#plus it’s free from what I see
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I now understand even more why people love A Date with Death
(Context: I watched Fulgur’s stream - and a bit of the VOD - on it, along with seeing moots on Twitter talking as well as reposting fanart of the game! Add in Uki’s streaming this game in the next few days, and yeah - this game looks amazing!!!)
#a date with death#fulgur ovid#uki violeta#truly a cute and chunni little reaper#plus it’s free from what I see#Planning on maybe playing the game one day#when I have the time
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Very interesting to me that a certain subset of the BES fandom's favourite iterations of Mizu and Akemi are seemingly rooted in the facades they have projected towards the world, and are not accurate representations of their true selves.
And I see this is especially the case with Mizu, where fanon likes to paint her as this dominant, hyper-masculine, smirking Cool GuyTM who's going to give you her strap. And this idea of Mizu is often based on the image of her wearing her glasses, and optionally, with her cloak and big, wide-brimmed kasa.
And what's interesting about this, to me, is that fanon is seemingly falling for her deliberate disguise. Because the glasses (with the optional combination of cloak and hat) represent Mizu's suppression of her true self. She is playing a role.
Take this scene of Mizu in the brothel in Episode 4 for example. Here, not only is Mizu wearing her glasses to symbolise the mask she is wearing, but she is purposely acting like some suave and cocky gentleman, intimidating, calm, in control. Her voice is even deeper than usual, like what we hear in her first scene while facing off with Hachiman the Flesh-Trader in Episode 1.
This act that Mizu puts on is an embodiment of masculine showboating, which is highly effective against weak and insecure men like Hachi, but also against women like those who tried to seduce her at the Shindo House.
And that brings me to how Mizu's mask is actually a direct parallel to Akemi's mask in this very same scene.
Here, Akemi is also putting up an act, playing up her naivety and demure girlishness, using her high-pitched lilted voice, complimenting Mizu and trying to make small talk, all so she can seduce and lure Mizu in to drink the drugged cup of sake.
So what I find so interesting and funny about this scene, characters within it, and the subsequent fandom interpretations of both, is that everyone seems to literally be falling for the mask that Mizu and Akemi are putting up to conceal their identities, guard themselves from the world, and get what they want.
It's also a little frustrating because the fanon seems to twist what actually makes Mizu and Akemi's dynamic so interesting by flattening it completely. Because both here and throughout the story, Mizu and Akemi's entire relationship and treatment of each other is solely built off of masks, assumptions, and misconceptions.
Akemi believes Mizu is a selfish, cocky male samurai who destroyed her ex-fiance's career and life, and who abandoned her to let her get dragged away by her father's guards and forcibly married off to a man she didn't know. on the other hand, Mizu believes Akemi is bratty, naive princess who constantly needs saving and who can't make her own decisions.
These misconceptions are even evident in the framing of their first impressions of each other, both of which unfold in these slow-motion POV shots.
Mizu's first impression of Akemi is that of a beautiful, untouchable princess in a cage. Swirling string music in the background.
Akemi's first impression of Mizu is of a mysterious, stoic "demon" samurai who stole her fiance's scarf. Tense music and the sound of ocean waves in the background.
And then, going back to that scene of them together in Episode 4, both Mizu and Akemi continue to fool each other and hold these assumptions of each other, and they both feed into it, as both are purposely acting within the suppressive roles society binds them to in order to achieve their goals within the means they are allowed (Akemi playing the part of a subservient woman; Mizu playing the part of a dominant man).
But then, for once in both their lives, neither of their usual tactics work.
Akemi is trying to use flattery and seduction on Mizu, but Mizu sees right through it, knowing that Akemi is just trying to manipulate and harm her. Rather than give in to Akemi's tactics, Mizu plays with Akemi's emotions by alluding to Taigen's death, before pinning her down, and then when she starts crying, Mizu just rolls her eyes and tells her to shut up.
On the opposite end, when Mizu tries to use brute force and intimidation, Akemi also sees right through it, not falling for it, and instead says this:
"Under your mask, you're not the killer you pretend to be."
