#refugee abuse and torture
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„Astarion ending as the Vampire Ascendant is the correct ending for him, because it is what he wants.”
That is a claim I’ve been seeing pop up more and more often these days. And I think it’s both a very bold and a very odd claim to make.
But first things first: Hello, I’m a licensed social worker! So far, I’ve worked with children, refugees and youths with behavioural issues stemming from bullying and or abuse.
Please be aware that I will be mentioning different kinds of abuse, coping mechanisms, and victim/abuser relationships. If any of this is difficult for you, don’t force yourself through it. My jabbering about a traumatised vampire is not worth your wellbeing, not ever.
I will, however try to stick to Astarion and not use other examples. If, in any case, I do use a non-Astarion example, I’ll add a warning beforehand so that you can skip the part. And I’ll make it clear what will be discussed in the next bit, so that you have a chance to skip it entirely.
This is an effort to make this as accessible as possible for everyone that wants to indulge on a mad woman’s rambling – and I know there’s a few people that like this sort of stuff!
And, uh, there's obviously spoilers for all three acts. Serious spoilers, even.
Before I can get into the whole ‘why Astarion didn’t really want to ascend,’ we need to understand him a little more. And to understand this pretty boy’s brain, we first need to understand the gist of what we’re talking about when we throw around the word ‘abuse.’
“Abuse” is when someone is treated with cruelty, violence, or neglect – often to bad effect – on a regular basis. Repetitively. Check’s out for Astarion, I’d say, but we all knew that already. I mean, if one thing was obvious, it was this.
1. Astarions Abuse
Next we need to look at what kind of abuse Astarion faced over his long years of torment, seeing as different types of abuse will have different effects on the victim.
Not that that is anything we have to worry about with him – Astarion won the abuse lottery, to put it bluntly. In a horrible game of fate, he got everything. He himself indirectly mentions all the types of abuse he faced, albeit never using the correct terms.
The first we properly notice – fitting, seeing as it is often the most obvious form of abuse – is the physical abuse. Astarions scars are probably the biggest tell Larian could shove down our throats, only underlined by Astarion’s tale about the night itself. About how Cazador ‘misspelled something’ every time he flinched or screamed and had to do ‘many corrections. On top of this, Cazador locked Astarion up for months on end and tortured him – or had him tortured – on a regular basis both as a rite and as a punishment.
Next up, we have the fact that Astarion was forced to basically prostitute himself repeatedly. This is what we call sexual exploitation.
“I spent two hundred years using my body to lure pretty things back for my Master.” – Act 2
Two hundred years is a long time, filled with great many people. Now, we don’t know how many of those people actually tapped into the sexual exploitation and how many he could just lure back with other means, but the fact that it happened a lot is undeniable.
Next we have a form of abuse that we often disregard in adults: Neglect. It sounds odd, I know, saying that a fully grown adult was neglected. They can care for themselves, can they not?
Well. Yes and no.
Adult neglect is proceeded by the condition that one adult has to lean on another adult to fulfil their needs for whatever reason. This could be anything, from disability to income-based issues.
Seeing as Astarion had absolutely nothing, while Cazador had everything, we can assume this was the case. Cazador had the house, the money, the power. Astarion owns but one pair of clothes, assumedly, that he has fixes over and over again. Fair to say, that’s pretty neglectful. (And it’s one more reason to shower the guy in pretty armour and camp clothes. Go ham, people.)
Last we have the form of abuse we actually get to witness later in the game – emotional abuse.
Once again, it’s undeniable that this happened. Especially since we’re all seeing it in the flesh upon meeting Cazador in his crypt.
“Have you no respect for yourself?”
“I strove for perfection in all things. Even those as imperfect as you.”
“A pity you amounted to so little, despite my efforts.”
“A pathetic little boy who never amounted to anything.”
All Act 3, Crypt
Here we have just a few examples of things Cazador throws in his face. It’s like reading a textbook on emotional abuse, this one (and it’s definitely a reason to throw hands).
Blaming the victim, keeping their sense of self and their self-worth as tiny as possible to make them cower and flee. A true classic.
This pretty much shows that Astarion suffered all forms of abuse we commonly see and it is implied – once again by Astarion himself – that at least a few of those instances were ritualistic.
Now, what does that mean exactly? Well, I fear I need to use a real example here, so please skip the next paragraph.
Ritualistic doesn’t refer to a proper ritual – it can, but that’s mostly a thing for those in a cult. So, we’re not necessarily talking about a ‘Vampire Ascendent Ritual’. A husband, beating his wife every evening after his third bottle of beer is also called ritual abuse. It happens regularly. It is part of a routine. Both parties know what will happen.
I can’t find the exact quote, so I’m working of my memory here, but at one point he said that when Cazador invited him to eat and he said yes, he would be served a putrid rat. If he said no, he’d be beaten.
The way it was phrased made it clear that it happened more than once and that Astarion clearly knew what would happen. So, this can be classified as ritualistic abuse.
2. A Note on Conditioning and Compliance
By default, abuse victims are conditioned to behave a certain way or in a certain fashion. This is a natural response to avoid further abuse.
In Astarion, the thing we see most often is his inherent need to please. Not literally, he doesn’t mind being an arsehole. But he initially feels the need to follow Tav’s orders, even if they go against his own wishes.
This can be clearly seen in the conversation with Araj Oblodra. Astarion very clearly doesn’t want to bite her. He doesn’t. But he will do so, if Tav tells him to. This behaviour is not conscious – he doesn’t know why he does it, he just does – and it is to be expected. This is how he kept himself save for two centuries, so of course he will fall back into his usual pattern when the pressure is high.
This goes hand in hand with the fact that most abuse victims don’t fight. Maybe initially, but not after long term abuse. Especially not after two fucking centuries.
This is true in Astarion – offered by his ‘siblings’ during act 3 and unhappily acquiesced by the man himself. Astarion stopped fighting and, once again implied, cowered, and did as he was told in order to survive.
3. The Astarion we know and love
Obviously, all that abuse does have an impact on our vampire boyfriend. He shows various common signs of abuse and just like with the forms of abuse, Astarion raked every coping mechanism he could find. (Not really, but it feels like it.) It’s also important to note that nearly all of the following things happen inwardly. Astarion is not one of the victims, that tries to rationalise and minimise the actions of his abuser. Quite the opposite, actually.
I’ll note from the beginning, that rationalisation will not be covered in this bit, as most examples will be important later on. But he definitely does it.
One of his biggest skills is to hide every ounce of fear or hurt behind sarcasm and snarky theatrics. He doesn’t seem to hide his anger much, though, so that’s something! Our boy is cool with anger, not so much with being afraid.
“Ahahaha, now that you mention it….I might have done…that.” – Act 3, regarding the Gur children
“The thing that will decide my fate forever more? Yeees, it’s been on my miiiind. Why?” – Act 2, regarding the Ritual
And there’s many more instances that prove this. Honestly, half his dialogue is sarcasm, so it would really be too long to get into and we all know what I mean, right? We have alltalked to the guy before. It’s obvious that he’s sarcastic to a fault.
This goes hand in hand with his penchant for defensiveness. I would personally state that he’s simply not really good with guilt. When talking about fear, he usually just opts for sarcasm or avoids the topic completely, but guilt especially has his defences going up. This is also when he’s most likely to shove all the blame off to Cazador.
“Don’t look at me like that. Cazadors orders.” – Act 3, Crypt
“I just did what I had to!” – Act 3, Crypt
And don’t get me wrong, he does that anyway. And with good reason. Astarion didn’t have a choice for the most part, but he’s still easy to shove things off.
This kind of connects to his penchant for denial.
Astarion doesn’t really like to talk about most things. He firmly believes he is an ‘action’ sort of person that just does instead of plans, which invertedly just means he’s great at pushing the thinking stuff away. He also likes to get rid of stuff, so that he doesn’t need to face it ever again.
“I never want to see these little scraps of misery again. The world doesn’t need to know my shame.” – Act 3, about the children
And yes, this partly rings true. He’s probably ashamed and doesn’t want anyone to know what he’s done. But it’s also very clear that he himself simply doesn’t want to face his own actions, something that is just underlined by his extreme willingness to red rid of the other spawn.
As mentioned by Astarion himself, he’s big on manipulation. I mean, I don’t think there is much explaining necessary. The guy is willing to do a whole lot in order to get what he desires – which mostly revolves around safety and survival, to be honest – and he’s not really shy about it either. And that’s despite the fact that he doesn’t really like intimacy – especially in form of sex.
It’s not a secret that Astarion is not big on sex and anything surrounding it. This goes far enough for people to consider him either ace or ace coded.
A claim that, personally, I’m not super in line with.
Now, it’s not entirely wrong and if this is your head cannon I’m surely not going to stand in your way – but on a larger spectrum, I think he’s more traumatised than ace. And while those go hand in hand sometimes, it’s a bit difficult for the ace community if you attach traumatised characters to them because it can fuel a whole lot of stigma that is honestly neither needed nor wanted. But I digress!
If it comes to his own behaviour, he’s great at minimising his mistakes. Honestly, he’s a master of minimisation. A very obvious and famous example would be:
“’Killed’ feels like a…strong word. Not many corpses have your vigour.” – Act 1, after killing Tav
Astarion. You literally sucked poor Tav dry and left them flopping around, cold, and dead. Killed is exactly the right word and we all know it.
“Quite the deviation from my usual routine. Capture, not lure. I didn’t bring them in with sweet rolls or anything.” – Act 3, Gur Children
This is another attempt at minimising what he did, if a bit less obvious because at this point there isn’t much he can say. But at least he didn’t sexualise the gur children, right? They’re still spawn but whoo, at least that didn’t happen.
The next point would be dissociation, which is extremely common in abuse victims – of all forms of abuse.
Astarion himself mentioned certain moments that could be classified as dissociation over course of the story, which is probably the coping mechanism I personally expected the most.
The pale elf has a penchant for violence, but he’s not entirely shameless or abhorrently vile, which gets clearer the more the story progresses. So, two hundred years of forced prostitution, torture and doing whatever other horrible things? Yeah, I’d be more surprised if he didn’t dissociate.
Examples of that would be:
“A moment of disgust to push myself through and then I could’ve carried on, just like before.” – Act 2, after Araj
“I felt nothing the moment I handed them over.” – Act 3, Gur Children
“Did you enjoy it? It felt like you weren’t fully there.” – Act 1, Tav after Sex
The latter is generally more of an assumption than actual prove, but with context it does make sense.
