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#of being out in that kind of enviroment SO well

theladybrownstarot · 1 month

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Who are you according to tarot ?

❀ Here's my masterlist for more !

❀ Make sure you like/follow/Comment/reblogg for more pacs like these !

Pile 1. Pile 2. Pile 3.

𐙚 Pile 1.

Namaste pile 1 ! Let's get with your reading :-

❥˚ You have to constantly face challenges , hurdles and obstacles which may make you annoyed or frustrated easily ,or it could be in general too, but you don't ignore these instead you believe in facing these because you know you don't give up easily and there's always something big from big obstacles .

❥˚ Either you could be a moon , Venus or mercury dominant or maybe there's an aspect to your ascendant out there which may makes you physically seen as beautiful or someone who has those calm and comforting vibes . You are a hugger haha isn't? just saying a hi to whom you meet isn't the thing but hugging or kissing them adds essence to the meet ~

❥˚ You are good at manifestations . You are emotionally strong that leads you to pass through everything in life and achieve all you want . You are someone who isn't much worried about the results , things or daily life chaos that one may face because you believe what is to be meant will be meant to happen so just give your best and leave rest .

❥˚ You may at time get confused with things and loose opportunities in search for seeking 100 of things at once . You like to treat yourself with gifts and like to work on your potentials to go more high . You like to be in your own space without any distractions.

𐙚 Pile 2.

Namaste pile 2 ! Let's get with your reading :-

❥˚ You have gone through the the most intense worst phases of life in a deep manner which it could be about anything maybe work , health , physically,people or family and some people could got that evil eye on them before . You used to be that person who would get obsessed or would stick with negativity most for sake of comfort but later you realised your powers and who were you and tackled all those things and went ahead. But you may have anger tendency issues or gets cold pretty quick with people but at same your are working on it .

❥˚ You people used to be not that financially strong as you you are now or it could be that you had to make your life after many intense life struggles . You like to stay alone and enjoy not because you hate people but you just want you feel safe there in the space you have . You are very hardworking and won't let yourself have rest mostly which is not good .

❥˚ You are someone who has to face struggles regarding decisions making or you have to handle a lot in one time and this all to make you strong mentally and emotionally . The universe wants you to know that take one thing at a time and slowly open yourself to change with love again .

❥˚ You don't like to stand still at one place and it could be that you are an old soul or like too stay in greenery where there is calmness and peace . In terms of work you don't limit yourself thus always strive for best . You are good in team work but don't like to get close with people .

❥˚ Pile 2 are you truly being honest with life your living ? think about it once and do check pile 1 if felt attracted so .

𐙚 Pile 3.

Namaste pile 3 ! Let's get with your reading :-

❥˚ So, you are someone who loves and gets loved by all . You like to approach people ask them and make them feel that they are loved and not rejected. You have this kindness and compassion which is very appreciated .You could be animal lovers too . You are someone who focuses to make your enviroment and surrounding better for everyone's development. You are selfless tbh . You can literally open ngos in future .

❥˚ You have got Entrepreneurial skills and could be an empath who can understand else feelings well . You like to present yourself different and people view you as someone who was got additional skills or if they wanna plan a team they may come to you thinking you can add more then expected. You people could be artistic ,an Enthusiastic and popular.You prefer to see beauty in things rather defects .You people could have good sense of fashion or we say kinda different than the trend .

❥˚ You are someone who can go deeper in things and can work for long hours but in cozy environment of your own . You really know how to balance practical and emotional side of things and how to be fair with people .

❥˚ You are someone who may overthinks a lot and could get their work done just before Or after deadline . Don't go so fast pile 3 be little slow. Don't do things at the last moment lol .

+:★:+*━━━*+:★:+*━━━*+:★:+*+:★:+*━━━*+:★:

#theladybrownstarot #tarot community #free tarot #tarot reading #pac #tarotblr #tarotscope #pick a pile #pick a card #pick one #tarot witch #tarotdaily #tarot cards #tarot love reading #reading #love reading

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h0neyfreak · 5 months

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helping “The Environment” as an individual is such a nebulous and ever changing concept and seems to be very much in the Discourse™️ at the moment so I just want to take a minute to shout into the void with some reminders I gave my enviro students when they got to the “oh dear god we’re all gonna die” phase of the class:

“Individual choices don’t matter” is like. true(?) for climate change (unless you’re a kardashian or CEO or something) but that just means you can’t reusable tote bag your way out of a private jet society. NOT that you can’t have any impact through community initiatives and activism. Advocate for municipal composting and public transit!! Get involved locally!!!!! Write weekly to your representatives! Do whatever you can to get unstuck and scrape together some modicum of hope.

Also on individual choices. There are some that “matter” but be very wary of outsized benefits promised for seemingly small choices (e.g. the straw debacle). An app is not the thing to save us from a hundred years of industry. Going out and collecting litter DOES have an impact even if that impact is just “this area of the world no longer has trash in it.” It’s not solving the issue of microplastics or whatever but it is helping local birds. And it’s helping YOU feel more connected to your local environment and getting you involved with the world and your community.

Finally, the best thing you can be is well informed, persistent, and kind. Be willing and able to help if you bump into someone who is open to the idea of not letting Shell and SHEIN pour toxic sludge directly into every river. It’s more people than you think. But most people only know how to buy things that are “better.” (Electric cars, reusable bags, expensive neutral clothing made of flax). They want to do SOMETHING but we’re all just kind of vibrating balls of anxiety all the time. Know what sort of things are going on around you and invite them! My go to’s are composting initiatives, textile recycling programs, and pollinator friendly/grass free gardens.

Again, it would be great if we were all willing to drag the Shell and Nestle CEOs out to account for their crimes but being paralyzed by fear is not gonna help. Neither is another ethical clothing brand selling $400 linen underwear (probably). I’ve found time and time again that people who have any amount of tangible connection to the world outside have a much more visceral reaction to billionaire super yachts than defeatist suburbanites who drive EVs and have a kitchen full of dubious organic snacks.

#mine #text post #long #environmental Protection #solarpunk #solar punk #the environment #environmentalism #environment #climate change #environmental optimism

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bloatedandalone04 · 9 months

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Don’t Come Back For Me

➪the one where everything falls apart.

Warnings: spoilers for american heist 2014, swearing, mentions of killing, mentions of drugs, alcohol consumption, arguments, mentions of fighting, toxic enviroment overall, indication of smut, angst

Word Count: 6.5k | Part 1 , Part 3

Do not repost this anywhere, reblogs are fine ♡

“Fuck,” was the only word James could say as he sped home after dropping off Frankie, Sugar and Ray. He knew it. He fucking knew it, and you knew it, and now he broke his fucking promise to you. He supposed he broke his promise to himself, too, but he couldn’t care less about his own feelings when it came down to you. “Fuck!”

He wasn’t sure if he was happy or upset to see your car in front of the house, indicating that you were home already, but he didn’t have the time to dwell on it as he barely had the Duster in park before he was sprinting up the porch and shoving the door open.

When he didn’t see you immediately upon entering, he just called your name loudly before grabbing his duffle bag and emptying his drawers. He heard the bathroom door open when he moved onto the second shelf and began shoving various articles of clothing into the bag.

“Hey, Jamie,” you call out, and he could hear your soft footsteps nearing as you entered the room. “I still feel bad about bailing earlier. How much have you had to drink tonight? I was thinking we could walk down to that twenty four hour diner for cheap beer and burgers.”

James closed his eyes at that.

You were always thinking about him, and he fucking hated the fact that, despite you being on his mind every second he was with the guys, he still couldn’t stay true to the words he promised you.

You, his sweet girl. His kind girl who was so much better than him in every way. The girl he never deserved for more than a second.

He could feel your eyes on him as he halted his fast movements of pulling his clothes from the shelf. “What are you doing?” You hesitantly asked, leaning against the doorframe as you waited for him to respond. When he didn’t, you pressed further, your voice coming out weaker than you had hoped for, “Jamie, what’s going on?”

James’ whole body tensed up at your question. He needed to leave, now. He also wanted to take you far away from here, but the risk of it all plagued his mind. He should leave you here and get out of your life, give you a chance to escape, but he has always been a bit selfish when it comes to you.

He would never willingly ask you to leave with him, but if Frankie knew where you lived, Sugar and Ray definitely did as well, and he wouldn’t leave here without knowing you were safe.

And right now, you would be safe with him. “We’re leaving. Tonight. Now, right now,” he answered and left no room for arguments as he grabbed another bag and pushed it into your hands.

“What?” You ask and step back when he handed you the bag. You made no move to start packing, and he couldn’t really blame you, but he needed you to trust him right now, with no questions. He also knew how unfair that was to ask of you.

“Please, baby, start packing, okay?” He tried and when you still didn’t move, he cursed under his breath and turned back to the dresser to begin throwing your clothes into the bag you held in your hand. You watched him rummage through your drawer and shove random shirts and jeans into the bag, and you knew something bad had happened once you left the bar.

You knew he had broken his promise. “Jamie,” you start quietly, swallowing harshly as you feel tears sting your eyes. Your soft call of his name had him stopping all his movements and he looked over at you, tears gathered in his own eyes. You give him a questioning look as you struggle to hold the messily packed bag.

“I’m sorry,” he offered you weakly. You were wearing one of his old shirts and sweats, clearly ready to call it a night, and here he was, asking you to drop everything and leave with him. You just wanted to buy him beers and burgers and make him forget about his interview and then end the night with him in bed, and here he was. He ruined it. “I’ll explain it all later, I promise, but I need you to trust me right now.”

