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kraviolis · 3 years

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sorting the owl house characters into hogwarts houses, because im cringe

luz - ravenclaw

she’s creative and clever and is always searching to learn new things and loves learning just for the sake of learning. shes incredibly witty and quick thinking and open-minded. she’s constantly finding clever, creative, and original ways to solve her problems. she hardly blinked when given the opportunity to learn magic, and only continued to show an intense amount of intelligence and appreciation for academics. shes very resourceful as a human learning magic, finding a entirely new form of magic when it was apparent that she couldnt do it the traditional way. she’s very aspiring, wanting to be a witch and an author since she was very young. she’s very logical about a lot of things, like how it doesnt make sense to not allow witches to study multiple tracks or that people were imprisoned just for being themselves. she’s highly encouraging of individuality which is a lesser known trait of ravenclaw but very important. she can be a perfectionist at times and tended to avoid social interaction so she could persue her creativity. she’s outspoken, an overthinker, and very competitive. i think a lot of people might say she’s a hufflepuff, as she’s loyal and kind and hardworking, but luz values learning and creativity above any of those other things— this is evident, when she makes the decision to stay in the boiling isles to learn magic rather than go home to her mom, thus putting knowledge and creativity over her own family.

eda - gryffindor

she’s not afraid to stand up for herself and others and will never back down from a challenge. she would rather die as herself than live unauthentically. she’s very passionate and empathetic. she’s rebellious against rules that dont make sense to her and cares intensely for her friends and family. she has a strong internal moral code that she sticks to intensely, never straying from it. in the very first episode, she breaks into the conformatorium just to get a paper crown thats important to king. she let raine break up with her because she didnt want to burden them with her curse. she forfeited the match with lily because she knew her sister wanted to be in the emperor’s coven more than she ever did. she’s sacrifices herself for luz & king over and over again because she cares so deeply for her.

king - slytherin

he’s self-centered, smart, arrogant, and highly ambitious. he would do anything to achieve his goals— which was at first reclaiming his throne as the king of demons, and then turned into finding out where he came from. he tried to use luz as a means to reach his goals when he became an author, nearly sacrificing their friendship. he became incredibly loyal to luz after that in the same way he’s loyal to eda, the one who raised him.

(other characters under the cut)

lily - slytherin

it was between this and ravenclaw, because she’s incredibly intelligent and does seem to enjoy learning and has a great mind, she’s also incredibly ambitious and prideful. the deciding factor was that she cursed eda just to reach her own goals. she’s still loyal to eda even when working for belos, which says a lot to how she’s loyal to only a select few people. to her, the ends justify the means (making amity cheat to appear like the better teacher, cursing eda to win the duel, kidnapping luz to get belos to cure eda, losing her magic to help eda)

amity - gryffindor

this one was hard, i swapped between slytherin and gryffindor a lot for her. she’s ambitious and intelligent, but also not afraid to do whats right even if means breaking the rules. she’s self-sacrificing and empathetic and prideful. she ended her friendship with boscha to help luz and willow win. she didnt like luz at first because luz kept cheating and messing up her life, which means she has a strong moral code against cheating and bullies. she’s rebellious in small ways at first but once she started realizing how terrible her parents and belos really were, she pulled away extremely quickly.

willow - slytherin

not surprising, if you take into her account of self-preservation and bending of the rules to suit her ambitions. in the first episode she agrees to cheating just to get ahead in school because she wants to make her parents proud, and in the end she switches to the plants track so to her the ends justify the means. she pulled out of the grudgby game when luz pushed her & gus too far, a perfect example of that self preservation. she has a sense of loyalty that extends to very specific people but she always makes sure those people are taken care of. her parents, luz, gus, and eventually king, eda, and amity, too. she wouldn’t die for them, but she would kill for them.

gus - hufflepuff

sure, he has the ravenclaw curiousity and thirst for knowledge, but he’s very kind, hard working, has a strong inner sense of justice and fairness, and is tolerant of others. he helps mattholomule even if he’d been a jerk before because it was unfair if he didnt. he helps luz break into belos’s castle to find a cure for eda, lets luz borrow his library card to see amity, and hated it when mattholomule tried to lie about the human objects. he knows what it feels like to be left behind and underestimated, so he makes an effort to be kind to others who seem to be in the same boat. he’s very young but already so accomplished which is a testament to how hard he works.

hunter - hufflepuff

this one was HARD. it was either slytherin or this, and a deciding factor for this is the fact that he is self-sacrificing. he sacrifices a lot for other people, even if it doesnt seem like it. in the palisman episode, he sacrifices the palismen getting away despite knowing he would be punished for returning empty-handed. in eclipse lake, he leaves to find the titans blood for belos when he simply could have stayed in the castle and been safe. he’s viciously hard-working, dedicated, and loyal to his family. he lets people’s actions speak for them. he doesn’t immediately judge luz for using wild magic and actually seems interested in it before remembering to be loyal to belos. he’s patient, too, as seen by his interactions with luz. he gets frustrated, sure, but he still works with her. he’s modest about his rank and title, preferring to not flaunt it more than needed. but he does take pride in it. he’s kind in his own way, specifically to belos and lil rascal, but you can see it in his interactions with amity & luz, too. with amity, he empathizes with her and gives her advice that he thinks is true, and offers to dig a grave for her too when its apparent that neither of them are getting any titans blood. with luz, he gives up the palismen and protects her from kikimora. that boy is a hufflepuff for sure.

raine - gryffindor

oh buddy theyre the biggest gryffindor ever. they extremely, extremely brave. they have terrible stage fright and anxiety but they still became head bard, and they still ran an underground resistance group, and they still gave everything up just to help eda. they have a strong sense of whats right and whats wrong and incredible amount of passion, empathy, and integrity. they have a great sense of pride— “How did someone with stage fright end up as Head Witch?” “I’m just that good.”— and are very selfless. they stopped eda from sacrificing herself because they knew her kids needed her more, they sacrificed themselves in eda’s place and gave up everything they had just so eda wouldnt have to.

camila - hufflepuff

she’s extraordinarily kind, even when she’s terrified. she’s accepting and open-minded and hardworking, making sure to show luz that she loves her creativity but still wants to make sure luz can do well in school and can make friends. sometimes you can do something you think is kind but isnt really. she’s also a single mother doing her best to give her daughter a good life, which is a credit to how hard she works and how dedicated she is to her daughter. she even took the day off of work to drive luz to camp because she knew luz was anxious and wanted to reassure her. she’s patient with luz, and even when faced with the scariest moment of her life, she’s still thinking of how luz feels rather than her own fears and anger. she’s very much a hufflepuff in the way that she’s quiet and unassuming but fiercely protective of her family.

vee - slytherin

she’s opportunistic and has a sense of self-preservation. she’d rather save her own skin than do that right thing. she’s cunning, having pretended to be camila’s daughter just to have a place for herself. this isnt a bad thing at all, though. she’s also loyal to camila, who she sees as her family, and even got into a fight with luz over how she treated camila. she still listened to luz and let luz help her so that vee could remain living as luz. she doesnt feel guilty about valuing herself ahead of luz.

belos - ravenclaw

honestly? not a hard decision. he’s smart, sure, but he’s not people-smart. he didnt think lilith would betray him after he admitted to lying about healing eda. he doesnt understand loyalty, not even to those close to him. he’s rational and logical rather than emotional. if the theory that he is philip wittebane is to be believed, then its obvious he has an appreciation for learning and knowledge. belos distinctly reminds me of lockhart, or even quirrell, who were also in ravenclaw. he’s got an arrogance to him that blinds him, believing himself to be the smartest and strongest witch on the isles and thus underestimating others, which will only lead him to ruin.

#the owl house #toh #toh spoilers #the owl house spoilers #luz noceda #eda clawthorne #king clawthorne #amity blight #krav talks #my writing #character analysis

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a-libra-writes · 4 years

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The GoT Characters Reacting To You Being an Artist

this was a request, send eons ago, back in ye olden days. probably?

In this preference, you'll be drawing with: Ned Stark, Robb Stark, Sansa Stark, Jon Snow, Benjen Stark, Jory Cassel, Dolorous Edd, Mance Rayder, Tormund Giantsbane, Yara Greyjoy, Daenerys Targaryen, Jorah Mormont, Missandei, Grey Worm, Tywin Lannister, Tyrion Lannister, Jaime Lannister, Sandor Clegane, Bronn, Podrick Payne, Petyr Baelish, Stannis Baratheon, Davos Seaworth, Margaery Tyrell, Brynden Tully, Edmure Tully, Brienne of Tarth, Ramsay Bolton, Roose Bolton, Oberyn Martell, Beric Dondarrion

NED STARK

He’s the sort to be charmed by something like this, he’s never had a talent for creative pursuits so he appreciates it when he sees it. He likes the devotion you have to it, and the discipline, it’s just another reason to admire you. Ned encourages the hobby, and when he has time he likes to watch your painting or sketching. if you allow it. Ned enjoys your pictures of animals the most, even if they aren’t very good… He thinks they’re cute. If you ever made portraits of the family, he’d absolutely hang them around his office and the sitting rooms at your request.

ROBB STARK

When you were children, Robb used to be terribly impatient, waiting for you to finish sketching and doodling so you both could finally play. You’d make him pose funny so you could have a reference. As he got older, he began to be in awe of your skill as it improved. He still remembers the cute little scribbles you’d make. Now whenever you ask him to sit so you can practice portraits, he blushes under your concentrating stare. He would love to have a portrait of you to take with him on his campaigns, but he’d be too shy to ask directly, so he’d suggest it in the most roundabout ways.

SANSA STARK

She adores watching you work, and the finished product. Sansa enjoys creative pursuits, and although she’s more of a seamstress and embroiderer, you can share experiences and tips with each other. Sometimes she’ll ask you to lightly sketch on fabric so she can embroider over it. As much as she loves your drawings, she blushes whenever you want to draw her, and she can’t imagine being painted. Sitting and being stared at by you is so romantic to her young mind, she can’t focus at all, daydreaming about what it’ll look like when it’s finished. It’s a memory she cherishes for a long time.

JON SNOW

Jon was wondering where you had gone off to at the end of your duties, not that he kept track of that often, it was Ghost that would lead him to wherever you were hiding. He thought it was kind of silly to hide something like this, but then again, you took great pains to get supplies from Mole’s Town. He’s so relaxed when he watches your process, how you so effortlessly transfer things around you to paper. When Jon can, he tries to get charcoal for you to use.

BENJEN STARK

He loves listening to the sound of the charcoal scratching against your sketchbook. He usually hears it when he finds you after his overnight shifts, wanting to see you before he left to sleep. He’ll rest against you and idly watch the picture appear on the paper. Sometimes the sound of that and your breathing is so peaceful, he falls asleep. He likes it when you draw maps for the ranger’s reference because you sketch out the different animals and wildling camps instead of just marking them. It’s cute as hell, and he won’t let anyone insult you for it.

JORY CASSEL

Jory loves your talent as well, he heard people around Winterfell talking about your “charming” paintings and wanted to see for himself. When he was crushing on you and later trying to court you in his own way, he’d bring you art supplies you needed. The fact he paid attention to what you were running low on was flattering. Jory enjoys watching you work, but he’s too embarrassed to sit and pose for anything; he’s relieved if you paint landscapes or animals instead.

EDDISON TOLLETT

He thought it was the oddest thing he’d ever seen, you huddled up in your coat and scarf but no gloves so you could draw the horses or some trees. Well, Sam had his books, and Jon would go off to train, so this was just something you did to keep your sanity on the wall. He liked sitting next to you and observing, making wry comments now and again. Many times he’s joked about you drawing the wall, but a specific section of the wall, because “that’s the prettiest part”. If he can find some charcoal or things to draw on, he’ll keep it without thinking, then remember it weeks later and give it to you with some shyness.

MANCE RAYDER

Mance loves your artistic nature. He’s a musician himself, so he understands the urge to create something, to just let your mind wander and escape in it. You’re sort of an odd inspiration to him; when you both are relaxing in his tent late in the evening, and you’re just sketching something, he feels the urge to get his lute and start experimenting with a new song.

TORMUND GIANTSBANE

He doesn’t really get the “point” of it, but he’s still fascinated watching you paint something across a thin, pale piece of leather you made yourself. Tormund will just be right there next to you, up in your business and wanting to see how you do it. He’s more patient in the evening, content to sit across the fire and just watch your hands move. He wonders how you just know how to move them. Sometimes he’ll trace things in the snow with a stick, trying to mimic your shapes and movements, but falling totally short. It just makes him more in awe of you.

YARA GREYJOY

She doesn’t think much of artistic pursuits, it’s just not in the Ironborn culture to care about things like art and prose. Still, she knows skill when she sees it, and she can admit it’s interesting to watch you sketch something, then she comes back an hour later and you’ve made the drawing almost lifelike. She won’t ever want to be drawn, but there’s a look of pride on her face when you show her scenes of her ship and the men working on it. She might even keep one of them.

DAENERYS TARGARYEN

Dany thought you were writing in that old journal for the longest time, and she realized you were drawing when you were next to Drogon, capturing a rare moment of the dragon calmly sitting. That’s when she playfully demanded to see it, wanting to see what else you drew of her dragons. Instead she found a sketchbook full of scenery, people, horses, flowers, whatever interested you at the time. When she passed over portraits of herself, she wanted to linger and stare, smiling at how shy you’d get. Once in Meereen, Daenerys sets up a studio for you, hoping you can escape to it when you’re stressed. She ends up visiting it just as often, admiring your half-finished paintings as she tries to calm down.

JORAH MORMONT

Jorah finds it to be a darling hobby, something that fits you perfectly, but he’s still surprised by your skill level. In Essos, that sort of talent is coveted by rich merchants and politicians, but you only do it for yourself. When the khalasar stops to camp for the evening, he’ll make his way to you, hoping you don’t mind him sitting and quietly watching. Whenever you mention drawing Jorah, he’s flattered but shy at the idea. He doesn’t think he’d make a very interesting subject in armor or not, so he directs you to the horses or landscape. Whenever he passes by a market, he looks for paints you might like.

MISSANDEI

She’s highly appreciative of your talent, as she has something of an artistic interest. Missandei isn’t much of one herself, but she appreciates art immensely. She can’t hide her curiosity when she notices you painting and sketching, and she’ll want to wait for you to tell her it’s okay to look. Once you two are closer, she’ll ask about your process, about why you chose this color or that subject, what the art makes you feel. You noticed she prefers your more abstract pieces over the simple still-life or portraits.

GREY WORM

Grey Worm has seen all sorts of grand portraits and sculptures in the houses he was sent to guard over the years. He never had a thought about how they were actually made, even after being freed. It was so new and foreign to him. When he watched you work, he loved seeing how it’d go from a sketch to a painting. You’d show him the different paintings and brush strokes to make it happen, but it was still like magic. When you drew him, it unsettled him at first, seeing a non-moving reflection stare back at him. Eventually Grey Worm shyly asked for a small portrait of yourself that he could carry around. It’s his good luck charm.

TYWIN LANNISTER

Well, there are less than savory hobbies young ladies can have, and painting was certainly an accomplishment to be proud of. He admired your skill from afar, you were clearly talented, and he’s a man who appreciates a craft that’s honed and excelled in. This continued in Casterly Rock, and Tywin had to admit he was proud of the landscapes you did of the keep and the ocean surrounding it. He’d have several of your paintings in fancy frames in his office.

TYRION LANNISTER

During your first meeting, Tyrion noticed the odd markings and colors on your dominant hand, and sometimes they were on your sleeves, too. When he spotted you drawing in a secluded corner days later, it made sense. Tyrion was interested in you so he used art as a way to talk with you, and he was pleasantly surprised when you’d respond, letting him see your sketches and later, some of your paintings. It was like he was invited into a private world, and it made him like you all the more. When you’re a couple, he’s always finding interesting paints from Essos or fine brushes made of ivory and sable hair, and he proudly keeps your paintings in his office.

