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infinitywrites · 8 months

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I Didn't Expect You Part 4 ~ Conrad Fisher

(Part 3) (Masterlist) (Part 5)

gif credit @laurens-german

synopsis: Y/N never expected it to be the summer that everything changed. Conrad, Belly and Steven were all dealing with the consequences of recent break ups while Jeremiah's wasn't acting like himself. Susannah was undergoing treatment that provided unpredictable health results and kept her loved ones on the edge of tragedy. Had they drained the well of the magic of Cousin's beach? Or could something new fulfil it again?

warnings: multichapter slow burn, warnings will update with every chapter, timeline is both POST S2 and a retelling of S2 with changes, everyone swears A LOT, 4th of July party, ANGST between Jeremiah/Conrad, ANGST between Conrad/Y/N, Nicole (sorry to this Queen), Conrad's friend Danny (made him into my own thing), hints of Belly/Jeremiah, I don't know shit about sports

word count: 4,141

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I feel like no one wants me

And I hate the way I'm perceived

I only have two real friends

'Cause I love people I don't like

All I did was try my best

Ego crush is so severe

God, it's brutal out here

Got a broken ego, broken heart

I decided I needed sustenance before heading into the lion's den and popped a bacon wrapped scallop in my mouth. Nicole sidled up next to me in no time, refilling her plate.

"Someone's got game." Her voice was low, unassuming and her eyes were focused on the desserts when I looked at her.

I almost spit out my margarita, "You're kidding, right?"

She giggled, "Nuh uh. I got to watch you in action twice now. Danny was eating out of the palm of your hand and even Cam looked weak."

"OhmiGod, Cam is Belly's ex!"

Nicole shrugged, "Okay, fair but I don't blame you for Danny cause he's definitely been working out." Our eyeline shifted to where he was laughing with Jeremiah and Steven.

"He's at school for a baseball scholarship, of course he works out." Her look of unabashed thirst would never not amuse me.

"Fuck, that's so hot." She looked like she was about to swallow her tongue.

Without another word Nicole walked off in his direction and I smiled as I watched her get her flirt game on and trail her fingers up his bicep. My mind drifted back to the house as I downed the last of my margarita before I headed inside to poke the bear.

He was in the kitchen, drinking from a dark liquor bottle when I walked in. His sullen eyes met mine for a long moment, "Where's your boyfriend?"

"Would you shut the fuck up for like a second?" The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them as I leaned against the island on my palms. Conrad rolled his eyes and turned his body away from me. That set me off again, "Since when the fuck do you talk so much anyway? My god the stupid fucking shit that flies–"

He put his bottle down, "Since when the fuck so you swear so much?" It was disconcerting how much calmer he was than me. It spurred me on.

"Since you, asshole!" I didn't even realize how angry I was until the words came flying out and the adrenaline spiked higher. "Since you make me so fucking mad I wanna tear my own hair out! And I thought we made progress the other night. How fucking stupid am I?" I took a long breath and felt the heat prickle my cheeks. I should have brought in another frozen margarita.

The look on Conrad's face changed and his voice went soft, "You've never been stupid a day in your life."

"Fuck you, I'm not done!" I wasn't done being pissed at him for trying to ruin a perfectly good day. "Do you even know who asked me to come in after you? Your friend, Danny. Sweet Danny who was genuinely worried that he hurt your feelings, you fucking–"

His eyes narrowed cruelly, "Oh, poor sweet Danny who wrangled an invitation to 4th party just to drool all over you apparently."

"Are you seriously fucking jealous right now?"

Conrad's mouth snapped shut as his eyes widened in panic for a second and I couldn't have cared less, "I didn't want to steal his attention away from you, Conrad. I was just saying hi…you know, like a nice person."

"Mhm. I'm sure he's got lots of ideas of how you can be nice to him." He took another swig from his bottle.

I couldn't even look at him anymore so I squeezed my eyes shut until I could. "Jesus, I'm not gonna date your friend, okay?!? Not if really you don't want me to."

When I opened my eyes Conrad looked shocked, "What? Seriously?"

It was the last thing I was expecting and I could feel myself start to calm down finally, "I mean, yeah. If it bugs you that much."

I could tell he was thinking about it. "Y/N…"

"Unless it really was the stupid fucking baseball shit." It was the shift in his tone of voice. I couldn't handle it.

Conrad paused, "I mean, he is a fucking liar. It's…" I spluttered a laugh and couldn't even hear his very important correction. "What? It's true." Conrad shrugged miserably and placed his bottle back on the counter.

I thought about Danny's request when I said, "I'm sure it is. I just have no idea what you're talking about."

Conrad rolled his eyes and I sighed.

"How is it I've known you my whole life and I never knew the absolute stats nerd hidden under that 90s heartthrob hair?" The second I walked into that kitchen I could barely believe the words coming out of my mouth. I was cutting myself off from another margarita even though I wanted it.

"You think I'm a 90s heartthrob?" He was leaning on the other side of the island and peering at me quizzically. I thought I could even see the hint of smirk under his misery.

"Ohmigod, that's what you got from that?" My face was screwed up in disbelief. His ego had no bounds.

"Uh, that was definitely the most important part."

"Oh so you're a delusional nerd too?" This was better than sulking Conrad or angry Conrad but only by an inch.

He paused and shrugged like he was shaking off the rest of his sour mood. And then I felt him focus his stare directly at me in a way I'd never experienced. I didn't have to look up at him to know what I'd find. Was this the shameless confidence that Belly always talked about? The silence was bad enough. He always did that; said the thing I least expected or never said anything at all after I did. He'd just wait and look at me, expectantly until I felt like I couldn't breathe.

The silence was never comfortable so I mustered the last bits of my courage and looked him square in the face, "Not everyone is flirting with you, Conrad."

His smile grew for the first time since he thought he was on a winning streak in the pool. The unsettling thing about it was it seemed like he knew something I didn't. Conrad was nodding and considering the statement as he stepped around the island to stand in front of me on the other side.

I gasped softly when his eyes flashed back to mine and muttered, "You sure?" He lingered in the moment and I felt a calloused fingertip graze the back on my hand gripping the island countertop. Just when the static in my brain started the clear and I could breathe again, Conrad leaned into my ear to whisper,

"Or do you save that for Danny now?"

He stayed close but he had to be drunker than I thought and fucking with me again so I took a breath and tried not to take the bait. Maybe it was my turn to say the thing he least expected for once. I didn't want to have to look him in the eye again after that, "I…you know, sometimes I can't tell and it's unintentional. Danny probably did the same thing. He's just a nice guy."

He scoffed and took a step back. "Sure. Not like you'd notice either way."

I looked at him then and shook my head in confusion, "What is that supposed to mean?"

Conrad opened his mouth as he stepped closer again but was shocked into place when he heard his brother calling for him from the other room. "Connie!"

He had the decency to look at me apologetically before directing him to the kitchen. When I saw Jeremiah's expression was serious and fixed on Conrad, I used that opportunity to make my exit. I took a few minutes in the bathroom to splash some water on my face and assess the pink hue in my skin as flush or sunburn. It didn't take long before I started to hear raised voices. I debated whether to investigate or leave them to it, if it was even the Fisher brothers at all, but when I thought about how Susannah wouldn't be able to deal with it like she always did, I knew I had to make sure it wouldn't get out of hand.

I caught pieces of the story as I walked back towards the kitchen. Susannah and Adam had been separated for a year now but he'd helped throughout as he should. He helped more than he did when they were together if Conrad was telling the truth. I heard Jeremiah accuse Conrad of scaring Adam away from the party altogether. It was true, Adam Fisher was nowhere to be found for the first time since I could remember. It was strange to think about now when he'd showed up for a few short hours the year before.

Jeremiah's tone was firm. "What gave you the right?"

"Get over it, Jere. They're not even together anymore." In contrast, Conrad sounded like this was the last conversation he wanted to have.

"You think I don't know that?"

"This is Mom's house and her party. You really think she wants him here?"

"I think she wanted him at Thanksgiving and Christmas and when the treatment got really bad in the Spring too. Oh, but that's right you had finals and weren't around much then, moping around after you screwed things up with Belly." My eyes squeezed shut at the dig. This could escalate badly.

"Fuck you, you know I came home every second I could!"

"I was there every day!"

"Okay?! Okay! What do you want, a medal?" I hoped the breath I huffed wasn't audible enough for them to hear.

Jeremiah shook his head out of the corner of my eye, "Did you even ask her? Cause you're right, this is her party and she should have decided. Not you." The footsteps were heavy across the tile as he left and I heard the door slam behind him.

Conrad sighed. "You heard every word of that, didn't you?"

I winced and came out of hiding around the corner to see him leaning heavy on the island like it was the only thing holding him up at this point. His liquor bottle of choice was abandoned by the sink. "I'm sorry...but not every word and I didn't mean to, I swear. I was just in the bathroom."

"It's okay. It's not your fault. Actually it's my fault. As per usual." He didn't move from his spot as his eyes carved holes into the countertop.

"Don't say that." My heart ached for him without my permission. Maybe Conrad fucked up by not inviting Adam or telling him not to show up at all but some of what Jeremiah said was unfair. And it wasn't hard to see that his brother was taking every word to heart no matter what.

"Why not? It's true. It's the only fucking thing I'm good at anymore." He looked up finally, lost.

"Connie, come on."

The words seemed to shock him out of his emotional spiral. His brows raised and while the smile on his face was immediate, it fell just as quick, "I can't remember the last time you called me Connie."

"I think I do, actually." Apparently it was infectious because now I was smiling at a memory I thought I'd lost.

When I looked his way again, he was watching me expectantly with the hint of that same sweet smile on his face. It was the least I could do since he seemed interested in the distraction from his own thoughts.

"There was this girl in my freshman year named Connie and I remember thinking it was hilarious that it was a girl's name. Kinda gross of me, honestly."

"I would say," he interrupted but was still listening.

"Do you wanna hear the story or not?" His hands raised in defeat as he chuckled. "I told Belly I was gonna torture you with it that summer; calling you every famous Connie I could come up with. TV characters and political figures but she got really upset and said you'd be mad so 'please don't'. So I tried to forget about it entirely so I wasn't tempted."

When I looked up again, Conrad was looking at me with an expression I couldn't quite figure out so I kept on. "And it must have worked too because I forgot about it until this second."

He nodded slowly, "Does that mean I get to call you Y/N/N again?"

I rolled my eyes at the old nickname and conceded, "I guess it's only fair."

We ended up heading back towards the party and paused to look outside sliding door windows at the view of the patio. He nudged me, "So you've grown to like my name."

I didn't need to look at him to know he was trying to shift his mood before we went back to everyone who was oblivious about what had gone down inside. "Damn, the confidence with which you said that completely inaccurate statement."

"Mm, say it again." He muttered and I shot him a glare so fast I couldn't believe he kept talking. "But softer."

My patience was battling against the need for physical violence but I let it out verbally. "Maybe try therapy if that gives you a nerdgasm." I was gonna get a lot of traction out of this nerd thing.

"Exposure therapy maybe." The mood shift was successful if I could base it on his teasing tone and goofy smile.

"I said I wasn't flirting with you, dummy." I didn't mean to bring it up again since it wasn't that serious but it wasn't the only thing I'd said that I was gonna regret after the fact.

Conrad scrunched his face in disbelief, "That's definitely not what you said. Actually, we decided you wouldn't know if someone was flirting with you. Case in point."

I could barely listen to him anymore and I gestured for him to quit it. "Fine, whatever, I'm saying it now. Not flirting. Can we move on?" I knew he was looking at me then but I refused to do the same.

"No." His response was immediate and I saw him register the shock, like it even surprised him a little that he'd said it.

I didn't have a choice then and could only gape in his direction, eyes struck wide by his stubborn streak.

Conrad turned to me and stepped closer like he'd made a decision. "Even if you weren't, I was. And I want you to know so I'm telling you now, straight up, to your face, so later you can't explain it away or pretend I didn't…flirt with you."

And that's when I realized he did know something I didn't. I was such an idiot. He broke his steady gaze for a second and chuckled, "I didn't mean to at first and then…I don't think I can stop now."

If all that wasn't enough, he wasn't done. "I don't want to." Conrad leant close then and his voice dropped an octave, "I mean, why does he get to when I can't?"

I heard the sliding door shift open and closed but didn't see it from my frozen state, staring at a corner piece of the door frame. I sucked in an unsteady breath and looked up just in time to see him look back at me from the edge of the pool, quickly before he jumped in.

My nerves were shot and despite the cool air inside the house compared to the heavy July sun, my hairline was damp. My mind was blank and racing at the same time; no thought coherent in the slightest so I shut it down completely. No more thinking, not that I could think myself out of this one anyway. I waited until I could breathe normally and wasn't overheating from the inside before I stepped back out to the patio and steered directly to the drinks table for my third frozen margarita.

The rest of the party was fairly uneventful in comparison but still great. No more drunken drama or broken family heirlooms to Belly's great relief. In fact, I found a lot of peace watching her for the rest of the night; giggling with her friends, swimming until her limbs cramped up and flirting with Jeremiah if I could read the signals right. He seemed elated by the development and I let myself be happy for them instead of diving into the complications of that potential. No more thinking.

At one point, I watched Conrad grab Danny's shoulder, both of them nursing their last beers of the night, and mutter something to him that looked serious enough to be an apology. Danny shook his head with a smile and gripped him in a fierce hug. I didn't even realize I was smiling at the sight until Danny's eyes caught mine and he mouthed a grateful 'thank you'. It was so sweet I had to put down my margarita and rethink my life choices. I caught Aunt Laur and Susannah sitting together and seeing it too: Laurel pouted her bottom lip at her friend and Susannah's eyes sparkled with unshed tears.

