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surrounded-by-superheroes · 6 years

Text

Queen Chapter Three

Click HERE for chapter two!

Summary; A shape-shifting girl with a bad past is recruited by Nic Fury into the Avengers. It’s there that she finally starts learning to let people in again and she’s especially intrigued by a blond haired and blue eyed Captain America. Will she learn to let him in? Will her past actually stay in the past?

Author’s Note; Happy Memorial Day, everyone. Thank you to all who have served and to those who gave their lives. With love, your author.

Warnings; Language, fluff.

Words; 3,706

Chapter Three

Queen

Although the way I fell asleep may have been peaceful, the sleeping was not. I wake up covered in a cold sweat with a scream on the tip of my tongue. Once my eyes snap open I survey the room, immediately recognizing it as not mine. This room is bigger and decorated with much more personal items. Maroon and gold decorate most of the room and as I move the covers slightly and get a whiff of scent; Tony. Finally, I look just to my right and see him reclining in a leather arm chair. He’s already awake and watching me with a concerned expression on his face. Most likely from my nightmare, or from my episode yesterday.

“Ah, shit.” Are the first words to slip out of my mouth. Tony laughs and I realize it’s the first time I’ve ever made him laugh. Instantly I realize I want to do it again.

“Don’t worry, Shifty. We didn’t sleep together, if that’s what you’re worried about.” Tony assures me and I roll my eyes at him.

“That isn’t what I’m worried about, but thanks for that.” My thank you is slightly sarcastic, but he doesn’t seem to mind. “Why am I in your room anyway?” I ask while uncovering myself and scooting over to the edge of the bed towards him. He shuts the reclining part of the seat and sits normally as well, shrugging.

“Well, after yesterday, I wanted to keep an eye on you.” Tony says cautiously. I can tell he’s afraid I want to forget about everything and that things will go to the way they were before. I’m tempted, I admit. Looking at his face though, I can’t bring myself to keep him away. Especially, after his kindness. I nod slowly.

“You wanted to make sure I wouldn’t run away?” I question him with a little bite, but it’s just a test. Tony’s eyes soften as he leans towards me a bit more.

“No, I was concerned about you. After what happened and the nightmares I could tell you were having, I didn’t want to leave you to yourself. Speaking of, do you want to tell me what yesterday was about?” He answers honestly and I feel my heart squeeze. I can’t remember the last time someone showed this kind of concern about me. I stare at him and purse my lips in thought.

“Um, physical touch has never been used to show affection, to me anyway. Whenever I was touched, it was in the form of a fist or an open palm to slap. You threw me off, that’s all.” I explain with difficulty. I’ve never told anyone anything about my past before. Tony stares at me intensely as I tell him this and grabs my hand when I’m done. I jump, but his grip just tightens.

“Look, you don’t have to worry about that here. No one is going to hurt you, unless you’re sparring, and even then, you can tap out at any time. We aren’t like them, Shifty. You can trust this team, you can trust me.” Tony assures me all the while holding my hand. I listen and do my best to believe and absorb his words, but it’s going to take a while. I stare at his dark, shining eyes and nod at him. I heave a breath before saying what I say next.

“Victoria.” I say quietly. Tony looks confused for only a moment, then his face clears and his eyebrows pop up in shock. I nod a little as I say it. “My name is Victoria. Now, don’t go looking up shit about me or anything, I’ll tell you when I’m ready to tell you. And you can’t tell the rest of the team. But when we’re alone, you can call me Victoria.” I give him a little piece of myself in return for his care. I have nothing else to give, so it’ll have to be enough for now. It’s worth it because after it sinks in he smiles brightly and whispers my name quietly to himself.

“Okay, Victoria.” His smile gets a bit wider when he says my name and I find myself shaking my head at him, but I’m smiling too. “How about some breakfast, Queen?” I furrow my brows at queen, but nod.

“Get it? Like Queen Victoria? She was young like you, a spitfire like you, and she had an advisor that believed in her. Just like us.” Tony explains as I stand and straighten my clothes. I nod along to what he’s saying, and feel my smile grow a bit as he tells me he believes in me. We walk towards the door and Tony throws his arm around me, this time I don’t shrug it off.

“Didn’t know you were such a history buff. What was the advisors name?” I ask and he answers immediately.

“Lord Melbourne.” Tony says and opens the door to walk out. I commit the name to memory and step out into the hall first, nodding at Tony for holding the door open. As soon as I step out, of course, I run into a hard chest. I jump back quickly, but relax when I see it’s Cap. I give him a slightly uneasy smile.

“Hey, Cap.” I greet him, but his face is suddenly hard. My guard goes up. “What’s wrong?” I ask, thinking it must be important if he’s upset by it. Stark pops out of the bedroom and nods to Cap, putting his arm back around me. My attention is still on Cap, reading his expressions and movements. His face inexplicably hardens when Tony puts his arm around me and I see him make fists with his hands. Oh. I realize. He thinks that Tony and I slept together, but why would it upset him this much? I guess we’re teammates…is it some sort of no messing around in the workplace sort of thing? I get ready to tell him nothing happened with a slight laugh on my lips, but I don’t get the chance to.

“Stark.” He nods to him, then looks at me. “Glad to see all you needed was a night with Tony to loosen up.” He tells me quietly and storms off. My mouth forms a small o as he walks away.

