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eviestrol · 4 years

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Synastry Ship - 🎈

I’m not sure if synastry ships are still open, but if they are could I do one with Itzy Chaeryeong? My anon nickname can be... 🎈thank you so much I think this is so cool okie bye

Thanks for requesting!!

Pros

Trine Sun - Neptune: You are tuned into each other’s feelings and feel like you have found your soulmate. It’s easy to forgive each other. You have a very understanding, loving, and dreamy connection.

Conjunction Moon - Pluto: Causes a magnetic sexual attraction and you are instinctively tuned in to each other’s emotional needs. You need each other. You’ll cause great spiritual growth in each other.

Conjunction Mercury - Saturn: You tend to talk about and discuss practical plans and avoid idle chatter. You will do an excellent job together on mutual goals that require the gathering and organization of information. However, communication issues can arise in this aspect. Chaeryeong will help you clarify and define ideas but can end up coming across as overcritical at times. She will have to be careful not to interrupt or judge you when you share your ideas. You will be more able to solve problems, work on serious issues, and focus on practical concerns, but you may feel inhibited about sharing thoughts and ideas which might not be met with approval. Also, your conversations tend to focus on serious topics or practical affairs and business, which can become dull for one or both of you.

Trine Mercury - Uranus: You have a lively intellectual relationship and are often able to finish each other’s sentences. Open communication figures strongly in your relationship. Conversations about unconventional approaches to living or inventive technology give you inspiration and increased mental vigor.

Conjunction Venus - Lunar node: You have a good intellectual and physical understanding. You love each other sincerely and believe in each other.

Trine Mars - Lunar node: This is an indication that your relationship will grow and endure.

Conjunction Saturn - Lunar node: She helps you achieve your ambitions.

Cons

Opposition Sun - Moon: Difficult marriage because this aspect causes multiple misunderstandings and conflicts. Even if you’re working towards the same goal, you both have your own idea about how to accomplish it. You feel like you have to defend your habits or opinions. You may disagree about how to raise children if you have them and how to handle financial responsibilities. There will always be the feeling that you can’t totally be yourself with her and vice versa.

Opposition Sun - Pluto: This is a very intense aspect. You want to know everything about each other. But, sometimes with this aspect, you can end up using each other’s deepest secrets against each other. This aspect indicates a power struggle. Chaeryeong wants to know everything about you, control and possess you, and wants to be a part of every facet of your life. This relationship can easily become possessive and frustrating. The bond between you will be hard to break, but it may not always be healthy.

Square Mars - Saturn: Very negative and discouraging aspect. Sex can be disappointing and criticism can lead to performance anxiety. It seems like no matter what you do, she is never happy. It’s easy for her to bring out your insecurities and tear you down. It’s easy for this relationship to turn verbally abusive. You are most likely to feel blocked and frustrated in this relationship. This is an aspect often found in the synastry charts of sexless marriages.

Opposition Jupiter - Pluto: You have different opinions on morality, ethics, religion, and spirituality. You actively challenge her views. You both have valid points of view when looking from your vantage points. Recognizing this point is the first step toward the awareness you seek and the fulfillment of the promise that brought you together.

Overall: A large focus of this relationship is on practical conversations that can get dry or dull at times. You challenge each other’s views and it feels like you can’t totally be yourself around her at times. It will be hard for you guys to agree on the right way to approach finances and other responsibilities. You feel a strong emotional bond, but this can cause some power struggles because you’re scared to lose each other.

I hope you like it! Feel free to request again at any time~

#kpop ships #🎈#synastry ships #itzy ships

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kinglyben · 6 years

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“Encourage, lift and strengthen one another. For the positive energy spread to one will be felt by us all.”

-- Deborah Day

CONSUL PERSONALITY (ESFJ, -A/-T)

People who share the Consul personality type are, for lack of a better word, popular – which makes sense, given that it is also a very common personality type, making up twelve percent of the population. In high school, Consuls are the cheerleaders and the quarterbacks, setting the tone, taking the spotlight and leading their teams forward to victory and fame. Later in life, Consuls continue to enjoy supporting their friends and loved ones, organizing social gatherings and doing their best to make sure everyone is happy.