The last common sign of abuse we find in our boyfriend would be his low self-worth. It’s a consistent trait that stays over the course of all three acts, noticeable in many different conversations.
We can see it in his reaction to wanting to break up before finishing his story.
We can see it in his genuine surprise when Tav picks him over any of the other characters.
We see it in his insecurity whenever Tav asks to sleep with another character. He’s fine with it, but he still worries their decision to sleep with someone else is based on something he did.
It eases up ever so slightly after Cazador is dead, but even then he’s still struggling which is once again perfectly illustrated if you try to break up with him.
“Oh shit. I- Did I do something wrong?”
That is the first thing he asks and I think it speaks for itself. He genuinely doesn’t believe he has much to offer and for Astarion, it’s likely that Astarion will always be the problem.
4. "Oh, I tried them all none of them answered.”
Another big thing that’s important to note, is that Astarion was never saved. No one came to save him from Cazador. There was no darling boy on a white steed riding into that castle to rescue him and princess carry him away. Not even the gods answered his desperate calls.
So, he never received any kindness or luck. To him, the world seems as cruel and horrid as before because he didn’t have the chance to experience goodness in two centuries.
But worse than that, he didn’t even get to save himself. Astarion didn’t stand up to Cazador, he didn’t run out of his own might.
He was beaten to near death and ‘saved’ by Cazador, who would become his abuser.
He tried to save someone and, in turn, was locked up and starved for an entire year.
He was abducted by mind flayers, i.e., saved from Cazador, only to end up tadpoled and on the cusp of getting a fancy, squiddy beard.
Anything that’s good, any kindness, any selfless action…it all came with a ginormous price tag.
5. Over the Course of the Story
Astarions behaviour changes a whole lot over the course of three acts – which is important once we talk about his quests climax – so let’s review what we’re working with!
Act 1 Astarion is guarded as fuck. The man has walls around him that are so high, even the gods can touch them.
A lot of his behaviour in act 1 revolves around staying save and staying liked. He lies, manipulates, and flutters his lashes in order to get what he wants and needs. Instead of asking, like Wyll, Karlach and Gale do, Astarion uses all he has to offer to get by. He is still very much in survival mode and tries to weasel his way through an unfamiliar situation with familiar methods.
On top of that, and most notably, he’s absolutely not fond of kindness or selflessness.
#I saved a child and now my boyfriend is mad
Here, we are most likely to gain disapproval for doing the decent thing – unless you sent him outside for a minute whenever you’re being a good person.
And I’d assume that this is because of two things.
First: The very traditional ‘Why not me?’
As I mentioned before, Astarion wasn’t saved. He hasn’t experienced kindness in a very long time so seeing that the world is literally filled with kind people is hurtful. Why didn’t anyone save him? Why was he left to his own devices for so long? Why should he care about others when it’s so clear that no one ever cared about him? No, dead to all of them. If he didn’t get it, neither will they.
“And what am I owed? What about the injustices I suffered? Am I not entitled to anything?” – Act 3, Crypt
“I was in the prime of my life when I was turned. Everything was taken from me too.” – Act 3, Crypt
And secondly is the fact that, as I mentioned, goodness always has a price. And it’s one most people won’t be willing to pay. That’s how his life has been, so why would theirs be different?
This is precisely why Astarion may disapprove of kind actions, but he mostly neither approves nor disapproves if Tav asks for payment. That’s just how the world works.
Once you venture out into act 2, after getting to know him a whole lot more, he starts to mellow a bit – if only towards Tav.
“He’s afraid, so afraid, of everyone but you, who she should fear the most.” – Sceleritas about Astarion
His approval is a lot easier to gain – or at least keep! – and he tends to approve of some more proper actions. He doesn’t throw a fit if you promise to find Mol, he approves of Tav being kind to His Majesty, of saving Aylin and he even approves of Durge apologising to Isobel after threatening to rip her to pieces.
He's slowly starting to open up, allowing Tav to see some parts of him he previously kept hidden. He accepts their offer to help, if hesitantly and, by god, the man starts experimenting with boundaries.
The social worker in me is shedding tears at this. It’s my favourite thing to see in my clients and it’s no different here. Yay to saying no!
Of course, it’s still a bit hit or miss. If Tav urges him to bite Araj, for example, he will only to later notice that he didn’t fucking have to. He recognises this on his own and he calls Tav out on it. Just like he calls them out on not helping him with his Orthon quest.
Good job, chap. Good fucking job.
And the growth-train won’t stop going even as we reach act 3.
In act 3, there’s not many things he disapproves as of right now – those he does, mostly have to do with how Tav treats him and not with anyone else. In fact, he’s more likely to approve good behaviour now, like giving Yenna food or money.
And yes, we need to consider that this could simply be because he gets used to Tav’s behaviour and just learns to roll with it. But it’s also highly likely that he notices that there’s truly good people around. At least one person. And that person is not only good, no, they’re in the process of helping him break free once and for all.
They’re helping him save himself.
By act 3, he has learned that he can absolutely say his piece where Tav is concerned and he’s more likely to disagree with them on certain things. It’s seen during a lot of small dialogue that he’s no longer terribly afraid to be honest with them, willing to listen and talk and he’ll ask for help if he needs it.
“I can do this. But I need your help.” – Act 3, Crypt
Something that can be viewed both positively and negatively is that he’s definitely loyal to a fault. He will stick by Tav’s side, no matter what.
“I really hoped we could avoid being pawns for a dark god, but here we are, I suppose. I’m with you, my dear, wherever this might lead.” – Act 3, After Jaheira confronts durge
As I said, this can be both positive and negative. On one count, it’s a recipe for disaster, seeing as he could be waltzing into a really bad situation for Tav alone.
But on the other side…this is a man who only cared about himself because that is the only person he could afford to care about. He needed to survive. He now has enough room to breathe and the capacity to care for someone else and I’d be inclined to count that as a good thing.
6. The Crypt
All the progress he made in act 2 and 3 is nearly tossed into the wind as soon as the crew enters Cazadors castle.
It’s not an immediate thing, of course.
At first, Astarion tries to stay light and simple and he hides behind flippant tones and relaxed faces. The way he recounts this is almost comically disinterested and the façade is actually quite good.
It’s start’s cracking after we meet Godie, one of the people who tortured him on more than one account, but he mostly manages to remain as upbeat as one can honestly expect for the first half of the journey.
All that, however, is done for the very moment we meet Sebastian. His mask not only slips, no, it full on shatters and there’s none of his apparent lightness left.
Which, of course it does.
The man is suddenly faced with years and years and years of victims. Innocent, unlucky people he lured back to his master over two centuries. People he liked, people he pitied.
“It’s sickening, seeing them again.”
It’s basically a room filled with guilt, exclusively for Astarion. And, as we mentioned before…Astarion is not great with guilt.
The guilt, however, is not where it ends.
No, he’s also faced with reflections of his own past. The spawn pose as reminders of what he did, sure, but also as reminders of what he was.
Weak, desperate, hungry.
There’s an abundance of images of his worst moments, reflected back at him in the thousands. It’s probably like staring into a funhouse mirror, but instead of seeing yourself in a funky way he just sees everything he so desperately doesn’t want to be.
“It should be [who I am]! I don’t want to be like them. They’re pathetic, horrible…”
He’s forcefully made aware of how darn weak he can be, which claws at all the wounds he’s barely had time to close. Something, he of course won’t admit if asked.
“THEY DO NOT [remind me of myself]. That weakness in me is dead, IT’S DEAD. I have a higher purpose.”
The high pressure of the moment brings out all of his act 1 traits in but a few moments. You can pretty much watch how he starts to shut down mid conversation, one of his old walls snapping back into place to remove himself from the situation.
Thing is though, walls usually become a bit brittle after disuse. Especially when talking to a person you don’t usually want to wall out.
Or, in his case, when talking to Tav.
After meeting Sebastian, Astarion shows extreme reactions to Tav nudging any of his weak spots. His reaction varies on whatever choice you make, but it ranges from aggression to defensiveness, to denial and even to downright begging Tav.
“Don’t hate me. I just did what I had to. I swear I did what I had to.”
This probably the most shocking out of all of them, since that is not something we got to witness before. The begging is likely a mixture of intense fear of losing Tav, his low self-esteem and pre-Tav behaviour, since we can assume that Cazador made him beg more than once.
Another old coat he puts back on would also be the least surprising of them all.
Manipulation.
He falls right back into it, using Tav’s affection to get what he want if we trigger the right action.
“If they die and I ascend, I won't have to rely on the parasite to walk in the sun. I'll be free. Truly completely free. Isn't that what you want?”
This, to me, was probably the biggest tell that Astarion was back in survival mode. He’s panicking, for fucks sake, and who can blame the guy? He’s back. He’s about to face down his abuser.
Of course he’s fucking panicking.
Panic leads to an increased craving for safety and, in his case, power. This is why he clings to Tav, why he begs them to love him still. And this is why he jumps head first into the rationalisation pool.
“I will need to sacrifice them all if I want to perform the ritual. - [You can save them.] – What’s the point? They're as good as dead! I thought they were dead. If they are unleashed, they will cause incredible carnage. […] They must die. Better they serve a purpose.”
Another textbook example.
They must die anyway. They’re basically dead. No need to save them now. They’re dangerous, I’m doing the right thing by sacrificing them. I already thought they were dead, so it’s not changing anything for me. They’re a lost cause and I deserve all this power. I deserve it, because I suffered and nothing will change if they die.
So, seeing as we already spoke about his usual behaviour in act 3 – behaviour he showed after we allowed him to breathe and be himself for a while – I think we can fairly easily conclude he’s not thinking straight.
Astarion is right back in survival mode, where all that matters is he himself. If it weren’t for the seven thousand spawns, he might have moved through this more gracefully, but seeing those tipped the scales and Astarion is absolutely losing it.
Remember that for the last section, per favore.
7. The Ascension
“Astarion wants to ascend and Tav manipulates him into doing what they want.”
That is basically the essence of what people often claim and I can’t help but shake my head at such a blatant disregard of everything he has become. This is completely ignoring the change and growth he has gone through over the course of their journey.
Astarion wants to be free. He wants to be safe. That does not mean he wants to ascend.
And the claim that Tav manipulates him into doing anything is even more baffling. We are all aware that Tav is not manipulative by nature, yes? That is entirely on you. You decide who your Tav is.