“Well. You may not have been worried that we hooked up, but Cap certainly seems to be.” I look at Tony to see his surprised, but pleased, face. He turns us towards what I’m assuming is the way to the kitchen and tugs me along.

“Is it some work thing? No sex within the team?” I ask Tony bluntly. I get a chuckle and a squeeze from him.

“Nope, that’s not it.” Tony tells me, I wait for him to elaborate and he does with a sigh. “Our Captain is more sensitive than he looks. I think he has been…fascinated with you since you got here and it’s only grown over this short period of time. So, him thinking that we’re an item probably made him disappointed. Maybe even chipped his heart a bit.” Stark ends dramatically, but I don’t call him on it this time. My thoughts are with Steve and what he may be thinking. We arrive at the kitchen and find that we’re the only ones that are awake. That are down here anyway. I scan the room for Cap and spot him looking through the fridge. I pat Tony’s chest and lightly jog over to Cap, leaving Tony to fend for himself for a little bit.

“Steve, can I explain myself please?” I ask him politely. I hear him sigh, but he shuts the fridge and looks at me. I hesitate, I hadn’t thought this through. “Um, look, Tony and I didn’t have sex, okay?” I tell him, not sugar coating anything. His eyes seem to bulge at the word sex and his mouth lets out a nervous chuckle. I think I even see a tinge of red color his cheeks. “Some stuff happened and he wanted to keep an eye on me, that’s all. I slept in his bed and he slept in a chair.” I explain, hoping he’ll believe me.

“She’s telling the truth, Cap! I have the back pain to prove it.” Tony tries to help from his spot on the couch. I continue to watch Steve, waiting for him to say something. Finally, he nods.

“Okay. It doesn’t even matter what you do in your spare time, I was just worried about the uh,” he clears his throat, clearly lying, “the team dynamic.” He finishes lamely and the corners of my mouth twitch, aching to smile.

“Of course.” I allow him to lie and see a weight fade from his shoulders. He half smiles at me and I’m tempted to give him a kiss on the cheek, but resist. “So, what are you thinking for breakfast?” I ask him like any normal person would. His grin widens, apparently, he likes to pretend to be normal. So do I. He opens the fridge again and looks around.

“I’m thinking eggs. Do you like eggs?” He asks me kindly. I remember having eggs, the fluffy, pale, white things that they are. It was a long time ago, the first time Fury found me he had taken me out for breakfast. He had said that I was so skinny my ribs were likely to puncture my skin. It was my first year on the streets. I look up at Cap’s blue eyes and nod.

“Love them.” I respond. Grinning, he takes out the eggs, the milk, and grabs salt and pepper on the way to the stove. He reaches in a cabinet and grabs a pan, putting it on an eye that has just started to get red. I mentally store where each thing goes. I’d like to cook in this kitchen one day. I turn and sit at the bar to watch Steve cook. After a few minutes, Tony sits on the stool beside me and sends me a wink.

“So, what happened yesterday that made Stark feel like you were going to bolt?” Steve asks me nonchalantly as he cooks. I glance at Tony with a trapped look.

“Uh well, I had gotten on her nerves yesterday, so I wanted to make sure that she knew that I only pick on the people I like. We got to talking and we both fell asleep. Simple as that.” Tony saves me and I shrug at Cap, agreeing with Stark. Since he doesn’t look at us, the lie slips past Cap, thankfully. Tony grabs my hand under the table and gives it a light squeeze. I squeeze back in thanks, but neither of us let go. I hold on to steady myself, but I’m not sure why Tony does. Steve finishes the eggs and embodies the serve us with a smile slogan. He hands me a plate and a fork, then stares at me waiting for me to taste. A laugh tickles my throat, but I swallow it. I take a bite of my eggs while staring back at Steve with the same intensity he’s staring at me with. I lose the battle when the taste hits my tongue. My eyes shut and I resist making what I’m sure Tony would call an erotic moan.

“This is so good.” I say before opening my eyes and meeting Steve’s all over again. His grin is startling in its brilliance and I find myself reflexively smiling back. At least until I shove more food in my mouth. This time I let the moan slip out and feel Tony take his hand back. I glance at him to see why, but find he’s already leaning towards me to tell me.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t be touching you when you make noises like that. That’s another man’s job.” He pulls away and gestures to Cap before winking at me. I shake my head at him but my mind goes back to when Cap and I were sparring. His touch was electrifying. In a good way. I watch Cap cook and find myself smiling a bit just looking at him. Who knew a man born from war could be so soft. Steve gives me hope for myself. If he can be this soft and gentle after seeing horrific things, then so can I. One day, at least. I make the resolve then to try and be gentle and more tender, like Steve Rogers. He hands Tony a plate, then sits down beside me with his own. I notice his eggs aren’t fluffy like mine, but flat.

“So, Shifter, are we ever going to learn your real name?” Steve asks. I hear Tony stifle a laugh from beside me and I resist kicking him.

“Eventually, maybe.” I play a bit coy. “Why? Is Shifter too spot-on for you?” I ask, teasing. Steve chuckles.

“I think it’s fine, I’d just like to call you by your real name. And maybe see your real face.” Steve replies with a little grin. I blink in surprise. Apparently Cap sees through my façade as well. I pretend to think for a moment.

“I think you have to earn it, Captain America.” Once again, I hear Tony trying not to laugh. I ignore him and focus on Steve. I haven’t flirted in well, ever, so I think I deserve a little bit of fun. His focus is already all on me.