JAIME LANNISTER

Sometimes he lingered in your chambers after you two were intimate, and inevitably you’d start sketching something. He thought it was amusing, some funny quirk, and always had to joke if you were drawing him. When you’d fall asleep he’d look through the sketchbook, admiring your drawings, trying to deny how much of yourself he could see in them, and how they deepened his feelings for you. It was too risky to carry a portrait, but he ended up stealing one of your drawings before he had to leave for his father’s war. He chose a simple detailed sketch of your favorite flowers; you used them in your perfume and you always had them in your room.

SANDOR CLEGANE

The gruff man dismisses it as “some women’s nonsense”, although he couldn’t recall any women in court who had their noses stuck in sketchbooks as often as you did. He’d see you in the gardens almost every day, drawing something in a book. He didn’t think about it until you two were close, and he was able to sit next to you and see the drawings. Sometimes you drew what was around you, and that made sense, but sometimes you drew things from your head, and he wondered how difficult that was. Sandor would absolutely not want anything drawn of him; it makes him uncomfortable and gives him feelings he’s not ready for when he sees pictures you made of him or Stranger.

BRONN OF BLACKWATER

Bronn doesn’t think much of it. He’s a mercenary, what did you expect? He didn’t tease you, but he did like to be a distraction when you were trying to draw something, curling his arms around your waist and kissing up your neck to get your attention. Often when you knew he was stopping by, you’d engross yourself in a project, just to grin at his frustration as he tried to pull you from it. He’s had some curiosity and looked in your sketchbook before, but that’s it. He’s willing to pose for something, but only if you promise him a reward, since he gets antsy sitting so still, having to look at you but not getting to touch.

PODRICK PAYNE

He really admires your skill, it was something he was always interested in as a boy, but he never had the talent for it. When you’re sketching, Pod wants to look over your shoulder, but that’d be rude, so he just waits, a bundle of nervous energy that Tyrion eventually dismisses. He can’t hide his excitement when you offer to show him the sketchbook, and later your studio, which he enters with such reverence, you’re a little embarrassed. Once Podrick is more comfortable with you, he’ll ask about your process and inspiration.

PETYR BAELISH

He admires your talent like he admires the rest of you, it’s just one more reason to adore you. He found out where your secret drawing spot was, where you’d hide away from the court and spend all morning on your sketchbook. This is where Petyr would “chance” upon you, and your art was a way for him to get you to open up. He was well versed in art himself, so he could discuss techniques and artists with you, and later send you nice gifts like rare paints and fine brushes. If he knew you’d accept, he’d offer to give you a tour of some of the fine paintings and ancient statues that were sadly gathering dust in the Red Keep, paying more attention to your reactions than what you were looking at.

STANNIS BARATHEON

Stannis really has no like or dislike for art, it’s not something he cares to think about. Even with that lack of opinion, he can tell you’re talented and you work hard at what you do. Since you clearly enjoy it so much, eventually he’ll shyly offer you a room in Dragonstone to use as a studio. He may not be the best at describing why he likes your work, or what about it is good (please don’t ask his opinion on a piece), but he’ll make sure you have whatever supplies you desire. He’ll be beyond embarrassed if you ask to draw him, but you can quietly sit in his study and sketch, he’ll be none the wiser.

DAVOS SEAWORTH

Davos finds your skill to be charming, and something worthy of praise, he’s not shy about complimenting you when he notices you painting. He’d never overstep his bounds and ask to see the sketchbook you’re always buried in, but even just listening to your charcoal scratch at the paper is soothing. Several afternoons he’s sat whittling something while you draw something else, both of you exchanging a few words, then sitting in a peaceful silence. He’s always encouraging of your art, even if he doesn’t know any technical terms or what’s considered “great” vs “good”. It looks nice to him, so he enjoys it.

MARGAERY TYRELL

This is just one of many things Margaery appreciates about you; really, there’s nothing more attractive than someone with many talents. Her favorite thing is to watch you paint, specifically, when you’re mixing paints and deciding which color to use. They all look similar to her, and you’re only using a few strokes of some of them! She likes to sit and chat with you while you work, not even minding when you just respond with a “mm” and “oh”. She has a hand mirror that has a small portrait of you in it; she insisted you paint one she could carry around.

BRYNDEN TULLY

He enjoys sitting next to you when he has a chance, watching you work on your sketchbook while you both chat or just enjoy the silence. It’s what drew him to you initially, a pretty girl with her nose tucked in a sketchbook, totally oblivious to the lords trying to get her attention. Unlike those courtiers, he doesn’t pretend to know a damn thing about art. He just loves to see your graceful hands move across the page and how you furrow your brow in concentration. Brynden outright laughs if you want to draw him, insisting there are far prettier subjects around. His younger, more wistful side wishes someone could capture the express you have when you draw, so he could have that picture in his pocket.

EDMURE TULLY

He likes the hobby, it’s just another amazing thing about you, although admittedly he can get impatient when you’re spending a long time on a painting. He gets a funny, flustered feeling when you paint landscapes of Riverrun, or portraits of your children, once you have them. He’ll hang them up proudly in the Great Hall - or his office, if you’d rather have them there, he’s just so proud! Though, he’s a bit shy about sitting for a portrait. Something about your gaze makes him squirm, and he’d much rather have a picture of you or the kids.

BRIENNE OF TARTH

When Brienne watches you sketch something and later paint over it, it almost seems like magic, although she understands the hard work behind it, and your artistic process. She understands it better than most, considering how hard she worked at her swordsmanship. Brienne is so embarrassed if you want her to sit for a portrait, she just can’t do it. However, if she’s fully armored and you’re sketching her training or on her horse… It gives her a pleasant kind of embarrassment. Your portrait looks amazing, a gallant knight in movement, and she’s so happy you see her that way.

RAMSAY SNOW

Oh, he gets so impatient when you’re sketching or painting and he wants you for something… or just wants you. You’ll see him sigh and fidget in your peripheral vision, if he doesn’t just sit in front of you and call your name. You don’t expect him to understand the point of it, although unbeknownst to you, he has some morbid ideas of art. Best not go to that place. You’re surprised by how much he likes drawings of his hounds, he’ll actually sit next to you and watch you work with interest. Granted, it won’t last more than fifteen or twenty minutes, but there’s a strange… comfort in the warmth of him as he leans in, resting his chin on your shoulder.

ROOSE BOLTON

He doesn’t mind how you spend your freetime, although this pursuit is an interesting one. To keep you pleased, he’d learn the different supplies and paints you used and order new ones whenever you needed them. If you liked quiet while you worked, or being outside, or having someone to talk to, he’d arrange that. You’d probably even have a room for a studio in the Dreadfort, many servants agree it’s a cheerful, welcome addition to the place. Once you two had children, Roose would keep a small portrait you painted of them in his office. It’s an oddly sentimental thing for the man to do, but no one would dare comment on it.

OBERYN MARTELL

This is one of many things on his list of reasons to love you. He’s a man who loves art and creativity, especially when the paintings are full of life and color. When he notices you’re sketching or painting, he actually approaches quietly, not wanting to interrupt your concentration (and wanting to see what you’re working on). He’s delighted by portraits you make of him, but personally he loves your landscapes of Dorne. You capture his feelings of his country so well, it makes him a little emotional. He’ll absolutely ask you to draw a small portrait of yourself - as scandalous as you can manage! - so he can always have you with him. He keeps it in a small pocket mirror with the glass taken out.

BERIC DONDARRION

The former knight is very charmed by this, in fact, you might think he’s … attracted to it. He tries not to make it obvious, but you notice how he wistfully gazes at you while you draw. It’s never any big or fancy pieces, just what’s around as you travel with the Brotherhood. When you’re together, he makes no secret about it, looking totally lovesick as he watches how you brush your hair aside and focus on the drawing in front of you. What a silly man. He also likes to cuddle behind you while you work, sometimes resting his head on your back and falling into a doze.

#game of thrones imagine #game of thrones preference #got imagine #got preferences #game of thrones x reader

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wonderlandgoblin · 4 years

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Do you have any headcanons for a blind!mc dating one of the love interests?

I do now! And since you didn’t specify any li, I’m doing all of them.

Small note: I don’t know any blind people in my life and English isn’t my first language, so I had to do some research on correct terms to use and a few other things. So, if there’s anything offensive or incorrect, please let me know so I can change it 😊

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About the MC

They can “see” with their magic (think Toph from ATLA). It’s not perfect, but they have a pretty good idea of where things and people are.

Their familiar is like a guide dog, acting as their seeing eyes and helping them walk around unfamiliar and crowded places.

Asra

Since you can’t read, he took it upon himself to make sure you didn’t miss out on learning because of it.

So at first he used to read for you, but that eventually became more difficult since he wasn’t always around to do it, sometimes he didn’t want to do it, and sometimes he simply couldn’t.

He felt like he was letting you down but still wanted to help, so that’s when he decided to create a spell to translate books or any pieces of writing into braille.

He taught you the spell on your birthday, and when you learned how to cast it and realized what it did, you jumped into his arms and cried. It was the best birthday gift ever!

He’s the best human guide! Whenever you need help from a sighted person to go somewhere, he’s always your fist choice. He’s great at giving instructions and never tries to drag you places like you can’t get there on your own.

He forgets about your blindness all the time, since the two of you have such great dynamic and can almost always predict each other’s movements, which sometimes leads to accidents like him giving you a cup of coffee and you not realizing it, so the coffee ends up all over you.

You scream of surprise (and pain) and Asra freaks out.

He spends the rest of the day apologizing and spoiling you.

Nadia

She will forever be thankful you’re a part of her life! Because of you, she realized how ableist the entire city was (something she’d never stopped to consider before) and was capable of making many changes about it.

She’ll also be thankful because she loves you. Duh!

She obviously put you in charge of supervising the project to make the city more accessible to people with disabilities and she is incredibly proud of your progress.

The palace library is now full of books in braille. And the rest of the palace has also been adapted so you have an easier time moving around.

The staff is always getting startled by you at night, though.

Nadia is the best when it comes to giving you your space. She rarely ever fusses over you and has the incredible ability to know every time you need help from a sighted person.

Julian

At first, it takes him sometime to realize you’re blind.

When he does, he is stunned. He feels stupid for never realizing and really confused as to how you managed to do certain things.

He’s always trying to sneak up on you, and even though it rarely ever works, he continues to persist. You hope one day he’ll give up, but since that’s unlikely, you at least get to enjoy his frustration every time you catch him before he can accomplish his goal.

As revenge, you start sneaking up on him and it works every time! The amount of times he hit his head on the ceiling because of it is too big to count.

He’s frustratingly too helpful at times, trying to do everything for you, but he is trying to get better for you.

He happens to be a terrible sighted guide, so whenever you need someone to accompany you somewhere, he has the sense to send Mazelinka or Portia in his place.

He’s always telling you stories (sometimes they’re real, sometimes they’re not) and you are probably the only person that likes to hear them. To you, the way he sees the world is so beautiful and different than yours and it’s really cute how excited he gets when he notices you’re actually paying attention to what he’s saying.

Muriel

He knows you’re a badass, but that doesn’t stop him from worrying about you 24/7.

And although he knows you can take care of yourself, he’s always trying to protect you.

It may be annoying at times, but at least you know he’s only doing it because he loves you and he always respects your independence.

Despite that, when the two of you are alone, he tends to forget you are blind all the time.

When you first met, you being blind actually made him feel a lot more comfortable around you, since you couldn’t see his scars (the thing he hated the most about himself).

That made him open up surprisingly quickly to you and it put him more at ease when it came to touching (he always told himself you were touching him for support what an innocent baby).

He’s also a lot less shy about admiring your beauty.

And even though you know when he does it, it’s not like you’re going to tell him, since he’s so cute trying to be subtle about it.

Portia

She’s always asking you questions about what the world is like for you and loves to listen to your perspective. The two of you are always sharing stories about it.

Eagerly starts to learn braille as soon as she meets you.

She’s probably the only li that has the guts to joke about your blindness and they are always the best jokes.

The first time she realizes your hearing abilities are amplified, she gets super excited and now she takes you snooping all around the palace to help her eaves drop on the nobles.

She will fight anyone that offends or shows any form of prejudice towards you.

Even though she is amazingly dexterous while at work, she tends to be incredibly clumsy at home. That leads to the two of you bumping into each other all the time, and sometimes to a few visits to the floor.

Lucio

He doesn’t understand how you do things.

I mean, he lost an arm but that’s completely different, since he got himself another one.

You can’t SEE! But that doesn’t stop you from doing anything, because you still managed to save him, and you do all those incredible magical thingies!

You’re like a natural phenomenon to him.

However, he is sad you don’t get to see how handsome he is.

Sometimes he thinks you’re messing with him and can actually see, but then he remembers you never turn on the lights whenever you walk into a dark room and all his doubts vanish.

He teaches you how to fight (because he wants you to be a blind ninja) and although he may almost lose another limb, he beams with every accomplishment you make.

He likes to describe to you how beautiful you are. He figures that since you can’t see yourself, he has to be the one to show you.

He makes you a lot of uncomfortable questions, but it’s not out of prejudice, it’s more because he’s dumb. If you explain to him why he shouldn’t ask things like why he can’t play with your familiar when the two of you are walking around town, he’ll eventually catch up on what’s inappropriate and won’t say it ever again. He’ll always apologize too.

He finds out how hard it can be for you to walk around town and starts to feel guilty about it, since he could’ve done something to change that during his time as Count.

He talks to Nadia and she lets him help with her project of making the city more accessible for people with disabilities (he is good at giving orders).

He has a nasty habit of pulling you around places whenever he wants to show you something, but aside from that, he tends to be a really good sighed companion and a decent guide whenever you need him to be.

#the arcana #the arcana julian #julian devorak #asra alnazar #asra headcanons #nadia satrinava #the arcana nadia #count lucio #lucio the arcana #portia the arcana #portia #muriel arcana #the arcana game muriel #the arcana headcanons #myarcanawritings #request

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kitkat1003 · 3 years

Text

Trust is for fools, and I’ve always been called stupid

The Calabash was...something. Terrible, confusing, but for a moment...nice.

It was easy to trust it, the kindness. MK resolves never to do that again. And then he trusts Macaque, because he’s stupid, and in the aftermath of DBK and the failure that was the skeleton key, MK doesn’t think he can trust anything at all.

Least of all, himself.

(or, “I just wanted to be good enough. Like you.” and the consequences thereof)

MK knows, for a fact, that he’s not smart. He’s not a tactician. He doesn’t have the brains to strategize, not really. If anything, that’s Tang’s department, because Tang has so much knowledge in that brain. Even Pigsy could figure out a better plan than he could.

Which is fine. MK is find with leaning on others, so long as he pulls his weight twice as much so it’s equal. He’s the hero, he’s got to show them that even if he’s not smart, he’s at least dependable in any situation. The clones were a mess, and he realizes that he just has to get used to sleeping less.

And he does, too. Soon, he can go through live with six hours of sleep, 2 am to 8am every night after partying, and still kick it through the day. No one makes comments on the bags under his eyes, because he gets a little makeup to fix that, and he doesn’t let his smile falter.

So really, why would anyone ask? No need to worry, right?

Sometimes Pigsy looks at him a certain way, like he’s trying to decipher something. One those days, MK pumps up the energy to 11, to prove that he’s okay.

Somehow, that makes Pigsy’s frown deepen, instead of lightening it.

Then he messes up Mei’s thing at her house, and again at the race. Then the Calabash happens. Then he loses the skeleton key. Then he trusts Macaque, yells at Monkey King. Then he fights DBK again.

And at the end of it all, there’s still a lingering doubt that he’s done anything good. That he’s done enough.

So he helps out with the city reconstruction, on the weekends. Hangs out with Mei, trains with Monkey King, works at the noodle shop. paints with Sandy, talks with Tang. He balances it all out, and if he has 0 time for himself, that’s fine. Who needs alone time?

But then, one day, he’s training with Monkey King. He’s teaching him a few katas, because while MK is fantastic at twirling the staff around and blocking things from time to time, he still fumbles. Some katas will give him the muscle memory to be a bit crazy.

Some of them are stupid hard, though. There’s a lot of little steps involved, and MK is still getting into this whole focus business.

(It’s a stain on his pride, that that’s a lesson he still hasn’t exactly mastered. Monkey King always says that it’s fine, as long as he’s trying, but that’s worthless platitude and MK knows it.)