At their hearts, Consul personalities are social creatures, and thrive on staying up to date with what their friends are doing.

Discussing scientific theories or debating European politics isn’t likely to capture Consuls’ interest for too long. Consuls are more concerned with fashion and their appearance, their social status and the standings of other people. Practical matters and gossip are their bread and butter, but Consuls do their best to use their powers for good.

Respecting the Wisdom of Leadership

Consuls are altruists, and they take seriously their responsibility to help and to do the right thing. Unlike their Diplomat relatives however, people with the Consul personality type will base their moral compass on established traditions and laws, upholding authority and rules, rather than drawing their morality from philosophy or mysticism. It’s important for Consuls to remember though, that people come from many backgrounds and perspectives, and what may seem right to them isn’t always an absolute truth.

Consuls love to be of service, enjoying any role that allows them to participate in a meaningful way, so long as they know that they are valued and appreciated. This is especially apparent at home, and Consuls make loyal and devoted partners and parents. Consul personalities respect hierarchy, and do their best to position themselves with some authority, at home and at work, which allows them to keep things clear, stable and organized for everyone.

Play Dates Aren’t Just for the Kids!

Supportive and outgoing, Consuls can always be spotted at a party – they’re the ones finding time to chat and laugh with everyone! But their devotion goes further than just breezing through because they have to. Consuls truly enjoy hearing about their friends’ relationships and activities, remembering little details and always standing ready to talk things out with warmth and sensitivity. If things aren’t going right, or there’s tension in the room, Consuls pick up on it and to try to restore harmony and stability to the group.

Being pretty conflict-averse, Consuls spend a lot of their energy establishing social order, and prefer plans and organized events to open-ended activities or spontaneous get-togethers. People with this personality type put a lot of effort into the activities they’ve arranged, and it’s easy for Consuls’ feelings to be hurt if their ideas are rejected, or if people just aren’t interested. Again, it’s important for Consuls to remember that everyone is coming from a different place, and that disinterest isn’t a comment about them or the activity they’ve organized – it’s just not their thing.

Coming to terms with their sensitivity is Consuls’ biggest challenge – people are going to disagree and they’re going to criticize, and while it hurts, it’s just a part of life. The best thing for Consuls to do is to do what they do best: be a role model, take care of what they have the power to take care of, and enjoy that so many people do appreciate the efforts they make.

CONSUL STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES

Consul Strengths

Strong Practical Skills – Consuls are excellent managers of day-to-day tasks and routine maintenance, enjoying making sure that those who are close to them are well cared for.

Strong Sense of Duty – People with the Consul personality type have a strong sense of responsibility and strive to meet their obligations, though this may sometimes be more from a sense of social expectations than intrinsic drive.

Very Loyal – Valuing stability and security very highly, Consuls are eager to preserve the status quo, which makes them extremely loyal and trustworthy partners and employees. Consuls are true pillars of any groups they belong to – whether it is their family or a community club, people with this personality type can always be relied upon.

Sensitive and Warm – Helping to ensure that stability, Consul personalities seek harmony and care deeply about other people’s feelings, being careful not to offend or hurt anybody. Consuls are strong team players, and win-win situations are the stuff smiles are made of.

Good at Connecting with Others – These qualities come together to make Consuls social, comfortable and well-liked. Consul personalities have a strong need to “belong”, and have no problem with small talk or following social cues in order to help them take an active role in their communities.

Consul Weaknesses

Worried about Their Social Status – These Strengths are related to a chief Weakness: Consuls’ preoccupation with social status and influence, which affects many decisions they make, potentially limiting their creativity and open-mindedness.

Inflexible – Consuls place a lot of importance on what is socially acceptable, and can be very cautious, even critical of anything unconventional or outside the mainstream. People with this personality type may also sometimes push their own beliefs too hard in an effort to establish them as mainstream.