And then let’s remember: Astarion is panicked. He’s afraid and he’s not thinking straight. His abuser is on his knees before him and he still feels so weak. And there’s seven thousand spawns that need handling.
Astarion is very much not okay right now.
In fact, reading his thoughts just proves this theory.
“You can see the fear in his eyes but also the hunger. The thick smell of blood in the air and the promise of power being so close is intoxicating to him. All he can see is the power of the ritual and the freedom that power brings. The freedom to do anything. To be anything.”
Tav, however, has none of those problems. They can actually see beyond the current situation and they are fully aware what the consequences are. Astarion is not. As we previously established, Astarion is a doer. Not a thinker. He didn’t think this through, not at all.
The only thing Tav is doing – the persuasion roll – is reminding him of the very real consequences he is facing. The consequences he hasn’t thought about before.
"I know you think this will set you free, but it won't. This power will trap you, just like it trapped Cazador."
And that is the kindest thing Tav could do in this situation. They’re not bodily dragging him away from Cazador. They’re not even telling him to not do it. They’re just offering him the truth. He can do with that information whatever he desires.
“Astarion cries when he doesn’t ascend, that just shows that it was the wrong choice.”
A hare-brained point that I thankfully have only seen once so far.
That crying? That is healthy crying.
That is him, crumbling under the stress that suddenly dissipates. That is him mourning two hundred years of torment. That’s him letting out feelings he hasn’t been able to for centuries.
And, for the love of god, try to put yourself in his shoes.
Two hundred years of torment, ended in but a moment.
Astarion was abused and tortured for so long, afraid for so long only to see his tormentor die just like that.
Cazador died within a moment and all Astarion needed was a darn blade. Of course he fucking cries.
Seeing how pathetic a being the very core of your life’s misery actually is hurts. It hurts like hell because not only are you finally free – free! – no, you’re faced with the fact that this pile of nothing, the thing that’s bleeding out right in front of you…this was what tortured for so long.
This thing hurt you so much. That guy took everything from you, everything you once were, and broke it again and again and again over years.
You were so scared of this thing.
And yet he has the gall and the gumption to die just like that.
It was so easy.
And yet you suffered for so long.
8. Evil Playthrough?
An evil playthrough is really a different setting altogether.
All of this, as you can probably tell, is really only applicable on a good playthrough. Realistically speaking. I’m not sure how the game mechanics handle it.
On an evil path, Astarion never really gets to experience kindness and goodness. Evil Tav will just prove him right in his believe that the world is a vile and cold place, meaning that he realistically would be more inclined to actually want to ascend.
9. Final Conclusion
I think all of this should be enough to make it clear that no, ascended Astarion is not the best ending for the guy. In fact, it is probably the worst. Because it’s just him, running away. He’s running into a lonely and cold state of being, where cruelty and power lord over everything else and he’s running because he’s terrified of being hurt again. He’s running despite desperately wanting to stop running.
“I'll spend the rest of my life running watching the shadows, never feeling safe…no, this has to happen. Here and now.”
And, the worst part is: Nothing about Astarion is left after he ascends. Even his tone of speaking gradually changes, his theatrics fading. He’s slowly losing himself, until there’s nothing but an evil caricature left.
So, in the end, ascension will have proven him right.
That version of him is dead.
#baldur's gate 3#baldurs gate 3#baldur's gate#baldurs gate#bg3#astarion#the dark urge#tav#astarion romance#astarion ancunin#astarion and tav#bg3 act 1#bg3 act 2#bg3 act 3#act 3#act 2#act 1#araj oblodra
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The only thing I’m actually an apologist for in DA is the Qunari
#OBVIOUSLY not all of it. they go way too far in ‘the good of the many outweighs the needs of the few or one’ mentality & are too strict#and the no families sucks and the way they treat Mages might be the worst thing about them & the attempts to convert forcibly real bad#but the culture itself?? REALLY cool! it’s not that they’re like. amazing or not deeply. deeply flawed. but they’re actually very cool and I#deeply enjoy and respect much of their ways of doing things. DA2 Arishok one of my favorite characters. the man put up with abuse after#abuse for four years just trying to do his honorable duty to his people & finally lost it not because of being trapped or his people being#killed and tortured. but because he couldn’t stand the way Kirkwall mistreated it’s own anymore after 4 years of the racism & income#inequality and horrid politics and dying refugees. they’re /so/ big on equality and justice. extremely progressive just in a fucking bizarre#way (jobs are the gender. no gender roles you just are whatever gender your job is. want to fight? okay have fun sir. want to lead? yes#ma’am. priest? ok do whatever same for you basic jobs have fun. it doesn’t matter literally at all what you are so long as you joined the#ethno-religion. super pro trans. bizarre aromanormative society that has the sweetest friendship cultural practices I’ve ever seen. I don’t#understand it all but I’m very very here for it)#they’re really not more flawed than Tevinter or the European countries. they just have flaws that Europeans are more used to demonizing and#fearing instead of accepting and living with
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Transformers Prime has a disappointing fandom
I have never been so disappointed with a fandom as much as now…
After being a part of fandoms like The Owl House and Rise Of The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and having absorbed the endless anguish of their most tragic characters artistically reflected by their fandom, I can say that it is disrespectful to Transformers Prime that it is not made enough anguish.
Where are the Bumblebee fanfics, fanarts, analysis?
HE HAS ALL THE JUICY CHARACTERISTICS OF A TRAGIC CHARACTER WITH EXPLOITABLE ANGUISH:
1) In several chapters the other bots express themselves and refer to him as much younger than them. HE IS A CHILD SOLDIER.
2) He was interrogated and tortured by the leader of the enemy group, with whom he had to continue fighting constantly.
3) As a result of the torture his larynx was destroyed, and the level of damage was so brutal that his voice box could not be repaired for millennia.
4) He was forced to leave his home planet because it had been destroyed and he had to take refuge on another planet. Now he is not only a child soldier, but he is a political refugee.
5) One of his comrades in arms, friend and family member died without him being able to do anything to prevent it. Obviously Bumblebee has lost many more teammates and friends in the past, considering how small Team Prime is.
6) He had to watch his leader/father figure almost die from an infection and the only way to save him was by entering the mind of the guy who tortured and incapacitated him to obtain information.
7) He was possessed by that same guy (seriously, Megatron leaves the kid alone) and forced him to hurt two of his friends, and everything else Bumblebee went through in the middle of the possession is up for interpretation, FANDOM WAKE UP.
8) THE SAME GUY WHO INTERROGED, TORTURED, MUTILATED, INCAPACITATED AND POSSESSED HIM, attacked him for fun and on the spot fatally injured his best friend/protege/younger human brother. Then the child abuser made fun of him in his face for it.
9) Not even 24 hours had passed when the unmentionable went to his hiding place, his SAFE PLACE, in search of an alliance, which he then betrayed because he kidnapped Bumblebee's father figure in front of his eyes.
10) He is mutilated again, he temporarily loses his T-cog, his feelings of insecurity within the group deepen slightly and when he goes to retrieve his T-cog he sees how it is almost destroyed. No one talks about Bumblebee literally holding one of his organs in his hands, it's like you see someone hugging his lung or something.
YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN, that apathy towards oneself and dehumanization (?) has POTENTIAL, if the child did not mind having an organ of HIS in his hands, I can already imagine how he reacts and treats his physical and emotional wounds. He is the type of character who hides his injuries, jokes about his traumas and in doing so traumatizes everyone around him, has a terrible sleep schedule due to nightmares, frequently dissociates, and has zero sense of self-preservation (canon).
11) This is not a trauma, but it also has the potential to cause distress in the fact that he was probably used to getting more attention for being the youngest, but suddenly this guy, Smokescreen, the same age as him, appears, and Everyone expects Bumblebee to be the one to guide the rookie, so every time the rookie makes a mistake, it will be Bumblebee's fault. Also, the new guy who never actively participated in the war, compared to Bee, who was born and fought in it all his life, turns out to be the one chosen to be the next Prime. Actually?
12) The base where he lived most of his time on earth was destroyed. It may not sound that bad, but as someone who recently lost their home to armed conflict, I can tell you that it hurts a lot.
13) He was separated from his team for a few days and when he found one of his teammates, his second father figure tells him to go away, to stay away and discourages him. Bumblebee must have felt bad because the one who convinced Ratchet to help them was not him, but Raf.
14) Other traumatic things must have happened that I don't remember, the last time I saw the series was in 2022, okAY?
15) They kidnapped their second father figure.
16) THE SAME ONE WHO INTERROGED HIM, TORTURED, MUTILATED, DISABLED, POSSESSED, HARMED HIM AND HIS FRIEND FOR FUN, KIDNAPPED HIS TWO PARENTS AND DESTROYED HIS PLANET, shot him three times, almost four, in the chest and killed him temporarily.
17) Megatron deserved it and it was more than satisfying and well done that it was Bumblebee who killed him, put an end to his power and the war, but knowingly killing can be traumatizing. Bumblebee killing Megatron in retaliation is also an ignored trauma.
18) He had to see Megatron's revived body being controlled by a god of destruction, who seemed to have something personal against him. At one point during the chase, Bumblebee thought his friends were dead.
19) He became the team leader in Optimus' absence, he was inexperienced and as a result he had two anxiety attacks in the same scene.
20) Optimus, his father figure, sacrifices himself to revive the planet.
so whERE ARE MY FANFICS? If anyone has recommendations, wants to write something individually or wants to collaborate, please write to me. This can't stay like this friends, Transformers Prime is not going to return as we would like, we the fandom have to bring it back.
Pd: English is not my native language nor do I have command over it, do not judge me for any error or lack of logic
gracias
#transformers prime#Transformers#Tfp Bumblebee#Transformers Bumblebee#maccadam#Tfp Megatron#Megatron#tfp smokescreen#tfp optimus prime#Tfp Ratchet#I want the simulation of torture and the consequences of it#Fandom#you have to wake up buddy
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Listening to Wyll's backstory in context of all the details we're acquiring on devil's contracts and soul selling is fascinating.
See - I listened to Lann Tarv's three tales to get my soul coins. I felt bad for making Karlach listen to that, obviously, but to be honest I didn't even want the coins that much. I actually wanted the stories. I wanted a better understanding of how this works.
And what I'm learning is - for the gods (and godlike beings) of this world, cruelty seems to be the point. I mean - it's possible there's a god in this world I wouldn't want to stab to death with a rusty fork, but if so I have not met them yet.