He’s been working through this one kata for like, an hour, and he can tell Monkey King is getting a little frustrated with him. He doesn’t say it, but MK knows. He can get annoying.

But then, he tries again, for what feels like the 1000th time, and when he’s done Monkey King cheers.

“YES! Oh, that-that was perfect, kid!” Monkey King is smiling, and MK wants to be happy about it, but.

Perfect.

He said perfect.

And MK, he knows he isn’t in the Calabash, he broke it, but he doesn’t want to hear that word, because it reminds him of too much of what he wanted then, consistent praise, kindness from everyone, the knowledge that he wasn’t completely useless, because he did it. He saved everyone.

He wants that but he’ll never get it. Not yet anyway.

“Kid?” MK flinches at the sound, blinking away his thoughts. Monkey King has gone from smiling to pensive, if not concerned, arms crossed over his chest.

“I really did good?” MK puts on his trademark smile, and Monkey King softens.

“Heck yeah. I think that’s good enough for today, you got an easy ten katas under your belt. Practice them at home in the meanwhile, kay?” And MK wants to argue, because he needs to know more, faster, but he nods, waving a cheery goodbye and running off.

There’s a thrumming energy in him, that he needs to do something, anything, to let this out.

So he punches a wall, and the skin of his knuckles bleed.

He stares at it for a few moments, and realizes that the buzzing energy is gone. He can breathe.

He doesn’t bandage it until he gets home.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

It becomes part of a routine. When he feels this...extra energy, all it takes is a little pain. And punching things will make him stronger, anyway, so it’s basically training. He really needs to catch up on that.

Mei invites him to a race, as a mark of goodwill considering the last time. He declines, and practices Katas for three hours until it’s party time after Mei’s obvious win.

His limbs feel like lead but he still parties till it’s past midnight. Sleeps for six hours. Goes to work.

Punches a wall.

Rinse and repeat.

Tang and Pigsy notice the bandages on his hands, wrapped around his fingers and knuckles. The first few days they say little, but Tang mentions it as MK busses tables.

“Just a new look,” he shrugs it off.

“A new look to look like you’re a street gang kid?” Pigsy barks from the kitchen, and MK shrugs.

He buys red gloves a day or so later, so they don’t see the bandages anymore. When they ask, he says he wanted the look to be more authentic.

They stop asking questions. Mission accomplished.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

He messes up eventually. He keeps screwing up at meditation, either twitching too much or practically falling asleep. He’s practically thrown out of the training grounds by a reasonably annoyed and disappointed Monkey King.

And, to top it off, he scheduled his training day on the wrong day off, so now he apparently missed a shift at work. Pigsy shouts at him, threatens to fire him, and MK doesn’t even have the energy to try panickily apologize.

So he just takes it.

“Sorry, Pigsy,” He manages, and heads up to his room, missing the look of surprise and concern that flashes on Pigsy’s face.

What a mess. Stupid, he’s so stupid!

He slams his fist into his head, and then blinks in surprise, because the pain felt good. It scrambled his thoughts, brought him back into focus.

He at least, this time, doesn’t have to make an excuse about covering his temples. He’s already got his headband.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Things go back to normal, with MK’s shitty sleep schedule and shittier habits, and he’s so, so proud when no one notices, but also almost betrayed? Do they not care enough to notice? Are they just not looking anymore?

When he goes through the town he keeps his eyes peeled. He has enemies, like spiders and Macaque and DBK and Red Son and Princess Iron Fan, Yin and Jin and a million others. You can’t trust anyone, and you’re not safe. He knows this, makes sure he remembers it, because when you forget that that’s when you get hurt, or someone you care for gets hurt.

It all comes to a head when he’s coming to the noodle shop after a long day of training, figuring a nice bowl of noodles and soup will be the perfect energy boost to get him through the rest of the day, but when he gets back the lights are off.

Now that he thinks about it, Monkey King let him out a little early, didn’t he?

He’s on edge as he walks through the door, and then the lights flick on.

“SURPRISE!”

And MK, he doesn’t see his four friends and mentor, he sees an attack. This is out of the ordinary, this isn’t normal, Pigsy doesn’t close shop early, Monkey King doesn’t let him out of training early.

He screams, and the staff is in his hand, and the end of it shoots outward, stretching towards one of the figures.

Pigsy ducks, and the staff embeds itself in the wall.

MK blinks. Stares. Doesn’t breathe because he’s shaking.

“MK?” Mei starts, but then.

“WHAT THE HELL KID?!” Pigsy shouts, and MK drops the staff and runs.

When he leaves, Monkey King picks up his staff, making it vanish. He sits, cross-legged on his cloud, and crosses his arms over his chest.

“We’re going after him, right?”

“Obviously!” Pigsy growls out, and they go.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Realistically, MK knows he shouldn’t be terrified of his friends.

But they’re all stronger and better than him, and Monkey King was there too, and he messed up and perfectly good thing because he wasn’t good enough, because he freaked out over nothing, and now everyone is mad at him.

He stops in an alley, pounding his fists against his head.

“Stupid,” He mutters. “Stupid, stupid!” Harder, and harder, he needs to get this feeling out. Doesn’t matter if it hurts. Harder, and harder, biting his lip so hard it bleeds, curled up in an alley.

He hears a voice, muffled, from far away.

“Found him! MK, it’s-what are you doing?!” Mei almost screams, and that gets Pigsy, Sandy, Tang, and Monkey King there faster than she expected. MK doesn’t hear her, he keeps muttering to himself, keeps slamming his fists into his head.

Monkey King grabs his wrists, right before another swing, and MK freezes, blinking tiredly. His head hurts. His gloves have spikes on them, for the aesthetic, and he feels something wet trailing down the side of his face.

“Kid?” Monkey King tries, and MK knows he needs to reply, but the world’s getting fuzzy.

“Kid!”

He passes out.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

He wakes up on a cloud, and for a moment is pretty sure he’s dead.

“Not quite,” Someone calls, and oh, he must have said that aloud.

He sits up, and he��s in the noodle shop, on Monkey King’s cloud.

Said Monkey King is standing next to him, a frown on his face, and MK wants to vanish.

“M-Monkey King, I-,” he raises a hand, and realizes his gloves are missing. as is his headband. They’ve been replaced with bandages.

“You nearly gave yourself a concussion, you idiot,” Pigsy comes from the back, holding a bowl of noodles. He practically shoves it into MK’s arms, and MK fumbles with it, before he steadies. He takes the chopsticks, and stares down at the bowl.

“Don’t spill any. This cloud doesn’t dry clean,” Monkey King jokes, and MK nods, shakily, and eats. He doesn’t say anything, and everyone just watches. It’s unnerving.

The bowl is taken out of his hands, and Tang takes it to the sink, before MK can even think to move to get up.

“...am I in trouble?” He asks, shoulders hiking up to his ears, and Pigsy sighs. Monkey King shrugs.

“Kind of,” Is the reply he gets from his mentor, and MK deflates.

“MK, why the hell were you hitting yourself hard enough to make you bleed,” It’s not phrased as a question, and MK flinches.

“It’s just-it helps me,” Pigsy raises a brow at that, and MK lets the words fall out of his mouth, rapid fire. “I just-I got to be good, right? I have to to good work, and be better, and get better, and sometimes I get stressed out but then I just-I hit something and I can focus,” He glances over to Monkey King. “Focus is important right? I’m just doing that, you know?”

Monkey King looks a bit a lost, and a lot concerned.

“Kid-,” MK interrupts his mentor and doesn’t have the focus to even be nervous about it.

“I shouldn’t have started hitting my head, that was stupid-,” for a moment, one of his hands reaches up in a muscle memory of motion, but Monkey King grabs him by the wrist and pulls his arm back down. “I can just go back to hitting other stuff, yknow? To keep me on track. And I’ll do better, promise,” He glances between his friends, but instead of making them feel better, they only look more concerned.

“Better at what? You do plenty?” Mei tilts her head to the side, confused.

“Maybe...,” MK shrugs it off.

“What is even your schedule like?” Tang asks. “If you’re this concerned about messing it up?”

“I work here from nine to six, then I eat, practice katas, and then hang out with Mei or paint with Sandy or hang out with Tang. Party until one, sleep at two, wake up at eight. I train with Monkey King on days I’m off, and I look to see who needs help on the weekends,” He prattles it off proudly, but Monkey King’s eyes narrow.

“And when do you relax?” He asks, and MK tilts his head to the side at the question.

“When I’m asleep?”

“MK, I thought you’d learned to not overwork yourself after the clones thing,” Tang pipes up, and MK blinks.

“But I’m not using clones. I got better instead,” Pigsy groans.

“Kid, you’re a candle burning at both ends. No wonder you’re about to fall apart.” Pigsy rubs at his temples in frustration, and MK stares.

“But-but I have to! I got to-I got to do something! And I’m good at this, I can do this! I have to!”

“Why?”

Mei’s question stops him short, and MK doesn’t know how to explain.

“You can trust us, you know. We can pick up the slack,” Tang calls, from his place at the noodle bar. MK snorts.

“You can’t trust anyone, and you’re not safe,” he mumbles. Monkey King’s ear twitches.

“The hell did you learn that from?” His mentor turns to him, and MK shrugs.

“Jin and Yin. The Calabash. The Skeleton key. Macaque,” He clenches his fists. That buzzing feeling is back, and it’s hard to breathe. He doesn’t know how to focus, he doesn’t

“Fuck, kid, you were in the Calabash? That’s a nightmare, no wonder you’re messed up. Why didn’t you say something?” Monkey places a hand on top of one of MK’s fists.

“Wasn’t important. I’m okay.”

“You’re not,” Pigsy barks.

“I’m okay enough.”

“You shouldn’t have to be!”

“But I’m the hero!” MK shouts, jumping off of the cloud and looming over Pigsy, in a rare moment where his height advantage means something. “I have to keep the world safe, I have to stop the bad guys, I have to be better!”

“You have time,” Monkey King tries, and MK whirls on him.

“No, I don’t, because you waited until the last second to have anything to do with me!”

The shout isn’t mean to come out like that, but Monkey King flinches like he’s been hit, and MK curls in on himself. He’s not bitter, he’s not, it’s just...frustrating. That he has to train and fight bad guys who have thousands of years on him. He can’t ever catch up, but he’s trying. Isn’t that enough?

“Kid-,” Monkey King reaches out, and MK turns away.

“No-I’m sorry-that isn’t fair,” he lifts his hands up. “Stupid-”

Pigsy grabs one arm and Monkey King the other, and MK is frozen, fists raised towards his head.

MK sniffles. And then he sobs.

He drops to his knees on the floor, crying because it’s so much and he was handling it even when it hurt and now everyone knows how pathetic and weak he is.

“It’s so hard!” He cries. “I was just trying to be better!”

Pigsy pulls him close, and hugs.

“Kid, you’re doing fine. Better than fine. You got to deal with a lot of shit, and it’s hard, but you’re doing a good job. But you don’t have to do this all. You can take breaks,” MK doesn’t think he remember Pigsy ever speaking this soft.

“I thought there were no breaks in the war against the enemy,” He mumbles, and Pigsy snorts.

“I can make an exception, but only this time,” MK chuckles. Pigsy lets go, and MK wipes his eyes, standing.

He turns to Monkey King.

“Listen, kid,” Monkey King looks worlds of uncomfortable. “MK,” he amends. “I didn’t know how bad this would get. Couldn’t teach you with the staff until you got it. And, uh, I figured experience learning would work, since that was how it was with me. Mostly,” He shrugs, and MK just stares. “But I’m sorry you had to deal with all that. You’re my student. I should protect you more, when you’re still learning.”

“It’s okay,” MK says, automatic. Monkey King’s eyes soften with something undiscernible.

“Sure, kid,” He mutters, and MK wonders who is blaming who at this point.

“Okay,” Mei pipes up. “Are we gonna celebrate MK’s birthday or what?”

MK blinks.

“It’s my birthday?”

“You forgot?!”

“I was busy!’

They’re laughing, and Pigsy heads into the kitchen. Something about a cake.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

MK is barred from working the next day, as well as training and partying. He’s only to do something that is for him, not for anyone else.

So he draws, all day, little sketches. Drawings of him, of Pigsy, of Sandy, of Mei, of Tang, of Monkey King.

A new routine.

He works from 9 to 6, 3 days a week. Trains two days a week. Has weekends off, to do whatever he wants. Mei calls him to party, and always asks what he did the day before extending her invitation. Same with Sandy and Tang.

He wonders if they’re conspiring against him. For him? Whatever.

Pigsy checks his hands and temples every day for two months. It’s embarrassing, especially when MK messes up and hits himself, or something, again.

Mei is a good distraction. She takes him to his favorite places, reminding him of the things he forgot. How to have fun. How to relax.

Monkey King is very...gentle isn’t the right word. But protective? Perhaps. MK stumbles during a kata and he’s getting his legs checked out by a suspicious monkey.

He thinks Monkey King is embarrassed that he couldn’t tell MK was hurt. That must be it.

Eventually, the bruises fade. His knuckles have a few scars, but he throws away the gloves regardless.

“You’re getting better,” Monkey King tells him one day, when he swings the staff, willing it to stretch out to hit the dummy twenty feet away.

MK smiles.

He’s getting better.

#lego monkie kid #monkie kid #monkie kid monkey king #monkie kid mk #self harm #kitkat1003

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bardicbird · 3 years

Text

hi I’m thinking about cad again and self projecting or whatever so I’m just gonna ramble on my thoughts abt his childhood and shit

(i don’t know if this is going to be especially triggering, but i am discussing my interpretation of his backstory, which includes)

//angst// //dissociation// and //weight mention/body image// so be safe :]

so like. this boy grew up as the ‘weird one’ in the family until his younger sister was born, and i take that to mean a couple different things. first of all: weak boy. we already know he had some troubles being born but like,, sir you are a stick. he’s also a lot paler than his siblings, and has the white hair. nothing to ,, alienate him exactly, but when you’re a very perceptive person like cad, you tend to latch onto small reactions and treat them like utmost truth. i have my own personal headcanons for his neurodivergency, but either way he definitely grew up a bit more offbeat than his family, leading him to sort of settle into a slightly muted version of himself. he wasn’t,,, hiding himself from them, or lying outright, but the really weird thoughts were pushed down and saved for when he was alone; he also ended up dying his hair.

being in a big family is weird, especially as the sensitive and perceptive kid. you tend to notice others emotional states easier, and because of that, end up trying to help in your own ways. but, when you’re the one always helping and being the ‘nice kid’, it’s hard to show your own vulnerablility. we know cad said he had a ‘small house’ (which. yeah gross) but i also take that to mean that he didn’t really get a lot of space to himself ! there wasn’t a lot of time to just. let himself go and feel something, especially with the push to meditate until tranquility, which is a lovely thing, but can also cause you to avoid problems instead of talking them out. it was a small house; someone would hear him if he cried.

and then, people started leaving. and cad, not the youngest but the one chosen to stay behind, was left alone. for ten years. he probably replied heavily on routines: tending to the grove, making tea, checking for any visitors, making more tea, grab something small to eat, check the status of the forest etc. of course, people did come to see him sometimes, but they were all mourning. the only contact he had with anyone (aside from the few ventures out for supplies) was with people who were depressed, angry, and needed his help to guide them. he spent all of his time either alone, or helping terribly sad people. he couldn’t even talk to the foliage, as it had slowly been corrupting.

spending your time around depressed people makes you depressed. especially as an empathetic and sensitive person. at some point, probably not too far into his isolation, he started running on auto pilot. tend the grove, make some tea, help people, sleep a few hours, wake up and do it all again tomorrow. when Taliesin introduced him as ‘not necessarily healthily thin’ i just,, whoo yeah that’s a boy who’s already naturally skinny, but forgets to eat because he’s literally. been alone for ten years... eventually, when the nein found him he seemed,, dissociated, to say the least. part of this is probably just cad’s general demeanor, but he was stopping halfway through sentences, switching topics, forgetting his own words. he wandered off some point in the middle of a conversation with nott to look for flowers. it was almost like he didn’t fully register that they were there, and when he did venture outside the grove? almost immediately got overwhelmed as hell.

and then he adjusted. gradually. he still isn’t fully comfortably in this group, but they feel like a family. a family that cad could be more truthful to than his own parents,, because, other people were offbeat here. they thought he was nice, and they needed his help. another group of mourners,, but this time it was a little different. he wanted to stick around, and the idea of going home, back to his family felt.. wrong. he loved his family, and he missed them, but he felt like a watered down version of himself before meeting the nein. if he had to go back, get used to the family routines again, be seen as the younger, weird brother would it feel right? he was needed, with the nein, they thought he was wise, and accomplished. something he never really felt at home.

