A BIG STICKY MESS

I'm doing a series of "Best Character Named X" polls where all the characters have the same first name but are from completely different media, feel free to send in name/charcacter suggestions, I'm posting one poll a day, check my pinned post for active polls

Fighting Paul Blart under the watchful eye of the Shadow-Man

Im gonna lose my mind

I just watched Paul Blart Mall Cop 2 for the first time after being a Til Death Do Us Blart fan for years

And the aquarium shirt

I didnt give this bit much mind at first bc i assumed they were talking about a t-shirt you'd buy at an aquarium gift shop but guys

THIS FUCKING SHIRT. IT HAS THE SAME DESIGN AS THE WALLPAPER IN MY CHILDHOOD BEDROOM. I KNOW THOSE DOLPHINS. THAT SEA TURTLE IS MY FRIEND. I PLASTERED A PIECE OF IT TO THE BACK OF AN IKEA BOOKSHELF THAT I STILL HAVE TO THIS DAY. PAUL BLART IS WEARING A PIECE OF MY HOME.

In which the boys deify Paul Blart.

elton blart

i think i am going to kill myself

@mcelroyfamilystaff

Sometimes i wonder if art school was a mistake, but when i draw paul blart atreides, i know it was all worth it.

I made these and don’t know which is funnier. Help.

Yello-Ha! It’s 2023s Till Death Do us Blart Blingo Sheet. Thank you to all who suggested ideas for squares last year. NOT TODAY DEATH!

Paul Brut Moose Cop (is that anything?) 

okay okay okay, here me out.

youve heard of paul blart one and two.

the subsequent movies should be:

Paul Blart Mall Cop 3: Paul lives in LA now, after a brief detour in new york, he is in LA to support Maya at UCLA. the crime organization is trying to steal art from the university during the matriculation ceramony, and there are lots of fun shenanagins. this one is kind of a buddy cop film with the woman blart meets at the end of pb2. the film ends with them deciding to live in Bakersfield to give Maya some space, and they get married. Lane is technically there, as is the piccaso, which is explained to have been gifted to the blarts in thanks for them saving the hotel (yeah this doesnt make sense, but its paul blart, this is not a high brow franchise).

Paul Blart Mall cop 4: 2 Blart 2 Furious. Paul finds himself in an illegal underground segway racing ring, where Maya (his daughter, for those of you who don't know) is threatened by the boss who runs the ring (much like in pb2, paul drops a bunch of money on a race before he realizes what it is and tries to withdraw his money once the race starts and he realizes what it is. he flees with his money and draws the ire of this underground segway racing group.

Paul Blart Mall Cop 5: lost in new york. this is a beat for beat re-creation of home alone: lost in new york, but its paul blart instead of Kevin. its set in the present day, and they bring back all of the old actors, including Donald Trump.

Paul Blart Mall Cop 6: Teen Blart. a light comedy origin story about how Paul blart came to love segways and malls. he watches his local mall get broken into and uses his skills as a youth to stop a group of thieves from ransacking his local mall to ransack the sears and steal a bunch of their merchandise. Paul is 18, but played by modern kevin james and they never address this.

Paul Blart Mall Cop 7: All Cops Are Blart. Paul blart gets cloned.

Paul Blart 8: a good day to die blart. a groundhog day story but its paul blart and he doesnt die, he just starts the day over. this is huge for the lore a. la. shadow man.

Deathblart preparations

Hello! Since we’re moving rapidly towards the annual release of deathblart as well as our own end, I have chosen to celebrate by sharing how I’m preparing for the new episode this year!

Now for those unfamiliar I have a tendency to challenge myself every year when a new episode comes out. 2021 I watched PB2 once a month. In 2022 I watched the movie followed by the podcast, but watched it an additional time per podcas(so movie once, podcast, movie twice, podcast, movie three times and so on).

In total I’ve watched the movie 48 times, not counting the maybe once or twice I saw it before discovering the podcast. For reference, by my count the boys have seen the movie 8 times each, except Travis and guy who I believe have seen it 9 times. This means that I’ve seen the movie 6 times more than the whole cast of Til Death Do Us Blart combined.

Thought now that you know I’m somewhat of an expert let’s get back to the actual point of the post.

This year I decided to slow down, enjoy myself, so I’m simply watching the movie once and listening to one of the episodes everyday until thanksgiving. This means that by the time we reach thanksgiving on the 23rd I’ll have watched the movie 6 more times.

My friends say I have a problem I just think I’m neurodivergent and willing to go above and beyond for the bit.

Thank you for reading and feel free to share your annual rituals I’d love to hear:))