“What would it take, would you say? Coffee? Dinner? Outside the tower, of course.” He asks and we both take a bite of eggs, although my attention isn’t on them much anymore. I sober when I realize Cap is actually trying to ask me out. I suppress my smile and stare down at my eggs.

“I don’t know, Captain. I don’t think you’d like me all that much anyways.” I tell him in a more serious tone than earlier. Captain America deserves better than me. His light blue eyes consider me and he shrugs.

“Well, I think I’d rather decide that for myself, thanks.” Says Steve. I look up to meet his eyes and find them watching me, smoldering. “Tomorrow. I’ll find you and we’ll go out?” He says his last statement as a slight question so it doesn’t sound like he’s ordering me. I tilt my head slightly, considering his offer, and him. I sigh, then nod at him, accepting. A smirk appears on my face when I think about what to do in the meantime.

“Well, to pass the time, what do you say about sparring?” I ask and finish my last bite of eggs. I look back at Steve and see him trying to hide his smile.

“Sounds good to me.” He responds. Tony groans behind us.

“Do the two of you ever tire?” He asks. Both of us shake our heads simultaneously. Tony stands and nods to the both of us. “Well? If you’re going to fight, someone has to watch the two of you so you don’t kill each other.” I smirk and jump off my stool, turning to the door. I’m stopped by Tony’s hand on my shoulder. He points to my plate and then to the dishwasher. I give him a look of disdain, but when I turn away I’m grinning. After cleaning up after myself I face Steve with a challenge in my eyes.

“Race?” I propose. Cap smiles wolfishly and takes off running. With a huff of indignance, I take off too, but if he’s going to cheat, then so am I. I shift while running and continue to run, now on all fours. It’s a short distance to the training rooms, so a cheetah will do perfectly for beating Steve. Just as I’m even with him I pull away, putting on that burst of speed that cheetahs are famous for. I relish in the speed and reach the training room in seconds, kicking Steve’s ass, as I wanted. When he reaches the door I’ve already shifted back to my usual self and am wearing a signature smirk. “I win.” I tell him triumphantly.

“You cheated!” He says, but he’s smiling. I shake my head.

“You cheated first.” I point out and he shrugs.

“I was utilizing other skills.” He explains and walks up to me. He’s almost a head taller than I am, so I must tilt my head a bit to look in his eyes.

“As was I, so we’re even.” I reply with a smirk. We walk in the room together and pass by the pool into the gym. Black Widow and Hawkeye are already here, Hawk is lazily shooting arrows at a target while Natasha simply seems to be stretching. Clint greets us with a nod while still shooting, but Natasha straightens and walks over to us.

“Hi. You here to train?” Natasha greets both of us, but asks me the question. I see her eyes go over my shoulder to glance at Tony as I nod. “Great. Here, I’ll give you an outfit to wear that’ll be bit easier to maneuver in.” She turns and gestures for me to follow her. After glancing at Tony and Cap I follow her to a large closet in the corner of the room. We both step inside and she shuts the door behind her, flicking on the light as she does. My eyes widen a bit at the volume of clothes inside. White shelves line all the walls and each is filled with clothes. Although, the shelves seem to be split into sections for each person on the team. Natasha marches to the back and grabs a small pile of black along with some shoes, then hands it to me. “Here, these are some of mine. You can borrow it until we get you a real uniform.” She says and walks to the front with her back to me.

“Thank you.” I say to her back. She turns her head to the side and nods. For a second, I see her smile. Then she looks back at the closed door in front of her. I shake out the clothes while setting the boots on the floor. I strip and slip the clothes on easily, although the suit is like a second skin. I zip it up until the zipper is right below my collar bone, then slip the boots on, but leave my gloves. I turn towards Natasha and clear my throat. She turns around and smiles slightly.

“It looks good on you.” She compliments me and walks back over in front of me.

“I appreciate you letting me borrow it.” I thank her genuinely. Nat nods and holds out a hair tie she had pulled off her wrist. I take it with a smile and throw my hair up in a high ponytail. Nat’s smile turns into a smirk.

“You look killer.” She says and we both start walking out together, but she pauses with her hand on the doorknob. “Just try not to give Cap a heart attack, Shifter.” Nat teases. I feel the shock on my face and see her smirk widen. I guess secrets aren’t really a thing on this team. Natasha starts to open the door, but I put a hand on hers on the doorknob to stop her. She looks at me with wary and curious eyes, but allows me to stop her.

“I understand it’s none of my business.” I start hesitantly. “But, like with everyone, I’ve read your file.” Natasha’s eyes harden and I quickly continue. “What I’m saying is; I get it. I know what it’s like to be created for something and choose another path. What that means to me, is that you’re an even more amazing person because of it. And an even better soldier.” I finish and release her hand. “That’s why you’re my favorite Avenger, Natasha.” I say quietly. Her face is surprised to say the least, but her mouth is smiling. It’s a great smile, one that reaches her eyes. Suddenly, her arms are wrapped around me in a hug. Slowly, I hug her back, but it’s over before I know it. She walks out of the closet without another word, leaving me speechless and smiling. I can’t believe I was just hugged by my hero. Shaking my head, I walk out too. I seek out Cap and see him doing jumping jacks in the far corner. I march over to him and tap him on the shoulder. Steve spins around, but relaxes when he sees me.

