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winters-rose-daughterofcain · 2 days

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It's actually so important to me how flawed Penelope is you don't get it. She's complex and she's kind and sweet and caring and loving and bitter and manipulative and insecure and she's young and hurt and fucking up and making mistakes and hurting people and loving people and handling things in the worst way possible with the resources she has on hand and she's allowed to.

So often for a fat (and I say that within the context of the show, Pen is a fat/pus sized character within the narrative even if Nicola isn't) character to have any storyline outside of mother or joke they have to be the perfect victim. To be fat is to be victimised by society to some degree, it is to be told you are unloved and unwanted and unworthy without anyone saying those exact words, we all know this even if we don't want to except it. It's why almost every fat character is bullied in some way even if it's passed off as a joke, and they are just expected to take it because to actually acknowledge the pain and hurt and damage that causes is to acknowledge their humanity.

There is no space for complexity when you do not recognise the humanity of a character, there is no room for mistakes or grace or forgiveness in a narrative when the character is presented as lucky to simply be there. This goes doubly so for romance, as rare as it is to even see plus sized girls as a romantic lead, when they are there is no room for mistakes, the standards they are held to are so vastly different because they can't fuck it all up, they have no room to make mistakes when people question why they're even there in the first place.

But not Penelope. She fucks up so many times over, she creates half her own problems trying to fix things or make herself feel better. It dose not shy away from the damage and underlining issues and insecurities the life she has lead has left her with, and it's sympathetic to be sure, but what she dose with it isn't. Because fat people do not have to be the perfect victim and honestly most of the time are not. Because when you tell someone how little they are worth and how out of place and undesirable they are at every turn and expect them to internalise that, especially a young girl with very little power at her immediate despoil, it doesn't always come out in a very nice palatable way. It doesn't always create nice sweet uncomplicated people who cry a little when insulted but otherwise brush it off. It creates people like Penelope, it creates anger and resentment and bitterness and a need for control.

Whistledown is so many things, not all of them negative, but it is the cause of so many problems in her life after she made it as an attempt at a solution. It has caused her to hurt people and betray people and lose some of the very few genuine connections she actually has. She manipulates people and misleads them to keep her secret, because keeping a secret like that will always result in that. Her motives are sympathetic, she rarely dose anything to bad without reasoning, she has all the excuses in the world and still at the end of the day she fucked up. Her and Eloise are the second love story of the season for a reason. She adores that girl so much and she is absolutely miserable without her, as Eloise is without her. They love each other so much and there is so much pain between them now, they're practically crying every time they look at each other. And even tho the situation was complicated an messy and not completely her fault, she did in a way cause it. She's hurt people and she's hurt herself. And I love that.

Because she's a main character. We know her and Eloise will make up even if it isn't the way it was before (arguably a good thing but that's a different post.) Because she's a romantic lead, because we know, even if we don't know how they get there yet, that she will get her happy ending with the man she absolutely adores and who loves her just as much. It will not be easy I don't want it to be easy, Colin has every right to be angry and hurt and betrayed and he deserves to have the space to say whatever it is he's feeling and to have a negative reaction, but he will forgive her. Part of that is just because of who he is and the relationship he has to her (mandatory Colin appreciation moment) but it's also because the narrative has given her room and grace to be flawed.

There is so much to love about Penelope. She's so intelligent, and she's funny, she's a good listener, she makes people feel heard and important, she's kind, she's attentive, she's romantic, she's creative, she's beautiful. She is a victim and people and society do hurt her, but that's not all she is. She's given the space to be more and still be forgiven and loved just like anyone else. Because her actions is what she's apologising for not her existence. She dose not need to earn her place in a love story just because she's fat, it's her actually flaws and mistakes that exist in abundance no matter how sympathetic some of them might be, that she has to make up for. And I adore that and her.

You take away so much of her character and her agency and her complexity when you say she did nothing wrong or that she's the absolute devil. Let her be flawed, let her be someone trying their best and failing at it, let her make mistakes. But give her some grace, for once the narrative is. Her happy ending will come Bridgerton is a romance show, but she'll have to work for it. Colin and her will work for and earn their happy ending together, because they love each other and because of who they are and what they mean to each other they will find a way to make it work, but also because the writers let them and her find it.

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ohnoitstbskyen · 2 days

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Do you think Riot will make more seasons of Arcane in different regions post-s2, make more shows with different names that are set in the Arcane universe, or secret third option?

Yes and no.

To start with, yes: Arcane has been by far Riot's most mainstream successful media project ever (even outstripping K/DA), and there is literally no way in hell that the company isn't going to want to keep milking it until it is as dry, stale and withered as the PROJECT skin line.

So I predict that, absolutely, we will see new seasons of shows set in the League of Legends universe, probably animated, and hopefully with some of the extremely good animation partners Riot has managed to cultivate over the years.

The ARCANE branding is incredibly valuable now, and I wouldn't put it past Riot to do something stupid like name a show set in the Freljord ARCANE: True Ice or something unbearably stupid like that, even though the name relates extremely specifically to the setting and story of Piltover/Zaun and the Vi/Powder/Viktor/Jayce character group.

On the other hand, Riot might be the company on earth I trust the absolute least to effectively capitalize on and carry forward a success in creative arts that can't be monetized with skins and event passes.

Riot has an absolutely astounding history of tripping on their dicks when it comes to telling stories about their characters, in no small part due to its leadership quite simply never valuing storytelling as an end in itself. If it doesn't sell cosmetics or drive Engagement™ with the core League of Legends product, good luck getting Riot management to spend a fucking dime to make anything real.

Passionate people inside the company have to go to war, every single time, to make anything good happen. Legends of Bilgewater, the Spirit Blossom visual novel, the Marvel comics collaboration (RIP), Riot Forge, and very much Arcane, were absolute passion projects pushed over the line by people who literally put their jobs (and in many cases their health) on the line to make them happen.

Alex Yee and Christian Linke are old hands at Riot with a lot of clout, a lot of friends at the company, and a lot of goodwill to cash in, and if that hadn't been the case, there is literally no way in hell anything like Arcane ever gets made.

The behind-the-scenes documentary Riot themselves produced obviously goes out of its way to let Riot leadership suck themselves off about how much they contributed and how much they believed in the project, but make no mistake, they would have axed Arcane on the spot if there wasn't creatives fighting pitched battles every other day to keep it alive.

This is true of K/DA as well, by the way, there was a lot of internal resistance at Riot to that project - and to Star Guardians, and to Heartsteel. Anything cool Riot has ever made? Just assume that someone internally was shitting on it in meetings and trying to get it shut down.

Which is why I am intensely worried about Arcane in the long term. Not so much about Season 2, since it is mostly being produced by the same group of people, as far as I know, but that project is also going to be absolutely besieged by C-suite jackoffs trying to worm their names into the credits, making themselves Stakeholders™ and offering Feedback™ and voicing Concerns™, and I don't envy the showrunners the battles they are going to have to fight to keep these vultures away from the product.

But I am fucking worried about whatever Season 3 becomes. I am fucking worried about what happens the moment any of the key creatives behind the first two seasons resign, or get headhunted to new jobs. I am worried what's going to happen when Riot decides that the showrunners are "being difficult" and standing in the way of what leadership wants to do with the now very valuable ARCANE branding, and either corporately mandates them into roles of diminished influence or just outright fucking fires them (it'll be publicized as a mutual decision of course, it'll be publicized as a much celebrated retirement or "it's time to move on to new adventures").

Riot is a company with absolutely infinite capacity to fuck up a perfectly good thing for absolutely no fucking reason except some kombucha-chugging, suit-jacket-over-a-graphic-tee-and-sneakers-wearing, keeps-his-job-despite-multiple-sexual-harassment-allegations-because-he's-bros-with-the-C-suite, motherfucking "I am a player so I know what the players want" platitude-spouting "themes are for book reports"-ass Silicon Valley libertarian piece of shit decided he knows better than the artists whose work are the reason he takes home six figures a year.

#tb answers #arcane #riot games #league of legends

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green-swan · 3 days

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cigarette or zoot? (pt. 1) | joost klein x f1! driver (fem!reader)

in which london and smoking are synonymous with meeting a cute dutch artist

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when AVROTROS approached her about eurovision, she thought they made a mistake. max was dutch. she wasn't. her lithuanian roots were deeper than any other identity she could've carved for herself. in the end she agreed; going in their cars with max around the city of malmö, visiting a few eurovision parties and most importantly, interact with joost klein (whom she didn't know, mind you) and teach him how to use an F1 simulator. this was going to be a heavy week. thank god it was in a month, right now she had a race to win.

first came the party - london was a welcome destination for the young driver. she thrived under the busy nature of it even in what some would call late, and others early, hours. she couldn't say the same for crowds though, the moving mosh of strangers all too close to each other and trying to show their superiority (the latter was aimed at men to be fair). she did see silvester, and the two had a lengthy conversation that didn't come to a conclusion but rather stayed at "what the fuck, let's make lithuania internationally famous!" she had hoped for a good place in eurovision, if not victory, while silvester (silvestras sounded more like home) had voiced his wish for her to win the upcoming miami grand prix and not only become the first female to do so, but also the first from lithuania. the pressure was on.

unfortunately, she lost silvester after getting a drink, so what really was the point of staying in the now airless room? she grabbed her drink and went to the rooftop that really should've been closed. her short frame slumped against a railing and she lit a cigarette, making it a point to hold it between her thumb and index finger. it was quiet, and london shimmered in different shades of yellow and white. so many people, some praying, some arguing, some alone. it felt peaceful despite the harsh wind that threatened to put out her cigarette.

"cigarette or zoot?" an accented voice sounded out, breaking the howls of wind. she turned around, spotting a man in what would've been a formal outfit had it not been for the pyramid-shaped shoulder pads on his blazer. joost klein, the man she was meant to interact with in front of cameras later that month. "cigarette," she answered, "though they call them something else here," she finished with an unsure smile. "i thought we couldn't bring tobacco in here?" he questioned, with a miscievous undertone in his voice. "they didn't check me, so it's on them," the driver shrugged, "why? you want one?"

"god, yes please!"

she took out another one from her pack, put it in between her glossed lips (joost thought that the gloss suited her) and lit it before giving it to the dutch man. "you know, i once tried eating a cigarette," he started, earning an incredulous look from the shorter girl. "what? did it taste good?" her curiosity was cute, "what do you think?"