These beings have the power to save people and places, to change lives, to do anything. And when someone asks them to - they demand a terrible price. But they don't just demand a price. They subvert the original request in such a way that they utterly fail to deliver on the original promise.
An abused woman wishes to be loved - and her true love appears, but dies instantly. A man wishes to save his children from starvation, and ends up personally growing masses of meat on his own body - not only painful for him, but forcing his children into survival cannibalism, which they were trying to avoid.
Auntie Ethel works the same way. Every one of her customers is left in a tortured state, while Ethel still takes her payment.
The idea is that the person must come to regret their wish long before the payment comes due. Every cry for help must be met with a boot to the face. Or else the mortals will get uppity? Or something.
What is interesting is how consciously Wyll defies that. And how much Mizora is dancing around, trying to force him into that state of miserable regret.
Wyll was manipulated into selling his soul. He was a kid, and he was summoned into a terrible situation - and in that moment, he could see no other way to save the city. Mizora did need to save Baldur's Gate to serve her boss's purposes, so she couldn't take that victory from him - but she did everything she could to take the joy of it.
He didn't get respect, or admiration, or his father's pride for saving the city. He lost his home and his family. He was assumed to have done something monstrous because he was denied an opportunity to defend himself.
That was supposed to fill him with bitterness and regret - but he got to work building his own life instead. By the time you run into him, the Blade of Frontiers is a hero of some renown. He's remade himself, and found a way to enjoy what his powers can do, however he came by them.
So that didn't work.
Then Mizora sent him after Karlach, and that was a mission tailored to break him. Karlach is kind and heroic herself, and that the start she has been sold into slavery, mutilated and forced to fight in a war against her will. If Wyll killed her, and then found out who she really was, then he betrayed everything the Blade of Frontiers is supposed to stand for - and he would lose the life he made for himself.
But he didn't, and that didn't work either. He's got a friend, now, who at least knows part of what he's dealing with.
So Mizora gave him demonic features. That would destroy the life he's made for himself, because no one would trust him to help them.
Except now Wyll basically goes nowhere on his own, and a small army of people can attest that he got those horns and eyes as punishment for being a good man. Mizora might be able to shut his mouth, but she can't silence his friends - and the group absolutely have shouting sessions about everything. Wyll's horns become a battle scar, like his missing eye, and nothing more.
And beyond that, if you are playing as a heroic character, a significant throughline in the game's story is the journey of the tiefling refugees. The story makes it clear that these people experience a constant barrage of racism, due to their appearance and "demonic" heritage. It also makes it abundantly clear that this prejudice is entirely undeserved - they're just people, with virtues and flaws like everyone else, and what is happening to them is terrible. So Wyll turns up to assist a bunch of people whom he now at least somewhat resembles - and with Karlach along, you have two people in the group who technically count as "infernal", but haven't got an evil bone in either of their bodies.
Mizora created solidarity. Oops.
Wyll is deeply suspicious of gods and higher powers. He doesn't want to make more deals with devils. When Elminster arrives to tell Gale what Mystra demands of him, he explicitly says he does not do religion. When you get Mizora to agree to let his contract expire in six months, he starts by casually invoking the gods - but switches to thanking the player character instead, because he knows who helped, and who did not.
But he utterly refuses to regret the pact he made. That can be a struggle. He clearly misses his dad, and would like that relationship repaired. The fact that he was transformed very much against his will is clearly a source of distress from him.
But if he regrets, then Mizora wins. That's it. Game over. She gets what she wanted all along. So he doesn't.
The main companion characters all have this kind of problem, and naturally have different ways of dealing with it. You have characters like Shadowheart and Lae'zel, who were indoctrinated as children, or Gale, who was literally seduced by one of these nightmare deities - and with them you have to start out by convincing them they they were the wronged party in the first place.
But Wyll knows exactly what game he's playing, and he's been screaming defiance the whole time. It's just that, in his case, the "defiance" is grinning and carrying on every time Mizora inflicts some more bullshit on him.
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Israel tied a Palestinian coed into a banana position during her menstrual period while denying her underwear or tampons
In a long corridor, Israeli intelligence operatives were standing and clapping sarcastically as jailers were taking handcuffed Mays Abu Ghosh to a military interrogation cell.
“They were mocking me, saying I'd die in the interrogation,” Mays told Anadolu Agency.
Amid her menstrual cycle, Mays was tied to the chair by her hands and ankles and stretched her body into a banana shape for hours, making it impossible to sleep.
“I wasn’t able to walk, the jailers were holding me to the cell,” Mays added.
May's hands were constantly bleeding due to the shackles. She refused to be subjected to another military interrogation session, so the intelligence officer grabbed Mays and slammed her against the wall.
Mays continued: "They didn't provide me with any tampons or undergarments I needed in this delicate period for any woman in the world."
33 days of torture
Gosh, 24, of the Qalandiya refugee camp, is a journalism and media student at Birzeit University who was arrested on Aug. 29, 2019, and then subjected to horrific torture in solitary confinement for 33 days at Al-Maskobya Interrogation Center.
During her confinement at the notorious facility, she lost 12 kilograms (26.5 pounds).
“The officers were constantly trying to convince me that I had gone insane and was trying to kill myself, so they brought social workers, but they were actually other officers,” Mays recounted.
When those officers were in the cell with Mays, she showed them the wounds and bruises she suffered as a result of the abuse she had been subjected to and asked them: "Who wants to kill another person? I'm a student, and you're detaining me."
Mays frequently asked for painkillers to alleviate the pains in her head and muscles, but she was usually denied.
During the interrogation sessions, the officers deliberately forced Mays to hear the screams of detainees subjected to physical torture in military interrogation, while also threatening her that what would happen with her would be even more horrible.
“They threatened me that I'd be out here either dead or paralyzed, and they threatened to rape me too,” she said.
Mays was not allowed to wear a hair scrunchie because the officers were constantly beating, punching, kicking, smacking, and pulling her hair.
“I was tearing the plastic bag they put breakfast food in and using its strips to tie down my hair, but they were taking it from me,” Mays recounted.
Mays was kept in one of the cells for several days with a bug rat that lurked in the sewers and attacked her while she was sleeping, indicating a high risk of infection transmission to Mays.
She was completely isolated for 33 days, unable to communicate with any lawyers or human rights groups. She lived in terrible conditions due to the constant torture she was subjected to, as well as the filthy cell where sewage overflowed, soaking her thin sleeping mattress.
Horrific tales of Palestinian girls in Israeli jails
PALESTINIAN journalism student Mays Abu Ghosh has been tortured in an Israeli jail, her family alleged today as human rights groups warn of systemic abuse of prisoners by authorities.
Her mother said Ms Abu Ghosh’s face was “full of bruises” and barely recognisable after 30 days of interrogation at the notorious Moscovia detention centre in Jerusalem.
“I could not hug her due to the pain hurting all of her body,” she explained.
Ms Abu Ghosh, who is studying at Bir Zeit University, has been held in prison since August 28 when she was detained along with five other young Palestinians.
She has been campaigning against the torture and treatment of Palestinian prisoners held in Israeli jails.
According to Addameer, Ms Abu Ghosh was forced into a number of stress positions during her interrogation, including the so-called “banana.”
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Since 2014, millions of Uyghurs, Kazakhs and other minorities have been locked up in China and subjected to torture and forced labour. Some of those freed talk about trying to rebuild their lives in neighbouring Kazakhstan.
Photography by Robin Tutenges
A Chinese course book
Saliman Yesbolat used to live in Ghulja county, Xinjiang. After she refused to denounce her Uyghur neighbours to the police, she was forced to perform the raising of the Chinese flag every Monday at dawn, and to attend Chinese lessons twice a week in the basement of her building, where she would learn the Chinese language, patriotic songs and Xi Jinping's discourses by heart. This is her exercise book.
Forced to leave China
At 65, Imam Madi Toleukhan is one of the oldest refugees in Bekbolat, Kazakhstan, where more than 100 families took shelter after fleeing the Chinese regime. 'We were richer back there. I owned a herd, but I was too afraid for my sons, my grandchildren and their future: I came to Kazakhstan to save them. I didn't want them to be the fourth generation to suffer at the hands of the Chinese government, he says.
Remembering Uyghur culture in exile
Two members of the Dolan Ensemble, a Uyghur dance troupe based in Kazakhstan, get ready before performing a traditional dance to mark 40 days since the birth of a baby. Founded in 2016, the troupe performs at festivals or private events that bring together members of the Uyghur community, some of whom have had to leave Xinjiang.
Torture, infertility and damaged genitalia
In Kazakhstan, medical care for camp survivors is poor. Most victims can barely afford to see a family doctor. Anara*, an endocrinologist in a Kazakh hospital who has examined about 50 camp survivors since 2020, noticed recurrent infertility problems among her patients. 'Men or women, many have damaged genitalia. Some told me they'd been given drugs, others said they'd been raped. As they didn't come to us right after being released from the camps, it's impossible to know what kind of drugs they were administered in Xinjiang, she says. *Not her real name
The tiger chair
Ospan* spent a year in a re-education camp. He says his mind and body were crushed by the tortures he experienced in a tiger chair - a steel apparatus with handcuffs that restrains the body in painful positions. Aged about 50, this former shepherd, who took refuge with his family in eastern Kazakhstan, is no longer fit for work. Physically wrecked and prone to headaches, he mourns the loss of his memory above all. 'I used to know a lot of songs and I loved to sing; I also knew poems by heart ... Now, I can't sing any more, I can't remember the words,' he says. *Not his real name
Broken families and imprisonment
Aikamal Rashibek saw the dreadful efficiency of the CCP's brainwashing on her husband, Kerimbek Bakytali, after he was released from a Chinese psychiatric hospital. 'He disappeared for a year. When he came back, he didn't tell me anything about what happened to him. He was highly unhinged, always nervous, and got angry whenever I asked questions. He couldn't stop repeating that he hated Kazakhstan now, and that he wanted to go back to China with the kids to give them a Chinese education, says Aikamal. They are now separated.
Missing loved ones in China’s camps
In March 2017, Miyessar Muhedamu, left, a Uyghur woman, was arrested in Xinjiang under the pretext that she had studied Arabic in Egypt when she was young. Her husband, Sadirzhan Ayupov, right, and her three children have not seen her since. Now that Miyessar has left the camp, Sadirzhan receives a short call every few months. He suspects she might have suffered abuse, yet Miyessar can’t speak freely. ‘She told me she’d been in a re-education camp, and that she’d been released. When I ask her what she went through there, she doesn’t answer,’ says Sadirzhan.