When the party got to the point of only relying on the patio and pool lights, I distracted myself with the first steps of organized clean up. Steven joined me not long after, saying that he needed an excuse for a quiet task to keep his hands busy. Usually I would have pressed for more information but I was surviving off fumes by that point. Maybe everyone was. Nicole and Danny stopped by to say goodbye and thanked us for a great party. I hugged them both and looked around to realize that it was only the family left after that. Jeremiah and Belly said something about how they'd make up for their clean up crew shift in the morning and were nowhere to be found after that.

Eventually, when Susannah's porcelain serving platter almost slipped from my hands and into pieces on the kitchen floor, Laurel told me I'd done enough and shooed me upstairs. I debated washing the day off before I crashed into bed but worried I'd actually fall asleep under the warm spray. I'd just managed to get into a baggy Cousin's Rowing t-shirt and sleep shorts before I drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

It was the creak of the old wooden drawers of Belly's dresser that pulled me out of deep slumber. The room was bright with sunlight shining through the curtains and I had slept right on anyway. I yawned as Belly made a face in my direction and grabbed her crop top.

"I'm sorry! I was just gonna change before I got to the beach. I don't wanna miss the chance on our last day."

"What time is it?" I looked around the room when my phone wasn't on my nightstand like usual. It landed on the end of my bed with a thump.

"After 10. Here. I found it on the kitchen table when I came in last night. Figured I should plug it in for you."

I smiled and saw that it was, indeed, fully charged. "You're sweet."

"The least I could do. You barely left anything for me and Jere to finish up this morning."

"Yeah, I was on a mission." I looked at her smiley face as she pulled her top over her bikini. "So. About you and Jere…"

Belly was never good at hiding things from me and her face screamed guilt even as she tried to shrug it off. "What do you mean?"

"Belly. Come on." She looked at me then, waiting. "You guys hung out all day yesterday and then you left together last night. What's going on there?"

The poor thing looked scared, "You're not mad?"

I rolled my eyes, "Is there something to be mad about? I mean, if you guys like each other…it's not gonna be easy but there are worse things."

"Wow, you should sleep in more often. Oh, don't forget to check the kitchen when you get up. Conrad went out early and got the good muffins."

"Oh, nice. But you're not off the hook about this Jere thing."

She pulled her lip balm out of her pocket and smeared it across her bottom lip. "It's not anything yet. When there's something to tell, I'll let you know."

"You better."

I took a moment to check my phone and saw an unread message from an unknown number. Hey, it's Danny. Jeremiah swore it was cool if he gave me your number so I hope that's okay. It was nice seeing you yesterday. The look on my face must have given me away because Belly was laughing at my expense in almost no time.

"Let me guess. Danny decided to text you after all." She wiggled her brows and giggled.

"Did you know about this?"

"I was there when Jere was trying to convince him. Poor guy actually thought you rejected him because of Conrad." Belly didn't seem to notice if my face reacted to that tidbit. "I told him there wasn't any reason you couldn't come back to Cousin's this summer if you had some good incentive."

She wasn't wrong. It wasn't like I had plans like Steven and Belly. I didn't need to be anywhere until the middle of August. I didn't need to shut everything down before it even started; before giving it a chance to be something to forget about at all. It was a nice thought that was almost immediately ruined by Conrad's look of relief when I told him I'd do the exact opposite. Maybe in a different world where I wasn't leaving for California in five weeks, or if I had any concrete plans of spending more time in Cousin's this summer, I'd feel different. Not to mention that I still didn't have the slightest idea where Conrad's head was at after yesterday and I wasn't sure I even wanted to. The world in which I could be excited about this didn't exist and it was time to make peace with that.

"You know he invited me to his ball game? I can't believe I have to leave before seeing him in those white pants."

"Y/N!" Belly threw her stuffed polar bear, Junior Mint, at my chest and I caught it with a laugh. "I knew you liked him. He got so much hotter this year, I'm a little jealous I didn't get there first."

I gasped dramatically, "I'm telling Jeremiah!"

"I'm kidding…kind of. I mean, I'm definitely leaving but Danny Wilder could inspire a hot girl summer."

"Mm. Period." I looked back at the text and wondered if I should just leave it altogether. My stomach grumbled and it distracted me enough to leave it be for now and wave Belly off to the beach to have her fun.

I shuffled down the stairs to the kitchen after my shower, remembering the muffins Belly said would be waiting for me. The box was on the island like always and I smiled at the small victory. I really should have missed my chance at one, let alone my favourite, coming down after 11am. I opened the box and considered my choices when I heard someone clear their throat. I looked towards the sound and found Conrad standing in the doorway.

"Uh…I uh, saved you a carrot. It's under the cake plate." He gestured to the other side of the counter where it waited for me.

"Oh. Thanks." I walked that way and saw him shift his stance uncomfortably, and look down at his feet. I forced myself to give him the credit he deserved at that moment with a look of sincerity. "You didn't have to do that."

He looked pleasantly surprised, "It's no problem. You uh…call it a thanks for cleaning up last night. My mom really appreciated it."

"Of course. Anything for Susannah."

It was the most polite we'd ever been to each other in our entire lives. I wasn't even sure it was real since there were no witnesses to prove I wasn't making the whole thing up somehow. Belly and Steven would laugh in my face if I told them. But that didn't stop the awkwardness from getting worse by the second and finally I couldn't take it anymore. Conrad looked like he wanted to say something else but I couldn't hear it, whatever it was and I was scared that I already knew. Instead of giving him the chance, I mumbled a quick 'thanks again' and 'see you later' before bolting back upstairs with my carrot muffin in hand and shut the door behind me. I leaned back against it and wondered how I'd avoid whatever that was for the next 24 hours before my time in Cousin's would come to an end.

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author's note: I hope you enjoyed part 2 of 4th of July! How are we feeling at this point? Don't worry because there's still lots more story to come even if Y/N thinks her journey is ending. Next chapter is a day at the boardwalk! Thank you again for the continued support 💚💛🧡❤️. Reply with comments and let me know if you wanna be added to my taglist. If you'd like to ask me about any upcoming chapter warnings you wanna be warned of ahead of time (angst? 18+ smut?) then come visit my blog with any questions and I'll be happy to answer!

taglist: @c4rpediem-s @jackierose902109 @lcvecstiel @h0t-as-h3ll @stylesxroyalty @fandom-addict404 @hellofutur @junnniiieee07 @shelby-x @historygeekqueen

#conrad fisher #conrad fisher x reader #conrad fisher x y/n #conrad fisher x you #team conrad #the summer i turned pretty #tsitp conrad #the summer i turned pretty au #the summer i turned pretty imagine #the summer i turned pretty fanfic #conrad fisher fanfic #conrad fisher imagine #conrad fisher au #conrad fisher x fem!reader #Spotify

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lau219 · 4 months

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Red Carpet

Part 7

Previous part here

…………………………………………………………………………….

After what happened between them at the hotel, Lauren had completely avoided looking at or talking to Cillian while they rode with Maeve back to the agency. Cillian had felt an unfamiliar mix of regret, jealousy, and confusion, and he said nothing to Lauren as they parted ways outside of the building.

He knew he had hurt her, but he was still too on edge from the entire situation to say something. After giving Maeve her email address and a friendly hug, Lauren had met his eyes briefly before saying a final goodbye to Maeve and walking to her car.

Since then, Lauren had made herself scarce, and they’d only communicated via text. She simply had told Cillian the dates and times of his next few commitments, and when he’d replied to confirm and then ask her if they could meet up at her office to go over some things, she’d said no.

She’d told him that she wouldn’t be there, due to Sharon wanting her to handle some events for another client. Guessing that she was avoiding him, Cillian had stopped by the agency anyway, but she hadn’t been there. However, unaware of the situation, Sharon had revealed that Lauren had asked for a couple of days off, and then had volunteered to attend a few promotional events for another client for the remainder of the week.

When Lauren had texted him again with another update to his schedule, she’d confirmed that she’d be at a meeting with him the following week. But based on how distant and to-the-point she’d sounded in her messages, Cillian had decided that he’d wait until then to try and speak to her.

It was Friday when Cillian agreed to meet up with a friend for lunch at a restaurant near the agency. After sitting down, their attention was drawn to the entrance as a small group of people came in, chatting loudly.

As they spread out at the bar to order drinks, Cillian was surprised to see Lauren among them. She was laughing, her smile infectious as she reached out and hugged several of the others in her group. They talked animatedly, and Cillian watched as she showed affection and warmth towards her friends.

While he and Lauren were always engaged in a sarcastic back and forth, he knew from the countless times he’d observed her that she was like this the other 95% of the time. It was only around him that she became the fiery, mouthy little thing that she was. Now, suddenly, that fact bothered him, because while he was always very much amused with the version of her that he got, he found himself wanting to experience this version of her, too.

He could just imagine what it’d be like to get her that way – warmed up, sweet, and submissive. He could do a lot with that. The thought that she’d never offered that side of herself to him suddenly bothered him, never mind the fact that it was his own fault.

“Which one?” Eric spoke up, breaking through Cillian’s thoughts as he followed his gaze towards the bar. Quickly, he realized who he was looking at.

“Lauren?” he said, surprised. “I thought you two hated each other? Alex has told me some pretty crazy shit about you two.”

Cillian always forgot that Eric’s sister worked with Lauren at Sharon’s office. He had no idea what she did there, but he’d seen her around. Apparently, she liked to talk, and Cillian didn’t have the energy or desire to explain or correct anything she’d told Eric. It was no one’s business but his and Lauren’s.

“Doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy the view,” Cillian replied to him, faking nonchalance, before turning back to the table. He wanted to talk to her, but he wasn’t going to do it here.

“I don’t blame you,” Eric agreed, looking down at his menu, “she’s something else. And those tits of hers are brilliant.”

Cillian suddenly had the urge to jam his steak knife into Eric’s hand.

After a few moments, a bunch of noise came from the bar as the bartender lined up shot glasses and began filling each one. After everyone in the group had taken their shot, several of the women released ear piercing squeals.

“Jesus,” Cillian muttered.

“It’s her birthday,” Eric said by way of explanation.

Cillian looked up.

“Whose?” he replied.

“Lauren’s. Alex mentioned they were taking her out today. Tonight, too. I guess Sharon is funding some big thing at the bar on Kearney Street. Giving her a birthday slash promotion party.”

Cillian didn’t reply, staying silent. It was her birthday? She’d been promoted? How did he not know any of this?

“Apparently, a bunch of people from the agency are going. Half of them probably don’t even know who Lauren is, but word got around about the party, and no one’s gonna pass up the chance at free booze,” Eric continued. He then looked at Cillian. “You wanna go? I’ve got nothing better to do tonight.”

Ordinarily, Cillian would have given a quick and hard pass. Just the thought of being around all those ditzy, shrieking women in some overcrowded bar made him wince. But before he knew it, he found himself agreeing. He looked at Lauren again.

She happened to look over at the same time, and they briefly made eye contact. She raised her eyebrows, clearly surprised to see him, before turning back to the bar.

————————————————————————

After leaving the restaurant, Cillian was unlocking his car when he got a text message. Looking at his phone, he saw it was from Eric.

“Check your email.”

Cillian leaned against the car as he opened his inbox. At the top of the folder, he saw that Eric had forwarded him a thread of messages. As he scanned the screen for the original sender and recipient, he saw that it was an exchange between Alex and Lauren. He wondered how Eric had gotten it.

Alex: Hey, that photographer from the shoot the other day came by looking for you. He mentioned that he thought you and Murphy got in some sort of argument while you were there. What happened?

Lauren: Jesus, Alex, can you ever have a conversation with someone without immediately gossiping?

Alex: He’s the one who brought it up! So what happened? Was he giving you a hard time again?

Lauren: No, it was nothing.

Alex: Yeah, right. I’ve seen how he’s acted toward you in the past. I still can’t believe Sharon is making you work with him. How can you stand it?

Lauren: He’s not so bad.

Alex: Look, he may be my brother’s friend, but I’ve got no attachment to the guy. What do you say we start a little bad publicity?

Lauren: You realize Sharon is his publicist, right?

Alex: So? I have a media post ready to go; just say the word.

Lauren: Absolutely not. Alex, you better not do anything stupid.

Alex: Oh come on! They’ll never know it was us.

Lauren: NO.

Alex: Why are you not on board with this?!

Lauren: Because it’s juvenile and unprofessional. Besides, he and I may not always see eye to eye, but he’s not a bad person. He doesn’t deserve it; you’re being cruel.

Alex: 🙄

Lauren: I mean it, Alex, don’t do it.

Alex: Ok, ok.

After noticing the date on Lauren and Alex’s emails, Cillian looked up from his phone, shocked. Their conversation had taken place several days after his recent interviews. Clearly, Lauren had convinced Alex to pull the plug on her idea, as nothing bad had come out about him. Not that he even cared; that kind of fake bullshit came with the territory. But Lauren had defended him in a way he never would have expected after what had happened at the hotel. Why?

He was going to find out.

Tonight.

Part 8

@hannibellector @fuseburner @nyxxie-pooh @neonpurplestars89-blog

#cillian murphy #cillian fic #cillian x fem!reader #cillian x original character #cillian smut #18+ only

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mysterious-moonstruck-musings · 7 months

Note

honestly, this was probably the best thing to happen to Dieter. So while I’m gutted he and everybody else had to go through this, it can only go up from here!

but also… he called Talia in that moment 🥺 that just kinda makes me 🥺😭😭

And also. I’m gonna say it and I know I’m probably alone with this but man… I found Lauren kinda annoying this chapter lmao 😂 like I know where she’s coming from with Talia not actually dealing with her shit but come on.. cut her some slack? Her famous actor boyfriend broke up with her via a phone call and then got permanently drunk while basically the whole world was watching.

I just found her a bit too righteous and pushy. Also the song choice for her, that was kinda messed up? It’s not like Talia wanted to break up with Dieter?? She didn’t have to show or prove anything to him really, so I just kinda didn’t like that tbh!