Nonetheless, despite the fact that they see a little bit through each other's masks, they both still hold their presumptions of each other until the very end of the season, with Akemi seeing Mizu as an obnoxious samurai swooping in to save the day, and Mizu seeing Akemi as a damsel in distress.
And what I find a bit irksome is that the fandom also resorts to flattening them to these tropes as well.
Because Mizu is not some cool, smooth-talking samurai with a big dick sword as Akemi (and the fandom) might believe. All of that is the facade she puts up and nothing more. In reality, Mizu is an angry, confused and lonely child, and a masterful artist, who is struggling against her own self-hatred. Master Eiji, her father figure who knows her best, knows this.
And Akemi, on the other hand, is not some girly, sweet, vain and spoiled princess as Mizu might believe. Instead she has never cared for frivolous things like fashion, love or looks, instead favouring poetry and strategy games instead, and has always only cared about her own independence. Seki, her father figure who knows her best, knows this.
But neither is she some authoritative dominatrix, though this is part of her new persona that she is trying to project to get what she wants. Because while Akemi is willful, outspoken, intelligent and authoritative, she can still be naive! She is still often unsure and needs to have her hand held through things, as she is still learning and growing into her full potential. Her new parental/guardian figure, Madame Kaji, knows this as well.
So with all that being said, now that we know that Mizu and Akemi are essentially wearing masks and putting up fronts throughout the show, what would a representation of Mizu's and Akemi's true selves actually look like? Easy. It's in their hair.
This shot on the left is the only time we see Mizu with her hair completely down. In this scene, she's being berated by Mama, and her guard is completely down, she has no weapon, and is no longer wearing any mask, as this is after she showed Mikio "all of herself" and tried to take off the mask of a subservient housewife. Thus, here, she is sad, vulnerable, and feeling small (emphasised further by the framing of the scene). This is a perfect encapsulation of what Mizu is on the inside, underneath all the layers of revenge-obsession and the walls she's put around herself.
In contrast, the only time we Akemi with her hair fully down, she is completely alone in the bath, and this scene takes place after being scorned by her father and left weeping at his feet. But despite all that, Akemi is headstrong, determined, taking the reigns of her life as she makes the choice to run away, but even that choice is reflective of her youthful naivety. She even gets scolded by Seki shortly after this in the next scene, because though she wants to be independent, she still hasn't completely learned to be. Not yet. Regardless, her decisiveness and moment of self-empowerment is emphasised by the framing of the scene, where her face takes up the majority of the shot, and she stares seriously into the middle distance.
To conclude, I wish popular fanon would stop mischaracterising these two, and flattening them into tropes and stereotypes (ie. masculine badass swordsman Mizu and feminine alluring queen but also girly swooning damsel Akemi), all of which just seems... reductive. It also irks me when Akemi is merely upheld as a love interest and romantic device for Mizu and nothing more, when she is literally Mizu's narrative foil (takes far more narrative precedence over romantic interest) and the deuteragonist of this show. She is her own person. That is literally the theme of her entire character and arc.
#blue eye samurai#mizu blue eye samurai#akemi blue eye samurai#blue eye samurai meta#just in case... im gonna tag this as#mizukemicritical#akemizucritical#though this post isnt actually criticising the ship itself but rather fanon's portrayal of the ship and the characters#for that reason lemme also tag this as#wank.mp3#feel free to disagree of course but please be civil#and if you need to rant about how wrong i am without any convincing evidence kindly feel free to make your own post. peace and love <3#fandom.rtf#meta dissertations.pdf#shut up haydar#edit: for full disclosure. i do rather dislike this ship. but obviously it's fine for anyone to enjoy it. please do! have your fun!#it's just that as usual! popular fanon and fandom around a ship is what has completely deterred me from any sense of enjoyment of it#it's a shame too because i was very open and even eager for some mizu/akemi romance in the future#but out-of-character fanon + the rudeness of certain fans has definitely soured it for me#but that doesn't mean people can't enjoy it obviously! ship and let ship!!!#plus it has its appeal which i DO STILL see and enjoy!!!!#i would even go as far as to call them soulmates because their narratives and characters are LITERALLY intertwined!!!#but. yeah. my gradual distaste for this ship is indeed very unfortunate.