“Trust you?” You ask, somewhat offended. The sound of someone knocking on the door caught your attention, and you glanced back at it as you dropped the bag onto the floor. James had already turned back to his own bag and seemed to have not heard the knocking, so you took it upon yourself to cross the room to the door. “When have I ever not trusted you?”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” he answered as he rummaged around his nightstand. He continued to ramble on as you opened the door, “I just - I need you to come with me. I don’t know where we’re going yet, but I’ll figure it all out. I’ll have to stop by Lewis’ and grab the spare plates, but after that we’ll just drive as far as we can. I know it’s not fair to you, but I need you to just go with me on this one, alright?”

You meet Frankie’s eye when you swung the door open, James still going on behind you. “Hey, sweetheart,” he grinned at you. “Good to see you again. My brother here?”

James was pacing around the room, but stopped when he saw that your bag was now on the floor. “Please, Y/n,” he begged as he picked it up. “I need you to pack whatever is valuable to you and then we’re going-”

He stopped mid-sentence when he finally looked over at you, cowering by the door next to his brother. His jaw clenched as he tossed your bag on the bed behind him and crossed the room in three strides. “Hey, Jimmy,” Frankie greeted him, but James just gently grabbed your arm and pulled you away from the door.

“Real estate, huh? You fucking asshole,” James muttered as Frankie let himself in and closed the door behind him.

“You didn’t get rid of the car yet? That’s a fucking problem, Jimmy,” Frankie said as he stepped cautiously towards the two of you.

You had no clue what he was talking about, and you had no time to ask as James pulled you with him when he made his way back to the dresser. “How could you do this to me, Frankie? I’m your fucking brother,”

“It’s not my fault,”

James pushed you away from his brother and you leaned against the frame again, chewing nervously on your fingernail. “You know I’m fucking this close to putting it all behind me,” he held up his hand and showed his thumb and index finger only a sliver away from one another. “I’m this close and you’re fucking screwing me again.”

The sharp punch he let out against the wardrobe didn’t make Frankie jump, but it sure had you holding back a sound of surprise. You weren’t used to this side of James, but you supposed this version of him was one his brother knew well. “I didn’t know they were gonna do that shit, man, come on,”

“The second I saw those two I knew they were trouble and you didn’t listen to me,” James muttered and turned to his brother. “Like, what the fuck’s the matter with you? Open your fucking eyes.”

“I talked to them, Jimmy,” Frankie tried to assure him. “There’s not going to be any more problems.”

James shook his head as he dumped more of his clothes into his bag. “Yeah, no more problems? You’re so fucking casual about everything,” Frankie began pulling on James’ shirt to try and get him to stop packing, but he just pushed him away. “No, seriously, you’ve got a fucking screw loose, man. You’re fucked, alright?”

Frankie muttered something in his defense, but James just turned to you.

His gaze softened as he took in your nervous state and the way your hand was shaking as you pulled on your nail with your teeth. “We’re leaving,” he informed both you and his brother. “Now.”

Frankie shook his head and watched as James handed you your bag. “Jimmy, you can’t go anywhere right now, man,” he pleaded, trying to grab the bag from him. “You can’t leave.”

James glared at him as he took your hand in his free one. “Oh, yeah? No more problems, huh? Fuck you, Frankie,”

You had no choice but to follow your boyfriend as he made a beeline for the door, your heart pounding loudly in your ears as you tried to wrap your head around what was happening. “I’m serious, man, you can’t do this,” he followed the two of you to the door. “You can’t.”

“You’re my brother,” James muttered as he held you behind him. “You’re supposed to look out for me.”

“I am,”

“Yeah, you are? Fuck you,”

When he turned to open the door, Frankie pushed it closed again with a force that had you pulling your hand out of James’ and backing away. James turned to you, prepared to comfort you somehow, but turned back around when Frankie announced, “The guys are out there, man,”

James looked at him in disbelief before dropping his bag and pushing his hand against the older man’s chest. “What the fuck do you mean, they’re out there? You brought them to my fucking house? What the fuck, Frankie?”

He held his hands up as James pushed him back against the door. “I needed a ride, man, I needed to check up on you,”

James laughed but it held no sense of humor in it. “Check up on me?” He looked over at you and your pleading eyes, desperate to know what was going on. “Y/n lives here, too, Frankie. What the fuck were you thinking?”

“I’ll get rid of ‘em, man,” Frankie says and pushes his brother away. James just scoffed and walked the few steps towards you, taking your hand in his as he pulled you further from the door. “I’ll get rid of them, but they want to talk to you, too.”

James sighed heavily as he met your eyes, not bothering to look back at the man as he muttered, “Yeah, I’ll be out in a minute,”

You heard the door slam shut again as you placed your hands on his chest, a million thoughts swimming around in your head. “James, what the fuck,”

He winced, knowing that you only called him ‘James’ when you were serious. He was always ‘Jamie’ to you, your Jamie. “I’m sorry, baby,” he mumbled, tangling his fingers in your hair as he pulled you into his arms. “I’m so sorry, I’m so fucking sorry.”

You shook your head and wished you could feel the usual sense of comfort that came with the feeling of his arms around you, but you were so on edge from being left in the dark. “James, please,” you begged him to give you any kind of answer to the countless questions that you had.

James held you against his chest when you gave up on pushing him away and let him hold you. His hand gently caressed the back of your head as he pressed his lips to your temple, “I need you to stay inside, okay?” He had no right to be asking that of you, and he knew it, but he didn’t want Sugar and Ray to see you. When you tried to pull away, he held you tighter. “Please, baby. Just - just stay inside.”

Against your better judgment, you allow him to leave the house after you promised to stay inside and wait for him to come back in. Despite that, you lift the curtain and peek out to see him and another guy you didn’t know sitting on the steps of the porch. Frankie was leaning against the railing, a cigarette between his teeth as he listened in on the conversation.

After you drop your bag on the floor next to his, you run your hands through your damp hair. You weren’t expecting to find him packing his clothing away as soon as you got out of the shower, and you really weren’t expecting to be hiding out in your own home while he talked to one of Frankie’s friends.

You were going insane.

After pacing around the length of the living room and kitchen, you had a headache from the amount of pulling you’ve been doing at your hair. You were shaking and had a horrible feeling about everything. You kept eyeing the bags and chewing on your finger, the skin now bloody and sore as you tried to wrap your head around the situation.

What was he apologizing for?

What did he do?

Where was he planning on going with you?

What did Frankie mean about getting rid of his car?

What happened?

You were beginning to regret leaving the bar. Maybe if you had stayed, James wouldn’t have had a reason to leave with Frankie and do whatever it is that they did.

He needed you to trust him, and you did. You trusted him with your life, but you weren’t sure why you felt so uneasy with him now. He had been part of something serious and it required the two of you to flee, and that thought had a chill running up your spine.

Were you still going to leave when he comes back inside?

So many questions and no answers.

You were beginning to feel a panic attack set in, and you were both nervous and grateful when James entered the house and locked the door. That answered your question of whether or not you were still leaving together.

When he turns back to face you, you raise a brow and cross your arms. “Well?” You desperately ask. “What’s going on? Who was that?”

He looked at you with guilty blue eyes and you felt your heart skip a beat at his intense gaze. He opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again a few seconds later.

He didn’t know what to say to you. He didn’t know what he could do to make this better. “That was a friend of Frankie’s,” he offered, but you and he both knew it wasn’t enough. James refused to meet your eye as he kicked at his bag on the floor. “He’s not a good guy.”

You nod, waiting for him to continue, but he never did. “What did he make you do?” You tried, but he just shook his head and stared down at the floor. “James, I swear if you don’t tell me what the fuck is going on, I’m taking that bag and I’m leaving.”

Your threat was somewhat empty, but that wasn’t what had him lifting his head to meet your eye. “Jamie,” he said in a tone you had never heard from him. You furrowed your brows, confusion evident on your face as he moved towards you. “I’m Jamie to you.”

Your expression softened as he stood before you and took your hands in his. “James,” you warned, but he gave you a look that had you backing down pretty quickly. “Jamie, you need to tell me what’s going on.”

His eyes flickered all over your face, noting the way your lip quivered and how your own eyes were pleading with him. “I can’t,” he said, hating the way he could see your guard building up with each passing second. “I can’t.”

You wanted to leave, but you made him a promise and you intended to keep it, despite beginning to feel differently about him. “Why?”

James felt you tense up, and he could feel your grip on his hands loosen. “I just can’t,” he weakly mumbled. “Not right now. Please, just trust me on this. I need you.”

He needed you to trust him and he just needed you in general.

And you, the understanding girlfriend you had always been, sigh and step away from him. “Okay,” you say quietly, glancing down at the floor as you run your fingers through your hair. You weren’t sure what you were agreeing to, but you still did trust him. You were just holding onto the hopeful thought that he would tell you everything when the time was right. “Okay.”

James’ shoulders dropped in relief, and he wanted to hold you again, but refrained from doing so. You still trusted him, but you also clearly needed your space. He had no problem giving that to you, just as long as you stayed here with him.

God, he felt selfish.

He didn’t want to involve you in any of this, but he was in too deep now.

Sugar and Ray knew where you lived, and probably knew of you. He had no doubt that Frankie had told them about you, and he hated the thought of the danger that put you in.

He would die before he let anything happen to you.

You were it for him. His entire world.

“I love you,” he murmured, watching as you backed further away from him and towards the bed. “You know that?”

You nod as you sit down and play with your fingers, wincing slightly when you pressed against your still sore skin. “I love you,” it came out as a whisper. The look you gave him when you lifted your head had his heart breaking. “We’re going to be okay, right?”

James didn’t know how to answer you. He didn’t have the answer to that question. You were going to be okay, he would make sure of that, however the state of your relationship and his own wellbeing were up in the air at the moment.

