#paul blart mall cop 1
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ROUND 1 - MATCH H2
#ffhs#round 1#polls#tumblr tournament#tumblr polls#tournament#doctor who#dr who#the master#doctor who master#dr who master#paul blart mall cop#paul blart mall cop 2#til death do us blart#paul blart
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oh btw one of my favorite things to do when im having writer's block is to uh. get inspiration by. trying to translate something really stupid into poetry or prose. personally i like to see if i can 1. make funny jokes to myself, 2. keep the purple prose to a minimum, and 3. not make it obvious what i'm writing about. but like, these are my rules. you don't need em. the whole point is to relax.
one of the poems i wrote about my pokemon game got published. so did a piece about thanatos & zag from hades. i was recently able to start writing again bc i watched paul blart mall cop 2 and wrote a scene about a shadow man playing piano whilist paul gets his ass kicked in by a bird. i've written about how i used to be able to eat cheese. about how i burned my popcorn. whatever.
but - this is key - set a timer. do not write more than 5-10 minutes. i say this so so lovingly: you are not trying to start another fanfiction. you're not trying to write another book. you gotta stop thinking of your words as only being important if they necessitate longevity. sure, it might be a book later. but the point of this exercise is to have fun, not to get more stressed out bc everything u write "doesn't end". don't fuckin end it. clean it up if u love it. otherwise. like. keep writing about different dumb shit. it's literally so much more fun than forcing yourself to constantly write about stuff that "matters". nothing does, so like. everything does, kids.
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Sexiest Podcast Character — Unscripted Bracket — Round 1
Propaganda
Pickman (Friends at the Table: Sangfielle):
She's a middle aged knight who is also a cowboy if the dragons/horses were evil and/or haunted and/or cursed trains! She went to (evil?) heaven and hated it BUT she was beloved by all the queer artsy women around. When she was a kid she got kidnapped by a train and lived on it for like 15 years before getting out and joining the people who kill trains. She has zero social skills, zero patience, zero charm, but she's SO hot and gruff and no nonsense and she Looms to be supportive
massive goat woman wearing armor made from the bones of a sentient train. kinda person to run a mcdonalds like it's the navy. went to heaven and said "fuck this, actually," invented pointillism and introduced evil fucked up trains to heaven and left. butch icon love of my life
SHE’S A GIANT BUTCH GOAT LADY WHO WEARS KNIGHT ARMOR MADE OF TRAIN PARTS AND HUNTS TRAINS THE WAY KNIGHTS HUNT DRAGONS. SHE’S ALSO A COWBOY. AND HAS A BIG GUN. SHE SPEAKS IN SENTENCES 10 WORDS LONG OR FEWER AND ROLLS HER OWN CIGARETTES.
She's butch, she's a knight, she has a big gun, she once convinced a skeleton to give her his sword
you used multiple fatt examples in your intro, so I assume you already Know
massive butch goat woman with a gun
HOT EMOTIONALLY DISTANT BUTCH GOAT TRAIN-KNIGHT
she's a goat! she's tall! she has a gun but doesn't know what a ranged weapon is! she's so autistic! AND she won my sexiest friends at the table player character tournament, she absolutely deserves to win this one too!!
Pickman is a big butch goat woman who smokes and fights supernatural trains. Self-explanatory
Have you seen her.
Giant butch goat knight who kills trains. The perfect woman.
She s so sexy shes a goat lesbian.please.
ITS PICKMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
she's a gruff muscular goat woman who hunts trains and wears train armor, she's perfect butch husband/wife material
“Ah, that sexy trains podcast character” “You mean that sexy trans podcast character?” “🐐no🚂”
The Shadow Man ('Til Death Do Us Blart):
The Shadow Man is a conjectured entity found in the gaps of the script of Paul Blart Mall Cop 2 who seemingly exists to torture Paul Blart, Kevin James, the viewer, and particularly the podcast hosts. The closest to a canonical appearance we have is the pianist during the bird fight scene, but the Shadow Man's reach surely extends to every scene and every Blart watching experience.
#Round 1#Pickman#Ernestina Pickman#The Shadow Man#Friends at the Table#Sangfielle#'Til Death Do Us Blart
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Episode 5 of Knuckles show summary/live blogging. Reno, baby
Knuckles has seen Paul Blart: Mall Cop confirmed
Why is Wanda still wearing her FBI jacket? Doesn't she have normal clothes like a normal person?
Knuckles saying "mad cool", "swager" and wanting a margarita was definitely not on my bingo card.
Wonder what Jimbotnik is doing right now? He is probably spending time with his lovely husband in hiding.
Why is there a teacup in this man's bowling ball....
Where the heck is Knuckles?? He kinda just disappeared after talking to the mascot
Okay, it feels like it's been 15 minutes at this point, and Knuckles just not here. Guess the budget was reaching a limit, and they had to cut back on his appearances /hj
Oh my god Wanda, just be quiet please.
BRUH, NOT HIM SAYING GO AHEAD AND TAKE HIS SISTER OUT SJDNDNDNF
Oh there he is, he's just relaxing in the bed watching TV. At least he's relaxing for once. 😌
AND HE'S EATING FRUIT SNACKS! AHHHH-
Oh, he looks so excited and adorable. This betrayal is probably going to hurt.
Oh dang, they ended it there huh? Crud.
It's definitely better than the last episode, but it's not QUITE up there yet. 7 on the score board, hopefully episode 6 pulls itself up for the finale
(Episode 1) (Episode 2) (Episode 3) (Episode 4) (Episode 6)
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tips for writing a character with type 1 diabetes
people make these for whatever disability they have. but most of the time they're not really about writing, they're just informative about the disability, which isn't always that helpful. i thought it'd be fun to do one that takes the writing part seriously. so, here's mine!
the only fictional depiction of diabetes i'm aware of is Paul Blart Mall Cop. it's a pretty stupid point of reference, so i'm mostly going to be talking about the protrayal of the blood plague in Bloodborne instead. perhaps surprisingly, this post contains Bloodborne spoilers.
Table of Contents
Preface on Modes of Narrative Discourse
Tip 1: Varieties of Diabetes
Tip 2: Onset of Diabetes
Tip 3: History of Diabetes
Tip 4: Living with Untreated Diabetes
Tip 5: Treatment of Diabetes Today
Tip 6: Hypoglycemia
Tip 7: Diabetes is an Immune System Disorder
Conclusion
before we start, in this post i'm going to use the division of the narrator's discourse employed by Lubomír Doležel in Narrative Modes in Czech Literature, 1973, 5-10, except i'm using 'third person' and 'first person' instead of Er-form and Ich-form because you'll stop reading if i call them that. here's his chart for reference:
the objective narrators (first and third person) are totally external to the events they narrate and have no interpretations to make about what they see—they write in the detached manner of an ornithologist's field journal. example: Hemmingway's 'the Killers.'
the rhetorical third person narrator gets to interpret what it sees; the interpreter in rhetorical third person will generally be someone not involved in the story, such as the author themselves or a fictional storyteller like Shazarad. example: Balzac's 'Sarrasine' (once the Sarrasine sequence actually starts).
the subjective third person narrator is when the answer to 'who speaks?' and 'who sees?' is different. here, the narrator confines their interpretation to the point of view of a specific character within the story. Dolezel's example: "When Helenka was finishing her internship in orthopaedics, there was in the ward a young man who had broken his thigh-bone. Such a common femur fracture, a rather uninteresting case" (M. Pujmanova, Playing with Fire). the comment that the fracture is "uninteresting" is spoken by the narrator, but it is obviously Helenka's interpretation.
the personal and rhetorical first person narrator is a character within the story who can report on their own thoughts and feelings. the personal narrator acts within the story, while the rhetorical narrator merely comments; generally first-person stories will contain all three kinds of first-person narration; personal for their own actions, rhetorical for the actions of others, and observer's for things like providing context about the enviornment. example: Hajime Kanzaka's 'Slayers.'
i promise it's going to be important. now for the tips!