Reluctant to Innovate or Improvise – Just as they can be critical of others’ “unusual” behavior, Consuls may also be unwilling to step out of their own comfort zones, usually for fear of being (or just appearing) different.

Vulnerable to Criticism – It can be especially challenging to change these tendencies because Consuls are so conflict-averse. Consul personalities can become very defensive and hurt if someone, especially a person close to them, criticizes their habits, beliefs or traditions.

Often Too Needy – Consuls need to hear and see a great deal of appreciation. If their efforts go unnoticed, people with the Consul personality type may start fishing for compliments, in an attempt to get reassurance of how much they are valued.

Too Selfless – The other side of this is that Consuls sometimes try to establish their value with doting attention, something that can quickly overwhelm those who don’t need it, making it ultimately unwelcome. Furthermore, Consuls often neglect their own needs in the process.

CONSUL RELATIONSHIPS

Prizing social validation and a sense of belonging so highly, romantic relationships hold a special level of importance for Consuls. No other kind of relationship provides people with the Consul personality type with the same level of support and devotion, and the feelings of security and stability that come with strong romantic relationships are extremely warming.

Consuls don’t do casual flings – they need to know that their partners will always be by their sides offering unwavering support, and marriage and family are the ultimate goal.

With such a goal in mind, Consul personalities take each stage, from dating to everything thereafter, very seriously. Everything about Consuls’ relationships is based on satisfying mutual needs, from creating understanding early on to building mutual respect and support for each other’s opinions and goals. Knowing that they are loved and appreciated has a huge effect on Consuls’ mood and self-esteem.

Live Long Enough and Everyone Makes Mistakes...

If they feel like this support isn’t there, such as when their partners deliver criticism, Consuls can feel extremely hurt. People with the Consul personality type dislike conflict and criticism, which can make it challenging to address any problems that come up. Nothing is more hurtful or depressing to Consuls than to realize that their partners don’t respect their dreams or opinions. Consuls can be surprisingly tough and tireless in the face of hardship, but they need to know without a doubt that their partners are behind them 100%.

Unfortunately, less mature Consuls may lack the inner strength and wisdom to attract this in healthy ways. They can be very needy, compromising their own principles and values in exchange for their partners’ approval. This is a terrible trap – not only is it unattractive, it can too easily lead to emotionally abusive relationships, which reduce Consuls’ self-esteem further. Another snare is their fixation on social status and approval – it’s not uncommon for Consuls’ social circles and relatives to play a bigger part in their choice of dating partners than even their own values.

...But Learning From Those Mistakes Makes a Better Person

Consuls are warm, loyal people who want to feel trusted and valued. They are great with practical matters like money management and administrative tasks, and are happy to take on such responsibilities in the name of taking care of the people they care about, a wonderful quality. Consuls just need to make sure they take the time to ensure that they build relationships that allow them to satisfy their own needs and dreams, with partners who appreciate their care and generosity fully, and who reciprocate as well.

Consuls are often very organized in how their relationships develop, following established dating rules and traditions (don’t call first, third date, etc.). As their relationships enter more sexual stages, Consuls’ emphasis on process and tradition continue with established gender roles and socially acceptable activities.

However, since Consuls are so centered on the physical world and are quite emotional, they tend to be very affectionate and sensual, and overall great sexual partners. People with this personality type love to find ways to make their partners happy, and this sort of intimacy is a great way to do so. As the two partners become more comfortable with each other, Consuls are often open to experimenting and trying new things, so long as their partners are willing to reciprocate.

Consuls have specific needs for their relationships, and certain personality types are best able to meet those needs. In general, partners should share Consuls’ Observant (S) trait, but it can also be useful to develop a sense of introspection that Introverted (I) partners can provide, with maybe one more opposing trait to help Consuls focus on logical decisions when appropriate, or to be more open-minded in new situations.

CONSUL FRIENDS

Consuls are a very social personality type, seeking large circles of friends and proving themselves more than willing to spend the time and energy necessary to maintain these relationships. Loyal and warm, Consuls are known for standing by their friends no matter what, and providing a constant source of emotional support and encouragement.