He moved to sit next to you when you gestured for him to do so, and he quickly decided that he wouldn’t lie to you. Since he had already broken his promise, he wouldn’t do anything else to further break your trust. “I don’t know,”

Like he expected, his answer didn’t ease your mind, so you just nodded and crawled over to your side of the bed, curling up against your pillow. James hated how the night ended. It was supposed to end with the two of you drinking cheap beer and eating burgers before heading back home and falling asleep wrapped up with one another.

It was just another thing he fucked up.

James was beyond pissed that Frankie had shown the guys his house. He couldn’t care less about his own privacy and safety, but now yours was at risk. The house he tried to make you feel so at home in was exposed to criminals who had no problem shooting and killing someone who disagreed with them. James had seen it firsthand just a few hours ago.

He roughly rubbed his hand over his face before standing up and throwing the covers over your body. Your back was turned to him when he crawled into bed next to you, and he moved as close as he could to you without ever actually touching you, despite desperately wanting to wrap you up in his arms and pretend his brother never got let out of jail.

You weren’t sure how long you had been in bed for, or how much sleep you had ended up getting, but you were still exhausted by the time the sun seeped in through the window next to the bed.

Instinctively, you rolled over and reached for James, finding his usual spot empty. It was still warm, so you knew he had only been up for a little while.

You shook your head. After what happened last night, the first thing you did when you woke up was reach for him. You knew he needed you right now, as he had told you many times the prior night, and you’d be lying to yourself if you were to say you didn’t need him just as much, but for different reasons.

James had been a constant in your life since the minute you met him, and he’d been nothing but sweet and genuine to you. He never lied to you, never gave you a reason not to trust him, so you felt a bit bad for being so cold to him last night.

With a sigh, you toss the covers off you and get out of bed, heading towards the bathroom where you could hear the shower running. James had his back to you as he stood under the shower head, the steam making the bathroom look a bit foggy.

You strip yourself from your sweats and t-shirt before stepping in behind him, not caring that your previously washed hair was getting soaked now. Wrapping your arms around his middle, you immediately feel his tense body relax as one of his hands reaches up to grab yours and hold it against his chest. “Jamie,” you murmur. “Talk to me.”

You feel him sigh as you rest your head against his back. “I let you down,” he muttered so quietly, you almost didn’t hear him. The water hitting the shower floor drowned out his voice, but you inched closer to him in hopes to provide a sense of comfort and also to be able to understand him a bit better. “I fucked up. Like I always do.”

“Hey,” you shook your head and placed your hands on his biceps to turn him around. He budged only a little bit and you pressed your front to his side. “You do not always fuck up, James. You’ve been alone for most of your life and that led you to make some bad choices, but you don’t fuck things up. This isn’t your fault.”

The water that fell from his dark hair made it look like he was crying as the drops rolled down his face. His eyes were tired and guilty and you wanted nothing more than to take away all his stress and worries, but you didn’t know how.

“Please,” you all but begged, caressing the side of his face to make him meet your eye. “I’m sorry for not understanding last night, I should’ve left with you when you told me to. But, please, don’t shut me out.”

James furrows his brows, his lips parting as he quietly says, “Y/n,”

You just press your body to his, wrapping your arms around him and nuzzling your head against his chest. “Talk to me, Jamie, please,” you squeeze your eyes shut to fight off the sting of tears. “Let me help you.”

James felt his heart break even more than it did last night, and he pulled back just slightly so he could place his fingers under your chin and guide your eyes to meet his. “Baby,” he mumbled and you wanted to melt under his intense gaze. “You already are helping me.”

You shake your head again, locking your hands around him and pressing them against his back.

“You are,” he assures you, bringing one hand up to push away the wet strands of hair from your face.

“I’m sorry,” you say again, but he just shakes his head.

“Don’t apologize, baby. Don’t apologize to me. You’ve done nothing wrong,” he says. “This is all on me.”

You look up at him with teary eyes, your bottom lip quivering. “Tell me what’s going on, please?”

James just gives you another guilty look, his hands resting on your lower back. “I can’t,” he hesitantly said. “Not right now.”

“Please,”

Having to keep you in the dark about everything was surely going to kill him, but what choice did he have? He felt like he was taking your trust for granted, and you were being so sweet to him. He came home last night and didn’t give you so much as a hint of what was going on before telling you that you needed to leave, and you were apologizing for not doing it quick enough.

He truly never deserved you.

And now you were begging him to not shut you out and to tell you things that would most definitely get you killed, but you didn’t seem to care.

You were on his side.

James’ eyes flicker all over your face, and you were by far the most beautiful woman he had ever seen in his life, and you had chosen him.

Despite his rocky past and his slow start to a new life, you had proven to him that you were determined to be a constant in his life and how you weren’t one to be scared off easily.

Maybe that was why James felt like he had to tell you a sliver of what had taken place last night. He owed you that much. “Frankie and I got mixed up in some business with those guys. He said it was real estate, but I should’ve known better. I went with him and they made me the getaway driver for whatever the fuck they had been planning,” he hoped that was enough to put your mind at ease even just a bit, but he knew you wouldn’t be satisfied with that for long. “They’re dangerous guys, baby, and I’m sorry I got you all wrapped up in this.”

You weren’t sure what to think, and you desperately wanted to know more, but you could also tell that he had been debating on whether or not he should’ve told you even this little bit about what went down when you left the bar.

So, you just lift yourself up high enough to be able to press a small kiss to his mouth.

You were scared, of course you were, but you trusted James, and you couldn’t let him go through this alone. Really, he had been roped into all of this, just like you had. He wasn’t to blame for this, Frankie was. James was just a reliable source to his brother, that much was clear.

“Thank you for telling me,” you murmur against his mouth, your hands sliding up his wet chest to be able to grip his shoulders. “We’re going to get through this, together. You and me.”

James nodded, his lips brushing yours again as he did so. “You and me,” he said in between kisses, his hands moving up to tangle in your hair. “As soon as this is over, I’m getting us out of here. I don’t care that he’s my brother, you’re my future.”

You let him push you against the cold tile of the shower, your back immediately sporting goosebumps as you wrap your arms around his neck. “I’ll go anywhere with you,” you promise, tilting your head a bit when James attached his lips to your neck.

A moan mixed with a sigh of relief leaves his mouth as one of his hands reaches down to wrap your leg around his waist, all while the water continues to pour down onto the two of you.

When James attempts to go back to his normal life the next morning, you give him a quick kiss goodbye before he is off to work.

Your mind was still racing, and you weren’t entirely sure you understood just how much danger James was actually in. The whole thing had you a nervous wreck, and you had to call in to your own work as you couldn’t possibly imagine pretending like you weren’t terrified for a whole shift.

After promising James that you’ll keep the door locked until he gets back, you cleaned up the house and reorganized the fridge in an attempt to keep your mind from wandering to all the possible ways this could end.

Had you known that James was involved in some serious business with those guys and Frankie, you wouldn’t have hesitated to leave with him as soon as he got home last night.

While you weren’t sure just how deep this whole thing was yesterday morning, when James asked to borrow your car to go to work today, you knew it was bad.

James had pretty much rebuilt the Duster from scratch, and had spent countless hours working on it, just for Sugar to take it and dump it somewhere it will never be found. James was one of those guys who really cared about the little things, and you knew he was devastated at the fact that he lost his beloved car.

He had only been gone for about two hours before you heard quick knocks on the front door. You were immediately on edge and grabbed your phone, prepared to call either James or the cops if you needed to.

You pull the curtain back and see Frankie leaning on the railing, a cigarette between his lips as he gazes around the front of your house.

At the sight of the very man who had flipped James’ world upside down in a matter of a few hours, a rage bubbles within you.

You unlock the door and pull it open, your gaze stone cold as you step out onto the front porch. Frankie looked up when he heard the door open, and his crooked grin had you holding back a grimace. “Hey, sweetheart!” He greets, turning his head to blow the cigarette smoke away from you. “Good to see you again. That was quite the first impression I left on you the other night, huh?”

He laughed. He actually made a joke and laughed.

God, James was so far from being anything like his brother. He was a beacon compared to this burnout, a form of light that was quickly beginning to dim because of the darkness that surrounds Frankie.

He didn’t deserve this.

“What do you want, Frankie?” You ask and cross your arms, leaning against the frame of the door while he looks up at you from his slouched position.

He must have been able to tell that you weren’t in the mood to give in to his bullshit, and you could appreciate his ability to read the room. Or, in this case, your front porch. “I’m lookin’ for my brother,” he says, inhaling another drag of the cigarette. “Is he home?”

When he tries to peek into your house through the still open door, you straighten up and reach behind you to close it with a harsh slam. He had already been inside the place, so you weren’t sure why you were still trying to protect your privacy. “No, he isn’t,” you answer, then add, “He’s working, like he has been for the last four years.”

Frankie nodded, running his tongue along the underside of his teeth. “My brother,” he grinned. “A working man.”

You glared at him, refraining from extending your hand out and decking the man square in the face, just like how James taught you. “Do you need something?” You ask instead.

At the anger in your voice, James’ older brother looked up at you, his eyes curious. “Did I do something to offend you, sweetheart?” He asked and you hated the way he called you that. “If I did, I’m awfully sorry, I just-”

“You know what you did,” you cut him off, surprising him at the hostile tone your voice held. “James was doing just fine before you came back around, and now he tells me he’s been involved in something he can’t further explain because it’s too dangerous. What the fuck did you make him do?”

Frankie stepped back at your sudden outburst, the cigarette falling from his fingers and landing on the stone of the porch. “Woah, sweetheart, relax,” he tried but you just pushed him away from you when he held his hands up in surrender. “I didn’t make him do anything, alright? This ain’t all on me.”

“It is all on you,” you seethed. “You didn’t tell him you had some real estate job for him?”

Frankie’s emotionless face dropped and his eyes widened just slightly, and you knew you caught him with that one. “That-” he started, but you once again cut him off.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” you reach a hand up and push on his chest just enough to have him take a step back and down one of the stone stairs. “Stay the fuck away from him, Frankie. I mean it. He doesn’t need this in his life.”

