringing away from the screen, groping blindly until you can ex out of the tab. I’m happy to say that this one is more of the former.

21. despite what you’ve been told by @caseyvalhalla | Yuri On Ice | 14k

When Victor falls, he goes down hard.

Heather Says: All I wanted out of the Yuri On Ice fandom was a good, long in-depth look at the inside of Victor’s brain. This is the fic where I got it.

22. these things take time by sonhoedesrazao | Les Mis | 63k

He’s always wary of making assumptions; even more so when Grantaire is concerned. He knows he’s not the easiest person to deal with. People either like him or can’t stand him, and it’s easy to respond to those reactions, but Grantaire—Grantaire is hostile and mocking, Grantaire scorns his beliefs, and Grantaire stays.

Heather Says: This fic soothed my soul during a particular rough patch this year. There are dates and misunderstandings and some pretty intense UST and it’s just wonderful all around.

23. Watercast by @fishwrites | Voltron | 113k

Shiro has been a Galra prisoner for over a year; with his flight feathers clipped and unable to fly. Desperate to escape, he jumps overboard while being transported to the capitol on a Galran ship. Lance is a merman who saves him from drowning. Keith thinks Shiro is about to become mermaid dinner. Hunk just wants Lance to stop going to the surface all the time, dammit!

Heather Says: When the most recent chapter of this came out, I ended up going back and rereading it, because I was on the beach, and it seemed like a really good time to read about mermen and flying bird people and I am just. So excited for this fic all over again.

24. Fifteen Men in September by ballantine | Black Sails | 34k

Fifteen men on the dead man’s chest Yo-ho-ho, and a bottle of rum! Drink and the devil had done for the rest Yo-ho-ho, and a bottle of rum!

A Black Sails origin story for the song.

Heather Says: I stopped watching Black Sails after the end of season one, because there was a lot of things that we were watching at the time, and it was the one to get cut. I don’t even remember how this fic got recced to me, but I’m thrilled that it did because it’s made me go back and keep watching.

25. Patience on a Monument by betts | Game of Thrones | 21k

Having a Jaime in your life means living in a soap opera, except you can’t DVR it to watch later, and the main character sometimes ends up in your guest bedroom for an undisclosed period of time because he has a woefully codependent relationship with his sister.

Heather Says: It’s. So. Good.

KVAAFCRS: Chapter Seven: A Whole New Day

Chapter Seven: A Whole New Day

Chapter Seven: A Whole New Day A/N: So, it's been a while. Yeah. Sorry about that. But hey! At least it's not been a year, right? This chapter annoyed me greatly. I started out with the list of the things, I wanted to happen in this chapter but it just took off so I had to re-write almost completely to make it fit with my timeline.

Karkat woke up early in his bed in the Slytherin dorms, drew back the curtains and was met with a faintly familiar face. The red-eyed boy from yesterday. Caliban or something.

"Good morning?" Karkat remembered how he'd blown up yesterday, and wanted to at least pretend to be somewhat polite. It wouldn't do to make too many enemies. That could wait until next year.

Caliban-whatever took that as an invitation and stepped closer.

"I believe that we got on the wrong foot yesterday. And I wished to remedy that. As I mentioned last evening, we Slytherins must stand together. The rest of the school looks down on us, and we must not show any weaknesses, especially not amongst ourselves. So, I would like to offer my hand, maybe not in friendship, but as allies. You need one, don't you?" Caliban-whatever held out his hand in invitation. Karkat didn't like the gleam in the other boy's eyes, but he didn't really have a choice, did he? Karkat was sure, if he didn't accept, he would be thrown to the wolves. Better be one of them, than their food.

He shook the offered hand and his headache lifted a bit.

~naknaknak~

The first day of school was crap. It usually was anywhere else, but Karkat was pretty sure that the first day was supposed to be a way of gently introducing to the classes, get to know each other and the teacher, and then perhaps get a plan on the different subjects. Hogwarts had obviously never heard of that. When they arrived at the classrooms, they were told to sit down, find their books, told what was expected of them, a quick explanation what the class was about, and then they jumped straight into it! They were supposed to try and transfigure a match into a needle in their first transfiguration class, for fucks sake!

Karkat had never been taught at a public school before, no he had always been home-schooled along with Kankri. Speaking of Kankri, it seemed like the world was trying its damned hardest for them not to meet up. When Karkat had woken up that morning he had decided he would have a talk with his brother and make sure they were still alright. But when he had arrived at the Great Hall for breakfast, he learned that Kankri had already eaten and left for his first classes. Karkat had then tried to follow and meet up before classes started, but the annoying kid, John had apparently spotted him and chatted him up all morning, right before classes had begun. Great.

And now he was here; in Transfiguration. Unable to focus, out of mind, worrying about what his brother would say to him later. Oh, and he had gained a new chatterbox of a follower. Mr-Sunglasses-Inside stole the seat next to Karkat as soon as he could and had not shut up since. One would think that the teacher would put a stop to it, but the kid had a gift of whispering so low that only Karkat could hear him. On top of that, the kid made sure to only speak when someone was writing something down, so the scratching of quills against parchment would mute him out. So, fuck that guy.