TIP 1: there are different kinds of diabetes
Type 1 diabetes (5-10% of cases), MODY (1-2%) and MIDD (1%) are genetic, whereas Type 2 (90%) and Gestational Diabetes are acquired. you get Gestational Diabetes during pregnancy and then it goes away (it occurs in 6% of all pregnancies), and you acquire Type 2 diabetes pretty much randomly although it's highly correlated with bodyweight. MIDD is accompanied by hearing loss. there is another unrelated disease which is also called diabetes, diabetes insipidus.
if you're writing about a historical period Type 2 is going to be much less common. the number of people with Type 2 has exploded since the 1960s. "As of 2015 there were approximately 392 million people diagnosed with the disease compared to around 30 million in 1985" (wiki). personally i don't know jack shit about any of those other kinds, so i'm only going to talk about Type 1.
TIP 2: onset is prolonged and dangerous
while Type 1 is entirely genetic, onset doesn't actually start until your teens or twenties. basically, your pancreas just stops working. you cannot predict if this will happen, and you won't notice as soon as it does happen.
when you eat carbs or sugar you're absorbing glucose. your body detects the presence of glucose and the pancreas creates insulin which converts glucose into energy. when your pancreas stops working, you will not produce enough insulin to convert the glucose and it'll stick around in your system indefinitely. this is called 'hyperglycemia' or 'high blood sugars' and it is extremely perilous, but its effects come on slowly.
first of all, you will suffer fatigue and tiredness because you aren't making enough energy. at the same time, all the excess glucose your body isn't using will stick to your cells and cause problems. it sticks to the retina, causing vision problems (everything is white and gooey, like you've been rubbing your eyes). it collects in veins and arteries, slowing the flow of blood to the extremities, causing your hands and feet to become severely cold. you'll be lightheaded and dizzy all the time. you urinate constantly, and you also become extremely thirsty, nothing will parch your thirst, and your urine will be completely clear, like water. you lose a lot of weight. you sleep for extremely long periods of time and no one can wake you up. eventually you'll start to collapse during the day and lose consciousness. then you'll die.
if you're reading this and think you have some of those symptoms, please see a doctor!
for myself, i was collapsing unconscious regularly before anyone realized something was wrong. while i've just described these things as symptoms of a disease, your characters are probably not likely to interpret it as a disease right away. i was about fifteen, so my family probably thought i was just a teenager. i didn't want to go to school, but no teenager wants to go to school. i was sleeping in all the time, but that just meant i was lazy and needed to be disciplined. these years (years!) were very hard in my family; every morning i would fight back visciously to stay in bed. i would refuse to attend school and i would defend myself if they tried to drag me. punching and clawing. i was a disobedient teenager with behavioural problems and poor attendance. in fact, i was very close to death. it was only after i started passing out that it became evident to anyone (including me) that something was wrong with my health. when they took me to the doctors they hospitalized me immediately.
so if you're going to write about a character experiencing the onset of diabetes, they are going to have most of these symptoms, but they will probably not experience them as symptoms. if they are from a society like ours, which puts a lot of value on work ethic, they'll probably blame themselves for their flinching self-discipline. they are not likely to connect things like their worsening eyesight to their sleep and behaviour changes; they all come on slowly, over a long time, and don't look connected. other characters will notice gradual changes in their behaviour; their lover might find that they've become distant and disinterested in sex, the people at their church might notice that they attend less, and so forth. they're likely to have become isolated from the people in their life before they start passing out, so no one might be around to notice. i dropped out of my social life before anyone learned i had diabetes, so my old friends don't know what happened.
so, the onset period of Type 1 Diabetes is inherently denpa (see). it also has a natural narrative arc; there is a period of confusion, uncertainty and conflict which culminates in the dramatic symptoms of prolonged hyperglycemia—the sudden fall from unconsciousness. the diagnosis recontextualizes everything the reader has previously witnessed about this character. it therefore fits well in a slow story which takes place over a long time, months or years, and wants a coy narrator who can fairly hide information from the reader: personal first person, observer's first person, objecive third person or subjective third person. in this situation it's an especially good red herring, for example in a mystery or horror novel where the reader is paying close attention to out-of-character behaviour, and a long, slow, character-focused story is expected. but you could also pick a rhetorical third person narrator who conveys information to us which the characters are ignorant of, allowing the reader to cringe as the characters act on their misapprehensions. example:
once Eric didn't open the door on the third day of knocking Lune said "what the hell, you bastard," and then they said "i didn't need you anyway, and i'm not sad you're breaking up with me." then they went and wrote him a pissed-off letter about how they would just go to Denver on their own after all and they stuffed it in the letterbox. four days later when Eric woke up from his diabetic coma he found the letter.
i understand that suggestions like this can be a bit less than useful, since a lot of writing ideas only work in one story, so if you read it in a post someplace it's probably already too late to use it. i would like to make the case, however, that Type 1 diabetes onset can be a generically useful trope. Amnesia is a generically useful disorder in fiction because of how efficiently it solves narrative problems; it allows first person and subjective third person narrators to hide information, and it gives the characters an excuse to explain known information to the reader—the character just forgot all the important stuff. Type 1 diabetes can't be quite that useful to narrators, but it is quite useful; untreated diabetes causes a person to be inconsistent, unreliable and uanvailable. if you ever need a character to fail to show up at a crucial moment in the story, but you don't have a reason yet—it was the diabetes! EZ! this turns what might have been an inconsistency into a set-up for a later payoff, when they figure out what was wrong with them.
more generally than Type 1 diabetes, 'life-changing symptoms which no one realizes are symptoms' and 'slow onset of an unpreventable disease' are common situations in real life, but don't happen very often in fiction, so you should feel free to use them. it's a device that's used to excellent effect in Bloodborne, where it affects almost every character in the game, since everyone uses a substance the tragic effects of which they could not foreknow. because in Bloodborne it's happening to every character all the time the trope has a stochastic impact on the player; as the player learns more about the plague curiosity gradually shades into dread, the heart sinks with each new phase of the moon as the player worries about the characters they've left back at Oedon Chapel.