“Uh, I, uh, wow.” Is all he says as he looks me up and down. A blush makes his cheeks red as he stares at me. I shrug, but can’t help but smile. No guy has ever looked at me the way Steve is.

“Thanks. You ready?” I ask playfully. I flip onto the platform just to show off a bit, then grin at Steve. He’s a bit slack-jawed, but Tony comes up and slaps him on the shoulder to wake him up. Steve jumps and Tony shoves him forward onto the platform with me. A couple chuckles sound around us and I glance to my left to see Nat and Tony standing on the edge of the platform.

“I’m up next.” Nat says while smirking. I chuckle nervously, but nod. Fighting Natasha would be fascinating. It’s only when Clint joins them and I realize they’re all gathering to watch when I get irritated. “You know, there is other equipment to use in here. We aren’t entertainment.” I say with a little edge in my voice. I’m not doing this for others.

“Hey. It’s okay.” Steve calls for my attention and I give it to him, but I can tell irritation is on my face from being watched. I meet Steve’s eyes and feel his calmness spill into me a bit. “Focus on me.” He says a little quieter so only I can hear. I take a breath, then crouch. I drink in the calm focus in Steve’s eyes and feel the serenity settle in me that always comes before a fight. It’s the calm that comes with knowing I’m going to win.

Chapter Four found HERE.

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farfarbetterdream · 6 years

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another tag game!

I was tagged by: @absentmindeduniverse. I enjoy seeing you on my dash and reglogging (probably too much) from you!

rules: answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people.

damn that’s a lot of statements. and a lot of people to tag...

last

1. drink - water. before that, coffee. 2. phone call - skype call with my parents 3. text message - a friend about her afternoon plans 4. song you listened to - Astronaut by Gregory Alan Isakov 5. time you cried - a week ago

ever

6. dated someone twice? - no. never even dated anyone once. 7. kissed someone and regretted it - never kissed anyone besides a dare when i was 10 that barely counts, so... 8. been cheated on - again, never been in a relationship so no. 9. lost someone special - romantically, no. family, yes. 10. been depressed - not sure 11. gotten drunk and thrown up - ok yes BUT iblamethecheapalcoholnottheamoutidrank

fave colours

12. forest green 13. a nice warm neutral tan/beige 14. deep blue

in the last year have you…

15. made new friends - yeah! 16. fallen out of love - would have to fall in love first 17. laughed until you cried - all the fucking time 18. found out someone was talking about you - nope 19. met someone who changed you - not really 20. found out who your friends are - yeah i guess? 21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list - wow this thing is just trying to rub it in my face that i’ve never been kissed, isn’t it :/

general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl - pretty sure all of them. or at least used to know irl.

23. do you have any pets - black standard poodle named Tikva. his name means hope in hebrew, because we got him right before the 2008 election and Obama’s slogan was hope!

24. do you want to change your name - when i was a lot younger i used to consider changing to the normal american pronunciation of hannah instead of the hebrew pronunciation. now i like it.

25. what did you do for your last birthday - it was my 21st so even though i’m abroad and could already drink, I went out and celebrated by going to a few bars and pubs.

26. what time did you wake up today - 4 AM when my noisy flatmate came in >:( then again at 8.

27. what were you doing at midnight last night - zzzzzzzzzzzz

28. what is something you cant wait for - getting to travel around the Scottish Highlands and do a bunch of hiking over spring break!

idk why there’s no 29...

30. what are you listening to right now - not currently listening to any music but in general i’ve been listening to dermot kennedy a lot recently

31. have you ever talked to a person named tom - my best friend in preschool was named tom. then we didn’t see each other for six years. then we went to the same middle school and was a dick to me. probably because he wanted to be part of the cool crowd and i was decidedly not cool 32. something that’s getting on your nerves - my flatmate constantly being so fucking loud and waking me up all the time 33. most visited website - my university email 34. hair colour - brown 35. long or short hair - currently just past shoulder length but that’s longer than i usually like it 36. do you have a crush on someone - maybe. i had a crush on a guy last year for a while. haven’t seen him in forever but also haven’t gotten any new crushes. if i saw him again i think i’d probably still have a crush on him tbh. good thing he’s graduating so i’ll probably never see ihm again :/ 37. what do you like about yourself - honestly? most of the time nothing. 38. want any piercings? - i have one lobe piercing and one cartilage piercing in each ear, but I want more. probably won’t get it though since my ears don’t heal very well from them. 39. blood type - O negative. universal donor, woo woo. 40. nicknames - hannahleh and pumpkin by my parents

41. relationship status - unfortunately single

42. zodiac - Aquarius 43. pronouns - she/her 44. fave tv shows - Black Sails, The 100, and Doctor Who. Also Game of Thrones, Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries, Wynonna Earp, The X-Files, and countless others. 45. tattoos - no but i kind of want want 46. right or left handed - right handed 47. ever had surgery - i had my wisdom teeth removed, but that’s it. 48. piercings - two on each ear 49. sport - i run and work out for exercise and recreation, but have never done any sports. i enjoy watching basketball occasionally 50. vacation - i like going places with beautiful nature to hike in or lots of historic sites to visit. technically you could say that i’m on an extended vacation right now since i’m studying abroad in scotland. last vacation was to Italy, next one is to the Highlands (unless it decides to snow). 51. trainers - such a weird word. yeah i wear them a lot because i run/work out and also they’re so comfortable to walk around in

more general

52. eating - does this mean what i’m eating right now??? if so then nothing. at tortellini, spinach, chicken, and a sweet potato about 2 hours ago. about to go eat some chocolate fudge ice cream.