"Hey, so what did you get for question 14? I got 257," the guy would whisper. Karkat stared at him incredulously.

"This isn't bloody math, you absolute shitclusterfuck! It's not even an exam and we got fucking Transfiguration!" Karkat whispered as low as he could, trying to calm down and not get a detention. "What in the shitty world are you thinking?! Or is your lack of brain the reason you walk with those wall-fuckers called glasses? 'Cause that would explain everything about you!"

And then the guy would just smirk and snort and return to his notes. Karkat fucking hated him.

Even worse; as soon classes ended, Sir Sunglasses the Worst would follow him around and comment on every. Single. Thing.

"Hey, any idea why the Gryffindors hates us? I mean, I understand they're jealous, because… well, look at us! We're awesome, but still, they always sneer and growl at us. Do they think they’re lions or what? Hey! Does that mean we should hiss at them?? That would be fun, even though, everyone would think we’re furries, or, ew, copycats, yeah, scratch that idea! What about-“

“Can you PLEASE shut your dumbass piehole for just ONE second??! Every word out of your mouth is another nail in my skull, and I feel pretty crucified here! No, I’m beyond that! I’m beyond dead, I’m beyond saving! You can’t even play a pretty little song to the lord of the underworld to save me now! It’s too late! And even if you went so far and saved me, you would still have to guide me back to the living world, without looking back at me, and EVEN IF YOU WOULD HAVE ACCOMPLISHED THAT, I WOULD RATHER RUN BACK TO GET TORTURED EVEN MORE THAN LISTEN YO ANOTHER WORD FROM YOU! SO PLEASE JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU BRAIN-DEAD DUMB-FUCKING-“

“KARKAT VANTAS! DETENTION!”

“…Fuck…”

~naknaknaknaknaknaknak~

Karkat hated his life. It was nothing new, but today had to be the worst of all. First, he hadn’t been able to talk to Kankri at all because of the dumbass classes. Second, the classes themselves. They were horrible. Or maybe it was just Karkat. Whatever. Third, he hadn't had a chance to talk to Kanaya, the only sane person at this castle of insanity. Fourth, he had gotten himself some kind of a stalker. Or perhaps his own personal chatterbox, who got Karkat thrown into detention. Thanks, pal! Fifth, the detention itself, which was another thing that made it impossible to talk with his brother. Sixth, his companion at the detention; the blabbermouth himself! How awesome was that?! Apparently the idiot had tried to skate down the handrails of the stairs. He luckily got stopped before he got himself injured, but he ultimately landed himself in detention alongside Karkat. So yeah, his life was the worst.

Karkat tried to concentrate on a very stubborn piece of slimy and smelly potion in the cauldron he was cleaning. Meanwhile, Dave Strider; Ultimate Worst Person Ever, saw this as an opportunity to keep on talking.

"-and it was so cool! I would totally make it, of course, nothing can harm a Strider. Too bad the teacher was there, but I'm probably gonna try again tomorrow, wanna join? You can film me- wait… oh yeah, phones doesn't work here. Dammit! Oh well… hey! We can see what they are hiding behind the forbidden door! That'd be so epic! We can have bragging rights, and if we die, we at least left here in the most cool way ever! Unless of course the only reason it's locked, is because the room is full of deadly poison, then it wouldn't be as cool, I don't know about you, but if I ever die, it should only be because I did something very cool-"

"Like trying to fucking murder yourself by skating down the stairs??"

"Yeah. Something like that. Thanks, Kitkat, I knew you'd get me."

"Kitkat??!! Don't fucking call me that, you spewing magpie! My name's Karkat, not that you will ever need it, because our conversation ends here! Never talk to me again!" Karkat yelled. That would probably have prompted another detention, but for once, Karkat was lucky, and the seventh-year student had left the room five minutes prior to fetch their homework so they could work on it until the detention would be over in half an hour.

Those thirty minutes couldn't pass soon enough.

"Karkat?"

"Kaaarkaaaat"

Kaaaaaaaaaaaarkiiiittyyy"

"Kitkat?"

"Karkles"

"Karkat, are you ignoring me??"

"If you ignore me for much longer, I'll DIE! I need attention to live!" and with that dramatic speech, Dave toppled over the cauldron he was cleaning, getting sticky, black goo on his robes. Karkat still ignored him. Dave would give up eventually. But unfortunately for Karkat, he didn't know his housemate that well. And he had no idea how far Dave would go to get what he wanted.

It was silent for a few blessed moments.

"You killed me, Kitkat… My blood is on your hands… now…" Dave whispered and gave a final death rattle and mistakenly sticking his tongue out. And thereby accidentally touching the dirty cauldron. He flinched back with a scream that made Karkat burst out laughing. The first time he'd laughed in weeks. It felt good. And to imagine it was the pest, Dave, that made him do it.