"i once nearly swallowed jet fuel," she said with sympathy, "i get it."

joost knew who she was, well vaguely. the only female formula 1 driver and the only lithuanian on the grid. so why did AVROTROS want him to interact with her in addition to her dutch teammate? by that point, the wind had calmed down, an eery silence on brink of errupting had it not been for the music blasting from downstairs. she hummed a few lyrics before he spoke up, startling her heart as if she'd forgotten that he was indeed still there.

"can i take a picture of you right now?"

"why?"

"you're pretty. you look really beautiful in this moment, and i want to capture it."

she thought for a moment. "okay, if you let me take one of you after." he smiled. (he was so going to convince her to be on the cover of his next album)

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note: jumping on the joost klein bandwagon (hehe been a fan for a while! got tickets for his europapa tour so i've been riding on cloud 9). i also love formula 1 and so thought why not combine them?

as the first paragraph indicates there will be (probably short and sweet) chapters and maybe extra ones after if this goes well <3

#joost klein #justice for joost #eurovision #f1 #joost klein x reader #joost klein imagine #esc 2024

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 23 hours

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AITA for complaining about my students cheating?

I (24F) am in graduate school and TA a class of undergraduates. One of my roommates “Amy” (27F) is pursuing her undergrad, while my other roommate “Lauren” (26F) is also a graduate student and also TAs a class. All of us are in school for engineering.

Lauren and I have some problem students we each deal with. Mostly these problem students are from upper middle class backgrounds who have never gotten below an A in their life who find out that college is a lot harder for them than highschool. As such, there’s always a few students who refuse to put effort into the class and then try to get us fired by our professors for giving them low grades. We’d dealt with catching multiple students cheating many times per semester, and quite frankly it’s really disrespectful because both our classes even offered partial credit increases if you corrected the mistakes you made on your test and turned it back in a week later (so like even if you get an actual 0%, you can get a 50% if you come in for help and learn how to do the problems, but you have to show your work and explain it). If a student is struggling and comes for help of course I’ll do the best I can, and the students know this because my office hours are always popular and I even offer 1-on-1 meetings for those who can’t make the regular times. I also have like, 15 students a semester so it’s not like its a huge class or anything.

As such, Lauren and I used to complain about our respective undergrads while we would make dinner or watch tv and Amy started taking personal offense to this, saying that we “don’t understand why students feel the need to cheat” and that it sounds like we’re “bad TAs” for failing students who are blowing off our classes.

Amy cheats on her exams. We both know it because she’s very open about it, but she isn’t in our department nor do either of us actually care about her cheating because she’s not our student.

Amy confronted us the other night and said that we were creating a “toxic environment” for her because she started to feel really guilty about cheating in her classes and it was causing her to have panic attacks. I told her neither of us have authority to “turn her in” and neither of us really care to, not our problem, but Amy still said that we turned it into what sounded like a “moral problem”. I raised the question of how is it *not* a moral issue, she’s passing off work that isn’t hers and shows the professor that she doesn’t care to learn the material for their class.

That caused Amy to have a panic attack and she told me that I’m one of the worst most selfish people she’s ever met.

#aita #am i the asshole

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deadbeatbirdmom · 2 days

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I get that not everyone likes Bumbleby. Anyone who doesn't is entitled to their opinion, we can agree to disagree and preferably not interact if they're vocal about it. I do block to avoid seeing hate, it's just part of curating what I see on this hellsite.

But I don't understand why someone bothers to leave comments on FFN for my clearly marked Bumbleby fic just to say they hate the ship. Nothing about the actual story, just hate for Bumbleby:

'Bees? Huge pass. RT trying to fool people into supporting them? Nah. Fuck them'

'Bumblebleee was a mistake'

Definitely a troll.

At least a reader saw the hate before I did and left their thoughts on how much it makes the troll look like an ass.

I just... why waste time with hate? I guess I'll never understand it because I'd rather read and write fic, and devour fanart of what I love. And I love the Bees.

#Bumbleby

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logansargeantsbabymom · 1 day

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imgonnagetyouback

(BRIEF) Lance Stroll x Singer!Fem!Reader, Carlos Sainz x Fem!Reader, Grid x Singer!Fem!Reader

warning: douchebag lance, cursing, briefly mentioning the Stroll/Ricciardo accident

summary: Y/N is a world famous singer who's madly in love with her Formula 1 boyfriend Lance Stroll but he doesn't reciprocate her feelings. So what happens they break up and she drops an album about their relationship and the grid blasts her songs especially when Lance is around?

Watching the screen with my hands covering my mouth, I couldn't believe what just happened. My boyfriend (and Formula 1 driver) Lance Stroll just crashed into Daniel Ricciardo and it looked like Lance wasn't even paying attention.

After Daniel had to retire the car, I felt bad so I made my way to him to apologize on behalf of Lance given that he was still in the race.

"Danny!" I shout as I jog towards him

Hearing his name, Daniel turned around in complete shock seeing me as no one knew I was there beside Lance, Fernando and the rest of the Aston Martin team.

"Hey Ms. Global Pop-star! What're you doing here?" Daniel asks as he pulls me into a hug, the frown once evident on his face now formed into a huge grin.

"I'm here to see Verstappen win, like always" I chuckle as I watch Daniel playfully roll his eyes "I'm taking a quick break from tour, I missed my boyfriend and my best friends" I playfully punched his arm

"I'm really glad to see you. I thought you forgot about us since you just keep adding tour dates. Thought we'd never see you again." Sadness appears in his voice again as he voices his thoughts

"No, never Danny! I can't go too long without seeing my favorite Aussie, please don't tell Oscar." I see in the background Danny's team needing to have a talk with him "Oh, before I let you go back to your team, I wanted to apologize for the accident on behalf on Lance. He's totally in the wrong" a sincere smile plastered on my face as I apologize.

The frown that was one gone from his face reappeared at the mention of the crash.

"Yeah, yeah no it wasn't your fault. Lance should be the one to apologize, but in this sport accidents are bound to happen. But uh listen, I've gotta run my team need me!" Daniel says as he starts jogging away, prompting me to make my way right back to the Aston Martin garage.

After the race ended and the drivers were doing interviews, word got out that Lance was blaming Daniel for the crash and oh boy was Daniel not happy, that was evident in the way he walked over to me.

"Hey y/n/n, I don't ask for much but could you please talk to Lance and make him own up to his own mistakes? Blaming me for an accident he could've avoided." Daniel asked, trying to keep his temper at bay no to no avail.

"Yeah, I was just on my way to him. I'm sorry again, he's ridiculous." I pat his shoulder before jogging over to my boyfriend, whom just finished 1 interview and was on his way to the next reporter.

"Hey babe, I heard what you said about the crash. Why are you saying that its Daniels fault?" I ask running my hand through damp hair before taking the hat out of his hands, placing it on his head.

"Because it is?" Lance replied as if it was common knowledge

"But it's not..? We all watched the replays, you weren't paying attention before making that turn. You rammed right into him." I clarify, wiping some sweat from his face with a face towel I pulled out of my little Kate Spade bag Lance bought me 2 months into our relationship.

Me wiping his sweat away didn't last however because Lance swatted my hand away in disgust.

"Don't touch me. Why are you on his side?" My eyebrows knit in confusion.

"Sides? There are no 'sides' when it's evident that YOU crashed into Daniel. Lance why are you being this way?"

If people weren't paying attention from our interaction then, they certainly were now given that both of our voices went up a few octaves.

"I could be asking you the same question! Y'know what? I don't have time to deal with 'Pick Me' bitches as a girlfriend. Life was so much better when I just fantasized about you. We're fucking done Y/N. DONE, I'm breaking up with you!" as that last sentence came spilling out of his mouth, you can audibly hear the gasps from the news reporters, fans and the rest of the grid.

Words escaped me as I just stared at Lance with tears forming in my eyes. I wanted to scream, cry, hit him, throw things but I couldn't physically bring myself to do any of them. I blinked my tears away as I faintly see Oscar and Lily make their way to us, Oscar confronting Lance as well as the rest of the grid once word got out to the ones who weren't within earshot, and Lily brought me to the McLaren garage where the other WAGS were. All of them tried their best to comfort me saying things like "Lance was so out of pocket with that", "You deserve so much better than him" and "You're way out of his league, he should've been grateful that you have him a chance." but that didn't stop the tears from falling and a sob from escaping my lips as I shook from heartache.

It had been 3 months since Lance broke up with me and I hadn't had time to grieve the heartache because I had to fly out to Brazil for another tour stop. In the 3 months following the breakup, between traveling and performing, I couldn't stop writing. I was writing song after song after song, and now I was determined to ruin Lance's Reputation .

I thought about randomly dropping a single but my manager and record label advised against it so I haven't. The past 2 and a half hours, I've ben brain storming different ways to release a single but I had to make it in the most Y/N L/N way.

Heavy footsteps and my make-shift studio door opening is what broke me out of my trance, looking up I'm met with the eyes of my manager, Jamie. Jamie randomly barging into my studio Isn't necessarily unusual but the little white envelope in her hand was.

"You, ms Y/N L/N has just been invited to the Canadian Grand Prix, and surprise surprise, Aston Martin wants you to stay in their garage." Jamie says as she waved the white envelope in the air.

A scoff leaves my lips as I roll my eyes "Is it Aston Martin or Lance that wants me in the garage?" I say as I take the envelope from her hands to open it. Shock written all over my face as I stared at the envelope before me as I search Jamies face for answers

I watched a smirk forms on her face "Oh, sorry. That's the Ferrari invite courtesy of Carlos Sainz , I didn't think you'd want the Aston Martin invite. Which in fact was from Lance and that's not even the first invite he's sent." she states matter of factly.

More disgust coats my face "How many has Lance sent?"

"A total of 6 and I have a feeling he's not gonna stop until you're at a Grand Prix."

I should've known that Lance has been sending me invites, that explains why he's always texting me asking where I'm at. Damnit Lance, just look on any social media platform, I'm on tour!

I contemplated throwing away the Aston Martin invite until a thought popped in my head. I looked at Jamie with a smirk forming on my face and by the look on hers, she knew I was up to no good.