53. drinking - water. i constantly sip water.

54. i’m about to watch - nothing. i’m about to go eat dessert, take a shower, and then do homework.

55. waiting for - the results of the two essays i’ve turned in so far this semester, spring break, and The 100 season 5 premier

56. want - fresh baked cake or cookies, to see my family and my dog, warm weather, to fall in love, to figure out what i want to do with my life 57. get married - definitely, but not anytime in the near future.

58. career - currently a student, don’t really know what i want my career to be in. probably something related to sustainability, environmental education, climate change, cultural heritage protection, or museums. something that helps the world.

which is better

59. hugs or kisses - hugs 60. lips or eyes - i’m assuming all of these are about what we prefer/care more about in a romantic partner. eyes maybe? 61. shorter or taller - kinda have a thing for really tall boys. 62. older or younger - definitely older. 63. nice arms or stomach - holy fuck nice arms do something to me. 64. hookup or relationship - relationship. zero interest in hookups. 65. troublemaker or hesitant - hesitant. that’s my middle name. jk it’s leah. but i would actually say that being hesitant is one of my worst character traits.

have you ever

66. kissed a stranger - we’ve already established here that i have kissed no one. 67. drank hard liquor - i tried rum once when i was like 12 because we found it in a cabinet in our house and i wanted to be like a pirate. pretty sure my dad laughed at me when i choked on it. also done shots of hard liquor. 68. lost glasses - occasionally but only for very brief periods of time. sometimes i’ll take them off at home and forget where i left them in the house. 69. turned someone down - yes 70. sex on first date - no 71. broken someones heart - no but then again i’m usually clueless/oblivious so idk. maybe disappointed people briefly but not broken their heart. 72. had your heart broken - no 73. been arrested - naw 74. cried when someone died -yeah 75. fallen for a friend - i got a crush on a guy i was friends with freshman year of high school.

do you believe in

76. yourself - rarely 77. miracles - no 78. love at first sight - i don’t think so. attraction, yes. love, no. 79. santa claus - jewish, so no. 80. kiss on a first date - please someone take me on a first date and kiss me. 81. angels - no

other

82. best friend’s name - i’m don’t really think i have a best friend. i have a number of close friends but i’m not good at opening up to people the way i think best friend connotes. but probably my oldest closest friend has the same name as me. 83. eye colour - green 84. fave movie - The Princess Bride even though I always get annoyed by how little Buttercup does. Crossing Delancey is my favorite rom com because it’s hilarious and sweet and super jewish. Also Romancing the Stone because it’s an adventure rom com. The Pride and Prejudice with Keira Knightley is gorgeous. Also always a sucker for the first three Pirates of the Caribbean movies, and the Lord of the Rings movies. 85. fave actor - Tom Hanks because he’s an amazing actor, I’ve liked him in everything I’ve seen him in, and he’s just a precious human being.

tagging a combination of people i know irl and mutuals that I’ve mostly never talked to because i’m super awkward, you can do this if you want, or feel free to ignore it: @the-sadpotato, @ryostrenchcoat, @pinevillagegirl, @ineedpeetalikehekneadsbread, @hufflepuffhermione, @dweebshark, @kleinundasinine, @im-wallpapering-my-locker, @captain-fflewddurfflam, @thedarrparrot, @theavathedork, @geese-juggler, @addyleeliu, @bellarkeaddict, @thren0dy, @veganmewsings, @mistamie

#tag game #about me

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veliseraptor · 6 years

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Did this one last year, and I figured I’d go ahead and do it again, because I love aggregate memes so much.

2017 Fanfiction Round-Up

Total Year-Long Wordcount: Okay so. I actually have an approximate near-exact number for this, though it includes some original fiction and some nonfiction, but as I actually put in the work for the full year of recording daily wordcount...

The total number of words I wrote between 1/1/16-12/31/17 was: 542,613.

so there’s that.

This year I wrote and posted: There 48 works on AO3 that were updated in 2017 (though some of those are multichapter) and there are 125 posts from this year in my fic tag, so I’m going to go with somewhere on the order of...um, maybe just over 100 including counting individual chapters of things?

Once again, this meme makes me feel like I’m kind of insane.

Overall Thoughts

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d predicted? I always feel like I’m surprised by how much I actually did write, because...idk, it doesn’t feel like that much most of the time when I’m doing it? But then I look back and like. I wrote somewhere between the word count of the entirety of Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. That actually is kind of a lot.

What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January? Hmmm. I did not expect to trip and fall headfirst into Loki/Grandmaster as a pairing but, as I have described, I really should have expected that. Barring that...it was an unexpected delight to write some Wheel of Time fic, even if I’ve been totally spoiled by writing for big fandoms.

Other than that, I feel like my fic this year was pretty par for the course for my usual.

What’s your own favorite story of the year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you happiest? This is hard, but ultimately I think I might have to go with Mending. I felt like...idk, it’s very close to my heart, and I felt like I really did a lot of what I wanted to with it.

But I also ended up feeling really proud of we’re not the only ones - it was a really fun outsider POV to write, and involved getting to explore some new character dynamics in an old ‘verse.