His head hurt

Dave shot him a relieved smile, not that it was noticed by the laughing kid. Dave was happy. He'd been worried he wouldn't gain any friends, as he was pretty hard to get along with, and while Karkat had seemed like an unappreciable guy, he'd already heard some nasty rumors about the guy, both in Diagon Alley and on the train. And these rumors hadn't lessened a bit, since their arrival at the school. Getting sorted into the same House as Karkat had been a sign to Dave to immediately befriend the guy. Dave knew from personal experience that nobody wanted to talk to, let alone, befriend the weird guy, that everyone was gossiping about. It had taken hours, and the short, angry kid already hated Dave, but now it seemed that Karkat could potentially warm up to him. Maybe. Yeah… Maybe…

He hoped.

~naknaknak~

After the detention, they headed to the common room together, in higher spirits, joking around. That was, until they met one, Rose Lalonde.

A/N: I imagine that most of you would recognize what I was referencing in Karkat’s little rant, but if there’s an unlucky soul that either don’t know it, or if I was not that great in writing it, I’ll let you know that it’s the Greek myth about Orpheus who lost his wife (Eurydice), and traveled to the underworld to get her back. Most people already know this myth so I'm not gonna blab on about it. Cheers! (I also quickly want to mention that again, the way Karkat is thinking about the different houses are merely a by-product of his upbringing and rumors he's heard. I, the author don’t think that way. So, when Karkat associates Slytherins with wolves, that's just because he's a dramatic child that believes everything Kankri told him and from what Karkat can tell how Caliborn acts.

Over and out - TL!