TIP 3: diabetes was understood from ancient times all over the world
there's a bit of a misconception that nobody knew anything about health and illness until very recently, and past peoples attributed everything to magic. for example, there have been countless attempts to diagnose Hildegard von Bingen with Temporal Lobe Epilespy based on her descriptions of her mystical visions, which—while it isn't refuted by this evidence—seems a bit unchairtable considering she was a physician who especially wrote about epilepsy herself. in short, assume people in the past were medically informed.
according to wikipedia diabetes is one of the oldest diseases described (see). in ancient and imperial China it was called "wasting-thirst", and the article talks about how ancient Egyptian and Indian physicians diagnosed it based on the sweetness of the urine; we actually still diagnose diabetes this way, except we use a chemical that reacts with the urine instead of taste unfortunately. Galen named it diarrhea urinosa, 'diarrhea of the urine', in reference to how much you pee. Galen's medical writing was circulated all over the Middle East and, later, Europe in the medieval period, and diabetes was also described by Celsus who's work was circulated throughout early medieval Europe.
they didn't, however, have an effective treatment for it. if you're writing a historical setting it's likely to mean a long, slow, and unpreventable death. "[Aretaeus of Cappadocia] described the disease as 'a melting down of the flesh and limbs into urine' [...] commenting that "life (with diabetes) is short, disgusting and painful'" (wiki). i'll talk more about contemporary treatment below.
TIP 4: a short, disgusting, and painful life is worth writing about
in tip 3, when we talked about the onset of diabetes, we were thinking from the perspective of a character experiencing gradual changes. but death from untreated diabetes might take years, so they have plenty of time to settle into new habits and routines. it's worth thinking about not just how they change, but what kind of person they become, and therefore might already be before your story starts.
you will get access to the untreated diabetic's first person perspective in the narrative discourse if you're writing them from their own point of view in personal first person or subjective third person, as well as in their character's discourse (ie. dialogue) or in their reported speech. we immediately have some interesting questions about such a character's first person perspective:
1. do they know they have diabetes?
2. if so, are they receiving an ineffective treatment?
Avicenna (our Avicenna!) treated diabetes with "a mixture of lupine, trigonella (fenugreek), and zedoary seed" which could not have helped anyone.
3. if so, do they believe that treatment will work?
i have a very unusual form of Type 1 diabetes which is extremely difficult to treat (there isn't a name for it or anything, as far as i know i'm the only one). it took over ten years to stabilize, and i still have to endure a lot of compromises. all the while i also had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, which further confused my and my physician's ability to understand what was happening to me. within my own psychology there were two stages of post-diagnosis experience; an initial faith that i would eventually respond to treatment and everything will go back to normal, and the gradual realisation that help isn't coming. yearning and passivity turn to dejection and stubbornness as doctors stop ordering new tests and i stop asking for them.
4. if they don't know they have diabetes, how do they interpret what's going on with them?
earlier on we talked about a hypothetical diabetic who blamed their lack of work ethic for their problems. how are they doing four years later? they might start identifying with their inaccurate self-image; now they've become a bitter, stubbornly workshy Belacqua.
4. how do they live as someone with untreated diabetes?
remember the symptoms from before; aside from constant urination, exhaustion and losing weight, your sleep becomes very disordered. it is difficult to socialize, keep appointments, work. for myself i have never worked a single day, i no longer leave my house, and i usually sleep during the day. as a teenager and young adult, either before diagnosis or during the unstable period where i did not respond to treatment, i certainly became a different person. i gave up on my physical hobbies and focused on things i could do by myself at any time of day. i read a lot of strange books, i argued with strangers online, and so forth. i was probably never destined to be a normal person, but i certainly became more strange, more reclusive, more self-involved, until i no longer even really share a culture with my neighbours. your untreated diabetic will probably be this way. an eternal stranger; a diseased anchorite, slowly dissolving in the latrine, barely touched by the material world which passes overhead.
many characters in Bloodborne are protrayed that way, but Gilbert is a good point of reference. he is locked in his house—we never see his human form—so we encounter him as a disembodied voice. he is a stranger to Yharnam—he is as alienated from it as the player and becomes our confidant—yet he is also the source of special information. he has certain foreknowledge of his own inevitable death; in conversation he is politely dismissive about it, although you can overhear his terrified pleading.
our experience of Gilbert in Bloodborne is a strictly third person one. Gilbert doesn't want to talk about his health, so his statements in character's discourse are brief and a bit dishonest. the player therefore has to read between the lines. after playing some more of the game they probably assume that Gilbert is suffering from the same beast plague everyone else is. when Gilbert finally turns into a beast and attacks the player we are therefore not surprised, but find our suspicions horribly confirmed. this kind of elenctic delivery, which coaxes knowledge from the reader rather than informs them, is an attractive way to present the symptoms of a secondary character who is only available in third person objective, third person subjective or another character's first person, and the nature of their condition never has to be made explicit. such a character might be—as we suggested earlier—missing or unavailable. they might live alone, not work or socialize, sleep all the time, seem exhausted, and so forth. every time these symptoms present themselves it both explains that character's personality and foreshadows their future, either early death or diagnosis.
all together, the symptoms of untreated diabetes can be part of the penumbra of an interesting character, and the progress of their disease can be a useful and emotionally significant means of advancing the plot. to summarize with a simple example, the protagonists might have to go to a certain character's house because it's known that they won't leave it themselves. then you could have a dramatic scene where the fully dressed detective (for example) has to interrogate the emaciated, barely clothed and barely conscious suspect in her tranny hovel while she lies in bed (or even in the bathroom while she pisses involuntarily). he tries to show her his badge but she can't even see it, "for all i see is white—it means God in heaven must be with me, sir." she makes a rotten smile.
TIP 5: treatment is difficult and prone to human error
the first effective treatments for diabetes came in the 18th century when it was discovered that restricting the intake of sugar improved outcomes. the diet which developed as a treatment resembles what today we call the "Keto diet", containing no sugar and few carbs. a diet like this works because it shifts the burden of energy production to the liver, which begins to turn fat into ketones which are converted into energy in a manner similar to glucose, a state called 'ketosis.' this is actually happening during prolonged hyperglycemia in untreated diabetes as well, since the body isn't converting glucose for energy, but at very high sugars these ketones are more likely to turn acidic in the blood and kill you, which is called 'ketoacidosis.' this happened to me and i had to have my blood flushed (after some emergency asthma treatment raised my blood sugars to toxic levels).
you might be surprised to learn this—most people seem to think there was no effective treatment for Type 1 diabetes until the discovery of insulin in the 1920s, but that isn't the case.
regardless, since the discovery of insulin it has been the first line treatment for diabetes. 1923 is the year that Eli Lilly first produced commercial quantities of insulin, incase period matters. wikipedia has a timeline of insulin milestones (see).
while i spent the last 3,000 words talking about the horrors of untreated diabetes, diabetes which is being managed may be nothing more than a nuisance. there are many diabetic athletes. in one study, "the absolute probability of working was 4.4 percentage points less for women and 7.1 percentage points less for men relative to that of their counterparts without diabetes" (see). that's a noticeable amount, but it still means a minority of diabetics are unemployed because of their diabetes (compare to schizophrenia or autism, where only a small percentage find employment). so diabetes is not necessarily even a disability for most diabetics.
insulin is a very effective treatment. normally the pancreas makes insulin in response to glucose; if you make insulin in response to glucose instead, it's like nothings wrong at all! the point is to take an appropriate amount of insulin relative to the amount of carbohydrates you're consuming. in principle there are no dietary restrictions necessary for a diabetic managing their diabetes with insulin, but in practice refined sugars in things like sweets and sodas raise the sugars too dramatically to manage. diabetics should therefore avoid sugary foods as much as possible, but sugars in foods like cottage cheese which are bound to proteins digest much slower and are much easier to manage.