Frankie inhaled loudly, reaching a hand up to run through his greasy hair while his other flattened out the jacket of his cheap suit. “Just tell my brother I stopped by, alright?” He grunted and walked down the rest of the steps.

You rolled your eyes and made sure he was a good distance down the street before entering your house again and locking the door.

James didn’t think he could be any more pissed off.

He was less than halfway through his shift when you called him to let him know that Frankie stopped by. While he was glad you called him, it soured his already poor mood even further, and instead of heading straight home after work, he found himself meeting up with Frankie at the old railroad tracks.

James wasn’t sure what he was expecting to get out of this confrontation, but it ended with him seeing red at the announcement that both Sugar and Ray had no problem further involving you in this mess.

You were further being put at risk because of him.

And you didn’t deserve that.

So, he made the hard decision to let you go.

When he returned home a few hours later, you greeted him with a hug. He couldn’t bring himself to not return it back, and he knew this would be the last time he’d ever get to feel your arms around him.

So, he hugged you back, tighter than he ever had before.

“I missed you,” you smile at him, taking your keys when he hands them to you. “You were working late.”

He just nodded and eyed his still packed bag by the door.

When he doesn’t say anything, you furrow your brows and step away from him to lean against the kitchen counter. “Since you don’t have a car, I was going to offer you the option of sharing mine. Maybe I can drop you off on certain days, you can pick me up on certain days, you know, like a system,”

James stayed still and you felt your smile slowly beginning to drop. He hadn’t taken his eyes off the bag, something you had noticed by now, and you were beginning to feel nervous.

“Jamie?” You ask quietly, hating that he couldn’t seem to bring himself to look at you. “Everything okay?”

He finally took his eyes off the bag, but still didn’t look up at you. “I’m not going to work tomorrow,” he says and your brows further furrow.

“You’re not? Why?” Even you could hear the uneasiness in your voice.

“I’m meeting with Frankie,” he informed you, his jaw locked tight as he met your eyes. You felt your heart skip a beat at how monotone he sounded and how emotionless he looked. “He’s got a job for me.”

Your eyes widen at that and you place your keys on the counter. “What? What are you talking about?” You ask as you cross the room and step towards him. “What kind of job?” You dreaded the answer, but you also needed to hear it.

James just shrugged, keeping his hands at his sides when you placed yours on his chest. “I don’t know yet. Something like we did back in the day, I guess,”

You look up at him in shock and shake your head again. “No, what are you talking about?” You ask again, but he just shrugged you off of him. “You- you have a job already, James.”

He laughed at that, and the sound was so unfamiliar. “Yeah, a dead end one,” he muttered and reached down to grab the bag. “At this rate, I’ll be at Lewis’ until I’m dead and will still be making fuck all.”

Your heart was in your throat as you watched him begin to pack another bag. “Jamie, please,” you knew where this was going, but you didn’t want to believe it.

“I thought I changed, thought I could be better, but I’m the exact same person I was ten years ago,” he said with his back to you, his face heating up as he spewed out some bullshit lies in hopes it would get you to believe it.

But, of course, you didn’t. “I don’t believe that,” you say and place your hand on his arm.

James pulled away from you and felt his heart break when he caught sight of the hurt expression on your face. “I don’t care whether you believe it or not, Y/n,” he muttered and zipped up the second bag, slinging it over his shoulder. “Don’t make this something it’s not.”

You glare at him through teary eyes. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

James lets out a sigh of frustration, moving further away from you, despite wanting nothing more than to wrap you up in his arms and never let you go. “You didn’t think this could ever actually work, right? We’re two completely different people, Y/n. We don’t work,” he continued to make up lies that hurt him to even say, and he knew it would hurt you to hear, but he needed to let you go. He can’t be selfish when it comes to you. Not anymore. “I tried to make it work, but what’s the point? I’ll never be the person you want me to be or need me to be, because I’m still the same fuckup I’ve always been.”

Your lip quivered as you shook your head, playing with the sleeves of your sweater. “That’s not true,” you pressed. “We’re good together. We work.”

You were sticking to your promise of staying with him, no matter what. James had never felt more in love with you, and that was what had him muttering his next words, “Don’t tell me you’re fucking stupid enough to believe that,”

Like he expected, you step away from him at the hostility of his words, your hands shaking a bit as you hold back sobs. “Jamie,”

With a heavy sigh, he turns back to you with an angry expression. “Stop calling me that, fuck,” he nearly yelled, making you jump slightly. The sight had him quickly turning around before he broke the act and took you into his arms. “You need to forget about me, forget about all of this. That’s what I’m gonna do; put all this time I’ve wasted with you behind me. This was a mistake.”

You cry out at that, your hands coming up to cover your mouth as you sob.

James remained stiff and kept his back to you, his ears ringing as he listened to your cries. “I love you,” you pathetically say, and he felt his eyes sting.

Tears were in his eyes as he heard the sound of Ray’s car pull up outside, and he turned to you. “That was your mistake,” he barely managed to say before breaking eye contact and leaving the house, slamming the door behind him.

#james kelly x reader #james kelly imagines #james kelly imagine #american heist james kelly #american heist x reader #american heist #hayden christensen #hayden christensen gif #hayden christensen icons #hayden christensen edit #hayden christensen imagine #anakin skywalker smut #anakin skywalker x reader #anakin skywalker imagine

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tizeline · 5 months

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Now that we're entering into 2024, I'm asking some artists and writers that I follow:

1) What is the one piece you're most proud of from this past year?

2) What are some pieces that you would have liked more people to see? If you can include links, I'd love to go check them out!

3) What were your top three favorite pieces (art, comics, fics, etc) that someone else has made this past year?

(As always, no pressure to respond! Feel free to just ignore, or let me know if you'd rather I not send you these kinds of asks in the future.)

Oh this is fun! :D

1) The drawing I'm the most proud of this year is actually one I never ended up posting lmao, so I suppose this is the perfect reason to actually do that

I always feel a bit self-concious about posting non-fanart drawings cuz they don't tend to gain as much attention. Which, I am fully aware that there are more important things than clout! But I am a simple woman, I crave validation 😔 Anyway, I am still very happy about how this one turned out. I very much prefer drawing characters over enviroments, which led to me being way worse at drawing enviroments than characters, so I've been pushing myself for the last couple of years to get better at drawing backgrounds and surroundings. While I still definetily have a lot of room for improvement, this illustration here is the best I've done in drawing enviroments yet.

2) Again, original stuff don't tend to get as much attention (which I fully understand btw, I don't wanna make it seem like I'm complaining too much, I very much appreciate any and all support I get!!!!) but this post with some doodles of my OCs as well as this random drawing of some forest with a big stone head lying in it are a couple of posts I wouldn't mind if more people saw so..... the links are there if ya wanna have a look 👀

3) Oh man, I've seen so many awesome artpieces this year, i can't guarantee that these are my actual top 3 picks, but here are some that I could remember liking (and that I also managed to find lol) (also these are in no particular order

This GIF was the first piece of RotTMNT fanart I ever reblogged and it's still glued to my mind it's just great honestly.

Man I do not like Timothy in the 2012 TMNT series at all but MAN do I love the way pinetreevillain adapted the character for the Rise universe! He's made quite a few comics of Rise!Timothy and he made the character so extremely likable I just hdsjhgjakfga also Pine's artstyle is delicous yummy yum go check out his art now!

I really like those reanimation projects where a bunch of people collaborate and reanimate induvidual segments in their own style, and there was recently one of those released that was a remake of The Clothes Don't Make The Turtle episode from season two of RotTMNT and it's great! Go and watch it here!

#again i love this ask #great idea #tizel talk #tizel art #my art

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lacyscabinet · 6 months

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HEYY HOW ARE YOU BABE? Can you write something about Nat x Reader? But reader is kind of a muay thai fighter and she defends Nat one day

Like reader is the new girl in school and all that shit, and then there is Nat, like, people there talk shit about her, then one day Reader hears and steps in and fight a dude for her (maybe like that guy in the car that called her burnout)? And our girl Nat is???? Shes so hot is she the new girl? is she single?? Lmaoo

Bonus if its in front of the yellowjackets or Reader and Nat go out <3

Thank you honey, hope you have a nice week

A/N: HIIIIIIII I LOVE THIS SM, I'M GOOD THANK YOU FOR ASKING!!!! ALSO WHY IN FRONT OF THE YJ OR READER AND NAT GO OUT LET'S DO BOTHHHHHHH

As always, gif not mine

Not proofreaddddd

The burnout and the new girl

The halls of Wiskayok High were filled with the typical teenage buzz, a cacophony of voices echoing off lockers. You, being new, still didn't compleately settled in the new enviroment, forced to navigate a maze of unfamiliar faces, trying to blend in as much as possible. But it wasn't long before you noticed the whispers, the curious glances, and the pointed stares that seemed to follow your every step.

As you settled into your new routine, one name kept recurring: Natalie Scatorccio, the enigmatic figure who seemed to draw both admiration because of her talent in the Yellowjackets and scorn. Rumors and gossip about her circulated like wildfire, painting a picture of a rebel, an outsider, and someone not to be messed with, or for someone else just a scrap of society.

One day, as you walked through the parking lot, you overheard a group of guys snickering by a car. Among them was a particularly obnoxious character, known for his big mouth and even bigger ego.

"Hey Burnout! Show us your tits!"

Nat, was near her own car, ready to go home after practice, her teammates were just getting out of the changing rooms. She rolled her eyes and brushed off the comments, seemingly used to such taunts. But today was different.

Yes, you were pretty shy but you couldn't stand someone (especially a dude) saying those things to a girl, so unable to ignore the blatant disrespect, you decided enough was enough. Striding up to the guy, you squared your shoulders, meeting the arrogant guy's gaze.