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Baby quilt for a neighbor’s first grandbaby! She asked for a woodland theme
#sewing#sewing wip#I guess technically this is not sewing because no sewing has been done yet#…oh well lol#is the baby a girl: yes. does this fabric skew more boy-ish according to the culture of the area where I live: yes#do I care: no#it’s a free handmade quilt from a stranger and it’s fabric I already had on hand lol#plus I do not care about the perceived gender of objects I make?#like…it’s a blanket#it’s a blanket for a baby#the baby does not care. she’s a newborn#she can’t see these cute cartoon animals very well yet#it’s soft and comfy and that’s what matters
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imagine....ninjago arabic dub, but everyone has different dialects instead of just speaking in fus7a
lloyd is syrian, kai and nya are lebanese or libyan (probably libyan), jay is morrocan, cole is egyptian, zane is iraqi, pixal is jordanian, and wu is stuck in fus7a lmao
arin is yemeni, sora, jordana and percival are lebanese (basically imperium as a whole r lebanese), wyldfyre is egyptian, euphrasia (and the cloud kingdom) is syrian, and ras would probably be any khaleegi dialect except iraqi (I'm sorry I cannot see him have any dialect other than a khaleegi one that's not iraqi, he's not deserving of iraqi it's too good for him 💪), and judging by cinder's voice in french he prob might be jordanian?? Ig???
#ninjago#ninjago dragons rising#ninjago lloyd#ninjago cole#ninjago zane#ninjago sora#ninjago jay#levi's ted talks#not tagging all of them lmao#also yes I chose morrocan for jay bc u fr cannot understand what those mfs are saying 😭 and it fits for jay#and wyldfyre as egyptian bc. it's probably obvious 👍#we're naturally batshit people lmao and btw cole is also egyptian mainly bc I wanna project. and bc I feel he'd be from like new egypt#where everyone is much calmer and plus he *does* come from a rich family which is like. Most of new egypt#I would've gave sora a syrian dialect (syrian and jordanian r my fav dialects for context) but lebanese just felt more fitting#euphrasia fits way more for syrian tbh#and yemeni for arin..AUGHH SO PERFECT#arab ninjago fans feel free to add on to this post btw <333#or change some up a bit bc I wanna see ur opinions
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nobody talk to me tonight i had to go to hard pity for captain Ishmael and i'm livid
#limbus company#not binah#that's a lie people are free to talk to me#but i'm not joking about the livid part#i got two duplicate 000s amongst two others plus an EGO and none of them were captain ishmael#and this is coming from someone who doesn't have a lot of 000s#due to me only pulling on my top 4 sinners banners#ishmael i'm extremely disappointed. you're on thin ice#one more wrong move and i'll replace you.#i did have enough lunacy but what a waste#i'm going to have to spend a long while restocking#they better not come out with anything new for my favorites during that time#see you all later i have a ginger to murder#am i overreacting? absolutely but that's fine
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#i should've just gatekept scott thompson from my college bc the way my college is treating me right now is bullshit#like i don't even want to do the scott event anymore bc of how they're treating me but i kind of have to#and i know i should be grateful they're even letting me be one of the interviewers but i hate being a student so much#i hate how nobody respects my opinion or input or experience even tho i'm literally the reason scott's even doing this event#(and ESPECIALLY the reason he's willing to do it for free!!)#and it especially stings bc scott has never made me feel like my insights were worth less because i'm a student#like he's always been one of the few people who consistently treat me like we're equals even tho he doesn't have to#and the way my college is treating me. it's like they don't trust me to not be an annoying little kid#like they're just assuming scott doesn't respect me so they don't have to respect me either#i mean on the plus side i'm supposed to have another phone call with scott either today or tomorrow so i can probably explain the situation#like i don't want to make him feel negatively about my college i want him to have a good time#but this treatment is genuinely fucking with my self confidence#and also maybe i can harness scott's power to hear ''don't talk about this thing'' and immediately make the interview all about this thing#(except in this case it would be him treating me like an equal instead of a random student)#and there's a bunch of bullshit currently going on with the class i have right after the event#so even tho originally i was like ''awesome i have the perfect schedule to bring scott to all of my classes!!''