Life after fleeing China
Sent to a re-education camp in 2018 at the age of 64, Yerke* saw her health quickly deteriorate. Locked a tiny cell with dozens of other women, she almost lost the use of her legs due to the cold floor she had to lie on. She was in the camp when she learned of her son’s death: pressured by the Chinese authorities, he took his own life. After her release, Yerke fled to Kazakhstan with some family members, but two of her children remain in China. *Not her real name
Forced labour and confessions
Dina Nurdybay, 32, was arrested in Nilka county, Xinjiang, because her traditional Kazakh clothing business made her a separatist, according to the Chinese authorities. She spent 11 months between two re-education camps, a CCP school and a forced-labour sewing factory. After proving she was capable of being ‘well behaved’ and having performed a self-criticism in front of the whole village, Dina was released and managed to escape when she obtained a week’s leave to visit her ailing father in Kazakhstan.
Cultural genocide
China’s repression of ethnic minorities also involves cultural genocide. As Muslim rituals are forbidden in Xinjiang, people are trying to keep their traditions alive across borders. Here, a family is praying together in Kazakhstan after the death of one of their relatives in Xinjiang. They could not repatriate the body because the border between the two countries was closed at the time.
(continue reading)
#politics#uyghur genocide#islamophobia#china#cultural genocide#uyghurs#photojournalism#genocide#uyghur refugees#kazakhstan
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Israel has long been accused of "pinkwashing" – the practice of whitewashing or obscuring the abuse and maltreatment of the Palestinian people behind an often embellished version of its record on LGBTQ+ rights.
It presents itself as a forward-thinking, liberal democracy – the only state in the Middle East which respects its LGBTQ+ citizens. This gives the impression that it simply isn't in Israel's nature to violate Palestinian human rights or national sovereignty.Palestine and Palestinians are then cast, without nuance or exception, as the polar opposites of Israel and Israelis – backwards, illiberal, undemocratic, homophobic. Who then are the international community and well-intentioned private citizens to believe and support?
Ahmad Safi is the co-founder of the Palestinian Animal League (PAL). PAL is a collective of animal rights activists operating throughout the West Bank. They are also ardent advocates of Palestinian self-determination. [...]
For Safi, the successful propagation of the Israeli pinkwashing narrative has spawned what he terms "veganwashing."
"The Israelis are using veganism and animal rights to clean up their image around the world," Safi told The New Arab.
This time, an animal-loving depiction of Israel is juxtaposed with a view of Palestine as a haven for animal abuse. And just as with pinkwashing, Israel's track record on animal rights is not quite as rosy as one might be led to believe.
In fact, according to an OECD report published earlier this year, Israel is the sixth biggest per capita consumer of meat and the number one per capita consumer of poultry.
Moreover, The Guardianhas documented the horrific treatment experienced by farm animals subjected to live export from Australia and Europe to Israel.
The squalid, unsanitary conditions aboard the boats and trucks which bring these animals to their final destinations are torturous. Those who have perished or will soon perish are unceremoniously dumped and left to decompose throughout the desert.
Palestinian national emancipation and intersectionality
It is here that Palestinian national emancipation enters the debate. Safi remarks that PAL is keen to dispel Israeli veganwashing propaganda. In demonstrating that "it is not just Israelis and Europeans who are leading this fight," but Palestinians too, PAL advances the Palestinian national cause. The example provided by their activism shatters the illusion that they and their fellow citizens are inherently regressive in comparison to the Israelis.
But animal rights are not merely a vehicle for achieving national emancipation – they are part and parcel of the same struggle.
In the words of PAL's Executive Director, Ahlam Tarayra, "It's not enough to raise the Palestinian flag. If you want to liberate your land, you need to work on building a strong society that cares for all who inhabit it. Palestine is the people, the animals, the plants, everything." [...]
Perhaps the clearest-cut evidence for PAL's intersectional position comes in the form of the so-called Separation Wall, which PAL refers to as the 'Apartheid Wall.'
The Apartheid Wall does not discriminate between species: Palestinian farmers are cut off from their land, while other mammals are prevented from observing their natural migratory patterns. Furthermore, just as Palestinian human families are ripped apart, so too are the red fox and the gazelle separated from their mates.
Moreover, just as with the Apartheid Wall, it is not just Palestinian humans who find themselves victimised by the IDF.
Safi reports witnessing many occasions where Israeli soldiers have shot and killed stray dogs who attempted to play with their military dogs while on their way to conduct raids in his refugee camp. [...]
Safi and Tarayra both separately recounted a story in which a woman repeatedly pleaded with them to collaborate with a vegan IDF soldier to bring three puppies to an animal shelter. Tarayra in particular was shocked at the idea that this soldier could properly be described as a vegan. "Does he have a vegan machine gun, with vegan bullets?" she enquired.
– Nick McAlpin, "How Israel uses animal rights to 'veganwash' the occupation," The New Arab (2019).
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ACOTAR if the books were written from Tamlin's perspective
Exploring the nuance that the fandom often overlooks.
The ACOTAR series is told in first-person perspective. Although this allows us insight into the inner workings of certain character's minds, it also means that these accounts can be biased, or lacking nuance. To this day, Tamlin's perspective has not been shared, and I want to attempt to do that.
Please note that although the books were predominately told from Feyre's viewpoint, it doesn't mean that her thoughts and feelings are invalid. I am also not condoning Tamlin's actions (explaining ≠ excusing). These are fictional books; breaking them down and considering different angles is of great merit - even if you don't personally agree.
The story of Tamlin; how it all started.
Tamlin grew up in an extremely violent and abusive household - the extent of which largely remains unknown to the readers. We do know that his parents did not love each other, and that his father and two older brothers were canonically worse than Lucien's (and we know how bad they are).
Tamlin's father was even friends with the King of Hybern and Amarantha; two of the most insidious individuals in Prythian. In fact, Tamlin's father would regularly drag him along to visit them. It was during these visits that Amarantha grew to desire Tamlin, presumably when he was still rather young.
Amarantha then continued to sexually harass Tamlin for centuries. As readers, we do not know exactly what Amarantha did to Tamlin during that time; he is yet to open up about it.
An unlikely ruler.
Tamlin never wanted to rule the Spring Court. He stated that if he did, his brothers would have killed him "before he could reach adolescence." As a result, his only choice was to join the brutality of the army.
Instead, what Tamlin actually wanted was to become a travelling musician, spending his days playing the fiddle.
However, when Tamlin's entire family was (justifiably) murdered by Rhys and his father, he was forced into the role of High Lord of the Spring Court. Unlike Rhys, Tamlin had no friends or Inner Circle to help him, or to offer him support.
Although Tamlin rightfully shares the blame in what happened to Rhys's family, we still never received his version of events. Many have theorised that Tamlin was tortured by his brothers and father for the information about Rhys's family (as at this point, Tamlin and Rhys were best friends); I believe this to be likely.
Whatever the circumstances, one thing was now clear - Tamlin was entirely alone.
A reign ravaged by Amarantha.
Despite the circumstances, Tamlin does his best to rule the Spring Court. Although he is still largely inexperienced, he is vigilant about not following in the footsteps of his abusive father and brothers.
However, his efforts are halted when Amarantha, the woman who has relentlessly sexually and romantically pursued him for years, curses his entire court, and turns his heart to stone. Tamlin is forced to watch all of his companions and court advisors either die, or suffer tremendously, as a result of the curse.
Despite this, Tamlin does what he can for his people - even those outside of his court; offering shelter and employment to countless refugees.
In fact, when one of Tamlin's civilians was killed by Amarantha, he carried the faerie in his arms and into the gardens. He then buried the faerie with his own hands; "a High Lord, digging a grave for a stranger."
Meeting Feyre; the beginning of the end.
By chance or fate, Tamlin met Feyre Archeron. She was the first person he had ever loved in 500 years - the only one to make him feel "less alone."
Tamlin brought Feyre's family out of poverty and healed her father's leg. He rebuilt the art gallery for her. He was the first person to recognise the sacrifices she had made for her family. Most of all, Tamlin fell in love with Feyre in her human form - exactly as she was, with no mating bond to biologically pull her to him.
Prior to the events of Under the Mountain, Tamlin tells Feyre that he is "not her jailor." He tells her that she doesn't need a "keeper," as he kneels before her, and dedicates a song on his fiddle to her.
So, what changed?
Under the Mountain.
Amarantha happened.
Tamlin was forced to witness the woman he loved be brutalised and tortured. Knowing Amarantha was in love with him, Tamlin is powerless to help Feyre; to make his feelings known, means instant death for her. It is why Tamlin gets on his knees and begs Rhys to keep Feyre's identity a secret.
However, Feyre is ultimately killed. She was only brought into this situation because of Tamlin; he is riddled with guilt and despair.
Yet, by some miracle, Feyre is resurrected. Tamlin now has the chance to protect Feyre, to save her, in all the ways he was unable to before.
However, he goes overboard. He becomes possessive and controlling. Despite promising Feyre that he was not her "jailor," he locks her in the manor. He shuts Feyre out. The trauma only festers - for both of them.
Tamlin's behaviour was abusive. Feyre had every right to leave, and she was far better off for it.
Readers react (but, is it fair?)
It is for the above reason that Tamlin is one of the most hated ACOTAR characters. That hatred is justified.
But, where is that same hatred for all other SJM characters who behaved just as badly as Tamlin? Or, those who behaved even worse?
Rhys is still the character who:
Drugged Feyre and made her dance provocatively Under the Mountain (until she threw up). Rhys later admits he did this in part to make Tamlin jealous.
Twisted Feyre's broken arm to enforce consent.
Kept a 24/7 shield around her (the same sort of action Tamlin is criticised for...).
Refused to tell Feyre that her pregnancy would likely be fatal (despite their 'no secrets' promise); stripping her of the autonomy to make decisions over her own body.
Then, threatened to kill Nesta when she revealed this information.
And I hear you - "Rhys was just trying to protect Feyre!" Yet, wasn't that Tamlin's motive too?
This double standard exists for most other SJM characters:
[TOG Spoilers] Rowan, one of the most powerful fae warriors to ever exist, punches Aelin, a 19 year old who is newly discovering her fae abilities, so hard in the face that she hits a wall and bleeds. He then tells her that she should have "died long ago". Tamlin never directly laid his hands on Feyre. Yet, Rowan does, and his behaviour is always excused (and even romanticised). What's more, is that his relationship with Aelin is one of the most highly regarded.