But this chapter was great!! I wish I could just continue reading to find out what happens next because aaaaaaah!! I’m so desperate for them to reunite when whatever was up with Dieter is finally better. I feel like he’s gonna be so sorry and I can already see him in a hospital bed looking all small and sad and puppy eyes 🥺

Thanks for the message anon! Looks like you’re putting me to the test today. 🤣

This response includes spoilers for chapter 24 of Destiny & Deliverance below the cut.

It’s definitely a good thing that it happened the way it did. It could have gone very badly if Dieter hadn’t of made that call. I think once it’s revealed what is going on with him, everyone will be surprised and realize it should never have happened at all. It is sad for all involved obviously…and to think, these types of things really do happen every day.

Yes! Talk about drunk dialing…The fact that he called her tells us he was ready to stop fighting his feelings. He wanted to fix it and he knew he fucked up. Unfortunately, he was too messed up to really get any of that out. It did hit the feels extra hard though. I also love that Talia didn’t hesitate to go to him once she realized something was off. She’s going to take care of him no matter how big of an ass he has been. She loves him too much not to.

So Lauren…I think it may help to have some insight on where she’s coming from. Let’s remember, it’s been several months since Talia and D split. Also, we have to consider Talia’s history. Lauren knows that Talia holds things in and will self destruct over it. She did it with her marriage and she’s doing it even worse with D. Lauren just wants to get through to her and prevent something bad from happening (again). Keep in mind, Talia knew an awful lot about alcohol poisoning. We will circle back around to that topic eventually. So, Lauren starts taking a bit of a tough love approach. Sometimes, that is something you have to do with people (trust me, I’ve been there). It’s truly coming from a place of love for her friend. She’s worried about her.

Now, on the flip side of that, Dieter was one of Lauren’s few close friends too. Talia wasn’t the only one who lost him when he hit that self destruct button. Lauren is also now dating D’s brother and sees the affect D’s spiral is having on Alex too. She is privy to information that Talia doesn’t have. She has communicated with Dieter and tried to talk to him just like his family has. Remember in chapter 23 when she said, “You’re both so fucking stubborn”? She was totally working behind the scenes to sort D out and getting nowhere with him. Why? Because he had convinced himself that Talia was moving on and didn’t need him in her life. Outwardly, Talia seemed to be ok with the split and he didn’t believe Lauren when she told him otherwise.

Now the song… was it messed up? Yes, a little. Lauren honestly wasn’t expecting that type of reaction from Talia though. However, Lauren did hope that it might make Talia think about how she was really feeling. It worked, a little too well.

As far as Talia having something to prove to D…you’re right, she didn’t have anything, but Lauren did. Lauren wanted D to know that Talia was in fact hurting over the split and missed him because he didn’t believe it. We have to remember, at this point D is not speaking to the family (or Lauren by extension) and she was looking to reach him any way she could because she knows how bad off he really is. The family is grasping at straws by this point. She saw the situation as an opportunity.

So long story short, Lauren really is stuck between a rock and hard place. She’s trying to navigate it the best she can, but it’s to the point where they are all getting a little desperate.

Hopefully that gives a little more insight into Lauren’s POV on everything. She really has no malicious intentions, she just wants her friends to be healthy and happy.

They will be reunited eventually. It’s going to be a long road for him, and Talia too. And yes, there will be a lot of sad puppy dog eyes in the coming chapters. 🥹

I’m happy you enjoyed the chapter. Thanks for following along on this little adventure! 💜

CC: @rhoorl @bitchwitch1981 @readingiskeepingmegoing @runningmom94 @for-a-longlongtime @hisandsnakes @chaoticfestninja @survivingandenduring @partyofone3413 @cakipy-blog @titlee78 @poodlebae @guelyury @missladym1981 @maried01 @alokaerza @samiamproductions @misstokyo7love @themonadiaries-blog @madnessofadaydreamer @darkheartgatita @avastrasposts @weho2kcmo @harriedandharassed @tkchaos

#dieter bravo #dieter bravo fic #talk to me about d & d #pedro pascal #destiny & deliverance series #pedro pascal characters #dieter bravo fanfiction #dieter bravo x oc #pedro pascal character fanfic #pedro pascal fanfic #pedro pascal fanfiction #talk to me

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formulax · 8 months

Text

a call, where nothing in particular is really resolved: a first person present tense venture into sibling dynamics

I come to the realization, after a few rounds of ringing, that I am calling my sister. I come to the realization also that it was somehow an automatic response to look for her number in my phone, out of everyone else I could have possibly called. Why not call Claire? It is something I don’t immediately understand—and then I realize, I know Claire can’t help me here. Only Jenny Monroe can help me here, which is a sentence I did not expect to think to myself anytime soon.

It takes a moment for Jenny to pick up the phone. It’s nearing ten o’clock at night, and I don’t know how late she stays up. So I lean forward, bounce my leg, and wait.

“Chris, is everything okay?” She picks up. Her voice is tired, but forming a nervous tone that seems to wake her up just enough. “Is something wrong? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s—don’t worry. Don’t freak out,” I say. The words stumble ungracefully from my mouth. “I’m just... calling.”

There is a pause. “Why?”

“I’m alone in the... I don’t know. Lauren’s out with friends. I don’t know.” It’s hard to vocalize what I want; I hardly even know what I want.

I hear a sigh, and then some rustling. “Okay. I’ll go to the living room. Kevin’s out like a light,” she says. She doesn’t seem irritated, but it’s hard for me to tell.

“Did I wake you up?” I ask, pulling at a stray thread on my pajama bottoms.

“No, I wasn’t sleeping yet. Mom sent a text about me hosting the next party.” Here, her voice drops. I huff, intentionally audible, and roll my eyes. Jenny clicks her tongue in disapproval. “Don’t do that, Chris. I know we’re not letting them boss us around, but mom has arthritis, she can’t cook and host like she used to. I still want to be nice.”

“You hate cooking,” I remind her, my eyebrows raised. I lean back on the couch, put my feet up on the coffee table. “You always start yelling at people when you cook.”

“Kevin tells me that every time too. Am I really that bad?”

“And you get a little insane when you host.”

“What—what does that mean?”

I find a memory immediately, and pull it forward. I have been sitting on it for a while, as one of my best Jenny stories. “I remember once, you shoved a drink into my hand and told me to have fun or else you’d fucking kill me.”

“I don’t... remember that.”

I grin, and laugh. “You probably blacked out,” I joke. Jenny doesn’t laugh, and we sit in silence for a few seconds. My smile fades. “Jen? Should I not have brought it up?”

“Oh, no, I—I just—I’m sorry I said that,” she mutters. I get the sense that she is not ready to joke about herself, not totally. I’m not sure I’d be ready to joke about myself, either. I scramble for my next words.

“Look—do what you want, but don’t let mom guilt trip you into doing something that will make you upset. Marnie can host the party. Or Sam. I could go on,” I tell her, recalling our similar-aged cousins.

“Have you seen the newest pictures of Marnie’s twins? I can’t believe they’re six now! I’ll—I’ll email them to you.” Jenny swerves the conversation, and for a moment I consider bringing it back. But I see no reason to keep pushing, and so, I let it go.

“I would love to see the newest JCPenney photoshoot pictures of cousin Marnie’s twins. I love seeing the annoyed looks on their little six year old faces, in their corny little coordinated outfits. It’s adorable,” I drone, smiling again. This time, Jenny lets out a chuckle.

“Shut up. They’re cute kids.”

“Right, right.” I shift again, to lay down on the couch. I stare at the ceiling, and start to notice my eyes drifting to one side. I grunt. “Shit.”

“What?”

I take off my glasses, and close my eyes as the full tilting effect hits me. “Vertigo, I moved too fast,” I groan, kicking my foot in defeat.

“Shit.” I can sense Jenny’s urge to speak through the phone. Just as I open my mouth to let her, she gives in. “Have you still not figured out anything that works for you? I thought Claire was supposed to—”

“Hey, hey, Jen. I’m fine. I’m getting better. She’s hooked me up with a type of physical therapy, and I think it’s helping. I...” I hesitate, not sure if I want to admit this quite yet. I sigh. “I might start thinking about driving soon.”

I get the reaction I just about expected. “What? Really? Are you sure? I mean—you haven’t driven in—and your vertigo, it’s—are you sure?” I can picture her biting her nails and frowning. I can also picture, of course, the same carnage she is picturing.

“I’m just thinking about thinking about it, don’t get too nervous, okay? I’d need to do lessons and tests, et cetera,” I try to reassure her. She pauses to think.

“...Okay.” I smile. She has changed a lot. “But I know you hate driving. You always hated driving.”

“No,” I correct her, “I hated driving with dad.”

“God, right.” Jenny huffs. “Why is it that our conversations always find their way back to our parents? We’ve got to have more in common than the people who raised us. At some point, passing these stories back and forth doesn't make me feel better anymore. Just worse. I don’t know about you.” Jenny speaks here with a determined anger, pronouncing words with harsh snaps. But then, she lets out a breath, and she softens. “Chris, why did you call me? Just for this?”

I open my eyes. The vertigo has passed. “I told you, I don’t really know. I just called. I’m waiting for Lauren to get home,” I say, frowning. But there is something more, I know it. I am reaching for something. For what? I grind my teeth as I try to search for it.

“Is it about Lauren? Are you nervous about her? Where is she?” Jenny’s questions are monotone, methodical, but she is asking them too quickly, and I can tell she’s unnerved.

“I... she’s driving around with friends. I want—I want her to come home. I want her to be home,” I say, laying a hand over my chest. My breaths grow shallow, and my eyes water. And suddenly, I have found the thing I was looking for, the missing emotion, the cause of my unrest. “Do you ever get that?”

“Oh.” Jenny pauses to sigh; it’s a heavy, burdened sigh. “Oh, Christopher, of course I get that. Do you know how hard it is not to call her, every hour, every day? She used to be just a room away.”

I inhale and wipe my eyes, before I let myself get any worse. “She’s having fun, I—I can’t just make her come back,” I reason, pausing for a response, for instructions. Jenny hums.

“No, you shouldn’t.”

“But when she’s not here, when I can’t see her, it feels like the end of the world!” Despite my vertigo, I have a sudden urge to stand; I obey it, and begin to pace and wave my free hand. “I’ve been trying to distract myself since she left, and I just—I can’t! I’m alone, in this house, and I can’t do anything but sit and wait, and drive myself insane, because when she’s not with me she’s not... with me!”

“Okay, Chris,” Jenny slows her voice into something calm and motherly, “you’re going to be okay. Both of you are going to be okay.”

“Jenny, don’t—” I laugh anxiously and bring a hand to my face, “don’t therapy me. Please. I am perfectly aware that I’m being irrational.”

“Well—” Jenny is trying hard, I can tell, not to get frustrated. “Well, Christopher, I’m not sure what else you want me to say, I mean...”

“You don’t need to fix it,” I shout, anxiety stirring my heart. I am aware on some level how ungraceful I’m acting, but the stress is pulling my filters down, and the regret comes after. I pinch the bridge of my nose and curse. “Sorry. Maybe I should hang up.”

“No—Chris, it’s fine. We can keep talking. You can keep talking.”

It’s an offer I didn’t expect from her, and for a few moments I can only be stunned. Every day, I find myself surprised by the human capacity for change. It’s a corny thought, but a true one nonetheless. And so, I say something cornier. Something that surprises me, about myself.

“I love you,” I say, and then I slump back onto the couch. I get nervous, embarrassed; I don’t want to let it hang for too long, don’t want to turn it into something significant, so I keep talking. My face is hot. The words spill out. “I feel so selfish, I feel like a bad parent, when I get like this. And I’ve been getting like this a lot since she’s gone back to school, it’s—it’s not even that I’m overly afraid of her getting hurt, or in some kind of trouble, I just... want to see her, I want to be in the same room with her, I want to know that she’s there and I don’t ever want her to leave and it makes me feel sick because I don’t want to be mom and dad, I don’t want to hover and suffocate and—and be so obsessed like they were but god, Jennifer, my chest feels so tight and I can’t breathe sometimes and I was away for so long and I have this need, this unrelenting, terrible need to be as close as possible or else I’ll fucking explode! God... dammit!”

I slump forward and drag a hand down my face as I pause to breathe. The other line is silent, for a few more seconds, but I don’t pay any mind to her silence. I let myself cry.

And then: “You’re not mom and dad.” It’s a quiet, hesitant statement, but Jenny’s tone rises easily. “You told me not to fix it, but you’re just not... mom and dad. And I’m only saying it because you’re being fucking stupid. And I love you, too.”

My body tenses, and something bubbles up to my throat, and then I let out a horrid, sudden cackle. I double over, hanging my head, and I laugh.

“Hey!” she snaps at me. “What’s so funny about that? What’s wrong with you?”

“I don’t—” I stomp my foot and cover my mouth. “I don’t know!”

“Stop fucking laughing you asshole—” She begins to giggle. “I’m being nice to you!”

“I know!” I force out some breaths. “It just feels so weird! Why am I calling you?”

“I don’t know, why did you call me?”

“Because you’re my sister, and—” I snort, “and I love you!”

Both of us burst into another round of violent laughter. My side begins to hurt, and I return to a sprawled out position on the couch. As I laugh, the bottled nervous energy drains from me, finding a new home as sound waves from my now-hoarse voice, bouncing around the dimly lit living room.

“Chris—Chris,” Jenny manages, finally. “Again, we’re back to goddamn mom and dad.”

I realize she’s right, and I scoff. “They haunt the dark recesses of our minds, Jen, of course we’re back to mom and dad,” I say, voice flat. I kick my feet up on the couch’s armrest.

“Well, I’m just saying, as someone who ended up parenting too much like them, I know what you’re saying. I think. In a way, but...”

“Alright. Am I fucked up?”

“Oh thoroughly.”

I smile. “Thanks, Jen.”

“For—for what?”

“I don’t know,” I admit, settling further into the couch. There’s a warmth in my chest, a cheesy fuzziness that makes me chuckle to myself again. The phone is quiet against my ear. I can tell she’s smiling too.