#i might just ask scott if he wants to skip class together and hang out. like i never promised that class anything#the only thing i *have* to do is the interview. the class we'd be skipping is already being like#''oh are you sure scott wants to visit the class i don't want to take him away from a better use of his time''#and scott was genuinely excited to see what my classes were like!! even if y'all didn't treat him like a big celebrity!!#but y'know what i'm sure scott does have a better use of his time. and i do too.#i'm gonna do the interview event bc i have to (we're in too deep at this point)#and i might ask scott if he wants to talk to that freshman film class about the buddy cole doc#bc 1. they offered to pay scott for that (they can't legally pay me but that's why i made the joke about money laundering)#2. since it's about the doc it's the one class where i get to be treated like an actual person#but other than that. damn it i was excited to share this part of my life with scott but fuck that this part of my life sucks#i'm gonna have a good time with scott in boston and my college is only going to be as much a part of is as they have to be#because we ARE friends (scott said so!) and i AM a brilliant filmmaker (bruce said so!) and i DO have potential (bellini said so!)#even tho it is hard to internalize those things after how much yesterday fucked me up. but that's ok scott will call again soon
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it is Extremely funny that the whole watcher thing just ended after one weekend of people being like hey this was poorly thought out and a terrible idea. lmao. cringe fail financial decision.
#i think where they ended up makes plenty of sense! it's just an alternative to patreon tho#like i like their content i'll probably still watch ghost files and mystery files and if they bring back their scary stories one#the one with the cool art not the one where they get drunk I don't like that one as much#but i don't care enough to pay 6 bucks a month#they would have just lost me as a viewer entirely lol#also tbf i have adblock and sponsor block on my youtube so I don't see ads or even sponsored sections of videos#so i'm still not really helping them earn money lol#i just feel like they were aiming for something like dropout which works bc a) the number of projects dropout makes#b) the huge cast across all of their shows#and c) a much more established brand even at the time of their shift to streaming#also the fact that dropout puts out multiple episodes of different shows a week lol#and they needed to go more like mythical society from rhett and link#which is pretty much just patreon with enough extra perks that people are extra inclined to buy into it#like with mythical society people who pay more get physical perks like exclusive merch and free items every few months#plus a ton of extra content like bts stuff and extra episodes of certain things#that's what they should do. imo.#anyway. ive been giggling at this all weekend
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If there is at least one thing I can credit FE for doing better than Tales in localization, it's not trying to actively go out of their way for an entire game to avoid subtext or direct text between two men that is romantic or implied romantic. Funny when it's so present that the attempt doesn't even work; infuriating that it was attempted to begin with.
So as much as I often have issues with some of FE's localizations, at least they have a leg up on loc Tales for that.
#DCB Comments#imagine changing entire sentences and vocal tones just to try to avoid it#if anything I'd say at least in FE the locs just... keep what's there like#they could've toned Soren and Houses Yuri down and they didn't. they just kept their lines or in some cases#especially with Houses Yuri I'd say leaned into them#have to specify bc Houses Yuri got to keep his bi agenda. Vesperia Yuri had the unfortunate issue of#the loc not wanting to keep his gay and trying reeeeally hard to avoid it#including altering entire sentences to avoid any woe is them misunderstandings about men having feelings for each other#meanwhile Houses Yuri is free to call men cute and lo and behold everyone loved that for him#they removed and altered a LOT of Vesperia Yuri's personality traits#(including any ability to express real sadness or fear bc woe is them if he's not a cool edgy man)#but they also really changed his tone toward Flynn PLUS some of what they say to each other#and twisted it to make it sound like Yuri was either angry or wasn't actually emotional abt him#forget the way they brought Grant George in for the DE release and made him sound just completely DEAD with zero personality#like. I can tolerate playing Houses dubbed despite my gripes with it (story based stuff)#it didn't feel like they were trying to alter LBGT+ aspects and they even for some rly leaned into it#basically if you haven't played Vesperia Yuri is... really gay coded. the loc pretended not to notice#in fact he's queer + gay coded bc and doesn't fit male gender norms and the gacha games LOVE that with his hair/outfits#Rays mind you is JP only bc it was shut down very quickly in the west and Vesp Yuri's story in Rays is uh#basically it centers