GamDave - day one

.: God this is so fucking red it makes me want to mcfreakin puke. Gamzee is so ooc it hurts me. Also i needed to write something with Trans!Dave so yeah. ::::: Dave let out a small sigh, letting his eyes slip shut. He needed to calm down. It was all going to be okay in the end. Living the Makaras was just going to be a temporary thing. As much as he’d love to have a roommate, he’d rather have it be someone who wasn’t dependent on doing drugs to remain sane. He wasn’t happy about it, but this is the situation that he was currently in. Maybe he could get his shit together in record time and leave this damned house. He groans as he flops down on the bed he was staying on, running his hands through his greasy blonde hair. It was days like these that made him question how he’d managed to end up in the situation he was in. Maybe if he was taking care of himself better he wouldn’t be having this problem right now. But Dave didn’t have any form of filter, and that’s what got him into this mess. Of course going onto the deep web was a bad idea, but he didn’t expect it to spiral out of control like that. But of course with Dave, there was no middle ground. It was either mild or extreme. It’s not like it was never like that before. With all the strifes that he used to have with his Bro, he’d either get off just fine without so much as a scratch, or end up plummeting down a flight of stairs and getting bruised on every possible inch of skin that he could. He shuddered at the thought. That was a shitty time of his life, and he didn’t want to start thinking about it again. Back to the task at hand. He slowly sat back up, a small yawn leaving his lips. Dave stretched out his back, groaning as he listened to all the god awful pops and cracks it made. He really needed to find a better sleeping position. He was going to have back problems in a few months if he didn’t sort his shit out now. He slowly stood up, getting a change of clothes and heading up to the bathroom. He had some time to himself, so taking a long, hot shower would be ideal. The Highblood was gone out of town on some business with whatever the fuck kind of job he has, Kurloz was out with a few of his moirails, and Gamzee.. Well Dave didn’t know what the fuck Gamzee was out doing. Dave lets out a deep sigh as he begins to undress once he was in the bathroom. The door was shut. He wasn’t going to take any chances with the clown popping up out of nowhere again. That shit just wasn’t cool. Dave put on a playlist that he found himself listening to even more than usual lately. He didn’t even know why he bothered with creating more playlists anymore. It always came down to just adding more songs to the pre-existing playlist. He got everything set up. A towel hanging up, all his soaps in the shower already. Dave had to hide his soaps or someone else in the house was going to end up stealing all of them. He didn’t feel like spending all the money he earned on soaps. Even if he spent a decent amount of money on soap, he didn’t need to keep spending more and more on it. He turns on the water, pulling the shower curtains across the rack. He waited a little while, just leaning on the counter and staring at himself in the mirror. He hated not wearing his binder. He was planning on saving up for top surgery, but that would mean getting enough time off of work to recover from that. With his boss, that was going to fucking great to explain. Dave was more of a don’t ask, don’t tell kind of guy. If there was no reason to tell someone about him being trans, he wouldn’t bring up the topic. He didn’t see why it had to be such a federal fucking issue. He’d had enough problems with coming out in the past that he didn’t feel the need to ever bring it up with anyone except people who absolutely needed to know. He soon stepped into the shower, letting the hot water run down over his back. This made Dave let out a loud sigh. His tense muscles began to relax. Steam rose up around him, fogging up the room. He forgot to turn on the fan again. That was fine. It’s not like he cared. The bathroom was quite dark. It wasn’t necessarily unpleasant, but it was something that took a little bit of time to get used to. The Makaras used incredibly dark light bulbs for some fucking reason. Dave didn’t know why, and frankly he didn’t care to find out. He was fine with not knowing. He tipped his head back, bringing his pale hands up and running his fingers through his hair. He worked out the tangles the best he could. He needed to get a new comb after Gamzee destroyed the last one trying to brush out his matted curls. Dave got some shampoo in the palm of his right hand and began to massage it into his hair. He closed his eyes, sighing deeply. He began to softly sing along to the music, letting himself get lost in the music. It was something that he’d come to love. He didn’t notice the front door opening and shutting in a hurry. Dave was just lost in his world of the shower. The music was drowning out anything else as he washed his body. He didn’t bother with shaving. He’d handle that later when he wasn’t so tired. After being in there for around forty minutes, he turned off the water and stood there for a moment as he let some of the water run down his body and into the bathtub. He steps out and wraps a towel around his body, standing by the counter again as he stares at the fogged up mirror. He heard someone shuffling past the door, earning a faint groan from Dave. he counted on having enough time to lounge around after the shower and not deal with anyone interrupting his alone time. Whatever. He would just go to bed early again and try to rest up. The towel dries his hair, leaving it in a huge mess as he pulls on his clothes. He wasn’t going to deal with his binder. He was working on not falling asleep in it anymore, which was good for him. He didn’t need another rib injury. The clothes he put on were baggy and several sizes too big. Dave thought that was perfectly fine. That way he didn’t have to worry about any kind of hints that he might have any curves where they shouldn’t be. He watched the mirror as the image it reflection slowly became more visible. When he could make out the words on the band tee he was wearing, he opened the door and stepped out. It was cold, and Dave almost began to shiver. He didn’t understand why the Makaras always kept their house so damn freezing, but Dave was in no position to complain. He began making his way back to the room he was staying in, only to be intercepted by Gamzee halfway there. “Hey motherfucker,” Gamzee’s gravely voice rang out. Dave could tell he’d been smoking lately. The taller male reeked of weed. It’s not that Dave was appalled by it. It was a normal occurrence, and he had grown to enjoy the smell. The entire fucking house smelled like it. “Gamzee, I don’t want to talk right now. I just want to go an take a nap,” he stated calmly as he started to walk past Gamzee. Gamzee’s painted lips curled into a smile. “I know you’re all up and tired, but I wanted to try one motherfuckin’ thing. It won’t take all that long.” He pulled his hands out of the pockets of the dark purple hoodie that he wore all the time. Dave looks up at him , his arms crossing firmly over his chest. “Fine. What is it that you want? This better not be a waste of my time,” The blonde had a slightly annoyed tone to his voice. His stoic expression remained unchanged, but his voice held all his emotions. It was almost as bad os his eyes, which were thankfully covered by his shades that he’d remembered to bring into the bathroom before he got into the shower. “I promise that you’re not going to be all up and disappointed. Just hold up one of your hands,” Gamzee held up one of his hands, spreading out his fingers. Dave rolls his eyes and raises a hand in the same way, spreading out his fingers. “I hope you know that this is stupid,” Dave says firmly as Gamzee takes a step forward. He was about to move his hands back until Gamzee brings one of his hands over and gently presses it to Dave’s. “You’ve got some tiny hands, motherfucker,” Gamzee let out a low chuckle as his fingers curled over the top of Dave’s. The youngest Strider was about to pull his hand away when Gamzee went ahead and laced their fingers together. “What are you doing?” Dave tilts his head to the side slightly, his senses on high alert right now. “Just chill. I’m not gonna hurt you,” still holding one of Dave’s hands, Gamzee moved closer and wrapped an arm around Dave’s waist. He pulled the frail boy close to his chest. Dave’s body tensed right away. “You see, that’s your problem. You get all up and scared when people try and be nice.” Dave didn’t say anything. He just winced as Gamzee began to lightly pat his back. Dave held onto Gamzee’s hand tightly, his other hand gripping the side of the other’s hoodie. “Shh..” Gamzee closed his eyes, his curly hair falling forward as he brought his head down, kissing the top of Dave’s head. “All I want you to do is try and relax. You’ve got nothing’ to worry about now.” The two stood like that for quite some time. It was a peaceful silence. Dave slowly gave a nod, his eyes closing as well. “I can only try.” “And try you will,” Gamzee seemed to be pleased with how Dave was reacting to this. “Now I want you to make sure you’re taking care of yourself, okay little man?” Dave gives a small nod, breathing slowly. This was fine. He was okay with Gamzee being gentle like this. When he wasn’t sober, he was sort of alright. Dave’s body had gradually relaxed enough that he was comfortably leaning on Gamzee. “Let’s get you something to eat. I know you’re all up and skipping out on the meals we make,” Gamzee let out a groan as he picked Dave up easily, carrying him into the kitchen. Gamzee held Dave’s hand the entire time he was cooking, no matter what happened. Dave wasn’t going to start complaining. Gamzee’s hands were warm, sort of like comfortable furnaces. The pale boy was starting to grow on Gamzee. It was nice to have some comfortable silence every now and then.

Post-SBURB AU: Restored Guardians, Restored Earth

Pairing: Dave ♦ Dirk

Smoking was bad for you, Dave knew. But it was either smoke half a pack a day, or do worse things to himself. Lung cancer in twenty years was currently the least of his worries.