“I just want you to know, that this whole call is fucking disgusting.”

“Oh, it’s so gross.” I mock-gag. “Ew, feelings, let’s talk about cousin Marnie and her twins again in their little matching six year old outfits.”

“And her useless fucking husband,” Jenny spits, “that never lifts a fucking finger.”

I gasp and sit up. “Wait—what? Scott? I thought we liked Scott!”

“We do not fucking like Scott.”

“What happened, he was doing so good!”

“Weaponized. Incompetence.”

“Elaborate.”

#the door #my writing #my ocs

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prinnamon · 24 days

Text

arlen's mind notes! mostly ground that was already covered by @spiderh0rse's arlen's mind notes, but i'm enjoying documenting my mindverse journey too.

EPISODE 1

unlike barney, Arlen relies on An Actual Alarm Clock instead of trusting his roommates to wake him

barney snores loud as fuck and is an extremely heavy sleeper (arlen tries and fails to wake him. in Mind of Ryan, Ryan claims to have done the same.)

arlen doesn't remember what he did last night, but his back hurts

says he doesn't give a fuck about barney

arlen wonders if he's the person who hates mornings the most in the world. sure, i believe it. maybe he really is the specialest boy in the universe.

"washes" his hands in the backed-up flooded sink water. thinks this is acceptable. disgusteng.

the vending machines eat his money. he is very upset that his snack and soda are gone (stolem). at least he tried to eat something for breakfast, but as a mindverse character, he is simply not allowed.

KATE! WE GET TO SEE KATE! i hadn't realized she'd be physically present. i'd assumed she was a Phantom Girlfriend like Lauren from Barney's Mind who we'd never actually get to meet.

is a little groggy and dismissive of Kate. immediately starts worrying that he sounded like an asshole.

"why do we need… a ramp… and stairs here?" arlen. buddy. c'mon.

"what the hell's going on here? what are they gonna do when they come to these stairs?" ok, he has a point about this one actually. why is there only a ramp in one spot

also, though, why does he find this worth remarking upon? he's not new here. that's first day/week talk.

jokingly predicts the alien invasion pretty accurately. expects to be the sole survivor. is looking forward to that outcome.

hates work. me too bud

walks into work, sees people having tech problems, and tells them "try a reboot if you have not." if i was one of his coworkers i would strangle him for that. you get here late and you honestly think we haven't tried turning it off and on again? perish at my hands loser

"i'm not a computer expert. i just press keys and then it works." ipad baby 🫵

sees Gordon driving in. does not recognize him but immediately clocks him as someone who "thinks he owns the place"

falls asleep on the job. maaaybe talks in his sleep, but it's always unclear in these series whether the dialogue is meant to be seen as spoken or internal.

wakes up with a headache.

shoots the vortigaunts reflexively before they even move to attack him.

extended string of "that did not just happen. did that happen—? that never happened."

his name is TJ. his dead coworker's name is CJ. i want all of the guards he encounters to be named something along these lines. PJ. DJ. AJ. it would be so funny

he has a radio that actually lets him communicate with sector G's management, holy shit. only character with functioning radio equipment???

hears that Sector F has sent in similar reports to what he just encountered and immediately starts running to see if Kate's okay. so for all that talk about how everyone aggravates him, he does really care, at least about her.

EPISODE 2

arlen is one of very few who actually takes a moment to really get close and examine the aliens he kills, trying to figure out what's up with them instead of running straight by.

he says "i know i just saw something" often.

extremely aware. has not given any aliens an opportunity to attack him yet. which isn't to say he's shooting them immediately for no reason; he has some pretty obvious clues to the fact that they are hostile, like the dead bodies and the headcrab zombies.

the extreme awareness continues even when there's nothing to be aware of. at this point, he's just on constant high alert.

calls things "gay" if they are of no use or interest to him

"i want a soda, and i have a gun." [shoots vending machine; it breaks and soda cans fall out] "and now i have a soda, too." probably most charming bit so far

Sprite drinker. excitedly tabs over to a spreadsheet called "mindverse character soda preferences"

shooting crates open in search of treasure chests. buddy. what???

forgot about Kate. feels bad for forgetting about Kate.

a couple times, he's taken a sort of "serves them right" position about people he's found dead. wonder if he really feels that way or if it just helps him cope.

doesn't shoot the houndeyes right away! waits for them to explode his ears with their psychic attack before he starts blastin'

thinks the soundwave made his kidney explode

Kate is his entire motivation for trying so hard. "i'm worried about her, and if i don't do this, i'll forever wonder if i could've helped her."

thinks it's incredibly unfair that aliens get to break the laws of physics and he doesn't!

would be pretty embarrassed if he survived an alien apocalypse and then died from a heart attack.

EPISODE 3

"calm. calm. calm. I'MGONNAKILLEVERYBODY. calm. calm." takes second place for my favorite line.

straight up that is an arcade and not a restroom. awesome but where do i piss.

"i'm not sure whether to be more upset that we're wasting money on something like this—an arcade—or that nobody ever told me about it." feels very left out and excluded.

has been trying to get the company to issue him a new gun for two months since his broke.

sees or possibly hallucinates a floating headcrab.

sees the barnacle ahead of time. guns down the nearby zombies before he can see what it does to them, but is curious enough that he gets close enough for it to wrap around his neck and choke him for a second. this stuns him, hurts really bad, and leaves him with headache #2.

says "i'm not evil! it's me! tj arlen!" as if the military would just hear that and be like ohhh okay! hey everybody, no worries, we got tj here!"

is so scared he mispronounces his own middle name

killed two people (out of necessity) and seems dead certain he's going to hell now

EPISODE 4

brands himself a "homicidal maniac" after, again, killing exactly 2 people in self-defense.

never before considered the idea that he might actually kill anyone.

slams his nose into the wall in his panic as he runs from more grunts shooting at him. gets more upset than i've heard him get in this entire series. thinks his nose is broken!

aware that he would die if he fell, but evidently not afraid of heights. just enjoys the view.

NOT having fun. does NOT like murdering people. …DOES like watching blood splatter against the wall (immediately feels bad and wrong for thinking that)

forgets how much the situation sucks for just a moment to be impressed with his own ability to shoot down a turret from a distance.

he says "god hold me" instead of "god help me." i have not heard that one before.

wishes kate was here… not that he was with her wherever she is but that she was with him where he is. would feel more comfortable and confident in his ability to get through this if he was with her. shows that he thinks of her as trustworthy and competent, probably more so than himself.

has played minecraft. associates exploding creatures with creepers

recognizes the gman even at a glance. wants NOTHING to do with him and will NOT ask for his help.

after his first encounter with a bullsquid, he gives up trying to make sense of anything that's happening to him.

says "back to my life as a mole" when he has to go back in the vents to progress

"explosions are fun! especially when they murder people." i think he's just saying words recreationally now because this is directly contradictory to the previous characterization in this same episode. i highly doubt the last four minutes were enough time for him to spiral into madness etc etc.

i will admit he is killing and quipping with a little more enthusiasm now and saying things like "i wonder if there's anybody down here to kill." concerning.

EPISODE 5

recognizes the tram, but has never learned how to operate one.

casually steps backwards off of the moving tram. is not hurt in the process. smooth moves

dismayed to realize he may now be a conspiracy theorist. quickly rationalizes his way out of it so he can go on feeling content that he's not One Of Them.

briefly entertains the idea that he's dreaming.

bullsquid spit RIGHT in his eye! horrible! he sounds like he's in more pain than when he broke(?) his nose, which is saying a lot, and there's a visual effect to show how badly it's messing up his vision.

broke his arm before. his eye hurts worse than that.

particularly terrified when he sees an alien grunt. probably in no small part due to having just watched it absolutely eviscerate another guard. reeeally wants to believe it doesn't exist.

creeped out when rachel, another guard, won't talk to him. she does just kinda stare at him and then follow him around. i'd be a little creeped out, too.

rachel gets killed, and he finds a blood-covered radio and a note among her things that. auuuugh. dumps a whole bunch of exposition which i found it really hard to focus on. he reads it while walking. okay i don't want to but i've gotta re-listen and try to parse that because it sounded plot-critical

arlen learns from this note that the marines and special forces are trying to apprehend gordon freeman, who needs to be warned. he learns that the marines were ordered to kill black mesa employees and that the special forces were ordered to do the same as well as kill the marines.

the radio he picked up allows him to communicate over a secret secure channel, since the special forces are monitoring the default channel.

somehow he knows the special forces "are like ninjas" despite not having encountered them yet

thinks he's as good as dead if the special forces are after him.

calls in over the radio and manages to reach his friend (jordan/jordon) from sector g. jordan asks after rachel. when he learns that she didn't make it, jordan tells arlen to take up her mission and warn gordon freeman.

yet again, he's fixing other people's fuck-ups! he feels this has been the story of his life since he started working at black mesa.

has absolutely no clue where he is in the facility until he lands in loading bay d, which he recognizes immediately

knows right away that it's freeman in the hev suit despite not having been told what he would look like. maybe this means he actually did know gordon beforehand? mneh. i will make my own canon about this since it feels inconsistent

EPISODE 6

HEV training flashback! …why does Arlen receive HEV training instead of guard training?

"door, why you no open?"

wonders how Black Mesa can "keep bitching about how they're underfunded" when they can afford training holograms.

his high school had a "positive parent" initiative with a $5 membership fee.

he considers his high school "the poor kids' school."

surprised and dismayed by the fact that there are scientists monitoring his training. would rather no one be watching. (arlen what do you think happens in that scenario if you hurt yourself)

"this isn't like i'm going to be training to be a black op." arlen? hello?? a black op???

says he's receiving this training in case they run out of scientists to do a certain job. and holy SHIT that's ominous to me. like the administration knew there might be a shortage of survey team members. like they knew that losing them was a possibility and were preparing backup survey team members. it's just. aaaaa it's so fucked up do you understand how fucked up it is. am i explaining it right

jokingly ponders whether they're invading an alien planet. is pretty correct except for the part about the purpose being so that they can cure cancer. nah i think they did it just to do it. but good on him for his miniscule amount of faith in the administration at least having benevolent intentions

you can't say that white baby.

"you know you're a sad case when you talk to yourself this much." AHA. so at least some of your dialogue IS spoken and not just internal.

says the long jump module goes around his arm. i don't… i don't like that. is that true? i thought it went around their torso somewhere. like a jetpack. does it go on their arm?? is he getting that from somewhere or just making it up??? i guess it looks a little small to go around your whole body, but i feel like you'd tear your arm out of its socket every time you used it if it was a thing on your arm. i've decided he's wrong about this. he's doing it wrong

he does like the long jump module a lot. wants to keep it. not above stealing it if he can get away with it.

tries and fails to step on the cockroaches he sees. hates them. manages later to smash one with a crowbar.

happy for the opportunity to break crates at work.

makes reference to slenderman. lists a number of things he think slenderman does. says he never found him scary.

extremely happy that he gets to do weapons training as part of this but wonders why the hell scientists need to be trained with weapons

tries for way too long to shoot through the glass that says "UNBREAKABLE" in big yellow letters.

he hates swimming because he does not like to be wet. actually thinks it's awesome as long as he's wearing a waterproof suit

UNDERWATER MUMBLING 🙌

INCOHERENT WHIMPERING 🙌

was sick the day they told people how to use the trams. gives up.

ponders kicking barney out of the dorm for the night since he can stay with lauren instead.

barney hates snakes. arlen would happily use this knowledge against him.

EPISODE 7

back to the present. he lives!!!

he wakes up somewhere completely different. looks like a wind tunnel. his radio, flashlight, and weapons have all been taken.

moving hurts. very bad.

seems to remember everything that has happened to him. upset to learn that the aliens weren't a dream.

his wound. isn't bleeding. at all. i guess

he was shot somewhere in the torso, because apparently his shirt is over the wound and tight enough to act like a bandage.

i'm gonna go ahead and say gman intervened to prevent him from dying. or, uh, gmind. cia guy. you know him. but anyway, the special forces had a clean shot at him. and there's no way they would have moved what they thought was his corpse to that random tunnel and left him alone without checking at any point to make sure he was dead. a certain somebody is definitely lookin out for him.

his priorities: get a gun, get a car, get Kate, get the fuck out.

lets out a little startled yell each time he fires the shotgun.

starting to like the adrenaline rush (of killing? of being in danger? i assume he means the former, but he kinda doesn't specify!)

would like to capture an alien and keep it as a pet. it would make him feel badass. that's his new back-burner priority.

still terrified of alien grunts but just says "holy pancake!" this time instead of letting out an extended scream like he did earlier.

houndeyes remind him of dogs. wonders if he can "train one to be a dog."

"they're like creepers in minecraft, only they don't self-destruct." so they're nothing like creepers then, man. why are you like this. why do you say the things that you do.

the pain had faded into the background. when he gets to a first aid station and gets some morphine, it finally registers with him again how much pain he was in.

i can barely hear him during this section over the music and gunfire, but he repeatedly shouts "evasive maneuvers!" which is very funny. it's like audibly going "stealth!" while trying to hide

the military is deliberately blocking the parking garage in an effort to prevent people from leaving. sucks!

dead survey team member? whuh huh?? what are you doing here???

has zero idea how to pick up women. no clue how he ended up with kate. seems like he earnestly Does Not Remember.

sees that the metal detectors didn't go off when bullets (metal) passed through them and naturally assumes they are inoperative. decides to step through to test this theory. they go off. nice going, dipshit <3

EPISODE 8

hit in the head with a brick. the turrets have been beeping nonstop for fifteen minutes, despite not thinking it'll work, he snaps and pops out of his hiding spot to shoot it.

admonishes the scientists for not taking the guns on the ground.

glass in his arm from when the houndeye soundwave shattered the window! not as bad as when he cut himself on dried shredded cheese. makes a "sharp cheddar" joke. awesome

shocked by the vortigaunts' ability to speak. ready to hear em out until it starts attacking. listens to the next one and argues/converses with it! does not kill em afterward!

starts wondering if the other aliens will talk to him. hesitant to kill them now.

bemoans the fact that the security guard team is a glorified IT department, fixing every problem around the facility.