Consul personalities are also sensitive to the traditions of friendship, seeing the support they offer as much as a responsibility as a pleasure.

Doing everything they can to make sure their friends are happy, and being so comfortable with introductions and small talk, Consuls are naturally very popular in pretty much any environment. This is a dynamic that Consuls genuinely enjoy, but they also expect their efforts and support to be reciprocated. There’s nothing quite as hurtful to people with the Consul personality type as finding out that a trusted friend is critical of their beliefs or habits, except maybe being told so in a direct confrontation.

Consuls have a tendency to believe that their friends can do no wrong, always stepping up to defend them regardless of circumstances, and they expect the same benefit of the doubt in return. Consuls can greatly expand their circle of friends if they learn to be more receptive to other perspectives, rather than making snap judgments and conclusions. It’s important for Consuls, as with anyone, to avoid being insulated from other viewpoints and opinions, to relate to and understand ever more people.

We’re All in It Together

On the other hand, Consuls are great at using their sensitivity to stay in tune with what motivates and drives their friends. While in their weaker moments, Consul personalities can sometimes use these observations to manipulate others, they are far more interested in maintaining strong relationships, and this is a great tool for doing so. Altruists that they are, Consuls almost always use their powers for good, encouraging and inspiring others.

By and large, the Consul personality type is a pleasant and sincere one. Their energy and social intelligence win them many acquaintances and friends, and their support and dedication keep those friendships close and strong. With so much zest for life and company, dull moments are sure to be few and far between.

CONSUL PARENTS

As parents, Consuls have an excellent opportunity to display their warmth, affection and dedication in ways that have a real and positive impact. Sensitive yet firm, Consul parents are able to establish rules and authority without being entirely overbearing, using their compassion and support to smooth over the occasional miscommunication or difference of opinion.

Having children is often the culmination of Consuls’ life goals, and they cherish every moment of it.

From the start, Consuls try to ensure that their children feel safe and happy. People with the Consul personality type enjoy the support they are able to give their infants, who are utterly dependent on their care. Family being as important as it is to Consuls, this is an incredibly rewarding start to the relationship.

Handling Adversity Fosters Growth

As their children grow and begin to explore more, Consuls’ love and care grows with them, but often becomes overprotective. Consuls may not just keep their children safe physically, but also socially, by arranging play dates, camps and other activities so much that their children aren’t free to make the blunders that lead to emotional growth and social independence.

Consuls value harmony and stability highly, and it’s often the case that they try to use indirect pressure to try to teach life’s lessons. When they are forced into a confrontation by their children’s blatant wrong-doing though, Consul parents step in firmly, and expect their words to be respected. Believers in traditional roles, Consul parents view the parent-child relationship in black and white terms, with their authority as final.

Character Is a Journey, Not a Destination

As their children grow into adolescence and begin to push away from their parents, Consuls can take this transition personally. Feeling like they are losing their children, Consul personalities sometimes try to prolong their dependence as long as possible. It’s important to remember that when grown children leave the home, it’s because their parents were successful in preparing them for the next phase of their lives, an accomplishment Consuls can be proud of.

Consuls’ children will always appreciate the sensitivity and warmth that they were raised with, and as time goes on and they have their own children, they will cherish the fact that those children have the benefit of grandparents who love and care for them unconditionally.

CONSUL CAREERS

Because Consuls’ traits are so strongly expressed, leading with practical sense and social vigor, the careers they find most satisfying usually revolve around making the best use of these qualities. Consuls are well-organized, enjoying bringing order and structure to their workplaces, and often work best in environments with clear, predictable hierarchies and tasks. Monotony and routine work are not a challenge for the Consul personality type, as they are happy to do what needs to be done.

Cooperation, not Conflict

Careers as administrators are a natural fit, allowing Consuls to organize not just an environment, but the people in it. Their practical skills combine well with their dependability, making Consul personalities surprisingly good accountants – though they often prefer to be personal accountants, helping people and interacting with them directly, instead of corporate accountants crunching numbers in some back room.

