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goldenamaranthe-blog · 2 months

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She Used to Be Mine: Chaggie

Major Character Death Implied

One year after the exorcists were pushed back into Heaven. The Hazbin Hotel has been rebuilt and is filled with sinners after word got out that Charlie and her friends managed to defeat Adam and the angelic forces. Unfortunately, despite all these successful achievements, something is missing.

Charlie: (sitting in her large, cold bedroom at a grand piano, a picture frame leans against the music stand in front of her, a class of bourban sits on the wooden ledge, and a burning cigarette smolders in an ash tray next to her on the bench)

Charlie: (takes a drink, places her fingers shakily on the keys, and begins to play as she sings)

🎶 It's not simple to say that most days I don't recognize me.

It's not easy to know. I'm not anything like I used to be.

It's not what I asked for. Sometimes life slips in through the back door and carves out a person that makes you believe it's all true. That was when I had you. 🎶

(Looks at the picture and smiles softly as a tear blurs her vision)

🎶 If I'm honest, I know. I would give this all back for a chance to start over... and rewrite an ending or two... for the girl that I knew!

To fight a little harder! To bring back that fire in her eyes! That love that used to be miiiiiiine! 🎶

Charlie: (chokes back a sob as she wipes away the tears and slows her playing)

🎶 She was messy... but was kind. She was lonely from time to time. She was hard on herself. When she was broken, she wouldn't ask for help. She was all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie. 🎶

She is gone... (glances at the picture of her and Vaggie together, holding each other tightly as Charlie kisses the top of Vaggie's head), but she used to be mine.....

#okay brain- you really want to do this?#golden apparently wants to hurt her feelings #hazbin hotel #incorrect hazbin hotel quotes #canon divergent #chaggie #charlie morningstar #vaggie didn't survive the blast Adam used to slice the hotel in half #song is adjusted from original #She Used To Be Mine #sara bareilles #angst #why angst? why?#poor charlie

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jannecapelleart · 5 months

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listen guys i have my criticism of season 2 but the ed&izzy aspect does appeal to the part of my brain that likes angst

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sergle · 9 months

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There's something about like. A certain genre of posts / Online Opinions about insecurity/depression/misery/complaints that are so unhelpful that they wrap right around to being straight up hilarious. and it's the ones that are more or less written to the tone of "Feeling bad? That's gross!" Like, just so you know, don't voice your insecurities/ have low self esteem, because that's offputting! You're gross and weird. Don't be insecure about that, though. That would be stupid if you felt insecure about people disliking you for being insecure. Not attractive. You should be thinking about being as attractive as possible. You shouldn't make comments about suicide, even if you're suicidal! Keep those thoughts entirely to yourself. Make sure nobody around you knows you're thinking about this. It would Make Them Uncomfortable. It's better to keep these thoughts in your head where they can fester. Don't post OR talk to friends with complaints about you feeling miserable or depressed. Tbh people who are sad/upset a lot? Kinda a red flag! You are probably miserable because you're a bad person and you've brought this on yourself. If you don't have friends, it's because you're awful to be around. Easy! Solved the problem for you. And no, there is no nuance to this, got it? So, make sure to feel bad about feeling bad, but don't feel bad about it, because, well, that's just gross. And annoying! You might've wanted your brain rotted thoughts to be Peer Reviewed, you might have just needed to vent- you might've been hoping for some comfort, to get things off your chest. Well, don't! Don't talk about thoughts or feelings that are negative with your friends, you'd be burdening them and that's only meant for THERAPY. #SponsoredbyBetterHelp #MentalHealth like, DAMN. that's so helpful. you're so good at helping. I um really liked the part where these are all hard and fast rules that encourage keeping feelings bottled up and keeping your friends at arm's length. That's really funny of you.