"i did NOT go to engineering school! if your fucking elevator will not work, i can't help you."

has apparently had his pay reduced for not fixing things he doesn't know how to fix. awful hellworld stuff. not that people aren't justified in sleeping at all jobs, but i can especially see why he sleeps at this job.

balancing on a distressingly small ledge.

got called to the biology department to solve a computer issue. after three hours, he was finally able to determine that a power strip was plugged into itself instead of into the wall.

simmons and walter cameo!!! arlen calls simmons "simms." maybe they know each other decently well. neither walter nor simms has heard from kate, unfortunately. but they do have health goo! arlen loooves being injected with health goo <3

running still really hurts.

simms fucking DEAD! oh, false alarm. no body, so arlen assumes simms got kidnapped.

arlen fails his stealth check and gets kicked off a ledge instead of pushing the soldier off. oopsieeee. yknow gmind really has his work cut out for him protecting this guy because arlen really is the struggler

EPISODE 9

unfortunately growing accustomed to this cycle of fighting for his life for a while, being knocked unconscious, and waking up somewhere else with no weapons.

wonders how he's still alive! if he was the army, he'd have killed him by now for sure.

earlier, he thought he was meant to die. now he realizes he's so lucky not to have died by now, maybe he's meant to live. maybe even some alien overlord is looking out for him. …naaaah. probably not. :3

breezes past a human head and leg on the ground and says shortly thereafter he didn't see any bodies in that room. wow. blood splatters and human remains are really just blending right into the scenery for him, huh.

he has a headache again. and his side still hurts from where he was shot. and his legs hurt from falling. he's got a lot of problems right now.

"walk up in the club and be like. what up. i got a pet rock"

proud of having blown up a helicopter, but concerned that it makes him an even bigger target.

"i'd rather be freezing than burning!" me too, man. i miss cold.

"and i thought i needed medication before this." tj arlen you will always be famous

EPISODE 10

he's still amazed at the ease with which he guns down military grunts. concludes that they must be expecting him to be unarmed.

it is not 2016. i will bite you.

at some point, he had fingerless gloves. now he doesn't. anyway i thought that was interesting.

time is getting weeeird for him due to the duration he's spent unconscious.

he considers morphine his "drug of choice." was that true before everything, or did it become true during the events of the game?

"okay. i understand now. everything these past few days is just my interpretation of what happened. it's why all the clocks don't have hands." so much fucked-up and inexplicable shit has happened to him that he no longer has any faith in the accuracy of his perception of reality. awesome! 😁

"it feels like i've been here for years, but if i really think about it—GRRAAHHGH. …if i really think about it,"

regretting not having tried to hotwire the car he found earlier.

maybe he should give up trying to find kate.

maybe he's in hell. wonders if he could have avoided this by being more religious.

believes religious texts are written by governments.

"but really, i'm not enlightened or better than everyone else. i just like to think i am but pretend i'm down-to-earth and a good-hearted person. was that what i was supposed to realize? i guess not, 'cause i kind-of already knew that. i'd be lying to myself if i said i didn't." feels like much of his life before all this was sorta. operating under several layers of playing pretend. deep down, he knows he's not better than anyone else, but he tries to tell himself he is, but he tries to seem humble to others?

says Kate doesn't truly matter to him. feels he should have valued her more. i don't think i believe him. im clinging to what he said in episode 4, that he wished she was there. he's always talking about her! and someone who really didn't care, i dunno, i don't think they'd be so worried about whether they cared enough.

bad relationship with his dad. complicated relationship with his mom.

suddenly talking like he thinks he's the worst guy in the world—like he brought all these bad things upon himself by being a bad person, by acting wrong in other areas of his life.

ah. yeah. the morphine is likely not a new thing. had a drug problem before this. hurt friends and lost relationships he cared about because of it.

this whole self-awareness thing sucks. he wants to go back to lying to himself even harder.

ready to stop existing. how can he stop existing.

making fun of the vortigaunts. starts entertaining himself by rhyming random words, then by narrating his situation and rhyming as he does so.

disappears down a pipe. he went out like super mario. godspeed buddy o7

EPISODE 10 (POST-CREDITS)

HE'S IN A FUCKING TUBE?

WHAT IS THIS.

what the fuck happens in azure sheep

sick gurgles, though

they let him out of his tube

kate saves his ass!!!

different kate model. i like this one less. give her back her glasses how will she see. give her back her vest she needs that.

arlen says "where are we going now?" and kate very faintly responds "heaven :3". i'm in shambles. that one word is all the characterization i'll ever get for her beyond how much arlen wants to save her but tbh it's so cute. that's enough., That's enough. WHO VOICED HER THOUGH BECAUSE KATE'S VA WASN'T IN THE CREDITS. WHO SAID THAT!?!?!?

what a strange first thing to say upon reuniting with your partner. weirdgirl kate reigns supreme.

i realized the other day that, despite featuring arlen, mind of ryan directly contradicts the canon of arlen's mind. if barney was around for ryan, who drove into work from off-site, to try and wake up, barney couldn't have been sleeping in the dorm with arlen. so yeah, there's not just the "too few beds and too little space in the dorm for three people to sleep comfortably" issue, there's "ryan straight-up claims he slept last night at the same off-site location as barney which is not possible in the same world as the one in which arlen's mind takes place." and i know the real answer to all this is "dravenmario wanted to pay homage to the series that inspired him, not necessarily be fully canon-compliant with that series," but i still. i dunno. thought it was mildly interesting and worth noting.

next i'll probably watch shephard's mind or chell's mind (the one by CyhAnide, although i do eventually plan to check out the Rychotech one).

#arlen... he took a while to grow on me. his slur to episode ratio is pretty high and i found the first few episodes difficult to focus on.#partially a fatigue issue. i was watching late at night. i also don't think i'm the biggest fan of the mod azure sheep #i could not piece together the plot #i like kate though. or the idea of her at least. smiles #prinna's posts #prinna's machinima notes #arlen's mind #arlens mind #tj arlen #tod arlen #mindverse kate #kate mindverse

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pammydawes · 1 year

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Alrighty folks we are at 8.5 hours left of hell bent and BOY HOWDY do I have some thoughts!!

🛑!!Spoilers below!!🛑

BWAHAHAHA I am being so fulfilled and validated!! Im glad it worked out so that this check in is right before they descend into hell and everything

All my mercy and pammie nerd bonding dreams are coming true. Leigh idk what I did to personally deserve this but ty

TRIPPPPP he’s back my golden retriever is back!!! Not doing so hot but he’s had it p good in life so far. Can’t wait to see how he does in literal hell!

Abel turner continues to be the mvp!! Also just realized he’s Christian and Abel is a biblical name…..as in ‘Cain and’. I’m worried and pretending not to think abt it!! Hope he doesn’t have any older siblings!! “Your demonic boyfriend” on the floor. I Gagged. when I heard that. turner stop giving the people what we want idk if we can handle it

I’m deeply concerned about the status of darlingdemon’s physical body?? Is that what’s at black elm or not?? If they’re only bringing his soul back what are they planning on putting it in???

While I am a little overwhelmed by the addition of yet more seemingly unrelated plot intrigue, linus rider has been an absolute blast so far!! The whole time Alex was comparing Ariel and eitan and Len and drug dealers generally to vampires she was on the nose!!! I kinda wonder how eitan is gonna play into the more supernatural plot lines now. Could he be a vampire??

ALSO, odds that Linus is the terrible new Lethe supervisor whose name I can’t remember’s long lost lover??? Any takers?? Speaking of whom, wow! I have never well and truly disliked a character so quickly! I feel like Leigh made him so intentionally dislikeable right off the bat that something is gonna happen later to turn that on its head, idk what yet. It’s never what you see is what you get with miss Bardugo…….

Speaking of dislikeable, anselm’s cool card is revoked for being a creep! Drain him dry Alex!!! Although that whole convo was pretty enjoyable I will admit. I like the juxtaposition of him with darlington, anselm being the sort of jaded realist darlington might have grown into if he weren’t…darlington

Speaking of vampires and dislikeable, huge fan of the scene where Alex tells darlington’s parents to eat shit and die!!! And Alex seeing DTA3’s memories, that was sooooo good. Also COSMO……my funky little guy….what are Bowie cat’s secrets I am dying to know!!! What if he really is David Bowie, and David Bowie was a demon the arlingtons made a deal with way back in the day. (Minus the David Bowie part that is an actual theory)

The part where pammie and Alex fought…… :(. Shit hurted pretty good I must say

Just WHAT is going on with Michelle???? I literally have no ideas do we really think she might be linked to the murders?? Is SHE a demon?? I take back everything I said abt her being meh I am deeply intrigued

Sexy gardener lauren ahahaha. When it was mentioned that the ritual is supposed to have a whole bunch of people all together keeping time on the surface while ppl are going to hell my immediate thought was that they were somehow gonna bring their liquor treat party to the ritual site and blast music. Still think that would be fun but idk if it would make sense. Does feel like some mercy type innovation though, and it would rope Lauren into the plot a lil more

Because I’m a hornball thirstgremlin with repressed anger issues I am DESPERATE for a scene with demon Danny threatening someone who’s been giving alex shit. My top picks are eitan and Linus, anselm is also a candidate. lord imagine demon darlington policing the houses of the veil, that would serve them goddamn right

I’m wondering if we’re going to get any more answers about Alex’s nature any time soon? What tf is a wheelwalker? What was her grandma’s deal? (Cool lady all the memories of her are so compelling) what was her DAD’s deal? Is her mom really that spacey or is there something more to all of her flakiness? I am SO curious!!!! What if her dad was connected to Lethe somehow!!

I’m also enjoying the further intrigue abt lethe’s origins and the gauntlet. Never trust an organization that’s main purpose is to uphold the greater broken institution yall

And still we don’t know wtf is going to be the deal in november!!!!!

See y’all in another four hours ig 👀

#alex stern #leigh bardugo #ninth house #hell bent spoilers #hell bent

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thegeminisage · 1 year

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please allow me to describe this fuck of a situation. my mom & i are cleaning out our "storage unit" so we can have a "black friday" "yard sale" out of it. we have two or three giant tubs worth of hangers. once you become a boring adult you realize that hangers, like cardboard boxes, come in tiers, and these are Extremely Nice Hangers. we don't need them but we don't want to trash them (and also we can't have anywhere to throw all that away except the dump) so we decided to donate them to the hospice store.

being that secondhanded businesses are likely to get inundated with hangers they don't need (see: exhibit a: us) when the employee came out i asked her if they were ok with taking hangers. said she, enthusiastically: yeah, we can always use hangers! we just can't take the wire ones. and we (my aunt and i, thank GOD my mother wasn't there) were like, ok. fair enough. so we begin SORTING THE HANGERS. which we had hoped to avoid doing - we wanted to drop them off and let the employees sort them! but maybe that would've been a dick move, so, ok, we'll do it. this girl brings us a basket and everything and says we can take as much time as we need even though we're in the spot where people are supposed to only park for a sec to donate shit. she is SUPER nice.

we stand there sorting hangers for almost 20 minutes of our lives that we will never get back before The Manager makes her appearance.

my mom has had dealings with The Manager in the past, which is part of the reason she wasn't here. a long time ago my mom (an avid collector of lighthouses) saw a lighthouse clock she really loved that only had half a price sticker. she took it to the register to ask how much, and The Manager told her all items had to be taken back to the back to be priced before they could be sold, even though this one clearly had been already. so my mom was like, ok, fine. i'll come back tomorrow and buy it then. she came back every day for a week asking about the clock, only to be snippily told it was still being priced. finally one of the employees took pity on her and informed her that the manager had taken the clock home that very day and my mother would never get her hands on it, and my mom vowed to never buy or donate anything there ever again. until: we had a bunch of hangers and its literally the only secondhand store in our entire town.

so the Manager tells us that they do not take hangers at all whatsoever. after we have gotten them halfway sorted and organized and packed neatly into this shopping cart. after we have been standing here for 20 minutes WORKING on it. and we're like, but the employee just told us you did. and she's like, yes well she is new. we do not. sorry! and she began "helping" us take the hangers out of the cart and putting them back into the trunk, ruining our careful sorting we had only done at THEIR BEHEST. i was like, we got it, thanks, and she kept doing it, and i was like seriously, we got it, and had we not run out of hangers for her to put her wretched little hands on, had i had to ask her a THIRD TIME, i truly was, despite my anxiety disorder, about to pull a karen on that bitch. if theyre our hangers theyre our hangers so dont TOUCH. our fucking stuff.

anyway now i have a trunk full of hangers with literally nowhere in town to put them (the only other charity store is goodwill, in laurens, and the dump is also in laurens), and wasted 20 minutes of my life so that some SNAKE whose ONLY taste of authority or meaning in her life comes from a secondhand store in a kudzu-covered shithole in south carolina could feel the brief warmth of smug superiority against her cold dead soulless heart. i fucking hate the holidays

#personal #AGAIN. NOT TO DISPARAGE. PUBLIC SERVICE WORKERS. BUT FOR WHAT REASON DID SHE HAVE TO BE LIKE THAT #at the VERY least she could have let us put the hangers back in the car NEATLY. FUCK you #i almost regret not cussing her out to her face #god and now i have to inform my MOTHER of this #and she will lose her shit #and also retell the lighthouse story one zillion times #i need one of you to come and kill me

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unproduciblesmackdown · 9 months

