Waiting for Permission to Be Sick - Input Requested!

So, I got officially diagnosed with two chronic conditions last week. And the doctor explained to me the details of how these conditions affect my body, and what kinds of symptoms to look out for, and what I can expect life to look like going forward. And I got prescribed meds, and given detailed instructions for when to take them and any side effects I might experience and what to do to help myself feel better if I'm not feeling well, and all of that.

And I just. Haven't done it. I've started taking some of the meds, but not all of them, and like. There's no real reason for me not to? I'm just. Not doing it. Like I've looked up some products on Etsy to have like. Emergency medical info with me so that if I randomly black out or faint again in public, someone could see me and have info know what to do. And I've been looking at pins that say "I have an invisible disability" and aaaaaaaall sorts of stuff. Basically just window shopping for my chronic illness starter kit. But it's been over a week now and I haven't bought anything, and I seem to have convinced myself that I can't start taking my meds until I have all of my Items sorted out and prepared. And like -- there are some actual reasons for this, such as my schedule has been all over the place and my meds need to be taken at multiple times a day at certain intervals, and some with food and some without food, so I need to be able to have that stuff ready to go even when I'm out and about.

But I'm not. Actually doing the work to get everything sorted out and ready? I'm just window shopping. And today, I have been very tired all day because of the rain and because I did too much yesterday, and my head has been hurting because I'm still not over my concussion and I also probably did too much today, even though honestly all I did was go to one class and observe the whole time, and read a couple of emails. And I thought to myself, "well I guess I should take tylenol for my head, and I guess I can give myself permission to do that since my boyfriend is busy and can't tell me to take care of myself --- oh."

I have been waiting for someone to give me permission to identify as chronically ill! Even today I was like "I feel like I've managed to convince myself that I feel worse than I actually do, and I'm actually fine." Even though there would be no real reason for me to be doing that. And like. My head actually hurts! I really did and still do feel tired! And I've seen my test results, and I know that I have a chronic condition. It's been medically confirmed by a bunch of different tests, and multiple medical professionals have been like "yep you've got something wrong with you" (though using more professional and kind words, of course). All of this to say -- I have been waiting for someone to tell me that I am ill and it is chronic and that it is okay to spend money on taking care of myself and things that will make me feel better, even if it is only temporary like the excitement of buying a new pouch that says "This Bag Is Full of Drugs" specifically to keep my medical supplies in, or something to help keep me safe going forward like a medical alert key chain. The only question now is -- what do I do about this? How do I give myself permission to need help or extra accommodations or even just some medication when I never want to admit that I need or want help? I'm so used to being self-sufficient and doing everything by myself that I don't know how to be okay with more problems.

Has anyone else experienced something like this? What do you do? How do you learn to be okay with the fact that your body is not going to go back to the way it was before? I am only 22 and it's hard to accept that my life is not going to look the way I pictured it when I was 18.

ok now I can’t stop thinking about the Carians, Radagon, and the Greater Will…

whether Radagon left Rennala willingly or not (and personally I don’t think he wanted to leave, but that he saw it as his duty to either Marika or the Greater Will or both), what’s important is how his children interpreted this — perhaps this event is what set Ranni and Rykard on their paths against the Erdtree. Given his later actions in defiance and mockery of the Erdtree, I think Rykard may have been frustrated that Radagon would not or could not fight to stay with his family, and became disillusioned with the Greater Will — how could a god be worthy of serving if it would cruelly tear a family apart? this fits with the statement on the Taker’s Cameo item: “When Rykard turned to heresy, taking by force became the rule. The gods themselves were no different, after all.” the gods forced his father to leave them! and while he still loves and misses his father, he is also disgusted that he continues to serve a god that would do this to him. this also fits in with Rykard’s twisted fixation on the concept of family.

my doc approved me for antivirals to pick up soon and my symptoms today are better than yesterday, i am on the mend 😌 i am EXTREMELY lucky/blessed to have avoided this thing for three years and to be vaccinated/boosted and to have health coverage now so i can treat it proactively. it was very funny going over the list of risk factors with my doc today though, she was like "okay you're not 50 years old yet so you're not at the same high risk as some people.... let's see......." and then as we continued checking off more than three significant health markers, she was like, "okay yeah. girl i gotta prescribe you this shit. jesus"

Okay friends, I’m outsourcing some sewing and math advice because I have no clue what I’m doing here

^this is a pattern for a quarter circle skirt I’ve drafted (very roughly, as can be seen from whatever happened in the bottom left half of the paper). I have not yet bought fabric for this skirt. My questions are:

1) Should I buy fabric assuming it’ll be laid horizontally or vertically? I assume horizontal, as that would get me the most use of my fabric, but I feel like I should get confirmation on that one