#I FEEL LIKE COMPLAINING RN in the context of this alternate universe these posts live in. that makes me evil rn. I may not even keep #the post up. but I Needed to complain about these bc I hate seeing them #really funny and good because it very much feeds into that part of the brain where you go wait am I stupid? am I horrible? am I annoying?#before you express any kind of personal feelings. from feeling insecure alll the way down the spectrum to feeling like your life is over #before anyone How Dare You Say We Piss On The Poor-s at me YES there is a nuanced version of this #which is. you can make someone feel like shit (A Fellow Sufferer Of The Mental Eelnesses) by using them as your dumping ground #in excess and usually with no regard for how they feel and without Regular conversations inbetween #and in a one-sided way where they can't do the same and complain with you as a sounding board in return #don't tell new friends you hardly know abt THE MOST personal shit you can possibly think of. there are steps being skipped here #right? we know this. we all know it. setting a boundary is a thing. overwhelming a person is a thing #on the other hand there is such a thing as a friend who IS okay to listen and wants to help. and friends who relate.#maybe talking abt personal stuff makes ppl feel closer sometimes. just a thought! maybe not everything is Emotional Labor. maybe just maybe #but like come on. these are almost intentionally unhelpful posts #long post

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spaciebabie · 4 months

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sometimes when I have a moment ta think ta myself I step back and really reflect on how out of all the characters I've simped for, springtrap has been the longest lasting. and for what reason. why did my brain pick that guy. you know. the rotting corpse inside of a moldy bunny suit. that's the guy we wanna be insane over? okay.

#he also doesn't really follow the pattern of characters I've simped for b/c they were all rays of sunshine #and then there's this stinky man #that beautiful beautiful stinky man #see look my brain is doing it again #the fondness I feel for him is uncomparable ta the feelings I've felt for other characters #like it's not even close #spacie spoinks #I was crazy Abt rengoku once upon a time but that only lasted a couple months #like yeah springtrap is a combo of every character type/style/trope i like but he sucks balls #major balls dude #sighs.#I need him #i want to court him springtrap why aren't you reallllll #okay I'm going ta bed djdjdndndnndn #maybe I'll have another cute dream of him giving me a hug or something (unlikely)#would be nice tho

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vanyafresita · 14 days

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the things you do for love...

#the magnus protocol #tmagp 9 #alice dyer #samama khalid #samalice #id in alt text #i drew this a week ago but forgot to post it oops #anyways im still working on my tma designs im slow and i wanted to do the whole staff per season 😵‍ <- dumb bitch #but im not finishing that any time soon lol #my brain really went 'lets binge tma in a week and then not draw anything and continue to catch up w tmagp and THEN draw for THAT'#its okay im the unemployed friend right now i have time to draw lots for both tma and tmagp you just wait #my art #tmagp

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verdantglow · 29 days

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Fuck it, posts my SmallEtho playlist.

Part-Time Soulmate, Full-Time Problem: A SmallEtho/Boat Boys Playlist

(Best listened to on shuffle.)

This is a kinda long playlist (28 tracks), so if you only have time for a few songs, check out: ‘Pyrokenesis’; ‘I Am Fred Astaire’; & ‘Built To Burn.’

Full track list & selected lyrics under cut.

1. Son of a Gun - Motion City Soundtrack

Have you had enough? Are you tough? Are you broken?/Hit me where it hurts, don’t just curtsey & sulk/I know I deserve every elegant word that you’re hurling at me

2. Pyrokenesis - 7chariot

When you say the things you say, they start a little spark/Ignite this small but also highly flammable heart

You’re setting me on fire, I don’t wanna fight it/You don’t need a lighter, you’re a flame/Drowning myself in water only makes it harder/Hard for me to keep myself away

3. Just One Yesterday - Fall Out Boy

I want to teach you a lesson in the worst kind of way/Still I’d trade all my tomorrows for just one yesterday

4. Violently Alive - I Hate Kate

I hate that you’re there/And I’m here/In the same room/Miles from me to you/We’re so distant/But close enough to touch

5. Tiger Teeth - Walk The Moon

Give in, give in, I want you back/One heart, one too many to stomach/Love bites so deep and we got tiger teeth