[TOG Spoilers] We then have Manon who committed literal mass genocide for centuries (and delighted in it), even killing her own sister in the process.
There's Azriel who has a twisted affinity for torturing people.
Nesta who was verbally and emotionally abusive towards Feyre throughout their childhood.
Don't get me wrong, I love all of these characters. They are nuanced, morally grey individuals; this complexity is what makes SJM books so great.
Yet, why does this same nuance rarely exist for Tamlin?
Considering the events from Tamlin's perspective.
Readers criticise Tamlin for collaborating with Hybern to 'get Feyre back.' However, from Tamlin's perspective, Rhys was the person who willingly served Amarantha for the past 50 years. Tamlin also believed Rhys's facade that he was the insidious dictator of the infamously cruel Night Court. What's more, Tamlin is also aware of Rhys's mind control powers. So, when he receives a vague letter from Feyre (who as far as he knows, couldn't read and write), of course he is suspicious.
Tamlin truly believes that Rhys has kidnapped Feyre, and that she is in danger. In order to rescue her, Tamlin pretends to work with Hybern. He jeopardises the safety of his civilians, puts his entire court at risk - all to save the woman he loves.
If Rhys sacrificed the Night Court to save Feyre, we would deem it an act of true love. So, why do we condemn Tamlin?
What's more, both readers and characters blame Tamlin for the King of Hybern's actions; that Elain and Nesta went into the Cauldron because of him.
However, as soon as Tamlin realised Hybern's true plans, he blew his cover in an attempt to stop the King. He was the ONLY character who lunged for Hybern in an attempt to save Elain (whilst everyone else stood there in shock).
Shortly after, Tamlin realises that Feyre left him willingly. That she is with Rhys, and they are mates. Then, Lucien, Tamlin's only friend, leaves for the Night Court too.
To top it all off, in an act of revenge, Feyre orchestrates for the downfall of the Spring Court - an action that risks the lives of countless innocent civilians. As a result, Tamlin now has no one. No court.
Tamlin has nothing left.
Tamlin's choice.
If we are all being honest with ourselves, most people in Tamlin's position would feel immense resentment. Many would resort to revenge, just as Feyre did. However, Tamlin never takes this path - he never gives in to the hatred and bitterness that could so easily consume him. He chooses otherwise.
Not only did he turn the tide in the war, saving Feyre and Elain's life;
Not only did he resurrect Rhys - the man who took so much from him;
But above all else, he wished for Feyre to "be happy."
Yet, despite all of this, although most other characters got their happily ever after, Tamlin now roams around the decimated Spring Court. He stays in his beast form, as if he doesn't even feel worthy of being fae - of his humanity. Tamlin is depressed, and very alone. He has always been alone.
To me, his character can be summarised by this quote;
"I sat with my anger long enough, until he told me his real name was grief."
Tamlin's redemption.
Some believe that Tamlin deserves no redemption. That instead, he is better off dead. However, I think that sends a rather grim message to the myriad of people who suffer in the same way that Tamlin does.
To those who externalise their pain, rather than internalise it. To those who were never shown love as a child, and therefore struggle to display it as an adult. To those who were hurt by the people they trusted most, so they hurt others in return. To those who still hold onto guilt over their past. To those who try to be a better person, but still feel like a failure deep down.
That doesn't mean that Tamlin's past actions should be excused, or even forgiven, But, just like every other character, it does mean he should have the chance to heal.
In her most recent interview, SJM says it herself; that no character is doomed to be an "asshole" forever, and that any day you could choose to wake up and be a better person - to live a better life.
A fairytale ending.
Ultimately, ACOTAR was inspired by Beauty and the Beast, and Tamlin is the perfect personification of the Beast. Not just for his shapeshifting form, as we came to believe in the first book. But rather, just as the Beast in the fairytale was a man haunted by his past mistakes, so too is Tamlin.
Yet, as the tale goes, the Beast's once hardened exterior begins to melt away, and he is able to look towards the world with kindness. To love again. To love himself. When this happened, the enchanted rose came back to life.
I believe this foreshadows what will occur with Tamlin in future books. As he begins to heal, to find his place in the world, he will blossom.
And, so too will the Spring Court gardens around him - vibrant again, once more.
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So I often tried to mentally abuse the kid my dad brought home to live with us. I also tried to 💩 on his achievements and make it out like he had a hero complex when I was actually just jealous of the attention and his natural talent.
I tried to strangle this person and blame him for the massacre of my clan even though I secretly knew it was not his fault.
Then he appeared with an amazing power that I decided to use as a way to win a war and build my sect's reputation back up. When he became too much trouble and decided to save innocent people from a prisoner of war camp to repay the debt I owed, I did not stand by his side. I demanded he abandon the refugees and come back to be my sect like a good little subordinate, but he chose to defend the innocent people and abandon me. He broke a promise he made to me while we were kids and so I told the rest of the cultivation world he was a threat and withdrew any protection.
I then proceeded to stab him in a 'fake' fight and made his intestines fall out.
But he did break my arm!!! My left arm, that I don't use very often, all to make it look real, as we had planned. The stabbing was my creative twist though. Blood and guts make it look extra real after all. As long as it's not my own of course.
I had to wipe my ass using my right hand! I much prefer wiping my ass with my left, it was such an inconvenience.
Then he really pissed me off and I blamed him for the tragic accidental death of my brother in law and my sister sacrificing herself to save his life. Ignoring her brave act of love towards the man she considered a younger brother, I organised a blood thirsty siege to kill him and the innocent people he was protecting - including a toddler.
Unfortunately he died before I could get to him and I spent 13 years kidnapping and torturing anyone who reminded me of the man, just in case he had come back from the dead.
Now he's back and I think I deserve an apology! I kidnapped him and subjected him to psychological torture and before I had the chance to harm him any further he escaped! He just wants to live his new life with his husband (gross 🤢) and wants nothing more to do with me.
Am I the asshole here?! Or is he!?
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Why is it that Lucien, the only visible disabled man in the series (besides maybe azriel with his hands) gets treated like shit by the narrative and by the characters around him
He gets tortured and humiliated by Amarantha
He gets lashed and abused by tamlin
He gets SA'd by Ianthe
He isn't allowed to speak to his mate alone
He is used by feyre for her petty revenge
Losses his home and best friend and becomes a refugee
Becomes almost homeless
Everyone of the main characters either actively despises him (feyre, azriel) or is at least weary of him (the rest of the ic)
I don't even know what Sarah's thought process was by punishing a disabled character over and over again????
Does she think he can handle more because he is disabled?????
Or is she just unintentionally ableist????
Or intentionally ableist???
#I don't know is just gives me the ick#then disabled characters are more severely punished than their able body counterparts#does she even have sensibility readers???#anti sjm#acotar critical#anti acotar#sjm critical#pro lucien vanserra#lucien vanserra
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Several killed in Israel raid on West Bank as US, EU sanction more settlers
Violence erupted during an Israeli army raid at the Nur Shams refugee camp in the city of Tulkarem.
(19th of April 2024)
[See article for the embedded videos!]
At least five Palestinians, including a teenager, have been killed during an Israeli military raid in the occupied West Bank city of Tulkarem.
The escalating violence on Friday came as the United States and the European Union imposed more sanctions targeting hardliner Israeli settlers engaged in violence against Palestinians in the occupied territory.
A 16-year-old who was shot with live fire by Israeli forces was among those killed, Palestinian health officials said. The boy – identified as Qais Fathi Nasrallah – arrived at the hospital in Tulkarem after already succumbing to his wounds.
Al Jazeera’s Zein Basravi, reporting from Tulkarem, said the Israeli military went into the Nur Shams refugee camp late on Thursday night in an hours-long operation that stretched into Friday.
He said armed clashes carried on between the military and Palestinian resistance fighters, during which people were killed.
“One of them was the leader of the Tulkarem resistance brigade, the battalion of about 50 men strong that is based in Tulkarem, a man named Mohammed Jaber,” Basravi said, adding that Jaber has been targeted in the past, and his brother was killed in December.
“This very dramatic escalation of events in the occupied West Bank in this ongoing raid seemed to have been successful in targeting Mohammed Jaber,” he added.
During the raid “dozens of homes were destroyed and demolished”, Al Jazeera’s correspondent said.
“Israeli soldiers have been carrying out raids in homes, carrying out on-site interrogations … Locals describe the mayhem being carried out by the Israeli military as the worst destruction of infrastructure they’ve seen in the West Bank since the destruction of the Jenin refugee camp during the second Intifada in the early 2000s.”
The West Bank, which Israel has occupied since 1967, has seen a surge in violence in the past year, particularly since Israel’s war on Gaza erupted in October.
At least 468 Palestinians have been killed by Israeli forces or settlers across the West Bank since October 7, according to official Palestinian sources.
In Gaza, Israel’s war has killed 34,000 Palestinians and wounded over 76,800 more.
US, EU sanctions on settlers
Meanwhile on Friday, the US and EU imposed more sanctions on Israeli settlers engaged in violence against Palestinians in the occupied West Bank.
The EU said that the European Council slapped sanctions on four “extremist” Israeli settlers and two entities over “serious human rights abuses against Palestinians”.
The EU put two “radical” organisations – Lehava and the Hilltop Youth – on its asset freeze and visa ban blacklist for their attacks on Palestinians.
It also included Hilltop Youth leaders Meir Ettinger and Elisha Yered, along with settlers Neria Ben Pazi and Yinon Levi.
It said abuses included “torture and other cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment” and “the violation of right to property and to private and family life of Palestinians in the West Bank”.
Separately, the US said it was adding Ben-Zion Gopstein, the founder and leader of Lehava, to its own blacklist.
Washington also imposed sanctions on two groups involved in raising tens of thousands of dollars for settlers Yinon Levi and David Chai Chasdai, who were targeted in its earlier sanctions, the Treasury Department announced in a statement.
Washington had previously sanctioned five settlers and two unauthorised outposts in the West Bank in two rounds of sanctions.
One entity, Mount Hebron Fund, launched an online fundraising campaign that raised $140,000 for Levi, the Treasury said, after he was sanctioned on February 1 for leading a group of settlers that assaulted Palestinian and Bedouin civilians, burned their fields and destroyed their property.