"Just by your face I don't like where this is gonna go" Jamie said

"I'm accepting the Ferrari invite," I start as I got up from my place on the couch to leave the studio and into my room, Jamie following suit "I'm gonna start packing, given that the Grand Prix is this weekend. I need you to book me a place to stay and get the jet ready for take off tonight. I'm gonna call Carlos."

My phone call with Carlos was brief, I just called to tell him that I was accepting the invite and that I was leaving in a few hours because I wanted to spend the whole race weekend with him. No matter what it was, Free Practice, Quali, Interviews, Race day or dinner. It was all gonna be me and him together.

I was currently in the jet as it was landing at the airport, it hadn't been too long of a flight seeing as I was at my one of my homes in Philadelphia. The jet door opened and the very few people I brought had started making their way out, I was the last passenger out of the jet and I locked eyes with someone I didn't expect to see.

"Hola Mamacita, How was your flight?" Carlos said as he made his way to the bottom of the jet steps before embracing me in a tight hug

"Carlitos! What are you doing here?" I was surprised Carlos was here, we both had made plans to meet at the hotel and then stroll (pun intended) around the surrounding cities before going to the track and letting Carlos do whatever he had to while I waited for him in the Ferrari Garage.

"I thought I'd just pick you up since we're gonna be together this whole weekend." Carlos said as he was putting my suitcases in trunk of his Ferrari as I patiently waited for him to move so I could put my backpack in the trunk as well. After I placed my bag snug in the trunk, I closed it before making my way to the passenger seat, surprised to see already open with Carlos standing there with a smile on his face as he gestured me in.

"Watch out Carlitos, keep doing nice things like this, I might fall in love with you" I said with a smirk on my face as I looked in his eye before stepping in the low sitting Ferrari before muttering a thank you before he closed the door.

I watched as Carlos walked around the car to the drivers seat and I stared at his ass as he sat down, I tried to look away before he caught me but I was unsuccessful.

A few tsks left Carlos' mouth before he confronted me "Princesa, let me take you on a proper date before you start drooling over my ass." something about the nickname made a small blush creep up on my cheeks and I attempted to bury my face in my hands.

I felt a pair of hands on my wrists, pulling them down to unveil my face before I felt a hand on my chin forcing me to look at Carlos in his face. Making eye contact set off more blood rushing to my face as a small shy smile crept onto my face. My eyes flickered to Carlos' lips before going right back up to his eyes.

We stayed like this for what felt like hours, just looking in each others eyes in a comfortable silence. The space between us getting smaller, I couldn't tell who was the one leaning in but none of us made a conscious effort to pull away. The closer we got, the more I felt his breath on my lips. My eyes flickered to his lips once more, I was determined to close this gap but before I could a blaring sound ricocheted off the walls of the Ferrari.

The sound jolted us apart, and a small awkward chuckle left our lips before Carlos answered the call.

"Aye, cabrón, Que? We're on our way! Stuck in traffic, what do you want me to do about it? Aye Cállate cabrón, adios!" with that Carlos hung up and we shared an awkward glance before he drove off.

20 minutes later we arrived outside a fancy hotel and Carlos got out and tossed his keys to the valet girl waiting before he jogged to my side and opened my door.

I stepped out and thanked him again before attempting to grab the bags from the trunk before Carlos pulled me away.

"No, that's my job" he told me in a stern voice

"And what's mine?" I ask as a smile forms on my face and I crossed my arms

"To stand there and look pretty. And by the looks of it you're already doing it." he says as he winks in my direction.

As son as the bags were out of the trunk they Valet lady, who's name tag read Susie, took the car away and the people at the front took my luggage and promised to send it up to the room so we didn't have to take it.

Carlos had a hand on the small of my back as he led me to the elevator and pressed the 'up' arrow and I checked my instagram while we waited for the elevator. My mouth fell agape when I saw what was trending

I felt Carlos' stare from over my shoulder and just as I was about to turn around and start profusely apologizing, his phone went off and I looked over at him while he checked his phone.

"I think Lando believes the rumors now." Carlos said with a chuckle as he flips his phone allowing me to read the messages. A chuckle of my own left my lips but the chuckles were short lived seeing as the elevator dinged and opened and an old elderly couple waddled out.

"Oh dear, look at that. Young love, I remember when we were like that" the old lady said as she laid eyes on me and Carlos, I almost corrected the lady but given the way that me and Carlos were standing, it didn't stand a chance.

"Yeah, she's mi vida" Carlos said as he pulled my closer to him before planting a kiss on my temple.

The nice old couple smiled at both of us before walking away. Carlos led me into the elevator, his hand still resting on my back as he turns to face me

"Why didn't you correct her?" I whispered to him as we locked eyes. The gap between us slowly disappearing. I watched as Carlos's eyes flickered down to my lips and stared at them. Getting a little self conscious, I bit my lower lip but quickly felt Carlos' thumb pull my lip from teeth. The hand that once rested on my lips moved to the back of my neck, mine quickly followed suit.

“Have I ever told you that you look beautiful?” his voices soft whisper, like if he spoke any louder that it’d ruin the moment. In reality, nothing could ruin this moment.

“Shut up and kiss me” I said, the eye contact between us burning the atmosphere around us.

“Gladly” the gap between us thinning. We were so close I could see every little speck on his face, the way his eyelashes fluttered with every flick of his eyes, I could see every different shade of brown in his beautiful eyes.

Our eyes closed as our lips barely brushed together, I was getting impatient with him so the hands I had around his neck I was gonna use to pull him closer and finally close the gap for once. The elevator abruptly stopping is what pulled us apart before we could kiss, quickly thinking of a way to pull apart with looking suspicious, I pulled Carlos into a hug, after a second or two I turned around to see the two girls that walked in. Both quickly recognizing us and started asking for pictures.

after we took pictures with the two girls, they started berating us with questions.

“Oh my god!! Are you guys dating??” one girl yelled excitedly. Before we could answer the other asked another question

“Shut up!! Are you staying with Carlos in the Ferrari garage!!??”

“NO STOP!! AHHHHH I LOVE THIS!!”

“I LOVE CARY/N!!”

The look that me and Carlos shared as they kept talking over each other screamed ‘Oh God please open elevator’ we just wanted to get to the hotel room in peace and so far peace was what we weren’t getting.

After what felt like an eternity, the elevator opened and the girls left but not without snapping more pictures of us, that would surely make it on the internet and low and behold, before we actually made it to our hotel room his phone started blowing up.

“Ay, look. They posted” Carlos said showing me his phone so I could see what he saw.

“How are they that fast? Those girls JUST took the photo” I said with a sigh as I pinched the bridge of my nose. Before Carlos could answer me, my phone started blowing up with texts from… Lance.

“Lance keeps blowing up my phone and I knew he won’t stop until I answer him.” I told Carlos because the look he gave me asked ‘who’s that?’

A scoff left my lips as I kept rereading the last sentence Lance sent me. ‘Carlos won’t treat you better than how I treated you. I treated you like a queen’. Yeah right. Maybe for two months after we got together but after? You didn’t really care, I was just something you looked good with.

I was so deep in thought that I hadn’t noticed a tear slip from my eyes that was until I felt a warm hand brush the tears away from my cheek.

“Princesa, what happen?” his tone sincere, when my eyes looked up to meet his I could see something in them. Was it hurt, hate, disgust? I couldn’t tell. Maybe it was all 3, Hurt because I was crying, Hate because of everything Lance had did to me and Disgust seeing as the girls posted private intimate photos on instagram.

it had been 15 minutes since my little breakdown in the hallway and Carlos was still comforting me.

“We don’t have to go to this team dinner, I can cancel on behalf of us and we can watch tv” Carlos’ hand rubbing circles on the small of my back. A small smile creeps on my face at the kind gesture.

“No, let’s go. I have to distract myself anyway, plus I miss the other drivers” I said with a small laugh leaving my lips too.

By the time we had arrived at the restaurant we’d already been 15 minutes late. Walking in we were greeted with a whole bunch of “Finally” “About time” “I’m starving” along with some applauses.

Carlos sat down right away muttering a few ‘shut up’s before he did while I made my way around the table saying ‘Hi’ to everyone until I got to Lance.

“Hello Lance.” it came out colder than intended but I couldn’t care less. Lance quickly stood up and grabbed my wrist and dragged me to the corner of where the rest of the grid and WAGS were sat.

“Lance, let go of me” I said sternly, I peaked behind him to see Carlos staring in my direction asking me if I was okay with his eyes.

“No. We need to talk, I’m tired of you ignoring me.” A cold icy look lingered in Lance’s eyes before I tugged my wrist back.

The look I gave Carlos told him all he needed to know, ‘save me’ and in about 10 seconds, Carlos was nudging me behind him

“Aye, Cabrón. Leave her alone, I’m asking one time and one time only. Leave. Her. Alone.” those last three words dripped venom as he spoke.

With a scoff and rolling of eyes, Lance reluctantly went back to his seat, complete opposite of mine. The few moments I had standing there before Carlos gestured me to the seat, I had a thought.

I waited until we sat back down and ordered before I pulled out my phone and took to twitter.

The tweet blew up in a matter of seconds and my single shot up to the top 10 of hot 100s in that same amount of time.

Everyone’s phone got a notification that I had posted a tweet and with a few faces casting questionable glances at me

“SHUT UP Y/N! A SINGLE? RIGHT NOW???? AT DINNER???” Lily, Oscar’s girlfriend whisper yelled and a petty smile made its way on my face.

I watched as half the people at the dinner whipped out their phones and went straight to spotify to give my song a listen and as the other half just pulled up the lyrics so give them a quick read.

“SHUT THE FUCK UPPPPPPP!!!!!! THE ASTON MARTIN LINE IS CRAZY” Alex, Charles’ girlfriend screamed as she continuously hit my arm in excitement.

The mention of the Aston Martin line is what got Lance’s attention.

“There’s an Aston Martin line? Play it out loud. I want to hear.” His voice a mixture of hurt and anger, like he was disappointed that I made a song about our breakup. What did he expect breaking up (very publicly might I add) with a singer who is known for writing breakup songs?

The people around the table all gave eachother uncertain glances before I pulled out my phone and let the whole table hear my song.

“Just for clarification, i DONT feel this way anymore.” was all I said before I pressed play. I contemplated not pressing play and just taking the song down because the look in Lance’s eyes but he shouldn’t have broken up with me because I asked him to take accountability for his mistakes and he shouldn’t have done it so publicly and they way he did.