I’m going to stop rambling now bc i feel like that’s enough for one post but god. i didn’t even talk about his relationship towards death, or how he views faith as an escapism from choice and consequences, because he’s so afraid that he’ll do something wrong so he just asks the wildmother instead .. can u tell I’m hyperfixated lmao

#long post #cr meta #caduceus meta #cr caduceus meta #caduceus clay #cr #critical role #m9

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reversecreek · 3 years

Text

pops hip n winks at the dash. haaaaiiii. me again. i’ve honestly missed playing lana fr a while she’s one of. my most treasured muses bc she’s jst a silly n vivacious ball of sunshine or alternatively? a train wreck depending on which way u turn her in the light..... i actually hv two playlists made fr her n one is rly old bt it’s more like. songs that Remind me of her which u can find here n then here is more like. stuff u’ll most often catch her blasting on her record player as she dances around in her underwear w the curtains open. OH and here is her pinterest 🍓⚡

* kristine froseth, cis female + she/her | you know lana jameson, right? they’re twenty-three, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, a few hours? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to play that funky music by wild cherry like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole cherry red gym socks worn with nothing else, doodling penises in the condensation of a stranger’s car window, a bumper sticker on the back of a convertible cadillac that says ‘scrappy doo is a filthy slut’ thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is june 2nd, so they’re a gemini, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( nai, 24, gmt, she/her )

HISTORY:

lana grew up in a big house in albany, NY. i picture it w dark oak floors n lots of light furniture. albums framed on walls. mayb some rolling stone covers too frm way bk when of the bands her dad’s label signed. kind of like… a rock star palace w no evidence of children at all. i think i described it best in one of lana’s self paras once when i said the garden ws “as big as it was unloved”

lana’s mum victoria (vic) ws a music journalist w a pretty fruitful career ahead of her when she met lana’s dad richard (rich). his record label ws jst starting out, founded on the coattails of his wealthy best friend’s (jensen peters) investment w his other best friend (who he jst calls knoxville). it rocketed to success when they signed poppy injects, a rock band w an electric stage presence, n vic ws drawn to the glitz n glamour of a man tht ws at the helm of his aspiring industry. their love ws very impulsive, all or nothing right frm the start, n it ws almost like she ws mre in love w his accomplishments n what he represented than him.

(DRUGS TW) anyway so jameson records repped a few rock bands bk in the eighties, altho poppy injects r who they’re mostly known fr, namely bc of hw brightly they crashed n burned. they were a big chart success bt the lead singer hd quite an intense struggle w heroin (wsnt rly subtle abt it either while he ws in the public eye as u cn probably imagine frm such an on-the-nose band name) n he ws always in n out of the papers. it eventually brought down his career n it ws a big publicity nightmare

lana pretty much… grew up around figures like this throughout childhood. real characters who wld kind of… b extremely volatile n destructive abt their troubles. the jameson house was an open one as welcoming clients went n a lot of parties took place there. a lot of the time musicians wld b snorting lines in the kitchen when she wnted to grab a bowl of cereal fr breakfast n it was just. a very strange environment fr a child to grow up in. more zoo than home. more shaken snow globe than resting place. (END OF TW)

(ABORTION REFERENCE) her parents always kind of jst… didn’t like her much. her older brother caleb ws unplanned bt they sort of welcomed the surprise more bt… quickly realised they weren’t cut out fr parenthood n then when lana came as another surprise 3 yrs later they didn’t even try to hide their resentment abt the situation. her mum ws actually booked in to have an abortion bt cldnt go through with it at the last minute. once when lana ws a kid she asked her why she’s so cold towards her she jst turned her head frm her dresser, looked at her, told her abt this n said “idk why i didn’t go”. lana didn’t kno wht to say to tht so she jst left her room n closed the door (END OF REFERENCE)

(DISSOCIATION TW) bc of the intensity of her parents ignoring her growing up lana adopted this sense of like…. she didn’t rly kno what it ws bt it ws a delusion of sorts where she thought she ws a ghost bc she gt this strange outside feeling. she’d jst sort of… drift around the halls w no-one acknowledging her n sometimes she ws jst convinced she wsnt actually there or they cldnt see her n she ws jst haunting the house frm a previous family. (END OF TW) her imagination festered an explanation out of smthn she didn’t understand essentially. lana used her imagination to do this a lot growing up. it ws kind of like the band aid she slapped over everything. after all she wasn’t alone if she was sword fighting imaginary pirates dwn the hallway with a poker from the fireplace.

the one saving grace tho tht sort of?? gt her thru this n made her feel Seen ws caleb. lana quite genuinely hs always thought the sun shines out of her older brothers ass like she jst thinks. he’s the best person in the entire world. wld b rly bewildered if anyone questioned tht. he wld always look out for her n cut the crusts off her sandwiches (he’d cook fr them most of the time bc their parents were too busy/didn’t care to) n sometimes wld even sleep at the bottom of her bed curled up like a guard dog. it ws always lana n caleb n his best friend tommy against the world in tht house (tommy lived next door bt was always over bc he had very strict parents tht he found suffocating)

(ARMY MENTION) SO when tommy announced tht he’d signed up to the army (bc of pressures from tommy’s military dad to fulfil some kind of stupid “legacy” tommy didn’t even care abt) n caleb said he was going with him lana ws understandably…….. completely blindsided. she ws rly upset tht they were leaving n was kind of like “wtf why are u doing this like what do u even think this is gna solve” etc n begged caleb not to leave her there on her own n jst to not sign up in general bc tommy had to bt he didn’t listen.

ERM i won’t go into it but it didn’t turn out well as u can probably imagine bc the army is a terrible industry n caleb had to return home without tommy. he wasn’t the same after that. (END OF MENTION)

what’d been a rly close relationship before where he ws basically like a surrogate father figure to lana was Not there any more. he ws rly withdrawn n always pushing her away n snapping at her for the sake of getting her to leave him alone. on top of this lana had a lot of shit go down while he was away n rly just shouldn’t have been a kid alone in tht house. regardless lana thought if she kept grinning as wide as she cld she’d convince caleb to join in too. maybe if she seemed fine n happy he’d take the lead. maybe she’d believe it too n start to feel it n everything could go bk to how it was before her world became so different. lana liked the way the sky flipped when she tipped her head back on the swings bt this was different. everything was upside down bt this didn’t make her belly feel like she’d swallowed a butterfly and it wasn’t funny bt still, she kept laughing. always desperate to find something to laugh at n if she couldn’t find it she invented it. as long as ur laughing the world can’t b that bad.

she ws always well liked in school bc she jst tended to treat everyone like they were bffs no matter who like u cld have literally bumped shoulders w her once in the corridor n she’d be like OMG HAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII let’s kiss<3 n like she ws a huge notorious flirt w any n all as well as incredibly impulsive n jst. wild honestly to put it simply too bt things like. changed a bit frm 16 onwards. (HYPERSEXUALITY & IMPLIED TRAUMA TW) she jst became far more reckless honestly n like....... jst didn’t rly seem to care after a certain point abt herself too much.... got herself in a bunch of bad situations.......... kind of jst flung herself to the wolves numerous times without any caution abt the way they’d bite. formed a lot of self destructive habits one of which ws cruising craigslist personals fr random hook-ups n like. she literally cld have wound up in a ditch somewhere honestly it’s a shock she hasn’t. despite various dips n inclines in her journey navigating this side of her it’s very much still present in her life to this day n she struggles to kno hw to control herself at points. sometimes she feels like a melting candle tht needs moulding by thumbs until it can form a person again. sometimes she’s only sure she’s real when she’s being touched. (END OF TW)

ANYWAY. laughs nervously. went to college to study dance bc she’s always loved dance in general bt specifically ballet (despite definitely not hving the discipline for it) n honestly this was both good n bad fr her. had a whole string of terrible heartbreaking relationships bc she tends to fall into those hard n fast n they were w a lot of bad people fr like 98% of the time. she kind of learned more abt what love is during her time there tho which is a gd thing bt she still isn’t very good at knowing hw to believe she deserves it so it’s a process. she hd fun tho. threw 498572598475 outrageous n elaborately themed parties. ws friends w pretty much everyone on campus.

despite a strained relationship w her brother n having to go home to visit n check on him whenever he got rly bad it ws the first time it actually felt like she’d found a home in a lot of rly loving n genuine friendships n lana will never forget hw much that experience meant to her even if she definitely struggled there too. college felt like a place she belonged n then suddenly she couldn’t belong there any more n there was a big sense of floundering in that. like where do u go now when u’ve never known home elsewhere? how do u happily go out into the world if it means leaving ur world behind?

she applied to a dance company in LA n fell in w a pretentious art scene there full of wannabe andy warhols n the like. became a makeshift edie sedgwick to some guy w dyed white hair n the idea his every concept was revolutionary when rly he jst shot her dancing barely clothed splashing around in a random fountain in his friend’s mansion on an ancient film camera. she’d spend her days floating around on lilo’s and prancing in feather boas and racing with glitter leftover frm last night in her leotard w smudges of faint red lipstick to barely make her job on time. always a sexy train wreck bt this time? make it hollywood.

(IMPLIED ALCOHOLISM TW) i won’t lie to u lana hs always partied way too hard bt then partying way too hard turned into slurping merlot thru a crazy straw shaped like a flamingo at 4 in the afternoon wearing penis novelty sunglasses n it wasn’t quite so much of a party when u were doing it on ur own. this rly snowballed into place in college bt carried on n wound up getting her fired from the dance company bc she turned up to rehearsals drunk one too many times n they didn’t allow fr sloppiness like tht. it was a “professional operation” that didn’t “accept that kind of behaviour” bt lana was jst like ummmmmmmmm that’s totally dramatic btw way to spank me in the town square like i’m gale w a raw ass n back in the hunger games bt ok sure i’m out ig. BOOP! (literally booped the director on the nose before leaving) (END OF TW)

honestly hd no idea what to do w herself after her job fell thru in LA n was pretty embarrassed actually upon sobering up the nxt day. cldn’t bring herself to tell her friends for a hot minute bc she felt like a failure or smthn n she was meant to be living this glamorous life out there being the classic wild n silly n fun Lana Jameson. cldn’t figure out how to repackage it into a funny story tht wouldn’t worry ppl. eventually wound up jst caving n telling her closest besties (shoutout freya n rosa) bc she ws hving a weird time dating losers n randomly living in LA even tho she didn’t kno why she was there any more after losing the job n they were jst like. fk it then. jst come here. we’re in irving. and so? mizz jameson packed her bags....

PERSONALITY:

always smells vaguely of wild cherries or strawberry starburst or jst the candy aisle in general. if she ws a vinyl record she’d b this one n she’d only play good vibrations by the beach boys, dancing on my own by robyn, play that funky music by wild cherry, femme fatale by the velvet underground n (i can’t get no) satisfaction by the rolling stones

the jameson family r pretty well off n bc of her relation to such a big music industry figure she’s hung out w a fair few relatively high rep ppl thru her teens. mostly kids of celebrities n stuff like tht. she amassed a bit of an instagram following #nepotism bt also fr her style (v penny lane-esque in some aspects. lots of fur cuff trimmed jackets bt then also jst…. a wild combination of everything honestly. pastel faux fur coats, seventies style platforms, bright red cowboy boots, pink fishnet tights, holographic stickers of planets on her cheek n glitter used like highlight, 90% of the time a red lip) n bc she’s not gna make ur eyes bleed to look at or anything let’s b real

growing up lana was always a huge social butterfly. knew everyone n everyone knew her. she ws one of those girls tht ws kind of impossible to ignore or forget. very animated, always made u feel like u were the centre of the universe whenever she spoke to u, always made it feel like u were best friends even if ud only spoken to her once.

deliberately puts on tht kind of Magnetic Alluring Act tht femme fatales wear in movies w most ppl. kind of…. is always playing A Role of the person tht she wants to b seen as. hates being sad n always wnts to be happy / making ppl happy. chameleons to situations. feels like she’s performed as the vivacious n fun loving Lana Jameson fr so long tht she doesn’t rly kno who she is beneath tht bt she isn’t too keen to find out. sometimes gets glimpses n feels the urge to close her eyes.

she’s always been rly spontaneous n adventurous. always doing something weird n wild every weekend. she has ten thousand ridiculously absurd n chaotic stories. she’s like oh ya this one time this guy made me ride him with a daddy saddle like i was woody and he was bullseye. he literally made me call him bullseye. or she’s like. oh ya once i had to run barefoot thru a cabbage patch bc this one farmer wanted to have a threeway w me n my friend tht we met off craigslist n every framed photo in his house was a pig dressed up in cosplay bt honestly they were kind of cute n he was sexy aside frm the murderous vibes n the fact he kept calling me babe which i’m pretty sure means he wanted to dress me up next bt like whatever honestly.... she tells jst the most batshit stuff n the person she’s telling it to is left blinking like. wtf.

uncontrollably flirty. insanely confident. cld make a joke out a paper bag n will try. she tends to laugh when she feels like crying n has a smile brighter than a ray of texas sunshine.

likes to roller skate n hs a red pair she’ll glide around in at night lit up by amber street lamps breath sticky w the taste of wine n lollipops probably heading to a random hookups. who needs ubers?

always dapples her fingers thru the breeze when she’s driving in a car w the window down. honestly likes dangling her whole body halfway out too. she almost always has some sort of sweet on her, whether it’s sour haribo cherries or strawberry lollipops.

luvs bowie (ONLY aesthetically) n prince (wholeheartedly) n madonna (completely) n anyone tht’s a vintage style icon w little care fr what ppl think.

daisies n poppies r her fav flowers bc daisies r wild n overlooked n poppies r the first thing u look at in a green field. she’s had like 8472493874 ‘relationships’ n none of them hav lasted beyond a month / hav been terrible / hav seen her being treated badly / she’s cheated on them. honestly it’s like a burning train wreck but u can’t quite tear ur eyes away. often the heart of many sordid gossip scandals.

PLOTS:

TBA bc she’s only jst arrived in town i won’t lie to u all but i’m gna whip things up on here anyway n link in chat w updates at some point........ that said? lana is insatiable n it isn’t rly unlikely tht she cld’ve bumped into ur muse in a grocery store aisle n somehow a wild spontaneous adventure spawned frm that alone.......... if u have any immediate ideas we can discuss 😋

#irvingintro #drugs tw #dissociation tw #hypersexuality tw #trauma tw #alcoholism tw #army mention tw #abortion mention tw #i won't lie to u all i like cleaned up this intro bt it's mostly old writing so forgive n overlook any rusty parts.......#it was a bit sickening hving to reread it bt. it does the job.

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eternalstrigoii · 4 years

Text

@slasherwife requested hcs I don’t need a plot for, so, let’s cause some chaos:

Dating Borra Would Include:

Dark Fey!reader:

Practically every pairing in the Nest starts out like a small-town romance. You at least vaguely know one another, if not directly, than through no fewer than six other people.

I am not saying your entire family and all of your friends have Opinions, but I am also not saying that you have not been Conveniently Left Alone “On Accident” before.

Only a few generations ago, your kind roamed every part of the world; there were once innumerable tribes offset from the universals shared by your people as a whole (let alone the commonalities of more habitat-specific cultures).

When you get Involved, you both do your best to honor that; you approached his people to find out what you should do in order to reciprocate courtship, as he approached your elders to learn how he ought to initiate.

Sometimes courtship is an amalgam of his and yours, what he knows as well as what he should also be doing.

Flowers, or useful plants, sometimes even food-plants have a “habit” of popping up when you’re looking for them, though you didn’t call them from the earth yourself.