It said the second entity, Shlom Asiraich, raised $31,000 on a crowdfunding website for Chasdai, who the US says initiated and led a riot that included setting vehicles and buildings on fire and causing damage to property in Huwara, resulting in the death of a Palestinian civilian.
“Such acts by these organisations undermine the peace, security, and stability of the West Bank. We will continue to use our tools to hold those responsible accountable,” Deputy Secretary of the Treasury Wally Adeyemo said.
#palestine#free palestine#save palestine#west bank#settler colonialism#settler violence#gaza#free gaza#save gaza#israeli apartheid#israel#israel palestine conflict#boycott israel#current events#world news#israeli settlers#news
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https://twitter.com/MarkRPellegrino/status/1739388263092330913?t=K-e1Roe2W9tH1bK_GNdr2g&s=19
Mark Pellegrino aka Lucifer from tumblr dot com fave Supernatural is a Zionist
I honestly didn't even know who this was, but when you said Supernatural and tumblr, I understood how deeply *loved* he must be. The more celebrities I see take to social media to reveal how much of a genocidal apologist they are, the more I'm bitter-sweetly thankful because at least they've shown themselves as the bigots they are.
Also the reaches he's making here... what about the IOF screams democracy? They've murdered over 20,000 Palestinians these past 2 months alone; routinely and regularly kidnap, abuse, assault, torture, and kill Palestinian children and adults in their prison systems, have depraved Palestinian people these past few months of adequate medical aid, food, water, fuel, and electricity -the IOF has also targeted and bombed hospitals, refugee camps, schools, and places of worship... the zionists are all apparently out of touch with reality.
#feminist#feminism#social justice#free palestine#freepalastine🇵🇸#palestine#free gaza#settler violence#settler colonialism#israel is committing genocide#israel is a terrorist state#current events#end the genocide#end the occupation#ceasefire
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I just noticed a very amusing thing.
The persuasion check to give folk hero Wyll a little kiss at the refugee party where we are celebrated for doing the right thing...
... is the same persuasion check amount of talking Astarion out of, uh doing a very bad thing.
Due to game mechanics (playing as a monk vs paladin, & having someone to cast guidance), it was easier to talk a power hungry, blood drunk vampire/abuse victim out of slaughtering 7000+ people and sending them to directly hell so he could be The Most Evil Vampire In The World after 200 years of the worst torture imaginable than it was to give sweet Prince Charming Wyll Ravenguard a cute little peck on the lips at a lighthearted party.
I know these are very different story beats in different runs of the game. But also that is an amusing detail.
#baldur's gate 3#wyll ravengard#astarion#don't read too much into this#it's just a funny result of gameplay#wyll is just going through a lot that week#astarion is uh also going through a lot that week comparatively#wyll is just really play hard to get i guess#baldur's gate 3 spoilers
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You ever think about how the fandom will go nuts trying to explain how Astarion is ~basically~ an elven child and how he’s absolved of all guilt for everything he’s done by the abuse he endured and yet… on the other hand we also have Gortash, who very literally was a child when sold to the hells and put through who knows what manner of abuse, saw who knows what messed up shit, who has had chances to do better, yes, but has also had to fight to survive and be more than just a beggar on the streets once he escaped. And he’s the totally evil and irredeemable one according to most fans. I’m not trying to woobify him btw, it’s just always interesting how every other character gets defended on the basis of “but cult conditioning/abuse/etc” but Gortash is uniquely the worst man alive. Which he is, but also. Cmon. Astarion has a long list of innocent victims and is a razors edge away from becoming the next cazador in any given play through and yet he’s a perfect uwu angel apparently. This isn’t about saying Gortash isn’t evil, this is about saying he’s not drastically more evil than a lot of other nuanced characters in this game who get defended by the fandom masses.
ANON if I could kiss you, I would commit tax evasion with you.
THIS.
Like I know Gortash is awful, but so is fucking everyone.
Shadowheart can become a Dark Justiciar and do awful things for Shar. Lae'zel and the githyanki are a bunch of pricks who kill their own kids for showing weakness and kill innocent people all the goddamn time. Minthara obviously slaughters a bunch of innocent refugees, if you allow her to, and as a drow, probably committed a cavalcade of evil actions.
Gale's blind ambition could've nuked a fucking town. He might not have intended to become a living bomb, but he did, and by running around Faerun, he WAS putting literally everyone within like five miles of him in mortal danger. Wyll would've killed Karlach if you weren't there, and he expresses this horror, because he has definitely killed innocents for Mizora before.
Astarion would've gladly become Cazador 2.0, if you didn't stop him. He might've started out ok, but he would descend into that same evil, using you until there was nothing left of you, and treating others the way he was treated, because he sees himself as a god now.
Even fucking Karlach...who is a sweetie, and god I love her...well fuck, didn't Gortash accuse her of knowing just how shady his shit was? She was a desperate kid, yes, and he definitely took advantage of her, but he explicitly calls her out for working for him, even though she knew he was shady (if not a Banite). Plus she was his bodyguard for years. As if your bodyguard wouldn't know you were being a peace of shit?
The WHOLE POINT of Baldur's Gate 3 is that you and your companions are defined by your choices.
The option EXISTS to SAVE THESE PEOPLE.
THERE IS NO OPTION TO SAVE GORTASH.
The game gives you the option of seeing him die one way or the other way.
I'm just SAYING it's not totally fair to act as if Gortash is truly irredeemable, when out of all the villains, he at least had an idea of a better world, even if it was still self serving and frankly awful.
He was slightly better than the Dark Urge, and they GET the choice of redeeming themselves.
He never does. And maybe he wouldn't have taken it, but that's really not the point.
You hit the nail on the head, bud.
Gortash is evil, no doubt, this is true, he is not just a victim of circumstances, he made every wrong decision he could've made...
But the fandom has no problem woobifying Astarion even though that scene with Sebastian is fucking soul wrenching.
They raise their hackles at Gortash, as though he's been alive for 200 years and lured thousands to their deaths/vampirism, and they forget that Lae'zel is absolutely awful, and approves every time you murder children in front of her.
And Shadowheart spent her childhood learning to torture people.
You can say well their crimes aren't equivalent- and yes, that is true, HOWEVER.
Remember that you have met them when they were powerless.
If given power...if they had never been mindcontrolled by parasites...well shit, they might've fucking killed you.
They might've become tyrants themselves. I know it's purely conjecture on my part, I just kinda...I don't even necessarily want a redeemed Gortash storyline.
I'm fine with him just being a villain!
I just also have a working brain that doesn't understand the reflexive urge to say, he couldn't redeem himself if he tried.
I think, in this fictional world of course, that redemption should be possible. I think if they are honestly trying, and they repay the debts they incurred, then it might be justified.
But we didn't get that choice, and neither did he, and honestly, with what the game presents...I can whole heartedly say no, he wouldn't have redeemed himself. Even if he could, he would not have done it.
But the possibility does exist.
Trying to deny it makes you look like a hypocrite as you insist Ascended Astarion is still an uwu baby.
Like nah, sweetie. Good luck with that.
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its wild too bc barely anything was said about her but she would sit there laughing and justifying it when ppl were upset over:
her openly saying she wants to murder a woman & then rape her corpse
her saying she wants to literally torture women and abuse them
her wishing that i get raped again
her telling a lesbian refugee that shes not a real lesbian bc they disagreed on whether im a Real Lesbian or not
her calling women whores & sluts, alongside other vile things like "cocksluts" "semen sluts" "cockwhores" & more
her hoping a child ex-prostitute gets STDs & calling her a "cockwhore" & saying she was "riding dick for a living" & saying she cant be a real lesbian bc of being basically raped in prostitution
her putting my real name in her garbage "callout post" and when i told her to pls at least censor it, she said it was my fault for having put my name in a post over 10 years ago
her happily saying i wanted to be sexually abused based on me pretending to be happy w it on a monitored blog a decade ago & also calling me a "whore" based on stuff i said at 15
basically just a bunch of rape apologism which she directed at me & another lesbian
basically encouraging harassment against multiple lesbians bc she thought 1 thing they did meant they cant be lesbians.. from disagree with her to enjoying media she doesnt enjoy etc
thats just the stuff off the top of my head but this woman was perhaps the biggest misogynist ive ever seen on radblr and its just hilarious that when others treat her not even close to as badly as how she treated others, she runs away. lol. so much for ur 'i dont care i dont have empathy' persona. u just enjoyed being the high school bully u never could be and don't even have the ovaries to own up to ur mistakes and apologise, pathetic
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The start of bad decisions...
Notes: Fic contains trauma mention, Astarion's memory of Cazador's abuse, and dishonestly leading Gale on.
Full NSFW version can be found here.
It had been marvelous, while it lasted.
For a precious few weeks, Astarion had allowed himself to believe things could be different. That he could be free, that he could make different choices. Help people, instead of hurting them. It had felt so good to inspire hope, instead of fear. Well, still a little fear; he was still himself, after all. But this time, to those who deserved it. He had savored the heady sensation every time his companions looked to him to take the lead. Even fancied himself an excellent leader.
That all ended, crashing around his delicate pointed ears, when they reached the shadow-cursed lands and came across the fallen bodies of the tiefling refugees. The very same faces he had last seen cavorting with joy around his campfire mere weeks before. How they had adored him that evening.
And now, those faces were contorted in grimaces of pain and fear, anguish overwriting the happy memories in his mind. A few dead cultists lay strewn about among the dead, showing the refugees had not all fallen in vain, but too many had, just the same. As he gazed upon the slaughter, Astarion felt the old familiar pit of despair rising up to meet him.
Even reaching the Last Light Inn, discovering some precious few had survived, meeting and saving Isobel, receiving the cleric’s blessing… none of it reached his heart as he attempted to lock it away again. He should have known it was foolish to give in to hope. Two hundred miserable years under Cazador’s thumb should have killed that pointless notion long since.
It was no surprise, then, that his memories returned to his old master when they made camp that evening. He rarely rested well, but that night something was different, unease flooding his veins. Again and again, his thoughts returned to memories of pain, of suffering.
In the meditative trance elves partook instead of sleep, Astarion remembered his small cruelties, his sadistic whims. The long, torturous night Cazador had carved ‘poetry’ into his back. It all felt vividly real again. Every jagged cut of the ‘needle’ Cazador had used, the shapes he carved into Astarion’s flesh. For the briefest moment, he started to see the pattern of the design in his mind, to make sense of it. But his panic and pain won out, pushing the vampire spawn to sitting, drenched in sweat and panting with fright.