6. It’s Not A Fashion Statement, It’s A Deathwish - My Chemical Romance

Hip-hip-hooray for me, you talk to me/But would you kill me in my sleep?/Lay still like the dead/From the razor to the rosary, we could lose ourselves/And paint these walls in pitchfork red

7. True Romance - Motion City Soundtrack

I’m a screwup of epic proportions/A walking hand grenade/Hyper-manic, a dime store dramatic/A conduit for pain

She said “Don’t speak, don’t think,/Just take it off, take it off”/I said “Don’t speak, don’t think,/Just mess me up, mess me up”

8. Violence - blink-182

Like violence, you have me, forever and after/Like violence, you kill me, forever and after

9. I Am Fred Astaire - Taking Back Sunday

I’m under the assumption that I’m gonna be the one that’s leaving you/Tonight, oh, tonight/Well I flipped every switch that I could find on my way out/Just to upset you more/Just to keep you busy/Just to make you angry/Just because you were right

I’m stuttering through it, but I hear it/Well I-I I hear it’s good t-t-to stick to what you know

10. The Wolf - The Crane Wives

I am not a tempest/I light torches in my sleep/I have gasoline in my veins/I am always burning, burning burning

11. Crave - Waterparks

I’m cravin’ a getaway from the/Smooth talk that’s keeping me grounded/To the carpet in my room/My quiet blue tomb of you

I wish I could forget you

12. Hold Me Like A Grudge - Fall Out Boy

Hold me, hold me like a grudge/The world is always spinning and I can’t keep up/Faster and faster, can’t do it on my own/Part-time soulmate, full-time problem yeah/Hold me like a grudge

13. Formidable - Twenty One Pilots

You are formidable to me/‘Cause you seem to know it, where you wanna go/Yeah yeah yeah I’ll follow you/But you should know/I might be cynical towards you/But I just can’t believe that I’m for you/Yeah yeah yeah I can die with you/Just let me know

14. Play With Fire - Sam Tinnesz feat Yacht Money

I ride the edge/My speed goes in the red/Hot blood, these veins/My pleasure is their pain/I love to watch the castles burn/These golden ashes turn to dirt/I’ve always liked to play with fire

15. Bulletproof Heart - My Chemical Romance

I’ve got a bulletproof heart/You’ve got a hollow point smile/Me and your runaway scars/Got photographed dream on the getaway mile/Let’s blow a hole in this town/And do our talking with a laser beam/Gunnin’ out of this place in a bullet’s embrace/Then we’ll do it again

16. The Truth Is, You Should Lie With Me - Say Anything

You’re a pretty face, you should like me/I want to get used by you/‘Cause I’m full of hate, just excite me/I want to get bruised by you

17. Red - Pale Waves

Oh no baby, are we gonna make it this time?/I always take hearts that shouldn’t be mine, be mine/Slow down baby, are we gonna make it alive?/You’ve got a face that I always recognize/Always recognize

18. Kill V. Maim - Grimes

I did something bad, maybe I was wrong/Sometimes people says that I’m a big time bomb/But I’m only a man/And I do what I can

19. FUNERAL GREY - Waterparks

I said that you can call me, beep me/If you want my skin/She rolled her eyes and then she said/“I know your dying wish is to be baptized in my spit”

20. Shiver - Motion City Soundtrack

Shiver away, I thought the action was real/Somewhere I know that’s just the way you are/it’s hard to believe that you’re a part of me/And I can’t believe when you carry on and on

21. Kiss With A Fist - Florence + The Machine

My black eye casts no shadow/Your red eye sees nothing/Your slaps don’t stick, your kicks don’t hit/So we remain the same/Love sticks, sweat drips/Break the lock if it don’t fit/A kick to the teeth is good for some/A kiss with a fist is better than none

22. Mr. Brightside- The Killers

It started out with a kiss/How did it end up like this/It was only a kiss/It was only a kiss

23. Tear You Apart - She Wants Revenge

Escape was just a nod and a casual wave/Obsess about it heavy for the next two days/It’s only just a crush, it’ll go away/It’s just like all the others, it’ll go away/Or maybe this is danger and he just don’t know/You pray it all away, but it continues to grow

24. Can You Feel My Heart (Remix) - Bring Me The Horizon, Jeris Johnson

I’m scared to get close/And I hate being alone/I long for that feeling to not feel at all

Holding on, bring me close, feel my heart/Can you feel my heart?