I shook away all the thoughts of regret I was having and pressed play

“I’m an Aston Martin that you steered straight into the ditch, then ran and hid”

My words his Lance like a truck. He looked like a dear in headlights, but he continued listening nonetheless.

Once the song finished, the look in Lance’s wasn’t what I thought it would be. I thought it would be Sad, Mad, Disappointed, I wanted an angry reaction out of him but I got just the opposite. He was smiling.

“You want me back?” A smirk on his face. His reaction got everyone upset with people spewing ‘you don’t listen’ & ‘no she doesn’t’ & ‘oh my god’

“No cabrón, she doesn’t want you back.” Carlos’ accent grew thicker with each word he said.

“And why do you think that” snarky. Lance has always been a douche but right now he was the ultimate D-Bag.

Carlos didn’t respond. Well, he did, just not verbally. Instead what he did was he turned to face me and pulled me into a searing kiss. The kiss was so passionate that I’m pretty sure I felt some tongue action but that didn’t stop us. Instead the only thing the pulled us apart from each other was the slam of fists on the table and stomping feet echoing away from us.

I pulled away and looked in Carlos’ eyes

“You know that’s gonna be on instagram soon” I whispered against his lips before capturing them in another kiss

“I’m counting on it”

And to no one’s surprise, that picture was in fact all over instagram.

taglist

@luckyladycreator2 @itsmiamalfoy @jeffs77 @ilivbullyingjeongin @forevercaffeinated-lee @daemyratwst @gulphulp @callsignwidow @f1wintermoon13 @teenwolf01 @victoriassecret101 @hiireadstuff @formulaal @kazza72584 @zabwlky1999 @dark-night-sky-99

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bambinambi · 2 days

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Run, Mrigashira, Run!

I've just finished watching Baby Reindeer, and it made me reflect on my own experience as a mrigashira native, the obsessive behaviour we are subjected to, but also the obsessive behaviour we exhibit as a mrigashira native (with jyeshta sun and lilith in the 11th house), I've dealt a great deal with obsessive bullying.

Now, you might be wondering what that is. Basically, ever since I was young, I became incredibly good at hiding my true emotional reactions to situations going on around me. So, when I began to be bullied, I started reacting in that manner. Often, I look back at the absolutely absurd experiences I've had with my bullies in the past example; staring at me the entire time during class/lectures/in our dining hall, and any other public spaces we happened to inhabit at the same time, talking loudly about me and friends (me specifically) in classes and lectures to, I guess, goad a reaction from me. I even remember how these girls would go to my residence neighbour's room (in university) and talk about me and my friends for HOURS. I thought I could have been imagining it until I had an unrelated friend come over so we could do some work together, and she commented on it, making me realise that it was in fact happening, but also being incredibly disturbed by the fact that these girls were evidently obsessed.

I often wondered in what manner I should have reacted to these situations; Should I have given them the attention they so desperately wanted, or was any ounce of attention ever going to be enough? Should I have cussed them out, reported them to an authority figure, or would it have goaded them on? What had made people who have originally been my friends all of a sudden switch to being my bullies seemingly overnight, with no warning (I should also mention that I have lilith in the 11th house).

I remember making the mistake of befriending a loner in our dining hall. He ended up wanting to date me, I told him I was not interested, and he proceeded to inundate me with messages, begging to give him a chance. He even cornered me one day while I was going to the dining hall, alone, in the dark. He wouldn't let me go until I agreed to give him a chance. This was during the COVID-19 pandemic, when I had decided to travel back to my university town to have a change in scenery and had none of my friends be there with me.

And when I finally decided enough was enough, with people acting this way towards me relatively unpunished (unless you count social ruin) and relatively unscathed, and I would finally take a stand, I realised how flawed the system was; how slow it was, how the victim was the one forced to gather enough "relevant" evidence, both which could inadvertently cause more harm as they would have to continue to endure the potential harassment and abuse from their assailant, and sometimes how in the end, these efforts may cause more harm than good. I remember that after the members of the harassment centre had spoken to the guy, and I had received a no contact order, I had not been told that I was the one that had to communicate that this student was not to interact with me, in any manner, to me to hall warden, warden and sub warden. I think it's ridiculous, as all the harassment centre had to do, was CC these individuals into the email they had sent me, stating that I had been granted the no contact order. Instead, I was subjected to torment by the man harassing for an additional couple of days until I finally got told that I had to put the no contact order into action.

Basically, why I'm mentioning all of this, is because a lot of the time, people believe that mrigashira natives woefully bring on this behaviour from other people. The truth is, regardless of what we do, we often attract the most obsessive people unintentionally. Even when I was my most shy and introverted self, I attracted a best friend, who would obsessively send me letters, professing her love multiple times a day although I never really reciprocated. She would tell people off for trying to speak to me. I remember that it took a year for many people in our grade to actually have a conversation, and they sighted this girl's aggression towards them as a reason. And mind you, I had just arrived at the school, but she had practically forced me into a relationship with her, and scared away any other potential friends except the people in our friend group, and even they knew to keep their distance from me.

I realise that many of my friendships, in fact, had serious red flags, behaviours I didn't recognise as alarming at the time, such as friends "teasing" me (when really they were attacking every little thing about myself), friends who would constantly compliment me (admiration and envy are two sides of the same coin) and friends who evidently had attachment issues like the example I gave before. I'm sure there are many other examples I could give, but these are the most important ones.

After each and every experience, I found myself obsessively dissecting every interaction, their behaviour, and my reaction to it. Trying to understand their psychology, trying to understand my own. One thing I recognise now is how my obsessiveness towards the situation may have been as a result of my deep insecurities in my "inadequacies" and "flaws". I was such an insecure individual, that I couldn't fathom why anyone would be so obsessively preoccupied by my every move, but most especially every flaw, and how their constant criticism of me, made me more aware and ashamed of who I was, that they thought their behaviour justified in the face of my flawed existence.

I became obsessed with trying to figure out what I need to do and who I need to be to prevent this behaviour from happening again. I would also obsess over these individuals' actions from a place of anger, cursing them for treating me in the manner that they had. I would think about them from the moment I woke up, to the moment I went to be, both when I was still having to deal with them, but also afterwards, sometimes years afterwards, going over the situations in my head, over and over. Being angry with myself for how I reacted to their actions.

Obsession can easily be experienced by both assailant and victim. For me, this obsessiveness also comes from a place of wishing my past was spotless, unmarred by traumatic experiences, but also my own faults and mistakes. I expressed that same obsessiveness about my future; how can I ensure I never get hurt again, that I can identify these individuals early, and distance myself while I still can.

The truth of the matter is these people will always exist in the world, and much of what I know now about how to deal with people, such as the ones I dealt with in my past, is as a result of everything I went through in my past (I often used to wonder why I wouldn't heed my parent's warnings, and go onto do as I pleased, but really, I think I am type of person who has to discover and make sense of things myself.)

I no longer want to scrub my past away. I see how vital it was for me to have gone through what I went through to better understand not only myself but also other people. To learn where I too, need work, so that when these kinds of people come around, they will not completely consume me as the others that came before them.

I realised that by ignoring those people, I may have inadvertently been causing harm to them and bringing out the obsessive behaviour, agitating wounds that already existed inside them. I always thought they had been unjust towards me, but I may have, in turn, been unjust towards them.

By trying to feign indifference, I may have triggered them to act out in a manner, they may not have even been conscious of at the time, or may have thought appropriate to the insult they had thought I had been inflicting on them, because how dare I ignore them? Move on with my life as if they never existed. In hindsight, it was hurtful and may have evoked anger, even drudged up prior feelings of anger unrelated to myself. Being ignored and treated in a manner of indifference is hurtful.

While I don't take on complete blame for their behaviour whatsoever, I know recognise how cruel and upsetting my behaviour had been. We had been friends, we had exchanged secrets and peered into each other, maybe deeper than other people had the pleasure of doing. And while their behaviour had been deplorable, I had unintentionally kicked someone that was evidently already on their knees.

One cannot control how another acts towards them, but they can control how they react. I also don't believe it was my responsibility to reach out or endure the bullying by virtue of understanding where it may have been coming from. Ultimately, I learnt a great deal about people and how certain behaviour can bring out different sides of them, especially evidently wounded by like bullies and highly narcissistic people.

But at the time, like the doe, I decided that running away was the best call. But sometimes, in life, you are called to deal head-on with unfortunate situations. I was being forced to learn, not to bend to my nature and run away, but run headfirst into any situation placed before me. I also was being called on to be vulnerable, if not with others, at least with myself. How my anger towards the situation was in fact deep hurt, had my ego allowed me to understand that, how my anger had showed me what I need to know about myself, and my own feelings towards myself. Bullies are good at reading people and knowing exactly which buttons to push in order to get a reaction from someone. I learnt that radical self-acceptance would make me an unsatisfactory punching bag.

Maybe the lesson to take away from Mrigashira is to not run away, but rather face life as it comes, to not obsess over the past, but rather to learn from it, and move on, to make peace with the fact that there may be no way of avoiding these unfortunate situations, and that your initial reactions to them may be equally as unsatisfactory or unsuccessful in dealing with it, but that you ought to move forward regardless, not in a sprint, but a leisurely pace.

You can't accurately survey your surroundings while moving. To slow down and take a breather. Maybe then you'll that the thing you perceive as "danger" is often no more than a shadow, or a being equally as fearful as you. But how you know when you run away from everything indiscriminately. You will not always get caught if you slow down, mrigashira.

I think many of us mrigashira natives suffer from anxiety, a fear that if we do not equip ourselves with an arsenal of mental fortitude and an escape plan, what comes next may be our undoing. But we've come this far, in the face of everything we've been through. I think we can give ourselves a little more credit for the strength and resilience we evidently have to make it through anything.

I know a lot of people may not like this post, or feel like I may be victim-blaming myself by identifying my own mistakes in past situations, but I think it is incredibly relevant in the mrigashira experience to learn from life experiences, as to how best to navigate future ones, and that includes recognising how you may be unintentionally contributing, more than one thinks, to certain experiences in your life, because they are new, uncharted territory, or lessons we hadn't completely mastered the first time.