"What is your problem dude!?" you declared, your tone firm.

The guy laughed, seemingly amused by your intervention. "Who's this? Nat's knight in shining armor?"

"Call it what you want" you replied, not backing down. "But she deserves respect, just like anyone else"

Nat, who had been observing the scene, looked surprised but appreciative, she didn't properly know you, but now that she was taking a closer look, she couldn't help to think about how cute you were. Watching the scene degenerate, her teammates got closer to her, standing behind the bleached blonde.

The guy, unwilling to let things slide, stepped forward, attempting to provoke you "What's it to you, new girl?" he sneered.

Before he could react, you swiftly and decisively defended Nat's honor, both verbally and physically. The confrontation escalated into a heated exchange, culminating in a shove and a punch thrown on your behalf.

"FUCK!" the guy yelped and stepped back after your punch landed on this face, quickly he got back on his vcar and drove away.

As the dust settled, Nat's eyes met yours with a mix of gratitude and a spark of something more. The gossip may have painted her as a troublemaker, but in that moment, you realized that maybe they were wrong.

Hundreds of thoughts ran around in Nat's mind

She is so kind, she is cute, why is she so attractive? that was badass, is she single? do I have a chance? does she like me? I probably look so dumb right now-

"Thank you" was the only thing that came out of her mind "That was...cool"

You smiled at her kindly "You don't have to thank me, I had to, girls support girls right?"

"Right" she agreed "Well, maybe we could grab something to eat, so I can really pay you back?"

Not to be corny, but that caused you to blush "Yeah...It'll be nice"

LITTLE EXTRA:

"They grow up so fast" Van said watching as Nat opened her car's door for you

"Yeah...just moments before she was kicking your ass on the field and now... she's about to get married"

*huge side eye from Taissa* "Too early for that Misty"

#natalie scatorccio #yellowjackets #natalie scatorccio x reader #nat scatorccio #nat scatorccio x reader #yellowjackets x reader #nat scatorccio x #natalie scatorccio x y/n #yellowjackets x you #writers on tumblr

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causalityparadoxes · 3 months

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If i had a penny for every time I saw the most braindead, authoritarian ass kissing, take on Home Education? I'd be so rich

Some of yall looooove to preach anarchism, socialism, general anti capitalist 'takes a village' non-nuclear family social concepts.

But the MOMENT someone mentions that hey isn't state/public school is kind of fucked up and literally designed to keep the poors off the streets and funnled into low income work? Maybe I'll try something else with my kids? Right back to fascist ass kissing.

Like god forbid we allow alternate forms of education. God forbid we allow social protest. God forbid theres an option to take children out of abusive school enviroments without being thrown in prison. God forbid there's alternate options for disabled children that don't force them into 'special classes' if the state thinks they're too disabled or given no accommodations if it thinks they're not disabled enough.

The moment it comes to a kid's autonomy and not being forced into actively harmful environments? Its right back to 'think of the children 😱' conservative bullshit and workhouse apologism. Its not based on facts, because that would show Home Ed kids achieve just as well in the end. Its based on rightwing style emotional politics. Get fucked honestly.

I am not your little victim. I am not a brainwashed religous nut. I am a leftwing socialist BECAUSE i was raised in an anti-authoritarian style of education which focused on my autonomy and interests.

#i have a more thought out post i was writing on this #but i saw another brain dead take and i just had to rant i feel so fucking angry rn #i know i would have been so fucking traumatised in state school #i never would have been able to develop into the person I am. i probably would have killed myself #god knows i got so suicidal during the 3 years i was in higher education #and its so fucking stupid because home ed kids have been studied!! and achieve the same are school kids!!#suprise suprise some people fit in alternate forms of education better which is why they stick with it!!#some of yall have no brains when it comes to how your education tried to traumatise you #rambles #rants #actually home educated

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sirenmoth · 1 year

Text

Comfort Notes

Simon "Ghost" Riley x John "Soap" Mactavish

Synopsis: Sergeant Mactavish likes to leave comfort sticky notes for the new recruits

Inspired by @ravenmichaelisstuff prompt of the same plot

ANGST, Not beta read (dont have a beta reader but eh) we die like CODs 2009 cast

It soon became no secret that Sergeant Mactavish left notes and drawings around the base for new recruits to find when they first arrived, being a rookie was hard, Soap knew this as his rookie days were far beyond being a breeze themselves, trying to adjust to the new enviroment and routine, the drills and paperwork and having to be at the top of your game, both mentally and physically while being shouted at by higher ranks, it was no easy task with how draining and exhausting it is, as each day starts to bleed together.

So John started leaving notes around the base, mostly in the places new recruits trained and hanged out, small yellow sticky notes, stuck to cabinets, doors and walls. It was often small motivation phrases pared with a drawing of some kind in the right hand corner;

"You got this!"

"You're doing great rookie, keep it up"

"Have a nice day"

Soap started leaving notes with jokes and puns with the punchline on the back for the rookies to find after he saw how popular his little habit got;

"Singing in the shower is all fun until you get soap in your mouth...

Then it's a soap opera!"

He's also had his fair share of disciplines from Captin Price when it was discovered he was putting notes in the mens locker room, showers and bathroom with some obscene phrases along the lines of

"Nice Cock :)"

pared with a drawing of him giving a thumbs up in the right hand corner.

Soap loved seeing the smiles on their faces as the stress of the job briefly left their minds as they pockted the sticky note, Johnny has started and been in many dumb conversations regarding the notes and has received plenty of "thank you, Sergeant"'s and hugs from them as well. Much too the dismay of the masked Lieutenant, the notes bothered him until he saw the appeal of them and why rookies loved them so much, so he spent his breaks and downtime stalking the halls of the base looking for any missed or stray notes, placing them securly in his pocket until he retired back to his room to shield away his new additons in a box he kept under his bed. Ghost collected every one he found, no matter how weird and valguar they seemed. Soap once caught him reading a new one he found in the kitchen, giving him a backhanded comment about it, gaining a side-eye from his superior as Ghost threw it into the bin, only to fish it out once Mactavish left the room.

Simon would rather be caught dead then admit the sticky notes helped. Helped him with the constant nightmares that plagued him, making him re-live the worst days of his life whenever he closed his eyes, reading and re-reading the notes, tracing the small drawing with his fingers until he fell back to sleep. How they helped with the rough missons where everything went wrong, the missons where he lost too many good soliders under his command, the missons that make him question his descions and choices. How Simon has memorised every note and drawing, every uplifting note and every weird unhinged ones, like the scars that map both his body and mind.

The conversations were the worst, having to sit and listen to the newbies talk to Soap while they were in the Mess Hall or Commons, a twinge of jealousy would sit in Ghost's heart like he was shot, over and over, getting worse and worse with each time Johnny was approached by a new recruite, men and women, some only stayed to say thanks, some tried to flirt, Simon hated those the most, watching them so calmly flirt with Soap while he was sat right there, watching them invade his comfort space. Ghost never had the guts nor heart to say he scared or pulled rank to gain notes rookie's have found, because to him it felt they were taking a piece of Mactavish with them, back to their barracks and on missions, back to their private lives away from the job.

It felt like they were taking Johnny away from him. Taking his Johnny away from him.

But Simon had to constatly keep reminding himself, whenever he sees a rookie find a new note and show it off to their friends like it's some type of rare collectible or whenever they come up to Soap and say thank you, whenever they flirt. Simon has to remind himself as he sits in his room, on his bed late at night while everyone is asleep, re-reading the already memorised words on each note.

John Mactavish isn't is, and will never be his.

#ghostsoap #soapghost #ghost x soap #soap x ghost #simon ghost riley x john soap mactavish #simon riley x john mactavish #simon ghost riley #simon riley #john mactavish #john soap mactavish #cod mwii

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kyouka-supremacy · 7 months

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More thoughts about Kyouka and Akutagawa since I have. A Lot. Most of this was initially rambles that were to go in the tags but got too long to fit

In the end Akutagawa likes Kyouka so much and is fond of her because he subconsciously admires how she found the courage to get out of the environment that was severely hurting her and actually call out her abusive mentor for the pain he inflicted her, whereas Akutagawa is aware that he never was and never will be able to do the same. It's only subconscious, because Akutagawa couldn't ever stand admitting it to himself- because to him that would mean admitting being in pain is his fault too, as well as second guessing every single choice he's ever made. But the admiration is still there. Akutagawa is always complimenting Kyouka, and it's kind of heartwarming‚ kind of heartbreaking when you take in that that's just what he always wanted his own mentor to do to him. Akutagawa's character is so tragic...

Also, in my opinion Kyouka never really feared Akutagawa the way Akutagawa fears Dazai. She feared being hurt as long as she stayed in an hostile enviroment, in great disadvantage and with no chance to get out on her own, but as soon as her chains were broken she really... Doesn't falter in front of Akutagawa. She threatens him with a gun the day after having left the pm- and she doesn't falter, doesn't hesitate; she almost blows him up seconds after; she's not afraid of him as they fight during the cannibalism arc; in Dead Apple, she isn't troubled by the idea of being left alone with him, because she's confident in her abilities and knows she can perfectly stand up for herself. None of this could be said for Akutagawa and Dazai. Partially because Akutagawa was much more vulnerable than Kyouka when Dazai picked him up (despite them being the same age; but Kyouka was raised lovingly and had a perception of what being treated with dignity was like, while Akutagawa lacked that), partially because Dazai is way better at manipulating people than Akutagawa could ever be, who really sucks at it. Akutagawa is terrified of Dazai and still very much subject to him: God, he didn't hesitate one second to throw himself from a balcony just to catch a repetitor for a slight chance to talk to him. He begged him to allow him to prove his power although he was beaten and exhausted and every muscle in his body hurt like hell. He didn't object to being teamed up with the person he hates the most in the whole world just because it was Dazai who asked. After four years after having been abandoned, Dazai called, and Akutagawa immediately ran to him- with that desperate look in his eyes. But the list is so long, I could go on forever; every single thing Akutagawa does (or, almost every single... ), he does for Dazai. Kyouka would never do ANY of this for Akutagawa (thank goodness). Akutagawa fears Dazai, Kyouka doesn't fear Akutagawa.