25. Built To Burn - Shaffer James

We’ll build a world/And burn it down/Everything is pretty/When we burn it to the ground

26. Hatef—k - The Bravery

There will be no tenderness, no tenderness/I will show no mercy for you/You had no mercy for me/The only thing that I ask/Love me mercilessly

27. Stupid For You - Waterparks

You’re playing ring around my head/I’ll wear you like a halo/You’re a symphony/I’m just a sour note/I’ll take what I can get/The best is hard to grip when everybody wants you/And everybody wants you

28. My Obsession - Pale Waves

I’m stood still, I can barely breathe/You’re such a mess but you’re always beautiful to me/Run your fingers across my mouth/I’m not prepared to stay here without you

#so I know I said I was gonna do a series of art based on songs from that list #& I probably still will do a couple more!#but right now I am tired of waiting for myself to make a new cover image #or do any of the other paintings #so here it is with cover art being the only song based piece I’ve finished so far #also please tell me your thoughts on these songs if you have any!#I really really really want to discuss these songs with other SmallEtho fans��#okay now maybe my brain will let me focus on something else.#we can only hope.#joel smallishbeans #etho #smallishbeans #ethoslab #smalletho #boat boys #hermitshipping #trafficshipping #part time soulmate full time problem #Spotify

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trentcrimminallybeautiful · 9 days

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i think the diamond dogs should play improv games just bc it would amuse me, an ex theater kid, specifically

#ted and beard ofc are reading each others minds #trent is shockingly good at it but only when he forgets to be self conscious #also see: he does both best and worst with ted (best when he's not being self conscious #worst when somehow the prompt gets too touchy or 'romantic' bc Crush Crush Crush Brain Panic)#(please the image of ted in character hugging him or something and trent just. red. brain crashed. no longer improving just frozen. barely #manages to recover and even then it was not subtle. unclear if ted is a) genuinely oblivious b) teasing him and thinks trent knows that #c) something else(??) )#roy is too stiff most of the time but if he gets really into it he gets REALLY into it.#best way to get this result is to involve phoebe or another child #higgins did community theater at some point and is the one teaching them all the games. beard also seems to have done intense research #but higgins is the one with EXPERIENCE #not that i think beard and ted couldn't have done an improv duo in college or something but in this scenario they did not #nate surprisingly is pretty good at it once he gets into it like it takes him a second but #then he's like. really getting into it and he's very quick on his feet #new way to go mad with power (affectionate): the rush you get when you make the perfect snap back comedic line/acting choice #also while trent is so good paired with so many of them i think he and nate would be a hilarious duo. they're SO funny.#they complement each other well and are both quick & clever #esp if it's about a mutual interest (although one of them taking the lead on something else like nate and music while the other plays off t #em is also good) but like #please i just had the iamge of them basically doing a bit where they're like. those mean old gay muppets in the theater?#like trent and nate improv duoing as some bitchy reviewers just going back and forth and it's so FAST and SO funny #beard records it and posts it somewhere and it goes viral.#god don't even get me started on the idea of some sort of official richmond social media/the gang posting random clips on social media #bc the ideas i have are so funny.#also largely trent centric but what do you want from me okay i'm just a little slut.