You may have made the jungle’s vines grow from their natural archway to encourage the passage of rain into the desert in thanks.

You are one of the only people who can get him to dance with you at gatherings. (It’s not exactly fair, considering how well plants respond to him, but you still do it.)

You get to see him for who he is, much of the time, though you, yourself, are not fazed by how he responds to the added stress of human encroachment on the moors. (They are the last true nature separating human kingdoms from the sea; if the humans overtake the moors, it will only be a matter of time until they reach your shores.)

There are times when courtship is an act of war, and it’s a strange feeling to acknowledge. Though you cannot fight every moment, it doesn’t sit well to think that you, living your lives, is a form of resistance (though it certainly is). Humans wish your kind extinct; to be happy together, to continue your people in the future - preserve your cultures as well as your lines - is the only way you can all endure long-term.

That does not mean there aren’t times when you are so afraid that you can hardly consider the pursuit of a shared future anything less than irresponsible.

He shares those feelings - perhaps you all do - but he is more hopeful than one would imagine a man prepared to defend his people to the death might be. You often sit together before the fire, comfortably covered by one another’s wings, and you revel in the way his rough fingers feel against yours as he caresses them.

“We have lasted this long,” he murmurs as he turns to you, his eyes as warm as liquid honey, “the fey will rise again.”

You will always fear that the tides of war will not be on your side, but you have faith in him. You trust him. You would be willing to pair for life in a Bonding Ceremony with him. Perhaps, one day, you will.

“I will be there to see you lead us,” you reply, and steal much too brief of a kiss.

He kisses you in ways human fairy-tales can only dream of. When you are enraptured by one another, the warmth of him is all-consuming. The weight of his hand at your hip and the feeling of his talons easing into your hair steal your breath. It’s even more spellbinding when he’s soft with you, when one greeting kiss becomes another, and another still, as though no matter the length of time that’s passed since you were last together, it was much too long.

That’s not to say it never darkens, though.

He would never hurt you. He would never allow anyone to hurt you.

Borra is not the kind to sit by passively and allow his mate to be encroached upon. Desert and Tundra fey are, by far, the most carnivorous, and the sharpness of his teeth mean the bite marks he leaves where anyone can see them are jewel-dark and tend not to fade quickly - not even on another desert fey.

human!reader:

I remain firm in the belief that Borra wouldn’t fall for just any human. Our man has Been Through It. Placing trust in people w/ a history of committing systematic genocide against your people is, uh. Hard(TM.)

Also it’s, uh, “difficult” to believe Ulstead is as much of a utopia as everyone paints it as, considering Ingrith the Genocidal Maniac was queen. John wanted his wife not to be committing atrocities behind his back, But, Y’know. (Don’t even get me started on Perceforest.)

After what Udo did for a group of trapped, human children when the tomb-bloom bombs were turned on Ulstead, the settling dust meant you were more than willing to approach the other Dark Fey when the dust settled.

You met tending the bullet wound on his arm. You were as gentle as you could be, and a bit overly-apologetic. Though his face betrayed him, he largely didn’t flinch.

You did not point that out to him.

You honestly didn’t think anything would come of it, it was just a kind gesture, you would’ve done it for anyone (in theory, though that wasn’t necessarily the truth).

You don’t dance at parties, though, and you both have that in common.

A light, halfway-obligatory conversation at the fringes of Aurora’s wedding turned into wandering off together. The gardens of Ulstead were horrible barren even before life was taken upon them.

He does not trust you enough to take you to the moors. He does not know you, and that is alright with you.

You sit together on the Ulstead-side of the fast-moving river and talk half the night.

It is the only bright spot you imagine you’ll get for a while, so you savor it. You don’t usually talk much. He doesn’t usually talk much. But you work your way up to a real conversation and a casual level of comfort in speaking to one another.

He is the one who leaves. His people need to be fully accounted for. Some of them will return to the Nest, inevitably, and you don’t know if he’ll be among them, but you watch him go and you hope that he won’t.

Rebuilding Ulstead will take time. Surprisingly, the queen turning bombs on her own village doesn’t endear anyone to her bullshit plight.

You imagine, at first, that you’ll be entirely on your own before the king, the new queen and her husband all show up with royal helpers.

Which also doesn’t go over that well.

A version of “we appreciate the help, but no one’s ever helped us before, so maybe leave us to handle our own affairs because we know what we’re doing,” might get said.

That doesn’t mean everyone agrees with you, but there’s a clear dichotomy between those who have been largely failed by the crown when it was on Ingrith’s head against those who were not, be it by chance or by favoritism.

For having enough of a lack of sense to stand up to your leadership, you end up something of a de-facto leader yourself. At the very least, the other citizens of Ulstead are just fine with you talking on their behalf if it means you’ll be the idiot arrested for treason eventually when they aren’t.

The problem is: the crown wants to change things. They want to fix everything. And that’s a lot of work for them, let alone you.

But it lands you at the castle with a small group of others during what appears to be Yet Another Day Of Back To Back Treaty Meetings.

Honestly, the crown may have forgotten you all were coming.

Progress stalled a bit while they were trying to figure out how to do what the Dark Fey needed them to accomplish without completely riling up every other noble and halfway-important member of the gentry in the unified kingdoms.

You may have had the lack of sense to offer up a potential solution even though you weren’t supposed to be listening in, and, hi, though you didn’t endear yourself to the Fey council by doing so, it’s still not as terrible of a death glare you would’ve gotten from the nobility.

You’re not supposed to be there and you know it, but somehow, you thought-volleying with the royals lends the Dark Fey to proposing a solution of their own (that does not have an ‘or else’ tacked on at the end of it).

You apologize at the end, of course, but “with your permission,” Borra stays to listen to your own meeting.

He’s largely an observer, and you do not pull any punches when your companions certainly do. It’s a strange thing to see reflected in human not-leadership, but, when the meeting breaks with a similar lack of conclusion, there’s a grain of respect between you.

Inevitably, your inconsequential meetings continue that way until you end up just sitting at the same table the whole time and bothering Philip together.

Either of your success won’t come with grand fanfare, you know that, but there’s an intrinsic satisfaction to knowing that people who depend on you will be taken care of no matter who that pisses off.

Which you tell him one night when your meetings run too late and you all end up overnighting in the castle, the last place any of you necessarily want to be. Too many guards, too much bad history.

You may have obtained some mildly-illicit wine and end up camped out on a balcony with him, not exactly intending on sleeping but not exactly intending on not sleeping, either.

The moors are gorgeous, even from there. You’ve never wanted to go there before, but you think you could, one day, when your work is done in Ulstead. Problem is, there seems like there’s just so much to do. Like no matter what you do, you risk failing someone. Doing something wrong. Any misstep could cost you, and you hate having that over your head.

“I know.”

Cue the most loaded of pauses.

You should say something reasonable. Reassure one another. It would be less painful if you opened your mouth and something about the massacre came out.

For a solid minute and a half, you have a genuine heart to heart. Leadership is not thrust upon the unwilling, nor is it inherited; leaders emerge in times of crisis.

It would’ve lasted longer had he not thought of Conall.

You are not drunk enough to justify holding his hand, but you do anyway.

You can almost guarantee that he is not in any way drunk and he cannot justify holding your hand either, but he does.

You should leave everything unresolved just like your meetings. You really should...

But you don’t.

You would love to say something great and empathetic and astoundingly compassionate, but it’s a stumbling, half-assed reassurance and there is absolutely nothing you can do to make either of you feel any better.

But it gets you a little smile, and, for the moment, that’s enough.

You feel painfully transparent when your meetings with the crown resume. You feel like you’re fighting harder because of him (and you are), and that everyone can tell.

Including him.

But you want this. If for no better reason than to relieve some of this burden, you want to accomplish peace and prosperity and all the magical qualities it involves.

Inevitably, you do. Sort of. “Progress is achieved in miserable inches,” as far as restructuring the kingdom for human equity is concerned; for the Dark Fey, the crown can haul some ass because it’s not exactly like a magical inter-species genocide has precedent.

You’re glad. None of that Ingrith-sponsored wedge-driving between your people and theirs over something as petty as bureaucracy; they went through hell and they have every right to be legally protected.

But just before you get ready to spend the night staring at your ceiling and wondering how much of your life you’re about to waste going in and out of Ulstead Palace, there’s a knock at your window.

A knock that smokes when it touches the wrought iron frame of your window, but doesn’t recoil anyway.

You’re in your pajamas, but, y’know, to hell with it. The least you can do is go outside so he doesn’t have to touch the iron, which was a pretty common thing in Ulstead for reasons you never really put to thought until All This Got Started.

You certainly don’t expect to be swept right off your feet and taken airborne.

There might be a little panicked screaming and clinging involved.

As well as a little light laughter before you’re told to hold on.

You do.

Never mind the fact that you’re definitely having a panic attack, being higher up in the air than you would’ve ever considered reasonable, it doesn’t take you long to realize you’re going on a fly-over of the moors.

This time, when you don’t speak to one another, it has nothing to do with awkwardness.

You have no idea that he’s watching your face. That grain of respect has become a budding trust, and he needs to make sure it’s true - humans have never been anything but Ingrith and the poachers, in his experience. There should be no conceivable difference between them and you.

Except there is. There unquestionably is. You did not ask for this, you did not want this, and when it’s given to you - freely - you marvel at what you see.

He takes you as far as Perceforest before heading back, and you barely manage so much as a thanks before your feet are back on the ground.

That was a victory lap, you think. A victory lap between friends. Never mind that your heart did plenty of things when you neared the ground and your sudden proximity to his eyes, warm as the late-afternoon sun, clicked in your mind.

You’ve almost convinced yourself that it’s a reassurance by the time you get back to the palace.

But he’s waiting for you.

You don’t understand why, at first, he has what he wants, doesn’t he? He has everything he needs?

When he had every reason not to trust your kind, a human came to him with a touch as light as a feather’s plume. A human that never once asked for anything from him, yet gave readily. You don’t have to go forward alone.

You have no business taking his hand, but you do.

__________

Tag List: @squishy-jellyfish, @mor-ranr, @blacksirenswolf, @swim-reaper, @thetempleofthemasaigoddess, @deathonyourtongue, @boxxyass, @madlenfireknight Message me if you’d like to be added to the tag list for future works. Looking for more? Click my icon; there’s a masterlist.

#Borra x Reader #Maleficent: Mistress of Evil #Borra #Borra Maleficent #Maleficent Borra #hey remember how I said I wasn't doing plots??? I lied #well NOW I KINDA WANNA WRITE THAT LAST ONE #don't hold your breath but like......when I run out of things late in 2021 remind me this exists

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dear-mrs-otome · 4 years

Note

Can you spoil more about Theo's route? After reading Vincent's route I can't wait to see his route in English server. I wish I knew Japanese...

I can.

I’ll give you a summary of Theo’s route below the cut, so for those zooming past BE WARNED. SPOILERS FOLLOW.

SPOILERS INCOMING!

STILL DOWN FOR HAVING THE WHOLE ROUTE SPOILED IN DETAIL???

SERIOUSLY - A GIANT WALL OF TEXT EXISTS BEHIND THIS CUT, ALL SPOILERS…

Theo’s route begins as I’ve mentioned before, with Theo convincing MC that her dream is just a dream and vampires aren’t real. She gets roped by Sebastian into taking food to Theo’s room the next day and catches a glimpse through his open door of a horrific scar on Theo’s back. When she tries to leave he catches her and tells her that since she’s seen his ‘secret’ (the scar nobody know about, not even Vincent) he’s going to make her work as his assistant for the month she’ll be staying so that he can keep tabs on her and make sure she isn’t going to blab.

The next chunk of his route is spent with her reluctantly tagging along as his helper as he goes about his business as an art dealer, drumming up interest for Vincent’s paintings and even sussing out a forgery (in a scene carefully crafted to make you go, ‘Wow I had no idea art dealers could be so badass’ - I appreciate the effort at least, Cybird) MC isn’t entirely excited about this arrangement or seeing the appeal of Theo’s work until he takes her to a studio of independent artists and talks a bit more about his mission to help them, and then he has her choose a painting from their works for him to sell, all on her own.

The thrill of doing so and seeing the artist’s situation definitely sparks her interest in his job and at the end of the day, he tells her to keep the painting and hang it in her room to remind her of this.

Things continue in this way, with her spending every day at Theo’s side and coming to understand a bit more of who he is and what he does, when one night he comes home late bloodied and beat up after an altercation with the Royal Academy’s art goons. As she presses him into letting her patch him up, he talks more about his dream for the future of the art world and how badly he wants to make it come true, and MC offers to help him with his vision however she can, clearly touching him.

They land a solo showing for Vincent and spend a lot of time preparing for that, picking out works and setting up the gallery, growing closer. At one point, they witness a robbery and hear a gunshot and Theo has a full-on anxiety attack, passing out, and when he comes to he finally admits some to MC how difficult of a time he’s had his whole life trying not to be envious of his brother having what he wanted - talent.

Eventually, Shakespeare comes around and manages to spill the beans to MC while Theo has stepped out that they actually are indeed vampires. She races home to test Shakespeare’s claims, finding that the rouge she thought was red wine is blood after all - and when Theo comes to find her she confronts him about his lie. He maintains that she didn’t need to know, and they argue, with MC eventually running out in near tears at her perceived lack of trust in the man she’s come to love.

Things are tense for a few days as he avoids her, but she keeps working towards their mutual goal of Vincent’s show. Then one morning, a few days before she’s set to go home, she finds the entire gallery on fire much to her horror. She runs in hoping to save at least something of their dream, and finds and rescues one of the paintings of a wheatfield that had seemed dear to Theo - but the building is engulfed in flames and she can’t get out. Then she sees Theo who has rushed into the fire, and he carries her out to safety and outside he crushes her in a hug and admits how terrified of losing her he was.

As he patches up her burns, they clear the air about their argument, and Theo drops a bombshell - he admits that he lied not just about the vampire thing (to keep her from being afraid) but also about the scar. He used it as a convenient excuse to keep her close and protect her while she was stuck there for a month, because he admits he feels responsible for her presence. He confesses that it was HIM, and not Napoleon, that saw her come through the door to the mansion first - and that he tried to get to her before it closed, so he could send her back home right away, but failed and has blamed himself for this ever since.

Some things about the gallery showing, the number of paintings, and other inconsistencies start to add up for MC though, and she eventually confronts Theo about them, leading to him confessing finally in a very emotional scene how he witnessed his brother’s death at the hands of Paul Gauguin and that he actually came back to life to seek revenge. The gallery showing, the places he disappears to on the weekends alone, all of it has been him trying to lure out the man he suspects is still alive (since this isn’t that long after their own ‘deaths’). They exchange a tearful kiss when MC confesses that she likes him and hopes he can move beyond his vengeance, and Theo admits he wants to as well.

MC and Theo begin dating, and Theo seems determined to try and forget his vendetta, but he can’t quite seem to - and when Shakespeare stirs the pot and tells Theo that Gauguin absolutely is alive and that he can’t have his revenge if he has any regrets, Theo decides to break things off with MC. He comes to her room and tells her she should go home when the door opens in the next couple of days, bluffing about how brief and shallow their relationship was, and she realizes she can’t make him want to be with her - but she asks him for one night together regardless and he sorrowfully agrees. They sleep together, and he tells her he hopes she’ll be happy, and after she’s asleep he leaves - but admits to her sleeping self that he does love her and can’t bring himself to involve her in his terrible plan.

The morning of Vincent’s show (which is now being held in a public park since the gallery was destroyed) MC and Vincent discover Theo is missing, and after seeing a lone painting of Gauguin’s set up, Vincent seems to understand everything. He and MC race to the cliffs where they find Theo murderously confronting a vampiric Gauguin, who gleefully admits to killing Vincent out of envy for his talent - and then accuses Theo of harboring the same horrible emotions. A distraught Theo finally admits to his brother that sometimes he hated him, and how lost he was when Vincent died. Vincent and MC try to talk Theo out of his revenge but it seems futile…and then Gauguin shoots Theo and he collapses, bleeding horrifically.

