Soon.

its so funny how every till death do us blart episode starts with “hey gang? I hate this, can we stop this?” and then they don’t because they’re all binding each other in some sort of sisyphean crab bucket hellscape of mediocre film watching. like it doesn’t have to be this way but no one can pull the trigger

Not today, Death

I remembered this post I made a while ago and now I’m curious so

(I can’t stop you, but I’d ask you not answer if you don’t listen to any McElroy shows!)

Fun fact in War of the Realms: Journey Into Mystery, a comic written by the McElroys, the characters go to a casino where there is a henchmen convention taking place and perform a heist.

Now. For those of us familiar with Til Death do us Blart. This may ring a bell.

Because it is the premise of Paul Blart Mall Cop 2.

Fighting Paul Blart under the watchful eye of the Shadow-Man

It's 2186. You wake up and jack your brain into the holoverse work portal while your android catgirl wife prepares you a breakfast of plain bran flakes and genetically modified oat milk. It is the day once known as Thanksgiving in the former United States of America, which of course was abolished after colonization by the Empire of Canada. You pay 20 PodTokens, the equivalent of $428.25 CAD, to access your podcatcher of choice, and another 50 to open the newest episode in your feed. The voice of Charlie McElroy III blasts directly into your mind through your neural podlink. Xe says, "Welcome to Til Death Do Us Blart, the eternal podcast our forefathers cursed us to endure as repentance for our comedy sins. Us five, the eternal council, will now commence our yearly ritual to praise the shadow man." The sound of screams echoing through an office building can be heard for about 15 minutes, and then an ad for Roblox 5 plays. You smile to yourself and nod. This was a good year.

Im gonna lose my mind

I just watched Paul Blart Mall Cop 2 for the first time after being a Til Death Do Us Blart fan for years

And the aquarium shirt

I didnt give this bit much mind at first bc i assumed they were talking about a t-shirt you'd buy at an aquarium gift shop but guys

THIS FUCKING SHIRT. IT HAS THE SAME DESIGN AS THE WALLPAPER IN MY CHILDHOOD BEDROOM. I KNOW THOSE DOLPHINS. THAT SEA TURTLE IS MY FRIEND. I PLASTERED A PIECE OF IT TO THE BACK OF AN IKEA BOOKSHELF THAT I STILL HAVE TO THIS DAY. PAUL BLART IS WEARING A PIECE OF MY HOME.

elton blart

i think i am going to kill myself

@mcelroyfamilystaff

Til Death Do Us Blart 2023

i need til death do us blart to do a dub of the film for one episode. not a riff track or commentary track. i want them to try to replace all the audio of the film in one take, no editing.

i have no clue how to communicate this idea to them though.

oh fuck yeah, i doubled my score from last year

Yello-Ha! It’s 2023s Till Death Do us Blart Blingo Sheet. Thank you to all who suggested ideas for squares last year. NOT TODAY DEATH!