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boyfridged · 1 year

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the brilliance of jay's progression in countdown is that it gives you a promise of positive character development, and then it breaks it. and it does so intentionally, in the most diverting way, to emphasize jason's inability to escape the cycle.

or, another post breaking down the series, where i repeat myself a lot but also make a clearer argument.

there are three notable events that happen at the beginning: the subtle showcase of jay's internal conflict considering his approach toward killing (the very first encounter with duela and the monitor), jay reaching out to donna in crisis ("i guess I just wanted to be around someone else who might know how it feels…"), and finally – his helmet shattering. these scenes tell you: jason's direction as a character is changing, and it seems, for the better. he's about to abandon his trauma-based (no matter how ironic, it does remain tied to his trauma) identity, he is connecting with people, and he seems to be on a brink of understanding that his moral standing does not provide easy answers or solutions either.

and for the most part of the series, we see that narrative unfolding (even if a bit non-linear, still innocently convincing way). it is, in many ways, supported by bringing up features of his characterisation from the 80s. jason remains, of course, still unpleasant in ways typical for this era of writing, and is conflicted and disagreeable, which makes sense for his utrh/post-utrh personality. however, there are also details that bring us back to his original robin run and his cameos on ntt – we see him being responsible (e.g. #43 – suggesting to bring in other superheroes in crisis, even though he clearly is not keen on the idea of working with them), determined (#16: “isn’t that your super-power, stupid boy? too stupid to ever give up?” “maybe it is”), sensitive (half of the whole storyline, really), caring for gotham (gotham by gaslight) and people-oriented (as early as #51).

the issue that particularly signals that jason is an inherently good person and externalizes his internal conflicts regarding classic heroic vigilantism vs his cynical approach is #30, where we meet batman of earth-15 – alt jason, whom our jason attempts to punch in the face.

and on topic of batman – jason is always gravitating towards batman. in gotham by gaslight jay looks delighted to see (the foreign) bruce and suggests checking with the local bat. then, earth-51 arc arrives.

earth-51 arc (#16 - #13) is a culmination of a promise of catharsis for jason. we have already seen him as batman, as a confirmation that a different life for him is possible. and here he has a chance to come to terms with his past and overcome it. he meets a version of bruce who has done exactly what he wanted him to do in utrh: killed the joker and the rest of the rogue gallery. what is most important – he is disappointed with this version of his father. we realise that jason, deep down, has an intimate and intuitive understanding of what batman stands for; and that he shares most of his values. this is a truth that you can't ignore especially since jay is the one to inspire this hollow, cynical version of batman to go out and fight in a seemingly lost battle.

and then batman dies. right in front of him.

this is a central moment of the narrative, for many reasons, most strikingly:

the symmetry:, a premise known from the lost days, becomes literal. this "the father had lost a son, and now the son had lost the father" is a cruel parallel to a death in the family and bruce's grief. jason's death created a gap between them that jay has been desperately trying to close, with no avail – because in bruce's mind, jason remains dead. now that jason is grieving bruce, the connection closes on both sides, and there's no way for either of them to reconcile the mourning with the reality of the other being truly alive. in this sense, the arc solidifies that jason can never come home.

no good deed goes unpunished. as i have mentioned before, so far jason is established as someone good at heart, but confused; and the reader intuitively assumes that his better, honest side will win. yet, the moment jason gives in to hope, it victimises and retraumatizes him. this event, again, brings to mind his own death, when he tried his best to save sheila and ended up paying the highest price for it. so, narrative-wise, jason is always punished for his kindness.

perhaps because of the nonchalant act that jason pulls off, many readers seem to miss that everything that happens after that arc is an upshot that follows logically from it.

jason's immediate determination to leave – and later a short period of indecision that ends up with his dramatic exit, pushing his team away, makes perfect sense when you consider what intense trauma he has just gone through. admittedly, i'm not a fan of the notion that he would give up at all (i think he's always ready to give up on himself, but not on the world), but then on the other hand, if there's anything that would cause it, narrative-wise, witnessing batman dying does sound like a good incentive for that. (it also has to be pointed out that jason seems to be confident that the rest of the team can go into the final battle without him anyway; it's not like he would go back to his earth not even knowing if said earth will exist tomorrow).