- 20 May 2024

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writtenbeneaththestars · 1 day

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Stood on the cliffside screaming

Summary: Jameson and Grayson deal with the anniversary of Emily's death Warnings: thoughts of suicide, angst, past character death (please tell me if I missed any!!) A/N: I'm really bad at writing romance so uh I'm sorry in advance for the kinda small averyjameson scene at the beginning.... *please tell me if I made any mistakes!!*

Tags: @catapparently, @urbanflorals, @nqds, @reminiscentreader, @never-enough-novels

“Jamie,” Avery said as she laid a hand on her boyfriend’s shoulder. He turned to give her a soft smile.

“Heiress.” She could tell he was holding something back. And she had a few suspicions about what that something was.

“I know what the date is, Jameson Hawthorne.” He tensed for the briefest moment under her hand before relaxing again.

“Happy birthday, heiress.”

“You know that wasn’t the day I was talking about,” Avery said softly. They both knew exactly what she was talking about. They both knew exactly why today was what it was.

October eighteenth. The happiest and worst day of Jameson’s life. The day Avery was born and the day Emily died.

“I know,” Jameson muttered softly, leaning down to kiss his girlfriend. It was soft. He was letting her decide what to do with it. But really, what choice was there but to kiss him back? Deep and yearning. It was a feeling she wanted to go on for forever. But it couldn’t and they both knew that.

“You’re going to have to talk about it at some point you know,” Avery said, pulling away. She was close enough to feel his breath tickle her skin. Close enough to just lean in and let the world melt away yet again. To just let everything go and fall into his arms. But she couldn’t when he was hurting. They both knew that.

“Can’t we just celebrate the good thing?” His breath whispered across her face. She wanted nothing more than to celebrate today, but she wanted to do it when one of her favorite people in the world wasn't in pain.

“You’re hurting, Jamie.” He let out a soft sigh but didn’t back away.

“Today will never be easy. I think you know that. But it’s easier when I’m with you. When I think about the good things and not the bad.” He lifted his hand and rested it on her face. “Like the fact that today was the day you were born into this world. The day that meant that sometime in the future, we would meet each other. The day that led to this.”

“Jamie.” Her voice was barely audible. She was scared that any volume louder than that would break the delicate calm in the storm they had created.

“Heiress.” He returned with the same gentleness.

“I love you.” And they descended into a kiss yet again. Just when their lips touched, she heard someone clearing their throat. Avery whipped her head around, and saw Nash standing in the doorway with a smug grin. Crap.

“You know,” the eldest Hawthorne brother said, walking in. “You really ought to close the door when you’re making out.” He looked over at Avery. “Happy birthday.”

“Oh, um, th– thank you,” Avery managed to stutter out. She was sure her face was red at this point. What was more embarrassing than having your boyfriend’s older brother slash older sister’s fiancé walking in on you kissing? Jamie sighed, narrowing his eyes at his brother.

“Why are you here, Nash.”

“I was bored,” he said, shrugging. Then he paused for a moment before turning to Jamie with concern in his eyes. “How are you doing?” Jameson rolled his eyes with a scoff.

“I’m fine, Nash.” Nash looked at Avery, raising his eyebrows.

‘Better,’ Avery mouthed, taking her boyfriend’s hand. Nash nodded. That was good. As the oldest brother, he was always worried about them. But today especially. Emily’s death day was never good for Jamie and Gray. But Jamie has Avery to keep him from doing anything too reckless now, and he was grateful for that.

“Has anyone seen Gray today?” He asked. Avery felt Jameson’s hand tense in her own.

“You haven’t?” To anyone else, his voice would have sounded carefree and light. But Avery knew what he was really feeling. Despite how he wanted everyone to think, Jameson cared about his brothers a lot. He was worried. And the more worried he got, the more he tended to pretend that he wasn’t.

“I was going to check the pool next,” Nash said with a shrug.

“No,” Jameson said, a strange expression on his face. “His two AM swim should be over by now.” His tone was mocking, but Avery knew better. A look of realization dawned on his face as he let out a curse.

“You know where he is, don’t you,” Nash said, watching as his brother put on a thin jacket, no doubt getting ready to leave the house. Jamie paused, letting out a dramatic sigh.

“Oh, ‘tis so woeful being the only genius in this house.” He left the room, but not before giving one more smirk back at Avery and Nash. She started to follow him out, but Nash put a hand on her shoulder.

“Something about this tells me that they need to do this alone,” he muttered. He shot her a grin. “And if they end up not killing each other in the next ten minutes, we can go get them then.” Avery nodded, before turning to Nash with a puzzled expression.

“How will we know where to go?” Nash shot her another grin, and then it clicked. “You already know where he is, don’t you.” Nash shrugged.

“I figured this was something they should do themselves first.” Of course he already knew. “Although,” he added. “I don’t particularly like the spot Gray chose.” He shrugged, but Avery could tell he was worried too. The brothers cared about each other. And Nash being the oldest one, well, he’s had more experience than all of them in dealing with and taking care of the Hawthorne brothers. “I’ll text you in five,” he called out behind him as he left her room.

****

The wind was cold, but Grayson couldn’t feel it. It was unusually cold for an October day, but he supposed it fit. It was funny, in a twisted sort of way how much he wanted to just– no. He wasn’t allowed to show that. He wasn’t allowed to say that. He could only think that because he needed to be perfect. And perfect people don’t think about jumping off to see if they would fly, knowing damn well they can’t.

Perfect people wouldn’t be like Grayson Hawthorne.

He would just swim. Just swim until he physically couldn’t anymore, then he’d swim one more lap after that. To get rid of the noise. To get rid of the hurt. To get rid of the numb. But it always returned with a vengeance the moment he stopped. But this cliff? This cliff was fine. Yeah, it was fine. He could just– he could just stay here a little longer, right?

He had lost track of time at this point. How long had he been up here, looking over the edge? How long had he been shut off and numb to the world around him? Well, he knew the answer to that. Since practically forever. He couldn’t remember a single day when nothing hurt. When nothing was wrong. It didn’t matter. It couldn’t matter. He wouldn’t let it matter.

Sometime, somewhere in the fog that had taken over his brain, he heard footsteps from behind him. It was funny how he could be so lost yet so aware at the same time. He picked on the littlest things these days, yet he was still never fully present for any of it.

At first he thought he was making it all up. He’s made up entire people before, so what's stopping him from making up this sound? Still he whipped his head around, and was filled with the slightest of shock and relief that he wasn’t making it up.

“So I was right,” he heard his brother say when he turned his head back around. Jameson sounded smug, but Grayson had long gained the ability to see – and hear – through his facade. He was worried. Grayson wanted to scoff and shake some sense into him because Grayson Hawthorn did not need any worry. He didn’t deserve it.

“How are you today, Jameson?” He asked, because asking Jameson and making sure he was ok was easier than telling him that Grayson wasn’t. He wouldn't admit it was because he cared about his brother. He just wouldn’t. He was met with a scoff coming from his right as Jameson sat down next to him.

“I’m fine.”

“Yeah, sure.” Grayson said. His brother could deflect as much as he wanted, but Grayson could do it better.

“Well that’s rich coming from the person who’s sitting on the edge of the cliff where they watched someone die.” Grayson could do nothing but shrug. There was a pause before Jameson spoke again. “It’s hard, but I’m getting through it. Avery’s helping.” Grayson nodded. That was good. As much as he hated to show it, he hated the idea of any of his brothers being hurt. “How are you?” So he really did ask it, huh.

“I’m fine.” He was aware that he was echoing Jameson, but he couldn’t quite bring himself to care.

“Yeah, because sitting on the edge of the cliff where Emily died for who knows how long at this point is certainly the definition of fine.” He flinched when her name was mentioned and he knew Jameson noticed. He was relieved when it wasn’t brought up. “Talk to me, Gray.” But he couldn’t. Didn’t he understand? He couldn’t. He let out a quiet sigh.

“Life is funny, isn’t it?” Grayson turned to his brother for the first time since he arrived, laughing darkly. He turned back to the direction of the edge. “It just has to make them both land on the same date, doesn’t it.” He turned his head up to look at the sky. Jameson didn’t talk. “I’m just– I’m so sick of it.” He couldn’t bring himself to care that he was revealing what he had kept buried for his entire life, and to his brother no less.

“Of the dates?” Jameson sounded light, like he didn’t have a care in the world, but Grayson heard the heaviness in his voice nonetheless.

“Of life.” He wasn’t sure what he was expecting, unearthing feelings he had taught himself to suppress for as long as he could remember. But it felt like nothing. Like he was just empty.

“You were going to jump off that cliff.” Jameson said, his voice a mix of emotions that Grayson didn’t have the energy or motivation to pick apart. The part he did catch though, was that it wasn’t a question.

“No.” On some level, he was aware that he was talking. But it felt like he was underwater. Which was funny, because he realized that he sort of wanted to be. Underwater. And to never come back up. “I was going to step off.” He realized on some level that his voice sounded hollow. Like it had died a long time ago, and was decaying. It was funny because that was how he felt. Turned out his voice reflected it too. He realized he had a strange sense of humor.

“How long?” And Grayson knew exactly what he was asking. How long had he been this way? How long had he wanted to simply die and not be revived?

“The question you ought to ask isn’t how long,” he said, “rather when am I not.” He heard footsteps coming from behind them. Ah, so their ten minutes alone were up according to Nash.

“Have you guys gotten all your angst out yet?” He heard his youngest brother say. Leave it to Xander to lighten the mood.

“Meh,” Jameson said, and Grayson could hear him smirking. He knew without looking that Avery sat down next to his brother, and Nash was in the process of sitting down next to him. And Libby sat next to Nash, Max sat next to Avery, and Xander sat next to Max.

“So,” Avery said after a moment of silence. “The cliff?” Grayson shrugged.

“Personally,” Nash started saying, placing a hand on Grayson’s shoulder. He found that he strangely didn’t mind. “I think it’s a bit cold, but oh well.”

“Ok, now that everyone is here,” Jameson said after another moment of silence. “You can’t lie anymore. How are you really, Gray?” He was aware his heart was pounding, but he was too busy making sure he didn’t cry. Because Grayson Hawthorn could not cry. How long had he spent his childhood wishing, pleading that someone would ask him that? But now– now he didn’t know what to say.

“I have no idea.” His voice was monotone and conveyed no emotion at all. Just the way he liked it. Just the way Tobias liked it.