Vincent begs MC to give Theo some of her blood and she does, cutting her hand and feeding him enough for him to revive in a tearful scene as she berates him for breaking his promises to her. He confronts Gauguin again but this time admits that he doesn’t want to let hate rule his life anymore, and sends the man off. But he’s still grievously wounded, and as Theo tries to tell Vincent and MC how he really feels he collapses again, unconscious.

Shakespeare appears and as thanks for the ‘excellent show’ he helps Vincent carry Theo back to a doctor. As he’s being attended, SG and MC have a long conversation about what she wants to do when the door opens and her feelings for Theo, and after he wakes up Theo asks to see her and Vincent. He and Vincent clear the air after Theo’s heated admissions of envy, and then he sends his brother away to have a conversation with MC where he apologizes formally for breaking his word and lying to her, and begs her forgiveness.

We see Vincent’s show going off as planned with great success, the public setting accomplishing the van Gogh brother’s hopes of letting anyone see art, and Theo even drags himself there with a cane to see the results. Arthur reminds him to tell MC how he feels, before she leaves, and the next morning Theo comes to her room and takes her out to a place special to him (the wheatfields that remind him of where he and Vincent spent time as children) and admits how important she is to him and how he had always lived his life for someone else, never valuing himself until she came along, and that he knows he’s not the easiest person to love but he needs her.

In his romantic ending, MC tells him she plans to stay, and Theo proclaims he can’t let her give up everything important in her life for him just like that. He insists that he will go to the future with her, for her sake and his own to see this brave new art world she lives in, and after an emotional parting between the brothers we see him adapting to the modern world no problem. He works as an art dealer still, and there is a cute smutty scene where MC asks him if he has any regrets about the choice he made and he assures her he doesn’t - he loves her and would always choose her.

In his dramatic ending, she tells him she’ll stay and he is surprised, but accepts. She continues her work as his partner, taking on more responsibility as they run the business together, and even running afoul of the Academy. Theo vows to protect her no matter what hardships they face as they work towards their dream, and compares her to one of the ‘life-altering masterpieces’ he’s searched for his whole life.

#ikemen vampire #ikevamp #ikevamp theo #spoiler #spoilers #ikemen vampire spoilers #ikevamp spoilers #route summary #SERIOUSLY GUYS THIS IS THE ENTIRE ROUTE #DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU WANT THE TWISTS TO STAY IN PLACE #van Bros being van Dumbasses is a theme

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fanfic-inator795 · 4 years

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So I know I keep comparing Draxum to Vegeta from Dragonball Z and Peridot from Steven Universe in terms of personality, archetype and especially potential redemption, but ‘Mystery Meat’ has made me realize that comparing him to Lord Hater from Wander Over Yonder is also a fairly valid comparison.

Both Hater and Draxum sort of took a level in silliness in the second season of their respective series (though for Hater you could argue it happened in the last third of s1), and they both have to deal with getting knocked down a peg due to personal failures along with a better and stronger threat to take their place. Hater focuses on defeating Wander and ends up losing a lot of his empire’s territory to Lord Dominator while Draxum is blinded by his own confidence and goals, causing him to make terrible decisions that eventually lead to him being unable to return home and temporarily losing his powers, as well as starting up a whole new chain of events with Shredder and Big Mama.

Both characters also seem to want things beyond their surface level goals. Hater wants to take over the Galaxy and wants to be the Greatest, proving hius strength and power, but he only wants these things because he’s lonely and wants people to like him, even if he doesn’t like to admit how much he wants friends or a romantic partner. Draxum meanwhile has always stated that his main goal was the reclaim the surface for Yokaikind, eliminating the human threat (which may or may not have driven Yokai underground in the first place) forever and allowing Yokai to live in peace without the risk of being destroyed for good. He wants to accomplish this by either mutating humans or destroying them with the Dark Armor, depending on whichever option seemed more convenient/likely to succeed.

But the thing is, like with Hater and how much he can act like an angsty teen or someone who just doesn’t know how to constructively communicate his wants and emotional needs, we keep seeing these little moments of humanity (pun partially unintended) and silliness/emotion from Draxum, reminding us that he’s a person too.

He may not be as fatherly as Splinter, still wanting to use the Turtles as his warriors to help meet his goals, but he also calls them “beautiful” and tears up when he first sees them before he’s utterly disappointed, lol. He gets annoyed over minor human things and Big Mama using silly words and the ELOM interrupting him. He’s able to connect with Recruit on a personal level, even offering her - a HUMAN - a gesture of kindness. He’s utterly amazed with Lou Jitsu’s skill and “warrior spirit” even after all these years, still calling him ‘Great’ despite everything. He can be sassy and smug and petty and sings a goddamn musical number. He felt genuinely betrayed and hurt when he learned that the Foot had tricked him, he was genuinely touched when Mikey and Raph saved him from the bounty hunters, and now he’s genuinely starting to enjoy his job, doing it his own Draxum-y way and even making friends with humans who show him kindness!

And with that last bit in mind... I think Draxum’s secret desire, similar to Hater’s desire for platonic and/or romantic companions, is to just... have a normal life, and to not be afraid of losing it. Before, Draxum was throwing himself into his experiments and plans, determined to stop a threat before it came despite all claims that it never would come. We still don’t know his full backstory, but if he lost someone or believes he lost someone to humans, that could have triggered a sort of ‘we will never be safe/I’ll make sure we’ll stay safe’ mindset that he was never really able to move past until now. But now that he’s failed tremendously, has been pushed out of his lab and is unable to seriously work on his goals without the risk of being found and dragged to mystic prison, he’s starting to sort of see the light - see that some of his previous misconceptions were wrong, and start to make a change.

Hater also had a similar arc, where despite still not caring for Wander’s weird ways most of the time and still being a brat of a skeleton man, he did start to be effected by Wander’s teachings and soften up a little, allowing him to strengthen his friendship with Peepers, being willing to work with Wander and Sylvia sometimes instead of always being selfish or antagonistic, and even risking it all to try and save his Galaxy and the remaining people in it in the s2 finale.

This ultimately would have led to the final leg of his redemption arc and him most likely finally accepting Wander as a friend - and I believe this is where Draxum is headed as well. Not a complete character overhaul, but enough where he’s able to sort of move on from his old mindset and not see humans as a threat or as something to be toyed with, but rather a species that he can live with, even when they’re annoying or confusing.

And, more importantly, he’ll hopefully acknowledge his mistakes and work to do better like Peridot, as well as begin to show genuine care and concern for his new family like Vegeta. He’ll probably keep a bit of his aggressiveness/grumpiness and slight-holier than thou attitude too like Vegeta and Hater, while also finding new things on the surface/in human culture and new people to appreciate (such as cooking) like Peridot. Though, maybe I’m starting to go a little overboard with these comparisons, lol.

Anyway, sorry if I kinda lost the plot in this post buuuuut yeah, until the show proves otherwise, I’m just kinda thinking of Draxum as a Vegeta-Peridot-Hater venn diagram in terms of personality and potential character arc.

#rottmnt #baron draxum #character analysis #sort of? also just a bit of speculation #also: any of ya'll WoY fans?

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haeresyys · 3 years

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Smoke and Whiskey

The irony in a conman taking interest in a lawyer was not lost upon Rei.

Fandom: Hypnosis Mic Pairing: Rei Amayado/Hitoya Amaguni Rating: Mature (to be safe) Other shit: Implied sexual content, third person POV, Rei being a stubborn mf about feelings.

Reposted from my AO3 acc, I thought I’d share it here too since I still like how it turned out :> Full fic is below the read more!

Sometimes Rei was thankful for some of the people he associated with. He was certainly glad he'd come up with the idea of having more divisions formed; His own division was certainly interesting enough. Sasara always knew how to brighten the mood, even if he did frequently crack terrible puns in the process. And Rosho was honestly a bit cute. It was certainly fun to ruffle his feathers.

But frankly, he was also interested in the other division. Badass Temple... Interesting name. He was far less interested in that monk with connections to his son, or the little musician. He had his eyes on their third member.

Hitoya Amaguni. Lawyer, MC Heaven and Hell. The irony in a conman taking an interest in a lawyer was not lost on him, but it wasn't anything too much, either. They'd met by chance a couple times. He was about as straight-laced as Rei would expect a lawyer to be, definitely had some interesting stories to give. Handsome as well, but since when had Rei Amayado ever been truly open or honest about how he thinks of someone? He preferred to drop hints. Tease a bit, leave them guessing.

So when they ran into each other, he'd do just that, not hesitating to turn up the charm. And the reactions he'd get were a great source of amusement--Startled looks, sometimes with what seemed to be a faint blush on the lawyer's cheeks. Snappy responses, frequently amounting to 'shut up'. Frankly, it was a little bit cute. He wasn't sure how long this continued on, until one evening he decided to take more of a chance than he had been.

"Yo! Been a while since I've seen you, sensei~. Been busy?" Hitoya had jumped a little at suddenly hearing Rei speak, before sighing.

"Understatement. This recent case has been hell, I need a drink." Rei tilted his head a little. Huh. Considering he'd just gotten done making sure one of his recent schemes didn't leave any trails back to him, it made him wonder a little. Did it blow up more than he expected?

More importantly, Rei noted how happy he was to see Hitoya after a while... Odd. He'd thought he was merely fooling around... Rei would hope he hadn't been reckless enough to let himself get attached.

Given who he worked for, attachments would only cause trouble.

"Mind if I join you? Sounds like an interesting story." Hitoya quirked a brow... And eventually just shrugged.

"Well, haven't gotten the okay to talk about this one yet, but I have other tales." They talked a little even as they were walking to a bar Hitoya frequented. And Rei wondered how long they'd sat there just talking and telling stories over their drinks. And as the time passed, he found his eyes drifting ever so slightly. Looking over Hitoya's figure, but his gaze always eventually rested on Hitoya's lips. The way they rested on the rim of the glass. His little smiles, proud of himself and the things he accomplished, the cases he won.

He would blame the alcohol in his system for how much more attractive Hitoya seemed all of a sudden.

An hour passed. Two hours. Soon after that point, Hitoya finishes another story, another drink. He looks Rei right in the eyes.

"That was definitely one of my better wins." He smirked, and at that point, something in Rei said fuck it. He downs the rest of his drink and stands up, putting down a sum of money on the bar. 'Keep the change,' he told the somewhat puzzled bartender, before he grabbed Hitoya's wrist and pulled him to his feet.

"O-oi, oi!" Hitoya stumbled a bit as he was pulled to his feet. Rei glanced over his shoulder at him, before putting his focus elsewhere. "The fuck are you doin'? The fuck--" He pulls Hitoya a few meters into an alleyway, away from the bustle of the streets. And there, he throws Hitoya against the wall. There was enough light he could still see the lawyer's face.

"Oi, you gonna tell me what the hell you're plannin'...?" The startled look on Hitoya's face, and the blush on his face made Rei grin. The hand not next to Hitoya's head on the wall slid up his front, messing with his tie a bit.

"I'd rather show you." A swift tug of the tie, and his lips were on the other's. He heard a shocked noise from Hitoya, and felt how he tried to make Rei let go of his tie. But he seemed to slowly relax. The kisses grew more heated little by little, Rei took his chances and his tongue slipped past the other's lips.

"Hah... You weren't fuckin' around, were ya...?" He heard how heavy Hitoya's breath was once he finally pulled away. Rei could only grin and try to level out his own breathing, waiting for the thumping of his heart to quiet down.

Ah... This is getting a little dangerous, he thought to himself.

"Heh? You thought I was just stringing you along? You wound this old man." Hitoya looked puzzled, and Rei was about to just dive back in--

"Hitoya-san?"

Rei blinks at the sound of a voice calling for the other man. It sounded young... Timid. Hitoya curses under his breath.

"Jyushi... Did that kid spot us before we ran back here...?" Rei just shrugs.

"That's probably enough for now anyway... Here." He reaches into his pocket, handing Hitoya a small piece of paper. On it was his number. He gives Hitoya a wink and nothing more, leaving the confused (and riled up) lawyer to watch him leave.

It was as he was making his way home that he received a message on his phone, from Hitoya. His grin only widens.

Their chats didn't stop after that night, rather they only became more frequent. The next they saw each other, they once again exchanged stories, but along with that, there was many a stolen glance. A number of comments on Rei's end that left the lawyer red-faced; Not because of the alcohol, either.

Those meetings happened again and again, and the tension between the two of them only grew more apparent each time. And as he recalled the taste of whiskey on Hitoya’s lips, how they felt against his own, Rei found it increasingly difficult to keep away.

It was the fourth meeting that he made his move. Hitoya seemed far more relaxed that night, Rei thought to himself about how the lawyer must have had a good day. He had such a nice laugh...

Time passed once again, a glance to his watch reminding Rei it was getting late. 10 PM. He looked over to Hitoya; The lawyer had fallen silent, bringing his glass up to his lips once again. He catches Rei looking at him.

“Got somethin’ ya wanna say?” He questions, Rei’s gaze seeming to soften in a sense. He chuckles softly.

“Mm, I was just thinkin’, it’s getting pretty late, you know?” There’s a small pause, and Hitoya would see those mismatched eyes fall to half-lidded. “We could part ways for the evening… Or, we could take this somewhere else, if you’d prefer.”

Hitoya almost seems to squint a little bit at him. He seemingly thinks on that offer, before he huffs out a little sigh.

“Y’know what? Sure, I’ll bite. I wanna know what the hell you’ve got up your sleeve, conman.” Rei bites back a grin. Perfect. “I’ve got some more whiskey back at my place, if you think you can handle a couple more drinks.” Finishing off what was in his glass, he pays for the drinks before leading Rei out.

The trip back to Hitoya’s home felt agonizingly slow, and they’d barely even made their way in before Rei’s lips were on his, his hands making their way to pull off Hitoya’s jacket. The lawyer fell into the kisses fairly quickly, finding himself pressed up against Rei and inhaling sharply as he finally pulled away to breathe.

“Mm… Shoulda figured this was what you were after.” Hitoya sounded as though he were smiling as he said it, Rei looking down at him to confirm that yes, he was.

“Heh… At first I was content with just ruffling your feathers a little, but this works too.” He grins, and he could feel how hard Hitoya’s heart was beating, with how close he was. Hitoya then shoves him back slightly, and Rei blinks.

“No use doin’ this in the doorway, y’know? Get over here. And lose the stupid coat.” Hitoya rolled his eyes at the way Rei pouted at the coat comment.

“Oi, oi, it suits me just fine~.” That was all Rei could say before he was pulled away. He found himself thrown onto a soft bed, lips on his own, and from there, the rest of the night was a blur.

Though, the following day, he received an angry-sounding message from Hitoya about how much of a pain in the ass it was to hide the marks on his neck.

Rei wasn’t one for attachments, they would cause him trouble... Or at least, that was what he had thought for a very long time. But he’d only grown more attached to the lawyer as time went on, just a simple message was enough to get him to smile now. He found himself able to be more honest with Hitoya. And stranger, unless he was going crazy, the fondness seemed to be mutual. At this point, he was even wondering if what he felt bordered on the romantic… That would present a problem.

He was confident it wouldn’t impact his ability to fight in the Division Battle if that were the case, but even then, he tried to keep the idea out of mind.

And when they encountered each other once again before the battle, in Chuuoku, alongside their teammates, he kept quiet. But as Kuko and Sasara spoke with each other, Rosho looked to his teammate to see the older man on his phone, typing something out.

“Amayado-san, is this really the time to be contacting some client or another-?” Rei glances over at Rosho, before he shakes his head.

“Nah, it’s nothing like that. Just messaging… A friend, we’ll call them.” He looks down at his phone again, sending out the message. He glances to Hitoya, who looks at his phone, eyes briefly widening at the suggestive message. And before their teams part ways, Rei lowers his sunglasses with a smirk, throwing the lawyer a wink. The embarrassed scowl and reddened cheeks he received in return made him stifle a laugh, and as they walked away, he could hear those kids questioning why Hitoya’s face looked so red.