it's crucial to notice that following that crisis of faith (faith in fighting for the world) is followed by him raising up for the challenge again, but now... worse and even more confused. in the final confrontation with donna, jason antagonizes the superhero community, and when we see him at the end of the series (#1) his monologue indicates that he believes the capes to be naive. (significantly, he also focuses on bruce and offends the memory of 51 earth-bruce by calling him crazy; an action that can be seen as suppression of his own guilt and invoking, once again, a cruel symmetry considering bruce's engagement in victim-blaming after jason's death). this, once again, is consistent with the "no good deed" reading – jason diminishes superhero values because he has been continuously punished for living by them. (and unlike other superheroes, he doesn't have a support system nor skills in compartmentalization that would help him deal with this trauma) every leap of hope re-traumatised him. hence, it seems to be no surprise that jason decides to abandon the mask, and in the closing scene we see him without it. the promise of the shattered helmet is pushed to an extreme – jason does not get a new alt identity. he denounces the idea of superheroism completely.

and yet, what is ultimately subversive about the ending, is that jay is not truly a civilian and he does not abandon vigilante ways. he does the same thing. we see him without a mask, but he is clearly working a case. he might have rejected the symbolic dimension of the vigilante work, but he still carries the same delusional hope for bettering the world and protecting people that the superhero community does. only now, he is even more isolated and doesn't have any identity to go by (as he is still legally dead).

as such, the ending opens a new question regarding jason's understanding of himself and vigilantism, or rather the lack thereof. is it possible that vigilantism is really at the core of jay's trauma? and why, potentially, is it something that is so destructive for him as a character specifically? (and i have some answers for that, but i'm not going to get into it here, as it's already a very long post)

so, tldr; the genius of countdown is that it establishes jay as sensitive, determined, and fundamentally good (this is what the purpose of seeing him as batman is!), and then it brutally reminds the reader that jason’s tragedy is that on this specific earth, in this specific timeline, his love doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. the story goes on as it did; one way or another, jay is trapped in the cycle of his care ironically creating rifts between him and the others, and bringing him to his own downfall.

#okay i know i said a lot of it already but it's been some time since i finished the reread and i feel like my take on it has shifted a bit #and i wanted to emphasise the 'no good deed' interpretation!!#also it's just that i've seen a lot of people saying that countdown ends with jason being a civilian.#while i think the whole genius of it is that he is not really a civilian??#have you seen civilians doing whatever the hell he is doing in the final scene?#this is arguably the element of the narrative that is by most readers missed – and i understand why #it's easy to get confused when navigating an event that spans across pretty much all of dc #fortunately for you i have worms for brain. and i have hyperanalysed it #i'm not saying overanalysed btw because i genuinely believe that this is not a case of accidental narrative brilliance #this is a pretty clear and straightforward progression once you dissect it from the rest of the series #and there are a lot of details that further cement my belief that it had to be intentional #i mean. even the recognition that donna and jason know each other is already... a lot for dc writers?#the fatal flaw #51 #no good deed #jay.zip #jay.txt #jason todd #core texts

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essektheylyss · 7 months

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I put on the Empire Sibling Mighty Vibes for the first time in a while in honor of the first day of class and can we please have more Mighty Vibes. I'm begging. I love them so much.

#also I know we all know I'm a fucking nerd but oh my god I am so glad I'm in classes again.#I know there's that post about 'you don't actually want to write essays' but I really do. I really really do.#I don't think I properly processed how much my brain specifically LOVES the structure of school and semesters/quarters until now #like I SUSPECTED but knowing and Knowing are different things #anyway love doing readings that are just like “okay but do you *actually* know the definition of this basic word”#and the answer is no. and it is never straightforward. and I love it so much. this is the kind of bullshit I live for.#everything is so deep and it is the best.

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ask-the-totally-real-peppino · 11 months

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It's Pride Month! How would Pep and the others celebrate?

(Happy Pride month!!!

We will get into how the others celebrate pride later, but this would technically be Pep's first pride, and he's still figuring that out!