note: the following descriptions of the treatment of diabetes are based on my own experiences and the experiences of people i've met. they may not represent a worldwide view, may be slightly out of date, and are likely to be partial or limited in other ways.
there is a lot of technique involved in taking insulin, most of it is outside the scope of this post. for your purposes it should be enough to know that there are two types of insulin a typical Type 1 diabetic will use: slow release and fast release. i know these as Lenovo and Novorapid, or green and orange insulin (because of the colour of the pens). a typical diabetic will take some slow release insulin at night, and possibly once or twice during the day, and will take rapid insulin every time they consume carbs. the more carbs, the more insulin. the patient is educated in the relationship between carbs, sugars, glucose and sugar levels and afterwards they are responsible for their own insulin management.
insulin is a completely clear, water-like liquid. it comes in pens with metered doses. doses are very small to allow granularity. most people take double digits of rapid insulin with every meal; i take very small doses, 1-2 units at a time, because i'm extremely sensitive to insulin (part of my strange case). disposable needles are screwed onto the top of the pen and discarded after one use. injection is intramuscular; it is typically injected into the outer thighs or at the bottom of the stomach, but it can be injected elsewhere, such as the butt. pens can be disposable or reusable with disposable cartridges of insulin. the injection is painless in my opinion.
most diabetics will also have a blood-glucose reading kit which tells you what your sugar level is. you do this with meals, anytime you think something might be wrong, and to help make decisions relating to sugars (eg. can i wait and order takeout or do i need to eat right now?). to take a blood reading, a disposable strip is inserted into a small computer with a digital screen. the user pricks their finger with a lancet needle (a sort of small needle gun) and draws blood that way. this is a lot more painful than taking insulin!
all that sounds pretty good, right? so why the ominous headline? well, it's very easy to mess this up. if you take too little insulin then you're going to be high blood sugars again. you might feel lightheaded and tired, but short-term high sugars aren't really a big deal. the problem is that you can take too much insulin. apart from mere forgetfulness, there are many situations in life where we end up with less carbs on our plate than we predict. burning some food, ordering at a restauraunt, and other situations out of your control can present dangers any time you have already taken insulin. while you can delay taking rapid insulin until the food is ready, your long-acting insulin is always ticking down. taking too much insulin by mistake or missing a meal entirely because of circumstance happens more often than you think it would, and it always leads to
TIP 6: Hpyoglycemia... Living Hell
shaking hands, vertigo, cold sweat, nausea, intense dysphoria. none of it really does it justice; hypoglycemia is an overwhelming, all-consuming hunger. but it's not a hunger in your stomach, it's like a hunger with your whole body.
if you don't treat a hypo you'll pass out. then you'll die. i have passed out from a hypo before and had to be taken to hospital; my grandfather fortunately found me lying unconscious, otherwise i would have died. while its hard to get to this stage under normal circumstances—you cannot fail to notice hypoglycemia, it's so intense—humans are not always in normal circumstances. especially in a story, you're often talking about abnormal circumstances. getting lost in the forest, your car breaking down in the desert, getting shipwrecked, or even getting locked out of your apartment. these are all potentially lethal predicaments for a diabetic with insulin in their system, their sugars inexorably ticking down to nothing. it's a very dramatic situation which can turn things which are small inconveniences for other characters into life or death situations for the diabetic. meanwhile, hypoglycemia impairs your ability to resolve your situation.
hypoglycemia is used as a plot device in this way in Paul Blart Mall Cop. actually, it's used in a very funny way. they're doing the 'Dark Night of the Soul' beat, where the hero has to look like they're on the verge of defeat, but they turn it around for the climax. so all the action is going on—whatever the hell it is that happens in that movie—and Blart enters hypoglycemia at the worst time. he's lying on the floor, incapacitated... defeated by his illness, just like back in the Police Academy... when he finds—miraculously—just out of reach—a lollipop! sugar! shots of him struggling to reach the lollipop are intercut with the rising action in the A plot. then once he reaches it, it's all gross because it was on the floor. comic gag of him eating a gross, floor lollipop... and then he leaps into action and saves the day!
it's very funny, and part of what makes it funny is how incredibly inaccurate it is. sucking on a lollipop basically gives Blart superpowers; in his post-hypo sugar rush he can accomplish things he couldn't even accomplish normally. it certainly doesn't work that way, you're really going to be in a daze all day and should be in bed. but this goes over while you're watching. what's funny is that they're turning the language of blockbuster cinema to a very mundane, stupid situation, to which it cannot possibly really apply. it's absurd that a diabetic mall cop can turn into a Sylvester Stalone-like movie hero with the help of a piece of candy, and that's the joke the movie is making.
so you can take a lot of artistic license here, and lean on the drama, and the audience will understand. Paul Blart Mall Cop actually takes something like the first step towards making diabetes into a generic narrative disease like Amneisa the way we discussed. by the way, there's another Kevin James movie, Hitch, which does a similar thing with Asthma. in that movie, the Asthma of Jame's character, Albert Brennaman, is made into an image for his imperfection and thus low status as a person (which makes him incompatible with the very high-status woman he is in love with). because asthma attacks take us by surprise, he must use his inhaler at times not of his choosing, and inconveniently expose his poor health and, poetically, his low status. Hitch, the date coach, attempts to make him mask his low-status and, consequently, his asthma, bad advice which Brennaman overcomes in the finale when he opens his big gesture to the leading lady with a few puffs of his inhaler.
it's a bit wasted on those movies, but it's actually very good writing—it's a very good way to use impairments, making them plot devices, poetic motifs and sources of comic relief, without being at all mean spirited.
anyway. there are, again, two ways to depict hypoglycemia: the first-person view of the diabetic, available to personal first person or subjective third person narrators, or the third-person view of another character, available to the rest.
in third person, the hypo is another way in which diabetes is naturally denpa. on this occasion, when we encounter this character, they are acting differently—not just strange, but scarcely human. possessed, possibly even violent. once when i entered hypoglycemia in town i had to try and navigate to a shop and buy a can of soda, since i didn't have anything with me to help. i managed to find a shop, grab a soda and navigate to the till, but i missed the queue entirely and pushed infront of an old lady. she interrupted me to scold me, but once i turned around—i don't know what she saw in me, but she immediately became very frightened and apologized. the situation is even worse for a diabetic who doesn't understand their condition and doesn't know how to help themselves.
if you choose a coy narrator and withold the fact that they're diabetic, or presently low blood sugars, from the reader, you can present a lot of confusing signals to them. it naturally creates an enigma which the reader wishes to solve. and if you choose a narrator who is free to interpret the situation for the reader, such as the rhetorical third person narrator, then it is once again a situation to stage tragic ironies—conflicts or confusions which the reader understands, but which the diabetic character cannot communicate.
it's also a captivating way to introduce a character for the first time. here it's a bit like Father Gascoigne in Bloodborne, who we only meet in person after his blood-craze has begun—sweet blood, ooh, it sings to me—but before and afterwards we have the chance to hear reports about his loving faterhood and doting family.
from the first person, it's probably going to be a bit of a challenge to represent hypogycemia. it is characterized by a total distortion of the inner experience. i generally don't remember what happens during one, but if i do, it is not at all what others recall. only certain prose styles—highly emotional, subjective ones, such as the stream of consciousness—will really be appropriate. it is acceptable to treat it as a blackout, accessible only through vague flashbacks. however, if you are writing a highly emotionally intense story which cares a lot about the inner experience of its characters, hypoglycemia may be an alluring state to paint with. i am not aware of any attempt to render this in prose fiction. Serious Weakness has scenes a bit like that, for other reasons, that's the closest i can compare it, or else some of the junk sickness sequences in Burroughs.