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first of all canon not liable to give us a final (or, any further) winnie n tay moment, second of all canon can shove it call me summer stock (2023) the way i'm cherrypicking what i want out of it. thirdly, opening with the theoretically relevant canon counterparts to consider: taylor wouldn't fire rian even when they thought she Should leave....though this also involved giving the relevant person their own choice in the matter. taylor didn't care about winston quitting or not while peacing out midsentence (his) in 5x05....though it was also clear he wanted to stay, & just b/c they're Then like didn't ask don't care also i'm in my "let's trust wendy again era" despite what you, mafee, lauren say, doesn't mean they couldn't be given a "yeah let taylor care Here when we're getting rid of him anyways" moment

anyways the thought was just like the [it's winnie n tay, but it's not, but it is] of taylor caring, knowing that winston is there for them, considering even if they haven't before that he just gets shitted on & mpc is getting worse & (rian is getting worse) & if he causes problems on purpose or accident ppl start shooting on sight & even if they start wanting to back him up / insulate / give Him guidance now, they have the least leeway for that....and that instead of like, giving him a nice moment of "btw i recognize that you're a person" / appreciation / emotional connection as this farewell gift before they shoot him out back like old yeller, he gets "get out of here you stupid animal >:'l " treatment just to try to Make him give up on them, rather than like, oh he's here for me, he just wants Me to value him, even as low a bar there as "hasn't fired him yet," he's hung in there this long despite everything, if i show him Appreciation & Support now more than i ever have then he's going to stick around another four and a half years. sad trombone / deflating price is right theme music in deliberately firing him as meanly / Denying him [you're a person to me] / appreciation / connection / etc like i don't love you get out of here don't come back (i can't protect you whether b/c of how dicey things are getting &/or i'm just realizing the extent to which i've failed to do so this whole time so) and maybe also they're boxed in by the presence of Others anyways. since billions would rather die then let taylor & winston be the only people in the scene after kompenso

it also wouldn't happen b/c probably by 7x03 taylor is still figuring they'll have their own place sooner than later, so why not still just want winston to hang in there, we're not accepting this reality....unless it's like well someone's going to send you off like a kicked dog and i'll just kick you myself for the perfect balance of [not unnecessarily hurtful] but also [hurtful in the most Efficient ways so that you don't come back]

#thinking about like oh no you could literally kick a dog...nooo #winston billions #tayston #there's no One Scenario that is like ''yes This would be the perfect theoretical Farewell b/w winston & taylor''#billions canon is definitely not going to give it #but we can enjoy any manner of what ifs; including: the agonies #no real ecstasies there except getting a farewell For Now. honorary mention: they have sex about it #also can segue into a taylip moment out of this scenario as well #like In The Moment nobody sees anything but taylor pwning this guy everyone hates don't they; correctly & deservedly isn't it #but then afterwards when it's just taylor & philip somewhere that's otherwise pretty private / taylor Would be alone they've visibly upset #philip doesn't immediately know why exactly but it's already Beyond That for him. giving them that good There There shit just on principle

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binch-i-might-be · 2 years

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Thinking of. Trust verse reincarnation au. Thinking. Rachel and Ellie in the modern world. Rachel's gay I'm very sorry I have made my mind about that. Ellie is artistic I am throwing headcanons but that's at least better than where my head was a few minutes ago. One of them is somewhere on the trans umbrella.

I mean I'm assuming these two babies exist in the reincarnation au??? I took highschool biology??? For like one year??? I don't know shit about this??? (Done with that shit so glad can't wait to start with humanities in August)

My mind was kind of shit but I just realized how much the gang help me when I'm down the depression hole. like I just think of them...wow if someone told me last year dead founding father fanfiction would bring me comfort I would've laughed

Okay bye ❤️

omg the babies!!!!!

love how Rachel is the one you have assigned homo when she is literally only a baby in the actual Trust 'Verse au 😭

Ellie is artistic you're SO right rn. fun fact when my mind is rotating a modern au, I very often make John an artist! inspired by historical John Laurens and also it just fits his vibes lmao

so....... imagine Ellie growing up making art with her dad....... I'm literally sobbing just thinking about it 🥺🥺

YES OMG. imagine them all going to pride together and hrhdhhsjssjjs what if they took family pictures with all of their respective pride flags,,,,,,, I am melting into soup right now 😭

of course!!!! I don't care about biology the rules I have constructed for my silly little reincarnation au say that everyone has exactly the same family as they had, so Ellie and Rachel have👏🏼to👏🏼exist👏🏼 (big mood biology is so much to study for I was also glad to be rid of it 😭)

well first of all I hope you're feeling better now! but between you and me, that's also what I do. these funny fake people give me so much joy, and I'm beyond happy to hear that they do the same for you <3

#i love getting headcanons for the babies they're my pride and joy <3 #trust 'verse #reincarnation au #ask #evie!

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areallybadwriter · 1 year

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11/2

ew it’s november! i feel like i should probably try to write once a month (maybe more if it’s other stuff like reviews or connection tings) but i obviously cannot stay on an organized track to save my life.

school has been good and somewhat put on a back burner (don't blame me its my last semester!) but ive been trying to contribute more brain power to my classes and really work my ass off. we’ll see if that continues. i think in a way i am less inspired to jump into things and really saturate within my classes because im only in three and thus my brain is not busy enough for it to thrive. i really enjoy my classes, especially the one in which i watch & analyze horror films for the whole semester. which speaking of, when did ghostface become kinda hot? i realize there’s a resurgence of this attraction through tiktok (I feel embarrassed that these videos show up on my “fyp”) but we had to watch it for class the other day and i was like wait...holy shit i get it. i don't personally know why i understand, but im guessing its probably some deep seated issues from the past. get help people. grow up.

im also actually excited and passionate about my last couple of projects in relief printmaking because i think im leaning more into my style and what i like to create. maybe ill include a scan of one of my pieces at the end of this post. we get to do an experimental project for our last piece where we can literally choose anything we want if we propose it and explain why so i think that i’m picking up a ton of underwear (bras, sleepwear, panties, maybe a binder?) and printing images of weaponry on them. i like to explore a lot of gendered issues, especially women’s issues because i obviously relate to it more so i want to take the idea of weaponized genitalia literally and explore the politics and feelings behind that. i definitely want to touch on transness as well (you can't really talk about weaponized genitals and not talk about trans people) but i don't want to offend or talk about issues that i have no stake in. i might ask Ren for help and see what they think.

Ren is my step-sibling (previously Lauren) who is exploring their gender identity and figuring out what they like, who they are. i try to offer support from where i am (about an hour and a half from home) because my parents are definitely less than understanding and don't respect what Ren is going through. last i heard, they want to start hormone therapy - they’re already using a binder and leaning towards male presentation - but my parents are unwilling. i have to admit that i was at first not fully with it too, but i think i knew myself pretty well (at least who i was) when i was their age. i don't think they’ll be able to try hormones until 18 at least, especially because their biological mother is even less behind it than my mom and step-dad.

Wyoming and i have since jumped back into our friendship, which went on break in January after his girlfriend of the time expressed concerns about our relationship (which is fair). after they separated in august, we came into contact again and have since been very close. our relationship always puts me on edge a little because of its origins and its importance in my life but im trying to appreciate it for what it is. like it feels weird to even talk about it (out loud to people or online) because i feel as if i need to preserve it and not talking about it will do that. we’ve always known but recently we’ve admitted feelings we’ve had since we were sixteen and it feels good to make that concrete. there's a certain promise in the way we talk about things and how we feel about each other so im excited for that to happen eventually. we’re away from each other right now but after we relieve ourselves from all obligations (school, leases, work, etc.) we want to get together one way or another. i think ill go visit him next year when im graduated and make enough money to take a little trip by myself. nothing has ever been that certain with him but i feel like we owe it to ourselves to try it out before we get too old and involved in other things, other people.

speaking of kind of, im thinking about getting a certificate in ESL (english as a second language) so that i could potentially teach English abroad for a stipend (and a work visa!). i think it would be a really great way to complete my travel wishes in a responsible manner and if i end up really loving it, i have a work visa that can better allow me to stay longer and experience everything! i would prefer a european or european adjacent city because i think it would be an easier adjustment for me (as ive only travelled to south america). my mom’s coworker also mentioned that her daughter attends grad school in germany for free and has sent me the information and it seems too good to be true but what an amazing experience that would be. i would be really terrified to go about it alone so i would welcome another person into that world easily (wyoming or ollo seem to be up for the challenge) but ultimately i will push myself and go at it alone if i have to. but either way im really, really excited.

today after class i think im going to rid myself of a lot of old clothing and possessions to make way for a cleaner and less chaotic environment (although thats my essence in a way). recently ive been investing in more valuable and meaningful pieces of clothing (a nice way of saying ive been truly terrible with my money lately) that i think will stay in my wardrobe for a looooong time instead of the whole cycling thing. and i finally got mason soksi tights which im absolutely thrilled about. i know that i definitely need to work on my money and budgeting skills (especially with the upcoming loom of debt and student loans) but we will worry about that next time.

the friends sector in my life is pretty swell right now surprisingly, which is very different from how it was going a couple months ago. my bestie who committed some atrocities over the summer that caused a break for a few months is still my roommate and no longer considered a threat. we have been hanging out and talking more frequently and we even got dinner together last night. we haven't brought the situation up to each other and i don't know if its needed. i have since forgotten (forgiven) most of it and don't hold any animosity towards him and there's a certain weight off my shoulders/cloud around my relationships gone after becoming besties again. i think the only thing that has truly changed is my desires for the future, as we were supposed to move to chicago together with our other roommate but i don't know what i want anymore with all of the other factors and my desires.

until next time.

xoxo anonymous

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martini-time · 2 years

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You’re right, it’s weird to assume that it would take Cameron two years to suddenly want to protect L. Like you said, she was never even massively attacked for starters. People might have questioned their love for each other in their comments, but honestly, I doubt that ever bothered Cam, or else he would have always made sure to remove those comments, but he never seems to have cared about them. And let’s face it, the only reason why some of you think that’s what’s happening is because of how things apparently went down between him and Sierra. But L is not Sierra, I very much doubt she cares what people think of her having been with Cam. Or at all for that matter. Need a reminder? She keeps steadily losing followers for months, but instead of trying to put in a serious effort to get people interested in her page again, she childishly started flipping people off in her content like a little girl and told some person who said ‚so boring, unfollow’ just ‚bye‘. L doesn’t give a shit what people think of her, she’s not a sweet and sensitive girl, no matter how much she likes to portray herself as one in many of her photos and videos, that girl has an ego, thinks she’s awesome and never cared what people thought of her relationship to Cam. And neither did he, they both never cared what people thought, if it had bothered them, you would have noticed before, but they were both indifferent to what people thought of them as a couple, so why would it suddenly matter to them now? There must be something else going on when it comes to that sudden like of Cam's on her post, despite them not following each other anymore. Like, for example, who says that L didn’t approach Cam and ask him to make that like cause she wanted to make people think she still had something going on with him? Like maybe it bothers her deep down after all that she experienced such a massive loss of followers after they parted ways, cause it made her realize just how many people only gave a shit about her cause she was associating with Cam, but don’t find her interesting enough on her own. And if she can get people to just speculate that they might still have a connection, it could be enough to keep even more from unfollowing or maybe have some idiots refollow her cause they think she’s still his girl and they need to pay attention to her. I don’t know, it’s just a thought I just had, but I could totally see L getting a ridiculous idea like that and Cam being just polite enough to do her that favor, if only cause it meant not to have to show any more interest in her after that.

That's right. Lauren is not Sierra.

And she definitely doesn't care what she looks like, judging by her recent posts and stories and the nightgown she's wearing on the street lol

But I don't understand her behavior bc she's losing followers and she doesn't care. This is weird. But as a matter of fact, we have long understood what kinda model she is.

I doubt Lauren asked Cam to like her post but who knows

#time to tea #cam #lauren

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lau219 · 5 months

Text

Red Carpet

Part 7

(formerly Part 4. Heavily edited. Please re-read if you read it when originally posted.)

Previous part here

…………………………………………………………………………….

“Which one?” Eric spoke up, breaking through Cillian’s thoughts as he followed his gaze towards the bar. Quickly, he realized who he was looking at.

“Lauren?” he said, surprised. “I thought you two hated each other? Alex has told me some pretty crazy shit about you two.”

“Doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy the view,” Cillian replied to him, faking nonchalance, before turning back to the table. He wanted to talk to her, but he wasn’t going to do it here.

“I don’t blame you,” Eric agreed, looking down at his menu, “she’s something else. And those tits of hers are brilliant.”

Cillian suddenly had the urge to jam his steak knife into Eric’s hand.

“Jesus,” Cillian muttered.

“It’s her birthday,” Eric said by way of explanation.

Cillian looked up.

“Whose?” he replied.

“Lauren’s. Alex mentioned they were taking her out today. Tonight, too. I guess Sharon is funding some big thing at the bar on Kearney Street. Giving her a birthday slash promotion party.”

Cillian didn’t reply, staying silent. It was her birthday? She’d been promoted? How did he not know any of this?

She happened to look over at the same time, and they briefly made eye contact. She raised her eyebrows, clearly surprised to see him, before turning back to the bar.

————————————————————————

After leaving the restaurant, Cillian was unlocking his car when he got a text message. Looking at his phone, he saw it was from Eric.

“Check your email.”

Alex: Hey, that photographer from the shoot the other day came by looking for you. He mentioned that he thought you and Murphy got in some sort of argument while you were there. What happened?

Lauren: Jesus, Alex, can you ever have a conversation with someone without immediately gossiping?

Alex: He’s the one who brought it up! So what happened? Was he giving you a hard time again?

Lauren: No, it was nothing.

Alex: Yeah, right. I’ve seen how he’s acted toward you in the past. I still can’t believe Sharon is making you work with him. How can you stand it?

Lauren: He’s not so bad.

Alex: Look, he may be my brother’s friend, but I’ve got no attachment to the guy. What do you say we start a little bad publicity?

Lauren: You realize Sharon is his publicist, right?

Alex: So? I have a media post ready to go; just say the word.

Lauren: Absolutely not. Alex, you better not do anything stupid.