(Spoiler alert: He'll be queer in some way, bc everyone here is, hehe)

#ooc post #tower didn't really have the concept of sexuality and gender so it is all pretty new to him!#and even before then as Bruno he didn't really know #sure he married a woman but he sure wasn't hetro hehe #she wasn't either but I am getting ahead of myself again!#it's also still march in the story and I need to hurry UP #or I need to be nicer to myself I am doing my best!!!#well I say that but I haven't worked at all today and played cotl instead jdjsdjasd #I'm sorta having a break but once I announce I am having a break #I will want to work again immediately bc my brain is weird like that #so if I don't know I'm having a break I will be having a break and not burn myself out do you understand me?#it is okay if you do not #I got very off topic but yeah!!!#everyone is queer and there is nothing that can be done to stop this!!!

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engagemythrusters · 1 year

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dogma didn't want to do a portrait but tup and kix made him… and there's only so many flashes he can take before it looks like war.

#this took forever ... hopefully that won't be a recurring thing...#fuck #anyway. MUCH self-doubt and frustration aside.#this is from my No Order 66 AU!!#the massiff is Exo and she's here bc Dogma got reconditioned after Umbara #it didn't stick but... well. reconstructing your brain to nothing will have effects even if you DO remember who you are.#her tasks are DPT and interruption and fetching help when needed #for dissociation/meltdowns/ptsd flashbacks/etc #and also crowd control (give him space sometimes!) and finding Dogma if he wanders off while dissociated #and a few other small things that that follow the same principals #(she can do a bit of retrieval--not really her thing but she was trained a bit in it)#(Dogma keeps wanting to have someone teach her to help w/ tup's seizures but rightfully everyone tells him no.#Tup will get his own service animal if he needs one. and he denies one for now.#dude you had a chip erode part of ur brain and then had experimental surgery that fucked u up but okay. fine. have it ur way!)#anyway she has her longer spikes filed down for safety during DPT. it's completely safe--like cutting fingernails!#OKAY yeah thats it. hopefully some day i'll WRITE this au. xoxo mwuah #saleucami au #clone trooper dogma #dogma #clone trooper tup #tup #clone troopers #exo the service massiff #massiff #star wars: the clone wars #the clone wars #star wars #my art #mimse art

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skunkes · 1 year

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Being vague about it bc things can and will go wrong for me at the very last second but I might finally experience a Win tomorrow. 🧿🧿🧿

#talkys #im going to have to bust my ass again to remake all the money im gonna lose but this is #in fact one of the things i was saving for. and i do need it.#i hate having mental illness brain though bc im convinced im using up all my luck for the year already #like ive been begging for something good to happen every day and universe is like okay you get the One and thats it #wah ...we will see. i hope it leads to better things...i really really hope #i hope things get better for everyone in general i feel everyones been having an awful yr so far #anyway i might cry when it happens bc im still convinced it Wont bc things keep going bad for me #i really really want it....

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blondiest · 9 months

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girl help i lost sight of creating things first and foremost for myself and got overly invested in external validation therefore setting myself up to feel terrible about my works because i started looking at them too closely and became paranoid that they weren't good enough and that people would think they're stupid and—

i am going to be on here less and for a little while may be engaging with other people's writing a bit less as i try to get back into my own creative flow again 🥲 will still pop in now and again but i think being too tuned-in to everything has been making me a little insecure (<- a me problem; all of you are lovely and sweet) and with some added work stress i'm just!!! not engaging with things in a way that makes me happy or that feels particularly healthy.

honestly i feel strange even bothering to make a post about this bc Who Cares but i didn't want anyone to feel ignored if i am just straight not replying to messages etc for chunks of time. 🤝

#sorry for being weird i feel super stupid that i can't just like. force my brain to not do dumb shit. but.#i want to get back to just writing for myself and not worrying about whether or not other people think it's Good #bc when i first started posting i literally did not fucking care at all if anyone read it #and i think i would like to get back to that #hopefully work will chill out and my general anxiety will die down and i will rise from the ashes to girlblog again but in the meantime #uhhhh stay frosty i guess #also for the record i am fine!! i really am. not even having a crisis currently. i have just been thinking about #how i can engage with fandom in a way that makes it easier to stay normal about my own stuff #and i think in the short term the answer is reducing my engagement :-) i been too online baby #i will still be doing the near birthday posts also. just need to schedule the rest at some point today.#okay love you bye #blondiepost