around Flynn he loses his shit to protect Flynn and they do the usual like#don't-admit-it's-gay-outright in fictional media by using the ''Yuri's important person'' shtick#but he activates a special power in the middle of utterly raging to get Flynn back from their enemies#funny thing? that game never made it to that arc. I was told in about five months the western ver would've gotten that#but in some way I'm glad it didn't bc who knows how they would've tried to spin that#It's BAFFLING to me how you can get characters in Tales like JAY but the locs shake in their boots at the idea of queer gays#but given how allergic fictional media is to admitting a male character is gay -gestures to Ike and Vesp Yuri-#I'm not surprised I'm just actually angry that the locs try to censor homosexual relationships as much as possible even when they barely ca#if anyone does know Vesp Yuri and is confused on why I'm calling him gay coded despite what the dub did with Judith feel free to ask#bc I do ship them a little bit myself! but I just recognize that canon wise I really can't see him as anything but gay-demiromantic#but again at least FE locs don't shake in their boots anymore abt same sex pairs including men (side eyes Lucius/Raven)
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I actually much prefer a lot of how studio VOLN is handling Blue Exorcist over A-1, I know not a popular opinion in areas and get the places people say looks off but the vibes and heart is so good? also there is a lot of amazing shots and imo calling Rin "ugly" in it is an exaggeration to me, there's some wonky shots but there's also SO MANY he looks great!
I think sometimes people forget that A-1 had equally bad shots and design choices like I think a lot are looking at the older seasons through rose colored glasses personally! not to mention they ruined a lot of scenes and how they changed them/adjusted them in their adaption that to me affected characterization and making some of the cast look almost dumb in a situation the manga version shows was more serious and dire!
ultimately my view has been: I'd rather an adaption feel like the heart is in the right place and the characters feel like themselves vs everything being pretty all the time and would rather deal with a few wonky shots of characters over a bad representation of a story and characters I love! visuals are not the only thing that matters to me ever
#just my thoughts#and no this isn't to say anyone is wrong for being bothered? I get it but to me it just doesn't matter as much compared to what I like#that they are handling in this season! plus smaller studio really does make me feel they are more likely to adapt further#but yeah just my thoughts mainly everyone is free to feel how they want in the end though#no one is more or less a fan of this series based on their criticisms of an adaption! especially when it comes from a place of love#and just wanting to see a series you love get adapted and treated well when it is! so please don't take my view as an attack on anyone#that sees it differently! everyone is valid in their opinions even if I don't agree on everything!#all that matters to me is the dance with me Shiemi scene was perfect and beautiful haha#and SHIEMI LOOKS THE PRETTIEST SHE EVER HAS ANIMATED#not at all sorry to say I do not like how A1 did Shiemi's design they did my girl dirty in season 1 and season 2 something was off at times#as well! so I'm glad season 3 is treating her right! both character wise and design! plus them actually changing her kimonos and stuff YESS#she feels so much more like manga!Shiemi now and I'm happy! what my girl deserves!#grace rambles#personal
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20dollarlolita’s February $20 challenge:
Metamorphose OTK’s, $16 // BTSSB socks (these were $42 for all three so technically $14 each and that qualifies IMO)
Angelic Pretty letter set, $17 // GLB no. 1, $20
I wasn’t really trying to find/make anything for this challenge so it’s not a lot but I figured I’d share ^^
I have bought a skirt and blouse before for $20 (my cheapest dress was $35), and tons of legwear/hair accessories for $20 and under so I don’t think it’s an impossible challenge for bigger pieces but an unlikely/difficult one. Still fun to see though! I think this should become a bigger thing
#literally20dollarlolita#see now if it was $30 I’d have a lot more#recently picked up a baby skirt and VM tights for under $30 each#also those cheapest skirt/blouse/dress are all brand#almost all my wardrobe is brand but also very cheap lol#I feel like all my sewing projects come out to more than $20 considering the cost of fabric#plus lace trim ribbon elastic buttons etc… and I can’t be bothered to price them out#I don’t agree that coming from your stash is free lol unless you got the fabric for free in the first place!#not everyone has a fabric/lace/ribbon stash so imo it’s not an honest representation of what it costs to make your own lolita
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upcoming stream on saturday!!!