Alex: Oh come on! They’ll never know it was us.

Lauren: NO.

Alex: Why are you not on board with this?!

Lauren: Because it’s juvenile and unprofessional. Besides, he and I may not always see eye to eye, but he’s not a bad person. He doesn’t deserve it; you’re being cruel.

Alex: 🙄

Lauren: I mean it, Alex, don’t do it.

Alex: Ok, ok.

He was going to find out.

Tonight.

@mrkdvidal1989 @hannibellector @fuseburner @nyxxie-pooh @neonpurplestars89-blog

#cillian x original character #cillian x fem!reader #cillian murphy #cillian fic #cillian smut #18+ only

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emisonme · 2 years

Text

Lauren’s Live................

Let me start by saying, that was a brave move. She was able to come out and say directly, what others, including Camila, have been trying to say indirectly. Being Independent has it's perks, in ways.

One of the reasons I haven't been as active lately, is because my damn in box has been full of nothing but bitching. Bitching about PR. Bitching about no NEW content. Just bitching, bitching, bitching.

As Lauren said in that live, people don't buy music anymore. That's why they have to sell the Artist, instead of the music. If you like the artist, you'll buy/stream their music. I have seen more people bitch about the content Camila has been putting out, or lack there of. You need to UNDERSTAND, she is putting out what she is allowed to put out, right now. SHE DOESN'T HAVE CONTROL OF HER OWN MUSIC. SHE ISN'T THE ONE WHO MAKES THE DECISIONS OF WHEN, OR WHAT.

I will say Lauren, if you read this, YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH. Never doubt your talent. You are a wonderful talented Artist, songwriter, vocalist, and creator. Your problem with the majors wasn't lack of talent. It was your desire to control your own career. That's what the Labels had a problem with.

Columbia/RECORDS thought they were getting a Pop Star. Lauren had zero desire to be a Pop Star. That was the real problem. She tried to play the game, but realized she wasn't cut out for it. She just wants to make music. Not just any music, but HER music. She wants NO part of the rest.

As I've said many many times...If an Artist isn't willing to play the game, they will not make it in the cutthroat Music Industry. If you make the decision Lauren did, to go Independent, then it's up to you, the Artist, to sell yourself. Lauren doesn't want to do that either. She just wants to make and sell music. She wants to be an Artist, not a fucking content provider, and basically an influencer.

Lauren is learning, that as an Independent Artist, if you want to make enough money to keep going, you have to figure out how to sell yourself to the masses. She has to figure out a way to get mass media attention, and to go viral. The problem is, people only pay attention to a few things, especially in the vast majority of Lauren's fandom.

When she posts stuff, which is the pics that get the most attention?Her sexy pics. She can post a sexy ass pic, and it will get a shit load of likes and shit. She can post something about her art, right after, or before, and it won't get half the attention. That's a problem. Lauren doesn't want to sell her body. She wants to sell her ART!!!

The other part of her fandom, followed her to her solo career, from 5H. A shit load of those fans expected what the Labels expected. They wanted Lauren to be this huge Pop Star. They wanted, and quite frankly expected her, to release these huge chart topping COMMERCIALLY ACCEPTED songs. That's simply not where Lauren's heart is.

Look, Lauren didn't say anything in that Live, about the Music Industry, that myself and other haven't been trying to tell you. How many times have I told you, from 2016 til now, that the Industry doesn't sell music. It sells Artists, and LIES. Lauren just told you, 99% of what you SEE is a facade. It's a lie. And, the requirement to sell those lies, is literally written into those contracts. Especially an Artist's initial contract.

IF an Artist is able to make it through those initial contracts, that on average take up the first 10 to 12 years of an Artists career, then they are able to negotiate themselves a better contract. Making it through that first 10/12 years isn't an easy task. The major Labels ALWAYS make sure they have complete control. If they think they can make a shit load of money off of you, they will push those facades and lies. In pushing the lies, they are pushing the music, AS AN AFTERTHOUGHT.

The Labels prove their power over you, and laugh about it all the way to the bank. Back before the internet, the labels actually allowed their Artists to produce great content, to get you to buy that content. In the internet age, not so much.

Proof positive: Now THEY can take an artist, that can't carry a tune in a fucking bucket, produce a "song" that repeats the same few phrases over and over again, create a stupid little dance to go with it, and the next thing you know, it's a world wide sensation. Everyone is singing those stupid little phrases and doing that ridiculous little dance...and making the Label that produced the damn thing MILLIONS. THEY just proved that they can exploit you, and influence you to do exactly what THEY want you to do, like herding sheep to a slaughter.

That's pretty much the major Labels definition of "commercially acceptable". If they can't get an Artist to produce what the Label feels is commercially acceptable content, then they can't sell you, or exploit you, for a shit load of money.

I mentioned this very thing, back in the very first post I wrote on the subject, called the "Camren Saga". I told you then, that the plan was ALWAYS to get Camila out of the group first, because she was the most exploitable. She was the one that was the easiest to exploit/sell. It wasn't just because she was young and naive. It was because she had the whole package.

She wanted to be a Pop Star. She literally said it. She had the looks, the talent, the desire, the work ethic, and the stage presence, that made her the easiest to exploit. So, that's exactly what they did. She signed the contracts, as a child, that gave the gave the Labels the POWER to do exactly that. They have been exploiting the hell out of her since 2012.

They intended to do the same thing with Lauren. She also had the looks and the talent, but the desire, work ethic, and stage presence wasn't up to the Labels standard. No, I'm not saying Lauren is lazy and a shit performer. I'm saying she wasn't willing to do those things to the extent the Labels expected of her. To them, she was no longer the whole package. Therefore SHE wasn't commercially acceptable. If SHE isn't commercially acceptable, then her music isn't commercially acceptable, either. If SHE wasn't commercially acceptable, then she wasn't exploitable. If she wasn't exploitable, she wasn't worth the money, so they cut her loose.

As an Independent Artist, if Lauren figures out a way to exploit herself, and sell herself to the masses, then the major Labels will come running. If she can get them wanting her, then she can negotiate a contract with the majors that is better for her. If she can't figure out a way to exploit and sell herself, they won't.

That's the Music Industry, in a nutshell. If they can exploit the artist, they can sell the Artist. If they can sell the artist, then they can exploit the masses and get us to buy into what THEY are selling.

That’s why it's so hard to have longevity in the Music Industry. You have to really want it. If you can make it through those initial contracts, then you stand a chance of having a long career in music. Because, once they have exploited the hell out of you, and sold you to the masses, then you have a devoted following. Once you have a fan base that loves you, and your music, they will follow you anywhere.

When you have a following that will follow you anywhere, then you now have the power. Once an Artist has the power, then they can turn the tables. They can exploit the Labels. The Label will give an established Artist what they want, if they'll just sign with them and make them money.

Exploited Artists are, because of contracts, forced to sell us a facade. Most of what we are shown, may be a bunch of bullshit, like I have said many times, but an exploited Artist will ALWAYS try their best to show us, the fans, their authentic selves. It's up to us to understand what's really happening.

Camila and Lauren have shown us their authentic selves, many times. That's why so many are left scratching their heads sometimes. How many times have you seen people, or even yourself say, "that's not Camila. That's not something she would normally do". No, it's not. Because it's not Camila doing it. It's the exploited "Camila" being contractually obligated to do it.

Camila is just doing what is expected of her, so that she can just get through the bullshit phase of her career, and try get to a point where she can turn the tables, and exploit the hell out of the Industry. Lauren wasn't able to handle the bullshit phase. Now, it's on her to figure it out. Camila is hopefully nearing the end of that phase...Or at least getting to a point where she has more negotiating power... Like I said, it's up to us to be educated enough to see the truth through the lies.

When it comes to Lauren's live, she just gave everyone who watched it, a lesson on how shit works. It's up to you, to understand the lesson, or just ignore it like so many do. There was a lot going on in that Live, but I don't want to take away from what she was really trying to educate folks on.

She used her rant on fans feeling entitled, for which I have also addressed many times, but it was ultimately a lesson on how shit really works. She has been an exploited Artist. She has had to put on the facade. She just sat there and told you, 99% of what we are shown and told is all bullshit. She knows, because she's been behind that mask. Always remember, the mirror doesn't reflect the way we see ourselves. It's a reflection of how the world sees us. Smoke and mirrors, or masks and mirrors...In the Music Industry, they mean the same thing.

Good luck Lauren! Be bold! Be brave! There are many of us out here doing our part, and hoping for your success, whatever success is for you!!!!!

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g0ldengubler · 3 years

Text

lunchtime ~ spencer reid

A/N: THIS IS VERY UNEDITED VERY HORRIBLE WRITING! i just wanted to get this out. this is a kink i have but never really talked about it. but i hope u still enjoy! it’s very weird so if you don’t want to read it you don’t have to :)

Category: smut (NSFW18+)

CW: rough sex, riding, doggystyle, special guests listening in

Summary: spencer reid works a lot. he’s an fbi agent, he can’t help but be a workaholic! but when you guys finally get time to yourselves, what happens when it’s risky interrupted?

Word Count: 2078

✨masterlist✨

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

having a boyfriend who works in the FBI isn’t all rainbows and sunshine. Because of his job, Dr.Spencer Reid was always either gone on a case or working on cases at home. he could be doing it in the office, but spencer was a sweet guy and made a middle ground to see his girlfriend more. he was just as passionate about her as he was with his job, calling her every night when he was away, making sure to treat her when he got back or when he was done for the day. he made sure she knew she was important to him, which wasn’t something she ever felt from a guy who was a workaholic.

today was just like every other day. spencer got to do case files at home as there was no case as of then. Y/n tried her best to take care of him while working, as a return of the favor. She made him his favorite waffles that morning and even made him a fresh cup of coffee just the way he likes it-a cup of sugar with coffee to mix. He kissed her on the forehead, convinced that he didn’t deserve her. once he was done he went straight to work. In a way, y/n pretty much worked with him as his personal Penelope Garcia, as he was an old man when it came to computers.

it was lunchtime at this point. y/n walked into his office and stood in the door frame, watching his fingers move down the page in his book as he read. his fingers made her melt, and he knew that. clouds began to form in her head as thoughts of what he could do with this fingers took hold of her. she didn’t even notice he was wanting her attention as he snapped her out of her daydreams with a snap of his fingers.

“Bubs, are you ok?” spencer asked. he was still at his desk, his finger placed at the spot he was at. you looked back at him from his finger, noticing what he was wearing and it wasn’t helping your case at all. while he was wearing his favorite maroon cardigan that he thrifted (still lux though as it was ralph lauren), he also wore a pair of grey sweatpants. clever of him for the moments he had to video chat with people.

you were quickly out of your thoughts yet again as you felt your body move without you knowing before. you walked towards him as he turned his chair to your side. you noticed he was half hard in his pants, as the imprint of himself showed through. you sat on his lap and ran your fingers through your hair, peppering kisses below his ear. he chuckled, thinking you were being cute, but you were just getting started.

“it’s lunchtime bubs.” you whispered as you softly grind against him.

spencer put his hands on your his after guiding your body to straddle him. he guides them as his lips touch yours. “good,” he said in between kisses, gently rubbing circles over your shorts in the place you wanted him most, “i’m starving.”

not only was spencer the sweetest, softest man you’ve ever met, but he was also the sexiest and dirtiest. he was rough like a wild bear but soft as a teddy bear-taking such good care of you after he ruined you to filth. no one would ever believe the things you two have done together in the past year. no one would especially believe what happened today.

as spencer’s about to slide his hand down your shorts, his phone rang. he groan softly under his breath as his right hand left your side to grab his phone. you were a little annoyed at first, but once he put the phone to his ear, an idea popped into your head.

“hey hotch...” he said. you slowly leaned down and went back to the spot below his ear, sucking and nibbling it softly.

this wasn’t something new to the both of you. it was a fun little game you’d play if either of phones rang while you were in the middle of it, seeing how long they could last at acting normal. by now, spencer had got the hang of it and made it easy for him when it was any of his coworkers. today, however, he was almost struggling.

you heard other voices on the phone as well. you could tell by how low they all sounded that it was 3 of the men on his team.

“yeah, i was um...about to have lunch.”

you decided to try and break him a little, sucking a little bit harder.

“can i call y-“ a soft moan left his lips, cutting him off his sentence. his eyes bulged out of his head as his mouth fell open. you quickly coughed in a lower tone to help him out, trying not to laugh.

“yeah, luke i’m fine,” he said, “just stubbed my toe....shut up morgan!”

you giggled softly to yourself, but not softly enough. you heard laughing from his phone and realized you were busted.

“hi boys!” you said, jokingly sounding seductive.

spencer gave you a look that said ‘are you kidding me?’ which made you giggle even more. you hear morgan on the other end say, “aww, did we interrupt your lunch?”

“yeah, you did! we were just about to get started.”

spencer placed the phone back to his ear, taking a deep breath before speaking. “look seriously can we-“

he paused, listening to whoever was talking. slowly, spencer removed the phone from his ear and covered it with his shoulder. he looked unsure of himself, as if he was trying to gather the courage to speak.

“bubs,” he said weakly, “do you um...uh..d-do you want to...have the phone on speaker?”

you thought for a moment. you were always secretly into things like this, but never told spencer because you thought he would find it weird. but seeing him look kind of into it didn’t help the puddle forming in your shorts.

“you don’t have to if you don’t want to. whatever your comfortable with!”

you thought for one more moment before taking his phone out of his hands and putting it on speaker for him, setting it down on his desk. he looks at you confused.

“let’s put on a show for your coworkers, daddy.”

“ooooo coming in with the big guns already!” said Luke.

“y/n does not play.” said Hotch.

Spencer was frozen in his tracks. he couldn’t believe the words coming out of their mouths, let alone what was going on.

“well come on then daddy, give us a show! my popcorn is getting cold.” teased morgan.

spencer rolled his eyes at morgan before his lips attacked yours. you continued your grinding on him, this time he was grinding back. you moaned through the kiss as his hands went back in your shorts, rubbing circles on your clit.