And then there’s Steve Rogers’ Halfway House for Notorious Supervillains, which has also been a complete and utter pleasure.

Did you take any writing risks this year? What did you learn from them? Man...I’m not sure that I did. Other than the fact that I wrote sounding fic (finally) which is a kink I’ve always liked but never written. That was new and exciting, and turned out really well, actually. Other than that...I don’t know, it doesn’t really feel like a risk per se but I do feel like I embraced more this year just writing all the tropes I love and am periodically ashamed of, because you know what, why not.

From my past year of writing, what was….

My most popular story of this year: By kudos, still Life in Reverse, by far. After that, as far as stories written just this year: Steve Rogers’ Halfway House for Notorious Supervillains, and then the ship at the end of the universe.

The surprise for me is that the next one is The Breaking Light, which I really would not expect.

Most fun story to write: It feels weird to call it “fun” but oddly enough all the glamour and the trauma basically spilled out of me in one go.

Story with the single sexiest moment: I feel like the entirety of that spark of black that I seem to love was a sexiest moment for me.

Most “Holy crap, that’s wrong, even for you” story: This one was so much easier last year when I wrote The Vivisection Mambo which is still probably the creepiest, darkest story I’ve ever written! This year...hmm.

Story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters: I feel like writing both Halfway House and that spark of black that I seem to love both gave me new perspectives on characters - Steve for both, and also Bucky and Sam in Halfway House.

Hardest story to write: I feel like this one has to go to Privation, which took me, what, three years to finish?

Biggest Disappointment: I’m definitely disappointed in certain segments of fandom for their choice of response for certain methods of writing certain pairings.

Here’s looking at you, rude anons.

Also disappointed that I didn’t make more progress on Life in Reverse this year. I was really hoping to get further than I did.

Biggest Surprise: The response to Steve Rogers’ Halfway House for Notorious Supervillains and how positive it was. I was not expecting that story to get much of a response, but it really has, which delights me - it’s been a joy to write and I’ve been so excited by how much other people seem to be enjoying it, since it’s basically just a lot of talking and feelings, really.

Which I guess is kind of my specialty? But...still.

Most Unintentionally Telling Story: Maybe one hand on my throat, and one on your heart? It’s one of the most self-indulgent things I’ve written, possibly ever. Which is telling in a lot of ways about what I like.

But also probably...hm. All of my Loki/Grandmaster fics say a lot about me and what I like.

This one was easier last year, too. Maybe Mending/Reweaving, both of those are very...personal in weird ways.

Favorite Opening Line(s):

Apparently the new slogan that they should be operating under was “if something falls out of the sky, call the Avengers.” (look, behind you without a sound)

Loki was executed in a chamber hidden deep within the Raft prison. (the first part of the everything sucks AU)

If he closed his eyes, he could almost pretend the dark was a choice. (Boxed In)

On Friday, May 4th, 2012, an alien came to Earth and warned of an invasion that would follow unless they listened very, very closely. (Ghosts That We Knew)

One of the things Loki had learned very quickly about survival in recent years was the necessity of compartmentalization. If something could not be changed, and could not be dealt with, then it had to be pushed aside and locked away to be dealt with later. Prioritize. Focus on the immediate necessities. Everything else could wait until later. Or, preferably, never. (all the glamour and the trauma)

Favorite Line(s) from Anywhere:

The city falls, and Idril’s eyes blaze with hatred, and there is blood in his eyes, and he swears he almost remembers this, almost dreamed it once. Soon he is going to wake up, in shadows under the trees, and he will be young again, and whole. (Seven Years)

No one, Loki had realized, broke all at once. You broke in stages, in bits and pieces, giving a little at a time until you looked at yourself and realized the pathetic scraps that were left, until you saw what was at the core and were sick at the knowing. (between the essence and the descent)

Nothing grows from anger, her mother had said once, before she died (was killed, left her, was murdered). Wanda thought she was wrong. Something was growing from hers. (object impermanence)

Loki lay awake through the night, staring upwards, trying to still his mind to no avail. There was a scream locked behind his teeth that he could not unleash. (untitled)

Loki’s eyes drifted mostly closed. “You cannot die,” he said. “That is your curse. And mine. We live and keep living, beyond endurance, beyond reason.” (a lane to the land of the dead)

How long, he wondered, had Loki been convinced of this? Further back than when he’d found out the truth about his heritage, Steve thought, or even Thor’s coronation. It was a wound so old Loki didn’t even notice the scar. (we can see the future (and the dreams it’s made of))

He didn’t know how to explain to Thor how it was to be in a situation where you knew that your refusal would have no meaning; that the only power you had was in choosing how to assent. (all the glamour and the trauma)

He loved Thor. He’d always loved Thor. Desperately, hopelessly, fatally. (farewell hope, and with hope farewell fear)

“Don’t be coy, Captain. There is so much anger burning in you. I can feel it. That violence seething just beneath the surface. It terrifies you, doesn’t it? So you hold it down and push it away. Stop fighting it. Embrace it.” He cocked his head to the side. “I am offering you an exorcism.” (that spark of black that I seem to love)

But maybe there was something to be said for standing, even if it was standing still. (the mercy covering me)

“You see yourself as trapped, Loki. Cornered. But there are doors in front of you, if you will choose to take them. I could choose for you, or your mother could. Your brother would like to drag you through. But whatever you choose now, it must be yours.” (Mending)