It's also sorta fun how Kyouka didn't particularly try to hide her dislike for Akutagawa even while she was still in the pm. Seriously, Kyouka is so fearless and brave. I wholly believe her being so blunt about her animosity towards him contributes to Akutagawa having a liking for her, be it self-loathing, be it having the courage to do what he himself could never. (And it's also fun to remember how Akutagawa has it in him to hate Dazai. There's a whole alternative universe where he deeply loathes him from the first to the last page).

Really, Kyouka and Akutagawa are some of my favorite foils and I'll never get tired of them. Both of them are kind of ruthless. Both have a deep bond with their siblings, who bring out the best of them. For both joining their respective organizations is seen as salvation. The way they're both very pragmatic and oftentimes even cynical. The way they were perfectly on the same page in Dead Apple, to the point Kyouka deemed it the best choice in that moment to go with Akutagawa rather than stay with Atushi. The real difference lays in how Kyouka found it in herself to rebel where Akutagawa couldn't. But that's not really a difference by itself as much as it was consequence of the environment they grew up in: Kyouka was raised in early childhood with love and support, and was able to tell that what was being done to her in the pm was wrong. Akutagawa, on the other hand, never knew what love is, so he couldn't perceive the lack of thereof.

#Guess who's reading chapter 49 again and guess who's getting emotional over them again #Chapter 49 has always easily been my favorite chapter in the whole manga‚ no room for discussion.#Not even chapters 87 or 66 are match for it to me #“Once there was a man who bore the same eyes as you” there sure was alright #kyōka izumi #ryūnosuke akutagawa #bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd analysis #my analysis #mine #q.#15/01/23

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hiddenfolk · 1 year

Text

Its my son (mr capitalism)

Bio under read more

Lazuli Decarabia • Rank 7

Bloodline ability: Chandelier

The Decarabia family has the ability to create crystals. Since these crystals are made up of pure magic, they double as an incredibly effective mana source. While they have the ability to create larger crystal structures, Decarabias are mainly trained to concentrate their magic into creating high quality magic stones.

While they typically have middling to low mana pools, they take full advantage of their ability to stockpile magic in advance to perform complex spells.

Backstory:

The Decarabias are a merchant family who have built their fortune off their ability to create magic stones. Over the centuries they have become well respected in noble circles, earning a place in high society. A ruthlessly business-minded family, they've structured their entire family around it- every family member is raised with an express role to fulfil, and as soon as they can produce high quality enough crystals, they are expected to. The family is also rather hierarchical- while everyone is expected to contribute to the larger family business, individual family members are expected to pursue their own business ventures outside of it. Respect is earned through success, and family members who fail to profit may be financially cut off.

The Decarabias are also famed for their information network. They breed a rare kind of bird familiar that they use as messenger birds, able to transmit information faster than anyone else (before the advent of modern tech that is). They tend to do their familiar summoning ceremony privately and most Decarabias summon birds.

Bio:

Lazuli is the fourth of five siblings. In the hyper-competitive enviroment he was raised in, he never really found a niche, and ended up falling behind. Perhaps that influenced his decision to go into teaching rather than remain in business?

Lazuli teaches Economics, and is also the school's Careers Advisor. Since he mainly works with seniors, he mainly stays in the fifth and sixth year buildings, so juniors may not see him around too often.

Personality:

Lazuli is a consummate professional. Unflappably polite, incredibly competent and always on top of everything he needs to do. There is never a flaw in his work, a hair out of place or a crack in his armour.

Here's the thing though: that's not just what he's like when he's working. He is always like this. Lazuli lives his life according to some rather rigid standards and lives up to them flawlessly. That isn't to say he's humourless, he'll definitely join in if invited to do something, but he doesn't ever 'cut loose.' He maintains pretty much the same personality no matter what.

Lazuli also tends to take what people say completely seriously. Not in the sense that he automatically believes everything people tell him, but he will very sincerely think through what they're saying and respond accordingly.

Despite what you'd expect, Lazuli is very close to his family (or at the very least his siblings.) He takes pride in his family and will often define himself in relation to them or the family rules. ("As a Decarabia..."). Surprisingly, he's not insecure about being labeled a 'failure', according to his family's standards. He carries himself with an unshakable dignity; since he takes pride in who and what he is, his composure will not shatter from others trying to bring him down.

Trivia:

•It's a family tradition to completely drain all your magic into crystals before sleeping. This brutal regimen ends up increasing their overall mp.

•The colour of their crystals actually corresponds to their main elemental affinity! Lazuli's is water.

•He joined Babyls at the same time as Aion, and the two are incredibly (platonically) close. They tend to nap together a lot.

•Speaking of sleeping arrangements: Lazuli's bed is more like a burrow. It is covered in blankets and covers, so many that he cannot be seen once he's in there. This is less comfortable than it sounds, because Lazuli is hoarding a lot of crystals under there.

•His eyes display asterism.

Likes:

•Money (he will tell you this 100% sincerely. 0 irony.)

#welcome to demon school iruma kun #mairuma oc #Lazuli Decarabia #Hidden ocs #hidden draws #m!ik #mairuma #original character #Hidden draws

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cali · 3 months

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may I share my thoughts about forests with you ? I love any forest and it's because I grew up in a desert. Do you yearn for environments that are different from where you grew up? Are they exotic to you too? Well anyway a forest to me is about patterns. Nature has a lot of patterns. You can look at things and see math, chaos, a golden ratio sometimes. There are pretty patterns on the tree, in the leaf, on the bugs, in the bird chirp. There are metaphysical patterns too, like death and birth, seeing the forest for the trees, the cyclical movement of energy in a cruel yet loving ecosystem. A forest is a powerful representation of order. In a universe that is chaos explosions crashing, it's beautiful that nature brings ordered patterned organization. Forests love you, since youre a part of them

yes u can share ur thoughts- i dont yearn too hard for other enviroments. i think seeing everything else at least once would make my head better cuz more experiences always gives good mind but i dont think im going to spend a lot of time seeking it out purposefully. re forest: sure the math and order is one component and its a pleasant one but its not restricted to forest only so its not rlly emblematic of it for me. cuz plants is outside of forest too and wind and animals and sand is also mathed out. also most enviroments are so much math overlapped that im in chaos again. i love and like being in forests but theres so much components its hard for me to boil down a forest emotion. and if i want to make a pic i always kind of need to hone in on one made up emotion and try to keep that mood until im done with the pic cuz im a pic purist... i can do like doom pics, weird cute pics, weird girl pics, cool majestic pics but forest emotion is too hard alone i need to combine it with sometjint else to be able to make it drawable with it still feeling right

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thequietkid-moonie · 2 months

Text

Taking someone's place searching for safety

[ ONE-SHOT ] [ Touya Kinomoto ]

[ Card Captor Sakura ]

This idea has been living in my head for a while now, and I FINALLY was able to write it down!!! I totally loved the idea but im a little afraid that you won't

Is well known that a near-death experience can change a person, he knows that, still he doesn't really believe that excuse when it comes to you, you have been his friends for so long and he knows that something is off with you

Touya doesn't want to distrust you, specially when you have just survive an accident that almost killed you, but he can't help but feel weird when seeing you, even when you act like always it looks unnatural, like if it wasn't you, but then again, you always came with the excuse that almost dying can change anyone

Once the fuss over you finished you finally started to feel more comfortable and were able to try and start living in this new world, and, honestly, it was a little bit dificult, since you have all the knowledge that the other you had, still that doesn't make it all easy, despite having all the knowledge this was the first time you do it, so it take you a while to get used to this world. As well there was the curiosity of the new world, you wanted to see everything and experience a lot of things, but you always tried to cover it up or bring it up as a simple comment to your new friends, Yukito seem to don't mind it much while Touya always noticed your intentions but never says anything about it, at the end, you always managed to get to do what you wanted without really having to make a big deal out of it

Touya is incredibly smart and perceptive, plus with his own magic it will make it imposible for you to trick him, it didn't take him much time to understand that actually you aren't you anymore, someone else was pretending to be the one who used to be his friend, and even if he kept his guard up whenever you were around with time he got to know your true nature

Touya quickly understood that your intentions wasn't even close to be malicious, and even Yukito mentioned how you have been acting like a curious kid, so he decided to leave you be, but the desire to get to know the truth never left him, he was still worried about his friend and your attitude was so curious, besides he had start to notice that sometimes, when you are with them or even the first time you saw his sister and her friends your expression changed completely, even if it was just a second that you let the act fade away, letting him see such melancholy that even he felt like he was missing something

It was obvious that you won't say anything about this on your own, so when he couldn't hold his curiosity anymore he decided it was moment to ask you, he make sure you two were alone in a comfortable enviroment, this wouldn't be some kind of court, he just wanted to know, and he actually makes clear that he just want to know, he already know that you aren't exactly who you say to be and he will like to know why do you pretend to be his friend

He tried to be as calm as posible, but for you this was like a death sentence, you have being warn that it could be dangerous if someone found out so you tried to act innocent and ask what he was talking about, but when he insisted that he already know you couldn't do anything but start crying and apologizing, what immediatly startled Touya since this wasn't his intention

Touya did his best to help you calm down, assuring you that he only wants to know the truth, he won't tell anyone else if you prefer and even apologize if he came across as rude, after a while you finally calm down a little (thanks to his helps) and just give up, deciding to tell him everything