#Hypnosis Mic #HypMic #Rei Amayado #Hitoya Amaguni #ReiHito

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ninamontagutbordas · 3 years

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HOW CAN WE MAKE AMENDS WITH OUR EXPECTATIONS? THIS IS WHAT MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE HAS TAUGHT ME

I don’t remember the last time I woke up past nine A.M. Usually (and my friends will confirm this just because I know they make fun of me all the time), I’m in bed by 9 or 10 pm. But, like with everything in life, there’s a good side and a bad side to it. In my case, the perks of going to sleep before my friends are even home from work, is usually that, between 6 and 6:30 am, without the need of setting a terrible alarm, I’m awake. It doesn't matter if I go out until late, I always wake up early.

Don’t get me wrong, I know there are times where, going to bed early, is a terrible thing to do, because, if I have so many hours of sleep, it gets to the point where I’ll wake up at 4:45 or 5 am and never go back to sleep. (Bear in mind that, whenever I wake up in the middle of the night, almost every two days or so, I start writing for a bit because I have so many things running through my mind I feel the most creative). So, even if I fall back to sleep, I never sleep straight from 9 pm to 6 am.

A few weeks ago, I woke up at 5:57 and I thought to myself: “This is a great morning to go for a walk, nobody will be around, so I won’t be bothered by the terrible noises of a stressful Monday morning in the city”.

I go for walks by myself many mornings, usually, around 6:30 or 7 am. I’m generally wearing headphones but of course, this was the one morning my phone battery died halfway through for no other reason than my phone goes crazy from time to time, so, as you can imagine, the picture of the perfect walk was already being damage by my own expectations. At this point, I was a bit grumpy but decided to keep going a bit longer because it was still very early.

I like to have breakfast after my walks, it’s like a religious routine for me. I come home, I shower and I have breakfast. However, I never leave home without my daily dose of caffeine (I take my coffee black, no sugar, no milk), but, of course, this very morning, I was running off coffee at home so you can imagine how desperate I was to find somewhere to buy my first double espresso of the day.

I didn’t think this through, clearly, because ridiculously, I was “such in a rush” to leave my bed for NO REASON. There were no open bars at the time and the ones where you could stop by and grab some coffee “to-go” didn’t open until seven or eight.

So now the situation is like this: No battery, no coffee – just sleepy Nina wandering around doing exactly what she didn’t want to do, alone time with “me, my thoughts and I”. Sometimes when I listen to music I tend to analyze the writing of the songs and see if I can learn something from it and that gets me pretty distracted. No open bars to sit in either because if there were, I would have been smart enough to carry a book with me in case my battery died, as it did.

If you know me, you know I’m a pretty foresight person. I can’t control if my phone dies but I can control it if I bring a book with me “just in case”, because “just in case” is what I always do. It’s what I know to do.

I feel like I should explain myself just because you don’t understand how important my morning walks are for me. Also, I just explain this so that you understand how much I dislike when things take a south turn and I didn't see it coming.

I hate meditation (well, hate is a strong word and I promised myself long ago I wouldn’t use it, so, I will GLADLY correct myself). I don’t like meditation, I’ve tried it several times because I suffer from severe anxiety but it just never worked for me. If it works for you, great. I’m happy to hear.

My kind of therapy is usually writing or walking. Or writing while walking. Or walking while writing, if that makes sense. Or having coffee after a walk while writing. Or having coffee while walking thinking about my writing. Whatever. The point is, my morning walks are usually what gets me through my day. I am home before everyone else is awake, so I feel like I already accomplished something.

Plus, If I wake up at 5 am and I'm at home doing nothing, I get stressed. To be honest, I enjoy a lot being alone, but I’m not a calm person at all, so I try to always seek quiet places to surround myself with because it’s something I need.

THERE IS A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A WANT AND A NEED (Quoting my friend Selena Gomez in her latest song “I Want a Boyfriend”).

So, at this point, I’m 40 minutes away from home, with no battery, no coffee, no book, no bars, no writing. Nobody around but myself, the picture of the perfect nostalgic character that feels like an idiot and blames everything on the external factors instead of blaming it on herself. I could write a script about that character.

I didn't want to be like “you should have stayed at home”. I hate the word “should”. My relationship with it is pretty complicated because I try not to do things that lead me up to “I should have bla bla bla”.

I don’t have many regrets. I make choices and live with the consequences and this is probably because I always try to express my feelings and be as vulnerable as possible. And, by doing that, I can be brutally hurt sometimes, but in the end, I always find internal peace in it.

Also, I don’t like to give advice, but, if I have to sometimes, the only two things I say are the following:

1. Would you rather: Be awake because of pain or because of restlessness? Because the pain eventually goes away, but the restlessness, unfortunately, sticks with you for a very long time.

2. Don’t ever judge how a person’s feeling. You can have different opinions but a feeling is something intuitive and you can't disagree with it. Feelings are facts.

But, contrary to what I’m writing, that morning I was like “Should I sit down and just wait?” But then I was like “Wait for what?”. Again, I felt like an idiot, and unfortunately, I didn’t understand why. Did I want to go home? Yes, of course, I wanted to go home but, to get there, I still had almost an hour without music, coffee, phone battery, or a pen and a notebook, and that made me angry.

For some reason, I couldn’t stop thinking about the way I felt during and after my walk. During that time, I had stopped writing for a while (I usually write every day but there are times where I have to distance myself from my writing), but if I tried to write something down, this was the only thing I could write about.

Of course, none of it was good enough because I still didn’t understand what was I exactly feeling. To be very clear, I never consider my writings are good enough if I don’t understand where they come from. My therapist always makes fun of me because he’s like: “You really know yourself well so what are you exactly doing here?”.

What is the emotion that comes after anger? That's what I was feeling, and that's what I was asking myself repeatedly.

So I googled the question (yes, googled as in a verb, not a noun) to see if I found a comfortable answer. “Common emotions known to trigger anger are anxiety, shame, sadness, fear, frustration, guilt, disappointment, worry, embarrassment, jealousy and hurt. All of these emotions are experienced as negative and are perceived as threatening to our well-being”.

SO, WHY WAS I ANGRY?

Suddenly, it clicked for me. When do I usually feel like this? When have I felt like this before? I feel like this when I get things wrong, and by getting things wrong, I mean when my expectations about something or someone are far from the actual scenario. I’m a pretty good judge of character so, when I get it wrong, it makes me angry, and all the following emotions that come with anger.

But this wasn’t new. Many, many times before I had experienced this feeling, however, it had been a very long time since this has happened to me again in such an obvious way, so that’s why it took me a while to figure out where this was coming from.

The truth is that, whether it's hard to admit it or not, this is a problem I deal with constantly. I don't forgive myself when I get something wrong because of preconceived ideas that create an imaginary narrative in my head. Sometimes because I don't want to admit that some things will never be as I want them to be, and sometimes because it's hard for me to let go.

I felt something similar recently with a whole different experience than my morning walk, but, again, it felt pretty much the same. I got it wrong.

And, it got me thinking.

I always thought that, when it came to situations I didn't have full control of, I had to make a truce with people or moments I was involved with, but it wasn't until now where I realized the only one I have to be in a truce with, is myself.

And, by myself, I mean my expectations. I have to make amends with my expectations. Nobody but me is responsible for it. And that’s because I am the one who’s disappointed at the end. I have to accept the fact that sometimes I have lost (and will continue to lose) to my expectations. Expectations 1 - Nina 0.

Again, I don’t know regret so I’m glad I now can learn how to protect myself from this kind of feeling and take a bit of distance from situations that will tempt my imagination.

I now see very clearly what will make me feel good, and what will not. I went on a walk again this morning. This time, no phone, no book, no coffee, deliberately. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.

Actually, It wasn’t bad at all, because when I came back home, I wrote this essay.

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peace-coast-island · 4 years

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Diary of a Junebug

A cozy reading nook

There’s nothing like going to a thrift shop and striking gold. In today’s case, it was at the books section. Murphy and I have been spending the past few days putting together a cozy reading nook with our new gyroid themed furniture. Since the shelves were looking a bit sparse, we headed off to several thrift shops to fill them up.

Going to a thrift shop is like picking and choosing stuff from a mystery goodie bag. Sometimes you find stuff and sometimes you don’t - it’s all about chance. My mom always said whenever we went shopping at a thrift store is that if we find something we like, buy it. First of all, it’s fairly cheap, and second, you’re never going to see it again. So I base my purchases off absolutes - do I really want/need it or not? Even if I’m not gonna need it right away but might in the future, then that counts as a yes.

Today we went shopping at a cute little corner shop in Blueberry. I’ve only been there a few times since it’s kinda hard to get there but whenever I stopped by, I almost always find a treasure. And today, we stumbled across a treasure chest!

Among the many books we found today, there was one that caught my eye in particular. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a coincidence that I would stumble upon this find after hearing the news a couple days ago.

The book in question is called Climb Every Mountain by Claire Bennett. It’s one of those books that I read years ago and it stuck with me. A fairly quick read, but one that lingers for a while. I think the fact that I’ve crossed paths with Claire in the past is why I’ve been so invested in the story.

I wonder how she’s doing right now.

Climb Every Mountain’s a work of fiction loosely based on Claire’s own life - or, in retrospect, a somewhat idealized version of it. An alternate universe where despite everything that happened, there’s still a glimmer of hope that it gets better. Not that Claire’s life was terrible, but more like for every good thing that happened, it gets overshadowed by the not so good things happening behind the scenes.

I met Claire when I was living in Astra, back when she was married to Matt. She, Nathan, and I would often hang out at the Study Library Cafe so that’s how we became friends. After Claire finished grad school we kinda lost touch with her, at least until we found each other on social media a few years ago. So even though we don’t talk often, at least we hear bits and pieces here and there.

Nathan, Claire, and Matt went to the same high school - Claire and Matt being a couple years older - so that’s how they know each other. Astra’s a medium sized town so even if you don’t know everyone, you’ve at least heard of most of them.

Claire wasn’t exactly in the popular crowd, but she was notable for being well accomplished. Straight A, type A perfectionist who’s captain of the cheerleading squad and debate team as well as class president who graduated as valedictorian - she was what they described as untouchable. Despite how she might look, Claire is not superficial or shallow or cutthroat - she’s just ambitious. No one dared messed with her or got in her way.

Then there’s Matt, who was also notable but not exactly popular either. He came from a rich family who was notable in Astra and he made sure people knew that. Orphaned as a baby he lived with his dad’s advisor who tried to manipulate him so when he got older Matt kicked her out and was informally adopted by a friend who helped bailed him out when his former guardian tried to get revenge.

At first glance Matt comes across as arrogant, narcissistic, and not so bright. Part of his arrogance comes from being entitled, though it’s more of a defense mechanism to protect himself from those who tried to use him. The saying still waters run deep applies to him.

Even after everything he put Claire through, I can’t help but feel bad for him sometimes. Don’t get me wrong - it doesn’t excuse his actions, but at least it wasn’t done out of pure malice. Matt has a lot of flaws but the biggest one of all is his tendency towards self-sabotage.

Because their personalities are so different, you’d think people like Matt and Claire would clash. To everyone’s surprise, they were close friends turned high school sweethearts. In a way, they complimented each other. But they also dragged each other down - Claire bringing out the best in him, Matt bringing out the worst in her.

No matter what, Claire still sees the good in him. I don’t think Matt is a bad guy, but he’s definitely not good for her. I get that Claire has a special bond with him - and probably the best thing to ever happen to him second to his adoptive family - so it’s understandable why she’s so forgiving of him. She was in a tough spot as she could no longer tolerate his bullshit and at the same time couldn’t just cut him off like pretty much everyone else in his life.

Claire wrote and published Climb Every Mountain during her senior year of high school. At the time she was standing at a crossroads. She had two equally great scholarships - one for any Ivy League university, another close to home. There were also a lot of other factors she had to consider and in the end she chose to stay home and marry Matt.

Climb Every Mountain is a historical fiction novel set in the 60s that tells the story of a bookish teenage girl who grows up alongside her childhood friend, a rebellious orphan of a wealthy family. Despite their differences, both feel like they don’t belong because of how much they stand out. The precocious Malina is told to stay in her place and downplay her inquisitive nature while KT’s the kind of guy who refuses to give a damn about anything.

The story starts when Malina and KT are fourteen and spans about five years. Malina’s busy trying to figure out the world while KT does whatever he wants, including trying to win over Malina’s heart. As they grow older, they become closer and later get married despite disapproval from pretty much everyone. The two go through a lot of ups and downs as they realize that the world is a lot more complicated and contradicting than they realize.

The end is somewhat ambiguous but also hopeful. Malina defies her family’s expectations by speaking her mind through leading anti-war protests. KT casts away his family’s status and threw everything out of the window by dodging the draft. They were able to get away with being arrested and released because of KT’s status and now that no longer mattered, the young couple had no choice but to flee the country. So Malina stages one final protest, basically giving the government a big middle finger, and in the chaos, she and KT escape.

As they snuck away, both fought the temptation to look back. Through thick and thin, Malina and KT stuck together. Even when starting from the ground up, as long as they had each other, it’ll be all right. No matter what happens, the only thing that’s certain is that they had no regrets.

Something about Malina’s courage and determination always stuck to me. Her and KT’s loyalty to others was something that didn’t really resonate with me until I got older. Knowing the inspiration behind Malina and KT, their story digs a lot deeper.

I’d like to think Malina and KT eventually had a happy ending. After escaping the country and starting over, after everything they’ve been through, they deserve to be happy. I think that’s what Claire wanted for them too. And for herself especially.

Like with Malina and KT, there’s more to Claire and Matt’s relationship than meets the eye. I wouldn’t say that Claire was unhappy with Matt, but sometimes things don’t work out no matter how hard you try.

I don’t want to say that Matt is needy - probably high maintenance is a better word - the kind of person who expects everything and nothing less. From experience, those kinds of people can be exhausting to be around, even if they are generally pretty cool. Matt definitely fits into that category. Always venting his problems to someone - usually Claire - and expecting an immediate response, not caring how you feel or whether or not you’re in the mind space to help out or listen. It’s hard to trust someone or confide in them if they don’t respect your boundaries, especially if they almost always make it about them in the end. And to be honest, I think Matt’s the kind of guy who likes to talk just so you’d pay attention to him.

Claire and Matt were married for about eight years before splitting up. By the time Nathan and I met her, their marriage was starting to become shaky with Matt cheating on her and making enemies with a lot of people. I guess what prompted Claire to file for divorce had something to do with their kids - Katie and Brittany - as that was one major factor that prevented the two from breaking up.

After the divorce, Claire took the girls and left Astra. Matt left too not long after that. He still kept in touch because of the girls so at least he isn’t cut off completely. Claire became a journalist for the Inkwell Gazette so every once in a while I’d come across her articles. She hasn’t released another book since Climb Every Mountain, which is a shame since she’s a good writer. Given what she’s been through, I don’t really blame her though.

While she has always been successful, I don’t think Claire really flourished until she left Matt. I can’t imagine it being easy to make a name for yourself if you’re almost always associated with an heir who’s notable for being troubled. It wasn’t that Matt stifled her - he did the opposite in fact, sometimes to the point where he put her on a pedestal - it was more like Claire can do whatever she wants as long as she puts Matt’s needs over hers. Basically Claire’s a giver, Matt’s a taker.

As for Matt, he’s remained a mystery until a while ago. He pretty much spent the past few years couch hopping, partying, stirring up trouble, and having flings. Then a couple months ago he was driving under the influence - which he’s gotten in trouble for several times - and ended up killing someone in an accident. So he fled the scene and managed to lay low for a while before turning himself in.

There’s definitely more to the story and while a part of me wants to dig deeper, I don’t know if that’s a good idea. Also, I doubt there’d be much to find out anyway since this is the kind of thing Matt’s people would want to keep quiet because of scandals and such. At least from what it sounds like, Matt came forward voluntarily so maybe there’s a silver lining. Knowing him though, he’ll probably get a light sentence and then the whole thing will be buried away like it never happened. Then again, Matt’s not a total asshole so maybe this incident will shake him up and teach him a lesson.

I have a feeling that I’m gonna be re-reading Climb Every Mountain a few more times in the near future. It’s definitely one of those books worth revisiting years later.

#animal crossing #animal crossing pocket camp #Diary of a Junebug #headcanon ramble

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angelaiswriting · 4 years

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THE YEAR OF THE BITCH / THE BITCH PROJECT

This is not a writing update, but a personal update. So let me introduce you to THE BITCH PROJECT!