TIP 7: diabetes means being sick all the time
this is a rather minor point, but diabetes is an autoimmune disorder. your immune system is very compromised. you get sick all the time, sometimes for reasons you can't specify. i have severe flu-like symptoms a lot of the year.
in conclusion, i think Type 1 diabetes is a very strange disease with a lot of alarming symptoms which no one is really exploiting in fiction. a lot of our everyday experiences as diabetics lend themselves well to fictional situations and there's a lot of room for the writer to use their artistic license. depending on how you choose to narrate the symptoms of diabetes it can take on many different appearances and colours and therefore fit into a lot of stories. and much of this is probably true not just of diabetes, but of disorders and impairments in general. it's up to you to decide how and why you want to write about impairment, the 'moral' organization of your story which this post doesn't care about. hope that helps you write something, fuckers!
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Since you are apparently a connoisseur of good bad movies, what are your favorite "watch with friends" bad movies? I need recommendations. (Also, might I suggest "Death Bed: The Bed That Eats" from 1977).
I love death bed. Great movie. Alright here's my top three:
1. Our Drawings
2. Who killed Captain Alex?
3. Anything by Neil Breen, but I'll pick Fateful Findings as a favourite (I have not watched Cade: The Tortured Crossing yet tho)
Some more in no particular order:
4. Paul Blart Mall Cop 2
5. Miami Connection
6. Samurai Cop
7. Roar
8. Birdemic
9. Cool Cat Saves the Kids
10. Ben and Arthur
11. Food Fight
12. Nukie
13. The Room
14. Troll 2
15. Joshua and the Promised Land
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I wonder what Agamben would think about Paul Blart Mall Cop 2. The privatization of security and all that. At least ideologically, he would prefer PB 1 because Blart keeps the fbi from getting involved, which I suppose Agamben would think is good. Pb2 is more complicated though, for a few reasons. 1. Paul Blart isn't in the clock, he's just kind of there. 2. The privatization of security is directly tied to the commercialization of that, and essentially gatekeeping security technology to "professionals", which I think agamben would consider to just be a different monopolization on security (though perhaps I'm giving him too much credit here). 3. Id be interested to hear his thoughts on the inter-security guard. Conflict between Blart and Eduardo.
Unfortunately, this has me wanting to read more Agamben.
#giorgio agamben#biopolitics#paul blart mall cop 2#till death do us blart#im listening to death blart again :(#death blart
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Thrift store dvds are like
South Park: the Complete 17th Season (every other disc is missing, sold as is, $15)
Heroes Season 1 (unopened, $2)
Three copies of Adam Sandler's Click
Sex and the City
A PS3 fishing game that was put on the wrong shelf
The Pink Panther 2
Rush Hour 2
Big Momma's House 2
Paul Blart Mall Cop 2
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
A James Bond movie from the 80s or 90s (but not one of the popular ones)
Bucky Larson: Born to be a Star
Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star
Zack and Miri Make a Porno
Tae-Bo exercise videos from 2003
#thrift store#thrift shop#thrift#dvd#dvds#used dvds#used movies#bottom of the barrel#nobody wants this stuff
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₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊ about my characters pt. 1
this is going to be an ongoing series of just little character bios of my original characters for my wip, "The Witches of Opalworth". i'm not going to share too many details of the plot (for plagiarism reasons) but i'd love to tell you guys about my little characters !!
first up! introducing.. Sydney Lynn Webb-Shaw, my protagonist.
Sydney (or Syd) is 19, born on December 27th, making her a Capricorn. her pronouns are she/her. she was born in Missouri to her mother, Isla Webb-Shaw, and father, Colin Shaw-Webb. she's bisexual with a gigantic female lean (aren't we all). she's also on the autism spectrum, along with her mother, little sister and aunt.
she's 5'10. pretty lanky and skinny. literally the worst posture you've ever seen in your life. pale skin (mf has never seen the sun before and it SHOWS). hair cut boyishly short and dyed a retina-burning green (which earned her the nickname "lettuce head" from her family). a strong, hooked nose. dark brown, nearly black eyes that don't seem to reflect light, only absorb it. possibly millions of little freckles that cover her face, neck, shoulders and arms. sharp canines that make her look almost vampirish. a charming, crooked smile. usually seen in knee-length jorts, scuffed up sneakers, big tshirts or sweaters/sweater vests, funky earrings and a shit ton of clay rings made by her eccentric aunt Joesephine. basically the Adam Sandler look but gayer.
personality-wise, Sydney is an ambivert. she's got a razor sharp wit and is insanely sarcastic. she tends to be intense and obsessive, maybe to an off-putting extent to those that don't know, love and understand her. she's always been deeply passionate about being an activist and speaking up for others and herself. already, she's been to many rallies and protests for witches rights along with her grandmother, Lorelei. her mother claims she got her strong sense of justice from Lorelei, and no one else in their little clan refutes that. she loves her entire family very very dearly, though she's always been a little more connected to her grandma, as Syd seems to have been a copy/pasted version of Lor. both women are intensely passionate, fiercely protective of those they love, loud and unafraid to make some serious noise about the things they feel need to be changed, and have pretty much the exact same sense of humor. as her grandmother (who's well over 100 years old) was a suffragette back in the early 20th century, Sydney grew up listening to her tell stories of her adventures and the battles she'd fought in her lifetime. all of the change that Lorelei helped create inspired her to make a difference too; to help those that need it, and rage against the broken system that binds them.
₊✩‧₊˚౨ৎ˚₊✩‧₊ some songs i think Sydney would like...
Paul Blart Mall Cop - Girlhouse
Angry Too - Lola Blanc
Stuck - Daywave
18+ - Scene Queen
Welcome to the Black Parade - My Chemical Romance (cause i KNOW this girl had a pretentious emo phase at least once in her lifetime)
I Write Sins Not Tragedies - Panic! At The Disco
Dancing with Myself - Billy Idol
Anxiety - Lilyisthatyou
that's all i can tell you about her right now, as i myself am only just beginning to get to know her. she, like the rest of the cast and the manuscript itself are still in their pre-alpha-hello-neighbor phases (the girls that get it, get it and the girls that don't, don't) so as the story and characters grow and change i'll update the characters profiles !!
thank you for reading <3 stay safe, and my dms are always open!
you can also reach me on...
Discord: gayanarchist222
AO3: soobzgyu
Pinterest: problematicraccoon
#booklr#current wip#original character#character profile#my ocs <3#gaslight gatekeep girlboss#for the girlies#gay shit#manuscript#wip#aspiring writer#silly little guy#lgbt characters#queer women
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MALL COP TRIVIA #77
The Burlington Mall, where Paul Blart Mall Cop 1 & 2 was filmed has since had a redevelopment in 2021, and no longer features the iconic entrance seen in the two movies.