Purely analytical careers are often too dull for Consuls though – they need human interaction and emotional feedback to be truly satisfied in their line of work. Good listeners and enthusiastic team members, people with the Consul personality type are excellent providers of medical care and social work. Teaching is another great option, as Consuls are comfortable with authority, but are supportive and friendly enough to keep that authority from feeling overbearing.

Consuls’ best careers all have the additional benefit of providing them with perhaps their most important requirement: to feel appreciated and know they’ve helped someone.

Being as altruistic as they are, Consuls find it hard to be satisfied unless they know they’ve done something valuable for another person. This is often the driving force behind Consuls’ careers and career advancement, and makes religious work and counseling particularly rewarding.

Whatever they choose to do, Consul personalities’ comfort with busy social situations and practical knowledge and skills come together to create people who are not just able to be productive and helpful, but people who genuinely enjoy it.

CONSULS IN THE WORKPLACE

When it comes to the workplace, Consuls have clear tendencies that show through regardless of their position. People with the Consul personality type thrive on social order and harmony, and use their warmth and social intelligence to make sure that each person knows their responsibilities and is able to get done what needs to get done. Consuls are comfortable, even dependent on clear hierarchies and roles, and whether subordinates, colleagues or managers, Consul personalities expect authority to be respected and backed up by rules and standards.

Consul Subordinates

With clearly defined responsibilities and a sense of purpose, Consuls are patient, efficient, hard-working people who respect the authority of their managers. While Consuls may struggle with too much freedom and improvisation, they thrive in workplaces with structure, safety and guidelines. Routine tasks are not a problem for Consuls, and their dedication and loyalty earn them the respect of their managers.

Consul Colleagues

Teamwork is a concept that Consuls have no trouble putting into practice. Often seeking friends at work, people with this personality type are almost always willing to lend a hand when and where it’s needed. Excellent networkers, Consuls always seem to “know just the guy” to bring a project together on time. On the other hand, Consuls often need to work on a team – being stuck alone chipping away at paperwork for days on end just leaves them tired and unfulfilled.

Consuls take pride in these qualities, which has the side effect of making them particularly sensitive when they come under criticism. When their suggestions and help are turned down, Consul personalities can take it personally. Already somewhat vulnerable to stress, rejections like these can be pretty demoralizing, and Consuls may need their coworkers to make an effort to express their appreciation from time to time.

Consul Managers

Consuls enjoy the responsibility that comes with organizing social situations, and the enjoyment they feel in managing other people translates well into management positions. As team leaders, Consuls find ways to make everyone feel involved, uniting people and smoothing relations in order to get things done.

At the same time, Consuls have a strong respect for traditional power structures, and if after all their efforts convincing their subordinates to work together someone ends up challenging their authority, they can stress out, lose their temper, and just generally react badly. People with the Consul personality type are sensitive about their status and dislike conflict, and prefer situations where everyone knows their role. So long as expectations are clearly outlined, Consuls are effective and enjoyable managers.

CONSUL PERSONALITY – CONCLUSION

Few personality types are as practical and caring as Consuls. Known for their reliability and kindness, Consuls are good at creating and maintaining a secure and stable environment for themselves and their loved ones. Consuls’ dedication is invaluable in many areas, including their own personal growth.

Yet Consuls can be easily tripped up in areas where their kind and practical attitude is more of a liability than an asset. Whether it is navigating interpersonal conflicts, confronting unpleasant facts, pursuing self-realization, or managing your workload, you need to put in a conscious effort to develop your weaker traits and additional skills.

#mbti #about ben #scrapbook #www.16personalities.com

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heknowssomebody · 3 years

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SAMANTHA “SAM” MITCHELL

THESE ARE THE RESULTS SAM RECEIVED FROM THE 16PERSONALITIES TEST, WHICH CAN BE FOUND HERE AND I ENCOURAGE OTHERS WHO WANT FURTHER INSIGHT AND/OR A CONCISE PERSONALITY DESCRIPTION TO TAKE THIS. IT IS VERY WELL DONE.