#what are the chances of lxl album news lmfaooooooo#but if anything they’ll probs talk about mona’s happy christmas party campaigns~~~~~#speaking of which!!!! y’all can try to do the ‘add to library’ campaign if you want~~~~~#all you have to do is take a screenshot of the song in your music library on apple music/line music/spotify and submit it on this form#along with your email address (+ your name and age ofc)… there’s also another campaign but you need to live in japan for that lol#i submitted mine earlier but there’s no news yet (sadded) i want my free mona jpg p l s—#but anyways~~~~~~~~~~~~ i’m sure they’ll talk about their winter comiket booth and the new merch and all…#c r i e s in comiket-exclusive merch… but is ok all that’s been announced so far are harucouple exclusives which i can live without#(plus there’s also the option of buying them at marked up prices from scalpers— i m e a n)#anyways!!!!!! see y’all for the stream~~~~~~~#wondering if they’ll drop a yurusanta mv after the stream ends though lmao the aiyuu manifestation continues~~~~
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spectragus dont get enough credit for being a sun and moon ship but like. destructive sun and moon ship. sun and moon ship but they're the forces of nature the sun and moon actually are. the sun is harsh and relentless and unpredictable in its evil but also it's kindness, the moon is sharp and cold and cruel, a harsh light that doesn't allow you peace, but can also guide you, a light in the darkness. even on nights with a new moon, with no light in the sky, the moon is always reflecting the sun, and it'll be that way until they come to their end.
#spectragus give me a dopamine high that any sort of drug couldn't even come close to giving me#its the loyalty. its the seeing each other at their worst and still staying.#its the being the only person still around who knows and understands what youve been through#its the being so important to each other's characters that u cant mention one without recognising the impact the other has on them#i dont rlly do shipping unless its funny but also im a huge gus fan so like. yea. plus my view on romance is a bit all over the place anyway#something something my skrunkles deserve complicated relationships that are more than romantic but something else#its the trust thats the most important thing to me. trust and loyalty and devotion and#im sorry but i would have exploded if i like. didn't write down these thoughts#anyways fucked up gay people who are a package deal and that is a threat thats them#ik the majority of my posts are hee hee funnie and i usually dont take things too seriously#but these two have taken up part of my brain permanently since i was 8. like. they just live there. rent free.#i am like rabid rn. i am feral and i am insane and i am crazy and there are so many things wrong with me#i cant even write down all my fuckin thoughts there's so many my brain is going to Explode pray for me#idk if u understand how important it is to me the times they show kindness even while at their worst#they're not good people but they have people they care about and they care abt each other and that matters SO much#i take 0 criticism on my posts i only take cash. however there is no possible criticism to be made bc i am RIGHT#also this all kinda sparked from me getting obsessed with a certain kh character who has a connection to the moon#who is also one of my favourite characters ever#and if u know who it is and u also like him ur very cool#im not tagging this w character tags. im like. very shy. but#i love gus i love spectra i love spectragus#anyways see u next time where i should hopefully have art maybe potentially#i found the brushes i used to use back when i did lineless art so i am rlly happy
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ok i actually need ot ramble ab that wip
#ghosts rambles#in the tags ofc. smiles#no cause i have been DYING to actually animate something and the thought popped into my mind the other day#like i was rereading the isolation imagine and i was seeing it play out vividly in my head and i just. what if i animated that#i had a couple hours to kill tonight and i was stupid bored so i got to drawing !#the good thing about this is that i dont really have to quote on quote animate???#like no over the top frame by frame stuff. its a lot of still frames and only slight movements#or repeating ones#there was only 15 storyboard images i did for this so i think that says a lot#plus i like leaving it at a cliffhanger technically. u get to imagine how they work it out ^-^#there's 11 unique backgrounds i have to do and Hopefully the editing of frames wont be hard. like the phone turning on and off#and light sources from like the sun outside w choro or the light from the shades in ghosts bedroom#and obviously this will take a while. like i cant promise a definitive date of when itll be done#earliest is like prob by the end of november depending on my schedule and motivation#OK RAMBLE OVER. if u have any questions feel free to ask ^-^ i heart talking