#mall cop#paul blart#paul blart mall cop 2#mbmbam#mcelroy brothers#movie trivia#paul blart mall cop#trivia#movie facts#fun facts#paul blart trilogy#pbmc2#blart paul#pbmc#paul mccartney
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Share the 0/10s and 1/10s from the movie ranking masterlist too please
Letterboxd doesn't allow 0/10s, so 1/10 is the lowest it goes. Mine are (in chronological order):
Manos: The Hands of Fate (1966)
Orca (1977)
Jaws: The Revenge (1987)
Poltergeist III (1988)
Friday the 13th Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan (1989)
Troll 2 (1990)
Carnosaur (1993)
Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace (1999)
Digimon: The Movie (2000)
Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000)
Hannibal (2001)
The Master of Disguise (2002)
Shark Attack 3: Megalodon (2003)
Darkness Falls (2003)
House of the Dead (2003)
The Room (2003)
Scarecrow Slayer (2003)
Raptor Island (2004)
Alone in the Dark (2005)
Dragon Wars (2007)
Rubber (2010)
Only Lovers Left Alive (2013)
Furry Nights (2016)
Selfie from Hell (2018)
Most of these are not the most controversial choices, and many barely qualify as films. To be a 1 out of 10 you either have to be obviously incompetent in every possible regard (Manos, The Room, most of the other low-budget horror trash here) or else notable and unique in your atrociousness. Digimon: The Movie is a movie that is bad in a way no other movie has ever been; there's almost something admirable in how fundamentally fucked the film is in every conceivable way, especially considering the movie is pieced together from bits of actual movies that are, if not masterpieces, significantly better than this Frankenstein thing. Then there's the class of films that are completely full of themselves despite being pretty terrible (Hannibal, Rubber, Only Lovers Left Alive), where any shred of competent filmmaking is tanked by the complete tonal mismatch.
I have 143 2/10s, so I won't list all of them (many are low-budget and/or straight-to-DVD horror films), but here are a few honorable mentions among movies people may have actually seen or heard of:
Little Nemo: Adventures in Slumberland (1989)
Super Mario Bros. (1993)
The Flintstones (1994)
The Parent Trap (1998) (This film may not actually be that bad, but I was forced to watch it about 200 times as a child, so I hate it)
What Women Want (2000)
Reign of Fire (2002)
Mr. & Mrs. Smith (2005)
Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children (2005)
Eragon (2006)
Teeth (2007)
Spider-Man 3 (2007)
Transformers (2007)
Jumper (2008)
Burn After Reading (2008)
Paul Blart: Mall Cop (2009)
Watchmen (2009) (Still better than the original comic, which I loathe)
Dragonball Evolution (2009)
Land of the Lost (2009)
Public Enemies (2009)
Year One (2009)
Gamer (2009)
Jennifer's Body (2009)
The Twilight Saga: New Moon (2009)
Clash of the Titans (2010)
The Last Airbender (2010)
Devil (2010)
The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1 (2011)
The Hunger Games (2012)
The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 2 (2012)
Sharknado (2013)
Sharknado 2: The Second One (2014)
The Imitation Game (2014)
The Equalizer (2014)
Night Is Short, Walk on Girl (2017)
High Life (2018)
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Meet The Competitors
Preliminaries have officially ended! Combining the winning characters from the preliminaries with the characters who received 3+ nominations during the submission period, we have officially finalized our 128 competitors. It will take some time to get the brackets and Round 1 polls together, so in the meantime here is the complete list of competitors for those who are curious.
Mustache Girl (A Hat in Time)
Count Olaf (A Series of Unfortunate Events)
Damon Gant (Ace Attorney)
The Judge (Ace Attorney)
Marvin Grossberg (Ace Attorney)
Ice King (Adventure Time)
Magnus Burnsides (The Adventure Zone: Balance Arc)
Gordito Delgado (The Adventures of Dr. McNinja)
Captain Archibald Haddock (The Adventures of Tintin)
Hercule Poirot (Agatha Christie's Poirot)
Brewster (Animal Crossing)
Heimerdinger (Arcane: League of Legends)
Iroh (Avatar: The Last Airbender)
Lawrence Betelgeuse Shoggoth (Beetlejuice: The Musical)
Bob Belcher (Bob's Burgers)
Tim Lockwood (Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs)
Jet Black (Cowboy Bebop)
Watari (Death Note)
Senshi (Delicious in Dungeon)
Harry Du Bois (Disco Elysium)
The Master (Doctor Who)
Sebastian (Doki Doki Precure)
Cranky Kong (Donkey Kong)
Captain Villads (The Dragon Prince)
The Lorax (Dr. Seuss)
Ramuh (Final Fantasy)
Cervantes (Fire Emblem: Awakening)
Alex Louis Armstrong (Fullmetal Alchemist)
Maes Hughes (Fullmetal Alchemist)
Kintoleski (Futari wa Precure Splash Star)
Kratos (God of War)
Lan Qiren (Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation)
Old Man McGucket (Gravity Falls)
Stan Pines (Gravity Falls)
Gordon Freeman (Half-Life)
Mumbo Jumbo (Hermitcraft)
The King of Town (Homestar Runner)
Seneca Crane (The Hunger Games)
Isaac Netero (Hunter x Hunter)
Gyro Zeppeli (Jojo's Bizarre Adventure)
The King of All Cosmos (Katamari)
Solomon David (Kill Six Billion Demons)
Chourou (Kira Kira Precure a la Mode)
Ganondorf (The Legend of Zelda)
Daruk (The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild)
King Rhoam Bosphoramus Hyrule (The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild)
King Harkinian (The Legend of Zelda CD-i)
Morshu (The Legend of Zelda CD-i)
Yosemite Sam (Looney Tunes)
Gandalf (Lord of the Rings)
Gimli (Lord of the Rings)
Treebeard (Lord of the Rings)
Daisuke Jigen (Lupin III)
Tim Wright (Marbel Hornets)
Broque Monsieur (Mario & Luigi)
Mr. Sinister (Marvel)
Odin Borson (Marvel)
The Bowler Hat Guy (Meet the Robinsons)
William Murderface (Metalocalypse)
Rich Uncle Pennybags (Monopoly)
Danjuro "Gentle Criminal" Tobita (My Hero Academia)
Shouta "Eraserhead" Aizawa (My Hero Academia)
Yamada "Present Mic" Hizashi (My Hero Academia)
Master Wu (Ninjago)
Maestro (Once Upon a Time...)