RESULTS

ESFJ-A: EXTRAVERTED OBSERVANT FEELING JUDGING–ASSERTIVE ( THE CONSUL )

[ MORE DETAILS BELOW THE CUT. ]

Introduction

Encourage, lift and strengthen one another. For the positive energy spread to one will be felt by us all.

At their hearts, Consul personalities are social creatures, and thrive on staying up to date with what their friends are doing.

Respecting the Wisdom of Leadership

Play Dates Aren’t Just for the Kids!

Strengths & Weaknesses

Consul Strengths

Strong Practical Skills – Consuls are excellent managers of day-to-day tasks and routine maintenance, enjoying making sure that those who are close to them are well cared for.

Consul Weaknesses

Romantic Relationships

Consuls don’t do casual flings – they need to know that their partners will always be by their sides offering unwavering support, and marriage and family are the ultimate goal.

Live Long Enough and Everyone Makes Mistakes...

...But Learning From Those Mistakes Makes a Better Person

Friendships

Consul personalities are also sensitive to the traditions of friendship, seeing the support they offer as much as a responsibility as a pleasure.

We’re All in It Together

Parenthood

Having children is often the culmination of Consuls’ life goals, and they cherish every moment of it.

Handling Adversity Fosters Growth

Character Is a Journey, Not a Destination

Career Paths

Cooperation, not Conflict

Consuls’ best careers all have the additional benefit of providing them with perhaps their most important requirement: to feel appreciated and know they’ve helped someone.

Workplace Habits

Consul Subordinates

Consul Colleagues

Consul Managers

Conclusion

Few personality types are as practical and caring as Consuls. Known for their social and administrative skills, Consuls are good at creating and maintaining a secure, stable and friendly environment for themselves and their loved ones. Consuls’ dedication is invaluable in many areas, including their own personal growth.

Yet Consuls can be easily tripped up in areas where their kindness and practical approach are more of a liability than an asset.

#|| go forth & have no fear || { about sam }

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nerdygirl2888 · 7 years

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Writing and Reviews: How to grow and learn from negativity.

It’s been over a year since I began writing again, a whirlwind year of learning how to express my thoughts into words and turning words into stories that landed into the world of fan fiction. Some of these turned into multiple chapter stories. Other one-shots that venture into horror and other darker strange things to enter into my brain.

In return, I found my niche in writing out of the box, strange and unconventional settings for my character. I took my own history and background of broken homes, abuse: emotional, physical, sexual that brought the underlying emotion to these thoughts that I turned into words. I can relate how these characters feel, I can process their thoughts because I had my recovery from those events of my life.

I put my deep dark secrets into these stories I write. I found freedom from my demons which were comparably easy compared to the next thing.

I learned how to take criticism, it wasn’t easy but I have learned. Now knowing the difference between constructive and trolls is number one.

Trolls are just annoying useless, and usually guests reviews you can’t reply back to.

Example: Omg I hate this and that and you need to give up writing because omg your grammar blows.

Constructive are positive in their approach generally. Still may be a Debbie downer after all the work you put into the chapter.

Example: I enjoy your story, you have interesting thoughts and idea but your grammar and structure can use some work. If you ever need help you can look for beta’s, or I can help you if you want the help. I believe the story is good and would love to make it better…

Or maybe they question your plot point or where you came up with your plot or timeline out of curiosity.

Reply, say thank you first off. Laugh it off and say yeah I’ve always struggled. Ask them what you are doing wrong! How you can improve.

Explain your reasoning if you want for writing it as you have.

I learned to take negative reviews with a grain of salt, and it may sting but think about what they are saying with an open mind.

They are saying it for a reason.

I like to think I’ve come a long way in the past year of writing. I know I have had countless discussions about descriptive elements, grammar, character development with many fellow authors before you even knew me on here. Without the questions and Constructive Criticism, even the trolls of telling me my sentence structure and grammar blew chunks.