TL;DR: 2020 is the year I finally change for the better and if you want, you can join me on this journey, too. Feel free to share.

This has been sitting in my drafts for a while now. It’s about time I posted it.

Also, if you don’t mind, I’m tagging a couple of people because this could be an idea others could be interested in, too. But if you’d prefer to not be tagged in my personal posts, just let me know!

Somehow I’m terrified of posting this

2019 has been quite the year in my personal life. I’ve been through many things, many changes, have faced a few challenges. There has been one thing in particular that has affected me quite a bit and only very few people know about this -- and they probably don’t even know all I’d like for them to know about it.

“The Year of the Bitch” is how I decided to call 2020 a couple of months ago because I want to make it my year. I want to make changes to my life and I want to be who I am without fearing what others would think or say, and I want to do the things I truly want to do. I want to learn who I am and I’m dead set on this. 2020 is the start of a new decade and, for once, I want to be true to myself for my own sake.

Someone close to me just came home for a couple of days, so that weekend allowed me to think and reflect about a few things. I’ve always prided myself in being brave and unbothered by what others’ reactions or thoughts could be, but I’ve always been kind of lying to myself, y’know? Sometimes you tell yourself things even though you know the truth is the opposite and you’re just sitting there suffering silently inside while putting on a smile as if nothing was.

AND THIS IS TOXIC.

I’ve spent quite a lot of time in 2019 just thinking. I had just graduated from my BA and was in a sort of ‘hibernation mode’ in January and February because shit had just gone down at home and I wanted to find out who I wanted to be in life -- answer: I don’t know yet, but I’m working on it. Then, I decided to go back to uni, both because I couldn’t find a job and because I just knew I had to continue doing something I love. Uni is stressful, and anybody who goes to school or even works kind of understands what I’m talking about. But between the end of September and the beginning of October (ish, I don’t remember exactly) I almost jokingly came up with this “Year of the Bitch” thing when I saw the picture above (Salem, te se ama 💛) and eventually the joke turned into a “why not?”

A few friends already know about this (and I’ll forever be grateful to them for listening to me rambling about stuff), and @idhrenniel has already joined me on this preparation journey for the actual journey. And now here I am, telling y’all to go out there and be BDE bitches.

I’m mainly doing this for myself because I have this terrible, terrible habit of always putting everyone else before my own person when it comes to priorities, even when it ends up hurting me one way or another. I want to re-learn how to put myself in the first place when needed, and not in some egocentric way. I want to do this for myself because if there’s someone I’ll always have to live with, that’s me. I want to do things for myself, truly adopt the philosophy of the “chissene fotte” -- I don’t give a fuck about what others think. This means that I’ll do things for me despite what others think, I’ll say no when I want and need to say no, and I’ll say yes to get out of my comfort zone. I’ll take paths others disregard because sometimes that’s what we have to do, and I’ll finally ask for help when I need it -- because sometimes the only thing stopping us, is us. And I’ve been stopping myself quite a bit lately, taking on shit I want to have nothing to do with and telling myself ‘no’ because I’m a proud person -- and being proud isn’t always something to be proud of.

So, 2020 is the ME year. The year I become that bitch (because sometimes we just have to be that bitch, am I right?). The year I do things for myself in spite of whatever kind of judgment could come my way. The year I become strong enough to finally stand up for myself when I need to. And the year I stop being a doormat for anybody, even for those I consider or that consider themselves my friends.

I thought this was quite a positive philosophy, so I’m here sharing it. Being A Bitch doesn’t mean being a cunt nor does it mean pushing people under the bus because I aM tHe MoSt ImPoRtAnT pErSoN eVeR. Being A Bitch means becoming mature enough to say enough when it is enough, to say start when it’s time to start, and stop when it’s time to stop. It means becoming a better version of ourselves, NOT the best version because too much stress is detrimental and striving for the best doesn’t always work for everybody. I know, I’ve been through it, and I’m still not even the better version of myself.

So, if you’re down with making yourselves justice for once or if you’re just looking for the chance or a sign to embark on a self-improving journey, we can do this together and have each other’s back. We can learn together how to be better and set priorities and make the Year of the Bitch a lifestyle we’ll still follow one day. I know for a fact that That Bitch is who I want to be so that when I’m old and dying, I’ll be thinking back about my life and I will be proud of who I was and the things -- major or minor they might be -- I accomplished. And I won’t regret a thing because every little thing leads us to where we need to be.

We could do this alone, but doing things together as a team can be better sometimes. Let me know what you think of this idea.

Angela x

@sweetvengeancee @flowers-in-your-hayr @kellydixon01 @kind-wolf @thethyri @themazeskies @idhrenniel @vvigilantes

#angelaiswriting #personal #personal update #the year of the bitch #the bitch project

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yanxious · 4 years

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personal view on productivity, overall accomplishment and the way self-care is promoted

All the [references] are at the end with all the info for libgen.is and sci-hub.tw (I personally uploaded them to both platforms). The text is about my thoughts on those topics and how I think the way self-care is promoted on media / schools can be misleading and have negative effects on productivity - based on those references and my personal experience.

I’m writing this for myself - but if someone read it feel free to comment since it’s probably an unpopular opinion that I have. I am by no means a psychologist or a generally healthy person.

The idea of ego-depletion (in other words, limited willpower) is a well-known concept. It was first published by a research group from Case Western Reserve University [1] and was made famous by a best seller self-help book that followed it [2]. Nowadays lots of coaches and books still use this concept.

But what is it? It’s basically the idea of our willpower being physically limited. It means that every time we make a decision we cut back on the reservoir of ‘willpower’ available for us, eventually having a ‘temporarily reduction in the self’s capacity or willingness to engage in actions (including controlling the environment, working, controlling the self, making choices and initiating new actions)’ [1]. It is important to note that it’s not the same as getting tired; it’s like we have a literal ‘physical reservoir of willpower available’ to use in a determined period of time.

You can read on [3, a counter-research study*] why this concept has been proved wrong a few times and they propose that ‘whether depletion takes place or not depends only on a person’s belief about whether willpower is a limited resource’. In other words, it’s not actual ‘ego-depletion’ that makes you unable to make decisions, but your belief in it.

Now after this intro (that is way bigger than I wanted it to? I’m terrible at writing and I’m sorry for that) we will finally talk about my experience and the reasons I think self-care is promoted in a misleading way and how it had terrible effects on my last year of high school / first semester of university.

I want to begin making sure that self-care is important if you are keeping truly healthy habits, but not if it becomes an excuse for doing less. I remember hearing really often about the idea of self-care and I was very encouraged to take care of myself in order to prevent burnout and overstressing (which is important, don’t take me wrong). Even my therapist told me multiple times that I could only study / work for so long without being burnout even if it was something I loved doing. The idea of self-care that presented to me was, most of the time, related to the idea of limited willpower / ego-depletion.

So for a long time I believed in that ‘self-care’ because basically it told me to take more breaks in order to be healthier. And I loved it. I was taking more breaks, using headspace, having a ton of sleep and playing lots of videogames while avoiding my work because I was “way too stressed” and I would need to do that not to “burnout”. But of course I was deceiving myself. I basically took self-care as an excuse to indulge in bad habits and stop doing what I needed to do. What I’m trying to say is that the way self-care is promoted most of the times can be misleading because it leads to believing in ego-depletion (that has been proven wrong and can have negative effects on your productivity).

Of course I’m not here to say that self-care is complete bullshit. It is very possible for you to overwork yourself, feel overstressed and unhappy. What I’m trying to bring up is that the moment I understood that I was able to do something for countless hours it became easier to do so. The moment I realized I can work for any amount of time, working for 7-8 hours a day became way easier. I even talked about it with my therapist at the time and we agreed that the pleasure of completing a task is way more beneficial than avoiding it with the excuse of taking care of myself. The pleasure of learning something substituted the illusion of being exhausted - and the feeling of being active is way more fulfilling than anything else.

We need to magnify the effects of being productive and self-care without the idea of ego-depletion in its background. I know countless people that are doing way less than they are able to and still feeling unhappy while using the excuse of being too stressed for doing too much. Of course there are problems we can’t solve with that (probably most of the problems, I am a very privileged person with very simple problems) and sometimes you just can’t produce your own serotonin and need to understand that store-bought is fine. The thing is we are all capable of doing great things and there is no physical limitation to how much you can do in a certain period of time, even if most sources try to convince us the opposite. Dedicating huge amounts of time to anything is a habit and you will never be able to do it if you don’t exercise it. I’ve been working and studying more than ever (especially during lockdown) and it even became a relief valve for when I’m down and don’t want to think about other stuff. It makes me feel accomplished and I wish someday everyone I know and love will have something as simple as that that brings that feeling of accomplishment.

This is, of course, based on my personal experience. I try to rely on scientific / peer-reviewed articles in order to form my opinions and this is one I want to save here so I can read later. Sometimes I just need to remember myself that I’m able to do stuff and that I have the privilege of doing something I like.

* Since it’s a recent study (divided in 4 parts, with a huge sample size) its results show better statistical significance [4] and coherent results

my opinion about this topic was highly influenced by Arpi Park’s channel and Lex Fridman’s view on productivity

References:

[1] Ego Depletion: Is the Active Self a Limited Resource? - Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 1998, Vol. 74, No. 5, 1252-1265 - 0022-3514/98

[2] Willpower: Rediscovering the Greatest Human Strength - 2011 - ISBN 978-1-59420-307-7

[3] Ego Depletion-Is It All in Your Head? Implicit Theories About Willpower Affect Self-Regulation - August 2010 - Psychological Science 21(11):1686-93 DOI: 10.1177/0956797610384745

[4] Two-sample t tests: Statistics for the Social Sciences - Sirkin, R. Mark (2005). (3rd ed.). Thousand Oaks, CA: SAGE Publications, Inc. pp. 271–316. ISBN 978-1-412-90546-6. [I highly recommend this article for anyone in social sciences but they generally don’t give a shit about calculus]

more stuff about it

> From Ego Depletion to Vitality: Theory and Findings Concerning the Facilitation of Energy Available to the Self - Social and Personality Psychological Compass - Volume 2, Issue 2, March 2008, Pages 702-717 https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1751-9004.2008.00098.x

> An updated meta-analysis of the ego depletion effect - Psychological Research (2018) - 82:645–651 - DOI 10.1007/s00426-017-0862-x 4

> Publication bias and the limited strength model of self-control: has the evidence for ego depletion been overestimated? - Front. Psychol., 30 July 2014 | https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2014.00823

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spanishrose2002 · 4 years

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I just saw a post that basically states that authors should respond to every comment, etc. on their fics. It was also connected to the idea that a person shouldn’t feel the need to comment or review if the author isn’t providing them with sufficient responses to their comments/reviews. While I’ve got time, I’ll respond to this.

I beg your pardon if you don’t like my opinion. These are simply my thoughts on the matter. The “you” here is a hypothetical you that is really that person who believes that they should stop commenting/reviewing if not getting sufficient return attention from the fic author.

This is going to be long and multi-layered, so it’s under a cut.

Let me begin by saying that I do have aspirations and dreams of responding to everything, but I’m terrible at it and I get behind. Sometimes, you might get an onslaught of responses from me all at once as I catch up on years of fic. However, I will say that people need to step back and look at the amount of responsibility this heaps on the shoulders of the writers. Everyone’s entitled to their opinions, but consider this. You want the writer to spend hours/days/etc. writing you fic. Of course you’re going to be picky about said fic, so you want it to be edited. You want it to have compelling characters, interesting plot, and dynamic dialogue. You want it to fix all the canon problems you see, have all your favorite tropes without having the tropes you don’t like, etc. You’ll also want those updates in a timely manner, because who likes waiting? You’ll be worried that the fic might be abandoned, and you’ll be stuck partway through a story without the ending, so you don’t want there to be too much time in between updates, just in case it’s a sign that the author has given up on the fic. Then, apparently, you’ll want the author to be sure to respond, in a timely manner, to any comment or review that you decide to give them. Otherwise, they’re not appreciative enough of you for you to give them feedback, and you’ll hold back any response, recognition, or indication that anyone is reading and enjoying their work. That’s what they deserve, after all, if they don’t respond the way that you think they should--whether or not you’ve communicated your expectations. They do all of this, of course, for free (at least if they’re writing fanfic legally, they’re not taking payment).

In fact, the only payment fic authors get comes in the form of comments and reviews. That’s it.

But let’s just consider this. This is one fic author’s point of view and life experience. I work full time. I have, up until weeks ago, been working full time AND taking classes. I have a family and friends. I have a home to keep clean, adult tasks to accomplish, etc. I also need to eat, sleep, exercise, and occasionally do other things. The fic I write is done in the “down time” that I have around everything else. If I’m writing, I’m not doing those other things. I’m also not partaking in any other hobby.

I am physically disabled, and my disability is the result of early traumatic brain damage. This has a variety of implications. There’s no need to go into all of the effects this has on my daily life.

Believe it or not, my brain is tired sometimes. I’m tired sometimes. The only payment I get, like other fic writers, for writing comes in the form of comments and reviews. Those are practically my writing lifeblood. They are what keep my motivation and inspiration high. They’re what ensure that the next chapter is (eventually) coming. Without them, the motivation drains away, and I loose stamina, which can lead to inertia and the inability to get going on a fic again.

I read, and reread, and reread comments and reviews all the time. I’ll even reread them if I’m stuck on another fic or just having a terrible day.

I am slow to think of responses to comments, which is why I don’t often respond to all of them. I want to say the right thing, of course. It can be difficult to know how to respond to some comments. I will hesitate and spend a lot of time trying to respond to comments. If I’m responding to reviews, I’m probably not writing that day. It uses a different part of my brain or something, so it breaks the writing rhythm for me. I may not write the next day, either. If I respond to comments, I often cut my writing down to 1/4 or less of what I would have normally written. That means no fic updates. If I respond to comments, I accept that I won’t be writing. I will be breaking my rhythm, and I may not get back to writing for days or even a week or two, depending on my real life and how little writing time I had.

But I read every comment a ton of times. I go back to them. I rely on them to keep writing. And, now, people like this person put the burden entirely on me. It’s my job to write the story (around my real life) and to make sure that it’s everything that someone might want. It’s my job to keep it going. And, if I want any kind of interaction at all, or validation that I’m not wasting hours upon hours of my life, it’s my job to make sure that this person feels like I’ve given them enough feedback for their feedback.

It’s all my responsibility, if I want anyone to enjoy my work and to let me know that I’m not screaming into the void.

And that’s a lot of responsibility along with all the real life responsibility. Now, that’s not to say that I’m unavailable. I’ll absolutely answer direct messages and attempts to reach out and talk to me about fic. I love it. I’ll happily chat with someone that wants to chat and get to know me. I’ll try to answer questions that are clearly not hypothetical. But I may not answer every comment, and that doesn’t mean that I don’t appreciate every single one and crave that interaction. It doesn’t mean that I’m not available and wouldn’t love to chat sometimes. It means that I’m an adult with a full time job and a full time life. It means that I’m disabled and neurodivergent, and I only have so much energy per day and, often, if I have any left over, I try to spend that writing for those who want more fic to read. I need to know if you’d rather have consistent replies than more chapters, since I tend to err on the side of creating more fic. It means that I’m an introvert and it’s difficult to know how to respond to everything. It means that I can’t carry all the burden for the whole interaction and, if I have to, then it simply seems to exhausting. If you read fic--not just mine, anybody’s fic--please leave comments and reviews. Please. On every single chapter you read, and especially if you ever want more of that fic or more work from that author. It means the world to the writers. If what you want is to thank them for their work, to let them know you appreciate it, and to inspire them to write more, please leave comments and reviews. Give them those few moments as payment for the hours they put into providing you with some pleasure. If what you want is interaction with the author, message them. Reach out to them. Let them know that you would like to chat with them. Make that clear in your comment or review. If they understand that’s what you would like, I’m certain they’d love to talk to you. Most authors love chatting about their work. But don’t put all the burden on them. They’ve done their best to connect with you by providing something for you both to enjoy. Show them some grace.

#personal #just my probably unpopular opinion #don't put the burden all on the writer's shoulders

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