“That’s ok,” Nash said, and something in him broke. He felt a tear silently fall from his eyes. That was another thing. Crying silently. He had taught himself how to do that when he used to cry in the middle of the night before he had mastered the art of blocking everything out. And they just kept coming.

And then Jameson hugged him and they fell faster. They never hugged. Jameson pulled back and looked into his eyes.

'I know,' they were saying. 'I’ve got you. You’re safe. I know.'

The date would always be hard. But they had each other. And that made it that much more tolerable. And it would be ok.

It would be ok.

#my failed attempt(s) at writing #writing #fanfic #fanfiction #the inheritance games #grayson hawthorne #jameson hawthorne #avery grambs #averyjameson #avery x jameson #nash hawthorne #xander hawthorne

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alphajocklover · 20 hours

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I'm 23 and have been obsessed with body-building for years. I'm nowhere near big though. I'd love to be blown up into an absolutely massive freak. I wanna struggle to fit through door ways, I want furniture to bend under me. I want most guys I hit on to think I'm too big.

Please can you blow me up and grow me into the biggest bodybuilder possible.

It’s finally time for another one of my personal transformations. It’s been a little bit since I helped turn that guy into a bodybuilder jock with a supernova charged battery, but last time was so much fun I knew I had to do it again when the chance came up. I guess the only real question is what transformation method is right for you. I could always use the supernova battery again, or one of the other transformation methods I mentioned in my first personal transformation, but if I’m being honest part of the fun last time was sharing all the ways I could transform people. So how about we take a look at some of my newer transformation methods.

Your first choice is a CD. It’s a special video made for me by a local football coach who has recently introduced the Jock Studies program to his school. I reached out in the hope of getting an interview with him, and just got this in return. Not even a proper response. It’s… kind of an obvious trap too. I mean, I ask a bunch of people who are famous for turning people into submissive jocks to give me an interview, and they send me an unmarked CD? I mean, you can’t report on this kind of stuff like I do without someone trying to transform you eventually. I was actually kind of honored that they considered me enough trouble to target me… but not enough to actually watch the video. You can have the CD if you want. I’m absolutely certain you’d turn into a massive jock. Although you’d also be incredibly submissive to the coaches who made this, which might not be your jam. Let’s look at the others before you decide at least.

Your next option is a bit complicated. It’s a time machine, recently stolen from a group named the SAD (society against douchebags) by the Douchebag Revolution. I did a favor for them recently so they gave me this. Said they could trust me to use it responsibly. Well, sort of. The way they said it included a lot more ‘bros’ and ‘fuck yeahs’ but that was basically the gist. Anyways, we could use it to change you by changing your past. A little manipulation of your life and you could end up a bodybuilder. The thing is that time travel is… risky. Ever heard of the butterfly effect? That’s why I try to avoid time travel as much as possible. Too much can go wrong. Let’s move onto something else, since this one is so… unpredictable.

How about this one? It’s water from a familiar little town called Maxford, the one that turns anyone who enters it into a straight, conservative jock or bimbo. Turns out drinking water that’s bottled inside the town has similar effects. Turns you into your Maxford self for 24 hours. You wouldn’t believe what I had to go through to get this. Entering Maxford was an… interesting experience. Um, anyways, it might not be the best choice for you. It’s temporary, and it will turn you straight the entire time you’re a hunk. That can be fun to try, but I get the feeling you want something more permanent. Let’s look at something else

Finally is a specially made necklace, a gold chain with a miniature dumbbell pendant. It’s made by a jewelry store chain that might sound familiar to you if you’ve read some of my earlier stories: EB Jewelry. Normally these are pretty expensive, and you’d have to buy them directly from EB Jewelry, but there was a mistake with manufacturing and they ended up with a surplus of these things. I bought a ton of them and wouldn’t mind parting with one. Put it on and you’ll transform into a total bodybuilder jock. More than that, I can give you more than one. You can share them with your friends, make an entire group of bodybuilder jocks that barely fit through doors. Yeah, that one is definitely the best choice. Go ahead, try it on.

Fuck you look good. You seem quite a bit dimmer now, which is to be expected, but god you look like walking sex. Make sure to share those necklaces with your friends. Using more than one might have… side effects. Plus, the more huge jocks, the better.

#muscle growth tf #muscle tf #jock tf #jock transformation #jockification #nerd to jock #personal tf

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toriangeli · 2 days

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Re: Daniel's flashback of Armand

I know our minds jumped to the "Armand is Alice" theory. At least, mine did. But that explains nothing about why Daniel thinks of that specific memory. It seems like such a non-sequitur, him remembering a story about selling his dad's dirty magazines in middle school. What's also weird is Armand telling him about it.

We know the original interview was traumatic for Daniel, so I have two theories:

Armand is trying to calm Daniel down from some kind of panic by using grounding techniques. This would be weird because grounding techniques are usually a lot more physical, involving the senses to bring one back to the present reality. Why this would be relevant to his proposal memories, I'm not sure.

Armand has Daniel in a state of hypnosis and is implanting a memory. Why is he implanting a memory about selling dirty magazines? No clue. It doesn't seem like it serves a purpose--unless it's part of a larger narrative.

My usual problem with the "Armand is lying about everything" assumption is that Armand and vampires in general in the books don't do that much lying. Like, they'll do these short-term deceptions (see the second half of Blood Communion), but big ongoing lies are kind of a shit idea when you're immortal because you have to keep up with the lie forever. Armand does lie to Louis about Lestat being dead, and to Lestat about Louis being dead, but other than that, he doesn't do a lot of deliberate misrepresentation of the facts. Self-delusions, denial, hiding shit, but not straight-up lies. This same issue applies to the idea that Armand has been creating false memories for people willy-nilly. Which, I don't think I've seen anyone claim he is doing it willy-nilly, but one can get the impression scrolling through Tumblr seeing various people point to various scenes as being made up by Armand that everyone all the time thinks everything that doesn't make sense to them is Armand dicking with memories again.

However, in this case, Louis and Armand were never supposed to see Daniel again. They can't just rewrite his entire life, obviously, because too many people have met/know Daniel and would be like, "Dude, that so did not happen, what is wrong with you?" but if for some reason they made some big mistake during the interview and needed to fix it, they could impart some kind of narrative that couldn't be disputed or verified by anyone who knows him.

Armand also delivers the "she wanted to say yes" speech with a similar tone, but there's a warmth to it. He doesn't seem particularly emotional, although he's also not the most naturally emotive person. But with how good Assad is at subtle acting, I feel like if Armand was actually talking about himself, there would be some kind of hint to it. Instead, it just seems like Armand feels badly for Daniel (who, let's be fair, was being pretty horrible to Louis) and is trying to comfort him. Still a Devil's Minion hint either way. Armand, at least in the books, doesn't give a shit about randos he has no attachment to getting their feelings hurt. If he wants to comfort Daniel, it's because he's gotten attached.

It's in the flashback that Armand looks emotional. And I want to know why.

But yeah, I think that could be why Daniel flashed back to that weird moment. This prodding about Alice is making him remember some fuckery.

That being said, we still don't have much evidence that this is even a power that exists for these vampires. Maybe Fiction Hypnosis could do it, but idk. We'll see.

#armand #daniel molloy #louis de pointe du lac #iwtv #iwtv amc #amc iwtv #interview with the vampire #iwtv s2 #iwtv spoilers

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hazelfoureyes · 11 hours

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Not hazbin related— sorry for the odd not horny personal post

Donate here if you’re able and wanting to (PayPal username is JHilliard109) sharing is also a lovely way to help support me (support my mother)

So.

You may have noticed I was briefly MIA recently , and it’s because I’ve been ✨stressed and angry✨

My mother is currently in remission for breast cancer and was excited to use the state dental insurance she was notified in November she had. She lost some teeth to chemo, along with other issues, only having three teeth on the bottom of her jaw but all of her teeth on top.

In March she got approved and scheduled for May surgery to remove all her teeth and for her denture appointments in June. They had her get rides two hours away because they said they’d only pay for that specific doctor in network. (She can’t drive due to seizures)

After they took all her teeth, they called and said she actually wouldn’t be covered for the dentures or the surgery they already did. She was told, “Lots of people are out there walking around without teeth.” They said her insurance actually ended at the end of March, despite no notification and still approving the May and June appointments. They said it was a state thing and didn’t know why it ended. Even the morning of the May surgery they CONFIRMED she was approved with her dental surgeon. Then four days after the surgery they said “oopsies no you weren’t.” And sent her a 4800$ bill.

They can eat my entire ass.

So, they took her teeth and then told her tough luck. They made a mistake in approving these and won’t own up to it. She’s made it through cancer just for some knobheads to take her goddamn teeth.

Did she have a lot of teeth before? No. But she never would have had them all taken out if she hadn’t been told she was approved for fully paid for dentures. She even asked to get just half dentures (bottom half) and was dissuaded. “We will only pay for this procedure one time, so it’s best to get it all done at once.” (Paraphrasing)

If you can, we’d appreciate any help in getting my mom some teeth. We’re looking into a place that would offer payment plans and looking into lines of credit to make it happen but anything would help offset the shocking and unfair burden placed on my mother.

We’ve been quoted around $3500 for a full set of “standard” dentures (meaning…not… the best? Lmao Jesus I don’t even know what that means but it’s what we can manage. I didn’t know they had good and bad ones??). We’re using PayPal as we don’t expect to raise that full amount, so gofundme wouldn’t be helpful.

We are getting her some goddamn teeth one way or another, but any help would be immensely appreciated.

Because I’m in Japan we’re using my sister’s PayPal. If you’d considered tipping or using my ko-fi in the near future, consider instead donating to help get my mom some fucking teeth. 🫠 any money I receive through my own PayPal and ko-fi will go to this anyway. I’ll be working more, too, to add to the dentures fund.

fuck Florida and fuck the government for doing this to my mother 🖕🏼 had they not made SEVERAL mistakes in approvals and lack of communication she would have teeth still. So in my angry opinion, they fucking took them from her by misleading her into an unnecessary surgery.

my mom, before the cancer and chemo took her hair and a breast, and before her teeth were bamboozled out of her fucking skull (with her grandbaby)

#Hazel says help #I wanna fucking scream #How is this real life #fuck florida #I feel like I’m going fucking crazy

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emilykaldwen · 3 days

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Do you mind please telling why you don’t like penelope on bridgerton?