“oh wow, spencer got a girl to moan like that!” said Morgan.

“is he making you feel good, hun?” asked hotch.

“fuck yesssss!” you let out a long moan as spencer moved faster with his motions. he let out a groan and cursed under his breath. you felt his pressed under your thigh and that made you try to hold in how turned on you really were. you held on for dear life on the armrests of his chair as he leaned back a little bit.

“are you getting close, baby girl?” asked morgan.

“yes yes yes fuuuck daddy please let me cum.”

“you wanna cum for me, angel?” asked spencer.

“yes omg please i’m so fucking close!”

“cum for him, princess.” said Luke.

before you could fall down the hill like on a roller coaster, you felt incomplete as he took his fingers out. you let out a little whine, letting the guys know he didn’t let you cum.

“ooooo doctor genius over there didn’t let her cum, how sad.” teased Luke.

“what are you going to do now?” asked Hotch.

“because she’s about to get fucked and really show you how much of slut she truly is. well, MY slut at least.”

spencer took his painfully hard cock out as you moved your shorts to the side. you felt the head enter you and shortly his whole length was slammed deep inside you before you even make a sound. you let out a quiet gasp before a loud moan escaped from your throat.

he let you adjust, but only for a short moment as he quickly began pounding you, holding you from your ass. you were a moaning mess at this point, letting out more dramatic, pornographic ones for the guys.

“fuck he’s really an animal isnt he?” teased Hotch.

“you like being pounded like a dirty slut?” asked Luke.

you moaned out a yes, but it wasn’t enough for them.

“use your words, baby girl.” said Morgan.

“i love being pounded like a dirty slut!”

“tell them who’s slut you are.” spencer growled.

you held onto him from behind his head and pushed his face in between your tits. “i’m you’re slut, spencer,” you moaned, “i’m daddy’s little slut!”

“you’re such a good girl, y/n.” said Hotch.

“fuck daddy can i cum? please let me cum ive been a good girl!”

“what do you think?” spencer asked.

“cum, baby girl.” said morgan

“cum for him, princess.” said Luke.

“cum hard all over his cock, baby.” said Hotch.

you finally came all over his cock, screaming as the pleasure surged through your body. spencer helped you ride out your orgasm and let you catch your breath.

“holy shit” said Luke.

“oh we’re not done yet,” said spencer, “she deserves a reward for doing so well.”

he takes you off his cock and makes you stand up, flipping you around so you were in front of him, your ass sticking out. he quickly put his cock back inside of you and luke and morgan cheered on. he pounds you harder this time, making sure you lose your voice by the time you’re done.

“youre such a dirty slut,” spencer growled, taking a handful of your hair and pulling it, “letting me fuck you over the phone with not just my friends, my coworkers. you like putting on a show for people? you want people to know how much of a fucking slut you are for me?”

your eyes rolled to the back of your head at his words. the pure filth in them almost pushing you off the edge as you squeezed around his cock. even the guys grew silent.

“fuck keep doing that angel, keep squeezing daddy’s cock like tha-shit im close. you want my cum inside you?”

“oh my god yes please, i want to be full of your cum daddy!”

hearing you say those words through him over the edge as you feel him filling you up, hearing him moan your name and cursing under his breath. he stayed inside you for a bit before he caught his breath and left to go get something to clean you up with. when he comes back he looks at you sitting in front of him, watching his cum drip out of you and onto his work chair. he wasn’t even mad about it.

“you did so good, bubs.” he says, walking over and kneeling in front you before cleaning you up.

“you were amazing, baby!” you say. he comes back up and kisses you, and it was hard to break away. but somehow you did after what felt like hours and laughed at yourselves for what you just did. you then remembered they were still on the phone. spencer grabs his phone and faces it towards them.

“well? how was the show?” you asked.

“holy-“

“fuck.” luke cut morgan off.

you had left them speechless before hotch finally spoke up.

“....we will not speak of this at work.”

#spencer reid #spencer reid smut #mgg #criminal minds #criminal minds smut #mgg smut #spencer reid fan fiction #derek morgan smut #aaron hotchner smut #luke alvez smut #matthew gray gubler #matthew gray gubler smut

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idy-ll-ique · 3 years

Text

Voices.

Pairing: Chris Evans x F!Reader

Genre: nothing but floofy-floof

Warnings: none

Requested: nope

Summary: in which you can hear the voice of your soulmate in your head and Y/N's soulmate is someone really special— her celebrity crush.

Author's Note: Hiya peeps! do y'all know how long ago I wrote this fic, like— at least 2 years ago. damn. so in advance, im sorry if there are any grammatical mistakes or bad punctuation in the fic that I forgot to correct (apology for bad english 😌)

oh and

bold/italics - chris

only italics - y/n

---

Hey, you still there?

Y/N snapped out of a trance and focused on the voice. Yeah, yeah I'm still there, she thought to herself. She was hearing the voice of her soulmate, or rather, was speaking to him, telepathically. The thing is, you could hear the voice of your soulmate in your head. You could talk, hold conversations, but the only thing was that you couldn't ask for their name.

You had to guess. Most of the people made plans, like let's meet here or there and concentrate hard enough, I'll see your name written on a paper. It was a thing, I mean, if you concentrated hard enough, you could see what your soulmate was doing. It was like a cheat code of sorts. Most of them found their soulmate in that way.

You see, Y/N loved surprises, so she wasn't going to find her soulmate just yet. Y/N wanted to figure it out for herself. Your soulmate couldn't hear every single one of your thoughts, though (which was how she had zoned out mid-conversation). Listen, we should meet up sometime.

Aw, already? she thought with a pout on her lips. Yes, I'm very excited to meet you, I've been waiting for too long, the voice replied, chuckling. It was a manly voice, really deep and raspy. She loved it. When Y/N was small, about 4-5 years old, all she could hear were swear words and dirty thoughts; characteristics of a teenage boy.

From that, she inferred, that soulmate was much older than her, about 8-9 years older than her. She didn't mind, She was kind of into older guys anyway… But I like this game we have! Why do you want to ruin it? she asked, shaking her head. Alright, sweetheart, just for you, I'm holding back. But I don't have much patience, the voice laughed. Y/N smiled.

Without even meeting her, Chris loved the voice in his head. She sounded so sweet and welcoming, maybe she was younger than him. He couldn't wait to meet her. Chris had tried to plan their meeting for so long now, but she just wouldn't give in. She was also a feisty one. He smiled to himself as he walked down the street, engaged in thoughts about his soulmate.

In his haste, he accidentally bumped into someone. "I'm so sorry!" he blurted out, instead hearing a soft ouch, shit in his head. His brows furrowed. The lady he had bumped into just kept on walking. Are you alright? he asked his soulmate in his mind. Yeah, just bumped into someone while walking.

I bumped into someone just now too! he told her excitedly, still staring at the lady who had now stopped in her tracks. She turned around, scanning the crowd. Then she looked at him, but maybe she didn't realize that she had bumped into him. Holy shit, I see— Then it all went blank. See what? Chris questioned desperately.

He still wasn't sure whether the woman he had just bumped into was his soulmate or not.

Why can't I say the name of the guy who played the role of Captain America?

Chris froze and stared at the lady, jaw dropped. She was lost in her thoughts, confused. He slowly walked to her and stood in front of her; she stared back at him, her heart racing. This was her celebrity crush, who was currently looking at her as if she hung the moon. But why? Why was he looking at her like that?

"You can't say his name because that's me, you technically can't say his name because you aren't allowed to," Chris whispered to her, smiling softly. Her eyes widened.

"You! You're the voice I hear in my mind! Chris freaking Evans is my soulmate?! How did I not realize?!" The woman exclaimed, shocked. Soon though, she got a wide smile on her face. His eyes widened too, hers was the voice he heard as well! "What's your name?" he asked her as they hugged. "I'm Y/N Y/L/N," she replied, smiling.

"Wanna join me for a coffee?" he offered, holding his hand out. She put her palm on top of his and nodded. Both of them entered a nearby coffee shop. "So, what do you do?" he asked her after ordering two coffees. "Nothing. I'm unemployed right now, just got out of my last job. I gave an interview yesterday at Ralph Lauren, just waiting for a call back," she shrugged.

"Oh, into fashion?" he asked her, smiling. "Yeah, got my degree and all. Just needed a job, Ralph Lauren offers a good amount of money," she chuckled. Chris smiled again. "Reminds me of Rachel Green." She laughed more, which warmed his heart. Her laugh was adorable. Suddenly, her phone rang and she looked at him, wide-eyed.

He nodded dismissively and she picked up the call. She spoke for a while and when she ended the call, she had the biggest smile on her face.

"I got the job at Ralph Lauren, I'm starting tomorrow!" Y/N squealed. They couldn't have picked a better timing. "Congratulations, Y/N!" he told her, grinning. After spending some more time at the cafe, they parted ways. She went home while he went back to the sets where they were filming Avengers: Age of Ultron.

"Hi Chris, you were out for a long time, what's up?" Chris Hemsworth asked, smiling at Chris Evans as they stumbled upon each other. "Nothing, just met my soulmate, had a cup of coffee with her." The older Chris feigned nonchalance. "You what?! That's awesome, man! So, how is she, what does she do?" Hemsworth asked him excitedly as both of them walked inside.

Robert and Scarlett were there, talking. "She's so beautiful, I stopped functioning when I saw her. She works at Ralph Lauren, she's a fashion designer," Chris told him with a smile. Robert and Scarlett looked up. "Who?" Scarlett questioned. "Y/N," he said simply, sitting beside Robert. "Who's that?" Robert inquired. "My soulmate." Chris smiled, as if in a trance.

"Boy, you look like you're in love," Scarlett laughed. "Because I am, she's that beautiful," he told her adamantly. "Whoa, did you ask her out?" Robert snorted. "I'm back from our first date." We had our first date right now, didn't we? he asked her in his mind.

Of course we did, I loved it. Hope to meet you again soon, her voice replied and he could practically feel her smile.

Sure, I'm in town for a few more months, I'll mind-text you as to when I'm free, he told her, sporting a smile on his face. She outright laughed in the comfort of her own home. Mind-text? Sounds fun, she agreed and focused on the Netflix series she was watching, turning off the "magical telepathic link" between them.

Chris, too, focused on the others only to see them smiling at him. "Talking to her?" He nodded at Scarlett. A few minutes later, all of them went to another room to begin with the shooting of a new scene.

---

Y/N danced as she prepared dinner, singing along to You Don't Know Me by Jax Jones. It had been a month since she last saw Chris. He had promised her a date, but he didn't get time. She couldn't blame him, he was a busy man. Y/N was shouting the lyrics of the song in her head, unaware of the fact that Chris was snooping in on her mind.

Hey, calm down, she heard Chris chuckling in her mind and shrieked in real life. What are you— are you snooping on my mind? Chris! she thought, scandalized. He laughed more. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I wanted to ask you out. Are you free right now? We could meet in the same coffee shop, he asked. She grinned and nodded to herself. Of course, I'll be there in 15.

She quickly got dressed, wearing a pair of track pants and a t-shirt (like she was wearing on their first date). She didn't bother with her hair or makeup, it looked good anyway, she just bolted out of the house. Y/N entered the coffee shop to see Chris already sitting there, wearing a suit. She cursed herself mentally, making Chris look up.

He stifled a laugh. She went and sat in front of him.

"I'm so sorry I look like a single mother of two kids who hasn't slept in a year," she moaned, "I didn't know you were gonna show up in a suit." She facepalmed for good measure. "It's quite alright, you look beautiful. I wouldn't have you any other way, I should say. I'm coming back from a party right now, therefore the suit."

She blushed softly at his compliment. He ordered two coffees for them and they started talking. "So, how's your job at Ralph Lauren?" Chris asked, smiling at her. "It's amazing, I got promoted. Now I'm the head of the department, with my own office and all," she told him, smiling back. "That's great! Oh, congratulations, honey," he grinned.

"Thanks," she muttered, blushing slightly when he called her a nickname. "You look cute while blushing, has anyone ever told you that?" Chris winked as their coffees arrived. "No one, ever. I don't interact with people much, it's a tedious job," she half-joked, smiling.

"Really! So who are the people you talk to?" he joined in. "Well, there's my assistant, my mother, my bro and you. That's all. I've got some friends, but I rarely talk to them, only on the phone while texting, that is," she shrugged. "Nice, nice," he nodded as they finished their coffees. "Allow me to drop you home," Chris offered, taking out a key which she found out was for his bike as they left the café.

"No it's alright, I'll go," she refused immediately. "Nonsense, you're practically my girlfriend! I'm going with ya," he shook his head. They looked like an odd couple; one wearing a suit while the other looked like she had just woken up. Surprisingly enough, the one who looked like she just woken up had the best fashion sense among them. "Hop on," Chris grinned.

She sat down behind him, wrapping her arms around his waist. Both of them chatted for the 2 minutes that took them to get to Y/N's home. Once they reached her building, she got down from Chris's bike and turned to him.

"Thanks, Chris, this has been an amazing second date. Can't wait for the third," she told him with a smile. "Me too," he smiled back. A few seconds later, she turned to leave but Chris suddenly grabbed her hand, turning her around. "Wha—" She didn't get to finish her sentence as Chris pressed his lips to hers. She kissed back, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"I just had to, sweetheart," he panted as they pulled away from each other, breathless. "Wow," she breathed out as Chris rested his forehead against hers. "So, um, see you on the third date, yeah?" Y/N giggled as they stepped away from one another, smiling. "I'll make it as quick as possible. Can't stay away from you, darling," he winked.

"How flattering," she winked back and turned to leave, purposely adding a sway to her hips knowing that he was watching. And fuck, was he watching. "Oh, the things you do to me, my dear Y/N."

"I heard that!"

"Good!"

---

A/N: Thanks for reading, leave a like if you enjoyed!

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