“Everything is eternal, and nothing is. Bonds wither and decay. I-” He shook his head, scowling. “This is what your lover and I argue about. Or one of the things. He doesn’t debate well.” (post war blues)

Thor’s smile made Loki want to smile back. He settled back down, and if it weren’t for - well, everything, it might almost have been one of their old rooms, back in Asgard, the two of them bandying words back and forth. But Thor had an eyepatch, the room was small and shabby, Asgard was ashes and so was the innocent purity of their brotherhood. (the ship at the end of the universe)

Top 5 Scenes from Anywhere You Would Choose to Have Illustrated:

I would love to have the scene illustrated from one hand on my throat, and one on your heart where Steve finds Loki, either just looking at him bent backwards and chained up suffering or where he’s trying to shake Loki out of the memory with Thanos.

Also anything from the Tapestries series, especially the scene at the end of Mending with Loki and Odin.

But honestly, like. Anything.

Fic-writing goals for 2018:

last year I wrote down “finishing ‘we’re not friends, we’re strangers with memories’” and I did that so this year I’m going to say “finish Life in Reverse”

get better at replying to peoples’ comments

finish the RTC: Ragnarok fic before Infinity War comes out

finish the Doctrine of Labyrinths and Merlin fics I’ve been sitting on forever

#confessions of a frustrated writer #meme #fanfiction round up

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taonsil · 7 years

Text

ftm ksoo | sesoo, 1.5k (#tinytransboyproblems)

this is set in the same 'verse as the previous sesoo drabble but takes place before it❀

Other than for gym back in highschool, Kyungsoo has never voluntarily worn sweatpants in is life. As comfortably slouchy as Chanyeol makes them look, it's just not for him (Chanyeol's legs are practically as long as the whole of Kyungsoo and still look good in thick, baggy fabric. Kyungsoo wears tight jeans so it's at least discernible where his thigh ends and his lower leg starts). But here he is looking at them. In great detail, like there's a lot to be studied in a pair of $9 sweats.

Even flanked by Sehun and Chanyeol when they came into the store, Kyungsoo has been a little pink in the cheeks as he's puttered through menswear. It's only the small clothes section of their local supermarket, nothing like those nice stores where a staff member will trail you with suggestions and help you into clothes. It's just that Kyungsoo has never stood on this side of the aisle before. Lost in a familiar space.

Sehun wandered off five minutes ago to look for dinner (they have dinner, but Sehun's terrible at visualising ingredients as actual meals), leaving Kyungsoo with only Chanyeol for assistance. And cover, but that feels stupid. Kyungsoo could just be browsing for a partner. Or, y'know, perfectly entitled to be here buying whatever he likes.

Kyungsoo isn't quite there yet, though. He's hyper aware of how tall everyone passing through this area is and wants to kick himself each time he ducks his head and makes way for someone to pass. He belongs here too. He just..has to get used to settling in. Like not startling like a mouse at the sound of heavy footsteps, god.

Hand fiddling with the zipper on his jacket, Kyungsoo stares ahead more determinedly. These sweats don't have a stupid slogan printed on them anywhere. Nice.

"There you are!" Chanyeol and his elephant footsteps come to a halt, and Chanyeol's chest bumps and then weighs against Kyungsoo's shoulder. "I thought you'd run away to catch Sehun or something, I looked around the jeans like three times and–," Dropping the leg of the sweats is what draws Chanyeol's attention to them. Kyungsoo's poker face is a strong one. "Um," Chanyeol says, "You wanted jeans?"

"Yeah." After a lot of pacing beside the socks waiting for the coast to be clear, so no one had to see Kyungsoo mistakenly hold up a pair that when unfolded spanned from the floor to his chest. "I already looked. There's nothing suitable, so I..looked around, and.." Kyungsoo may have been hesitant to embark on his first venture into menswear, but he sure hasn't been to start replacing his old clothes. All the damn pockets are too small since he upgraded phone. Sweaters are so much easier. "I didn't want to leave with nothing."

"Nothing?" Chanyeol echoes. He sounds disappointed. He is - his hands are on Kyungsoo's shoulders, thumbs rubbing under the hood of his jacket. Kyungsoo can't leave with nothing after all this time working up to coming here.

"Yeah, so. I figured I'd look at these. The sizing.." If Kyungsoo thought being here at all was something to be self-conscious of, having Chanyeol bear hugging him as they shuffle along the row of sweatpants is surprisingly ok. Chanyeol is comfortable here, and Kyungsoo is focused on his weight. "The jeans are kind of..if I have the right waist measurement, the legs are too long." Sweats are just L, M, S.

There's a dark maroon pair in S. Chanyeol's hand stretches over Kyungsoo and rummages in the hangers behind. "This looks ok?" He pulls a pair out. XS.

"No," Kyungsoo says before Chanyeol can pass them to him. They'd fit a waist like Chanyeol's or Sehun's, but it's the same with shirts – designed like tubes, straight up and down, cutting into Kyungsoo's hips.

"There are so many short guys?" Chanyeol sees Kyungsoo's point about the socks. They're just standard size, but they'd be far too big for Kyungsoo's feet. They don't even look as though they'd fit in his shoes, already one size larger than he takes. "Like, I know so many short guys? Where are they getting all their clothes from?"

He has the opposite problem - ankles breezy, sleeves never quite that bit long enough unless he buys oversized. Some things here would fit Kyungsoo; none would be the right size.