I wouldn’t have learned for the better (in my own stubborn way.)

The more you work on your own writing, the more you challenge yourself the better you will become.

The better you become the less unsavoury reviews about grammar, structure, formatting will be.

I just learned how to use a semicolon( I think anyway). Other authors have made me think about how to show a reader, vs telling a reader when they mentioned having trouble with a chapter. So now I think about that while I’m writing. I have never taken creative writing and high school was over ten years by now. I’m 29 and still learning every new chapter I write. I’m nowhere near perfect, but I can see myself growing as a writer and that’s what counts.

Writer and criticism come hand in hand. To write and not expect someone not like it is the same as a boxer expecting not to be hit while in the ring.

You will get hit, you will get knock down. But you will not learn if you don’t give up. Accept that you have faults and pick yourself back up.

You will get through it.

If you’re policed by a troll, trying to save you from eternal damnation from writing fan fiction or get put in the ‘Eliminators ’s forum’ because god-forbid I write song fic’s.

Laugh it off. Of if you are me, write back and tell them to fuck off with the Saving. (I can post the response if you wish.)

Begging and requesting only positive reviews will only put people off, and you yourself will never grow and learn from what people may say. It’s pointless and rather annoying at least in my book. If you as a writer are going to tell me what I can and cannot say then I will just not say a thing.

Now another thing as a writer and a reader….I understand that reviewing is hard at times. Depending on the time of year, I work two jobs, plus I write my own stories I have a life. I will always try and review when I can, especially if I notice you are reviewing my own stories and I happen to enjoy your (reviewers) stories. I will try my best to take two-three minutes and write a review to let you know you are doing an amazingly awesome job. Whether I’m on the bus, or on the sly at work because I know it will make someone’s day.

I know I still do a happy dance when my favourite idols/authors review my stories.

I don’t leave much constructive feedback myself because who am I to judge another story when my own skills are still developing. But If I do ask or point something out I try to have my valid reasons and I try to be polite as possible.

These are my thoughts and musings on writing and reviews…

#writing #fanfiction #reviews #random #musings

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csa-survivor-confessions · 5 years

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(?) I don’t know how to go about telling my sister my brother abused me. I’m sure he didn’t abuse her, he hated me and treated me like shit because he saw me as compitition, but was friends with my sister. She still sees through him often and Moans too me about him and how he is rude too my parents, doesn’t clean up after himself and is intitled etc. I wonder if she knows but also wouldn’t know how to bring it up.

Hello,

I’ll start with some general advice to help you with communicating in general.

Getting Started:

Fear of how people will react to sharing stories of abuse is really common. Sharing our histories and reaching out for help is extremely hard, that’s normal. But it is healing and important to tell people what happened to move forward and find the support you need.

A good place start is making it real to ourselves. Writing about it or saying it to ourselves is helpful, knowing we have the words to verbalize what we know of what happened and how to ask for what we need is really helpful. I’m a huge fan of writing about feelings in general, knowing where we are with ourselves allows reaching out to be easier. Having at least a starting understanding is important. This process continues after telling someone.

How To Have The Conversation:

Two ways to talk is to write something to them an email, letter etc. or a face to face conversation. I do consider conversations had in sign language, with a pic board or text to speech machines as a verbal/face to face conversation. I don’t recommend phone calls, you have the worst parts of both options.

With letters, it is great for those of us who struggle with verbal communication, it allows the start of the conversation to not be impacted by verbal or auditory communication deficits. it’s easier and it allows you to write something thought out. Think about what you want to say, but don’t put things off forever holding it in forever makes the sending of the letter harder. A negative is waiting for the response.

Face to face conversations are good because they are immediate responses and you can have instant comfort and the emotions are more visible. A negative if you have intense struggles with verbal communication it can be frustrating to get the information across. It is also a very overwhelming experience and can be off-putting.

You can write something and then read it out loud this can help with having things planned out. It can give you some of the helpful ability to have some words chosen ahead of time to start the topic.