2) how do I determine how much fabric I should buy? The skirt is (assuming I measured correctly) 35 inches tall, but I cannot figure out what math I should do to determine the length. I assume I’m measuring the bottom seam, as that’s the longest, but again there’s probably math involved there that I do not know how to do (or I’m overthinking this, in which case please wack me and tell me the simpler way to figure that out)

3) the internet says fabric is typically ~33-40 in. wide and however many yards long. (Assuming I lay the fabric horizontally,) Would I only need to buy the fabric at however many yards I end up needing and be able to cut the skirt in one piece, or would I need more fabric and cut it in two pieces?

sometimes if i started thinking about the extent to which folks i know are just fully ignoring that covid is still going on i feel like i'm truly losing my mind

In a situation right now where I’m mad at myself, mad at my sister, mad at my mom, mad at The State of Michigan, mad at The CDC, & mad at every person who doesn’t mask when they’re indoors somewhere outside of their own home.

For legal reasons I want to clarify that on Nov 9 I slept most of the day because I got my bivalent Covid booster and flu shot on Nov 8- & I even wrote it down in my blood pressure log because I completely forgor & was high key snork mimimimi-ing

I didn't impersonate Nintendo of America but CHRIST I accidentally might have spoken it into existence because I know I sometimes just ssy shit and it happens word for word

If you're still using Twitter do no scan QR codes, coupons, game reward codes, etc. until you check the validty of a verified account because I got a bad feeling shit is going to take a turn if Elon Musk's team doesn't back peddle

for some reason our brain apparently decided it was time to have a dream that was basically just being like "you can't be immortal anymore and you feel like shit about it" and like... wow thanks yes I do and now I get to wake up with the weirdest fucking combination of emotions 😒

Tfw you try to rest your tired brain to protect it but keep forgetting about scheduled things like therapy or phone calls

Hope things get better for you! Those assholes don't deserve ya! I hope you can find a job that treats you better!

Thank you. :(

I am extremely bummed out that this is even happening because it was really one of the best jobs I've ever had, but the office hostilities/looming over my shoulder/mixed-conflicting directions for tasks/not hiring a second person for that same space that really needs two people is just... I need to get out.

What happened today was even worse because I scheduled a class for the auditorium, then only found out today they were meeting in another classroom that I didn't schedule... after I had already set up the presenter in the auditorium. Which I was then berated for because "[I] should have known where the class was." I did know where the class was! Ya'll just moved it and no one told me!

I was loyal to this program and what happened today with that, plus a meeting with my current boss/old boss, was the last straw for me. I put together a outline of what I thought might make the office run smoother and there was no acknowledgement of it. The whole meeting was spent telling me what I do wrong and how little I apparently contribute. "You really don't do all that much" and "I don't understand what's wrong [with you]" like okay lmfao cool, glad to know all my hard work was appreciated, time to find a new job asap.

.

depressed and knowing nothing I'm doing is helping but not having the energy for anything else.

For a guy who constantly says 'I wanna kill myself' I sure don't have the fuckin balls to do it huh

I noticed she's been responding "good" instead of "fine" sometimes lately when I ask how she is, so I pointed it out and she thought about it and decided yeah, that was accurate. she said therapy is hard but productive, and she's been meditating a lot, and she's doing good.

(I was talking to him while he made dinner and he said she hasn't been the same since the first match fell through, but I pointed out she's doing way better than she was last year and he didn't seem all that convinced. I guess despite him actively trying to take it on she still didn't let him see most of that.)

What I Want You To Know About Long COVID

Well lads, I've been suffering from Long COVID for over a year now. My life is at a complete standstill. I'm 25 years old and I'm too sick to go back to school, I can't work, I had to move back in with my parents and I'm still stuck here.

Here are just a few things I wish people knew about Long COVID, including things I didn't know myself until I got it.

COVID destroys your immune system. Yes, even if you don't have Long COVID. Are you getting sick more often now? When you get sick, does it last longer? There are many studies showing that COVID causes t cell depletion, even in mild COVID cases! T cells are how your body remembers how to fight off infections you've had before so losing those cells? Bad news.

Your initial infection can be mild and you can still get Long COVID. Right from Yale Medicine, "Most people with Long COVID had mild acute COVID." (This is also a good link for a basic Long COVID overview).

There can be a gap of time between when you "get better" from the initial COVID infection to the onset of Long COVID symptoms. Some people get sick with an initial COVID infection and never get better. Some get better and then weeks or months later start developing Long COVID symptoms. Long COVID symptoms can even fluctuate over time, can go away for months and then suddenly come back.

So many people have Long COVID and don't realize it. Do you feel more tired lately but no matter how much you sleep, nothing helps? Is it harder to concentrate at work or school? Can you just not think like you used to? You could have Long COVID and not even know it. Even mild post-COVID symptoms are still Long COVID.

COVID can do anything to your body. Long COVID has over 200 recognized symptoms and can affect basically any part or system of your body. There is no one mechanism or cause of Long COVID which unfortunately also means there's no one cure either.