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The Simon ‘My sibling fucked up because she loves me’ vs the Klavier ‘My sibling fucked up because he hates me’
#simon blackquill#klavier gavin#ace attorney#Ace Attorney Dual Destinies#Ace Attorney Apollo Justice#aura blackquill#btw#I am still undecided about whether I think Kristoph hates Klavier or not#I think it's VERY COMPLICATED#But you know that sibling thing where your sibling has everything relatively easy and gets shit for free that you had to work your ass off#to get and you kinda start getting frustrated by that but you love them and want to see them happy but at the same time you#want them to have SOMETHING bad happen to them for once in their fucking life so that they understand that shit isn't this easy#plus you're also jealous of how little they've gone through and want to see them knocked down a peg#but unlike Kristoph I handled my conflicting feelings and talked to a fucking therapist#plus I love my brothers more than fucking anything and I would never be the one to actually hurt them#whereas Kristoph never fucking matured#or alternatively depending on whether I'm coping with my headcanon bs#Kristoph hates the fact that Klavier recovered from their bullshit but Kristoph could never leave survival mode#why does every post I make turn into a rant about a complicated sibling relationship?#because that's what i do
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picking up a weekend at the bar of the theatre in my street for someone who cant be there then & i agreed without knowing the pay bc its one weekend + i have reason to want money to spend that very next week + idk the min wage is fine enough for me not to care too much abt 2 days and its lit in my street, so, but !!!! i just got the document and uhmmm student pay is 15.60/hr hello feeling rich hashtag blessed hashtag money hashtag millionaire
#plus she scheduled me in for the thursday as well which i thought was just gonna be sorta unpaid since its just like#the person im picking up the shift for showing me what to do & i get to see the piece theyre showing for free#but on the contract she actually scheduled me for 'work' from 19-23 which. like ok tbh#i dont expect to get paid those hours at all bc also the play is apparently some 2 hrs and starts at 8 so itd be 2 hrs of work??#I MEAN WOULD BE NICE THO#nah but it is nice the shifts are from 630 till 1am and since i live on the corner i'm not gonna lose any real sleep#and idk its nice to be handed things. im ngl i feel like i live a lot of my life being handed things#my internship too like i still dont know why my teacher specifically was happy that i responded and hoped that i would#bc like. she'd seen me like 3 times and most of that was either spent on the knitting machine or being bad at patterning#so i still cant figure it out like she said she liked my way of working but like how would she even know that#WHATEVER this is getting into silly territory and not the point anyway the universe smiles down on me perhaps unfairly
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#🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺😭😭😭😭😭#this is dumb. like i have a lotta steps to go bc i can even consider this a possibility but i met with one of the ppl#im talking to for a phd. hes from a big impressive uni and his research is so fucking cool#and he thinks my cv is competitive for scholarship and he wants to support me as a student#so 🥺#i did not sleep much. i was having stress dreams plus i was a lil dehydrated lol#and i was watching a talk he did over and over until i got why he was so excited about it. bc it was real fucking cool once i got it#and we talked for like 80min abt our interests and potential projects. and now i have to take some time and start a proposal#bc im gonna do at least 2 scholarships and the deadlines are happening pretty fast. so rip my free time#but like it could potentially include genetic engineering and adaptive evolution so like so so cool#i mean its a lil risky bc he is only just establishing his lab. so its not like hes had a bunch of students but i think at this point#even if hes not so hands on i can probably drive myself forward#we'll see what happens. it would be super fucking cool to do some genetic engineering nonsense. and fucking adaptive evolution#ugh and get to live in the uk again 😭 i miss the gray english skies#so yea thats 2 potential projects im really invested in now#so like. it depends on if i can get the scholarship. which will be intensely competitive#so idk. we'll see. and ive got a meeting with another guy monday#but its the dude from Arizona and i dont wanna live there so im hopefully the project isnt as cool... but i think it kinda is so rip#ugh. its been a wild day. im so tired.#but happy. but also sad i wont have as much free time for drawing#but again happy bc im gonna learn and up my writing skills and chase my weird wild dreams :-)#unrelated
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