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catastrxblues · 4 months

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#okay i actually want to rant a bit 😭 - not advised to read this because then you might get brain damage #because oh my god??????? weird #(was going to write an entire diary but nvm here’s the gist of it)#basically i was coming home from this chem thing right #i used the train as i always do when it comes to this. and because the new station just got a shiny renovation it is now connected to the #new mall in front of it (we have two now it’s an addition to the first one). and guess what 😭#i had to go in and get to the first mall because my dad said he’d just pick me up at the lobby instead of the bus stop in front of #the station entrance right.#and when i was on the elevator going up on a call with my mom about food orders 😭#the guy i used to have a very very VERY heavy crush on in middle grade got to the elevator leading down just as i was on the landing 😭😭#and i had to make sure i wasn’t hallucinating so as he was descending and his back turned to me i examined the back of his head and i’m #pretty sure it was him. curiosity killed the cat i should’ve remembered that shit because you know what my stupid ass did??#i was already walking away on my way to cross to the first mall but then that curiosity got the better off me and i steppedonto the elevato #leading down 😭 and followed him out into (apparently) the fucking bus stop #oh my goddd I JUST REALIZED this is my the one moment help #except i don’t think he recognized me because i was never even friends with him lmao. wrote tons of poetry about him ✅#actually had one proper conversation with him ❌#i was delusional and kept alone with my thoughts living in my head do not judge me #but seriously even though i don’t really care about him anymore this would’ve been (unfortunately) SUPER important to middle grade me #she would’ve taken it as a sign or something and write like five pages about it #and i just keep thinking about that #funny how things change because IF YOU KNEW how many credits and exaggerated compliments i gave him in my old journal #oh you would’ve laugheddd #like i used to SPEND SO MUCH TIME pondering over him it’s so 😭#i used to have an oc and i think i based it on my idea of him and then i think that idea of him was even the reason i started to TRY to #write poetically. and i used to relate every taylor swift love songs to him (esp the ones in debut lover and rep and fearless) IT WAS SO #FUNNY LOOKING BACK AT IT NOW #i think he did see me though. i put on this act as if i was searching for someone confused and then (my go to) pretended someone called me #and then i whisked off as if to find that someone #i’d like to think i look pretty cool though. not because of anything (def not my looks because i was SO TIRED from that extra chem lessons

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kyluxtrashpit · 6 months

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I feel like half my text posts here are apologizing for not being around/responsive but I also feel the need to do it again. I see your tags, your asks, all of it, and I really appreciate them and I’m sorry I haven’t answered anything recently

Between losing old cat 2 weeks ago and the long illness leading up, I’m just still coming to terms with things I feel like. I’m mostly okay, but it comes in waves, and I still really miss her. I hope I’ll be up to some regular internet actives soon, I know it’s been a long time, but I really mean it when I say I appreciate the interaction and I really want to interact back as soon as my brain is in a better place

So yeah idk I don’t have a good closing, I just feel bad (and I’m super hormonal right now so I’m in my feels about literally everything at the moment lmao) so I just wanted to make this post to say I see you, I appreciate you, please don’t give up on me, and I really hope that this funk will lift soon so I can interact back as you all deserve

As a consolation, pls look at her sleepy little face, she was so good

#sorry and also sorry for being sorry so often lmao #idk this has just hit me really hard and I hoped I’d be at a better point grief wise by now but I’m just not so #I’m keeping the brain weasels at bay but that’s about all I have the spoons for outside of necessities and doing fairly mindless things #pls also keep sending me things if you still want to I swear I swear I will get there eventually #trust me I’m just as frustrated with myself but sadly I cannot rush the brain it never works #and like I am okay pls don’t worry about that I’m just not in as good a place as I’d like to be #so I need to take care of that and that leaves less spoons for other things #text #misc #shut up nerd #my pets #cause kitty pic

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nothisislyra · 4 months

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damn i wish i liked video games

#okay obviously i like video games #this post is about thst thing where you don't Want to do things that you really do want to do you know #because brain bad

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