The truth is that you are his friend, but at the same time you're not, you are the version of them from another world and you managed to travel across the dimensions to take their place, they was supoused to die in the accident, so you just took their place that day and continue with their life

You intentions have never been bad or malicious, honestly, you just wanted to have the opportunity to actually have a life, you came from a world where even living seems like a sin, a world so hostile that everyone is searching for a way to escape, to the point that they are even willing to wander the universe for an eternity if that means getting away from there, and you were one of those who tried to escape across the universe, what you have done was an experiment, one of the first tries so there was a high chance that you soul wouldn't reach its destination and will wander around the stars until fades away at the end, and the only reason you overcome your fear and accepted it was to help the project improve and give a better change to your friends and family

You admited too that now that you are here there is no way to go back to your world, so you decided to live this new life and enjoy it since you know your loved ones will have the same opportunity soon, but is more likely that you won't see them again, at least not the ones you used to know, that is why seeing the versions of them of this world sadden you but at the same time comfort you

You know this is crazy and he probably won't believe you but that is the truth, although, at the end he believes you, or decide to do it, he knew you weren't the one he used to know, but now you are his friend too, and what kind of friend he will be if he didn't help a friend when they need it. From that day Touya started to silently help you in whatever you need, he is already used to notice those little hints of you struguling with something that is rather simple for this world (since is new for you) so now he just help you with whatever you are struguling with without even you having to ask, as well he start to bring to the conversation things that he thinks you may like and even lets you stay close to her sister if it remids you someone important

At the end Touya can't help but grow to care for you just as much as he cares for his little sister or Yukito, at the end (and thanks for telling him the truth) he grow closer to you and considere you like family, what lead him to also be protective over you in his own way

#card captor sakura #card captor sakura x reader #ccs x reader #touya kinomoto #touya kinomoto x reader #touya x reader #x reader #x gn reader #anime x reader #manga x reader

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theladybrownstarot · 5 months

Text

Who are you according to tarot ?

Pick a card reading ~

~°°~ SOME THINGS TO SAY AND FOLLOW :-

♡ Namaste everyone I'm brown ! Back with an another pac reading !

♡ Make sure you follow/like/reblogg/Comment for more content like these in future .

♡ Pick pile(s) you feel most drawn too !

Let's begin with it ~

Pile 1. Pile 2. Pile 3.

Pile 1 .

Namaste pile 1 ! How are you ? I bless you for the best 11:11 ~

♡ You have to constantly face challenges , hurdles and obstacles which may make you annoyed or frustrated easily ,or it could be in general too, but you don't ignore these instead you believe in facing these because you know you don't give up easily and there's always something big from big obstacles .

♡ Either you could be a moon , Venus or mercury dominant or maybe there's an aspect to your ascendant out there which may makes you physically seen as beautiful or someone who has those calm and comforting vibes . You are a hugger haha isn't? just saying a hi to whom you meet isn't the thing but hugging or kissing them adds essence to the meet ~

♡ You are good at manifestations . You are emotionally strong that leads you to pass through everything in life and achieve all you want . You are someone who isn't much worried about the results , things or daily life chaos that one may face because you believe what is to be meant will be meant to happen so just give your best and leave rest .

♡ You may at time get confused with things and loose opportunities in search for seeking 100 of things at once . You like to treat yourself with gifts and like to work on your potentials to go more high . You like to be in your own space without any distractions.

Pile 2 .

Namaste pile 2 ! How are you ? I bless you for the best 11:11 ~

♡ You have gone through the the most intense worst phases of life in a deep manner which it could be about anything maybe work , health , physically,people or family and some people could got that evil eye on them before . You used to be that person who would get obsessed or would stick with negativity most for sake of comfort but later you realised your powers and who were you and tackled all those things and went ahead. But you may have anger tendency issues or gets cold pretty quick with people but at same your are working on it .

♡ You people used to be not that financially strong as you you are now or it could be that you had to make your life after many intense life struggles . You like to stay alone and enjoy not because you hate people but you just want you feel safe there in the space you have . You are very hardworking and won't let yourself have rest mostly which is not good .

♡ You are someone who has to face struggles regarding decisions making or you have to handle a lot in one time and this all to make you strong mentally and emotionally . The universe wants you to know that take one thing at a time and slowly open yourself to change with love again .

♡ You don't like to stand still at one place and it could be that you are an old soul or like too stay in greenery where there is calmness and peace . In terms of work you don't limit yourself thus always strive for best . You are good in team work but don't like to get close with people .

♡ Pile 2 are you truly being honest with life your living ? think about it once and do check pile 1 if felt attracted so .

Pile 3.

Namaste pile 3 ! How are you ? I bless you for the best 11:11 ~

♡ So, you are someone who loves and gets loved by all . You like to approach people ask them and make them feel that they are loved and not rejected. You have this kindness and compassion which is very appreciated .You could be animal lovers too . You are someone who focuses to make your enviroment and surrounding better for everyone's development. You are selfless tbh . You can literally open ngos in future .

♡ You have got Entrepreneurial skills and could be an empath who can understand else feelings well . You like to present yourself different and people view you as someone who was got additional skills or if they wanna plan a team they may come to you thinking you can add more then expected. You people could be artistic ,an Enthusiastic and popular.You prefer to see beauty in things rather defects .You people could have good sense of fashion or we say kinda different than the trend .

♡ You are someone who can go deeper in things and can work for long hours but in cozy environment of your own . You really know how to balance practical and emotional side of things and how to be fair with people .

♡ You are someone who may overthinks a lot and could get their work done just before Or after deadline . Don't go so fast pile 3 be little slow. Don't do things at the last moment lol .

The end of the pac ~

#theladybrownstarot #tarot reading #free tarot #pac #tarot community #tarotblr

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omegapheromone · 11 months

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Combining my special interests: omegaverse but in space travel setting.

Zero-G enviroment nests: nesting traditionally would be impossible, so omegas would probably utilize something like the sleeping bags on the ISS- nests that they can zip themselves inside of and be surrounded by plush, soft textures. The fun part is that there are no rules for direction in space, so omegas could choose to attach their nests on any surface of a space station/spaceship. Ceiling nests? They feel the same as any other zero-g nest. This is great for satisfying the more playful/whimsical side of omegas.

Interstellar travel tropes: large generation ships that slowly drift through space looking for new horizons on unknown planets. These huge ships have a large population of different ages all there knowing they will live their entire lives on these ships, among the stars. Alphas tasked with ship defence systems teaching young alphas how to operate them and telling tales of earth, preparing children and grandchildren to help estabilish a well-protected community when they reach the planet they were aiming for. How to build, how to provide shelter and safety. Omegas tasked with educating the children to make sure they do not forget where they came from (earth), and preparing them for being the generation that operates the ship and possibly lands it on their destination planet. Omegas teaching their children how to reaolve conflicts and how to take care of a civilization's needs, whether on a spaceship or on a new, alien planet. Betas teaching invaluable life skills to the new generations, how to operate the ship, navigate through space, how to estabilish communications and infrastructure on a new planet, how to create an equal and democratic society, teaching history lessons from earth to make sure the space-born generations don't make humanity's greatest mistakes again. How to estabilish contact and potential friendly relations with extraterrestrials if their spaceship is spotted one day. How to estabilish trade, decisionmaking and how to create a society that takes care of everyone when they land.

Heats/Ruts in space: for short-term missions to space (for example, lunar missions) these aren't as much of an issue since they could simply pick a time window where none of the crew's cycles interrupt the mission (the trip from earth to the moon is only about 3 days) and most likely the crew would be taking medication on top of that just in case, to make sure their cycle is regular and won't trigger early.

However, on longer missions, such as a trip to Mars (7 months each way) this wouldn't be possible. The goal would be to try to rotate the crew so that someone who is not on their cycle is in control of the ship at all times. The crew would probably all be taking medication to time their cycles according to these crew rotations, and separate areas/habitats would be prepared for anyone who is on their cycle, both to keep them comfortable and allow privacy, but also to keep anyone overly curious (or driven by pheromones) out.

Aliens: okay, imagine humans have spread out across the galaxy and evolved somewhat to adapt to their new enviroments. Some humans no longer exhibit a/o/b traits at all while some still do. Not only would meetings between these humans be interesting, but how about the aliens, who would be used to one "type" of human species, suddenly encountering a different kind of human? How do aliens react to heat/rut cycles? Are certain alien species similar with similar reproductive cycles? Maybe some aliens don't even have a concept of biological reproduction at all (i.e. species who have essentially become sentient machines, or maybe species that use bioengineering, cloning, etc to reproduce? Or species that are so long-lived that reproduction is not necessary?) So how do they view these things? Just. A lot to consider.

#gamietxt #omegaverse #misceanimalis #miscecanis #a/b/o dynamics #listennn. i'm not going to say I would purposefully try to romance an alien #but I'm also not going to say that I wouldn't give an alien a chance if something like that happened naturally

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cosmic-herbal-tea · 2 years

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As in most jobs, you're not there to be well rounded and happy, you're there to function. It reminds me of guinea pigs. When they get sick, they pretend everything is fine, so they don't get excluded by their group. I don't think it's just simply Anakin not wanting to talk about it, he's also in an environment that specifically told him: If you're not functioning the way we need you to, you can no longer be with us. Pairs well with abandonment issues. While I think you raise a point with the Jedi having more resources than we think, etc. I still want to add: The Jedi don't take on children just because they want them to have the best life they could get (like maybe a parent would want for a child). They want these children to become the best Jedi they could be. Of course this involves mental health as well, but the goal is different. -- @corbygoesart

Okay much of what you said is unequivacolly false.

Being a Jedi isn't just a job; it's an entire way of life and is considered a religion in-universe. Tarkin literally has called it such since A New Hope.