The effects of COVID are cumulative. Each COVID reinfection increases your chances of developing Long COVID. COVID is also affecting your body in other ways, yes, even if you're otherwise young and healthy! "Repeat COVID-19 infections increase risk of organ failure, death".

Once you have Long COVID, repeat COVID infections will make your symptoms worse. "80% [of Long COVID patients] saw their symptoms worsen [from reinfection]. In 60% of people who were in recovery or remission from Long COVID, reinfection caused a recurrence of Long COVID."

There is a lot more I want to say about Long COVID but I want to keep this post at least somewhat manageable to read. Like how when COVID is contracted during pregnancy, those COVID-exposed fetuses have a 6.3-fold increased risk of motor developmental delays, or that another study found 50% of babies exposed to COVID in utero had developmental delays.

You need to keep caring about COVID, for others around you and also for yourself even if you're "healthy". Everyone is at risk. And don't forget 40-60% of COVID infections are asymptomatic, which is why masking even if you feel fine is crucial. The only way right now to not get Long COVID is to not get COVID in the first place. It's not too late, if you've stopped masking it's never too late to start again! I know it's easy to get distracted by things in your life that seem more real than the possibility of getting sick some time in the future, and the peer pressure to not mask can be intense. But it only feels less real or less important until your entire life is having Long COVID. Trust me.

I know this is a complicated issue, many people can't afford to stay home when sick even if they want to because of their jobs, there are disgusting policies trying to ban wearing masks, but please if you can. Keep masking. Masking works, masking saves lives.

This post got a bit longer than I wanted so below the cut is a non-exhaustive list of my Long COVID symptoms and some of my experiences as one of the "healthy young people" who got "unlucky". cw brief mention of suicidal ideation.

Welcome to the Thunderdome that is my body with Long COVID. Keep in mind these are just my experiences and symptoms, Long COVID can cause any range of symptoms at varying severities.

Dysautonomia: Exercise intolerance, Post-Exertional Malaise (PEM), fatigue, and heat intolerance. What do those things mean? Here's some specific examples. Absolutely terrible circulation I am so cold all the time but also, if I get a little too warm I will pass out. Eating hot food makes my heart rate spike, I sweat, my body feels heavy. Blood pooling and pins and needles in my feet when I walk. Don't even think about exercising past walking, it's impossible. I used to work out an hour a day 4 times a week and now walking up one flight of stairs makes my heart pound and I can't breathe. Can't take even just warm showers anymore or I will pass out. Heat rashes from being in the sun for 10 minutes.

Digestive issues: Honestly too many to name but: constant bloating, extreme nausea, constipation, slow motility, lack of appetite, just so much cramping and pain. I lost 18 pounds from Long COVID, as someone who was already considered underweight their entire life, and almost had to get a shunt put into my chest to deliver nutrients because I was nearly completely unable to eat. For the first 6 months of Long COVID, if I could manage 600 calories a day, that was a good day.

Histamine intolerance: Oh boy. My worst symptoms, I don't even know where to start with it. If you know Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS) it's very similar. I can only eat 19 foods. If i eat a single bite of something not on that list, it's 48 hours of absolute hell. Coughing, migraines, itchy eyes, such extreme nausea I cannot even describe it, panic/feeling of doom, racing heart rate, derealization, rash, uncontrollable muscle tremors. I only learned about histamine intolerance 5 months into having Long COVID so before that, I was experiencing these symptoms nearly every single day. Terrifying isn't even a strong enough word to describe how it felt to experience all this and have no idea what it was, how to stop it, or if it would ever stop. Really dark times.

Neurological issues: More of that derealization. Inability to concentrate. Anxiety. OCD-like symptoms such as thoughts getting "stuck" in my head, repeating 24/7 completely unable to stop them, genuinely felt like my brain had cracked open and I had lost my mind. Constant dizziness like I'm on a boat.

Sleep issues: I sleep like garbage. I have insomnia, I wake up dozens of times every night and every single time I sleep I have intensely vivid dreams. I can't sleep longer than 7 hours total no matter how exhausted I am. It is exhausting. I'm exhausted, I'm so so tired.

And finally. Just. Really intense suicidal ideation. My body, my health, my entire life has been stolen from me because someone else decided my life was worth less to them than wearing a mask or staying home if they feel sick. Before I got Long COVID, I was preparing to go to South Korea to teach English, then on to a PhD in neurolinguistics, I was supposed to meet my long distance partner and had already booked plane tickets when I got sick. All of that has been destroyed.

Most of us with Long COVID are stuck in a cycle of being extremely sick, then if you're lucky you'll slowly get better over months, just to get reinfected and go right back where you started or worse. Honestly, I'm not scared of dying from COVID. I'm scared of living for a long time, suffering from Long COVID the entire time. This isn't living.

I don't know how to end this now. I'm still fighting, I'm trying experimental treatments, I'm not giving up yet. I hope everyone reading this stays healthy and well.