Dracule Mihawk (One Piece)
Edward "Whitebeard" Newgate (One Piece)
Franky (One Piece)
Gan Fall (One Piece)
Gol D. Roger (One Piece)
Jinbe (One Piece)
Kaido (One Piece)
Killer (One Piece)
Marshall "Blackbeard" D. Teach (One Piece)
Rob Lucci (One Piece)
Sanji (One Piece)
Trafalgar D. Water Law (One Piece)
Usopp (One Piece)
Zeff (One Piece)
Darius Deamonne (The Owl House)
Dell Clawthorne (The Owl House)
Paul Blart (Paul Blart: Mall Cop)
Davy Jones (Pirates of the Caribbean)
Entei (Pokémon)
Kricketune (Pokémon)
Probopass (Pokémon)
Raikou (Pokémon)
Samurott (Pokémon)
Sealeo (Pokémon)
Stoutland (Pokémon)
Drayden (Pokémon: Black & White)
Captain Kamado (Pokémon Legends: Arceus)
Warden Ingo (Pokémon Legends: Arceus)
Count Dracula (Popular Culture)
Santa Claus (Popular Culture)
Inigo Montoya (The Princess Bride)
Julius Pringles (Pringles)
Agent Wyoming (Red vs Blue)
James Ironwood (RWBY)
Remus Sanders (Sanders Sides)
Norville "Shaggy" Rogers (Scooby Doo)
Sea Hawk (She-Ra and the Princesses of Power)
Ned Flanders (The Simpsons)
Master Eon (Skylanders)
Papa Smurf (The Smurfs)
Dr. Ivo "Eggman" Robotnik (Sonic the Hedgehog)
Kamaji (Spirited Away)
SpongeBob SquarePants (The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie)
Henry Henderson (Spy x Family)
Will Riker (Star Trek: The Next Generation)
Mirrorverse Spock (Star Trek: The Original Series)
Obi-Wan Kenobi (Star Wars)
Hades (Supergiant Games' Hades)
King Bob-omb (Super Mario)
Luigi (Super Mario)
Mario (Super Mario)
Toadsworth (Super Mario)
Waluigi (Super Mario)
Wario (Super Mario)
R.J. MacReady (The Thing)
Ricky LaFleur (Trailer Park Boys)
Minimus Ambus (Transformers)
Asgore Dreemurr (Undertale)
Coran Hieronymus Wimbleton Smythe (Voltron: Legendary Defender)
Jimmy T (WarioWare)
Nigel Thornberry (The Wild Thornberrys)
Geralt of Rivia (The Witcher)
Professor Crumbs (Wizards of Waverly Place)
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@all Lol I keep failing these practice tests by like 3 points so I made a list of alternative career paths to choose from:
1.) drug dealing, eventually ⬇️
2.) drug lording
3.) being a hooker cuz fuck this shit
4.) Paul Blart Mall Cop
5.) Bobby Worst type super villain
6.) stripping
7.) Cleveland’s next top serial killer😍
8.) dead 😔
9.) a ghost 👻
10.) drug addict & alcoholic (again)
11.) Pod Boss #Prizon4Life
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shoutout to the (1) film major from movie school who told everyone that his favorite film was Paul Blart Mall Cop.
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WASTELAND | Ultimate MultiFandom (297 FANDOMS)
Fandoms Used:
007: NO TIME TO DIE
1917 (movie)
2012 (movie)
24 (show)
300 (movie)
47 Meters Down
47 Meters Down: Uncaged
65 (movie)
6ix9ine: Gine
6 Underground
Against The Current: ‘’good guy.’’
Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D
All American
All of Us Are Dead
A Long Way Down
Ambulance
American Horror Story
Andor
Ant-Man & The Wasp
Ant-Man & The Wasp: Quantumania
Arrow
ARMY OF THE DEAD
Ash Vs Evil Dead
Aquaman
A Quiet Place
A Quiet Place Part 2
Avatar: The Last Airbender Movie
Avengers: Infinity War
Avengers: Age of Ultron
Avengers: Endgame
Bad Omens: Artificial Suicide
Batman: The Dark Knight
Batman: The Dark Knight Rises
Batman Vs Superman
Battleship
Battle: Los Angeles
Barry
Better Call Saul
Black Adam
Black Knight
Black Mirror
Black Panther: Wakanda Forever
Black Summer
Black Widow
Blue Beetle
Birdbox
Break Even
Breaking Bad
Bullet Train
Bumblebee
Call of Duty: Advanced Warfare (Live Action)
Call of Duty: Black Ops Cold War
Call of Duty: Ghosts (Live Action)
Call of Duty: Modern Warfare II
Call of Duty: Warzone (Live Action)
Captain America: Civil War
Captain America: The Winter Soldier
Captain Marvel
Captain Phillips
Cars
Cars 2
Cars 3
Cobra Kai
Colony
Creed
Creed II
Creed III
Crown The Empire: Blurry
Crown The Empire: Red Pills
DaBaby: Rockstar
Dahmer
Daredevil
Dark
Dawn of The Planet of The Apes
Dead by April: Wasteland
Deadpool
Dead Rising: Endgame
Death Stranding
Deepwater Horizon
Demon House
Destiny 2 (Live Action)
Doctor Strange in The Multiverse of Madness
Devil in Ohio
El Camino
Escape Plan
Escape Plan: The Extractors
Escape The Fate: Ungrateful
Euphoria
Evil Dead Rise
Extraction 2
Fast & Furious 7
Fast & Furious 8
Fast & Furious 9
Fast & Furious 10
Falling in Reverse: Losing My Life
Falling in Reverse: The Drug In Me Is You (Reimagined)
Falling in Reverse: Voices In My Head
Falling in Reverse: Watch The World Burn
Falling in Reverse: Zombified
Fear The Walking Dead
From
FUBAR
Fury
Game of Thrones
Gemini Man
Ghosted
Ghost Rider
G.I. Joe: Retaliation
Godzilla: King of The Monsters
GRAN TURISMO
Guardians of The Galaxy 2
Guardians of The Galaxy 3
Halo 5
Halo Infinite
Halo Series
Hellbound
Hawaii Five-0
Halloween Kills
Halloween Ends
Hannibal
Happy Feet 2
Harry Potter & The Order of The Phoenix
Heroes
Heroes: Reborn
HIDDEN STRIKE
House of Cards
Hypnotic
Indiana Jones & The Kingdom of The Crystal Skull
Indiana Jones & The Dial of Destiny
Iron Man 3
IT
Jennifer’s Body
Jessica Jones
John Wick 3
John Wick 4
Joker
Killer Inside: The Mind of Aaron Hernandez
Kong VS Godzilla
Last Light
Light As A Feather
Logan
LOST
Lucifer
Man of Steel
Manifest
Matty Mullins: Glory
Mayans
Mechanic: Resurrection
Metal Gear Solid: Snake Eater
Miami Dolphins
Mission Impossible: Fallout
Mission Impossible: Dead Wreckoning Pt 1
Mob City
Moonfall
Morbius
Mortal Kombat 12
My Virtual Escape
Need For Speed
Nobody
Northern Rescue
No Way Out
Obi-Wan Kenobi
Orphan Black
Outer Banks
Outloved: Never Enough
Pacific Rim
Pacific Rim: Uprising
Paul Blart: Mall Cop
Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2
Peaky Blinders
Person of Interest
Pirates of The Caribbean: At World’s End
Power Rangers
Pretty Little Liars
Prison Break
Prey
San Andreas
Sons of Anarchy
Star Wars 3
Star Wars 5
Star Wars 8
Star Wars 9
Star Wars: Rogue One
Stranger Things
Rampage
Ready Player One
Reacher
Resident Evil: Afterlife
Resident Evil: Retribution
Resident Evil: Welcome to Racoon City
REVENGE
Revolution
Rise of The Planet of The Apes
Rocky
Rocky VI
Rogue
Saint X
Scream V
Scream VI
Sense8
Shang-Chi & The Legend of The 10 Rings
Sherlock
Silent Hill: Revelation
Skylines
Slender Man
Spider Man 3
Spider Man: Far From Home
Spider Man: No Way Home
Spiritbox: Circle With Me
Sonic the Movie
Solo: A Star Wars Story
Squid Game
Sucker Punch
Sully
Superman & Lois
Supernatural
T@GGED
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: Out of The Shadows
Teen Wolf: The Movie
Texas Chainsaw Massacre
The 100
The Amity Affliction: Like Love
The Batman
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, Watch & The Wardrobe
The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian
The Chronicles of Narnia: Voyage of The Dawn Treader
The Equalizer 3