He sat on the decorative wall that surrounded their apartment complex, staring at the traffic whizzing by as if nothing life-threatening had ever happened, pulling in smoke that both stung and soothed, kicking his heels against the cheap brick. Absently, he wondered how long it would take to wear down the rubber in his sneakers by kicking them against a the wall. Just kicking, over and over, with no point and no purpose. Would his ankles give out before the shoes did? And wasn’t it exactly the same as what he was doing with Bro?

“Whatever you’re thinking, stop it.”

A shadow fell over Dave’s lap, and he glanced up at his cousin (it was easier than ‘brother’, Dave already had a brother, and he wanted Dirk to be different), dropping his feet so his toes touched the sidewalk. “I wasn’t thinking anything.”

Dirk twitched an eyebrow. It was so much like something Bro would do that it made Dave’s chest ache. “You were thinking depressing thoughts, most of which were either about how much your life sucks, how much his life sucks, or how to end either life. I’m the king of depression, you can’t fool me.”

“Is that something to brag about?” Dave asked, taking another drag. The smoke trickled out, curling up and away into the warm late morning air. “I mean, now that you’re better.”

“If it lets me call you on all kinds of bullshit, then yeah, yeah it is.” Dirk tilted his head back to look toward the top floor of the apartment complex. “Today a Bad Day?”

“… not for him.” Dave shrugged, tossed what was left of the cigarette on the ground and crushed it beneath his foot. “Now that Cal’s gone, he can’t even tie his own shoes without being told to do it. I’m fucking lucky I don’t have to put diapers on him.”

Dirk nodded. “That’s a definite plus. And I know it doesn’t help much, but trust me when I say he’ll get there. He’s me, or some version of me. He’ll keep fighting. He wants to come back, he’s just lost right now.”

“I know.”

“How about I come up with you? Sometimes he likes to talk to me. I probably remind him of how young and stupid he used to be, so he’s tempted to lecture me. You know how old people are.”

Dave shrugged. He wanted to say ‘no’. Part of him wanted to do this all by himself, so that when Bro was finally himself again, he would realize that Dave had been there the whole time. Just Dave. He wanted Bro to want to thank him, give him hugs, praise him and tell him he was Bro’s ‘little man’, and that he was amazing for sticking it out for so long.

But doing it alone wasn’t as spiritual as the TV movies made it seem.

“… might as well. You and Dave aren’t staying here for your health.”

It was Dirk’s turn to shrug. “You, me, and Bro were all raised around here. Dave’s the only one that left. And it’s not like he and I have a place to live in LA. His LA never happened. Besides, the game assigned us that apartment down the block that mysteriously looks like yours, so I’m guessing we’re supposed to be here.” He squeezed Dave’s shoulder and let go. “Whatever the hell SBURB did to us, I’m glad it kept us together.”

Dave stood, dusting his jeans off, keeping the rude At least your brother isn’t a potato with a history of violence and paranoia to himself. “I don’t know if he’ll recognize you today. He’s not talking much. I had to microwave pizza to get him to eat breakfast. He can barely dress himself, but he knows he likes Domino’s pizza. That shit he remembers.”

“He’ll remember it all,” Dirk said. “We just have to be patient. He has to rebuild himself.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know.” Dave rubbed his hands over his face, reciting, “Cultic relationships ‘in which the individual experiences such high-intensity demands on their time and resources that they experience dysfunction in one or more core life areas’. Thank God SBURB kept the libraries and internet intact, or Rose would have nothing to back up her psychological mumbo jumbo.”

“At least we have all that stuff so we know what’s going on with him. That cult shit leaves a hole, and the deeper its roots, the harder it is to fill. But we know how to help. We’ll get him there.”

Dave looked away, fists clenched by his chin without him noticing. “We sure got fucked, didn’t we? Saved the world, but so what? I missed half my high school experience. I don’t even care about school anymore. It’s still there, and I’m supposed to care, but I don’t. I have an older brother who was a dick more times than not, and I have to deal with that, but I didn’t ask his for brains to be put in a fucking blender. Some kind of supernatural juju was trying to choke out his mind like a UFC fighter going for a submission, and hey what do you know, if you pull out brainweeds too fast, you tear up some of the plant with it, so Bro’s brain is tapioca minus the bobas that make vanilla pudding worthwhile. I wanted him to be nice, not a fucking accident victim. How much of my life is SBURB gonna fucking claim? Why wasn’t there a warning on the goddamn CD sleeve? ‘Play at own risk, may damn humanity, will sure as fuck damn the hell out of you. Some nursing experience required. For ages 13 and up.’ ”

His tirade drifted away in the echoes of the traffic on the street. Dirk didn’t answer, but there was no answer. The planet kept going the same way it always had, and no-one had an inkling that they’d escaped extermination because of a pack of teenagers. They were heroes only to themselves; SBURB didn’t replace what it had taken, and the knowledge that they’d secured humanity’s future wasn’t as cozy a comfort as it should have been.

They stood there for a minute, then Dave dropped his hands.

“You ready?” Dirk asked.

Dave nodded. “Yeah. Sorry. Dirk?”

“Yeah?”

“Is it… is it bad I want to know the real Bro? Is it bad that I … I want him to like me?”