Either way, before you have the topic please think about what you are willing and not willing to share. You never have to include graphic details of an event. What parts of your story are for others over at any moment is up to you. Your story is yours you own it.

Handling Worries About The Reaction:

Things almost never go as good as we hope or as bad as we fear. The conversation will likely be overwhelming and/or emotional so you do have to plan for and understand it. There can also be a few different reactions that can seem out of the blue within ourselves. Like you might go completely blank and talk like a robot to handle the stress, you might feel blurred and confused from dissociative symptoms, or get insanely angry. Those are just as valid as fear and grief. Feeling like you can’t even speak, or feeling chocked is common, fear can cause that along with abusers can plant the idea talking cannot be done.

There is always the possibility the react horribly. Completely shutting you down, calling you a liar, calling you misguided or acting like it doesn’t matter. I can’t tell you this won’t happen, but I can say you will survive. There will be people who believe you and we are some of them. It’s discouraging and horrific but you will survive.

Also remember that our worst judgments of ourselves, shame, poor self-esteem and self invalidation is warped by the abuse. We are often some of the most judgmental people of ourselves, how our abusers treated us makes all of the worst thoughts and messages we receive take a real stronghold. This is important because it can help us feel after telling the story.

Some Dos and Don’ts:

Do: Choose a time where you don’t have a strict time limit.

Do: Bring notes to a conversation if it helps.

Don’t: Have the conversation when other stressors are going on.

Do: Create a calm space, bring water or tea.

Do: Understand that sometimes some unconventional things might help. Like having a conversation in the car as it puts you one on one.

Don’t: Feel the need to share every detail.

Do: Feel proud for taking this important step.

Do: Know any emotions you have are fine and valid.

Don’t: Feel pressure for this conversation to be the big end all be all.

Do: Know we think you’re amazing for doing this.

(from our post: Advice: Telling people about the Abuse)

__________

So some specific things for your case,

Telling stories about incest are extremely hard, not going to lie about that, the emotional ties between all parties are stronger than pretty much any other place. But that does not mean it isn’t worth it, or that it is not healing and good for those of us who do it.

Telling your story as you would to anyone else is fine to start with though. With asking what she knows about the abuse, don’t jump to accusatory statements right away. I statements are always a better place to begin.

“I want to know what or if you knew about the abuse that happened with us.” is fine.

Now getting angry if she did, and hurt that she never spoke up is okay. The emotions will come if it needs to. Working through anger, feeling it and processing it is fine. Anger is not wrong, nor in this case entirely unwarranted. Emotions are not wrong, ensuring you don’t hurt yourself or others is the important part.

If she does react in a way like calling you a liar or forcing you out, then however you feel again is valid. Being furious and hurt is okay, being numb is okay. Make sure your safe. This is a possible reaction, but by no means what will happen.

If might be an incredibly validating experience where she can make you feel heard. And that is great, it doesn’t mean what happened in the past doesn't matter, but it is good to celebrate and live in moments of healing. Moments of breath and love like these are beautiful for the soul. Take it as a good step, but know it isn’t the end just hopefully a nice building block.

As I said most likely it will be not as bad as we fear or as good as we imagine it might. Things are usually in the middle, which honestly is can be healing itself. It is still a good start and is only the first moment with the person anyway. You and your sister can go forward and hopefully she can be a member of your support network. And it will allow the two of you to be closer when she will need you as life goes one.

Also, know that what your sister has or hasn’t been through isn’t entirely yours to say. You can’t read minds, predict, or control her emotions or past. Her emotions aren’t something you can know beforehand. As you to go forward her emotional processing and how her history with your brother will influence that is something to not try and jump to. Being hurt by her is fine, but trying to predict everything, control, or assume about her will make you feel worse and can end up with not allowing you to process your story.

Be Blessed my friend

-Admin 2

#ask #advice #talking about abuse #incest cw #brother mention #mother mention #coping skills #healthy relationships #resources #q #Anonymous

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