Kyungsoo shrugs, scuffing the toes of his shoes as he trudges along the aisle. He texted Sehun to come back and meet them so they can leave, and he hopes Sehun's not going to take his time about it. Bright side - at least it'll save some money. Kyungsoo can just look online, or ask on a forum or something. Chanyeol's right; Kyungsoo rarely stands eye to eye with other guys, but there are plenty who aren't giants like his boyfriend and Chanyeol.

A display stand of jewellery, thin scarves, cheap watches in pretty containers is in the centre of the divide between womenswear and mens. There's a lot of options, even if you don't want them. Just once Kyungsoo bought a cut plastic beaded bracelet from here, when he was maybe 16 and feeling grown up. Sehun liked the feel of the faux suede tie more than Kyungsoo liked wearing it.

Still edgy about this whole venture, it startles Kyungsoo when Chanyeol's big hand suddenly engulfs his shoulder again.

"Are you ok? You look super flushed." Chanyeol squeezes. They've been through enough of these kinds of experiences together that Kyungsoo knows what he means is do you need to go to the bathroom and cry. Kyungsoo's actually pretty ok. Everything is a learning curve right now.

It's not that Kyungsoo is upset, just that the whole store is overheated and then to compensate there's air conditioning. The whole mismatch of artificial temperature is adding to Kyungsoo's face burning up, while a stale, warm breeze blows down his neck. While they're still here he can't bear to unzip his jacket even an inch. With his year-worn binder it's inevitable after a few hours that things start to descend and spread, and it's not a baggy jacket, but it's covering the curve better than just his sweater alone.

"Hey," Sehun's voice comes from the end of the aisle. "What about these?"

Sehun's holding a pair of jeans exactly like Kyungsoo wants. Black, textured, slim fit (Kyungsoo may not exactly be slim fit, but honestly, at his height..).

Chanyeol squawks. Kyungsoo pats his hand and squirms out from under it to meet Sehun halfway.

"You said there wasn't anything," Sehun's scowl is entirely for Chanyeol. Kyungsoo takes the jeans from him, looking a much happier kind of flushed before he's even measured them against himself.

Chanyeol scowls right back. At least he was here trying, not eating free deli samples. "Where the hell– We looked at everything."

"I came from the other side of the aisle. Did you look round there?" Sehun points over the top of the high shelf beside them. "Those look fine. And if they're ok, there's lots– Soo, they're your size, right? Soo?"

If Kyungsoo looked a little pink before, now he's beet red. Sehun touches his ear to feel the heat. Kyungsoo isn't upset, but right now he feels muddled - the anticipation of coming here, the fear of being questioned, the sizing not being as straightforward as expected, the damn heat. (Watermelon head, his mother used to call it when she got one of her stress headaches. Kyungsoo never really got it, but he does now. One move in the wrong direction and the weight would keel him over.)

"It. Yeah. They're fine." Folding the jeans to hook over his arm, Kyungsoo gestures for them to go ahead of him. "I'll get them. Thanks, Hunnie."

Sehun puffs his cheeks. If it was fine he'd be getting fawned over for doing a good job. The fewer words Kyungsoo says the bigger sign it is that they shouldn't press the point, though. Chanyeol's the kind of person who laughs misfortune off, and Sehun can get past most things after a nice long cuddling session. Kyungsoo..he tends to shut down. Or cook. They do have a lot of ingredients at home.

Sehun probably just picked them up without even noticing it was the teen section (Sehun still is a teen, but Kyungsoo doesn't recall them having an 18-19 section). Kyungsoo is 21 and has been a size 10 for the last five years. Kyungsoo is going to be a man in jeans with a 13-14y.o label in the back. It's..fine.

But, oh. There's another realisation. "Actually," Kyungsoo gives Sehun's waist a pat and Chanyeol a less gentle push. "There's something else I need to look at. You two go ahead."

It's not like Kyungsoo doesn't like cute patterns, or comic books, or.. well, no, he's not a fan of bright colours, that's ruled out. He just isn't a teenager anymore. Especially not a thirteen year old.

Especially not a thirteen year old, because the waistband and thighs around the briefs cut in tight. He's too big. Nearly ten years too old; three centimetres shorter than the height average given on the label. The jeans were practically perfect, anyway.

And so is Sehun's sweater, when the sleeves are rolled up to Kyungsoo's elbows. Loose enough that Kyungsoo can breathe comfortably again without having to focus too much on the different view when he looks down, and room to spare for Sehun's arms to sneak in when he's full and sleepy and cuddly.

"Room for me?" Chanyeol asks when he comes back from the kitchen to find the start of a cuddle pile. He's been drying his hands on his jeans, and they're still damp and hot where they fumble against Kyungsoo's forearms as Chanyeol wriggles his way comfortably against Kyungsoo's other side.

"I didn't agree to this," Sehun grumbles, like he's the one having to deal with two sets of elbows in his waist and two heavy weights on his shoulders. Chanyeol raises his head to respond. Kyungsoo shushes them both, and Sehun comfortably settles again once he's had a placating kiss to his forehead.

Anyway, if Kyungsoo was the same size as these two they'd break the couch.

#aa its been a while since I added to this drabble set #I go inspired by that Relatable comic the other day n did most of this on my phone in the middle of the night orz #words i wrote #sesoo

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