“No, Dave.” Dirk slid his arm around Dave’s shoulders. He was a little taller than Dave, despite them being the same age, and they fit easily together. He hugged Dave close and kissed his head. “If he’s anything like me, and he is, because he’s a version of me, so I can say this with 80% assurance: he’s definitely worth knowing, and he’ll definitely like you.”

“Eighty percent, not bad,” Dave snorted weakly.

“Seriously though. This is your choice, and we support you. Sometimes life deals you a big hand of shit, but that doesn’t mean you have to shovel it alone. I know it feels like that, but we’re all here. I’m here. I’m goin’ in with you, bro. I’ve got my waders on and everything. We’re hip deep in this crap, and we’re leaving no man behind, even if we have to crawl.”

Dave nodded again, laughing stiffly. His eyes burned, and he wiped quickly at the wetness at their corners. “I know. Thanks.”

“No big deal.” Dirk hugged him again. “Now let’s get up there and show your Bro some baby pictures. You mentioned diapers? Maybe a reminder that you used to pee on him will spark some memories.”

Reunions (Part 19): Four To Win The War (2 of 3)

8PM, New Hope.

Gareth was standing at the doors of the last bus back to Auradon City, Zelma fussing over him.

“Ya sure you don’t want to stay the night, here, Cap’n?” she asked. “Must be a real fright, having ta sleep in the same room as that man… might even be preferable to have an actual rabid dog than him...”

Gareth smiled as held a packed dinner from her. “Rest assured, Ms. Zelma, I’ve taken care of myself with far worse threats. Should he break his promise to Kalila and attempt to return, I can and will handle him.”

Zelma sighed. “Aye, I believe ye, but then again, that’s what everyone else done in by ‘im said soon before he did...” she muttered.

Gareth patted her on the shoulder. “I’ll be here tomorrow, Ms. Zelma, I promise.”

Zelma smiled ruefully. “I hope so! Would be a shame ta lose you so soon after we just got you...”

“Hey!” the bus driver called out, the door closed. “If you’re not getting on here any time soon, you mind looking for that tiny doctor guy? I’m not waiting here all night for him, and neither are they!” she said, pointing to the rest of the passengers already loaded up.

“Certainly, my good woman!” Gareth replied, before he turned back to Zelma. “Would you happen to have any idea where I might find him?”

Zelma sighed, and pointed behind her. “Probably still in the crap barge; Dave’s already back at the bar, gettin’ drunk and braggin’ about how lucky he is that Teddy let him quit early. Right shame I have to deal with that arse earlier than I usually have to...” she muttered.

“I’ll stay around longer to deal with him, if you need me to, but for now, I must be off to fetch the good doctor. Thank you for the information, Ms. Zelma,” he said, smiling.

“Any time!” Zelma said, smiling back.

Gareth made his way through the quiet bridges and docks of New Hope, saying hello to the few guards out on night duty. Save for Zelma’s brimming with the sounds of chatter and laughter, utensils scraping on plates, and drink glasses clinking and wooden tankards being banged on tables, the town was deathly quiet, now that after-hours restrictions had been instated in the wake of the fuel boat bombing. It was quieter still when he made it to the waste processing plant, only one guard on-duty to sign him in, and give him a much-needed air mask with fresh air filters, with gloves for good measure.

Gareth walked around and called out Ted’s name, until he passed by one of the compost pits and stopped as the surface burbled and moved. He watched as a particularly tiny muck monster with one glowing eye on the top of his head rose from the mess, before he wiped the rotting plant-matter off him and revealed himself to be Ted in a full-body, sealed suit.

“Do you require assistance getting out, Dr. Bearington?” Gareth asked.

“Ugh, that would be lovely, thank you…” Ted replied. “Pray tell, how long was I down there? That repair took far longer than I thought it would...”

“I don’t know, but I do know it’s far beyond time you were ready to board the bus with us and return to Auradon City,” Gareth said as he lifted him out, more fresh compost sloughing off him.

Ted sighed as he made his way to a drain with a hose nearby. “Then please tell the driver to go on without me; I am most certainly NOT returning home whilst smelling of ‘all natural fertilizer,’” he said, before he shuddered.

Gareth nodded, and was about to call one of the other guards by his radio. He stopped as he and Ted noticed the sound of someone slipping and falling to the ground, followed by a faint, muffled cry.

Gareth turned to Ted. “Is anyone else supposed to be here this late at night?” he asked quietly.

“Not by my knowledge, no...” Ted whispered back, frowning underneath his mask.

Gareth followed the noise, till he came upon a woman dressed up in an aquafarmer’s uniform. She hid her surprise well, especially with the mask on her face, but it didn’t take a particularly perceptive person to realize something was up.

He extended his hand, she instinctively crawled back. “Do you need help getting up?” Gareth asked.

“No, no, not at all, Captain!” she said as she quickly scrambled back up. “Just slipped on… something, I’m fine...”

Gareth nodded. “What are you doing here?” he asked.

“Oh! Well, this is embarrassing, but I’m looking for something valuable my friend might have left behind here earlier! Doesn’t seem to be this place, though, so I was just on my way out, actually!”