The Expendables
The Expendables 2
The Expendables 3
The Expendables 4
The First Purge
The Flash
The Forever Purge
The Hunger Games: Catching Fire
The Hunger Games: The Mockingjay Pt 1
The Hunger Games: The Mockingjay Pt 2
The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes
The Incredible Hulk
The Last of Us
The Mandalorian
The Martian
The Marvels
The Matrix
The Meg
The Night Agent
The Preacher
The Punisher
The Purge: Anarchy
The Purge: Election Year
The Purge: TV Show
The Rain
The Revenant
The Society
The Suicide Squad
The Super Mario Bros
The Tomorrow People
The Vampire Diaries
The Walking Dead
The Walking Dead: World Beyond
The Walking Dead: Dead City
The Walking Dead: Summit
The Witcher
The Used: Over & Over Again
Til Death
Thor: Love & Thunder
Thor: Ragnarok
Thor: The Dark World
Tiger King
Tomb Raider
Transformers
Transformers: Age of Extinction
Transformers: Dark of The Moon
Transformers: Revenge of The Fallen
Transformers: Rise of The Beasts
Transformers: The Last Knight
Triple 9
Tron: Legacy
True Detective
Tua
Unbelievable
Under The Dome
UNHUMAN
Venom
Venom: Let There Be Carnage
Wanda Vision
Wednesday
Westworld
Whiskey Cavalier
Wolves at The Gate: Peace That Starts The War
World War Z
Yellowjackets
X-Men: Apocalypse
Z-Nation
Zombieland
Zombieland 2
297 ^^
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ao3 first lines tag game
I got tagged by @yerbamansa for this ao3 game! Thanks for the tag, friend!!
Rules: share the first lines of ten of your most recent fanfics and tag ten people. If you have written fewer than ten, don’t be shy and share anyway.
Okay so I only went with the last ten that have been posted on Ao3. There ARE other more recent WIPs, but it felt like that was cheating XD (u can send me an ask if you wanna see those most recent ones sjskssk)
Anyway the last ten (including recently updated ones) on ao3 are:
1) Ask Me Anything: A TealOranges SMAU - OFMD, Olu/Jim, Rated E (for explicit, not everyone XD)
It’s a slow morning between student groups and everyone’s taking time away from cramped ship quarters. Jim’s been here a few months now, focused on the work, which turns out to be physically demanding in a way that leaves them exhausted. No energy to grieve.
2) if you still want me, please forgive me - OFMD, Jim/Ed, rated E
It starts simply. They’re on a case – and when aren’t they, these days? - they’re on a case, and things go badly. When Jim slips into the room opposite the one Edward is casing, scanning for something, anything – a rope slips over their head, tightens around their throat.
3) and we will build a home from the wreckage - OFMD, Jim/Olu, rated T
It starts, as so many stories do, with revenge. Or perhaps it starts before then, with the grief that the revenge is born from, with the blood and bone and crushed dreams. With the family that died, so very long ago.
But this isn’t just any story, is it? No, this is a love story.
4) i've got sunshine on a cloudy day - OFMD, Ed/Stede, Ed/Jim, Jim/Olu (Poly AU), rated T
Edward knelt and peered under the dumpster, ignoring the instant bite of cold snow through his jeans. He was on his way home anyway, and he could change when he got there. But he’d heard a noise, and had to check to make sure it wasn’t what he thought it was.
But sure enough, when he shined his phone flashlight beneath the dumpster, two glowing eyes beamed back at him. The high pitched mew of what could only be a kitten followed after. Its body was barely visible, a fuzzy void of pitch black in the greyness of the under-dumpster.
5) fool's gold - UnDeadwood, multi ship, collection of ficlets, rated T
He hadn't expected it, how beautiful souls were. How they shone and glittered like diamonds, like gold, like light through a glass-stained window. The first time he'd run into someone after it happened (the thing he doesn't think about, the hole in his gut and the sticky hot blood on his hands and the - no. he doesn't think about it) he'd stared and stared, barely managing to wrench his gaze away before someone noticed.
6) put your records on - OFMD, Jim/Olu, Jim/Ed, Ed/Stede (poly au), rated T
Jim toed their boots off and trudged towards the stairs, too tired to even consider looking for anyone until they'd had a chance to change into more comfortable clothing and maybe lie on the floor for a solid half-hour. It had been a long fucking day.
7) falling for you - OFMD, Jim/Olu, Jim/Ed, Olu/Frenchie (poly au), rated T
"JIM!"
They faintly hear Oluwande holler their name at the same time they leap into the air to head the ball. They realize why a split-second later, as they feel a body collide with their legs. Someone tall, and big enough to knock them clean over.
8) you are in love - OFMD, Jim/Ed (poly au), rated M
Ed was giggling before they even made it into the booth.
"Shhh," Jim said, far too loud, trying to slap a hand over his face. "You're gonna get us kicked out!"
"Who's gonna kick us out," he laughed, batting their hand away then reeling them in close. Not that there was really any other choice, in the tiny mall photo booth. "Paul Blart Mall Cop?"
9) on this winter's night with you - UnDeadwood, Clayton/Matthew, rated E.
Today, Clayton thought furiously, is not my fucking day.
10) and if the pomegranates are in bloom - OFMD, Jim/Jackie, rated E
It’s not the first time they’ve ended up here, and they know it won’t be the last. Oluwande always gives them his blessing, with a kiss on the cheek and a ‘good luck, be careful.’ They know he’s still afraid of her. They know that they should have reason to be afraid as well, but they aren’t. They haven’t been for a long, long time.
Jackie looks softer in the lamplight of her bedroom than she does in the bar. Stripped down to a simple shirt, trousers gone. Bare, but not vulnerable. They’ll get there, but not yet. Still – already she’s warmer, gentler. Soft around the edges, face open. Relaxed. It makes them wonder if this is what her husbands are allowed to see in her, or if it’s just for them.
--
Okay so some got more than a few lines because I felt like it XD
As for tags - I swear every time I come to a tag game I immediately forget which of my mutuals writes fanfic, so if you see this and want to do it consider yourself tagged. As for those I remember - if you feel like it, I'm tagging @yourlocal-charlatan, @redxluna, @swallowtailed, @lovewithagirl, @nevershootamockingbird, @thewollfgang, uhhhh i can't remember other writers so that's it!!
#and if u don't do tag games but i tagged u pls know i am giving u a lil kiss on the noggin#mwah i love u#tag game#ao3 tag game#we're just gonna ignore the spelling and grammar mistakes ok? i don't go back and edit things this long after posting them so its fine#no one saw anything
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