MALL COP TRIVIA #75

Paul Blart is a character in Paul Blart: Mall Cop and Paul Blart: Mall Cop2

BLART RIDES AGAIN

With an epilogue and prologue plus 18 other depressing chapters Sad Blart Fall Cop RETURNS! Take this story on the run baby, you won't be able to hold back the tears with this one.

How does Paul Blart's story so far end? What lengths will he travel to as he tries to get over his depression? Does his hypoglycemia worsen? Does he finally contact Maya? Will it finally work out with Mindy? Find out below in the heart-shattering story of...

SAD BLART FALL COP

The Shadow man cometh!

Readable on Wattpad, A03, Qoutev and Fanfic.net now.

8 years of paul blart mall cop 2. i think one year they should rent out a whole theatre to watch pbmc2 again with an actual crowd.

“Not today, death!”

“Ode to the Shadowman”

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Till Death Do Us Blart is an incredible, dumb, and eternal podcast thats comes out every american thanksgiving and I need absolutely everyone to listen to it.

paul blart mall cop 2 au where merle is paul and jon is the shadow man ❤️

So this is a little pet project that I had been working on for a while. I pieced together the entire plot of Paul Blart Mall Cop 2 using only audio clips from The Eternal Podcast: Til Death Do Us Blart.

Well, I’ve never seen PBMC2, so I just pieced together what I assume is the plot based on what they said.

The full audio is over an hour long, so I’m planning on releasing it in animated parts to get the full movie. This is just the first one. Hope you enjoy!

HHSHDJDDJH TILL DEATH DO US BLART 2020............ I FORGOT ABOUT THIS

OBVS death blart, like PBMC2, has no foreshadowing at all, but griffin talking about how part of why he synced it w pink floyd being that he was in ‘essentially a sensory deprivation chamber’ DOES make tim literally doing that a couple years later much funnier

MALL COP TRIVIA #72

Paul Blart has a tattoo of the Loch Ness Monster, that he got when he was blackout drunk

i’m very proud (?) of causing both my boyfriend (has listened to taz balance, likes mbmbam animatics on yt) AND my brother (likes monster factory and the animatics but has not listened to a mcelroy podcast) to get DEEPLY into Death Blart. i am a sower of chaos. They have both seen PBMC2 now, twice each, and me? I have still never seen the film. S U F F E R.

So Let’s Talk About Paul Blart Mall Cop Two Because Life Is a Meaningless Spiral Into The Void I Guess: an essay by Red. (spoilers for PBMC2 but not PBMC1)

Paul Blart Mall Cop Two is a trash movie about a garbage man who has to save his daughter from a heist turned kidnapping while also being at a safety convention. I would not recommend this movie. It was very dumb, and also bad. However, if you like making bad decisions, there’s nothing I can do to stop you. The Shadowman is going to be an integral part of these theories, although he is not technically in this film. He is a theoretical character integral to the eternal podcast Til Death Do Us Blart, which I cannot recommend enough. For the purposes of this essay, I will be borrowing the baseline concept of The Shadowman to suit my own evil needs. The planarverse of Paul Blart Mall Cop Two is a two way mirror. One side contains Paul Blart. He, and everyone from his plane, is The Observed. On the other side is The Shadow Plane. This is where The Shadowman comes from. He, and everyone from his plane, is The Observer. He is unique, though, because he can travel between the planes. However, when he is in the Blart Plane he can’t directly touch or harm Paul. Paul Blart (mall cop) is from a dynasty of immortals. When a Blart reproduces, they can choose to pass down their immortal power to their offspring when they come of age. Paul Blart’s mom did this. Paul did not. His mom died via a milk truck in the beginning of the film, and this scared Paul into not passing down his own immortal power to Maya.

The Shadowman is the man playing the piano when Paul Blart gets attacked by a bird. The key things to take away from this scene is that - He was smiling during the whole affair. - The bird (a Grey Crowned Crane) is native to Africa and how it got here or what it’s doing here is not mentioned ever again or explained at all. He is able to travel from the Shadow Plane to the Blart Plane at will. Once he learned of Paul Blart’s powers he went to the Blart Plane. He is the cause of every bad thing to happen to Paul Blart in this movie. He sets up the villains to do an art heist, and he is the reason their plan is so cartoonishly bad. He needs to make it easy for Paul Blart to feel like he’s winning. However! Since The Shadowman is from the opposite plane, he is unable to touch his mirror image, Paul Blart. He can get close, he can come to the plane, but he is a mere shadow there. All he can do is indirectly affect him, by setting up an art heist or by bringing a bird out to attack Paul. He needs to indirectly destroy Paul and psychologically torture him to gain his powers. Unfortunately for him, Paul Blart and The Shadowman are mirror opposites, one cannot be destroyed without the other going down with him. While The Shadowman’s spirit is well and alive, Paul Blart is dead inside. The Shadowman is mortal, but Paul Blart can never die. “Not today, death!” Paul cries. Death will never come for Paul Blart, Mall Cop. The Shadowman doesn’t know this, or just doesn’t care, because he continues on his quest nevertheless. Maya Blart comes of age during this film, but does not receive her father’s immortality. She is then taken pity on by The Angels. My hypothesis is that the Angels are protecting Maya to stop her from being physically or mentally harmed by this cruel world. She is kind, she is fun, and she is smart. In short, the opposite of her dad. The Angels have taken her under their wing (haha) to protect her from cruel fate. Who are the angels? I’m glad you asked. Five words: Cirque Du Soleil (and Lane). Cirque Du Soleil is here in this movie for essentially no reason, other than to look cool. When Paul Blart crashes their beautiful show, what does he put on to blend in to their beautiful dance? Angel wings. Coincidence? Yes. This movie is trash garbage. This won’t stop me from analyzing it. But how does Lane, a non-circus-goer, fit into this? Well, he is the one to make contact with Maya. He is there to divinely protect her from The Shadowman and his schemes. He too is kind. This makes him an outlier in the Blart Plane.

To sum up, Paul Blart and The Shadowman are in a never-ending battle and Maya is protected by angels.

so. i binged death blart. having never seen a pb movie ever I listened to nearly 10 hours of pb commentary, most of which is repetitive. and then, when i got to Blart 2020, it was a director’s commentary track style episode. which meant that i, a human person, had to put on the movie paul blart mall cop 2.

now, i can’t say i enjoyed it, but guys? PBMC2 cured my sleep schedule. i have a really hard time stopping myself from becoming nocturnal and have been unable to go to sleep before 7am, which means i wake up at about 4 pm. not today. this movie exhausted me so thoroughly i fell asleep mid-blart and woke up at 11am. i feel well-rested and clear-minded.

i’m not saying death blart has curative properties but the world is so big and full of things that aren’t paul blart, and i haven’t felt this eager to see them in a long time. not today, death

Having my annual re-watch of the best film of all time (Paul Blart Mall Cop 2). I’m lucky enough to have awesome friends to watch it with who are as brain dead as I am ✨💕✨

Earlier this year when the brothers released that special episode of Death Blart where they talked about PBMC1, I realized that I had actually seen PBMC1 and somehow suppressed that memory, and all the PBMC2 talk wasn’t enough to reawaken those memories but hearing them talk about PBMC1 absolutely broke me. I needed to share that with somebody, thank you for listening.

holy shit your brain did you a favor by forgetting it, and you went ahead and undid all your brain's hard work

Happy Til Death Do Us Blart Day