I was all on board with Penelope in season one until we found out she was Whistledown, and then the way it had been presented over the course of season two just left an increasingly bad taste in my mouth. I get feeling like an outsider, not belonging, etc in the society that she lives in absolutely, but there was the story about Marina's pregnancy only because Penelope was jealous, it wasn't actually about Colin. Not to mention the way the casting of the show happens, it shows that Penelope has been consistently targeting POC in the show and it just doesn't look great.

Then in season two, it just felt worse. She was on a power trip, popular as Lady Whistledown, and popular over spreading gossip overheard about these people. Things that she and Eloise would look down on Cressida Cowper for, but she was making money off it. It's just so gross to me. And then what she did to Eloise.

You know how you save your friend? By fessing up and accepting the fallout, not fucking ruining her potentially forever in the eyes of society. Like, Pen would rather destroy Eloise's life rather than own up to writing the gossip paper.

I'm fine with making mistakes, I'm not okay with not owning up to them and accepting the fallout. I would be way more accepting of Penelope's 'redemption' if she wasn't acting woe is me about it, and writing about herself in the whistledown. It just came off as the way people write apologies but it's not an apology, it's a manipulation tactic - and one that I felt she was signalling to Eloise. Who did come, and told her don't be so hard on herself.

But Eloise has every right to move on from this friendship. Pen broke trust, she lied for years, she said terrible things about people Eloise cared about - it doesn't matter what's true and what isn't, I just don't think you should do things like that.

I'm also bothered by this romance storyline happening right after this fallout, rather than some time down the line when we could see Penelope have time to grow that's longer than 7 months between seasons.

Nicola Coughlin is a fantastic actress, and I fucking adore her, and I think she does a great job in the role, but man, I'm not a Pen fan.

(obviously, YMMV, I just wish Penelope would own up to the choices she made and the ramifications of them and moving forward from that.)

#anti penelope featherington #bridgerton

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budd-ie · 3 days

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I always see people talking about Mu Qing and how he did bad things and how some of those things we’re moving on from, how his thought possess is justified, etc. and this is all true. But something that I think gets overlooked is that yes Mu Qing is not a perfect person, but his main argument is neither is anyone else.

Mu Qing grew up HOUNDED by people trying to nitpick every single little thing he does and antagonize him just because they don’t like him. Every good thing he does gets ignored, every bad thing he does gets amplified tenfold. And, Mu Qing KNOWS that he is not a perfect person and he KNOWS that he has done bad things and he acknowledges his major mistakes and he apologizes.

But his whole Deal is not that he’s trying to convince anyone he’s a good person, but that he wants people (like feng xin) to understand how hypocritical they are for criticizing him when they too have done bad things, have had bad thoughts, have hurt people, are not perfect. It’s a clear double standard and he’s sick of it! One major theme of tgcf is that not a single one of us, even gods, are perfect, real “perfection” is an unattainable thing, and that what matters is accepting this and choosing to live in spite of this. I think Mu Qing and Xie Lian represent this point best, and this is also one of many reasons why I think Mu Qing is a bit of a foil to Xie Lian (among other reasons, have we all seen their parallels?). And that’s why he’s so fixated on Xie Lian’s suffering. He isn’t happy that he’s suffering, he’s happy because he feels vindicated. It’s proof that Xie Lian isn’t the perfect little godling prince who can do anything and is loved by everyone that everyone (feng xin, from mu qing’s perspective) seems to act like he is. It’s proof that Mu Qing is right, and that nobody has any right to criticize him. It’s a shitty thing for him to think given the circumstances, of course, but I also think it’s an important distinction to make.

(Some plot spoilers under the cut)

So Mu Qing clearly isn’t a saint, but he’s not a demon either. People who Specifically give Mu Qing a hard time for being a bad friend, for leaving, for being a dick, etc. forget that Feng Xin left too (and also criticized him unjustly). As if someone like Pei Ming didn’t cheat on every woman he’s ever seen. As if Yin Yu didn’t tell Quan Yizhen to go die. As if Jun Wu, Heavenly Emperor, the god of gods, didn’t help destroy a nation in the most painful way possible, physically and psychologically torture a kid, commit a TON of murder, inflict biological warfare at LEAST twice…..etc……..out of all the characters who have done bad things Mu Qing is one of the normal ones.

Not better, not worse.

It’s not that what he did wasn’t bad, it’s that everyone else has done horrible things too, and it’s unfair to call him out specifically when everyone else has just as much if not more baggage to check first.

#tian guan ci fu #tgcf #heaven official's blessing #Mu Qing #heaven officials blessing

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aphverse-confessions · 1 day

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I think making Vylad the middle kid of the Ro'meaves actually takes away from their dynamic considerably, especially Zane and his specifically. Also any time I see someone doing that, it's usually to benefit Zane's story in some way, when really, he doesn't need more intrigue than he already has

Vylad in MYS being the one to skip a grade back in Highschool makes sense and I'm tired of people saying it should be Zane that's the overachiever. You're telling me it makes more sense for Zane, who was (let's face it) coddled by Zianna his whole life due to his sickness and eye injury as a kid, to feel like he needs to do well academically and prove himself? Zane doesn't want her doting attention on him, he actively avoids doing anything that would put the spotlight on him in a positive manner. He wants to destroy her view of him so she'll leave him ALONE. I think people genuinely forget about that, because he was such a different person in MCD

While Vylad has been consistently ignored by everyone in his family, ESPECIALLY his parents. As long as he isn't breaking rules, they don't care. Of course he'd want to excel in academics, he wants even a sliver of the attention Garroth or Zane gets on a day to day basis. As much as he may joke around or make comments about how he likes the attention not being on him 24/7, there's still going to be a deep-rooted pain and jealousy that he's considered less than his brothers just for existing.

And also the idea of Garte making Zianna have Zane last as a sort of "fix" for the affair baby that Vylad is.. also doesn't sit right with me? I wouldn't put it past Garte, but just, something about the idea doesn't make sense for everyone's characters except his?

And then in MCD it equally doesn't make sense!! I'm not kidding, it actively takes away from Vylad's character for me. Backstory wise, him being the youngest means he's /expendable/. O'khasis only knows him for his death, they wouldn't care otherwise. Garroth is the heir, Zane's in case anything happens to Garroth, and Vylad- is there, and ultimately pretty ignored

And I know we love Zane, but I've seen a few people make him the youngest in MCD so he could look up to both Garroth AND Vylad but. Not only does Zane, again, not need more intrigue than he already has- but ALSO I think Vylad being the one to look up to both his brothers is objectively more heartbreaking? Imagine looking up to your two older brothers your whole life, growing to know you're worlds apart in importance- both to the world and your parents. Knowing you're just a spare part and a mistake.

And then it takes dying to realize what a bad person one of them is. You can't tell if your resentment and pain is because you're now an unnatural being- still, not meant to exist. Never meant to exist- or because you're right to be angry.

Him being a middle kid that Zane looked up to would mostly take away from all of that, for me anyways

ANYWAYS, this got really long I'm so sorry 🙏 (also if you do make Vylad the middle kid in your rewrite I don't like- hate you or anything, their dynamic just isn't as interesting to me unless you give Vylad some new source of interest)

#aphmau confessions #aphmau #aphblr #aphverse #aphmau mystreet #mystreet #aphmau mcd #aphmau minecraft diaries #minecraft diaries #mcd #long!#Vylad tag #zane tag #garroth tag

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snikt111 · 3 days

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hi hi hi hi I found out about Hal Jordan TODAY and am going so autistic over him it’s insane can you please give me a rundown on what his deal is I think you’re the Tumblr Green Lantern guy

omg hi, insane compliment btw, tysm! i'm glad to give you a rundown!! also definitely check out @katmaatui for more hal info, red is SUPER knowledgable abt him. @rillette, @catboyollie, @halcarols, @starsapphire and @yellowcorps (along with so many others that i cant think to tag off the top of my head) have some great hal takes too! (edited the post just to tag more ppl)

apologies if this is a bit rushed/messy, i'm doing this while i smelt stone in minecraft LMAO

that being said... i think this will be a long one, so more below the cut :3

(cw for light mentions of pedophilia, abuse, canon typical violence)

okay, so hal jordan is the first human green lantern of the GREEN LANTERN CORPS. it's important to note that there was technically a human green lantern before him (alan scott, originally from earth two/the justice society, but integrated into main DC canon after crisis), but his power comes from a different source- which is a whole different ballpark that would take ages to explain, lol, so i'll move on from that.

hal was originally introduced in a showcase issue in 1959, but ended up getting a solo run in the mid 60s because of his showcase issues doing well. he's been a test pilot, middle brother, compassionate, rule follower (although being surprisingly liberal for the time) with an interesting relationship with star sapphire carol ferris since those first appearances. for the first 20 odd years of his appearances we had no information on his parents, but we got a lot from other family members, such as uncle titus, cousin hal jr (aka airwave), younger brother jim jordan and older brother jack jordan. through the 60s and 70s those members of his family were developed along with him; with the audience learning that jim's wife sue thought jim was green lantern, rather than hal, and hal himself training his cousin, hal jr.

the most known version of how hal got the ring in the first place is probably based off of geoff john's rewrite in the mid 00s, reiterating the original story of abin sur crashing onto earth and dying, leaving hal with his ring to be trained by sinestro and the rest of the glc, while also changing miniscule details that had been developed in emerald dawn 1 & 2 (which was released in the 90s, more on that later). the main premise of abin sur's crash has stayed the same, but the story around hal's current life, job, family and stability keep changing. for instance, the original comic with abin sur in showcase only showed hal getting the ring, the guardians choosing him. the first rewrite i can think of was emerald dawn volume 1, published in 1989 and continued in emerald dawn v2 (1991). here we get the classic hal watches his father die in a plane crash with carol ferris beside him as a pre adolescent, and some of the biggest implications of the mistreatment from his father. we also get introduced to hal, despite his stick to the rules, straight edge attitude, making some serious mistakes and putting people in danger and even death- with the implication of alcohol abuse. the audience HAS known hal used to be in the air force since sometime in the late 60s or early 70s (sorry, i don't remember the exact issue!), but emerald dawn shows us that hal's moved on from the air force and into test piloting, and that his mother keeps having to bail him out for making mistakes. emerald dawn vol 1 shows the abin sur moment, followed by fights that cost hal's friends life, and is followed up by sinestro training hal in emerald dawn vol 2, where we get to see the iconic scenes of hal finding out about sinestro and his... dictatorship.