Trembling, he pushed himself upright on shaky limbs, thinking only to get away from the others, perhaps a late night swim in the stream to rinse free the last of the unwelcome, clinging thoughts. A faint glow at the edge of his vision halted him, however, and he gave a slight start to see a translucent image of Gale standing nearby, smiling at him. He had seen the wizard’s mirror images often enough to recognize it, but what he couldn’t fathom was what one was doing here in the camp, instead of the man himself.
“Good evening,” the image said brightly in Gale’s own voice. “I am here on behalf of Gale of Waterdeep. He wishes to extend you an invitation for a private conversation in a more suitable locale.”
Astarion blinked slowly, considered rejecting the offer. He was still shaken by his memories and uncertain he wished to be around the wizard just then. Those same memories, however, urged him to accept the offer. He wanted to feel something, anything else but that haunting pain. He remembered the way Gale had looked at him after the battle to save the inn, earlier that day. Yes, that might do nicely.
“Very well, show me the way,” he sighed.
“Gladly!” the mirror image replied. “Simply follow yonder path and soon you will find him.” The figure extended its arm toward a passage between the trees bathed in soft moonlight. They were camping in the shadow-cursed lands, there should be no moonlight at all, and Astarion knew at once this was Gale’s magic at work.
He set off down the path, and it wasn’t but a moment until a clearing opened before him revealing a stunning starscape, beautiful rainbows of aurora arcing across the sky. And the wizard himself sitting in the midst of it, hands raised in delicate, graceful gestures, plucking the Weave like a master played the harp.
Astarion sauntered closer, slipping into old seductive habits like a familiar mantle, one he had draped around himself many times. Gale lowered his arms and smiled up at Astarion as the pale elf alighted beside him. The way the wizard gazed at him, oh this would be so easy. The man had been making eyes at him since almost their first meeting.
Not that anyone could blame him, of course. Half the camp had thrown themselves at Astarion’s feet already. He had resisted their efforts thus far, luxuriating in being offered a choice, that he needn’t use his body or his looks to survive. Tonight, however, was different. Tonight, he wanted this. He wanted to feel something else, to erase the memories of Cazador’s cruelty and replace them with anything else. That he felt nothing for Gale romantically was unimportant; all that mattered was that Gale was available, interested. Obtainable.
The elf’s thoughts drifted briefly to Halsin, but he pushed them away almost as quickly. The big druid had become increasingly withdrawn as they approached the cursed lands, departing the camp as soon as they reached the inn. Astarion was good and well rid of him, then. It certainly didn’t hurt his feelings, not one bit.
“I love this time of night,” Gale spoke, drawing Astarion’s attention back to him. The wizard was leaning back on his hands, gazing up at the sky. Astarion had to admit, the man was quite fetching in this light. A suitable companion to pass the time. And what little time it was. He knew the wizard still planned to follow through with Mystra’s cruel command, more the fool, he. Definitely safe enough to dally with in the meantime.
“There’s an almost reverent silence that accompanies the peak of darkness, when you’d almost believe the dawn will never break.” Astarion stifled an eyeroll at Gale’s penchant for romantic poetry and remained silent. “The cradle… of eternity,” Gale continued, oblivious, gesturing at the aurora overhead. “The timelessness of lovers.” He paused and gazed pointedly at Astarion. “That most beautiful of fantasies.”
His thoughts on the poetry notwithstanding, Astarion knew his role well, had played it countless times over the last two centuries. He shifted slightly, just enough for their shoulders to brush together, a flirtatious smirk curving one corner of his mouth. “It’s breathtaking, Gale,” he cooed praise for the other man. “Is this starry sky your doing?” Flattery would get him everywhere with this one.
“Indeed.” Gale seemed pleased as he gazed back up at the heavens. “The curse is still present, of course. Just veiled at arm’s length, for now. Not a trick I can repeat often, but tonight? Tonight is different.” His eyes drifted back to Astarion, drinking him in. “This may be my last night alive. I wanted it to be under a canopy of beauty and wonder… and with company to match.”
Astarion smiled again, holding the wizard’s gaze and letting his pinky brush over Gale’s near his in the grass, hearing the other man’s breath hitch. Felt his heartrate stir. So simple. Astarion had whispered many such honeyed words of his own in the past, valuable tools in his arsenal of seduction. Gale had no need for them with Astarion, the man was simply a true romantic at heart. Pathetic. Astarion would have the wizard eating out of his hands before morning.
Gale blushed and cleared his throat, gazing back at the stars. “I thought this place might bring me peace. I thought it might make the weight of what I must do feel a little lighter… but I am not so sure.” His brows furrowed in pain and, for the briefest moment, Astarion felt a pang. Romantically he might not feel toward the man, but Gale had proven himself a true friend time and again.
“I refuse to believe this is the end. We’ll find another way, I promise.” The words were out of Astarion’s mouth before he could stop them and he silently cursed himself. Not that they were a lie, per se. He didn’t wish for Gale to blow himself up to save the gods' damned world, but he failed to see why he should stop the man if it would save all of their skins.
“Thank you,” Gale sighed, turning his hand over and curling his fingers against Astarion’s palm. “But, even if we do find another way, perhaps this is the right way. The end fate wishes for me.” Gods preserve him from melancholy fools determined to be martyrs. “There is no point in running from it,” Gale continued his mournful monologue, gazing away. “Better to meet it on my own terms.”
“Why are you so sure it’s inevitable?” Astarion demanded, hearing the petulance in his own voice and scowling faintly. “We haven’t even found this ‘Heart of the Absolute’ yet.”
Gale ignored his question, perhaps reciting a speech he had rehearsed in his head for days, and would not be swayed from it. “One moment with you could sate me for a lifetime, and prise the fear from my heart. I’m so very glad you came, to share this with me.” He nodded back at the magical sky overhead, bathing them in shades of teal and indigo. “I know this is all unreal, but I created it for you. You must know that you’re…” Here, his pretty words finally faltered. “That you’re very special to me.” His brows knit together, his gaze earnest as he turned back to Astarion.
Oh no.
“If things were different, if we were home, I’d have taken the time to do things properly. To say it all better,” Gale continued. “But time is short.”
Oh no. Stop, don’t say it! Astarion begged in his mind. “I’m in love with you.”
No…
Astarion swallowed a painful lump in his throat. This wasn’t right. He didn’t want this. Not… not that. Not love. Absolutely not. This ridiculous wizard, wearing his heart on his sleeve, giving it to anyone who wasn’t cruel to him for five minutes!
He couldn’t stand to hear it, not another word. Instead, he closed the distance between them, palm sliding up the side of Gale’s neck, thumb gently caressing the man’s jaw and coaxing his head up before sealing their lips in a hungry kiss. He felt Gale’s breath hitch, the man tense against him for the briefest moment before his own hands came up to cradle Astarion’s face, kissing him back urgently.
Yes. Yes! This was more like it.
Astarion began to push Gale back into the grass, but the wizard struggled free. “Wait, wait!” He rose to his feet, shaking his head. “I want it to be perfect - to bond with you in the way that gods do… intertwining our spirits in visions of the Weave.”
Astarion growled under his breath as he followed Gale to his feet, impatient with the unwanted romance. “I don’t need illusions.” He reached for the wizard again and felt the other man��s confusion.
“...are you sure? I could conjure up any sight that you could dream of, and a few you could not. I could use the Weave to make us feel sensations beyond reckoning. I could do more than woo you - I could wow you.” The man gazed at him so earnestly and Astarion stifled a sigh. Gods preserve him from romantic fools.
“You don’t need to impress me, Gale,” he sighed, drawing the wizard into his arms again. “I’m no god.” The admission brought a faint hint of bitterness to his tongue and he ducked his head, hoping to rinse it away with another kiss.
“Yes you are,” Gale murmured, adoration in his eyes, and Astarion felt his own dead heart stutter painfully, against his better judgment. “Alright then, let’s do it your way. So long as it’s with you.”
Astarion moved to draw Gale toward the ground once more, suddenly desperate to stop this beautiful mooncalf from saying another word, but the wizard got one final say in.
“A small gesture to your comfort.” He nodded over Astarion’s shoulder and the vampire turned his head to discover a plush, luxorious canopied bed had appeared in the center of the clearing. Well, that would certainly be more pleasurable than in the grass…
Smirking, he took hold of Gale’s hand and backed toward the bed, drawing the wizard along with him. Falling back onto the soft cushions and trusting Gale’s magic, he pulled his companion down atop him, kissing him heatedly once more. At last, Gale finally seemed content to let the conversation die, kissing him inexpertly but with an eagerness that more than made up for skill.
Astarion rolled limber hips and was rewarded with a desperate groan from the wizard atop him, the man’s need rock hard against the rogue’s leg. Beyond impatient by this point, he slid his hands down to unfasten Gale’s belt and pull that gaudy tunic off over his head and cast it aside. The wizard cuddled shyly against him but Astarion’s hands wandered appreciatively over the man’s skin, deft fingers tracing a map of his body and finding all the places that made Gale sing. Oh and what a vocal lover he was, the noises bubbling up from his throat guiding Astarion with ease.
Hooking a leg around Gale’s waist, Astarion effortlessly flipped them over, gently pinning the wizard beneath him as he bent for another kiss. Gale’s fingers twitched and threads of the Weave began loosening the elf’s clothing, the wizard dividing his attention between the kiss and magically undressing the man atop him.
“Oh my,” Astarion purred with a grin, breaking the kiss to shimmy out of his billowy shirt, his lean muscular chest on display. “That’s certainly new.” Bracing his hands on Gale’s chest, he gave another deliberate roll of his hips, grinding their bulges together and earning another pretty moan from the wizard. “I trust you brought along supplies for this little… seduction…”
Gale tensed beneath him and blushed in adorable embarrassment. “I… er… that is…”
“Oh gods help you,” Astarion sighed with a playful eyeroll. “You thought of everything else.” He reached into one of many hidden trouser pockets and produced a small vial of oil, pressing it into the wizard’s hand. “It’s a good thing you’re cute.” He leaned down to nibble on the man’s ear before adding in a sultry whisper, “and that I am always prepared. Now. Get naked for me, darling.”
#baldur's gate 3#bg3#astarion#gale of waterdeep#astarion ancunin#gale dekarios#bloodweave#bg 3 spoilers#bg3 fanfic#trauma mention#mosquito writes
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