“I could look for it for you, you know,” Gareth replied.

“H-Hah...” she muttered, “yeah, I-I don’t think she wants to bother you with something so trivial...”

“You did mention it was ‘something valuable...’”

“Sentimentally! I meant sentimentally!” she added. “Look, I need to go, I’ve got curfew and all!” she paused. “You, uh… you won’t rat me out, will you Captain?”

“No, but please, let me see you to the door… you’ll have to surrender your mask there anyway, right?”

She paled, however slightly. “Sure, lead the way, Captain!”

Gareth marched her back to the entrance, where the guard at duty—Duncan of DunBroch—recognized her. “Emmie! What the hell are you doing in here?” he cried.

“You know her?” Gareth asked.

“We go back a ways, Captain...” Duncan grumbled. “Don’t burden yerself, I’ll take care of her.”

“Thank you,” Gareth said. “And if you don’t mind, please have someone tell the bus to go on without me, or Dr. Bearington.”

“Will do, sir; I’ll ask around for someone willing to take you two home, too.”

“That would be much appreciated, Duncan,” Gareth said, before he headed back inside.

He turned rounded a corner, discretely peered back and saw Duncan looking at Emmie sternly as he talked on his radio. Satisfied, he headed back Ted, escorted him to the showers, and waited until he was done.

“May I ask what that disturbance earlier was, Captain?” Ted asked as he dried his hair, the dark curls popping back out to their usual, out-of-control appearance.

“Someone sneaking about looking for something, allegedly,” Gareth replied. “Might be nothing to worry about, but with recent events, every little bit of mischief can’t help but attract great interest.”

“Oh I don’t know about that, I’m sure it’s something completely innocent, or no crime of note,” Ted said. “And in case it wasn’t obvious, I’m being sarcastic,” he said as he threw his used towel into the used bin.

Gareth frowned. “I never got that, sarcasm,” he said as he and Ted started walking out. “Why would you ever speak the opposite of what you mean for emphasis?”

“Because human beings are complex, irrational creatures who do a lot of strange, unproductive, to outright self-destructive things, Captain,” Ted replied.

Gareth nodded. “Onto more pressing matters: would you like a security detail, Doctor? I fear this will only be the first incident, if you continue working by yourself late at night.”

“I’d rather not, honestly,” Ted replied. “You forget, Captain, I’ve been living on the same Isle as you have for the past 20 years. My first defenses may be my wits and over-developed sense of self-preservation, but worst comes to worst, I can run and hide with the best of them.

“For now, let’s step away from the hypotheticals, and onto facts: we don’t have a way back to Auradon City, unless you want to try to make a two-hour drive on foot.”

“I can help with that,” a third voice said.

Ted and Gareth stopped near the entrance of the waste treatment plant, Lt. Rajei standing just outside.

“Captain Gareth, Dr. Bearington,” she said with a nod of her head.

“Lieutenant Rajei,” Gareth said with a salute. “What are you doing here, if I may ask?”

“I overheard that you two needed a ride back to Auradon City,” Rajei said as she walked over to them. “Think of it as my apology for my behaviour, and the tip of the olive branch to you, Gareth. I realize if we’re going to be working together for as long as this project is running, it would be best if are civil with one another,” she said as she extended a hand.

Gareth nodded, smiling as he took it and shook. “Agreed, Lieutenant, and I appreciate the gesture. Any objections, Dr. Bearington?”

Ted looked uneasily at Rajei, then back at Gareth. He did a quick debate in his head, before he shrugged. “I suppose a ride home’s a ride home…” he said.

Rajei hummed. “Meet me at the entrance, then—the only squad car here always needs digging out of the mud, for how long it goes between uses,” she said as she turned around and left.

“Understood,” Gareth said. “Oh, and Lieutenant?”

Rajei turned around. “What is it?”

“What would you happen to know about an aquafarmer called ‘Emmie’?”

“Ermingrad of the Isle? Brown hair, calm disposition that cracks quickly under pressure, constantly scurrying about where she shouldn’t be?”

“Yes, her exactly.”

Rajei sighed. “She’s a nuisance of mine. Smuggler BGU, ‘requisitions officer’ for Maleficent AGU, and now she helps facilitate this town’s contraband market as a courier. Unfortunately, she doesn’t deal in anything more serious than cigarettes, pornography, and the odd recreational drug, which is why Lady Evie refuses to let me evict her.

“Why do you ask?”

“I found her scurrying about inside earlier, and left her with Duncan after I walked her out,” Gareth replied.

Rajei’s eyes widened in alarm, before groaned. “I’m letting this go for now because I haven’t had time to brief you yet, but the next time you surrender one of my headaches to the guard she bribes to look the other way? I won’t be as merciful, Gareth.”

Gareth hung his head. “My apologies, Lieutenant.”

“Just don’t let it happen again, Captain,” Rajei growled, before she turned around, and stalked off.

Some time later, they were on the road back to Auradon in the New Hope Guard’s jeep, Rajei driving, Ted in the passenger seat, and Gareth taking up most of the back. For a while, it was quiet but for the sound of the cicadas buzzing and the radio’s quiet hum as it attempted to pick up official guard transmissions, until Gareth broke the silence.

