(I still think this exchange, especially side by side, is one of the funniest things in the whole fic.)
James: Still being mysterious. Okay. Keep your secrets. I’ll tease them out of you eventually.
James: I, however, am not mysterious at all. Open book. Quite literally. Are you familiar with The Marauders trilogy?
Reg: …
Reg: …
Reg: …
James: Did your phone freeze or…
James: Hello?
Reg: James.
Reg: Your first name is James.
James: Yes, I’m aware. One of the first things I told you about myself.
Reg: And you’re twenty-eight years old.
James: Yep, also not a secret.
Reg: Holy shit. You’re James F. Potter.
Reg: Unless this is Barty pulling an elaborate prank.
Reg: If this is you, Bartemius, I’m gonna bloody kill you dead.
James: Bartemius? You said your friend had a human name.
Reg: I can’t believe I’m messaging with James F. Potter.
James: So you’ve heard of me.
Reg: …no.
James: :) :) :)
James: Also, could you stop saying my whole name? It freaks me out.
Reg: But you’re James F. Potter. You’re like, proper famous.
James: Hardly. Barely one person out of ten recognises me in the street. Three out of ten at cons. I take it you’re a fan, though.
Reg: Not really.
Reg: Might’ve read your books in passing.
Reg: Once.
Reg: Or twice.
Reg: Or twenty times.
Reg: And might or might not own the first-edition signed hardbacks of The Marauders. Your other books are a nightmare to find, or I’d have those too.
James: Fucking brilliant.
Reg: But to be clear, I still think you’re an obnoxious wanker.
Reg: Like, as a person.
Reg: It’s true what they say. Never meet your heroes.
***
Regulus: Do you remember the author I like?
Barty: Like? You mean the guy you worship? James something?
Regulus: James Potter. There’s no worship.
Barty: You have a shrine dedicated to him in our living room!
Regulus: Barty, that’s a bookcase.
Barty: Whatever. His name’s plastered all over that thing. I recognise a shrine when I see one.
Regulus: He messaged me. Out of nowhere.
Barty: Why? Was he tracking down his most insane Reddit followers to know who to pick out of a lineup for future restraining orders?
Regulus: I’ll never understand how some people find you funny.
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