along with that; how the guardians and rings are treated and hal and the glc's perception of them is vastly changed over time. in the early days of gl in the 60s, the guardians were really never to be seen. hal was repeatedly summoned to them and then had his memory almost fully wiped- only leaving a vague notion of his orders. the guardian's called hal to them at seemingly the worst times, ending up with him almost getting injured, getting in trouble at work, and even ending up jobless and homeless. the chaos of being a green lantern has been around the WHOLE time, but originally, the green lanterns didnt really... fight it. the guardian's were their masters (and even father figures, to hal) and not to be questioned. the rings in the 60s were also much more powerful, despite the yellow weakness (the yellow weakness is the notion that from about the 60s to the mid 90s the green lantern rings were completely unable to be used against anything yellow). time travel, phasing, teleporting, etc were all very viable and common things- as well as forceful shapeshifting, invisibility, mind control, mind reading, etc etc. these days, writers have dampened these powers down to mostly shooting light and constructs.

okay, it's parallax time. the emerald twilight arc from the mid 90s wasn't an arc that was as thoroughly planned out over a long period of time as it probably should have been. a lot of fans at the time (and even now) hated what happened there, and claimed it ruined hal's character entirely. i can understand why! but, at it's core, the parallax arc is a story about a broken man pushed to the limit, fully grieving his home and family (originally, he lost his brother jim in the destruction of coast city, along with a lot of other family members) and being goddamn fed up with how his "masters" treated him and the rest of the corps. the so called "perfect lantern" (no, he wasn't that much of a rebel, despite what johns wants you to think) snapped and essentially tried to gain as much power as he could to bring back coast city. when the guardians stripped him of his powers so he couldn't, hal became enraged and took down every lantern in his path, just to get to the guardians and that power. long story short, he kills the guardians and absorbs all the energy from the central power battery on oa, becoming parallax- essentially a god. this marks the start of zero hour, an event made by dc to restructure and reset; giving the comics a new generation of heroes. hal destroys the world and remakes it, but is ultimately taken down by kyle rayner, the new green lantern, with the help of the jla, jsa and associates. there are a few more run ins with parallax after this, before kyle convinces parallax/hal that he can make up for all of this by reigniting the sun after it went out- aka killing himself. hal does it, is stuck in limbo for awhile and then becomes the spectre to continue to make up for the horrible things he did as parallax. the spectre is the spirit of god's wrath and vengeance, a weapon used to drag sinners to their very own, self made hells, and scare the shit out of people. the spectre, from it's very first appearance, is a ghost like spirit that takes on a host, and is primarily described using christian terms and is used in a very... christian ideology. HOWEVER, the spectre 2001 confirms that hal is jewish (jewish mom, catholic dad) and that belief system, plus his personality as a whole, literally makes him change the spirit of vengeance into the spirit of redemption, for at least as long as they are bonded. the whole parallax to spectre arc is about grief, pain, cycles of abuse and terror, redemption and guilt. it is NOT about a fear bug that possess hal. (im so serious though, the spectre 2001 is one of the best comics ive ever read. amazing. changed my world view) but... geoff johns changed all of it, decanonized the spectre, and ruined the legacy of parallax and hal's growth as a person by releasing green lantern: rebirth in 2004/2005. this retcons hal's breakdown and journey through grief into him BEING POSSESSED BY AN ENTITY CONTROLLED BY SINESTRO THAT FULLY CHANGES PREVIOUS GREEN LANTERN CANON AND IMPLICATIONS. also, fucks up the importance of kyle becoming ion, but whatever. geoff johns writes hal (and even more so, carol) so very wrong, and change their stories so vastly in ways that go against the stories very meanings.

SIGH.

now... time to get started on some rougher stuff. hal jordan misconceptions. i'm saving that arc for last.

- hal jordan wasn't much of a rule breaker or rebel until the 70s/80s, where he BEGAN (very slowly, mind you) to be radicalized by oliver queen during denny o'neil's green lantern/green arrow. hal was painted as more of a conservative during this period (which, admittedly, kind of goes against previous canon... he's always been relatively central to liberal, not to any extremes like ollie though, lol) but gets more and more understanding of how power structures work and how lower classes are mistreated during this time- which ends up opening his eyes a bit to how shitty the guardians are. (this is helped by the guardians literally just. leaving. the green lanterns and kind of disbanding them so they can go fuck the zamarons, lmao). geoff johns tried to change this narrative into making hal a very... maverick-from-top-gun type of character, who punched his way out of the military (when, in reality, the original story during emerald knights in the late 90s was that hal had been framed for stealing a jet and was dishonorably discharged, which he took the punishment for because he knew someone had to) and hits on women constantly and gets ladies and allat (which, funnily enough hal was awful at getting carol to like him for a long time, since carol fell for green lantern rather than hal. not to mention the awkwardness of carol's proposals or hal's many, many failed relationships). hal has always been insecure and lowkey boyfailure, he is NOT a top gun maverick tom cruise sorta guy! fuck you jeremy adams!

- hes not that much of an idiot asshole. hal can be a real dick, he's had that going for him since the beginning, but he isn't what you read in batfam fics. he's not stupid and shouldn't be the laughingstock of the justice league. i assume this idea started from the obsession with batfam and the fact that the jla has quite the history of ignoring hal and his issues (as well as. all of their issues. theyre not so great at work life balance), but it's gone too far. hal isn't making fun of the robins and pissing bruce off bc of that. hal isnt fooling around on the job 24/7 (he takes being a gl and pilot VERY seriously, although he does enjoy some danger and high stakes) or slacking off to get girls. again. not top gun maverick.

- hal has not been a creep since the beginnings. hal was not weird with carol in the 60s. things were weird between them, yeah, but that's based off circumstance and the craziness of star sapphire and green lantern. he was NOT being horribly sleazy! i hate that i even need to say this, but i see this take too much not to

- going off of what was said above, lets discuss the arisia arc. if you want to be a real hal fan, this is unfortunately something you need to know about. in action comics, after crisis and the guardians left to go fuck the zamarons, most of the green lanterns fell apart and seperated. a small group went to earth- led by hal and consisting of hal, john stewart, katma tui, kilowog, salaakk, ch'p and arisia rrab. (also sometimes guy gardner, but that's complicated) previously to this arc, hal treated 14 year old arisia like a beloved little sister, welcoming her and leading her into the corps just like everyone else. things started to change once the timeline gets closer and closer to crisis, where arisia starts showing that she has a crush on hal (who is roughly 30s at this point). any advances made by arisia are shut down by hal at the beginning, because she's a child. now, it's unfortunately a common thing to just call hal a "pedophile" because of what happens in this arc- but it really isn't that simple. still weird and icky, but definitely not to the degree of which some fans like to act like it is- esp to attack hal fans for, which is... an odd choice regarding how many fucked up things every character (esp male characters) did back in the day. arisia ends up using her power ring to artifically age herself up, making her body AND MIND into that of a young adult (the comic makes this very clear). once this happens... hal stops rejecting her. they get together, they kiss. the only person in the group of green latnerns who actually has an issue with it is john (salaakk is meh about it, but he just doesn't like human-esque romance no matter what), and katma even directly encourages their relationship. kilowog ends up crushing on arisia as well, and guy gardner hits on her repeatedly throughout the whole period. eventually, hal and arisia break up, but this legacy (thank so much englehart, for wrtiting this. /sarc) is a big controversy among the comics crowd. "is hal jordan a predator?" personally, and i know a lot of friends/mutuals/other gl fans choose to erase the arisia arc entirely (versus how canon ended up retconning it to be 14 earth years is equal to that of an adult and she didn't really get super ages up, or whatever) and go with the familial relationship between hal and her. that's my preferred version! i know red (@katmaatui) has explored that version as well as an alternate version where the arisia arc did happen, and how it affects arisia in particular, which is really depressing but super interesting. anyway, it's complicated and weird and nuanced, but that whole occurence doesn't mean hal's a bad character or person (cause yk. retcons) and it's certainly not bad to like his character. (definitely ignore any guy gardner fans who try to bitch about this arc. cough cough. guy was ALSO into her and hit on her repeatedly. smfh) most people who bring this up to demonize fans didn't even read the arc, and don't know the nuance or the other weird shit that happens in it. (hal is not a horse, sigh)

OVERALL NOTES!

hal jordan is a super complicated character with an extensive history spanning from the 60s to his worse written appearances in modern age. it's okay to like any version of the character, but it is important to note the changes that have been made, the storylines butchered and lost, and more. he has quite the legacy, and he's particularly interesting as from a moral standpoint. hal's a real sweetie though, when it gets down to it! he's neurodivergent coded (imo at least.. his dad very much gets onto him for being disrtracted, hes kinda shit at social interaction (and then amazing at it the other half of the time) etc etc. "spacecase") and his dad is an abusive asshole, who he desperately doesnt want to be like but thinks he NEEDS to be like!

#i really dont know how to fit this last stuff in so its going in the tags #hal has quite the homoerotic tension relationship with his nemesis (but also close friend) sinestro #they repeatedly come back to each other and long to be alongside eachother #despite all the shit they hate about one another and their respective organizations #check out more of red's stuff for sinhal for sure lmao #for other hal relationships...#hal has a complicated relationship with his brothers and mother (at least when they were all alive)#hes very close friends with oliver queen (and dinah lance by proxy) and quite a lot of fans (me included) think theres some tension there.#homos!#he has a niece (helen jordan!) who is featured in the spectre and who he loves very much #hal and john are proclaimed best friends and care deeply for each other #hal and guy fight a lot but theyre in a similar boat #kyle looks up to hal quite a lot and hal is.... complicated about kylre #a lot of people ship hal and barry and i get why. its cute #not my fav though i think its overdone #hal jordan and carol ferris are so fucking important to eachother its SO important.#they need eachother in a wya thats confusing and sometimes toxic #idk what else to say feel free to ask more questions #sorry for the rant #and sorry that i mostly focused on 60s to early ish 00s thats my expertise #mordie answers #mordie speaks #hal jordan #green lantern #ch: who has time for heavenly things #uhhh #hal explanation #ok bye #hal jordan analysis #gl

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