“Lieutenant?” he asked.

Rajei didn’t look back. “Yes, Gareth?”

“May I ask how the investigation of the fuel boat explosion is going?”

“No, Gareth, and no amount of wheedling or begging is going to make me change my mind,” Rajei replied. “For one, you’re not trained in the proper protocols of an investigation, two, you’re not authorized to make an arrest unless you catch someone right in the middle in the act, like actually trying to set fire to a fuel tank, and three, unlike the Isle, and we here at Auradon are very insistent the rules are followed during the pursuit of justice.

“As a former knight yourself, I’d have expected you to understand that last one. Or has twenty years on the Isle eroded all your training?” she said, looking at Gareth through the rearview mirror.

The air grew tense for a moment, Ted quietly slunk further down in his spacious seat, bringing his head below the level of Rajei’s shoulders.

Rajei turned back to the road, Gareth sighed. “I will admit I am more than rusty, especially with so much of Auradon being alien to me…” he said. “… But still, I remember that sometimes, to enforce the law, protect the peace, and defend the people, you have to break the rules.”

Rajei’s driving slowed. “Dr. Bearington, watch the road for me, please,” she said. Ted reluctantly sat up and looked out at the deserted dirt road in front of them and the lights of Auradon City in the distance, as she looked in the rear-view mirror.

“Did any of the other guards tell you how I got stationed in New Hope?” Rajei asked.

Gareth shook his head. “No, they mentioned it was a topic to avoid with you, unless you yourself bring it up.”

“Well, good to see some of my orders are being followed!” Rajei said, before her face turned serious once more. “I was just like you, Gareth, before I was stationed here. Cocky, passionate about my job, raring to go at the slightest hint of wrongdoing, dreaming of busting down doors, and busting the crimes going down behind them.

“I thought that protocol was only slowing us all down, that the Royal Guard is struggling so much because we sweat and bleed over paperwork more often than we do in the field. That when it really came down to it, I’d make like one of the heroes of old and bust a major crime, crack a mystery, unveil an insidious plot and unravel it before it could reach its deadly fruition.

“Then I learned that bravado without brains, disrespecting the rules, and thinking that fate chose you for some divine mission is the surest way for all your achievements to go down the drain, turning you from a notable fresh graduate rising through Agrabah’s ranks to a disgrace in charge of a smelly swamp somewhere out near Auradon City.

“Do you really want to help me, solve this mystery, and find your terrorist, Gareth?

“Then keep out of trouble, see what you can dig up using legal methods, and above all, follow the rules. The villagers seem to like you more than they ever did me, so why don’t you go befriend some of them, see what sort of information they might share with you?

“If nothing else, you can take their pettier concerns from me, and let me focus on keeping New Hope floating, literally and figuratively.”

Gareth turned his eyes down, and nodded. “I understand, Lieutenant.”

“Thank you, Gareth,” Rajei replied, her face still stern as always as she turned back to the road.

“… Err, Lieutenant?” Ted asked.

“Yes, Dr. Bearington?” Rajei replied flatly.

“Since you two were going on about the issues plaguing the town, may I throw my own onto the pile?”

“Is it a matter of that security system Lady Evie wants you to build?”

“No, but it came about as I was attempting to lay down the foundations for it with Dave, and discovered that most of the town’s infrastructure is falling apart.”

Rajei gritted her teeth. “Write a report at your soonest convenience, Dr. Bearington, and I’ll make sure it gets sent to Lady Evie.”

“How bad is it?” Gareth asked.

“Let me put it this way: if hadn’t met the man, seen him in action, and had consistent accounts of his lackluster work ethic from every single one of the townsfolk I’ve met, I’d start raising the probability of intentional sabotage.”

Rajei shook her head. “Typical Dave… some unsolicited advice for the both of you: start looking for new jobs. Lady Evie has been keen to keep the numbers to herself, but with replacing the fuel boat and all the gas inside, the materials and the work for Bearington’s security system, and fixing up Dave’s fuck-ups, the government grants and investments are probably going to start thinking of cutting their losses and pulling out the next time she sends them a financial report.”

“But what of her grade, her Sustainable Castle Planning class?” Gareth asked.

“Then she fails, what else?” Rajei replied. “Not every project and endeavour makes it to completion, Gareth.”

“Had failures not been as many as they are, we would not sing so much praise about the few that succeed...” Ted muttered.

“Exactly,” Rajei said.

Gareth looked over his shoulder, at the untamed mangroves they were leaving behind, the blinking light of New Hope’s one cell tower peaking out through the canopy like a lighthouse.

Would he lose his new home, so soon after he arrived…?

He turned back to the road, a look of grim determination on his face. He’d already lost two homes to forces beyond his control—first, there was his birthplace, all because he had been blinded by his passion and sworn loyalty to the Evil Queen, second, when his faith in her had amounted to nothing but personal ruin and a daughter he could not see, could not speak to, could not had known he even was her father until now.

New Hope was not going to be his third—not while he had anything to say about it.