For all this talk of Anakin being excluded, It's really weird how in Star Wars: The Clone Wars animated series, they do the exact opposite. Anakin has gotten praise, support, and the respect of fellow Jedi such as Adi Gallia, Luminara Unduli, Plo Koon, Yoda, etc on screen. Even with his hestitance in fully trusting Anakin, Mace actually respects Anakin's skills as a combatant and general. And they sure get along just fine in the series without actually hating each other contrary to fandom's belief.

And finally, you're intentionally framing the Jedi taking in and raising children in any manner to be inheretly negative. Are you gonna say the same thing for Mandalorians when they take in foundlings? Are we gonna question how people in real life religions do the same thing? Conversely, is Mandalorians teaching their own biological children to be Mandarloians okay? Why is that accepted or not? How about people who teach their children their culture/religion/way of life in general, biological or otherwise? What Im saying here is that being taught a certain way of life at a young age is not a form of manipulation by anyone inheretly.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with Jedi taking in children and making them Jedi. They can trained them to be the BEST Jedi they can be AND want the best out of them. The two are not mutually exclusive. I chose Mandalorians because that's the easiest, next best known example but what you describe is literally done within any culuture revealed in Star Wars and in general.

Point here is that Anakin didn't want to talk about his issues and it wasn't beacuse he was trying to meet any sort of expectation. I'm really tired of people inserting a whole new non-canon. Anakin didn't like talking about his problems in general and that's understandable. Anakin also did have something to hide that would get him kicked out: massacaring Tusken Raiders and marriage with Padme.

Out of the reasons Anakin did not seek help, it had little to do with some made-up expectations of the Jedi nor does it relate to being in a certain kind of enviroment. I feel arguments like this just want to scapegoat the Jedi when you have a far better scapegoat who intentionally made him think he didn't need anyone's help but their own (Palpatine).

#anakin skywalker #star wars #jedi order

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faithfromanewperspective · 4 months

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how did you arrive at your progressive punk christianity outlook after being immersed in conservative christianity?

ooh!! good question. see I don’t really think what I was immersed in was particularly conservative—in circles I’ve been around we’ve always dissed Americans for being conservative (kinda mean I know) and my dad used to take me to climate change protests in the 2000s and I was always taught the 6 days of creation aren’t literal, the rapture isn’t real, women in stem etc. idk how it was anywhere else but the part of sydney I grew up in was just Like That, there was encouragement to give to the poor to actually end poverty and people actually did even though none of us really had heaps and I guess I wasn’t raised to be okay with entitlement but simply be kind to everyone? And I didn’t even know what conservative was until I was maybe 17 (I thought it was a style of fashion for ages and then I thought it meant conserving nature and history). It was always just Christians are meant to be genuinely kind and not have sex til you’re older and preferably married yknow?? and work hard, like the protestant work ethic was def a thing but somehow in a non ableist way as much as this is possible— I get real impatient with people bitching about stuff getting taken away from them, not realising how much they have when I probably have less and I’m usually giving away as much as I’m able and as much will put me in a state of perceived danger. It’s definitely a form of rebellion against them to see how little I can survive on which I’m working on. I also didn’t even know that so many Christians were transphobic like I thought it was only the extreme theobros. I also had a really lovely geography teacher in high school who was also a Christian and used her faith to drive environmental action, my biology teacher was a Christian and stood up for trans rights and I also had acccss to the internet to read up on clobber passages and hear peoples stories and it was always like ‘oh yeah some Christians believe different things based on how they read this stuff’ and I don’t think it was until I was old enough to actually vote and saw what propoganda was going around I really realised the power dynamic behind it, with the rise of the Australian Christian lobby which felt like it was straight out of the US. I fully thought voting was just liberals if you like fossil fuels, greens to save the environment, and labor if you’re a people pleaser and like fun little rhymes like ‘Kevin 07’ and attempting to be feminist but not really getting anything done. I actually met Martyn Iles once and was like ‘damn this guy is a fake Aussie this isn’t how we do Christianity’. I also got super burnt out by how hard and how biblically I tried to love my classmates on top of the Protestant work ethic about my schoolwork I never really cared about for myself, and was well versed in theology enough to be like HA! Grace means that we don’t have to do all that and can just do our sustainable best, still thinking my view was mainstream. I went to uni to study enviro sci at 17 and I thought my convictions to not drive unless Absolutely Necessary were driven by Christian ethics (which they were, how rigid I was with it was a pda response though). Then over the years realised very belatedly how people often didn’t validate my views and experiences and I’d expect they would (bc they were biblically rooted) and got quite hurt when they didn’t. Spent years in different volunteer ministries trying to put together the kind of community talked about in books like Philippians only to constantly be let down and feel isolated and that only driving me to work harder, despite knowing God’s grace meant I didn’t have to feeling like I couldn’t stop while my earthly needs for connection were unmet, saying yes to things I’d previously said no to because I got a sense of temporary community and belonging every time I joined a new serving team. Tried extra hard to make places inclusive and expected everyone else to be working as hard on it as I was and feel the desperation like I did and got super hurt when they didn’t, oh I guess I’ll have to do it all myself then.

I’ve always struggled with the concept of hell, tbh I heard about it way too young and never had a drop of self preservation instinct in my body only didn’t want to let God down by saying no. I’ve particularly always struggled with the whole urgency motivation like I’m trying, I’m doing the best I can, I listen to people and actually speaking the gospel into their lives in a way that hits home for them (bc I was thinking about how to do this in an empathetic and understanding and autonomy respecting way from a Very Young Age like I used to attempt to evangelise on moshi monsters to get an idea) and shit, I’m like 19 years old at this stage and I’m tired. If only I could just have one last hurrah to change places with someone so they can go to heaven instead of me? Id take it. and I basically worked myself to the point of being that suicidal and kept fucking going because God made me good at science so I can save the planet and end world hunger, and I had this conviction to contextualise (this is what we learned at afes btw) the gospel to really be real to queer folk and indigenous folk and other people of colour and marginalised people (it’s easy to see oppression with my background and my neurotype tbh) and maybe I could make myself suffer now bc God wasn’t gonna let me do that for eternity? anyway eventually left afes bc I was being so stretched and getting so isolated and the work I was doing there wasn’t achieving any of these things and I realised if I stayed I might end up dead and I wasn’t ready to go to heaven yet when my work wasn’t done. or at least so constantly dysregulated I wouldn’t be as able to be kind to others and show them the gospel.

around this time I’m also putting together a pretty comprehensive framework for how to actually solve global problems in a productive way, I’ve unpacked the pride in a lot of Christian mission projects and how they often were a feel good thing but not actually respectful or effective and I’d come up with literally hundreds of ideas for projects I could do to actually help, none of which I obviously had time for I think I was working up to 3 jobs while studying and serving in church and doing my hobbies that kept me kind of sane as well? which was discouraging to say the least, driving a kind of rageful resentment. Around that time I also discover PDA and my whole life makes sense, I start on my adhd meds which I had to jump through a million hoops to get and realise maybe I can finish uni.

a pda framework as I dive more into that and how to be actually neurodivergent affirming and actually recover from burnout long story short makes me realise how ableist much of our concept of sin and holiness really is and how much we need to destigmatise sin and stop using it as a way to intellectualise actual things happening in our brains and nervous systems and maybe we’d feel a lot less hopeless about it like it’s some big mystery if we actually did unpack the fear and threat responses and trauma behind it. Which we always say we will do but practically, church doenst give a space to do that bc you’re gonna be shamed. even for the people who are non affirming I’d be like, but isn’t it a logical step to someone who’s not yet been convicted to celibacy (if that’s something they think they should be) and realised this whole thing is unrealistic, not because the bible is wrong but because people think you can control your own brain by simply trying and trying again every time you fuck up as if that’s not gonna drive learned helplessness or actually traumatise you when you so desperately want to do better? Either that or drive you to be numb about it which I realised is what usually happens, there are certain sins people are blind to in every congregation and they’re actually intellectually unable to be convicted of that as sin because they’re stretched as far as they can go covering all other bases and being like ‘Christ covers that I didn’t Choose To Sin I’m trying not to even though it doesn’t really work’ like I’m a solutions person. if something isn’t working we’re gonna think of a new method and suddenly I understand how my brain works and those of so many others especially those who feel marginalised by the church!

and so long story short when I eventually had to quit what I was doing at church because someone cared enough to realise I hadn’t been doing well for years I was like I’m gonna follow this urge of the Spirit or simply my own head and desire for true connection I often found In exvangelical spaces and hear as many experiences as possible and use it to shape my worldview and get a bunch of hope from people who yes they’ve been marginalised but the gospel is real to them. that’s my only criteria I’m not gonna judge based on theology and I’m not ever gonna think my theological takes make anyone else wrong I’m just gonna be open to listen and shape them so there isn’t any cognitive dissonance and the grace found at the cross is real and practical and doenst have weird arbitrary limits, and I’m also gonna listen to those hurt by Christianity who some might judge as being hard hearted but I know how trauma works. and I’ve been doing that ever since, gradually getting there more and more and I think the best/funniest thing is even in more conservative spaces literally everyone I still talk to has been super encouraging of it and if we have any disagreements they’re pretty minor compared to the fact that we all believe the gospel is for everyone and we all wanna invest in social justice too (which makes me question how conservative those spaces ever were tbh). like there’s def parts of my story I won’t always tell but I feel like I come with a perspective people respect these days no matter where I am, and that’s nice in contrast to being that weird kid trying to do adult things being told either not to worry or that I don’t understand.

#I’ve gotta tw so many things here #tw suicide #tw general conservative bigotry but honestly not too bad #neurodivergence #neurodivergent liberation #punk christianity #progressive christianity #queer christian #also my own identity outside of my work/ministry has definitely been on the back burner but still always there behind it all

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